OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 5/6/2011

[Chanel #99]

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-


The show opens with stock footage of Vegas at night, then we cut to a LADY OF THE NIGHT by a street corner.

Hey, booking Chester Cheetah and Cher for AngleMania X didn’t come cheap. We had to go the low cost route for the Virgin No More contest.

Anyway, a LIMO pulls up to the curb and VINNY VALENTINE exits.  

LADY
My, aren’t you cute. I can tell we’re going to have a lot of fun.  

VINNY
(Travolta style laugh)
Yeah, baby, I’m sure we would, but I’m not your date. Yo, Tony.

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a woman's man: no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm,
I've been kicked around since I was born.

And now it's all right. It's OK.
And you may look the other way.

What’s left of his hair slicked back, TONY TOURETTES struts out wearing a ‘70s era powder blue tuxedo and sneakers as “Staying Alive” by the Bee Gees blares from the limo.  

LADY
You have got to be kidding me.  

TONY
Are ya ready to fuck?

Vinny slaps Tony upside the head.

TONY
I mean how do you do?

Tony kisses the lady’s hand and bows like a true gentleman.

LADY
(desperately to Vinny)
Are you sure you’re not my date?

Vinny shakes his head to the lady‘s disappointment.

TONY
Say, you hungry? ‘Cause I am…*stares at lady’s crotch* …and I know just the place to eat out! *raises eyebrows*

LADY
Let’s just get this over with.

The middle-age driver hustles around the limo to open the door for Tony and his lady.

TONY
After you SKAN-- doll face.

Tony’s lady enters the limo reluctantly. His tongue hangs out like a thirsty dog in the summer as he admires that ass.

VINNY
Hey Tony, this being your last night as a virgin and all, I wanna give you something special.

The Vin-man reaches into his pocket and hands Tony a box of CONDOMS.

VINNY
Magnum sized.

TONY
Wow. I’m in the land of the big boys now. Guess I won’t be needing this anymore.

Tony removes his CENANATION armband and tosses it to a YOUNG BOY.

YOUNG BOY
Gee, thanks mister.

MOTHER
Pervert!    

TONY


VINNY
What’s a kid that age doing out in Vegas this time of night anyway?

TONY
Yeah, CUNT!

Vinny shoves Tony in the back and rides shotgun as the limo speeds away.

TO BE CONTINUED…

We go straight to the arena where Double C is situated at Sofa Central, wearing match orange HeldDOWN polo shirts.

COLE
Ho-ho-ho. That Tony Tourettes is just too much for words, and we'll be following his adventures all night right up until his big moment.

COACH
Ain't it amazing that the guy won the whole thing?

COLE
Amazing? Vinny rigged the contest in his favor in front of the whole world? We have a class action lawsuit being filed against us! Regardless, tonight's show should be an amazing one, thanks to two high profile matches.

TONIGHT
ANGLEMANIA REMATCH
MISTER DICK VS DEUCE
TONIGHT

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
LEON RODEZ AND PIERCE DUNCAN VS NED BLANCHARD AND SPENCER REGIER
TONIGHT

COLE
Not to mention we'll see which OAOAST superstar will be honored with the United Peace Organization's lifetime humanitarian award. And, of course, we'll have the debut of Morgan Nerdly's OAOAST The Magazine pictures.

COACH
Hot damn! Forget all the rest of the crap, that's what we need to get to.

“La ilaha illa Allah, ha la ili, hay yo
Hili b'Allah, hey, hili bay yo
We getting Arab money
We getting Arab money”

In addition to Arab Money, the arena gets a wealth of boos from the fans as Abdullah Abir Nerdly appears on the entrance stage with trusted bodyguard Quiz at his side. He produces a microphone and prepares to speak.

COLE
We saw The Church of Abdullah take a frustrating loss at In Your Parents Basement to the LDC Moneygang and One and Only Tag Team Champions D*LUX. But Abdullah Abir Nerdly appears to be in a rather good mood here tonight.

ABDULLAH
Hello, my children!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

ABDULLAH
Praise be to the maker of the world and all those who serve him and spread his wisdom.

COACH
Praise be!

ABDULLAH
My children, I am here tonight as a humble man with sharing, caring, and love in my heart.

COLE
(sarcastically)
But doesn’t he always have those things in his heart?

ABDULLAH
Brothers and sisters, it has come to my attention that the nonbelievers' perception of me is not a good one! For it is one of a ruthless man, hellbent on material acquisition. The nonbelievers believe me to a cruel thief who steals from the poor to fill his coffers and line his pockets!

COACH
Death to the nonbelievers! Starting with you, Mikey!

ABDULLAH
But you, my children, you know this to be false. For you know me to be a man of incredible mental acumen, and connection to god, who uses his wisdom and link to the lord to spread god’s message and acquire the fine possessions he demands me to have!

COLE
This guy is full of it.

ABDULLAH
Tonight, my children, I invite the nonbelievers to meet the true me! Meet a man of god with nothing but love for all creatures in his heart. Tonight as a result of my many years of service to the lord I will be presented the United Peace Organization’s lifetime humanitarian award.

COLE
He’s getting the award?!

ABDULLAH
I hope that you will join me in celebration of my good deeds. Thank you, my children!

Abdullah and Quiz head backstage, trailed by a round of disgusted boos.

COACH
A great man will be honored tonight!

COLE
Something just doesn't seem right. Folks, we'll be back with more HeldDOWN~!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Backstage there's a patriotic feel, as US flags adorn various parts of the interview lounge (you can't see them, but they're there, honest.)



MAGGIE NERDLY is stood by, with



ALIX MARIA SPEZIA

MAGGIE
What's poppin' America! Maggie N, you know what that stands for, standing by with Miss Alix Maria Spezia herself.

ALIX
YAY FREEDOM!

FREEDOM


ALIX
Freedom in general.

FREEDOM


ALIX
Nah, but seriously, isn't it awesome they finally got Obama? A birth certificate and a death certificate in one week? Hectic!

MAGGIE
Uhm... no, they got Osama.

ALIX
Aren't they like the same dude? Nah, I'm just playin' America, I know what's up. I just totally went all culturally satirical on you. You know, I feel super proud of my country like never before. It's great. It's like one time, there was a bee got into the house and this was a big ass bee. So Krista was all like "oh, you are so dead you stripy motherfucker" and I was thinking "nuh uh, bees can fly, that's like an evolutionary advantage over humans, no way you're gonna catch that evil elusive creature". So then she hunts this thing all through the place, tearing shit up and this bee is giving her the run around something fierce. Until BAM, she takes out her gun and shoots it as it rested on the wall. Man, that was like the hottest thing ever. I banged a hero that night. Medal of honour? More like medal of ON HER. On her, doing sex.

MAGGIE
I guessed, yeah.

ALIX
So, yeah, celebration! It feels good to be number one, baby! American and the OAOAST, the two greatest forces in the world! WRESTLING! FUCK YEAH! KRISTA! FUCK YEAH! SPINEBUSTERS! FUCK YEAH! BIFFMAN! FUCK YEAH! TIM CASH! FUCK YEAH! NERDLY GIRLS! FUCK YEAH! D*LUX! FUCK YEAH! MISTER DICK! ...fu... fuck yeah?

BOHEMOTH
EX! CUSE! ME!

Walking into the lounge, Bohemoth squares up to Alix and looks at the girls in disbelief, as he slots his sunglasses in his suit pocket.

BOHEMOTH
Are you kidding me? Really? This is what you're wasting your time with? This!?

MAGGIE
I...

BOHEMOTH
Why aren't I being interviewed? Huh? Where's my time? I show up and Alfdogg tells me "oh, sorry bigman, we've got nothing for you tonight, but you're welcome to stick around". And we've got people like this clown getting interviewed? But not me?

ALIX
Hey, I'll have you know I flunked clown college and it's still a very sore subject.

Laughing to himself, Bo looks around incredulously.

BOHEMOTH
You know what, this is typical. Have I gotta remind you and all these people, what I did to you last week? Huh? I beat you. I... beat... you. One two three in the middle of that ring and I became the number one contender to the World Title by doing it. So all your little 'ha ha' and your 'yay America' can go fill up time on the B show. Because I'm the guy who everybody's gonna be talking about right now.

ALIX
...are you saying you're bigger than America?

BOHEMOTH
I didn't say anything like that. What I'm saying is, this should be my time.

ALIX
...are you saying you're better than America?

BOHEMOTH
What the hell are you talking about? This isn't about America.

ALIX
Oh yeah? Well how about you tell that to the realest American I know, Arnold Schwarzenegger! He ran this country like a true G and plus, he could travel back in time and shoot bad guys with giant guns on the side. Because he was American and America is awesome! So you better love or leave it, pal!

Shaking his head, Bohemoth looks pissed.

BOHEMOTH
You know what... I don't have time for this crap. You just tell your little girlfriend, as of next week, things are gonna start changing around here. I'm taking over as the face of this company. And if she doesn't want to step aside, then she's going to get MOVED aside!

Bohemoth storms off, leaving a worked up Alix behind.

ALIX
That little girlfriend is a WAR HERO and she deserves respect!

MAGGIE
Calm down, Alix. I think you're letting this patriotism thing get to your head a bit.

ALIX
Calm down!? You didn't see the things I saw, man! You weren't there!

MAGGIE
Uhh... this was a mistake. Back to you guys, before we start getting flashbacks back here.

[Chanel #99]

We return to the arena with “Sexual Eruption” blaring into the arena and Rico De Janerio being escorted to the ring by Queen Esther. Behind Queen Esther’s bright and innocent eyes, Rico invites the more attractive ladies in the audience to bare their breasts. He gets no takers.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of ten minutes! Now making his way to the ring being accompanied by QUEEN ESTHER, from Rio De Janerio, Brazil, he is RICO DE JANERIO!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

BUFFER
And his opponent, from The Kingdom Of The Netherlands…..OSCAR “The Freebird” FRIIIIBEEEERRRGGG!

COLE
This kid Oscar “The Freebird” Friberg is one of OAOVW’s prospects. He won a twenty man battle royal in OAOVW, which is based here in Louisville, to compete against Rico.

COACH
Some prize. Survive against nineteen other guys to get your ass kicked by Rico. At least you get to be on TV.

DING DING DING

Friberg offers his hand in respect to Rico. For this kind gesture he encounters a wad of spit into his face. Adding insult to another insult, Rico shoves The Freebird down to the ground.

QUEEN ESTHER
(clapping)
Marvelous sportsmanship!

COLE
She’s more delusional than usual.

Rico laughs aloud as the youngster stares him incredulously. He waves on Friberg, and the kid gets to his feet. The Brazillian snaps his hand around Friberg’s throat and shoves him into the corner. There he lights him up with a parade of brutal knife edge chops.

COACH
Welcome to big leauges kid. I bet he wishes he had never won that battle royal.

Snapping on a front facelock, Rico is able to rip the Dutchman backwards with a vertical suplex. He then floats over for a pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!


Friberg gets the shoulder off the canvas. This annoys Rico greatly, and he chews out the youngster for attempting to win the contest. He punishes Friberg with stomps to the head before picking him up off the canvas. A big hip toss sends Friberg across the ring and he lands in a heap on the canvas. Rico taunts his foe, insulting him and promising him a painful defeat.

“DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO!”

COACH
The OAOAST Galaxy is full of ignorant morons, Mikey. How you gonna deport a man who brings joy to millions worldwide?

COLE
If Rico brings joy then why do the OAOAST Marks want him on the first plane back to Brazil?

Rico presses Friberg overheard and then drops him throat first onto the cables. The Dutch grappler stumbles backwards, carrying himself directly into a lariat to the back of the head from Rico. That devastating attack puts a smile on Rico’s face and he parades about the ring, stroking his thick chest hair.

COACH
Rico is just putting it down and doing his thing. This match is almost an insult to him. Give the dude a challenge or something.

RICO
Who wants a mustache ride?

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

The audience continues to berate Rico as he fastens Friberg between his legs. He then raises Friberg into the air, sliding him behind his back. Rico delays the hold, showcasing his impressive strength to the jaded and hateful audience. But his purposeful hesitation gives Friberg the time needed to escape the hold!

COLE
Friberg made the escape!

Rico spins around and is booted in the stomach. He’s doubled over and leapt onto by Friberg. The Dutchman then executes the dangerous CK3, falling backwards and dropping Rico onto his legs!

COLE
WOAH~!

Friberg hooks onto both of Rico’s legs for the pinfall….

ONE!


TWO!


THREE!

DING DING DING!

The audience explodes with shocked glee at the amazing result! Queen Esther FAINTS on the outside, as Friberg nearly does the same. Unable to believe he won, Friberg slowly gets to his feet with surprise filling his face.

COACH
I…I….what the hell just happened?

Once his hand is raised, the realization that he’s won settles over Friberg. The youngster then leaps upwards and throws his fist into the air. He rushes to the corner and climbs onto the top rope and raises his arms into the air as the excited fans mimic his triumphant gesture.

COLE
Oscar Friberg has done it! What an incredible upset! The Freebird soars tonight on HeldDOWN~!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Tony Tourettes’ Vegas adventure continues with him creeping out the unfortunate lady who must bone him by sniffing her like some wild animal in their limo.

LADY


TONY
Mmm-mmm-mmm. You smell nice. Do you bathe with soap?

LADY
Doesn‘t everybody?

TONY

Hot and fucking funny. The OAOAST sure knows how to pick ‘em.

LADY
Okay. So, uh, where are we going?

TONY
To grab a bite to eat. I’m fucking starving. Went the last 48 hours without eating to fit in this suit. Makes me feel smart, powerful, sexy. You must be really turned on by now. Tell me, do I make you horny, baby?

LADY
Oh. Dear. God.

The limo stops outside MCDONALD’S.

TONY
Hope you like Mickey D’s.

The pair enter the establishment and draw weird looks from other customers thanks to their colorful attire.

MAN (off-screen)
Tony!

Tony’s jaw drops as RONALD MCDONALD greets him and his lady friend.

TONY
Ronnie!

LADY
You two know each other?

TONY
Who doesn’t know the Ronald?

RONALD
Can I get you a Big Mac, or maybe one of my delicious angus burgers?

TONY
I’ll be tearing into something more delicious tonight, like this lovely woman’s anus! I’m gonna treat her like the boys do the Hamburglar over at the jailhouse.

TONY & RONALD
All up in that ass!

LADY
Why don‘t you go ahead and order for us? I gotta use the ladies’ room.

TONY
I’ll still strike oil tonight!

Tony resumes chatting with Ronald McDonald as his lady friend wanders off.

TO BE CONTINUE…

[Chanel #99]

Backstage we see a thrilled Oscar Friberg strolling down the arena hallway. He’s offered handshakes and pats on the backs from OAOAST staff. Eventually he meets up with the Christ Air Express and.....


MELODY NERDLY

MARV
Dude!

MEL
Dude!

MARV
I just said dude.

MEL
So?

MARV
So don’t copy me.

MEL
So don’t copy me.

MARV
Something is wrong with you, dude.

MEL
Something is wrong with you, dude.

MARV
Stop!

MEL
Stop!

MARV
ARGHHHHHHH!

MEL
ARGHHHHHHH!

MELODY
What they’re trying to say is congratulations! Its like you stepped into Mass Effect 2 without ever playing a video game in your life and beat it on Insanity mode right away. That’s awesome!

OSCAR
Thanks!

Oscar continues to chat with Melody and her brothers as we fade to commercial.

COMING UP NEXT
ANGLEMANIA REMATCH
MISTER DICK VS DEUCE
NEXT

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

After we return from break “Just a Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody” hits and Double D Bigelow marches to the ring.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing 390 pounds… DEUCE DEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE BIGELOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Deuce swings over the top rope and signals for Mr. Dick to come on down.

COLE
Deuce is ready for action and here’s why.  

COURTESY: IN YOUR PARENTS' BASEMENT

Deuce reverses a corner whip and executes a perfect HANDSPRING ELBOW! He throws the Middle Eastern Wet Dream to the mat and follows up with a TOP ROPE DIVING HEADBUTT!!

COLE
Funky Cold Medina!

Malaysia hops on the apron to distract the ref, allowing Mr. Dick to come off the top and nail Deuce in the back of the head with his SHAKE WEIGHT!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COACH
Deuce is out cold, Mikey Cole.

COLE
Don’t tell me Kareem’s gonna steal the win.

Kareem delivers the XXXL SPLASH for good measure and then makes the cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!!

COACH
Where’s the beef? Kareem pinned Deuce right smack in the middle of the ring.

COLE
Only after Mr. Dick struck Deuce with his Shake Weight. Didn’t you watch the footage?

COACH
My monitor went out.  

COLE
You called the match with me!

COACH
No wonder I have no knowledge of Mr. Dick’s involvement; working with your is something I like to forget.  

“Motherfucker of the Year” plays as Mr. Dick and Malaysia receive a golden pyro shower onstage.

BUFFER
His opponent, accompanied by the Ultimate Combination of Beauty and Beatdowns, MALAYSIA! From San Antonio, Texas, weighing 238 pounds… MMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSTTEEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Malaysia holds the ropes open for MD when she’s handed another GIFT BOX.

COLE
Malaysia’s secret admirer strikes again.

COACH
Whoever this guy is has good tastes, but like I said last week, Malaysia is Mr. Dick’s woman.

COLE
How do we know it’s even a guy?

COACH
Oh, baby. OH, BABY!

Before Malaysia can open the gift, MD rips it out of her hands and does it himself. Whatever’s inside causes MD to laugh and call for a mic.

MISTER DICK
Hold on there, big man. I know you’d like nothing more than to jump on me like the last jelly donut in catering. But like mama always said…

MD produces a BOX OF CHOCOLATES.

MISTER DICK
… life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get. Take tonight for example. After embarrassing me In Your Parents’ Basement, I have all the motivation to go in there and dick slap you. The thing is, I've got my eyes on bigger and better things. See, I haven’t just beaten your ass once already… I squashed you!

COLE
Yeah, thanks to Kareem.

COACH
A win’s a win, Mikey Cole.

MISTER DICK
So to make things a little bit more interesting I’ve decided to let Malaysia defend my honor.

MALAYSIA


MISTER DICK
Don’t worry baby, if something happens tonight I’ll defend your honor next week and win the World title for the both of us.

COLE
It sounds to me like Mr. Dick is BUTT hurt over Malaysia’s World title shot next week in a Dungeon match.

COACH
Are you a mind reader? No. That means you’re only trying to stir trouble between two lovebirds.

Deuce brings Malaysia in the hard way and unloads with forearm shots.

* DINGDINGDING *

Deuce sends Malaysia for the ride and executes a press slam, followed by a diving head BUTT from a vertical position.

COLE
Some man Mr. Dick is, letting Malaysia fight his battle.

COACH
Are you kidding me? This is romantic. Malaysia’s showing her devotion.

COLE
She clearly was taken aback by his demand.

COACH
Chicks get emotional for no reason sometimes. You’d ought to know being one yourself.

Malaysia is rammed face-first in the buckle and then fired in for a handspring elbow… but MD is there to pull her to safety as Deuce puts on the brakes.

DEUCE


MISTER DICK


The Real American Prick is chased around and eventually into the ring by Deuce, who Malaysia levels with a hard forearm smash to the face!

COLE
Just like In Your Parents’ Basement, the odds are once again stacked against Deuce.

COACH
He’s been the instigator. I guess Deuce gets riled up by people minding their own business. We could be next on his path of destruction.

Malaysia steps on Deuce’s pubes and then chokes him.

MISTER DICK
That’s my woman!

COACH
Remember that Mr. Secret Admirer.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIV--

Malaysia breaks the hold to GOUGE THE EYES!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Deuce crawls to the ropes and gets raked across the back.

Again.

And again.

Malaysia looks to hit a yakuza kick when Deuce ducks under and connects with a spinning heel kick on the rebound.

COLE
Malaysia just took it right in the face, but not like she’s accustomed to.

COACH
Stay classy, Cole.

Deuce scoops Malaysia across his shoulders and executes a Diamond Cutter!

COLE
BOOTY CALL~!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THR-- NO!

Deuce moves as MD leaps off the top and spikes Malaysia in the heart with his SHAKE WEIGHT!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

COACH
Disqualify him ref!

COLE
For what?

COACH
Malaysia got hit by a foreign object.

COLE
By her own man, and in no way designed for Deuce’s benefit.

Deuce head butts MD before going up top for a high risk diving version, which he never gets to perform as KAREEM THE MIDDLE EASTERN WET DREAM hits the ring. Instead the Flaming Gigolo delivers a flying shoulder block!

COLE
Oh, my!

COACH
I think the whole building just shook.  

The OAOAST Galaxy goes bonkers as Deuce beats his chest and roars. With Deuce’s back turned, MD dives back in and nails him with the Shake Weight.

COLE
Not that damn thing again.

MD, Kareem and Malaysia do a number on Deuce until BRICKSTON storms the ring with a STEEL CHAIR.

* TWHACK *

Down goes Kareem.

COACH
What’s this idiot doing?  

COLE
Brickston hasn’t forgotten about what Mr. Dick did to him a few weeks ago.

MD is next on the hit list, but Malaysia pulls him out to safety and the trio retreat.  

BUFFER
The winner of the match, as result of a DISQUALIFICATION… DEUCE DEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE BIGELOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Brickston assists Deuce to his feet and raises his hand.

COACH
Wait a minute, Cole. It just hit me. Could Brickston be Malaysia’s secret admirer? He never laid a hand on her.

COLE
Who knows? You raise a valid point though. Well, one person who's bound to have a ton of admirers after this next segment is Morgan Nerdly. Her OAOAST the magazine pictures are next.

COACH
Whoooooooooooo!

COMING UP NEXT
MORGAN NERDLY REVEALED
NEXT!

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by.....
THOR-IN THEATRES NOW
OLD SPICE-SMELL LIKE A MAN, MAN
PENZOIL-NOT JUST IL, PENZOIL

We return to the arena with our view focused on Maggie Nerdly inside the ring. Next to her are four posters each covered with a red silk sheet.

MAGGIE
What’s up, ya’ll? It “Girl” On The Scene, Maggie Nerdly here coming atcha. All this year the OAOAST Babes will be baring it all in OAOAST Magazine! How do you like that?

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

MAGGIE
These pictures are going to be hot, hot, hot, and you can only find them in the OAOAST. How about we give it up for my sister and first OAOAST the magazine centerfold Morgan Nerdly!

Tonight
We're longing for daylight
Burning the same lie
To find the ghost of you and I
We're running from midnight
Dying to ignite
To find the ghost of you and I

Story of The Year’s

pours into the ring to a rocking ovation from the capacity crowd. Looking a little nervous about the proceedings, Morgan Nerdly meekly makes her way down to the ring.

COACH
Mikey, I’ve been waiting all month for this! Morgan Nerdly as barely dressed as she can be!

COLE
You aren’t the only one, the OAOAST Galaxy has been eagerly awaiting this moment also.

Morgan enters the ring, and shyly inches over to her sister.

MAGGIE
Morgan, you’re first up to pose for OAOAST The Magazine. When I heard you were gonna do it, I was shocked. You’re so shy.

MORGAN
Well, Alfdogg said that it might make me people like me more. And maybe people will start to be nice to be?

MAGGIE
I think these people already like you.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

MAGGIE
They want to see more of you, and from what I hear they’re going to get more…a whole lot more!

M

O

N

E

Y

So sexy

Damn, I love the jam, the jet and the mansion. (Oh yeah)
And I enjoy the gifts and the trips to the islands.(Oh yeah)
Its good to live expensive
You know it, but my knees get weak intensive
When you give me k-kisses

Thats money honey,
Well I'm your lover and your mistress
Thats money honey
When you touch me, its so delicious
Thats money honey
Baby when you tell me the pieces
Thats money honey

Attired in a sexy pink evening gown, OAOAST Women’s Champion, Lorelei DeCenzo appears on the entrance stage.

COLE
What does she want?

Lorelei heads down to the ring with her head held high in the air. Upon entering the squared circle she’s granted a microphone.

LORELEI
My oh my, what could this be? A pictorial unveiling of little Morgan Nerdly? Is that what this is? Morgan Nerdly in the skimpiest, sexiest outfits the OAOAST can provide, who wouldn’t want to see that? Isn’t that right, Columbia.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

LORELEI
Yes, yes, very good. Morgan I’m something of a connoisseur of beautiful bodies and I couldn’t dare linger backstage while your’s was revealed to the world. I had to be up close and personal for the big moment. The moment where we the people see what you look like under all those baggy, frumpy clothes you normally wear. No offense. It just wouldn’t do for me to sit with the rest of the peons while a prime example of feminine gorgeousness is being showcased. So, naturally I’ve come to join the celebration of your body. You don’t mind, do you?

MORGAN
I guess not.

LORELEI
Good. Then let’s begin.



COACH
Is yowza a word, because that’s what I’m thinking right now!

LORELEI
Hmmmmm.

MAGGIE
And the next sexy picture….



MAGGIE
Whoa! That body is wasted on Leon Rodez.

LORELEI
Hmmmmm.

COACH
Let’s see the third one! Get to it, damn it! I need spank material!



MAGGIE
Work that ass, Morgan!

LORELEI
Hmmmmmm.

MAGGIE
And the last and final one.



MAGGIE
Somewhere dad just fainted! His little girl is all grown up in more ways than one!

“MORGAN! MORGAN! MORGAN!”

Morgan smiles sheepishly, unused to such love for her good looks.

LORELEI
Hmmmm. Do you want to know what I think?

MAGGIE
No, but I bet you’ll tell us anyway.

LORELEI
Morgan, I think you look absolutely…….HORRENDOUS!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the fans hiss as Morgan looks down with sadness.

LORELEI
You’re scrawny and small ten year old boy body isn’t fit for the pages of Pedophile Monthly. Your breast, which you might think of as pert, are an embarrassment. Your buttocks deserves no admiration, rather it deserves scorn and derision. You look like nothing more than a small chested, flast assed, whore!

Morgan is almost reduced to tears.

MAGGIE
Hey, what’s your problem?

LORELEI
My problem is that I should be in that magazine! The people want voluptuous, sexy bodies like mine not the bodies of malformed dwarves like your sister. They demand sexually charged goddess whereas Morgan is nothing more than a mouse with small, ugly, breasts.

MAGGIE
That ain’t true!

LORELEI
Oh but it is.

MAGGIE
Just leave her alone, you’ll get your turn to pose like everyone else.

LORELEI
Not good enough! Sean “Puffy” Combs, do you know him?

MAGGIE
Of course!

LORELEI
Well, he says I should be the sole focus of the magazine to maximize my marketing potential and global identity. It simply will not do to have skanks like Morgan clouding up the pages that belong to me! Morgan, you are nothing more than an abomination. The people of the world want nothing to do with a mentally unstable idiot showing off her disgusting body. It sickens them to see what amounts to a homeless crack whore parading through the streets of Time Square in a magazine bought world wide. I wouldn’t even put your nasty body in the pages of a Human Oddities handbook.

Morgan is now crying, deeply wounded by Lorelei’s words.

LORELEI
You’ve offended me today, Morgan Nerdly. Get on your knees and apologize.

MAGGIE
Morgan, you don’t have to do that.

LORELEI
Quiet! If you remember correctly, I brought this wretch into the OAOAST. She is nothing more than my servant. She bows to me and takes orders from me. She may worship Leon Rodez, but I am her god. And besides its not everyday you get to seek forgiveness from The Money Honey.

“DON’T DO IT! DON’T DO IT! DON’T DO IT!” the fans chant.

LORELEI
I said on your knees, damn it!

MORGAN
N-n-no!

LORELEI
No? No?

SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

Lorelei slaps Morgan across the face, dropping the poor girl to her knees and dirivng her to further tears. This is about all Maggie can take, and she tackles Lorelei to the ground! The two start exchanging blows and punches as Morgan looks on through teary eyes. Finally OAOAST officials dive into the ring to separate the warring females. On that image we fade out.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Part III of Tony Tourettes’ Vegas adventure finds him sitting alone at a table with two HAPPY MEALS and lit birthday candles.

TONY
Some dump she must be taking. *dips fry in ketchup and eats it*

Through the window over Tony’s shoulder we see the limo driver smoking outside while the vehicle ROCKS.

TO BE CONTINUE…

At a specific meeting point backstage, we find Jade Rodez-Duncan and Spencer Reiger stand chatting as they wait. After a few seconds their awaited guests show up. The Tag Team Champions D*LUX and Maya Duncan-Blanchard, Maya, in dark glasses and a bowler hat. Looking around to check the coast is clear, Maya removes her glasses.

MAYA
Do you have the envelope?

JADE
Envelope? There is no envelope, what envelope?

MAYA
*sigh* You have no sense of humour.

Maya takes off the bowler hat and shakes her head sadly.

MAYA
So, go on. What did you want to tell us?

JADE
Well, me and Spencer have been talking.

MAYA
Wow. Talk about a red hot romance. Talking!

JADE
(ignoring Maya)
We've been talking and he and Colin are owed a rematch for the Tag Team Titles. And, well, they want it. So, I'm hoping we can keep this all fair and civil... but they want the match at School's Out. And I was hoping you'll be okay giving it to them.

MAYA
And what are you giving in return?

JADE
...that doesn't even make sense.

SPENCER
Look, look, if it bothers you, how about we say it's in return for me and Colin tagging with your boys last week? And helping them win.

Not looking too put-out about this, D*LUX shrug at each other.

SHAYNE
We don't have a problem giving you a rematch.

TYLER
Yeah. After all, we already beat you once, right?

Spencer starts to scowl at Tyler, but they both notice Jade looking at them and 'laugh' the remark off.

JADE
Alright, great. I'm glad we got that sorted. So, did you speak to Ned?

MAYA
Yup, told him to meet us here like you said.

JADE
And he seemed okay about tonight?

MAYA
Depends. Does your boyfriend mind being called a "no good rat bastard"? Because, there was alot of that.

On cue, Ned Blanchard shows up from behind Maya and D*LUX. Ned and Spencer stare at each other, as Maya and Jade look on awkwardly.

JADE
So... uhh...

NED
Listen, son. You don't like me and I sure as hell don't like you. And under most circumstances, I wouldn't team with your sorry ass for anything. But it seems like these kids have gone and set us up together. And unfortunately, my girl's used to getting what she wants.

MAYA


NED
So, if it makes her happy, it makes Krista happy. And if it makes your girl happy, it makes Krista happy. One thing you and me can agree on... our lives are gonna be a hell of a lot easier if Krista ain't mad at us. So I'm willing to put everything aside. You and me, we work together. But I want two things out of you. One, you don't screw up. And two, you leave that son of a bitch Rodez to me, because I've got unfinished business with him.

SPENCER
Yeah, well, get in line, because the whole reason Jade and Maya put this together is because we both want Rodez tonight.

NED
Listen, I don't give a rat's ass what you want. Rodez walked out on me at AngleMania. And he owes me.

SPENCER
And two weeks ago he kicked me in the balls. So he owes me too.

NED
Trust me son, I'd do the same if you give me even half the reason to.

Spencer and Ned stare at each other again.

JADE
Look, if you two work together, you'll both get what you want.

NED
No offence Jade, but I ain't interested in being a part of your little friendship party.

MAYA
No-one's saying be friends, Dad. You can kick his ass another time.

JADE
Hey!

Amused by this, Ned pats Maya on the head.

NED
Hell, you're right. I'll see you out there Spencer. Just remember what I said.

Still amused, Ned and Maya leave, D*LUX trailing behind.

JADE
See, this is why you don't make enemies.

[Chanel #99]

Our view is inside the squared circle, which is illuminated by a soft blue light. The ring ropes are decorated with garland. Inside the ring is a tuxedo clad Josh Matthews.

COLE
Killer Josh in the ring!

JOSH
Ladies and Gentlemen: at this time allow me to welcome our guests from the United Peace Organization, Mrs.Jackie Ryder and NBA superstar Blake Griffin.

The 2nd greatest player in the NBA Blake Griffin strides down the entrance ramp with UPO president Mrs.Jackie Ryder. Both are dressed in expensive formal wear. Together the two enter the ring.

BLAKE
Thanks, Josh. Its our pleasure to present this award to a person who has truly given of themselves to the global community. This is a person that cares for all people and all things on planet earth and would do anything to help them. They’re kind, earnest, and thoughtful. They are historical philanthropist and a great global citizen. They’ve donated time, money and resources to such charities as Mental Health America, The Red Cross, Habitat for Humanity, and much more.

“La ilaha illa Allah, ha la ili, hay yo
Hili b'Allah, hey, hili bay yo
We getting Arab money
We getting Arab money”

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Dressed to the nines in sharp tuxedos, Abdullah Abir Nerdly and Synth Abdul Jabbar appear on the scene.

COLE
There we see Abdullah Abir Nerdly and Synth Abdul Jabbar in black tie.

Abdullah and his spiritual disciple, enter the ring with wide and pleasured smiles.

ABDULLAH
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but I could contain my excitement no longer! I had to come out and be front and center as you listed my incredible achievements and noble contributions to this earthly society. Yes, I may not remember performing most of them but when you give as much as I have given and donate as much as I have donated then its easy to forget all the good you have done. Nevertheless I’m sure my good deeds will be remembered by all the lives I have touched over my twenty one years on this earth.

COLE
He’s barely old enough to drink and already he’s Mother Teresa.

RYDER
Well…

ABDULLAH
Numerous groups of infidels and nonbelievers have tried to undercut my mission of spreading the good word of the lord! They have said my Mercedes, my Las Vegas mansion, and my yacht are the trappings of a huckster! But my children and all the believers know that god wishes me to have these brilliant things, and that he has promised me paradise. In turn I have brought paradise to you earthly beings through generous contributions of my time and money to numerous charities. That is why today I am being presented with the Lifetime Humanitarian Award! It is my pleasure to humbly accept this great recognition of my works. This, my children, is god accepting me into his gardens of paradise. He welcomes me with open arms and moves hell one thousand years away from me! It nearly brings me to tears to earn this award, but I will do so with pride and love.

GRIFFIN
Actually….this award isn’t for you.

ABDULLAH


RYDER
Its for a woman.

ABDULLAH
A what?!

GRIFFIN
Its for a woman that truly embodies the spirit of giving and kindness and has spent all her life giving time and money to charitable organizations. Its for a woman with a heart of a gold, my favorite OAOAST performer….ALIX MARIA SPEZA!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

CUE:: Katy Perry-California Girls

SNOOP DOGG
Greetings loved ones
Lets take a journey

KATY PERRY
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
Will melt your popsicle
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent
Now put your hands up
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

Earning herself an enormous reception, Alix Maria Spezia skips out from the backstage area. With a delighted grin on her face, she strolls down the entrance ramp and then gets into the ring.

ALIX
Whoa! Blake Girffin! This is friggin awesome!

ABDULLAH
This is a travesty! I demand a recount!

RYDER
It wasn’t a vote.

ABDULLAH
I demand one anyway!

ALIX
(Ignoring Abdullah)
Oh my god, I’ve done so much for charity its not even funny. And its just way too awesome to finally get recognized for it. I spent thousands of dollars donating to the Philippine Child Fund, and not once did I ever get a single Philippine Child. Krista says just because you donate doesn’t mean you get an actual human being, it just means you’re supporting a child. I guess you have to go to South Central and buy a crack baby off the streets like my Aunt Annie did. So adorable! And so good at cutting black tar heroin! So I also donated my time to the suicide hotline. And my methods were unconventional, but you tell me if you’d feel suicidal after I tell you the story about Krista doing me in the restroom of a fast food joint. They can have their Jack In the Box, I’ll take Krista’s two fingers in my box thank you very much! And boy oh boy did she eat me like a pro, the chicken salad I ordered was great but no one tosses my salad better than Krista.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

ALIX
So, then I donated some money to the ASPCA to help fight against animal testing. Yeah, I’ve tried to create an army of iguanas with the dance ability of hit recording artist Usher, but that’s for the betterment of the human race, its not like I’m testing lipstick or collagen implants on them! That ain’t cool. Not one bit. Anyway, I’m soooooooo happy to accept this award.

ABDULLAH
Damn it! Its mine!

Abdullah snatches the award out of Alix’s hands.

ALIX
Give it back, meanie!

Synth steps in front of Alix and pumps up his not so impressive muscles. Less than intimidated Alix pops Synth in the jaw! Soon a full scale brawl erupts between the two. While this is going on Abdullah escapes to the backstage area with Alix’s award!

COLE
He’s stealing that award!

COACH
Its rightfully his!

COLE
He has no claim to it.

Alix is finally able to rid the ring of Synth with a dropkick to his face! But she’s soon faced with the mighty duo Quiz of and ThunderKid, who pummels her with powerful punches.

The sounds of troubled streets, police alarms and fleeing citizens, can be heard through the arena. A woman screams as a single spotlight searches around the arena. Eventually it focuses on the ceiling, shining a giant "A". A triumphant fanfare sounds before "The Power" hits and Biffman comes charging down the ramp!

COLE
Biffman to the rescue!

Biffman deals devastating blows to ThunderKid immediately upon entering the ring. Wanting no more of the superpowered hero, TK rolls the under the ropes and retreats to safety.

COLE
Biffman has ThunderKid on the run!

Biffman and Alix join hands to lariat Quiz over the top rope!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Quiz and TK watch with angered stares as Biffman and Alix celebrate with Griffin and Mrs.Ryder over ridding the ring of the despised heels.

[Chanel #99]

The final chapter of Tony Tourettes’ Vegas adventure sees him enter the LADIES’ ROOM.

TONY
Hey lady, I’m horny. Let’s fuck already, huh?

Women rush out of the room screaming.

TONY
Peek-a-boo, I see you. Come out and fuck me!

Tony checks each stall but there’s no lady of the night.

He exit’s the establishment knocks on the limo’s front tinted window.

TONY
Vinny, I gotta talk with ya. There’s a problem.

The back window lowers and Tony nearly hurls.

TONY
Damn Vin, that’s one bad gas leak. Anyway, the fucking whore bailed. I’m still a goddamn virgin!

VINNY
Can we talk about this later? I’m kinda busy right now.

TONY
Busy doing -- Oh man, you jerking off in there or what? *disgusted sigh* Never mind.
(under breath)
Fucking weirdo.

The window rolls up as Tony stares into the night completely oblivious to the limo ROCKING behind him.

TONY
(scratching head)
Where did she go?

COMING UP NEXT
THE MAINEVENT
LEON RODEZ AND PIERCE DUNCAN VS NED BLANCHARD AND SPENCER REIGER
NEXT

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

A gigantic snake's head is the scary sight that we're returned to, ready for the entrance of Ned Blanchard as "Slither" by Velvet Revolver hits. Ned makes his way out through the snake's head to a big roar from the crowd and marches his way to the ring

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Orange County, California! Weighing two hundred, fourty seven pounds... one half of the ORANGE COUNTY COBRAS... NNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDD... BBLLLLLAAAAAAAAAANNCCHHHAAAAAARRRRRRRRDD!!!!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Ned climbs into the ring and paces around, ready to go.

COLE
Big tag team action here, Ned after some retribution here tonight, but so too is his partner.

"The World Is Mine" hits and a wealth of red and white flickering and flashing spotlights hit the stage. Under his Ed Hardy hoody, Spencer Reiger walks out, not seeming sure quite what to do when not being out to rile people up and merely making the walk to the ring without incident.

BUFFER
And his tag team partner. From Manhattan, New York... he weighs two hundred and ten pounds. One half of the LDC MONEYGANG... "THE ONE MAN TRIPLE THREAT"... SSSSPPEEEEEENNCCCEEEEERRRRRR... RRRREEEEEEEIIIIIIIGGEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!

COLE
As Spencer makes his way to the ring, let's take a look at exactly what he and Ned have been brought together by here tonight.

Spencer is highly upset with Lorelei’s actions. In no uncertain terms he informs Lorelei of his displeasure. Refusing to mince words, Spencer draws the ire of Lorelei, who insists she was helping him. A viscious argument ensues between the two that the referee tries his hardest to break up.

THUD

That’s the sound of Leon Rodez slamming his head set down on the table. The Fallen Idol takes off his leather jacket and simply tosses it ONTO Morgan. While she takes the jacket off her head, he darts into the ring.

COLE
What’s he doing? Somebody get him out of there!

Leon takes aim at Krista as she gets to a kneeling position. He prepares for the One Hit Kill but is taken out by a lariat from Spencer!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

DING DING DING the official calls for the bell.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen: the match has been ruled a no contest!

Leon springs to his feet and gets right into Spencer’s face, cursing him out and delivering a wealth of insults. When those words grow useless he kicks Spencer low!

COLE
What a jerk!

Leon then swings around and finally nails Krista with the devastating One Hit Kill!

COLE
Damn him! Damn that Leon Rodez!

A look of disbelief settles onto Leon’s face. Morgan implores him to stay focused, but quickly gets yelled at for daring to tell him what to do. Leon’s words grow harsher and more cruel as he orders Morgan onto the ring apron. Morgan is unsure of what to do, but the fiercely stated demands of The Fallen Idol force her onto the surface.

COLE
What is this?

Referee Clem Buzzlefoxer orders a frightened Morgan to get down. Although she’d like to depart, she knows Leon won’t let her and instead he nervously refuses. While the elderly official tries to remove her from the apron, Leon departs the ring. He hurriedly fetches a steel chair, and returns to the ring with it.

COLE
Turn around, Clem!

Buzzlefoxer is too busy instructing a fearful Morgan off the ring apron to notice that Leon has a chair raised high above his head and aimed at the world champion.

COLE
It can’t end this way!

COACH
Its gonna end this way! First Tony Tourettes ends his sexual drought and now Leon Rodez is gonna end his world title drought.

The chair is ripped out of Leon’s hands by NED BLANCAHRD!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Blanchard throws down the chair and offers Leon a one finger salute!

COACH
I don’t understand, Mikey, what is The Handsome Hustler doing?

COLE
Getting some revenge on Leon Rodez for walking out on his team last month at Anglemania!

"Oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone
And oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone, dead and gone..."

The opening to "Dead And Gone" by T.I. fades into "Numb" by Linkin Park, creating a dark mood over the arena. Making his slow and solemn way out, head down, Leon Rodez heads down the aisle. He comes to a stop, looking up from his heavy eyelids as the lights around him flash bright white.

"I'VE BECOME SO NUMB
I CAN'T FEEL YOU THERE
BECOME SO TIRED
SO MUCH MORE AWARE!
I'M BECOMING THIS
ALL I WANT TO DO
IS BE MORE LIKE ME
AND BE LESS LIKE YOU!"

BUFFER
And their opponents. First. From Grand Rapids, Michigan... weighing in at two hundred and eighteen pounds. He is "THE FALLEN IDOL" of the OAOAST... LLLLLEEEEEEEOOOOOOONN... RRRRROOOOOOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Leon stops on his side of the ring, not wanting to get in with two vengeful opponents.

COLE
All outside parties banned from ringside here tonight. No Maya. No Jade. No Lorelei, or Molly, or Amberlynn or Morgan.

COACH
Nothing for me to look at. For shame.


Here's the situation
Been to every nation
Nobody's ever made me feel the way that you do
You know my motivation
Given my reputation
Please excuse I don't mean to be rude

But tonight I'm fucking you

The turntable is out and Pierce Duncan pumps it up behind the decks, before making his way down to join his... well, unenamoured tag team partner.

BUFFER
And his partner hails from Los Angeles, California. Weighing two hundred and twenty three pounds... this is "THE RESULT"... PPIIIIEEEEEEERRRRRRRRCCEEEEE... DDUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

PIERCE
YEAH DAWG!

COLE
I think it's safe to say, we have four men in this match who all hate each other. Aside from Leon's problems with Ned and Spencer, Pierce Duncan's association with Anglesault has made him enemy to Ned, who he was in action against last week, and his partner tonight Leon. Not to mention Ned and Spencer's storied past, which Maya and Jade have tried to smooth over to get the 'men in their lives' to team tonight.

Pierce slides inside the ring and pumps it up for the crowd, who are almost as unimpressed by Piercy D as the rest of the competitors in the match. Not concerned (or perhaps oblivious), Pierce nods his head like he's just rocked everyone's world and tosses his sunglasses to the side.


*DINGDINGDING*

Leon quickly opts to let Pierce start the match, happy to stay on the outside of the ring.

COLE
Angry as Leon must be about Ned's part in his loss to Krista, apparantly he wants no part of him yet.

Spencer starts out for the 'extended Duncan family' team, against the black sheep of the family. Pierce doesn't seem intimidated by Spencer and shoves him in the chest. But Spencer wipes the smile off his face with a right hand!

"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
That'll earn Spence some brownie points with Krista.

Backing into a corner, Pierce tries to convince the referee to give him some time to let his face recover. Spencer is unconcerned with Pierce's face though. So much so, he punches him again. Pierce ducks through the ropes, which finally earns him a reprieve, referee Mike Chioda backing Reiger off.

PIERCE
Dude, not the face!

Satisfied his face is okay, Pierce comes back out from the ropes. They lock-up and jockey for position, until Pierce breaks free and catches Spencer with a cheapshot! Spencer rolls away and, like Pierce, ducks through the ropes and nurses his face.

NED
If you two divas don't grow a set, I'm gonna beat the crap out of both your sorry asses!

COLE
The Handsome Hustler clearly not impressed with these two handsome men.

COACH
...

COLE
...self proclaimed handsome men.

COACH
...

COLE
...I left out the self proclaimed part, didn't I?

With that warning fresh in mind, Spencer and Pierce lock up again. Pierce uses his strength advantage to back Spencer into a corner, where the referee calls for a clean break. Both men contemplate giving it, cautiously... and Spencer is right to be cautious, as Pierce tries a cheapshot. Spencer manages to duck and unloads on Pierce in the corner in retaliation. Irish whip sends Pierce into the far corner, but he gets his boot up on a charge.

PIERCE
BOOM!

On the middle rope, Pierce does an imaginary exploding fist bump and comes off the rope... right into an inverted atomic drop!

PIERCE


COACH
Ooh...

Off the ropes, Spencer connects with a diving clothesline and covers...


1...


2...


No!

Ned calls for a tag and after hesitating for a moment, Spencer hands over to the Handsome Hustler.

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Blanchard comes in swinging, rocking Pierce with a right hand. And another. And then a third. The Result tries to block an irish whip, but Ned just boots him in the gut and settles for a vertical suplex instead.

COLE
Ned and Spencer settling for putting some hurt on Pierce. But you know deep down, it's Rodez that they want.

Stomping away in the corner, Ned eventually drags Pierce up by the EARS. Another right hand connects before Pierce is sent into the corner and hammered with a clothesline! Pierce staggers like a drunk man, into another inverted atomic drop!

COACH
Oh no!

Pained greatly by this, Pierce crawls towards his corner looking for a tag. But Leon makes zero effort to reach out.

COLE
Leon doesn't want in!

COACH
Yeah. And I think it's pretty clear, he doesn't care about Pierce suffering. Not even a little.

COLE
Well he's probably not alone in that sense, but nonetheless...

Ned drags Pierce back up, delivering another big haymaker that drops the Duncan dude. Ned and Leon lock eyes for a second, as Pierce is dragged up again. Whipped in, Pierce is driven down with a SPINEBUSTER, as Leon looks on unemotionally. Cover...


1...



2...



No!

Once again Pierce makes a despairing reach for the tag, his partner not moving a muscle to try and help him, despite his pleading "brooo..."

COACH
Geez. Maybe Amberlynn and Morgan should have got together and got these two on the same page.

COLE
You really think Amberlynn would give Morgan the time of day?

Ned tags Spencer back in, The One Man Triple Threat taking over and delivering some forearms. Setting Pierce in place, Spencer then springs up with an impressive Standing Dropkick to the jaw! Cover...


1...



2...



No!

As Spencer goes to pick Pierce back up, The Result surprises everyone by showing some resiliance. He stuns Spencer with a jawbreaker. Then flips him over, out of a back suplex into a facebuster!!

COACH
Cha-Ching!

With Spencer down (and just as importantly, it not being Ned), Leon is finally willing to tag in and give poor Pierce a break.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Rodez nonchalantly enters the ring, waiting for Spencer to get back up. Once he's up, Leon then delivers a rolling sobat, lifting Spencer off his feet for a second with the force. Leon looks across the ring at Ned, who mouths some threats, as Leon follows up with an Exploder Suplex! Cover by Leon...


1...



2...



No!

Rodez picks Spencer back up and delivers an MMA style knee to the gut, doubling Spencer up again.

COLE
Leon likes to attack the body. Take away the wind and you take away the opponent's fight.

Lifting him onto his shoulders, Leon targets the body again, throwing Spencer off into a gutbuster! Spencer grabs his ribs, but Leon isn't done with him yet, delivering a painful vertical suplex. Hook of the leg...


1...



2...



No!

Taking him to the corner, Leon attacks Spencer with some knees to the body.


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

And a knifedge chop.

COLE
Once Leon gets in this focused state, it's like tunnel vision. A very dangerous, calculating man, Leon has become.

With Spencer hurting, Leon scoops him up and draps him across the ropes so that he's laying across the top turnbuckle. A few shots soften Spencer up and keep him in place for Rodez to get a run-up. Leon first looks Ned's way again, another hate filled stare between the two, before Leon charges forward with a running knee...



...NO! Spencer manages to escape to the apron! Leon ends up running himself into the turnbuckles...



*SMACK!*


...and Spencer capitalises with the running enziguri from the apron!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Leon falls to the mat and Spencer crawls back in through the ropes. And on he crawls, over to the corner to MAKE THE TAG!

COLE
Here we go, Ned is in!

Grabbing Leon from behind, Ned spins him around and nails him with a couple of right hands! Just as Ned is getting going though, Leon cuts him off with a desperation knee! Not hanging around, Leon slaps Pierce on the chest and promptly bails. Not just from the ring, but from the match!

COACH
And Leon is out!

COLE
He's walking out again! Can you believe this!?

Pierce is understandably distracted by his partner bailing, allowing Ned to shake off the knee and aim his heavy right hands at The Result instead! Ned hammers away on Pierce, knocking him down with a clothesline. Seeing Leon disappearing up the ramp, Blanchard then decides to give chase, abandoning the match as well!

COLE
Look out! Leon better pick up the speed because Ned is on his tail!

With two competitors gone, referee Chioda has no choice but to let things carry on with what's left. Reiger climbs to the top and catches Pierce with a flying crossbody!


1...



2...



NO!

COLE
Well, it looks like we're down to just Spencer and Pierce now.

COACH
Not gonna hear me complaining. Two righteous dudes, right here.

Pierce manages to duck a shot from Spencer and hooks him, looking for the downward spiral. However, Spencer fights his way out with elbows to the side of the head. Pierce is knocked for a loop and stumbles back into Spencer, who delivers a boot to the gut. Spencer then hooks Pierce up for the Reiger Counter... only for the Billabong Gorilla to power up and escape with a backdrop!

PIERCE
OH~! MAKE SOME NOISE, BROSKIS!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Bouncing off the ropes, Pierce leaves his feet and gets impressive height on a vertical legdrop!!

COLE
He calls that the Duncan Donut! Who knew a musclehead could be so witty?


1...



2...



NO!

PIERCE
C'MON, DUDE!

Not happy with the dude that is Mike Chioda, Pierce voices his displeasure.

COLE
Can Pierce pull off a win with no-one here to help him out? That'd be something.

Scoop and a slam from Pierce places Spencer where he wants him, near the turnbuckles. Pierce hops onto the middle rope and stands tall, doing a little FISTPUMP before coming off with the legdrop... and MISSING!

COACH
Oh!

COLE
Poor Pierce's tailbone has taken a pounding tonight.

COACH
Nohomo.

With Pierce sat nursing a sore BUTT, Spencer hits BLOOD IS THE NEW BLACK! Cover...


1...



2...



NO!!

Spencer pulls Duncan up and goes for the Reiger Counter again...



...but this time Pierce elevates him up, looking for the Sitout Alabama Slam...



...only for Spencer to escape, into a sunset flip!


1...



2...



NO!

Pierce rolls through and stacks Spencer up...


1...



2...



NO!

Pierce swings and misses with a clothesline, Reiger coming back off the ropes and connecting with the NEW YORK KNOCKOUT!!


1...



2...



KICKOUT!

COLE
Wow! Pierce hanging in there!

COACH
He's hanging and banging, brother!

As he goes to grab Pierce's well gelled hair, Spencer suddenly gets tripped up and Pierce stacks him again, this time with the added advantage of his FEET ON THE ROPES!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"


1...




2...




NO!

Almost caught in the act, Pierce protests his innocence to the referee. He then goes after Spencer, but gets surprised with a schoolboy!


1...



SPENCER GRABS THE TIGHTS!



2...





3!!!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"


*DINGDINGDING!*

COLE
Aha! A little turnabout is fairplay!

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of NED BLANCHARD and SPENCER RRREEEEEIIIIIGGEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!

A SHOCKED Pierce complains to the referee about the handful of tights that kept him down, as Spencer kicks back with a smirk on his face.

COACH
I guess old habits die hard.

COLE
Well I've got no sympathy for Pierce. He got out-cheated, plain and simple. And I doubt that kind of move will go down too badly in the Duncan household, at least the Krista one. Spencer wins for his 'team', if you can call it that. And School's Out, he and Colin get one more shot at the tag team gold.

As Pierce continues his protest, Spencer sends an AIR FISTPUMP his way and rolls outside, causing Pierce to freak out even more.

FADE OUT