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OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 9/23/11


Tony149

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THE OAOAST WELCOMES YOU TO MILAN, ITALY

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-
BROADCAST IN OAOAST 3D



We go straight to Sofa Central where the announce desk is adorned with an Italian flag.

COLE
Welcome to Milan, Italy welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Michael Cole teaming up with Da Coach for the final HeldDOWN before On Top Of The World our latest installment in the In Your Parents' Basement series.

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE
KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS REMY BAZIL
TONIGHT!

COACH
Don't know why Krista agreed to that match, she ain't at one hundred percent. Why get yourself into what's basically a hardcore match?

COLE
We've got all that and more on tonight's HeldDOWN~!

“You Were a King Now You’re Unconscious” brings its epic qualities into the arena. Blue smoke falls from the ceiling onto an entrance stage that houses the God of War, Odin. The despised gladiator strides to the ring with an arrogant smile residing on his handsome face.

COLE
Odin will meet Alix Maria Spezia this Sunday at In Your Parents’ Basement: On Top Of The World live on pay per view from Buffalo, New York.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the fans hiss as Odin enters the squared circle and is given a microphone.

ODIN
It is unwise to taunt me, mortals.

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!”

ODIN
Very well. Insult me at your own risk. As your luck would have it, I have more important matters to address than that of your blasphemy.  My conquest of the OAOAST Galaxy has not been met with mortals bowing at my boots and giving worship to me. Instead it has been met with opposition. This opposition comes from a fool named Alfdogg.

COLE
That’s the OAOAST Commissioner he’s talking about.

ODIN
Alfdogg is not a strong human. He is not one of the few mortals worthy of my respect. Alfdogg is frail and weak, and easily disposed of. But he hinds behind mortal terms such as suspensions and fines and thinks to himself that will contain my wrath. Alfdogg is also old and a fool. He does not realize I am the new king. The word commissioner, or president, or general manager or what have you mean nothing when the word that defines you is GOD!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

ODIN
Alfdogg, being weak, will not engage me in any sort of battle, but being a fool he believes he can still defeat me! Due to this erroneous belief, he puts out an obstacle to thrawt my question at On Top Of The World.  The name of this obstacle is Alix Maria Spezia.

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

ODIN
A human female is the strongest defense the OAOAST Galaxy can muster against me? HAHAHAHAHA! I have to laugh at that pathetic attempt at a joke.  No man can stand up to me and live to see another day. Certainly no weak and fragile female can ever hope to achieve victory over a warrior such as myself.

COLE
I think Odin is making a mistake underestimating Alix.

ODIN
Alix Maria Spezia, I have seen your antics. They are those of a court jester, or a simple circus clown, acts designed to entertain the basic human nature you are all a slave to. I am no human I am a God! You will not entertain me, nor will you distract me. I will dominate you and you will perish underneath my boot. And then I shall be an all important step closer to taking hold of the OAOAST Galaxy.

Odin’s theme music comes back over the venue, as the man himself smiles a broad grin over his impending conquest.

COMMERCIAL
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We return from break with our view focused on Michael Buffer.

BUFFER
The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Currently in the ring, the team of TOM TERRIFIC and THE MILKMAN!

Both competitors receive a nice round of applause.

COACH
These boys gonna get them ass kicked, Mikey Cole.

COLE
They’re heavy underdogs, but anything can happen in the OAOAST.

“Amazing” by Kanye West featuring Young Jeezy hits and Abdullah Nerdly leads his two church members down the aisle. As that happens, the Milkman decides to deliver cartons of milk to fans in the front row.

BUFFER
And their opponents, accompanied by ABDULLAH NERDLY, weighing a total combine weight of 480 pounds… REJECT and THUNDERKID! And they represent THE CHURCH OF ABDULLAH!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Reject & TK jump in the ring and beat the tar out of Tom. Meanwhile, the Milkman continues to pass out milk ringside despite OAOAST Galaxy pleas to turn around, which he mistakes for them being eager to receive free milk.

COLE
Milkman!

The Milkman hears Cole and shoots him a hearty thumbs up, then some milk.

COACH
That guy’s stuck in the 1950s. But he’s being spared a beat down.

TK spikes Tom head-first with his THUNDERBOLT brain buster, and then Reject delivers a BIG ELBOW!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!!

* DINGDINGDING *

THE MILLKMAN
:huh:

The Milkman realizes what happened and dives into the ring, where he receives a EULOGY courtesy of the R-man!

ABDULLAH
:)

Abdullah and his men pose triumphantly over their foes fallen bodies.

COLE
Will Big Papa Thrust and Deuce Deuce Bigelow suffer the same fate this Sunday night live on pay-per-view when the OAOAST is On Top of the World: In Your Parents’ Basement?

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Backstage in his office, OAOAST President Alfdogg is busy, filing some paperwork. Probably not the best time for admin work, as someone is always liable to jump in and interrupt him.

PIERCE
Yo! Alf-bro!

Kinda like that.

ALFDOGG
Can I help you two?

With both Pierce Duncan and James Riggs barging into his office and clearly feeling agrieved about something, Alf puts his paperwork to one side.

PIERCE
We just heard the news. What's the deal, bro? You're giving those lamewads, Tim Cash and Biffman, a Tag Team Title shot at the next show!? Are you serious!?

ALFDOGG
Hold on. First off, that hasn't even been finalised yet, so how do you two even know about it?

RIGGS
Amber told us. Heard it from her little boyfriend. That's besides the point, the point is, what the hell are you thinking?

ALFDOGG
What I'm thinking is, last week, those two "lamewads" as you called them beat the Tag Team Champions in a non-title match. So, if you ask me, that entitles them to a shot at the belts. Not to mention, those guys are already former Tag Team Champions as it is.

RIGGS
They might be former champions and they might have beat D*LUX last week. But you know damn well, we beat them at AngleSlam. So, if they're the number one contenders, then what does that make us exactly? Where's our title shot?

ALFDOGG
You mean like the one you got a couple of months ago?

RIGGS
Which we earned. Just like we've earned one now!

Alfdogg sighs, realising Pierce and JR aren't going to take no for an answer lightly.

ALFDOGG
Alright. Maybe you guys have a point. You did win at AngleSlam.

PIERCE
Hell yeah we did! And we didn't even get our five minutes, like we were supposed to, thanks to Wack Malibu!

ALFDOGG
Fair enough. Consider the match changed, to a triple threat match. D*LUX, Tim and Biff and you two, for the Tag Team Titles.

PIERCE
WHOOP WHOOP!

An over-excited Pierce tries to get a high five from Riggs, who isn't feeling it, so Pierce slowly lowers his hand.

RIGGS
Glad we could get this straightened out, Alf.

COMMERCIAL

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Backstage we find Queen Esther attending to her rose garden. How, and why she manages to transport a rose garden everywhere much less across the pond to an entirely different country is beyond me. But that’s what she’s doing. She’s soon approached by the suave rookie, Remy Bazil.

QUEEN ESTHER
Oh, hello, Remy. Might I say, you look rather frowny today.

REMY
Chere, I just don’t know what to do.

QUEEN ESTHER
What’s wrong?

REMY
Alfdogg has put me in a falls count anywhere match with Krista. I don’t mind admitting when I’m in over my head, and I’m in over my head in this one. I think Alfdogg wants me dead.

QUEEN ESTHER
Oh that’s just not right! Whatever shall you do?

REMY
Maybe, if I had the support of a beautiful creature, I would have the strength needed to beat that bonne a rienne.

QUEEN ESTHER
A beautiful creature? Such as a butterfly!

REMY
Perhaps, something taller, and even more beautiful, with gorgeous red hair.

QUEEN ESTHER
Do you mean myself? You can have my support! I’ll gladly give it to you!

REMY
Why thank you, chere, that would mean so much to me.

Remy kisses Queen Esther on the hand.

QUEEN ESTHER
:wub:

Surprising both Remy and Esther, is Bohemoth who walks onto the scene.

BOHEMOTH
Sorry, Queenie, the head cheerleader role is taken. By me.

REMY
Bohemoth? Hello, podna!

BOHEMOTH
You didn’t get the job done last week, Bazil. But that’s okay. You weren’t ready. They threw you out against a woman who’s damn near unstoppable without any warning. Or help. This week you have me by your side.

REMY
You’re going to be at ringside with me, podna?

BOHEMOTH
Heh. I’ll be more than just at ringside with you. I’ll be fighting right alongside you. Consider this a handicap match, and if we win, there’s still a world title shot in your future.

REMY
With a tahyo like you at my side, I can’t help but win!

Remy beams a bright and overjoyed smile to Queen Esther who looks a little disappointed at not being able to accompany him to ringside.

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OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Is Brought To You By
FIFA 12-In Stores Tuesday

"Hit Em Up" by 2-Pac hits, which is somehow deemed okay to be broadcast on TV. Only in the OAOAST. Almost as foul mouthed as the song, Holly makes her way down to the ring, mouthing some unkind words to the camera for getting too close to her.

BUFFER
The following tag team match is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Las Vegas, Nevada... representing THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS, "THE ANGEL OF DEATH"... HHHOOOOOOOOOLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

COLE
I wonder what that kind hearted, God fearing soul Abdullah would think of this music choice for Holly?

COACH
Please. You think Abdullah's gonna be asking questions with Holly? Just let her use whatever music she wants and get the hell out the way.

COLE
Good point.


I dug my key into the side of his
pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires...

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

Holly looks on sourly, as the much less vulgar theme "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood plays out her partner. Smiling broadly, Melissa Nerdly strolls down to the ring, raising her cowboy hat and doing a bow in the aisle.

BUFFER
And her tag team partner! Now residing in Nashville, Tennessee, by way of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada... MMMEEEELLLLLLIIIISSSSSAAAAAA... NNEEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

COLE
Melissa has been craving attention recently, as she tries to launch this country music career of her's. And last week, that lead to her crashing the unveiling of Jade's OAOAST magazine photoshoot and... well, insulting her!

COACH
I don't know if she meant to insult her.

COLE
She sang a song saying Jade had puppy fat.

COACH
She had a song to share with the world. Who are you to deny her from sharing her gift?

Melissa enters the ring and tries to whip up the crowd behind her. Which doesn't seem to work. Giving up quickly on that, Melissa bumps fists with Holly and starts limbering up.


"Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy)
And you don’t care what they say
See, every time you turn around
They screamin' your name

Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy)
And you don’t care what they say
See, every time you turn around
They screamin' your name"


You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

Showing a little sisterly solidarity, Maya Duncan-Blanchard and Jade Rodez-Duncan double up entrances and both come bounding out to Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream", firing up the Milan crowd. Playing to both sides of the stage, Maya and Jade meet in the middle, for an elaborate handshake routine, ending with a hip bump. Which Maya seems much more in rhythm with than Jade, but is pulled off without anyone looking too stupid.

BUFFER
And introducing their opponents! From Los Angeles, California... the team of "THE TEEN DREAM" MMMAAAAAYYYYYAAAAAA DDUUUUNNCCAAAAANN - BBLLLLAAAAAAAANNCCHHHHAAAAARRRRDD... and, the OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION, "LITTLE MISS CALIFORNIA" JJJAAAAADDEEEEEE RRRROOOOODDEEEEEZZZZ - DDUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAANN!!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

The Duncan girls skip down to the ring, all sweetness and light. Which doesn't impress Holly whatsoever. As they slide in the ring, Jade jumps up and starts to wave to the crowd. But Maya pops up in front of her, inadvertantly (maybe) hitting a big pose and blocking Jade out. Which she apologises for when Jade looks annoyed at her.

COLE
The OAOAST Galaxy definitely saw a different side of Jade last week!

COACH
Yeah. We also saw her ass!

COLE
That was... you know, what was implied... oh, forget it.

Jade glares across the ring at Melissa, while Maya is more concerned with playing to the Italian fans.

COLE
It's going to be interesting to see how Jade and Maya operate as a tag team. This is their first match as a team since patching up their differences after their Women's Title match at AngleSlam. And an important match too, with Jade set to defend her title against Melissa in three nights at On Top Of The World.

As Jade and Maya try to decide who's going to start the match, Holly and then Melissa see their chance and get the jump on them before the bell!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Look at this! Holly and Melissa wasting no time, catching the Duncan girls unprepared!


*DINGDINGDING*

Attacking from behind, Holly and Melissa beat down Maya and Jade respectively. Both get the same idea and throw the Duncan sisters into the ropes. Both then make the same mistake of ducking their heads too early, allowing Jade and Maya to execute sunset flips on them!


DOUBLE 1...



DOUBLE 2...



NO!

As all four scramble to their feet, Holly and Melissa try clotheslines, but are caught with dueling crucifixes!


DOUBLE 1...



DOUBLE 2...



NO!

Holly and Melissa try to gain some control, which is rapidly deserting them at the moment. However both fall prey to double leg trips and are caught in jacknife pins!


DOUBLE 1...



DOUBLE 2...



NO!

MAYA
(to Jade)
Hey! Stop copying me!

JADE
Copying you? I am not copying you! Maybe you're copying me!

MAYA
Nope. Since I'm faster than you, technically everything I'm doing is at least a second quicker, thus, copying me.

JADE
Grr.

Luckily for the Duncan girls, they're able to air out their grievances quickly enough to notice Melissa and Holly charging at them. Both girls sidestep. Causing Holly and Melissa to collide and fall down.

COLE
That was some patented Duncan nonchalance, just letting their opponents do harm to themselves. Krista would be proud.

Holly rolls outside, grumbling about her partner's incompetence. Maya quickly takes control of Melissa and wrings her arm as the match finally settles down. The Duncans make a legal tag and Jade slams Melissa's outstretched arm with an elbow attack. Taking over on the arm, she twists it into a wristlock. But before Jade can enjoy getting some revenge on Melissa for too long, she suddenly feels a slap on the back from Maya, who's decided to tag herself back in. Jade holds Melissa's arm out, as she's told, while Maya slowly climbs the turnbuckles. On the way up, she then stops and plays to the Italian crowd.

"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

JADE
Alright, we get the point. Can we hurry this up, please?

The double team isn't quite hurried enough, as Jade can't hold onto Melissa much longer. Melissa breaks free of Jade by booting her in the gut. But Maya finally comes off the top with a double axehandle seconds later, catching Melissa in the back of the head.

MAYA
That went well. High-five!

JADE
No.

Jade goes to the apron, also grumbling about her partner, who sends Melissa to the ropes and catches her with a standing dropkick! Cover...


1...



2...



No!

As Melissa staggers into a corner, holding her face, Maya follows after her. After a couple of clubbing blows, Maya whips Melissa across the ring. She then tries a move in the corner, but Melissa gets a boot up.

HOLLY
(bleep)ing get her!

With 'encouragement' from Holly, Melissa charges out of the corner, but right into a Powerslam!


1...



2...



No!

Calmly waiting for Melissa to get to her feet, Maya takes aim and jabs the country wannabe right in the throat!

COACH
Oh no! Not her voice!

Melissa freaks out, fearing that her melodic vocal chords may have been damaged. Behind her back, a tag is made to Jade, who waits for Melissa to stop overreacting and turn around. Finally, Melissa realises she might not be mute for life and turns, to get hooked down with a big clothesline.

COACH
Come on referee, don't let them damage those lungs!

Showing a bit more of a fiery side, Jade doesn't let up on Melissa. Stomping away, she wears Melissa out with kicks as Melissa tries in vain to crawl away.

JADE
Who's got puppy fat now, huh!?

MAYA
(raising her hand)
Ooh! Ooh! I know, pick me! Over here!

Ignoring her sister, Jade hits Melissa in the face with a couple of punches. The Women's Champion then turns and hits the ropes... but gets hit with a KNEE FROM THE OUTSIDE, by Holly!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Jade stumbles away from the ropes, right into an impressive Spinning Heel Kick from Melissa, who celebrates her feat with a loud cheer. Maya tries to inform the referee what happened, but he didn't see it, much to the Duncan girls chagrin. A legal tag is made by Melissa, bringing Holly in to put the boots to Jade.

COLE
Just like that, those veteran tricks of Holly have turned this match around.

COACH
Did you just accuse Holly of turning tricks?

COLE
I... uhh... I didn't... oh...

COACH
I'll make sure to let her know later.

After stomping a sufficient amount of life out of Jade, Holly turns around and aims a few choice words at Maya. Dragging Jade up by the hair, Holly then roughs the Women's Champion up a bit, before lifting her on her shoulders. Jade tries to fight free, but is thrown off into the gutbuster anyway. Cover...


1...




2...




No!

HOLLY
Come on you little slut! Why don't you get your (bleep) out now, see if it helps you?

COLE
Oh my.

Jade tries to fight back from underneath, but a hard kick from Holly's combat boots soon puts a stop to that. Walking over, Holly places her foot on Jade's chest and demands a count...


1...




2...



No!

HOLLY
COUNT FASTER YOU (bleep)HEAD!

COLE
Thank goodness we're in a country where most people don't understand what Holly's saying.

Holly picks Jade up again and delivers a bodyslam. Off the ropes, she tries leaving her feet with an elbow drop. And soon remembers why she rarely leaves her feet as Jade rolls out of the way!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

Holly curses in pain. Literally. Jade meanwhile tries to crawl to her corner, but before she can get to Maya, Holly grabs hold of Jade's ankle and holds her back. Which allows Melissa to come in and, after goading in Maya, stomp Jade in the back of the head. Damage done, Melissa quickly gets back out, while Maya grumpily goes back to her corner.

COACH
Smart. Love it.

COLE
You know, Melissa's going to have to answer for all this this Sunday, when she has to face Jade one on one.

COACH
Not if they beat her up so bad she can't make the flight back to Buffalo.

Holly hits Jade with a couple of forearm blows before sending her into the ropes, catching her coming off with a sideslam. Grabbing Jade by the wrists, Holly then places her foot in Jade's chest and SLAMS her back into the mat with the Reverse Curbstomp!!

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Did you see the back of Jade's head hit the mat? She may be out cold!

Holly makes the cover...


1...




2...




MAYA SAVES!

HOLLY
Get the (bleep) out of my ring!

MAYA
I don't appreciate that kind of language!

With Jade clearly groggy, Melissa asks for the tag from Holly. Jade tries her best to pull herself up, with little idea of where she is. During which time, Melissa stands over her and decides to break out some SQUARE DANCING MOVES.

COACH
Yee-ha!

COLE
A Canadian girl dancing as a black man yells "Yee-ha". It doesn't get more country than that.

Grabbing hold of Jade, Melissa hits a jab. Jade wobbles a little, struggling to stay on her feet. Melissa dishes out another jab and this time, Jade can't stay up, collapsing to one knee. Melissa gets a big ol' smile on her face and decides to mock Maya, who seems to be taking exception to getting taunted every time her sister is hurt. After taunting Jade a little too, perhaps to make sure she doesn't feel left out, Melissa then turns and hits the ropes. But as she runs back, she's shocked to see Jade jump to her feet and gets hooked down with the Running Sleeper Drop!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Sweet Dreams, Melissa!

Realising she needs to make a tag, Jade quickly tries to find her corner. Which isn't so easy in her groggy state. The Milan crowd urge her on, but Melissa has an easy task finding her corner, just having to follow the source of the stream of curse words.

COLE
Both girls, trying to make that tag. Who's going to get there first?

The answer is Melissa, making the tag to Holly...



...moments before JADE GETS THE TAG TO MAYA!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Maya jumps in and runs right underneath a clothesline attempt from Holly, catching her off the ropes with a headscissors takedown! Off the ropes again, she leaps into Holly and monkey flips her over! And as a frustrated Holly tries to charge, executes a hiptoss! Holly lets out a string of expletives and tries to put a stop to Maya exciting fightback, aiming with a blatant closed fist. But Maya ducks and punishes Holly with the Atomic Drop!

COLE
Maya Butthurts!

COACH
Hey, that almost sounds Italian! "My-a BUTT hurts, mamma mia!"

With Holly hurting Maya quickly takes advantage by running her into the ropes for a rollup...


1...




2...




NO!

Holly's kickout throws Maya forward through the ropes, out onto the apron. Picking herself up, Maya counters a charge by Holly with a shoulder thrust. Maya then throws herself back in with a sunset flip...


1...




2...




NO!

COLE
Only two, these two certainly no strangers to each other either, Holly and Maya.

As she gets up Maya is forced to think quickly and duck a clothesline from Holly. Maya lifts Holly onto her shoulders and calls for the After School Special. But Holly strats to fight free with elbows. Catching Maya a couple of times, Holly gets her feet back on the ground and finds herself in perfect position for a dose of Percussion! Until Maya slips out and hits a German Suplex, with a bridge...


1...




2...




MELISSA BREAKS IT UP!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Melissa doesn't get time to gloat, as Jade runs in and knocks Melissa outside with a running front dropkick!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

While Jade goes out after Melissa, Maya sizes up Holly. Booting her in the gut, Maya takes aim with the Inheritence Kick... NO! Holly pulls her head clear of danger at the last second! Clubbing Maya in the back, Holly then begins to lay a verbal attack on the child sensation. Which proves a mistake, as Maya suddenly springs up and hits the PÉLE KICK!!!

COLE
BAM!

Maya rolls Holly over and hooks the leg...


1...




2...




NO!

MAYA
Two? Didn't you hear what she called you earlier, count faster! No-one'll know!

Maya's pragmatic attempts to get the referee on her side fail and she goes back to work. Whipping Holly into the corner, Maya motions to the Milan crowd. She then runs in, but has to put on the brakes, as Holly leans back on the turnbuckle. And Holly catches Maya in a headscissors, before kicking her right in the face with one of her heavy combat boots!!

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

With Maya hurt, Holly quickly capitalises, spinning her around into a PERCUSSION DDT!!

COACH
There it is! The move that plays a drum solo on your brain!

Luckily for Maya she manages to roll underneath the bottom rope before Holly can go for a pin. Jade jumps in and takes the fight to Holly in her sister's place. Holly manages to cut Jade off with a boot though and sends her into the ropes. Holly waits and tries to elevate Jade up on the way back. But Jade floats over the back. As Holly turns around, Jade then catches her with an open right hand! Followed with an open left! And finished off with a 360, into a clothesline!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Jade feels it now and urges Holly back to her feet. The Angel Of Death rises, to be met with the E!ZIGURI by Jade!!

COLE
Right to the face! Cover!

Jade hooks Holly up...


1...




2...




KICKOUT!

Able to kick out, Holly is clearly dazed, as she tries to get back up. Jade lies in wait and grabs Holly around the head from behind, looking to finish her off. Holly knows exactly what's coming and is able to fight it off, catching Jade with elbows.

COLE
No, Holly had the reverse X-Factor well scouted.

Holly runs off the ropes, but Jade cuts her off with an elbow shot. Jade then comes off the ropes, only to run into a boot to the face! A boot to the gut then doubles her up, as Holly goes for The Mirage...



...which Jade counters with an inside cradle...



...NO! Rolled all the way onto her feet, Jade quickly hooks Holly by the legs and falls back, sending Holly over the top to the floor with a slingshot!!

COLE
There goes Holly!

The crowd cheer Holly's misfortune. But cheers suddenly turns to shouts of concern, seeing what Jade doesn't see. With Holly outside, the Women's Champion turns away and gets hit with a BICYCLE KICK OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
OH MY! Where did Melissa come from!?

COACH
I dunno, but she just kicked Jade's head off!

Scrambling over, Melissa hooks both of Jade's legs for the pin...


1...





2...






3!!!!


*DINGDINGDING*

Delighted and maybe a little bit shocked, Melissa's eyes pop as she realises she's won and she breaks into a huge celebration.

COLE
Wow! Melissa Nerdly, three nights from her title shot this Sunday, has pinned the Women's Champion!

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of HOLLY and MELISSA NNEEEERRRDDLLLYYYYY!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Melissa continues to celebrate and is so happy, she even breaks into song!

COLE
She's singing! And can you blame her? What a huge momentum win that is for Melissa!

COACH
No doubt, no doubt. If Melissa does that on Sunday, she'll be the new Women's Champion. She'll be a star!

Not wanting anything to do with a singing, happy person, Holly keeps her distance from Melissa as she leaves the ring to try and join her. Back in the ring, Maya looks annoyed, not least because she got dropped on her head moments ago. And she tries to help Jade up, who is seeing stars, much to Melissa's amusement.

COLE
If Melissa can deliver that Bicycle Kick in three days, we may well have a new Women's Champion. But, in three days, there'll be no Holly for Jade to be distracted with. It'll be one on one and that's a very different prospect.

COMMERCIAL

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purenightclubho3.jpg
Inside the chic interview lounge is...

maggiehead3.jpg
MAGGIE NERDLY, who's guest is...

badassjack2.jpg
BADASS JACK

MAGGIE
What’s up, ya’ll Maggie Nerdly “It” Girl On The Scene, chilling live with the meanest dude I’ve ever met in my life Badass Jack. So Jack, last time we saw you you were carving up a dude like a turkey!

BADASS JACK
What do you want? An apology? I don’t give apologies. I give beatings.  Bad beatings like the kind I gave to what’s his face.

MAGGIE
Its Liberty! You don’t even remember his name?

BADASS JACK
He’s just another piece of meat for my claws.

MAGGIE
But, why, why do that to another person?

BADASS JACK
Because I’m Badass Jack. Its what I do. I don’t make jokes, I don’t dance, and I don’t sing, all I do is hurt people and I hurt them bad.  You get in the pit with an alligator, don’t expect it to start tap dancing, expect it to rip your head off.  Likewise, you get in the ring with me, you can expect to get hurt.

MAGGIE
Alfdogg fined you a serious amount of cash for what you did.

BADASS JACK
I’m a simple kind of man. I live in a shack with an alligator and three dobermans. I hunt what I eat and I mount what I don’t on the wall. Money doesn’t mean anything to me. You can never hit me where it hurts, because I don’t hurt anywhere.

Badass Jack walks off, having said his piece.

MAGGIE
Josh is hanging out with Ned Blanchard. J.Math, whatcha got?

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In front of the OAOAST interview set-up, we go to Josh Matthews, stood by with Ned Blanchard.

MATTHEWS
Ned, first of all, how are you feeling after what you've been through the past couple of weeks, including being involved in the Elimination Chamber at AngleSlam?

BLANCHARD
How do I feel? Well hell, I almost had the skin damn near scorched off my flesh by that quivering hot mess of a kid, that sure sucked. But the docs have finally given me my clearance, I'm all healed up and I feel ready to start kicking some ass again.

MATTHEWS
Well, you bring up that... uhm, 'quivering hot mess', which I presume you meant as a description of Morgan Nerdly. And in that Elimination Chamber, she too suffered a serious injury. Now, a couple of weeks ago, Leon Rodez blamed that incident on you. What do you have to say about that?

BLANCHARD
I say that's a whole heap of crap, is what I say about that.

MATTHEWS
So you have some sympathy for Morgan, then?

BLANCHARD
Hell no. Do I give a rat's ass if she got hurt, after what she did to me? Not a chance. Far as I'm concerned, the stupid bitch had it coming. But it wasn't any deliberate effort to hurt her from me. If I wanted to hurt her, I'd have just slapped the shit out of her when I had the chance.

MATTHEWS
:o

BLANCHARD
Listen, I'm a man. And as a man, I don't feel the need to hit defenseless women. As far as Rodez blaming me, that's bull and he knows it. Far as I'm concerned, he's trying to do one of two things. One, he's trying to manipulate that little kid, try and take the blame off himself so he can keep her around to do his bidding. Or two, he's just tryna piss me off. And so far, he's got number two down pretty much perfect. The fact is, I don't give a damn what he has to say. I'm sick and tired of his little 'mind games'. I'm sick and tired of him running. Elimination Chamber, I had his ass locked in that Chamber with me with nowhere to run. And somehow, he still managed to avoid the ass kicking he's got coming. I got a little taste. I even pinned him, one two three. And yet here I am, still pissed off! What he needs to realise is, until I give him that ass kicking, he ain't never gonna get rid of me. And the longer I have to wait, the worse it's gonna be for him.

Ned turns into the camera.

BLANCHARD
So Rodez, I'm gonna give you a chance to finally be a man. I'm gonna be in Buffalo this Sunday. If you've got the balls, you bring your sorry ass to New York and we'll settle this once and for all.

With that, Ned storms off, his message sent.

COMING UP NEXT
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE
KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS REMY BAZIL
THE MAINEVENT IS NEXT!

COMMERCIAL

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Give me those bright lights, long nights
High rise, over time

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Give me them bright lights, long nights
Party till the sun is rising
High rise, over time
Working till the moon is shining
Hot guys, fly girls
Never thought I'd say
I feel on top of the world
I feel on top of the world Hey

Standing atop a multicolored lit entrance way are a heaping of dancers dressed in skimpy shorts and the jersey of the Italian national soccer team.  They grind and move to the thumping beat of On Top of the World. Despite these attractive beauties, all eyes are focused on the entrance doors for the arrival of Krista Isadora Duncan. The multi time world champion emerges, juggling a soccer ball! She kicks the object away, flashes an alluring smile to the camera, and then heads towards the ring.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is a FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE match.  Introducing first, hailing from the unofficial capital of the UNIVERSE, LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA!! She is a New York Times best selling author... a reality TV star... the founder of the FIT with KID line of exercise videos... a member of the Hollywood Walk Of Fame... the most desirable woman in Hollywood...KRISTA... IIIISSSSSAAADDOOOOOORRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA... DDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!!!!!!!!!



Krista glides down the entrance way with the pomp and grace of a fashion model. Upon stopping at the end of the ramp, she lets the wind machine blow her perfect hair in playful directions.

COLE
Coach, I just can’t believe Krista would agree to this match. You know she’s not one hundred percent. She knows it as well.

COACH
Krista’s a stubborn woman. She ain’t about to say she’s to injured to go in the ring and drop the ether on some poor cat. But, this match plays right into Bohemoth’s hands. There’s not gonna be much of Krista left for him to fight at On Top of the World.

Red smoke builds up in the entrance way, while “Devil Without a Cause” seeps through the PA system. Remy Bazil steps onto the stage, shuffling a deck of cards. Behind him stands the hated OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Bohemoth. The Beast wears tight black denim and a white vest in addition to dark sunglasses.

BUFFER
And introducing the opponent, accompanied by OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion BOHMEOTH…from New Orleans, Lousiana, he weighs in at two hundred seventeen pounds, he is REEEEMMMYY BAAAAAZZZZZZZZILLLLLL!

COLE
There we see the champion, Bohemoth. And Bohemoth’s hideious plan is to make sure Krista doesn’t survive this contest. Its falls count anywhere, no DQ and Bohemoth has free reign to do what he wants to Miss California.

Alfdogg appears on the video screen, earning himself a large cheer from the fans and questioning look from Bohemoth and Remy.

ALFDOGG
Bohemoth, I think its great you want to support Remy. I wish more of our veterans would take our young wrestlers under their wing. But, I couldn’t help but see your conversation with Remy earlier. And it troubled me. Therefore, to keep things fair and clean and provide these fans with a great contest, I’m going to make a rule that says should you interfere in this match in any way shape or form you will be stripped off the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

As happy as the audience is Bohemoth is every bit as irate. He screams at Alf , leveling insults and curses at him.

COLE
That just shot a gigantic hole in Bohemoth’s entire plan.

DING DING DING

Krista and Remy lockup to start the contest. Being the stronger of the two, Remy muscles the fitness queen into the corner.  He gives her a playful slap on the cheek, and then backs away towards the center of the ring.

KRISTA
Oh wow, did you just do the stupidest thing in the history of stupid things to do to Krista Isadora Duncan right after mistake her for Suzzane Sommers.

Krista comes forward and strikes Remy in the stomach with a side kick.  Remy takes the blow in stride, and succeeds in hiptossing Miss California to the canvas.  The Cajun then produces a set of cards from his pocket and tosses them onto Krista. After that bit of showmanship is over he leaps into the air for a jumping fist drop. But Krista wisely rolls out the way.

COLE
Remy missing the Five Card Shuffle!

As Remy starts to sit up, Krista runs the ropes. She comes hurtling back with a running knee aimed at Remy’s face. But the Cajun falls backwards, and rolls Krista into a school boy…

ONE!



Krista quickly comes out the pinfall.  After she and Remy get to her feet, she captures the Cajun inside a small package...


ONE!



TWO!



Remy finds his way out the pinfall, and soon finds his way out the ring courtesy of a dropkick from the multi time world champion.

BOHEMOTH
Get up, Remy!

KRISTA
He’ll need to borrow your cialis prescription to do that.

BOHEMOTH
I don’t have...just get up, Remy!

Krista hunches over, giving the audience behind a nice look at her fine booty. When Remy rises, the bootylicious mama sends herself tumbling over the ropes with a swanton press! Her lean body slams into Remy, driving him to the ground. Referee Clem Buzzlefoxer is right there to count the resulting pinfall…

ONE!



TWO!




NO!

Krista comes up limping, which puts a smile on Bohemoth’s face. Less enjoyable to him, is the punch Remy gets hit with as he gets to his feet. Remy staggers into the guardrail, using it to support his two hundred seventeen pounds.

KRISTA
Boobie bombs…deploy!

Krista charges forward, and strikes Remy directly in the face with gigantic flesh pillows!

COLE
Krista using her ample chest as a weapon.

COACH
I ain’t complaining one bit, and I don’t hear Remy complaining either!

Far more painful for Remy is the left high kick Krista slams into the side of his head. He falls to the ground, vision blurred and head swimming.

BOHEMOTH
Come on, Remy! Get up!

COACH
The champ might wanna relax. Grab a seat or something. I’m afraid if Remy doesn’t win, he’s going to have a heart attack.

Krista strides ahead as Remy gets to his feet, and throws out a lariat. The New Orleans native ducks bellow the attack, leading Krista to elevate herself onto the guardrail. When Remy turns around, Miss California cracks him across the skull with a leaping enziguri! In response to this a frustrated Bohemoth kicks the ring steps.

COLE
Our world champion, the self proclaimed face of this company, can’t be liking the way things are going so far here in Milan.

Krista gets up with another limp, wincing in pain.

KRISTA
I know what would make me feel better…irresponsibly drinking on the job!

Krista spots a rather butch but attractive looking woman with a cup of beer.

KRISTA
I know you’re just dying to share your overpriced, watered down, and most likely warm beer with me.

WOMAN
Forse…

KRISTA
Come on. I’ll beg,

WOMAN
Si!

KRISTA
When it comes to alcohol I have no shame!

giveme744976819.gif

COACH
Make her beg some more!

KRISTA
Good enough?

COACH
No! No! No!

The woman decides that is most definitely good enough and pours the beer onto Krista’s waiting tongue.

KRISTA
Sweet heavens, you people pay eight euros for this crap? Well, you paid money to see this show so obviously you either hate money or you lack all common sense.

Thirst satisfied, Krista goes to fetch Remy. But when she reaches the Cajun he slugs her in the jaw. This weakens Krista and allows him to execute a one armed swinging neckbreaker!

COLE
Overhand Shuffle!

Bohmeoth applauds heartily as Remy performs the cover…

ONE!



TWO!



Krista gets her shoulder up!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Remy latches onto Krista’s legs, while the world champion looks on approvingly. He’s given further reason to smile when Remy slingshots his title challenger into the ring posts.  Krista goes down in a heap, whimpering in pain.

COACH
Every blow that Krista takes is a blow that makes it easier for Bohemoth to retain the world title at On Top Of The World.

Remy grabs Krista by her flowing blond hair in order to throw her into the guardrail. She hits the steel hard, dislodging them upon impact. Her situation grows all the more dire when Remy begins pumping stomps into her skull. After the tenth stomp lands, Remy backs away to applaud his handiwork and soak up the (non existent) cheers.

BOHEMOTH
Stay on her!

Remy follows orders, charging forward to plant his boot into the side of Krista’s head. Krista falls over sideways, the life drained from her face.

REMY
Nobody does it better than Remy Bazil!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Remy drops onto Krista for the pin cover…

ONE!



TWO!


Somehow, Krista finds the strength needed to make the crucial kickout!

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

Remy smiles into the camera as he plants a series of stomps into Krista’s midsection. After that attack pattern concludes, Remy brings Krista to her feet. He puts her in a back suplex position. But, instead of dropping her backwards and he slams her crotch first onto guardrail. Remy goes back to cheering for himself, a time waster that greatly upsets the champion.

COACH
Remy is showing me a lot here. Sure, he’s fighting an injured Krista, but an injured Krista is still better than a healthy anybody else. And the Cajun is taking the fight to her.

Remy climbs the steel steps with a cocky strut. He nods to an annoyed champion, before flying forward and clotheslining Krista into the stands! After picking himself up, Remy rewards himself with another hearty cheer.

BOHEMOTH
Stay on her, damn it!

Not needing to be told twice by the perturbed champion, Remy throws Krista into the boards. He follows that simple but painful move with a pinfall…

ONE!



TWO!



Krista gets her shoulder up!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Remy gathers Krista up, and then guides her back towards the guardrail. With one simple heave, he tosses her onto the ring floor. Instead of following her, he decides to jaw jack with the Italian crowd. Though his Italian is horrible, and their English not much better, they engage in a spirited argument.

BOHMEOTH
Get back to work!

Remy realizes he has a match to win, and quickly starts to climb over the guardrail. At that point he’s nailed in the back of the head with an enziguri by Krista!

BOHEMOTH    
DAMN IT!

Clutching his sore head, Remy staggers upright. Krista promptly catches him into a front facelock, and prepares to give him a taste of Life In The Fab Lane with a twist of fate. But, Remy desperately shoves her away to stave off the signature attack. After taking a moment to catch his breath, Remy surges forward with a lariat. Krista gracefully sidesteps out the way, forcing Remy to slam his arm against the ring posts. Outraged, Bohemoth throws is title to the ground. He isn’t any happier to see Krista swinging Remy around with a tornado single arm DDT!

KRISTA
I am fired up. Don’t let my monotone voice confuse you, I’m on a lot of anti depressants. Regardless, what do wrestler’s do when they are in a zone?

An American fan stands up to speak.

FAN
They hit themselves in the head!

KRISTA
I wouldn’t dare give my mother the satisfaction of being able to watch as she calls me her “ungrateful hell sent witch child” abuse herself on national TV.  That’s if the eternal drunken stupor she exists in allows her to even watch TV. No, give me something else wrestlers’ do?

FAN
They tear down the straps on their singlet!

KRISTA
Good one. But, I don’t have a singlet. I have this tight t-shirt and this little skirt. So I guess they’re just going to have to go. How about it, Milan? You think that’s a good idea?

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COACH
HELL YEAH~!

KRISTA



KRISTA
I’m still fried up, and you know what I just realized, this little slingshot bikini has straps, so I could theoretically rip them off,

COACH
FUCK YEAH~!

KRISTA
But then I’d be naked. And do you really want to see me naked?

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Remy jumps Krista from behind before the buxom MILF can get naked.  He beats on her with clubbing forearms that sink her to her knee. Thinking this to be a grand accomplishment, he goes back to tooting his horn.  When he returns his focus to Krista, she rocks his jaw with a superkick! Remy is launched backwards, landing on the announce table.

COACH
THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR TAKING AWAY MY TITIES!

Krista elevates herself onto the ring apron as Remy starts to get to a sitting position. She blows him a kiss, before sailing forward with a knee strike. The attack collides with his face and knocks him clear of the announce table. Remy howls in agony, while the crowd loudly applauds. For his part, Bohemoth looks exasperated and highly aggrieved.

COLE
This is what Bohemoth is going to have to deal with at On Top Of The World, Krista’s unbelievable ability to come back and start dominating.

KRISTA
Alright, Milan, we have some choices. I could stay on Remy and quickly end this match in typical pro wrestling fashion, OR, I could dance some more in this skimpy bikini. I implore you think of the athletic goodness inherent in professional wrestling. Isn’t a beautifully executed KIDology so much enjoyable than a big-breasted woman writhing and grinding her sexy ass?

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

KRISTA
Guess not! Okay, Milan, hit the music!

COACH
Yahoo!

KRISTA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsdBwhisdV4

The crowd gives Krista a standing ovation, standing in more ways than one I might add.

BOHEMOTH
Remy, get your ass up!

Remy lies motionless on the ground unable to follow Bohemoth’s sharply stated orders. Krista goes underneath the ring, and after several seconds of rummaging comes up with a table. This pops the crowd, and they root her on as she sets up the wooden object.

COLE
Remy doesn’t need to worry about winning the match, he needs to worry about survival!

The multi time world champion drags her foe onto the table, as the fans ready themselves for a brutal stunt.

BOHEMOTH
GET OFF THE TABLE!

Krista elevates herself onto the ring apron, and from there climbs to the top turnbuckle.

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

Krista hits a split legged corckscrew moonsault that carries her all the way onto Remy. Crashing into him causes the table to shatter and that causes the crowd to erupt with cheers.

COLE
Krista took out Remy but how much did she take out herself?

The referee drops into position to count the resulting pinfall…

CROWD
ONE!


CROWD
TWO!



CROWD
THREE!


DING DING DING!

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a pinfall...KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN!

The minute “On Top Of The World” comes alive is the second Bohemoth springs into action. Grabbing Krista by her golden hair he pulls her upright. She’s roughly tossed into the ring by the world champion.

COLE
Come on Bohemoth, haven’t you done enough to this woman?

The Beast yells at Cole to shut up as he gathers up a steel chair. However, when he turns back to the ring, he’s faced with a dive bombing Krista! He can’t react quick enough and Krista’s descent manages to slam him to the ground!

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

Krista mounts Bo and then proceeds to rain down punch after punch upon his face. These blows serve to do little bit aggravate him. As such he easily shoves his title challenger off him.

COACH
I don’t think Krista is going to win a brawl against The Beast.  

Luckily she won’t have to, as security and backstage officials come down to separate the two. Held back by the OAOAST staff, they’re left to shout threats and vulgarities at one another.

COLE
Bohemoth versus Krista this Sunday at On Top Of The World live on pay per view! Don’t miss it!

FADE OUT
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