Chanel #99 Posted April 5, 2013 Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We cut to Sofa Central where Double sits, wearing Orange HeldDOWN polo shirts. COLE Welcome folks to a special edition of HeldDOWN~! COACH Why's it special? COLE Because its the show I get to make my acceptance speech as NAMBLA pedophile of the year! Its also special because we've got TWO King Of The Ring semi final contests.KING OF THE RING SEMI FINALS NATHANIEL BLACK VS DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOWNED BLANCHARD VS THEODORE MONEYMAKERTONIGHT! COACH Not to mention James Riggs gets to kick the stuffing out of Tyler Bryant, and Lorelei DeCenzo puts up her women's title against Jade Rodez-Duncan. COLE We'll also here from Mister Dick as well as see the training regimine for Krista and Bohemoth heading into their world title clash at Great Angle Bash! N-n-now that that don't kill me Can only make me stronger I need you to hurry up now Cause I can't wait much longer I know I got to be right now Cause I cant get much wronger Man I've been waitin' all night now That's how long I've been on ya To the tune of 30 Seconds To Mars’ version of “Stronger”, Reject saunters onto a the entrance stage, wearing jeans and a black dress shirt. Behind him are ThunderKid and a shirtless leather pants wearing Quiz. COLE ThunderKid and Reject all set to face Alix Maria Spezia and Biffman with Natalie Portman in their corner at Great Angle Bash! COACH Alix, Reject, and ThunderKid....and Biffman. One of those names does not belong. Reject and crew enter the ring and are granted microphones. THUNDERKID This Sunday. Great Angle Bash 2011. Alix Maria Spezia, Biffman, with Natalie Portman against myself a two time Heartland Champion, and Reject a two time world champion, together we are two time tag team champions of the world! REJECT Let’s be for real here, people. Let’s be FOR REAL. For real about the odds of the two crackpots we’re facing. I don’t like ‘em, but I’m a pessimist. But even a true blue optimist looks at their odds and says “whoa they aren’t very good.” A motivational speaker couldn’t find a silver lining in their cloud. Their problem isn’t they have an overrated bitch of an actress acting as their manager for the match. COLE That’s no way to talk about the OAOAST’s invited guest. REJECT Their problem is that one half of their team is Biffman. Alix is fine and dandy. She’s stupid as a bag of hockey pucks but she’s an incredible wrestler. She’s beaten ThunderKid over here twice, she’s won a United States Championship, a world championship, six tag team championships and a whole slew of Angle Awards. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” REJECT Yeah, yeah, yeah, great. Alix is awesome, we all know that. And normally her partner is even more awesome, because that partner is Krista. But on Sunday her partner will be Biffman, and Biffman as we all well know is a miserable and abject failure! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” REJECT And you’re right to boo him! Of anyone on the active roster, TK and I have been here the longest, since 2002, almost 10 years, so naturally we’re OAOAST historians. We’ve chronicled just what kind of blockhead Biffman is. A photo is shown of Biff Atlas in his NRG gimmick. REJECT Here is Biff Atlas of N-R-G. Back then we knew him as a semi-psychotic, hula skirt wearing, hair fetishist. His run with this gimmick was marked with a grand total of two wins! Two! In that time period I won twenty five matches. Twenty five! T.Kid won Thirty! Mathematically, he would’ve needed three more decades to reach even half my total. Biff Atlas at that point was an idiot that sniffed hair, lost matches, and paraded around in a hula skirt. Let’s move on. A photo is shown of Biff Atlas in his “green” activist gimmick. REJECT Here’s Biff Atlas as the world’s most useless hippy. This version of Biff was all about saving the world from the biggest environmental destroyers on the planet, human beings. If Biff Atlas is the best activist Mother Earth can muster, then she deserves a good kick in the womb, because this version of Biff sucked camel dicks! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” REJECT That’s exactly what you were saying back then to! As a “green” wrestler Biff pulled in exactly zero wins! Not a single victory! Not even by fluke! Not even by DQ! Or by countout! He couldn’t even beat that inbred piece of shit Baron Windels. And that’s just sad. Biff once again proved himself to be nothing more than a complete waste of space. A photo of Biff in his “safety first” gimmick is displayed. REJECT Here we come to OSHAA’s representative on the OAOAST staff…Biff Atlas! Here’s an actual picture of what Biff Atlas wrestled in… REJECT Enough said. This guy was wrapped in goalie pads and he was still afraid to fight. He fought in huge oversized goalie gear and he still lost all the time! I ask you how is that possible? Those things are designed to withstand pucks being shot at 100 miles per hour, and you can’t take a punch from J-MAX? What the fuck? A photo of Biffman is shown on screen drawing a pop from the fans. REJECT One day Biff Atlas avoids being hit by a car. The world is sad that he didn’t die, but he is delighted and assumes superpowers had something to do with it. He goes on a soul affirming search for the exact nature of his powers with Melody Nerdly. In the end he realizes he must use his powers for good and he becomes dun-dun-dun….A SUPERHERO! “BIFFMAN! BIFFMAN! BIFFMAN!” REJECT Give me a break. Superhero? What a crock! I’ll tell you what Biffman is, if you really want to know. He’s a moron that took mommy and daddy’s money to Party City and bought a superhero costume, then he went to the Hobby Lobby and got a big felt B, and glued onto his dumbass costume! Then he fashioned himself a mask, and all of a sudden he’s a superpower? All of a sudden he’s in the league of me and TKid? I don’t think so! Biffman, hear this, you are a joke. You always have been joke. And you always will be a joke. But what we’re going to do to you at Great Angle Bash will be no laughing matter. THUNDERKID We will make you scream. We will make you cry. We will make you beg. We will make you our bitch.COMING UP NEXTJAMES RIGGS VS TYLER BRYANT!NEXT!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 "Californication" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers plays, as James Riggs stands in the centre of the ring, ready for action. Off to the side, Pierce and Amberlyn are busy occupying themselves, pointing out ugly fans and laughing at them. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first... accompanied to the ring by PIERCE DUNCAN and AMBERLYN DUNCAN! From Huntingdon Beach, California... weighing two hundred and thirty two pounds... JJJAAAAAAAAMMMMMEEEEEESSSSSSSSS... RRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Riggs and Duncan, heading for a big opportunity at the World Tag Team Titles, this Sunday at The Great Angle Bash. And momentum is on their side, after Pierce's somewhat fortunate win over Shayne Brave last week. Tonight, their respective partners go at it. Can Riggs keep the 'wave of momentum' going?WELL ITS MIDNIGHTAND ITS COLDER PULL YOU CLOSER I CAN SEE THROUGH WHEN ITS SUNSHINE AND ITS SOLAR AND ITS OVER GUESS ITS ME AND YOU BLOOD. BY. SUN. LIGHT. Shouts and screams go up for the Tag Team Champions as they rush out onto the stage. Playing to their fans, Shayne and Tyler head to the ring with Jade clapping them on excitedly. BUFFER And, being accompanied by SHAYNE BRAVE and JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN... from Auburn Hills, Michigan! Weighing one hundred, ninety six pounds... he is one half of the OAOAST One And Only World Tag Team Champions... "TREMENDOUS" TTYYYYYYYYYLLLLLEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR... BBRRRRRYYYYYYAAAAAAAAANNTT!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Tyler and Shayne pose with their belts on the turnbuckles, as Pierce and Amberlyn offer some last minute encouragement on their way out. COLE This match, just a few short days removed from The Great Angle Bash, could have a huge effect on Sunday. I'm sure both these men realise that. COACH No doubt. A win here could be big. A loss here could be even bigger. And that's not even thinking about the potential for injuries. *DINGDINGDING* Tyler gets the crowd going to start things out. Not amused by his opponent's upbeat attitude, Riggs shoves him in the chest. So Tyler shoves him right back and things quickly break down into fisticuffs. COLE Whoa, here we go! Getting the better of the exchange, Tyler backs Riggs up and attempts to shoot him to the ropes. Riggs reverses, sending Tyler off. Tyler slides through the legs on the rebound, but Riggs is alert and cuts him off with a knee. Riggs then hits the ropes, but Tyler runs right past him, Riggs coming to a confused stop and turning back into a clothesline! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE A little now you see me, now you don't from Tyler. Tyler fires away with some more right hands, backing Riggs into a corner. Another irish whip is reversed though. Heading towards the corner, Tyler manages to scale the ropes to the top... and fake Riggs out on a crossbody! COLE Auburn Hills Fakeout! Buying the fake, Riggs is left confused once again, allowing Tyler to adjust and come off the top with a crossbody! 1... 2... No! COLE Riggs having trouble keeping up with Tyler's speed here. COACH Well these kids are quick. But, so will their title reign. Riggs backs into a corner and gets penned in by Bryant. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" Tyler pauses for the crowd's approval... "TEN!" Counting along, Shayne and Jade clap, as Pierce and Amberlyn look on frustrated. COLE It's great to see Jade in a better mood now this situation with Spencer has been resolved. COACH Oh yeah? Speak for yourself. First Jennifer Lopez cockblocks us, then Jade does too? Smh. Tyler whips Riggs into the opposite corner and tries to follow in, only for Riggs to get a boot up! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The crowd groan, with Tyler momentum brought to a halt. And he's soon brought to the ground, as Riggs drags him into a short arm clothesline. Cover... 1... 2... No! Riggs stomps away, before bringing Tyler up and jamming an elbow into the back of the neck. Fighting to his feet, Tyler is given a boot and slammed by Bad Ol' JR. Riggs then comes off the ropes, looking for a big elbow... and missing! COLE Wipeout, dude, as Pierce may or may not say. Nursing his elbow, Riggs gets back up into another barrage of punches. Tyler tags his man repeatedly, then turns and hits the ropes. Riggs ducks his head, early enough for Tyler to adjust and turn back to back, using the momentum of the attempted backdrop to land on his feet. But as he gains his balance, Tyler walks into a BIG foot to the face! PIERCE AHAHA! WIPEOUT, DUDE! COLE ...wow, I wasn't actually expecting that. Cover by Riggs... 1... 2... Kickout! Jade and Shayne try to route Tyler on, aware he's in some trouble. Picking him back up, Riggs gives Tyler a Sidewalk Slam and hooks the leg again... 1... 2... Kickout! PIERCE COME ON, BRO! Not happy with the count, Pierce gets on the referee's case. Meanwhile, Riggs keeps his focus and stays on Tyler. Hooking him in a reverse front facelock, Riggs stops and smirks at the crowd for a second. He then lifts Tyler up for the Huntingdon Hangover... but Tyler floats over the top! Landing on his feet, Tyler then leaps up and surprises Riggs with a neckbreaker! COLENice counter, into the phantom neckbreaker! COACH JR got caught up playing to the people there. That's not a mistake I expect him to be making. "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" The New Mexico crowd rally behind Tyler, despite Pierce's best efforts to get some JR supporting fistpumps going. Both Tyler and James get up at the same time and start exchanging right hands again. COLE Boy these two are slugging it out. No holding back before Sunday here! The crowd "BOO" and "YAY" in turn, as Riggs and Bryant go back and forth. Finally Riggs cuts Tyler off with a boot, then hits the ropes. Tyler is a step behind him and runs past Riggs again, but Riggs puts on the brakes quick and ducks the clothesline this time! Catching Tyler from behind, Riggs tries a suplex, but Tyler blocks. He fights his way out with elbows, then doubles Riggs up with a thrust kick to the gut. TYLER C'MON! Appealing to the crowd, Tyler hits the ropes... and has his leg swiped by Pierce! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Tyler turns around and yells at Pierce, allowing Riggs to rush him from behind and hit a German Suplex!! 1... 2... NO! COACH Tyler ought to pay attention to the match instead of Amberlyn. Leave the skirt chasing for the clubs. COLE That was a distraction by Pierce and you know it. Pierce is a walking distraction! Riggs quickly sets Tyler up again, this time for a powerbomb. Tyler fights his way out though, raining punches down on Riggs's head to escape. Landing in front, he quickly ducks a clothesline and rolls Riggs up! 1... 2... NO! Rolling back to his feet, Riggs walks right into a SUPERKICK! COLE BAM! Cover by Tyler... 1... 2... NO!! Jumping to his feet, Tyler calls for the finish. Pierce realises this and jumps onto the apron to try and save his partner. COLE Come on! Get this idiot down from there! Ask and you shall recieve, as Shayne runs around the ring and pulls Pierce down, bouncing his face off the apron!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Not the face, bro! Pierce may be dealt with, but the distraction still proves costly, as Tyler turns around and gets hit with a SPEAR!! Cover by Riggs! 1... 2... 3!!!! COACH YES! Two for two, baby! *DINGDINGDING!* Riggs quickly rolls out before Shayne can get to him, as Jade holds her head disappointed. BUFFER Here is your winner... JJJAAAAAMMMEEEESSS RRRIIIIIIIIIIGGGGSSSSSSS!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Amberlyn and Pierce rush over for a group hug and the three of them laugh it up, at the expense of D*LUX who are left looking on from the ring, frustrated. COLE By hook or by crook, the number one contenders have swept the champions. And that's a huge confidence booster, ahead of this Sunday. COACH Wave of momentum! Whoo! The Duncan siblings engage in a celebratory fistpump, just to rub things in even more for the Tag Team Champions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 COLE Folks, we take it to Maggie Nerdly who's backstage. Maggie? Inside the interview lounge, Maggie Nerdly stands with with Alexander and Megan Skye. MAGGIE What's up, ya'll? Maggie Nerdly "It" Girl on the scene, chilling in the interview lounge with Alexander The Brutal and Megan Skye. Alexander you've got a big match at Great Angle Bash coming up against Odin. Feeling any butterflies? ALEXANDER I fear no man. MAGGIE Yeah, but, he isn’t a man. He says he’s a God. ALEXANDER Just because he says it does not make it so. Yet, even it were true, I do not live my life in fear of any being. Be they god, or be they man they will never intimidate me. MAGGIE He says you’re being worshipped as a false idol. ALEXANDER I’m not worshipped as anything. People see strength and boldness in me, they either fear it, or they respect it, or they do some combination of both. They see my violent deeds and they cheer, because the human race is a violent race. But do they worship me as a god? I do not believe so, no. MAGGIE Okay then. So what do ya plan on doing against this guy? ALEXANDER I will do nothing different than I would do against any other man. MEGAN Hold up! This isn’t just some ordinary man. I tried to run a background check on this guy and I got nothing. Years of his life are unaccounted for. No I take that back, his entire life is unaccounted for. He’s got no family, no place of birth, no residency, no credit, nothing that makes a man a man. ALEXANDER You sound concerned. MEGAN I am concerned! MAGGIE Somebody’s in love! MEGAN Oh hush. I’d have the same concerns if it were Danny, or Scottie. But they aren’t the stubborn one. Alexander is. Alex, you’re walking into a fight I think you should be walking away from. ALEXANDER I’ve never walked away from a fight in my life. MEGAN As the saying goes “There’s a first time for everything” ALEXANDER This is true, but today is not that day.LATER TONIGHT NATHANIEL BLACK VS DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOWTHEODORE MONEYMAKER VS NED BLANCHARDTONIGHT!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 Just a Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody hits and Deuce makes his way out, a picture of determination. BUFFER The following contest is a King Of The Ring Semi Final match, set for one fall! Introducing first... from Las Vegas, Nevada. Weighing three hundred, ninety pounds... DEUCE! DEUCE! BBIIIIIIIIIIGGEEEELLLLLLLLOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE What an opportunity this is for Deuce. A win here tonight and we're one step closer to crowning King Deuce, this Sunday at The Great Angle Bash! COACH 'King Deuce'. Really. We're gonna let a guy walk around, calling himself 'King Deuce'? COLE What's wrong with that? COACH Don't even get me started. The lights flash red, white and blue as "Chelsea Dagger" fires out. Punching his way out, Nathaniel Black marches to the ring, to a roar from the crowd. BUFFER And his opponent. From London, England... weighing two hundred and thirty eight pounds... NNAAAAATTHHHAAAAANNIIIIIIIIEEEEEELLLLLLL... BBLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAACCKK!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Black punches his fists in the air, as Deuce looks on from his corner. COLE Nathaniel coming up with a win last week over James Blonde to get here, Deuce defeating Jumbo. Both of these men have dealt with former partners in the first round and now, it's a very different proposition awaiting them tonight. *DINGDINGDING* Deuce and Black square up in the middle of the ring and after a brief staredown, they shake hands. COLE Starting things off on the right foot. Mutual respect between these two, with the King Of The Ring final on the line. COACH Meh. Locking up, Deuce and Black jockey for position and Deuce manages to back Black up against the ropes. The referee calls for a clean break... and Deuce gives it, patting Black on the chest as he backs away. Black shrugs it off and tries to lock up again. Again Bigelow has the power advantage though and backs Black against the ropes a second time. This time, there's a clean break, but the slap on the chest is a little firmer and Black seems to take exception. Deuce doesn't seem concerned and performs a cartwheel for the fans. "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Black and Deuce lock horns again. This time, as Deuce backs Black towards the ropes, Black does a quick switch at the last second, putting Deuce against the ropes. Black gives a clean break, but then gives Deuce a hard shove. COLE Ooh. COACH Tempers are flaring. That didn't take long. Looking agrieved, Deuce shoves Black back. And Black responds with a forearm! So Deuce fires right back! COACH Here we go! This is what we wanna see! Exchanging forearms, neither man can get the upperhand, so Black hits the ropes. A shoulder tackle rocks Deuce a step, but doesn't knock him down. And he tells Black to try again. The Englishman does, again failing to knock Deuce down. Black tells Deuce to try instead. So Deuce hits the ropes... and Black can't stand up to the force of the bigman's shoulder! COLE Woah my, big knockdown! With Black looking rattled, Deuce gives him a bodyslam and tries for a pin... 1... 2... No! Deuce gives Black a couple of kicks as he gets up, then grabs a side headlock. COLE A headlock from Deuce is no ordinary headlock. Look at the size of his arms. COACH Look at the size of his everything! COLEEverything? COACH Your mind wandering again, Cole? As Deuce puts the big squeeze on, Black tries to find a way out. Eventually, he realises the quickest way out is to pick Deuce up and fall back with a back suplex!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Wow! Show of power from Nathaniel, very impressive! COACH Our table just shook! Deuce slowly gets back up and Black is waiting on him, hitting him with a lariat. Again Deuce doesn't go down, so Black comes off the ropes, with more momentum on a second lariat. But Deuce is still up! Booting Black in the gut, Deuce then delivers a headbutt... and both men are left clutching their craniums in pain! COACH Like banging two coconuts together. COLE Two very heavy coconuts. First to shake it off, Deuce mows Black down with another shoulder. Off the ropes, Deuce then goes to drop a big headbutt... and finds NOBODY HOME! COLE And if Deuce wasn't rattled before, he will be after that. Black grabs Deuce as he gets to his feet, attacking him with european uppercuts. With Deuce softened up, he then hits the ropes and scores with a big LARIAT, finally knocking Deuce off his feet this time! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Black comes off the ropes again, this time with a flying knee! Cover again... 1... 2... NO! Hammering away with forearms, Black then goes behind Deuce, trying to get him up for the half nelson backbreaker. Which is easier said than done. COACH No way. Ain't happenin'. Deuce elbows his way out, then whips Black into the corner. Black moves out of the way of a charge though and Deuce runs himself into the turnbuckles! Climbing to the middle rope, Black quickly reels Deuce in and rides him down to the mat with a modified kneedrop! Hook of the leg... 1... 2... NO! Black laboriously picks the bigman back up again. Setting him up, Black gets Deuce up for the back suplex again... but Deuce manages to turn in mid-move and LANDS on Black, crushing him!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE OH, Deuce turned that around! Great counter! COACH Great counter? He fell on him! He fell on him via sheer girth. COLE He clearly flipped himself over in mid-air. That was impressive. As Black clutches his chest, Deuce adds insult to injury (and perhaps injury to injury) by crushing him again with a Big Splash!! 1... 2... NO!! Deuce drags Black up and dishes out a couple of forearm smashes. The bigman then comes off the ropes, but Black manages to cut him off with a boot. COLE Both these guys looking tired. This has been really physical. Black tries to dish out another Lariat, but he gets caught, with a BELLY TO BELLY!! 1... 2... KICKOUT!! Despite the kickout, Black is still hurt, so Deuce decides to head up top. COLE Look out! If he hits this, it's over! Deuce climbs the ropes and raises a fist to the crowd... ...but MISSES with the Funky Cold Medina!!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Well... he didn't hit it. COACH What gave it away? The giant Deuce sized dent in the ring, perhaps? Both Deuce and Black are slow to get to their feet now. Reaching a count of 7, the referee is close to having to call a draw, but both realise the opportunity they have and fight back to a vertical base. Black dishes out a forearm. And so does Deuce. Forearm from Black. And forearm from Deuce. Throwing Black over his shoulder, Deuce suddenly goes for a running powerslam... but Black kicks his way back and manages to plant his feet, turning it into a final cut! COLE Chelsea Dagger, that could do it! 1... 2... KICKOUT! Black dishes out some more forearms, but is tiring. Deuce sees his chance and tries to cut him off with a boot. Black catches it, but Deuce hops on his one foot and adjusts, for an Enziguri... NO, DUCKED! COLE All these bad landings have got to be knocking the wind right out of Deuce. Off the ropes, Black further attacks Deuce's lungs, with a Lariat! Deuce manages to stay on his feet, so Black comes off, with another Lariat! And with Deuce rocking, he spins him around, into a backdrop suplex!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COACH AAH! COLE Folded him up! Landing ugly, Deuce gets to his feet more on instinct than anything else. And he pays for it, with another LARIAT!! Black stacks Deuce up and forces his shoulders down... 1... 2... 3!!!!!! *DINGDINGDING* Black flops backwards, part exhausted and part relieved as "Chelsea Dagger" hits. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, advancing to the King Of The Ring Final... NATHANIEL BBLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAACCKK!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Nathaniel Black is moving on, one win away from becoming the new King of the OAOAST! And what a battle it was tonight, just to get to Sunday! Drained, Black doesn't even bother to celebrate, instead helping Deuce to get back up. Showing respect, Black shakes Deuce's hand and raises it to the crowd. Deuce pulls away, to raise Black's hand in a token of victory and steps aside to let Black have his moment.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 We return with our view focused on sofa central. COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN, folks. We'd like to remind you that the Great Angle Bash is this week! It will be highlighted by an incredible match between world champion Krista Isadora Duncan and Bohemoth. Now tonight we're going to take a peek at the workout of each competitor to find out how they're preparing for their opponent. First, we start with Miss California, fitness queen and five time OAOAST World Champion.~~KRISTA'S WORKOUT~~ TAPED BY MOLLY NERDLY We’re taken to Krista’s incredible backyard with a massive swimming pool, lush greenery that stretches for miles, and a miniature waterfall. Present at this time are Krista and her eldest daughter Jade. KRISTA Bohemoth is a male. A white male. I think. He’s sort of ethnically ambiguous, like Vin Disel, only three times as big of queer bait. Where did he go to medical school? Nowhere. Where did he go to law school? Nowhere. Where did he go to graduate school? No where. Where did he go to undergrad? Nowhere. So as an uneducated, possibly white male Bohemoth is prone to do disgusting things like defecate with the door open, or not washing his hands after using a public restroom stall well known for homosexual rendezvous. Due to that, I must lower myself to his level of disgustingness to be able to compete against him, and I will do so by drinking this god awful protein drink Jade has prepared me. JADE It is not god awful. Its got beans, and strawberry ice cream, and Brussels sprouts, and liver, and paprika! KRISTA If my heart stops beating for even a second I’ll kill you. Krista gulps Jade’s drink down. KRISTA JADE It wasn’t that bad. KRISTA The gas chamber at the concentration camps was just a little uncomfortable. KRISTA As a rule we Jews aren’t very into the whole athletic thing. We prefer to pay black people to do it for us. But, I’ve bucked the trend and became a fitness megamind! What I mean by that is I’ve paid black people to come up with a bunch of really neat exercises, collected them inside a book, and took all the credit. And the money. Especially the money. Now Bohemoth is big and buff, and ingesting yourself with a gallon horse steroids per day and selling your soul to devil will do that for you. But, I am a fitness queen, and I’ve got to show you how I get down here in my outdoor gym. MOLLY (OS) Jade, I’m surprised you’re staying to watch this exhibition. JADE Well, she’s only working out. She does this everyday. It can’t possibly get weird. KRISTA The first thing I learned as a fitness queen, was that clothes encumber movement, and that you should proudly display the body you’ve spent countless hours perfecting under the plastic surgey knife….I mean on the weights hehehehhehe. So, you must work out in as little clothing as possible. JADE I’m outta here! KRISTA You’ll stay right where you are. We fade into a scene where a bikini clad Krista holds onto an exercise strap. KRISTA Now, Bohemoth is an idiot, operating in the city of morons, in the state known as dumbshit land. He’s training for strength against someone already a gazillion times stronger than. I won’t ever be strong than Bohemoth, unless I find a magic lamp and wish myself to be as strong as prime Jack Lalane, and why would I waste a wish on that, when a genie has the ability to make Courtney Cox get naked. Regardless I train for explosiveness and I do it with these elastic bands. Not only are they great for exercise, they’re great for using to whip your partner in the bedroom. JADE As I sadly discovered during my search for batteries for the living room remote control. Krista stretches out with the elastic bands for several seconds. We then fade to a scene of her holding a fitness bar. KRISTA This we call a fitness bar, and aside from being great for workouts its also great for clubbing Terry Taylor with should he try to do something out of place like eat at the table. And Jade’s going to get right behind me, right under my butt, to really outline the muscles in my glutes that are being stretched. JADE Oh no I am not! KRISTA Well, then I suppose that new BMW I bought you would look great being slept in by homless meth addicts downtown. JADE Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. JADE So as you can see it works out the hips, the calves and the glutes to maximize explosiveness. Its an exercise I do as well, even if Maya says I have the explosiveness of a roman candle dipped in an unflushed toilet. KRISTA And explosiveness is something I’ll for sure need to successfully wrestle Bohemoth. That and latex gloves so I don’t get the semen residue that lingers on his body on my hands. The scene fades into one with Krista holding an exercise ball. KRISTA The next thing we come to is the exercise ball. MOLLY (OS) And what’s the benefit of that object? KRISTA The exercise ball has a lot of uses, none of which involve storing illegal drugs, that’s Alix’s training video package not mine. In this case, we’re going to use it for speed and conditioning, and we’re going to need a partner. Luckily, I have my eldest daughter, who ashamed of her body remains fully clothed in fashions that were out of date in 2004. JADE Hey! KRISTA I am going to perform stomach crunches as I throw this ball back and forth with Jade. Please, observe. Krista performs a stomach crunch, and upon reaching the height of the crunch she chucks the ball at Jade. Despite the ball being gigantic or perhaps because of, Jade has trouble catching the ball and it smacks her in the face. JADE Ow! KRISTA Sadly, the fact that that happened did not surprise me in the least. It only saddened me. We fade to a scene with Krista holding two shake weights. KRISTA Mister Dick is….well a mouth breathing shit mongering fool who at age twenty four has named himself after his penis and wears near assless chaps. But he has one hell of a body, as Jade’s collection of pictures she hides in drawer can attest to. JADE I…I...hey! KRISTA He also has great arm speed, and that comes from extensive work with the shakeweight. JADE Must you do that in the most sexual fashion possible? KRISTA What do you mean? JADE You know what you’re doing! KRISTA What am I doing? JADE You’re…that motion….that face! KRISTA I honestly haven’t a clue as to what you’re talking about. JADE It looks like your masturbating two guys! And you’re doing it to creep me out! KRISTA I’m just increasing arm speed, and the first thing you think of is your mother jerking off two guys? Where’s your mind today? JADE Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. We fade to a scene with Krista holding a weight bar with small weights attached to ends. KRISTA So the most important thing when fighting a guy Bohemoth’s size is idiocy, which means being stupid enough to fight someone his size over a belt made of cheap fake metal, when you have billions of dollars in the bank, tons of famous friends, a star on the walk of fame, and are covergirl of the Jewish Times bikini issue. I am that stupid. The second most important thing as I have expressed throughout this segment is what? MOLLY (OS) Explosiveness? KRISTA Exactly. Explosiveness in the legs is key to springboard attacks, dropkicks, and getting up for that one thing I do when I leap into people’s chest. MOLLY (OS) The KIDology? KRISTA That’s what we call it? Well, I’ll be damned. So explosiveness is built with this weight bar KRISTA There’s not a lot of weights on it, because A.I’m lazy today, and B.We’re going for speed. And you can’t be fast when you’re being hindred by something as restricting as a thong can you? So that’s gotta go. JADE Mom, I don’t see how that thong be restricting. Its not even thin enough to be Kleenex! Keep it on! For the love of god, keep it on! WHISK! Krista tosses her thong aside and it lands on Jade’s head, causing Jade to panic and one around in circles. Of course this turns out to be horrible for Jade as she falls into the pool. KRISTA Once again this neither shocks or surprises me, it only deeply saddens me. Jade crawls out the pool, absolutely FUMING! JADE This is your fault! You had to go bottomless! You had to toss your thong on me! Why can’t you be like any other Jewish mother? And just harp on me because I don’t have a doctor for a husband! Now I’m soaking wet because of you! KRISTA Try, shaking the water out of your top. Naieve to the last, Jade does just that…. KRISTA There, that should make it easier for you to get rebound date. Now Jade, if you could spot me that’d be lovely. JADE You’re not wearing any clothes! Or underwear for that matter! KRISTA Was I wearing clothes or underwear when I gave you the precious gift of life? The gift of the ability to see a sunset, or hear the birds chirp in the morning? JADE Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Jade squats behind her mother’s bottomless body and Krista begins… KRISTA Now, if you want to get strong glutes as well, a little ass shaking is in order. JADE My face is right in your butt! Right there! KRISTA Oh fine, just get out the way, and bury your head in your hands and weep softly like you do whenever you catch me shaking my bare ass. JADE God wants me to suffer like this, because he’s going to reward me well in the after life. That’s what I’ve got to keep telling myself. KRISTA So in closing, the key here is explosiveness! I’ve got it, Bohemoth doesn’t. And that’s going to lead me to victory at whatever the hell the show is this Sunday. Great Anal Bash. That would be a fitting name for the homoerotic glee fest that is the OAOAST. Bohemoth can lift all the weights he wants, take all the whale growth hormone he desires, but he will never ever be any match for my explosiveness and speed, and that’s why the only way he’ll ever get close to the World Championship is if he wins in it in one of those nerdy e-feds.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 OAOAST HeldDOWN IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY...THE GREAT ANGLE BASH-ONLY ON PAY PER VIEW! “Motherfucker of the Year” blasts through the speakers as Mr. Dick prances to the ring along with Malaysia and Kareem. COLE As shown exclusively on OAOAST Syndicated, a heated confrontation occurred after HeldDOWN went off the air last week between Mr. Dick, Kareem and Malaysia. COACH There you go stirring the pot again, Mikey Cole. It was lively discussion. COLE In any event, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Dick has asked for television time to issue a statement. MISTER DICK People of the OAOAST Galaxy, tonight I put the rumors and innuendos to bed. For weeks I’ve said all is well between myself and Malaysia, yet for some crazy reason nobody seemed to take my word for it. COLE Because you’ve proven in the past your word is no good. MISTER DICK Well maybe you’ll take it from hers. Malaysia, I got a question for you, honey. MALAYSIA Shoot. MISTER DICK Brace yourself. It’s gonna be hot and heavy. MALAYSIA Mmm, just how I like it. MISTER DICK Is all well in our household? MALAYSIA Very. MISTER DICK Then be a good girl and apologize to the Dream for robbing him of the opportunity to be King. MALAYSIA KAREEM (bobbing head) You heard the man, sister -- apologize in public, if you will. COLE Are you kidding me? Mr. Dick is the one who cost Kareem the match, not Malaysia. COACH Wrong. Big Papa Thrust cost Kareem the match, although Malaysia deserves blame for taking her eye off the ball. COLE Some would argue her eye was on the ball, or should I say balls of Big Papa Thrust? MISTER DICK I know you’re spitting it out isn‘t your thing, but just give it the ol’ college try. Once you say those two simple words -- I’m sorry -- we can put this little incident behind us and focus on our tag match Sunday night at the Great Angle Bash against the Sooner Bruisers. MD sticks the mic in Malaysia’s face when “Big Pimpin’” by Jay-Z hits. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" BIG PAPA THRUST appears onstage alongside brother UBER, who howls to the sky. MISTER DICK You know, they say intimation is the sincerest form of flattery, but you my friend take it to a whole other level. Although I’ll give credit where credit is due. You have good taste in women. Unfortunately, you happened to fall in love with MY woman. BIG PAPA THRUST Love?! This ain’t about love. It’s about two adults doing the bump and grind from dusk till dawn. See, I’m on the prowl for a #1 freakazoid. Needless to say there’s no shortage of applicants. But they gotta have the attitude to go along with the looks. Malaysia fits the bill and then some. In fact, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put “U” and “M-E” together followed by “F-A-C-K-I-N-G.” MALAYSIA MISTER DICK Don’t get Sheiky with me, son, or I might have to forget about this Sunday and finish what I started last week. BIG PAPA THRUST In case you hadn’t noticed, there ain’t nothing but air between us. BPT marches down the aisle, prompting MD to back away. MISTER DICK On second thought, I wouldn’t want to disappoint all the cocksuckers in San Antone that have paid their hard earn money to see their favorite son return home and kick ass. Besides, what I plan on doing to you is unsuitable for broadcast TV. COACH Even cable? MD and company bail as BPT invites them back inside. COLE The Real American Prick won’t be able to avoid Big Papa Thrust this Sunday night live on pay-per-view at the Great Angle Bash.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 "Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name" A rousing ovation greets Jade Rodez-Duncan, who happily bounces out to the entrance stage. She pumps her pom-poms up and gets the crowd further amped up. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of twenty five minutes! Now making her way to the ring, residing in Los Angeles, California, she is LITTLE MISS CALIFORNIA….JADE RODEZ-DUNNNCAAAANNNNNNN! COLE Jade with a great opportunity here to become a three time OAOAST Women’s Champion. Only Holly Jade stretches out inside the ring as attention turns back to the entrance stage.M O N E YSo sexyDamn, I love the jam, the jet and the mansion. (Oh yeah) And I enjoy the gifts and the trips to the islands.(Oh yeah) Its good to live expensive You know it, but my knees get weak intensive When you give k-kisses Thats money honey, Well I'm your lover and your mistress Thats money honey When you touch me, its so delicious Thats money honey Baby when you tell me the pieces Thats money honey A torrent of hatred streams down from the rafters in response to Lady Gaga’s Money Honey. Swinging out with grace and style is OAOAST Women’s Champion, Lorelei DeCenzo. She shows off her gorgeous body with a little twirl before heading down to the ring. BUFFER And the champion….from Manhattan Beach, California, she is THE MONEY HONEY LORELEI DECENZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Lorelei enters the ring, and showcases both her figure and the glimmering Women’s Championship she carries. COLE Lorelei’s had a lot of issues with Jade’s little sister Maya lately. This is a case of big sister helping out little. But Jade gets rewarded for her good deed with a title shot. DING DING DING Lorelei fluffs her vibrant hair as she circles around Jade. Eventually she comes into a lockup with Little Miss California. Lorelei immediately snags a headlock, and gets into a kneeling position. She wrenches and grinds on Jade’s neck. Yet her grip isn’t tight enough, and Jade slips out to grab a hammerlock. That hold only remains for a few seconds before Jade switches into a side headlock of her own. This plays right into Lorelei’s hands as she lifts Jade into the air. But Jade is able to counter by rolling through and keeping her headlock applied. COLE Great show of technical ability by Jade! Lorelei swings her long muscular legs around Jade’s neck, as a way of breaking the side headlock. Her attempt to choke Jade with her legs is quickly broken as Jade uses her hands to break the grip. The former champion kips up, but is caught with a hammerlock by the current champion. COLE Lorelei was just a step ahead of Jade right there. Lorelei torques and tears on Jade’s arm, causing the cheerleader to grunt in annoyance. She tries to get behind Lorelei, but can do nothing as the champion tightens the hold. Jade switches up her strategy, by grabbing onto Jade’s head and snapmaring her over. COACH I know P.Diddy doesn’t like his cash cow being put into- COLE Please don’t this “P.Diddy” thing. Lorelei does not know P.Diddy! Think about it! Why would she of all people be his cash cow? Lorelei gets up and charges at Jade. JRD is ready for her arrival and flips her to the ground with an arm drag. Not wishing to incur further moves, Lorelei rolls out to the ring apron. Jade gets the crowd into things before she makes a dash for her rising foe. Lorelei spots her approach and leans through the ring to shoulder her in the midsection. COACH Jade’s kind of chunky so that extra fat there should just absorb that blow. COLE Jade is NOT chunky. Lorelei does not press her advantage, rather she remains on the ring apron to fluff her beautiful hair. This is unwise as Jade returns to rock her with the E!ziguri! Lorelei is flung off the ring apron to the delight of capacity crowd. COLE Lorelei made a major mistake not following up on that shoulder tackle. Lorelei gathers herself upright, just in time for Jade to soar over the ropes and take her down with a plancha! JADE COME ON~! “JADE! JADE! JADE!” the fans chant as Jade continues to pump them up. COLE Jade borrowing some of the high flying tactics of her mother and Alix and Lorelei pad the price! Jade grabs Lorelei by the seat of her pink skirt and deposits her back into the ring. Jade leisurely follows her foe into the battlefield. This casual pace hurts Jade, however, as Lorelei rushes forward to knee her in the head. Jade falls into the corner, where she’s beaten down by her fellow Californian. COACH Lorelei’s doing it P.Diddy style! COLE P.Diddy style? You’re both pathetic. Lorelei pulls Jade upright and shoots her into the corner. But Jade smartly elevates herself onto the second rope. She uses that position to fling herself towards Lorelei and cut her down with a lariat! A pinfall is then counted by referee Earl Hebner… ONE! TWO! Lorelei gets the shoulder up! She quickly retreats to the corner to avoid any other attacks. Her hands are raised and her mouth utters pleas for mercy. They fall on death ears and Jade charges across the ring to leap at Lorelei with a splash. Much to her’s and the audience’s surprise, Lorelei swiftly glides out the way. This leaves Jade to crash into the posts. COLE Oh! And Lorelei just suckered Jade in. Lorelei begins driving her shoulder into Jade’s lower back. The Tramp Stamp causes Little Miss California to howl in agony which puts a smile on Lorelei’s face. After ending The Tramp Stamp, she pulls Jade from the corner in order to send her into the ropes. Lorelei heads to the cables herself, expecting to be able to hit Jade with a high impact attack. But Jade strikes first, nailing Lorelei with a dropkick! The Money Honey gets to her feet with alarming quickness, however. Yet, she can offer no attacks as Jade rocks her with a right/left combo. A spinning clothesline then puts Lorelei back on the mat. COLE Exclusive: Rich Little Blond Girl Kicks Ass! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Lorelei looks winded as she uses the ropes for leverage in pulling herself upright. Jade senses that the end is near, and zooms at her. But upon reaching Lorelei, Jade is caught with a boot to the stomach. Her arm is draped across Lorelei’s and within seconds she’s being thrown into an urange and dropped into a gut buster! COLE Oh my! VINTAGE Lorelei DeCenzo! COACH That’s what’s gonna happen to Maya and her partners at Great Angle Bash. Sophie and Melissa may not even need to get into the ring. I think Lorelei can handle it all on her own. Lorelei grabs onto Jade’s legs for a crucial pinfall…. ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! JADE MAKES THE KICKOUT! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Lorelei is understandably irate at the count and cruelly dresses down Hebner. Once the referee has been suitably insulted, Lorelei pulls Jade off the canvas. An Irish whip tosses Jade into the corner. Lorelei follows after her with a clothesline attempt. Ducking low, Jade counters by back dropping Lorelei over the ropes! The fans are disappointed to see Lorelei land on her feet. She turns to the crowd and fluffs her hair once more. But with her back to Jade, she’s open to any number of moves. This time she’s hit with a running knee to the back from the challenger! Lorelei flies forward, crashing into the guardrail and putting herself under tremendous anguish. “JADE! JADE! JADE!” the fans chant as Jade celebrates her show of dominance. Although she likes to play to the crowd, Jade decides that she should stay on Lorelei. As such she heads to the outside and fetches the champion. Lorelei is thrown back into the ring, and watches as Jade climbs onto the ring apron. The Money Honey makes an unsteady rise to her feet, only to be knocked off them by a springboard lariat! COLE Lorelei just hasn’t been able to find her groove tonight on HeldDOWN~! Jade bounces off the ropes, timing her return to come back at Lorelei as she rises. She leaps at Lorelei with a cross body block. She slams into The Money Honey, but is caught within her arms. Within seconds she’s drilled into the ground by a fall forward slam. Lorelei then makes the cover…. ONE! TWO! Jade gets the shoulder up! Lorelei signals for the end of the contest, leading boos to pour down from the stands. He drags Jade upright and jams her inside a front facelock. COLE Lorelei looking for the Cash Flow, her version of the Fisherman’s DDT! Jade struggles against the hold, doing her best to fight out. But, Lorelei exerts an equal effort to keep her locked down. Being the stronger of the two, its Lorelei who find success.You make me Feel like I'm living a Teenage Dream The way you turn me on I can't sleep Let's runaway And don't ever look back Don't ever look back My heart stops When you look at me Just one touch Now baby I believe This is real So take a chance And don't ever look back Don't ever look back “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE What’s this? Lorelei is enraged at the possibility of Maya appearing. She releases Jade, and turns her wrath towards the entrance ramp. Her mouth fills the air with threats of violence and shouts for security to prevent Maya from arriving. But all that talk is silenced when Jade reaches up and Gets It From her mama with a reverse x-factor! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Jade reaches forward and hooks onto Lorelei’s legs for a pinfall… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! COLE New champion! DING DING DING “When I Grow Up” oozes out the arena sound system, but is totally overwhelmed by the loud cheers of the standing audience. BUFFER Your winner as a result of a pinfall…and new OAOAST Women’s Champion….JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN! A smile as wide as the state of California appears on Jade’s face. She falls backwards laughs with glee over her great fortune. COLE How about that? Jade Rodez-Duncan pulls it off to get her third OAOAST Women’s Title! COACH Thanks to her bratty little sister! Jade takes her women's title out the referee's hand and parades about the ring with it. Behind her, Lorelei sits nearly in tears over her crushing loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 Searching through the hallways of the arena, Molly Nerdly and Maya Duncan-Blanchard have found themselves in lonely, dark surroundings. Carefully making their way through the discarded arena equipment and piping systems, they both look around as they go, looking far from thrilled. MAYA Jeez. I'm beginning to forget what sunlight even looks like. MOLLY It is pretty miserable, yes. Also miserable happens to be Morgan Nerdly, who the girls finally stumble upon in the deepest recesses of the arena. Surprised to see or hear anyone so far away from the hubbub backstage, Morgan looks up startled, waking Leon Rodez up from his trance as well. Leon stands bolt upright, brandishing a piece of pipe. MAYA Whoa whoa, settle down there bud. LEON I'll settle down when you've gone. MAYA Okay, sounds good. We just wanna talk to Morg... LEON I don't care what you want. I suggest you just turn around and get out of here. Molly seems very ready to go, but Maya doesn't. MAYAPssh! I'd have thought you'd be glad of the company. All alone down here. Surrounded by... the dark. Look, this won't take a second, okay. You okay Morgan? MORGAN I... Morgan looks up at Leon nervously, still brandishing the pipe. MORGAN Wh... what do you want? MAYA We need you to do us a solid. Wait, do you know what that means? Do they use that term in Canada? MOLLY *shrugs* MAYA Look, we need a favour. I need another partner on Sunday, to go against Lorelei. And, I figure you've still got plenty of that kinda unnerving but cool so long as it's not aimed at me angst going on over the whole magazine thing. So, I thought of you and figured, hey, guess who'd be perfect to be on my team! We've got a common enemy. Might as well share the fun of kicking her BUTT, right? What do you say? MORGAN Wel... LEON She says no. Upset at being spoken for, Morgan looks up at Leon annoyed. MAYA Oh, cool, you read minds now? LEON I don't need to read her mind. She says no... doesn't she? Leon looks at Morgan, clearly pressuring her to give in. But Morgan can't bring herself to answer either way. LEON Oh. I see. You actually want to do this? After all I've been through lately, you're just going to go ahead and team with these two? MAYA Hey! What's wrong with us? LEON I'll give you a clue. Mister Absentee Father Of The Year. The guy who cost me the World Heavyweight Title. And now, you want to go ahead and join him, do you? You're going to team with his daughter and his hanger-on? You're going to do that to me, abandon me, betray me, all over those stupid little pictures you had taken!? MAYA Hey, those pictures were awesome! My Mom can't get enough of them. Leon cringes, then stares down at Morgan again. LEON So, who's it going to be? Me, or Ned. Because if you choose his family over me, you're no better than the rest of them. Uncowering, Morgan stands up, looking mighty sad as she looks at Leon... and turns to Maya and Molly. MORGAN I'll do it. MAYA Hot digeddy dog! Sounds awesome! See ya Sunday. Oh, by the way, either of you got directions of how to get back to the real world from here? .....No? Okay, we'll figure it out. Thanks! As Maya and Molly try to navigate their way back where they came, Morgan looks apologetically at Leon. Leon snarls under his breath, fuming at being disobeyed. LEON You'll do it... and you'll do it on your own. Leon storms off in another direction, further into the depths of the building, leaving poor Morgan torn in between.COMING UP NEXT KING OF THE RING SEMI FINAL MAINEVENTNED BLANCAHRD VS THEODORE MONEYMAKERNEXT!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 “Slither” rocks n rolls into the arena, bringing the audience to their feet for the evening’s mainevent. The giant snake’s head with its intimidating flaming eyes is in full effect as are orange strobe lights. Through the snake’s head comes Ned Blanchard and the Siclopse toting Molly Nerdly. Ned raises his arms in a show of respect to the audience, before he and Molly head to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is your mainevent for the evening and it is a KING OF THE RING semi final match! The winner will go on to the finals at Great Angle Bash, now making his way to the ring from Orange County, California, he is accompanied by MOLLY NERDLY....THE HANDSOME HUSTLER NED BLAAAANNNNCHHHAAAARRRRRRDDDDDDD! Ned talks strategy with Molly inside the ring while orange lights circle all around them. COLE Ned Blanchard with a great opportunity to advance his singles career by going to the King Of The Ring finals against Nathaniel Black. COACH Yeah, but he’s gotta get past his former employer Mister Theodore Moneymaker. That ain’t no easy task, Mikey Cole.Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste I've been around for a long, long year Stole many a man's soul and faith And I was 'round when Jesus Christ Had his moment of doubt and pain Made damn sure that Pilate Washed his hands and sealed his fate “Sympathy For The Devil” calls out the Devil Himself. He arrives to a wealth of green and gold spotlights and a massive amount of jeers from the New Mexico audience. Theodore Moneymaker merely takes it all in with his haughty trademark laughter. BUFFER And the opponent, from Vero Beach, Florida, he is the OAOAST United States Champion, THE DEVIL HIMSELF….THEODORE MONEYMAAAAAAKKKKEERRRRRRRRR! COACH I don’t like that nick name, Devil Himself, what are they trying to say about Mister Moneymaker. COLE That he’s a greedy narcissistic, parasitic, megalomaniac! But be that as it may, he could be going to Great Angle Bash to fight for the King Of The Ring Crown. It would be quite the feather in the cap to an already great career. DING DING DING COLE A rivalry renewed here on HeldDOWN~! Moneymaker tosses several pennies at Ned’s feet in an insulting attempt to bribe him into throwing this match. COACH That would cover .00000000000000000000000001% of the child support Ned’s paid Krista over the years. Ned looks at the pennies then at Moneymaker, and then back at the pennies. After that he slugs Moneymaker in the jaw! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Ned fires off right hands that back Moneymaker into the corner. The US Champion clutches onto the ropes in hopes that he’ll gain a reprieve from the attack. Referee Charles Robinson calls for a clean break which Ned is loathe to give. However, he begrudgingly backs away from his former boss. Moneymaker breathes heavily, as he nurses a sore jaw. Finally he steps out into a lock up with Blanchard. The two tussle and tango with the end result being a side headlock for The Billion Dollar Heir. MONEYMAKER HA! Ned tries to shove Moneymaker into the ropes only for his former employer to drop down to a kneeling position. COACH Mister Moneymaker has got Ned in a bind. I don’t think these rubes and marks realize how great a wrestler he is. COLE That’s because he rarely wrestles in the first place! He only does it when he has something to gain and nothing to lose like in this tournament. And when he does wrestle he cheats to win! Ned is able to force Moneymaker to his feet. Now upright Ned attempts to shove his opponent into the ropes. But the US Champion counters by throwing Ned over with a headlock takedown! COACH Check out the technical skill of Mister Moneymaker, the United States Champion. COLE A championship he hardly ever defends and probably will even less if he wins this tournament, because who will be worthy to face a king like him? COACH Now you’re getting it! Ned presses his hands beneath Moneymaker’s chin and begins pushing upwards. This causes great discomfort and distraction to the Florida native. Because of this, Ned succeeds in carrying himself upright. He still can’t manage to shove Moneymaker into the ropes, however. But he catches his former friend by surprise when he upends him with a back suplex! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans and Molly delight. COLE I don’t think “Mister” Moneymaker was expecting that! The Handsome Hustler brings Moneymaker to his feet and shoots him into the ropes. The CEO of The Enterprise bounces back and is caught under the jaw with a back elbow. Stunned, he’s unable to prevent Ned from throwing him down with an arm drag. He tries to crawl away, but the Orange County Cobra traps him inside an arm lock. COACH Let’s think of the kind of King Ned Blanchard would make. He’s loud, he’s foul mouthed, and he’s rude. COLE He’s also strong, just, and honest. Moneymaker pushes his way upright with the arm lock still applied. He kicks at Ned’s shins in an effort to shove away his rival. Ned, however, keeps the hold applied, frustrating Moneymaker. The crafty grappler eventually finds a way to escape, however, by hip tossing his foe to the ground. He then makes a quick cover…. ONE! Ned gets the shoulder off the canvas well before a two count. He rolls to his feet, and meets Moneymaker in a tradeoff of punches. The Billion Dollar Heir wins the exchange by varying his offense and smashing his knee into Ned’s stomach. From there Moneymaker snaps a front facelock on his foe. Ned tries to fight out the hold, but Moneymaker keeps it painfully locked on. “HANDSOME-HUSTLER! HANDSOME-HUSTLER! HANDSOME-HUSTLER!” the audience chants led on by Molly. COLE We’ll see Molly in six girl tag action this Sunday at The Great Angle Bash. Ned shrugs off several knees from his foe, in order to begin peppering Moneymaker’s stomach with jabs. Though Moneymaker tries with all his might to keep the facelock, he’s finally forced to relinquish his grip on Blanchard. Now free, Ned takes a moment to regain his lost breath. Once that second is up, he runs at Moneymaker with a lariat. The US champion ducks the attack, coming up to strike his foe in the face with a right cross. A left cross also connects and soon Moneymaker has Ned reeling. MONEYMAKER You should have taken the pennies, idiot! Moneymaker hooks back on with a front facelock in hopes of executing a vertical suplex. However, Ned does not comply with the plan and soon a struggle ensues between the two men. COLE Moneymaker wants to hit that suplex, but Ned knows he’s got a chance to turn the tide of this match back to his favor. It’s The Handsome Hustler who wins the battle of the wills, performing a vertical suplex of his own. He floats over and pins the US champion… ONE! TWO! Moneymaker makes the crucial kickout! Not bothering to argue the count, Ned pulls Moneymaker to his feet. He does so in a rather casual way. This is a dire mistake, as Moneymaker bulldozes Ned across the ring and pins him against the corner. Trapped, Ned is victimized by shoulder thrusts from his opponent. Molly pleads with him to fight back, but there’s little he can do against the unwavering assault. COACH You gotta think having known each other for so long that Ned and Mister Moneymaker are wise to each other’s tricks. COLE But they’ve been apart for a while. So its possible each man has developed new strategies. Moneymaker backs to the center of the ring where he infuriates the Rio Rancho crowd with the famous moneyfingers gesture. With the crowd booing him, he surges towards Ned. But, The Handomse Hustler gets his boot up to daze Moneymaker! Facing away from Ned, Moneymaker is easily sucked into a sleeper hold. The sold out audience gets to their feet, ready to see Ned’s deathly finisher. COLE The Handsome Hustler is looking for the Angel’s Venom! But Moneymaker uses his might to back Ned into the corner. The impact causes The Handsome Hustler to lose his grip on his foe. But, he remains on the attack by swatting Moneymaker in the head with a hard punch. He climbs onto the second rope as Moneymaker remains dizzied. NED Turn around, you son of a bitch! When Moneymaker does he’s hit with a diving lariat from his opponent! A pinfall is then made…. ONE! TWO! NO! COLE Say what you will about Theodore Moneymaker, but the former world champion is tough to put away. Moneymaker comes to his feet and is met with a pair of right hands from his foe. He watches as Ned then takes off to the ropes. Coming back, Ned throws out a lariat that’s expertly ducked by Moneymaker. The Billion Dollar Heir then throws a lariat of his own at Ned. However, Ned ducks that attack! He offers a lariat that’s then ducked by Moneymaker. The US champion’s next lariat effort is also ducked. COACH This is making me dizzy. Ned gets wise to the keep, and feigns a lariat. Moneymaker instinctually ducks the attack. By the time he realizes he’s done something wrong, Ned is punting him in the chest! COACH Ned just outsmarted a Yale graduate! How the hell does that happen! Ned traps the Ivy Leaguer into a front facelock. Despite the fight Moneymaker puts up, Ned is able to lift him up. He drops him across the ropes, and then throws him backwards with a slingshot suplex! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE That’s VINTAGE Ned Blanchard! Ned hooks onto Moneymaker’s legs for the pinfall… ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! “THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE!” the Rio Rancho audience chants. Ned bounces off the ropes, expecting to be able to boot Moneymaker in the face as he rises. But, the money maven surprises him by trapping him inside a small package…. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COLE And Theodore Moneymaker playing possum right there. COACH That’s the smarts of a Yale graduate. The US champion rolls past a lunging Ned to get behind him. He hooks on a rear waistlock, seeking a German suplex. But Ned reverses and swings behind Moneymaker! The audience cheers loudly as Ned lifts Moneymaker up in the begginings of a German suplex! However, Moneymaker shows some rare agility and rolls through the hold! He winds up on top of Ned, leaving The Handsome Hustler scrambling to get free. He gets to his feet, but Moneymaker remains on top of him. This becomes a serious problem when the US champion snatches him into a Cobra Clutch sleeper! COLE Bank Vault! Ned tries to fight out the hold at the urging of Molly and the crowd. He squirms and he wiggles, but this does little to win him his freedom. He then begins stomping on Moneymaker’s feet. At first this is spirited stomping, but as time wears on the hold’s ill effects end it altogether. The Handsome Hustler finally has no other choice but to submit and end his quest for the crown. DING DING DING BUFFER Your winner as a result of a submission and advancing to the finals of the 2011 King Of The Ring…..THEODORE MONEYMAKER! Moneymaker has his hands raised by Robinson, a sight highly displeasing to the fans. He marches around the ring, mouth emitting proclamations that he is to become the OAOAST’s new king. COLE So its Theodore Moneymaker against Nathaniel Black at Great Angle Bash! What a high level main event quality match that will be. Don't forget to join us for The Great Angle Bash, folks!FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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