OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 3/25/2011

[Chanel #99]

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-

HeldDOWN~! begins this week with none other than JOSH MATTHEWS~! in the ring, getting a wild applause from the Rhode Islanders in the house tonight.
 
JOSH
Ladies and gentlemen, without any further delay, allow me to introduce to you The Franchise of the OAOAST, from Providence, Rhode Island...ZACK MALIBU~!
 
"Getting Away With Murder" hits, and the term "hometown pop" doesn't do the reaction justice, as Malibu walks out to an explosion of cheers!  Dressed in jeans, a black shirt, and black blazer, Malibu is dressed to kill for his fans tonight.  Once in the ring, Malibu handshake-hugs longtime friend Josh, who the hands over the mic.
 
MALIBU
Josh, thank you.  Everyone, thank you very much!
 
"ZACK!"
"ZACK!"
"ZACK!"
 
Malibu is humbled by the chants, and looks at Josh, who politely shrugs.
 
MALIBU
In just about a weeks time, we will have reached the pinnacle.  The biggest night in OAOAST history.  Anglemania Ten is almost upon us, and so is the most important match I've ever had to take part in.  Bigger than any title match, more important than any ohter stipulation match.  In one week, this company, my career, my LIFE, are all on the line when I take on Anglesault one on one inside the Survive or Surrender cage.  Those of you who know the history know what those matches entail, and for those not familiar, I can guarantee you that you are going to see a war.  You're going to see what you've wanted to see, and what I've wanted to happen for years now.  Just Anglesault and I, surrounded by four walls and a roof, steel walls with no means of escape.  No one else in, neither one of us out.  At Anglemania Ten, some careers will be made.  Some people on this roster will have their greatest moment ever.  For me, I just want to say that if Anglemania is it, in a worst case scenario, if I lose that match and can never come out to this ring again, then I want to say thank you.  Thank you to each and every one of you who have had my back since 2002.  Thank you to Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, even you Coach, for calling my matches or holding the mic as I let loose.  Thank you to Caboose, Tony, Superstar, Some Guy and Evenflow for stepping up and helping take control of this company so that I could set foot in the ring again.  Thank you to Ned Blanchard, Simon Singleton, Krista.  God help me, but thank you Bruce Blank for wearing the white hat this time around and saving Candie.  Thank...
 
Just then, "Medal" hits, and interrupts Zack, much to the crowd's dislike.  Sure enough, Anglesault comes out holding a mic and smiles at the reaction he gets.
 
ANGLESAULT
One last shot to suck up to the sheep, right Zack?  Hometown boy made good, so these people jumped on your bandwagon...but how many of them are going to remember you next Monday morning?  How many of them will want to be your friend?  How many kids will call you their hero after they watch you LOSE, Zack?  These people, the people in the back, EVERYONE will have their eyes on us, Zack.  The only difference is they'll be watching the referee raise MY hand, and watching YOU fade away!
 
The crowd boos, and then breaks out into a chant in support of their hero.
 
"ZACK WILL WIN!"
"ZACK WILL WIN!"
"ZACK WILL WIN!"
 
Anglesault fumes, while Malibu smiles, and Josh Matthews encourages the chant.
 
ANGLESAULT
SHUT UP.  He's NOT going to win.  All of you people need to realize one thing, and that's that Zack Malibu is a con man.  He's setting you all up for disappointment.  If you people want a happy ending, rent a god damn Disney movie, because next Sunday night, you are NOT going to get one.  In fact, Zack, this is your last night in an OAOAST ring in front of your friends and family, and look how you're spending it.  Making hollow threats and empty promises.  Is that how you want to go out, Zack?  As a liar?
 
MALIBU
If you want, you and I don't HAVE to wait until Anglemania...
 
The crowd roars, as Malibu lays down the challenge for Anglesault to meet him in the ring right now!
 
ANGLESAULT
You're right, Zack, we don't have to...but we're going to!
 
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
 
ANGLESAULT
I'm no fool, Zack.  I'm not like you, willing to make a rash decision.  I'm too smart for that.  I'm a thinker, Zack.  I take note of the world around me, and you should too.  Because there is someone in the back who is ready for a fight tonight.  Don't let me speak for him, though, let's bring him out!
 
Anglesault turns to the entrance, and out walks SANDMAN9000!  The hardcore superstar walks out, staring down at the ring and the man inside of it, and grabs the mic from Anglesault.
 
SANDMAN
Malibu, I hate you.  As much as this man hates you, I hate you.  As much as these people love you, I hate you.  I hate the way you look, the way you talk, the way you act.  For ten years, I have watched you singlehandedly ruin this company, ruin my family, and cast me aside.  For years, I bled, I burned, I broke my bones, and where did it get me?  It got me a sister whose life was ruined by you, and I have to hear about it every day.  It got me overlooked for Anglemania main events.  It got me stepped on by other Originals, your boys.  Bottom line, Zack, is tonight's your last night in Providence, and if I have my way, it will be your last night PERIOD.  So what do you say, Preppy?  Why don't you and I tie up some loose ends tonight, one last time, with my kind of rules...as in NONE.
 
Malibu absorbs Sandman's comments, and smirks.
 
MALIBU
You know why you don't get any respect, Sandman?  Because you've never been your own man.  You've always been the follower, not the leader.  You bounce from different cliques, but never take a stand on your own, and now you come out here throwing the past ten years in my face when let's face it, you're really doing this for the money.  Sure, you and I have had wars in the past, and we've got a bit of history, but tonight, you're nothing more than a hitman.  A glorified patsy for Anglesault because he doesn't want to risk any of his boys getting hurt.  So for me, it's a double-win.  I can shut you up once and for all, and I can give 'Sault a sneak preview of what's going to happen a week from now.  So tonight, you want me with no rules, no holds barred...YOU GOT IT!
 
Zack delivers the final three words with stern force, and drops the mic.  His theme music is cued up, while Anglesault speaks with Sandman on the stage.  With one week to go until Anglemania, Zack Malibu steps in the ring tonight in front of his hometown fans, perhaps for the last time.  Zack Malibu takes on Sandman9000 in our main event, a no holds barred match here tonight on HeldDOWN~!

[Chanel #99]

Up next we will see if Los Conquistadors can keep their momentum alive, if they can actually capitalize on their first EVER victory at the Heartland Spectacular and then another one at Syndicated a few weeks ago

COACH
I feel a streak coming on!

COLE
Oh please don't take anything off.

COACH
What? No you idiot, Los Conquistadors are on a winning streak

COLE
Well there is something I never expected to hear in my lifetime.

COACH
I know, I feel kinda dirty for even saying it.

Before the match starts two guys in green uniforms comes down the aisle with a brown recliner and a cooler on a dolly. The two movers place the recliner by one corner of the ring, place the cooler next to it and then quickly exits.

COLE
Erm...

COACH
oooookay that's different, even for OAOAST

Fedde Le Grands’ “Creeps” interrupts the scintillating commentary, drawing their attention away from the recliner and towards the entrance as golden smoke and purple lights fills the entrance way.

Make me take the ride
Free drinks on tonight
Take some have a feast
Break me because it keeps coming...

BUFFER
The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall, with a 20-minute time limit. Introducing first, hailing from Port Au Prince Haiti, the unstoppable force in the OAOAST Tag Team division!

COLE
Wait I thought we were going to see Los Conquistadors?

BUFFER
Known and feared all over the world, the premier Voodoo Warriors!

COACH
Are you sure he's reading from the correct card?

BUFFER
Here they are, Divine Brother Dos and Divine Brother Tres - LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS CONQUISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTADORS!!

COLE and COACH
TRES?

Los Conquistadors step through the smoke, Dos carrying the smoking skull stick while Uno is... wearing a homemade Los Conquistador t-shirt and a large golden foam finger instead of his regular wrestling gear?? The two make their usual gestures, although with the large foam finger the ritual seems a little ridiculous.. More so than usual even. Uno holds up the voodoo doll they have been using on "It" and recovered from Los Moo-Chadors last week.

DIVINE BROTHER UNO
PROVIDENCE, RHOOOOOOOOOOOOOODE ISLAND!!!

*Crickets chirp*

COLE
Man not even a cheap pop, that's cold.

DIVINE BROTHER UNO
It is my pleasure to introduce the latest phenom of the OAOAST! CONQUSTADOR TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESS!!

Both Conquistadors applaud as "It" comes shuffling through the curtains, hands in front of him zombie style, as he mindlessly walks down the aisle. The crowd feels bad for "It", especially since he has been forced to wear gold swim trunks, a golden shirt that is obviously 2 sizes too small and gold paint smeared all over his face/mask.

COACH
So that's Tres?

COLE
Why would they want to team up with the only man they have ever defeated?

COACH
Maybe he's their good luck charm, good things have happened to them since they ran into "It"

COLE
You mean like Bohemoth laying them all out?

Once Los Conquistadors are at ringside Uno takes a seat in the recliner, opens the cooler and pulls out a beer ("Voodoo Chilled" brewed in Haiti, "magically delicious") while Dos gets up on the apron and grabs the tag rope in anticipation. After a few moments Uno realizes that Tres/"It" is still on the floor, just standing there as if frozen in time; Uno grasps the voodoo doll and commands Tres/"It" to enter the ring. After some initial coordination problems "It" finally manages to stumble into the ring and then snap to attention as he waits for their opponents.

COLE
So Uno is taking the night off?

COACH
Well someone has to drive the bus right?

COLE
That is pathetic I mean who in their right mi... ALL HAIL LOS CONQUISTADORS!!

COACH
I may have to ask Uno to lend me that doll now and again.

Every single light in the arena is turned off, and then a single search light kicks in, shining a cow face logo on a yellow background against the ceiling.

BUFFER
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND their opponents, hailing from Cowham City, the Dynamical Duo, the Darker Knight and the Small Sidekick!! COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWMAN AND BOPPIN'!!! A.K.A. LOOOOOOS MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-CHADORS!!!

Dah-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-nah!
COWMAN!!
COWMAN!!
COWMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!

AAAAAND BOPPIN'!!

COACH
Oh dear god, just shoot me now!

First through the curtain is the Darkest Knight, also known as Cowman, complete with cape, cowl and Cowarangs attached to his utility belt. After striking a heroic pose he is joined by his diminutive sidekick, Boppin' complete with indecently short, bright green tights, yellow cape and winged boots as well as a red shirt with a giant "B" on it and a bright red waffle ball bat also with a big "B" logo on it.

COLE
He's Boppin' and he will be bopping the bad guys upside the head with his bat of justice.

COACH
Hey Uno, do your thing brotha!

COLE
What thing is th.. ALL HAIL LOS CONQUISTADORS!!

COACH
This may not be such a bad night after all.

At ringside Boppin' takes the microphone from Buffer, then after realizing that he does not talk at all he holds it up to Cowman's snout instead.

COWMAN
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU!!!

COWMAN!! COWMAN!! COWMAN!! COWMAN!!

Boppin' leaps up on the apron and shoots the crowd an annoyed look

COWMAN AND BOPPIN'!! COWMAN AND BOPPIN'!! COWMAN AND BOPPIN'!!

Which seems to please the Dynamical Due more. Like any good sidekick Boppin' starts out in the ring while Cowman stands on the apron, stoically calculating all possible outcomes, preparing for anything, using that finely honed Bovine Brain to lay out a strategy that will lead to victory no matter what, even if their opponents suddenly show Kryptonian powers, yes indeed there is no one Cowman cannot defeat with enough preparation.

COLE
The Moo-Chadors managed to free "It" from Los Conquistadors' influence a few weeks ago.

COACH
Yeah but they were outsmarted last week and Los Conq are back in control.

DING!! DING!! DING!!

Both Conquistadors look on from the outside, waiting to see what Boppin' is going to do as he is forced to wrestle against "It", enjoying every second of it. Boppin' wags his finger and shakes his head, apparently he is not willing to wrestle against it, instead he points towards Dos on the apron

YOU!!! (Crowd, not Boppin')

Dos jumps off the apron and joins Uno on the floor, high fiving the homemade golden foam finger.

COLE
That was their plan all along! Have "It" fight their battles for them.

COACH
Mind games Cole, Mind games... although I'm not sure what sort of mind games you can play with a pea brain like Bribón.

Boppin' looks at Cowman, hoping to get some input from his masked mentor, only for Cowman to shrug his shoulders. Boppin' looks back at "It" then approaches him with his hand stretched out, ready to shake hands. "It" just stands there, staring straight out in front of him, not even acknowledging that Boppin' is there. Then after a moment of silence Uno realizes that "It" is not going to move unless he tells him to.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

"It" raises his hand in front of him, except he raised it too high for Boppin' to shake it, figuring it's worth a shot Boppin' leaps up and tries to shake the hand only for Uno to command "It" to move the hand at the last moment. An annoyed Boppin' keeps shaking his head, not interested in fighting "It", hoping to get his hands on one of Los Conquistadors instead.

COACH
Ha I bet he thought he was actually fighting Uno and Dos tonight, what a nitwit!

COLE
Well when the card says "Los Conquistadors" you kinda assume these things Coach.

COACH
See that's where you are wrong, always expect the unexpected.

COLE
Even the Spanish Inq-*Garbled as Coach presses his hand against Cole's mouth *

COACH
Don't say that! Those guys are even more annoying that you are!

While Los Conquistadors are laughing their asses off on the floor both Cowman and Boppin' are at a loss for what to do as they do not want to fight against "It". Once Uno stops laughing he commands "It" to attack Boppin', unfortunately for Los Conquistadors the slow staggering zombie walk is no match for the zippy Boppin' who manages to duck, dip, dodge, dive, and dodge away from every single attack. An annoyed Dos yanks the doll from Uno's hand and then jumps up on the apron.

DOS
HIT HIM!!

"It" takes a swing at Boppin' but the diminutive sidekick leaps out of the way and "It" strikes Dos on the apron as well, knocking the voodoo doll from his hand

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

Only to be caught by Uno who does his best NFL Wide receiver impersonation as he leaps for the doll.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

REFEREE
Alright you're tagged in, get in the ring.

The crowd cheers as Dos is forced to get in the ring to face Boppin'. The two Conquistadors try to double team Boppin' only for him to duck under the two big boots and then roll up Dos

ONE!!


TWO!!


HANDONTHEROPES!!

Dos was able to snag the rope at the very last moment, keeping their hope of a second victory alive for now. Once Conquistador Dos is back on his feet Boppin' darts in and

BOP!!

Kicks his opponent in the knee much to the delight of the crowd. When Dos takes a swing at Boppin' he ducks under, then leaps up and

BOP!!

Slaps Dos on the back of the head. The diminutive hero takes a boxing stance, bouncing in place as he watches Dos' every move. He sees an opening, leaps on and

BOP! BOP! BOP!!

COLE
I think we know why he's called Boppin'

COACH
Oh brother.

Dos grows weary of being bopped and simply grabs Boppin' by the shirt and lifts him up to face level.

DOS
WILL YOU STOP WITH THE DAMN BOPPING???

By lifting Boppin' up to his face Dos made one critical mistake, he raised him high enough for Boppin' to kick Dos square in the chest, knocking him down.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

Boppin' tries to follow up with an elbow drop but Dos quickly rolls out of the way, then leaps to his feet and tries to stomp the sidekick in the face only to miss. Several stomps and misses later Dos looks disgusted at his inability to hit his opponent who keeps rolling out of the way

COACH
STOMP THAT DAMN COCROACH!!

Instead of a stomp Dos rears back and tries to punt his diminutive opponent all the way out of the ring, except Boppin' was once again too fast for him as he rolls out of the way, then he grabs Dos' leg as he kicks out, using the momentum to drag himself back to his feet.

COLE
Did you see that? I mean did you just see that?

COACH
Yes I have eyes Cole; I'm not blind like the referee

With Boppin' back on his feet he takes advantage of Dos being off balance from the kick and drop kicks Dos' other leg out from under him, then he leaps over and tags in Cowman. Uno desperately tries to get "It" to enter the ring, but unfortunately the voodoo doll is not an exact science as "It" keeps hitting the ropes, either not ducking down far enough or going too far and hitting the second rope.

COLE
HA!

COACH
Man that's some award winning commentary right there.

Cowman and Boppin' double team Dos as they whip him into the ropes, then Boppin' steps aside as Cowman launches Dos into a huge backdrop, almost as if two people threw the Conquistador high up in the air

WHAM~!

Once on the apron Boppin' grabs his plastic bat, leaps off the apron and makes his way round the ring towards Uno. The recliner bound Uno just laughs at Boppin' threatening him with the plastic bat.

KLONK!!

The bat strikes Uno in the midsection with much more force than anyone expected. Moments later Boppin' reveals that the plastic bat was just a cover and that there is a real metal bat underneath the red plastic sheath.

COACH
What a bunch of cheaters, disqualify them!!

COLE
Uno is not officially in the match.

COACH
So that makes it okay to beat him with a bat?

COLE
No that just means he cannot get disqualified for it.

Despite the pain Uno is able to summon "It" from the apron to protect him by laying his body across Uno. Boppin' looks like he's contemplating hitting Uno anyway, but stops as he does not want to hurt "It" who is an innocent pawn in all of this. Meanwhile back in the ring Cowman has Dos trapped in the corner as he repeatedly drives his shoulder into Dos' midsection

BIFF!!

ONE

POW!!

TWO!!!

KAZOOM!!

THREE!!

ZOKKO!!

FOUR!!

BIFF!!

FIVE!!

After five blows to the midsection Dos slumps to the ground, clutching his ribs in agony.

COACH
Man he was hurt right in the short ribs

COLE
Really? A beef joke? You are a cold and callous man!!

With Dos on the ground, laying on his back Cowman bounces off the ropes, then leaps high in the air and lands, BUTT first on Dos' chest

COLE
COWTON BOMB!! This is over!

ONE!!

TWO!!

TH-NO!!

At the last moment Uno reached through the ropes and puts Dos' leg on the rope, saving him from being pinned by 500 pounds of beef and brawn.

COACH
Now that's teamwork, those Douce-adors are all over the place with no place.

COLE
That's Moo-Chadors Coach

COACH
Not from where I am sitting Cole!

An angered, mad Cowman stomps over to his corner and tags in Boppin' so he can get out on the floor and confront Uno

UNO
I ain't fraid of no cow!!

SMACK!

COLE
COWARANG TO THE FACE!!

Uno is not so much hurt by it as surprised that Cowman was actually able to throw a Cowarang since he has no (visible) hands. Everyone but Boppin' stops for a second to try and figure out how that was even possible. Boppin' on the other hand quickly climbs the ropes, then strikes a heroic pose on the top rope before leaping off towards Dos

COLE
FLYING HURACANRANA!!

COACH
Ha Dos threw him off.

Boppin's top rope Huracanrana attempt was thwarted by Dos as the throws him off, only for Boppin' to flip over Dos' back and then round again trying for an arm drag. Dos shrugs it off, swinging his opponent around his back, only for Boppin' to wrap his legs around Dos' head, then swing behind his opponents back to trap his left arm.

COLE
He managed to get the Satellite Octopus hold on Dos, a man twice his size!!

COACH
Oh no worries Dos will break out of that any minute now.

Uno looks worried as he shakes the voodoo doll, yelling at it to get in the ring. This time "It" actually manages to stumble through the ropes, but trips and rolls into the center of the ring.

COACH
I'm not worried; the big guy will not fall to a move like that.

On the outside Cowman gores Uno straight into his recliner, keeping him from using the doll on "It"

COACH
Erm...

COLE
Still not worried?

COACH
No way, he's not about to ...

TAP!! TAP!! TAP!!

COACH
Tap... out, damn

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Boppin' releases Dos, who slumps to the ground, and then begins to celebrate Los Moo-Chadors' victory. On the floor Cowman is temporarily distracted from Uno, who uses the break to away from Cowman and order "It" to attack Boppin'

CRUNCH!!

"It" involuntarily kicks Boppin' square in the back of the head, sending him half way across the ring. Then he picks Boppin' up with both hands and chokes him out before

CHOKE BOMB!!

COLE
This is horrible!

COACH
Yeah who knew the Alien would turn on his friends

COLE
You know damn well it is Los Conqu... ALL HAIL LOS CONQUISTADORS!!

COACH
Indeed.

Cowman tries to enter the ring to save his friend and partner, but Uno found Boppin's bat and uses it to strike Cowman over the head, knocking him off the apron. After making sure that Cowman is not going to get in the ring Uno joins Dos and Tres in the ring, raising his partners' hands in the air claiming victory despite losing the match

BUFFER
The winners of the match Los M...

Uno chants over the doll while staring straight at Michael Buffer

BUFFER
COOOOOOOOOOOOOOONQUISTADORS!!!

COLE
What the he.. ALL HAIL LOS CONQUISTADORS

COACH
Seems that Los Conquistadors' magic works really well on weak-minded individuals like Cole and Buffer. At least they'll never control m... ALL HAIL LOS CONQUISTADORS!!

CROWD
ALL HAIL LOS CONQUISTADORS!!

Apparently the crowd consists entirely of weak-minded individuals, either that or they're desperate for attention that they play along.

UNO
WHO WON TONIGHT?

CROWD, BUFFER, COLE and COACH
CONQUISTA-DORS!! CONQUISTA-DORS!! CONQUISTA-DORS!! CONQUISTA-DORS!! CONQUISTA-DORS!!

Apparently if you can't actually win you can make everyone think that you did, this will indeed go down in the record books as a Los Conquistadors win, although no one will be able to remember just how they won, they have a vague recollection of Los Conquistadors executing their finishing move, but dang if it anyone can remember what that move actually is. Eventually that memory will fade and in a few weeks everyone will remember that Los Moo-Chadors won, but for now all weak-minded viewers will think that Los Conquistadors won.


And in closing...

ALL HAIL LOS CONQUISTADORS!!

No one is immune apparently.

LATER TONIGHT
ALIX MARIA SPEZIA AND LEON RODEZ VS JAMES RIGGS AND PIERCE DUNCAN
TONIGHT!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

And now, the OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK, presented by the AngleMania X collector‘s magazine available now at newsstands everywhere and online at OAOAST.com!

HeldDOWN~! LAST WEEK

Cash goes for the pin and gets attacked by Felix, prompting Deuce to come in and get him some. Deuce clotheslines Felix over the top, but his momentum takes him out as well.

COLE
Deuce and Felix are right out here by us.

Deuce accidentally knocks over Mr. Dick’s SHAKE WEIGHT as he and Felix continue to battle.

MISTER DICK
My Shake Weight!

MD drops the headset and bashes Deuce upside the head with the Shake Weight!

COLE
That was uncalled for, damnit!

This has been the OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK, presented by the AngleMania X collector’s magazine available now at newsstands everywhere and online at OAOAST.com!

OAOAST.COM AFTER PARTY EXCLUSIVE - LAST WEEK

Maggie Nerdly and Terry Taylor cower behind the lounge as Deuce rants.

DEUCE
I ain’t like that shemale of yours, Dick. I don’t like being nailed from behind! If you or your lady try to get kinky at AngleMania you’ll be left flat as a pancake, because I got a big surprise for you. No, make that a JUMBO surprise.

Deuce exit’s the picture and we cut back live inside the arena.

COACH
A jumbo surprise? He doesn’t mean…

COLE
I think he does.

COACH
I was afraid of that.

COLE
It’s gonna be a fair fight at AngleMania because Deuce will have JUMBO watching his back. At Anglemania we will also see the first ever submissions count anywhere contest for the OAOAST World Title between champion Jason Silver and for time world champion Krista Isadora Duncan. Silver looks to defend his belt, while Krista looks to set a record for world title wins in the OAOAST. We heard the following from both competitors.

[Chanel #99]

We see Jason Silver leaning over the ropes inside a ring that rests in an empty arena.

SILVER
My name is Jason Silver. Rocksault for the uninitiated. I am the fastest rising rookie ever in the history of not only the OAOAST, not only pro wrestling, but in all of sports of period. And Krista Isadora Duncan, at Anglemania I am going to prove that you are nothing but a side show circus act. I’m going to show the entire viewing world that you don’t deserve the title of four time OAOAST World Champion. At Anglemania I am going to prove to you personally that your time as a superstar in this company is at an end. Yes, you may be able to hawk fitness equipment on infomercials. You can probably still run your loud mouth on Ellen. I bet you could still guest host Saturday Night Live. But after Anglemania, you will no longer be welcome in my OAOAST.

Krista sits in front of her pool in her luxurious Beverly Hills home as the beautiful California sun sets in the background.

KRISTA
Here’s the story of a lovely lady who was bringing up two very lovely girls. They all had hair of gold like their mother, the youngest one in curls. And the eldest one, she’s a bit of a nag. She says mom, just because Jason Silver made you tap out doesn’t give you the right to wage biological warfare against him. And I say, well, then what the hell did I have Alix cook up anthrax for. And Jade says that isn’t anthrax, that’s just baking soda sprayed with Abercrombie & Fitch perfume, you have two masters degrees how could you be fooled by that. And I say my master degrees aren’t in chemical agents and biological warfare they’re in being super rich, and being a damn nice dresser. But don’t I feel stupid. And don’t I feel stupid for tapping out to the 16th minute. Because I gave this raving buffoon the chance to remove his face from his Uncle’s asscrack and spew his utter nonsense about him somehow being better than me. Now, I have to go to New York, and instead of shopping at Saks, or going to Bloomies, or hitting up the Gucci store, or having dinner with Jay-Z, shout out to Jigga man ride out till we die out, I have to spend my evening righting a wrong and shutting this annoying shit heel the hell up.

We cut back to Silver.

SILVER
You know what my problem is? My problem is that even though I’ve beaten Krista twice, people still think she’s better than me. I still have the problem of the world seeing me as an underdog. That bothers Rocksault. There’s nothing you can do in that ring that I can’t do, Krista! Nothing you can do that makes you better than me! People see the gitz and the glamour and they somehow equate that with superior athletic talent? It makes no sense. None whatsoever! I am the better wrestler than you, Krista. There isn’t a soul on this earth that can deny that fact!

We cut back to Krista.

KRISTA
Jason Silver is better than me at a lot of things. He’s better at driving viewers of this program to suicide. He’s better at looking like a bulimic Alannis Morrisette who’s drawn fifty acne scars onto her back. He’s better at leading cops to a child molestation ring. He’s better at causing the company’s payroll department to nearly incite a full scale riot every two weeks when they’re forced to actually dole out money to his miserable, scrawny, and lets not forget the aformentioned acne scarred ass. He’s also better at coming up with the most ridiculous nickname known to man! At least we know what an Anglesault is, it’s a crazy steroid abuser paying tribute to another crazy steroid abuser, but what the hell is a Rocksault? I’ll tell you what it is, America the beautiful and the brave, it’s the name of the man who’s poor wittle world I’m going to crush to itsy bitsy bits and pieces at Anglemania.

We cut back to Silver.

SILVER
I get stopped a lot on the streets, but not for autographs or anything of that sort. I get stopped to be insulted by the OAOAST Galaxy. The members of this galaxy stop me to tell me I’m afraid of Krista Isadora Duncan. According to them I’m afraid she’s going to take my OAOAST world title. I am afraid of Krista Isadora Duncan. I have a deep-seated fear of her and the threat she poses to my OAOAST world title. But I am a firm believer in the old saying that tells you to face your fears. That’s why I can’t wait to get into the ring with you, Krista. You can sit there cool and cocky like you always are and believe you’ve got this match in the bag. But believe me Krista, Rocksault is bringing his A game. And when I bring my A game, I win. You will tap out Krista Isadora Duncan. That is a fact.

We go back to Krista.

KRISTA
Jason, my dear sweet boy, we could’ve played Parcheesi or backgammon or connect four, or even strip poker. No scratch that last one, I don’t want to be exposed to that pencil thin mound of flesh and strange bulging veins you refer to as a penis. But my point is we could have done something so much more fun, so much more enjoyable, so much less hazardous to your frail and fragile ego to settle our differences. Will I go for the blue ball special and insinuate that you only have one testicle? Will I bring a miniature hockey stick and take slap shots with your unusually large puck sized nipples? Will I submit you by wrapping these gorgeous legs around your head and driving your skull into the canvas over and over and over again? What wonderful and magical things will I do to you, Jason Silver? Whatever it is, honey, I promise you it won’t be pleasant, and it will most surely result in you no longer being OAOAST World Champion and lacking the ability to eat solid food for several weeks. Which sadly means no more slurping on Bohemoth’s penis. Wishing you and your’s the best, your favorite Jew, Krista Isadora Duncan.

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S...

ANGLEMANIA TEN

Survive Or Surrender
Zack Malibu Vs Anglesault

OAOAST World Title, Submissions Count Anywhere
"Rocksault" Jason Silver © vs. Krista Isadora Duncan

World Tag Team Title Match
D*LUX vs. LDC Moneygang ©

Barbed Wire Match
Bruce Blank vs. Bohemoth

Last Man Standing
Baron Windels vs. Reject

Women's Title, Eight Girl Scramble Match
Lorelei DeCenzo © Vs Morgan Nerdly Vs Amberlyn Duncan Vs Maya Duncan-Blanchard Vs Maggie Nerdly Vs Melody Nerdly Vs Sophie Vs Holly

La Leyenda de la Máscara Tournament
18 man Torneo Cibernetico match

VICE, James Riggs, and Pierce Duncan vs. The OCC's, Alix, and Leon Rodez

Mr. Dick vs. Deuce Deuce Bigelow

Billy Cassidy vs. a OAOAST Legend

SUNDAY NIGHT, APRIL 3rd

ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

We return to live action with our view focused on Michael Buffer standing within a soft purple spotlight.

BUFFER
The following match is scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit and it is for the OAOAST WORLD SIX-MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!!

COLE
Is that still active?

COACH
Well of course it is, the champs have been busy defending the belts

COLE
Oh yeah? You probably can't even remember who they are?

COACH
Sure I can... Oh I bet you can't either!

COLE
...

BUFFER
Introducing first, weighing in at a combined weight of 469 pounds, hailing from the Space Academy. ROSA!! AZUL AND AMARILLO!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS CADETOOOOOOOS DEL EEEEEEEEEEEESPACIO!!

"The Final Countdown" stars as Los Cadetos come out on the ramp, pausing momentarily to strike a heroic pose as per usual.

COACH
This is going to be awesome!

COLE
You think it'll be a great match?

COACH
No I think these guys are going to get wiped out!!

BUFFER
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND their opponents, the reigning and defending OAOAST World Six-Man Tag Team Champions, weighing in at a combined 713 pounds, first from Glasgow Scotland, Scottish Scott and Danny Boy - THE LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST KINGS OF SCOOOOOOOOOOTLAND!!

COACH
Man the challengers are outweighed by 244 pounds, that's more than either of them weigh! That's like a four on three man match!

The Kings come out looking relaxed and confident as Scottish Scott brandishes his club, swinging it towards fans and cameramen alike.

BUFFER
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND Their partner, hailing from Kavala, Greece heeeeeeeeeeeeeeere is AAAAAAAAAALEXANDER THE BRUTAL-AL-AL-AL!!

Alexander's rusted cage rises out of the floor, slowly releasing the Greek Gladiator from it's confines, allowing him to walk to the ring with the Last Kings of Scotland.

COACH
Don't worry guys, this won't hurt me a bit

COLE
You are so kind, so caring.

Once they're in the ring Los Cadetos scramble, leaving the ring until their opponents’ weapons have been taken from the ring by the ringside attendants. Once they are sure they will not be hit by a club or run through by a rusty sword Los Cadetos del Espacio returns to the rings. When the referee holds up the six-man tag team titles to Los Cadetos before the match Cadeto Amarillo gets a little too excited as he takes one of the belts and holds it in front of his waist.

COACH
Alexander does not look like he appreciates that

COLE
He's a brutal person in the best of times; you don't really want to make him angry too.

Alexander rushes across the ring; something both Rosa and Azul notices and quickly leave the ring while Amarillo is still distracted by the shiny belt

BLAM!!

A stiff lariat later and Alexander the Brutal relieved Cadeto Amarillo of the title, a belt that he holds up in the air while yelling in Greek

COLE
What did he say?

COACH
Well this is just a guess, but I think he said THIS... IS... SPARTA!!!

*Crickets chirp*

Once he tosses the belt to one of his partners Alexander turns his attention back to Cadeto Amarillo who had been slowly crawling towards his corner at that point. The escape attempt is blocked by Alexander as he grabs his opponent by the leg and then drags him across the ring, twisting with such force that Amarillo spins around and smacks into Scottish Scott's outstretched boot

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

The yellow space cadet continues to be in trouble as the 6'5'' Greek warrior continues to pound away on him in the corner. After a few more moments Alexander picks up Cadeto Amarillo and presses him over his head, Military press style, then leans over so that Danny Boy can tag in. Celtic Thunder climbs up on the top rope, leaps off and drives both boots into Cadeto Amarillo's midsection.

COACH
The champs are in charge! You know I heard all their bragging about being better than the champions and I could not believe it

COLE
What? That was Maggie Nerdly!

COACH
Well they do not speak English that well; she was just translating for them.

Danny Boy wastes little time as he gets in position for a spear as Cadeto Amarillo staggers back to his feet. Once Amarillo is to his feet Danny Boy lands a beautifully executed Superman Spear that drives Amarillo back into the corner, unfortunately for Danny Boy he was driven into Los Cadetos' corner where Cadeto Rosa tags in.

COLE
Maybe now we can get an even playing field.

COACH
Meh even playing fields are boring.

While Amarillo is on his knees on the apron trying to recover from the brutal attack by Alexander the Brutal while Cadeto Rosa and Danny Boy circle each other in the ring. When they lock up Cadeto Rosa ducks under and locks his arms around Danny Boy's waist only for the suplex attempt being blocked by Danny Boy who quickly turns the move around and wrenches Rosa's arm into a wristlock. In control Danny Boy takes pleasure in smacking Rosa around with one hand while the other keeps the wristlock in place.

COLE
He is just playing with him now; I don't think he's taking it seriously.

COACH
Why should they? They eat bigger steaks for dinner than these guys!

Danny Boy nonchalantly tosses Rosa into the Last Kings of Scotland's corner, kicks him in the chest and then tags out to Scottish Scott, who looks like he does not have a care in the world. After the tag Rosa rolls out of the corner as Scott just stands there, smiling and waving Cadeto Azul on like it does not matter which opponent he fights.

COACH
Pink, yellow, blue, purple, orange it doesn't matter for the champ!!

Azul looks a little worried as he faces the bigger of the Kings in the center of the ring. The two lock up only for Scottish Scott to easily throw Cadeto Azul across the ring with ease. Azul gets back up and bravely lock up with Scott once again, only to be pushed into the corner by the much larger Scotsman. When Scott tries to land a clubbing blow Azul ducks under the beefy arm and then lands a punch to Scott's face instead much to the delight of the crowd, then a second one, and a third one. Sensing an opportunity Cadeto Azul gains momentum by bouncing off the ropes.

SMACK!!

ONLY TO BE SHOULDERBLOCKED DOWN BY SCOTTISH SCOTT!!

COACH
You ever been run over by a Scottish truck?

COLE
No of course not

COACH
Well Blue Ranger has, he'll really be blue now bwa, ha, ha, ha!

Azul crawls across the canvas, staggering from the impact as Scottish Scott backs into the corner, waiting for the most opportune moment. Once Azul drags himself up by the ropes in the opposite corner Scott runs across the ring

RIGHT INTO AZUL'S FEET!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!

A second attempt at attacking Cadeto Azul has the same result as Azul uses the ropes to raise both feet up into Scott's chest. With his opponent staggered Cadeto Azul steps through the ropes and climbs up the turnbuckles. The first two kicks failed to knock Scott down, but a top rope drop kick finally fells the Scottish Oak. Scott quickly rolls over to his corner and tags Danny Boy back in, pounding his fist on the canvas in frustration.

COLE
Are Los Cadetos really in charge?

Danny Boy quickly pounces on Cadeto Azul before he's even back on his feet and whips him into the corner. Azul ducks under a clothesline attempt and instead leaps through the ropes onto Scottish Scott on the floor. Moments later Danny Boy takes a huge risk as he springboards over the top onto Cadeto Azul. With three people on the floor Cadeto Rosa takes gets a running start and leaps into the air

COLE
WHOA!!

COACH
ALEXANDER WIPED HIM OUT!!

Mid leap Cadeto Rosa is thrown sideways as Alexander the Brutal drills him with an elbow shot. The momentum of the impact sends Rosa crashing to the floor, crashing face first into the mat. On the floor Danny Boy tries to attack Azul, only to be taken down with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Azul wisely runs away as the monstrous Alexander gets off the apron to check on his partners.

COLE
Smart move, you don't really want to get in Alexander the Brutal's face

COACH
So the kids learned that lesson tonight, honestly they also need to learn that the Kings and Alexander are their superiors and they should apologize

COLE
Apologize?

COACH
Yes! Apologize for wasting the six-man tag team champions’ time.

But it seems that perhaps Los Cadetos have not learned their lesson, while Azul ran away Cadeto Amarillo has climbed up on the turnbuckle behind Alexander's back, waiting for the right moment. When Alexander turns around Cadeto leaps off, landing a stunning 720 degrees twisting tornillo splash that knocks all three champs down.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

Amarillo rolls Danny Boy inside the ring, allowing Cadeto Azul to take over. Azul quickly twists Danny Boy's arm into a straight arm bar and then tags in Amarillo. The yellow cadet comes off the top rope and strikes Danny Boy in the shoulder. The second Azul is on the apron Amarillo tags his partner in, then twists Danny Boy's arm, holding it stretched out for Azul to drive his knee into his opponent's arm. Then they do it again with Amarillo coming off the top rope.

COLE
These guys are going to town!

COACH
Meh it'll take more than 3 knees to the shoulder to take out the Celtic Thunder.

COLE
How about four?

Cadeto Amarillo comes off the top rope, driving a knee into Danny Boy's arm for the FIFTH time in a row! After five blows Amarillo takes his opponent down with a rolling arm bar, but the second he locks it in Scottish Scott is in the ring, driving his boot into Cadeto Amarillo's face to break the hold.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Scott quickly drags his partner over to his own corner, allowing Alexander to tag in before Cadeto Amarillo can react.

COACH
That's the great teamwork that made them champions!

The Greek Warrior picks up Amarillo by the throat, then slams him back first into the turnbuckles with a heavy thud. Two back elbows later and Alexander has his opponent soften up enough to Irish Whip him across the ring, only to change his mind mid-way through, swigging around so Amarillo crashes into the same turnbuckle once more. A massive thrust kick knocks Amarillo to the ground, giving him enough time to climb the ropes. Once he's at the top he lets loose a might roar before diving off the top for a diving head BUTT onto Cadeto Amarillo.

COLE
I don't know if Amarillo can even walk after this match!

Cadeto Rosa is still on the ground, leaving Cadeto Azul on the apron as the only Cadeto still standing. That's taken care of moments later as Scottish Scott runs around the ring, leaps up and knocks Azul into the ring post

THUD!!

With the other Cadetos down Alexander grabs Amarillo and absolutely wipes the floor with him as he drives him into the canvas with the Sword of Damocles. Instead of covering he tags Scottish Scott in who cackles like a mad man who has just been sprung from jail.

COLE
Now they really are playing with their opponents.

Scottish Scott drags Amarillo over to his corner, then together with Danny Boy he demonstrates just how dense two highlander heads are as they give Cadeto Amarillo the Mohawk Tomahawk

CRACK!!

Moments later Scottish Scott drives Amarillo into the canvas with the Jockhammer! The Scot pauses momentarily, then instead of pinning his opponent he tears the strings on the back of Cadeto Amarillo's mask open and yanks it off.

COACH
This isn't a lucha match, it's perfectly legal

With the yellow mask in one hand Scottish Scott casually places his other hand on Cadeto Amarillo's face (obscuring his face) for the cover.

ONE!!


TWO!!


THREE!!

DING!! DING!! DING!!

BUFFER
The winners of the match and STILL OAOAST World Six-Man Tag Team Champions, Alexander the Brutal aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the Last Kings of SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTLAND!!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Scottish Scott stands over his fallen opponent, sneering as he triumphantly holds the yellow mask up in the air with one hand and one of the six-man title belts with the other.

COLE
Man these guys were WIPED OUT!

COACH
As they should be, little boys need to learn their lesson. Lucha doesn’t stand a chance again European brutality.

COLE
WHAT?

COACH
It’s the story of the Aztecs all over again, Europeans came and what happened to the Aztec?

COLE
You’re using THAT as an argument? Why don’t you call someone Hitler and really lose all credibility.

COACH
Oh be quiet… (whispers) Hitler

The champs leave the ring with Scottish Scott keeping Cadeto Amarillo's mask, holding it up to the camera as he passes.

SCOTTISH SCOTT
Let this be a reminder to know your place PUNK!!

*Fade*

LATER TONIGHT
REJECT VS BIFFMAN
TONIGHT

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

We're backstage in La Ola Mexicana's private dressing room with Dr. Lucha, Jr. standing by a whiteboard ready to lay a motivational speech on his team. Out of all of them only El Juez and Espiritu Negro are dressed in their wrestling gear. Dr. Lucha, Jr. is wearing a "stylish" dark green suit and tie to go with his mask, the Infiernales boys are in La Ola Mexicana T-shirts and jeans and Gladiadorcito is wearing sweats and a weightlifter belt as he continuously work the dumbbells in his hands.

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
All right team tonight we have one focus and one focus only.

The "good doctor" stops in front of Espiritu Negro, giving him a suspicious look after El Camaleón used that disguise to attack Dr. Lucha, Jr. the previous week.

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
Pop quiz Espiritu, what's the first rule?

He holds up an old leather-bound book with the title "The Book of Lucha Libre" in gold letters on the front. He figures the real Espiritu Negro would know the answer to this.

Espiritu Negro
Don't take shit from nobody.

Everyone pauses as they look at Dr. Lucha, Jr.

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
Actually the first rule is: Don't take off your mask, but I like your rule as well, I think that will make a great 274th rule.

The rest of the group breathe a small sigh of relief, it seems that the answer satisfied their leader.

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
You know my father wrote the book on Lucha Libre, I mean literally he WROTE the book (points to book) and gave it to me when he retired. I remember it as if it was yesterday, he called me into his study and said "Son I have done everything I can in this sport, but the sport has changed"

Dr. Lucha, Jr. goes into a preaching cadence as he speaks

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
He said that this sport has lost respect, this sport has become nothing but flash and glitz and undeserved celebrity. I sat at my father's learning tree and took it all it and I agreed with every single word. Wrestling as we once knew it has died, not one giant gory death but many small ones.

Dr. Lucha, Jr. slams the heavy book against the table to underline his book

*BAM!*

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
When wrestlers only know how to hit each other over the head with chairs this sport dies a little!

*BAM!*

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
When the only qualification to work for a company is your looks and your appeal to the teenage demographics, this sport dies a little!

*BAM!*

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
When special guests or selling merchandise are more important than the in-ring action then this sport dies a little!

*BAM!*

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
When promos are more important than having wrestling skills then this sport dies a little!

*BAM!*

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
When a green lizard man, who is nothing more than a court jester, is touted as an "Example of great Lucha Libre" ...

Dr. Lucha pauses for a moment to overcome the anger that is bubbling inside him

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
This... Sport... Dies... A little!!

El Juez
Amen!

Everyone turns and looks at El Juez, the judge hardly ever speaks, but when he does EVERYONE listens

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
Amen indeed! The book of Lucha Libre teaches us many things, it teaches us to take pride in our work and it teaches us to win at all costs for we are the chosen! We are the anointed ones!! We are los Enmascarados!

Everyone in the room nods in agreement.

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
This mask we all wear is not just a symbol, it's not just a colorful cultural curiosity that Mexicans wear. It's a way of life; it's our blood, sweat and tears represented in fabric. It's the visual representation of everything we are!!

Hijo del Infierno II
That's why one of us will win La Leyenda de la Mascara!

Dr. Lucha, Jr. turns and looks at the two Infiernales boys, then he slowly nods in agreement.

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
I don't care who you have to walk over, who you have to hurt, beat up, knock down or throw over the top - LA OLA MEXICANA WILL WIN LA LEYENDA!! Tonight the two of you may have to get along with this Arma Mortal character...

He points to Espiritu Negro and El Juez who are booked in a relevos incredibles match that also includes Arma Mortal and three of Ola Mexicana's enemies.

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
But next week it's everyone for Ola Mexicana and screw the rest! I want to see you to dominate the battle royal and I want you all to qualify! Now if you happen to get your hands on El Camaleón... or that little sidekick of his... then that's great.

The doctor writes the name "El Camaleón" on the whiteboard, and then he draws a thick line through it.

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
In fact I would be an extremely happy man if that man did NOT qualify for La Leyenda, I mean the disgrace of having this clown, this joker in a match to honor the great Murcielago? He would turn over in his grave!

Everyone pauses for a moment of silence for El Enmascarado Murcielago, the greatest luchador ever.

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
My father spoke often of Murcielago, he was the role model of a nation and he, like Ola Mexicana, will not suffer any fools! He was a rudo, más rudissimo! and he would be proud of this group. He would be proud, as am I because I have assembled the greatest force in luc... no in wrestling! Others may have more influence, sell more t-shirts or "take over" the promotion.

Espiritu Negro
Please don't tell me we're trying to take over OAOAST?

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
Hell no! I wouldn't want the headache of running this insane asylum; I do not lust for the power to control other people's lives outside the ring! I don't care about making people miserable with stipulations when this team can go in the ring and physically torture them. Call me old school

Hijo del Infierno I
You're old school!!

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
Call me a throwback to a better time

Hijo del Infierno II
You're a throwback!

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
But I want us to do our talking in the ring!! And one day, god willing, (gives a quick silent prayer while looking towards the ceiling) my shoulder will be better and I will be back in the ring, fighting the good fight.

Hijo del Infierno I
That's right doctor!!

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
I will not just lead in spirit, but physically lead my army to victory over the weak, the immoral, the unmasked and those that have lost their way.

Gladiadorcito
Testify!!

The Doctor turns towards Gladiadorcito, almost as if he forgot he was in the room.

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
And you... my secret weapon. I bet you are wondering what my plans are for you.

Gladiadorcito
Just lay them on me boss, I'm ready for anything.

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
I bet you're wondering why I did not enter you in the Leyenda de la Máscara battle royal.

Gladiadorcito
You know best.

If you could see some of the other Ola Mexicana members' faces you would probably see them look a little concerned over the blind devotion Gladiadorcito seems to have, or perhaps not as they all seem to be drinking the Kool-Aid

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
Indeed... Your mission goes beyond bringing class to the classless, taste to the tasteless and talent to the talentless! Your mission is to prove EVERYONE wrong!

Gladiadorcito
EVERYONE?

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
Everyone who has ever looked down on you, everyone that has ever dismissed the Mini-Estrellas just because they are short! You will be the great equalizer!!

Gladiadorcito
EQUALIZER!!

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
You will fight and chop your way up the mountain, breaking preconceptions, smashing notions and proving once and for all that it's not the dog in the fight

Gladiadorcito
BUT THE FIGHT IN THE DOG!!

Gladiadorcito leaps to his feet, grunting with excitement after Dr. Lucha, Jr.'s speech.

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
I warn you, it will not be easy

Gladiadorcito
I don't want it easy!

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
It will not be quick

Gladiadorcito
I don't need it to be quick; I have the patience of a rock!

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
I have laid out the path for you, I can see the finish line and the glory that will surround you once you get there, but for now... for right now you just need to focus on one step at a time.

Gladiadorcito
I am ready!

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
Good man. See this is what devotion is about, this is what trust is about! This man (points to Gladiadorcito) trusts me to lead him to glory, do you trust me?

Hijo del Infierno II
We trust you doctor!

Dr. Lucha, Jr.
Then I shall lead you to glory! When they say it cannot be done, I say you're not trying hard enough!! When they said Mexican's will never be given a fair deal in America, I say we are not looking to be given anything; WE - WILL - TAKE - IT!!

[Chanel #99]

“Final Ride” by TRU hits and Reject power walks to the ring.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, representing the Deadly Alliance… from the Bronx, weighing 230 pounds… RRRRRREEEEEJECT!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Reject burns a hole through the OAOAST Galaxy.

COACH
Does that man look ready for AngleMania or what?

COLE
He better be ready for tonight.

Suddenly, the sounds of troubled streets, police alarms and fleeing citizens, can be heard through the arena. A woman screams as a single spotlight searches around the arena. Eventually it focuses on the ceiling, shining a giant "A". A triumphant fanfare sounds before "The Power" hits and Biffman answers his call to duty!

COLE
And here comes one of the 6 men in the Heartland/U.S. title unification ladder match at AngleMania.

COACH
The only championship I want Biffman to hold is a toy one.

Biffman strikes a heroic pose and then marches to the ring.

BUFFER
And his opponent! Being accompanied to the ring by MELODY NERDLY! From Venice Beach, California... he weighs 220 GIGATONS~! Ladies and gentlemen, citizens of earth, look, in the aisle... IT'S BBIIIIFFFFFFFMMAAAAAAAANN!!!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Biff poses on the middle rope, his cape flowing in the breeze thanks to a PORTABLE FAN operated by Melody, but Reject knocks him to the arena floor.

COACH
Yes! That was beautiful!

COLE
Reject is all over Biffman like a piranha that spots fresh meat in the water.

* DINGDINGDING *

Reject whips Biff into the STEEL STEPS and then drops him throat-first on the guardrail. Biff is rolled back in and stomped viciously. He eventually gets to his feet and blocks a punch with his bare hand -- a move that even stuns him.

BIFF


Unfortunately Biff leaves himself open to a kick to the gut, and then a fisherman‘s buster!

COACH


The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Reject takes Biff to the corner and works him over with RVD style kicks. Biff reverses a whip and executes a BIG SPEAR on the rebound!

COLE
Biff Smash!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Biff rams Reject into the buckle and hammers away from the middle rope.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

SEVEN!

EIGHT!

NINE!

TEN!!!

Biff throws Reject to the mat and signals for the moonsault!

COLE
Stick to what’s working Biffman. There’s no need to get too adventurous.

Melody and her beautiful bouncing breasts cheer on Biff as he climbs to the top and flips back… RIGHT INTO THE KNEES OF REJECT!!

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

COACH
That idiot got caught up in the moment and it’s gonna cost him the match. I love it, Mikey Cole.

Reject hurls Biff over the top like a garbage bag and takes a breather mid-ring. Meanwhile, ABDULLAH NERDLY makes a surprise visit ringside to lay the verbal smack down on Biff.

COLE
Oh come on, Abdullah has no business ringside.

COACH
He would have if Biff had been smart enough to join his church. The man’s a star maker.

Melody gets involved and the ref has to separate her and half-brother Abdullah. That allows Heavenly Rockers head of band security QUIZ to nail Biff with a BIG BOOT!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Where did he come from?!

Abdullah ends his argument with Melody as Quiz returns backstage. He bows towards Reject before fleeing himself.

COLE
This is terrible.

COACH
This is karma.

The ref begins to count Biff out as Reject watches on, a smirk on his face.

COLE
Don’t tell me Reject’s gonna win it like this.

COACH
Hey, a win’s a win, Cole.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

Biff starts to stir outside.

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

As Reject counts along with the official, BARON WINDELS sneaks in from behind and serves him a BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL DDT!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Biff slides back in still a bit loopy. He shakes off the cobwebs and spots Reject laid out prone mid-ring. The masked marvel snaps his fingers and delivers a HEROIC MIDDLE ROPE BIG SPLASH!!

COACH
Don’t tell me Baron’s gonna win it like this.

COLE
Hey, a win’s a win, Coach.

COACH
You’re despicable.

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!!

* DINDDINGDING *

COLE
Biff wins! Biff wins!

BUFFER
Here is your winner… BBIIIIFFFFFFFMMAAAAAAAANN!!!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Melody celebrates like Biff just won the World title. The two pose for the crowd while Reject fumes outside.

COACH
Baron Windels, you’ve gone and pissed off the wrong dude.

COLE
You reap what you sow. A lesson Reject learned the hard way. Folks, we'll be back with more HeldDOWN after this!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Backstage in the gorgeous and highly expensive interview lounge we find


MAGGIE NERDLY

standing with


LORELEI DECENZO

MAGGIE
What’s up, ya’ll? Maggie Nerdly, “It” Girl on the scene chilling with Lorelei DeCenzo.

LORELEI
I’d hardly call this chilling. I’d call it me barely tolerating your presence and you being lucky to interview me.

MAGGIE
I get no respect, I tells ya! Lorelei, at Anglemania we’ll both be competing in an eight girl scramble match for your women’s title.

LORELEI
Competing? Is that what you call what you do?

MAGGIE
What do you call it?

LORELEI
I call it flailing your arms around like a darn baboon! That’s what I call it.

MAGGIE
Hahahaha, very funny, I’m just surprised you joined me for this interview, I thought your species was still in hibernation.

LORELEI
:anger:

MAGGIE
You’re at an extreme disadvantage when it comes to defending your title. You only have a one in eight chance of victory. Bad news, huh?

LORELEI
Bad news for you, as you have no clue when you’ll be entering the match. I, however, have it on good authority I’ll be entering last. Meaning, I, as the fresh woman, will simply pick up the scraps and easily retain my hard earned title.

MAGGIE
Hold up, order of entry is supposed to be random.

LORELEI
Oh and it is. For everyone except for me.

MAGGIE
Say what?

LORELEI
You see, I met with Anglesault and used my powers…of oral persuasion to secure the last entry. Let’s just say he was very, very satisfied with my skills. And very exhausted after such rigorous discussion.

MAGGIE
I think you still have some of that oral persuasion on your lips.

Lorelei quickly wipes down her lips.

LORELEI
So enjoy your early entry, and I’ll be enjoying my Women’s Title.

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST HeldDOWN IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY....

SUCKER PUNCH-IN THEATRES TODAY

Back from commercials and in the ring ready to go, Pierce Duncan and James Riggs, with Amberlynn Duncan at ringside. Slightly more cohesive than Alix Maria Spezia and a perpetually glum Leon Rodez on the other side of the ring.


*DINGDINGDING*

Alix starts the match out, with Leon more than 'happy' (if that's the right word) to take his spot on the apron.

PIERCE
I've got this, bro! Lemme take care of this chica bomb!

Confident about his ability to hang with his sister's girl, Pierce strides into the ring and gets right in her face.

PIERCE
What, girl? What you gonna do, huh? You think you can hang with The Result? Seriously?

ALIX
Pierce...

PIERCE
You don't know how to deal with me, I'm all man, unlike your boyfriend, my sister!

ALIX
Uhm, that doesn't even make sense, but...

PIERCE
I've got more muscle in my right arm than you've got in your entire body, watch. (fistpump) OH! OH! OH! What now, girl?

ALIX
Where did it all go wrong, Pierce? We used to be tight, brah! Now you be all up in my grill, try'na intimidate a homegirl. What happened? We used to be cool, dawg!

PIERCE
(slightly disappointed)
We're still cool. I'm sorry.

ALIX
PSYCHE!

Alix STOMPS on Pierce's foot, to his great shock! Grabbing his foot Pierce hops around in a circle in pain, which looks so fun that Alix decides to join him.

ALIX
Uh huh, let's party, go do it, hop around, don't stop, oh yeah, get down!

PIERCE
I'm not dancing, dummy!

Looking to put an end to the party, Pierce drops his foot and tries to drop Alix with a clothesline. Alix ducks underneath, still hopping, hurdling her leg with her standing leg in a pointless display of skill, with time to spare to hit an armdrag on Pierce! Pierce gets up and runs right into a second armdrag, Alix hanging on this time and barring the arm.

COLE
How ashamed do you think Krista is of Pierce? On a scale of one to ten?

Pierce tried to regain some pride by regaining his feet, then kneeing Alix in the midsection. After that simple move, he decides to taunt Alix a little, before coming off the ropes... and winding right back in the armbar!

COLE
I'd say roughly twelve point five.

Pierce gets up again and resorts to grabbing Alix's hair! The referee calls for a break, which is enough to get Pierce out of the armbar at least. He surprises Alix with a boot, then whips her to the ropes. A telegraphed clothesline is countered though, into a crucifix!


1...


2...


No!

Determined if not smart, Pierce tries again and Alix swings herself around with a sunset style pin this time...


1...


2...


No!

PIERCE
Whoa whoa whoa whoa!

Trying a different tact, Pierce calls a halt and calms Alix down... before POKING HER IN THE EYES!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

PIERCE


ALIX


PIERCE
Aww... shit, I'm sorry.

Alix sobs in pain at her afflicted vision, causing Pierce to worry about the afflictions he's going to end up with once Krista gets a hold of him. He tries to apologise and insists he's sorry, even going so far as to try and help Alix back up. Which doesn't end well, Alix hitting him with a LOWBLOW that causes Pierce to take a comical pratfall through the ropes headfirst, to the outside!

"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Rushing over to help him, Amberlyn checks on a rigid Pierce and curses Alix for her trickery.

ALIX


As this fun and frivolity goes on, Leon stands in his corner looking completely dis-interested, not even watching the action in the ring.

ALIX
C'mon sweetie, join on! Shake those shiny leather buns!

With Alix caught up in her dance, James Riggs gets the jump on her from behind. He hammers Alix into the corner, not the legal man but ignoring the referee's warnings. Riggs whips Ally across and follows in, but runs right into a boot! Hopping off the bottom rope, the agile Alix hurdles over her opponent, coming off the ropes to catch him with a spinning headscissors! Riggs bails outside, at which point a recovered Pierce comes in, hands clenched preparing to drop the double axe... and getting mule kicked in the gut!

COLE
Alix with eyes in the back of her head.

COACH
And junk in the seat of her trunk.

Alix grabs a side headlock, but gets shot off into the ropes. Drop down by Pierce is hurdled, only for Riggs to trip Alix from the outside!

COLE
HEY!

Riggs takes the referee, allowing Riggs to spin Alix around across the apron like a turntable, then slam her down chest-first on the metal edge! Spinning her back around, Riggs then holds the legs as Pierce drops a leg to the back of the neck!

COACH
Great teamwork!

Pierce makes the cover...


1...



2...



No!

Quick tag made and Riggs takes over with a barrage of stomps to the fallen latina.

COLE
Riggs and Duncan have managed to turn the tide here and they know, they need to stay on Alix. One of the most resilient competitors in the OAOAST.

COACH
Aka too dumb to quit.

Riggs whips Alix to the ropes and drops her with a back elbow. Cover...


1...


2...


No!

Slapping on a chinlock, Riggs looks to keep the exciteable Alix under control for a while. Leon looks on, making zero effort to even reach for a tag, even if Alix is far off in the middle of the ring.

COLE
You have to wonder just what kind of motivation Leon Rodez has in this match. And what kind of motivation he's going to have at AngleMania. He made it very clear, he was in War Games to get his title shot and after that he was done, but here he is still teaming with the likes of Alix and showing very little enthusiasm.

COACH
Dude doesn't even show enthusiasm around his girl. Cut him some slack.

As Alix tries to fight back, she's cut off by Riggs, dragging her back to the mat. Riggs steps on Alix's arm and pins her down, bringing in Pierce to boot her in the face and cover...


1...


2...


No!

Looking to get his pump on, Piercey D lifts up Alix and presses her over his head with ease! With complete nonchalance, he lets Alix go. And as Alix lands face-first, Pierce shows off his abs to the unreceptive crowd.

COACH
Gorilla Slam from the Billabong Gorilla!

After much delay, a cover is made...


1...



2...



No!

Pierce drags Alix up and fires away with some forearms. With Alix dazed, he delivers a boot to the gut and hollers out to the crowd before hitting the ropes. But Alix ducks a clothesline! Skidding to a halt, Pierce is urged to turn around by Amberlyn, doing so just in time to eat a BUTT SMASH to the face!!

"YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Speed and quickness out of the fireplug, Alix!

COACH
Yep. I could think of worse things to be hit by though.

Both Pierce and Alix stagger to their feet at about the same time and it's Alix who strikes first, stabbing Pierce in the gut with a boot. Grabbing a hold of the head Alix then gives the signal and goes for Confessions Of A Kristaholic...



...NO! Pierce somehow manages to spin out in mid-move, sending Alix for a loop. And with Alix momentarily disorientated, Pierce capitalises with a back suplex, which he flips into a sitout facebuster!!

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
CHA-CHING!

Cover...


1...



2...



NO!

PIERCE
ARE YOU SERIOUS BRO!?

Unable to believe that, yes, the referee-bro is infact serious, Pierce tags in James Riggs to put Alix away.

COLE
Alix hanging in there, but she really needs to make a tag. If she can.

Riggs slowly picks Alix up, keeping half an eye on Leon, who seems to be making no move to stop him. So, he hooks Alix up and lifts her for a suplex... which Alix counters into an inside cradle!!


1...



2...



Kickout!

Alix quickly makes a move, trying to crawl through Riggs's legs to get the tag, but Riggs catches her ankle and cuts her off. On one leg Alix hops to a standing position and makes another despairing reach. But there's no reach on the other end, which in part allows Riggs to drag her back and deliver a Gutbuster!

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Now that could have been a tag right there if Leon had made a better effort to get it!

Riggs makes the cover...


1...



2...



Kickout!

Moving away, Riggs creates some room for himself, lining Alix up.

COLE
Could be Spear time!

As Alix gets to her feet, Riggs comes charging... and misses, as Alix sidesteps out of the way. But she sidesteps right into the wrong part of the ring, allowing Pierce to reach in and grab Alix by the hair! Riggs sees his chance and bulls in again. But Alix manages to break free just in time, escaping with a LEAPFROG... causing Riggs to Spear PIERCE, right off the apron!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Riggs looks shocked, but realises Alix is still behind him... and turns around into an Enziguri!!

COLE
A break for Alix!

COACH
Yeah but what's she supposed to do with it?

Looking to her corner longingly, Alix sees Leon's disinterested face and thinks about gutting it out alone, but decides to risk it. She makes the crawl and the crowd rise up, urging the tag to be made. Leon looks on, no change in emotion apparant... but as Alix gets closer, his hand finally leaves his side.

COACH
Uh-oh...

Alix glances back, seeing Riggs stirring and makes a dive for the tag...






...AND MAKES IT!!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
HERE. COMES. LEON!

In off the tag, Rodez finally finds some urge to fight and uses it to cut through Riggs with a clothesline! And another one! And then a third! Riggs is reeling and gets whipped in, sent for the ride with a BAAAAACK bodydrop!! Pierce hops on the apron, but down he goes too as Leon cleans house on his opponents!

COLE
I didn't expect to see this, but Leon is taking the fight to Duncan and Riggs right now!

Riggs stumbles in and gets caught, with an Exploder Suplex! Cover...


1...



2...



No!

Leon pounds away with right hands, then whips Riggs across the ring. The Fallen Idol backs up and tries a charge, which Riggs is out of the way of quickly. Quick enough for Leon to put on the brakes. Coming to a stop in the corner, Rode turns around and gets picked up for a Sidewalk Slam, but manages to kick and struggle his way up and over Riggs' shoulder, landing behind him and delivering a knee strike around into the ribs!

COLE
Those dehabiliting knees, designed to drive the wind out of the body.

Raising two more knees into Riggs, Leon then adds a rolling sobat to the misery. Riggs falls to one knee and Leon goes to take aim...



...but spots Pierce Duncan charging at him out of the corner of his eye. Leon manages to sidestep though, catching the arm and delivering a Soul Destroyer to The Result! Groggy, Pierce rolls outside, as Leon wrings the arm of Riggs and delivers a Soul Destroyer to him as well!

COLE
What works for one, works for all.

Hook of the leg by Leon...


1...



2...



NO!

Not deterred, Leon is right back up, lining Riggs up again for the ONE HIT KILL...



...NO! Riggs ducks underneath and with a shove in the back, sends Leon forward, RIGHT INTO ALIX!!

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Alix takes a spill off the apron and lands hard. Looking down, Leon shows a moment's concern, no more no less. But enough to distract him. And when he turns around, he's turning into the path of the SPEAR!!!!

COACH
BAM!

Leg hooked...


1...



2...



KICKOUT!

COLE
Only two! And Riggs can't believe it!

Looking to capitalise while his opponent is still hurt, Riggs hooks Leon's leg and turns him over into a half crab!

COLE
Achilles Lock! Submission manoeuvre!

Riggs sits back on the hold and looks to have Leon in a bad way. Until Alix re-appears, leaping to the top and coming Straight Out Of Compton to break it up with the Springboard Spear!!

COLE
Now that's a Spear!

COACH
A Spear for show-offs, sure.

As Riggs rolls away for a reprieve, Leon gets back up and shows his appreciation to being saved, by spinning Alix around and shoving her in the chest! Apparantly accusing Alix of causing him to almost lose, by being bonked into, Leon voices his frustrations and the team of former lovers looks on the verge of (another) messy split. Seeing this as an opportunity, Pierce Duncan rolls back in, ready to ambush...



...but Alix moves out of the way and Leon reacts with a flash SUPERKICK! Pierce staggers around dazed, into a SUPERKICK from Alix!!

AMBERLYN
Eek!

With Duncan out of the way, Leon and Alix's arguement is forgotten, as Riggs charges...




...and goes for the Rolling Koppou Kick, but doesn't connect! Leon takes a step back and catches Riggs, turning him over and clamping down with the LIONTAMER!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
Riggs got caught!

Assuming this one's under control, Alix stands guard, as Leon sinches up on the hold.... AND FORCES RIGGS TO TAP OUT!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"


*DINGDINGDING*

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of ALIX MARIA SPEZIA... and LLEEEEEOOONN... RRRRROOOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZ!!!!

The more upbeat of the two winners songs, Sexy Bitch hits and the crowd go wild.

COLE
A victory for ex's everywhere! Leon Rodez and Alix Maria Spezia showing what you can do, when you put your differences aside.

Alix skips around, typically happy with her victory, but it's clear Leon is in no mood for celebrations. With the match over, Leon instead goes back to voicing his grievance over the accidental collision earlier. Alix doesn't see the big deal and tries to get Leon to lighten up and celebrate. Causing Leon to just stare at her, then brush past and leave the ring alone, head down.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Maybe I spoke too soon.

As Leon storms off, Alix watches for a while... before shrugging her shoulders and continuing on with her celebration. Whatevs!

COLE
Well, no-one accused Leon and Alix of being the best of friends. But, they are victorious here tonight. The question is will Leon be an asset to Alix and The Beverly Hills Blonds at AngleMania, as he was tonight... or, will he be a liability?

[Chanel #99]

We're backstage in a place we rarely see, the red, white and blue decorated locker room of "Enhancement talent extraordinaire" the All-American Boys. Showing their true American Spirit they have never gotten down over losing repeatedly, they're living the American Dream by being paid to wrestle after all.

JUSTICE
Man I can't wait to show everyone what it means to be All-American in that battle royal

FREEDOM
Well said brother, I know the Leyenda de la Mascara is a Mexican thing, but what can be more "Melting pot" than embracing and accepting other cultures’ traditions... and then making them better

JUSTICE
Exactly, that's what we do in America; we take something and make it better.

FREEDOM
Like Taco Bell

JUSTICE
I'm more of a Chipotle guy

FREEDOM
Really? Well land of the free, you can chose what you want.

ALL-AMERICAN BOYS
God bless America.

JUSTICE
You know this is our golden ticket.

FREEDOM
Wow that's a beautiful metaphor Justice

JUSTICE
No literally, our golden tickets

Justice holds up two golden tickets that read "Admission to the Leyenda de la Mascara qualifier"

FREEDOM
Seriously cool!

??
Yes cool, too bad you're not keeping them

The All-American Boys turn around and see four and a half angry clowns in the doorway.

JUSTICE
Clowns?

FREEDOM
Urgh I don't like clowns.

ARLEQUIN ROJO
Don't worry the feeling is more than mutual. Now just hand over the tickets and we will leave without an incident.

Arlequin Rojo tries to look menacing as he cracks his knuckles, but looking like a red and white clown with a goofy hat makes it hard for him to look menacing.

FREEDOM
Sorry, not going to happen.

JUSTICE
We earned these fair and square.

ARLEQUIN ROJO
These tickets belongs to true Luchadors, not two wannabes

FREEDOM
Wannabes? Listen here...

JUSTICE
(whispers) what's the matter?

FREEDOM
(Whispers back) I don't know this guy's name

ARLEQUIN ROJO
(Annoyed) I'm Arlequin Rojo, leader of Los Arlequins

FREEDOM
Well listen Harlequin Row-how it was an open invitation, we were lucky enough to get the last two slots in the battle royal.

JUSTICE
This is our chance to go to AngleMania, do you know how long we have been here for? It's time we drive down the road to AngleMania

ARLEQUIN ROJO
Cry me a Rio Grande gringo. We are not asking you to hand over the tickets

Arlequins Verde and Negro both pull out bowling pins in what is supposed to be a threatening manner.

ARLEQUIN VERDE
We are TELLING YOU to hand them over

JUSTICE
Not going to happen, just go crawl into a clown car or something.

FREEDOM
Yeah I think there is a circus tent missing its opening ac-SPLAT!!

The entire room goes silent in surprise as the surly Payasito threw a pie in Freedom's face

FREEDOM
Nobody wastes an apple pie, NOBODY!!

Them's fighting words as the All-American Boys rush the Mexican Clowns

JUSTICE
REMEMBER THE ALAMOOOOOOOOOO!!

Seconds later they are all tied up in a giant pile of legs and arms going every which way you can imagine, clowns wailing on patriots, patriots kicking clowns' asses and so forth. In the middle of everything we see Payasito climb out from under the pile with the two golden tickets in hand, laughing a maniacal laugh.

PAYASITO
TICKETS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Once Payasito is out of the door Los Arlequins stop fighting and bolt out the door as well

ARLEQUIN AMARILLO
One of those is mine!!

SCREEEEEEEEEEECH!!

All the other Arlequins come to a screeching halt!

ARLEQUIN ROJO
Let's get this straight; I'm the leader, I decide!

FREEDOM
Those are ours!!

ARLEQUIN VERDE
Well as they say in America, finders keepers, losers weepers

JUSTICE
Seriously a raspberry? You blew us a raspberry?

ARLEQUIN ROJO
You should have held on to them better, no ticket, no admission to the battle royal

And with that Los Arlequins run off leaving two confused and heartbroken All-American Boys behind.

JUSTICE
Heinous

FREEDOM
Totally

JUSTICE
At this rate we'll never have a match at AngleMania

FREEDOM

[Chanel #99]

We return to a sofa central that sits inside an arena bathed in white, red and green lights.

CARDINAL
Man I am excited about this next match!

Both Cole and Coach jump in surprise as they realize that Leonardo Cardinal has joined them at Sofa Central.

COACH
How long have you been sitting there?

CARDINAL
For a while, this is just the first time I could get a word in.

COLE
Since you're here Cardinal, tell us a bit more about the (reads his papers, then proceeds to butcher the Spanish pronunciation) Re-levos Incredible

CARDINAL
That's Relevos Incredibles, strictly speaking it means "Incredible relay" and refers to a match type where you team up with someone who you usually do not team with, and who is usually not someone you are on the same side as.

COACH
So if Rocksault teamed up with Krista

CARDINAL
And they wrestled the team of Bruce Blank and Bohemoth, yes, a very good example.

COLE
Well don't get used to it, this is about as far as his journalistic integrity stretches.

RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR.
The following Relevos Incredibles is scheduled for the best out of three falls, with no time limit. Introducing first the man, the myth, the enforcer of La Ola Mexicana - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL JUEEEEZ!! His tag team partner, formerly from the Mexico City Special forces LLLLLLLLLLA ARMA MOOOOOOOOOOORTAL!! Finally the anchor around his partner's necks, a pathetic lizard!

CARDINAL
Otherwise known as El Camaleón to those of us that are not incredibly biased

COACH
So these guys have to carry the pathetic lizard through out the match?

COLE
Right on the money with the incredibly biased comment there Leonardo.

El Juez and Arma Mortal come to the ring together, showing a slight degree of unity while El Camaleón comes down by himfself and does not enter the ring right away, opting to stay on the floor to interact with some of the fans.

RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand their opponents, benefitting from the amazing leadership of EEEEEEEEESPIRITU NEGRO! No doubt trying their best to NOT follow his shining example, here are MA-RI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACHI!!! and AVIADOOOOOOOOOOOOOR DIVINA!!

Mariachi and Aviador Divina come out side by side, showing the team spirit that is otherwise missing from the match, for tonight's match Aviador is wearing the same shade of hot pink that Mariachi prefers, including a pink version of his crucifix adorned mask. Mixing Catholicism and homosexuality? It’s a bold move that has never been done before, but OAOAST is in the vanguard of fictional homosexual rights. Espiritu Negro seems to look sullen and annoyed as he marches right past where Mariachi is proudly displaying the latest groin grinding moves he's picked up during his online "Studies".

COLE
Tonight is not going to be about teamwork, I doubt we will see much unity.

CARDINAL
You may be surprised, that's the appeal of a good Relevos Incredibles match

COACH
Man does this ever remind you of dinner with your mother-in-law, you are forced to get along with someone you'd rather smack upside the head with a shoe. Espiritu Negro does not even bother with getting in the ring, instead he walks straight to his corner and demonstratively grabs the tag rope and then glares at his two partners who are still knee deep in the love fest with the crowd.

CARDINAL
Love is a beautiful thing, no matter what form it takes.

COLE
Even between a man and his sheep

COACH
Oh can we NOT put that mental image in our heads... nope, it's too late now I got the thought of a hairy goat girly bits in my head, thanks a lot I will be up all night.

CARDINAL
Now who's the pervert?

El Juez tells Arma Mortal to get out on the apron once Mariachi and Aviador Divina enters the ring, reluctantly the former Special Forces officer steps through the ropes, followed by El Juez. Once the bell rings both El Juez and La Arma Mortal just stare at El Camaleón who is still on the floor. After a momentary hesitation by the referee he begins to count, having decided that Camaleón is the legal man in the ring.

ONE!!


TWO!!

El Camaleón looks at El Juez, who just shrugs his shoulders and motions for Camaleón to get in the ring.

THREE!!


FOUR!!


FIVE!!

After pacing back and forth, mulling over the situation Camaleón finally nods, reluctantly accepting the fact that he is the legal man

SIX!!


SEVEN!!

COACH
GET IN THE RING!! He's just standing there!!

EIGHT!!


COLE
Perhaps he would rather lose than play El Juez' games.

NINE!!

The green luchador slides under the bottom rope just as El Juez and Arma Mortal begins to panic over the count. Across the ring from his stands Mariachi, still pumped from his entrance (not like that you pervs). Once Camaleón looks back at his two team members in his corner they leap off the apron, likewise Espirtu Negro gets off the apron as well, leaving only the three tecnicos actually in or on the ring.

CARDINAL
I think their strategy is to have the tecnicos beat each other up to begin with.

COACH
And why not, if you can get someone else to do your dirty work?

The two masked men shake hands to the delight of the crowd, then they begin to pace around the ring, sizing each other up as they get ready to wrestle.

CARDINAL
If this was under Lucha rules they could just roll to the floor and someone else would have to take over

COACH
Well thank God it's not then, you're in America son and here we play by a different and naturally much better rulebook.

COLE
I'm sorry I think my hearing is acting up, did you claim to be playing by the rulebook?

COACH
Hey I play by the rules (mumbles) when I feel like it.

Back in the ring El Camaleón seems to be a little reluctant to lock up, perhaps fearing a go-behind from Mariachi or maybe he is afraid of the dreaded penis suplex, it's hard to tell for what reason. Then, after several moments of non-fighting both luchadors jump into action as they run against the ropes on opposite sides of each other, on the rebound they pass by without even touching and then both do a handspring against the ropes and bounce back to their feet. With a sudden nod to each other both Camaleón and Mariachi run towards the ropes, then leap THROUGH THE ROPES ONTO THEIR OPPONENTS ON THE FLOOR!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

The crowd is loving it as El Camaleón knocks down Espiritu Negro with a headbutt topé while Mariachi somehow manages to end up crotch first on Arma Mortal, knocking him into El Juez with the momentum. Not to be left out Aviador Divina runs down the apron, then leaps up on the top rope and waits for El Juez to get back to his feet. Once the Judge is vertical Aviador Divina steps onto the top of the ring post and leaps off the post, knocking El Juez into the guardrail with a breathtaking dive.

CRASH!!

COLE
Someone just got their frequent flier miles cashed in!

COACH
I'm confused, why the hell would you Mexicans come up with a match like this, you even give it a specific name for Christ sake.

CARDINAL
Because we are very twisted and we like it like that!

Camaleón rolls Espiritu Negro into the ring while Mariachi tosses Arma Mortal in as well, only for the referee to point out that the rudos are not the legal men in the competition. Stunned by the referee's ability to actually keep track of who is legal or not legal in the match both Camaleón and Arma Mortal reluctantly return to the ring. Aviador Divina traps his partner Espiritu Negro in their corner, allowing Mariachi to go over and tag him, being Mariachi of course he tags him in by kissing him on the cheek instead of touching his hand, a move that annoys Espiritu Negro no end, but then again Espiritu is the kind of person who would be annoyed by a basket of kittens on a hot summer day.

COLE
Finally we'll get some in ring action.

With the rudo/tecnico dynamics restored the two competitors lock up in a standard collar-and-elbow lock up, which leads to Espiritu Negro pushing Camaleón into a neutral corner, mainly by pulling on his mask. With Camaleón cornered Espiritu rears back and tears into his opponent with a stiff chop.

SNAP!!

Camaleón returns the favor by lighting up Espiritu Negro's chest with a chop of his own

SMACK!!

Apparently not pleased with Camaleón playing "Anything you can do I can do better" and launches into him with a quick series of knife edge chops to the chest

SNAP!!SNAP!!SNAP!!SNAP!!

Followed by a punch to the jaw and an elbow to the nose by the sadistic Espiritu that knocks Camaleón down on his ass. With a surprising swiftness Espiritu grabs the top ropes and uses them to raise himself up in the air, giving him extra momentum before he comes crashing down with both knees on Camaleón's chest.

COACH
I bet Chameleon is regretting the change of opponents, I mean I doubt Mariachi would be this tough.

CARDINAL
Don't worry about Camaleón, he can handle himself.

COACH
Espiritu certainly can!

The devious Espiritu drags Camaleón to the center of the ring by his mask, inserting his fingers in the eyehole and tugging on it with all his might

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Espiritu just smiles as half the mask comes off in his hand, revealing a head of black hair on El Camaleón much to the crowd's dislike. The tearing of the mask seems to invigorate El Camaleón as he leaps to his feet, jams his thumb in Espiritu's eye and then tears a big strip off Espiritu Negro's mask in retaliation. Seconds later Espiritu tears off what is left of El Camaleón's mask immediately drawing a

DING!!! DING!! DING!!

RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR.
The referee has overreacted and disqualified Espiritu Negro!!

COLE
Overreacted? He tore the mask clean off.

El Camaleón immediately drops to the canvas as he tries to cover his face, moments later Mariachi enters the ring and helps the unmasked Luchador keep his face from actually being seen. Meanwhile Espiritu Negro takes great pleasure in tearing the Camaleón mask in even smaller strips.

CARDINAL
We're going to need another mask for Camaleón, or he can't continue

COACH
Man that would be such a shame, I am sure Espiritu Negro is heartbroken

Moments later Bribón comes to the ring with a spare Camaleón mask in hand.

COACH
I hope he brought a large sized mask, not one of his own baby masks.

COLE
You are so crass!

COACH
And that's why I get paid the big bucks!

Bribón jumps up and enters the ring, helping his buddy to put the mask on as the crowd cheers in appreciation. El Juez steps into the ring, unable to resist harassing the diminutive luchador. The Judge begins chasing Bribón around the ring, keeping everyone occupied as Camaleón and Mariachi tie the strings on the back of Camaleón's mask. Moments later Bribón leaps through the ropes into Aviador Divina's arms and then runs off the aisle as El Juez follows him.

RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR.
SEGUNDA CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIDA!!

DING!! DING!! DING!!

CARDINAL
And here is the second fall.

When the bell rings El Camaleón marches straight over to Espiritu Negro, grabs him by the torn mask and yanks on it so hard that 75% of it comes off in his hands

DING!! DING!! DING!!

Negro angrily rolls to the floor and covers up his face with a black towel while El Camaleón celebrates in the ring as he tosses bits of Espiritu Negro mask everywhere.

RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR.
El Camaleón has been disqualified for the most heinous attack on Lucha Libre traditions! Unfortunately he has not been ejected from the match, instead just tying the match at one fall apiece.

COLE
That was a very short fall!

CARDINAL
Some times you gotta do what you gotta do, forget the rules.

COACH
That's such a typical Mexican thing to say, I mean first you ignore our immigration rules and now you ignore our wrestling rules!

Since no mask has been brought out for Espiritu Negro by the time the bell rings for the third fall Mariachi steps through the ropes to take his place.

RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR.
TERCERA CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIDA!!

DING!! DING!! DING!!

CARDINAL
Well hopefully this fall is a bit longer than the second fall.

El Camaleón and Mariachi face off in the middle of the ring, shaking hands and then quickly hugging before they start to wrestle. When Mariachi gives Camaleón a playful grab on the ass the green Luchador just shrugs his shoulders as to say "Mariachi will be Mariachi". The game of grabass seems to make Arma Mortal sick as he makes puking motions on the apron, giving Camaleón the opening to jump over and tag Mortal in.

COLE
I don't think he was prepared for that!

CARDINAL
KICK HIS ASS, SEA BASS!!

COACH
Whu?

The angry cop points to Mariachi and curses up a storm, fortunately in Spanish so it's only bleeped in the Spanish language broadcasts. Not intimidated the least Mariachi grabs Arma Mortal's hand, twists it into a wristlock and then proceeds to bite the extended Index finger

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRHH!!

And then begins to lick and suck it in a very suggestive manner. The licking and sucking seems to upset Arma Mortal more than the actual biting as he loses his cool, viciously pulls his hand back and then swings wildly at his opponent. At this point El Juez finally returns from backstage, black mask in hand and his trademark angry scowl on his face.

COACH
Well finally, Espiritu Negro can put a mask on and show these people how it is done!!

COLE
I guess it's a six-man match again and not just a weird tag team match.

El Juez gets back on the apron, making sure he's on the opposite side of the ring post from El Camaleón, then watches the match as Espiritu Negro puts his mask back on and gets up on the opposite side's corner. In the ring Mariachi keeps ducking and dodging out of Arma Mortal's way, enraging his opponent even further. At one point the most openly gay luchador in the world gets too close to El Juez in the corner who grabs him by the arm and holds him for Arma Mortal.

COACH
HA!! We're in for some bashing tonight.

Mortal builds up some speed as he runs across the ring towards his corner, but at the last moment Camaleón attacks his team mate El Juez, forcing him to let go of Mariachi. The pink luchador leaps out of the way causing Arma Mortal to strike El Juez with the running kick instead of Mariachi

CARDINAL
OOOOOOOOOOHH!! I don't think that'll make El Juez happy

Cardinal is right as El Juez stumbles off the apron from the impact, then gets back on his feet and shoots his tag team partner a look that reveals his evil thoughts. Mortal apologizes to El Juez, but the apology is cut short when Mariachi grabs/gropes him from behind and then takes him up and over in a German suplex. Mariachi keeps his grip on Arma Mortal as he rolls over and then pulls his opponent up, executing a second German Suplex. When he pulls him up for a third suplex Mariachi's wandering hands checks to see if Arma Mortal is hiding any weapons, much to the delight of the crowd and the disgust of both El Juez and Espiritu Negro.

COLE
I've heard of the long arm of the law, but the groping hand ON the law? That's a new one.

Mortal reacts instinctively by driving backward sending both of them into Mariachi's corner. Due to the impact Mariachi inadvertedly tags in Aviador Divina who leaps up on the top rope and then takes Mortal down with a flying head scissors.

COLE
HEEEEEEEEEEEERE HE COMES TO SAVE THE DAY!

COACH
He's not Mighty Mouse

CARDINAL
No Mighty Mouse is working the mid-card in Mexico City

COLE/COACH


Espiritu Negro decides to forget about teamwork as he reaches through the ropes, grabs Mariachi's hand and then pulls him hard into the turnbuckle.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

With the referee distracted by Espiritu Negro attacking his own partner El Juez quickly enters the ring and grabs Aviador Divina from behind, holding him while Arma Mortal climbs the ropes. Mortal comes off the top rope with a drop kick, only for Aviador to break free of El Juez' hold at the last second so that Mortal strikes El Juez instead of his intended victim. Angered by the attack on his stable mate Espiritu Negro leaps into the ring, drags Mortal to his feet, hooks both arms in a butterfly position and executes a pedigree pile driver.

COACH
What the hell is going on?

After taking Arma Mortal out both El Juez and Espiritu Negro rolls out of the ring and walk away, disgusted with the actions of Arma Mortal tonight. Adding to the confusion is the fact that El Camaleón openly and vocally encourages Aviador Divina to pin Arma Mortal, Camaleón's own tag team partner!

CARDINAL
This is breaking down in front of our very eyes.

COACH
You sound surprised? I knew this would happen from the beginning.

Divina applies a Full Nelson on his dazed opponent, then takes him to the back with a German suplex into a bridge

ONE!!!


TWO!!!



THREE!!!

DING! DING!! DING!!!

COACH
Espiritu Negro wins one for his team, and he's not even in the ring - now that's true dominance!

Mariachi quickly enters the ring to check on Arma Mortal who is still on the mat, he first checks Mortal's pulse, then quickly moves on to a quick grope to check his opponent's reflexes. The second Arma Mortal realizes what is going on he freaks out and slides backwards out of the ring, away from Mariachi's advances.

CARDINAL
Someone is a little uptight!

COACH
Hey I wouldn't want his hands all over me either.

Mariachi seems to take real enjoyment over the fact that his advances bother Arma Mortal so much, in fact Arma Mortal's discomfort seems to be the driving force behind his advances as Mariachi turns the Gay-ometer up to 11, crawling across the canvas towards Arma Mortal while seductively licking his lips. Mortal backs away, hoping to get as far away from Mariachi as possible, only to run right into Camaleón and Aviador Divina.

COACH
Hey come on now, respect the man's personal space!!

Camaleón and Aviador hold on to Arma Mortal, who desperately tries to break out of the hold and get away from the pink Luchador's advances.

MARIACHI
Don't deny it girl, you know deep down that you like this.

Arma Mortal struggles as Mariachi begins to run his hands up and down his opponent's body, making sure to squeeze everything that there is to squeeze along the way. Mortal is so enraged that he visibly shakes with anger, finally pulling away from Camaleón and Aviador Divina so he can escape through the crowd. Mariachi just laughs as the homophobic Arma Mortal stumbles through the crowd in blind horror.

CARDINAL
Score one for the good guys! Divina and Mariachi were victorious tonight

COACH
And Espiritu Negro! Don't forget him.

CARDINAL
Yes I suppose so.

COLE
Folks, we have more exciting HeldDOWN~! on the way! Stay tuned!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

The jerky and aggressive rock of

by Static X booms over the speakers, as the arena is coated in a puke green light.

COLE
This is The Masked Mutants Music but I don’t have them on our format.

COACH
You lost for reading the format. It ain’t like they gonna fire us if we don’t. Shit, we could just play blackjack and talk about the NCAA tournament and they’d still dish out the checks.

The Masked Mutants trademark dumpster is wheeled onto the entrance stage. As the camera swings behind it, we find that its not a production assistant pushing out the dumpster. Rather it’s the stone faced world champion Jason Silver.

COLE
The champion is pushing out the Masked Mutants’ dumpster. But why?

COACH
That’s the ultimate disrespect to the champ, having to assist with the next man’s entrance.

Silver doesn’t stop pushing the dumpster when he reaches the center of the stage as expected. Instead he laboriously carts it towards the right side of the platform.

COLE
What’s he doing?

Too the immense horror and shock of the sold out audience, Silver sends the trash bin flying off the entrance stage! It nosedives through the air before crashing on its side on the concrete floor bellow next to a spotlight that shines purple.

COLE
Good lord, Jason Silver just shoved the Masked Mutants off the entrance stage!

COACH
But why, Mikey? Rocksault ain’t got no beef with The Mutants!

The lid of the dumpster flips open, and from the bottom of the bin crawls a distressed and wounded KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN

COLE
Oh no! Its Krista!

The fans immediately spray the world champion with a large dosage of heel heat at the sight of their weakened heroine. Ignoring their cries of rage, Silver climbs down to Krista’s location. Snarling with a blazing anger, he reaches Krista with several stomps. Unable to defend herself, the number one contender is battered by Silver’s cruel blows.

COLE
Haven’t you done enough?! This is absolutely heinous!

Silver mounts Krista in order to bash her lifeless face with closed fist. All around him boos pour out from the audience. However, he’s unmoved by their calls for mercy. The situation then grows even more dire and disgusting when Silver traps Krista inside the 16th Minute. He wrenches and torques on her neck, trying his hardest to snap it in half and cause her immeasurable anguish.

COACH
I gotta admit this goes too far. Krista has a family.

Finally Silver is backed away from Krista by the arrival of Alix, Zack, and the Orange County Cobras!

“KICK HIS ASS! KICK HIS ASS! KICK HIS ASS!”

Simon Singleton hurriedly chases Silver up the entrance ramp, but the world champion quickly disappears through the doors to complete a desperate retreat. Singleton bangs on the entrance doors, demanding that the backstage staff let him through. However, they refuse and he can only sulk away in anger.

COLE
Thank god help came for Krista.

COACH
It came too damn late. How the hell did Rocksault get Krista in the dumpster in the first place?

COLE
He and his friends must have jumped her backstage.

Medical professionals rush to the aid of Krista, who can barely move a muscle after such a vicious attack. Her daughters are quick to her side, earnest in their concern for their hurt mother. Also joining the situation are Terry Taylor, D*LUX and Spencer Reiger. OAOAST officials have to calm several of them down including a fiery Ned, as they wish to seek Silver’s blood.

COLE
Folks....we have to take a break. I apologize for what you've seen.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

We return back to an arena that's shrouded in swirling purple and orange lights.

COLE
Folks, welcome back to HeldDOWN live from Providence, Rhode Island. We just saw the heinous actions of Jason Silver injure thenumber one contender to the OAOAST World Title Krista Isadora Duncan. We understand Krista has been taken to a local medical facility, and we'll try to update you on her condition. For now the show continues.

"Parade Of The Charioteers" hits and despite the triumphant music, it's a far from triumphant Cucaracha Kingdom who emerge. Head hung, King Landon leads the rest of the Kingdom down with great sadness.

COACH
Aw, man.

COLE
Here come the greatest masterminds since Pinky and the Brain, since Wile E. Coyote, since Dick Dastardly and Mutley. The Cucaracha Kingdom, everyone!

The miserable troupe enter the ring and assemble behind King Landon, who is given a microphone but doesn't seem like he really wants to use it. Pacing back and forth, the King thinks about speaking... and then stops, too ashamed.


COLE
Well, while the King tries to come up with what to say, last week, it's safe to say that King Landon was embarrassed, at the hands of Nathaniel Black. Let's remind you of what went down, as King Landon and Daisuke Motozaki took on Black and the, "quote", "banished", James Blonde...

BLONDE
Look, please, I need you to team with me next week. You get your hands on Landon. That's what you want, right? Just say yes and you get him. We both do.

With a smirk, Nathaniel starts to nod his head.

BLACK
You know what... that sounds like a bloody good idea.

BLONDE
Really?

BLACK
Yeh. You got yourself a deal.

BLONDE
(laughing with relief)
Oh, thank you, you don't know how much this means.

Black shakes hands with Blonde, still smirking. Excited, Blonde goes to turn away... but doesn't get far, due to Black still gripping onto his hand.

BLACK
Ay, listen mate, don't you worry about a thing. Next week, you an' me... we're gonna take care of Landon.

BLONDE
Ki... King Landon...

BLACK
Yeah yeah, whatever. Tell you what we're gonna do, right. First off, we get Daisuke out the way. Then, he's on his own. And I've been waitin' a looong time to get old Landon on his own. I've got plenty of ideas of just what to do with him once I do. For starters, I'm gonna look him right in the eyes, see the fear in 'em... and then, I'm gonna 'eadbutt him right in his scrawny face!

Suddenly looking a little nervous, Blonde flinches a little.

BLONDE
Really? Okay then...

BLACK
Then what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna watch him crawl on his 'ands and knees, blood pourin' out of his nose. And when he gets close enough to kiss my feet, I'm gonna pull out that wagging little tongue of his and I'm gonna stamp on it. You like the sounds of that?

BLONDE
(unconvincing)
Oh... oh, y-yeah. That sounds... good...

BLACK
Yeah it does, don't it. Even better, I'm gonna knock his stinkin' head off with a lariat. And then, when he's knocked out and I've had my fun, you can 'ave whatever's left.

BLONDE
(quietly)
Yay...

BLACK
Haha. That's right. Eleven months of waiting and I'm gonna make sure I get the most out of it. You and me, once we're done with Landon, we're gonna make sure he can't even walk for eleven months. Next week. I'll see ya there mate.

With a (very) firm pat on the back, Black leaves Blonde looking a little flustered as he marches off, giving Blonde plenty to think about.

In the locker rooms we see Nathaniel Black finishing up taping his wrists, in preparation for his upcoming match. Megan Skye sits in the background filing some paperwork, her eyes lifted from her work as the garishly dressed James Blonde passes by preening his hair.

BLONDE
You ready to go?

BLACK
Yeah, gimme a second.

BLONDE
Awesome! See you out there, pal!

Blonde slips away and Nathaniel shakes his head with a smirk. As he goes to leave, Megan finally speaks up.

MEGAN
Uhm, Nathaniel... are you sure about this? Because, call me suspicious, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

BLACK
You reckon?

Black laughs to himself again.

BLACK
Listen lass, trust me.

Suddenly the door opens and James Blonde pokes his head through.

BLONDE
Hey, I forgot my...

BLACK
Already way ahead of yeh, 'mate'.

Black tosses Blonde his can of hairspray, getting a thumbs up before Blonde slips away. Dusting his hands, Black glances over his shoulder at Megan.

BLACK
I weren't born yesterday.

As Black heads out to the ring Megan seems much more at ease and goes back to her liaison work.


***********************


Daisuke is quickly back up but nursing his shoulder, presenting a target for Black to attempt the Crossface Chickenwing!

COLE
Here we go! Can Black get it on the muscular frame of Motozaki though?

Able to block the hold, Motozaki snaps his head back suddenly, causing a collision of heads! Both men drop to a knee in pain and with both men hurt, James Blonde slowly crawls in, clutching his can of hairspray in his hand. At the same time, King Landon climbs onto the apron and distracts Black.

COLE
Wait a second...

Maddix gets Black's attention and lures him in, only to drop down. With a big smile on his face, the King points for Black to turn around, which Black does, unaware that Blonde is waiting to spray him in the face...






...with SILLY STRING!?!?

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

BLONDE



COACH
Aww crap.

A look of horror appears on both Blonde and Landon's faces, as Black wipes the silly string from his face and raises his eyebrows at Blonde. Caught in the act, the Canadian turns tail and tries to run... but Black grabs him and drags him back, into a HALF NELSON BACKBREAKER!!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
The set-up backfired! Black sussed out the Kingdom!

His royal plan foiled, King Landon isn't hanging around to find out the outcome, hurrying up the aisle and out of dodge. Black grabs Blonde and pulls him up by the hair, looking at Landon as he does so. The King is left to look on (from a very safe distance), as Black picks Blonde up and NAILS him with a Lariat, damn near turning him inside out!!

COLE
Maybe The Kingdom ought to invest in some acting classes.

COACH
Oh go ahead, laugh it up!

Motozaki joins Landon on the ramp, called off by the King, who has left Blonde to take the brunt of the fallout. Stood over him, Black places a foot on Blonde's chest and raises a fist in the air, to the King's great (and far away) frustration.

Watching the tailend of the footage leaves the King looking embarrassed. With the Kingdom all keeping very quiet behind him, Landon paces around, weighing the microphone up in his hand. He stops and glances at Blonde, who does his best to try and avoid eye contact in shame.


But, before Landon can speak, he's interrupted by MEGAN SKYE!

COACH
Oh, come on... not now, please.

The King hangs his head as Megan, with a big smile on her face, appears on the stage.

MEGAN
Sorry to interrupt, Landon. But, you seem kind of lost for words. And I just thought, maybe a familiar face being out here might help. Plus, I really can't wait to hear what you've got to say.

Landon continues to pout, Megan rubbing it in the last thing he needs right now.

MEGAN
No offence, but it seems like lately, things really haven't been going your way, have they? It's funny. I remember, a year ago, you made it pretty clear that you were the brains around here. You were the leader, the one who came up with all the great ideas. Because you're the man! The man with the plan! Maybe you spoke a little too soon? I mean, I've known you for about eight years now, Landon. Eight years. And believe me, in those eight years, I've heard you come up with some stupid ideas. But, boy, even I was embarrassed watching what happened to you last week. At least you didn't end up kissing somebody's feet out of it, but really, that was a whole different kind of failure. Could you have done a worse job between you of 'kicking James out of the Kingdom' and setting him up to double-cross Nathaniel? You actually thought you could pull that off, with a two week turnaround and nobody would be even slightly suspicious... even if he wasn't the worst actor in the world?

KING LANDON
Alright alright, fine!

Finally hearing enough Landon jumps in, annoyed.

KING LANDON
Fine fine fine fine fine! I'm an idiot! Are you happy now!?

MEGAN
Very.

KING LANDON
You know the worst thing about all of this? Worse than being embarrassed in front of the entire world... worse than being let down by my own Kingdom... worse than being shown up by Nathaniel, worse than any of that? ...seeing that smug look on your face and knowing how much you were enjoying it at my expense.

Megan smiles even wider just to annoy the King more.

KING LANDON
Oh, aren't you just a bitc...

MEGAN
Language, babe. Wouldn't want your Queenie's ears to be 'befouled'.

KING LANDON
You know what, you're right. You're right. That's what you want to hear, right, that you're right, you're so smart, you're the greatest. I'm just a dummy and you're sooooo perfect! Well congratulations. You win. Haha, look at Landon, he's so stupid and I'm so great, ha ha ha!

COLE
My god he's actually having a hissy fit.

COACH
This is kinda embarrassing. Bitches be making dudes crazy.

KING LANDON
I screwed up, okay! I screwed up! Again! There. You've got what you want. You can go now.

MEGAN
Actually, there was one other thing I wanted to get to, if you're done throwing your toys out of the pram...

BLONDE
Hey, you leave him alone!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Jumping in, James Blonde grabs the microphone.

BLONDE
This wasn't King Landon's fault. King Landon's plan was sound. It was solid and it shouldn't have gone wrong. But I screwed it up. So lay off of King Landon. He's still the greatest leader of men in this entire generation! And if anyone's to blame for all of this, it's me.

KING LANDON
(snatching the microphone)
You're right too. That's why, as of right now, you're banished.

BLONDE
Huh?

KING LANDON
For real this time. I'm sick of you screwing up, I'm tired of you being a disappointment. So you are no longer welcome around me and you are out of my Kingdom!

BLONDE
I... I don't understand. Are we doing this all again or something?

KING LANDON
No. You are really, really, GONE!

Slowly, it begins to sink in for JB that this isn't part of some clever ruse this time... and much like before, a despairing Blonde drops to his knees and BEGS, CLINGING onto the leg of the King.

BLONDE
I'm sorry, I'll never let you down again...

KING LANDON
GET OUT!

Almost in tears, Blonde rolls out of the ring and backs away, hoping for some sort of change of mind being seeing only a stern glare firing back at him. Just about able to hold it together he stumbles away and disappears, distraught, getting no sympathy from... well, anybody really.

COLE
Wow. He's more melodramatic when he's not acting.

KING LANDON
(to Megan)
As for you... say what you want and go. I'm not going to stand here all day and be laughed at.

MEGAN
Oh? Well, tell me where you're going to be standing then and I'll come find you.

KING LANDON


MEGAN
Landon, I just hope that you've learnt something out of all of this. You've tried. You really have. But, enough's enough. Can we just quit playing games and, before you embarrass yourself even more than you already have, have you finally be a man and fight like one? It's been almost a year since you went off on your little King power trip without me. And I'll be honest, I'm over it. But I know someone who isn't over it, who's been waiting for a match with you for almost 12 months now. So how about we just settle this? Once and for all. You give Nathaniel Black a match at AngleMania, one on one. Prove something to yourself, prove something to him and prove something to everybody else. If you're really the King of the Ring, what are you holding out for? Put an end to all of this. Does that sound like a good plan to you?

Weighing this up, the bitter King thinks it over for a few seconds before snapping back.

KING LANDON
If that's what you want, if that's what he wants... then I'll see Nathaniel Black at AngleMania! And after I'm done, you and all of these people will bow down and beg forgiveness from the great and dominant KING of the OAOAST!

Landon glares up the ramp at Megan, who seems pleased with her work and applauds Landon's decision.

COLE
Black versus King Landon, finally, one on one, added to AngleMania Ten!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

We cut back to the ring with both Los Legionarios already in the ring which is a shame because we all know Centurion Maximus and Praefect Minor have the most elaborate, entertaining entrance of any team... wait, never mind their entrance is actually rather boring, which is why it is often cut off.

BUFFER
And their opponents, weighing in at a combined 438 pounds, hailing from Mexico City, Me-hi-co making their OAOAST debut, LOOOOOOOOOOS MANIACOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!!

A mariachi (the band, not the luchador) version of "We are the Champions" begins to play as Los Maniacos make their way to the ring, clad in black sombreros and ponchos with red trimming, looking both grumpy and annoyed as they make their way down the aisle to very little reaction.

COLE
We saw these guys last week; they redefine the term "Grumpy Old Men"

COACH
Hey grumpy old men is what your momma likes so don't be dissin’ them.

Los Manacios step through the ropes, taking care to keep the Sombreros on their heads. Once they see who their opponents are their level of crabbiness rises even higher, angrily discussing the situation back and forth. After a couple of moments Centurion Maximus approaches Los Maniacos, reminding them that they are supposed to have a match.

MANIACO Iv
Back off!

Maniaco IV pushes Maximus back, then pulls out a brightly colored piñata stick from under his poncho and whacks the Legionaire over the head with it. Moments later his younger brother produces yet another piñata stick and attacks Praefect Minor with it.

CRACK!!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

COACH
Hey that's racist right?

COLE
The piñata sticks? They're Mexican so I don't think so

COACHH
Ah, well then whoop their 1st century BC asses!!

Los Legionarios were caught completely by surprise by the savage pre-bell attack and are quickly beaten down. After beating up their opponents, while still managing to keep their sombreros in place, they take the microphone from Michael Buffer.

MANIACO V
Unacceptable! We came here to the Oat Toast to prove that we are the best and what do you give us? Some team we have beaten up so many times it's actually getting boring!

MANIACO IV
Do you know who we are? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT OUR FAMILY HAS DONE FOR LUCHA LIBRE??

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING!!

MANIACO V
Our dad founded FILL in 1974, our family built what OAOAST bought and you damn well respect what our family has done!

MANIACO IV
We are not facing these losers; we want real competition.

MANIACO V
Damn right, where are the great teams OAOAST is supposed to have? Are the Heavenly Rockingchairs busy?

SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!

MANIACO IV
Couldn't be bothered to bring the Lost Kings of Scotland out here? Unbelievable, do you know who we are?

MANIACO V
Nothing but disrespect from the moment these gringos bought our culture, our legacy.

OH CUT THE CRAP!!

The crowd finally comes alive as J-MAX wanders out from backstage, speaking through a bullhorn.

J-MAX
I had to get a Bullhorn to drown out the bullshit coming from ye guys mouths!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

MANIACO V
Kid you stay out of this; you know you can't handle us!!

J-MAX
More like my stomach can't handle you two bitching and moaning!!

COLE
He has a point

J-MAX
I figured you guys were going through menopause last week or something, but now it sounds like you're both just generally ill-tempered old farts!

MANIACO IV
We just want the respect we deserve!

J-MAX
Well you get the respect you have earned: f**k all! You think anyone cares what your dad did in 1973? I did some research on your family after last week. I agree Maniaco III was a hell of a wrestler, one of the most talented in all of Mexico in his day.

MANIACO IV
Damn right!

J-MAX
And no denying Maniaco I and II were a hell of a team, I get it, you are part of a talented family and I respect talent.

MANIACO V
That is what we have been trying to s-

J-MAX
HOWEVER!! In my research on you two... well I came up a bit short, no Wikipedia page on you... apparently you're not notable enough, nothing of note really except when it read "Accompanied their brothers to the ring".

MANIACO IV
Shut your dirty mouth!!

J-MAX
Truth hurts. You seem to be the dark sheep of the family, the underachievers

MANIACO V
We never got the chance!

J-MAX
Man I hear a lot of excuses, a lot of complaining, in fact you remind me of someone... I can’t quite put my finger on it.

The AngleTron flashes the following picture


COLE
Staetler and Waldorf!!

COACH
Is that those puppets?

COLE
Muppets, you mean Muppets

J-MAX
Just happy to sit in the same position night after night, complaining that the show is rubbish and that you can do better.

MANIACO IV
Listen punk!

J-MAX
I have and frankly I am bored out of my brain! You may not be familiar with this saying, it goes a little something like this.. "Put up, or shut up". You guys leave those sticks and the attitude next week and I'll find a partner to whip your asses!!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

MANIACO V
You know we would LOVE to do that.

MANIACO IV
Nothing we want more!

MANIACO V
But we are already booked next week.

J-MAX nods, remembering that he is in the “Leyenda de la Mascara” qualifying battle royal as well.

J-MAX
Well I guess next week you get to EARN a reputation instead of sponging off your family's... if you manage to qualify that is.

MANIACO IV
Oh we'll qualify, but what will be even better is that we will make sure you do not!

MANIACO V
No Leyenda for you little silly boy!

J-MAX
Oh I'm sure that attitude is just so endearing to the other 21 competitors. But honestly right now I do not care that much about them, I got my eyes set on you two, like I said, "Put up, or shut up"

J-MAX!! J-MAX!! J-MAX!! J-MAX!!

The Birmingham Badboy throws the bullhorn down and leaves the arena while both Maniacos bitch and moan about something, anything and everything in that order.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

COLE
Earlier tonight, as Zack Malibu was addressing his hometown crowd, he was interrupted by Anglesault and, of all people, Sandman9000. Many of you fans know the history between Zack and Sandman, and the ties that bind them, as Zack's former girlfriend Alison is the sister of Sandman. Now tonight, just one week away from Anglemania, Sandman looks to reignite that feud by challenging Zack to a No Holds Barred Match!

COACH
You actually think Zack's gonna make it to Anglemania after tonight? And even if he does, if he pulls off one of his miracle moments, do you think he's going to be in tip-top shape? Zack can't win in this situation, Mikey Cole. He's finally been backed into a corner, and in his hometown!

"Getting Away With Murder" hits once again, but the reaction stays the same, as the crowd jumps to their feet upon their hero's arrival. Malibu walks out amidst his pyro...and IMMEDIATELY gets nailed from behind with a chair shot from Sandman!

COLE
What the hell!?

COACH
It's all good, Mikey Cole! It's all legal!

A groggy Zack lay on the ramp, and absorbs another chair shot across his back from Sandman, who then throws the chair down. Sandman looks at the crowd with disgust as he pulls Zack up and hurls him into the guardrail, then hits a running kick that scrapes across Malibu's face! Malibu reels from the assault, but Sandman will not let up, picking Zack up and sending him smashing into the other guardrail! Charles Robinson heads from the ring up to the competitors, warning Sandman that the bell won't ring until both men are in the ring, but it falls on deaf ears as Sandman continues to beat on Zack, picking up the chair and pressing the edge of it into his throat!

COACH
Malibu's almost done, and the bell ain't even rung yet!

Robinson continue to harp on Sandman, finally getting the hardcore Original to bring Zack to his feet and toss him into the ring. Sandman climbs in as well, and the bell finally sounds, but when Zack tries getting to his feet Sandman hits a kick to the side of his head, knocking him through the ropes and out to the floor!

COLE
I don't think Sandman wants to stay in the ring tonight!

Sandman follows suit, but Malibu comes up and decks him with a hard right hand! Sandman staggers back, and Malibu fires off with another, drawing cheers from his hometown supporters! He's cut off by a knee to the gut, but when Sandman sends him into the ringpost, Zack hooks it with his arm and swings around it, using the momentum to roll himself into the ring!

COACH
That's...different!

Flustered, Sandman climbs up on the apron, but Sandman eats a dropkick from Zack, and falls back to the floor! Malibu then bolts across the ring, bouncing off the ropes and gaining momentum to shoot himself through the ropes and crash into Sandman with a tope!

COLE
Vintage Malibu!

COACH
Really, Cole?

Zack motions for Michael Buffer to get out of the way, and then takes his chair and folds it up. Waiting on Sandman to recover from the top, Zack stands ready, and when Sandman stands, he blasts the steel across his back, dropping him to his knees! Zack then slides the chair into the ring, and goes to work on Sandman, hammering him down before pulling him up and whipping him into the guardrail. Sandman reels, and Malibu follows up with a clothesline so hard that both men spill over the rail and into the front row! Fans scatter as both men pull themselves up, but when Zack goes for Sandman, he has a beer thrown in his face! The crowd boos as Sandman scoops his rival up and drops Zack on the guardrail, crotching him, then shoving him over to ringside! Sandman turns to the fans and flips them off, telling them "your hero dies tonight!" before climbing back over the rail himself.

COLE
Sandman goes back on the offensive, and who knows what he has in store for Zack tonight!

COACH
I know he's your boy, Mikey Cole, but even you have to think Zack's a damn fool for taking this match just one week away from the biggest match of his career!

With Zack down, Sandman takes some of the cables running across ringside and wraps them around Malibu's throat, and with Zack laying on his stomach he pulls up while simultaneously driving his foot into the back of Zack's head, choking him out!

COLE
He's strangling him!

Zack's face turns red as Sandman does his best to cut his air supply off, but Sandman stops and surveys the damage. As Zack lay gasping for air, Sandman kicks him a few times before going to the ring steps and pulling them from their position. Sandman throws them down on the floor, and he then yanks Zack up and drops Malibu with a back suplex on the stairs! Malibu groans in pain, while Sandman comes up all smiles, pleased with the misery he's putting Malibu through. Malibu gets tossed into the ring, where Sandman sends him to the corner and follows up with a running forearm smash, and then hits repeated forearm smashes before following up with a spinning backfist that rocks the OAOAST Franchise! Malibu collapses, catching himself on the ropes, only to find himself shot across the ring again! Sandman charges in, but Zack fires a leg up and kicks him away, then hops up on the second rope and hits a diving European uppercut!

COLE
Here comes the rally!

Zack gets up, groggy but aware, and grabs the chair he slid into the ring earlier. However, when he turns to whack Sandman with it, he has it driven into his face by a Yakuza Kick from a recovered Sandman!

COACH
Hell of a rally, Cole.

With Zack down, Sandman rolls out of the ring and roots around under it, pulling out several LIGHTTUBES! He rolls into the ring with one in his hand, and as Malibu gets up the lighttube is shattered across his back, opening up hundreds of little cuts as Malibu falls to his knees! Zack tries to drag himself up to his feet with the help of the ropes, but Sandman turns him around and uses the jagged remains of the lighttube as a weapon, jabbing Zack just above the eye! Blood starts trickling down Malibu's face, and like a shark in a feeding frenzy, Sandman bites at the wound, drawing more blood...which is then spit in Malibu's face!

COLE
That's disgusting!

Sandman follows that up with a hard slap, taunting the woozy Malibu, who is rocked against the ropes. Another slap follows, but this time Malibu fires back with one of his own! Sandman cracks Zack again, but this time Zack fires back, and keeps firing back, nailing him with a series of open hand strikes until Sandman lands a fist on the open wound! Malibu reels back, then takes a hard kick to the gut, and is prepped for a DDT by Sandman...only for Zack to backdrop him onto the fragments of lighttube that cover the ring! Zack moves out to the floor and picks up another one of the lighttubes, looking to the crowd as they roar with approval, and then rolls back into the ring. Sandman gets up and turns, and that's when Malibu swings for the fences, shattering the lighttube across his forehead! Sandman collapses, blood beginning to mask his facial features, as Zack dives on for the pin!

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

COACH
C'mon, Malibu, it's gonna take more than one shot to take out the Sandman!

Zack pulls Sandie up, but Sandman yanks his tights and sends Zack out to the floor, buying himself some recovery time in the ring. Sandman takes off his shirt and wipes the blood from his face, then throws the shirt down. Looking to the floor, he sees Malibu on his feet again, and sends himself over the ropes with a somersault plancha to wipe out his hated foe!

COLE
These two are pulling out all the stops tonight!

Sandman is up first, his face again dripping with his own plasma. He picks up the final lighttube that he pulled from under the ring earlier and just violently smashes it across Zack's back, now causing ringside to be just as covered in shrapnel as the ring itself is! Sandman pulls Zack up and throws him against the guardrail, choking him on the edge of it as the fans watch in horror!

COLE
It's getting out of hand again. Even if Zack Malibu wins, what type of shape will he be in for Anglemania!?

With Malibu felled, Sandman roots around under the ring again, this time pulling out a table! Setting it up at the head of the aisleway, Sandman walks around it, but then stops and looks under the ring again, pulling out a bag, which he empties on the floor of the Dunkin' Donuts Center...a bag of THUMBTACKS~!

COACH
Looks like it's about to get a little more intense~!

Sandman pulls Zack in for a powerbomb...but Malibu counters, floating through the move and landing on his feet! Malibu rocks him with several punches, but a rake to the eyes stops his comeback! Sandman tries for a lariat, but Malibu blocks it, then kicks Sandman and sets up for a suplex onto the tacks, but Sandman counters, and he throws Malibu down pancake-style, causing Zack to land chest first onto the pile of scattered thumbtacks!

COLE
Oh my God!

COACH
Hey! The other guy says that, not you!

Zack bellows in pain, hundreds of thumbtacks now embedded in his skin! Trickles of blood emerge from every pore, and Sandman adds insult to injury by pulling Zack up and pinning him against the guardrail, then CHOPPING HIM!

COLE
He's trying to drive those tacks further in!

COACH
This is kinda fun, Mikey Cole! We didn't have to wait 'til Anglemania to see Malibu get his just desserts!

Taking delight in his decimation of the popular prep, Sandman then yanks Zack away from the guardrail and sends him chest first into the ring apron before stuffing Zack under the bottom rope and back into the ring. Rather than follow suit, Sandman then walks back over to the table he set up and positions it against the apron, then climbs back into the ring...or at least tries to, as Malibu kicks the middle rope into his nether region! Zack steps out onto the apron and pounds on his back, but Sandman shoves him away, then runs across the apron with a Yakuza kick, only for it to be caught by Malibu! A HARD low kick follows, and with Sandman doubled over Zack hooks him by both the head and the leg...

COLE
He's not going to...is he going to...

...and drives Sandman headfirst through the table with a POP DROP~!

"HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT!"

COLE
HE DID! Zack Malibu just sent Sandman through that table with a Pop Drop!

COACH
Yeah, but the fool went through the table to! That couldn't have felt good on his end either!

COLE
I don't think EITHER of these guys are going to be feeling good after tonight!

Malibu and Sandman lay amidst the pieces of wood and metal, with Malibu being the first to recover. Once he gets to his feet, Zack scans the crowd, then looks at himself, covered in blood and tacks. A look comes over Zack's face, and expression of both anger and determination mixed together, and he starts plucking the tacks out of his chest and throwing them at Sandman while taunting him!

"Is this all you've got!? IS THIS ALL YOU'VE GOT!?"

Sandman, who has started to stir, is cut off by Malibu, who jumps him and starts hammering away! The Providence crowd is electric as something inside Malibu snaps and he beats on Sandman, then tosses him back into the ring. Malibu then picks up a chair leftover from the ringside brawls earlier in the match, and climbs into the ring with it. Standing over Sandman, he looks to hit him, but hesitates, even while Sandman's back it turned to him.

COLE
What's he doing?

COACH
He's a pussy, Cole! He's too weak, and that's why he's not going to win at Anglemania! He's too afraid to hit Sandman, and he's not going to get Anglesault to give up either!

Malibu lowers the chair, just as Sandman turns around. Angered, Sandman challenges Zack to come at him, daring him to beat him with the chair.

"HIT ME! Hit me you sonuva..."

Instead of hitting him, Malibu throws the chair at him, and Sandman is able to catch it...BUT THEN CATCHES A SCHOOL'S OUT TOO, GETTING THE CHAIR SMASHED INTO HIS FACE!

COLE
JESUS!

Malibu picks up the chair and clenches it, and then just brings it down across the fallen body of Sandman again...and again...and again...AND AGAIN!

COACH
He's gone mental!

COLE
He's reached the edge, Coach! Zack Malibu's breaking point was exposed tonight by his bitter rival!

After what seems like a million chair shots, Zack throws the chair down, and stands over Sandman. The hardcore veteran lay motionless, and that's when Zack picks the chair up and sets it up in the ring, as well as other chair that's been in the ring since earlier on.

COACH
What's he going?

COLE
You're asking me?

COACH
He's your boy, not mine!

Malibu rolls out of the ring and pulls up the apron, and reaching under it he drags out A PANE OF GLASS, drawing a raucous ovation!

COACH
YO...

COLE
Oh God. Zack, what are you doing!?

Zack carefully slides the glass into the ring, and then gets in and picks it up, setting the ends on each chair so that it's elevated off the surface of the ring.

COLE
He's just made a makeshift glass table!

Sandman is motionless, but Zack grabs him and leads him to his feet. Looking up the entranceway, Zack shouts "ANGLESAULT!" before pulling Sandman up onto his shoulders and spinning him down, sending him crashing through the glass with an ANGLE SLAM~!

COLE
If that wasn't a message, I don't know what is!

Glass flies everywhere, and a spent Malibu crawls on top of Sandman, draping an arm across his chest.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

The fans, who were on their feet for nearly the entire match, remain on their feet to celebrate, as Charles Robinson raises the hand of the hometown hero.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner...ZAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAALLLLIBUUUU!

"Getting Away With Murder" plays, and at this point Anglesault walks out onto the entrance ramp, shocked at what he's seen. Malibu notices his rival, and motions to Buffer for the mic.

MALIBU
You see this, 'Sault? You see this? I'M STILL STANDING. Come next Sunday night, I'll still be standing, and you'll be walking away, because the next time I come home, I'll be standing here in this ring, in front of my family and friends! I'm bringing the OAOAST back to Providence, 'Sault, and I'm sending YOU home FOR GOOD!

Malibu drops the mic, as his music is cued up again. The loyal Rhode Island fans go wild for Zack's words, and all Anglesault can do is stare.

COLE
Fans, one of the most dramatic, most violent main events in HeldDOWN~! history went down here tonight, and I don't think we'll ever forget it. Join us next week as we count down to Anglemania Ten! For DA COACH~!, I'm Michael Cole, we'll see you next week!