Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2013 Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST 3D We're taken straight to the festively decorated Sofa Central. In addition to a menorah and dangling stars of David there are Christmas lights strewn about the table, Christmas trees, miniature Santas, elves, and fake snow. COLE Welcome folks to Richmond, Virgina for OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Michael Cole sitting beside Da Coach on a night where Alix Maria Spezia makes her first world title defense against Bohemoth! TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT OAOAST WORLD TITLEALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS ODINTONIGHT COACH Alix made a mistake sticking her nose in The Beast's business, and that's going to cost her the World Heavyweight Championship. COLE We'll also hear from King Landon Maddix as well as see Liberty face Logan Mann.Give me those bright lights, long nights High rise, over time Give me them bright lights, long nights Party till the sun is rising High rise, over time Working till the moon is shining Hot guys, fly girls Never thought I'd say I feel on top of the world I feel on top of the world Hey "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Strolling onto the entrance stage, wearing a checker print collared shirt and flared jeans is megastar Krista Isadora Duncan. Her expression is a cool smirk as she heads to the ring. COLE Krista Isadora Duncan will be part of that big mainevent at New Years Spectacular where she'll take on Alix and Odin for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. Krista settles herself in the ring with microphone in hand. KRISTA I'd like to address a man that has become very dear to me in the recent weeks. A man who like every other right minded clear thinking person on this planet is obviously obsessed with me. I am of course speaking of the man I call ugly sack of shit, but you call Badass Jack. “JACKASS JACK! JACKASS JACK! JACKASS JACK!” KRISTA Badass Jack, I pinned you in the six person elimination match for the OAOAST Title. I pinned you, and instead of dropping to your knees and giving thanks to whatever pagan god allows you to walk this earth that I did it without mocking your utterly insane hair style, your mutton chops or the fact that you're forty three and haven't even achieved an eightieth of what my youngest daughter has in your life, you decide to come back and clobber me with a steel chair. I say, hey, I'll let that slide, obviously a man crazy enough to have sexual liaisons with Killer Croc from Batman has issues he needs to work out and I wish him well. But, then when I'm about to slaughter that inbred horse faced bitch Melissa Nerdly you attack me. Again. That's not enough for you, though. Then you interrupt an Odin promo and instead of wondering where the mass gay orgy the denizens of this locker room participate in every week is located, you force his way onto his November Reign team to face me. There you chose to hit me with a pair of brass knuckles. “Aww shucks hyuyk-yuk, I done hit that pretty little lady with my metal fist! Yup! Yup!” You chose to hit me with a pair of brass knucks, and in your pea sized little mind that's been shrunken and perverted from years of huffing gasoline, you thought all was well. You probably thought I was going to crawl back to my hotel room, order up some room service, and drawn my sorrows in a tub of Valium and a bottle of Merlot. Surprise, surprise, I show up, low blow you, and once again you fail to achieve anything that would validate your father not using a condom when he had sex with your trailer slut mother! COLE Ouch! KRISTA So what happens next in our oh so thrilling tale of revenge and woe? Does Jack commit ritualistic Japanese suicide on his steel claws? Does he impregnate the toothless retarded girl who sweeps the porch of the bait shop in town, and make an honest woman out of her? If you guessed none of the above, you shouldn't have wasted your time on guessing in the first place, but you were also right. Jack decides to get at me he's going to go through Terry Taylor. Jack decides a fifty year old man that I let scrub my toilets with his toothbrush while a woman in a Daisy Duck costumes whips him when I'm feeling generous should be his next target. What does Jack do to him? Jack acts like he's cutting delicious pumpkin pie for the toothless retarded girl he hopes to woo and slices up his face. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” KRISTA Now, Jack in this society we have consequences for our actions. You kill a white person, you go to jail, you kill a black man, you get five hours of community service, you kill a Mexican, you get a medal of honour. So, my dear, your actions also have consequences. Now you've basically invited me to spend what remaining years I have on the contract I was tricked into signing when I was drunk and suicidal, humiliating you beyond all human recognition. I'm dead serious, people will walk right past you, and say to each other “Is that Badass Jack?” “Couldn't be, Jack didn't have a size 7 pump shoved down his bitch made throat!” “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” KRISTA I'm standing here in Richmond- “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” KRISTA Don't interrupt me again. I'm standing in this ring, in this arena, in this city, in this world, in this universe, in this galaxy telling you they will need a super powered microscope to get past the layers of embarrassment, misery, sadness, anger, and depression I will leave you with. Then maybe they can take that microscope and identify what breed of pubic lice you seem to have contracted. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” KRISTA So, honey bunches of oats, you wanna go down this road with me? That's fine, we can go way down this wonderful road and take ourselves a little road trip. We can sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, play I Spy, and all that good stuff, but we're also going to see the sights. Sights you won't like. Most disturbing among them will be me taking your steel claws shredding your face clear off and wearing it for a Badass Jack Face mask at a charity costume gala!NOW TRENDING#BADASS JACK FACE MASK KRISTA If you people in the back don't take that Twitter shit off my screen right this instant your faces will be the ones I'll be wearing as masks! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 Backstage, we cut to backstage reporter Maggie Nerdly. Not for an interview, but instead to find her talking with sisters Molly and Melody. Molly busily inspects the camera set up ready for Maggie's interviews, as the It Girl herself stands with arms folded. Melody meanwhile taps away busily on her iPad. MELODY HAHA! Take that, pigs! Annoyed with her sister, Maggie snatches the iPhone away from her. MAGGIE Would you put that stupid thing down? I'm trying to talk to you! MELODY Sorry, you know I get easily distracted. MAGGIE Ugh. MELODY Look, honestly, I don't get what your problem is with Sara Jean. She was great on Attack Of The Show! MAGGIE I don't have a problem with Sara Jean. I don't even know her... partly because she hasn't even bothered to introduce herself. But, you know, whatever. My problem isn't with her. I'm just so sick of everyone being infatuated with her. Like, she's just some blonde who can hold a microphone competently. So what? And all the braindead, brains in their pants muscleheads around here go giddy every time they hear her name. Like they even have a shot with her. MELODY Sounds like somebody's... MAGGIE Don't you even dare say I'm jealous of her. MELODY But... MAGGIE I am NOT jealous of her, okay! God, everybody I talk to about this assumes the same thing. You'd think my own sisters would know me better than that. Why must everybody be so fickle? MOLLY (from behind the camera) So what's your problem then? Maggie looks up, confused. MAGGIE Are you filming this!? MOLLY Duh. MAGGIE *sighs* Look, I don't care if the guys around here flock to her. If they're after a big boobed, blonde, airhead, willing to strip naked for a few bucks kind of girl, then good for them. But do they have to treat me like crap on their way to ogle her? You don't know what it's like, coming to work every day and seeing the disappointment in people's eyes when they see you walking up to them. Day after day, people unhappy to even realise you exist. I used to enjoy this job. But, lately... well, look around! I don't have anybody to interview! Because they all want Sara Jean to interview them. A couple of months ago, everybody wants Maggie to drool over while they cut their crappy little promos. Suddenly, Maggie isn't good enough anymore! I try to do my job well, I try to enjoy it, but I guess none of that matters to these looks obsessed "bros". Seriously, just once I'd love to meet someone around here who thinks with their brain and not with their penis. As if on cue, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA walks through the shot, glancing around curiously. MAGGIE Finally! Hey, Maggie Nerdly here backstage, chillin' like an illin' with the kookiest cat around, Alix Maria Spezia! Alix, what's happenin'? ALIX (still looking around) Oh, hey Morgan, have you seen Sara Jean around anywhere? MAGGIE Uhh... Alix, it's Maggie. ALIX (finally looks at Maggie) Oh, hey Maggie! Didn't see you there. So... have you seen Sara Jean around anywhere? MAGGIE I think she's on coffee break. But, we're filming, so if there's anything you wanted to say, then you can just say it to me. ALIX No, that's okay, I'll just wait. Alix calmly takes a few steps to her left and stands, patiently waiting for Sara Jean to walk along. Looking like she's about to malfunction, Maggie starts shaking, much to Melody's concern. MAGGIE You know what? Screw it! Maggie HURLS her microphone to the floor and storms off, able to take no more. Melody tries to chase after her, while Alix continues to patiently stand and twiddle her thumbs, blissfully unaware of the offence she's caused.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 Switchfoot's “Dark Horses” play the team of the same name onto a darkened entrance stage that's coated in red lights. They pass determined nods to one another before making their way to the ring. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of fifteen minutes! Now making their way to the ring, from Chicago, Illinois, they are MAX ANDERSON....STEPHEN PIGLEY...THE DARK HORSES! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” BUFFER And their opponents, THE MILKMAN AND JOSE CANTU-SI! COLE Jose a product of the OAOAST Reactor and a trainee at OAOVW and Milkman is a tested veteran. But these men are facing a very different Max Anderson and Stephen Pigleuy. DING DING DING The Milkman is still situating his bottles in the corner when he's jumped from behind by Max Anderson. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Anderson batters Milkman with punches, keeping him trapped against the turnbuckle. At referee Charles Robinson's insistence, Anderson pulls Milkman out the corner. This grants Milkman little reprieve as Anderson simply picks him up and dumps him throat first on the ring ropes. Milkman falls backwards, and is pinned by Anderson... ONE! TWO! Kickout! Anderson scrapes Milkman up, and then guides him to the Dark Horse corner. A tag is then made with Steven Pigley. Pigley nails Milkman with an inverted atomic drop, while Anderson runs the ropes. When he returns to his partner and foe, Anderson strikes with a dropkick! COLE Lovematic Grampa! COACH I don't think that's what that move is called anymore. As Anderson departs the ring, Pigley covers for the cover... ONE! TWO! Milkman brings the shoulder up. COLE I just can't understand the change in attitude by The Love...Dark Horses. COACH I understand it perfectly. They got sick of being treated like jokes, and its time to get serious and make money. Off into the ropes goes The Milkman. Luckily for him Jose makes a blind tag. As such Steven is shocked when he's struck by a springboard shoulder tackle from the OAOVW superstar! COLE The first graduate of The OAOAST Reactor with a beautiful move! Jose hammers Pigley with overhand rights, backing him into the corner. As Pigley stands dizzied, Jose backs up to the center of the ring. Within seconds he's darting back to Pigley. But, Pigley catches him with a flap jack, landing him face first onto the turnbuckle. Jose falls backwards, landing inside a waistlock. He's unable to prevent Pigley from falling backwards with a bridged German Suplex... ONE! TWO! No! COLE These two men had the support of the entire OAOAST Galaxy. And now they just want to throw it all away? I don't agree with that. COACH These people are fair weather fans. Yeah, they liked The Love Doctors. But when they got taken out by Anglesault and the gang where they demanding they be put back on television? Pigley rocks Jose with powerful left crosses, leaving him wobbly on his feet. Because of Jose's injured state, Pigley has an easy time body slamming him to the canvas. Jose lies still as Pigley runs the ropes and returns to drive his knee into Jose's throat. Jose tries to roll away, but Pigley hounds his escape with fierce stomps. Eventually Jose is able to get to his feet, but this only leads to Anderson hooking his arms behind his back. Pigley takes advantage of the situation by lambasting him with a series of brutal elbows. Once Jose drops to the canvas, Anderson tags himself into the bout. COLE Here comes Max Anderson. A changed man. An angry man. COACH And I like that. Because he and Pigley have said they wanna make money and they want to make money, they want to win titles and they want to be taken seriously as wrestlers. COLE They do realize such a wish only makes their inevitable humiliation at Krista's hands all the funnier? COACH Shhhh. Don't spoil their fun. Max picks Jose up and chucks him into the corner. A lariat follows, sending Jose stumbling towards the center of the ring. Anderson stalks his position and then strikes with a lariat to the back. COLE These Dark Horses are just hitting to hurt. COACH And they're hitting harder than The Love Doctors ever did. Jose staggers to his feet and is caught inside a front facelock. From there he's flipped to the canvas with a fisherman's suplex. Robinson counts the resulting cover... ONE! TWO! Kickout! COLE Jose and The Milkman aren't just going to lay down and let The Dark Horses roll over them. Jose reverses an Irish whip and is able to catch Anderson with a spinning wheel kick on the rebound. Not wishing to risk further injury a tag is made to The Milkman. COLE Two Chicago natives about to go at it once again! Milkman and Anderson trade blows in the center of the ring. Milkman amazingly gets the upperhand and is able to stun Anderson with a kick to the gut. His northern lights suplex attempt is blocked and countered with a DDT by Anderson. mA tag is made to the former radio host, Steven Pigley. He enters the ring and snapmares Milkman to the ground. That move is proceeded by Pigley repeatedly kicking his rival in the back of the head. “OINK! OINK! OINK!” PIGLEY SHUT IT! Milkman climbs upright, and is promptly hit in the face with a lethal elbow. He drops to his knees, allowing Pigley to rock him with a kick to the side of the head! Cover... ONE! TWO! Kickout! Anderson receives the tag, and quickly motions for the finish. He brings The Milkman up, while Pigley ascends to the top rope. From there Pigley flies off with a seated senton! COLE That was called Gurney to the Centre of the Earth! Pigley takes out Jose, as Anderson hooks Milkman's legs for the cover... ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING COLE Mercifully this one is over. BUFFER Your winners a result of a pinfall...THE DARK HORSES! Though the match is over, the war is just starting as The Last Kings of Scotland run down the entrance ramp. Not expecting the Europeans, the Horses are overwhelmed by their hellish assault. COACH Somebody get those thugs out of here! The Dark Horses are eventually able to escape the clutches of The Last Kings, rolling beneath the ropes to the safety of the entrance ramp. The Kings aren't willing to let them have such an easy escape, however. They dive out the ring and go after The Horses, putting them into another brawl that leads all the way backstage. COLE Its just getting started between The Dark Horses and The Last Kings of Scotland! Folks, we'll be back with more HD~! in a minute.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 COLE Ladies and gentlemen, at this time we’d like to take you back one week when Big Papa Thrust was the guest speaker at Abdullah Nerdly’s House of Worship. As you will see there was more than just talking.ABDULLAH Violence is not the answer. It never is. Therefore I propose a peace treaty. So rather than get it on we shall get along. Praise be! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" BIG PAPA THRUST First of all, I don’t negotiate with terrorists! ABDULLAH BIG PAPA THRUST Secondly, your word don’t mean shit. So for wasting my time I’m gonna kick your scrawny ass! COACH Doesn’t Big Papa Thrust know Abdullah’s House of Worship is a violence free zone? BPT begins to pry the cage bars open when REJECT and TK attack. COLE Violence free zone, huh? COACH Reject and TK are trying to subdue a madman. “DEUCE!” “DEUCE!” “BIGELOW!” Reject and TK do a number on BPT as the OAOAST Galaxy continues to chant for Deuce Deuce Bigelow. * THUNK * Suddenly TK goes flying courtesy of a CHAIRSHOT by the Beast from Sin City! COLE Deuce’s wild! COACH Why can’t that guy ever mind his own business? The CoA flee as OAOAST officials restore order. COLE This situation is far from over. COACH Whine all you want, baby boy, but Big Papa Thrust got what he had coming. Everybody knows violence isn’t allowed in the Spiritual One’s House of Worship. COLE Unless you’re a member of the Church of Abdullah. Then it’s okay. Standing by right now is the newest member of the OAOAST broadcast team, the lovely Susana Lamas-Urbina-Torres. To the interview lounge we go where Susana is with REJECT, TK and ABDULLAH NERDLY. SUSANA Gracias. I’m joined by Reject and TK alongside their spiritual adviser Abdullah Nerdly. And gentlemen, the OAOAST Galaxy is abuzz by the challenged issued to you this week on OAOAST Syndicated by Big Papa Thrust and Deuce Deuce Bigelow. Two men who have found common ground in their dislike of you. ABDULLAH And just which strip club did you come from, Susana Lamas-Urbina-Torres? SUSANA ABDULLAH I’m not judging you. You did what you had to do to pay for your education and support your folks back home. SUSANA Excuse me? ABDULLAH It’s okay to be nervous, it’s your first night on the job. Maybe this will help you feel more at home. TK She looks more comfortable already. *laughs* REJECT I doubt as comfortable as Oohlala, though. She’s probably still lying in bed, not from getting her cardio work in with Big Papa Thrust, but from my Eulogy a few weeks back. ABDULLAH And a lovely Eulogy it was. REJECT Ever since that night I’ve heard people speculate that maybe I enjoyed introducing Oohlala’s face to the ground. Well unless you’re blind or just plain STUPID, STUPID, STUPID… I get no pleasure from such things. Who do you think I am, Malaysia? TK Does he look like Malaysia? Abdullah shakes his head while he continues to make it rain. REJECT But I did take great satisfaction stuffing Big Papa Thrust’s words in his mouth. See Frank, all you gotta do is look at your #1 freakazoid to see what could happen if you keep pressing your luck. I’ve beaten you once already. Hell, TK and I just beat you and Deuce at November Reign. That’s why I’m gonna have to pass on your little challenge. TK We got bigger fish to fry! REJECT Thanks to Big Papa Thrust and Deuce of all people. Because we soundly defeated two high caliber OAOAST superstars that shoots us way up the tag rankings. So we got a challenge of our own to issue, and that’s to the reigning tag team champions… D*LUX. Being the fighting champions that they are… TK Just like we were. REJECT …I’m sure they’ll gladly accept. They’re not ones to disappoint their fans, although disappointed they will be after we regain the World tag team titles. ABDULLAH (to Susana) No wonder you went into broadcasting. You sucked at your old job. Go ahead and keep the money. I’m gonna have plenty more of it shortly. Praise be! The guys exit as Susana looks on completely disgusted. COACH Do you think we’ll ever see Susana again? COLE If not, at least she lasted longer on the job than Mike Adamle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 Coming back to the ring, the fans boo as stagehands finish setting up for a special performance, from MELISSA NERDLY. MELISSA Howdy ya'll! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Melissa stands at the front of the red carpetted ring, a mini lighting setup in the background and the ropes decorated with white cloth and ribbons. Backed up by her backing band, The Belle Cousins, Melissa taps her microphone to check she's on, assuming the booing is a result of the fans not being able to hear her. MELISSA Now, as I'm sure ya'll saw, at November Reign myself and The Belles, with a lil' help from Holly and Lorelei DeCenzo, came up on the winning team in our Survivor Series elimination match. And I'd hate to toot my own horn. But, we were pretty darn impressive! Infact, we almost pulled off a clean sweep! That doesn't happen every day. So, I wanted to come up with a way to not only thank my team-mates for their part in putting those darned Duncan kids in their place, but commemorate our triumphant moment. COLE I don't like where this is going... MELISSA And tonight, myself and The Belles are going to perform a song that I've wrote! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE ...yeah, I thought so. I think I'm going to go to the bathroom. COACH Don't you go anywhere! This is gonna be great! A free performance! MELISSA This is a little song I like to call "The Girls'll Survive". Mister music man if you please.You make me Feel like I'm living a Teenage Dream The way you turn me on MELISSA Uhm... this isn't my music.I can't sleep Let's runaway And don't ever look back Don't ever look back My heart stops When you look at me Just one touch Now baby I believe This is real So take a chance And don't ever look back Don't ever look back MELISSA Hello? This isn't the right track! Oh, but it is the right track, for MAYA BLANCHARD-DUNCAN, who marches out with sister Jade in tow. Seeing the Duncan girls walking to the ring with a purpose, Melissa panics and grabs her trusty guitar. MELISSA Whoa whoa whoa whoa! This is a private performing area, you two are not allowed out here. SECURITY! SECURITY! Jade holds Maya back from getting in the ring, for her own good. JADE Cool your jets, Melissa. We... MAYA "Cool your jets"? Seriously? Are you trying out new catchphrases? Because I vote we throw that one out for starters. JADE Do you want me to speak or... MAYA Actually no, I don't, give me the microphone. (to Melissa) Hey, buttface! Get out here so I can play my own song, using your entrails as guitar strings. I think I'll call it "Oh God, You're Pulling Out My Innards". And I will record a collaboration with Akon and Pitbull which will sell millions worldwide. MELISSA Listen here, missy. I know you're probably mad about losing at November Reign. But, that's life. You came up against a better team and you got your little BUTT handed to you. So how about you suck it up, accept it, quit being a sore loser and take your loss like a big girl, okay? MAYA Did... you just call me "missy"!? Unable to believe this, Maya actually goes over and asks a couple of people in the crowd if she heard that correctly. MAYA Okay, apparently you did. MELISSA (getting annoyed) Listen, we're trying to perform here, so... MAYA Yeah, nobody cares about that. MELISSA MAYA Here's the deal, I don't care about your songs, I don't care about your sudden bizzare inexplicable pretense that you're from the South, I don't care about November Reign. What I care about is you hitting my beautiful face with your cheap, ugly balsa wood guitar. I won't bore you with the details of my image rights and marketability studies. I will merely point at my face and say "look at me, you tried to ruin this". Which means there are millions of people who are pretty mad at you, wondering why I haven't yet maimed you. Also, it hurt. A lot. So I'm pretty mad too. MELISSA I keep trying to tell ya'll, it was an accident! MAYA No, Jade wetting herself with excitement when she met Adam Levine was an accident. JADE MAYA Charlie Sheen's career collapse was an accident. Jack and Jill was... an abomination, actually. What you did wasn't an accident. And what I do to you won't be an accident, although it will be plead as such in court by my lawyers. As Melissa starts to get worried, Sugar suddenly pipes up, looking annoyed at being prevented from her (backing) performance. SUGAR Hey! I know that just because your Mommy is famous, you two think that you should have the spotlight, like, all the time. But, I am sooooo sick of you two. Yeah. You walk around, thinking you run this place. Well, incase you forgot, I pinned you at November Reign, Jade. So, unless you two are out here to give me and December, the real best tag team in the women's division, the shot at the titles that we deserve, then how about you just turn around and leave. Because you're totally wasting our time. MAYA Oh god, I, like, totally want to punch you in the mouth. SUGAR MAYA I'm going to forgive you for daring to interrupt, because I know how expressive you stage school children are. SUGAR I AM NOT A CHILD! MAYA Shhhh! Use your indoor voice. SUGAR Steaming mad, Sugar has to be calmed down by December, just as ALFDOGG walks out onto the stage. ALFDOGG Girls, let's all calm down, shall we? JADE I'm calm. MAYA Oh quit sucking up. ALFDOGG I heard what's been said out here. And Sugar, you do have a good point. You did pin Jade at November Reign. And, you and December did miss out on the Women's Tag Team Title tournament. So, I think you do deserve a shot at the titles. And we'll have that match at the New Year's Spectacular, The Belle Cousins versus Jade and Maya for the OAOAST Women's Tag Team Titles. Sugar seems much happier now and starts mouthing off to Jade. ALFDOGG Now Melissa, your team did win at November Reign. MELISSA Yes sir. ALFDOGG But, as great as I'm sure your song is, we don't live in the past here. We have to start looking forward and I've been looking forward to who's going to be the next contender for your Women's Title. And I think it's only fair that we give the same opportunity that was given to the Bellas, to the Duncans. Which is why next week, one on one, we're going to have Sugar taking on Maya. And if Maya wins, she will face you for the Women's Title at AnglePalooza. MELISSA "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Maya smirks up at Melissa, who suddenly doesn't feel much like performing and kicks up a fuss, along with Sugar. COLE Wow, two huge matches made by President Alfdogg! The Belles with an opportunity for gold and Maya with an opportunity for revenge! COACH What about the song!? I wanted to hear it!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 OAOAST HeldDOWN Is Brought to you byTWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART 1-IN THEATRES EVERYWHERE Boos fill the arena as "Parade Of The Charioteers" blares out, playing down a triumphant and exuberant King Landon and his Kingdom. COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN, where it looks like we're being joined by the Cucaracha Kingdom. COACH Graced. Being graced by. As the Kingdom assemble in the ring, Landon takes front and centre, with a beaming smile on his face. KING LANDON ALL HAIL THE KING... ME!!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" KING LANDON Thank you! As proud, victorious leader of the TRUE dominant force in the OAOAST, I would like to take this time to make a proclamation. A proclamation of VICTORY! For months, I have told the world that I am the one, true King of the OAOAST. And at November Reign, I proved it to the world, when I lead my Kingdom to victory. I lead from the front and I lead by example. And now, having guided my team to their hour of glory, there can be no more doubt over who the King is. FOR IT IS I! Landon throws his arms out triumphantly, to applause from the MGHFC, CW and most of all Queen Esther. KING LANDON And in honour of my victory, I have a few more proclamations to make. Proclamation number one, 2012 will be the year of the Cucaracha Kingdom! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" KING LANDON Proclamation number two. The month of December in the OAOAST shall be put by to commemorate me and my achievements and be a national month of celebration! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" KING LANDON Proclamation number three. MONEYMAKER ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The fans mood is hardly brightened, as Theodore Moneymaker is the one to interrupt Maddix, coming out onto the stage with the members of The Enterprise. KING LANDON I wasn't finished making my proclamations. MONEYMAKER Stop saying proclamation, you idiot! King Landon pouts a little, clearly with important proclamations left unproclaimed. MONEYMAKER I should have known you wouldn't be able to resist coming out here, gloating about your shallow win at November Reign. You are a predictable man. Predictably stupid. Do you really think you proved anything at November Reign? ...HA! .....HA! *splutters* KING LANDON What's the matter with your laugh? MONEYMAKER This is nothing to laugh about! COLE Moneymaker is practically choking on his own rage. MONEYMAKER You didn't prove anything to me, Maddix. You can call it what you want, but if you think that match at November Reign settled anything then you are truly mistaken. The record books may say the Kingdom beat the Enterprise. But they will never, EVER say that you are superior to me! The fact is, you didn't beat me at November Reign, Maddix. Christian did! And considering I taught that man everything he knows, that's more to my credit than it is yours. And secondly, not only did you not defeat me, none of your team defeated Kareem! KING LANDON Well, who's fault is that? Maybe it's the fault of whoever came up with the rules of the match. Moneymaker scowls unhappily, realising he only has himself to blame on that count. KING LANDON Face the facts. The match was set up, by you, with one thing in mind. To prove who the better leader was. And, since my team beat your team, I lead my team to a victory and you lead your team to a defeat. So, correct me if I'm wrong, but that means I am the true great leader of this industry! MONEYMAKER That is wrong! Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong! You will never be better than me! You are nothing but a fool, an imbecile, a jester! I am a business man! A powerful, successful business man! KING LANDON Yeah, but... you lost. MONEYMAKER GGAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Unable to accept the idea of being inferior to Landon, Moneymaker tries to storm the ring, but is held back by his Enterprise. KING LANDON Hold on, relax. Ted... I can call you Ted, right? MONEYMAKER NO! KING LANDON Listen, Ted, allow me to give you some advice. Now, as a leader, sometimes you will suffer setbacks. MONEYMAKER Who are you to offer me advice!? Fool! Moron! KING LANDON (ignoring Moneymaker) The important thing is, how you cope with them. Moneymaker tries to cope with them by storming the ring again, but is again restrained. KING LANDON Alright, I can tell you're pretty angry. So, let me make you a deal. You said you were a business man, right? Calming himself down and calling his Enterprise off, Moneymaker listens. KING LANDON Here's what I propose. If you really believe that your Enterprise is better than my Kingdom, then put your money where your mouth is. Starting next year, we have a series of matches. We both agree upon a schedule and an end date, namely AngleMania XI in London. Whomever's team wins the most of those matches between the two factions wins the series. MONEYMAKER Sounds good. That may be the first good idea you've ever come up with. KING LANDON Oh, I've got a better idea. If my Kingdom win, we win your money. MONEYMAKER Fine! How much do you want? There's no way you win, so name your price. How about $500,000? KING LANDON No no no. We win ALL of your money. MONEYMAKER KING LANDON That's right, mister "Billion Dollar Heir". If the Kingdom wins you sign over your little trust fund, or whatever it is you're bankrolling yourself off of, to me. Taken aback by the stakes being proposed to him, Moneymaker actually turns to his Kingdom and talks to Lorelei about it, seeking a second opinion. MONEYMAKER What's in it for me, Maddix? KING LANDON What's in it for you is, if The Enterprise lose, I disband my Kingdom. I break it up, send everyone on their way. And... I'm so confident in my team, that if you win, then I... I... I will never call myself King Landon again!!!! COACH OH MY! COLE ... Moneymaker looks confused, as Esther comforts Landon. MONEYMAKER That's it? KING LANDON What do you mean "that's it"? That's huge! MONEYMAKER No. That's not enough! My vast wealth against your ridiculous little moniker? KING LANDON Hey, you lost at November Reign, I'm trying to do you a favour here. Take it or leave it. MONEYMAKER If I'm putting up my worldly assets, then you have to give me something worthwhile in return. The problem is, you are a worthless little man and have nothing of value to offer me. The only thing you offer me is amusement, Maddix. And the ultimate amusement will be to see you humiliated, destroyed, a broken man with nothing left. So if you want me to put up everything I have... then you must put up everything you have as well. This counter offer wasn't how Landon imagined his challenge in his head and he looks a little unsure all of a sudden. MONEYMAKER If I win, I get everything I choose to take from you. I get your car. I get the clothes off of your back. I get the tape library of that nickel and dime little wrestling organization you used to work for. You know, I hear Spain is particularly nice in the Spring. So, maybe I get that little villa of yours too. KING LANDON Ah! That's not technically mine. MONEYMAKER Doesn't matter. You lose, then you can explain to your mother why she's being evicted. Landon scowls at Moneymaker for making this personal. MONEYMAKER You look at me like I'm a heartless man, Maddix. Don't worry, I'll be happy to let her stay if she really wants to. She'd know her way around, so she'd make a perfect cleaner. BWAHAHAHA! COACH Hey, he got his laugh back! KING LANDON Is that it? MONEYMAKER No, that's not it. What you have to offer is nothing compared to me. But, what your life lacks in monetary value, the sentimental value will make up for. However, I have more that I want from you. I want the contracts of all of your Kingdom. I want you to watch, as I turn your team of misfits into a true dominant force. I want you to see what happens when they are lead by a true leader! The ones which are of use to me, I will mould into men, men who will help me take over the OAOAST once again. The ones I have no use for can go on the scrapheap, with yourself. I want your Kingdom. And most of all, I want your Queen! Waking from her perpetual daydream, Queen Esther hears herself being referred to and wonders what's going on. KING LANDON You want Esther? MONEYMAKER Sure, why not. She seems like a largely useless entity. But, you can never have too many cleaners. So, do we have a deal, Maddix? Looking around at his Kingdom, Landon weighs things up in his head. QUEEN ESTHER Uhm, I would like to make an objection. KING LANDON Esther, it's okay, leave this to me. QUEEN ESTHER But you can't give up on your Kingship! You can't just abandon your people, your adoring public! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" QUEEN ESTHER See! They howl with derision at the very thought of you casting them aside! Also, I don't very must trust this money fellow. KING LANDON Look, I know it's a risk, but... we could be rich! RICH! QUEEN ESTHER Yes but I could also be sent to scrub the chambers, waiting hopelessly for a chance to go to the ball. KING LANDON I think you're confusing yourself with Cinderella. Also, did I mention we could be RICH! QUEEN ESTHER Yes, but, we could also become frightfully poor. KING LANDON Esther, I'm not sure you understand just how rich we're talking here. (to Moneymaker) Alright, I accept! Moneymaker smiles, but is not quite overjoyed, still with his part of the bargain in the back of his mind. KING LANDON But I want provisions, to make this fair. Whichever team wins their match gets to choose who competes in the next one. Also, Alfdogg has to sign off on every match, to ensure they're fair and above board. I don't want you trying to sneak in any three on one handicap matches. MONEYMAKER Deal. KING LANDON Great. So, seeing as my Kingdom won at November Reign, I guess we get to choose what the first match will be... MONEYMAKER Whoa whoa, hang on, I didn't agree to that! KING LANDON You agreed that whoever won the last match gets to make the next one. Moneymaker grumbles to himself, not happy at being outwitted, especially by Landon. MONEYMAKER Alright, fine. What's your match? KING LANDON 6-Man Tag Titles. At the New Year's Spectacular. Your crew, defending against Rico, Lucius... and Faqu! MONEYMAKER You know what, I trust Spencer, Colin and James implicitly. So, you're on! Enjoy your meager existance while it's still meager, Maddix! KING LANDON Yeah and your enjoy you money while it lasts! MONEYMAKER Of course I will, you idiot. It's money. Landon and Moneymaker both scowl, as their respective teams look on from behind them, a little troubled that their futures are being put on the line. COLE Talk about high stakes. This all started over the right to be called King... now, these two egomaniacs are putting their entire livelihoods on the line! COACH Ohh, I don't feel good about this at all.TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT OAOAST WORLD TITLEALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS ODINTONIGHTCOMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 "Khyber Pass" by Ministry hits and Holly escorts her husband down the multicolor lit aisle. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by the "Angel of Death" HOLLY... from Sin City, weighing 220 pounds, one-half of the only rock 'n' wrestling band that matters... THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS... LOGAN "MACHO MACHO" MANN!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE As Logan-- COACH Ahem. The Macho Macho Mann. COLE Self-professed Macho Macho Mann, I might add. Although I’ll give him credit for issuing a challenge instead of ducking one like a couple of other members of the CoA, and here’s why.Freedom’s tossed back in and Logan small packages him... ONE! TWO! THREE!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Eliminated: Freedom Eliminated by: Logan “MACHO MACHO” Mann ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Logan twirls his finger in celebration and Liberty blasts him with a top rope PATRIOT MISSILE flying shoulder block! The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! “YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" HOLLY ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Eliminated: Logan “MACHO MACHO” Mann Eliminated by: Liberty ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COACH Talk about a fluke. That’s the very definition of it right there. COLE Your boy only has himself to blame. He got too arrogant and Liberty made him pay. “Living in America” by James Brown cues and the masked patriot receives a made in the U.S.A. welcome. BUFFER And his opponent, accompanied by fellow All American Boy FREEDOM... from the Hearts of the American People, weighing 230 pounds… LIBERTY!!! “YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Liberty ascends to the middle and proudly waves Old Glory, until a blindside attack by Logan sends him tumbling to the arena floor! COLE What a cheap shot by the self-professed “MACHO MACHO” Mann. That had to be a 10 foot drop. COACH Not to mention the perfect metaphor to describe America. Once high and then took a mighty fall. * DINGDINGDING * The bell officially sounds as Logan soars off the top and delivers a double axe handle smash onto Liberty below! “U-S-A!” “U-S-A!” “U-S-A!” Logan tosses Liberty back in after dropping him throat-first on the guardrail and connects with a running bionic elbow square between the eyes. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Liberty is taken to the corner and brutalized with a series of sharp left jabs to the face/body, but the tables turn on Logan and now it’s the masked patriot on the offensive. COLE Liberty may have taken a hard fall but he’s back up on his feet, just like this great land of ours will be. Liberty whips Logan to the far corner and hip tosses him out. A dropkick follows and then a BAAAAAACK body drop! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Face-first into the buckle goes Logan, who gets mounted by Liberty and force fed a knuckle sandwich. 1! 2! 3! 4! Logan retaliates with an inverted atomic drop that leaves Liberty in pain, blues and agony. A condition that a running double axe handle smash to the face doesn’t cure. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Logan dumps Liberty outside and distracts the ref while Holly gets her licks in. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Freedom tries to come to his partner’s aid only to be restrained by the official. COLE Look behind you ref! When the ref does Holly is far away. COACH You happy now? The ref looked and only saw Holly minding her business in the corner. Liberty rolls back in and Logan applies a choke. 1! 2! 3! 4! Logan breaks before triggering an automatic DQ. He then shoots Liberty across and levels him with a back elbow, followed by a big knee drop. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Logan slams Liberty and goes up top where he spreads his “wings” and flies, spiking his knee into nothing but canvas! “YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE The lights were on but nobody was home! Liberty fires away on Logan and then whips him in for a power slam! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Liberty introduces Logan to the turnbuckle and then connects with a running corner clothesline. Logan tumbles to the mat only to walk right into a TOP ROPE SHOULDERBLOCK that sends him flying across the ring! COLE Patriot Missile! The cover, but no count as Holly climbs on the apron. That brings Freedom over and a big argument ensues. Meanwhile, SYNTH ABDUL JABBAR appears from out of nowhere and nails Liberty with THE SKY HOOK ELBOW~! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Synth places Logan on top and flees like a thief in the night. The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * “Khyber Pass” blares through the speakers as Logan and Holly celebrate the win. All Freedom can do is wonder what the heck happened. COACH Amazing, Mikey Cole. Logan snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. COLE You mean stole one. Liberty had him beat 1-2-3 if not for Holly and Synth. COACH Hey, a family that plays together stays together. COLE And there’s no honor among thieves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 We cut backstage to Melody's gaming center where the chic geek stands beside her 360 and a large plasma TV MELODY Have no fear, my dears, Melody and Molly are here and we are queer! MOLLY (OS behind the camera) We are not. MELODY Ah, but I wouldn't been able to continue rhyming if I hadn't said that. Would I, good eye? See, more rhymes. Alright, let's get down to business, P-P-L. No Homo business. The biggest business there is next to my ongoing crusade to erase the have and have nots competition from the American version of Big Brother. How can we have a fair and valued competition when half the contestants are treated worse than prisoners were at Alcatraz! But, lets get to No Homo. Today we have Odin...BOO...and his archrival Alix....YAY! We're minus Maggie, because she's in a mood. I got in one of those moods when I bought this game called MoonCraft from the App store, said it was a minecraft in space and it turned to just be a game where you jump a black box over some white boxes!VOICE I am here for you. MOLLY (OS) That voice! Its back! Did you hear that? MELODY That's just my stomach. Those beef burritos I offered you at November Reign have been wreaking havoc on me! First up, we've got The God of War....ODIN!OVERALL: 95VOICE Sing your glorious song to me. MOLLY (OS) Please tell me that I'm not the only one who heard that! MELODY Man, I really should've taken some Pepto before we started this segment. Oh well, let's get to Alix!OVERALL: 98 MELODY Sexay~! But there's a major problem. As usual. ODIN (OS) This is an absurdity beyond all compare! Odin storms into the room with CPA at his side. Melody looks decidedly nonplussed by their arrival. MELODY I know, right. Alix has worn bunny ears for her entrance maybe three times this year and there isn't anyway to edit them off. ODIN I do not speak of your inane concerns! I speak of this... Odin holds up the cover of No Homo that prominently features Chicks Over Dicks. MELODY Hey, if you've got a problem with Xbox take it up Dollar Bill Gates, yo! I'm just using it because I spent 52 bucks on an xbox live card and you've got to use it or lose it. Smell me? ODIN Quiet, fool! It is not wise to annoy me with your imbecilic commentary on frivolous matters. This cover of this thing you mortals call a video game is an affront to my godliness! To use Krista Isadora Duncan and Alix Maria Spezia as covergirls provokes the deepest rage within me! MOLLY (OS) But why is that? ODIN This putrid game is a part of the equally putrid OAOAST Galaxy, a realm in which I have fought for control over. Who have I battled against time and time again? This she devil Alix Maria Spezia and at times her satanist girlfriend Krista. These women, Alix Maria Spezia in particular, have sought to thwart my efforts to take this tainted realm under my ruling empire. MELODY I don't get it, if you think the OAOAST Galaxy is so awful why do you want to control it? Even Lex Luthor had some respect for Metropolis. ODIN I would expect a human female to comprehend my motivations. I will explain myself in words you may best understand. This is a realm of inferior beings giving worship to false deities, while paying no respect to true gods such as myself. I shall make the inhabitants of the OAOAST Galaxy bow before me simply because they must for there can be no other way. Yet, how am I to do that if tribute is being paid to soulless weaklings such as Alix Maria Spezia and Krista Isadora Duncan. To compound the situation I see that Alix has obtained a higher rating than I? The God Of War ranked less than a human female? Ridiculous and an insult! We have now come back to my main compliant. This cover, and this game represents the continued resistance of the OAOAST Galaxy to my rule. They will be destroyed. Odin waves his hands and the 360 catches on FIRE! MELODY CPA ODIN Farewell, humans. The next time you are lucky enough to be in my presence you will come with tithing and other gifts of worship. Odin strides out the room with CPA behind him and a fire raging in his wake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 COLE Folks, up next...wait a second. I'm getting word we've got a situation developing! We cut to a nearby building's staircase that plays home to Badass Jack and Alfdogg. The HeldDOWN boss is unwilling accompaniment to Jack, who drags him along. ALFDOGG Jack, please. Please take me back to the arena! BADASS JACK Ain't no going back now. We set ourselves on a path, you and me, and we're going take it all the way to the end. ALFDOGG I don't know what you're planning on doing with me, but please don't do it! BADASS JACK Begging ain't gonna get you anywhere, bub. Take the pain like a man. ALFDOGG Don't do anything that would get you fired! BADASS JACK You got much bigger problems than my employment on your hands. Jack shoves Alfdogg through a door, and the duo find themselves on the roof. Alfdogg instantly panics and tries to run away. But Jack holds him in place. ALFDOGG Oh god, we're on the roof! Why are we on the roof? Jack says nothing, his face unreadable. ALFDOGG What are you going to do me? BADASS JACK I got you on a roof, bub, I ain't gonna serve you punch and pie. Jack drags a stuttering and stammering Alfdogg close to the edge of the building. One look at the long drop that awaits him throws Alf into a tailspin of fear. ALFDOGG Oh god! Jack, please! This is crazy! BADASS JACK I'm crazy. I ain't right. I was Outhouse Jack on a cliff at one point, and this business pushed me over the edge, and I fell a long way. When I got up I was Badass Jack. But, I landed close to another edge. I was ok for a while, teetering on that edge. Then Krista Isadora Duncan shoved me off. I fell and I fell, and when I came up, any semblance of me being a good guy was gone. I stood up a remorseless cold blooded killer, out for the soul of one person: Krista. ALFDOGG I...I...can make you a match with Krista! Jack leans Alfdogg over the ledge. BADASS JACK That just ain't good enough, bub. ALFDOGG Then what do you want? I'll give you anything! BADASS JACK I don't just wanna hurt her. I wanna take from her what she took from me two times. The OAOAST World Title. You make that triple threat match at New Years Spectacular a four person elimination match and you get to live another day. ALFDOGG Okay...okay! Whatever you want! BADASS JACK Good of you to say that. Because I don't want to deal with any repercussions from what I do to Krista. ALFDOGG Jack... BADASS JACK Its a long way down. ALFDOGG Okay! No punishment! BADASS JACK Smart man. Jack simply brings Alfdogg back to the flooring of the building's roof, and departs as if nothing out the ordinary ever occurred.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 *SCREEECH* The heat rings out loud and clear from the Richmond audience in response to Bohemoth's arrival onto the entrance stage. The world title challenger flexes and showcases his mammoth muscles as he hides his eyes behind a pair of sunglasses. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship....introducing the challenger he weighs in at two hundred eighty four and three quarter pounds, from Greenville, South Carolina....THE BEAST BOOOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMOOOOOOOOOOOOTH! COLE Bohemoth demanded this match last week after Alix Maria Spezia stopped him from putting Baron Windels through our announce table. Alix was quick to grant him a title match, and now Bohemoth could be on his way to becoming a two time world champion. Bohemoth reaches the turnbuckles, and once again displays his powerful physique to a less than enthused audience. COACH Baby boy, this is the true face of the company right here. All he needs is the gold and he's back in big bidness. SNOOP DOGGGreetings loved ones Lets take a journey KATY PERRYCalifornia girls We're unforgettable Daisy Dukes Bikinis on top Sun-kissed skin So hot Will melt your popsicle Oooooh Oh Oooooh California girls We're undeniable Fine, fresh, fierce We got it on lock West coast represent Now put your hands up Oooooh Oh Oooooh Katy Perry's “California Gurls” is greeted by an enormous and enthused cheer. The neon lit bar known as Alix's slides onto the stage as the world champion performs some sultry dance moves before tossing a kiss at the camera. This leads to super imposed red lips popping up on screen. BUFFER And the champion, from Los Angeles, California, she is THE HOLLYWOOD BAD GIRL…..ALIX MARIA SPEEEZZZZIIIAAAAAAA! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE Alix may have shocked the world with her second world title victory at November Reign. COACH And now dudes have been cut up, and almost thrown off of buildings because of it! She should've just let Jack pin her. Now we got that man running wild on niggas! Alix heads to the top rope and flashes the peace sign to her adoring fans. Bohemoth merely stands behind her, frowning at her connection with the OAOAST Galaxy. DING DING DING “OVERRATED! OVERRATED! OVERRATED!” ALIX No! No! Don't call him that! Krista says the best way to humiliate someone is to build them up first, before you metaphorically and sometimes literally rip their testicles out. So why not chant “Bohemoth is awesome cool dude who doesn't sneak into group homes and touch disadvantaged children in naughty spots” “..................” ALIX (to Bo) I tried, dude. Bohemoth grabs Alix by the arm and hurls her into a corner. Alix lands with enough impact to be knocked over to the ground. This puts a smirk on Bohemoth's face. COACH See Alix is just gonna make Bohemoth even madder than he already is. She already humiliated him last week, and he's already gunning for her world title. Why piss him off even more? Bohemoth stomps on Alix's arm, causing her great discomfort. She comes to her feet to put an end to the moves, but is then faced with punches from the big man. Alix is seemingly dazed by the blows, leading The Beast to throw out a lariat. Alix ducks the attack, and her challenger falls into the corner. Alix puts her beautiful tush to work by blasting Bo in the jaw with a butt bump! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Bohemoth stumbles out the corner, dizzied from the hard strike that mangled his jaw. He watches with blurred eyes as Alix springboards off the top rope with another butt bump. Luckily for him, he's able to recover long enough to situate Alix on his shoulders. ALIX You have a chance to have a fine Latina booty grind against your face, and you chose to give me a piggy back ride. Krista's right, you are an a-sexual idiot! Alix punishes Bohemoth for his insolence by sliding backwards and hitting him with an inverted DDT! Alix then crawls atop Bohemoth for the cover... ONE! Not even a two count as Bohemoth makes the kickout! COLE Folks, we hope Alfdogg is okay after what happened with Badass Jack. Bohemoth rises to his feet and takes aim with a big boot. Alix sidesteps the blow, and returns to dropkick Bohemoth in his standing leg. This brings the big man down to her level, allowing her to take off to the ropes. But her return sees him flourish forward and connect with a high impact lariat! Bohemoth grabs her legs for the fall... ONE! TWO! No! Bohemoth dismounts Alix and puts himself off the ropes. Alix leapforgs his battering ram attempt, forcing him to continue to run the cables. When he bounces back, she connects with a leaping heel kick that knocks him back into the ropes. Bohemoth hasn't a moment to recover before Alix rushes forward and knees him in the face to send him tumbling over the ropes to the outside! COLE The Beast has fallen! ALIX Random city who's name I forgot, but will still love me because I'm hot and get half naked every week, are you ready for me to fly? “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Alix grants the crowd their wish by sailing over the rope and wiping out Bohemoth a beautiful plancha! “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX! COLE Alix is in control, and the world heavyweight championship hangs in the balance! We'll be back with more of our mainevent!COMMERCIAL We return to live action with Bohemoth driving Alix to the canvas with a hammerlock assisted bodyslam. Following that basic but deadly move is a series of stomps to her arm. Alix wails in agony as Bohemoth pins her to the canvas... ONE! TWO! Kickout! Alix is scraped off the canvas and thrown into the ropes. Her foe lowers his head, which merely provides her with the opportunity to sunset flip him. However, she encounters monumental difficulties in bringing him down. Eventually, he drops to his knees covering her with his mass... ONE! TWO! Alix manages to make a timely kickout! COLE Its all about being the face of this company for Bohemoth. But tonight its also about revenge for what actions Alix took against him last week. Alix is shot at the cables, bouncing back to be kicked in her arm. She falls to the canvas, grimacing from the pain that's been inflicted upon her. BOHEMOTH This is your champion? “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Bohemoth backs Alix into the corner, where he takes aim with punches to her sore arm. Lucky for Alix, referee Earl Hebner steps between her and The Beast after a five count. An annoyed Bohemoth pushes Hebner aside and darts back at Alix. But Alix counters by raising her furry snowboot! Bohemoth staggers away, giving Alix the time needed to climb to the top rope. ALIX SPARTANS! TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Alix flies at Bohemoth with a cross body block, but winds up being caught within his arms. A smile from the challenger precedes him dumping her onto her arm. As Alix clutches that wounded body part, Bohemoth puts himself off the cables. He speeds back to deliver a painful stomp directly to her arm. Alix rolls onto her back, and Bohemoth then makes the cover... ONE! TWO! Alix with the kickout! This brings out cheers from the audience, but they're soon silenced by the armlock of Bohemoth. COLE And Bohemoth wearing down the champion. COACH En route to his second world heavyweight title. Alix is in obvious agony and misery but refuses to submit despite what Bohemoth may yell at her. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Alix is finally able to fight to her feet, and begins hitting Bohemoth with swift punches. Those do little more than put a smile on Bo's face. As such Alix is forced to take desperate measures; SHE BITES THE BEAST'S NIPPLES! BOHEMOTH COACH Alix is able to escape to the ropes. Yet she comes back much too late, and a recovered Bohemoth is able to overtake her with a tilt a whirl back breaker! The cover... ONE! TWO! Its two and a half as Alix makes the pin escape! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Rubbing his sore nipples, Bohemoth continues to target Alix's arm with stomps. Alix is able to roll to her feet to put an end to the parade of blows, but this does her little good as Bohemoth simply boots her in the arm once again. Alix crumbles to the canvas, providing Bohemoth with the position needed to pin her.... ONE! TWO! Alix painfully brings her shoulder off the canvas! This does not please Bohemolth in the slightest and he verbalizes his anger to the veteran official. Figuring that he now has the referee on his side, Bohemolth retries the pinfall... ONE! TWO! The world champion makes another last second pin escape. Frustrated by this Bohemoth stomps at her arm several more times, before viciously contorting it into a submission. COACH Bohemoth is gonna break Alix's arm. Its just a matter of time. She better submit if she doesn't want to go on the injured list. The crowd continues to show their love and support towards Alix. This kindness helps bring her towards her feet, where she's able to stomp Bohemoth's boots to win her freedom. After taking a moment to shake off the pain in her arm, she charges at her challenger. But, The Beast grabs her by the throat! The Richmond fans panic, and rightly so as Bohemoth slams her to the mat with a chokeslam! COACH Alix is toast! We've got a new world champion! Bohemoth hopes Coach's comments are correct as he makes the cover... ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! ALIX MAKES THE KICKOUT! “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” COLE Alix is fighting with all her strength to retain her title! Bohemoth is enraged once again and takes his fury out on Alix with fiery kicks to her aching arm. After concluding those blows, he stashes her between her legs and calls out for a powerbomb. COACH Alix is in big trouble, Mikey! Bohemoth could powerbomb her through the ring! Bohemoth lifts Alix onto his shoulders, and readies to violently drive her to the mat. Yet, much to his amazement and annoyance she counters with an x-factor! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” With one good arm, Alix drags herself on top of Bohemoth... ONE! TWO! Kickout! Alix lets Bohemoth rise to his feet under his own power, and then assails him with kicks to the legs. She can only land several attacks before Bohemoth ends her offense with a clubbing forearm to the back. Bohemoth hammers her with several more blows, until he stops abruptly to BOUNCE HIS PECS! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Alix delights the sold out audience by striking Bo in the face with a spinning heel kick! COLE The challenger paid for his arrogance! Alix leaps at Bohemoth with another spinning heel kick, connecting perfectly. The Beast quickly comes to his feet, and tries to reassert himself with a lunging lariat. But Alix counters by ducking his strike and nailing him with a neckbreaker! ALIX If you check your watches you'll notice its that time. That time where black and Mexicans in south central stop fighting, the economy stops sinking, and Nickelback stops sucking, its.... “BOOTY TIME!” ALIX Alix moonsaults over onto Bohemoth to complete the less thrilling but still impressive portion of the move. Hebner gets into position to count the cover... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! Kickout! COLE And Bohemoth escaping before the three. He wants this world title. He wants all the glory and recognition that comes with it. Bohemoth comes off the canvas, but as he's loopy, he falls into the corner. This leads to him being struck in the face by Alix's perfectly shaped ass. Alix then turns her butt strike into a surprise diamond cutter! COLE From pleasure to pain! The cover... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! Bohemoth puts his foot on the ropes to end the count! As the audience jeers the failed pinfall, Bohemoth rolls towards the center of the ring. Alix runs the ropes, timing her return to Bohemoth's rise. But she's surprised by a punch to the gut from The Beast, who then executes a single arm DDT! COACH That's a move you don't see out of Bohemoth very often. Good job, champ. COLE He's not the champion yet, Coach. Bohemoth pulls Alix's limp body up within his arms. From there he swings her forward with a gutwrench powerbomb! Hebner scores the pinfall... ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! ALIX MAKES THE KICKOUT! Annoyance and frustration is written all across Bohemoth's weary face. Its with these two sharp emotions that he lazily brings Alix to her feet. The Hollywood Bad Girl stuns him with a throat thrust that gives her the opportunity to begin working him into the set up for the Confessions Of a Kristaholic. However, Bohemoth powers out her hold, riddling her defeated and shocked. For those reasons he's able to nail her with a lethal MURDERLINE~! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Bohemoth applies the pin cover, counting along with the referee... ONE! TWO! THREE! ALIX WITH THE KICKOUT! “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” The crowd's mood is dampened significantly when Detective Tango Bosley marches down the ring ramp. COACH The Alpha Male has arrived! COLE What does he want? COACH To make sure Alix doesn't leave with the world title! Bosley immediately begins yelling all manner of foul language at Earl Hebner. This naturally causes the attacked referee to try and defend himself from the onslaught of profanity. The distracted official motivates Bohemoth to use a dirty strategy. He departs the ring to head over to the time keeper's area. A chair is retrieved, sending the crowd into a heated furor. COLE Bohemoth's got the chair! Bohemoth's got the chair! Not for long he doesn't as BARON WINDELS rips it out his hand! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Bohemoth launches himself into a venomous fit over Baron's meddling. The response of the Texan is to slug Bohemoth in the face and deposit him into the ring. As the crowd cheers BW's actions, Alix school boys her furious challenger. At the loud demands of the audience, Hebner turns around to count the pin... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! NO! BOHEMOTH ESCAPES THE PINFALL! “THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE!” As the audience expresses their displeasure with the count, both champion and challenger step upright. Its Bohemoth who strikes first and deadly with a Cobra Clutch Backbreaker! COLE Style Injection! And a cover! ONE! COACH New champion! TWO! Alix brings the shoulder off the canvas, greatly pleasing the crowd but infuriating Bohemoth. The disgusted challenger stomps over to a corner, and begins removing the turnbuckle cover. COLE Bohemoth is a desperate man, folks. He's willing to take any shortcut back to that world title. This all leads to a nasty argument between Hebner and Bohemoth, that's only broken up when Alix dropkicks her foe in the back. Bohemoth falls face first into the exposed turnbuckle, giving the audience quite the reason to celebrate. Their joy is increased ten fold when Alix swiftly executes a sommersault neckbreaker! COLE Confessions Of a Kristaholic! Is this one over? Has Alix retained her world title? Alix would like to believe so as she attempts a pinfall on her much larger enemy... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! DING DING DING BUFFER Your winner as a result of a pinfall...ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! Alix claps her hands excitedly over her first successful title defense, as Hebner goes to retrieve her world title. COLE Alix Maria Spezia has evened the score with Bohemoth and retained the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! Alix parades about the ring with her gold, making sure to taunt a fuming Detective Bosley for his failures. COLE We'll see you next- Suddenly there's chaos as Odin storms down the entrance ramp! COACH Don't go anywhere! Odin enters the ring and is immediately pounced upon by Alix. The Hollywood Bad Girl has some success in whacking him with her world title, until Bosley jumps her from behind. BOSLEY GOTTA GET ME SOME! Bosley gets some alright, and that some is punches from Baron Windels! COLE And look at Baron Windels coming to Alix's aid! Baron's defense is short lived, however, due to a recovered Bohemoth clotheslining both Windels and himself over the top rope! COLE Oh and Bohemoth right on top of Baron! Odin grabs Alix by the throat and stares with a menacing glare into her eyes. COLE No! Somebody stop him! Odin delivers a hellish chokeslam onto Alix, robbing her of all life. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Odin stands tall and proud above his vanquished rival as we...FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts