Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZAhqEiq4cAX-MEN FUCK YEAH!!!!!! We go straight to sofa central where our non mutant announce crew awaits to call the action as it happens. COLE Welcome, folks, to Saint Louis, Missouri, for OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Michael Cole with Da Coach here and we're all set for the second ever dildo on a pole match. Never thought I'd use that phrase again!TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT RIDER CUP MATCH: DILDO ON A POLEMISTER DICK VS BIG PAPPA THRUSTTONIGHT! COACH The first one was of the heezy for sheezy, and this second one is gonna be amazing. Mister Dick is gonna mess BPT up, dude's gonna get a dildo broken over his head. COLE That remains to be seen. The Heavenly Rockers also will hope to get into tag title contention as they face the champions D*LUX in a non title match, and the suddenly dangerous Badass Jack will go against the quirky rookie Slime. Right now let's take it to Michael Buffer. BUFFER The following HANDICAP MATCH is scheduled for one fall. Currently in the ring, from Seattle, Washington… GREG TAYLOR! His partner, from the Sunshine state… ACE DOUGLAS! The young men acknowledge the crowd as “Dick in a Box” by Lonely Island blasts through the speakers. BUFFER And their opponent… from every woman’s fantasy… KKKAAAAAARRREEEEMMMM… THE MIDDLE EASTERN WET DREAM!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Kareem struts down the aisle bobbling his head and making funky cool hand movements, only to pause to apply some AXE BODY SPRAY. Within seconds the Middle Eastern Wet Dream is mobbed by a bevy of beauties. COACH Wow. That stuff really works. COLE As you can see, Kareem is solo. That’s because later tonight Mr. Dick and Big Papa Thrust will meet in match 1 of the Ride Her Cup. COACH And not just any match, Cole -- Dildo on a Pole! Kareem steps through the ropes and immediately charges his opponents. * DINGDINGDING * Kareem’s sheer mass enables him to shove both men in the corner for a series of avalanche splashes. Clubbing blows to the chest follow and then a pair of Irish whips that again places both men in the corner. This time Kareem picks up a full head of steam before crashing into his opponents. He tosses each to the mat and squashes them both with a TOP ROPE BIG SPLASH! COACH The Money Shot~! The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * COLE These poor guys didn’t stand a chance. “Dick in a Box” cues and the Dream celebrates with his ladies. BUFFER Here is your winner… KKKAAAAAARRREEEEMMMM… THE MIDDLE EASTERN WET DREAM!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Stay us with, ladies and gentlemen. The Ride Her Cup and more yet to come! COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 In the refitted (although technically it's refitted every week since we're in a different building every week) interview loungeMAGGIE NERDLY is stood by, with little sister MORGAN. MAGGIE Hey everybody out there in media land, check your watches, it must Nerdly o'clock, because I'm standing with my wickle bitty sister Morgan. And you had a great night at the Great Angle Bash, finally helping get one over on Lorelei. And then you got to go party with P.Diddy. P.cool if you ask me. But, I'm guessing not everybody was so happy about that whole deal. So, how is everything? MORGAN Well, it's... uhm... Before Morgan can answer, a shadow looms over her, as BOHEMOTH walks into shot! BOHEMOTH Beat it. Cowering in fear, Morgan freezes up for a second but manages to wake herself up enough to scuttle off. Bohemoth calmly steps into her abandoned place, adjusting his World Title belt and staring off as if nothing happened. MAGGIE Well that was uncalled for. BOHEMOTH My show, my time. Ask me a question. Not happy, Maggie sighs, but does her job. MAGGIE Alright then. What do you want me to ask? BOHEMOTH How about asking me how it feels to be the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion? Because it's starting to sink in that this is finally my show now. Finally, I'm the man around here. I've been waiting years for this moment and that's years too long. I've done it all around here. Main evented AngleManias. Won Lethal Rumbles. Beaten surefire hall of famers. And none of it got me one single bit of respect. But now, that's all changing. People are starting to respect me because they've got no other choice but to. I'm no longer just some lackey who's trying to make it on his own. I'm not some gatekeeper to the top, or some guy who can't quite reach that brass ring that's hovering over him so invitingly. I've made it. I'm there, at the top of the mountain. Nobody can question me anymore. Bohemoth adjusts his belt again and looks off, self confidently. BOHEMOTH I'm starting to get used to this feeling. Which means every single person in this company ought to get used to it as well, because I'm not going anywhere. All those people who've gone before me couldn't enjoy what I'm enjoying right now. They couldn't relax, couldn't bask. I can. Because for everyone else, they knew that Krista was right around the corner waiting for them. Me? I don't have to worry about that... because I got RID of Krista. Which means I'm going to be here to stay for a long, LONG time. And there's nobody to stop me. MAGGIE Well, Krista might be out hurt, but there's plenty of other challenges lining up. I don't think you oughta be taking things too easy there, pal. BOHEMOTH There may be other challengers, but there are no 'challenges'. MAGGIE Okay, so what's next then, if you're so comfortable on your new perch? BOHEMOTH What's next is me. What's next is an era of dominance. What's next is the Bohemoth Era in the OAOAST, where it's all about ME and where everyone else is just a bit player. This is my world and everyone else is merely allowed to exist in it, so long as I say so. What's next is the next OAOAST PPV. And it's going to be about supremacy. MY supremacy. The Bohemoth Supremacy. It's going to be a show that's all... about... ME! Just like every other. Except, I'm going to get to show the world, for the first time, exactly what they're in for. I'm going to showcase what I'm going to do as the World Heavyweight Champion in that ring, for the first time. And it doesn't matter who gets put up against me. It'll just be serving me up fresh meat. Whoever they find, I don't really care. They're going to be a victim. A sacrificial lamb. Whoever it is they find that's brave enough, reckless enough, naive enough, stupid enough... ALIX My ears are burning! Bohemoth's eyes suddenly narrow, as ALIX MARIA SPEZIA casually walks in on his interview time. ALIX No, really, they are. Turns out, you can't drink soda through your ears after all. I should have listened to Maya. Ow ow owwie! MAGGIE Uh, Ally, we're kinda busy here. ALIX Yeah, well, thing are about to get bizzay, because I've got something to say! I hear you talking about "fresh meat" and "sacrificing lambs" and I've got tons of vegetarians friends who's lifestyle you're disrespecting. Also, you broke my girlfriend's arm. Which I guess is kinda more important, when you think about it. So, if you want an opponent, then look no further! You think you can handle dealing with a sexually frustrated redhead Latina ass-kicking machine!? MAGGIE Are you sure about this? ALIX You open your mouth again and I swear I will jump your bones and grind myself into a sweaty sex coma right here right now. I'm so not kidding about the sexually frustrated thing. Krista isn't here to get revenge, so I'm the next best thing, the next hottest thing and the next most ball-ripping-outtest thing left in this house! I'm going to do what Krista can't right now and that's look hot, walk under my own power and oh, yes, make you look like a jackass and take that shiny belt away. Bohemoth lowers his eyes at Alix and smirks. BOHEMOTH Alright. Like I said, it doesn't matter who it is. You want to be the supporting role in my bloody destruction, that's fine by me. You can share a hospital bed with your girlfriend. ALIX That'd be super awesome if it were just roleplay and one of us were the nurse, while the other was stricken with a viagra overdose. But sharing a bed is less practical when one of us is in genuine pain. However, I accept your challenge. Or, was it my challenge? I forget. All I know is, you're going to get to play roleplay with me as well. Because I'm going to kick your ass, just like Krista would if she could. Stepping forward, Bohemoth towers over Alix, who suddenly stops rambling and looks up. BOHEMOTH Let's just hope you don't end up like Krista is. Bohemoth pats Alix on the arm a couple of times and walks off, interview time apparantly over. Looking down at her arm, Alix sighs, not looking quite so sure about her decision now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 Back at ringside the herky jerky sounds of “Dirthouse” by Static X come into the arena. Amidst the song's blaring racket, a crud encrusted dumpster is wheeled onto the stage. Slime creeps out of the trash bin, spewing gibberish to the world. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of fifteen minutes! Now making his way to the ring from Trenton, New Jersey, he is one half of the MASKED MUTANTS…..SLLLIIIIIMMMMEEEEEEE! COLE Slime a young rookie out of Trenton, New Jersey has big dreams of one being a world champion. COACH Why are you even acting like this dude has normal thoughts like everyone else? He comes out of a dumpster and he speaks nonsense. His dreams it probably to vomit on top of Anglesault’s bald head. Slime slithers into a ring that’s cloaked in a green light. He continues to send his special language into the ears of anyone who will listen."Badass" by Saliva plays as red smoke fills the entry way. All six feet and five inches of Badass Jack storms through the entrance doors, holding his trademark hunting knife. BUFFER And the opponent! From The Everglades, he is BAAAAADDDAAAAASSSSS JJJAAAAAAACCCKKKKKKKK! COLE Badass Jack and Odin were fined fifteen thousand dollars a piece for their brawl in the interview lounge last week. COACH Odin is DA BASED GAWD, money means nothing to him. But, I know for a fact Jack lives in a shack in the Everglades with a damn alligator and three dobermans for pets. How’s he gonna afford that fine? Jack hits the ring where the referee immediately goes to confiscate his hunting knife. This does not sit well with Jack, and he threatens to slice the ref’s throat. Finally after much internal debate he relinquishes his weapon. COLE Badass Jack is a veteran of twenty two years. He’s wrestled in every state in the union and in countless countries. DING DING DING SLIME YUUJJJJJDDDKDKK! BADASS JACK Bub, you’re gonna wanna keep your mouth shut around me. Slime ignores Jack’s warning and begins stomping about the ring, while making wild noises. Jack quickly grows tired of this, and when Slime nears he uppercuts the quirky youngster! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Slime scrambles upright, eyes narrowed behind his black mask. SLIME HPOPSOSPSO! BADASS JACK You just don’t know when to keep quiet, do you? Jack stabs Slime in the gut with his brown boot, doubling him over. He puts him on the ground with clubbing forearm and then begins stomping his foe. COACH What do you think Badass Jack’s problem with DA BASED GAWD Odin is? COLE The better question is what’s Odin’s problem with Jack? He helped him out the crossface at Great Angle Bash. Jack scrapes Slime up in order to throw him shoulder first into the turnbuckle posts. SLIME ARRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUFFFFFF! COACH Translation: That hurt like a bitch! Badass Jack leisurely makes his way over to his foe. But when he reaches him, Slime comes to life with knife edge chops to Jack’s hairy chest. Jack takes four of these chops before easily ending Slime’s offense with a knee to the gut. Slime is then lifted onto the top turnbuckle. Jack climbs to the second rope, and then slams an uppercut into Slime’s chin. The oddball topples sideways, landing on the ring apron. COLE There’s nothing fancy about Badass Jack, but there sure is a lot of effective action. Slime gets to his feet, and is promptly rammed against the turnbuckle by Jack. With Slime dazed and hurting by the move, Jack grabs him inside a front facelock. That allows him to lift Slime into the ring with a vertical suplex. The cover quickly follows…. ONE! TWO! Slime gets the shoulder off the canvas. COACH Slime is actually from Trenton, New Jersey. That means that somewhere there are people who maybe actually understand what the hell he is saying. Jack casually pulls Slime off the canvas. But the goofy character begins fighting him off with elbows. Slime tops that flurry of offense off by feeding Jack his leg and nailing him with a Dragon Whip Kick! Jack is knocked back into the corner, where he rests dizzied and weak. Slime begins to tremble with incredible fury, which causes referee Clem Buzzlefoxer to back away nervously. SLIME COACH Awww damn! “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!” Slime gather up his vomit in his hands and makes a bee line for Badass Jack. Before the Florida native can even react, puke is being rubbed into his face. COLE You Can’t Do That On Television! COACH He just did, Mikey Cole. He just did. Jack staggers out the corner, cursing a violent fit! He’s unable to properly defend against the kick Slime sends into his head and is knocked to the ground. Slime hooks the legs for the cover… ONE! Jack makes the kickout long before the two. He rolls onto his stomach and tries to free his vision from the gobs of puke that cloud it. While he does this, Slime takes to the ropes. He bounces back with a baseball slide that connects with the side of Jack’s head. Jack once again damns his poor luck as he falls onto his back. Thinking Jack to be properly incapacitated, Slime scurries up to the top rope. SLIME WEEEHHHHHJJJDOOOOO! On that coherent note, Slime comes off the top with a leg drop. But Badass Jack rolls out the way. Slime crashes into the canvas and howls his anguish. COACH If I was Jack I’d just let the dude pin me so I could get to the shower. COLE This is a man who challenged a “god” to a fight, I don’t think he’s going to throw a match even on the account of being covered in vomit. Slime and Jack get to their feet at the same time and begin trading punches. Despite being the smaller of the two, Slime wins the war thanks to a well timed dropkick to Jack’s knees. As Jack is bent over in pain, Slime takes to the ropes. He comes back with a spinning head scissors that leaves Jack nauseated and leaning against the ropes. COLE Slime may be able to pull off a huge upset here! If you remember he and Snot own a victory over The Heavenly Rockers. COACH That’s all thanks to The Love Doctors. Slime runs towards Badass Jack with a body splash. But Jack slides out the way and Slime is left to slam into the ring posts. Jack puts himself off the ropes and comes back to smash his elbow against Slime’s skull as he stumbles out the corner. Slime drops to his knees, weakened by the strong strike. Jack pushes him over with his boot and then makes the pinfall effort… ONE! TWO! Slime kicksout the pinfall. COLE Slime might be able to move into US Title Contention if he can manage to defeat Badass Jack. COACH Are you kidding me? Mister Moneymaker, or Emperor Moneymaker in the ring with a guy that pukes on his hands and rubs it on people’s faces? Ain’t no way that’s ever gonna happen. With Slime fully upright, Jack unleashes a BERSERKER BARRAGE of punches upon him. Slime tries to cover up, but the trademark blows hit too hard and too fast for Slime to properly cover up. He’s left doubled over in perfect position for Jack to nail him with the COUNTRY STRONG PILEDRIVER! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” the fans react to Slime’s head bouncing off the canvas. Jack growls at the referee to make the count on his cover, which he does…. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING BUFFER Your winner as a result of a pinfall….BADASS JACK! “Badass” comes back to life as the fans deride the result of the contest. The surly Floridian gets to his feet and has his hand raised by Buzzlefoxer. His moment of celebration is an all too short one, however, due to Odin clubbing him from behind! COACH DA BASED GAWD~! Odin slams his hand around Jack’s throat, setting up the chokeslam. But Jack kicks Odin low to break the hold. COACH DA BASED BALLS! Jack now pulls Odin into a standing headscissors, readying a Country Strong Piledriver. But, Odin pulls free by low blowing his rival. COLE What’s good for the god is good for the psychopath. Crippled by their respective lower-region pain, the two men still manage to trade blows in the center of the ring. Yet, once again backstage officials pour into the ring to break the warring parties apart. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” BADASS JACK You’re dead, bub! You hear me? Dead! ODIN The day you slay me will be the day they ski in hell! Jack and Odin start hammering the officials so that they may get to one another. Finally they reach each other and their heated brawl resumes anew. What remains of the staff dives on top of them in hopes of getting them to cease their crazed fight. COLE These two are out of control! We cut backstage where Alexander The Brutal is watching this with a smiling Megan Skye. MEGAN Well, this is nice. They’ll both just kill each other and you can have some peace. ALEXANDER I do not wish for peace. MEGAN What do you wish for? ALEXANDER I wish for the thrill of combat. MEGAN Why do you have to go looking for a fight? ALEXANDER I do not look for the fight. I am the fight.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 Back in the President's office, Alfdogg is sat at his desk, with Maya sat in front of him. Not on a chair or anything, she sits on the end of the desk, making herself typically at home. ALFDOGG And if there's anything we can do, just let us know. MAYA Yeah yeah yeah, cool, she'll charge it to her card. As usual. Now, enough about my Mom. You said you had news for me? ALFDOGG I did. I wanted to congratulate you because, thanks to your photoshoot, the OAOAST magazine is reporting all-time record sales! Not even Krista's magazine shoots have sold so well. And you didn't even disparage the company and draw us into a libel case through your interview, either. MAYA Wowee! Who says that the magazine industry is dead and that people have too much access to free porn! ALFDOGG You should be very proud of yourself. MAYA Always am! But hey, let's not stop there. Let's milk this cash cow dry! Hop aboard the Maya bandwagon and take a ride to the money bank! Alf looks confused. MAYA We'll work on slogans. But seriously, let's keep doin' stuff! You're familiar with my friend Mr. Diddy, correct? ALFDOGG ...I thought Lorelei was... nevermind... MAYA Well, we were talking business and he says when your brand is hot, you've got to capitalise. I already knew that, because I'm a naturally shrewd person. But they were true words nonetheless. So, let's get the Maya brand out there big! I can do another photoshoot whenever you want. Or, you know, commercial work? I was always lead role of the drama club and I've done some small parts as an extra in adverts before. Lemme sell some stuff. I can do that. ALFDOGG Oh, believe me, that day will come. We've already got sponsors asking about using you in the future. There might be something coming up soon, actually, that we were going to have Krista do. If you can fill in for her, that might be very helpful. MAYA Oh, sure. I'm sure Mom'll get over the idea of being replaced by her daughter in time, it'll be cool. Now, how about I talk to the graphics department, see about getting a shirt made? I need some SWAG, you know? ALFDOGG Maya, I know you're excited, but trust me, it's all being worked on. We've got big plans for you. You could really take the women's division to a new level than it's ever been. JADE Uhm... hello? As Maya smiles excitedly, the camera pans to the right to reveal Jade Rodez-Duncan, sat looking unimpressed. MAYA Oh, jeez! What have I told you about sneaking up on people like that? JADE I've been sitting here the whole time! MAYA (whispering to Alf) She does tend to blend in. No personality. JADE It's all very well you talking about all these big plans. What about me? With all due respect, I'm the Women's Champion. MAYA She's got a good point. If I'm going to be the biggest women's star this company's ever seen, I should probably have the title too. Put that on the list. Jade frowns, clutching her belt. ALFDOGG Jade, I'm sorry. You are the champion and absolutely, we'll feature you heavily as well. You have your role in all this. It's just... well, it's just Maya is... MAYA More marketable? More popular? More attractive? JADE More like more egotistical! Did you really say "the Maya brand" earlier? Nobody talk about themself like that! MAYA It's a success thing, Jade. You wouldn't understand. JADE Wouldn't understand!? I'M THE CHAMPION! MAYA Only because I'm not. ALFDOGG Alright, girls... Maya hops down off the desk and Jade stands up, as the sisters really make themselves at home by turning Alfdogg's office into a backdrop for their sisterly arguement. JADE You really think the world revolves around you sometimes, don't you? MAYA Hey, it's what the people demand! All Maya, all the time! The numbers don't lie. JADE GRRR! God, you are so... so... MAYA What? What? Say it! ALFDOGG Girls, please, I really think... The Duncans ignore Alf, who is looking on increasingly helplessly. JADE You're so... up your own BUTT! MAYA OH! Oh! Okay! Okay, it's like that, is it?! JADE Yeah! It is! MAYA Alright then! Well, you're just a stupid jealous butthead! ALFDOGG I really don't think there's any need to... After some heavy duty scowling, Maya has enough and she shoves Jade in the shoulder, over which the Women's Title rests. So Jade shoves her back. MAYA Don't touch what you can't afford! JADE Don't touch my belt then! Because it's mine! MAYA Just like my purple top was mine, until you borrowed it and stretched the middrift out. Maybe I'll stretch your belt out of shape, see how you like it! JADE You wait until Mom hears about this! MAYA What, about you pushing her favourite daughter!? JADE ALFDOGG Let's all just calm down, shall we... Not willing to calm down, Jade gives her little sister a MEAN glaring and storms off, presumably to go tell on her. Alf breathes a sigh of relief, perhaps fearing what would happen to him had they came to blows. MAYA My Mom's totally gonna be mad with you now. ALFDOGG I know. Elsewhere backstage, we follow The Heavenly Rockers, as they head towards the ring. SYNTH Hello St. Louis!! We love you!! The Heavenly Rockers continue down the hallways. Until, suddenly and for no reason, Logan snaps. LOGAN HEY! GET THAT CAMERA OUTTA MY FACE, MAN! QUIT INVADING MY PRIVACY, I'M THE MACHO MACHO MANN!! *CRACK* Logan punches the camera, sending the camera man sprawling onto his ass. COLE Oh... that's... that's unfortunate. COACH Yeah. COLE ....uhm, Heavenly Rockers in action, next!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 Back from commercial and "Heart Shaped Box" plays down Logan and Synth, with an impatient Holly there to hurry them along as they take too long posing for her patience. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first... accompanied to the ring by HOLLY! From Las Vegas, Nevada. Total combined weight, four hundred and seventeen pounds. Representing The Church Of Abdullah! Former three-time World Tag Team Champions and the ONLY Rock n' Wrestling Band That Matters... "THE MACHO MACHO MANN" LOGAN MANN and SYNTH ABDUL JABBAR... TTHHHEE HHHEEEEEAAAVVEEEENNLLLLLYYYYYY... RRRRROOOOOCCKKEEEEEERRRRRRSSSSSSSS!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Synth stops in front of the steps and drops to his knees, engaging in last minute prayer. A solemn ritual which is disrupted somewhat by Holly marching up the steps, stomping her combat boots on the steel as loudly as possible. COLE An opportunity tonight for The Heavenly Rockers to get themselves back in the tag team title hunt, non-title action but a chance to stake their claim. And, a chance to erase the loss they suffered in the Anderson Cup Conference Finals, to the team on their way to Tag Title glory...WELL ITS MIDNIGHT AND ITS COLDER PULL YOU CLOSER I CAN SEE THROUGH WHEN ITS SUNSHINE AND ITS SOLAR AND ITS OVER GUESS ITS ME AND YOU BLOOD. BY. SUN. LIGHT. "Solar Midnite" by Lupe Fiasco fires out and the fans erupt as Shayne and Tyler hit the stage to a rockstar like reception. The Tag Team Champions high five and make their way down to the ring, without any advisement around them. BUFFER And introducing their opponents! Total combined weight, three hunders seventy nine pounds... they are the current OAOAST ONE AND ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... "TREMENDOUS" TYLER... together, they are D*LLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE The Tag Team Champions on their way to the ring, but no sign of either Jade or Maya with them. COACH Probably for the best. I wouldn't wanna be playing favourites between those two right now. The one you don't pick might be fixin' to claw your eyeballs out. Although, since they're not around and I'm pretty sure Krista ain't watching, Maya's my favourite hands down. COLE Hands down where, that's the problem. Tyler and Shayne show off the Tag Team Titles to the crowd as Holly fires up the HR. As only she can. Making it very clear, they better not ___ things up. Logan opts to start, hoping to impress, as poor Synth tries to shake off the unholy language he'd just been subjected to. *DINGDINGDING* Tyler starts out and gets the crowd clapping along, which serves to wind Logan up. COACH C'mon, knock that off. COLE What, you're telling me Logan can't concentrate with a loud audience? Isn't that what being a rock n' wrestling entertainer is all about? They tie up and Tyler grabs a side headlock. Logan quickly throws Tyler off into the ropes, but gets knocked down with a shoulder tackle. Hitting the ropes again, Tyler hops over Logan, springing back off the middle rope and turning it into an armdrag! Rolling through to his feet an angered Logan clasps his hands over his head and charges with a running sledge, but Tyler stabs him with a boot. Hooking him up, Tyler hits a vertical suplex. Synth jumps in the ring to try and come to his partner's aide, which backfires, as he too gets stabbed and suplexed, right ONTO Logan! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Great alertness there from Tyler. Tyler quickly tags Shayne and together, they shoot Logan into the ropes. Doubling him up with punches to the stomach, the Tag Team Champions then go their seperate ways and return with stereo dropkicks to each side of Logan's head! COLE Surround Sound! Cover by Shayne... 1... 2... No! Tracking the MACHO Macho Mann back into a corner, Shayne tries to whip him across the ring, but it's reversed. Hands clasped again, Logan tries another double sledge. But Shayne sidesteps and Logan runs into the turnbuckles! Winded, Logan stumbles back and tries his best to cut Shayne off with a clothesline, only for Shayne to duck and rebound with a big crossbody! 1... 2... No! Another quick tag is made and Tyler comes back into the match in a big way, wiping Logan out with a springboard dropkick!! COLE Boy, D*LUX are looking better than ever! COACH Maybe they don't need two teenage girls holding their hands through life after all. Way to go. As he goes to pick Logan up, Tyler has his eyes raked. Logan scrambles away and makes the tag to Synth, finally getting a fresh man in. Unfortunately, that fresh man fares no better as he's immediately met with an armdrag. Holding onto the arm, Tyler tags Shayne, who comes in off the top with an elbow to the limb. Shayne then wrings the arm to allow Tyler to do the same. COLE Winning those Tag Team Titles has been the making of D*LUX. Not just from a history standpoint, but I really think that Anderson Cup win and the title victory have helped these two come of age and grow in confidence. Tyler whips Synth to the ropes. Synth tries to evade with a baseball slide, but Tyler runs right over him and hits him off the ropes with a running dropkick! Cover again... 1... 2... No! As Tyler battles away, suddenly D*LUX's audience grows by one, as AMBERLYN DUNCAN appears on the stage. COACH Whoa! Alright, now we're talking! COLE Amberlyn Duncan, manager of James Riggs and Pierce Duncan who D*LUX overcame back at The Great Angle Bash. COACH And maybe they ain't seen the last of JR and Piecey D. Looks like they're being scouted. Amberlyn watches on as in the ring, Synth reverses a whip to the corner on Tyler. The Tremendous superstar avoids a collision by climbing up the turnbuckles... and baits Synth with the Auburn Hills Fakeout! Synth buys it and pays the price, as Tyler comes off with a twisting crossbody seconds later than Synth had expected... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Amberlyn looking on very intently. I'd love to know what an Amberlyn scouting report would look like. COACH Are you insinuating she doesn't know what she's doing? COLE I'm insinuating that I don't put her in the top tier of tactical wrestling managers. This is a bit strange, if you ask me. Tyler tags back out to Shayne and D*LUX continue to dominate the match, with a big double dropkick. With Synth down, Shayne goes to hit the ropes... but has his foot grabbed by Holly!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" HOLLY QUIT (bleep)ING LOOKING AT MY (bleep) YOU (bleep)ING (bleep) (bleep)!! Distracted by the verbal tirade, Shayne gets blindsided! COLE That was a timely intervention by Holly. Albeit completely illegal. COACH Details. Synth tags in Logan and the MACHO Macho Mann goes to work, stomping on Shayne. He whips him to the ropes, setting up a Powerslam! 1... 2... Kickout! Logan quickly starts to hammer away on Shayne with punches, drawing Tyler into the ring. As the referee tries to put him out, Logan and Synth MAKE A WISH on Shayne and switch behind the ref's back. COACH Nice. You can fawn over D*LUX all you want, but The Heavenly Rockers have been and done what D*LUX are doing. They're three time tag team champions. OAOAST veterans. Tag team division staples. Synth bodyslams Shayne and heads to the corner. Adjusting the goggles, Synth stands on the middle rope and gives great praise to the heavens, before dropping the big headbutt! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE I guess the gods weren't impressed enough to grant Synth a three count. Tagging Shayne with a couple of jabs, Synth sends him into the corner. He charges in, but Shayne gets both boots up! As Synth staggers, Shayne jumps to the middle rope and leaps high in the air for the Showtime Stomp... but Synth steps out of harm's way. Landing on his feet, Shayne is clubbed in the back by SAJ and set up for a back suplex. But he flips over and lands on his feet again. HOLLY (bleep)ING GET HIM! Synth charges Shayne in the corner, but Showtime sidesteps and rolls him up! 1... 2... NO! With Synth in a spin, Shayne hooks a facelock and manages to kick off the ropes, on his way around with a Tornado DDT!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Both Tyler and Logan look for tags, renewing Amberlyn's interest in the match. COLE Tyler itching to get back in and this crowd itching to see it. The momentum of the DDT sent Synth closer to his corner, allowing Logan to make the tag first. Rushing into the ring, he bypasses Shayne and runs into Tyler, knocking him off the apron! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Haha, keep on itchin' St. Louis. Logan doubles up Shayne with a boot and twists him by the neck, setting up a neckbreaker. But Shayne slips out and tries a backslide! Fighting it, Logan refuses to go down and manages to unhook his arms. Logan tries to turn the tables, only for Shayne to flip backwards and land in front of Mann. Shayne then crawls through Logan's legs and MAKES THE TAG!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Coming in hot, Tyler knocks Logan down with a clothesline! And a second one! Waving Logan up, he makes it a trio and appeals to the crowd! "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" Catching Logan, Tyler gives him an inverted atomic drop. Tyler then hits the ropes, but runs right into an elbow, which staggers him. Hands up, Logan goes for a running double sledge, but Tyler dodges to the side and guides Logan through the ropes and to the outside! Logan quickly picks himself back up, but Tyler is already sprinting across the ring and takes flight with a TOPÉ!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" COLE WOW! Air Tyler! And even Amberlyn looks impressed by that! Tyler tags hands with the ringside fans and then throws Logan back inside. As he goes to follow him in though, Synth grabs his ankle from the outside. COLE What is this? COACH It's a laying on of hands. He's trying to cure his wicked soul! Not wishing to be saved, or to be held from getting to Logan, Tyler succeeds in kicking Synth away. The distraction allows Logan to recover though and he hits Tyler with a knee from the ring. Logan then tries to suplex Tyler back inside. Tyler escapes, then goes for the big neckbreaker... but Logan hangs onto the nearby rope!! AMBERLYN COLE Man, the back of Tyler's head hit hard there. Logan capitalises, with a neckbreaker of his own! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Smiling, Logan mocks Tyler before hitting the ropes. However as he rebounds back, Shayne slides into his path and cuts him off with a Leg Lariat!! Synth quickly jumps in and catches Shayne with a quick boot. Off the ropes, he hits a high knee, then tries to follow up with a clothesline, but Shayne ducks and sends him outside with a dropkick! COLE D*LUX have been just too quick for the HR tonight. With Synth out of the way, Shayne goes to pick Logan back up... but Logan shrugs him off and hits the WICKED LEFT HOOK~!~! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Not that time they weren't... Logan turns around, right into a SUPERKICK from Tyler!! COACH Nevermind. Cover by Tyler... 1... 2... NO!! Picking Logan back up, Tyler elevates him up on his shoulders, going for the Idoliser. Logan squirms his way free and spins Tyler around, going for the LEFT HOOK again... DUCKED! Tyler avoids the punch and leaps on Logan's shoulders, for a Victory Roll!! 1... 2... NO!! Both men scramble back up and it's Logan who strikes first, kneeing Tyler in the gut and setting him up for a dose of Percussion! COLE Uh oh! Luckily for Tyler, Shayne is up and goes to make the save. Logan throws Tyler aside and manages to duck underneath a clothesline. But D*LUX quickly regroup... *SMACK* *SMACK!* ...and connect with STEREO SUPERKICKS!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Logan falls into the ropes dazed, as Synth comes back in looking to help out. Looking and failing. Instead, thanks to D*LUX, he succeeds in running straight into Logan! The two clock heads and Synth falls back, into a Double Gutbuster from the champions! Synth sits on all fours and holds his ribs, as Tyler reels in Logan and lifts him on his shoulders. COLE What are D*LUX setting up here? COACH I dunno. But it doesn't look good! As Tyler carries Logan on his shoulders, Shayne goes to the top. Positioning themselves D*LUX then combine to take out both Rockers in quick succession, as Shayne steps OFF of Logan's back, giving Synth the SHOWTIME STOMP while Tyler hits the IDOLISER on Logan!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Two for the price of one! Signalling for the end, D*LUX round on Logan, as Amberlyn watches on with a hint of a smile. Tyler gets Logan in a wheelbarrow position and elevates him off the mat, just enough for Shayne to come past with the running diamond dust!! COLE D*LUX Capacitor, that should do it right there! Tyler makes the cover... 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE And it does! *DINGDINGDING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the OAOAST One and Only World Tag Team Champions... D*LLLLLLUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXX!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Shayne and Tyler high-five and celebrate another win, as from the stage Amberlyn APPLAUDS. COLE I guess Amberlyn liked what she saw. COACH Yeah... maybe a little too much. I dunno what this is all about. The champions take their titles and celebrate for the crowd, whilst poor Logan and Synth have to suffer a berating from Holly for losing. They're marched off to the back and Amberlyn leaves, but seems reluctant to tear herself away from the scene in the ring for some reason. COLE D*LUX, your winners, here tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 Backstage in the interview lounge Maggie Nerdly, who's picture you saw earlier stands withOSCAR FRIBERG who's picture you're just now seeing. MAGGIE What up ya’ll, Maggie Nerdly, It Girl on the Scene, chilling like a villain with Oscar Friberg, who I gotta say doesn’t look that chill. OSCAR I’m not chill. I’m very hot. I could melt a glacier. MAGGIE What’s got ya bothered? OSCAR The Kingdom, or what used to be The Kingdom, I don’t know what they are now with this dispute over who’s King and who’s not. And, I don’t actually care all that much who is and who isn’t. Because rather they’re the Knights of a King, or the Knights of a stupid man in a plastic crown, Rico and Lucius have been causing me some major problems. Last week they cost me a big match against The Cajun Sensation Remy Bazil. The only thing sensational about him is that he manages to sound like a sensational fool with that stupid accent of his. And I suffered a loss to him. That’s thanks to Rico and Lucius. Guys, you’ve got a problem with me, I’ve got a problem with you. We’re a lot like two kids eyeing up each other at the high school dance. I say we need to cut the shy business and let’s have a dance. How does that sound? You two versus me in a handicap match at In Your Parent’s Basement. MAGGIE Wow! Dudes and babes, we’re just gonna have to wait for the answer from The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 As we return to ringside, the house lights dim and dramatic music plays in the background as we spotlight a DILDO on a pole. COLE There you see the ominous glass dildo -- the very one given by Big Papa Thrust to Malaysia as a gift -- mounted on a pole for match 1 of the Ride Her Cup. COACH It’s well hung too. COLE Will you be serious? COACH Things are gonna get serious in a matter of moments, that’s for sure. We’ve seen guys battle for championships and respect, but never for sex. It’s another OAOAST first. * DING * * DING * * DING * * DING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the tournament the entire galaxy has been talking about. THE RIDE HER CUP! A best of 5 series where each bout features a unique stipulation. Tonight’s opening match… DILDO ON A POLE! Are you ready? OAOAST Galaxy, ARE... YOU... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEADY!?! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER Then for the thousands in attendance and the millions watching at home… LLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRREEEEEAAAADDYYYYY TO RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUMMMBBBLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! “Motherfucker of the Year” hits and the Real American Prick receives his usual golden pyro shower. BUFFER Introducing first, from San Antonio, Texas, weighing 238 pounds… MMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSTTEEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MD goes to each corner and crotch chops the OAOAST Galaxy. COLE What a dick. COACH Hate all you want, baby boy, but there’s no denying Mr. Dick can bring it in and out of the ring. COLE He’ll have the opportunity to prove it tonight without Malaysia or Kareem in his corner. “Big Pimpin’” by Jay-Z cues and the Big Bad Glutei Daddy power walks to the ring. BUFFER And his opponent, weighing 276 pounds… BIG PAPPPAAAA THRUST!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" MD drops to a knee in the ring and tongues his bicep, prompting BPT to flex the largest arms in the galaxy. COLE Bigger is better. Check out the size of the 25” anacondas. * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds and BPT is ready for action, not MD though. He requests more time to warm up. COLE Couldn’t he have done this before the match? COACH Maybe he’s still haunted by the Shake Weight accident that almost crushed his foot. COLE Are you kidding me? That was a hoax. COLE I prefer miracle. MD does a few seconds of work with his Shake Weight and then some pushups. BPT finally has enough and delivers a kick to the ribs that knocks MD upright and straight into a inverted atomic drop! COACH What a cheap shot, Cole. COLE Cheap shot? This match has been officially underway for about a minute. We only had no action till now. BPT introduces MD to the turnbuckle and gets the crowd involved. * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" * CHOP * "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MD knees BPT in the gut and unloads on him in the corner. He shoots the Big Bad Glutei Daddy out for a corner cross body, but the Real American Prick is caught in midair and press slammed. BPT follows with a big elbow and then some trash talk while doing pushups! COACH Whatever happened to good sportsmanship, Cole? COLE I don’t remember you crying about sportsmanship when Kareem raped Deuce Deuce Bigelow of his AngleMania Moment or when he and Mr. Dick assaulted Big Papa Thrust at the Great Angle Bash. BPT is the first to go for the dildo, but his LEGS get SWIPED out from under and he’s CROTCHED on the top rope. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” MD capitalizes with a middle rope back suplex, although the move takes as much a toll on him as it does BPT. By the time he manages to make a play for the dildo himself, BPT meets him at the top and delivers a RELEASE OVERHEAD GERMAN SUPLEX!! COACH Dayum~! Backstage, Malaysia watches intently on a monitor. Meanwhile, the ref checks on both competitors. BPT shakes off the cobwebs and once again goes for the dildo, but he crashes sternum-first into the top buckle following a blindside STIFF KICK! MD immediately puts the boots to BPT and then nails him with a corner cross body. COLE Bite My Giant Dick! BPT crumbles to the mat and MD places him in a STF. COACH The Roughrider! COLE This is only to wear down Big Papa Thrust because there are no submissions. MD slams down hard on BPT, which only infuriates him. So the man with the largest arms in the galaxy muscles himself and MD to the ropes to force a break. COACH Wait a minute. If submissions don’t count why is Mr. Dick forced to break? COLE To keep the action moving. You don’t want superstars keeping a hold on indefinitely. The OAOAST thinks about the viewer at home. COACH Damn them people with short attention spans. MD signals the end is near and lifts BPT for THE JACKHAMMER, only to have him float over the top, perform a double leg takedown and apply THE CAMEL CLUTCH! COLE Big Papa Thrust just sat Mr. Dick down on his LAY-Z-BOY! * TAP * * TAP * * TAP * COLE Mr. Dick is tapping out! COACH Yeah, but like you mentioned, submissions don’t count. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The OAOAST Galaxy voices their displeasure as KAREEM waddles ringside. COLE You just knew Kareem wouldn’t be able to stay away. Someway, somehow he was going to assist Mr. Dick. COACH We could all use friends like that. BPT meets Kareem on the apron and pulls the middle rope up to crotch him! KAREEM BPT continues to wail on the Dream despite the ref’s best efforts to stop him. As that goes on, MD rolls outside and grabs a bottle of AXE BODY SPRAY from under the ring, then reaches into his short shorts and whips out his PROTECTIVE CUP. COLE What the heck?! MD sprays the cup and cowers in the corner until BPT approaches. It’s right then he lunges forward to place the protective cup directly in the face of BPT. COACH (sniffs, groans) Did you let one out, Cole? COLE No! That odor is from whatever Mr. Dick sprayed on his cup. My guess is ether. Whatever the substance is, it knocks BPT out cold, allowing MD to retrieve the dildo from the pole… which he stuffs in the mouth of BPT before covering him with a pinkie! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * “Motherfucker of the Year” cues and MD celebrates with Kareem. BUFFER Here is your winner, taking a 1-0 lead in the Ride Her Cup… MMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSTTEEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As MD and Kareem continue their celebration onstage, the ref pulls the dildo from an unconscious BPT’s mouth. COLE The nerve of that man. First the use of a foreign substance to knockout Big Papa Thrust, then the arrogant cover and celebration. COACH Gee, Cole, it’s not like he helped get a murder off the hook. So put away the Hateraid. COLE Match 2 of the Ride Her Cup to be announced next week on OAOAST Syndicated! Goodnight, everyone!FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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