OAOAST HeldDOWN 12/16/2011

[Chanel #99]

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-
BROADCAST IN OAOAST 3D

We're taken straight to the festively decorated Sofa Central. In addition to a menorah and dangling stars of David there are Christmas lights strewn about the table, Christmas trees, miniature Santas, elves, and fake snow.

COLE
Welcome, folks, to Toledo, Ohio for another exciting edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Michael Cole alongside Da Coach for a night where Alix Maria Spezia defends her world heavyweight title against Mister Dick

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
ALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS MISTER DICK
TONIGHT

TONIGHT
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH
KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS REMY BAZIL
TONIGHT

COACH
How about that one, Mikey Cole? Falls count anywhere, Krista against Remy!

COLE
That should be explosive, but right now let's turn things over to Michael Buffer.

BUFFER
The following tag team bout is scheduled for one fall. Currently in the ring, the team of GUS GOMEZ and KEVIN “DONKEYLIPS” DOBSON!

The guys raise their arms in typical jobber fashion. Suddenly the lights go out “Amazing” by Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy begins to play.

BUFFER
And their opponents!

Spiritual guide/promoter Abdullah Abir Nerdly snatches the mic from Buffer.

ABDULLAH
Children of the OAOAST Galaxy, I present to you the next World tag team champions, representing my church… REJECT and TK!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Reject stares out into the OAOAST Galaxy with disdain while TK cracks his knuckles in the background.

COLE
The next tag team champions?!

COACH
Don’t confuse arrogance with confidence, Cole.

COLE
It’s a little of both I’d say. But they’ll get their shot against the reigning champions D*LUX when the two square off live New Year’s night at the New Year’s Spectacular.

* DINGDINGDING *

The bell sounds and Reject pie-faces Gomez, then psyches him out before landing a kick to the gut followed by a series of stinging knife edge chops in the corner.

Backstage, D*LUX watch on a monitor along with Amberlyn, who’s causes Shayne to squirm in his seat and cross his legs thanks to a sensual shoulder massage.

COACH
Looking a bit stiff there, Shayne. *laughs*

Reject tags TK and whips Gomez into the ropes. TK presses the journeyman in the air, catches him and executes a fall away slam!

COLE
How ‘bout that high impact maneuver?

Gomez tags out and the name dubbed Donkeylips charges into a vicious European uppercut. TK delivers a second and a third European uppercut and then a power slam. Rather than go for the cover TK tags Reject back in, and the R-man stalks his prey before going in for the kill with THE EULOGY!!!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THR-- NO!

Reject breaks the count and helps Donkeylips tag Gomez.

GOMEZ


Gomez is brought in the hard way and then floored by a spinning back roundhouse kick, much to the amusement of Abdullah Nerdly. A tag is made and TK delivers a brain buster.

COACH
Thunderbolt!

COLE
And that will do it.

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE-- NO, TK BREAKS THE COVER!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Oh, come on. You got the guy beat. End his misery.

TK and Reject play to the camera when DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW storms the ring and lays out TK with a head BUTT!

“YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Meanwhile, BIG PAPA THRUST chases Reject into the crowd.

* DINGDINGDING *

COLE
Deuce’s wild in Toledo and so is Big Papa Thrust.

Abdullah pulls TK to safety and the two hightail it as BPT joins Deuce in the ring.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match as result of a disqualification… TK and RRRRRREEEEEJECT!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COACH
Praise be!

COLE
At some point in time Reject and TK are gonna have to face Big Papa Thrust and Deuce in that very ring.

[Chanel #99]

Backstage in Bohemoth's dressing room we find the man himself standing next to a lifesize cardboard cutout of Baron Windels.

BOHEMOTH
This is Baron Windels, everybody. Baron Windels is a fool. He's a fool because he thinks he's on my level. According to him, in his warped mind, he believes we're equals.

Bohemoth chuckles.

BOHEMOTH
This belief is incorrect. No one is my equal! I'm The Beast, The Epitome of Masculinity and the face of this good damn sport! There isn't a soul on this planet that measures up to me physically, and mentally. Especially not some not some rootin' tootin' good old country boy from Texas. My name rings bells, its synonymous with great entertainment, money making ability, and star power. His name is synonymous with absolute crap, pure stupidity, and sheer boredom!

Bohemoth smirks at his comment.

BOHEMOTH
He hasn't carried the industry on his back like I have. He hasn't done the things I've done and been to highs I've reached! As far as I'm concerned he's a peon and a dolt, and I'm sick of him wasting my good time. It was kind of cute for a while. But then he had the nerve to pin me at November Reign.

Bohemoth balls up his fist in rage.

BOHEMOTH
Then as if that wasn't enough he gets involved in my world title match against that clown Alix. You're making some serious career mistakes, Windels. Other people might show you mercy. Maybe they'd let things slide. I'm not other people. I AM THE BEAST! I AM THE FACE OF THIS COMPANY! I have a reputation to uphold, and I say that if you mess with me ONE MORE TIME that will be the last action you ever take.

COMING UP NEXT
MAYA VS SUGAR BELLE
NEXT

[Chanel #99]

Back in the arena, a less than warm welcome is afforded to MELISSA NERDLY, as she takes her position at ringside.

COLE
We're set for our battle of the tempestuous teens and being joined by the OAOAST Women's Champion, Melissa Nerdly.

MELISSA
Howdy Mister Cole. Mister Coach.

COACH
Howdy to you too!

COLE
Melissa obviously with vested interest in this match, as we'll get into in just a moment.


Under a lovers' sky, gonna be with you
And no-one's gonna be around
If you think that you won't fall
Well just wait unti, til the sun goes down

Underneath the starlight, starlight
There's a magical feeling, so right
It'll steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark
You'll surrender your heart
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight

"Can't Fight The Moonlight" by LeAnn Rimes plays Sugar Belle to the ring, the youngster treating the stage as her own and performing along with the song before finally heading down the aisle.

BUFFER
The following contest is set for one fall, with a match with Women's Champion Melissa Nerdly on the line. Introducing first. From Lexington, Kentucky! She is "SWEET STARDOM"... SSSSUUUUUUUUUUUGGAAAAARRRRR... BBEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Sugar argues with the fans on her way to the ring, taking exception to every comment thrown her way and giving it right back. The diminuitive youngster jogs up the ring steps and enters the ring, throwing out her arms proudly and looking immensely proud of herself.

COLE
As Michael Buffer alluded to in his introduction, a match with you on the line, Melissa. If Maya can defeat Sugar Belle here tonight, she will face you at AnglePalooza. So Sugar is trying to play spoiler for you tonight, do you think she can do it?

MELISSA
I believe in Sugar. Dynamite comes in small packages and ya'll gonna see that tonight.




You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

A large neon sign that reads MAYA and sparkles with white pyro lowers from the ceiling. Maya steps out through the first A, her usual baton twirling routine as flawless as ever from the neck down, but not matched in flair by the scowl she aims down the aisle.

BUFFER
And introducing her opponent. From Los Angeles, California! She is one half of the OAOAST WOMEN'S TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... "THE TEEN DREAM"... MMMMAAAAAAAYYYYYAAAAAAAA... BBLLLAAAAAANNNCCHHHHAAAAARRRRRRRDD - DDUUUUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Maya rolls into the ring and threatens to chuck her baton out at Melissa, thankfully stopped by the referee before she can do so.

MELISSA
This girl's crazier than a pet coon! And ya'll expect me to have to fight her?

COLE
You do realise why she's angry, right?

MELISSA
Over a misunderstanding, sure.

Sugar yells at Maya to concentrate on her and not Melissa. Which probably isn't smart, considering the mood Maya's in.

COLE
Maya of course one half of the Women's Tag Team Champions with Jade, set to defend against Sugar and her cousin December at the New Year's Spectacular, regardless of the outcome here tonight. So plenty of motivation for both these young athletes.


*DINGDINGDING*

Firing herself up, Sugar squares up to Maya and puffs out her cheeks, trying to make herself look as big and physically intimidating as possible.

MELISSA
There ya go girl! Stand up to that lil' bully.

COLE
Bully?

Not looking concerned by Sugar, Maya looks around to the referee, wondering aloud if Sugar is serious. Sugar, despite her height and weight disadvantage, continues to try and psych Maya out. So Maya shrugs her shoulders and snatches hold of Sugar's face!

MAYA
Got your nose.

MELISSA

She's got her nose! Give it back!

Sugar, with her nose trapped tightly between Maya's fingers, tries to struggle, flailing her arms wildly until Maya slaps down with her other hand!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Sugar grabs her nose and moans in pain, eyes watering. Maya calmly steps beside her opponent, licking her finger and administering the dreaded WET WILLY! To add to Sugar's woes, Maya then strolls around behind her and nonchalantly gives her a WEDGIE!!

MAYA
Don't worry, I happen to know the name of a great ear, nose and BUTT doctor. I'll give you his number.

MELISSA
See, I told ya'll she was a bully!

COLE
Well... I can't argue with the evidence.

Starting to get mad, Sugar sorts out her underwear and rounds on Maya. Maya runs away, forcing Sugar to give chase. Leading Sugar in a circle around the ring trying to catch her, Maya suddenly taking a sharp left. Unable to do the same, Sugar ends up spilling through the ropes to the floor and lands in a heap!

MELISSA
Now this is simply not fair! I dunno what Maya got up to at her slick, big city, west coast schools, but where I come from, we don't pick on folks like that.

SUGAR


Now Sugar is really mad, not taking kindly to being embarrassed. Unfortunately, instead of taking it out on Maya, she starts to throw a tantrum on the floor, which really doesn't help matters. Stomping around the ring Sugar bawls at the crowd to stop making fun of her. Which of course only encourages them to laugh even louder. Which, in turn, makes Sugar even angrier.

COACH
Way to rise above hate, OAOAST Galaxy.

Kicking up a fuss at one particular group of fans, Sugar finally turns back to the ring...




...and gets knocked on her ass with a baseball slide!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Winding up sat on the apron, Maya peers down at Sugar.

MAYA
Hey, you kinda fell right on your BUTT. That's pretty embarrassing for you, I bet.

SUGAR


Maya dumps Sugar back into the ring and goes to roll back in, but gets jumped by the catty Belle. Looking to take some of her anger out more productively, Sugar hammers away at Maya with all of her might, then grabs her by the throat and starts slamming the back of her head into the mat repeatedly. All the while screaming how much she hates Maya.

COLE
This has resembled a schoolyard scrap more than it has a wrestling match!

COACH
So, the fight between the two schoolgirls resembles a school fight? What are the odds.

As Maya gets up, Sugar dishes out forearm smashes against the ropes. An attempted irish whip is reversed though and Sugar bounces back, into a flapjack from the youngest Duncan girl! Cover...


1...




2...




No!

Following Sugar as she retreats into a corner, Maya starts firing with roundhouse kicks to the body. Wanting none of this, Sugar ducks through the ropes and screeches at the referee to get Maya back. Maya, compliantly, holds her hands up and backs away. Only to deliver a sneaky kick to Sugar's prone behind, unable to resist the free target.

COLE
Remember, this is an important match for Maya. A win here earns her a shot at the Women's Title at AnglePalooza. So having fun at Sugar's expense is all well and good. Not to mention proving very popular with this crowd. But Maya can't afford to take Sugar too lightly.

Maya whips Sugar out of the corner, following up with a clothesline on the other side. As Sugar stumbles out, Maya takes aim and connects with a hooking spin kick with much flair and little effort. Maya makes another pin attempt...


1...




2...




No!

MELISSA
C'mon Sugar, hang on in there!

Scooping Sugar up, Maya delivers a bodyslam. Maya follows up with a big leap, clicking her heels in mid-air as she drops a big elbow on the little Belle.

COLE
Everything truly is Going Maya's Way here tonight!

Hook of the leg...


1...




2...




Kickout!

As soon as she kicks out, Sugar tries to crawl away. She only gets halfway under the bottom rope before realising she's caught, Maya dragging her back in by the seat of her pants and stomping her in the back. Maya slowly picks Sugar up and hits a forearm. And a second one. But then, Maya becomes distracted, with Sugar's ring attire.

MAYA
Hold on, is that a hood? You're wearing a hood? Indoors? During a wrestling match? On a top that doesn't even cover your arms or stomach? But it covers your head, indoors? That's so ridiculous I can't describe it, so I guess I'm going to have to show you instead.

Maya pulls Sugar's hood up over her head and starts wailing away with punches, with Sugar trapped underneath!

MELISSA
No fair!

Letting Sugar go, Maya holds her hands up apologetically to the referee, insisting it had to be done. Maya then turns on her heels and hits the ropes. But as she runs back her path is cut out from under her as Sugar hits a dropkick to the leg! Maya flips in the air and comes up holding her thigh.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Now that might just turn the course of this match around.

MELISSA
Yes! C'mon Sugar, show 'em what you've got girl!

Sugar goes right after the leg, dropping an elbow across it. And a second one, before wrapping it up tightly between her own limbs with a painful leglock.

MELISSA
Ya know, people think just because Sugar's cuter than a bug's ear, that they can just take advantage of her. But lemme tell ya'll, people just don't realise that's she a tough, mature young woman.

COLE
Mature!?

MELISSA
She's nineteen years old Mister Cole, she ain't no young'in.

COLE
She's 19, she looks 16, but she acts like she's 12. Which probably explains why Coach is such a big fan.

COACH
Hey now, don't go getting me in no trouble.

Releasing the leglock, Sugar pins down Maya's leg and tries to hit it with a splash... but misses! Sugar looks surprised as she gets back up holding her stomach and walks into a jab! Maya fires off another! And a third! But Sugar counters Maya's attempt at an irish whip by kicking her right in the kneecap. Maya is hobbled, allowing Sugar to jam her into the mat with a quick DDT! Cover by Sugar...


1...




2...




Kickout!

Sugar drags Maya up, sending her into the corner. She follows in with a running forearm smash, then waves Maya forward into a dropkick!

COACH
Look at the height on that dropkick!

COLE
Are we giving out extra points based on how close to the ground you start?

COACH
Oh come on!

Cover again by Sugar...


1...




2...




Kickout!

Sugar urges the referee to count a bit faster next time before going back to Maya's leg. Stomping on the injured appendage, Sugar then props the foot over the bottom rope and drops her body weight across the knee repeatedly, causing Maya great anguish.

SUGAR
YAY ME!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

As an irritated Maya tries to claw out at Sugar, the youngster gives her a boot to the back of the head. Sugar snapmares Maya, setting her up for a dropkick to the back of the head. She then makes a cover, pointing over to Melissa that this is for her...


1...




2...




Kickout!

"SUGAR HAS COO - TIES!"
"SUGAR HAS COO - TIES!"
"SUGAR HAS COO - TIES!"

SUGAR


COACH
That's just not true!

MELISSA
I expected better outta these people here in Ohio. I guess I was wrong.

Kicking up a fuss, Sugar starts shouting at the crowd to shut up. Which gives Maya a window back into the match. Maya catches Sugar with a punch from her knees. And another one. Sending Sugar to the ropes, Maya then sets, looking for a slam. However Sugar manages to float over the top and spins Maya around, hooking the head and hitting a jumping stunner!

COACH
Starburst!

Sugar scrambles on top for a pin...


1...




2...




NO!

SUGAR
Oh come ON!

COLE
Melissa, next week we'll be in Knoxville.

MELISSA
The greatest place in the whole wide world! The South! In front of God's people. Shucks, I can't wait to perform in front of some folks who know some manners.

Sugar brings Maya back up to her feet and fires with some forearms, before sending Maya to the ropes. Maya ducks an attempt at a clothesline, then as Sugar turns and makes a run at her, she throws Sweet Stardom up in the air and sits out with a POWERBOMB!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
WOW! What power from Maya, where did that come from!?

Unable to follow up right away, Maya rolls away favouring her leg, as Sugar tries to gain her bearings.

"MA - YA!"
"MA - YA!"
"MA - YA!"
"MA - YA!"

Both girls get to their feet and it's Maya on the attack now, running Sugar down with a clothesline! Maya knocks Sugar down with a second one! And then a third! Being bounced about like a pinball, Sugar walks into a boot. Maya cracks Sugar with a jumping volley to the shoulder, snapping Sugar back upright, for an enziguri to the back of the head!

COLE
Maya fighting back, she wants that shot at the Women's Title. She wants that shot at you, Melissa.

MELISSA
Well she don't have it yet.

Waiting for Sugar to get back up, Maya takes aim, catching Sugar in the gut with a thrust kick. Sweet Stardom doubles up and Maya comes off the ropes, looking for the Inheritence Kick. Sugar pulls her head out of the way at the last second though and hits an already hobbled Maya in the back of the knee! Hammering away at the back, Sugar does her darndest to try and soften Maya up before darting past her and hitting the ropes. Sugar throws herself at Maya, in wheelbarrow position. As she pushes up for the bulldog though Maya counters! Caught in mid-air, Sugar panics and tries to squirm free... but can't and suffers the atomic drop!

COLE
Maya Butthurts!

MAYA
Alright, I'm gonna level with you all. Mom has warned me about any provocative dancing. So, to make sure she doesn't feel any more threatened by me, I'll keep this short. And clothed. You can use your imagination for the rest.

MAYA


MELISSA
That's disgraceful!

COACH
(sounding pleased)
Yeah it is.

Maya pulls off a standing moonsault despite her sore leg and pins Sugar...


1...




2...




NO!

MELISSA
C'mon Sugar. Don't let me down now.

COLE
You're starting to sound worried, Melissa.

MELISSA
I reckon you'd be the same if this crazy gal was tryna' mangle your face.

COLE
Well I didn't hit her with a guitar, so I don't have to worry about that kind of thing.

Maya grabs Sugar as she gets to her feet and throws her onto her shoulders. Struggling, Sugar manages to force her way nearer to the ropes and escapes out to the apron.

COLE
Sugar trying to play cat and mouse...

COACH
Is that another height joke?

COLE
If you want it to be.

Looking to go after Sugar quickly, Maya gets caught and the littlest Belle hangs her neck across the top cable!

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Neck snapped back, Maya goes down hurt and Sugar decides to climb to the top.

COLE
Look out, Sugar going to take a risk!

MELISSA
Go girl! Go!

Sugar scales the turnbuckles and waits for Maya to stand. Showing her maturity, Sugar taunts Maya by sticking her tongue out, before jumping off the ropes...







...RIGHT INTO MAYA'S ARMS!!!

SUGAR


COLE
GOT CAUGHT!

Sugar kicks and punches but can't break free. Throwing Sugar up on her shoulders, Maya spins her out, driving Sugar face first with a one hand x-factor!!

COLE
Sugar made to stay behind, with the After School Special!

MELISSA
No no no! Please don't let this be happening!

Looking over, Maya points down threateningly at Melissa, who looks on despairingly from the commentary table. Sugar tries to drag herself off the mat. But that isn't a shrewd move, as Maya is measuring her. And as Sugar gets to her feet, Maya immediately runs up behind her and hits the iMAYA facebuster!!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

MELISSA
NOOOOOOOOO!!

Maya makes the cover, staring Melissa's way with Sugar not moving...


1...





2...





3!!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

*DINGDINGDING*


BUFFER
Your winner of the match, earning herself an OAOAST Women's Title match at AnglePalooza 2012... MAYA DDUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAANN - BBLLLAAAAAAANNCCHHHAAAAAAARRRRRRDD!!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

Melissa takes off her headset and SOBS, as Maya places a foot on Sugar's motionless body and raises her arms triumphantly.

COLE
Well, you heard it! Maya gets her shot at Melissa and the Women's Title next January and gives the Duncans some momentum heading into their match with the Belles on January 1st just for good measure!

COACH
This ain't right if you ask me. You're putting the career of a promising artist in jeopardy by forcing her to face Maya, something needs to be done about this, if not for Melissa then for the greater good of the artistic community!

Maya celebrates for the crowd, as Sugar is rolled out, still enjoying an early bedtime courtesy of The Angelic Hellraiser.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

On the interview stage, Tony Brannigan stands by ready to introduce his guest for the evening.

BRANNIGAN
Alright Toledo, please help me in welcoming a kid with something on his mind tonight, OSCAR FRIBERG!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
The convict.

COLE
Stop it.

"E.T" plays out Oscar, who approaches the stage looking like he has a lot on his mind.

BRANNIGAN
Oscar, before we get started, I just want to refresh everybody's memory quickly as far as what went down a few weeks ago between you and Leon Rodez.

Forced to break up the fists by the referee, Rodez stumbles away, still looking a little shaky. Waving Jo-Jo up, he looks over at Morgan, still not happy despite her intervention earlier. She looks back sadly, as Jo-Jo gets to his knees. Rodez continues to focus on Morgan and shakes his head in disappointment at her for some reason, before taking aim and hitting the ONE HIT KI...NO! Much to everyone's surprise, Jo-Jo ducks the kick and ROLLS LEON UP...


1...






2...






3!!!!!!

MORGAN


COLE
OH MY! JO-JO WHOA JUST BEAT LEON!


*DINGDINGDING*

Bailing out, Jo-Jo looks shocked but elated and jumps into the arms of the fans in the front row. Rodez looks around, wondering what the hell just happened.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner... JO JO WWHHHHHHOOOOOAAAAAA!!!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
Whoa baby, what an upset! What a win for the kid from Quebec!

Rodez sits disconsolate in the middle of the ring as Jo-Jo and his fans do the bounce in celebration. Jo-Jo slaps hands with the fans, delighted with his win, in stark contrast to Leon who is left in the ring, head hung in disgust.

COLE
Wow. Can you believe it?

COACH
No. No, I can't.

COLE
I think Leon may have taken Jo-Jo Whoa too lightly. And it just cost him, his miserable run of form goes on!

As Jo-Jo makes his way up the ramp triumphant, Leon continues to brood in the middle of the ring. And he doesn't look like moving any time soon. Looking torn, Morgan slides into the ring and approaches Leon to try and console him, but backs off as Leon gets to his feet and paces around, looking up and shaking his head accusingly. His head then turns, to Morgan, who gets an equally accusing look.

COLE
Boy, it's been a bad couple of months for Leon Rodez.

Leon walks towards Morgan, who nervously starts apologising, despite doing nothing wrong. Leon stands in front of her with hands on hips and looks down at her, Morgan trying to placate him. But it's clear Leon isn't interested. Morgan tries her best and tries to convince him things are okay, stroking his arm...





...at which point Leon PIEFACES HER TO THE MAT!!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Morgan looks shocked and freezes, as Rodez starts ranting at her angrily. And when she tries to speak up, he RAISES HIS HAND, threatening to strike her! Morgan cowers and curls up in a ball, as venom is spewed from the crowd towards Leon and his irrational reaction. He scowls at Morgan but suddenly looks confused, as OSCAR FRIBERG hits the ring and gets in front of Morgan! Leon gives him a look and goes to confront him, but Oscar DROPS HIM with a right hand! Rodez immediately bails out of the ring and backs away, clutching his cheek, Oscar daring him to get back inside. Instead, Leon yells to Morgan that they'll deal with this later as he retreats up the ramp.

COLE
Thank goodness for Oscar Friberg! I can't believe the way we just saw Leon Rodez treat poor Morgan!

COACH
What business is that of Friberg's though?

COLE
I don't care, I'm just glad he made it his business!

Oscar looks disgusted having watched the footage back on the AngleTron.

BRANNIGAN
Now, I guess Coachman brings up a good question, for once. What business was that of yours and what's on your mind right now?

OSCAR
Mr. Brannigan, it's real simple. What happened that night really was none of my business. It was none of my business, it was none of yours, it was none of anybody's. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't have interjected when I did. Some people might be able to sit back and watch something like that happen and not lift a finger to help, but not me. Maybe some people are willing to turn a blind eye to a situation, rather than risk getting involved. But not me. I happen to be friends with Jo-Jo, going back to our OAOVW days. So I was watching and I was happy to see him get another big win. What I saw after that, I couldn't in any good conscience sit back and watch. Leon Rodez, if you want to take out your frustrations out on someone, be a man and come try to take them out on me.

The crowd cheer Oscar's brave statement.

BRANNIGAN
Well, you know Leon Rodez likes to keep himself isolated from the rest of the OAOAST. But word is, he didn't take too kindly to what you did. So my guess is you'll get that chance at some poi...

Suddenly, Brannigan trails off and his words seem prophetic, as LEON RODEZ himself walks out, with Morgan in tow!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Leon approaches the stage and Oscar casts a firm look his way. Holding her by the wrist, Leon keeps a nervous looking Morgan close by, keeping his distance from the actual stage and scowling up at Oscar.

LEON
Take my frustrations out... on you? Trust me, you don't want to feel the force of my frustrations. There aren't enough people in this building to take my agonies out on. So I'll just say this...

Leon tightens his grip on Morgan's arm and Oscar looks angry.

LEON
...I suggest... very strongly, that you stay out of my way... and out of my business.

Turning to leave, Leon tries to drag Morgan along with him, but Oscar's voice causes him to stop in his tracks.

OSCAR
Hey! Tough guy! Why don't you leave the girl alone and fight me like a man, instead of acting like a little bitch!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Stood with his head down, motionless, Leon doesn't move for a few seconds. Morgan looks concerned, as Leon finally brushes the hair from out of his eyes and turns back to Oscar, surprised at being spoken to that way by him. But rather than do something about it, Leon merely shakes his head.

LEON
Your bravado is all well and good. But, trust me... "the girl" you feel the need to stand up for... really isn't worth wasting your breath on. So take your shining armour somewhere else.

OSCAR
You know what. Where I come from, we've got a name for people like you...

LEON
Where you come from? You mean JAIL?

That one stings Oscar and he bites his lip.

LEON
I don't know what you hope to accomplish here, "Oscar". Whether you're trying to impress people... or if you're trying to fill some kind of black void inside your stomach... to selfishly make yourself feel like a better person, by helping out this "troubled soul". Or maybe, just maybe, you really... care about her. In which case, more fool you. As I said before, don't waste your breath. You don't know Morgan. If you did, you'd know that she'd have no interest in some... common criminal.

Oscar gets hot and goes to leave the stage, but Brannigan steps in and tries to let cooler heads prevail. Leon looks on, keeping Morgan held in front of him, incase Oscar does decide to get any closer.

LEON
You see, Morgan understands me. And she knows that she belongs with me. I'm the only person who's ever cared about her in her life. Her family didn't care... her friends were fakes...

"MOR - GAN!"
"MOR - GAN!"
"MOR - GAN!"
"MOR - GAN!"

LEON
...her "fans" are nothing more than lip service. She is insignificant. And she realises that. Don't you Morgan?

Shrinking into herself, Morgan looks out at the people chanting her name, but sadly and meekly nods at Leon.

LEON
She had dreams of being liked... of being loved. Happy endings, true love, fairytale happy ever afters, all of those false ideas people cling to. But she finally realised, she will never have any of that. She's been let down by everybody she ever put her faith and her trust in. Until I came along. Someone she can trust. We understand each other... we know what each other us require from the other... and we try to fulfill that... not always successfully. (tightens grip) But, even when one of us fails the other... we know who we can trust and who we can't. We trust each other... and nobody else. Especially... not someone... like you.

OSCAR
Listen, I've got a past and I'm not ashamed about it. I changed! You? You're sick! You're just manipulating her!

LEON
Look around. The world's full of manipulators. No-one's innocent here. I know what it's like... how you must live your life. I know what it's like to look in the mirror... and hate what I see staring back. The difference between you and me is, I long since gave up on looking for validation. You care what people think of you... I don't. Then again... I've never reached the depths of society that you have. I know how the world treats me... I can only imagine how they treat scum like you.

Finally hearing enough, Oscar leaves the stage and goes after Leon...




...who puts Morgan out in front as a HUMAN SHIELD, causing Oscar to pull up! Oscar seethes, as Leon calmly and slowly backs away.

LEON
Take your own advice, Oscar. Be a man.

Disappearing through the entrance way, Leon drags Morgan off with him, leaving Oscar behind annoyed at Leon, but annoyed with himself as well.

COLE
Leon Rodez is a sick man. And I for one hope that Oscar Friberg gets the chance to do something about it.

THE HANGOVER TO END ALL HANGOVERS

OAOAST NEW YEAR'S SPECTACULAR

NEW YEAR'S NIGHT ON TSM IN THE U.S. & THE PIT IN CANADA

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by..
THE ANGLE AWARDS-January 5, 2012 Detroit, MI

DEVIL WITHOUT A CAUSE! I'M GOING PLATINUM!

Through a thick build up of red smoke, The Cajun star Remy Bazil emerges. Smiling to himself, he shuffles a deck of a playing cards. He tosses a few at the camera before marching to the ring.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of twenty minutes! Now making his way to the ring from New Orleans, Louisiana, he weighs in at two hundred seventeen pounds, THE CAJUN....REEMMYYYY BAAAZZZZZILLLLLLL!

Remy does little to endear himself to the ring announcer by chucking a playing card at him.

COLE
Remy Bazil all set to face Krista Isadora Duncan and these two have faced each other just a few months ago. But with Badass Jack's feud with Krista this contest takes on new meaning.

COACH
Word. If Remy doesn't jack Krista up, I think Jack just might stab him.

Give me those bright lights, long nights
High rise, over time
Give me them bright lights, long nights
Party till the sun is rising
High rise, over time
Working till the moon is shining
Hot guys, fly girls
Never thought I'd say
I feel on top of the world
I feel on top of the world Hey

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

A bevy of beautiful dancers glide onto the entrance stage, dressed in festive yet skimpy Holiday attire. At the forefront, clad in star of David themed booty shorts and tank top is the lovely Krista Isadora Duncan. Suddenly panic and chaos litter the scene as Badass Jack emerges, with steel pipe in hand.

COLE
Its Badass Jack!

Amidst the blaring of her music, Krista doesn't notice the dancers scatter in fright of the deranged brawler. She only becomes aware of his presence once he slams his steel pipe into her knee. Miss California sinks downward, agony already spreading across her face.

COACH
Yo, that dude Badass Jack just nailed Krista with that steel pipe!

Jack bashes Krista's knee with the weapon, earning himself a cavalry of jeers from the capacity crowd. A vacant look resides on his face as he performs the terrible dude.

COLE
Damn it, that's enough! Some one get out here and stop him!

Backstage officials finally make their hesitant approach to the aggressive monster. But, he refuses to relent, instead continuing to slam his pipe against Krista's knee.

COLE
Get him away from her! Do something, you idiots!

COACH
Calm down.

COLE
Calm down? He's hitting her with a steel pipe!

Abruptly, Jack discards his steel pipe. As it clangs off the floor, his boots carry their emotionless owner backstage.

COLE
Show some emotion you sick bastard!

Despite the wealth of crew that attend to her and despite her troubling condition, Krista slowly steps upright. The earns a rousing round of applause from the crowd. What earns a shout of amazement is her limping down the ring ramp.

COACH
Is she going to fight Remy?

Remy doesn't look overly pleased with this fact with and demands that referee Charles Robinson, declare him the winner. When Robinson refuses to do that, Remy exits the ring to attack Krista!

COLE
We're going to have a match, and I just can't believe it. Someone needs to step in for Krista and get her out of here.

Krista somehow manages to get the better of the Cajun, overpowering him with right hands. He retreats back to the ring to attempt to regroup against this surprisingly fearsome foe. Much to his continued shock, Krista follows him inside. He lunges for her injured leg, but has his take down attempt stuffed and is slaughtered by punches for his troubles.

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

COACH
Yo, these people are fools. They need to chant “get to the hospital” at her.

Remy crawls away from Krista's onslaught of punches which forces her to give a limping chase. This is exactly what he wants as he's able to kick out her weak leg. Krista cries out in agony in response to the attack.

COLE
And now Remy Bazil is going to finish what Badass Jack started. Alix isn't here yet, and Maya and Jade can't do anything. Good luck getting Pierce to help.

COACH
Always a cheap shot at Piercey D.

Remy drags Krista's aching body to the nearest corner. After sliding out the ring, he grabs onto her leg and then slams it against the corner posts. Krista screams her misery, and the audience recoils in horror.

COLE
I have to believe Remy is under strict orders from Badass Jack to destroy Krista. If he doesn't, who knows what Jack might do to him.

Remy goes underneath the ring to retrieve a hockey stick!

COLE
I don't think they even play hockey in Toledo! Someone had to plant that there!

Remy returns to the ring so that he may slash Krista across the knee with his stick. This drops Krista to the ground, and leaves her incredible pain. For that reason Remy takes his time in setting up his next attack. He swings around, expecting to hit her in the head with the weapon. But, Krista ducks the attack and Remy misses entirely. His errant strike causes him to drop the stick, and Krista is able to scoop it up!

REMY


Krista almost literally beats the life out of Remy Bazil! The sold out Toledo crowd cheers her every strike as she pummels Remy with the stick.

COLE
Krista may pull this one off!

COACH
Get out here, Jack, and help your boy!

Remy rolls himself out the ring, seeking to gain some distance between he and Krista. But the six time world champion haunts him and beats him with the hockey stick! Knocked into a fetal position, Remy is easily pinned...

ONE!



TWO!




Kickout!

As Krista goes to retrieve the hockey stick, Remy begins crawling up the ring ramp to make his escape. Krista follows as fast as she can, which isn't very fast in the slightest. More problematically is the fact that ODIN and CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN have now made their way onto the entrance stage.

COLE
Its Odin and CPA! But what are they doing out here?

Krista doesn't even bother to question their presence, and instead acts first swinging her hockey stick at CPA. The former boxer is brought to his knees by repeated shots from the weapon. However, Krista can do no more than that as Odin latches onto her throat.

COLE
Don't do it! Don't do it!

Odin ignores the cries of both audience and referee, and smashes Krista against the steel entrance ramp with the chokeslam!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Odin helps CPA to his feet, and together they depart just as quickly as they arrived.

COLE
What is the meaning of this?

Remy dives atop Krista for a pinfall attempt....


ONE!




TWO!




THREE!


DING DING DING!


BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a pinfall......REMY BAZIL!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COLE
And Remy Bazil steals one! But that is not the story here, folks. Krista has been left in bad shape thanks to uncalled for attacks by Odin and Badass Jack.

Remy gets to his feet and raises his arms into the air. He acts as if he just competed in a grueling match up, instead of one where he was all but handed victory.

COLE
We've got to get medical attention for Krista, ASAP.

Medical officials rush back onto the scene to aid the fallen starlet in her moment of great need.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

And now, the OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK presented by 20th Century Fox’s Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chipwreck!

Liberty introduces Logan to the turnbuckle and then connects with a running corner clothesline. Logan tumbles to the mat only to walk right into a TOP ROPE SHOULDERBLOCK that sends him flying across the ring!

COLE
Patriot Missile!

The cover, but no count as Holly climbs on the apron. That brings Freedom over and a big argument ensues. Meanwhile, SYNTH ABDUL JABBAR appears from out of nowhere and nails Liberty with THE SKY HOOK ELBOW~!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Synth places Logan on top and flees like a thief in the night.

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!!

* DINGDINGDING *

COACH
Logan snatched victory from the jaws of defeat.

COLE
You mean stole one. Liberty had him beat 1-2-3 if not for Holly and Synth.

COACH
Hey, a family that plays together stays together.

COLE
And there’s no honor among thieves.

This has been the OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK presented by 20th Century Fox’s Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chipwreck!

Back live in the arena, “Living in America” blares through the speakers as the All American Boys march to the ring along with their illegal amigo Mariachi waving Old Glory.

COACH
What’s that idiot doing out here, Cole?

COLE
Probably to keep the odds even. We all know what happened last week.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by fellow All American Boy LIBERTY… from the Hearts of the American people… FREEDOM!!

“YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

"Khyber Pass" by Ministry hits and out walks the Synthmeister.

BUFFER
And his opponent, being led to the ring by COLONEL ABDULLAH NERDLY, THE “ANGEK IF DEATH” HOLLY and fellow Heavenly Rocker LOGAN “MACHO MACHO” MANN… from Sin City, he is the master of the Sky Hook Elbow… SYNTH ABDUL JABBAR!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Abdullah, Holly and Logan all try to enter the ring and get DENIED by the official, who orders them backstage.

“YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

COACH
I’ve heard of activist judges, but referees?

COLE
Great move in my opinion. Nobody wants a repeat of last week.

Abdullah and the gang throw a fit on the apron, something Freedom capitalizes on by shoving Synth into Logan…

* DINGDINGDING *

…and hitting a FULL NELSON SLAM!

COLE
Uncle Slam~!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!!

* DINGDINGDING *

“Living in America” cues and Freedom celebrates with Liberty and Mariachi outside. Meanwhile, the Colonel looks on in disbelief.

BUFFER
Here is your winner… FREEDOM!!

“YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

COACH
This is BS, Cole.

COLE
Call it what you will, but Freedom is your winner. Folks, right now Sara Jean Underwood-

COACH
Oh mama!

COLE
Is in the interview lounge. Sara Jean?

[Chanel #99]

In the world famous interview lounge


SARA JEAN UNDERWOOD

stands by with Malaysia and...


MISTER DICK

SARA JEAN
Sara Jean Underwood here with the recently returned Mister Dick and Malaysia!

MISTER DICK
You ain't no Maggie Nerdly. Cause if you were you'd be flat chested and be sporting fangs like Dracula.

MALAYSIA
(stroking Sara Jean's hair)
I like this one. She seems so submissive and docile. She'd do whatever we want, cater to our every whim and desire. And I bet she loves to moan.

MISTER DICK
Tell me, baby, you ever been to the white castle...of fuck?

SARA JEAN
Maybe, we should do the interview.

MISTER DICK
Suit yourself. Go ahead and lay your questions on this rock hard stud.

SARA JEAN
Well, first thing I think everyone wants to know is why you've allied yourself with Jason Silver.

MISTER DICK
I joined up with Jason Silver 'cause he asked.

SARA JEAN
That's it? Really?

MISTER DICK
The guy dialed me up on the ol' telephone, and told me he had a group going that could be the biggest thing in wrestling. He said I was the biggest dick in wrestling, and I said, you ain't never lied, boy. Then he told me I had to be a part of this group. Said they were going to change the OAOAST. Make it a better place and get rid of the parasites and cancers and such. I said I didn't give a shit about that, what's in it for me. He said he could make me the best there ever was. I said I have been for years, where the hell have you been? Then he said he's gonna make people realize it, and that when they realize it I'll be a rich man. Richer than I am now. So, I told 'em to count on Mister Dick and Malaysia.

SARA JEAN
In tonight's mainevent you'll be facing Alix Maria Spezia for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. A lot of people in the OAOAST Galaxy don't think its fair you're getting a title shot after being out of action for so long. What do you think of that opinion?

MISTER DICK
I say you're like Big Papa Thrust, million dollar body, ten cent brain. Why would ya ask me that question? You think I care what these marks who hang 'round here care? Hell no! But, I'll go ahead and humor ya just for the fun of it. I'd tell these bozos and yahoos that I'm a two time tag team champion, a two time world heavyweight champion, and an Anglemania maineventer. How many of 'em can boast that resume? When they do the things I do maybe they'd get a crack or two at the title. Until then they can shut and shove it.

SARA JEAN
Do you have anything you'd like to say to Alix?

MISTER DICK
Yeah, I got something to say to her. Alix, we ain't strangers to each other Oh no. Yer probably all worried about what happened to your girlfriend, and are thinkin' about how you gonna get back at Jack and Odin. They ain't your concern. 'least not tonight they're not. I'm your concern, and I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna pound your ass into the dirt just like I do everytime we wrestle and I'm gonna take away your world title. And if you're lucky I might even send you a Christmas card when you're laid up in the hospital with Krista!

MALAYSIA
(rubbing Sara Jean's cheek)
Bye-bye, sweetheart

COMING UP NEXT
OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
ALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS MISTER DICK
THE MAINEVENT IS NEXT

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Atreyu's “You Were a King Now You're Unconscious” surprises just about everyone in the arena. Blue smoke lowers itself onto the entrance stage, as Odin and Detective Tango Bosley emerge.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, ODIN AND DETECTIVE TANGO BOOOSSSSLLLLEEEEEYYYYYYY!

Odin and his loyal lackey take a seat at Sofa Central.

COACH
Your lordship! Detective Bosley! Welcome!

ODIN
It is your pleasure.

COLE
No doubt you're here to provide a distraction to Alix as she defends her belt against Mister Dick.

COACH
Alix better focus on Mister Dick, otherwise it'll be him defending the title at New Years Spectacular.

ODIN
That suits me well. Mister Dick may be a human, but he is one of honor and dignity.

COLE


“HERE I AM AGAIN! HEY NOW! HEY NOW! I'M THE MOTHERFUCKER OF THE YEAR!”

The true motherfucker of the year, Mister Dick strides through a downpour of golden pyro. At his side is dressed in leather pants and a tight corset is the intimidating Malaysia. The Human Hard On beats his chest with his fists before heading towards the ring.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! Introducing the challenger, being accompanied by MALAYSIA NERDLY, he hails from San Antonio, Texas, weighing in at two hundred thirty eight pounds...THE HUMAN HARD ON...MIIIISSSTTTEERRRR DIIIICCCKKKKKKKK!

COLE
Mister Dick made his shocking return to the OAOAST by teaming up with Ascension at November Reign. This is his first match back on HeldDOWN and its for the OAOAST World Heavyweight championship.

Mister Dick and Malaysia launch themselves into a frenzied and passionate makeout session as golden lights swing all around them.

COLE
Odin I have to ask why did you attack Krista earlier tonight?

ODIN
Krista is at best a vapid waste of my time, at worst and at usual she is a troublesome obstacle. Due to the actions taken first by Badass Jack and second by myself I no longer have to suffer her, and for that I am pleased. Should she ever return to the OAOAST, she will find my boot on her throat.

SNOOP DOGG
Greetings loved ones
Lets take a journey

KATY PERRY
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
Will melt your popsicle
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent
Now put your hands up
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

Looking slightly less cheery than usual, Alix Maria Spezia slides atop her neon lit bar. Dance moves are foregone, but a kiss to the camera leads super imposed red lips to pop up on the screen. The lovely champion slings her title over her shoulder, and then skips towards the ring.

BUFFER
And the champion, from Los Angeles, California, she is THE HOLLYWOOD BAD GIRL....ALIX MARIA SPEZIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

COLE
Alix and Mister Dick are certainly familiar with each other, having battled numerous times in the past including for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship last year at November Reign.

After heading to the top rope an offended Alix points at Odin and shares some choice words with him.

COLE
Alix wasn't here to stop you from chokeslaming Krista earlier tonight, but I bet she'll be looking for revenge.

ODIN
Myself and my warriors are ever ready, are we not, Bosley?

BOSLEY
FUCK YEAH, BIG O! Its game time, baby, and game time is PAIN TIME!

DING DING DING

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

ALIX
Hold up, Jockie, I gotta address my Ally Cats!
(Alix turns to the crowd)
If you're ugly, cool, keep chanting, I appreciate it. But if you're good looking, then use the energy you're using on chanting to remove your underwear. That way it'll be more pleasurable for the both of us when I “accidentally” rub against you when you're in the parking lot asking for autographs. Cool? Ok! Alright, Jock, back to you. What do you want?

MISTER DICK
What the hell kinda question is that? What do you think I want?

ALIX
What are ya here for?

MISTER DICK
God damn it, devil woman, I'm here to take that world title!

ALIX
I'm here for Muppets On Ice. I was gonna leave the arena with Krista, but she told me to stay behind because I'm horrifyingly annoying and she's in horrifying pain. I said I was going with her anyway, so she told me that Muppets On Ice was going to be performing later so here I am.

MISTER DICK
There ain't no damn puppets-

ALIX
Muppets!

MISTER DICK
Whatever the hell they are, they ain't here! I don't give a shit what you came here for, just wrestle me so I can beat yer ass like I always do and I can become world champion!

Alix shrugs her shoulders and locksup with Mister Dick. The two tussle for several seconds with neither able to gain the advantage. Mister Dick finally breaks the lockup, and stares at Alix in annoyed disbelief.

MISTER DICK
When in tarnation did you get so strong?

ALIX
Working out with my dad's prisons buddies. Just jerking their big thick black poles up and down, up and down really gave me a workout! I guess I squeezed to hard because they always sprayed out this white juice and got really soft.

MALAYSIA
Mmmmm, sounds wonderful.

Alix and Mister Dick step into another lockup. This time Mister Dick breaks the hold, in order to try and capture Alix's leg. But, The Hollywood Bad Girl is too fast for him, stepping backwards and capturing him into a side headlock.

ODIN
This “feud” as you call it, should have been over the moment it began. But Alix Maria Spezia is nothing if resistant. I feel that-

BOSLEY
Bitches always wanna resist, talking this and that about “No! Stop! Get off me!” its all part of the game they play. A true Alpha Male gets turned on by that shit, and he just throws them down on bed, holds their arms down and goes right to town!

COLE


Mister Dick hasn't much trouble in shoving Alix into the ring ropes. He does have trouble, however, with the running heel kick that connects with his jaw!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Alix takes off to the ropes, and comes back to leapfrog Mister Dick's lowered body. Rebounding, she's caught with a hiptoss but lands on her snowboots.

ALIX
Heheheh we look like Siamese twins.
(singing)
We are Siamese if you please. We are Siamese if you don't please. We are from a residence of Siam. There is no finer cat than I am

Mister Dick get tired of Alix singing classic cartoon songs and swing behind her for a school girl attempt...

ONE!



TWO!


Alix merrily rolls out the pinfall.

ALIX
(singing)
We are Siamese if you please. We are Siamese if you don't please. Now we're looking over our new domisile. If we like we stay for maybe quite a while.

ODIN
A human female that sings songs during athletic contests is my greatest obstacle. I am doing this realm a favor by ruling it. In truth it deserves to be wiped away from existence.

Mister Dick feigns a lockup with Alix so that he may kick her in the stomach. Doubled over in agony, Alix is hit with a series of clubbing forearms. As those blows don't drop her to the ground, The Cocky Prick is able to send her towards the corner. He blindly charges in after her, and pays for this by being taken down with a moonsault press! While the audience cheers Alix's attack, Mister Dick rolls out the ring to the comfort of Malaysia's arms.

COLE
Mister Dick ran away from the OAOAST after an embarrassing loss at Angleslam, and he's come back allied with Jason Silver's Ascension.

COACH
There you go with your lies. He didn't run away, he took time off to nurse injuries.

COLE
One of them being a bruised ego.

Mister Dick slowly returns to the ring, keeping a defensive stance to guard against any strikes by Alix.

ALIX
Hey, dude, how come I haven't seen you at any GLAAD meetings?

MISTER DICK
'Cause I ain't no homo!

ALIX
You wear sparkling silver chaps, sparkling silver booty shorts, a sparkling silver cowboy hat, a rhinestone collar, and named yourself after the male private part. You make Rupaul look like John Wayne! G-A-Y! GAY! GAY! GAY!

Mister Dick charges at Alix in an effort to silence her. All this does is lead to her leaping into the air and coming down on his face with a double knee strike!

ALIX
Cole calls this “Vintage Alix”, Mom calls it “the proudest moment of her life”, the rest of us just call it...

“BOOTY TIME!”

ALIX


MALAYSIA
Ooooooh! Yeah more! More!

Alix moonsaults over onto Mister Dick, leading referee Earl Hebner to count the resulting pinfall...

ONE!



TWO!



Kickout!

MALAYSIA
Bring that sexy Latina ass to me, you dirty whore!

ALIX
Well, you ask a lot nicer than Krista!

Before Alix can make Malaysia's dreams come true, the Canadian's boyfriend grabs her from behind and then throws her to the canvas with a back suplex!

COLE
Odin, you saw what Badass Jack did to Krista earlier this evening. Are you worried about Jack at all?

ODIN
I worry about Jack in a way a human might worry about a bee that hovers around their picnic. Perhaps their attack might be slightly painful, but it will ultimately be insignificant.

Mister Dick stomps at Alix's leg to cause her immense pain. As she wails her misery, he leaps into the air and drives an elbow onto her chest. The cover...

ONE!



TWO!



Kickout!


Alix crawls to the ropes, and uses them to pull herself upright. Mister Dick has stalked her path, and fires off a Discus Punch. The force of this blow turns Alix around, putting her open to the full nelson MD traps her inside. She tries to break free of his strong grip. However, her efforts are in vain and Mister Dick is able to nail with a full nelson slam!

COLE
Pure Penetration! And the cover, will we have a new champion?

ONE!



TWO!



THREE!

NO! ALIX WITH THE KICKOUT!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

BOSLEY
Hebner can't count worth a crap! Do your damn job and count three, idiot!

COACH
I'm liking the insight you're offering, Boz-Master.

Mister Dick scrapes Alix up by her brown hair, and then chucks her over the ropes. Luckily for Alix she's able to land on her boots. This sees her make a quick return to the ring apron. However, she can't make a quick return to the ring as The Human Hard On blasts her with a dropkick!

COLE
What a dropkick by perhaps the best pure athlete in the OAOAST!

Mister Dick has words with Hebner, creating a timely distraction. The diversion puts Malaysia into action; she strides over to Alix with whip in hand. Malaysia yanks down Alix's white booty shorts to reveal her luscious bethonged tush. Within seconds Malaysia is laying into that posterior with lethal shots from her whip!





COACH
Sooooooooooooooooo hot!

Mister Dick decides to join in the fun of tormenting Alix, and departs the ring. After gathering her off the blue ringside mats, he slams her face first into the steel steps.

BOSLEY
You enjoying this, Big O?

ODIN
Bosley, this is as if I saw an eagle swoop down and capture a rodent for its dinner. Interesting? In the end it does not effect me in the least. Alix Maria Spezia is a rodent, laid in front of me solely to be dealt with and exterminated.

Mister Dick rolls the pained champion into the squared circle and then pins her to the canvas...

ONE!



TWO!



Alix brings her shoulder up!

COACH
Let's talk about The Human Hard On. Second match back, and he wins the world title. That's amazing. This dude is charismatic, and he's a great athlete-

ODIN
He is as close to a god as any mortal can get.

Alix crawls to the corner, which only leads to her being stomped in the neck by her aggressive rival. When the referee tries to interject himself between MD and his victim, he's greeted with a wad of spit from The Cocky Prick!

“YOU SUCK, DICK! YOU SUCK, DICK! YOU SUCK, DICK!”

Mister Dick backs away from Alix, giving her space so that she push herself upright. Once she's fully standing he flies forward in an attempt to get her to Bite his Shiny Metal Dick! But Alix avoids the Futurama themed move by sliding out the way. MD smashes into the corner posts, and staggers backwards. He's soon caught with a springboard spear from the champion!


“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COLE
Alix came Straight Outta Compton!

Alix gets a run off the ropes, setting her return on MD's rise. When the Texan comes to his feet she leaps into him in a wheel barrow setup. The Human Hard On takes the bait, and tries to lift her up. This only causes him to be yanked downwards by a bulldog!

ALIX
Toldeo, I got something to say!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

ALIX
Ya'll niggas ain't shit!

CROWD


ALIX
Kidding! Its April fools!

HEBNER
Alix, its December.

ALIX
Oh....boy, do you look stupid! Not having a calendar and all.

Alix turns her attention back to Mister Dick, pulling him upright. The former world champion surprises the current world champion with a boot to the knee. Hobbled, Alix can't stop her rival from taking her onto his shoulders. From there he throws her out and strikes her with a double knee gutbuster!

COLE
Alix just got Cock Blocked! There's the cover, and will it lead to a new champion?

ONE!



TWO!




Alix again makes the kickout!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

ODIN
Her rampant idiocy nearly brought an end to her title reign. This fool isn't worthy of leading an army, holding a championship belt, or doing anything except breathing.

Mister Dick backs his lean frame onto the top rope, causing the fans to wonder what the normally grounded superstar has planned. They'll continue to speculate as Alix swipes out his legs from beneath him. This crotches the crotch obsessed grappler, and pops the sold out crowd.

BOSLEY
I know he's hurtin' for certain!

Alix adds to MD's misery by flipping him off the top rope with a hurricanrana! The audience is thrilled with the stunt, and loudly applauds Alix. In addition they count along with her cover...

CROWD
ONE!



CROWD
TWO!



MD powers out the pinfall!

COLE
Folks, we have to take a commercial break! When we return we'll find out just who will end this show as the world heavyweight champion!

COMMERCIAL

As we return from the commercials, we find Alix and MD standing in the center of the ring trading blows. Mister Dick momentarily wins the war with a cowboy boot to Alix's stomach. He decides to celebrate by grabbing his crotch and spitting on her!

COLE
What a lack of class!

Alix's reply is to strike her crass foe with a dropsault! This backs MD into the cables, and they bounce him back into a butt bump from the California cutie!

COLE
Odin, you're going to have watch out for those buns of steel!

Alix wiggles her delectable tush at the audience, before striking MD with once again! This drops the challenger to his knees, and Alix is able to then hit him with a flipping neckbreaker!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

Realizing momentum is not on his side, Mister Dick slides out the ring.

“DICK'S A PUSSY! DICK'S A PUSSY! DICK'S A PUSSY!”

ALIX
Oxymoron! Oxymoron! Oxymoron!

Alix has other things to deal with besides correcting the audience, such as Malaysia's arrival onto the ring apron. Malaysia wastes no time in whipping away her tight outfit to reveal the following...



ALIX


Mister Dick spins a shocked and aroused Alix around in order to snap on a front facelock. The crowd boos, knowing full well what's forthcoming.

COLE
Mister Dick has Alix set up for the Jackhammer! We might have a new champion!

The Human Hard On raises Alix into the air for the middle of his finishing hold. He delays her drop to showcase his mighty strength. This is a mistake, as after several seconds pass, Alix manages to slip out the hold! Mister Dick angrily spins around, only to be caught in his tight stomach with a boot. Hunched over, he's easily dragged into the makings of a sommersault neckbreaker.

COLE
And now its Alix looking for The Confessions of a Kristaholic!

Mister Dick is able to power out the hold, deflating the audience. He takes aim with a lariat, but sees it ducked. Alix then leaps onto his shoulders in order to pull him down for a victory roll...

CROWD
ONE!


CROWD
TWO!



CROWD
THREE!

NO! MISTER DICK WITH THE KICKOUT!

“THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE!”

Deciding to let the crowd deal with the referee, Alix hops to her feet. She backs into the ropes...and is struck by Bosley's telescopic baton!

BOSLEY
THE ALPHA MALE OF THE GROUP IS FUCKING DOING IT OUT HERE! WHAT NOW, BITCHES? WHAT?!

Alix stumbles directly into Mister Dick's clutches. The Cocky Prick raises her up, and then slams her down with The Jackhammer!

COACH
My man got it!

Hebner gets into position to score the fall...

ONE!



TWO!




THREE!


ALIX BRINGS THE SHOULDER UP!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

Mister Dick sits up in sheer shock. In no way shape or form can he comprehend how he is not world champion. He beats the mat in frustration, his eyes bulging, and his mouth snarling.

COLE
Odin, I think its time you give this “human female” her credit.

ODIN
I will give her nothing, except a long overdue beating at New Years Spectacular. I would advise Mister Dick to continue to be aggressive. Victory is at hand.

Mister Dick looks over his shoulder and sees Bosley with the telescopic baton. Seconds later, he's reaching through the ropes and taking the tool into his own hands.

COLE
What's he doing? He's going to get disqualified!

Hebner realizes that this would mean and unsatisfying end to the contest, and goes to take the baton from MD. The Texas A&M graduate isn't quite willing to give up his prize, and a furious battle ensues between official and competitor. Mister Dick is easily able to win the war, sending Hebner flying across the ring. When he turns around, however, he's hit by a KIDology!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Mister Dick bounces back into the ropes, whom quickly spew him towards Alix's waiting boot. With MD doubled up, Alix is easily able to execute a sommersault neckbreaker!

COLE
Confessions of a Kristaholic!

Alix takes hold of MD's legs for the pivotal pinfall...

CROWD
ONE!



CROWD
TWO!



CROWD
THREE!


DING DING DING!


With the sound of the bell, “California Gurls” returns to the ring and along with it comes a wealth of cheers from the sold out audience.

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a pinfall and still OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion....ALIX MARIA SPEZIA!

There's no need for celebration in Alix's mind, not when Odin is present. As such she jumps out the ring, and swiftly leaps across the holiday themed sofa central to attack Odin!

COLE
Alix is going right after Odin!

Bosley yanks Alix off a surprised Odin, but only incurs the wrath The Hollywood Bad Girl himself.

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

Despite being much smaller than Bosley, Alix is able to use her anger and energy to overwhelm the former NYPD officer.

COLE
The Alpha Male is being taken to the woodshed!

Alix's assault of Bosley is halted by forearm to the back of the head by his employer, Odin. The God Of War bashes Alix with punches and forearms as the audience's cheers turn to sharp jeers.

COACH
Alix shouldn't have never gone after DA BASED GAWD like that.

COLE
Odin never should have gone after Krista!

Odin grabs the world champion by the throat, bringing out worried cries from the Toledo crowd. Their fears aren't unfounded as Odin raises Alix into the air, and then slams her through the announce table!

COLE
No! Alix put through the announce table!

COACH
Alix is down! Alix is down! Alix is down!

For the second week in a row, a smiling Odin stands tall and proud over his vanquished rival as we...

FADE OUT