OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 10/21/2011

[Chanel #99]

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-
BROADCAST IN OAOAST 3D

From the opening video we go straight to Sofa Central with Double C.

COLE
Folks, welcome to another exciting of the hottest action adventure series on television, OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Michael Cole sitting beside Jonathan Coachman on a night where we will find our which two teams will advance to our finals for the Women's Tag Title tournament live next week!

COACH
Holly and Lorelei are going and it don't matter who opposes them because Holly and Lori are gonna take home the newly minted gold.

COLE
We'll also see Jo-Jo Whoa in action against the returning Felix Strutter as well as see exclusive and wild footage from From the Maddix family's villa in Spain! But first we start things off with a huge match up!

ZACK'S 1ST SEGMENT

Backstage in the women’s locker room we see Molly and Melody discussing strategy for tonight’s mainevent. Their pow-wow is broken up by the Belle Cousins and their sister Melissa.

MELISSA
Howdy, girls, names Melissa Nerdly.

MOLLY


MELODY
We know who you are. You’re our sister!

SUGAR
Don’t back sass!

DECEMBER
Easy, Sugar, we came in peace. Remember?

SUGAR
I am easy, December!

DECEMBER
Then why are you shouting, darling?

SUGAR
ARGHHH!

MOLLY
Melissa, what is that you’ve come here for?

MELISSA
Glad ya asked, little sister! I was looking at the lineup card tonight, and I saw you two have a bit of throw down with Maya and The Pillsbury Doughgirl in the OAOAST Women’s Tag Tournament. I think that’s darn gone fantastic! I’m rooting for ya, big time! And I just want ya’ll to know, ya’ll scratch my back and I’ll scratch your’s. If you can beat Jade and Maya real nice and good, I’ll give you both a big present!

MELODY
A Klingon to Vulcan dictionary?

SUGAR
What the heck kinda present is that?!

MELISSA
I meant a free copy of my new album!

MOLLY
Would you not give us a free copy in the first place? We are your sisters after all.

MELISSA
Sorry, gals, but there ain’t no time for handouts when you’re heading to the top of the Billboard charts!

[Chanel #99]

M

O

N

E

Y

So sexy

Damn, I love the jam, the jet and the mansion. (Oh yeah)
And I enjoy the gifts and the trips to the islands.(Oh yeah)
Its good to live expensive
You know it, but my knees get weak intensive
When you give me k-kisses

Thats money honey,
Well I'm your lover and your mistress
Thats money honey
When you touch me, its so delicious
Thats money honey
Baby when you tell me the pieces
Thats money honey

"Money Honey" hits and breezing onto the screen comes Lorelei DeCenzo. Looking smug and rightly so, as she's backed up by the OAOAST's foul mouthed badass bitch Holly.

BUFFER
The following contest is a semi final match in the Women's Tag Team Title Tournament! Introducing team number one. From Las Vegas, Nevada, representing The Church Of Abdullah and the only rock n' wrestling band that matters The Heavenly Rockers, "THE ANGEL OF DEATH"... HHHHOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY!!! And her tag team partner, representing The Enterprise, "THE MONEY HONEY"... LLOOOORRRREELLLLLEEEEEIIIIIII DDEEEEECCEEEEEEEENNZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOO!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Holly stomps out in front of Lorelei, who chooses to take a slower, more grand walk, basking in the attention of the crowd.

COACH
Alright, here comes the dream team! Vicious and delicious! Stunning and scathing! One's rich, one's a bitch! I'm calling it, right now, Women's Tag Team Champions in the making!

COLE
The Enterprise and The Church of Abdullah renewing acquaintances as Holly and Lorelei DeCenzo choose to join up for this historic tournament. Both former Women's Champions as singles wrestlers, they hope to take a step towards becoming the OAOAST's first Women's Tag Team Champions, here tonight.

As Holly and Lorelei look on, full of confidence, "Easy Way Out" by The Pink Spiders hits. Megan Skye makes her way out, standing aside and clearing a path for the unique being that is Sunshine Yukino. Clearly excited, Sunshine performs a cartwheel and double high fives Megan, before hurrying to the ring.

BUFFER
And their opponents! Hailing from Providence, Rhode Island. She is the OAOAST's official foreign liason... MMMMEEEEEEEEGGAAAAAAANN... SSSSSKKYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!!! And her partner, coming to us from Kyoto, Japan... this is SSUUUUUUUNNSSSSSHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIINNEEEEE... YYYUUUUUUUUKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNOOOOOOO!!! Together, they are SSSUUUUUUUNNNNYYYYYY SSSKKYYYYYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
Sunny Skyes. Very clever.

COLE
I know you were being sarcastic but I agree!

Yukino slides into the ring and is quickly backing up, as Holly and Lorelei hound forward, trying to intimidate the newcomer. Not quite on their veteran status, Megan Skye quickly backs Yukino up and commands some respect anyway, Lorelei convincing Holly to calm down.

COLE
We don't know a lot about Sunshine Yukino, a very enigmatic young girl who comes to us from Japan. What we do know is that Megan Skye in her role as foreign liason here in the OAOAST has taken Yukino under her wing and under her guidance. And this opportunity has come up, to be a part of the Women's Tag Team Title tournament. But, I'm not sure how much Megan even knows about Yukino.

COACH
I know she dresses funny.

COLE
Well that's a start, I guess.


*DINGDINGDING*

Megan is able to communicate enough with her foreign friend to convince her to start on the apron.

COLE
It'll be interesting to see how this team works. Megan is used to dealing with OAOAST competitors of different nationalities, but Yukino is a very unique individual to try and communicate with.

Megan squares up to Lorelei, who arrogantly dares Megan on. Not a smart move, as Megan gives Lorelei what she's asking for and blasts her with a kick! Lorelei quickly changes her mind and tries to convince Megan that one kick was enough. But Megan delivers a second kick! And a third! And a fourth, knocking Lorelei off her feet! Yukino applauds Megan and gives her a big thumbs up to let her know she's happy with what she sees.

COLE
I doubt Lorelei will be asking for any more of those kicks.

As Lorelei picks herself up in a corner, Megan goes after her. But Lorelei fends her off with a boot and grabs a side headlock to try and assert some control. Megan bides her time, before throwing Lorelei into the ropes. Seeing another kick coming, Lorelei hangs onto the ropes, wanting no part of it. Sticking close to the ropes, she starts berating Megan, unaware that Yukino has crept quietly up behind her on the apron. Yukino politely taps Lorelei on the shoulder, then SCARES her when she turns around! And Lorelei is caught with a schoolgirl from Megan!


1...




2...




No!

COACH
What was that!?

Lorelei is wondering the same thing and still shaken up, she walks into a punch to the gut. Grabbing hold of Lorelei by the head, Megan guides her face first across an outstretched knee, dazing Lorelei for a pin...


1...




2...




No!

Rolling away, Lorelei retreats to her corner and tags Holly.

HOLLY
I don't want you, I want her!

Megan isn't sure this is a good idea and checks with Yukino, who is more than happy to get in. Eagerly jumping up and down with her hand out, Yukino is given the tag by Megan.

COLE
Alright, let's see what our friend from the East has against Holly.

Yukino shows no fear and squares up to Holly, despite the size difference.

HOLLY
Are you serious?

YUKINO
...

HOLLY
Do you realise who I am? Huh?

YUKINO
...

HOLLY
Too scared to speak. Pathetic! You ought to be scared, because I'm gonna (bleep)ing (bleep) you up, you little (bleep)!

YUKINO
...


Putting her face in her hands, Yukino starts to sob.

COLE
Aww. You made her cry!

Holly looks confused, not used to such a reaction even as cruel as she is. But it's all a ruse, as Yuki suddenly pops up and kicks the unsuspecting Holly in the leg! Holly grimaces, then scowls, as Yukino POKES HER TONGUE OUT at her!

YUKINO


"YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

An angry Holly takes a wild swing, but Yukino ducks and snaps off another kick to the leg! Holly screams obscenities and tries another punch. But Yukino ducks again and catches Holly with a dropkick to the knee! Holly goes down to one knee, as Yukino comes off the ropes with a low dropkick! Cover...


1...




2...



NO!

Holly throws little Sunshine off of her, looking thoroughly fed up. Stomping to her feet, Holly prepares to strike. Yukino beats her to the punch though and Holly looks shocked at just how hard she's hit by a forearm smash.

COACH
I don't know if this girl realises just who she's making mad here.

COLE
Well, it seems to be working pretty well for her at the moment.

Running off the ropes, Yukino ducks low to avoid a clothesline from Holly. Off the far side, she throws herself at the former Women's Champion with a flying headscissors, whipping Holly to the mat. Yukino appeals to the crowd, who seem to respond to the unique character. But just at that moment, Yuki lets out a scream, as Holly grabs two handfuls of her hair.

COLE
Uh oh.

COACH
Yeah, major uh oh.

Holly yells at Yukino, then throws her face first into the mat!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The fans deride Holly's rough treatment of Yukino. So, she takes a moment to kindly tell them all where they can go and what they can suck while they're there.

COLE
This is what Megan would have been worried about, her new friend finding herself at the mercy of two of the OAOAST's meanest females.

Holly tags Lorelei in and holds Yukino in place for a kick. Lorelei clubs her across the back, then executes a snap vertical suplex. Cover...


1...




2...




No!

Lorelei traps Yukino in a surfboard stretch, badmouthing her as she digs her knee deep into the spine.

COLE
One thing about Holly and Lorelei have in common, they enjoy inflicting pain to their opponents.

COACH
And they like the money they get for finishing them off. It's a perfect combination.

Yukino refuses to give in, despite the clear discomfort on her face. Tiring of the submission, Lorelei jams her knee into Yukino's back again from short range. Pulling her to her feet, Lorelei then gives Yuki a bodyslam. A tag is made to Holly and Lorelei lures Megan into the ring, tying up the referee while a double team is set up. Holly turns Yukino over into a boston crab and Lorelei drops down with a Moneymoon across Yukino's prone upper back!

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Poor Yukino is left writhing in pain, as a smirking Lorelei leaves the ring.

COLE
They nearly snapped poor Yukino in half!

COACH
Yeah. Looks like they enjoyed the experience a bit more than Yuki, too.

Holly cruelly stands on Yukino's back while berating her, as Megan looks on concerned and angry at the treatment Yukino is recieving. Holly picks her up and delivers a neckbreaker, then goes for a pin...


1...




2...




No!

COLE
Yukino showing some spirit. This is a big opportunity for her, her first high profile match in the OAOAST and the chance to get into that Women's Tag Team Title deciding final next week.

Holly tags back to Lorelei, who drops an elbow across Yukino's back to prevent her getting away. Feeling good about herself, Lorelei flaunts around the ring with little concern for the match and more for the cameras on her. Fluffing her hair, Lorelei slowly brings Yukino up off the mat. Lorelei then elevates Yukino up over her shoulder, trapping her in a Canadian Backbreaker.

COLE
Submission predicament here. And Yukino looks in a bad way.

COACH
All damage done to the back. This ain't Lorelei and Holly's first rodeo. They know what they're doing.

Hung upside down, Yukino struggles as Lorelei tries to force her to give up.

"YU - KI - NO!"
"YU - KI - NO!"
"YU - KI - NO!"

Megan leads the Salt Lake City fans in a chant to urge Sunshine to fight back. And it seems to work, as Yuki starts to try and find a way out. Picking apart Lorelei's fingers seems to loosen the grip and allows Yukino to slip out down the back! Lorelei quickly cuts Yukino off with a boot to the gut. But as she comes off the ropes, Yukino jumps up and latches onto Lorelei with a front guillotine choke!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Oh! And now it's Lorelei in danger of being submitted!

COACH
That's a choke! I don't know about the Orient, but that's not allowed here!

COLE
Neither is the term "The Orient".

Shocked by this sudden turnaround, Lorelei waves for help and Holly comes in with a shot to the back, breaking the hold.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Megan tries to complain, which draws the referee over and allows Holly and Lorelei to double up on Yukino. Sending the Japanese girl to the ropes with a double irish whip, they link arms to aim a double clothesline towards her return. Yukino ducks underneath though and catches Holly and Lorelei as they turn around with a double dropkick, one foot each!

COLE
Alright, Yukino!

Up first, Holly charges at Yukino... but the resourceful girl pulls the top rope down, sending Holly flying over the top!! Yukino then crawls through a lunging Lorelei's legs and MAKES THE TAG!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Yukino got the tag! And here comes Megan!

Megan comes in quick to strike, knocking Lorelei down with a clothesline. A second puts Lorelei right back down. And so does a third, Megan quickly putting The Money Honey on the defensive. Sent into the ropes, Lorelei is then hit with a Powerslam by Skye! Leg hooked...


1...




2...




NO!

Waiting on Lorelei, Megan targets the body with some well placed kicks. Lorelei falls back into the corner and is whipped across the ring. Megan follows after her, stepping off the middle rope with her left leg, to kick Lorelei in the side of the head with her right!

COLE
Step-up kick in the corner! Those educated feet being put to good use!

Lorelei staggers out of the corner, into a northern lights suplex!!


1...





2...





HOLLY HAS TO BREAK IT UP!

HOLLY
(bleep) YOU! NO (bleep)ING WAY! (bleep)

Mid tirade, Holly sees Yukino flying at her with a crossbody, which sends both crashing through the ropes to the outside!

COLE
Whoa!

In the ring, Megan tries an irish whip, but Lorelei is able to reverse. The Money Honey ducks her head, looking for a backdrop. But instead Megan puts on the brakes and delivers a big kick, snapping Lorelei upright! Lorelei is left clutching her shoulder and Megan quickly takes aim, looking for the CHICK KICK... DUCKED! Lorelei avoids the kick, kneeing Megan in the back. Spinning her around, Lorelei then delivers a Uranage Gutbuster to Skye!!

COACH
Yes, cover her Lolly!

COLE



1...





2...





NO!

COACH
Gah, so close!

COLE
...did you just call her "Lolly"?

COACH
I meant Lori. Slip of the tongue.

COLE
I sure hope so. I don't think "Holly and Lolly" is quite the image these two are going for.

Lorelei drags Megan up by the hair and sets her in place for a DDT, when Yukino re-enters the ring. She hits the ropes in front of Lorelei, causing DeCenzo to throw Megan aside, but not in time to avoid a running dropkick from her Japanese opponent!

"YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Wow! This girl is quick!

Appealing to the crowd silently but passionately, Yukino grabs a hold of Lorelei. She hooks both arms and tries to lift her up off the mat, but can't seem to do so as Lorelei blocks with all her might.

COLE
Look out!

Unbeknownest to Yukino, Holly slides back in and nails her from behind to save Lorelei.

COLE
I don't think Yukino had the strength to get Lorelei up, for whatever it was she was attempting.

COACH
Lemme make a note of that. Lots of passion, not so much brains.

Lorelei pats Holly on the back for a job well done, but then turns around and gets hit with a round kick to the stomach by Megan! Holly suffers the same fate and is knocked through the ropes. The referee struggles to gain some kind of control with all four in the ring. Yukino tries to jump in, but is blocked off and guided back to her corner. Meanwhile, Megan goes to the middle rope with Lorelei in tow and signals for the Tornado DDT.

COLE
This'll be the Skye Lyte, Lorelei is in trouble here!

Before Megan can leap off the ropes though, Holly jumps back onto the apron and grabs her, pulling Megan off and HANGING HER UP ACROSS THE TOP ROPE!!!!

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
Not as much trouble as you think.

Seeing what happened to her friend and helper, Yukino jumps off the apron and runs around the ring to try and avenge her. As she and Holly fight on the outside though, Lorelei hooks up Megan and hits the CASH FLOW!!! Lorelei makes the cover...


1...






2...






3!!!!!

*DINGDINGDING*

Yukino is held off by Holly and thrown to the ground, as the bell rings.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen your winners of the match, advancing to the finals of the Women's Tag Team Title tournament... HOLLY and LORELEI DDEEEECCEEEENNZZZZZOOOOOOOO!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Rolling in, Holly joins Lorelei in celebrating their win, leaving Yukino looking sad on the outside.

COACH
That was what you call veteran know-how, Michael Cole. Lorelei and Holly just gave the women of the OAOAST a lesson in what it takes to be champions, to be tag team champions. A class above the rest.

Lorelei gloats over her win, with Holly as sour in victory as she always is. Checking on her friend, Yukino tries to make sure that Megan is okay. Looking apologetic, Yukino is assured everything is okay by Megan, while Lorelei and Holly stand and lord around the ring.

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
OAOAST WOMEN'S TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT SEMI FINAL
C02 VS MOLLY AND MELODY NERDLY
TONIGHT!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

We return from break with our view focused on Sofa Central

COLE
Last week in Houston, it was the culmination of a saga, as Ned Blanchard and Leon Rodez went one on one in our Steel Cage main event. And after months of frustration, this is how Ned Blanchard finally gave The Fallen Idol of the OAOAST what he had coming to him.

As he gets back up, Ned's head is turned, spotting something near the cage. Something vaguely familiar. And pipe shaped.

COLE
I think it may be payback time!

COACH
Come on Ned, be the bigger man.

COLE
Oh, sure, be the bigger man. I don't think it's possible to be a lesser man than Leon Rodez, smash his brains out with it!

COACH
*gasp*

Ned grabs the pipe, to Morgan's horror. Worried, she starts rattling the cage, trying to get Leon's attention and warn him about what's waiting behind him. She manages to get his attention. Problem is, he doesn't care what she has to say and cruelly tells her to shut up. His reward is turning around and getting CLUBBED OVER THE HEAD WITH THE PIPE!!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

COLE
PAYBACK!

Rodez lays motionless, flat out in the middle of the ring. Looking down at him, Ned throws the pipe away and contemplates going for the door. But something draws Ned back. The roar of the crowd only serves to convince him and Ned wags his finger, saying he's not done yet.

COACH
I don't think there's any need for this!

COLE
This has been months in the making. Might as well get your money's worth.

Dragging Rodez off the mat, Blanchard sets him up and delivers a PILEDRIVER in the centre of the ring!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Rodez isn't moving, so Ned finally kneels down and leaves him with some kind of message to remember him by (although whether Leon is conscious enough to hear it isn't clear), before calmly stepping through the door and climbing out of the cage!


*DINGDINGDING*

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... NNEEEEEEEDD... BBLLLLAAAAANNCCHHHAAAAARRRRDD!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

COLE
What a symbolic way to win. After so many months of running by Rodez, tonight, it's Ned Blanchard who walks out of the match. And walks out with victory, retribution and revenge!

COLE
Right now, standing by is Josh Matthews with Ned.

We're taken backstage to the OAOAST's interview backdrop, where Ned and Josh are stood.

MATTHEWS
Ned, it's got to feel pretty good to finally get the monkey of Leon Rodez off of your back.

BLANCHARD
You know, there's an old saying that says "you can run, but you can't hide". Leon Rodez, he sure as hell knew how to run. And I know he likes to hide in the dark, cold parts of these arenas. But he couldn't hide from me. And he ain't gonna be able to hide from the shame of me handing him his sorry ass, no matter how deep he gets into the bowels of a building. Six months, that sorry son of a bitch has ran from the hiding he had coming. Last week, I made sure I took six months worth of bite out of his ass.

MATTHEWS
And with that victory, you can finally move on to better things, albeit without your tag team partner.

BLANCHARD
And I plan on doing just that. Simon's down for now. But that's okay. I know he'll be back because he's a tough sunnuva bitch. But Simon's gonna need some time to recover, so the Cobras are gonna have to take a backseat for a while. Until then, this Cobra's gotta go solo.

MATTHEWS
So, what next?

BLANCHARD
Whatever gets in my path. I don't plan on treading water. Last month, I was in the Elimination Chamber, with the World Title on the line. Hell, I just beat a former World Champion, one on one, gave him the ass kicking of a lifetime. So, maybe now's the time for me to step up. Reject, Moneymaker, Bohemoth, Malibu, Krista. I ain't scared of anyone, no matter how big their name is. Well, except Krista. I know how psycho that bitch can get better than anybody. But in a wrestling ring and not a maintence court, I fancy my chances a little better. Fact of the matter is, you better not right Ned Blanchard off, because the ass whoopins are just getting started for the big names around here. This ain't the end, it's just the beginning.

[Chanel #99]

In the parking garage, an enraged Odin stands with VICE. The God of War paces around the two men, his fists clenched in rage.

ODIN
There is no time for failure!

CPA
I understand that.

ODIN
Do you? Then why have you failed me? Why does Alix Maria Spezia still count among the abele bodied?

BOSLEY
Not for nothing, Big O, but that bitch is tougher than she looks. She even beat the Alpha Male! No one beats The Boz Master! But she did! It was so bad I was fucked up for weeks. Couldn’t hit on a bitch at the club, couldn’t do my reps in the gym, couldn’t school these fools into oblivion at the BJJ dojo. I felt like a fucking fool.

CPA
That’s what she does to people. You better beware. You already lost to her once. If you lose twice, your chance of running the OAOAST Galaxy is going good bye.

ODIN
I shall not meet defeat!

CPA
That’s what I told myself.

ODIN
You are a man! I am a God! I will never know true defeat!

Odin summons his mighty godly powers to set a car on fire! When that doesn’t satisfy him he sits two more on fire!

ODIN
Are those the actions of a being that can be bested in combat?

CPA and Bosley shake their heads in the negative to appease the fearsome god.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

"Whoa Is Me" by Down With Webster hits and the OAOAST's hot young sensation Jo-Jo Whoa rides out, behind the seat of his Porsche Carrera GT, to cheers from the crowd. The cameras pick out one young woman up her own JoJo Monkey, then a young child holding a sign with a drawing of the JoJo Monkey on it. Jo-Jo jumps out of his car and onto the hood, playing to the crowd.

BUFFER
The following contest is set for one fall. Inroducing first, from Montreal, Quebec, Canada... weighing one hundred and eighty seven pounds... he is "THE ONE MAN SHOW"... JO... JO... WWHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA!!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Jo-Jo makes his way to the ring, watching with annoyance by his opponent.

BUFFER
And, in the ring, from Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada. Weighing two hundred, eighteen pounds... "AFTER HOURS"... FFFEEELLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXX... SSSSSTTRRRRUUUUUUUTTEEEEERRRRRRR!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Sliding into the ring, Jo-Jo jumps onto the turnbuckles and pumps up the crowd.

COLE
How can you not be excited by this kid, Jo-Jo Whoa! What a tear he's been on since coming to the OAOAST. And what a connection he's made with the OAOAST Galaxy.

COACH
Newsflash. People love stupid crap.


*DINGDINGDING*

Jo-Jo tries to start things off with a handshake. But Felix doesn't look too fond of his fellow Canadian and swats the hand away.

JO-JO
Whatever man, I know these people in SALT LAKE CITY love me!

Leading the claps, Jo-Jo gets the fans on his side and prepares to lock up. Strutter quickly wins out with a side headlock. But Jo-Jo fights his way out and shoves Strutter off into the ropes. Up and over with a leapfrog, Jo-Jo then drops down, forcing Strutter to hurdle him. Strutter bounces back again and gets sidestepped, Jo-Jo giving him the runaround to set up an eventual hiptoss.

COLE
Boy, this kid is quick!

Jo-Jo quickly grabs Strutter and whips him to the ropes again. An elbow to the gut doubles Felix up. From a seated position, Jo-Jo then drops backwards, kicking Strutter in the side of the head! Strutter is dazed and gets hit with a standing dropkick, causing him to roll outside.

COLE
Jo-Jo has got something in mind, he might be about to fly here!

Trying to catch a breather, Strutter suddenly looks up and sees Jo-Jo flying through the air at him WITH A SOMERSAULT PLANCHA!!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Jo-Jo jumps up on the barricade and slaps some hands, making some more fans along the way.

COLE
Talk about a hot start! I don't think Strutter knows what hit him!

COACH
Well, my boy Felix has been out of the game for a bit, so maybe he's got a little ring rust. Don't worry, plenty of time to dust that off and get his Strut on.

Throwing Felix back inside, Jo-Jo heads to the top. A flying crossbody wipes Strutter out moments later...


1...




2...




NO!

Trying to slow things down, Jo-Jo wrings the arm. But being within arm's reach allows Strutter to pop Jo-Jo in the jaw with a forearm.

COACH
There we go. Teach this kid a lesson, Strut!

Strutter dishes out a kick, then sends Jo-Jo to the ropes. As Jo-Jo comes back Felix sets himself, preparing to launch his opponent up into the lights. Which he does, only for Jo-Jo to come back down from the lights with a hurricanrana to counter! Rolling to his feet, Strutter tries to shake it off, as Jo-Jo comes off the ropes. Jo-Jo ducks a wild clothesline, but Strutter composes himself and launches Jo-Jo up in the air again... and this time catching him coming down with a POWERBOMB!!

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
Naw naw naw, you ain't gonna get Felix with the same move twice in a row, kid!

COLE
That might have been a rookie mistake from Jo-Jo. Went to the well once too often and it cost him.

Strutter takes a moment, then makes a cover...


1...




2...




NO!

Dragging Jo-Jo up, Strutter dishes out some forearms. Strutter then delivers a snap suplex, followed with a snap legdrop on the run. He hooks the leg again...


1...




2...




NO!

COLE
Jo-Jo has beaten some impressive names in his short time in the OAOAST, but he's in there with a former Heartland and International Champion. This is a big test for him.

Strutter tries to send Jo-Jo into the corner, but the youngster elevates himself out of the corner, over the top to the apron. When Strutter rushes in, Jo-Jo then fends him off with a forearm shot. Jo-Jo signals to the crowd, then vaults to the top rope. Much to his surprise, Strutter meets him up there moments later though!

COLE
Dangerous territory here!

Strutter has Jo-Jo hooked up for a superplex, but Jo-Jo gets his feet hooked around the turnbuckle, preventing himself from being taken down. Annoyed, Strutter breaks his hold and tries to soften Jo-Jo up some more before trying again, but another block stifles that.

COLE
The fans in Salt Lake City trying to will Jo-Jo on, very concerned about their new favourite and what'll happen to him if he's taken off those turnbuckles!

COACH
If Felix hits this superplex we might see no mo of Jo-Jo.

Finally Jo-Jo starts to fight back. Punches fend Strutter off and with his balance faltering, he jumps down to the mat. Strutter then tries to rush Jo-Jo again. But Jo-Jo takes evasive action, grabbing the top rope and CARTWHEELING back to safe ground!

COACH
What the...

Landing on his feet Jo-Jo runs for the opposite corner. Strutter chases after him, but Jo-Jo kicks off the turnbuckles and surprises Felix with a moonsault kick out of the corner!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
...what the hell!?

COLE
That was the Whoa Whoa Wall Flip Kick!

COACH
...that doesn't explain anything!

Jo-Jo makes a cover...


1...




2...




NO!

For a moment, Jo-Jo looks like he'll question the count. But thinking better of it, he puts his time to more productive use and hits Strutter with a Running 360 Shooting Star Press!!!

COLE
WHOA!


1...




2...




KICKOUT!

COLE
Only two, but what an electric move that was!

COACH
This is some straight up Matrix shit. I think I need my monitor put on half speed or something.

As Strutter gets to his feet Jo-Jo hits the ropes, but he runs into a desperation boot from After Hours. Turning him around, Strutter tries a back suplex on Jo-Jo. The popular youngster backflips out though, landing on his feet. Jo-Jo then tries a spinning headscissors, only to get set on his feet and caught with a spinning back kick to the stomach!

COLE
Felix was wise to that one.

Grabbing the arm, Strutter attempts to send Jo-Jo off the ropes... but Jo-Jo surprises him by leaping to the middle rope and throwing himself back, with an ACE CRUSHER!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
But not that one! Where did that come from!?

COACH
I dunno, I'm still trying to figure out what these buttons do.

COLE
Nothing! And they haven't since the time you tried to tune into WNBA basketball during the show!

COACH
Don't judge me.

With Strutter dazed, Jo-Jo waits for him to get up, getting the crowd clapping to pass the time. As Strutter reaches his feet Jo-Jo then leaps up and snares him in a hurricanrana...


1...



NO, Strutter rolls through!



1...





2...





NO!

Both men roll through to their feet and Strutter tries to strike with a roundhouse kick, which is ducked, leaving him open to be schoolboyed!


1...





2...





NO!

Jo-Jo runs at Strutter, who passes him off into the ropes. Strutter tries a hiptoss, Jo-Jo turns it into a monkey flip, but Strutter lands on his feet! A boot then doubles up Jo-Jo, allowing Strutter to underhook the arms.

COLE
Thunder Bay Throttle!

Able to block it, Jo-Jo counters with a backdrop, which Strutter tries to turn into a sunset flip. Jo-Jo keeps his balance though and after breaking away Strutter's hands, leaps up and DRIVES both feet into his chest with a jumping double stomp!!

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

As Strutter clutches his chest, Jo-Jo reaches back for both legs and sits forward...


1...





2...





3!!!!

COLE
That's it!


*DINGDINGDING*

Jo-Jo quickly rolls out of the ring and shrugs off his surprise, as his hand is raised in victory.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner... JO JO WWWHHHHHOOOOOAAAAAAA!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Going over to the crowd, Jo-Jo shares the victory with them and hops to sit on the barricade surrounded by appreciative fans. A sight which doesn't sit well with Strutter, left looking annoyed in the ring.

COLE
Chalk up another big one for the Canadian sensation! Remember the name, Jo-Jo Whoa!

Jo-Jo slaps hands on his way to the back, pleased with his win.

COACH
Alright, I finally figured out how to fix my monitor. What did I miss?

COLE
The finish of the match.

COACH
Oh. That's bad, isn't it?

COLE
Pretty much, yes.

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST HeldDOWN Is Brought To You By
OAOAST Raw Dog-The hottest expose show on TV

COLE
Folks, Landon Maddix had quite the dinner party this past weekend at his family's villa in Spain. And guess what? We have all the footage!

SHOT SATURDAY


THE MADDIX FAMILY VILLA: MADRID, SPAIN

Inside the well cleaned and highly organized kitchen is Landon’s mother. She’s working over a grill when King Landon, clad in his royal robe, and The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club enter the room.

LANDON
Mother!

MRS.MADDIX
Landon, what did I tell you about bringing your all your friends into the kitchen when I’m cooking?

Landon becomes oddly offended at this rebuke.

LANDON
They aren’t my friends! They’re my knights!

MRS.MADDIX
Knights? Haven’t I told you to stop pretending that you’re a king? How am I supposed to tell your grandmother what you do? Your cousin is a stock trader, your other cousin is a deputy mayor, your other cousin designs websites, but you run around thinking you’re Prince Charles! I can’t tell her that! I’d rather say you’re a prostitute.

RICO AND LUCIUS


LANDON
No! I won a title that deemed my king, and as my mother I expect you of all people to respect my royal authority! Now, Krista and her family will be here any second. I’ve left you alone in the kitchen for too long! I demand to know what you are preparing for my royal feast.

MRS.MADDIX
Cheeseburgers.

LANDON
: Chee…chee…chee…cheeseburgers?! I get it, you’re making a joke.

MRS.MADDIX
No, I’m making a cheeseburger.

LANDON
I…I…don’t understand.

MRS.MADDIX
Watch a cooking show.

LANDON
No! You can’t make cheeseburgers! They can get cheeseburgers in America! There’s a McDonalds on every street! There isn’t a Spain on every street! They’ve come to Spain for the finest Spanish cuisine! You have to prepare that for them! You’re ruining everything! I need this to go off perfectly! This is my moment to make good with Krista! Together she can help me crush Moneymaker, and we can have a fair match for the OAOAST World Title! Don’t you want me to be champion? Don’t you care about my wishes? That’s it, you don’t care! You always wanted me to be a surgeon! So once I did something else you didn’t care! I ran my own company, damn it! I had people reporting to me! I was a president of a company! I am a King now! I have Knights and if I ask them nicely they will wear a suit of armor when we go shopping at the corner store! I have a Queen who yes she would have sex with me but I chose not to take advantage of her! I have royal food and only every once in a while is it poisoned! I have minstrels come and sing for me and sometimes I beat them for my amusement! You will respect me! You will adhere to my rule, mother! You will not-

LANDON’S MOM JUDO THROWS HIM!

LANDON
(running out the kitchen)
I HATE YOU!

RICO & LUCIUS


****

Landon waits patiently by the door. Actually that’s a complete lie. He paces nervously, sweat dripping down his forehead and onto his reddened cheeks. After a good twenty seconds passes the doorbell rings.

LANDON
They’re here! Goodie! I mean…my admiring guests have arrived. Excellent.

Landon takes a deep breath before opening the door to find Krista, Alix, Jade and Maya standing on his doorstep.

LANDON
Hello!

ALIX
Landon Maddix?!!! You told me we flew here for an orgy!

MAYA
You told me we flew here to spend the weekend with Brad and Angelina!

JADE
You told me we flew here for an orgy.

KRISTA
Then why did you come?

JADE
Because you also told me if I didn’t you’d ship me back to Michigan in a cardboard box without breathing holes cut in it.

KRISTA
So I lied to all of you. Big deal. I tell you all sorts of lies, many of which are designed to hide the bitter contempt and resentment I’ve grown to harbor towards all of you. We’re here at Landon’s house, we’re going to have dinner. There are worse people to have dinner with. I can’t think of any, they probably don’t exist, but let’s pretend they do anyway.

JADE
So what’s for dinner?

LANDON
Um…cheeseburgers.

KRISTA
I love cheeseburgers.

LANDON
It was my idea to have them!

ALIX
I can't get wait to get a nice juicy cheeseburger in my mouth!

KRISTA
Cheeseburger isn’t being used as code for penis.

ALIX
Oh. Well, nevermind.

LANDON
Please come this way. The dinner party awaits!

Landon leads the Duncan family into the spacious and neatly decorated dining room. Taking away from the lovely décor is the less than pleasant sight of the Cucaracha Kingdom.

ALIX
Yikes! And I don’t say yikes because I don’t like you, I say yikes because you’re all ugly. So don’t feel bad or anything.

MAYA
So, uh, like…hey, and stuff.

JADE
Good to see you guys some place different than the OAOAST.

KRISTA
Good to see you guys some place different than reruns of to Catch a Predator.

WRIGHT
Your cutting wit would be best served left on the welcome mat. This is to be a civil dining experience.

KRISTA
Christian Wright, I heard some guy in Ohio freed several of your species . You must be ecstatic. I hear its mating season as well for you all. I look forward to adopting some of your litter.

LANDON
This is going great!

****

Awkward is the best word to describe the feeling that permeates through the dining room.

ALIX
Sooooooooo….Landon’s mom, how do you and Landon know each other?

MRS.MADDIX


JADE
Christian, how is being United States Champion treating you?

WRIGHT
I am glad you have taken notice of my status as champion. It has conferred upon me great the respect of-

KRISTA
The guy who cleans up the horse shit after a city parade?

WRIGHT
No.

KRISTA
When I think of United States champion that’s the first image that comes to mind. Just a just scooping up big chunks of crap. I guess you’re cool with that, though. Good for you.

LANDON
Alix, I see that you’re pretty busy with Odin. What else have your busy fingers been up to lately?

ALIX
Oh, I dunno the usual things. Playing Fifa 12 with Melody online, tennis here and there, smuggling drugs into my dad’s prison, mailbombing Russell Brand, preparing food rations for the inevitable invasion from the superior army from planet Zolkon.

QUEEN ESTHER
Alix, Krista said that she’d enjoy seeing my carpet one day. Would you like to see my lush carpet as well?

ALIX
Absolutely!

QUEEN ESTHER
I’m interested to know what type of carpet you prefer, a thick carpet or a thin carpet. I believe mine lies somewhere in the middle.

ALIX
I like Krista’s carpet, nice and thin. What’s even better is that it always has this nice little kitty that just seems to be attached to it.

QUEEN ESTHER
A pussycat? How wonderful! Do you pet this pussycat?

KRISTA
Does she!

ALIX
Sometimes I pet with a single finger, that usually gets a little purring.

QUEEN ESTHER
Delightful!

ALIX
Then other times I pet it with two fingers and that really gets the purring going. Then if I’m asked really nicely I’ll use three fingers on it, and that’s when I hear full on moaning. Krista really loves when I play with her pussycat.

QUEEN ESTHER
Is it ever bad?

ALIX
Sometimes it can be very, very, naughty that’s when I have to go down on it. And, I mean I really go down on it. And I guess it gets nervous, because it starts to sweat and it gets very, very, very wet. But, I gotta go down on it.

QUEEN ESTHER
Sometimes that’s the only way. And, Jade, what of you? What do you think of your mother’s pussycat?

JADE
I...I…uh…

QUEEN ESTHER
Do you believe its naughty? Do you ever go down on it? Maybe you should try going down on it one day. I’m sure your mother would appreciate it.

JADE
Um….wow.

FAQU
BLLLAAARRRRGGHHHHHHH!

MAYA
Are you making a joke?

FAQU
BLLLAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!

MAYA
You are not serious!

FAQU
BLAAAARRGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

MAYA
(to Daisuke)
Are you hearing this? Are you hearing your partner?

DAISUKE


MAYA
Because what he’s telling me is that we should keeps troops in Iraq indefinitely.

FAQU
BLAAARGGHHHHHHHHHH!

MAYA
And now you’re saying we should increase troop presence?

SOPHIE
He seems to just be…making noise.

FAQU
BLAAAARGHHHHHHHHHH!

MAYA
No, he’s saying he doesn’t care what happens to the troops, we need a dominant presence in the middle east!

FAQU
BLLLLAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!

MAYA
George Bush wouldn’t have pulled the troops out? It was his plan to pull the troops, you moron! Am I the only one getting upset by this?

LANDON
I…uh…politics doesn’t always make for a great dinner topic. Krista, let’s get down to business.

ALIX
Maya, Jade, leave the room.

JADE
Why?

ALIX
Because we’re about to do a coke deal.

LUCIUS
You didn’t tell me was doing a coke deal. A brother already got NATO on his ass.

LANDON
We’re not doing a coke deal. Wait, why do you have NATO of all people on your ass? What are you a Rwandan dictator when you’re not around me? Whatever, we’re not doing a coke deal we’re doing business.

KRISTA
I’m listening. Not really, I’m actually thinking about ways in which to call my mother a degenerate subhuman filthbag without actually saying it outright, but you may talk anyway.

LANDON
Right. Well, as you know you and I will be competing together in a triple threat match with Theodore Moneymaker at Halloween Spectacular.

KRISTA
We are?

LANDON
Yes.

KRISTA
Honestly?

LANDON
Yes.

KRISTA
You’re kidding me.

RICO
You made the match, chica.

KRISTA
Unless the words are “I’m about to bludgeon myself with a tire iron would you like to watch and laugh” you don’t ever speak to me. And by the way the answer to that question is yes.

LANDON
Well, you did make the match. And it was a smart match! The problem with triple threats are its everyman for himself and things tend to break down into pure craziness. The person who wins is usually the person who survives, not fights the best. I think for you and I to approach the match like individuals is foolish. What I propose is that we team up!

KRISTA
Team up?

LANDON
You and I can work together to eliminate Moneymaker. And when I say eliminate I don’t just mean beat him down for a bit. I mean injure him. Severely. Career threateningly as a matter of fact. You hate Moneymaker maybe more than I do. You’ve got as much to gain from taking him out as me. Let’s work together and get rid of Theodore Moneymaker. And after he’s carted away on a stretcher then you and I can compete in a fair match and may the best person win.

KRISTA
You mean me.

LANDON
May the best person win.

KRISTA
Yeah, that’s probably me. Its probably me in a lot of things. Its probably me in soccer. Its probably me in wrestling. Its probably me in not dressing in the world’s sloppiest most poorly put together Halloween costume for 365 days of the year.

LANDON
But my plan is solid, yes? We’ll take out Moneymaker together!

KRISTA
Nah, I don’t think so.

LANDON
You don’t think so?!

KRISTA
Out of respect for your mother, who cooked this wonderful meal, I won’t go into detail on my plans for you, but suffice to say they include a power drill, lots of bloods, and a VHS copy of Can’t Hardly Wait starring Jennifer Love Hewitt.

LANDON
You won’t team up me?!

KRISTA
Short of carving the response to that into your scrawny ten year old boy like chest, I can’t possibly make that any clearer.

LANDON
NO! NO! NO! I took money out of my dad’s bank account to fly you and your family here! I had my mom cook you dinner! I had my Kingdom pretend to be nice to you! I was nice to you! I entertained you! I dressed up for you! I deserve something in return! I’ve earned something in return! You owe me!

MRS.MADDIX
Landon Maddix, you calm down right this instant!

LANDON
Fuck you, mother!

ALL


LANDON
Yeah, I said it! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! And fuck you for a fourth and final time!

LANDON’S MOM JUDO THROWS LANDON ONCE AGAIN!

KRISTA
I’ll see you back in the states, Landy. Mrs.Maddix, thanks so much for a fine dinner.

The Duncan family departs, while the Kingdom stares at Landon lying flat on the floor in utter shame.

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
OAOAST WOMEN'S TAG TITLE TOURNAMENT SEMI FINAL
C02 VS MOLLY AND MELODY NERDLY
TONIGHT!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

After the show comes back from the break, the view lies on Michal Buffer and a youngster standing inside the ring.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Currently in the ring, from Corpus Christi, Texas, the first graduate of the OAOAST Reactor training center… JOSE CANTU-SI!

Unknown to the OAOAST Galaxy, Jose doesn’t receive much of a reaction outside of friends and family ringside. At least we assume they’re friends and family since there aren’t too many jobbers with their own little fan club.  

COLE
As you heard Michael Buffer say, Jose is the first graduate from the OAOAST Reactor. His class started with 15 students, 9 of whom dropped out, 2 others injured during training, and the other 3 are currently competing in the OAOVW along with Jose.

COACH
Much like a young pitcher in the minor leagues, Jose is getting a “start spot” in the big leagues. Unfortunately it’s against one of the biggest and baddest the OAOAST has to offer.

“Big Pimpin‘” by Jay-Z hits and Big Papa Thrust is led out to the ring by the buxom Oohlala.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by the lovely Oohlala… BIG PAPPPAAAA THRUST!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

BPT climbs into the ring and flexes the largest arms in the galaxy from the middle rope.

COLE
There you see the man who on Halloween night live on TSM and The Pit in Canada will face Reject at the fifth annual Halloween Spectacular. Earlier today we happened to get a word with the Big Bad Glutei Daddy and here is what he had to say.

A small box swoops across the screen and settles in the upper left hand corner where BPT stands before a Halloween decorated backdrop.

BIG PAPA THRUST
Reject, you made the mistake of laying your hands on one of my freakazoids. My #1 freakazoid at that. Now I’m gonna put my hands on you at the Halloween Spectacular and make you tap like the little bitch that you are!

The box fades away as the bell sounds.

COLE
Strong words from the Big Bad Glutei Daddy.

COACH
Words aren’t going to beat Reject. Big Papa Thrust is gonna have to do it himself at the Halloween Spectacular.

* DINGDINGDING *

Both competitors lockup and BPT powers his man back into the corner. A knee to the gut follows and then a series of forearm shots. BPT fires Jose across for a corner clothesline and proceeds to look directly into the camera.

BIG PAPA THRUST
This is for you Reject.

* CHOP *

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

* CHOP *

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

* CHOP *

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Message received loud and clear. What knife-edge chops.

COACH
It seems Jose Cantu nothing against Big Papa Thrust. *laughs*

BPT looks to deliver a second corner clothesline, but this time Jose answers with a diving back elbow off the middle rope!

The cover.

ONE!

KICKOUT!

Jose hammers BPT and then shoots him in for a power slam!  

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

COLE
You’re seeing why Jose Cantu-Si made it out of the OAOAST Reactor when few others did. The kid’s got a ton of heart.

Jose’s rally is cut short when BPT blocks a suplex attempt and drops the OAOAST Reactor graduate stomach-first on the top rope!

COACH
Like I said, Cole, it’s like a minor league pitcher making a spot start in the major leagues. More often than not the kid is gonna get rocked, especially against a powerhouse team. It makes for one helluva learning experience though.  

BPT yanks Jose back in and gives him a double underhook power bomb before applying THE LAY-Z-BOY camel clutch!

Jose taps.

* DINGDINGDING *

BUFFER
Here is your winner… BIG PAPPPAAAA THRUST!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

The music cues and BPT’s hand is raised in victory.

COLE
Big Papa Thrust is ready for the Halloween Spectacular. I sure hope Reject is.

[Chanel #99]

Backstage, still fresh off his win, Jo-Jo Whoa makes his way into the catering area. Grabbing a soft drink he chugs it down in need of refreshment, which is noticed by The Christ Air Express and J-MAX who are stood nearby.

J-MAX
Oi!

Jo-Jo looks up expecting trouble, but seems relieved to see the laid back perrenial good guys.

JO-JO
Hey guys! How's it hangin'?

J-MAX
Good match out there, kid.

JO-JO
Thanks! That means a lot.

J-MAX
Oh yeh? Coz, I heard you were trashing me the other day. Something about my mask bein' "weak shit"?

JO-JO
(looking embarrassed)
Oh, that? Ha ha... yeah, listen, I wasn't serious about that, dude. I was just trying to move my merch. I got a garage full of stuffed monkeys that aren't gonna sell themselves, you know. I didn't mean anything by it man. No offence meant.

J-MAX looks at MARV and MEL, who shrugs.

J-MAX
Fair enough, mate.

JO-JO
Cool. Listen, we'll go out, hit the clubs and I'll buy you guys a drink to make it up to you. What do you say?

MARV
Uhhh... you're okay bro.

MEL
Yeah, we're good.

JO-JO
Okay. Well, if you change your mind...

Jo-Jo decides he should take his soda elsewhere, but as he goes to walk off, J-MAX calls him back.

J-MAX
Hey. Just so you know... I got respect for your style, bruv. But, if you ever wanna find out who the real high flier round here is, I'll be more than 'appy to show you. Get me?

JO-JO
Yeah. Yeah, I think I do.

J-MAX
Good.

Sensing even more tension, Jo-Jo leaves and The CAE pat J-MAX on the back, backing up their bro.

[Chanel #99]

COLE
Before we go back to the ring for more great action, our broadcast colleague Tony Brannigan is standing by with a group of men who will be very active Halloween night at the fifth annual OAOAST Halloween Spectacular.

Backstage we go where Tony Brannigan is with the entire CHURCH OF ABDULLAH, minus Reject.

BRANNIGAN
All right, guys. Thanks very much. As you said Michael, the Church of Abdullah will be a busy bunch Halloween night live on TSM and The Pit in Canada because listen to this: In addition to the previously announced Reject/Big Papa Thrust and Abdullah Nerdly/Deuce Deuce Bigelow matches, OAOAST officials have signed a 6-man tag pitting TK and the Heavenly Rockers against Mariachi and the All-American Boys due to the events that transpired one week ago on this very program.

LOGAN
I’m shakin’ in my boots as we speak.

BRANNIGAN
Either you have oily skin or you’re dripping sarcasm.

LOGAN
Ooh, got a little bit of an attitude. That’s what l like about you, Tony Brannigan -- you speak your mind. Consequences be damned! But not every OAOAST superstar has the testicle fortitude you do. As a matter of fact, I don’t know if one of our opponents at the Halloween Spectacular even has testicles. Of course the man I speak of is America’s favorite illegal, that flaming luchador Mariachi, who last week got lucky. No, not with a girl, but when he got the 1-2-3 on TK.

THUNDERKID
It was a fluke!

LOGAN
A fluke times infinity sayeth the Macho MACHO Mann!

THUNDERKID
Go back and watch the video. I had that sausage burrito eater beat not once but twice! But I made a mistake. One that won’t happen again. So enjoy your 15 minutes of fame, Mariachi, because the clock stops Halloween night.

SYNTH
No treat for you! *laughs*

BRANNIGAN
Your men are a confident bunch, Abdullah Nerdly. Although I gotta ask, where’s Reject? His absence wouldn’t have anything to do with Big Papa Thrust being loose in the building?

ABDULLAH
Pfft! Like your humble servant of God, Brother Reject fears no man. He just felt it was in the OAOAST’s best interest for him to stay at home in order to protect one of its marquee match-ups at the Halloween Spectacular. We all know what a hot head that Big Papa Thrust is. The last thing we want is some major confrontation prior to the big bout between the two in which Big Papa Thrust got injured. Reject wants that bully at 100% so there will be no excuses when he goes down in defeat.

BRANNIGAN
Well, that’s very thoughtful of Reject.

ABDULLAH
Very.

BRANNIGAN
Then I guess you aren’t too concerned about a potential confrontation with Deuce Deuce Bigelow, because he’s also in the building this evening.

ABDULLAH


BRANNIGAN
As a matter of fact, he’s standing by right now with these comments.

We cut to the Beast from Sin City back in the locker room area.

DEUCE
That’s right, you pencil neck geek, I’m here. By the looks of it you’re surprised to see me, too. Don’t worry though. We aren’t going to get physical tonight. I’m saving that for the Halloween Spectacular in my hometown of Las Vegas. In the meantime, I wanna give you a sneak peek of what’s in store for you.

Deuce reaches off camera to grab a PUMPKIN with the FACE OF ABDULLAH CARVED ON IT and SMASHES IT WITH HIS BARE HANDS!

ABDULLAH


Abdullah faints into the arms of the Heavenly Rockers as Deuce stares menacing into the camera.

COLE
It’s going to be a frightening night for Abdullah Nerdly at the Halloween Spectacular. But, right now its time for our mainevent of the evening!

[Chanel #99]

Ninja, Ninja, RAP! Ninja, Ninja, RAP!
GO GO GO
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO; Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
Go Ninja, Go Ninja. GO; Go Ninja, Go ninja, GO!
GO GO GO GO

While Ninja Rap aka the greatest song ever blasts into the arena, a matrix like code rolls down the Angletron and the other video screens. Eventually it forms the word PLAYER ONE. Emerging from the backstage area is the woman herself, Melody Nerdly. At her side stands her younger yet more mature sister, Molly. Melody dances exactly like Vanilla Ice did in the Ninja Rap video while Molly tries to hide her embarrassment in response.

BUFFER
The following tag team contest is a semi-final match in the Women’s Tag Team Title Tournament! Introducing team number one. From Edmonton, Alberta, they are MOLLY AND MELODY NEEEERRRRRRRRDDDDDDDLLLLLYYYYYYYY!

Melody continues to dance like a throwback to the early 90’s as Molly continues to shield herself from the humliation of her sister’s horrible, horrible, dancing.

COLE
A huge semi-final here tonight pitting Melody and Molly against their good friends the Duncan kids. The winners move on to face Holly and Lorelei DeCenzo next week on HeldDOWN~!

COACH
Lambs to the slaughter, Mikey Cole, lambs to the slaughter. Ain’t nobody standing a chance against Holly and Lorelei. Holly’s meaner than the devil, and Lorelei has got more power in her index finger than most women have in their entire body.

"Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy)
And you don’t care what they say
See, every time you turn around
They screamin' your name

Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy)
And you don’t care what they say
See, every time you turn around
They screamin' your name"


You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

With “Teenage Dream” ripping through the speakers the Duncan kids bounce out to a tremendous ovation from the sold out audience. Heading to both sides of the stage, the girls fire up the audience, before meeting in the middle for an elaborate handshake and a fancy hip bump.

BUFFER
Introducing their opponents! From Los Angeles, California…”The ANGELIC HELLRAISER” MAYA DUNCAAAAANNNNNN-BBBBBLLLLLAAAANNNCHHHHHAAAARRRRRRRDDDDDD…and the OAOAST WOMEN’S CHAMPION, “LITTLE MISS CALIFORNIA” JJJJJAAAADDDE RRRRRROOOOODDDDEEEZZZ – DUUUUUNNNCAAAAAAAAN, CEEEEE-OHHHHH-TWOOOOOOOOO!

The Duncan girls high five their way down the ring, totally ignoring their mother’s warning against showing any sort of kindness to regular people.

COLE
Here’s my favorite, and probably a lot of people’s favorite, to pull off the big victory and be crowned the first ever OAOAST Women’s Tag Team Champions. They’ve got it all. Skill, speed, flash, charisma, and those great Duncan genes.

Upon entering the ring, Jade smiles and waves to the crowd. That is until Maya leaps in front of her to hit a pose. That reduces a cheery Jade into a grumbling grump.

COLE
I bet Maya and Jade enjoyed their trip to Spain, even if they had to spend part of it with The Cucaracha Kingdom.

COACH
And what’s wrong with that?

DING DING DING

Handshakes abound between the four friends before the physical activity gets underway. Molly’s ready to start for her squad, but Jade and Maya can’t quite decide which of them should begin the contest.

MAYA
You should probably start.

JADE
Why thank you. That’s very generous of you.

MAYA
The sidekick always starts, that builds up anticipation for the main hero. In this case me.

JADE
Who says I’m the sidekick!

MAYA
Everything about you screams sidekick. You’re klutzy, you’re shorter than me, you bumble through your words, you snort when you laugh, you foam at the mouth when you see a cute boy.

JADE
I do not!

MAYA
Look its Justin Timberlake!

JADE
**foams**

MAYA


Jade grumbles at being tricked, but decides to leave things alone and start the contest. She and Molly engage in a lockup that sees the stronger Jade muscle the film buff into the corner. Jade promptly gives a quick break at referee Earl Hebner’s request.

MAYA
What are you doing? Punch her!

JADE
She’s our friend.

MAYA
Mom says friend is just another term for someone who hasn’t stolen your sex tape and sold it to TMZ.

JADE
I don’t have a sex tape.

MAYA
You almost did! If I hadn’t saved the world from it!

JADE
Well, I thank you…and what do you mean “saved the world from it?!”

Once again Jade has to brush aside her sister’s well intentioned but ultimately insulting comments. She whips Molly into the ropes, but lowers her head which allows the Canadian to kick her in the chest.

MAYA
See if you had funbags like mine or Melody’s, that wouldn’t have been a problem. But old folks are playing shuffle board on your chest.

JADE
Are you going to comment on every single thing I do?

Once again, well you know the drill by now. Jade and Molly exchange forearms with Jade getting the upperhand. She hooks Molly into an arm wringer in an attempt to wear her good friend down. The hold lasts for but a few moments before Molly elbows her way free. She then latches onto Jade’s arm and sends her into a neutral corner. A Box Office Bust is attempt, but Jade slides out the way and Molly crashes into the turnbuckles. She stumbles away, allowing Jade to roll her up for a pinfall…

ONE!



Molly rolls out the pinfall.

COLE
Coach, who do you have winning this match?

COACH
Well, Molly and Melody’s mother isn’t going to murder me in my sleep if I bet against them so naturally I’m taking Jade and Maya. Plus their Duncans, and Duncans do two things very well, A.Take off their clothes, and B.win matches.

Molly heads to her feet to duck a lariat from Jade. The women’s champion falls into the ropes, whom spew her back into an arm drag from Molly. Jade scampers to her feet and is hit with another arm drag. This time she wisely rolls away from her foe, before heading upright. Molly chases after her and eats a knee to the midsection. Double over, Molly is unable to stop Jade from tagging Maya into the match.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

MAYA
Nah, that wasn’t good enough.

CROWD


MAYA
If you want me in the match you’d better cheer a little louder than that.

”YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

MAYA
That’ll do. For now.

Maya and Jade grab Molly’s arm and shoot her into the cables. When she returns they leap into the air and nail her with double butt bumps!

COLE
Maya and Jade putting those fine Duncan posteriors to work!

Maya spanks herself on the butt, always a pleasing sight, while Jade tries to leave the ring without her cheerleading skirt riding up. When Maya’s done showing off her the next generation of Duncan booty, she grabs Molly by the hair and pulls her into a front facelock. Molly manages to shove her into the ropes, however, and nails her with a dropkick on the rebound.

COLE
Molly and Melody are no slouches either.

COACH
Oh agree, Melody’s got a great rack and Molly’s got the cutsey art thing going on.

COLE
I meant their wrestling skills. They’re both very talented performers who might surprise a lot of people tonight.

Molly tags Melody and her big beautiful breasts into the contest for a solid pop from the audience. Melody runs the ropes, and drops a big splash onto Maya for a pinfall effort…

ONE!



Maya easily gets the shoulder up.

MELODY
In OAOAST 2012, that would’ve bought Jade into the ring to break up the fall. The AI logic is so screwed up in this game.

JADE
Uh, Melody, this is real life.

MELODY
Real what?

JADE
You know what, nevermind. Forget I said anything.

Melody scoops Molly onto her shoulders, preparing for a basic shoulder breaker. But she wastes too much time in playing to the crowd, and Maya is able to slip down her back hit her with a reverse x-factor!

JADE
That’s my move!

MAYA
That’s mom’s move.

JADE
She gave it to me!

MAYA
I taught it to her.

JADE
How? You were like eight when she started using it!

Maya ignores Jade’s logic in order to shoot Melody into the corner. Melody slams into the ring posts, but comes roaring out with a yakuza kick. Maya counters the attack by catching onto Melody’s point and giving her the Dikembe Mutombo finger wave. She slams Melody’s foot to the ground, sending the geek off balance. This lets Maya lift Melody onto her shoulders and execute a fireman’s carry into a one handed x-factor!

COLE
After School Special!

Maya hooks the legs for the cover…

ONE!



TWO!



Molly breaks up the pinfall, saving her team’s hopes for advancement.

COLE
You have to believe that would’ve been all had Molly not came into the match at just the right time.

Maya lets Melody get to her feet under her own power. With Melody fully standing, Maya comes off the ropes with a running knee strike. Melody inches out the way of the attack, but can do nothing to avoid the bridging German Suplex Maya catches her with. Hebner counts the resulting pinfall…

ONE!



TWO!


Molly again makes the timely rescue.

MAYA
What’s the deal, Molly? I thought we were friends?

MOLLY
We are friends! I just wish to win the match.

MAYA
Are you saying that winning a match is more important than our friendship? Are you saying that a title belt is worth more to you than my company? Are you saying personal glory means more than the comfort of a good friend? Are you saying that all the good times we had don’t equal to the fleeting feeling of being a champion?

MOLLY


MAYA
God bless Jewish Guilt.

Maya rolls Melody upright, stuffing her between her legs (not as hot as it sounds). She attempts a powerbomb, but faces staunch resistance from Melody. The Game Genie drops her foe with a double leg takedown, which leads into a jackknife pinfall…

ONE!




TWO!



Maya manages to escape the pinfall. After coming upright, she’s hit in the stomach with swift kick from Melody. Maya is stunned, allowing Melody to take a run of the ropes. Upon reaching Maya, she’s caught with a high round house that drops her to her knee. Now its Maya’s turn to run the ropes, gathering a full head of steam. She comes back, ready to pound Melody with a running knee. But, Melody counters with a flap jack that dumps Maya onto the third rope. Maya hangs on the cables, clearly winded by the lethal attack.

MELODY
Look at the way she’s positioned on the ropes. The physics in this year’s game are incredible. Last year she would’ve gone directly through the ropes. This is probably the best game ever.

Melody grabs Maya and then pulls her away from the ropes. A loud “Whoop!” preceeds a tomahawk chop to Maya’s head. The Los Angeles native drops to a knee.

MELODY
Pledge your allegiance to Shadaloo and I will let you live!

Maya is too dazed to offer up her services to a fictional video game organization.

MELODY
Then you will die!

Melody runs the ropes, returning to Maya to leap off her knee and double stomp the back of her head.

COLE
Melody with the Shining M.Bison!

The cover…

ONE!



TWO!


Maya kicks out the pinfall, still wondering what exactly a shadaloo is. She’s brought to her feet, where she finds herself jammed inside a front facelock. Melody seeks out a DDT, but receives nothing but a Northern Lights Suplex from Maya! Hebner counts the resulting pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!


Melody escapes the pincover.

COLE
We’re having great back and forth action here on HeldDOWN. All four of these lovely ladies laying it all on the line to go to the finals of this Women’s Tag Team Title tournament.

After pulling Melody up, Maya sends her into the ropes. A blind tag is made by Molly. Maya ducks a lariat, but eats a boot to the face from the film buff. Maya hobbles on her feet before Molly takes aim and kicks her in the face once again.

MAYA
If you kick me in the face one more time, I’ll tell my Dad to fire you.

Not wanting to lose gainful employment, Molly decides to take aim for Maya’s legs. After staggering Maya, the art chick executes a basic body slam. This leads to her coming off the ropes and dropping an elbow onto Maya’s neck. A pinfall is then attempted…

ONE!


TWO!



Jade breaks up the pinfall!

MAYA
What? You think I can’t kickout of an elbow drop?

JADE
Can’t you just be thankful I helped you?

MAYA
Well, I suppose…nah, don’t crap my spotlight again.

Maya hops up, and is put on the defensive with a forearm to the side of the head. Thinking that she has Maya stunned, Molly retreats to the ropes. She darts back with a lowered shoulder, but Maya counters with a shoulder of her own. Rather strong, Maya is able to upend Molly. Pleased with herself, Maya flexes her impressive muscles.

COLE
I think we found the Big Papa Thrust of the Women’s division!

Maya backs into her corner and sighs before tagging in Jade.

JADE
Why did you sigh?

MAYA
Your thighs rub together when you walk and it makes a weird creeking noise.

JADE
You know you could tell me these things at a time when millions of people aren’t watching.

MAYA
Yeah, but then that wouldn’t be embarrassing for you, would it?

Now its Jade’s turn to sigh as Maya innocently exits the ring. Turning around she’s caught with a forearm to the face. Her arm is grabbed onto and she’s pulled in close for a series of short arm shoulder tackles. Jade is out on her feet, which allows Molly to execute a swinging neckbreaker. Molly then goes to the Cutting Room Floor with a figure four jackknife pin…

ONE!



TWO!


Jade finds her way out the pinfall.

COLE
The two teams are competing for the right to face Holly and Lorelei DeCenzo next week on HeldDOWN in the finals of this tournament.

COACH
Don’t even bother holding the match, Holly and Lorelei are gonna win straight out and be the champions for years to come.

Jade brings herself off the canvas, still dizzied by the neckbreaker. Because of this she’s easily dragged into a front facelock. The technical wiz suplexes the cheerleader to the ground, and swiftly floats over for a cover…


ONE!



TWO!



Jade pushes Molly off her. She isn’t able to get to her feet though as Molly hooks onto her legs. The Canadian looks to turn her over into a Boston Crab, but she fights furiously to prevent the submission from taking place. Molly is forced to abandoned hope for a Boston Crab and instead settles on slingshoting Jade towards the corner. Krista’s eldest girl performs a course correction and lands on the second turnbuckle.

JADE
(to Maya)
How’s that?

Molly hits Jade with a quick Electric Chair drop!

MAYA
Brilliant.

The pincover is made…

ONE!



TWO!



Jade brings the shoulder up!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Molly drags the Women’s Champion into her corner so that she may apply the tag with Melody. The older of the Nerdly brood jumps over the top rope and prepares to go to work on her best friend. She scrapes her off the canvas, tagging her with a pair of right jabs. Melody gathers her “Mana” and unleashes a powerful standing big boot on Jade. The champion goes down in a heap, clutching her sore face. There’s little time to lick her wounds, as Melody snaps on a reverse chinlock.

COACH
Yo, check it, none of these four girls is as mean and power hungry as Holly and Lorelei are. Those two will do anything to win a match. These four are just too nice to get one over on Holly and Lorelei.

Because Maya isn’t actually paying attention, Jade is forced to rally the crowd herself.

“JADE! JADE! JADE!”

The Women’s Champion draws upon the strength of the sold out Salt Lake crowd’s chants and fights to her feet. A trio of elbows win her her freedom. Putting it to good use she throws out a punch that dazes Melody. Jade throws out a left, before pushing her luck with a spinning clothesline. It’s a push that goes too far as Melody counters with a shout of “SHORYUKEN” and a jumping palm strike! While Jade writhes on the mat in agony, Melody strolls to the corner. She jumps onto the second rope and proceeds to raise an imaginary “Triforce”

MELODY
I have the power of the Triforce!

That power launches her off the second rope, and sees her drive a knee into Jade’s chest. Now paying some attention, Maya looks on worried as her sister is pinned to the canvas…

ONE!


TWO!



Kickout!

“LET’S GO JADE! LET’S GO JADE! LET’S GO JADE!”

Little Miss California staggers upright, putting herself directly in the line of fire for a running elbow. The blow dumps Jade into a neutral corner where Melody channels the spirit of E.Honda with a 100 Hand Slaps.

COACH
Let’s talk about Holly and Lorelei some more. They’re both former Women’s Champions. And, check it, they have the backing of two powerful stables. The Church of Abdullah and The Enterprise. You think if they’re in trouble, Quiz won’t come running down here to distract to the referee? You foolin yourself, son.

Jade stumbles out the corner, allowing her foe to take on a Johnny Cage persona and nail her with a sliding kick to the back.

MELODY
MOOOOOORTAAALLLLL KOOOOOOOOMMMBBBAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT!


Melody hooks onto Jade’s legs for the cover…

ONE!



TWO!


Jade again brings the shoulder off the canvas.

COLE
Jade is showing a lot of fight in her quest to become the first ever double champion in Women’s Division history.

Melody waits for Jade to rise from the canvas. When she gets back upright, Melody rocks her with a left cross. A pair of kicks to the knees hobble her, and leaver her wincing in agony. Her pain is further increased when Melody wraps her arm around her head and executes a bulldog!

COLE
We also have to give credit to Molly and Melody. I think a lot of people thought they were underdogs in this contest, and they’ve came up with a very impressive showing here in Salt Lake City.

Melody hurls Jade into a neutral corner. The ample chested babe then surges forward with a body splash. But, Jade dives out the way! Luckily for Melody, her big breasts come in handy, to prevent a too bad a crash. Sadly they do nothing to stop Jade from executing a cobra clutch into a backbreaker!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COLE
Extreme Hollywood Makeover!

Both Jade and Melody know that they must reach their respective corners. Each girl performs the long and miserable crawl to get to their destinations. Meloy reaches Molly first, slapping her hand to bring her into the ring. Molly rushes over to Jade, and brings her off the canvas to end her quest for the tag. Yet, all is not lost for Miss California. She stuns Molly with an E!ZiguirI! Molly is staggered by the blow and can’t stop Maya from getting the tag!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Maya entrance into the squared circle is met with a running lariat by Molly. The Teen Dream ducks the attack, and bounces off the ring ropes to floor Molly with a lariat of her own. Melody charges in and is flipped overhead by a back body drop!

COLE
Maya is rolling here!

The 2010 Queen of The Ring rushes at Molly when she rises to attempt a her leapfrog face crusher finisher. Molly is somehow able to shrug her off and Maya is forced to land on her feet. This isn’t a problem for her as she merely flings herself over with a Pele Kick!

COLE
There’s that expert soccer player skill of Maya!

Maya hooks onto Molly’s legs for the cover…

ONE!



TWO!


Melody breaks the pinfall up with a boot to Maya’s head. She drags Maya off her younger sister and then traps her inside a front facelock. Melody attempts a simple DDT on her foe, but Maya is able to strongly power out the hold. Wasting little time in recovering, Maya lifts Melody onto her shoulders. Melody attempts to struggle free but is brought down to the canvas with a Wasteland.

COLE
Melody got a taste of Child Star Syndrome!

No cover can be made, because Molly hurls Maya over the top rope.

COACH
Molly just saved things for her team because that Child Star Syndrome would’ve been it.

Molly begins to exit the ring to further attack Maya, but is caught with a running knee to the chest by Jade! Little Miss California throws hard and heavy right hands that back Molly to the center of the ring. Next, Jade hooks onto Molly’s wrist in order to chuck her into the corner. The champion charges in at full steam to nail Molly with double knees! Molly is sent for a loop by the devastating blow, and hazily stumbles out the corner. Despite her wounded state she manages to offer a lariat at Jade. The Women’s Champion ducks the attack, then comes behind Molly to lock her hands beneath her chin.

COLE
She’s gonna get it from her mama!

Jade nails the reverse x-factor to a mammoth pop from the audience. Hebner drops into position to count the fall…

CROWD
ONE!


CROWD
TWO!


SUGAR BELLE is on the ring apron and gathers the attention of the referee.

COLE
There’s Sugar Belle, one of Melissa’s backup singers!

With Hebner momentarily preoccupied with Sugar, MELISSA NERDLY is able to slide into the ring. While her intent may be to attack Jade, that plan is put on hold when her big sister Melody spears her to the ground!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Melody mounts Melissa and hammers with a round of punches as the crowd root her on. While this is occurring, Jade is in a three way argument with Sugar, and Hebner.

COACH
Somebody’s gotta help Melissa!

COLE
Help her? Somebody has got to get her out of there!

DECEMBER BELLE, rushes down to ringside. The blond haired Belle cousin reaches into the ring and pulls Melody off her lead singer. The two ladies immediately get into a hellish brawl. This isn’t Melissa’s concern, however, as she’s now focused on Jade. She grabs Jade away from Hebner, and then hammers her with a right hand. A left hand is served up, followed by a good old fashioned hoe-down and then a hard right! Jade is seemingly out of it, leading Melissa to drag Molly atop her.

COLE
No! It can’t end this way!

Now that Melissa has assured Jade’s defeat, Sugar releases Hebner so that he may count the pinfall…

ONE!




TWO!



Maya returns to the ring and breaks up the pinfall in the only way a Duncan knows how…



“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COACH
DAT ASS~!

JADE
Why? Why did you pull down your pants?

MAYA
I dunno. Seemed like the smart thing to do.

JADE
You could’ve just dropped an elbow or stomped her! But you had to go and pull down your shorts!

MAYA
Yeah, pretty genius, huh. Hebner is counting: ONE! TWO! BAM there’s that phat Duncan ass!

JADE
And your shorts are still down!

MAYA
I’m wearing underwear.

JADE
Dental floss would cover more of you than that thong!

Melody slides back in the ring to find Maya bottomless and Jade arguing. In RPG logic a lack of clothes equals a lack of armor, a lack of armor equals poor defense rating, poor defense rating equals easy to defeat as such Melody runs at Maya with a lariat! Maya isn’t prepared for the attack and quickly gets cut down. Melody swings around and boots Jade in the gut, doubling her over. She places her knee onto the back of Jade’s head, hoping to execute her reverse playmaker finisher. But, Jade muscles her way free of the hold. Acting quickly, she drops Jade her BFF with a not so graceful jump kick!

COACH
That looked like a pig hang gliding.

Jade pins Melody to the canvas…

ONE!



TWO!


Molly breaks up the pinfall by yanking Jade off Melody. Using her white boots, she manages to stomp Jade to the outside. There Jade encounters a problem as The Belle’s start to rough her up under Melissa’s instructions. Molly, on the other hand, yells at the Belle’s to leave Jade alone. When that doesn’t work, she’s forced to go outside and assist Jade in fighting off the cousins.

COLE
Way to go Molly!

While Molly deals with December and Sugar, Melody deals with Maya. Still having neglected to put shorts up, Maya exchanges blows with Melody. Maya wins the test of the power by decking Melody with an uppercut. She hunches over, providing the fans with quite the thrilling view, as she waits for Melody to rise. When Melody does rise, Maya executes an atomic drop!

COLE
Maya Butthurts!

The signature hold would be followed up if Melissa hadn’t once again interjected herself into the contest. With Hebner distracted by the war on the outside, Melissa executes The Stroke on Maya!

COACH
Number One with a Bullet!

Melissa happily drags Melody onto Maya, and once she leaves the ring yells at Hebner to count the fall…

ONE!


COLE
It can’t end this way!

TWO!



Jade to has a strategy for breaking up the pinfall…



"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

MAYA
Excuse the hell out of me! What was that?

JADE
That would be my butt.

MAYA
What do you think you’re doing?

JADE
Saving you!

MAYA
With your butt?

JADE
With my FANTASTIC butt.

MAYA
You’re stealing my spotlight! This is a one butt show!

JADE
That’s right, so let the bigger butt have the spotlight.

MAYA
Oh you’ve got a big butt alright.

JADE
What was that? It sounded like “My name is Maya and I have a teeny tiny little butt.”

MAYA
That’s it! Booty shaking contest!

JADE
You’re on!

COACH
Good heavens, I love it when there’s a Duncan squabble!

MAYA
First is the worst, second is the best, so you may go first.

JADE
Fine, I’ll give the fans exactly what they want.


“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COACH
Hell yeah!

JADE
What do you gotta say to that?

MAYA
I've also wondered what it be like to see a hippo do the cabbage patch, now I know. People, here's some real booty...


“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COACH
Double hell yeah!

Maya and Jade are rolled up by Molly and Melody!

ONE!



TWO!


The Duncan duo kicksout! Melody and Molly spring to their feet the same as Maya and Jade do. Both Duncan’s get the upperhand on the Nerdly girls with double roll ups.

ONE!



TWO!


Melody and Molly push Jade and Maya off them, sending them crashing into Melissa who had climbed onto the ring apron. Melissa flies backwards, falling on top of December and Sugar.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans cheer as Melissa and her backup singers lie anguished on the mats.

Melody surges at Jade with a lariat, while Molly comes at Maya with the same strike. The bootylicious duo duck the attacks, leaving the Nerdly kids disoriented. For that reason Jade is able to hit her reverse x-factor at the same moment Maya is able to hit her leapfrog face crusher!

COLE
iMaya and Got It From My Mama! This one is over…

The Duncan’s grab the legs of their friends for a pinfall…

CROWD
ONE!


CROWD
TWO!



CROWD
THREE!


DING DING DING!

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a pinfall….C-O-2!!!

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

COLE
And its going to be Maya and Jade, meeting up with Holly and Lorelei DeCenzo to decide the first ever Women's Tag Team Champions!

On the outside, Melissa and The Belle Cousins fume, unable to believe that Jade and Maya have advanced to the finals despite their incessant interference. In the ring, Jade celebrates by happily playing to the audience while Maya flexes her butt cheeks.

JADE
What are you doing?

MAYA
Buns of steel!

JADE
Buns of steel? Please. Mom has buns of steel, you've got buns of plywood.

MAYA
Plywood?! Feel these bad boys!

JADE
Gross! I'm not feeling your butt!

MAYA
That's because you know if you feel them, you'll feel a rock hard tush which would make your butt feel like cotton candy.

JADE
My butt is not cotton candy! Grab it!

MAYA
You grab mine first!

JADE
Fine, we'll grab each other's at the same time.

MAYA and JADE


COACH
*fapfapfapfap*

MAYA
Not bad. Not good. But not bad.

JADE
Its ok. Just ok.

Maya and Jade next help Molly and Melody to their feet. Together, the foursome raise their arms in a show of respect and solidarity that does not go unappreciated by the sold out audience.

FADE OUT