OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 10/2/2011

[Chanel #99]

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-
BROADCAST IN OAOAST 3D

We head straight to Sofa Central with Double, wearing bright orange polo shirts.

COACH
Yo, HeldDOWN be back in America, son! Its Da Coach, sitting next to the biggest bitch in all of wrestling Michael Cole! What up!

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
OAOAST WORLD TITLE
KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS THEODORE MONEYMAKER
TONIGHT!

COLE
That's a major mainevent here in Miami, Florida!

"Oh No" surprises the OAOAST fanbase when it hits, and out walks the "Urban Legend" to a decidedly mixed reaction.

COLE
There is he, the man who defeated Zack Malibu this past weekend at On Top of the World, and a man who, despite that victory, has left us with more questions than answers!

COACH
What do you need answered, Mikey Cole?  Cortez got the victory, Jason Silver got his revenge, and it was a good night had by all!

COLE
So you're saying he's out here to brag?

COACH
I don't know what he's out here for, I can't hear him over your girly voice!

Cortez, dressed in his gear but not booked for a match, takes the mic, and seems ready to answer some of those questions.

CORTEZ
Some of ya'll are booin', and some of ya'll are cheerin', but I know that what you really want are answers.  You wanna know why things went down the way they did at On Top of the World, right?  

The crowd responds with cheers for the statement, and Cortez nods his head.

CORTEZ
You people will get your answers, because I want them too!  I got nothin' to do with Jason Silver showing up the other night.  I wanted Zack Malibu one on one, man to man, and instead all I got was...

Just then, the lights drop, and Innerpartysystem's "Don't Stop" kicks on.  Though it's been months since this has happened on HeldDOWN~!, the fans know exactly how to react, booing mercilessly the arrival of Jason Silver to the flagship show!  Walking out and striking a Jesus pose, the flamboyant nephew of Anglesault heads to the ring smiling and clapping, pointing to his old friend Cortez.  Silver gets in the ring, but not before grabbing a mic of his own, and goes to hug Cortez, but the Urban Legend backs off, looking at Silver like he's crazy.

SILVER
Todd, c'mon...the game is over.  We don't have to pretend anymore.  YOU don't have to pretend anymore.  We did exactly what we said we were going to do, and we set Zack Malibu up brilliantly the other night.  The plan worked, baby!  This is a night of celebration!

CORTEZ
Plan?  WE?  I don't know what game you're playin', but let me make something clear, homie.  There ain't no "we" here.  After what you did...

SILVER
After what I did?  What I did was eliminate one of the biggest threats to talents like ourselves.  Everyone is in such shock that I did what I did to my uncle, so let me make one thing perfectly clear to you, to all these people, and to everyone in the back...I ENJOYED what I did to my uncle.  Because he gave me my first shot, he opened the door for me, and he wanted me to carry on his legacy...but then it became all about HIM.  It wasn't about me anymore, OR you.  It wasn't about Bo, Riggs, or Piercy D.  All we became were pawns in the game.

CORTEZ
Pawns in the game?  YOU got a World Title out of the deal, while I got stuck doing your dirty work.

SILVER
Cream always rises to the top, baby!  I proved to everyone that I was the best prospect in OAOAST history.  That I am the future, and that I'm the REAL Franchise, and do you know why?  Do you know what makes a Franchise?  A franchise is someone who takes on all comers and humbles them, regardless of affiliation.  I don't pander like Zack Malibu does.  I don't have regrets, like you seem to be having about Sunday night.  I took my own flesh and blood and gave him a beating worse than anything that happens on the very streets you come from!  So do yourself a favor, and tell that guilty conscience of yours to go screw, because you wanted to put one over on Malibu as much as I did.

CORTEZ
That right there is where YOU'RE wrong.  You don't get in my face and tell me what I wanted to do.  I've spent years getting caught up in the game, and yeah, maybe sometimes it's my own fault.  Sunday night was supposed to be my night to get out of the game, to stand on my own two feet...but it was YOU who couldn't let that happen.  Maybe you think I'm a threat if I'm not on your side.  Maybe you just need a friend, because no one in that locker room will even look at you after what you've done.

SILVER
And you know what?  That's a locker room full of god damn hypocrites because any one of them, whether they're "fan favorites" or get booed out of the building, would have done what I did!  Wasn't Zack Malibu himself talking about how badly my uncle was holding people back and holding them down?  That it wasn't Zack who was doing it?  So spare me the heinous actions speech.  You're a god damn street thug.  As far as I'm concerned your whole career has been nothing but a giant charity case, and what I did for you on Sunday night was just your latest gift.  So do yourself a favor, stop talking, and start THINKING.  You NEED me to have your back, because without me, you're just as big of an outcast.

Cortez is pissed off, and gets up in Silver's face...and that's when "Getting Away With Murder" hits, bringing the fans to their feet!

COACH
Another country heard from.

ZACK MALIBU heads down to the ring, already carrying a mic...and stops halway up the aisle.

MALIBU
You know, I came out here thinking I could be diplomatic, but...

Malibu throws the mic down, and charges the ring, sliding in and tackling Jason Silver to a huge pop!  Fists of fury rain down on the former World Champion, and as he struggles to break free, Cortez just stands watching.  Finally, Cortez pulls Zack off of Silver but takes no further action, simply separating the two superstars...but Malibu shoves him away, and goes after Silver again!  Zack blocks Silver in the corner and starts hammering on him, until Silver hits a low blow, dropping Zack with it!  Silver pushes his hair out of his eyes and hits a running kick to the side of his head, then starts stomping him, telling Cortez to get in on this as well.  Instead, Cortez pushes Silver away from Zack, coming to his defense!  The former friends go nose to nose, and Silver slaps Cortez across the face, only to be floored with a quick right hand from the Urban Legend!  Todd throws off his bulletproof vest and begs Silver to come at him, but Silver puts his hands up in surrender, not wanting any of it.  Cortez then goes to Malibu and pulls him up...but just as he brings Zack to his feet Silver takes the vest and comes running, smashing Malibu in the face with it!

COLE
WHAT THE HELL!

COACH
Haha, now THAT'S teamwork!

COLE
What do you mean, teamwork.  Cortez had nothing to do with that!

COACH
That's what you think!

Zack goes down, and Cortez stands over him in momentary shock, then turns to Silver, who darts out of the ring.  Silver calls for Cortez, saying "he's done, come on", a request which goes unanswered by Cortez.  Todd looks at Silver, then looks down at Zack, then simply picks up his bulletproof vest and leaves the ring.

COLE
What a volatile situation stemming from the events of our latest superhow.  Jason Silver is back, claiming he's got Todd Cortez's back, which doesn't seem to be appreciated by the Urban Legend!

COACH
In this business Mikey Cole, friends are few and far between.  Cortez might seem ungrateful now, but it's just a front, trust me.  I know how my boys operate!

COLE
Your "boys"?

COACH
Like I said, friends are few and far between.

COLE
Or in your case, none at all!  Fans, we'll be back, after this!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Backstage, OAOAST officials do their best to prevent an irate DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW from breaking into the CHURCH OF ABDULLAH dressing room.

DEUCE
Come out and face me like a man, you chicken[bleep]!

More officials enter the picture and eventually haul Deuce away.

COLE
Abdullah Nerdly won’t be able to hide behind a locked door forever. He’ll have to pay for his sins and Deuce wants to be the man who does it.

COACH
Deuce is lucky Abdullah didn’t step out and slap him down.

COLE
I’d like to see him try.

[Chanel #99]

“Living in America“ by James Brown hits and the All-American Boys appear on stage waving Old Glory.

BUFFER
The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by MARIACHI, from the Hearts of the American people, they fight for truth, justice and the American way… FREEDOM and LIBERTY… THE ALL-AMERICAN BOYS!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

The AABs illegal amigo has a flag of his own, but Mexico’s. After a brief word the guys toss the Mexican flag away and hand Mariachi the red, white and blue.

COLE
Mariachi’s still learning the All-American way it seems.

COACH
The brainwashing of citizens continues, Mikey Cole, and Mariachi isn’t even black… or a U.S. citizen!

The lights go out as “Amazing” by Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy hits.

BUFFER
And their opponents! Being led to the ring by their manager ABDULLAH NERDLY! Total combine weight 480 pounds… TTHHHUUUUUUNNDDEEERRRRRKKIIIIIIIIIIDD and RRRRRREEEEEJECT!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Abdullah leads his men down the silver lit stage. Once in the ring, Reject stares out into the OAOAST Galaxy with disdain, then along with TK blindside the All-American Boys.

* DINGDINGDING *

TK dumps Freedom outside and Abdullah is quick to get his licks in.

COLE
Uncalled for, damnit!

COACH
It’s not Abdullah’s fault Freedom is so clumsy he ran into his feet.

Mariachi rushes over to Freedom’s aid… but gets distracted by a PLAYGIRL magazine tossed to him by Abdullah.

COLE
How did Abdullah get my-- I mean where did Abdullah get that Playgirl?!

As Mariachi flips through the pages of Playgirl, Abdullah lands a few more cheap shots on Freedom. Meanwhile, TK and Reject absolutely obliterate Liberty with a PRESS SLAM INTO THE EULOGY~!!!

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

COACH
DAYUM~!

Reject covers Liberty as TK ambushes Mariachi outside, but before the ref can go down to make the count he first prevents Abdullah from entering the ring.

The reason: DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW!

COLE
Deuce’s wild!

The Beast from Sin City emerges through the OAOAST Galaxy and delivers a TOP ROPE FLYING HEADBUTT to Reject!

COACH
What cheap shot artist Deuce is, Cole. Reject never saw him coming.

All riled up, Abdullah slips off the apron as Deuce places Liberty on top of reject and exits.

The count.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!!

* DINGDINGDING *

THUNDERKID


COLE
They did it! They did it! The All-American Boys have defeated Reject and TK!

COACH
Thanks to outside interference from Deuce Deuce Bigelow.

Freedom pulls Liberty to safety and the two proud American celebrate along with Mariachi, who stumbles into view. Meanwhile, Abdullah throws a fit in the ring.

COLE
The CoA got a taste of their own medicine and they didn’t like it one bit. Folks, HeldDOWN continues after this!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Backstage in the interview area, Josh Matthews is standing with Theodore Moneymaker.

JOSH
Mister Moneymaker, at On Top Of The World, we saw Oscar Friberg hit you with The Birdcall after Spencer Reiger assisted him in beating Landon Maddix.

MONEYMAKER
Oscar Friberg? What a fool, what a fool, what a fool. Oscar, kid, I offered you the world. I put the world on a silver platter, and said “here, take it, its your’s“ I saw your struggles, I saw your pain, I saw your hurt. And I said I can make it go away. I saw your dreams, your hopes, and your desires. And I said I can make them come true. And what did you say in response? You said F-U. Oscar, you’re young, you think you can do it all by yourself. Take on this big wide world all by your lonesome. You want to be a lone wolf. But, kid, I’m here to tell you, the lone wolf always starves. And by the time you learn that, your career and your life will have passed you by.

JOSH
What of Landon Maddix who suffered a deafeat thanks to your Enterprise?

MONEYMAKER
Landon Maddix cares more about me than I do about him. That’s plain to see. To him I’m Jesus, I’m Moses, I’m Allah, I’m everything he wishes deep down inside his soul that he could be. I make him sick with envy. But what does he make me? Bored! I’ve got better things to discuss than that goofball.

JOSH
Tonight, you’ll face Krista Isadora Duncan for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title.

MONEYMAKER
Krista, we’ve danced this dance many times before, my unrequited love. I do cherish the time we spend together, however volatile it may be. You are this sport’s queen and I am its King. Together we could make such sweet melodies as to reach the heavens! But, the queen is always subordinate to the king. That’s the sticking point in our relationship. You refuse to bow to my superior nature, and surrender yourself to my mind, body, and soul. Because of that, I must break you down to level of a nickel and dime peon. I’ve got to show you that your continued survival depends on my unconditional love. How do I plan on doing that, you might ask? I plan on doing it by taking away your OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. Right when that moment happens you will look to me and you will say “Theodore, you truly are better than me, please accept my undying love for you.” And what a moment that will be! BWHHAAHAHAHAHHAAA!

JOSH
Finally, how does it feel to be performing in front of your hometown audience?

MONEYMAKER
I had James sneak a peek at some of these fellow Miamians before the show began, and the report was not exactly glowing. Fat, ghastly, ugly, and slovenly were the nicer adjectives he used to describe them. Josh, this is not my Miami. This is the Miami of the poor, the uneducated, the filthy and the criminal. It’s the Miami of immigrants, gang bangers, thugs, and whores. All that aside, these peons should feel free to cheer their hearts out for me because I am a true community leader and one day I may just be governor of Florida! BWHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA!

[Chanel #99]

TAPED AFTER IN YOUR PARENTS BASEMENT: ON TOP OF THE WORLD

Our scene is an empty cafeteria. Its rather fortunate its empty due to the fact that Odin is destroying it. He overturns tables, tosses plates against the wall, and slams glasses onto the floor. Watching all this Detective Tango Bosley and CPA.

BOSLEY
Go talk to him.

CPA
You want me to speak with him?

BOSLEY
I can’t do it. No, no. I might say the wrong thing, he summons a lightening bolt and BOOM its man down. I’m in heaven and shit, and god’s there and he’s looking at me, and he’s shitting his pants because it’s the Alpha Male Of The Group and holy fuck no angel is gonna follow his old foggie ass when you’ve got the Bos-Master up here doing big boy things. He’s gonna get pissed, and I’m gonna have to wreck him. I don’t want to beat god up but, shit, man, I got a rep to uphold.

CPA
Fine. I’ll talk to him.

CPA walks over to Odin. After Odin sends a plate against a wall, CPA taps him on the shoulder.

ODIN
It is unwise to be in my company, Christopher.

CPA
I understand you’re a little bit angry.

ODIN
I am more than a little bit angry, I am enraged!

CPA
And I would be to. But, no offense, you went about this wrong way.

ODIN
And how should I have proceeded, in your esteemed opinion?

CPA
You want to take over the OAOAST Galaxy. Good goal to have. But you met opposition from Alfdogg, and he put Alix in front of you. There’s where things went bad.

ODIN
The events went terrible.

CPA
You shouldn’t have ever took Alix on one on one, that’s how you get embarrassed. You’re not gonna beat one of the hardest people to fight one on one, no matter if you can light cars on fire or call down rain. That shit don’t help you in the ring. But now you’re here, overturning tables and what not, and really all you gotta be doing is rethinking your strategy. Alf is gonna have Alix fight you every step of the way, there’s no getting around that. You’ve got to beat her. How you gonna do that? You gonna do it on your terms. Tell Alf you want a rematch, but you pick the type of match.

ODIN
And what match best benefits me?

CPA
A buried alive match.

Odin smiles, CPA having hit upon a fantastic idea.

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
OAOAST WORLD TITLE
KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS THEODORE MONEYMAKER
TONIGHT!

[Chanel #99]

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith

And I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Stepping onto the an entrance stage that’s coated in green and gold lights are the duo Theodore Moneymaker and the drop-dead gorgeous Lorelei DeCenzo. The Money Honey shows off her voluptuous assets with a twirl while the 2011 King Of The Ring arrogantly raises the money fingers into the air.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Now making his way to the ring, accompanied by LORELEI DECENZO, from Miami Beach, Florida, he is the 2011 King Of The Ring, THE DEVIL HIMSELF….THEOOOODOOOORREEEEE MMMMMOOOONNNNNEEEEYYYYYMMMAAAKKKEERRR!

The hometown audience is none to pleased to see the returning “hero” and blast him with a torrent of hatred.

COLE
Theodore Moneymaker renewing his long-standing rivalry with Krista Isadora Duncan here on HeldDOWN, and the stakes have never been higher. The Devil Himself looks to return to world title greatness with his first world title shot since he lost the belt in 2009.

COACH
Mister Moneymaker has gotta be careful, because I’ve heard rumblings that King Landon isn’t at all happy he got a title opportunity. So, it ain’t gonna be no surprise if we see a Kingdom member get involved in this one.

Moneymaker enters the ring with pomp and circumstance, smugly assuring all of his rightful claim to the OAOAST World Title as well as Krista herself.

Give me those bright lights, long nights
High rise, over time

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Give me them bright lights, long nights
Party till the sun is rising
High rise, over time
Working till the moon is shining
Hot guys, fly girls
Never thought I'd say
I feel on top of the world
I feel on top of the world Hey

Dancers decked out in exotic fortune teller costumes populate the multicolored lit entry way. Striding out onto the stage, with crystal ball in hand is world champion, Krista Isadora Duncan. An eye catching pose is displayed by the foxy mama before she sets down the ball and strolls to the ring.

BUFFER
And the champion! hailing from the unofficial capital of the UNIVERSE, LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA!! She is a New York Times best selling author... a reality TV star... the founder of the FIT with KID line of exercise videos... a member of the Hollywood Walk Of Fame... the most desirable woman in Hollywood...KRISTA... IIIISSSSSAAADDOOOOOORRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA... DDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Krista spins around at the bottom of the entrance stage as the wind machine sends her hair flowing through its breeze.

COLE
Krista Isadora Duncan added her record sixth world title victory, which goes along perfectly with her record six tag titles. But does she enter this match at one hundred percent?

COACH
No way, Mikey Cole. Bohemoth put a beating on Krista at On Top Of The World and now she’s stepping in the ring with the 2011 King Of The Ring. Her sixth world title reign is going to be a very short one.

Krista hangs herself upside down on the third rope to show off this highly lusted after legs of her’s.

DING DING DING

KRISTA
This morning I awoke with a grey hair. In my field that’s worse than waking up with a ten year old Cambodian prostitute in your bed. Why did I have this grey hair? Is it the natural onset of age? Or perhaps that Maya brought home some cave dweller who refers to himself as “T-Dogg” this past Monday. Or maybe because my mother forced me to listen to an endless rant how my father has never been able to fufill her unquenchable sexual thirst while Ricardo the Gardner does so with expertise and gusto. No, I awoke with a grey hair, because I must deal with you. Again. Why is that every six months or so when I’m on the right mix of antidepressants and the people in my family have not conspired to gouge out my every last shred of sanity, you come along to ruin things?

MONEYMAKER
I do what I do only out of a deep seated and tender love. One day when I’m president of the United States and you’re my doting God-fearing Christian wife you’ll come to appreciate all that I have done for you.

KRISTA
You’ve done about as much for me as Lee Harvey Oswald did for JFK!

MONEYMAKER
Maybe, in defeat you’ll learn your true place.

Krista and Moneymaker tangle inside a lockup. No more than a few seconds pass before Moneymaker is shoving Krista into the corner. Referee Earl Hebner calls for a clean break, which is then given by the money maven. Moneymaker adds insult to insult by giving Krista an “encouraging” pat on the shoulder. Miss California responds by swinging her arm around his head for a headlock.

COACH
I don’t get why Krista is so opposed to being at Mister Moneymaker’s side.

COLE
Maybe because every year since 2007 he’s tried in some way, shape or form to destroy her family, ruin her life, and bend her to his awful will?

Krista is shoved into the ropes by Moneymaker. The Billion Dollar heir lowers his head, which allows the six time world champion to sunset flip him for a pinfall…

ONE!


Moneymaker rolls out the pinfall, ending the count. He comes to his feet, where he’s booted in the stomach by Krista. She hooks him up for her version of the side effect. But before she can give him a taste of Life In The Fab Lane, she’s shoved into the ropes. The cables spew her back directly into a lariat from The Enterprise CEO.

MONEYMAKER
I’M KING OF THE WORLD!

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!”

The challenger takes off into the ropes, but with Krista standing on the way back he’s forced to leapfrog her. He keeps running the cables, but returns to be floored by a spinning wheel kick from the champion. Moneymaker is left in anguish, and grouses about the possibility of having teeth loosened.

KRISTA
Oh, quit your whining. You’re just lucky I couldn’t find a way to smuggle hand grenades and vicious pit-fighting Dobermans into the ring. Alix can bring in a dildo that squirts water, but I can’t bring in a rabid animal? Life is just too unfair.

Krista pulls Moneymaker off the canvas, in order to attempt and Irish whip to the corner. However, Moneymaker reverses the hold and Krista falls back first into the corner. The impact she lands with is so great that she falls down to the canvas. Moneymaker pulls Krista off the canvas, and prepares to punch her in the face. But realizing that would ruin the object of his affection’s fine looks, she decides to tangle her inside a small package…

ONE!



No!


Moneymaker stomps at Krista, striking her in the back of the head. He leaves her behind to raise the infamous money fingers to the Miami audience.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

COLE
What would it do to the war between The Kingdom and The Enterprise if Theodore Moneymaker was able to take control of the OAOAST World Title.

COACH
It would send King Landon through the roof!

Moneymaker pulls Krista into a front facelock after she rises off the canvas. He lifts her into the air, and then brings her back down with a basic vertical suplex. A pinfall follows…

ONE!



TWO!


Krista gets the shoulder up!

“LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA!”

COACH
Imagine the kind of team Mister Moneymaker and Krista would make, inside the ring and outside the ring. They’d own the world! With Moneymaker’s business acumen, she’d be a huge celebrity.

COLE
She already is a huge celebrity.

COACH
But, I mean bigger than Oprah!

Moneymaker pulls Krista up, ready to deal out more damage to the world champion. However, he’s halted by a most impressive sight…



“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

This stuns Moneymaker, and reduces him to a drooling wreck. As such Krista is able to dropkick him away. He staggers backwards, eventually dumping himself over the ropes. Lorelei panics as Krista exits the ring with a sly plan in her mind. She hunches over, providing the nearby fans a look at her bethonged butt, while she waits for Moneymaker to rise. When he steps off the blue ring mats, she runs onto the steel steps, springing off with a flying knee. Luckily for Moneymaker, he’s able to duck and Krista sails innocently past him. Not him so innocent is the lariat he launches at the world champion. Krista sweeps bellow the attack to avoid it. After springing onto the steel steps, she launches herself back to strike down Moneymaker with an enziguri!

COLE
Theodore Moneymaker may be out of this one. And what a set back that would be, days after being Birdcalled by Oscar Friberg he blows his chance to capture his second OAOAST World Title.

Krista rolls Moneymaker into the ring, and follows him inside for the pinfall…

ONE!



TWO!


Lorelei can breathe easily as her boss brings his shoulder up. However, the offense keeps flowing from the six-time world champion as she drops a standing Moneymaker with a leaping spin kick. She then positions himself at her side, causing the home audience to close the door, and prepare the baby oil and tissues.

KRISTA
I know a standing moonsault is impressive, but please settle down. You are cheering for the standing moonsault correct?

“NO!”

KRISTA
90% moonsault, 10% booty?

“NO!”

KRISTA
70% moonsault 30% booty?

“NO!”

KRISTA
50-50?

“NO!”

KRISTA
0% moonsault, 100% booty?

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

KRISTA
So what you’re saying is you only care about me jiggling my booty? I don’t even have to do the moonsault portion? I’ve been adding extra stress on my knees for three years, and risking injury for nothing? Somebody could’ve told me this a lot sooner. Simply out of protest, I will NOT be bouncing this juicy butt.
“SHAKE YOUR ASS! SHAKE YOUR ASS! SHAKE YOUR ASS!”

KRISTA
What, I’m gathering is that you just like my ass, the rest of me is just part of the package. If my ass is a whopper, the rest of me is the pickle you pick off anyway! I’ll be mentioning you all to my therapist. Oh well, I’ll give you what you came for, and are going to come for!



“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Krista hits an impressive but ultimately unappreciated moonsault onto Moneymaker. Hebner drops down to count the resulting pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!


Kickout!

COLE
Krista told admitted to me earlier today that she doesn’t feel one hundred percent. Then she realized she was actually giving me the time of day and walked away in a huff. But, the conclusion is that Theodore Moneymaker might be able to pick off a weakened champion.

Krista shoots Moneymaker towards the ropes. Rather than bounce back to Miss California, he dives through the ropes and out the ring. This earns him boos from his hometown audience.

COLE
Moneymaker’s fellow Miamians have been firmly against him since this match began.

COACH
No appreciation for a man who’s done so much for the community.

COLE
What? He wouldn’t do a thing for his own grandmother!

Krista follows Moneymaker outside. Unaware of her arrival, he’s taken by surprise when she shoves him against the guardrail. Miss California then surges forward at Moneymaker, but the billionaire sinks to the ground and drop toe holds her against the guardrail. Krista screams in pain as a result of the lethal counter.

COLE
Krista and Moneymaker locked into a fierce battle for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! We’ll be back!

COMMERCIAL

Returning from break, we find Moneymaker has captured Krista inside a reverse chinlock.

COLE
Moneymaker’s only world title came at the expense of Krista, and his ego would explode tonight if he won over his greatest rival.

Krista fights to her feet, despite the fact that Moneymaker has tightened the hold. She sits out, driving Moneymaker’s chin straight into her skull. This dazes Moneymaker, and allows Krista to whip him into the corner. She darts towards him, only to meet with a diving lariat upon her arrival. Moneymaker makes the cover…

ONE!



TWO!


Kickout!


Moneymaker brings Krista towards the center of the ring, so that he may perform a swinging neckbreaker on the champion. From there he delivers a Fistful of Dollars to her with an old school fist drop. Assuming that to be enough to earn victory, he hooks Krista’s legs for the pincover…

ONE!



TWO!


Krista makes the kickout just before the three!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Moneymaker yanks Krista off the canvas, and then wraps his arms around her neck for a sleeper hold. His hometown crowd immediately gets behind his opposition. They clap their hands and urge her to escape so that she may retain her freshly won world title.

COLE
This is the longest rivalry in all the OAOAST, and one of the longest in wrestling. Every year there’s some kind of issue between these two.

COACH
That’s Krista’s fault. Mister Moneymaker acts with kindness and love towards her, and she gets all uppity and angry.

Moneymaker senses that Krista is soon to break free of his hold. Thusly he ends the attack himself, and then clubs her down to the ground.

MONEYMAKER
CHEER ME, MIAMI, I AM YOUR KING!

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK YOU SUCK!”

Moneymaker frowns at is fellow Floridians comments, as he starts to pull Krista up by the hair. Suddenly, she leaps upwards and strikes him in the head with a back kick!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Both competitors are clearly dizzied and hurt, remaining grounded. As such Hebner begins his count…

ONE!


TWO!



THREE!


Both performers begin to make movements to get to their feet.

FOUR!


Before a five count can be made, they rise off the canvas. Krista sees the first offense attack go her way with running knee Moneymaker’s jaw. This drops Moneymaker to his knees, leaving him defenseless against the side effect she nails him with!

COLE
Blonds Never Pay a Cover! The cover!

CROWD
ONE!


CROWD
TWO!



Moneymaker breaks free of the pinfall. As he starts to sit up, Krista backs into the ropes. Running back, she fires off a knee aimed at Moneymaker’s face. But he ducks back, grabs hold of her leg, and rolls her into a pinfall!

ONE!



TWO!


Krista rolls her way through the pincover. She gets to her feet the same time as Moneymaker, and strikes him with a pair of forearms. With Moneymaker out on his feet, Krista is able to flip him over with a back flip rock bottom!

KRISTA
A backflip at my age, carrying over a two hundred thirty seven pound man? That deserves a “Krista” chant.

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

Krista drags Moneymaker into the corner, facing him diagonally to the posts. She springs onto the top rope, and then corkscrews back with a moonsault! Hebner gets into position to count the pinfall…

CROWD
ONE!


CROWD
TWO!


But, Lorelei is on the ring apron to distract the referee.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

KRISTA
Sweet mercy, honey, if you’re going to stare at a pair of boobs at least make it ones that don’t sag down to the earth’s crust.

Krista yanks Moneymaker off the canvas so that she may shoot him into the ropes. She makes the critical error of lowering her head, which causes Moneymaker to sunset flip her. Krista refuses to be brought down into a pinfall over, steadfastly remaining upright. Moneymaker tugs and tugs, but to no avail. Finally all his efforts result in whipping away her skirt! Exposed is Krista’s righteously round ass and muscular, toned legs!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COACH
Whoooo-hooooo!

Moneymaker eventually manages to drag Krista down into the pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!


Krista rolls out the pinfall. The thong wearing beauty comes to her feet, and throws out a lariat at her archrival. He ducks the attack, and sweeps behind her to attempt a back suplex. Luckily, she’s able to flip free of the hold. But when she spins him around, he stabs her stomach with his red boot. After hooking her into a front facelock he’s able to strike her down with the Spear Of Longinus!

COLE
The spear that slew Christ may have slain Krista’s sixth world championship!

Lorelei preemptively celebrates a title victory, and the audience panics as Moneymaker performs a pivotal cover…

ONE!



TWO!


LANDON MADDIX pulls the referee out the ring!

COLE
Where did Landon come from?

Hebner and Landon get into a heated argument, over Landon’s interference in the contest. Landon isn’t apologetic in the least, claiming that Moneymaker has no right to the title of King nor does he have any right to a world championship.

COACH
King Landon, your highness, what have you done?!

Taking advantage of this situation, Lorelei grabs a steel chair to slide into the ring. Moneymaker grabs the object, and prepares to pummel Krista with it.

KRISTA
Wait!

MONEYMAKER


KRISTA
I need you to check something out.

MONEYMAKER
What?

KRISTA
My breasts.



MONEYMAKER, CROWD, and COACH


KIDOLOGY BY KRISTA!

COLE
She got him!

The cover…

CROWD
ONE!


CROWD
TWO!


CROWD
THREE!


DING DING DING

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a pinfall, and still OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion…KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN!

Landon celebrates himself as though he’s the one who had retained the OAOAST World Title.

COLE
Krista Isadora Duncan-

COACH
Isn’t wearing any clothes!

COLE
And she has craftily pulled out a victory with a helpful assist from Landon Maddix!

The topless and busty babe performs some sexy dance moves for the audience’s delight as we…

FADE OUT