OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 4/9/11

[Tony149]

ANGLEMANIA X

serves as the soundtrack for a recap of some of Anglemania Ten's historic moments.

*****************
Spencer tumbles outside and D*LUX turn to the crowd, sensing that this is their moment! The Madison Square Garden fans rise to their feet and urge the challengers to capitalise. And capitalise they do, as Tyler hangs Colin in a wheelbarrow position and Shayne comes off the ropes behind him, with the Running Diamond Dust!!!

COLE
D*LUX CAPACITOR!!

Cover...


1...




2...




3!!!!!

COLE
AND WE HAVE NEW CHAMPIONS!!!
**************************

Krista takes her free leg, and flares it out to catch it over Silver’s head. She grabs onto her left leg, and reveals that she has Silver’s neck trapped between her left ankle and her right knee, with one arm tied down to the ground and the other hooked between her legs!

COACH
What is that? What does she have him in?

COLE
A Wicked Gogoplata! Silver made a huge mistake mounting Krista!

COACH
You never make a mistake mounting a woman that hot!

The fans sense the danger of the move, and realize a submission could be impending. They loudly call for Rocksault to give up and relinquish his grip on OAOAST World Heayvweight Championship.

“TAP! TAP! TAP!”

SILVER
No! Never! Never! Never! NevAHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Krista clamps tighter on Silver’s neck, nearly crushing it into pieces with her well built legs! Silver is in tremendous pain and anguish fills his bloods stained face.

SILVER
(tapping the ground)
I give up! I give up! I give up, damn it!

COLE
SHE DID IT! SHE DID IT! SHE DID IT!
***************************


COACH
He's choking him out!

COLE
For all the beatings, for what was done to his friends....THIS IS FOR THE OAOAST!

Anglesault's screams are now muffled, as Zack puts the pressure of the hold on, trapping his nemesis. Then, in a moment that will stand the test of time, with Zack Malibu using every last bit of energy he has in his six foot frame...with the thousands who have sold out MSG watching...with the OAOAST locker room all huddled around the TV in the back, friends and foe alike...with the millions watching in the comfort of their own homes...










...ANGLESAULT TAPS OUT~!

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-

We cut to Sofa Central where Double C sits in front of an arena that's bathed in orange, red and purple lights.

COLE
Folks, welcome to the post Angleamania edition of HeldDOWN~! Its a night of new beginnings as we have a new world champion, new tag team champions, a unified United States Champion, and perhaps most importantly we are without this great company's founder Anglesault!

COACH
Oh how it pains me to sit out here and know that this company is headed to ruin without our fearless leader to guide us!

COLE
Anglesault of course defeated by Zack Malibu this past Sunday at a historic Anglemania Ten! Tonight's show promises to be as amazing as any other as we have a never before seen mainevent.

FIRST TIME EVER ONE ON ONE
ALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS BOHEMOTH
TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT 

"Oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone
And oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone, dead and gone..."

What had been an upbeat mood in the arena is dampened significantly as "Numb" by Linkin Park seeps into the arena. The dark purple lights hang over the entrance as Leon Rodez slowly heads out, looking out from under narrow eyelids as he scowls at the crowd.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen at this time, please welcome LLEEEOOOOOONN RRRRROOOOODDEEEZZZZZZZ!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Sliding into the ring, Leon heads right for the corner and takes a seat against the bottom turnbuckle, without even the common courtesy to stand and address the crowd.

"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"

RODEZ
Let's not drag this out, shall we? Everybody wants to know, why I walked out on my 'team' on Sunday. Why would I walk out of AngleMania? Simply put... I already got what I wanted by doing War Games. I got my revenge... and I got my title shot. That's all I owed anyone, War Games. All I commited to. I didn't ask to wrestle at AngleMania. I didn't ask to team up with anybody. And nobody asked me. What did I have to gain from competing at AngleMania? Absolutely nothing. I've got what I want. Why risk an injury, just to help three people in a cause I no longer care about?

COLE
That's a noble point of view.

RODEZ
All I care about... and all I have cared about since War Games... is my title shot. This past month has just been a distraction and now that's done... now I know who the World Champion is... I'm guaranteed the first shot. And I don't intend on waiting for it.

Some of the crowd cheer, hoping this might mean a World Title match in their future...



Give me those bright lights, long nights
High rise, over time
Give me them bright lights, long nights
Party till the sun is rising
High rise, over time
Working till the moon is shining
Hot guys, fly girls
Never thought I'd say
I feel on top of the world
I feel on top of the world Hey

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

And their hopes are raised as the new World Champion decides to make her way to the ring! Leon scowls and lifts himself up, sitting himself on the top turnbuckle instead and peering back at Krista, as she flaunts her newly re-acquired championship on her way down.

COLE
We may not have to wait much longer, because here comes the record breaking five time OAOAST World Champion herself, the incomparable Krista Isadora Duncan!

Krista has a glance over at Leon as she hangs herself up over the ropes, blowing an alluring kiss to the fans. Disgust fills the face of Rodez, as Krista sweeps her way over and snags a microphone for herself.

"KRIS - TA!"
"KRIS - TA!"
"KRIS - TA!"
"KRIS - TA!"

KRISTA
Yadda yadda yadda, we get the point. No, thank you, that means something to me, really, I'm sure it does.

"YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!"

KRISTA
Wow, I never met such a needy crowd before. Well well well, what do we have here? Leon Rodez, droning on about how he's not going to wait any longer for his title shot. Who says history never repeats itself? Who says you never repeat yourself? No-one. No-one says that. Because you do. A lot. And you talk... very slowly... which makes me want to stab you... quite a bit... in the eyes. Stop that.

Not in the mood for a Krista speech, Leon hangs his face and tries to look as bored as he can.

KRISTA
We really must stop meeting like this, Leon. You know, this whole 'thing' we've got going on, where I keep ruining your life and you keep coming back for more, it's a vicious circle. Here I was thinking "gee, five time World Champion, maybe this time I'll get the chance to celebrate in peace, fulfill my contractual obligations and get on out of here to go get blitzed with minimal fuss and confrontation". And yet, here you are, daring to try and hold my drinking up and just begging me to hang around and verbally beat you into submission again. But all this time we've spent together hasn't been wasted. See, I think I've learnt something about you in the past year or so. And not just that you are, infact, more emotionally fragile than your niece. You and me, we're not so different. In many ways, we're very much alike. We're both miserable, anti-social people filled with hatred and bile for the general human race. We're both very bitter. Both prone to violent outbursts. We both like to mess with people's minds, play psychological games with our opponents, make them feel shame and embarrassment. We definitely take pleasure in other people's misfortune. We've both felt the warm, probing fingers of Alix Maria Spezia inside of our rectum during the course of our lives. And, perhaps most importantly of all... although we have plenty of hate to go around, there is nobody on this earth that we absolutely loathe with a passion than each other.

No disagreements from Leon, who glares back at Krista.

KRISTA
But, here's the big difference between you and me. I am, what you call, one of life's winners. Everything I touch turns to gold and everybody I touch turns to putty in my hands. I'm rich, I'm famous, I'm beautiful and I'm modest. No, wait, scratch that last one. I'm awesome and I know it. Where-as you are a born loser. You've lost everything you've ever had. Titles, fans, family, dignity, your anal virginity on camera. Infact, I've been responsible for taking all but the most disgusting of those, now that I think about it. No wonder you hate me more than you do Alfonso. At least he was gentle with you.

LEON
You're also very, very predictable. Here you are, yet again, enjoying the sound of your voice. Telling jokes... mocking people. Well I've learnt something about you too, Krista. I've learnt that you have no soul. You're evil, vindictive and you don't care who you tread on, who's lives you ruin so long as you get what you want.

KRISTA
Guilty!

LEON
Thing is, you helped ruin mine long ago. And now, you're dealing with someone who doesn't care. Keep running your mouth. You think I care what these people think about me? Go ahead, have them laughing in the aisles at your little routine. Because these people mean nothing to me. People say you have no shame... well, trust me... I have no shame. And I won't be ashamed of anything I do to you.

Krista doesn't look concerned and strolls around, amused.

KRISTA
I think it's pretty obvious, you and me know each other too well. Perhaps the solution here is for you to go away forever. I'll be glad to help you along the way with that.


Suddenly the two rivals' attention is taken by ALFDOGG appearing on the AngleTron from his office.

ALFDOGG
I think I know where this is going. And before this goes any further, let me jump in. This is the first night since AngleMania and this is going to be a night of reflection and celebration, not of chaos. Not anymore. So, I want no contact between you two tonight.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COACH
Alf sure knows what the fans want!

ALFDOGG
I know that's not going to be a popular decision, but we've got plenty of great action to come, we don't need a melee on top of it.

COACH
Wow, he's also a suck-up.

ALFDOGG
I can hear you Coach.

COACH
Eep.

ALFDOGG
Krista, Leon, you two can save the physicality for now. There'll be plenty of time for that later. Leon has a guaranteed contractual agreement, in writing, with my signature on it, for a World Title shot against you Krista. But, you don't make the decisions with this shot, Leon. This isn't any time, anywhere like Money In The Bank. I sign the contracts and I make the matches. And I can't think of any better time than April 28th, at our fan appreciation event, In Your Parent's Basement... a tongue in cheek name, I can assure you, don't get upset nerds. Leon Rodez challenging Krista Isadora Duncan, April 28th, In Your Parent's Basement: The Bitter End. And it will be to the bitter end with you two I'm sure, both on that night and beyond.

COLE
That's live on PPV, folks.

ALFDOGG
Now, I've been sitting back here listening to you two. And you bring up some good points. You two are masters at psychological warfare. Well, I'm going to let you two get it out in the open. I'm going to let you play your games. Because over the next two weeks, you will both be in singles action. And I'm going to let you both choose each other's opponents. Pick Your Poison. And Krista, as the champion, I'm going to let you pick first.

With a scheming smirk, Krista walks around, making a grand show of thinking her decision over for a few seconds.

KRISTA
Decisions, decisions. I'll assume that if I were to suggest you had to wrestle a live african elephant, one of those uppity animal rights groups would come chasing after me and I've had enough of that to last me a lifetime. If animals didn't want to be worn, they shouldn't be made of fur. So as much as the idea of causing terrible public relations problems for everyone amuses me, I guess I have to choose someone from the locker room. And that really narrows it down, since there are a lot of awful choices in that locker room. And only one person I even remotely trust to not completely embarrass herself against you. So, that said, of course I'm going to choose Alix and hope she doesn't become pre-occupied with the inside of your anus again. Or, hey, whatever works.

ALFDOGG
Okay, Leon, your call.

Not bothering to vocalise his thought process the same way Krista did, Leon also thinks things over. Looking down, he glances up at Krista, apparantly getting an idea. He smirks to himself a little, then looks back up at the Tron.

RODEZ
Spencer Reiger.

Krista isn't exactly filled with dread and it takes her a moment to figure out just why Leon seems so proud of his decision, as he clambers over the ropes and slinks off.

ALFDOGG
Alright, in the next couple of weeks it'll be Leon Rodez versus Alix Maria Spezia and Krista Isadora Duncan versus Spencer Reiger, right here on HeldDOWN. Thank you very much and enjoy the show.

Alf's feed disappears and Krista looks on, as Leon backs up the ramp looking pleased with himself.

COLE
Three intriguing matches made by our President, Alfdogg here tonight. Krista versus Leon at In Your Parent's Basement, but before that, Leon versus Alix who was one of the people he walked out on at AngleMania, on top of all their previous history. But on top of that, Krista versus Spencer Reiger!

COACH
I think Leon wins this round, Cole. He could have chosen anyone in that locker room to try and beat Krista. But instead, who does he go for? Jade's boyfriend. Talk about messing with people's minds.

COLE
It's a vindictive move, but it may also be a smart move. Who knows what kind of friction Leon may just have caused in the Duncan family and how that may affect Krista? Folks, we'll be back with more HeldDOWN live from New York!

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

Beaudean's Erotic and Exotic Emporium
Downtown Long Island
Earlier today

We see Mariachi arm in arm with Cadeto Rosa entering Beaudean's, both are wearing casual wear in addition to their masks and frankly if they had walked into any other store in Long Island that would have probably attracted a lot of attention, but Beaudean's deals with a lot weirder on a daily basis.

Although even Beaudean himself does a bit of a double take when he sees Mariachi's assless pink leather chaps - and not JUST because Mariachi has a bodacious ass to show off either.

MARIACHI
I wanted to get you something special my rose, a little congratulation on lasting that long the other night.

Rosa proceeds to blush, although it's hard to see under the mask

MARIACHI
No I meant at AngleMania... although the other night deserves a prize too

The two men proceed to flip through the racks of leather, latex and other studded items. At one point Mariachi pulls out an outfit made of black spandex and studs and also comes with a black mask as well

MARIACHI
Try this one on.

ROSA
Are you sure? I mean...

Rosa notices how excited Mariachi is and quickly goes to try it on in one of the changing rooms. As Rosa changes Mariachi keeps browsing, this time looking through various accessories.

MARIACHI
(to himself) Furry handcuffs? Nah I already got a box full at home

At one point Mariachi finds a huge vibrator, one of those that are supposed to look like a "real one", except it's much too big to be human.

MARIACHI
hmmmmm...

With the vibrator in hand Mariachi goes to find Cadeto Rosa, intent on surprising his partner. Unfortunately for Mariachi he is the one who is surprised as Arma Mortal leaps out of one of the changing rooms wielding his nightstick



The actual nightstick, not an euphemistic one!!

Fortunately for Mariachi he is able to block the nightstick with his giant wan... vibrator!!

ARMA MORTAL
You people are sick!! Just sick and I am the cure!!

MARIACHI
Honey if I'm sick I don't want to be cured!

The two are face to face as they struggle over the upper hand, nightstick pressed against vibrator as they jockey for position. Then Mariachi in a moment of inspiration twists the knob on the vibrator turning it on

WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRLL!!

ARMA MORTAL
You sick son of a bitch!!

Mortal immediately drops the nightstick, surprised by the vibration and disgusted with the weapon. Unfortunately for Mortal Mariachi is still wielding the vibrating vibrator and comes as Mortal with the Dong-enator raised over his head, poised to strike.

ARMA MORTAL
Oh no you don't! I've seen bigger and I'm not scared of it

Mariachi pauses mid stroke, surprised by the comment

MARIACHI
So that's why you're so mad

ARMA MORTAL
What the hell are you talking about?

MARIACHI
Pool little repressed hom-

Before he can say Homosexual Arma Mortal spears him right into a wall full of whips and chains, sending both of them to the ground buried in leather and metal. Apparently Arma Mortal does not take too kindly to have his sexual orientation questioned.

ARMA MORTAL
Just because you're a freak doesn't mean I am

Mortal grabs a cat'o'nine tails whip and lashes out at Mariachi

WO-PISH!!!!

WO-PISH!!!!

MARIACHI
Ooooooh mama likes!!

A shocked and disgusted Arma Mortal throws the whip away, the last thing he wants is to give Mariachi pleasure. Instead he jumps on Mariachi's back and tries to force a ball gag into his mouth. Mariachi initially tries to fight him off but Arma Mortal is too strong and manages to gag his opponent with a big red ball and then snaps it shut behind Mariachi's head.

ARMA MORTAL
Shut your whore mouth when real men are talking!!

Being gagged up never slowed Mariachi down before and it's not slowing him down now either as he grabs a tube of K-Y Jelly and squirts it in Arma Mortal's face.

Which may turn out to be a mistake, it's hard to grab hold of anything covered in K-Y after all

With Arma blinded Mariachi takes the opportunity to jump on top of his opponent trying to shove the Dong-anator into his opponent’s mouth. Even blinded he instinctively seems to know what is being shoved in his face, almost as if that has happened to him a lot, and he tries to fight it off, struggling with Mariachi over the giant vibrator.

ARMA MORTAL
Get that crap out of my mouth!!

In desperation Arma Mortal grabs the first thing he can find, which happens to be a string of anal beads, and swings at Mariachi

CRACK!!

Moments later Mortal grabs a leopard thong and wipes the K-Y from his eyes. When Arma attacks Mariachi takes him down with a tilt-a-whil slam onto a male mannequin displaying crotch less tights. With Arma Mortal down Mariachi takes the opportunity to back dat ass up, right into Arma Mortal's face!!

And remember the assless pink leather chaps?

Yeah Arma Mortal will never be able to forget those after tonight. The second there is any cheek to cheek contact Mortal freaks out, punches Mariachi in the balls and then manages to tie up Mariachi's right hand to one of the S & M displays in the store. Instead of attacking Mariachi once more he runs out of the store, gagging and spitting as he curses up a storm in Spanish. Moments later Cadeto Rosa steps out of the changing rooms wearing the leather outfit and zipper mask that Mariachi picked out for him

CADETO ROSA
MUMEMEMB!

Then he remembers that the mask is still zipped

ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!

He looks over the carnage in the store, the splotch of K-Y Jelly on the ground, the ball gag in Mariachi's mouth as well as the lash marks on his back.

CADETO ROSA
Awwwww you started without me

I think this is an appropriate place to fade out before the show becomes X Rated and not just Rated R as it is now.

[Tony149]

Beaudean's Erotic and Exotic Emporium
Downtown Long Island
Earlier today

We see Mariachi arm in arm with Cadeto Rosa entering Beaudean's, both are wearing casual wear in addition to their masks and frankly if they had walked into any other store in Long Island that would have probably attracted a lot of attention, but Beaudean's deals with a lot weirder on a daily basis.

Although even Beaudean himself does a bit of a double take when he sees Mariachi's assless pink leather chaps - and not JUST because Mariachi has a bodacious ass to show off either.

MARIACHI
I wanted to get you something special my rose, a little congratulation on lasting that long the other night.

Rosa proceeds to blush, although it's hard to see under the mask

MARIACHI
No I meant at AngleMania... although the other night deserves a prize too

The two men proceed to flip through the racks of leather, latex and other studded items. At one point Mariachi pulls out an outfit made of black spandex and studs and also comes with a black mask as well

MARIACHI
Try this one on.

ROSA
Are you sure? I mean...

Rosa notices how excited Mariachi is and quickly goes to try it on in one of the changing rooms. As Rosa changes Mariachi keeps browsing, this time looking through various accessories.

MARIACHI
(to himself) Furry handcuffs? Nah I already got a box full at home

At one point Mariachi finds a huge vibrator, one of those that are supposed to look like a "real one", except it's much too big to be human.

MARIACHI
hmmmmm...

With the vibrator in hand Mariachi goes to find Cadeto Rosa, intent on surprising his partner. Unfortunately for Mariachi he is the one who is surprised as Arma Mortal leaps out of one of the changing rooms wielding his nightstick



The actual nightstick, not an euphemistic one!!

Fortunately for Mariachi he is able to block the nightstick with his giant wan... vibrator!!

ARMA MORTAL
You people are sick!! Just sick and I am the cure!!

MARIACHI
Honey if I'm sick I don't want to be cured!

The two are face to face as they struggle over the upper hand, nightstick pressed against vibrator as they jockey for position. Then Mariachi in a moment of inspiration twists the knob on the vibrator turning it on

WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRLL!!

ARMA MORTAL
You sick son of a bitch!!

Mortal immediately drops the nightstick, surprised by the vibration and disgusted with the weapon. Unfortunately for Mortal Mariachi is still wielding the vibrating vibrator and comes as Mortal with the Dong-enator raised over his head, poised to strike.

ARMA MORTAL
Oh no you don't! I've seen bigger and I'm not scared of it

Mariachi pauses mid stroke, surprised by the comment

MARIACHI
So that's why you're so mad

ARMA MORTAL
What the hell are you talking about?

MARIACHI
Pool little repressed hom-

Before he can say Homosexual Arma Mortal spears him right into a wall full of whips and chains, sending both of them to the ground buried in leather and metal. Apparently Arma Mortal does not take too kindly to have his sexual orientation questioned.

ARMA MORTAL
Just because you're a freak doesn't mean I am

Mortal grabs a cat'o'nine tails whip and lashes out at Mariachi

WO-PISH!!!!

WO-PISH!!!!

MARIACHI
Ooooooh mama likes!!

A shocked and disgusted Arma Mortal throws the whip away, the last thing he wants is to give Mariachi pleasure. Instead he jumps on Mariachi's back and tries to force a ball gag into his mouth. Mariachi initially tries to fight him off but Arma Mortal is too strong and manages to gag his opponent with a big red ball and then snaps it shut behind Mariachi's head.

ARMA MORTAL
Shut your whore mouth when real men are talking!!

Being gagged up never slowed Mariachi down before and it's not slowing him down now either as he grabs a tube of K-Y Jelly and squirts it in Arma Mortal's face.

Which may turn out to be a mistake, it's hard to grab hold of anything covered in K-Y after all

With Arma blinded Mariachi takes the opportunity to jump on top of his opponent trying to shove the Dong-anator into his opponent’s mouth. Even blinded he instinctively seems to know what is being shoved in his face, almost as if that has happened to him a lot, and he tries to fight it off, struggling with Mariachi over the giant vibrator.

ARMA MORTAL
Get that crap out of my mouth!!

In desperation Arma Mortal grabs the first thing he can find, which happens to be a string of anal beads, and swings at Mariachi

CRACK!!

Moments later Mortal grabs a leopard thong and wipes the K-Y from his eyes. When Arma attacks Mariachi takes him down with a tilt-a-whil slam onto a male mannequin displaying crotch less tights. With Arma Mortal down Mariachi takes the opportunity to back dat ass up, right into Arma Mortal's face!!

And remember the assless pink leather chaps?

Yeah Arma Mortal will never be able to forget those after tonight. The second there is any cheek to cheek contact Mortal freaks out, punches Mariachi in the balls and then manages to tie up Mariachi's right hand to one of the S & M displays in the store. Instead of attacking Mariachi once more he runs out of the store, gagging and spitting as he curses up a storm in Spanish. Moments later Cadeto Rosa steps out of the changing rooms wearing the leather outfit and zipper mask that Mariachi picked out for him

CADETO ROSA
MUMEMEMB!

Then he remembers that the mask is still zipped

ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!

He looks over the carnage in the store, the splotch of K-Y Jelly on the ground, the ball gag in Mariachi's mouth as well as the lash marks on his back.

CADETO ROSA
Awwwww you started without me

I think this is an appropriate place to fade out before the show becomes X Rated and not just Rated R as it is now.

[Tony149]

We return to live action focused on the HeldDOWN ring with its beige mats, and orange and purple ropes.

DING!! DING!! DING!!

BUFFER
The following match is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Introducing first weighing in at 438 pounds, from Mexico City, MEXICO!!

The odd sound of Queen's "We are the champions" as played by a Mariachi band rings through the arena as Buffer continues his introductions

BUFFER
Representing a Lucha Libre Legacy IV and V, LOOOOOOS MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANIACOOOOOOOOSS!!

The brothers come out, dressed in white with silver and gold trim on both their tights, ponchos and sombreros, apparently dressed to impress.

COACH
You know we haven't seen that much from these guys yet, but I have a feeling that there is a wind of change blowing tonight.

COLE
You know these guys remind me a lot of you, they're a LOT of talk but haven't really done anything to back it up.

Once the two brothers are in the ring everyone's eyes turn to the entrance in anticipation of their opponents.

Well, Well, well

Taskmaster burst the bionic zit-splitter
Breakneck speed we drown ten pints of bitter
We lean all day and some say that ain't productive
That depend upon the demons that you're stuck with.

BUFFER
And their opponents, introducing first from Birmingham, England this is the Birmingham Badboy, JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY-MAX!!

The crowd cheers as SuperMax steps into the arena with a microphone in hand, raising his hand to quiet the crowd down a little.

J-MAX
Alright, alright listen up! I am overjoyed to finally get in the ring with the two of you, no distractions, without 21 other guys around us to get in our way. You know I've been happy to fight these two myself, but I ran into this guy at AngleMania, a guy that impressed the hell out of me... by winning it all

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

J-MAX
That's right; he is so damn good I don't even mind that he eliminated me! Come on out Aviador Divina!!

Moments later SuperJay is joined by the Holy Luchador wearing a mask that is half Aviador Divina with the cross and half J-MAX.

COLE
J-MAX had the most eliminations in La Leyenda and I don't need to tell you what Aviador Divina did.

COACH
Yeah, yeah he won but Los Maniacos were not in that tournament.

COLE
Yeah they did not even qualify for it.

The two tecnios give each other a quick high five and then dart to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope into the center of the ring. SuperJay doesn't wait for the bell but instead immediately leaps up and wraps both legs around Maniaco IV's head, throwing him out of the ring with a spinning head scissors.

DING!! DING!! DING!!

With Maniaco IV on the floor it leaves him open for J-MAX to run across the ropes, dive through the ropes and take IV down with a death defying tope!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

Maniaco V books it from the ring, not wanting to be jumped by Aviador Divina. Five figures that he's safe behind the ring post since Divina can't leap through the ropes and hit him with the steel pole in the way. Cockily he turns around and begins to argue with the fans, not aware of Aviador Divina leaping up on the top rope, then stepping onto the top of the ring post before leaping onto Maniaco V from behind.

AVIADOR!! AVIADOR!! AVIADOR!!

COACH
So who's the legal man now?

COLE
I guess whoever gets in the ring first? I don't know I wish Cardinal was here

COACH
That makes one of us, perhaps he got deported or something.

J-MAX tosses Maniaco IV into the ring, and then climbs up on the top turnbuckle as he waits for his opponent to get back on his feet. Once Maniaco is up, he's immediately taken down again by a flying clothesline from J-MAX. Once Maniaco IV is back on his feet J-MAX attacks him, the rudo tries to land a tilt-a-whirl slam only for J-MAX to spin out of the hold and lands on his feet.

COLE
Look at that agility!

COACH
Yeah, yeah very nice, he can jump

Unfortunately for J-MAX Maniaco IV thinks on his feet and kicks the Birmingham Badboy square in the jaw, knocking him back into the corner.

COACH
So he can jump, but can't take a kick to the face! I'm not very impressed.

Maniaco IV rushes J-MAX, leaping up for a Monkey Flip, only for J-MAX to turn his opponent around, place him on the top rope and then stiffly chopping him in the chest. J-MAX shows off his amazing vertical leap as he leaps from the canvas up to the top rope as if it was no big deal. Maniaco IV makes uses of the opening by landing an elbow to J-MAX's chest, holding on to J-MAX to keep him from falling backwards. Then, with J-MAX staggered, Maniaco IV lifts his opponent up on his shoulders in a fireman's carry position.

COACH
Experience wins every time!!

Maniaco IV leaps off the top rope, flipping J-MAX over in front of him, slamming him to the ground hard. The top rope move is followed by a cover

ONE!!


TWO!!



TH-AVIADORBREAKSITUP!!

Divina felt that his partner was in trouble as he rushes into the ring and kicks Maniaco IV off J-MAX. An angry Maniaco IV tags in his younger brother, making sure the fresher man is in at all times. While the referee forces Aviador Divina to leave the ring the Maniaco brothers grabs J-MAX by the arms and whips him hard into the corner.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

COACH
RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!!

COLE
Well if they keep taking it to J-MAX like that he may, respect is not earned by growing older Coach.

J-MAX drops to the canvas, clutching his right arm in pain from either the top rope move or the slam against the corner. The referee moves in to check on J-MAX while Maniaco V stalks his prey. Once the referee backs off Maniaco V takes J-MAX down with a huge clothesline, then follows it up with a stiff kick to his opponent's back

WHACK!!

Maniaco V grabs J-MAX's right leg, then twists his opponent over into a half Boston Crab, wrenching back on the leg. His brother yells at J-MAX to give it up, something J-MAX chooses to ignore as he tries to fight out of the move. Moments later Maniaco V adjusts the move and applies a complete Boston Crab on his opponent in the middle of the ring. At one point J-MAX almost reaches the ropes, only for Maniaco V to pull him back off the ropes, placing himself closer to the ropes while J-MAX is in the middle of the ring without an opportunity to break the hold.

COACH
Come on kid just tap out and admit that these guys were right.

When the referee drops to his knees to check on J-MAX Maniaco IV shows that the team is great at one specific thing, cheating, as he places his boot on V's chest and pushes on it, adding more pressure to the hold. Fed up with being forced to stand on the apron Aviador Divina leaps off the apron, races around the ring and pulls Maniaco IV off the apron by the boot. A quick head scissors throws Maniaco IV into the guardrail before Aviador Divina returns to his corner.

COACH
Oh come on, can't you fight fair here?

Aviador's actions distract Maniaco V and allow J-MAX to reach back and hook one of Maniaco's legs, pulling him backwards to break the Boston Crab. Once he is free from the hold J-MAX crawls across the ring towards Aviador Divina. At the last moment Maniaco V jumps Aviador from behind, knocking him off the apron. With Aviador down Maniaco IV decides that playing by the rules is for kids and tears J-MAX's mask off him and then kicks him in the groin.

DING!! DING!! DING!!

Since they have been disqualified anyway Maniaco V pulls the Mariachi stick from their pile of clothes still at ringside and takes a swing at Aviador, but the holy luchador ducks under, then slides into the ring and helps cover up J-MAX's face as Maniaco IV holds the white mask in his hands.

BUFFER
The winners as a result of a disqualification - Aviador Divina and J-MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX!!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

MANIACO IV
You may have won the match, but this (points to mask) you've lost this and frankly don't even deserve to wear it!

MANIACO V
Kid we've taken it easy on you so far, but we are drawing the line here!! Every second you wear this mask your mockery insults our heritage, you're just some punk off the street who thinks the mask is "cool"

MANIACO IV
This is a lifestyle!! So here is what we will do, we will give you a chance to walk away.

Aviador got a towel from somewhere and is using it to cover J-MAX's face while the Birmingham Badboy responds to the threat.

J-MAX
I ain't one to walk away from a fight! You want my mask; you have to beat me for it

MANIACO IV
Fine with us, Mascara contra Mascara!

MANIACO V
Don't worry if you don't know what that is, we will teach you!!

And with that Los Maniacos throws down the microphone and heads to the back, still holding on to J-MAX's mask.


TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
FIRST TIME EVER ONE ON ONE
ALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS BOHEMOTH
TONIGHT!

[Tony149]

~OAOAST EVENT TRACKER~

ANNOUNCER
Join us live next week from Baltimore, Maryland for OAOAST HeldDOWN as D*LUX makes their first tag team title defense against The Heavenly Rockers! Live from 1st Mariner Arena!

Fuck him he’s a DJ,
All night long,
He’s got the beat,
Fuck him he’s a DJ,
Keep playing that song ,
It works for me,

To the tune of Ke$ha’s http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhPCiVCocRQ,


AMBERLYN DUNCAN appears on the stage.  Krista’s younger sister is not received warmly by the capacity crowd. However, this seems lost on her, as she happily waves to the fans on her way down the entrance ramp. Upon entering the ring, she’s given a microphone. This does not please the audience one bit!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

AMBERLYN
As a result of my awesome performance at Anglemania, its rumoured the OAOAST is considering moving me into the men’s division to compete with the likes of Zack Malibu, Leon Rodez, and others. Thanks but no thanks, guys. It isn’t hard for me to get a man as it is right now, as sexy as I am. But guys are afraid of a strong chick no matter if she’s gorgeous like me. That’s why Krista had to become a lesbian. No guy wants to date someone who might go crazy on their ass and send them to the ER! So again, I have to decline the offer.  I wouldn’t want Mister Right to miss a chance on this killer body.

COLE
The men of the OAOAST breathe a sigh of relief.

AMBERLYN
But! I do want to talk about Maya, my niece.

“MAYA! MAYA! MAYA!”

AMBERLYN
Anglesault gave me an order to make sure that Maya didn’t win the OAOAST Women’s Title at Anglemania. And, I carried out that order perfectly. I thought I’d be handsomely rewarded with a shiny car or a fancy phone, or a cruise around the world. But instead Anglesault blew me off, and told me to wait till after his match for a reward. Well, guess what, everybody? He lost his match!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

AMBERLYN
Anglesault is out on his ass. He’ll never get into any of the good clubs, he’ll just have to slum the bars all those lame frat boys go to. Disgusting. But who cares about him? What about me and my problem? I figured if I did what Anglesault told me to do, I’d have a layer of protection from Krista, Alix, Jade, and Maya. I was supposed to have Bosley, Cortez, Bo, J.Riggs, Pierce, Jason, CPA, Jason, and Anglesault watching out for me. Now all I’ve got is Pierce and J.Riggs and we saw what my sister did to Pierce at Anglemania. It wasn’t pretty. My mother told me Maya came over and apologized for having to murder her youngest child, and she gave her the number of an adoption agency should she wish to replace me. Replace me! That means she’s going try and hurt me! So, for my own protection I went to arena security and I told them Maya is a terrorist.

COLE
A terrorist?

AMBERLYN
Because she’s a terrorist she won’t be let into the Nassau Coliseum!  

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

AMBERLYN
Remember this for your good also, because you wouldn’t want to see my hot face get wrecked would you? I know you all think Maya’s funny, so here’s some footage of her trying to get into the building to entertain you.

TAPED EARLIER TODAY

We see a rather pudgy security guard lingering around the entrance to the arena from the garage. He’s soon approached by…


MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD

MAYA
Howdy! I’m a little late. I was shopping at Abercrombie at the Mall. I guess I could’ve shown up with my mom, but ewww who wants to be seen with their mother!  And I could’ve gone over with Jade, but she’s riding with Spencer, and I’m half Jewish half Christian and the Christian in me wouldn’t approve of stabbing him in the eye with a pencil.  Then there’s my dad and he’s always ogling the photos of my friends on my phone with the same expression a fat person might have when they look at a quarter pounder. Creepy! So, I came on my own.

GUARD
Can’t let you in, sweetie.

MAYA
I appreciate that, but I’ve been numbed to the mind melting insanity that is Abdullah Abir Nerdly, you don’t need to protect me.

GUARD
You’re on a local terrorist list.

MAYA
Terrorist list? Says who!

GUARD
Its an anonymous. I can’t tell you that Amberlyn Duncan gave us the tip.

MAYA
Aunt Amberlyn? She wouldn’t dare!

GUARD
Its Americans like her that drop unfounded and baseless tips on other Americans that keep us safe.

MAYA
Look, pal, if I could drop a cliché on you, we can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way. The easy way is you letting me in the door, and me giving you a peck on the cheek for being such an accommodating sweetheart. Sounds pleasant, huh? The hard way me bopping you in the nose, and giving you the kind of butt whupping only Maya Duncan-Blanchard can deliver. I’ll give ya a few hours to decide. Laters!

Maya happily walks off, as the guard considers her words.

We cut back to the arena where Amberlyn is all smiles.

AMBERLYN
Never fear, my fans! Maya is just talk, talk, talk, she couldn’t bust a grape in a food fight. The hottest chick in the OAOAST, me, is as safe as the gold in fort knox. Enjoy the rest of the show, everybody!

“Fuck Him He’s a DJ” fires back up as Amberlyn parades about the ring to absolutely no one’s enjoyment.

[Tony149]

TAPED EARLIER TODAY


TIME SQUARE is our scene as


MAGGIE NERDLY

stands with


LORELEI DECENZO

MAGGIE
What up, ya’ll, Maggie “It” Girl on the scene on location at Times Square with OAOAST Women’s Champion Lorelei DeCenzo. Lorelei, I guess I oughta say congragulations.

LORELEI
Thank you, dear Maggie, that’s very big of you. Big like Jade’s hips. Hahahahahaah.

MAGGIE
So much for being a gracious winner.

LORELEI
Graciousness is for the failures, and the meek. I am neither, Maggie.

MAGGIE
So why are we all the way out here in Times Square anyway?

LORELEI
Because this is the epicenter of entertainment! Its where the world comes to revel in magnificent wonder! It’s a playground for the young and the old alike! For the fresh bachelor to the earnest family man!

MAGGIE
Yeah, you’d be great on the Times Square tourism board, but what does that have to do with us?

LORELEI
It has nothing to do with you, little girl, but everything to do with me. I am the OAOAST Women’s Champion, I should be the focus of this epicenter of entertainment. My face should be plastered on those signs, and those neon lights should shine with my name! Why, I should be as famous and as watched as Kate Gosselin, without the eight ankle biters, and as revered as Queen Elizabeth, and as lusted after as Megan Fox simply because I am the OAOAST Women’s Champion.

MAGGIE
Great. Wonderful. Awesome. Can I go back to the hotel now?

LORELEI
It starts with the OAOAST-

MAGGIE
I guess not.

LORELEI
But it continues with music, movies, and television shows, and book deals! I will be a one woman conglomerate!

MAGGIE
Don’t you need an agent to get all this done?

LORELEI
Not when you have my talents. I visited Sean Puffy Combs himself, and I wasted no time getting down to his business, if you know what I mean.

MAGGIE
Sadly, I do.

LORELEI
He was more than pleased with my oral communication skills, and felt I’d be an asset to the Bad Boy family.

MAGGIE
As what?

LORELEI
As anything I want. Mister Combs told me himself that I’d be a massive celebrity so as long as I held onto the women’s title. For you need a platform to launch your entertainment career and the title belt is that platform. It gives me credibility with the jaded public.

MAGGIE
Well, good luck, you’ve got tons of girls gunning for your belt.

Lorelei laughs over this comment.

LORELEI
After how shall we say….the oaoast brass engaged me in some backdoor drillings…I mean dealings…

MAGGIE
So gross!

MAGGIE
I have been assured I won’t be defending my title until the In Your Parents Basement show.

MAGGIE
That’s not fair!

LORELEI
That’s show business! That’s wonderful, fantastic show business, and that’s the world that I’m a part of now! Good bye, Maggie!

Lorelei gathers up her title belt and enters a nearby limo. The white limo pulls away, heading into the New York traffic.

MAGGIE
Hey! Are you just gonna leave me here?!

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

We return to live action with an outside view of the less than state of the art Nassau Coliseum.

COLE
Welcome back to OAOAST HeldDOWN, folks! Next week live from Baltimore, D*LUX will make their first tag title defense against The Heavnly Rockers.

COACH
First and last.

COLE
We now take you to a special interview as Terry Taylor talks to El Camaleon.

We cut, not to the brightly lit interview area, but to some dark room somewhere with only Terry Talyor actually being illuminated. We can only see the sillouette of El Camaleon as he sticks to the shadows.

TAYLOR
Camaleon I know that you were disappointed in what happened at AngleMania

EL CAMALEON
Disappointed? What makes you think that?

TAYLOR
Well Dr. Lucha, Jr. attacked you and cost you a chance to win the La Leyenda

EL CAMALEON
I don't care about the tournament, I know it is a big deal and all but to me there is only one trophy in all of wrestling that I want.

TAYLOR
What about the fact that Dr. Lucha, Jr. has not been suspended despite the attack?

EL CAMALEON
This place is such a mess, no one knows who's ultimately in charge and with everything that went down at AngleMania I am not surprised he has not been punished. Frankly I prefer it that way, you see now I can legally get my hands on him, I can legally wrap these fingers

Camaleon holds his two heavily taped hands out in the light, revealing that the tape has spatter of blood on them.

EL CAMALEON
My blood on my hands... but soon it will be his blood on my hands, and frankly I will enjoy it.

TAYLOR
What am I hearing? This isn't you, this is not who you are.

EL CAMALEON
No Terry it's not, it's not who I was but it's who Dr. Lucha and his goons has made me.

El Camaleon finally steps into the light, the usual green outfit has been replaced with a black version, including large, pointy teeth added to the mask as well.

EL CAMALEON
You found the darkness in me Dr. Lucha, you pushed me to a place I did not think I had. So congratulations...

Camaleon starts to slowly clap in mock appriciation.

EL CAMALEON
You wanted me to take this seriously? You wanted me to stop being a goof? Somehow I am not so sure you really do. You really did not see me mad, you really will not like me when I am mad.

TAYLOR
You said earlier that the La Leyenda de la Mascara trophy was not the prize you were looking for, then what are you looking for?

EL CAMALEON
It's real simple Taylor, I'm not a complicated man at all. There just one thing that will make me happy, one thing that will satisfy this burning desire deep within me. I do not care about titles or accolades. I don't care if the fans chant my name or don't even know who I am. I could care less about travelling the world, seeing foreign lands and competing in front of as many people as possible.

Camaleon pulls out a piece of red, white and green fabric from his pocket.

EL CAMALEON
Now I had to buy this one off a street vendor in Mexico City, what I am looking for is the original, the real one.

After unfolding the fabric El Camaleon reveals that he is hold a Dr. Lucha, Jr. mask in his hands.

EL CAMALEON
Tu Mascara! Your mask!

TAYLOR
You're making a challenge?

EL CAMALEON
I am, I want you Doctor, I want you in the ring by yourself, no Ola Mexicana, no Bribon, no distractions, nothing but you and me, mano a mano. In Lucha Libre the mask is sacred, they're what we are, they are our pride, our public face, our history, our past, present and future.

TAYLOR
Do you think he will actually risk his mask then?

EL CAMALEON
Oh he will... he may not think so right now, but he will be forced to get in the ring with me, mascara contra mascara.

TAYLOR
But how?

EL CAMALEON
By haunting the Doctor, by being la sombra, the shadow that trails him everywhere. When he looks over his shoulder he will see me, when he closes his eyes, he will hear me breating and when he dreams... he dreams of me torturing him again and again.

TAYLOR
But...

EL CAMALEON
I will become the predator he never thought I could be, I will hunt him down and hurt him, I will make him accept the Lucha de Apuestas challenge even if I have to force him to sign the contract in his own blood, with the only unbroken fingers he will have left. You will not see me coming Doctor! I will show you that I am truely a Chamaleon, blending in is what we do and you will not know when or where I will strike!

TAYLOR
But you will be risking your own mask as well!

EL CAMALEON
If that is what it takes to rid the wrestling world of Dr. Lucha then it is a small risk to run, one I will be happy to run in a heartbeat!

When Terry Taylor turns to address the camera El Camaleon slowly slips away, almost as if he blends in with the shadows.

TAYLOR
We can all sympathise with you Cameleon, Doctor Lucha has put you through a lot but...

Taylor looks around, confused by the fact that he is now alone.

TAYLOR
You know I'm not sure Dr. Lucha, Jr. anticipated such a change in attitude. but you can only push a man so far before he breaks.

[Tony149]

EARLIER THIS WEEK IN SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS

BRANNIGAN
Hello world! Tony Brannigan on special assignment in my hometown of San Antonio, Texas to interview another famous local, Mr. Dick, regarding the disgusting incident that occurred this past Sunday live on pay-per-view at AngleMania involving Jumbo and longtime friend Deuce Deuce Bigelow. Although clearly they are friends no more.

Tony rings the doorbell and knocks.

BRANNIGAN
Tony Brannigan, OAOAST.

We hear the door unlock and open. A white light blinds Tony and the viewers at home. Suddenly a figure in a flowing robe approaches.

BRANNIGAN
Jesus Christ!

MAN
No, child. Abdullah Nerdly, Speaker of the Prophets.

Abdullah warmly embraces Tony. Seconds later Mr. Dick and Malaysia appear behind him.

MISTER DICK
Welcome to the White Castle of Fuck.

MALAYSIA
Come inside.  

BRANNIGAN
Unfortunately you mean your home.

Tony enters and gags.

ABDULLAH
(inhales, exhales)
Don’t you love the aroma of purity?

BRANNIGAN
Is that what you call it?

Light moaning is heard off-screen as Malaysia yanks the petals off a flower.

ABDULLAH
Ah, the angels are singing. Singing praise to a man reborn.

BRANNIGAN
A man reborn? Care to clue me in? Although judging by your coziness, I take it you guys have gotten over the whole tithe fiasco.

MISTER DICK
Just like condoms, organized religion wasn’t for the Real American Prick. The two just don’t mix.

ABDULLAH
However, being the kind and caring person that I am, I told Brother Dick and Sister Malaysia they could always come to me in times of trouble.

MISTER DICK
And trouble I found myself in thanks to a 380 pound Flaming Gigolo whose recklessness got his friend seriously injured.

BRANNIGAN
Do you really believe that?

MISTER DICK
Saw it with my own two eyes.

ABDULLAH
One more eye than the man Deuce called friend had. But after a very generous donation from Brother Dick…  *stares at Malaysia* … a very generous donation indeed, this one-eye monster is no more. By my hands he is healed and reborn a new man! Feast you eyes on Kareem, the Middle Eastern Wet Dream!



Kareem struts into view bobbling his head and making funky cool hand movements.

BRANNIGAN
Jumbo?

KAREEM
You brain-dead, fool? My name is Kareem. I make little girls’ panties wet and their mommas too!

BRANNIGAN
Why don’t you have a seat over there?

MISTER DICK
What do we say about haters, big man?

KAREEM
They gonna hate~!

BRANNIGAN
Now wait a minute. I’m not hating on your new attitude. Anybody looking to make it big in this business needs some.

MISTER DICK
Attitude and big? Check.

BRANNIGAN
As I was saying, I don’t hate your new attitude, but what you did to Deuce Deuce Bigelow at AngleMania. You basically stabbed your own brother in the back, very much like the man you now align yourself with did years ago.

MISTER DICK
I’d say that worked out pretty well. Two-time World Champion. And one stroke of the pen away from #3.

BRANNIGAN


MD mouths “I think I’m due” and smiles at Tony.
 
KAREEM
Why you gotta kill the positive vibe in the room, homey? Can’t you see the light?

BRANNIGAN
Well, no. It’s dark out.

KAREEM
That’s why you don’t see the light, daddy. You live in a dark world, one I roamed until I saw the light. And now that I have it’s always bright outside… like my future.

BRANNIGAN
And just what is in your future?

KAREEM
4-G, baby. Gold, girls, G-spots and gangbangs!

A bevy of beauties escort Kareem up a flight of stairs.

MISTER DICK
You gonna want in on this party, Brannigan?  

BRANNIGAN
Uh, I’m afraid I’ll have to pass. Something suddenly came up.

MALAYSIA
It sure did.  

Malaysia squeezes Tony’s crotch and then heads upstairs with MD.

COACH
If you’re not gonna participate, at least film the action!

COLE
Plenty of action still too come on HeldDOWN! Stay tuned!

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by...

YOUR HIGHNESS-IN THEATRES NOW!

ZACK'S PROMO

[Tony149]

We return to live action to find the arena bathed in green, red and white lights.

COLE
Coming up next a very anticipated in ring debut.

COACH
Damn right, I've personally been wanting to see this guy get in the ring and get it done since I first laid eyes on him.

CARDINAL
You know for a fact that El Camaleón will be watching this match with great interest.

COACH
You know he could be anywhere, disguised as anything. You heard his warning earlier

COLE
Indeed I did Coach

COACH
And how about you Cardinal... if that is really you

Coach gives Leonardo Cardinal the stink eye as he tries to figure out if that is the real Cardinal or El Camaleón in disguise. Then he turns and looks at Michael Cole.

COACH
And you, how can I be sure you're really Michael Cole?

COLE
Will you be serious!!

COACH
Yeah that's not convincing me let me see you do the chicken dance!!

COLE
The chicken dance? I've never done that in my entire life.

COACH
... something only the REAL Michael Cole would know, alright you're off the hook.

COLE
And you're a nut job!

RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR.
AAAAAAAAGANAR A DOS DE TRES CAIDA SIN LIMITE DE TIEMPO!! Introducing first, hailing from the Space Academy, a real bunch of space cases if I ever saw any. They are Azul, Amarillo and Rosa, LOS CADETOOOOOOOS DEL ESPAAAAAAAAAAAAACIO!!

A faint gust of wind is felt as Los Cadetos step out onto the platform, striking a heroic pose with their hands on their hips as the wind blows through both Cadeto Azul and Cadeto Rosa's capes. Joining them is Cadeto Amarillo, or at least we assume it is Cadeto Amarillo as he is wearing a white mask, white singlet, tights and boots tonight.

CARDINAL
Amarillo has really been taking the loss of his mask hard, it's almost a loss of identity.

COACH
Either that or his luggage was lost and is probably in Bangalore, India.

COLE
I think it's a shame what has happened to Cadeto Amarillo, it's like he's not even the same man anymore and look at him now, he's incognito

CARDINAL
*A-Hem!* What Michael Cole meant to say was that he is "incognito" as in the term, not "Incognito" the luchador who now works in Florida under the name Huncio.

COLE and COACH


CARDINAL
Never mind.

The three young wrestlers run to the ring, leap up on the apron and over the top rope to the ring. After some prodding from both Azul and Rosa Cadeto Amarillo joins them as they do Los Cadetos trademark "airplane" run around the ring.

RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR.
And now... (Pauses for dramatic effect) I present to you the man who is fighting hard to keep tradition alive, a man fighting to preserve YOUR values... and you are welcome by the way!

COLE
My god he gets more and more shameless each week.

COACH
My best student *sniff* makes me proud to be a broadcast journalist.

RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR.
He is the light that we all bask in, the measuring stick of perfection and the only man worthy of leading La Ola Mexicana, teaming tonight with the Judge of Terror, EL JUEZ and the walking, talking Nightmare ESPIRITU NEGRO here is 216 pounds of twisted steel and Mex-apeal, 6 feet of Amazing from Monterrey!... Nuevo Leon!... Mex-hi-co!! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCTOR LUCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA JUNIOR!!

Ciña oh Patria! tus sienes de olivia

RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR.
Please everyone STAND AND RESPECT THE MEXICAN NATIONAL ANTHEM!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHH!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHH!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHH!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHH!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHH!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHH!!

El Galeno del Mal (the bad doctor) slowly walks out through the red, white and green pyrotechnic display, for the first time in OAOAST history he is actually dressed to wrestle, complete in a red, white and green single with matching kneepads, elbow pads and boots.

CARDINAL
Looks it is Tio Mexicana

COACH
What?

CARDINAL
Uncle Mexico, you know the Mexican counterpart of Uncle Sam

COACH
Well he is a symbol of national pride

COLE
I think he was being sarcastic Coach

COACH
I don't think so, I know what I heard.

CARDINAL
I was totally being sarcastic Coach.

COACH
Yeah I don't think so, I think I know better than you how you meant it.

COLE/CARDINAL


Moments later El Juez and Espiritu Negro joins their team leader and the Sinister Trio, the Triangle of Terror, the Three Toothbusting Terrors head for the ring

YOU SUCK!! YOU SUCK!! YOU SUCK!! YOU SUCK!!

Once inside the ring Dr. Lucha, Jr. arrogantly asks for Los Cadetos to step back while La Ola Mexicana stands at attention with their right hand placed over their heart while the Mexican National anthem finishes playing.

COLE
I still cannot get over what he did at AngleMania

CARDINAL
That *foams at the mouth* RAT BASTARD!!

COACH
Whoa someone mute this guy!

COLE
You know I agree with Leonardo, Dr. Lucha has probably been healthy for a long while and just faked it to mess with Camaleón, he's noting but a coward

COACH
You take that back!

COLE
He jumped Camaleón from behind during AngleMania X, Camaleón may have permanent neck damage for all we know.

COACH
Man you guys take this way to seriously, relax and enjoy yourself, you could learn a thing or two from me.

Once the anthem stops Dr. Lucha, Jr. motions for both of his compatriots to leave the ring, apparently he is eager to start the match himself. Los Cadetos try to decide who should start when Dr. Lucha jumps them from behind and singles out Cadeto Amarillo.

DING!! DING!! DING!!

With the bell ringing both Azul and Rosa make a quick exit from the ring, leaving the Doctor and Cadeto Amarillo to start the match out. Dr. Lucha displays a stunning array of very technical, highly traditional Lucha Libre punches to the face as he unloads on the totally white luchador.

DR. LUCHA, JR.
I ain't falling for that! I know it's you Camaleón! At least put some effort into your disguise next time!!

He snapmares Cadeto Amarillo over and then drops a knee to the forehead of his fallen opponent.

COLE
I can see that Dr. Lucha is totally unaffected by Camaleón's comments from earlier huh?

COACH
It's not paranoia if someone is really out to get you!

With Amarillo down and so easily beaten up Dr. Lucha, Jr. begins to relax, realizing that it actually IS Cadeto Amarillo and not El Camaleón in disguise. The Doctor whips Cadeto Amarillo into the ropes with ease, but when he tries to land a tilt-a-while backbreaker Amarillo flips out of it half way through the move and lands behind Dr. Lucha, Jr.

COLE
QUICK TAG!!

Amarillo leaps towards his corner but Dr. Lucha, Jr. manages to catch him by the boot and stop him just inches short of the tag. With Amarillo on the ground the Doctor drags him over to La Ola Mexicana's corner and tags in Espiritu Negro. Espiritu leaps over the top rope and lands an elbow drop to Amarillo's knee while cackling like a maniac.

COACH
It's good to see someone enjoy their work.

COLE
Enjoy their work? He's plum crazy!

CARDINAL
And how!

COACH
One man's crazy is another man's happy.

Espiritu wraps his opponent's leg up around his body, twisting it at the knee as he uses his own legs to keep Amarillo under control. Each time Amarillo tries to break the leg lock Espiritu rears back and elbows the Space Cadet in the face. After three elbows Cadeto Amarillo finally manages to block one of the elbows and instead punches Espiritu Negro upside the head. The first two blows just seems to make Espiritu Negro smile, but when Cadeto Amarillo claps both hands hard on Espiritu's ears the sadistic reaper releases the hold.

COLE
He rang his bell!

CARDINAL
Pounded his eardrums!

COACH
You guys are sick, taking pleasure in another man's pain!

Irony Meter
0|---------I|10 BOOOOOOOM!!

Once again he has an opening to tag out, but for the second time tonight he is denied that opportunity when Espiritu Negro grabs him by the tights and then tosses into La Ola Mexicana's corner. Once Espiritu picks his white clad opponent up and hangs him upside down in the corner in the Tree of woe Dr. Lucha, Jr. steps one leg through the ropes, drawing the referee's attention. Moments later he climbs the ropes and then places his foot on Cadeto Amarillo's crotch.

COLE
Oh my stars and garters!!

COACH
Yes he is probably seeing stars and will be wearing garters once the match is over

Amarillo writhes in pain as Espiritu Negro places all his weight on that one particularly painful spot. The abuse is too much for his fellow Cadetos who leap into the ring and quickly attacks Espiritu Negro. This draws the other two members of La Ola Mexicana into the ring. Rosa knocks Espiritu Negro off his partner, but then falls victim to a clothesline from El Juez that knocks him out of the ring. Moments later El Juez shows that he's not just attitude but also altitude as he springboards over the top, landing a cross body block on Rosa on the floor. Moments later Cadeto Azul leaps up on the top rope and then takes El Juez down with a twisting Tornillo splash. With the referee distracted by the fighting on the floor Cadeto Amarillo is left as the helpless victim of Espiritu Negro and Dr. Lucha, Jr.

COLE
TURN AROUND!!

But the referee does not see Dr. Lucha, Jr. pull the white mask off Cadeto Amarillo, followed by Espiritu Negro striking his opponent in the eye with the Ice pick thumb thrust. The Doctor quickly leaves the ring, allowing Espiritu Negro to cover his opponent, while making sure he hides Amarillo's unmasked face from the referee

UNO!!



DOS!!!



TRES!!!


DING!! DING!! DING!!

-----O.A.O.A.S.T.-----
Fall # 1
----------------------
La Ola Mexicana: 1
Cadetos Espacio: 0
----------------------

RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR.
The winners of the first fall, the pride of Mexico, LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OLA MEXICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANA-NA-NA-NAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Dr. Lucha passes the white mask to Espiritu Negro who casually pulls it down over Cadeto Amarillo's face, not caring that he's putting it on backwards.

CARDINAL
Oh come on now!! He clearly took the mask, referee will you do something!!

COACH
What? He's masked; you must be imaging things again.

COLE
The mask is on backwards; you think he walks around like that?

COACH
Hey some of these Mexicans are weird, how would I know how he is supposed to wear that mask.

An angry and disappointed Cadeto Amarillo rolls out of the ring to the floor. Once he is out of the ring he fixes his mask, turning it the right way round as he mutters something to himself. Then he punches the ringside mat in anger. When Rosa and Azul try to calm him down he just pulls away from them and then walks down the aisle.

COLE
Come back!! Come on you cannot leave your partners alone in the ring

CARDINAL
He is a troubled, troubled man Cole and losing his mask like that again may have been too much for him.

COACH
Or maybe he has had enough and does not want to play a power ranger any more! Perhaps he is just fed up with his partners.

Both Azul and Rosa look disappointed, but not angry as Cadeto Amarillo heads to the back with his head hung low. El Juez changes places with Espiritu Negro and patiently waits for one of the remaining Cadetos to get in the ring with him for the second fall. Azul takes the decision upon himself and enters the ring to face El Juez. They initially lock up with Cadeto Azul putting up a brave fight before succumbing to the superior power of El Juez and gets pushed into a neutral corner.

CHOP!!

The knife edge chop echoes through out the arena, but a second chop misses as Cadeto Azul ducks under it, grabs El Juez' hand and quickly leaps up on the top rope while twisting the hand. Before the evil Judge can react Azul launches himself off the top rope, tossing El Juez half way across the ring with a springboard arm drag. Moments later Azul springboards off the center of the middle rope for an Asai Moonsault

El Juez rolls out of the way

Only for Azul to land on his feet and then quickly leap into a standing Moonsault that connects perfectly.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

CARDINAL
Azul is trying his best to ignore the fact that his partner just walked out and focusing on his opponent.

COLE
And you have to focus on El Juez, he's like a deadly snake as in you have to watch him at all times or he will bite you!

Azul does not even bother to go for a cover after the standing Moonsault, but instead grabs El Juez by the legs, then steps through and applies a half twisted Sharpshooter submission hold. The referee has barely dropped to his knees to ask if El Juez is going to submit when Espiritu Negro barges into the ring and clobbers Cadeto Azul from behind. After attacking one Cadeto Espiritu makes it a perfect pair as he launches himself at Cadeto Rosa on the apron, sending both of them to the ground in a heap.

CA-DE-TOS!! CA-DE-TOS!! CA-DE-TOS!!

It seems that highflying risk takers have an easier time finding favor with the crowd, go figure. Azul turns his attention from El Juez to the floor. Once he is satisfied that Espiritu Negro is in the ring position he leaps over the top rope, twists midair so he lands with his back to the crowd while bouncing off the middle rope

CARDINAL
CADETO ESPECIAL!!

The Blue Space Cadets performs a death defying backwards leap, peaking at around 15 feet above the floor before crashing down on top of Espiritu Negro for Los Cadetos' trademark Cadeto Especial backwards springboard Senton.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! CA-DE-TOS!! CA-DE-TOS!! CA-DE-TOS!!

Yes they risk life and limb, but at least the crowd cheers for them.

With Azul on the floor Rosa is allowed to slide under the bottom rope and into the ring as the legal man. El Juez grabs him around the throat for the Choke slam but his opponent manages to turn it into a huracanrana the second El Juez hoists him into the air. Moments later Cadeto Rosa is on the top rope, waiting for the right moment to strike at his opponent.

SMACK!!

LEAPING ENZUGIRI BY DR. LUCHA, JR.!!!

Dr. Lucha, Jr. turns the tide for his team, kicking Cadeto Rosa in the back of the head so he lands crotch first on the top rope. Juez quickly tags out, allowing Dr. Lucha, Jr. to leap into the ring and then quickly snatch his opponent off the top rope, driving his face into the ground with an RKO like move off the top rope.

CARDINAL
EL LEGENDARIO!! No one has yet to kick out of this one!!


UNO!!!

COLE
Well there is a first for everything

DOS!!




TRES!!

COACH
Not tonight!!

DING!! DING!! DING!!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

-----O.A.O.A.S.T.-----
Fall # 2
----------------------
La Ola Mexicana: 2
Cadetos Espacio: 0
----------------------

With a snap of the fingers Dr. Lucha, Jr. dispatches El Juez to help Espiritu Negro on the floor as he celebrates his first OAOAST victory. El Juez quickly pushes a cotton candy vendor out of the way as he tries to get his hands on Cadeto Azul

Wait a minute...

A cotton candy vendor inside the barricade?

Before El Juez realizes what is going on he's kicked in the gut and then taken down with a Legendario to the delight of the fans. Moments later the cotton candy vendor reveals himself to be - yep you guessed it - El Camaleón

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!! CAM!! CAM!! CAM!! CAM!! CAM!!

Espiritu Negro immediately slides into the ring to protect Dr. Lucha, Jr. who is furiously demanding a microphone from Buffer.

DR. LUCHA, JR.
So finally your true nature comes out.

EL CAMALEÓN
Shut up!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

EL CAMALEÓN
I am what you made me you bastard!! An eye for an eye and a concussion for a concussion Doctor!!

DR. LUCHA, JR.
All I hear are excuses from you!

EL CAMALEÓN
You want to hear something else? Okay here is something else!

El Camaleón leaps up on the apron as Cadeto Azul watches his back from outside the ring.

EL CAMALEÓN
It's time to put up or shut up! It's time to stop hiding behind fake injuries and La Ola Mexicana!! You and me in the center of this very ring, Lucha de Apuestas!!

COLE
What the heck is that?

EL CAMALEÓN
MÁSCARA CONTRA MÁSCARA!! I want your mask!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! CAM!! CAM!! CAM!! CAM!!

CARDINAL
El Camaleón has just laid down the biggest challenge in Lucha Libre, risking the mask in a bet match!!

An uncharacteristically riled up Dr. Lucha, Jr. does not hesitate to answer as the crowd is solidly behind his opponent.

DR. LUCHA, JR.
You want this mask? Better men than you have tried and failed!

EL CAMALEÓN
That did not sound like a yes!

DR. LUCHA, JR.
Oh you want a yes?? You want the whole world to know that you're stupid enough to challenge ME for the mask? Well if you're ready to become victim number 21... then YES!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

COLE
What did he mean by victim 21?

CARDINAL
Well Dr. Lucha, Jr. has won 20 masks in his career as well as 13 hair matches, he's never lost an Apuestas match yet.

COLE
How many has El Camaleón lost?

CARDINAL
Well none

COACH
And how many masks has he won?

CARDINAL
Well... again none

Having gotten the answer he wanted, although not a specific date or venue, El Camaleón hops over the guardrail and leaves through the crowd before any of Dr. Lucha, Jr.'s henchmen can get his hands on him.

COLE
This is huge!! A mask vs. mask match between Camaleón and Dr. Lucha, Jr.!!

COACH
It will be huge!!

CARDINAL
Damn right!!

COACH
For Dr. Lucha!

[Tony149]

COLE
Folks, Maggie Nerdly is standing backstage. Maggie?

MAGGIE NERDLY
Hey, what's up ya'll, your girl on the scene Maggie back here with all the biggest and baddest interviews around. And speaking of big and bad, I've got big bad Bo with me and... gee, you're not looking so hot, Bo.

Limping onto the screen, Bohemoth grimaces as he comes to a stop. With gauze wrapped across his forehead and his right arm taped up heavily too, Bohemoth bares the scares of war from AngleMania. Bo reaches up and very gingerly removes his sunglasses, glaring at Maggie.

BOHEMOTH
Do you have any idea what I've been through? Do you!? I've been through HELL!

Bo looks at his arm sadly.

BOHEMOTH
Look at me! I've got puncture wounds all over my body. My skin's been shredded. My forehead may be scarred for life. I got carved up like Thanksgiving turkey! This never even should have happened to me! Barbed wire? Barbed wire!? Are you kidding me!? I got penned inside that ring with that psycho Blank like a damn animal. DO I LOOK LIKE AN ANIMAL!?

MAGGIE
Uhm, well...

BOHEMOTH
I'm the biggest star in this entire company! I fill seats! I move merchandise! I should be the face of this company right now. ME! I shouldn't be put in situations like barbed wire matches where I could get hurt, I should be protected, because I'm the biggest asset this company has!

Bo scowls bitterly.

MAGGIE
Well despite all that, word going round is you asked for this match tonight, despite all your injuries.

BOHEMOTH
That's right, I did. People have been sleeping on me for too long and I'm getting sick of it. I realised on Sunday, as I was laid out getting patched up by the docs, that this can never happen again. People need to wake up and realise that I'm the star that can make this company big money. That I deserve to be treated better... hell, I deserve preferrential treatment. And to do that, I need to become the World Heavyweight Champion finally. That starts with Alix. 100%, 95%, it doesn't make a lick of difference. After I run through her, I'm back in contention. And it doesn't matter if it's Krista, Rodez or whoever, I'm coming for that World Title and I'm taking that World Title!

Slipping his sunglasses back on, Bohemoth limps back off screen.

MAGGIE
I just hope homeboy doesn't need a drink, he'll be leaking water like a sieve. Back to C 'n C.


TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
FIRST TIME EVER ONE ON ONE
ALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS BOHEMOTH
TONIGHT!

[Tony149]

Final Ride by Tru brings out a rather depressed looking Deadly Alliance.  Melissa tries to cheer up Reject, but nothing can be done to improve the mood of the sour leader.

COLE
Here comes the Deadly Alliance which has had a rough couple of weeks with Sandman being injured and Reject falling to Baron Windels at Anglemania Ten.

Reject is granted a microphone, which does not sit well with the OAOAST Galaxy.  They deride the former world champion, as he tries to decide if speaking is even worth his time.  Finally, at Melissa’s urging he puts the microphone to his lips.

REJECT
Well, you know what, New York, on Saturday I was a happy man. The reason I was so happy was because I was heading to Anglemania, in my hometown of New York City to face that slack jawed yokel, no talent aww shucks huck a buck, inbred piece of shit, Baron Windels!

“BARON! BARON! BARON! BARON!”

REJECT
I’d finally get to do what I’ve been waiting since October to do, and that’s beat the life, the stuffing, and the piss out of Windels! Everyone in the Deadly Alliance was psyched up, they didn’t care that they’d be handcuffed to the ring, they were just happy to have a front row seat to most prolonged beating in the history of the OAOAST. They were all “This is going to be cool!” “This is going to be awesome!” “Win it for Sandy!” It was all set to be my crowning moment, and best moment in the history of the Deadly Alliance. But guess what happened? I got swirlied, I got hip tossed down the asileway, I got whipped like one of Malaysia’s submissives, I got suplexed onto the steel steps, I got BEAT!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

REJECT
No! Not yeah! It was awful! It was the worst night of my life! Hog tied like a pig and left for dead, that’s what happened to me. And you people have the nerve to cheer that. Well, screw you!

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!”

REJECT
However, I had to think positive and take stock out of the good that came out of losing.  Losing to Windels, allowed me to see thing clearly for once. Before I was blinded by rose coloured glasses, remembering the glory days of the Deadly Alliance. Before Anglemania it never occurred to me that-

EUOLOGY TO FELIX STRUTTER!

COLE
What the heck?!

COACH
Reject just gave a Eulogy to Felix Strutter!

The fans and Ken Pantera are in shock as Strutter rolls around on the mat in pain. Reject calmly picks up the microphone as if he done nothing more than squashed an ant.

REJECT
So as I was saying it never occurred to me that the Deadly Alliance is a failing concept. Here I was thinking along we were an unstoppable force in this industry. I believed no one could stand up against us and walk away with their bones intact. Boy, was I wrong. We couldn’t even handle a hill billy idiot like Windels.  The Deadly Alliance is garbage. The Deadly Alliance is awful. The Deadly Alliance is shit.

EUOLOGY ON KEN PANTERA!

COLE
Oh my!

REJECT
The Deadly Alliance is dead.

Left behind is ThunderKid, who stares at the carnage his good friend has created with his tempest actions. Reject is not unaware of ThunderKid’s presence, as he gazes over his shoulder with narrowed blue eyes. TK stares back at him, glaring hard and with fist clenched, ready for a fight. Melissa backs away, wanting no part of the chaos and mayhem that is about to ensue.

COLE
Are they going to fight?

Finally Reject turns to face ThunderKid, with his face split by a sinister sort of smile and his eyes flaring with a manic quality. The fans are abuzz, ready for the showdown between two OAOAST veteran stars.  This brawl never takes place, as Reject extends his hand to ThunderKid, TK doesn’t hesitate a single second before giving his friend a firm an earnest shake.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the fans hiss, cheated out of their anticipated fight.

A relieved Melissa steps between the two warriors, and takes their hand into her’s. She raises their arms into the air, while they smile at the dissolution of their historic stable.

COLE
The Deadly Alliance is no more but Reject and ThunderKid are still as thick as thieves, what could this mean for the OAOAST?

[Tony149]

We're taken backstage where Spencer Reiger sits in silence reading a magazine. His moment of quiet is soon interrupted by his partner and best friend Colin Maguire Junior

CMJ
What are ya reading?

SPENCER
Jade took one of those Cosmo test to find out if your boyfriend is the perfect match for you. Just because I don’t see the fun of dressing up in green tights, and a red tunic and having our two person renaissance fair over Skype she docked me two points.

CMJ
Test, eh. Interesting. I got put into a test to.

SPENCER
Oh yeah?

CMJ
At Anglemania. I got tested on my haat by the wrestling gods.  They presented me with a gift mid match, the OAOAST tag team title belts and a distracted ref. Ta sure I had haat I had ta use the belt to beat D*LUX and make a successful title defense. But, I wasn’t in the ring at the time, was I? Nah, my pahtna was though, so I slid him the strahp, thinkin’ he’d knock those two wiseguys for a loop. Did he? Nah, he didn’t think that was a good idea. Because of that, I had ta get in the ring and try and do it myself. But, my pahtna, he stopped me, and we lost the match. But I walked out of the match, knowin’ I got haat. I just wonder what my partner has.

JADE (OS)
He’s got a lot more heart than you do!

SPENCER
Jade?

Jade walks onto the screen, wearing an expression of anger and indignation.

JADE
Sorry, Spence, I know you don’t like me to get involved in your drama with your friends, but I have to this time. Colin, you have no clue what you’re talking about. Yeah, life put you to the test on Sunday. And you know what? You proved to be a miserable failure.

CMJ
You gonna let her talk ta me like that, Spencah?

JADE
I can talk however I want. Life gave you the chance to do things the right way for once. You could’ve played fair and with honor, but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to cheat, because you’re a disgusting scumbag.

CMJ
I’m a what?!

CMJ turns to Spencer, expecting him to say something in his defense. Instead Spencer turns his head away and stares into the distance.

JADE
Spencer, unlike you, is a good human being who knows that winning the wrong way is no win at all. Its not his fault you guys lost, after all he’s not the one who got pinned.  Come on, Spencer, let’s get out of here.

Jade grabs Spencer’s hand and leads him away as he hangs his head in confusion and sorrow.

CMJ
(calling after Spencer)
Enjoy yer match with yer mother in law!

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

We find ourselves outside in the garage near the arena entrance, where Maya Duncan-Blanchard has again approached the chubby guard.

MAYA
Hi! Are you up for another cliché expression?

GUARD
Hit me.

MAYA
I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

GUARD
Heard it before.

MAYA
That’s why it’s a cliché, Einstien!

GUARD
Miss Duncan-Blanchard, you’re not getting in this arena.

MAYA
I tried to be a nice girl about it. Like that time Becky Simpkins cut in front of me in the school cafeteria on taco day. I asked her nicely to go to the back of the line, I really did. But she just wouldn’t listen. So I had to do this.

TITTY TWISTER!!!!

Maya uses her grip on the guard’s nipples to sling him to the ground.

GUARD
My nipples! They burn with the flames of a thousand suns!  Go in, go in, just leave my poor nipples to their misery!

Maya gingerly opens the door and marches into the building.

COACH
She can’t be here she’s a terrorist!

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

A massive cheer erupts from the audience in response to Katy Perry's Teenage Dream. Making her way out from the parted entrance doors is the 2010 Queen of The Ring Maya Duncan-Blanchard.

COACH
Someone needs to pat her down for explosives, and I volunteer to be that person.

Upon entering the ring, Maya secures a microphone.

MAYA
What up, New York?

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

MAYA
Terrorist, huh? That ain’t at all creative! Alien invader? Creative. Miniature monster from the movie Cloverfield? Creative. Plankton from Spongebob Squarepants? Awesome and creative. But terrorist? Come on Aunt Amber that’s pre hope and change America! Yay Obama! We’re the safest we’ve ever been, thanks to terrorists knowing that if they mess with America they’ve got a nose bopping from Maya Duncan-Blanchard coming.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

MAYA
If I could drop my third cliché of the night, Aunt Amber you backed the wrong horse! Hat trick on the cliché front! You should’ve known Zack was gonna stomp Angesault out like his name was fire. And you never ever should’ve messed with me and my women’s title dreams. Because you really ticked me off! In fact I’ve been growing more peeved by the day. I was in French class and I just up and slugged Ronnie Muskowicz in the jaw because he happens to have the same hair colour as you. The Christian in me, says forgive and forget, the Jew in me says I’m gonna sue your butt to the moon, but the fighter in me says get your ass out here before I whup Coach’s behind.

COACH
Like she’s going to do that.

Maya exits the ring and marches over to sofa central while Coach brags about being a legendary bad ass. Much to his shock and the audience's incredible delight, Maya yanks Coach over the announce table and to the floor!

COACH
HEY!

MAYA
Alfdogg, if you’re listening, you better force her on out here, because you’re about to be one announcer short. Amberlyn, you’ve got twenty seconds!

Luckily for Coach, Amberlyn saves his hide as she walks onto the entrance stage backed up by Piercey D and J.Riggs.

AMBERLYN
What is wrong with you? I had you banned from this arena!

MAYA
Yeah, nice job on that one. Really, stuck.

AMBERLYN
Who do you think you are?

MAYA
I think I’m the person looking at the dumbest chick on the roster, because you must be stone stupid to screw with Maya Duncan-Blanchard! What I want out of you, is a fight! We’re gonna settle this like Duncan girls, we’re gonna tear each other’s clothes off and kick the crap out of one another!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

PIERCE
Nah-uh, ain’t gonna happen, toots.

MAYA
Toots? Who are you? Al Capone? And who asked you anyway, Uncle Pierce?

PIERCE
The Result has gotta lay down the law. I’m the man around this town, and the man of the Duncan family. You broads can play modern woman all you want, and go around with this I am woman hear me roar crap, but when The Result speaks, you flock to him like sheep and you listen to the genius words that are going to be coming out his mouth. And this week, The Result is saying no way to any fight between the two of yous. You hear me?

MAYA
I hear you, and I think you’re full of crap! Amberlyn walk your flat butt on down here because I've got a nose bopping just for you!

Amberlyn panics, afraid her nose will be the victim of a severe bopping

RIGGS
This isn’t working. Get out here!

Riggs quickly motions to the backstage area. The entrance doors spread apart and arena security pours forward. They rush into the ring and surround poor Maya. Left with no recourse, Maya is forced to exit the ring and walk up the ramp with the burly guards as her escort.

PIERCE
Yeah! That’s right! Get her out of here like the piece of trash that she is!

COLE
This is terrible!

Coach returns to Sofa Central, looking aggravated and alarmed.

COACH
Can't believe the never of that girl! If she hadn't been Krista's daughter, I would've gone a pimp called slickback on her. No joke!

COLE
Folks, we'll get this situation cleared up and be right back.

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

Fedde Le Grands’ "Creeps" begins and the crowd goes mild!!

Make me take the ride
Free drinks on tonight
Take some have a feast
Break me because it keeps coming...

Golden smoke seeps out from the entrance, slinking along the ground in the same way that a monster truck does not. Then the gold is mixed with a stylish purple laser light display reminiscent of Jean Michel Jarre.

*Crickets*

No one gets that reference? All right moving on.

Make me take the ride
Free drinks on tonight
Take some have a feast
Break me because it keeps coming...

The Big Bad Voodoo Daddies step out through the smoke, Uno with the voodoo doll and Dos holding a leash. Moments later "It" comes crawling out through the smoke with a big choke collar around his neck and the other end of Dos' leash attached to it.

COLE
Man I thought this was over, can they not let the poor guy go?

COACH
Ah call someone who cares, although I am not sure if you need to call the ACLU or PETA.

Once they are inside the ring Uno snatches the microphone away from Michael Buffer and turns to address the crowd.

UNO
Well, well... well! They said it could not be done, they said Los Conquistadors would never win four in a row and yet here we are, undefeated in 2011!!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

COLE
They both lost at AngleMania

UNO
You know I can hear you now complaining that we did not win at AngleMania

COACH
Whoa he heard you! Must be that improved voodoo hearing he's got.

COLE
He's not the freaking bionic man Coach!

UNO
Frankly that Leyenda tournament was so psychologically harmful that it should not be allowed. I mean we were both devastated over having to wrestle each other.

DOS
Brother please, my nerves can't take it; it's just too much, having to fight my own partner!

UNO
I'm not even sure we were properly eliminated either?

DOS
Our feet never hit the floor!! I mean what the hell is that all about?

COLE
Erm... it wasn't a battle royal.

COACH
Are you sure? I agree the rules were very confusing.

UNO
And when has anything Mexican not been a best out of three falls, we both thought it was best two out of three falls, we did not know the rules!!

DOS
Besides they were like in Spanish and stuff, how can you expect us to understand that when we're not from Spania?

COLE
They're Mexican for the love of God

COACH
True, so they speak Mexican, not Spanish.

UNO
So frankly we do not consider La Leyenda a loss, that's right still 4 - 0 for 2011 Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Their celebration is rudely interrupted as Antonio Freaking Banderas walks into the arena!!

BANDERAS
Scusa me!

COLE
Oh my god Antonio Banderas!! Where is my autograph book!

COACH
Cole come back; come back its just some has-been actor!!

The smoldering Latino captivates the audience the moment he steps into the arena, giving the crowd a wink that has several girls fainting and the rest becoming humid.

BANDERAS
Ju know in between filming my many, many blockbuster movies I like to watch a bit of wrestling.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

BANDERAS
And I've been especially captivated by what has been going on these last few months in OAOAST

COLE
Oh my god he said OAOAST *squeals like a girl*

BANDERAS
And now... well now I can add another title to my name, I am not only a Latin Lover, an actor and an animated cat... I am also a spokes person.

YEAAAAAAAAAAaa---

BANDERAS
I saw these guys on television and noticed that some people are unable to speak up for themselves. I though to myself "Hey Antonio, they could need someone to vocalize their inner thoughts, to really convey their emotions without having to use interpretive dancing". So tonight I am here in my official capacity of the spokes person of ... Los Moo-Chadors!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

BANDERAS
Now they could not be here tonight, Cow had an udder infection and if you've seen the size of his udders you know how serious that could be!

COLE
Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha... I love you Antonio

BANDERAS
But on their behalf I want to tell you that the joke is over, just stop it.

UNO
Joke? The only joke I see is some middle-aged tepid lothario trying to tell us what to do, we're the biggest thing in Parody Entertainment right now!! We're golden!

DOS
We're bigger than Elvis and Justin Bieber combined!!

BANDERAS
What ju are is a couple of immortal slave traders!! Los Moo-Chadors are sick and tired of ju guys treating that Alien like he was a pet.

Just to prove his point Dos makes "It" sit in the corner and then shake his paw.

UNO
Well what are you going to do about it?

BANDERAS
Well I am glad you asked, first of all Los Moo-Chadors want to challenge you to a match.

UNO
We can take 'em; we did before

BANDERAS
At In Your Parent's Basement!! Los Conquistadors and Los Moo-Chadors - Voodoo Doll on a pole match!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!

BANDERAS
Winners take control of the doll.

Uno is about to accept when Dos stops him, the two talk for a moment then Uno turns his attention back towards Antonio Banderas

UNO
In a word, no! We have nothing to gain by this, we're already in control and we've defeated Los Moo-Chadors once already.

COLE
You know I'm still not sure how that all went down.

COACH
Erm... well they won right?

COLE
I think so.

BANDERAS
So ju have no reason to fight Los Moo-Chadors? Alright, well since you are already in the ring tonight how about ju actually wrestle.

DOS
Bring it!! We'll be 5 - 0 by the time the show is over.

BANDERAS
Now these guys also seem to have a communications problem, but I'm sure that you get the message loud and clear.

The crowd cheers as the Masked Mutant's dumpster is wheeled out onto the stage with both Slime and Snot jumping out only moments later and racing to the ring

DING!! DING!! The match is ON!!

Slime attacks Uno while Snot slugs away on Dos in the corner. The crowd comes alive as the two Masked Mutants each grab a front headlock on their opponents and then run at each other, cracking Los Conquistadors heads against each other in the middle of the ring.

CONK!!

Since the move went so well the first time the Masked Mutants decide to do it again, only this time Uno somehow manages to push Slime off him into a battering ram by his own partner!! Snot immediately apologizes for driving Dos' head into his partner's mid-section but the distraction is all Los Conquistadors need to attack Snot from behind and throw him out of the ring. With Uno being the one who is more clearheaded it's only natural for him to remain in the ring while Dos steps out on the apron to watch.

COACH
Despite being jumped from behind, despite having to fight a pair of opponents they did not sign up to fight Los Conquistadors are dominating tonight!

COLE
Domina... what?

Uno feeling confidently in charge grabs Slime by the mask and then rubs his face across the top rope in a move he likes to call Degager, not that we would know that since he hardly ever gets to use it. Unfortunately for Uno he chose to apply it on an opponent that has one of his eyes covered by the mask, rendering the move ineffective.

And only serves to anger Slime

SLIME
YEAHAGAMADEFAKA!!

One T-Bone suplex later and Uno is regretting the move as his head bounces off the mat. Moments later Slime tries to roll Uno into a pinning position but Dos manages to tag his partner's foot, making him the legal man. Slime covers but to no avail, there is no count. When Slime looks up to find out what is going on Dos drives a running knee into Slime's face, scrambling what few brain cells he has left. Dos does not wait until Uno has left the ring but instead pounces on Slime, trying to lock in some sort of crossface lock, while the two of them are still laying on top of Uno.

COACH
Look at that teamwork; Uno is staying in there to help punish Slime

COLE
Or he's stuck.

COACH
Look this is the fastest rising team of 2011, not some clueless team that could not buy a victory with a million dollars!

COLE
Well they probably could with a million...

Uno finally pulls out from under the pile of wrestlers, but in the process inadvertedly helps Slime reach the ropes to break the crossface submission hold. Once he is back on his feet Slime bounces off the ropes and runs at Dos, only for Dos to leapfrog over him. Once Slime rebounds Dos stands his ground, putting his hand out in front of him

DOS
STOP!!!!

Slime actually stops and stares at Dos, trying to figure out what is going on

DOS
VOODOO TIME!!

For some strange reason Dos starts to do a weird, funky dance in the middle of the ring, throwing in a little Running Man as well as a bit of Cabbage Patch as Slime looks on with greater and greater confusion. The ridiculous dance routine seems to have been a ploy to allow Uno to pull out a black and orange bead necklace and sneak up behind Slime. After giving Dos a "Thumbs up" he throws it over Slime's head.

DOS!!
YES!! YES!! Ha, ha, ha, ha!! You are now under our control as well Slimeball!!

Both Dos and Uno do little celebratory dance, high fiving each other as Slime just stands there, seemingly in a trance.

UNO
(Singing) We got you!! We got you!! A-Ha, we got you!! Oh-yeah, we got you! You're ours!! We control you!! Go Uno, It's your birthday!!

DOS
I this we shall call him.... El Stinkador!!

While Los Conquistadors are celebrating they seem to have forgotten to actually make sure Slime is under their control and not just lost in his own mind. Either the necklace has a time limit or he was never really under their control as Slime jumps into action, taking Uno down with a clothesline, then knocking a still celebrating Dos down with a spin kick. Slime tosses Uno into the corner, then races off for the ropes, on the rebound he rocks Uno's head with a stiff boot wash, followed by a second, then a third as the crowd cheers in appreciation.

SLIME
YAYAYAYCONKADORKAHEREAKKK!!

Snot holds up a boot, allowing Slime to ram Uno's head against the boot. Then he tags in Snot and the two men takes Uno down with a double drop kick. Once Dos is back on the apron he begins to complain to the referee that he was actually the legal man, not Uno.

COLE
Well you shouldn't have left the ring!

COACH
Are you advocating cheating here? Dos was clearly the legal man and I am shocked and mortified that you would suggest breaking the rules!!

After a few moments of Dos' hand gestures and piercing stare the Referee surprisingly agrees as he mechanically nods and points to Dos. Dos quickly steps through the ropes and manages to catch Snot by surprise before he realizes Dos is the legal man. The Voodoo Warrior chop blocks the Masked Mutant, followed by a series of kicks to Snot's knee.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

COLE
ALL HAIL LOS CONQUSTADORS!!

COACH
Indeed.

Dos seems to do his best to channel Ric Flair (in his prime, before they started sagging) and locks on the Figure Four leg lock on Snot. The Mutant writhes in pain as Dos does his best to remain in control of the move.

COACH
Hold on, what the heck is going on over there?

COLE
Well... erm... the Masked Mutants like to have their dumpster at ringside?

Coach seems confused as two OAOAST staff members wheel the dumpster down the ramp and park it at ringside. Inside the ring Snot is locked in the figure four by Dos, forcing the referee to keep his eyes on what is going on in the ring instead of at ringside. Slime jumps off the apron, goes over to the dumpster and opens the lid. Moments later he dives into the dumpster for some reason.

COACH
Okay this is not the time to go dumpster diving

COLE
Especially since he is leaving his partner behind.

Moments later Slime's head pops up over the edge of the dumpster once more... well someone wearing his mask rather, someone short, perhaps around the four foot mark. Once he leaps out of the dumpster and onto the apron it is pretty obvious that it is Bribón under the mask. Although if you did not know any better you would think Slime just shrank in the wash as his outfit and mannerisms are a perfect imitation of the real Slime.

COACH
What the hell is that? He's not the legal man

COLE
What are you talking about? He went for a refreshing dumpster dive and now he's back to help his partner out.

Neither Conquistador has really noticed the switcharoo yet as they are focused on double-teaming Snot in their corner. Uno has Snot's legs trapped from outside the ring while Dos is kicking away at his opponent, landing several kicks to the midsection and a couple to the head.

COACH
Kicking either of those Misfits in the head isn't going to make much of a difference.

Snot tries to fight back and manages to elbow Uno, only to be drop kicked in the face by Dos. Moments later Slimencito runs down the apron, flips around the turnbuckle and then manages to get hold of Los Conquistadors' voodoo doll

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

Moments later he drops off the apron and hides out of sight of both Uno and Dos who have yet to discover the doll theft. With Snot in trouble Slimencito realizes he has to act fast and begins to move the voodoo doll around.

COACH
What is going on?

Slimencito has "It" jump up on the apron and then knock Uno off the apron with a stiff right hand

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!

COACH
That's a disqualification!! A blatant attack on Los Conquistadors!!

COLE
Oh come on they did that once before, the referee is not falling for it again.

COACH
Falling for it? He is really kicking his ass!!

"It" is most definitely going to town on Uno, wailing away on him with lefts and rights at Slimencito uses the voodoo doll to gain a measure of retribution on the Voodoo Warrior. Dos finally notices what is happening on the floor and tries to reach for the voodoo doll, only to find that it is no longer hanging off the ring post.

COACH
THE LITTLE MONKEY STOLE IT!!

COLE
Oh hush, they can't hear you

COACH
I think they can - Voodoo hearing remember??

Dos did not hear Coach though, but he did leave the ring to find the doll. He spots Slimencito on the floor and stops dead in his tracks as he is confused by how Slime shrunk down like that. Once he realizes what is going on Dos runs towards Slimencito, only for the small mutant to drop kick the top part of the ring steps into Dos' legs

CRACK!!

COLE
He's going to be black and blue tomorrow, not black and gold

COACH
Oh that's hilarious, the guy may be seriously injured and you make jokes!

The steps did not hit Dos with as much force as Slimencito had hoped as the golden luchador hobbles after him. Slimencito runs away, accidentally dropping the voodoo doll as Dos chases him. With the voodoo doll on the ground "It" is free from it's influences, causing him to shake and spasm with joy as he is face to face with one of his captures AND in full control of his senses.

KICK HIS ASS!! KICK HIS ASS!! KICK HIS ASS!!

Uno tries to punch "It" only for the alien to bend his head forward so Uno punches the top of his skull, one of the hardest bones in the body.

*CRACK!!*

A moment later "It" leaps onto Uno, pounding on him with open handed slaps and kicks that makes Uno stagger towards the ring post. Once they are near enough the ringpost "It" wraps his arms around both the ring post and Uno's throat while his legs are locked around Uno's waist

COLE
It's the Intergalactic, Planetary, Intergalactic Sleeper hold!!

COACH
It's a chokehold!!

COLE
Yeah but since he's "Conquistador Tres" it's not like he can get disqualified

Dos finally realizes that the doll is on the ground and that his partner is in a world of trouble, after searching at ringside he finally finds the doll and grabs it

DOS
STOOOOOP!!

And just like that "It" stops dead in his tracks, while he is immobilized he is also still locked in the ring post assisted chokehold

UNO
*Choke* let go of me

DOS
Drop to the floor!!

"It" goes limp and flops to the floor, freeing Uno before his face could turn an ugly blue color.

COLE
Damn it!! They were SO CLOSE!!

Dos puts the voodoo doll on the ring post once again, helps his partner up on the apron and then slides inside the ring where Slimencito is now awaiting hm. With Slimencito in the ring Snot heads over to the dumpster; once he is up on the edge both he and the real Slime drag, pull and push the Cow out of the dumpster, revealing what looks like a Mutant Cow complete with Snot's mask as well as a slightly green, zombie / radioactive monster color to his normally brown hide.

COLE
Man Snot has never looked healthier, beefier even.

COACH
This can NOT be legal!

COLE
What Snot teaming with Slime? Well they may be a walking health code violation but they're not breaking any OAOAST rules.

The real Masked Mutants hide in the dumpster as the Mutant Cow staggers over to his corner, climbs up on the apron and then takes the tag rope in his mouth. Once Los Conquistadors see what is going on they stop the match and point to the Mutant Cow. The referee turns around and does a double take when he sees the green bovine on the apron. The Mutant Cow on the other hand just stands there like he has been on the apron the entire time.

REFEREE
You know I can't quite put my finger on it but you look different now.

Then he snaps his finger, having figured it out.

REFEREE
Of course, you wiped the foam from your mouth.

And just like that the referee goes back to the action... such as it is. You see at this point both Uno and Dos are staring across the ring at the (poorly) disguised Moo-Chadors standing across from them. After a few moments Uno motions for the microphone and is promptly given one.

UNO
Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture?

COLE
Maybe everyone else is under some sort of hypnotic control?

COACH
Hypnotic control? That's nothing but an urban myth, no one can actually hypnotize you.

UNO
All right, all right if you guys promise to get the hell out of here and let us get on with the actual match we will agree to the match at In Your Parent's Basement

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

Slimencito and the Mutant Cow look at each other, then nod in approval.

UNO
Fine! We will sign the damn contract; just leave us the hell alone until then.

Since Los Moo-Chadors have gotten what they wanted they see no problems in leaving the ring and heading to the back. Once Los Moo-Chadors have left the arena Dos grabs the voodoo doll and asserts his influence over "It". The alien grabs Michael Buffer at ringside and throws him to the ground so he can take the steel chair he was sitting on. After folding it up "It" shoves one of the legs in the latch on the dumpster, effectively locking it.

UNO
Mr. referee I don't see our opponents in the ring, don't you think you should begin to count??

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

COLE
Oh no, no way!

ONE!!


TWO!!


COACH
Yes way! Ha Los Conquistadors outsmart the Masked Mutants


THREE!!


The Masked Mutants try to open the lid of the dumpster but they are well and truly stuck with the lid being locked.

FOUR!!


FIVE!!


They begin to bang on the dumpster, desperately trying to gain someone's attention so they can let them out, unfortunately to no avail

SIX!!


BULL*BEEP*!! BULL*BEEP*!! BULL*BEEP*!! BULL*BEEP*!!

SEVEN!!


Uno actually counts along in the ring, laughing, as they are about to win another match


EIGHT!!


At this point Slimencito comes racing down the aisle after he realized what Los Conquistadors are trying to pull


COACH
He'll never make it


NINE!!


Unfortunately Coach is correct, he is not able to pull the chair out in time.


TEN!!

DING!! DING!! DING!! DING!!

COLE
Aw F--k!!

The crowd boos, Michael Cole curses and Slimencito kicks the dumpster in anger but all to no avail because Los Conquistadors have just won another one.

BUFFER
The winners of the match, via count out LOOOOOOOOOOOOS CONQUISTADORS!!

UNO
You mean the UNDEFEATED IN 2011 CONQUISTADORS!!

DOS
FIVE AND OH! FIVE AND OH! FIVE AND OH!

Los Conquistadors in ring celebration lasts until Slimencito is able to unlock the dumpster so that the Masked Mutants can get out. Los Conquistadors break the land speed record for bipedal running as they race up the aisle as fast as humanly possible when the Masked Mutants enter the ring.

COLE
What a bunch of cowards!!

COACH
You mean bunch of winners!! They won the match, they're undefeated in 2011 and I wouldn't put it past the Mutants to try and injure them.

COLE
Are you serious?

COACH
Hey with a win streak like that they are my pick for Tag Team of 2011 right now

COLE
Okay now I know you're kidding!!

[Tony149]

Up on the interview stage we find Tony Brannigan, back to business and ready to go as he stands by.

BRANNIGAN
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce my guests this evening... along with Christian Wright and Lorelei DeCenzo, the OAOAST Unified United States Champion, THEODORE MONEYMAKER!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith

And I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate


All smiles, Moneymaker leads the way out for CW and Lorelei in a crisp white tux and carrying the US Title over his shoulder. Upon reaching the microphone, Teddy looks at Brannigan and lets out a cackle.

BRANNIGAN
Well Ted, you've done it again.

MONEYMAKER
That's right, Tony, I have done it again. Once again, I've proved to the world why I am the greatest competitor in this entire country. I outlasted six other men to not only regain my title, but to unify it. To do what America does best... CONQUER and take what's left for themselves! BWAHAHA!

BRANNIGAN
It wouldn't be an Enterprise win without some controversy though and some people are asking, what exactly went down at the end of the match?

MONEYMAKER
What do you mean, "what went down at the end of the match?" The whole world saw what happened! The Enterprise's plan went like clockwork, that's what happened.

BRANNIGAN
Well, some people are speculating that maybe there was no 'plan' at all and maybe you just took advantage of an opportunity.

Looking annoyed at these accusations, Moneymaker glares at his cousin.

MONEYMAKER
Isn't this just typical of you, always trying to stir the pot. Listen, what happened happened for a reason. Just like everything I do. You think Christian didn't know the score? Look at him. Christian, did I take advantage of you?

Before Brannigan can even move the microphone near Wright, Moneymaker snatches it back.

MONEYMAKER
No! Exactly! Next question.

BRANNIGAN
...alright. In that case, what are your plans now?

MONEYMAKER
My plans are very simple, Brannigan. As the unified champion of the United States, I'm going to continue representing this country with the pride and dignity and devotion that our federal government seems to lack lately. I'm going to take on all challengers and I'm going to beat them. Starting with my next contender, Tim Cash!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

MONEYMAKER
Let me spell it out for you, "Timmy". Your name may be Cash, but you are the poorest excuse for a man I know. Do you want to know why I am where I am today? Because I'm RUTHLESS. I'm a cutthroat man and I'd do whatever it takes to succeed. You are nothing like me. You are a gutless coward, Tim Cash. A gutless, poor coward! And when I get through with you, I...

Suddenly the crowd cheer as TIM CASH himself makes his way up onto the interview stage! Moneymaker backs off around the other side of Brannigan, just incase he needs to make a run for it.

BRANNIGAN
No surprise, Tim Cash with something to say about that.

CASH
Mister Brannigan, I'm sorry for interrupting... but, I had to come out here. And I just want to make one thing very clear. I absolutely appreciate the offer from Mister Moneymaker, for a United States Championship match in the near future. However... I can't accept.

MONEYMAKER
What are you talking about!?

CASH
I'd love nothing more than to be the US Champion one day and represent all of these great people here in the United States.

"YYYYAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!"

CASH
But, with all good conscience I can't take that match. Because I know that I'm not the top contender.

BRANNIGAN
You know, you almost had that match won at AngleMania, Tim.

CASH
I know and man, that eats me up inside. But with all due respect, there's a man with a far better win-loss record than mine right now and I wouldn't feel right taking away his opportunity, the opportunity that he deserves. So, instead of giving me a shot at the US Title, I think we both know who should be getting the next shot. And he's standing right next to you.

Confused, Moneymaker turns his head to Christian, who's stayed quiet the whole time and barely reacts even now.

MONEYMAKER
Whoa whoa whoa, hang on a second. What are you trying to pull here, Cash!? What's your game!?

CASH
No games. Even you have to admit that a undefeated man should be getting a title shot before anyone else in this company.

MONEYMAKER
Since when were you the match maker around here? You know what, this interview is over! Come on Christian!

Moneymaker storms off and looks up at Christian, who hesitates for a couple of seconds... before following after Teddy and Lorelei. Looking on, Tim shakes his head disappointed as Wright and Moneymaker disappear.

COACH
What a no good troublemaker Tim Cash is.

COLE
Troublemaker? I think Tim did the honourable thing, he knows as well as everybody else that Moneymaker stole the belts from under Wright's nose at AngleMania and he can see that Wright deserves a shot.

COACH
You can say what you want about the guy, all I know is Tim Cash stirs up more trouble than anybody here. And because he hides behind his little 'nice guy' act, you think it's great. He's trying to cause trouble for The Enterprise and it ain't on!

COLE
I'm sure more will come in the following weeks. Folks, we'll be back with our mainevent for the evening!

COMING UP NEXT
THE MAINEVENT
ALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS BOHEMOTH
NEXT!

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

*SREEECH*

The unfamiliar sound of Zico Chain's "Where Would You Rather Be" pounds out and the audience sends a wave of negativity rolling through the arena, as Bohemoth's new entrance video plays on the screen. Entrance doors spread apart, and Bohemoth slowly steps onto the stage. His right arm is bandaged, as are his forehead and ribs. Clearly displeased over his injuries and the defeat that came with them, he marches straight towards the ring.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of twenty minutes! Now making his way to the ring from Greenville, South Carolina…weighing two hundred eighty four pounds….He is “THE METROSEXUAL MONSTER” BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO-HHHHHEEEEEEEMMMMMOOOOTTTTTHHHHHHH!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

COACH
This isn’t right, Mikey! Its bad enough they made Bohemoth face Bruce Blank in that Barbed Wire match, now they’re letting him compete against Alix?

COLE
We heard from Bohemoth earlier tonight. He wanted this match because he says defeating Alix will put him into title contention.

Bohemoth doesn’t even bother to flex his heavily bandaged muscles. Instead he stands still and stoic, awaiting the arrival of the former world champion.

SNOOP DOGG
Greetings loved ones
Lets take a journey

KATY PERRY
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
Will melt your popsicle
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent
Now put your hands up
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

Katy Perry’s “California Gurls” brings with an ultra swank neon lit bar that reads Alix’s in bright shining pink letters. Performing a cute little dance, while holding a bevy of frisbees is fan favorite Alix Maria Spezia! The Hollywood Bad Girl wings Frisbees into the stands for her adoring fans to fight over.

BUFFER
And the opponent from Los Angeles, California, she is a former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, she is THE HOLLYWOOD BAD GIRL ALIX MARIA SPEZIA!

Alix takes a merry stroll down the entrance ramp, her smiling face a far cry from the sour look of her opponent.

COLE
A huge mainevent here on HeldDOWN live from Long Island, New York! And, did you hear Bohemoth say he deserves preferential treatment? Give me a break!

COACH
The guy has earned it. He's a HUGE asset to this company, both literally figuratively. We can't just throw him out here all willy nilly, we gotta protect him.

Inside the ring, Alix is given a microphone. She stares at Bo’s heavily bandaged body with a quizzical expression.

ALIX
Dude, you look like crap! Did something happen to you?

BOHEMOTH
Is that a joke?

ALIX
No, this is a joke, “Ivory leader denies move to surrender country” See it’s a joke because ivory is a colour not a country it has no leader! I was serious, you looked like you gave Maya a steel chain and then told her Justin Bieber sucked, Selena Gomez is an untalented hack, and Santa Claus isn’t real, she’s half Christian, and her dad never got around to telling her, if it ain’t required by the family courts, he ain’t doing it. So reality talk, son, what happened to ya?

BOHEMOTH
You’re serious?

ALIX
I stole Mariachi’s collection of bukkaki videos and distributed them to the local public school system as educational video on Japanese customs, and I was serious then, so best believe, homie, I’m soooooo serious now.

BOHEMOTH
I was in a barbwire match with Bruce Blank.

ALIX
And I bet you got him good!

BOHEMOTH
I lost.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

BOHEMOTH


ALIX
A-w-k-w-a-r-d. Awkward! But, you know a lot of dudes lost at Anglemania. Anglesault, Jason Silver , you weren’t friends with any of them were you?

BOHEMOTH
I was friends with both of them.

ALIX
Oh, well, hey, no biggie, you won! High five!

BOHEMOTH
I just told you I lost!

ALIX
Total bummer. But I know what would cheer you up, a prematch posedown.

BOHEMOTH
I don’t want pose.

ALIX
Then what do you wanna do?

BOHEMOTH
I want to stuff you between my legs.

ALIX
Alright, public sex! Let’s do it!

BOHEMOTH
And I want to powerbomb you until your body snaps in two!

ALIX
So you’re into screwing cripples? I don’t normally do those kinds of fetishes but, hey, why the heck not?

Bo has clearly had enough of Alix being Alix and swats at her with a lariat. Alix ducks the attack, causing Bo to swing around to get a read on her. But when he does she begins assailing his legs with powerful kicks.

DING DING DING

COLE
We’re underway with our mainevent of the evening.

COACH
I like The Metrosexual Monster and all, but, he had a choice between public sex with a woman that looks like a super model, and fighting when he’s not one hundred percent. What was he thinking?

Bo stuns Alix with a boot to the stomach, doubling her over. He backs into the ropes, and roars back with a shoulder charge. But Alix takes him off his feet with a high knee lift. He starts to make a quick rise to his feet, but the Hollywood Bad Girl strikes his bandaged arm with a dropkick.

ALIX
Yo New York if you getting’ money put your hands up!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

ALIX
If you getting laid put your hands up!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

ALIX
If you smoke weed every day put your hands up!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

ALIX
If you waiting in line outside of Best Buy to get the best of Dora Explorer on DVD and are ready to swing on any little kid that tries to jack your copy put your hands up!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Pleased with her fellow Doramaniacs, Alix turns around to face a lariat from Big Bo. Alix ducks the attack, and the bubbly babe takes a run to the ropes. She springboards off with a dropkick that pushes Bo to the canvas. The Los Angeles native then covers him for a pinfall….

ONE!


TWO!

Bo gets the shoulder up. He comes his feet under his own power, but finds his wrist seized upon by Alix.

ALIX
For such a large man, you have super dainty wrists. Its like the rest of your body is Ronnie from Jersey Shore and your wrists are Bea Arthur. Its strange. Why do think that is? Is it genetics? Does your father have small wrists? It makes your hands look weird, its like someone attached a watermelon to a fruit loop. Does it upset you to have small wrists? You probably can wear bracelets other men can’t, so I suppose that’s cool. Well, anyway, I guess I should Irish whip you.

Alix tries an Irish whip on the big man, but finds her attempt blocked by Big Bo’s massive strength. Alix is confused by this.

ALIX
You didn’t go to wrestling school did you? I did, and I only had to sleep with my trainer twice before I had my first match! Awesome! So anyway, when someone Irish whips you, you run past them. Let’s try again.

Alix retries her Irish whip effort, thinking Bo will get the message. Instead the stoic big man remains perfectly still.

ALIX
Earth to Bohemoth! Run!

Alix goes behind Bohemoth and starts to attempt to shove him into the ropes! This stretches the limits of Bo’s patience, and he swings around to strike at her with an elbow smash. But Alix rolls backwards and avoids the attack.

COLE
Bo has really been unable to get into his game here tonight and I think that has something to do with injuries sustained in his match against Bruce Blank.

Alix puts herself off the ropes, expecting to come back to shoulder tackle Bo. She succeeds in hitting the big man, and falls flat on her back from the force of the impact.

COACH
SMH. That’s Bo’s first successful offensive move of the match and it only occurred because he’s huge.

Bo puts himself off the ropes, returning to angle his good arm with an elbow drop. His arm smacks off the beige canvas as Alix glides out the way. Bo growls in frustration, as the audience mocks his errant attack.

ALIX
Ya’ll niggas know what time it is!

“BOOTYTIME!”

ALIX
Aww yeah!

Alix gives herself a wedige, showcasing the most curvaceous ass in wrestling for the audience’s delectation. What is the audience’s immense pleasure is Bohemoth’s pain, as the stunning tush of Alix Maria Spezia strikes his injured arm! Bo howls in an agony that’s only increased when Alix’s nearly bare behind smashes against his arm a second time.

COLE
Alix pummeling Bohemoth’s arm with her rear end!

COACH
Hey, if you’re gonna get your arm broken, at least let it be by the best BUTT in the business.

Alix takes off to the ropes with Bohemoth stunned in the center of the ring. She returns to try a low flying BUTT smash to Bo’s taped stomach. But the Metrosexual Monster catches the adorable fireplug in his arms. Having prepared himself to suplex her over, Bo is shocked and electrified when Alix sensuously grinds her ass into his crotch, purring with erotic thrill as she does so.

COACH
Maybe it was smart for Bohemoth to accept this match!

Alix manages to slide out of Bo’s grasp in his stupor. After ridding herself of the wedgie, and disappointing the audience in the process, Alix slings a side kick at Big Bo. But the South Carolina native catches onto her foot and slams her backwards to the ground. He then raises his one good arm and drops an elbow on to her before settling into a pinfall…

ONE!


TWO

Alix makes a timely kickout! She’s brought to her feet by her brown hair and slung into the corner. After smacking against the posts, she’s faced with the charging big man. Thus she simply slides out the way, and The Metrosexual Monster collides with the ring posts. He stumbles back into a rear waistlock as Alix seeks a German suplex! An ambitious if not stupid plan is foiled by Bo merely ripping her hands away from his thick waist. The big man swings around and catches Alix in the side of the head with an elbow. She stumbles away, stunned and hurt by the attack. This allows Bohemoth to back into the ropes. The cables give him speed and he surges forward to knock Alix to the ground with a shoulder tackle. A pinfall then follows…..

ONE!


TWO!

Alix gets her shoulder up!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

COLE
Alix has done the one thing Bohemoth would like to do-

COACH
Krista?

COLE
Win the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. The ultimate prize in this industry has eluded Bohemoth after he’s come so close to winning it on several occasions.

Alix brings herself off the canvas, only to be met in her bare stomach with his black boot. He cinches his hands around her slim waist and then throws her backwards with a gut wrench suplex. Alix howls in pain, as the big man deals with his own aching body. Brushing aside his anguish, he grabs Alix by her chocolate coloured hair and hauls her upright. She’s slung into the corner courtesy of an Irish whip, and slams against the barely protected metal of the posts. Bohemoth comes surging in with shoulder lowered and smashes his way through Alix’s midsection. The former world champion screams in miserey, as Bo delivers a series of shoulder charges to her wounded stomach. Next the big man, hooks onto Alix in a front facelock and vertical suplexes her backwards. He quickly floats over into a cover….

ONE!



TWO!


KICKOUT!

COACH
Give Boehmoth credit, Mikey, he’s coming off a brutal Anglemania match and he’s hanging in there with a former world champion.

COLE
Absolutely. And if Bohemoth can beat Alix that would launch him right back into title contention something he’s always hungry for.

Bo brings Alix upright, and smacks her across the jaw with a right hand. He then delivers even more devastating a blow, by punting her across the face with his mammoth boot. Alix staggers backwards, and is left in a vulnerable position. Bohemoth takes advantage of this by surging forward and clotheslining her over the top rope! The Los Angeles native lands in a heap on the ring apron. As Alix struggles to cope with her pain, The Metrosexual Monster hunches over and awaits her rise. When she finally comes to her feet, he charges forward, expecting to knock her off the ring apron. But Alix smacks him across the face with her big ol booty!

ALIX
Bonus Bootytime!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COACH
Hallelujah!

Alix scrambles to top rope, and wiggles her tush to the appreciative audience. She then swings around, and flies backwards at Bo with a BUTT smash! But the beast from the southeast catches her in his arms, and throws her backwards with a German Suplex! But Alix lands on her feet, much to the crowd’s glee! This is cause for another ass wiggling, which further pops the excited audience. Less pleased is Bohemoth who comes screaming towards Alix with a lariat! But The Hollywood Bad Girl is well prepared for his arrival and boots him in the gut. She then sommersaults over, connecting with a lethal neckbreaker!

COLE
Confessions of a Kristaholic!

Alix covers Bohemoth for the crucial pinfall….

CROWD
ONE!

CROWD
TWO!

CROWD
THREE!

DING DING DING

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a pinfall….ALIX MARIA SPEZIAAAAAAAA!!!!

COLE
A great victory by Alix Maria Spezia, but a tough setback for Bohemoth. Its going to be hard for him to get a world title shot if he can’t defeat a former world champion.

Alix slides out the ring to high five her Ally Cats, and soak up the many cheers from the Long Island crowd. She begins retreating up the ring ramp, but notices that Bohemoth has gotten to his feet. The Hollywood Bad Girl and the audience with curiously as the big man fumes with a vigorous fury.

COLE
Bohemoth doesn’t look all that happy about losing.

COACH
Can you blame him? They don’t award world title shots to losers!

Bo turns to the nearest turnbuckle, and begins unhooking the ropes! After getting rid of one rope, he moves onto the next. He goes down the line in procession until the entire ring is rid of the ropes.

COLE
What’s he doing?

Bo jumps out the ring, and stomps over to the time keeper’s table. He grabs a chair, and looks back towards the ring with eyes that are filled with sinister anger. After marching back to the squared circle, he begins assailing the ring with the chair. He goes down inch by inch, clobbering the ring with the chair, until the entire thing starts to give way.

COLE
Bohemoth is destroying the ring!

The fans and Alix look on as an enraged Bohemoth renders the ring a total wreck by taking out the support beams.

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!”

Bo yells for the audience to be silent as he menacingly carries his chair towards sofa central.

COLE
Hey, now, we don’t want any trouble!

Bohemoth angrily rips out the monitors from Sofa Central one by one. He tosses them to the ground, while his face remains contorted with a fierce fire.

COACH
Mikey, he’s dismantling our announce table!

He then proceeds to bash them with his steel chair, while growling in an animalistic outrage. When that grows boring, Bohemoth begins to cave in the actual announce table with powerful kicks and slams from his chair.

COLE
Folks, we’ve got to say good night, and not a moment too soon! Bohemoth has torn this place apart!

FADE OUT