OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 4/14/11

[Tony149]

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-

We cut straight to Sofa Central, where Double C sits inside an arena coated in orange and purple lights.

COLE
Hello, and welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN live from the 1st Mariner Arena in Baltimore, Maryland! I am Michael Cole sitting alongside Da Coach Jonathan Coachman for another electrifying program!

COACH
You ain't never lied, dawg. This show is gonna be hot because we've got Alix Maria Spezia against Leon Rodez in the mainevent

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
ALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS LEON RODEZ
TONIGHT!

COLE
Not only that but we'll see the in ring rebirth of Jumbo as Kareem and D*LUX's first tag title defense! But we start things off with the first ever Baltimore street fight!

BUFFER
The following match is a BALTIMORE STREET FIGHT!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!

Buffer smiles, he does so love the cheap-pop from mentioning the hometown.

BUFFER
As this is a street fight there are no rules, no disqualifications, no count outs and the participants are encouraged to come in their regular clothes.

COACH
As long as they are not coming in their pants!

COLE
Oh good lord *groans*

BUFFER
Introducing first, weighing in at a combined weight of 493 pounds; both hailing from Mexico, the team of Mr. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORICUA AND ARMA MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORTAL!!

COLE
What? How did he persuade Mr. Boricua to team with him?

COACH
Ah you know the big man likes a good brawl, he probably stepped up and volunteered for this.

Mr. Boricua actually looks like he always does, apparently he walks around the street with a sleeveless white shirt on, but then again not that many people would dare laugh at the big guy as he walks down the street. Arma Mortal walks out in full riot gear, helmet, uniform, chest protector, nightstick, riot shield and heavy-dusty boots.

COLE
I'm not sure that Arma Mortal actually wears that on the street

COACH
Man you are so suspicious, next you'll say he paid Mr. Boricua to team with him.

As on cue Arma Mortal pulls out a Manila envelope and hands it to Mr. Boricua before they head to the ring. The big man looks inside the envelope, counts something, then nods and puts the cash in his pocket with a smile.

BUFFER
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND their opponents, also from Mexico, weighing in at a combined weight o-

Here comes the Ax!! Here comes the Smasher!!
Walking disaster!

Buffer is cut off by the sounds of Demolition's Classic Entrance music. Moments later it becomes obvious why as Mariachi and Cadeto Rosa walk out wearing studded leather chaps and vests, as well as the trademark facemask with a series of pointed studs on it. Mariachi is wearing a fetching pink leather version of the outfit while Cadeto Rosa decided to be traditional and keep it black. As they pass the camera, both holding up a clenched fist to show that they even have the metal studded gloves on it becomes obvious that they are wearing the full Demolition getup underneath as well, complete with the leather strapped top.

COACH
You know what, I am not going to question if these guys wear assless leather chaps on the street, I don't actually want the answer.

COLE
I am right there with you.

Once the two "Alternative lifestyle Luchadors" step into the ring Mr. Boricua turns to Arma Mortal and begins to demand more money to team with him. When Arma Mortal gets angry and shakes his head Mr. Boricua just shrugs his shoulders and steps over the top rope, giving his "partner" a sarcastic wave.

COLE
Whoa I did not expect to see that

COACH
You know money cannot buy you everything.

COLE
I think it could, Arma Mortal was just not ready to meet the price.

With the big man on the apron both luchadors quickly rush the former Special Forces agent, driving him into the corner as he hides behind his shield. Both Mariachi and Cadeto Rosa try their best to punch their opponent, but each of their metal stud enhanced blows hits the hard Plexiglas shield instead, scratching it but keeping Mortal safe as he cowers behind it.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Outside the ring Mr. Boricua walks up to Arma Mortal and then repeats his price, this time Arma Mortal does not shake his head, instead he quickly nods in agreement, ducking every time Mariachi or Cadeto Rosa punches the shield. The big man smiles, then pushes Michael Buffer out of his chair, picks up the metal folding chair and slides into the ring behind the three men.

COLE
Apparently Mr. Boricua takes IOUs, he did not ask to be paid the extra amount up front.

COACH
Hey Arma Mortal is good for it, he has trusting face, I would do the same thing.

COLE
Face?... you mean mask?

COACH
Whatever.

Mr. Boricua is not in a great hurry to help out Arma Mortal, perhaps if he had paid the full amount in cash he would get prompt service, but we will never know. The big man swings the chair and...

WHACK!!

Knocks Cadeto Rosa to the ground with a stiff shot across the rookie's back. When he tries to hit Mariachi the pink leather clad Luchador ducks out of the way so that the chair hits the shield instead, knocking it into Arma Mortal's face. A second chair blow directed at Arma Mortal hits the shield, then a third and a fourth before Arma Mortal screams/begs Mr. Boricua to stop trying to attack Mariachi. Mr. Boricua just shrugs his shoulders and then turns his attention towards Cadeto Rosa once more.

COLE
I'm not sure Arma Mortal is getting his money’s worth tonight.

COACH
Well he has not paid it all yet so just wait.

Cadeto Rosa has had enough time to recover from the first chair shot and easily ducks under a second one, then bounces to his feet and kicks Mr. Boricua in the chest. A second drop kick hits the steel chair and drives Mr. Boricua into the corner. When the leather clad Cadeto leaps at his opponent he gets a size 15 boot to the facemask for his trouble. Fortunately for Mr. Boricua the boot did not strike the pointy spikes on the mask. Mr. Boricua grabs Cadeto Rosa around the throat and raises him up in the air with ease, holding him for a moment as he prepares to deliver a massive choke slam.

COLE
SAVE BY MARIACHI!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

Mariachi partially sacrifices his own body as he tackles Mr. Boricua from behind, driving his metal studded shoulder into the big man's leg.

COACH
Apparently chivalry is not dead; it is just gay, very, very gay!

COLE
Don't let the GLAAD catch you saying that

COACH
What? He IS and if the GLAAD cannot accept that a gay man is being called gay maybe they shouldn't have Gay in their name.

Since Mariachi had to let up on his relentless assault on Arma Mortal he is finally able to get out of the corner and quickly launches into an attack on Mariachi. Fully aware of all the studs on Mariachi's outfit Arma Mortal makes sure the riot shield is between him and Mariachi when he splashes the pink luchador.

COACH
Arma Mortal is using his head in the ring

COLE
Well thank god HE is, because he's doing the thinking for two people.

COACH
Hey now that's--- yeah he is, I have to admit it.

What Mr. Boricua lacks in the brain department he more than makes up for in the brawn department as he helps his temporary employer inflict pain on Mariachi. The big man grabs Mortal under both arms, then tosses him up in the air for added height so that Arma Mortal's shield assisted leg drop hits with such force that it actually cracks the hardened Plexiglas shield in half. Mr. Boricua turns his attention towards Cadeto Rosa, throwing the much smaller man hard into the corner. When he goes for a running elbow smash in the corner Arma Mortal quickly steps in front of him to stop it before Mr. Boricua seriously injures himself on the pointy spikes.

COACH
Workplace safety, it's very important.

Instead of the splash Mr. Boricua places his big foot on Cadeto Rosa's windpipe and proceeds to choke the faux-Demolition member, a move which is actually legal in a street fight. Arma Mortal decides to use his nightstick and takes a couple of swings at Mariachi, the first one misses as Mariachi swiftly rolls out of the way, the second and third swing ends up hitting nothing but Plexiglas as Mariachi wisely grabbed half the shield and uses it as ... well as a shield.

CRACK!!


CRACK!!

COLE
Thank god he was able to block those moves or he would have been struck in the head by the nightstick.

COACH
Yeah just ask Rodney King how that feels like

COLE
Erm... *Crickets chirp*

COACH
Don't tell me ya'll forgot about Rodney King?

Instead of continuing to try and hit his opponent with the nightstick Arma Mortal kicks him square between the legs, taking great satisfaction in the fact that such a move is legal in this match. With Mariachi on his knees Arma Mortal quickly tears both the leather studded vest and the facemask off his opponent, then head-butts him while still wearing his riot helmet.

HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!!

When Cadeto Rosa sees his love interest smacked in the face he draws on strength he did not know he has as he pushes Mr. Boricua's foot off his throat and then leaps across the ring, putting his own body on top of Mariachi's to protect him.

COLE
Now that is dedication, I mean he is ready to sacrifice his own body to protect the man he loves.

COACH
Oh man you make it sound so noble

COLE
It is!

COACH
Baloney!

Arma Mortal does not seem to care who he hurts as he takes his helmet off and strikes Cadeto Rosa in the back, right between the shoulder blades. Angrily he turns and snaps his fingers at Mr. Boricua and then orders him to take care of Cadeto Rosa. There is a moment where it almost looks like Mr. Boricua does not appreciate being ordered around like a dog, but that moment passes as he happily takes Arma Mortal's order.

COLE
Man I thought the big man was going to knock Arma Mortal's head off.

COACH
Oh come on, name one time he has turned on someone who paid him.

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican

COACH
... Okay name me TWO times!!

Mr. Boricua has enough presence of mind to unbuckle Cadeto Rosa's leather chaps and then throw them out of the ring. Moments later a massive forearm from Mr. Boricua ends up striking the top of Cadeto Rosa's facemask when the rookie managed to turn his head at the last moment. Despite being heavily taped up around both his hands, wrists and elbows Mr. Boricua begins to bleed from the exposed skin hitting the pointy spikes. Apparently the sight of his own blood is like Spinach to Popeye (talk about a dated reference) as he goes into a frenzy of punches and kicks as he tears all of Cadeto Rosa's spiked leather outfit off him including the facemask. With Mortal taking care of Mariachi Mr. Boricua is left to his own devices to punish Cadeto Rosa. The big man picks up the facemask from the canvas and just looks at it. Then, with the crowd hailing boos down over him, Mr. Boricua actually puts the mask. He pulls Cadeto Rosa to his feet by the mask, and then lines him up for a massive head-BUTT.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breathes) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

As he lunges forward the head makes contact

THUD!!

With the turnbuckle as Cadeto Rosa is able to shift his weight to the side at the last moment. With his massive opponent staggered for a moment Cadeto Rosa reaches into Mr. Boricua's pocket and steals the money he was paid before the match.

COACH
Highway robbery!! Mariachi your girlfriend is a common thief!!

When the angry Mr. Boricua turns towards Cadeto Rosa the Exotic Space Cadet quickly dives through the ropes to safety. The big man seems to not even look at Arma Mortal or Mariachi, but instead steps over the top rope and onto the floor. When he approaches Cadeto Rosa the much smaller man holds out the wad of cash he just stole from him and says

CADETO ROSA
Hey I'll give you this cash to leave the match

MR. BORICUA
What?

CADETO ROSA
Here, this wad of cash. It is yours if you just walk away

MR. BORICUA
I've already been paid! Don't try to outsmart me!

CADETO ROSA
Yeah but... erm... this is more! Yeah this is like 10 bucks more than he paid you.

Mr. Boricua looks at the wad of cash, then at Arma Mortal in the ring, currently chocking Mariachi with his nightstick.

MR. BORICUA
But Mr. Arm here paid

CADETO ROSA
This is more... you know what more means right?

MR. BORICUA
.... yes

Apparently he had to think about that a little.

CADETO ROSA
I know he promised to pay you more after the match, but this is cash in hand. This is better

MR. BORICUA
How is this better?

CADETO ROSA
Well you never know if he'll pay, besides money has a funny way of just disappearing if you don't hold it in your hand.

MR. BORICUA
What?

CADETO ROSA
Well check your pocket

Slowly a huge hand is slid into Mr. Boricua's pocket, followed by a surprised look as he cannot find the money.

MR. BORICUA
Money gone?

CADETO ROSA
You probably spent it already, but here I got more money for you

MR. BORICUA
More money?

CADETO ROSA
Yeah, yeah man all you have to do is turn around and walk out of the arena.

MR. BORICUA
And you will give me the money now?

CADETO ROSA
Sure

The crowd waits in anticipation of Mr. Boricua overcoming the monumental task of having to make a decision on his own.

MR. BORICUA
Okay

The crowd holds their breath as Cadeto Rosa hands the big man the cash, then points to the back. Mr. Boricua counts, although he stops after 5, figuring that's enough maths for one day and then heads up the aisle.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

COACH
That son of a bitch!

COLE
Well why don't you run up to him and make him an offer??

COACH
I... eh... well I don't have my checkbook on me.

COLE
Riiiiiight

Cadeto Rosa jumps with excitement as the big man heads for the back, waving to him as he steps through the curtains and disappears from the arena. Moments later Cadeto Rosa is in the ring, wielding a steel chair. Arma Mortal ducks under the chair then kicks Cadeto Rosa in the mid-section. The kick leaves Cadeto Rosa open for a snap DDT from Arma Mortal. The ex-Special Forces agent stands over both fallen opponents and raises his hands in the air in celebration, apparently he has not even noticed that Mr. Boricua got a better offer (or so he thought) and left.

COACH
Come on now!! This is unfair; we cannot expect him to fight two-on-one!

COLE
Oh suck it up, that is what you get when you hire someone who will do anything for the highest bidder. It's his own fault; he should have made sure he was not outbid.

The arrogant ex-cop stands over both opponents, chair in hand ready to strike at any time. Cadeto Rosa moves and immediately he is struck in the shoulder with the chair. Moments later he realizes that he is alone in the ring and begins to yell for Mr. Boricua, thinking that he is just hiding or something. While he angrily looks around Mariachi rolls over and gets up on his knees while Cadeto Rosa gets up, then drops down again pretending to still be in too much pain to get up. The unsuspecting Arma Mortal turns around only for Mariachi to leap across the ring and spear Arma Mortal to the ground, aided by Cadeto Rosa getting on all fours behind his opponent to give a bit more impact to the move.

COLE
I think that's the first time they ever double teamed anyone

COACH
Outside the bedroom perhaps!

COLE
Ah man I did NOT need that mental image.

With Mortal down Mariachi reaches out and grabs his pink mask, then proceeds to drag the spikes across Arma Mortal's forehead, tearing both fabric and skin in the process. While Cadeto Rosa seems to not mind all kinds of strange bedroom antics the sight if blood makes him a bit queasy and forces him to look away as the uncharacteristically sadistic Mariachi turns Arma Mortal's silver mask into a crimson mask. Moments later Cadeto Rosa breaks up the assault and pleads with Mariachi to not go too far with this and do something he regrets.

COACH
What a little fairy!

Mariachi looks at Cadeto Rosa, then he looks at his hands, his blood soaked hands as well as Arma Mortal's crimson mask. Then he slowly nods and hands the mask to Cadeto Rosa and stands up. he shakes his head in disbelief, where has the happy-go-lucky, "always ready for a good time" guy gone? Before he leaves he motions for a microphone, which he is promptly given.

MARIACHI
This is wrong, this has gone too far. (Points to Arma Mortal who is dragging himself to his feet in the corner) You did this to me! I hate you for what you're turning me into!!

ARMA MORTAL
(Breathes heavily through the blood dripping from his face) What's the matter little girl? Can't handle the blood just because you don't get a period?

Mariachi does not respond, instead he visibly restrains himself from attacking Arma Mortal.

ARMA MORTAL
Your kind disgusts me! You have no place in this ring!!

Mariachi looks at Cadeto Rosa who just nods, agreeing that perhaps Arma Mortal should have his ass kicked before they head to the back. In a flash Mariachi rushes into the corner and drives a knee into Arma Mortal's sternum. Then the man in the pink Demolition outfit leaps up on the second rope, gives his opponent a quick groin thrust to the face and then tosses him across the ring with a head scissors takedown. Mortal actually manages to roll with the move and come up to his feet, only to be knocked down by a top rope drop kick from Cadeto Rosa.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

As he stumbles backwards he ends up in Mariachi's arms, who is quick to pick his opponent up in the tombstone position to the delight of the crowd.

COLE
El Martinete!! Surely this is it

WHAM!!

Mariachi lands the move, dropping his opponent straight on his head, then instead of covering he motions for Cadeto Rosa to come over. Moments later Mariachi and Cadeto Rosa both sit on their fallen opponent as they kiss passionately, making out while the referee counts.

UNO!!!


DOS!!!



TRES!!!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

DING!! DING!! DING!!

COACH
This doesn't prove anything! I mean it was two on one; no one can take joy in such a shallow victory.

COLE
You know I am no expert but it looks like both of them are taking a lot of joy from it.

We quickly cut to commercial before we are exposed to more of Mariachi or Cadeto Rosa than we really wanted to see.

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

Fuck him he’s a DJ,
All night long,
He’s got the beat,
Fuck him he’s a DJ,
Keep playing that song ,
It works for me,

To the tune of Ke$ha’s

AMBERLYN, PIERCEY D, AND J.RIGGS make their way to the ring.

COLE
I wonder what these three have to say?

AMBERLYN
Last week was a pretty awesome week. A new club called Oxygen opened up on Wilshire, and I was totally on that VIP list. Me on the VIP list! Of a brand new club! I have arrived! Me and Pierce went and partied the night away.

PIERCE
Dudes were buggin, because they couldn’t believe Pierce Duncan showed up. They had heard the myth and the legend but they didn’t know The Result was the real deal like Holyfield. I saw guys grabbing their girls and holding them real nice and close because the king of the jungle The Billabong Gorilla was in DA HOUSE and every broad was his for the taking. I over heard one guy talking to another about pulling a jack move and shanking me like this was San Quentin. You heard right, dudes, The Result is such a feared man he inspires otherwise normal dudes to commit heinous crimes. J.Riggs what did you do last week?

RIGGS
I stared down the barrel of god’s shotgun and lived to tell about it.

PIERCE
Aww yeah! J.Riggs with that abstract poetry, I love it! I freaking love it!

AMBERLYN
So we got major plastered, and as I’m stumbling out the door this friggin bitch, looking like Susan Boyle called me a mess. And I’m like bitch, you wanna say that to my face! And she was quick to back down, but did I let it go? Nope, I shoved her to the ground and she started to cry. The cops came and arrested me! But daddy bailed me out like always. He’s the best. But what made the week even better was watching the family’s favorite princess get carted out of here by security. That just about made my year!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

AMBERLYN
Poor little Maya probably thought that when security came out, mommy was on her way to rescue her. She’d beat all the bad men up and they’d go out for ice cream sundaes and watch the late night showing of the new Jake Gyllenhaal movie, he’s so hot. But, nope! That didn’t happen, did it? It felt so good to see those big brawny dudes drag that annoying niece of mine on out of here. And she’s lucky I didn’t have to get involved, because I would’ve got pretty physical and she would’ve got hurt badly.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

AMBERLYN
It was a special week for me, it really was.  But its nothing compared to what I’ve got in store for her at In Your Parents Basement. All you nerds get to watch this heavenly body team with these two other heavenly bodies, Riggs and my brother, against Maya and The Orange County Cobras!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

AMBERLYN
I’m cheering to, because its going to mark the end of Maya Duncan-Blanchard’s career in the OAOAST. Go get another after school job, Maya, this is my turf now!

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

“Teenage Dream” brings…

MAYA DUNCAN BLANCHARD onto the entrance stage

MAYA
If stupid were fuel the three of you could power a space ship to Pluto. If stupid were fat you three would be Rosanne, Mark Henry, and Precious. Listen up, because I don’t want to have to repeat myself. Actually I do want to, I enjoy the sound of my awesome voice, but Alfdogg told me that if there’s enough time at the end of night there might be a lap dance contest between The Love Doctors and the Christ Air Express, and I volunteered myself as the judge, and dance receiver. Whoohooo! So, obviously you guys did a pretty good job of embarrassing me last week. I couldn’t even show my face at school until I realized I’m rich, I’m hot, and I’m a darn good dancer. But that doesn’t change the fact you tried to make a fool out of Maya Duncan-Blanchard. We just don’t do that. No sir, not to a true patriot like me.

COACH
True what?

MAYA
I’m blond, I have blue eyes, I’m either the all American girl or a result of Hitler’s super soldier program. So as an All American girl its my duty to protect this great nation from people like you, Aunt Amberlyn.

AMBERLYN
Like me?

MAYA
Terrorists.

AMBERLYN
I’m not a terrorist!

MAYA
Well, thanks to a helpful tip from this All American Girl, the local police department seems to think you are. And they should be here to escort you to the station for questioning right about…now!

Police officers pour out from backstage right on cue. Why they’re taking their cue from a highschooler is a mystery that does not go unnoticed by Riggs who yells at them to go away. The officers in fact don’t go away and instead fill the ring.

RIGGS
This little girl is full of crap! Don’t touch Amberlyn!

The cops ignore Riggs’ orders and snap handcuffs on Amberlyn!

AMBERLYN


“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

RIGGS
This is bullshit! Let her go! You better listen to me, you stupid bastards!

Riggs and Pierce begin SHOVING the police officers!

MAYA
Now, I’m no lawyer, but they had one on an episode of Wizards of Waverly place way back in the day so I think that qualifies me to say, that’s assault of a police officer And last I checked that’s a crime.

The cops nod their heads, and then put the cuffs on Riggs and Piercey D!

PIERCE
Are you for real, bro?!

MAYA
Get ‘em out of here, let’s keep our children safe from these kinds of monsters.   

The cops escort the fuming threesome out the ring.

MAYA
Its cliché to sing that nah-nah hey, hey good bye. So here’s a little N Sync for you as you depart
(singing)
I know that I can’t take no more it ain’t no lie, I wanna see you out that door, baby, bye, bye, bye! Bye, bye, don’t wanna be a fool for you. Just another player in your game for two. You may hate me but it ain’t no lie, baby, bye, bye, bye.

COACH
They're being treated like common criminals!

We cut to commercial as Amberlyn, Pierce, and J.Riggs are led through the entrance doors.

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

We're out in the parking garage, where Riggs, Amberlyn, and Piercey D are being shoved into cop cars. Watching this with smiling face is


MELODY NERDLY

MELODY
Elle-oh-elle this is too funny for words!

RIGGS
Shut up!

MELODY
Hey, no, I sympathize with your plight. The man once tried to bring me down after I downloaded Mortal Kombat Vs DC universe on torrent.  I told them don't hate the playa, hate the game, and I did hate the game, most overrated fighting game since Fatal Fury 1 for Neo Geo! Batman was way overpowered, he's just a stupid human, how he's going to beat a god of thunder like Raiden? I think if I was going to have any one's moveset it would be Scorpion, GET OVER HERE! Hey are you okay, Amberlyn?

AMBERLYN
(crying)
I want my daddy!

Amberlyn is put into the cop car, as tears stream down her face.


When we return to the actual arena we see the OAOAST Six-Man Tag Team Champions already half way up the aisle towards the ring. They do not look like they are dressed to wrestle, although with the Last Kings of Scotland it is not always easy to tell. Once they enter the ring they proudly show off the belts around their waists as Scottish Scott produces a microphone.

SCOTTISH SCOTT
We'll make this short an' sweet; after all, we're not men of many words.

DANNY BOY
No, we're not, we're men of action.

SCOTTISH SCOTT
Ye know, it's been brought to me attention that some people thought we's were a wee bit 'rough' on those Mexican space kiddies a few weeks ago.

DANNY BOY
People thought so?

SCOTTISH SCOTT
Aye. Lemme make one thing clear fer everybody. If you's piss me off, ye gonnay to get what is comin' to ya! But seriously, no hard feelings laddies, right?

ALEXANDER
That one guy took it hard that you took his mask.

SCOTTISH SCOTT
Ah *beep* him if he cannay take a joke, you got me all angry with this talk about Mexicans being the greatest "Trios" wrestlers an' crap.

Danny Boy and Alexander look at each other, then nod in agreement that such a statement is fighting words.

ALEXANDER
I am a man of few words, I believe in proving it instead of saying it.

DANNY BOY
You know that is a good idea, how about we throw out an open challenge to any "Trio" (yes he makes the mocking air quote hand gesture) from Mexico to come to the ring and prove it.

SCOTTISH SCOTT
I don't have anything te' do at In Your Parents’ Basement.

DANNY BOY
My parents’ basement? My parents didn't have a basement. Nobody in Scotland has a 'basement'.

SCOTTISH SCOTT
That's the name of the show ye eejit.

Danny Boy just kinda stands there, a little confused as he mouths "really?"

DANNY BOY
Either way. A big event deserves a big challenge. I think it's time to put up or shut up. So any of you Mexican teams out there feel bold, why don't you step up for In Your Parents’ Basement?

SCOTTISH SCOTT
'Ang on lad, what's in it for us?

DANNY BOY
You need more than the opportunity to beat people up?

SCOTTISH SCOTT
Not really. But, we're the champs, we deserve some respect.

ALEXANDER
Exactly.

SCOTTISH SCOTT
Tell ye what... how about, after we defeat yet another Mexican team, no-one can ever claim that Mexican teams are generally superior?

Danny Boy and Alexander look at each other, then with a shrug of the shoulders nod, why not? It beats not working the big show at all.

DANNY BOY
So basically ANY Mexican team that's got the bollocks can jump on out here an' prove their worth.

SCOTTISH SCOTT
Aye.

WELL LOOK NO FURTHER!!

The crowd rises to their feet as Aviador Divina leads Guerrero Dorada and Tigre Azteca down the aisle towards the ring.

AVIADOR
Well I think I speak for my team when I say that we will be more than happy to step in the ring with you anytime, anywhere.

TIGRE AZTECA
Especially when the belts are on the line!

COLE
Oh-Oh he just said "belts"

SCOTTISH SCOTT
Well, I dinnah know who you guys are, but you're on-

THEY ARE NOTHING BUT LOSERS!!

The crowd begins to boo as Dr. Lucha, Jr. appears, flanked by El Juez and Los Hijos del Infierno.

DR. LUCHA, JR.
Now if you truly want to try to prove yourself superior to Mexicans, the keyword being "try", then you need to face the best of the best. A true unit, a team, a group with no equal anywhere in the known world. Not three in-duh-viduals happen to team together now and again

AVIADOR DIVINA
Los Reyes del Aire is more of a team that your little followers will ever be.

DR. LUCHA, JR.
OH YEAH! Who won at the Heartland Spectacular? Huh? Who is the superior TEAM

GUERRERO DORADA
We're a team, not mindless minions following a pocket dictator

SCOTTISH SCOTT
Girls, girls, yer both pretty lasses!!

Danny Boy laughs and it is funny because it's true to boot.

SCOTTISH SCOTT
I hear ya yappin' like little pups, tryn'te to get their master's attention. Well, my Chihuahuas, this is yer lucky day. Let's quit wastin' time talkin' an' get te fightin', eh?

A comment the crowd seems to appreciate.

SCOTTISH SCOTT
So instead of choosin'; how about we just make it us against these lads here, against those lads up by the entrance?

it is obvious that Scott is not a man who watches the OAOAST product in general, either that or perhaps all masked men look sort of alike to him.

AVIADOR DIVINA
We'll be there!

DR. LUCHA, JR.
And we (points to El Juez & Los Hijos) will win!

And with that we go to a commercial, hey it's either that or sit there and watch as each team just heads to the back without further incident.

[Tony149]

We are elsewhere backstage where the cameramen seem to always know when something is going to happen. Well that or when someone is being interviewed. This time Maggie Nerdly has the enigmatic, potentially charismatic but never asthmatic Espiritu Negro besides her.

MAGGIE
Hello OAOAST Galaxy, Maggie Nerdly here with a man who is trying to convince everyone that black lipstick and gothic clothes is not just for Emo kids any more

ESPIRITU NEGRO
Que?

Usually Maggie would have given some glib answer, but something about Espiritu Negro creeps her out so she holds her tongue tonight.

ESPIRITU NEGRO
I have been sent here by our Capo to explain a few things to those less informed than La Ola Mexicana

MAGGIE
And who would that be?

ESPIRITU NEGRO
Everyone

MAGGIE
I see... well good to see you've got a wide audience.

ESPIRITU NEGRO
...

MAGGIE
Okay I'll be quiet now.

ESPIRITU NEGRO
Yes I think that would be best. I am here to educate everyone about La Máscara, the mask!

Negro holds up a blood stained, torn El Camaleón mask as a visual aid to his message

ESPIRITU NEGRO
The mask is central to Lucha Libre, no indeed to Mexico's spirit itself! As far back as the Aztecs we have been a warrior nation and when we go to war we put on our colors.

MAGGIE
Colors?

ESPIRITU NEGRO
Like the Native Americans put on their war paint before battle we put on our masks and prepare for war. This thing

Espiritu Negro points to his mask

ESPIRITU NEGRO
This thing is not just a cool souvenir for kids to buy at the arenas; this is our Cara de Guerrera, our war face!! When we put them on and lace them up it can mean only one thing - we are ready for battle. And that is especially true of La Ola Mexicana.

MAGGIE
I-

Her interview subject ignores her, figuring that if he just keeps talking she will stay quiet

ESPIRITU NEGRO
Ola Mexicana is all about traditions, heritage and pride! We know that taking a man's hood is the ultimate act of humiliation; it's the ultimate victory!

MAGGIE
Is this about Calameón's challenge from last week?

Again Espiritu sort of ignores Maggie.

ESPIRITU NEGRO
Walking from the ring with your opponent's mask in your hand is the ultimate rush. You see it's not just another tick in the win column. It's not even like a championship victory. This is the feeling of superiority over another wrestler, a feeling of satisfaction as he is forced to tell everyone his real name and then expose his face forever! You can lose a championship, but once you've defeated someone for his mask that can never be taken away from you!!

MAGGIE
I get it, I get it - it's a big deal

ESPIRITU NEGRO
Big deal? Listen little girl this is not some Reality Show award where the winner gets to bake a cake for someone or is allowed to give up all creative rights to their first musical album! (Shakes his head in annoyance.) This is what is wrong with the world today, "a big deal"? You do not get the amount of pride that is on the line in a Lucha de Apuestas

MAGGIE
Ah yes the "Match of Bets"

Maggie smiles, finally her Spanish class pays off.

ESPIRITU NEGRO
Match of life is more like it, as in "one person's life will be forever changed by this match", the loser takes a fall, the winner is standing tall

MAGGIE
A big ABBA fan are you?

ESPIRITU NEGRO
What the hell are you talking about? I am trying to explain to you the gravity of it all and here you are prattling on abou-

Espiritu's verbal barrage is interrupted as El Camaleón leaps out of nowhere and drives Espiritu Negro's head into the ground with "El Legendario". Moments later the leaps back to his feet and looks straight at the camera

EL CAMELEÓN
BANG!! You see that Doctor? I just took our your Reaper! And I will keep coming for you and your team, your friends, assistants and anyone ever associated with you.

El Camaleón leaps at the camera man, dropping him to the ground with another "El Legendario", at least we assume that's what he did as the camera shakes and then drops to the ground. Calameón bends over and looks into the camera one more time

EL CAMELEÓN
How does it feel to be the prey and not the hunter?

Camaleón runs off, and then we see Maggie Nerdly's feet in the shot as she bends over and lifts the camera up, pointing it at herself.

MAGGIE
There you are, I think that is a clear message to Dr. Lucha, Jr.

[Tony149]

In the backstage area, where most of the interviews on our broadcast tend to take place, we see JOSH MATTHEWS~! preparing for...ANOTHER INTERVIEW!

JOSH
Fans, I'm standing backstage with the "Hardcore Redneck" himself, Bruce Blank!  Bruce, the last time we saw you you were a bloody mess, but still hand your hand raised when you defeated Bo in the barbed wire match at Anglemania.  With that war out of the way, what's in store for you now?


BLANK
Mister Matthews, I reckon that you can't see into the future, can ya?


JOSH
Um, no.


BLANK
Me neither.  I'm a take it as it comes kinda fella, ya see.  I don't mind gettin' my hands dirty, but even more than that, I wouldn't mind gettin' my hands on some OAOAST gold.  I'm a former World Six Man Tag Team Champion.  I raise hell wherever I go, the only difference is that now people love me for it!  


JOSH
It's definitely a...refreshing change of pace from your last tenure here.


Just then, TODD CORTEZ enters the frame, and the two former Wildcards stare each other down, with poor Josh stuck in the middle.


CORTEZ
You want to know what's in your future, Blank?  You're lookin' at it.  You think I forgot about what you did your first night back?  You think I forgot how you turned your back on me?  You've got a receipt comin', and it's comin' soon.


BLANK
Ain't nothin' between us but air and opportunity, Cortez.  



JOSH
Uh, that's not true.  I'm right here.



CORTEZ
Shut up, Josh, before I open up that scar tissue on your forehead.  As for you, Blank, you seem to be all better from your barbed wire wounds, so why don't we set the time and place.  Me and you, In Your Parent's Basement.


*SREEECH*

“Where Would You Rather Be” by Zico Chain cuts through the arena, causing the audience to spew forth hatred. Bohemoth, a little less bandaged then last week emerges onto the stage and pumps himself up for the upcoming contest.

 BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of ten minutes! Now making his way to the ring from Greenville, South Carolina, he is BBBOOOOOOOOOO-HHHHEEEMMMMMOOOOOOOTTTHHHHHH!

COLE
Bohemoth all set to take on The Taylor brothers, Paul and Ryan, a top team on the independent circut. And what can we say about this man? He just laid waste to the ring, and to our announce table last week. Frankly, I was so scared I wet myself.

COACH
I was so scared I wet myself before it even happened!

Bohemoth jogs up the steps and into the ring, flexing those massive muscles of his.  Upon entering the ring he snatches Buffer’s microphone.

BOHEMOTH
Take a good long, hard, look at the man who destroyed the entire OAOAST set. I went through this place like a damn monster last week. I tore apart sofa central, I shattered the ring and when the show went off the air I was going to dismantle the entrance set but I got stopped by security. So I dismantled them instead! People have the nerve to ask why I'd act like such an animal. Because the OAOAST treats me like one that's why! Instead of putting me in world title matches like I deserve they put me in a barb wire match with a known psychopath. Its like they run a dog fighting ring and I'm the prize pitbull. Well, if the OAOAST wants to treat me like I’m a beast I'll act like a beast. I'll screw anything that moves! I'll attack weaker animals! I'll will be a complete unfeeling savage! And that will last until I get my world title shot!

COACH
I feel bad for the rest of the roster, they’re gonna get tore up!

DING DING DING

Paul Taylor offers Bo a chance for a sportsmanlike lockup. However, the South Carolina native has other ideas, namely the punch he rams into Paul Taylor’s nose.  As Paul Taylor is dazed by the attack, Bo latches onto his wrist and shoots him into the ropes. The Beast runs to the cables himself and when he reaches Paul Taylor he decks him with a lariat! Paul Taylor lands in folded position, and begins moaning in anguish.

COACH
I love Bohemoth, no homo, but I don’t feel safe out here.

COLE
Neither do I, quite frankly. I’ve never seen anyone go on a rampage like he did last week.

Bohemoth hurls Paul Taylor into an empty corner. Paul Taylor smacks against the ring posts, and then has is chest caved in courtesy of another lariat from the big man.

COLE
Bohemoth has been a phenomenal athlete his entire career, but the OAOAST world title has always eluded him. Now he’s out on a mission to capture that belt.

Bohemoth lifts Paul Taylor off his feet in order to launch him backwards with a fallaway slam.  While Paul Taylor writhes on the mat a broken man, Bohemoth turns his attention to Ryan Taylor. Hatred and disgust fill his face as he marches over to Ryan Taylor. He slaps both of his gigantic hands around Ryan Taylor’s throat, instantly worrying the patriot. Ryan Taylor is lifted over the ropes and then slammed down onto the canvas.

COLE
What was the need for that?

COACH
The dude is angry as hell, Mikey.

Bohemoth picks Ryan Taylor up and shoots him into the ropes. Ryan Taylor bounces back and is caught with a lethal lariat from the big man.

COLE
Bohemoth has always been an incredible performer, there’s no disputing that. But this belief that he has that he deserves preferential treatment? I don’t understand.

Bohemoth brings Paul Taylor to his feet, only to powerfully slam him backdown with The B-trayal!

COACH
He nearly put him through the ring!

As Paul Taylor convulses from the shock of the move, Ryan Taylor is grabbed across Bo’s arms. The Beast throws him out and delivers the dangerous B-trayal He places his foot on top of the lifeless body of his foe for a pin…

ONE!


TWO!


THREE!

DING DING DING

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of pinfall…..BOHEMOTH!

Referee Clem Buzzlefoxer tries to raise Bo’s arm but he yanks it arm away in disgust and contempt. He marches over to the edge of the ring and demands a microphone. He’s promptly given one.

BOHEMOTH
Alix Maria Spezia I almost forgot to address you. Did you see that? Did you see what I did to do them? They didn't do anything like you did to me. You cost me my dream of being world champion! I could’ve been number one contender if you hadn’t beaten me! You stupid bitch! So I'm going to make it simple, because I know you don't understand things too well. Bohemoth versus Alix at In Your Parents Basement. If you don't show up, I'm going to come to Los Angeles and drag you out your million dollar home and beat you in front of your entire family!

Alix strides out onto the entrance stage, earning herself a massive pop from the crowd.


ALIX
Bohemoth, I can't get jiggy with the language in which you speak. Step out the ring, and let a real nigga like Glock Lesnar politic. I cost you your dream? Your dream is to be the OAOAST world champion? Oh my god what a stupid dream! My dream is so much cooler and creative. It involves, me, Krista, lubricant, a couple dildos, a time machine and pre coked out Lindsay Lohan! And, I don't see why you're complaining. You've gotten like twenty title shots in your career, it ain't my fault you keep on blowing them, is it? Well, there was that time I put that hex on you at Anglemania, but you shouldn't have taken the last whole grain bagel at the meet and greet! You had it coming, mister! I'm no wrestling historian, I mean I'd like to be but Krista says she'll turn a shotgun on me if I become one, but I don't think anyone has ever failed to defeat the champion at Anglemania until you! So yeah, in summary, you keep on getting world title shots, but you just suck too much to make any of them matter.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the audience cheers loudly, as Bo fumes over Alix’s words.

ALIX
They'd be better off giving title shots to Morgan Nerdly, at least she's got some spunk and heart, and an insane camel toe every time she wrestles. I have to change my shoes every time she wrestles, because they're soaking wet from the puddle of drool I've made just watching that thing! But if anyone has a reason to complain, its me. I did some acid earlier and not a one of your heads have exploded into Frosted Lucky charms, they're magically delicious! Plus, I've only got one world title shot here, of course I won, but that's because I'm dope as smack. Soooooooo Big Bo the man who whines like a slapped up ho, we're gonna have our match at In Your Parents Basement. But, I talked with Alfdogg and he didn't really appreciate me barking at him, but if you name yourself dog, don’t be shocked when people bark, so he got the gist of what I was saying and our match will be a number one contender's match for the OAOAST World Title!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

BOHEMOTH
That's good for me, but bad for you. They're dangling the carrort in front of me, and they think that's going to calm me down? They're wrong, it just makes me hungrier and when a beast like me is hungry, he'll attack and eat anything. Including you.

COLE
Bohemoth against Alix at In Your Parents' Basement! Oh my!

IN YOUR PARENTS BASEMENT
APRIL 28TH
LIVE FROM RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA
ONLY ON PAY PER VIEW

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

COMMERCIAL
As Cole and Coach prattles on about whatever events the powers that be force them to talk about El Camaleón walks to the ring, unannounced, with no music, entrance lights or anything; Just a man in a black mask, black shirt, pants and boots with an OAOAST microphone in hand

COLE
So then I said, not with the Pope in the room

COACH
hm... yeah I guess you had to be there huh?

COLE
Not to change the subject, but I am going to change the subject totally. What the heck is going on? We're not scheduled to have an "unscheduled outburst" from anyone for at least 15 minutes.

COACH
I hate it when people cannot just do these "unscripted shoots" when the script tells them to do it! I am a professional broadcaster here, but it is very hard for me to act surprised without hours of preparation.

COLE
Well... I head from the back to just go with it, whatever "it" is.

COACH
"It" is that alien dude

COLE
Yeah thanks for that Coach, very helpful.

EL CAMALEÓN
You will have to excuse me amigos but I am... how you say.. Fed up to both ears!

COACH
I'm not sure that is quite right.

EL CAMALEÓN
This *bleep* (Yes bleeped for those that speak Spanish) doctor refuses to even get in the ring with me. This coward *bleep* of a whore

COLE
Woops I think someone was asleep at the button there.

EL CAMALEÓN
Will not get face me like a man! Last week he made his return match, but chose to fight the Space Camp kids, alright I figured it was a warm-over match.

COACH
Warm-over?

COLE
SHHHH!!

EL CAMALEÓN
And this week? Oh no, no, no he is not fighting me, I just saw next week's booking sheet

COLE
Erm... Rest in Peace Kayfabe?

EL CAMALEÓN
Again not getting in the ring, not with me, not with anyone. Well like I said I am fed up to both ear with this crap! El Doctor, are you a man or a mouth? You talk about honor, respect, tradition - but you don't live it. Talking the talk is not enough!! I know the mask challenge scared you

WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

Everyone's attention turns towards the entrance where Espiritu Negro has stepped out with El Juez backing him up.

ESPIRITU NEGRO
Did I just hear you disrespect el Gran Galeno? The great doctor?

EL CAMALEÓN
I don't care what some henchman has to say, get the big man out here.

ESPIRITU NEGRO
Oh you don't want to hear it? You're okay with attacking me, you're okay with attacking El Juez here but you don't want to hear it? Well you're going to hear it, why? Because frankly the Doctor is not wasting his time on a bottom feeding scum like you any more. He has bigger things on his mind.

EL CAMALEÓN
Oh really? Worried about Global Warming? The situation in Libiya getting him down?

ESPIRITU NEGRO
Really funny. The simple fact of the matter is that you have not earned the RIGHT to face Dr. Lucha, Jr. in the ring.

EL CAMALEÓN
You are joking right?

ESPIRITU NEGRO
One thing you will learn is that I never joke. You dare challenge the greatest man in all of wrestling to a Lucha de Apuestas match? No, no, no that's not how it goes my amfibian friend.

EL CAMALEÓN
I'm a lizard

ESPIRITU NEGRO
Yeah I would keep that to yourself. You got business with the two of us first, unfinished business.

EL JUEZ
You will pay for last week

EL CAMALEÓN
Last week? LAST WEEK?

At first he is enranged, but slowly Camaleón seems to calm down a bit and then laughs.

EL CAMALEÓN
I see what this is, I get it. You think that this is throwing me off the track? You think I give two craps about what the minions want when it's the master that is pulling the strings? Doctor I want to talk to the puppet master, not his puppets.

ESPIRITU NEGRO
You will-

EL CAMALEÓN
NO!! SHUT THE *BEEP* UP!! You are a means to an end, if I have to take out each and every one of Dr. Lucha's little bodyguards I will. You think I am kidding? I will hunt you down and take you out, whether it's here in the arena, on the way to the airport or in Tocula during a tequila induced siesta, I WILL TAKE YOU DOWN!!

DR. LUCHA, JR.
Temper, temper

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Dr. Lucha, Jr. finally shows up, dressed in a suit and his always present mask, afterall he is not scheduled to wrestle tonight so why wear his ring gear.

DR. LUCHA, JR.
I see you're still throwing a tantrum over what happened at AngleMania. I got three words for you --- "Get over it"

EL CAMALEÓN
Get over it?

DR. LUCHA, JR.
Yeah, I mean I have, I have moved on already.

COLE
That's easy for him to say he was not the one who was assaulted and robbed of a chance to win La Leyenda!

EL CAMALEÓN
You would like that wouldn't you? You would like me to just roll over and take it, well that may work for weakminded guys like these two.

Both El Juez and Espiritu Negro are visibly annoyed by that comment.

DR. LUCHA, JR.
Is this where you goad me into something foolish?

EL CAMALEÓN
This is the point where you become a man and step into the ring with me!!

DR. LUCHA, JR.
The thing is, you and me one-on-one?

EL CAMALEÓN
I'll let you hide behind your goons if you want, the three of you can bring your working boots next week and I'm sure I can find a few guys as well. Or do you need the odds to be even more in your favor to face me like a man?

DR. LUCHA, JR.
You mean like you? jumping people from behind is the way a man does it?

EL CAMALEÓN
A man walks to the ring and demands that you meet him inside the ropes! Well I am here, I am demanding it.

CROWD
COWARD!!COWARD!!COWARD!!COWARD!!

ESPIRITU NEGRO
SHUT UP!! This man has a very busy schedule to maintain, he runs several charities!!  

DR. LUCHA, JR.
Actually I think there may just be an opening for next Thursday, how about I pencil you in for an asskicking.

The crowd cheers, for the match being set, not for Dr. Lucha.

DR. LUCHA, JR.
Of course now you have to realize that you're surrounded

Dr. Lucha laughs as both Hijos del Infierno and Gladiadorcito comes through the crowd and jumps over the guardrail behind the ring, effectively blocking El Camaleón.

DR. LUCHA, JR.
Yeah I had to, it was too good an opportunity to let it pass. GET HIM!!

When Ola Mexicana rushes the ring El Camaleón leaps over the top rope on an unprotected side and then jumps over the guardrails, seconds later he disappears. Not through a door, or behind something, he simply disappears in the dimly lit arena.

Hey he's not called El Camaleón for nothing.

Fortunately for the OAOAST censors Dr. Lucha, Jr. is nowhere near a microphone when he realizes that his plan has been foiled and that El Camaleón has disappeared.

COLE
Okay can we get back to our regularly scheduled "impromptu attacks"?

Instead we go to a scheduled commercial break, don't worry it was just an All-American Boys match that was bumped due to this, no harm, no foul.

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

*Give me fuel
Give me fire
Give me that which I desire!*

“Fuel” by Metallica hits and Brickston makes his way towards the ring.

COLE
Here’s a man the OAOAST Galaxy hasn’t seen in many years, John "Rock Hard" Brickston.

COACH
I wish it had stayed that way too. The only people happy to see Brickston back on TV is his family.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall. introducing first, from Sacramento, California, weighing 215 pounds… JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRRRRRRICKSSSSSSTOOOOOONNNNNN!!

* lukewarm response *

COACH
It’s so quiet in the arena I can hear you think, Mikey Cole.

“Motherfucker of the Year“ blasts through the speakers and Mr. Dick walks onstage with a microphone in hand.

MISTER DICK
I’ll take it from Buff Daddy.

COLE
(laughs)
Remember that guy?

MISTER DICK
Ladies, the moment you’ve been waiting for is here. Feast your eyes on KAREEM THE MIDDLE EASTERN WET DREAM!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Kareem struts down the aisle bobbling his head and making funky cool hand movements to the tune of “Dick in a Box” by Lonely Island.

COACH
3 chicks just fainted in the front row, Cole.

COLE
Oh, please.

As Kareem enters the square circle, Mr. Dick joins the guys at Sofa Central.

COACH
Alright, Mr. Dick!

MISTER DICK
Hope you guys don’t mind me lending my expertise for the next match.

COLE
Are you here to “lend your expertise” or interfere in case Kareem finds himself in trouble.

MISTER DICK
Damn, Cole, you can read me like a book. You’re right, I’m not here to analyze… but analize Malaysia. Kareem needs to get through the match first. By the way, have you signed up for the Virgin No More contest? I’m gonna emcee that In Your Parent’s Basement, ya know.

COLE
No, but tell us how to enter.

MISTER DICK
It‘s a piece of cake. Just stick your dick in her pussy, or in your case the other guy’s ass!

COACH


COLE
In all seriousness, ladies and gentlemen, you can enter at OAOAST.com.

* DINGDINGDING *

The bell sounds and both men lockup. Kareem backs Brickston in the corner and clubs him across the chest.

Again.

And again.

The tables turn and now Kareem is the one being hammered.

COLE
Brickston is hitting “Rock Hard“!

MISTER DICK
“Rock Hard”? That guy's softer than Charmin toilet paper.

Kareem reveres a whip and splashes Brickston in the corner! Brickston staggers out, spins and falls flat on his back, then receives a big splash!

MISTER DICK
XXXL Splash!

COLE
The what?

COACH
He said the Triple X-L Splash. Are you deaf?

Kareem makes the cover and hooks the leg.

ONE!

TWO!

NO!

Kareem lifts Brickston up.

COLE
Why the heck did he do that?

MISTER DICK
It’s Money Shot time.

COLE & COACH


Kareem slams Brickston near the corner and creams him with a TOP ROPE BIG SPLASH!

COLE
Brickston got hit with a big load!

COACH
Jealous?

MISTER DICK
I'm not one to pull out early, but this party is over.

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!!

* DINGDINGDING *

MD dives into the ring and FACE HUMPS the fallen Brickston.

COLE
Oh, come on, that’s uncalled for.

MD and Malaysia put the boots to Brickston, then watch Kareem deliver a second MONEY SHOT.

* DINGDINGDINGDINGDING *

COACH
Like that’ll do any good.

MD demands a third Money Shot, one he never gets because DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW hits the ring and SLAMS KAREEM OFF THE TOP!  

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
Deuce is wild in Baltimore!

MD and Malaysia drag Kareem outside and retreat up the ramp. Meanwhile, Deuce grabs a mic.

“GIGOLO!”
“GIGOLO!”
“GIGOLO!”

DEUCE
You ain’t so bad now that we’re face-to-face, huh, Jumbo?!

KAREEM
I’m bad to da bone and my name is Kareem, you tattooed fool.

DEUCE
Let’s see just how bad you are. You and me, In Your Parent’s Basement!

MD dismisses the idea, but Kareem accepts.

DEUCE
One more thing. Call yourself whatever you want, to me you’re DEAD MEAT!

COLE
Oh, my! Deuce vs. Kareem, In Your Parent’s Basement!

Backstage, Tango Bosley and CPA watch on the monitor.

CPA
Now there’s a man who could use protection. *puffs cigar*

BOSLEY
Man, how can you enjoy the show when your boy needs 3 grand -- 3 grand-- to pay some Jersey schmuck who ran into my fist at the gym?

CPA
Be cool, man, and it’ll all be cool.

BOSLEY
Wait a minute. What did you say?

CPA
Be cool and--

BOSLEY
No, before that. Something about Mr. Dick.

CPA
I said there’s a man who could use pro-- Aw, yeah.  

BOSLEY
You buyin‘ what I‘m sellin‘?

CPA
Big time.

Bosley stops OAOAST official/interview extraordinaire Terry Taylor passing by.

BOSLEY
Hey Terry, you buyin‘ what I‘m sellin‘?

TERRY
What is it that you’re selling?

BOSLEY
Protection at a reasonable price.

TERRY
You mean like hired hitmen?

BOSLEY
Hitmen?! Nobody said anything about hitmen.
(to CPA)
Did you hear me say anything about hitmen?  

CPA
Not a Little Bo Peep.  

BOSLEY
Because I never said it.  Now do you want protection or not?

TERRY
Thanks, but I’m good right now.

CPA
(cracks knuckles)
Good today, bad tomorrow.

TERRY
On second thought, there was this smart ass in catering who made a Red Rooster joke.

BOSLEY
People today, man. No respect. What did this smart ass look like?

TERRY
He was short and had on a OAOAST ball cap.

BOSLEY
That’s all we need.
(to CPA)
Ready to CRACK SOME SKULLS?!

CPA
You damn right.  

Our camera follows VICE into CATERING where people are quick to scramble. A short fella wearing a OAOAST ball cap (available at OAOASTShop.com) is tackled to the ground by CPA, then beaten by Bosley with his TELESCOPIC BATON.

BOSLEY
It’s nothing personal. It’s just business.

The smart ass is brought to his feet and it’s a 10-YEAR-OLD KID sporting a huge shiner.

TERRY
What did you guys do?!

CPA
Taught shorty a lesson. Now say you’re sorry.

KID
I-I’m sorry. *sniffles*

TERRY
That’s not the guy!

BOSLEY
What do you mean he’s not the guy? He matched your description -- short and OAOAST ball cap.  

TERRY
He’s just a kid!

CPA
Criminals keep getting younger and younger. *shakes head*

TERRY
That’s the guy over there.

We cut to a member of the catering staff wearing a OAOAST ball cap and shirt of a cockroach with a crown on its head. He drops the tray of food in his possession and flees out the backdoor not wanting any part of VICE.

BOSLEY
Well that’s gonna cost you extra. And you already owe us 5 grand.

TERRY


CPA
All this work has me starved. Let’s chow down.

VICE shove two guys to the ground and take their seats at the table.

BOSLEY
(to Terry)
The food isn't gonna serve itself. Go bring us something to eat!

CPA points Terry in the right direction and off he goes.

[Tony149]

We return to an arena that's coated in flashing gold, green and red lights. Very colourful!

COLE
I had an opportunity to sit down with J-MAX this last week to get a few comments on Los Maniacos and the challenge made last week

COACH
Why on EARTH would you want to do that?

Cole ignores the comment from Coach and instead signals the booth to roll the footage. We see Michael Cole sitting in a studio somewhere with J-MAX. The Birmingham Bad boy looks relaxed in his Burberry shirt and cap, displaying the always present gold chains of a true Brummie. Completing the look is the white, mouthless mask J-MAX is never seen without these days.

COLE
I am glad you had some time J-MAX

J-MAX
Is nawt problem.

COLE
Last week Los Maniacos ripped your mask off and said you did not deserve to wear it

J-MAX
Aye they did

COLE
And they challenged you to put the mask on the line against them in a match

J-MAX
hey two for two tonight Cole, you are on fire!

COLE
It had to happen

J-MAX
Right, and don't mistake my jovial comment for me not taking this seriously. These two clowns have been a pain in me arse from the day they showed up. Apparently they thought I was going to be an easy victim.

COLE
It did not look that easy last week

If we could see his face right now it's a safe bet that J-MAX is smiling, after all J-MAX did win the previous week.

J-MAX
I just want to clear the air of something first.

COLE
Sure

J-MAX
The mask, this mask to be precise. Now I may not be related to a famous Luchador or have ever competed in Mexico except when OAOAST tours there but don't think for a second that this mask does not mean the world to me!

COLE
Well you see the Lucha Libre culture-

J-MAX
Spare me Cole, I know all about it. I get it, I get how much the mask means to a Luchador, hell it means a lot to this Luchador too. Just cause I dinna get born in Mexico doesn't mean I am not a luchador in the true sense of the word. I dare say I'm embracing the Luchador spirit more than those grumpy old men.

COLE
In what way?

J-MAX
They are born into it, a pure act of genetics and geographic and they are trying to cash in on it. Me? Me on the hand have fought me way up from the streets of Birmingham, struggled for what I have, and earned the right to wear this mask in the ring! Those guys are living of other people's accomplishments, if anything those guys do not deserve to wear the masks of their family.

COLE
I doubt they will be happy to hear that.

J-MAX
Have you ever seen them happy? They're only happy if they're miserable! Let me tell you something Maniacos, this mask is who I am now, this symbolizes how face J-MAX has come in the world and to be forced to take it off...


J-MAX pauses, struggling to find the appropriate words and with holding his emotions in check.

J-MAX
You may as well ask me not to be British! You may as well ask me not to be a wrestler! Don't tell me I don't understand the sanctity of the mask, don't tell me I do not understand the power these masks hold over both us and the fans!! This mask saved me, it saved me from myself and losing it in the ring against the likes of you... that would haunt me until the end of me days.

Michael Cole pauses for a moment before asking his next question, it's obvious that the mask is a touchy subject with the former Jamie O'Hara

COLE
It sounds like you are not willing to put your mask on the line

J-MAX
No Cole, that could not be further from tha truth. This mask means the world to me, but if something means so much to you, you must also be prepared to risk it all, take it to the MAX! So those two geezers can name the time, the date, the place and I will be there.

COLE
Two-on-One?

J-MAX
Anyway they want it, I will show them that this mask belongs on THIS head! Imagine how humiliating it will be to them, proud indigenous luchadors loosing their masks to a "gringo". If this is what it takes to put an end to their angry tirades, if this is the way to make them shut the hell up! Then I will take it.

COLE
I hope you know what you are doing J-MAX

J-MAX
Cole, some times you just have to go for it even if you're not 100% where you will end up. What is life without a little risk?

COLE
Safe?

J-MAX
And you know I don't "do" safe. Maniacos you think you intimidate me with your Lucha de Apuestas challenge? --- bigger and better men than you have tried and failed to do so.

J-MAX finishes off by giving the camera one of the most infamous British hand gestures, no not the "V for Victory" gesture, although it looks very similar to it.

We return to Sofa Central with Cole and Coach

COACH
He looked fired up

COLE
Very much so

COACH
And ready to fight

COLE
Definitely

COACH
Too bad for him he's going to lose

COLE
Ye- wait what? That's not a given

COACH
Yeah it is, you challenge a true luchador, a Mexican legend to a legendary Mexican match. That's like challenging the Hoff in a "Coolest man in the universe" contest; you WILL lose!!

COLE
I'm not convinced it's that cut and dry.

COACH
Trust me it is, once Los Maniacos hears that he fool heartedly accepted the challenge they will over the moon. Man I hope they're going to take his mask soon, can't stand to watch that fake ass faker being a fake Mexican

COLE
You know it's not just Mexicans who wear masks

COACH
True, Mexicans and criminals... oh and kids on Halloween, I guess we'll find out which category J-MINI belongs to

COLE
J-MAX

COACH
Potato-Tomato Cole, Tomatoe-Potatoe!

COLE
What does that even mean??

We fade out before Coach can enlighten Michael Cole and the rest of the world of what that actually means.

COMING UP NEXT
OAOAST TAG TEAM TITLES
D*LUX VS THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS
NEXT!

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

Khyber Pass plays to a chorus of jeers as multicoloured spotlights flood the entrance stage. Strolling out, toting a holy book and a wide smile is Abdullah Abir Nerdly. He dances a dance of holiness, as The Heavenly Rockers join his side. Clad in matching leather pants with angels wings on them, Synth and Logan fist bump and then head to the ring.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of thirty minutes and it is for the One and Only World Tag Team Titles! Now making their way to the ring , being accompanied by Abdullah Abir Nerdly, they hail from Sin City, they are SYNTH ABDUL JABBAR THE MACHO MACHO MAN LOGAN MANN, THE HEAVENLY ROOOOCKKKKKKERRRSSSSSS!

COLE
The Heavenly Rockers are D*LUX’s first opponents for the tag team titles, and I don’t believe it gets any tougher than the three time tag team champions. But, D*LUX want to be fighting champions and they were more than happy to take this match.

COACH
If you ask me, they’re still heavy underdogs even though they’re the champs. The Rockers are in a class reserved for them, The Orange County Cobras, and Chicks Over Dicks. And that class is the highest class of tag team.

Abdullah and Synth pray for victory on the outside, while Logan rocks out to the hard driving entrance music.

COLE
We see that Holly has been left backstage. I think that’s wise. Holly’s unconventional motivational methods can be…distracting to say the least.

WELL ITS MIDNIGHT
AND ITS COLDER
PULL YOU CLOSER
I CAN SEE THROUGH
WHEN ITS SUNSHINE
AND ITS SOLAR
AND ITS OVER
GUESS ITS ME AND YOU

BLOOD. BY. SUN. LIGHT.

The fans get to their feet and the girls shriek with fantastic glee as D*LUX explodes through the entrance doors.  Each member runs to an end of the stage to work up the sold out Baltimore audience. In the center of this hyperactivity are Jade Rodez-Duncan and Maya Duncan-Blanchard.  Jade carries a pair of yellow pom-poms which Maya relentlessly clowns her for.

BUFFER
And the champions….acommpanied by JADE  RODEZ-DUNCAN and MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD!  They are the 2011 Anderson Cup Champions, and your One and Only Tag Team Champions….”SHOWTIME” SHAYNE….”TREMENDOUS” TYLER, D*LLLLUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The guys and gals slap hands on their way down the entrance ramp, while The Rockers talk strategy in the ring.

COLE
They’re so proud of being tag team champions are D*LUX. Winning the belts has meant the world to them. Its sort of affirmed their status as top tier superstars in the OAOAST.

DING DING DING

Synth and Tyler circle each other for several seconds, each man sizing the other up. Finally they step into a lockup in the center of the ring. The hold only remains for a few seconds before Tyler shoves Synth into the corner.  None to pleased with having been dismissed in such a rude manner, Abdul-Jabbar comes speeding back at the tag team champion. However, he’s slung to the canvas with an armlock. That submission move is easily broken by Synth who rolls atop Tyler.

COLE
And Synth has that MMA style mount on Tyler. Let’s see what he can do with it.

Not much apparently as Tyler scrambles from beneath his foe. He snags him inside a grounded front facelock that immediately sees Synth try to fight for his freedom.  He manages to slide out the hold quickly enough. But before he can even get to his feet, Tyler pushes him down with a lateral press. Referee Earl Hebner counts the ensuing pinfall…

ONE!


Synth makes the kickout! He rushes to his feet, but finds himself upended with an arm drag by the Detroit native. Tyler tries to keep an armlock cinched in, but Synth lifts his legs up and wraps them around his neck.  This momentarily traps Tyler against the canvas. But, he quickly springs upward, kipping out of Synth’s hold. The Rocker jumps up, seeking to strike Tyler with a lunging punch. But Tyler upends him with a second arm drag. This time he successfully applies the arm lock.

“WE LOVE TYLER! WE LOVE TYLER! WE LOVE TYLER!”

MAYA
Hey, stay away from my man! Just kidding, you girls can have him, I’ve got a bad case of Bieber fever.

Synth manages to find his way upright, but with the hold still applied he’s dragged into the D*LUX corner. A tag is made with Showtime Shayne.  Showtime goes to the top and rope and signals to the cheering audience. He then flies off with an elbow to Synth’s wounded arm.

COLE
D*LUX has done a great job of isolating Synth in the early going.

COACH
Yeah, yeah, just let Logan get in there and start throwing those left hands and this match will be over in a hurry.

Shayne chops a kneeling Synth in the chest, knocking him backwards. This permits him with a chance to go for the cover. A chance he eagerly takes…

ONE!


TWO!

Synth with the kickout! He’s grabbed by his mangy brown hair and brought to his feet. Yet Shayne can offer no offense before, Synth thumbs him in the eye! This lets him apply a tag with Mann.

COLE
And that’s what you’re going to get out of The Rockers, dirty play and tough brawling.

Running straight into the ring, Logan finds himself blasted with a leg lariat! Clutching a now sore face, he comes to his feet. Shayne collars his arm around his neck then swings him around for a tornado DDT! Keeping things fresh, Shyane applies the tag with Tyler. Upon entering the ring, Tyler assists Shayne in hurling Logan into the ropes.  He comes back to find his jaw rocked with double superkicks!

“HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!” the crowd sings as Jade waves her pom poms.

While Abdullah panics on the outside, Tyler scrapes Logan off the canvas and then whips him into the corner. Mann stumbles out towards Tyler and is caught by a dropkick from the teenyboppin icon. The Tremendous One then grabs hold of Logan’s left leg for the cover…

ONE!


TWO!

Logan throws his shoulder off the mat.
 
COLE
What do you think it would do to D*LUX if they were able to defeat The Rockers here tonight?

COACH
The Rockers are the big boys of the tag division so a win over them would give D*LUX the confiedence that they can beat any team. But, they’re not gonna win so it was a stupid question.

Tyler grabs hold of Logan into a front facelock and wings him backwards with a snap suplex. He quickly floats over into a cover…

ONE!


TWO!

Logan manages to escape both the pinfall and the ring, as he quickly rolls to the outside. He tries to catch a breather but is taunted and insulted by Tyler. This angers the prideful Macho Macho Mann and he leaps onto the ring apron. However the moment his feet touch down on solid ground, he’s booted in the face by Tyler! Logan flies backwards and crashes into the guardrail, delighting the crowd.

COLE
And Tyler suckering in Logan Mann. If Logan wasn’t such a hothead that wouldn’t have happened.

Abdullah quickly comes over to Logan and begins the process of HEALING him. Somehow Abdullah’s chants and words work as Logan kips up!

COACH
It’s a miracle!

Logan smiles to himself as he enters the ring. He comes to his feet, and his faced with forearm from Tyler. Blows slams against the side of his head, but it doesn’t stop Mann from shooting a knee into Tyler’s midsection. He hooks on a front facelock, and then shows off the FINGER TWIRL OF DOOM!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

COACH
Percussion DDT is coming up!

Tyler fights out the Percussion DDT by using his strength to shove Logan into the ropes. A blind tag is made by Synth, who watches as his partner bounces back into a boot to the stomach from Tyler.  Abdul Jabbar charges at Tyler, but he to eats a boot to the stomach for his troubles. Tyler grabs onto the back of both Rockers’ heads and turns to the crowd for their approval.

“TYLER! TYLER! TYLER!”

Tyler gives the fans what they want by smashing Logan and Synth’s heads together! The two Rockers fall backwards, in immense amounts of anguish.

LOGAN
Damn it, Synth, why the hell do you have to wear goggles to the ring?!

While Logan rolls out the ring and grouses about Synth’s choice of head gear, Tyler applies the tag to Shayne!

“WE LOVE SHAYNE! WE LOVE SHAYNE! WE LOVE SHAYNE!”

MAYA
You notice no one chants We Love Jade.

JADE
No one chants We Love Maya either!

MAYA
That’s because if anyone says anything that can be construed as even remotely sexual towards me mom will harpoon them.

Shayne runs the ropes and returns to drop a leg across Synth’s throat. A cover is then made…

ONE!


TWO!


No!

COLE
Boy, D*LUX has come to play tonight on HeldDOWN~! I don’t think The Rockers were expecting this fierce a fight.

Shayne gathers Logan up and shoots him into the corner.  He runs forward and smacks him across the chest with a lariat! Logan staggers out the corner, allowing Shayne to climb to the second rope. He works up the audience before flying forward and nailing Logan in the back with double knees! Mann is driven down to the ground, with his back aching in frustrating pain. Even more vexing, he’s forced into a pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!

Logan lifts the shoulder up before the three count. On the outside, Abdullah appears worried over the Rockers fleeting tag title hopes.

MAYA
Getting a little nervous over there, Colon?

ABDULLAH
Its Colonel!

Shayne begins leisurely picking Logan off the mat. This slow pace is too his discredit as Logan surprises him with an inside cradle!

ONE!


TWO!


Shayne rolls out the pinfall, and springs to his feet. He’s nailed in the stomach with a boot from Logan and then rocked by a WICKED LEFT HAND~! After Shayne is dumped to the canvas by the punch, Logan makes the cover….

ONE!


TWO!

Shayne kicksout at the last possible second.  He rolls into the corner, but is hounded by Mann who pounds him with fierce stomps. After completing his attacks, Mann retreats to his corner to apply the tag with Synth. Upon entering the ring, Synth snapmares Shayne into a seated position. He then runs the ropes, and returns to punt Shayne in the back of his head! The fans gasp in horror as Shayne falls over to his side. This puts a smile on Synth’s face as he goes for the cover….

ONE!


TWO!


KICKOUT!

Shayne is brought off the canvas, and is twisted into a neckbreaker position. But he struggles against Synth’s hold, and eventually manages to weave his arms between Synth’s!  Synth fights furiously to prevent a backslide, gritting his teeth and kicking his legs. Yet his efforts only yield failure as Shayne completes the backslide.

ONE!


TWO!

Synth falls out the pinfall. He comes to his feet and meets Shayne with a lariat that knocks the boybander to the ground.

SYNTH
:headbang:

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!”

Amidst the insults of the audience, Synth drops his goggled head onto Shayne’s cute face. He then grabs onto his legs for the fall….

ONE!

TWO!

Shayne makes the kickout! However, he can do no more than that as Synth traps him inside a reverse chinlock.

COLE
The Rockers have gotten down to basic brawling and that’s what they do best.

The hold isn’t held for terribly long, before Shayne begins his rally. He quickly finds his way upright, and slams a river of elbows into Synth’s stomach. This earns him his freedom, and he takes a trip to the ropes. But, upon bouncing back he’s taken off his feet by an elbow from Synth! No sooner than a second after he hits does canvas, is he dragged upright by Synth.  Abdul Jabbar drags him to The Rockers’ corner, and lifts him onto the top rope. A tag is then applied to Logan so that they may legally engage in a vicious double team. While the crowd, Jade, and Maya plead for Shayne to fight back, The Rockers climb to the top turnbuckle. They both hook on front facelocks as the fans ready themselves for a brutal sight. The two men then lift Shayne up and suplex him backwards all the way down to the canvas!

COLE
Double superplex!

COACH
Yo~! This one is over, Mikey, that kid just got crushed.

Abdul Jabbar exits the ring while Logan makes the cover…

ONE!



TWO!


NO!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Tyler desperately urges for a tag, trying to will his partner to his feet. But all his words of encouragement do little to aid Shayne as he’s dragged into The Rockers’ corner.  A tag is then made to Synth, who rather than enter the ring right away, makes his way onto the top turnbuckle. He adjusts his elbow pad and then goes into deep prayer, a signal for the Skyhook elbow.

COLE
If Synth hits this move it could be the of a very short title reign for D*LUX!

Synth leaps forward, soaring through the air with his elbow drop. Problematically for him, his target has shifted several inches to the right. This causes him to suffer a horrible crash into the canvas that delights the audience! Tyler sees this as Shayne’s opening to make the tag, and wildly gestures for his partner to reach him. The girls in the stands and the girls at ringside root Shayne on, begging for him to get to Tyler. For his part, Synth makes a slow and humiliating crawl back to Logan for the tag. The two men reach their respective corners and tags are made to their partners.

COLE
Tyler’s got the tag!

Tyler enters the ring the same time as Logan, as both men dart at one another with blood on their minds. Its Tyler who strikes first with a lethal Yakuza Kick! Logan’s pain is furthered when Tyler picks him up and shoots him into the ropes.  When Mann boucnes back he’s thrown to the canvas by a Samoan Drop! Tyler keeps up the frantic pace, by bringing Mann to his feet and tagging him with several kicks. The Macho Macho Mann is dropped down to a knee, which allows Tyler to run the ropes and hit a shining enziguri! A pinfall is then made….

ONE!


TWO!

Synth breaks up the pinfall, which draws Shayne into the ring. The two men immediately go to war, trading blows at the edge of the ring. Synth gets the upperhand when Logan comes from behind and low blows Shayne!  

ABDULLAH
That is the way, my children! Defeat the non believers!

COLE
Oh come on! A blatant low blow?

The two then turn their attention back to Tyler. Synth overwhelms him with strikes from his goggles, weakening him and doubling him up. This gives The Rockers the time needed to trap him inside a front facelock. The fans throw out jeers as The they give DOUBLE FINGER TWIRLS OF DOOM!

COACH
Here it comes, baby! The only rock n wrestling finisher that matters, The Percussion DDT!

However, The Rockers famous finisher will not be seen for the moment as Shayne superkicks Synth!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans celebrate as Synth topples over to the canvas.

Rightly panicked, Logan begins swinging for the fences with crazed haymakers. Unfortunately for him a much calmer Tyler merely carries him onto his shoulders. He swings him out and strikes him with the Idoliser (TKO)!

COLE
That’s got to do it!

Tyler applies the pin, while Shayne guards against any interference from Abdullah Abir Nerdly….

CROWD
ONE!


CROWD
TWO!


CROWD
THREE

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

BUFFER
Your winners as a result of a pinfall and still one and only world tag team champions…..D*LLLLLUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXX!

The time to celebrate comes and goes in a flash as the hulking beast known as Quiz has arrived into the ring. The boys notice him at the last second and are forced to prepare a sudden defense. Their guard easily broken through by the mastadon, who runs through them with double lariats!

COLE
Quiz just laid waste to the tag team champions!

COACH
They should have done the right thing and jobbed the belts to the only rock n wrestling band that matters.

Abdullah enters the ring with orders for Quiz to decimate D*LUX. As the crowd, Jade, and Maya look on with horror, Quiz lifts Tyler off the canavs. He scoops him, and then powerfully drives him downwards with a pump handle slam.

COLE
Pop Quiz!

QUIZ
Boot!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

COACH
They’re saying boot, they’re into this!

COLE
They’re saying boo, Coach.

Quiz comes off the ropes, and strikes a risen Shayne with a big boot! The blow turns Shayne’s body sideways and he crumples downward.

ABDULLAH
Again, my child! Show no mercy!

Quiz bends over to begin pulling Tyler upright. But his back is exposed and as such SPENCER REIGER is able is smack him in the back with a steel chair!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans delight as Maya looks beyond shock at Spencer’s rescue efforts.

JADE


Spencer turns around to get a read on Abdullah and is caught by a EUOLOGY from REJECT!

COLE
What the heck?!

Now its Abdullah’s turn to smile as THUNDERKID joins his long time partner in the ring. The speaker for the prophets watches with delight, as TK sets Reiger up into a front facelock. He points at a mortified Jade, then drives Spencer down onto the chair with the Thunderbolt DDT!

COLE
Oh my!

Abdullah does a holy dance around Spencer’s fallen body, as Reject and TK high five. The holy man then raises the hands of Reject and TK, and all three smile brightly and proudly.

COLE
ThunderKid and Reject are having their hands raised by Abdullah Abir Nerdly! But what could this all mean?

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
LEON RODEZ VS ALIX MARIA SPEZIA
TONIGHT

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

"Getting Away With Murder" brings the fans to their feet, because for the first time since the epic Survive or Surrender match at Anglemania Ten, ZACK MALIBU has arrived on HeldDOWN~!

COLE
For those of you who missed out...SHAME ON YOU!  On a more serious note, here comes the one and only, the undisputed owner of the OAOAST!

Malibu comes out not dressed for battle, instead all suited up.  Malibu tags a few hands on his way to the ring, and enters the squared circle all smiles, as the crowd cheers him on.

COACH
It just ain't the same, Mikey Cole.  It's all because of HIM.


Malibu takes the mic, but has to pause for a moment, as the fans chant:


"YOU'RE STILL HERE!"

"YOU'RE STILL HERE!"

"YOU'RE STILL HERE!"


COLE
HA!  Never heard that one before!


COACH
I was hoping it'd stay that way.


MALIBU
Yes, yes, I'm still here.  Not only am I here, but the OAOAST as you know it is still here!


*crowd pops*


MALIBU
There is something that I want to take the opportunity to say right now, before I say anything else.  Two weeks ago, after years of bringing out the worst in each other, Anglesault and I brought out the best in each other.  'Sault, if you're watching, or if you hear about this somehow, know this.  You and I will never see things the same way, and we'll never be friends.  Despite all that, despite everything we've been through, at the end of the night...you owned up.  You were a man, you shook my hand, and you bowed out gracefully.  We've been to hell and back, 'Sault, and for that, I wanted to say thank you.   Thank you for bringing out the best in me, for making me the man that I am, and thank you for jump-starting the juggernaut known as the OAOAST.


The fans start applauding, and Zack nods, appreciative of their follow-up to his gesture.


COLE
That's respect, right there.  After all he's been thru, Zack didn't even have to bring up Anglesault's name anymore, but he still gives him credit for his career.  That's the mark of a real man.

COACH
Playa, please.  



MALIBU
Now, onto business!  Because yes, I survived Anglemania Ten, and yes, I am once again majority owner of the OAOAST!  So the question remains...what's next for Zack Malibu?  Does he take his ball and go home, or does he take hold of hte OAOAST ladder and start to climb it rung by rung again?



Malibu looks around, as if he's surveying the audience, and unanimously, the chant breaks out from the OAOAST fans:



"RUNG BY RUNG!"

"RUNG BY RUNG!"

"RUNG BY RUNG!"


MALIBU
I had a feeling you'd say that, so that is why, as of right now, I hold NO ownership stake in the OAOAST!


COLE
What!?


COACH
What?!

CROWD
WHAT!?


MALIBU
During my week off, I sorted out the arrangments necessary for me to continue as an active superstar, and the majority ownership has been signed over to another party for the duration of my active career.  This person will remain anonymous for the time being so that no leverage can be used against them, nor are they allowed to sell or abuse the ownership powers.  The five Originals who currently each hold ten percent of the company ownership will continue to do so, which means that Zack Malibu is one hundred percent an OAOAST Superstar, and is going to go through anyone and everyone who wants to step into this ring with me!  In fact, I'm thinking that maybe we can start with...Jason Silver.

The crowd boos at the mention of the former World Champion, and nephew of Anglesault.


MALIBU
Silver, you've been MIA since Anglemania, but like it or not, you are under an OAOAST contract.  You've lost your belt, and you no longer have your uncle watching your back.  You want to be a superstar?  You want to be "Rocksault"?  Then man up, show up, and get into this ring with me so we can close the chapter on our unfinished business.  You think you've got what it takes to be the new franchise?  You want to carry on the family legacy?  I'm game for it.  The question is...are you?   Anytime, anywhere.  I have been thru everything you could throw my way, and look at me.  I'M STILL STANDING!  Not your uncle, not CWM, not Sandman...everybody thinks they have what it takes to destroy Zack Malibu, but in nine years...NINE YEARS...everyone who tried has failed.  You've heard your critics, talk, Silver.  They said you never deserved the World Title.  That you lived off your uncle's handouts.  That without him, you don't have what it takes.  So prove it.  Prove it to the world.  Prove it to ME.  In fact, that's a challenge to anyone and everyone back there.  Friend or foe, if anyone wants to prove themselves, if anyone wants to test their worth...if anyone thinks they can make a name off me...STEP UP.  Because I'm Zack Malibu...and I'm not going ANYWHERE.


The crowd roars, and Malibu tosses the mic down...and that's when CPA and BOSLEY HIT THE RING!  Having already victimized several people backstage tonight, the members of VICE double up on Zack, with Malibu fighting them off as best he can!  Malibu powers up and starts rocking both of them with right hands, but Bosley kicks him in the stomach and sends Zack to the ropes, catching him with a spinning spinebuster and an exclamation point neckbreaker is added by CPA!  Malibu has been felled, and the crowd boos as VICE stands over him!  CPA picks up the mic, tapping it to see if it's on, and then...


CPA
You shouldn't have opened your mouth, Malibu, but we're glad you did.  You're going to make us a lot of money, because when people want protection...when they want muscle...they're going to want the two guys who took out The Franchise!


CPA throws the mic down on Zack's chest, and VICE exit the ring, proud of the damage that's been done!  Zack lay in the ring aching from the beatdown, as HeldDOWN~! cuts to commercial.

As we return from break unofficial OAOAST official Terry Taylor is in the middle of the ring, in front of him is a desk with two chairs on one side and a booster seat and hay bale on the other side. On the table is a folder with the official OAOAST logo on the front of it and the word "CONTRACT" in big, helpful letters on the front of it.

TAYLOR
Ladies and gentlemen normally these contract signings are extremly boring and take place backstage with a ton of lawyers involved and so on, but well... this one will be a little different

COACH
That's the understatement of the year.

TAYLOR
For weeks on end we've watched as Los Conquistadors have used their evil voodoo powers to control that Alien, but that may come to an end at In Your Parent's Basement in a few short weeks

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

TAYLOR
Let me first introduce the team that has stood up and said "Enough is enough!", with their new official spokes actor Antonio Banderas - the tag team sensation that has swept the nation!! The number one trending unit of 2011; Los Moo-Chadors!!

MOOOOOOO!! CHADORS!! MOOOOOOO!! CHADORS!! MOOOOOOO!! CHADORS!!

Bribón, The Cow and Antonio Banderas walk down the aisle as the crowd cheers for one of the oddest, yet most entertaining teams in OAOAST history. For once they are not dressed up as anyone else but appear simply as Bribón and the Cow. Their spokes actor enters the ring while Bribón and the Cow circle the ring, high fiving or high hoofing the fans.

BANDERAS
As the official spokes person for Los Moo-Chadors I just want to thank the fans for the ovation tonight, but really they're just trying to do the right thing.

TAYLOR
The right thing?

BANDERAS
Inspired by Abraham Lincoln many years ago they are looking to emancipate the slaves! To quote Moses "Let my people go!!"

COACH
I'm not sure he counts as "People"

COLE
If he's related to anyone in the OAOAST it's got to be the Cow and Bribón.

COACH
I'll grant you that point Cole.

TAYLOR
Now let me remind you that this is a contract signing, a peaceful affair that will NOT, I repeat NOT!! end in violence.

BANDERAS
Why would a contract signing end in violence Terry? You are a paranoid man

TAYLOR
(not sounding convinced) riiiiiiiiiight.

Both the Cow and Bribón enter the ring, Bribón climbs up in the high chair while The Cow sits on the hay bales and waits for their opponents.

TAYLOR
Alright and their opponents LOS CONQUISTADORS!!

Fedde Le Grands’ "Creeps" begins to play but the traditional golden smoke is nowhere to be seen. Moments later Uno and Dos, followed by "Tres" walk down the aisle, complaining loudly about the lack of smoke.

TAYLOR
I'm sorry but the building has a very strict "No Smoking" policy.

COACH
Okay that's just going too far! What is wrong with the people of Baltimore?

Los Conquistadors enter the ring looking confident as ever. Uno pushes one of the chairs to the side, then orders "It" to get down on all fours so he can sit on him. This move draws both Bribón and Cow to their feet only for Terry Taylor to quickly scurry out of the way, hiding in the corner in anticipation of the brawl that is about to break out.

UNO
Can we get on with this?

BANDERAS
What's the rush? It's not like you're busy cheating your way to another victory.

UNO
Why don't you go lick a hairball or something?

COLE
I don't get it?

COACH
Yes that is obvious (imitates a rim shot) Banderas is the voice of Puss in Boots you nitwit.

COLE
OOOOOH... I still don't get it.

UNO
You wanted this match and we, being the overly gracious people that we are have agreed to it. You guys get to step into the ring with the team voted "Breakout stars of 2011" in a recent internet poll

COLE
They were?

COACH
Of course! If Uno said so it's true, have you ever known him to lie?

COLE
(Cold and mechanically) no... I... have... never... heard... him... lie... ALL HAIL LOS CONQUISTADORS!!

BANDERAS
We just need to make one thing clear, if... no WHEN Los Moo-Chadors win you cannot steal the doll back, it belongs to Los Moo-Chadors and they will burn it at ringside.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

UNO
Not going to happen, this is not going anywhere.

BANDERAS
There is also the added stipulation that you can NEVER and I mean EVER take control of our alien buddy again if you lose.

DOS
Well if YOU lose

UNO
And you will

DOS
Damn right! If you lose then you must leave us alone forever!! No matches, no trying to steal the doll back, don't even show up in the same room as we are in.

Banderas confers with both Bribón and The Cow through a series of elaborate hand gestures, clicking sounds and moos. Then he turns around to address Los Conquistadors once again.

BANDERAS
Los Moo-Chadors agree, one way or the other this ends at In Your Parent's Basement.

MOOOOOOO!! CHADORS!! MOOOOOOO!! CHADORS!! MOOOOOOO!! CHADORS!!

Both Uno and Dos quickly sign the contract, then throws it across the table right in Bribón's face. The overt act of hostility makes Taylor leap up in fright once more and jump halfway out of the ring before he realizes that Bribón did not attack Los Conquistadors. Slowly, Terry Taylor returns to the ring, keeping an eye on both parties.

TAYLOR
Hmmm... okay then Los Moo-Chadors if you are ready please sign the contract.

Bribón quickly signs the contract but when he slides it to The Cow they realize that there may be a problem with Cow signing the contract. The two of them look at each other, a bit dumbfounded as to how the Cow can hold the pen with his hoof.

UNO
What's the matter? Are you chicken??

Terry Taylor, Los Moo-Chadors, Antonio Banderas and most of the audience groans at that terrible pun.

BANDERAS
Just a small technical problem I assure you.

After a few moments Cow seems to finally figure out what to do as he crushes the pen with his foot, then dips one of his horns in the ink and scribbles "Cow" on the contract in huge, childish letters.

TAYLOR
I'll accept that! Okay ladies and gentlemen, the Voodoo Doll match on a pole between Los Conquistadors and Los Moo-Chadors is set for In Your Parent's Basement.

UNO
Good luck with that, the three of us cannot wait to see you in Raleigh

Los Conquistadors get up and make to leave when Antonio Banderas stops them.

BANDERAS
Wait a second, the three of you?

UNO
Well naturally, you signed the contract stating "Los Conquistadors" right?

BANDERAS
Yes they did

UNO
Well how many Conquistadors are there? Uno (points to himself), Dos (points to Dos naturally) and ...

He points to "It" with an eeeeeevil laugh.

UNO
Tres!!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

COACH
HA!! Los Conquistadors just pulled a fast one on the Moo-Chadorks!

COLE
Come on now that's not fair!! That is blatan… ALL HAIL LOS CONQUISTADORS!!

COACH
It’s legal and that is what counts!

While Los Moo-Chadors look upset they do not attack Los Conquistadors, keeping a cool head, mainly so they do not end up fighting against "It". Terry Taylor seems to breathe a sigh of relief, no one was attacked, no one was injured and more importantly no one was put through a table.

UNO
Ah what the heck!

Uno grabs the voodoo doll and whispers various incantations as he points to Antonio Banderas.

TAYLOR
What the what??

Unfortunately Taylor let his guard down just a moment too soon as Conquistador Tres leaps forward, kicks Antonio Banderas in the gut and then picks him up in a power bomb position. Los Moo-Chadors pleads with "It" to not do it and to fight against Los Conquistadors' control but to no avail.

CRACK!!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

UNO
Now it's a proper contract signing Mua, ha, ha, ha, ha!!

And with that Los Conquistadors leaves the ring while Bribón attends to their fallen spokes model

TAYLOR
Phew! At least it wasn't me.

[Tony149]

We find Alfdogg in his office reading the latest edition of OAOAST Magazine with Nathaniel Black on the cover. His reading time comes to a halt when…


MORGAN NERDLY enters the room

MORGAN
Alf, you wanted to see me?

ALFDOGG
I did. Have a seat.

Morgan takes a seat.

MORGAN
Um, what’s this about? Am I in trouble? I…I…I’ve tried to be really good lately.

ALFDOGG
And you have been. You’re in no trouble at all. I wanted to talk to you about an exciting opportunity.

MORGAN
Opportunity?

ALFDOGG
As you know OAOAST magazine is one of the most popular sports magazines around. Its just great insightful articles, brilliant commentary, exclusive interviews-

MORGAN
Are you trying to sell me a magazine subscription?

Alf laughs.

ALF
I guess that’s what it sounds like, doesn’t it. OAOAST Magazine is doing something sizzling all year long, its showcasing the hottest girls in sports entertainment in the littlest of clothes. Pictorials of all the OAOAST Babes from Melody to Holly, if she can refrain from cussing out the photographer. So they asked me who I thought should kick off the start of the shoots and naturally I said you.

MORGAN
Me?!

ALF
You’d be perfect. You have a natural beauty that translates well onto camera.

MORGAN
No one has ever asked me to pose for anything before. I just…I don’t know. People don’t find me attractive.

ALF
Is that why Alix keeps trying to get me to book a bra and panties match between the two of you. She’s even resorted to sending death threats, she signs them anonymous but the stationary reads “From the desk of Alix Maria Spezia”. People think you’re very good looking, they want to see more of you.

MORGAN
I don’t know.

ALF  
It will help boost your confidence, knowing that people really like you. Just don’t get a big head.

MORGAN
People…like me? Well….okay, I’ll do it.

ALFDOGG
Great! You won't regret it.

Morgan manages a faint smile as we fade to commercial

COMING UP NEXT
THE MAINEVENT OF THE EVENING
LEON RODEZ VS ALIX MARIA SPEZIA
NEXT

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

COLE
Welcome back to HeldDOWN where we've been joined by the World Champion, Krista Isadora Duncan, to help us call our main event.

KRISTA
Help? Does that sound like me? I'm not here to help, if anything I'm here to make things even harder for you.

COACH
I...

KRISTA
No penis jokes.

COACH



-ENTRANCES HAPPEN-

-WOW, COOL ENTRANCES, BRO-


*DINGDINGDING*

Leon walks out of his corner with his head down, trying to avoid any eye contact with Alix.

ALIX
Hey bro, why'd you bail on me the other day? That was totally not cool.

Leon circles around, keeping his head down, trying to ignore Alix's chatter.

ALIX
Helloooo? Up here!

As Alix tries to get Leon's attention he shoots in with a single leg and takes her down to the mat. Leon locks on a kneebar and Alix grimaces, but seems more annoyed at being given the cold shoulder.

ALIX
Man you are just in a big ol' sulk aren'tcha little fella? Does da wickle baby want his bottle?

Leon tightens on the leg bar.

ALIX
Ow! Don't make me tell your mommy.

Leon tightens it again, but Alix just won't shut up and annoyed, he drops an elbow across the knee.

COLE
Leon clearly not in the mood for any of Alix's schenanigans here tonight.

KRISTA
No. I guess he came to have a normal wrestling match. Because that's what people want to see. Hey, cameraman, any time you wanna cut over to me and have me flash my breasts to prevent people tuning out, just gimme a signal.

Trapped in the leg bar again Alix tries a couple of modes of escape. First, seduction, running her fingers through Leon's hair, which doesn't work and earns her another twist on the leg. Second, tickling. Always a good idea, but Leon manages to shrug it off and tightens up on the hold again. So Alix tries a third and dazes Leon with an EAR CLAP! Popping to his feet, Leon angrily turns the hold into a half boston crab and tries to get his head straight with Alix tied up. This isn't so much fun for Alix and she doesn't play around, making a crawl to reach the bottom rope as quick as she can.

COACH
You know, if Leon ain't in the mood for games with you, you might have a problem Krista.

KRISTA
I'm sorry, did you just say "ain't"? As in "uneducated term for is not"? Did they not teach you grammar and pronounciation in broadcasting school?

COACH
Broadcasting school? I ain't do none of that shit!

KRISTA
You surprise me. You really do.

Keeping the pressure on, Leon waits for Alix to get up against the ropes and attacks her with a boot. And a second one. Leon then drags Alix away from the ropes and delivers a knee strike.

"LET'S GO AL - IX!"
*clap clap clapclapclap*
"LET'S GO AL - IX!"
*clap clap clapclapclap*

Leon hits a vertical suplex and goes for a cover...


1...


2...


No!

COLE
Leon Rodez has been all business from the get-go tonight. And he's not letting Alix get inside his head, Krista.

KRISTA
Well as I clearly alluded to last week, letting Alix inside of him is something that Leon has been open to in the past. So let's just see how things progress and which orifices Alix winds up in before the night is over.

Controlling Alix with a chinlock, Rodez is able to limit the amount of fun Alix is able to wreak. The crowd get behind Alix though, helping her to her feet. Alix fights free with elbows to the gut. But as she goes to hit the ropes she gets grabbed by the hair! With two handfuls of brunette locks, Leon ignores the referee's warning to let go and turns Alix around, driving another knee into her midrift!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

With Alix on her knees in front of him, a scowling Leon decides to slap her around a bit, before cracking her in the face with a boot! Cover...


1...


2...


No!

Leon picks Alix up, giving her a simple but effective bodyslam.

COLE
Leon is in complete control here. We're seeing none of the usual Alix tactics coming into play.

Waiting for Alix to get up under her own power, Leon drives her right back into a corner. The referee calls for a break, but is again ignored, Leon delivering another kneelift in the corner! And another one! Referee Brian Hebner is forced to step in and forcibly back Rodez off, but again gets the brush-off. Leon looks over his shoulder, staring down at Krista for a second, before running in and giving Alix a big shoulder thrust back into the turnbuckles!

COACH
That looked like a message to you Krista.

KRISTA
Good. I have a message for Leon. If you're going to wear leather pants, at least get some that aren't so tight, they're giving you ball vagina.

Alix struggles out of the corner and walks right into an Exploder Suplex from the Fallen Idol! Cover...


1...


2...


Kickout!

Leon seems in total control and takes his time, happy to let Alix try and get back up again. Once she does, he goes back to the MMA style knees. Three connect in quick succession and Alix is left hurting on one knee.

COLE
Leon, dictating the pace, dictating the match.

KRISTA
Beats dicksucking in the parking lot.

COLE
Not sure who that was aimed at, but I don't want to ask.

KRISTA
It was you.

COLE
That's what I thought.

Grabbing her by the arm, Leon aims for the corner with a big irish whip. However, Alix manages to counter and jumps onto the middle rope... then fakes Leon out with a crossbody!

COLE
Nice!

Having belly-flopped to the mat Rodez gets back up and sees Alix flying at him, instinctively ducking again. Alix is still a step ahead and floats over, looking for a flying sunset flip. But Leon rolls through, onto his feet and catches Alix prone with a Sliding Lariat!!

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Annoyed with himself for almost getting caught, Leon sits and quietly berates himself for a second.

COACH
Gee, this isn't going so well, is it? Maybe you should have picked a little better, eh Krista? Don't hurt me!

KRISTA
You're a pathetic little man and nothing I could do to you would hurt more than your mother's disappointment in you. However, that probably won't stop me from trying.

Leon finally gets on top of things and covers Alix...


1...


2...


No!

Leon drags Alix back up, throwing her face-first into the corner. He stomps away, beginning to show a little more urgency as Hebner has to back him off once again. This doesn't sit so well with Leon this time and he warns Hebner not to touch him again, cowering the referee off. With a free run at Alix, Leon then charges in again... but gets clipped! Alix dropkicks out the knee and Leon goes face first into the middle turnbuckle!

ALIX
Alright, party time!

Yanking up her booty shorts Alix's bombastic buns dive into action and Leon gets a STINKFACE!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
Well, that's one way to turn the tide of a match around!

COACH
One of my personal favourites.

Leon pulls himself back up in a rage and charges at Alix with a clothesline. Alix ducks and filled with pent-up movement, she decides it's time to dance!



KRISTA
*holds up paddle saying 9*

COLE
Where did you get that?

Leon gets, understandably, distracted for a moment. Shaking it off, he tries to take Alix out again, but a timely duck causes Rodez to go spilling out through the ropes and to the floor! Leon is right back up, attempting to get back inside, only to get dropkicked through the ropes and knocked into the barricade!

COLE
And having avoided Alix's games for so long, now Leon has fallen into the wicked web of Chicks Over Dicks!

KRISTA
Wicked web? I like that.

COLE
Really!

KRISTA
No. It's awful.

COLE


Slipping outside, Alix gives a waggle of her tush in Krista's direction, which gets a thumbs up. And not just from Krista. Alix stands on the apron and Leon sees his chance, looking to clip Alix's legs from underneath them. Alix hops over the arm though and kicks Leon in the face! The cute Latina then blows a kiss to the crowd and runs down the apron, coming off with a headscissors that flings Leon across the ringside floor!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
Headscissors by Alix and this match has swung in a complete 180!

Alix soaks up the adulation of the crowd, bowing and waving, blowing kisses like she were on the Olympic podium. Eventually she realises, hey, she's not actually on the Olympic podium and is actually in a wrestling match, so better concentrete. So she throws Rodez back inside and heads to the top rope. Leon picks himself up and turns around to see Alix soaring down at him, connecting with a flying crossbody!!


1...



2...



No!

Alix takes aims with a spinning back kick, ducked by Leon. And he manages to connect with a knee strike to gain a little bit of respite.

COACH
Man, Leon must be wondering what the hell happened. He was coping so well!

KRISTA
They all succumb eventually to the wicked web.

COLE
I thought you said you didn't like that?

KRISTA
Not when you said it, I didn't.

Getting his bearings back, Leon hooks Alix up for a Brainbuster... but Alix counters with an inside cradle!


1...



2...



No!

Alix drops down, forcing the oncoming Leon up and over. Off the ropes, Leon tries to throw another of his precision knees, but Alix is ready for it and catches the leg! Rodez hops around surprised, as Alix delivers a Dragon Screw!

COACH
Where the f did she learn that!?

Cussing and complaining under his breath Leon pulls himself up the the ropes, favouring his knee. As he hobbles away he tries to throw a clothesline at Alix, but she ducks under. And springing off the middle rope, she turns herself back into a twisting bulldog!! Cover...


1...



2...



NO!

Leon limps into a corner, looking for a breather. And doesn't get one, Alix flying at him with a BUTT bump!

COLE
A page out of Baron Windels' book.

KRISTA
Only more arousing. Right? You were going to add that without me prompting you, right? Right, sure you were. Weirdo.

As Rodez limps out of the corner, Alix hops over the top rope onto the apron. She then tries to hop back up, going for a springboard, but gets caught mid-way and hung across the rope by Leon!!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Desperation move, right there!

Leon shakes off his knee, seething. And seeing Alix on the apron, that seething turns into a sinister glare. Reaching through the ropes, Leon snares Alix by the head and starts to feed her back through the ropes. But Alix manages to escape the draping DDT, hooking her feet off the rope and countering with a backdrop! Leon manages to land on the apron, however. Thankful for his safe escape, Leon goes to climb back inside. But halfway through the ropes, he gets caught. Alix grabs a hold of the leg and executes another Dragon Screw, wrapping Leon's leg around the middle rope in the process!!

COLE
Ooh!

Leon falls off the apron to the floor, clutching his knee in pain.

COACH
Man, that looked ugly!

KRISTA
I don't know, I quite enjoyed it. Acquired taste, perhaps.

Concerned by the pain Leon seems to be in, referee Hebner backs Alix up and goes outside to check if he can continue.

COLE
It's been well documented, Leon's history with knee injuries. It almost ended his career at one point.

As the referee tries to check on him, Leon angrily pushes Hebner away, not appreciating the help. Alix grows bored of waiting in the ring and decides to entertain everyone with some happy swing dancing...




...but suddenly, she gets swung around herself, by BOHEMOTH, WHO PLANTS HER WITH A SPINEBUSTER!!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

COLE
HEY! HEY!!

A thud can be heard as Krista throws down her headset and sprints around the ring, chasing after Bohemoth as he backs away from the ring. Krista surprises him, vaulting off the ring steps and tackling him to the ground!

COLE
All hell is breaking loose!

COACH
And Bo better get out of here. He's still hurt!

COLE
Oh, yeah, he looked real hurt just a second ago when he sneak-attacked Alix!

As Krista brawls up the ramp with Bohemoth, Leon uses the announce table to pick himself up. He spots Alix down in the ring and quick as he can on one leg, hobbles back into the ring.

COLE
Gimme a break, this one is practically gift-wrapped for Rodez now!

Rattled by the Spinebuster, Alix tries to pick herself back up. Leon stalks, waiting for his opportunity. And with one good leg, he manages to catch Alix with the rolling sobat to the face, good enough to knock her back down if not fully connect.

COACH
ONE HIT KILL!

Falling awkwardly as he hits the move, Leon claws his way across the mat to hook the leg...


1...




2...




3!!!!

*DINGDINGDING!*

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "THE FALLEN IDOL" LLLEEEEEEOOONN... RRRROOOODDEEEEZZZZZZ!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Bohemoth manages to escape the battering from Krista and bails backstage, leaving the World Champion to hear this announcement. She looks back at the ring and scowls, as Leon sits next to an unconscious Krista, looking back but grimacing in pain.

COLE
One way or the other, Leon has survived Krista's personal poison for the night. But I tell you what, the worst is still to come for these two. Leon beats Alix, but at what cost, will he be 100% physically come The Bitter End? And as for Krista, will she be 100%, physically or mentally, after she faces Spencer Reiger next week!? What a volatile situation this is turning into between these two hated rivals!

Both Krista and Leon continue to scowl back at one another, neither coming out of tonight fully satisfied, as HeldDOWN fades to a close.