Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-BROADCAST IN OAOAST 3D We head straight to Sofa Central with Double C, wearing bright orange polo shirts. COLE Welcome to Baton Rouge, Louisiana for a big night of OAOAST action!TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT OAOAST WORLD TITLEKRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS KING LANDON MADDIXTONIGHT! COACH That's an awesome mainevent, Mikey Cole! COLE It sure is, and if Landon Maddix can somehow wrest the title away from Krista it would shift the balance of power in the OAOAST. We'll also see Big Papa Thrust meet up with the mighty Sloppy Joe, and Bohemoth and Zack Malibu will be in action! But we kicks things off with a tag team grudge match! “Like The Angels” plays to a solid reception from the Louisiana audience. The skating duo known as The Christ Air Express appear to give each other a leaping high five. Two orange and blue pyro rockets shoot out from both sides of the stage, before the brothers rush to the ring. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of twenty five minutes. Now making their way to the ring, from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, they are MARV and MEL….THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESSSSSSSSS! COLE A big match in a rivalry that stems from The Cucaracha Kingdom attempting to interfere in The Christ Air Express’ six man title match at Angleslam. The boys play to the sold out Baton Rouge audience. COLE While The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club make their entrance lets show you what our cameras caught inside The Cucaracha Kingdom lockeroom.King Landon Maddix sits atop his throne while his Kingdom sits attentively around him KING LANDON Rico, Lucius, you two have to deal with The Christ Air Express. Some people call what we have going on with them a feud. Those people are all stupid. I call it a distraction. Its distracting us from the real issues at hand. And those are my world title match against Krista Isadora Duncan, and this ongoing problem with Moneymaker and The Enterprise. We just don’t have time for these kind of interruptions to our ultimate goals. MARV and MEL are peasants. No, they’re stoners, so they’re criminals more than peasants. I will not have my Kingdom defiled by criminals. You two need to take care of them. Got it? Rico and Lucius nod When we return to live action we see that Sophie has positioned Faqu at ringside. COLE I can only guess that Faqu is out here to prevent any interference from The Enterprise. But, I wouldn’t be surprised if Sophie had him get involved in the match at any moment. DING DING DING Rico starts the contest by grabbing MEL into a side headlock. MEL tries to back suplex his way out the hold, but hasn’t the strength to do so. As such, Rico is easily able to overthrow him to the canvas. He wrenches and grinds on the neck of the skater, until MEL manages to push himself upright. Using all the strength in his thin body, he succeeds in shoving the larger grappler into the ropes. But as Rico returns MEL is taken to the ground by a shoulder block. RICO WHO WANTS A MUSTACHE RIDE? “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” With no one willing to take a ride, Rico is forced to return to the task of harming MEL. To do so he picks the Canadian off the canvas and launches him into the turnbuckles. He’s foolishly thrown him into the CAE corner, and so when he runs to attack MEL, he’s caught with a springboard dropkick by MARV! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Rico scrambles upright, and is hit by a parade of forearms from MARV. The Edmonton native, grabs onto his arm and shoots him into the cables. MARV rolls beneath a lariat attempt, and then comes off the second rope with a springboard clothesline that pushes Rico to the ground. COLE Not every match in the OAOAST is about a heated rivalry, sometimes its about good old fashioned competition. Not this match, though. This is a rivalry, no matter what King Landon may have had to say. Rico hobbles upright, and is unable to defend himself from the Jawjacker MARV nails him with. He’s left out on his feet, which allows MARV to run the ropes. But the second he hits the cables, Lucius Soul kicks him in the back of the head. MARV staggers away from the ropes. He carries himself into a punch to the gut by Rico. The swarthy Brazilian then drops him with a gutwrench suplex! The cover… ONE! TWO! Kickout! Rico retreats to the corner and tags Soul into the contest. The entry of the Louisiana native meets with a mixed reaction from his homestate audience. He tries to impress them with some showy break dancing moves. Yet, when he spins around MARV rocks him with a dropkick! Soul falls into the corner, and is soon hit by a running splash from MARV. He stumbles towards the center of the ring, while MARV takes a place on the second turnbuckle. MARV smokes an imaginary joint before flying off the top to hit Soul with a crossbody! Referee Clem Buzzlefoxer counts the pinfall… ONE! TWO! Rico pulls MARV off Soul. The referee turns to admonish Rico, which leads Sophie to order Faqu into the ring. The husky Samoan follows orders and attacks MARV with a running kick to the head. COLE That isn’t right! COACH Don’t be mad because Rico and Lucius have a friend. COLE Its one thing to have a friend its another thing to have a weapon. With Sophie pleased, Faqu exits the ring. Inside the squared circle, Soul hits MARV with a vertical suplex, and then floats over for the pincover… ONE! TWO! MARV makes the kickout! “SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE!” Soul shows off some flashy dance moves, before sending himself into the ropes. Bouncing back he’s rocked by a spinning elbow from MARV. The skater backs into the cables, coming back to put down Soul with a running DDT! COACH If you think about it, King Landon is right, the Chris Air Express is a distraction. Like King Landon said the focus should be on The Enterprise. Although, I think they should kiss and make up. COLE That would be pretty damn hot! COACH MARV retreats to his corner in order to tag MEL into the bout. Making full use of the five count Buzzlefoxer affords them, the twins daze Soul with a series of slaps. After those attacks conclude, they spring into the air and nail him with dropsaults! COLE Double Kickflip! As MARV exits the ring, MEL makes the cover… ONE! TWO! No! Not wasting time arguing with the official, MEL sends Soul off to the ropes. The New Orleans native his held from running back by a helpful Sophie. MEL sighs, and then charges forwards to deal with Soul. At that point Soul is released, and he flourishes with a jumping sidekick on his foe! Sophie applauds, taking all the credit for the successful sequence. “DEPORT SOPHIE! DEPORT SOPHIE! DEPORT SOPHIE!” COLE Usually that chant is reserved for Rico. COACH You’d think these morons would have an appreciation for a fine French speaker like Sophie. They’re all wannabe Frenchmen, Sophie’s the real deal. MEL comes back to his feet, but is put on the defensive when Soul nails him with a humiliating backhanded slap! COACH Ho2Sleep! Soul busts out some more dance moves, spinning around into a punch straight to MEL’s jaw. This drops MEL to one knee, and Soul easily slams a spinning back kick into his face. The cover… ONE! TWO! NO! “SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE!” The former pimp heads to his corner to make the tag to Rico. Just like the CAE did earlier, The MGHFC takes advantage of the five count by having Rico lift MEL into back suplex and Soul nailing him with a neckbreaker! COACH That’s a Hellraising Experience right there! Rico hooks the leg for the cover… ONE! TWO! MEL brings his shoulder up, stunning Sophie. She hollers at Soul to continue pounding MEL, and he does with a cascade of stomps. Upon finishing that he brings MEL onto his shoulders in setup for the Fro2Sleep. COACH This one could be over shortly, Mikey Cole! Fortunately, MEL manages to slip out the back. Unfortunately, Soul catches him in the stomach with a back kick. Doubled over, MEL is victimized by a neckbreaker from the former pimp. Another cover is made… ONE! TWO! MEL again escapes the pinfall! This frustrates Soul, who again batters MEL with stomps. Repeating the same sequence as before, he gathers MEL onto his shoulders for the Fro2Sleep. This time he succeeds in throwing MEL off, but the skater counters with a beautiful DDT! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Now both men are in dire need of a tag to their respective partners. Soul is much closer than MEL is, and as such is able to make a near effortless tag. Rico rushes into the ring, and hurriedly drags MEL back to its center. RICO TIME FOR A MUSTACHE RIDE! The Baton Rouge audience jeers as Rico hoists MEL up for his Razor’s Edge style finisher. Yet, somehow MEL is able to escape the hold. Rico spins around with a lariat, only for it to be ducked by MEL, who then rolls to his corner to tag in MARV! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” MARV is a stoner-on-fire, flying in with a missile dropkick that slams into Rico’s chest. Soul meets an equally distressing fate, left dizzied by a running dropkick. Sophie senses a problem at, and gets onto the ring apron to yell at MARV for daring to try and win the much. This provides a long enough distraction for Rico to recover. Therefore he’s able to club down MARV with forearms. COACH Sophie’s useful to have around. COLE A lot more useful than Queen Esther, that much is true. Rico grabs MARV inside a front facelock, and prepares to suplex him to the canvas. But MARV counters by floating over into a lateral press! ONE! TWO! Lucius breaks up the pinfall! He picks MARV up and whips him into the ropes. Coming off the cables himself, he’s able to nail MARV with a shoulder tackle when their paths crisscross! SOUL POOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEE! MEL sails off the top rope, and lands on Soul’s shoulders to flip him over with a hurricanrana! COLE What a breathtaking move by MEL! Rico is upright, and is quickly caught with a front facelock by MEL. The skater would like to hit a DDT, but Rico hurriedly shoves him away. MEL’s body crashes into Buzzlefoxer, causing the elderly official to topple to the ground. COACH Those old bones of Clem’s could be broken into bits. With the official out of commission, Sophie tells Faqu its time for action! Problematically, COLIN MAGUIRE JUNIOR is gingerly strolling down the ring apron. COLE Things are about to get harry! Faqu starts marching towards to Colin, to warn him off. But with Faqu occupied with Colin, SPENCER REIGER is able to sneak into the ring. Without offering any sort of warning, he spins Rico around and boots him in the gut. From there he nails the Brazilian with the Reiger Counter! COLE The same move that cost Landon Maddix his match with Oscar Friberg! MARV comes sailing off the top rope with a Moonsault 450! COLE Marvellousity! Buzzlefoxer recovers just in time to count the fall… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! DING DING DING BUFFER Your winners as a result of a pinfall.,,THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” A double high five joins with the audience in celebrating the CAE’s victory. COLE The Christ Air Express seemed to have won this rivalry with The Kingdom with no small part played by The Enterprise. Sophie screams at Spencer for his interference in the contest, as he happily joins a grinning CMJ atop the entrance ramp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 COLE Next week, HeldDOWN comes to you like from Houston, Texas. And right now, let's take you back to what happened at In Your Parent's Basement, On Top Of The World, between Leon Rodez and Ned Blanchard."Oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long Just tryin' to find my way back home But the old me's dead and gone Dead and gone And oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long Just tryin' to find my way back home But the old me's dead and gone Dead and gone, dead and gone..." Figuring there's been a miscue, the production truck starts Leon's music up again. But again, it soon becomes clear that Leon isn't coming out when nobody appears from through the entrance way. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE I guess we shouldn't be surprised about this. Rodez has tried to run from every match he's had with Ned. And now, he's just deciding not to show up at all! COACH Well, technically no match was signed, so... can you run from a match that isn't even supposed to happen? COLE Apparently Leon Rodez has managed it. Getting the feeling Leon isn't coming, Ned looks on frustrated... ...when suddenly, the AngleTron lights up. Ned looks up, as do the crowd, at a scene of commotion playing out backstage. Officials and referees stand crowded around somewhere on the way to the ring. Among them is Molly Nerdly, also looking concerned. The cameras break through the sea of people, long enough to see SIMON SINGLETON, laid out cold and being checked on. COACH Whoa. What the hell happened!? COLE I'll give you three guesses. Seeing his tag team partner unconscious backstage, Ned immediately jumps out of the ring and runs to the back to find out what's happening. COLE Call me suspicious, but I don't like the looks of this Coach. Bursting through the entrance, the cameras follow Ned as he rushes back in search of Simon. Ned soon finds where all the commotion is and starts barging people aside to try and get to Simon. But something suddenly catches his eye and he barges past more people to get to it. BLANCHARD YOU! Ned spots MORGAN NERDLY standing nearby, in a neckbrace and on crutches. And putting two and two together very quickly, he runs over and GRABS her, to her terror! MORGAN MOLLY NED, NO! BLANCHARD WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!? HUH!? MORGAN It wasn't me! Please! Please, I-I-I didn't do anything, don't hurt me! As Morgan cowers from him and pleads for her life, Ned seems to believe her. Which means he starts to believe something is up. But by the time he comes to that conclusion, it's too late, as LEON RODEZ jumps out and CRACKS him from behind with a PIPE!!! COLE HEY! Ned is knocked into Morgan, who also hits the floor. Leon doesn't even seem to notice, too busy putting the boots to Ned. Leon then snatches one of Morgan's crutches off the floor and BREAKS IT ACROSS THE BACK OF NED'S HEAD!!! The referees and officials finally swarm towards Leon to stop him doing anymore damage and he backs off, still holding the half the crutch incase any of the referees get too close. Rodez backs away and grabs Morgan by the wrist, trying to cart her off. Morgan doesn't look in any shape to be carted anywhere, unable to walk and holding her neck. So Leon tosses the crutch aside and throws Morgan over his shoulder, with very little care and carries her off instead. COLE Leon Rodez, not prepared to fight man to man on that night. But straight from the President's office, Alfdogg has decreed that that match will take place, next week, Leon Rodez versus Ned Blanchard. And due to Leon's actions, not just those of his attack on Simon Singleton but his tendency to run from a fight in recent weeks, that match will be contested in a match that will finally settle the score... a Steel Cage Match. COACH That's huge, Cole. Next week! COLE Right now, let's send it to the ring for more action here this week on HeldDOWN... *DINGDING* BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. In the ring, from Lafayette, Louisiana... weighing one hundred, ninety five pounds... TRAVIS COOK! The local competitor gets a respectful applause...*SCREEECH* ...which turns to pity and dread when "Where Would You Rather Be" hits. COLE Uh oh. Stomping out from the back, a furious Bohemoth marches to the ring, in a FOUL mood. BUFFER And his opponent! From Greenville, South Carolina... weighing two hundred and eighty four pounds... BBOOOOOOO - HHHHEEEEMMMMOOOOOOOTTHHHHHH!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Our first look at Bohemoth since On Top Of The World and since losing the World Championship to Krista Isadora Duncan. COACH If I were this guy in the ring, I'd pull a Leon Rodez right about now. Run, dawg! While you still can! *DINGDINGDING* Unfortunately, Cook doesn't heed Coach's advice and pays for it with a HUGE clothesline, almost taking his head off!! Bohemoth paces around, seething, but doesn't let up, picking his outmatched opponent up. Grabbing him by the throat, Bohemoth lifts him up with ONE HAND and FLINGS him into the mat with a violent Chokeslam!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Quick question. Is your spine supposed to bend like that? COLE Pretty sure it's not, no. COACH Okay. I thought not. Bohemoth stops and looks at the crowd, who's derision only serves to make him madder. Which isn't good. COLE The OAOAST is no longer all about Bohemoth and you know that eats him up inside. Hauling Cook up again, Bohemoth backs him into a corner and forces him against the bottom turnbuckle. After choking him there for a second, Bohemoth runs across the ring and BLASTS his FACE OFF with a Facewash kick!! COLE OH MY! COACH Coming right into your living room! Bohemoth mercifully wastes no more time and picks up Cook, swinging him around, out and DOWN IN WAYS PEOPLE SHOULDN'T LAND with the B-TRAYAL!!!! COACH Somebody call the ambulance. 1... 2... 3!! *DINGDINGDING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... BOOOOO - HHHEEEEMMMOOOTTHHHHH!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Stood with one foot on his opponent's chest, Bohemoth looks down at him with contempt, before turning and leaving. COLE Bohemoth, working out some of his frustrations. But, sadly for the rest of the OAOAST, I don't think he worked out enough of them yet. COACH You say it's not all about Bohemoth. I say people are gonna get hurt until it is again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 Leaving the arena, we're transported to downtown BOURBON STREET. And inside one of New Orleans' packed bars, it's karaoke night. A perfect night out. Except when it's being taken far too seriously. Which it is, by MELISSA NERDLY, who is treating this simple karaoke club like a Country Music Awards performance in front of thousands of people. Most of the people in the bar look on with a mixture of confusion and embarrassment, as Melissa and her BACKING SINGERS finish up their song and get some courteous if not roaring applause. MELISSA THANK YOU! THANK YA'LL! The applause quickly dies down, as Melissa wafts away some tears, overcome at the reaction she's being given (in her own mind). MELISSA Sadly, that's all we've got time for... RANDOM DRUNK GOOD, YOU'VE ALREADY SUNG FOUR DAMN SONGS! MELISSA (ignoring the drunk) ...but if any of ya'll want to hear more of me, I have CDs to sell, just come and talk to me or one of the gals and we'll see ya right. Thank you! Melissa and her backing singers step down from the stage, to some relief from the patrons, who can get back to having a good time. Meanwhile, Melissa and her back-up, one of whom looks strangely familiar, head outside for some fresh air. MELISSA Wow! We rocked it, gals! That was awesome! Whaddya reckon, Sugar? SUGAR BELLE I reckon we just blew everybody's freaking minds! MELISSA I reckon so too. So, where to next? SUGAR Somewhere we can get a drink. MELISSA Uhh... I don't think we're gonna find anywhere that'll serve you, Sugar. Sugar pouts a little and folds her arms. SUGAR And why's that? DECEMBER BELLE Whoa, hold up. She didn't mean nothin' by it. Don't worry, if they don't serve you, I'll cover you. As usual. MELISSA Alright, seein' as we're celebrating. Cause this is just the start. That little doughball Jade might be holdin' my title now, but that ain't gonna last for long. Nope. I had her whupped and she knows it. It weren't nothin' but a fluke that beat me. Well next time there won't be no fluke. She ain't even gonna know what hit her! Her and her family think they run the OAOAST, but they ain't never reckoned on me. I'm gonna be a bigger mainstream star than their mommy ever has been. And you two are sure gonna be bigger stars than Jade or that sister of her's. No Duncan's gonna rain on our parade now we're stickin' together. DECEMBER Amen! MELISSA Alright, let's go find a place where we can toast to our futures. Melissa Nerdly and The Belle Cousins, singing starlets and OAOAST superstars! SUGAR YEAH! Melissa and her backing Belles leave into the crowded Bourbon Street, ready to go celebrate.TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT OAOAST WORLD TITLEKRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS KING LANDON MADDIXTONIGHT!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 BRANNIGAN We are back live on TSM and The Pit in Canada, and right now I would like to bring out the man who turned up the heat last week… DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"Just a Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody cues and Deuce power walks to the ring. COLE In case you missed it, here’s what took place one week ago on HeldDOWN~! between Deuce and the Church of Abdullah.OAOAST HeldDOWN~! - LAST WEEKAs Mariachi flips through the pages of Playgirl, Abdullah lands a few more cheap shots on Freedom. Meanwhile, TK and Reject absolutely obliterate Liberty with a PRESS SLAM INTO THE EULOGY~!!! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” COACH DAYUM~! Reject covers Liberty as TK ambushes Mariachi outside, but before the ref can go down to make the count he first prevents Abdullah from entering the ring. The reason: DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW! COLE Deuce’s wild! The Beast from Sin City emerges through the OAOAST Galaxy and delivers a TOP ROPE FLYING HEADBUTT to Reject! COACH What cheap shot artist Deuce is, Cole. Reject never saw him coming. All riled up, Abdullah slips off the apron as Deuce places Liberty on top of reject and exits. The count. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! COACH Like I said, Cole - total cheap shot from Deuce. COLE And like I said, the CoA got a taste of their own medicine and didn’t like it one bit. Fired up and ready to go, Deuce pounds his chest and paces. BRANNIGAN Deuce-- DEUCE Listen, Tony, I know you got a job to do, but I’m gonna make this short and sweet. Abdullah Nerdly! COACH Uh-oh. DEUCE Bring your punk ass to the ring! COLE Deuce has called Abdullah out. The man who struck him with a fireball at Angleslam. COACH Accidentally, I might add. COLE What happened when the OAOAST was On Top of the World: In Your Parents’ Basement was no accident, however. Because on that night Abdullah purposely targeted the eye of Deuce, ultimately leading to a Eulogy that gave Reject and TK a much important win over Deuce and Big Papa Thrust. Much to Deuce’s disappointment, REJECT appears on stage rather than Abdullah. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" REJECT Deuce, I regret to inform you Abdullah is not backstage… COLE That’s a damn lie. I saw him earlier today. REJECT …due to an urgent personal matter that required his attention. COACH Happy now, Cole? REJECT His immediate attention. Abdullah suddenly emerges through the OAOAST Galaxy just as Deuce did one week ago and ascends to the heavens. COLE It’s Abdullah! COACH Praise be! Abdullah flies off the top and onto the massive back of Deuce, who easily yanks him down to the mat. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The Beast from Sin City looks to go on the attack, but Reject pulls Abdullah to safety and the two retreat backstage as Deuce gives chase. COLE Deuce’s wild! And he wants him some of Abdullah Nerdly. We cut backstage in time to catch Reject and Abdullah exit from the Gorilla position and pass various OAOAST crew members, including correspondents Tony Brannigan, Maggie Nerdly and Terry Taylor at the VIP interview lounge. COACH When did the OAOAST become the Boston Red Sox, Mikey Cole? Those guys are drinking on the job! As we continue to follow the chase, Reject bumps into OOHLALA, the valet of BIG PAPA THRUST who‘s seen doing PUSH-UPS. REJECT Watch it, skank! BIG PAPA THRUST Whatcha say boy?! Realizing he's pissed the wrong man off, Reject knocks over a TRASH BIN to distract BPT and along with Abdullah sprint towards the loading dock where THUNDERKID awaits with a GETAWAY CAR. COLE Look at Reject, Abdullah and TK flee like thieves in the night Deuce grabs the trash bin and HURLS it at the speeding car to SHATTER the back window! COACH If you ask me, Deuce and Big Papa Thrust have anger management issues. COLE I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Abdullah Nerdly will pay for his sins… and it’s going to be some day soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 Backstage in the plush interview lounge...MAGGIE NERDLY is stood by, withALIX MARIA SPEZIA MAGGIE What’s up, ya’ll? It’s the “It” Girl on The Scene chilling in the interview lounge with a very cool gal, Alix Maria Spezia! ALIX Hi! MAGGIE Alix, you’ve been challenged to a Buried Alive Match by Odin. How do ya feel about that? ALIX I feel totally upbeat about it! MAGGIE Really? ALIX Really! Like sometimes Krista gets these crazy ideas that I’m the bane of her very existence, especially when I burn something down, or flash one of her elderly relatives, so when I’m busy doing something like pretending I’m a hospital operator informing Christian Wright that his mother perished in a gruesome car accident, she’ll sneak behind me and wrap me in a sleeper. And I’m like “cool violent sex!” But when I wake up, she’s not chewing on my nipples like a fiend, she’s actually dumping dirt on me while I’m in a six foot ditch! So, like, I always climb out, and she contemplates bashing me to death with the shovel, but then she realizes Big Brother is on or something and says “to hell with it” and lets me live! She’s so cool that way. But, what I’m trying to get ya to realize is that I’ve survived being buried alive at least once every other Saturday, as long as its not raining, she doesn’t like to get wet, unless its to grind our baby oil slicked bodies together, so I’m totally ready for Odin’s challenge! Not only am I ready for it I happily accept it for Halloween Spectacular! MAGGIE Alix, are ya sure you wanna do that? ALIX I’m only sure of two things, one Diet Cherry Dr.Pepper is a criminally underrated drink, and aliens have laid eggs in Avril Lavgine’s stomach, because I heard a rumor she was pregnant and ain’t nobody trynna score with that overrated hosebeast. MAGGIE For some reason that comment greatly lowers my self esteem. ALIX So no I’m not sure if I wanna fight Odin in a Buried Alive match, but Alfdogg told me I was the sole protector of the OAOAST Galaxy! And that involves you dressing up as a Catholic Schoolgirl and letting me have my damn dirty way with you! MAGGIE Whoa! I don’t think that’s what Alf meant! ALIX And it involves letting a bunch of hot dudes bone me silly in public places! MAGGIE That’s for sure not what it involves! ALIX Then why’d I ride a buff security guard’s love muscle like it was rodeo bull in the parking lot? Huh? MAGGIE I…uh….um….welll… ALIX And why’d I use my tongue to massage that cute vendor’s skin flute at the merchandise stand if not for the OAOAST Galaxy? MAGGIE Um….well…Alix…I…think you’re being taken advantage of. ALIX Are you saying letting random strangers use my body for their sexual gratification has nothing to do with protecting the OAOAST Galaxy? MAGGIE Pretty much, yeah. ALIX you’re funny! But back to Odin, we can fight in a cage match, Ironman match, bra and panties match, exploding chicken on a pole match, or a Buried Alive match, either way I’m gonna whup his butt! Now if you’ll excuse me, a janitor told me if I wanted to protect the OAOAST Galaxy I should spread em wide and prepare to be invaded by his purple headed soldier. I don't wanna be late, the OAOAST Galaxy depends on me! Alix meerily skips off, leaving Maggie to bury her head in her hands.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 We return to HeldDOWN~! wtih Syndicated star VINNY VALENTINE in the ring, doing a little disco dancin' and barking threats at the ringside fans. COLE Vinny Valentine is here tonight on HeldDOWN~!, stepping up from Syndicated, and what a challenge he has in front of him tonight. As Valentine riles the crowd up, "Getting Away With Murder" puts them in a better mood, as the theme song of the former World Heavyweight Champion brings them to their feet~! BUFFER His opponent, from Providence, Rhode Island. Weighing in tonight at two hundred and ten pounds...ZAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAALLLLIBUUUUUUUUUUUU~! The name synonymous with the OAOAST emerges through the golden sparks of pyro that shower the HeldDOWN~! set, and he walks to the ring with purpose, still stopping to slap a few hands on the way. COLE It has not been the best of times these past few weeks for Zack Malibu. Not only has Jason Silver reemerged, costing Zack his match with Todd Cortez at On Top of the World, but he still has unfinished business with Cortez as well, with Silver stirring the pot! COACH Jason Silver ain't stirrin' up nothin', Cole. Silver and Cortez are boys. Todd got a big win over "The Franchise" at On Top of the World, and last week he let Silver leave Zack laying with his own bulletproof vest! COLE I don't think he "let" him, Coach. It seems that things aren't going as smoothly between Silver and Cortez as Silver would lead you to believe. It's just another twist in this strange story that began one year ago when Anglesault drafted his nephew to the main roster and used him as a key ally in his attempted hostile takeover. Zack gets into the ring, but as soon as he steps through the ropes, he's jumped by Valentine, who stuns him with a forearm shot across the back of the neck! A kick to the gut follows, and Valentine sends Zack off to the ropes, but Malibu counters and hits a diving lariat, flooring him! Finally taking off his entrance attire, Malibu tosses his hooded jacket aside and grabs Valentine as he stands, striking him with a pair of chops before sending him to the ropes and sending him airborne with a back bodydrop! Valentine comes crashing down harder than the stock market, and once again as soon as he's up, he's met by Malibu...and he jams a thumb into Malibu's eye! Vinny smirks and does a little disco dance before sending Zack to the corner, but when he charges in Zack moves out of the way! Vinny crashes into the buckles, and then finds himself sent across the ring, crashing into the opposite corner, leaving him prone to the ZACK ATTACK II~! The rulebreaking throwback slumps down, only to be pulled up by Zack, who mocks him with a little disco action of his own before BLASTING him with School's Out~! COLE Vinny Valentine, thanks for coming, but that's all we have for you tonight! ONE! TWO! THREE! Malibu gets up and has his hand raised by Charles Robinson, but just seconds into his theme song, it's cut and replaced by "Don't Stop". Zack turns to face the entrance ramp, and there stands Jason Silver, holding a mic and with a disgusted look on his face. Zack looks ready to throw down, but Silver keeps his distance, staying on the stage. SILVER Nice job, Zack. Really, I mean that. Bravo. Another one in the win column. Another hard fought victory for THE FRANCHISE. Give it up for him! The fans boo, sensing the sarcasm, but Silver claps and tries to lead the crowd. SILVER That right there, Zack, is what I'm talking about. Let's face it, you've got many flaws, but that's one of your main ones. You've got Vinny Valentine, a guy who has spent his entire career on the second tier, just hoping that one day, he'll get the call to be on HeldDOWN~! So imagine his excitement when he gets that call, and instead of putting him in with another unsung hero, instead of giving the guy a chance to prove himself, you know he's going to be outmatched by you, so you come out here, do your little high-fiving hand-raising routine, squash his hopes and dreams, kill his career dead in its tracks before you ship him back off to Neverneverland, and feed your own insatiable ego in the process. THAT makes my skin crawl, Zack. It makes me sick, because a guy like Vinny Valentine, believe it or not, has had MORE opportunities than Jason Silver did, at least before my...uncle...rescued me from purgatory. I thought that was my chance, until I realized that for as bitter of rivals the two of you were, ultimately, you were both the same, deep down. The endgame was always going to be that the focus was on my uncle, and not me. I took this company by storm...I took the World Title, and instead of proving myself and having everyone take a look at me, I became a joke. A laughingstock. They said the belt was a handout. They said that "the kid couldn't cut it", so that's when I realized that my uncle was right about one thing. That this company needed to be purged, but not just of you, Zack. I mean, you certainly are the biggest offender and nothing is going to please me more than to send you packing once and for all, but no, it's not just you. It was my uncle too, and you saw what I did to him. I took him out and I put him into a coma, and he's my own flesh and blood, so just IMAGINE what I'm going to do once I get my hands on you. I know that bothers you, Zack. I know that Anglemania was supposed to be your night. You were supposed to leave the conquering hero, but instead you wound up just falling into the trap...you became a pawn in the game. See, you and my uncle had your little moment, shaking hands and proper sendoffs and blah blah blah...but I gave him the sendoff he really deserved. I scored a moral victory for ALL of the unsung heroes, for all of the people who just don't get the credit they deserve. I mean, how many of these people are here, cheering you, drinking the Kool-Aid, that maybe...maybe they shouldn't be. Maybe deep down, they resent you, because you remind them of the boss that passed them up for a raise. Maybe these kids that wear your T-shirts go to school and try their damndest, and all they hear is "try harder" from their teachers. They cheer you because they want a hero, they want a role model, they want something to strive for...but I am going to give them REALITY. I'm going to show them what a hero REALLY is. That a hero isn't someone who plays the role, like you do. That sometimes a hero takes drastic measures. That sometimes the hero isn't always the guy in the white hat. Zack, I'm going to make this world a better place for all of them, and I'm going to do it by making YOUR life a living HELL. With that, Silver drops the mic and walks off, leaving Malibu in the ring. The cameras pan in on the microphone laying on the stage, as we then fade to commercial break. Image Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 COLE Last week on HeldDOWN~!, the All-American Boys scored a huge upset over Reject and TK. Their first win since early in the Bush administration’s second term! COACH A tainted victory, by the way. COLE Had the roles been reversed you would’ve said a win is a win. COACH You don’t know that. COLE I know you like the palm of my hand. COACH You know your hand very well alright. COLE (sighs) In any event, ladies and gentlemen, the All-American Boys celebrated their victory by making a trip to a historic landmark and our cameras were there to catch it all. MOUNT RUSHMORE appears on the screen and then the All-American Boys and Mariachi. LIBERTY George, Tommy, Teddy and Abe, our long national nightmare is over. FREEDOM No, the American people haven’t elected a new president…yet…but their support led us to victory over enemy forces. LIBERTY Once again we proved no matter how dire the situation appears, good ALWAYS triumphs over evil. FREEDOM Truer words have never been spoken. Like our nation today, the All-American Boys faced rough times. Rough times that seemed would never go away. LIBERTY But we never accepted defeat and kept fighting. Thanks to our willpower and the American fighting spirit, we cut through the dark clouds over our heads like a hot knife through butter. FREEDOM Yes, willpower. A trait we’ve worked long and hard instilling in our illegal amigo. MARIACHI ¡Sí, es verdad! LIBERTY That’s why it’s time for you to put everything we taught you about being an hombre to use. MARIACHI Que? FREEDOM Find mamacita. MARIACHI Mamacita? LIBERTY Remember be assertive. Liberty shoves Mariachi towards the female tourists nearby. FREEDOM Look at that boy. Either he’s got a machete in his pants or he found him a hot mamacita. To the AABs horror, Mariachi pulls a MACHETE out of his pants and places it against the throat of a hot mamacita. MARIACHI (broken English) Would you be mad if I kissed you? FEMALE TOURIST The AABs grab Mariachi and apologize profusely to the tourist. LIBERTY (nervous laughter) He’s just learning how to approach women. FREEDOM Damn it, man. That may be how your people pickup an American woman in Mexico, but not in the good ol‘ U-S-of-A. MARIACHI But you said be aggressive. LIBERTY No, assertive. Cool, calm, collected. Mariachi’s tongue hangs out as he spots a SHIRTLESS MAN. FREEDOM (shakes head) Old habits die hard. MARIACHI Hard, si. *giggles* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 "Devil Without A Cause" by Kid Rock hits and out waddles the foul Sloppy Joe ringside, munching on a sandwich no less. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Omaha, Nebraska, weighing 280 pounds... "SSLLLOOOPPYYY" JJOOOEEEE MMMAAAAAANNWWWWIIIICCHHHHHHH!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Upset by the response, Joe verbally berates the OAOAST Galaxy, sending crumbs and pieces of tomato into the crowd. COLE Somebody give that man a bib… and a shower! COACH Say what you will about Joe, Mikey Cole, but he’s one tough dude. Someone you wouldn’t want to bump into in a back alley. COLE Or out alone in the woods. COACH #Analbleeding COLE “Big Pimpin‘” by Jay-Z cues and Big Papa Thrust is led down the aisle by his #1 freakazoid, the buxom South African beauty Oohlala. BUFFER And his opponent, accompanied by the lovely Oohlala… BIG PAPPPAAAA THRUST!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" As he does every time he enters the ring, BPT goes to flex the largest arms in the galaxy in the corner, but the second he steps down Joe delivers a big AVALANCHE SPLASH! * DINGDINGDING * COLE Oh my! Corner avalanche, the prelude to move Joe uses to finish his opponents. COACH Yeah, It’s Called a Manwich. Although if he connects with the cross body, it’ll be called a major upset. Joe shoots off the ropes as BPT staggers out of the corner and CATCHES Joe in midair, then presses him overhead and delivers a slam! COLE Big Papa Thrust had that well scouted. He knew exactly what Joe intended to do. BPT drops a big elbow and covers Joe. ONE! KICKOUT! BPT introduces Joe violently to the turnbuckle and proceeds to unload in the corner with a combination of knees to the gut and… * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" BPT fires Joe across and delivers a corner clothesline, followed by a belly-to-belly suplex. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Joe receives a clubbing blow to the back, but manages to reverse a whip and catch BPT on the rebound with a BOSSMAN STYLE SLAM! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Now it’s Joe’s turn to ram BPT face-first into the buckle. He then hammers BPT to the seat of his pants and attempts to suffocate the Big Bad Glutei Daddy with his flab! COLE How revolting. COACH You’re only jealous because you aren’t in the middle of that beef sandwich. Joe drags BPT out of the corner and climbs onto the middle rope for THE SLOP DROP… SLOPPY JOE …but BPT gets the knees up and Joe staggers around doubled over. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" BPT shakes off the cobwebs and executes a double underhook power bomb he follows with THE CAMEL CLUTCH! COLE Stick a fork in Sloppy Joe because no one’s ever survived the Lay-Z-Boy! Trapped smack in the middle of the ring, Joe holds on long enough for REJECT to hit the ring and give BPT a EULOGY~!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" * DINGDINGDING * COLE Where the heck did Reject come from? I thought he left the building. COACH Obviously he decided to return. Reject spits on BPT and exits calmly. BUFFER The winner of the match, as result of a disqualification… BIG PAPPPAAAA THRUST!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Oohlala tends to BPT as Reject watches on the AngleTron. COLE Big Papa Thrust has won the match, but Reject has gotten in the last word.TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT OAOAST WORLD TITLEKRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS KING LANDON MADDIXTHE MAINEVENT IS NEXT!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 "Parade Of The Charioteers" blares out through the arena and the royal couple of the OAOAST, if you listen to them, "King" Landon and Queen Esther parade to the ring. Landon holds his Queen daintily by the hand and leads her down the aisle, with a big grin on his face. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall... and it is for the OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing at this time, the challenger! Being accompanied to the ring by QUEEN ESTHER! From The Kingdom of Madrid, Spain... he weighs in tonight at two hundred, twelve pounds. A former OAOAST World Champion and the former OAOAST King Of The Ring... "KING" LLLAAAAAAAAANNDDOOOOOOOOOOOONN... MMMMAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXX!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Queen Esther holds the ropes open for Landon, who spins into the ring theatrically. COLE Last week, Landon struck a blow in his dispute with Theodore Moneymaker, costing him the World Title. Tonight, the self-professed King can strick an even bigger blow, where he to capture the World Title for himself. But that is, as always, easier said than done. COACH You know, hopefully after tonight, there'll be no more dispute. Landon can be the champ, Teddy can be the king and we can all live together in perfect harmony. COLE Do you really expect that to happen? COACH Well... no. But a man can dream, right?"Give me those bright lights, long nights High rise, over time Give me them bright lights, long nights Party till the sun is rising High rise, over time Working till the moon is shining Hot guys, fly girls Never thought I'd say I feel on top of the world I feel on top of the world Hey" "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" A parade of bikini clad girls fill the stage like something straight out of Mardi Gras. Making her way through the crowd of bead wielding babes, Krista Isadora Duncan strikes a seductive pose then turns her back to the cameras and lifts her top, pelted with beads by the impressed dancers. BUFFER And introducing his opponent! Hailing from Los Angeles, California! She is a New York Times best selling author... a reality TV star... the founder of the FIT with KID line of exercise videos, a member of the Hollywood Walk Of Fame... the most desirable woman in Hollywood... the reigning, defending OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... KRISTA... IIIIISSSSAAAAADDOOOOORRRRRRRAAAAAAAA... DDUUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Krista does her rope hanging tricking and winks at the camera. Queen Esther looks on, unimpressed. COACH I wonder if we're gonna see a repeat of last week here tonight. COLE Well, I wouldn't bet against it. There's still doubts over Krista's health, but she is a six time World Champion for a reason so Landon has his work cut out for him... COACH What are you droning about dude? I'm talking about seeing some tittays! COLE Ah. Yes, that was... quite the outcome last week. COACH Yeah, speaking of outcome... COLE Let me cut you off right there. *DINGDINGDING* As the bell rings, Landon walks up to Krista and extends his hand in a token of friendship. KRISTA Honey, do I look like Tim Cash? KING LANDON Well, no. But, you know... you hate Moneymaker, I hate Moneymaker, we've got a lot in common! No sense in us taking our anger out on each other, what do you say? KRISTA I say I'm like a pitbull, if you get too close to me then I will bite your face again. Friendly enough for you? Still want to shake hands? KING LANDON Uhhhh... let's just agree to keep this nice and friendly. Thinking he has an agreement in place, Landon circles around and prepares to lock up. COLE You know, she's not lying. AngleSlam 08. Bit his face. Check the record books kids. COACH At least he learned not to make Krista mad. Before Krista and Landon can lock horns however, Queen Esther gets onto the apron in order to whisper something in the ear of her King. Something which, evidently, he forgot to run by Krista. KING LANDON Listen, Krista, one more thing. Could you... uhm... kinda tone down the whole "sexuality" thing a little, please? It's just, things have been getting really raunchy around here lately, lots of skin on show, elaborate penis shaped props, that sort of thing. And, just so you know, I'm all for that, absolutely. But, you know Esther is a little uncomfortable with it. She's still scarred by the time you gave her a bronco buster. And, last time you were in the ring with her, you kinda... shook your ass in her face. And made her cry. KRISTA Sounds like something I would do. KING LANDON Yeah. So, if you could maybe not do that, we'd really appreciate it. KRISTA Hmm. Since I'm in a good mood, fine, I will not shake my ass in her face. KING LANDON Great! There's a few more things we have a problem with too, if you'd like to go over them. Reaching out, Landon is handed a SCROLL by Esther, which unravels into a GIANT LIST of apparent "no-no's" for Krista. The World Champion takes the list and with much boredom, scans through the list. Thinking this is progress, Landon gives Esther a thumbs up. COACH Remember what I said about not making Krista mad? Yeah. I'm ready to take that back, please. KRISTA Yes, this all looks very interesting. Excuse me while I grab my reading glasses. KRISTA They're in here somewhere, hold on. KRISTA Gosh darn it, this is a two woman job. Esther, a little help please? Always eager to help, the Queen gets onto the apron ready to have a rummage around, but is quickly sent back to ringside by Landon for her dignity's sake. KRISTA Alright, I'm just going to assume this list says it's okay to kick you in the ass. Right on cue, Krista does just that to Landon, then rolls him up! 1... 2... No! Landon rolls to his feet and tries to cut Krista off with a quick boot. Krista is wise to the game and catches the foot, leaving Landon hopping on one leg and pleading that he didn't mean to do any harm. Always meaning to do harm, Krista points out a loose turnbuckle pad to the referee. And when he goes to investigate, Krista takes advantage by kicking Landon LOW. KING LANDON "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Krista follows up with a spinning heel kick, catching Landon right in the forehead. The World Champion goes for a cover, berating the referee for wasting time checking turnbuckle pads when he should be counting... 1... 2... No! Not liking how things are going the self-professed King slips outside to try and regroup. COLE I think Landon should have quit while he was ahead. Left nursing his lower nether regions Landon takes a breather. Queen Esther comes over to check on him and dutifly asks if he needs her to rub the affected area. KRISTA How about you kiss it better instead? Thinking this is a great idea, the Queen gets down on her knees in front of her King... ...and both freak out at the same time when they realise the position they're in. COACH Oh dear! As the Queen fans herself having come over all flustered, Krista leaves the ring and sends Landon into the ringpost. She rolls him back inside and heads to the top, waiting on the King to stand before leaving the ropes with an attempted crossbody. Landon sees it coming and ducks for cover. But Krista is able to adjust in mid-air and lands safely, with cat-like agility, on all fours. Thinking he's avoided danger, King Landon turns around smiling, but takes a thrust kick to the gut! COLE Krista is, as usual, just a step ahead of the rest. COACH That's okay, if the King can weather the early storm then he's got a chance, because Krista ain't getting any healthier the longer this goes. Whipped to the corner, Maddix tries some agility of his own, floating up and over out of the corner. It works and Landon looks pretty pleased with himself, until Krista springs off the middle rope and knocks him over with a moonsault press! 1... 2... No! COLE Landon's not going to get any healthier either, if he keeps getting his ass handed to him. Landon is well aware of this and GOES TO THE EYES to try and stem Krista's momentum. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Sending Krista into the ropes, the King tries to connect with an elbow. Krista ducks underneath though and off the other side, lunges at Landon's knees with a sliding dropkick. Coming up from his knees, Landon is then cracked across the back of the head with an enziguri! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Spit, or possibly a tooth flies and Landon looks dazed. Rolling outside, he again tries to stall for time. This time though, Krista decides to join him, with a TWISTING MOONSAULT OVER THE TOP, NO HANDS!!!!! "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" COLE That looked like the move of a competitor who's 100%, if you ask me! Amazing! After taking in some of the adulation from the crowd, Krista throws Landon back inside. KRISTA Esther, one question sweetie. Does the carpet match the drapes? ESTHER Why of course! It's something I take great pride in. I have a thick, luxurious carpet. Whenever guests visit the palace I tell them, "oh, you simply must look at my carpet". They're often so impressed that they get down on their knees and run their fingers through it, for it is so invitingly soft. Unfortunately, a few months ago, it became infested with some kind of parasite. Oh, it gave me the shivers! Now I pay two young men to clean it every Thursday. KRISTA Fascinating. You must let me have a close look some time. COACH As Krista rolls back in, Landon is waiting with a knee to the back. And a second. Followed by a third, with added pain for Krista as the King pushes off the middle rope for extra height! COACH There you go. Target that back! Landon scoops up Krista and delivers a bodyslam. Simple but effective, Maddix decides to make a cover... 1... No! KRISTA A slam!? You're trying to beat me with a slam!? Seriously, fuck you for that. Putting the boots to Krista, Landon tries to quiet her down, if only for a second, by slapping on a blatant choke. The King breaks before the referee can get deep into his count and apologises. Landon then pulls Krista to her feet and delivers a knee to the midsection. A second knee follows, before he sends the World Champion arrowing into the turnbuckles. Krista hits hard and sinks a little, cringing in a sign of some lingering pain. Which isn't helped by Landon following up, hitting a leaping forearm smash in the corner. KING LANDON ALL HAIL THE KING!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE A lot of dispute over who really is the rightful King of the Ring between Landon and Theodore Moneymaker, but if Landon can become the World Champion here tonight he will truly have a claim to being the 'King' here in the OAOAST. COACH There's a power struggle going on and holding that title is as powerful as it gets. Waiting for Krista to make her own way out of the corner, Landon latches onto her with a cravate. Hanging on for a second, he then snapmares Krista to the mat and delivers a HARD kick right to the spine! Krista grits her teeth, as she's forced down for a pin... 1... 2... No! Not willing to simply sit and take a beating, Krista gets right to her feet and slugs Landon right in the jaw with a punch! COACH Oh, now you just made her mad. Shaking off the effects, Maddix comes back with a forearm. Krista responds with a slap, knocking Landon a little loopy for a second. Which allows Krista to try send her challenger into the ropes. But Landon reverses and catches Krista coming back with a picture perfect Dropsault on the rebound! COACH Ha-ha! Beautiful! COLE That was impressive, no doubt about it. Nobody ever doubted Landon's abilities. Just his intelligence. And his grasp on reality. Landon knows it and takes a number of bows, which the Baton Rouge crowd disapprove of. COLE Has stopping and posing when you hit a move ever been a successful tactic against Krista? I mean, maybe I'm forgetting something. No? Okay then. The Queen applauds her King, as he eventually follows up on Krista. Bending her over backwards, he takes the World Champion on a trip on the Landon Eye! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" Appalled at such rudeness, the Queen pouts and tries not to listen, as her man is berated by the crowd. Undettered, the King whips Krista into the turnbuckles again. The force knocks Krista out, into Landon, who stuns her with a jawbreaker. Landon then climbs to the middle rope, behind Krista, who is unaware of what's coming her way, until Landon's two feet strike her in the back and lurch her violently across the ring! COLE Ooh! That front dropkick is a pet manouever for Landon, but usually to the front. This time to the back, clearly trying to target that injury which Krista suffered a few short months ago. Crawling over to the World Champion, King Landon turns her over and hooks the leg confidently... 1... 2... NO! Despite the kickout, it's clear Krista is in some pain and she tries to crawl towards the ropes. Landon stands over her and doesn't allow Krista to get anywhere near, dropping another knee to the lower back. COLE Krista has put herself through a tough schedule since coming back. Matches with Remy Bazil, her win over Bohemoth, now title defences in consecutive weeks against Theodore Moneymaker and Landon Maddix. I can understand Krista wanting to make up for lost time, but she's certainly not taking things easy. COACH And sooner or later it's going to catch up on her. Like, tonight! Dragging Krista up, Landon delivers a couple of kicks, then hits the ropes. But Krista summons some energy to leap up and take Landon over with a hurricanrana! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COLE Maybe not! Landon scrambles to his feet and tries to recover by charging Krista from behind. Krista turns around and sees his clothesline coming, ducking with ease. Presented with the ropes in front of her, Krista decides to run them and tries a clothesline of her own. But Landon is able to counter as well and catches hold of Krista, driving her face first into the mat with the Complete Shot! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The King quickly makes a cover... 1... 2... NO! "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* Willed on by the Louisiana crowd, Krista tries to give her fans what they want (ie. more her). Still struggling though, she again tries to crawl to the ropes to help her up. Landon again has other ideas and cuts Krista off, then stands on one of her wrists, pinning her arm down. KING LANDON You know, I really didn't want to have to do this Krista. KRISTA That's comforting to know. Just so you know, I really did want to do this. With her free hand, Krista reaches up and GRABS THE KING'S FAMILY JEWELS!! KING LANDON "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Getting the Blue Ball treatment, the King's eyes threaten to pop out of their sockets. Queen Esther looks on horrified, as Krista climbs to her feet, keeping Landon tightly gripped in her hand. Luckily for Landon, he's able to break Krista's eye watering grip. COLE That's enough to bring tears to any man's eyes. COACH Or any Queen's! Struggling to even walk straight, Maddix makes the mistake of going for Krista too soon and gets caught with BLONDS NEVER PAY A COVER!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Krista scores big! And that quick, the World Champion is right back in this match! "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" Unable to follow up right away, Krista instead takes the opportunity to milk the count and get some time to recover. Both Landon and Krista end up getting to their feet at the count of '7' but it's Krista who is the more recouped of the two. The King moves in, but walks right into a kick to the chest from Krista! And a second kick! Krista then takes aim with a roundhouse kick... which Landon ducks, only for Krista to adapt and swing her standing leg around and clobber Landon with a hook kick from leftfield! COACH That's some straight up ninja shit! Sending Landon to the ropes, Krista loads up the HEBREW HAMMER and knocks Landon clean off his feet! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Now it's Landon who is trying to crawl away in search of the ropes. Not to help himself up, but to save himself from any more of a beating. Finding himself trapped in the corner, the King soon realises this wasn't a smart move. KING LANDON No no, please... please, not the chops! KRISTA Chops? Oh, I was just going to punch you in the face. But that sounds like a much better idea! *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" The King squeals like a girl. Which only convinces Krista to do it some more. *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" *SLAP!*"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" *SLAP!*"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" *SLAP!*"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" KRISTA Stayin' Alive, Stayin' Alive. Oh god, I'm showing my age. COLE Nonsense. The Bee Gees are a timeless musical phenomenon. Krista whips a beat red Landon across the ring, looking for a big splash in the opposite corner, but running into a raised boot! Elevating himself to the second rope, the King takes a minute to clutch his stinging chest in pain, before leaping off the ropes, looking for his Flying DDT... ...and MISSING! COLE Nobody home! Landing on his BUTT, Landon is then caught with a running knee to the face by Krista!! 1... 2... NO!! Krista drags Landon up with a handful of hair, taking him into the middle of the ring for a slam, setting him in position. KRISTA Oh. No, wait a minute. I think this was on the list. Esther, was this on the list? QUEEN ESTHER I don't know what you're referring to. KRISTA I'm pretty sure I saw it on there. Give me the list. QUEEN ESTHER I do not have the list. KRISTA Oh, that's right, I put it in my skirt for safe keeping. Could you grab it for me? Seeing no harm in simply acquiring the list to sort this dilemma out, Queen Esther crawls into the ring. But as she crawls up to Krista, she looks up and certainly doesn't find a list. KRISTA QUEEN ESTHER KRISTA Yeah. I lied earlier. The Queen is left hypnotised, as Krista dishes out the Booty Shaking Moonsault to Landon!! 1... 2... NO!! The match continues, Krista stomping Landon in the corner... but with Queen Esther stood dumbfounded in the middle of the ring. COLE The Queen is in a trance! COACH Well, somebody wake her up! COLE She must still be having flashbacks from last time. Queen Esther is helped from the ring by the referee, staring blankly into space. Meanwhile, Krista whips Landon corner to corner. Landon manages to catch Krista coming in with an elbow though. Hooking her up, Landon then scales the turnbuckles and looks for the Crowning Glory, but gets flipped up and over the top by Krista! Landing on his feet, Maddix watches as Krista leaps to the top and dodges out of the way of a moonsault... but Krista lands on her feet as well! Able to adjust, Krista quickly springs up again and goes for KIDOLOGY... but Landon hooks the top rope and Krista comes up short!! "OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" With Krista left holding the back of her head, Landon quickly stacks her up, WITH HIS FEET ON THE ROPES!! COLE NO NO NO! 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE The 'King' just tried to steal one! Not hanging around to be questioned, Landon takes aim at Krista as she rolls to one knee... ...but Krista DUCKS the low superkick and rolls Landon up! 1... 2... KICKOUT! Both up quickly, Krista stabs Landon in the gut with a boot and goes for Life In The Fab Lane, but Landon slips free and scores with a LUNGBLOWER!!!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE Right to the back! The injured back! COACH Yes yes, cover her King! Landon hooks both legs just to be safe... 1... 2... NO, ONLY TWO!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Landon looks frustrated, but tries not to let it beat him. And before Krista can recover, he jumps on her back and tries to apply the LAND OF NOD!! COLE If Landon locks this in, this is going to be a major test on how healed Krista's back is! Luckily for Krista it doesn't come to that, as Krista manages to get off her stomach. From her knees, Krista is able to counter, throwing Landon off of her with a snapmare. She then jumps up, hops over Landon and creates some space for a second running knee to the face of the match! COLE BAM! COACH Right to the face! Those handsome royal features! With Landon laid out near the turnbuckles, Krista decides to risk her back and executes a SPLIT LEGGED CORKSCREW MOONSAULT!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" 1... 2... KICKOUT!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Landon kicks out! COACH Yeah, all these idiots thought the King was done. But not me. And not the Queen! She had faith, look at her, not worried in the slightest. COLE Coach, she... doesn't appear to even know where she is. COACH What do you mean. COLE Well, for one, she looks like she's drooling on herself. And I'm not even sure she's blinking. Krista grabs hold of Landon's long blonde locks again and prepares to drag him up one more time. A couple of slaps rock Landon, leaving him dazed. Krista takes a step back and grabs her top, contemplating breaking out the big guns for a distraction like last week. But, thinking Landon is groggy enough already, she leaves her breasts under wraps and leaps up with a KIDOLOGY... ...NO! Landon is able to push Krista over, into another awkward landing! Rolling over, Krista finds herself on her knees... *SMACK!* ...and gets BLASTED with the Low Flying Superkick!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE That may be a knockout! Falling to one knee himself, Landon looks woozy too, leaving both he and Krista on their knees seeing stars. Not to mention Esther in a daze on the outside. COACH Come on King, now's your chance! Maddix is able to shake things off before Krista can recover and elevates her up, looking for the GTS! But before he can connect, THEODORE MONEYMAKER hits the ring! COLE Wait a second, Moneymaker's up on the apron! COACH He must still be hot about last week. Landon drops Krista and starts to argue with Moneymaker, who voices some sort of protest at this match even happening. COLE Isn't it a little late in the day for this? COACH Well, Ted probably thought Landon would have lost by now. As Landon and Moneymaker bicker back and forth, Krista starts to regain her senses and looks up, to see nobody paying attention to her. With her hands on her hips, she frowns a little, waiting for Moneymaker or Maddix to spot her. Neither do, still yelling back and forth. KRISTA Oh for heavens sake. MONEYMAKER, LANDON AND THE REFEREE COLE Not again! Moneymaker looks shocked. Landon looks shocked. On the outside, Queen Esther FAINTS. Job done, Krista covers her bouncing babes up and leaps up with a dropkick. Landon gets hit, sending him back into Moneymaker, who is knocked to the arena floor! Landon then stumbles forward, into KIDOLOGY!!!! COLE Well, if it works, it works! 1... 2... 3!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" *DINGDINGDING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match and STILL OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... KRISTA IISSSAAADDOORRRAAAAA... DDUUUUUUNNCCAAAAANN!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" A lot of people are left with confused, bemused, half conscious looks on their faces thanks to Krista. But many more are left with beaming smiles at what they've just seen. Krista just shrugs like "hey, that's what I do". COLE Well, Yom Kippur is coming up. Krista can add that to the list. COACH That list must be longer than the list Queen Esther wrote up! Krista celebrates her win, while the Queen remains flat out and stricken on the floor.FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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