Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pMraWWYO4A We cut straight to sofa central to find Double C in blue Anglemania Ten football jerseys available at OAOASTShop.com! COLE Hello and welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Michael Cole sitting beside Da Coach and we'd like to say Happy St.Patty's day everybody! COACH I swear to god if one more white dude pinches me for not wearing green, I'm gonna go HAM, Hard As a Motherfucker, on someone. Talkin' out the side of their mouth about how I ain't in spirit, nigga I'm in the spirit of whupping your ass. COLE On that note let's get thing underway on the road to Anglemania! The pulsating sounds of “Don’t Stop” fire through the arena speakers. As the jeers stream down from every corner of the arena, the world champion strides out from the back. At his side is the always cool, always collected, Meterosexual Monstrer, who peers from behind horn rimmed glasses. The two smirk at each other, and then stroll to the ring. COLE It looks like we’re being graced with the presence of OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Jason Silver and the beast from South Carolina, Bohemoth. Upon entering the squared circle, Silver is given a microphone. This does not please the audience in the slightest and they douse him with heat. SILVER With apologies to King Landon Maddix, I am the undisputed King of all wrestling. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” SILVER Win, win, win, that is all I do! Everytime, I’m out in this squared circle all you see me do is WIN! “YOU TAPPED OUT! YOU TAPPED OUT! YOU TAPPED OUT!” Bohemoth looks through his eyeglasses and glares hard at the audience. SILVER That was nothing but an aberration. If you had been paying attention you’d know that I had been in that match from the very start. I was exhausted. Any wrestler would’ve given up in my position. In fact most wrestlers wouldn’t have even lasted as long in the 16th minute as I did. Not Zack Malibu, not Alix Maria Spezia, not Alexander The Brutal, no body. What I did, resisting defeat like that, was a major miracle. COACH Admit it, Mikey, that’s the truth. SILVER Unfortunately thanks to my untimely submission I now have the problem of Krista Isadora Duncan. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” SILVER After making me…submit. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” SILVER She has as much momentum as ever. That woman is a speeding bullet, headed for a target at Anglemania. As her entrance music states she’s on Top Of The World. Well, I say she should enjoy that feeling, because it won’t last very long. The scoreboard never lies! If you look at it you’ll see Rocksault-2 Krista-1 when it comes to meeting up. That means I am simply put, the unquestioned better wrestler. There is no power or force on this earth that can help Krista snatch my world title from me. For once in her life she will have to be powerless, and helpless. She will be the weaker party. Krista Isadora Duncan, are you listening? If you are then pay attention because I’m about to deliver some deep truth to you. I will beat you, Krista Isadora Duncan, you are nothing to me. I will win at Anglemania- Krista appears on the massive Angletron to a huge ovation from the St.Patrick’s day audience. KRISTA Oh you’re gonna win are you? At the end of the night regardless of the outcome I’ll be having sex with Alix, a woman who looks like a supermodel, and you’ll be cuddling up watching Big Bang Theory on DVD with your cheap plastic replica belt , because I’ll have taken your real one, and your friend who in those weird glasses looks like Milhouse from the Simpson’s ingested a pound of steroids. So you tell me who’s really winning. I’m like Tony Stark if he was a woman, and real, and had awesome gigantic breasts instead of a dinky iron suit. I’m dealing with a fool here. Give me some real material to work with, honey. I’m dealing with Pinky from Pinky and the Brain and his sidekick who’s midget head makes it look like God glued a pea on top of Leonardo’s David. I’m dealing with soft targets. If you were to die right now, the Grim Reaper would come up and say “nah not worth my time” and you’d keep living because you’re that insignificant. SILVER KRISTA You also look like the type of character who when the methodone clinic runs out of cups, you run in yelling “Its okay guys, you can use my mouth for the pee test” Just pathetic. I wish you death and misery in your every travel. SILVER SHUT UP! You’re not going to disrespect me like anybody else! I’m gonna stand here like I got some damn self-respect for myself. KRISTA The ability for the word self-respect to enter your vocabulary the very moment the hidden camera video of James Blonde in a unitard and tiara singing Single Ladies got more likes than your title reign on facebook. SILVER Now, I understand, what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to get under my skin so you have the upperhand at Anglemania. Therefore your time at Anglemania will be easier. KRISTA No shit Nostradamus, any other brilliant predictions for us. Will it rain tomorrow, will the world really in 2012, will Bohemoth finally have sex with a woman who doesn’t cry afterwards? BOHEMOTH SILVER Very good, you’re under my skin, you’ve got me hot under the collar. You can beat me up on the mic all day, humiliate me till the cows come home. And you’re doing a great job of it. But see when its time for us to get in this ring, I still hold two victories over you via the 16th minute. That means when its time to settle up in the war zone, the victories usually belong to Rocksault. That’s why I’m challenging you to step into the domain of wrestling royalty. Forget Anglemania, let’s get things going tonight! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” BOHEMOTH Hold on, pal. I got insulted by this femimonster to. If you think I don’t want to defend my honor, you’re dead wrong. Let’s make it me and you, Rocksault, against Chicks Over Dicks. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” KRISTA Oh, honey, Alix is busy constructing a true to life replica of Nelson Mandela out of beef jerky and miracle whip. But, tell ya what I’m going to let you do, Jason, old buddy old pal, I’m going to let you pick my partner for the evening. Anyone in the OAOAST! It can be Zack, it can be Melody, it can be anyone. Silver takes a moment to huddle up with Bohemoth. After a careful discussion the two break their pow wow. SILVER Very well then. Your partner will be…"It"! KRISTA AND THE OAOAST GALAXY Silver and Bo share a good laugh over Krista’s stunned reaction. BOHEMOTH Good luck. “Don’t Stop” returns to the arena air, overshadowing the distressed gasps of Krista and the audience. Bo and Silver continue to find the situation Krista’s been placed in the height of humour and laugh it up. COLE Jason Silver and Bohemoth teaming up against six time tag champion Krista Isadora Duncan and…”It”?! COACH Krista’s finally done it. She’s done talked herself into a situation from which their ain’t no way out.TONIGHT'S MAINEVENTKRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN AND IT VS BOHEMOTH AND JASON SILVERTONIGHT!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 e return from a commercial, panning across the crowd, happily cheering and holding up signs in the hopes of completing their lives by actually making it on the air. Clever signs such as "Fear the Zac Attacc", "Jesus is my homeboy", "Anglesault stole my real sign", "I would rather be at SWF" Whoa someone has not kept up with current events. Suddenly the fans delight is cut short as a loud, obnoxious siren blares through out the arena, drowning out every other sound. COACH Officer the kid does not even look like me, I ain't paying nothing until we go on Maury!! COLE Whoa! What was that? COACH What was what? I can't hear you over the damn sirens. After a few moments the sirens die down, thankfully replaced by the theme song to the Police Academy series. RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR. Señors y Señoras the following match is scheduled for the One And Only fall. COLE *Cough*Shamelesssuckup*Cough* RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR. Once a proud member of the Mexico City Special Forces COLE Yeah but were they proud to have him as a member? COACH Don't be dissing the man, the man will put you in cuffs and smack you upside the head in a split second! RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR. A 5’10’’ tall beacon of justice, a 193 lbs house of power Ricardo is obviously reading from the card more than actually believing what he is saying RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR. If he tells you to stop, you better stop! He is the longest arm of the law, EL ARMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MORTAL!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! COACH Oh come on, you beat up three little Luchadors and suddenly you're the bad guys? How fair is that. COLE Honestly I think he became the bad guy after beating up the first Cadeto. CARDINAL I suspect that may be true Cole, it's one of the black and white things. COACH HEY!! Arma Mortal walks out while pulling on a pair of black leather gloves; apparently he is planning on getting his hands dirty tonight. As he walks to the ring it becomes obvious that he is not in possession of his nightstick, but is otherwise decked out with all the police gear he could probably pinch once he was kicked out of the Mexico City Special Forces. COACH I bet that thief Mariachi still has the nightstick; he will pay for that tonight! At ringside Arma Mortal drops his mirror shades and belt with various items on the timekeeper’s table and then enters the ring. RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR. ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNND HIS OPPONENT... The trademark pink and yellow lights begin to flash through out the arena as the Gleeks in the audience loses it over the Glee Cast's rendition of "I know what Boys like". RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR. Weighing in at 169 FABU-Lous pounds and hailing from Gay ol' Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, you may not like his lifestyle but it would be un-American to bash him for it, THIS... IS... MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIA-CHI-CHI-CHI-CHI-CHI-CHI!! The crowd proves that Green Bay, Wisconsin is not the backwater cheese-humping jerk hole that people say it is but actually quite continental as they cheer the most openly gay man on television. Instead of his trademark pitchfork Mariachi comes out proudly twirling a nightstick No perverts!! A real nightstick, not an euphemism for his male member! CARDINAL There he is, Los Cadetos' savior! Mariachi stops at Sofa Central and gives the trio that "come-hither" look that he is so known for, before seductively slinking towards the three men. COACH Erm... what is he doing? COLE Perhaps he did not take too kindly to being turned down by the sheep at the Heartland Spectacular? CARDINAL That poor man, I mean all he wants is love. With two of the three clenching so hard that they could pick up the couch Mariachi zeros in on the only man in the trio that actually does not seem to mind at all. After grinding his crotch against Michael Cole's shoulder he takes off his sombrero and puts it on Leonardo Cardinal's head. CARDINAL Oh baby, this goes so well with my lace nightgown! COLE and COACH CARDINAL Oh get over it girls, it's the 21st century, don't we all swing a little in both directions? COLE I certainly do not! COACH ... After his gay-dar (bi-dar?) focused on Leonardo Cardinal; Mariachi turns his attention towards the ring where Arma Mortal looks thoroughly disgusted, at least as disgusted as a man in a mask that covers everything but his mouth can look. Halfway down the aisle Mariachi is surprised as Cadeto Rosa comes out from the back, looking both thrilled by being there next to Mariachi but also terrified to be too close to Arma Mortal. At ringside Mariachi hands Rosa the nightstick to keep while he enters the ring. The second the lone Fuego en Diablo steps through the ropes Arma Mortal rushes in and yanks the middle rope upwards in a quick, sharp motion OOOOOOOOWWW! The entire male population in the arena collectively groans and feel a little queasy as Mariachi falls to the ground clutching his genitalia, and not in the seductive, fun-loving way he usually grabs genitalia in either. CARDINAL That bastard! COACH YEAH!!! WOOOOOO-HOOOOOOO! BASH THAT G..uy!! COLE I think Coach may be overcompensating here CARDINAL Definitely. Arma Mortal pounces on Mariachi, ironically Mariachi is usually the one that pounces on anyone in a tight policeman's uniform at the bars he frequents. After kicking the pink luchador in the head repeatedly he drags Mariachi to his feet, then locks him in a Full Nelson to keep him under control. With a sneer Arma Mortal pulls Mariachi over to the turnbuckles and then proceeds to ram him face first into the top turnbuckle. ARMA MORTAL YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! As he yells Arma Mortal drives his elbow into Mariachi's back ARMA MORTAL ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN... AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU! He keeps pounding on Mariachi, landing blow after blow to his opponent's neck and back, ending with a kick to the back of Mariachi's knee that takes Mariachi down to the second turnbuckle. Mortal positions himself in the opposite corner only to be interrupted by Cadeto Rosa nervously getting up on the apron. ROSA S-S-STOP!! CARDINAL (Singing) in the name of love!! Fortunately for Cadeto Rosa he is able to duck out of the way when Arma Mortal takes a swing at him. The distraction provides Mariachi with enough time to recover as the Purple P***S Eater, (I know he's pink but a pun on Purple People Eater doesn't work with pink duh!) drop kicks Arma Mortal over the top rope, sending him tumbling to the floor. CARDINAL There you go!! Let's go baby! COACH Pipe down or the pink ranger will get jealous. Mariachi gives Cadeto Rosa a wink and a nod, then he distracts the referee in the only way Mariachi knows how, by trying to dry hump him in the corner. This allows Cadeto Rosa to rush over and kick Arma Mortal in the midsection. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! CARDINAL Payback is sweet! COACH Oh now it's okay to attack someone when they are down? Man you are a two-faced little bi.. COLE COACH!! COACH ..lingual loser! CARDINAL As saves go that was actually one of your better ones Coach. Cadeto Rosa grabs Arma Mortal by the shirt and mask and rolls him into the ring, forcing Mariachi to reluctantly stop dry humping the referee and focus on his opponent once more. He pulls Arma Mortal to his feet, and then whips his opponent into the ropes, followed closely behind with a spin kick. The momentum of the kick allows Mariachi to flip over the top rope and land on the apron while Arma Mortal staggers forward. CARDINAL He just got a whole lot of air!! Mariachi comes off the top rope, leaping high in the air with his legs bent up in front of him, adding an extra oomph to the drop kick to Arma Mortal's back. Well in control of the match Mariachi applies the Full Nelson to his opponent, then pushes him over into the corner and slams Arma Mortal's head into the top turnbuckle. COLE Turnaround is fair play! CARDINAL I thought it was reacharound was fair play COACH TMI!! TM-frigging-I!! With Arma Mortal pressed against the turnbuckle he takes advantage of the situation as he runs his hands down over Mortal's back, making sure he grabs a handful of Mexican Law Enforcement Ass as he goes along. Moments later his hands slide around Mortal's waist, rubbing seductively as he goes along. WHACK! Arma Mortal freaks out as Mariachi's hands get near his groin, lashing back with an elbow to Mariachi's jaw. CARDINAL Whoa someone is a little uptight with his personal space. COACH Hey I don't blame him I wouldn't want Mariachi's hands all over me either. CARDINAL Oh who wouldn't want that? Mariachi backs off after the elbow, then playfully blows Arma Mortal a kiss, which does not go over well at all, as Mortal comes out of the corner full steam. The tactic pays off for Mariachi as Arma Mortal blunders in without thinking, leaving him an easy prey for a drop toe hold. Mariachi displays a bit of mat wrestling skills as he gets on top of Arma Mortal and then spins around like a helicopter COACH Oh dear god I thought those moves belonged in hot oil wrestling. CARDINAL Hot oil!! Just what this match needs. COACH Oh dear god no! Mariachi grabs Arma Mortal's legs, then wraps his legs around his opponent's head and flips him over into a pinning predicament that has the added advantage of bringing Mariachi's crotch into contact with Arma Mortal's face. ONE!! TWO!! KICKOUT!! CARDINAL Did he just head BUTT Mariachi in the groin? COACH Damn straight! Oh wait, wouldn't know what that is like. Frustrated by Mariachi's very up close and personal style Arma Mortal crawls across the canvas and grabs the can of mace from him belt and in plain view of the referee sprays Mariachi in the face SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHH!! DING!! DING!! DING!! DING!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Arma Mortal turns around and sprays the referee in the face as well and kicks him out of the ring. With Mariachi blinded he is an easy prey for Arma Mortal's Cradle Piledriver. CARDINAL He's lost it, police brutality!! COACH He's resisting arrest; he is totally within his rights to do whatever he wants now! Cadeto Rosa finally gathers up the courage to enter the ring just as Arma Mortal gets out his handcuffs. The obviously scared Cadeto tries to stop Arma Mortal but he just pushes him out of the way and laughs at him. Mortal slaps the cuff on Mariachi's wrist and drags him over to the ropes ROSA NO!! ARMA MORTAL Well look who grew a spine! Mortal rubs his hands, excited about the prospect of getting to beat up Cadeto Rosa once more. Rosa backs off until he's got his back against the ropes, then in desperation he pulls out a small bag from his hand, breaks it open and THROWS SPARKLY DUST IN ARMA MORTAL'S FACE!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! COACH What a dirty, low down cheater! CARDINAL Self defense, and I think Arma Mortal needed a little sparkle COACH There is less sparkle on that frigging emo vampire COLE TEAM EDWARD ALL THE WAY!! COACH and CARDINAL Once Arma Mortal is blinded Cadeto Rosa turns his attention to Mariachi who is still in agony. RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR. The winner of the match by disqualification, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIACHI!! COACH He may have won the battle, but I think he is losing the war. Arma Mortal clearly came out on top tonight. CARDINAL Hey Mariachi doesn't mind being on the bottom. COLE OOOoooookay and on that note I think we need to go to commercials. COACH Wait wasn’t this supposed to go three falls Unfortunately we are cut off before anyone can explain that the referee threw the match out due to excessive cheating by Arma Mortal and Mariachi being unable to continue. If only the viewers at home had been given that information. If only.LATER TONIGHTNATHANIEL BLACK AND JAMES BLONDE VS LANDON MADDIX AND DAISUKE MOTOZAKITONIGHTCOMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 We return to HeldDOWN to find the arena shrouded in orange and purple lights and our view on Sofa Central. COLE Folks, as Anglemania draws near the media demands for our superstars increase by quite a bit! Next Monday you can listen to Alix Maria Spezia on the Howard Stern show, and on Tuesday you can find Krista Isadora Duncan chatting with David Letterman and Mister Dick and Malaysia will count down their ten favorite music videos on MTV2. We are backstage where Krista is WALKING~!, and if you know Krista you know that it's a sight unlike any other. She seems to be searching for something as she stops a couple of times to check some of the rooms. When she passes one of the OAOAST road agents she stops him. KRISTA Hey have you seen "It"? ROAD AGENT It... what it? KRISTA Quit clowning around, I need "It"! The road agent looks at her for a moment, probably wondering if she had finally gone over the edge. ROAD AGENT What is it? KRISTA Look we are not doing some tired “Abbot and Costello” act here, just show me where I can find "It" Krista looks annoyed, then slightly less annoyed as the road agent finally nods, seemingly caught on to what she was asking for. ROAD AGENT I understand KRISTA (confused) ROAD AGENT I got some of it right here He pulls a small bag of white powder out of his pocket. KRISTA That is NOT what I am looking for! ROAD AGENT But you said... you said you were looking for it? KRISTA Yes I am, I need to see "It". Now ROAD AGENT I knew you would come round to our side again honey, alright here it is ZIIP! ROAD AGENT KRISTA First of all I can hardly see that ROAD AGENT KRISTA And second of all... Without any further explanation she rears back and kicks the road agent in the nut sack, dropping him to the ground with a groan. Then she bends over and grabs the road agent by his shirt. KRISTA Listen to me you piece of crap, I need to see "It", the Alien ... guy, thing, whatever "it" is. The road agent is unable to speak, but points to a door a little down the hallway. KRISTA See that was not so hard.... in more ways than one. When Miss Duncan approaches the door someone very helpfully opens it by throwing Conquistador Dos through the door, then seconds later the Cow barges out of the dressing room mooing like a mad cow KRISTA Okay that's weird, even for what I’m used to. When Conquistador Dos notices Krista his face turns pale, his eyes bug out and if you listen really, really carefully you can hear the theme to Psycho play in Dos' head DOS Ye... yeh... you? Dos instinctively reaches up and holds his neck, reliving the trauma of Krista breaking it a long time ago. When Krista takes a step towards him Dos shrieks like a little girl, drops the voodoo doll in his hand and runs off down the hall. The Cow bends down and picks up the doll with his mouth and runs off. KRISTA What was that all about? Conquistador Uno comes out of the dressing room, trying his best to fend of Bribón who is clinging to his back while bopping him upside the head every few seconds. UNO You broke his neck! KRISTA Sorry doesn't ring a bell. UNO Pile dr *bop* (to Bribón) WILL YOU STOP THAT!! (to Krista) you used a pile driver to break his neck KRISTA You have got to be more specific, that could be anyone of 10 people. I think that Cow is trying to eat your straw dolly UNO Oh sh... Uno runs off down the hallway with Bribón still clinging on while smacking Uno upside the head. After everyone else leaves Krista looks around for a moment, then she gets impatient as she looks at her watch. KRISTA Is Ron Simmons coming out or what? *Crickets chirp* KRISTA Oh forget it! She enters the room and finally sees the... thing / person / alien she's been looking for. He seems completely undisturbed by all the commotion of Los Conquistadors and Los Moo-Chadors fighting as he hangs there upside down, arms crossed in front of his chest, just gently swaying back and forth. KRISTA Hey there... (She tries to find a term that is appropriate)... you. I've been looking for you. "It" remains motionless except for the subtle swaying KRISTA Did anyone tell you that we are teaming up tonight? Yeah it was that dork Silver's idea; I almost told him that I could beat him one handed, but then I realized that he already does that to himself every night. *rimshot* KRISTA No? Nothing? Krista moves in and waves a hand in front of "It"'s face, seemingly without any response from "It" KRISTA Do you even speak English?? No reply, so what does Krista do? What most people do when they think the person they are talking to does not understand them; repeat it, only louder and slower. KRISTA DO.... YOU... SPEAK... ENGLISH?? No response KRISTA Parlevouz Francais? No response KRISTA Habla Espanol? No response KRISTA Sprechen Sie Deutch? No response KRISTA Klaatu Baratu... Nictu? No don't be ridiculous. "It" Klaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatu Having finally made contact with "It" Krista smiles, then the smile freezes on her face as "It" just straightens "It's" legs and... CLOP! Falls to the floor. The Alien immediately spring to "It"'s feet and looks at Krista "It" Klatu yeeeees? "It"'s voice sounds a little like the three-eyed aliens from the Toy Story movies, perhaps they are distant cousins or something. Krista looks at the Alien from head to toe, trying to figure out what "It"s deal is. Moments later she notices that the Alien is imitating her stance, down to the hand on the hips and the exploratory look up and down her body. KRISTA You... okay I am just going to come out and ask this; you can wrestle right? "It" Rastal? KRISTA Sure, Rastal - You rastal'er? "It" AAAAAHHHHH *snort* "It" seems to get very excited as he runs over and grabs what looks like a space age handbag and starts to rummage through it. At one point he plunges his arm in all the way up to his shoulder despite the bag not being very big. Then he pulls out a crumpled up page from a magazine "It" Rastal.. deeeeeeeeeeeeeeesty KRISTA Thirsty? She looks at the page, which is an old picture of Dusty Rhodes back from when he wore polka dots "It" Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesty KRISTA Ohhh Dusty, Dusty Rhodes "It" nods vigorously, then "It" inhales sharply and clenches FWOOOM!! His abdomen becomes extended to such a degree that "It" almost looks like Dusty Rhodes' long lost twin KRISTA Erm... that's not really... "It" Deeeeeeeeeeesty! id'l! "It" gets down funky like a monkey like nobody's business, shaking it like he was the next coming of Dusty Rhodes. "It" Pahwinda!! Pahwinda, 'mericha drm'! KRISTA Save some of that enthusiasm for the match. Erm... yeah... Krista is at a loss for words as "It" keeps dancing the awkward, abdomen-grinding dance that only Dusty Rhodes could get away with. Moments later Krista takes the picture of Dusty Rhodes from "It"'s hand; the second the paper leaves the Alien's hand "It" stops dancing, deflates "It"'s belly and resumes "It"'s odd stance. KRISTA Hmmm She looks at the paper in her hand, then at "It", then back at the paper KRISTA I wonder? She extends her arm and touches "It" with the paper, the second the paper makes contact he goes back into Dusty mode, complete with twirling fists and a groin grab. The moment Krista takes the paper off the Alien he returns to his (well for him) normal state. KRISTA What if I... Paper on "It" "It" 'Merican dr'm ifye weeeeeeeeeeeeeell!! Paper off "It" "It" ... Paper on "It" Mu shuet Sapp’ire Paper off "It" KRISTA I will forgive you for that unflattering comparison; I know it's the paper talking. Krista takes the paper, crumples it up and throws it in the trash; apparently she would rather not team with Dusty Rhodes tonight. KRISTA Well now that that is settled then. I'll see you in the ring. "It" just kinda wanders off, looking up towards space, or perhaps “It” sees the Virgin Mary in one of the stains. KRISTA OOOOOkay, good talk, and ... live long and prosper? Krista half-heartedly tries to give the Vulcan greeting and then walks off, leaving "It" to go about "It"'s business, whatever that is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 We return to Sofa Central where Cole is having a hearty laugh over "It's" odd antics. COLE What a pair those two will make in our mainevent! “Motherfucker of the Year” hits and MISTER DICK heads to the ring along with MALAYSIA and his SHAKE WEIGHT. COLE We’re gonna be joined at Sofa Central by a favorite of yours Coach, former World Heavyweight Champion Mister Dick. COACH Quite the treat, huh, Cole? COLE For some I suppose. MD shakes Coach’s hands but completely no sells Cole. MISTER DICK No offense Cole, but I’d lose a million cool points shaking your hand. But enough about you let’s talk about yours truly, the Real American Prick, Dickzilla himself. COLE What would you like to talk about? MISTER DICK Isn’t that your job, to ask me the questions? COACH Yeah, you idiot. MISTER DICK But I’ll let that slide as you being star struck. See, Cole, I got a match at AngleMania with one of the men in the next match, Double D Bigelow. And I do mean double D. Ever seen him without his flaming top? *shudders* COACH MISTER DICK Anyway, instead of looking in the mirror DOUCHE holds me responsible for what happened to Jumbo at the Heartland Spectacular. Why? I’m not the one who stuck my nose in somebody else’s business. And I sure as hell ain’t the guy who threw my supposed friend in the line of fire because he was too scared to fight like a man. COACH That’s right. It was Deuce. COLE Careful Mr. Dick, your nose is growing. MISTER DICK That’s not my nose. And you can hold Malaysia responsible for that. Isn’t she looking hot tonight? COACH Very hot. MISTER DICK I might just ravage her right here right now. COLE Oh, my! Let’s go up to the ring! “Tom Sawyer“ by Rush cues and Reject leads the Can-Am Assassins to the ring. BUFFER The following tag team event is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by REJECT, representing THE DEADLY ALLIANCE… at a total combine weight of 488 pounds… “AFTER HOURS” FELIX STRUTTER and KEN PANTERA… THE CAN-AM AAAASSSSAAAASSSSSINNNNSSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE It was just last week the Can-Am Assassins returned, but at AngleMania they will be handcuffed to the ringpost along with the rest of the Deadly Alliance as Reject battles Baron Windels one on one. MISTER DICK I’ve been in the ring with both guys. Both are tough as nails, but only one has a brain and that’s Reject. “Just a Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody” hits and the unlikely team of Deuce Bigelow and . BUFFER Their opponents, accompanied by BARON WINDELS… total combine weight 510 pounds, the team of TIIIIIIMMMMM CCAAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHHHHH and DEUCE DEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE BIGELOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" * DINGDINGDING* Felix mocks the girth of Deuce and eats a forearm in response. Deuce press slam Felix after a head BUTT and performs a cartwheel, almost to say look at what the fat guy can do. COLE Felix Strutter just learned not to judge a book by its cover. MISTER DICK Deuce may not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he is a helluva athlete for sure. Felix shakes off the cobwebs and tags strongman Ken Pantera. COACH Here we go, fellas. Power vs. power. Both powerhouses lockup but neither can gain the advantage. Instead Pantera dares the Flaming Gigolo to knock him off his feet. Deuce delivers a shoulder tackle that doesn’t budge Pantera, nor does he budge when Pantera returns the favor. Pantera shoves Deuce and double dog dares him. Again nobody budges. Now Deuce shoves Pantera and triple dog dares him. COLE Who’s gonna budge first? Pantera shoots off the ropes and right into a spinning wheel kick! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Deuce introduces Pantera to the buckle and tags Cash. Following a double clothesline Cash connects with a missile dropkick! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT… AND WITH AUTHORITY! Pantera is peppered with forearm strikes, but he reverses a whip and executes a POWERSLAM. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT. Pantera rams Cash into the boot of Felix, who tags in and delivers a trapped arm belly to belly. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Felix attempts a power bomb… but Cash counters with a sunset flip! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Cash ducks a roundhouse kick and connects with an ENZIGURI~! Felix staggers in place until Cash executes a knee breaker into a back suplex, which he follows with the Texas Cloverleaf. COLE Midwest Sling! We may have a submission right here. A clubbing blow to the back by Pantera ends that notion. Felix dumps Cash outside where Reject puts the boots to him. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" An outraged BW storms over to the DA side of the ring, which allows the Can-Am Assassins to drop Cash throat-first on the guardrail while the ref keeps him away from Reject. MISTER DICK Boy does that bring back memories. I remember being in Cash’s position thanks to BW’s stupidity. The man cares for no one but himself. COLE Are you kidding me? MISTER DICK I’d be kidding if I said you were the best play-by-play man in the biz. COACH Zing~! Pantera rolls Cash back in and Felix covers him. ONE! TWO! FOOT ON THE ROPE. Cash is scooped up for a running power slam, but he floats over the top and applies an old school sleeper! COLE Do Not Resuscitate! COACH No, do! Do resuscitate! Felix shoots Cash off and catches him on the rebound with an overhead release belly-to-belly! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY DEUCE! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Pantera receives the tag and places Cash in a bear hug. MISTER DICK The man with the greatest perm in the business is gonna squeeze the life out of Tim Cash. COACH Normally you’d only see something like this on National Geographic. COLE How long can Timmy hang tough? He’s taken quite a beating already. Deuce and BW rally the crowd behind Cash as the ref checks for signs of life. He raises the arm once. It drops. Twice. It drops again. Thrice. This time the arm stays up! COLE Timmy is still alive! Cash stomps Pantera’s foot until he forces him to break the hold, then nails him with a back brain wheel kick! COACH I’ve never seen anybody break a bear hug with a foot stomp. MISTER DICK A girly move if you ask me, but hey, it worked. Cash goes for the pin and gets attacked by Felix, prompting Deuce to come in and get him some. Deuce clotheslines Felix over the top, but his momentum takes him out as well. COLE Deuce and Felix are right out here by us. Deuce accidentally knocks over Mr. Dick’s SHAKE WEIGHT as he and Felix continue to battle. MISTER DICK My Shake Weight! MD drops the headset and bashes Deuce upside the head with the Shake Weight! COLE That was uncalled for, damnit! MD is calmed by Malaysia as he returns backstage. Meanwhile, Pantera grabs Cash in a FULL NELSON, but before he can really lock on the hold Cash slips down and rolls him up! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! REJECT * DINGDINGDING * Reject slaps the apron in frustration as “Not My Time” by 3 Doors Down cues. COACH I can’t believe my eyes. It seemed like the Can-Am Assassins had this one well in hand. COLE All it takes is 3 seconds. Remember that. BUFFER Here are your winners, the team of TIM CASH and DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" BW assists Deuce back in the ring and then raises the hands of the winners. COLE Deuce and Timmy are your winners. Stay with us! The action continues!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 Backstage, in the expensive and time consuming to set up in a new city every week interview lounge we find OAOAST Superstars reveling in the St.Patrick's day glee. However, Tony Brannigan is all business as he stands with Queen Esther andSOPHIE BRANNIGAN Hello, world! I am Tony Brannigan, part owner of this fine company, and I am standing backstage in the interview lounge with Sophie and Queen Esther. Sophie, as you head to Anglemania to compete in the eight girl scramble match how do you feel mentally? SOPHIE I am a very thankful woman zhis month. Do you want to know why, monsieur? Because I have been put on the path of being a women’s champion for zhe second time. Is that not mereveilleux? BRANNIGAN Sophie, what do you think of the current women’s champion Lorelei DeCenzo? SOPHIE I’d like to say merci beaucoup to Madame Lorelei DeCenzo pour being such a great women’s champion. I shall have much to live up to in her honor. And I shall look forward to the inevitable title match between the two of us. I also wish to say merci to my lordship, Queen Esther. Without Queen Esther none of zhis iz accomplished! When I become women’s champion, it shall be only because Queen Esther has made it possible! QUEEN ESTHER What pride you will bring to the kingdom, Sophie! Oh how it does my heart proud to see a woman that was once a simple peasant, rise through the ranks of nobility to stand inside the queen’s court. What’s even better is that you shall soon stand as a champion! Do I approve of fisticuffs? Hardly. But when the time for battle comes, we nobles must lead the way and show strength by example! I have a wrote a battle song for you Sophie. SOPHIE Fantastique! QUEEN ESTHER (singing) Ooooooooh Sophie! She is noble and true! Sophie she’ll make a believer out of you! Oh Sophie into battle she goes! Oh Sophie she cuts down her foes! Oh Sophie she has a most attractive nose! Sophie, you are most beautiful and brave. Your battles are never a close shave! For you dominate! Yes dominate! Oh dominate! Yes dominate! Tony makes the cut signal and we mercifully go back to ringside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 We cut to Coach and Cole as Leonardo Cardinal comes running out from backstage as if he missed his cue to join the team before the commercial break was over. CARDINAL Whoa boy, I am excited to be here tonight! COLE Probably not as excited as you were to get Mariachi's Sombrero earlier CARDINAL I have no idea what you're talking about (whistles innocently) COACH You're a mess Cardinal, get it together or we will outsource the Lucha commentary to India, the accents are almost identical. Cardinal looks annoyed, but keeps his mouth shut in case the OAOAST was actually contemplating doing this. COLE But you're here now, you know what that means. COACH Yeah a lawn is not being mowed somewhere COLE COACH!! COACH Oh I'm sorry, do you only do shrubberies? CARDINAL Ignore him Cole, I have heard all the comments already In the ring Mr. Montalban, Jr. is on fire, smoldering hot as his long, jet-black hair glistens in the light and the hairs on his chest mesmerizes several women and a few men in the first couple of rows. The smooth operator catches a pair of panties in mid air and stuffs them in his pocket without missing a beat. RICARDO MONTALBAL, JR. A ganaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar a dos de tres caídas sin limite de tiempo! The announcement of the two-out-of-three falls stipulation actually draws a positive reaction, mainly on the back of the high speed, competitive matches that MILLF has been putting on for several weeks now. RICARDO MONTALBAL, JR. (Turning to his best Latin lover voice) Tonight we will witness the ultimate battle of good against evil, of justice against sellouts. Tonight we will see a champion of truth, justice and the Lucha Libre way go against a guy who is happy to see tradition thrown in the trash can COLE Laying it on thick tonight isn't he? COACH I thought he was actually a little understated tonight RICARDO MONTALBAL, JR. So with further ado, not beating around the bush or stalling any further, it is my pleasure to introduce the first competitor who will come out after I announce him. CARDINAL Alright get on with it, you have a silky smooth voice a guy could lose himself in but come on! COLE A silky smooth voice? COACH That a guy could lose himself in? CARDINAL Don't tell me you did not think the exact same thing. COLE and COACH True RICARDO MONTALBAL, JR. Introducing first, defending not just his right, but everyone's right to observe the traditions of Lucha Libre, stepping out from your nightmare, here is the epitome of intensity, Dr. Lucha, Jr.'s Reaper COLE Hold on, Espiritu Negro is supposed to be the good guy? COACH SHHHHHHH! He’s still speaking. RICARDO MONTALBAL, JR. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESPIRITU NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGRO!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! RICARDO MONTALBAL, JR. VIVA LOS RUDOS!! COLE Well that was subtle. The characteristic organ solo opening of Phantom of the Opera plays as the lights in the arena are dimmed before Espiritu Negro bursts onto the stage, wearing a devil's mask on top of his regular mask, which looks extra creepy with the light from a series of fireballs illuminating it. COLE Someone is a little too late for Halloween COACH I knew that was coming, typical close-minded comment from someone who cannot stand anything different. COLE I am as open-minded as the next guy COACH Maybe if the next guy is a Klan member Negro rolls into the ring, then crawls over to the corner opposite the entrance and sits there, arms on the bottom ropes as he waits for his opponent. RICARDO MONTALBAL, JR. And his opponent, the mangy cat that some people call Tigre Azteca. The announcer quickly leaves, not caring that he just delivered the most half-assed introduction ever heard outside of Syndicated. The second that Tigre Azteca steps through the curtains Espiritu Negro rolls out of the ring, drops both his devil's mask as well as his cape and darts up the aisle. COLE The bell has not even rung!! Taking advantage of Tigre Azteca being distracted as he high fives a few fans; Espiritu throws Tigre Azteca into the guardrail, then lifts him up for a fireman's carry. Tigre wiggles out of it before Espiritu Negro could inflict any more pain, only to have Espiritu Negro super kicking Tigre Azteca. The referee motions for Espiritu Negro to return to the ring while he checks on Tigre Azteca. CARDINAL The bell has not even rung yet. COACH So technically he cannot be disqualified, no bell, no rules. Back in the ring Espiritu Negro seems to mock the crowd, cupping his ear to hear them boo followed by a stray bird being flipped off. El Gato mas Rapido slides under the bottom rope and pushes Espiritu in the back. DING!! DING!! DING!! The two lock up, quickly ending up in the ropes as they both push for the superior position, after switching two or three times Espiritu finally releases his grip on the opponent, leaving Tigre Azteca open for a CHOP~! The chop lands like a sniper's shot, drawing a sadistic smile from Espiritu Negro's lips. Undeterred Tigre Azteca locks up with Espiritu once more, quickly repaying his opponent CHOP~! COLE And eye for an eye and a chop for a chop! COACH Azteca should just quit now before he really makes Espiritu Negro angry. Back in the middle of the ring Tigre Azteca raises a hand in the air, apparently asking for a test of strength, when Espiritu tries to lock fingers with his opponent the rapid luchador ducks down and sweeps his opponent's legs out from under him. Hoping to inflict some pain Tigre Azteca wraps his legs around one of Espiritu Negro's leg, applying a form of a leg lock. CARDINAL You won't see this in amateur wrestling, but it's very effective The hold may be effective in inflicting pain, but it also leaves Tigre in a position where Espiritu Negro can reach over and put his opponent in a front headlock, pulling Tigre Azteca back and out of the leg lock and into a front face lock. After making sure the referee cannot see his hand Espiritu Negro extends his thumb and jams it hard into Tigre Azteca's throat BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! COLE That was low, real low COACH What are you talking about low? It was way above the belt. The second the referee bends down to check on the choke Espiritu Negro releases the hold, then he flips his opponent over on his back and locks in what looks like the beginning of an Indian Deathlock, trying both of Tigre Azteca's legs up. CARDINAL He is trying to slow the cat down, take away his speed game. COACH Sounds like a sound strategy to me, perhaps he can even pop the knee out of joint. COLE WHAT? Are you seriously advocating injuring someone? COACH Oh calm down, it'd just be a dislocated knee. Do you know how many people wrestle successfully with a dislocated knee? COLE None? COACH EXACTLY!! Espiritu keeps Tigre Azteca on his back by punching him in the face ever time he tries to sit up and relieve some of the pain. After three or so blows Tiger Azteca blocks a punch, then rolls his opponent over and into a pinning predicament. ONE!! CARDINAL Having his leg locked like that could cost him the first fall!! TWO!! THR-SHOULDER-UP!! The second Espiritu Negro is back on his feet Tigre Azteca throws him across the ring with a lighting fast arm drag that actually sends Espiritu sliding under the bottom rope. Azteca leaps to the floor after him, then gives him a shove in the chest and motions for him to get back in the ring. Espiritu Negro backs off, motioning for Tigre to get back in the ring instead. When Espiritu Negro attacks Tigre Azteca the quicker Luchador ducks under Espiritu's arms and then slides into the ring, tapping the side of his head. COLE Smart thinking, you can't win a match on the floor. COACH But you can definitely lose it on the floor. Espiritu slowly enters the ring as well, keeping an eye on Tigre Azteca at all times. When Espiritu attacks Tigre Azteca takes him down with another deep arm drag. Negro complains about a mask pull, getting in the referee's face and demanding that he disqualify Tigre Azteca COACH UNFAIR!! You know there is no mask pulling allowed CARDINAL He was nowhere near the mask, unless Espiritu Negro has a mask in his armpit The complaint was just a ploy as Espiritu Negro nails Azteca with an elbow smash when the tecnico denies the mask pull. Negro locks his arms around Tigre's waist and takes him to the ground before locking on the front headlock once more. Azteca quickly twists out of the headlock and takes Espiritu Negro to the canvas with an arm lock. Then he gets back to his feet, flips Espiritu Negro backwards onto his feet. A punch by Tigre Azteca is turned into a picture perfect arm drag by Espiritu Negro who grins and brags about using Tigre Azteca's move against him. Azteca sweeps his opponent's leg, then hooks Espiritu's arm around his leg and rolls him up with the Magistral cradle ONE!! TWO!! T-NO!! Espiritu angrily kicks out of the pin fall, then gets back to his feet and begins to burn a hole through Tigre Azteca with his death glare. Azteca tires to use his superior speed to get the advantage, but when he comes at Espiritu, the Reaper backdrops him and then kicks him square in the forehead. After flipping Tigre Azteca over onto his stomach Espiritu Negro crosses his opponent's legs and grabs both hands, pulling him backwards into an attempted version of a bow and arrow submission hold. COACH Espiritu Negro has effectively slowed Tigre Azteca down; he obviously knew he could not compete in pure speed. CARDINAL Few luchadors can Coach, few can. Tigre fights against the hold, crouching down to relieve some of the tension. Then with his legs free from the pressure he performs a headstand, locking his feet around Espiritu's head. COLE WHOA! The headlock is quickly turned into much more than that as Tigre Azteca manages to build up enough momentum to spin Espiritu Negro around twice before taking him down with is feet. CARDINAL Unreal, he managed to do all that without even using his hands. Since the move did not hurt Espiritu Negro that much he quickly leaps to his feet and clotheslines Tigre Azteca down, then just stands there and stares at his opponent. Once Tigre Azteca is back up Espiritu Negro reaches out and locks hands with his opponent, hoping for a knuckle lock of some kind, but instead Tigre Azteca spins around so that he is back to back with his opponent. Moments later Espiritu Negro bends forward, flipping his opponent over the top, landing right in front of him. COLE These two seem to be so evenly matched, this will come down to who makes the first mistake. Azteca release one of the knuckle locks, then twists Espiritu's left arm before running up the turnbuckles and leaping off with a springboard arm drag. The move takes the wind out of Espiritu's sails as he leans against the ropes to regain his senses. When Tigre attacks Espiritu Negro manages to hip toss him over, but since he is so close to the ropes Tigre manages to bounce himself back over again, arm dragging Espiritu Negro down once more. COACH Again with the arm drags, who ever won with an arm drag COLE I don't think he's trying to win with the move, only wear down his opponent. After the arm drag Tigre Azteca runs at the ropes, then leaps up on the middle rope and springboards backwards, only to be drop kicked square in the back by Espiritu Negro WHACK! Negro quickly follows up by locking both of Tigre Azteca's arms behind his back in a butterfly position, then he lifts him in the air and drops into a pedigree style driver followed by a cover. ONE!! TWO!! THREE!! DING!! DING!! DING!! -----O.A.O.A.S.T.---- Fall # 1 ---------------------- Tigre Azteca: 0 Espiritu Neg: 1 ---------------------- RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR. The winner of the first fall, the unparalleled EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESPIRITU NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGRO!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Negro does not seem to even register that the crowd is booing him as he stalks Tigre Azteca before the second fall starts. He circles around his opponent, making sure he stays behind Azteca at all times. COACH I smell a quick second fall, your job may be over early Cardinal. CARDINAL We'll see. Negro did manage to make Tigre Azteca wrestle his style of match instead of the highflying, high speed offence that Tigre Azteca is known for. The second the referee motions for the second fall to begin Espiritu Negro rushes in and tosses Tigre Azteca into the corner, moments later he launches himself at Tigre, landing a clothesline with such momentum that his legs end up between the middle and upper rope. As Tigre drops to the canvas Espiritu Negro ducks under the top rope and ends up on the apron. A quick springboard later and Espiritu Negro bounces over the top, dropkicking the bottom turnbuckle as Tigre Azteca rolls out of the way. COLE Finally Tigre being able to capitalize on his speed advantage. With Espiritu down on the canvas Tigre leaps up on the middle rope, executing an Asai Moonsault. Espiritu rolls out of the way, only for Tigre Azteca to adjust in mid-air so he lands on his feet. Using his momentum Tigre Azteca flips over in a standing Moonsault that nails Espiritu Negro. ONE!! TWO!! TH-NO!! Without hesitating Tigre Azteca drags Espiritu Negro to his feet, then leaps on and flips his opponent over with a monkey flip, followed by a drop kick to the side of Espiritu Negro's head. The move causes Espiritu to roll to the floor to regain his senses. When Tigre gets a running start Espiritu Negro drops to his knees, hoping to duck out of the way of Tigre's big move. Instead of leaping out of the ring Tigre adjusts and baseball slides under the bottom rope, ending up on the floor behind Espiritu Negro. COACH Oh no, no, no!! But the answer is a resounding yes, yes, yes as Tigre Azteca drop kicks the crouching Espiritu Negro with such force that the rudo is thrown under the apron of the ring. Azteca leaps up on the apron, and then climbs the turnbuckles where he waits for Espiritu Negro to crawl out from under the ring. COLE Hold on! Espiritu is not coming out where Tigre Azteca thought, he crawled under the ring COACH Oh you are in trouble Tigre!! Apparently Azteca caught a glimpse of his opponent out of the corner of his eye, as he leaps off the top rope, twisting around to take Espiritu Negro off the apron with a twisting Frankensteiner. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! Moments later Tigre throws the dazed Espiritu Negro into the ring, then leaps up on the apron and climbs the ropes. The crowd comes unglued as he leaps off the top rope and drives both feet into Espiritu Negro's abdomen CARDINAL THE CAT ATTACK!! ONE!! TWO!!! THREE!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! DING!! DING!! DING!! -----O.A.O.A.S.T.---- Fall # 2 ---------------------- Tigre Azteca: 1 Espiritu Neg: 1 ---------------------- COLE He tied it up, just like that the whole match dynamic changed! CARDINAL I bet Camaleón is cheering in the back COACH That fool is probably back there trying to eat a fly or whatever shit Chameleons eat. Unlike his opponent Tigre Azteca gives his opponent space as he leaps up and sits on the top rope while waiting for the start of the third fall. Once the referee gives the signal for the third fall Espiritu Negro rushes his opponent, only to be kicked in the chest, then as he staggers away from the ring he's taken down as Tigre Azteca leaps OVER Espiritu Negro's head, then hooks Negro's head with his feet, taking him down with a quick head scissors. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! CARDINAL Can you now see why he's considered the fastest Luchador? More dizzy than hurt Espiritu runs at his opponent, only for Tigre to drop to the ground so that Negro continues on, bouncing off the ropes. On the rebound Tigre tries to backdrop his opponent over, only for him to flip to his feet and then strike Tigre Azteca in the exposed kidneys. When Azteca attacks Espiritu quickly punishes him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. COACH Negros in control!! Tigre rolls to the floor, trying to regain his composure, only to giver Espiritu Negro a chance to prove that he can fly as well as Tigre Azteca as he dives onto Azteca. Both of them lay on the floor for a bit, slowly recovering as they crawl back into the ring. Once inside Tigre takes the offensive again, only for Espiritu to drop to the ground. On the rebound Negro tries to back drop opponent, only for Tigre to adjust mid air and actually lands on Espiritu Negro's shoulders before flipping off backwards in a stunning display of balance and agility. RIGHT INTO A YAKUZA KICK TO THE JAW!!! COACH Flipping is nice, but personally I prefer impact! COLE Holy!! He almost took Tigre Azteca's head off with that kick! Espiritu reaches down and begins to pull on Tigre Azteca's mask, attempting to rip it open. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Tigre manages to break up the mask ripping attempt with a back elbow, then Espiritu pulls his opponent to his feet and tries to Irish Whip him into the ropes, only to be reversed and instead it's Espiritu Negro who is whipped into the ropes. Tigre Azteca attempts a backdrop, but Espiritu Negro turns around at the last moment and instead flips safely over Azteca's back and lands on his feet only to be drop kicked down by Tigre Azteca COACH HEY, HEY!! hands off the mask. COLE So now that it's Tigre Azteca ripping at Espiritu Negro's mask it's okay? Espiritu breaks the hold by kicking Tigre Azteca in the face from his position on the canvas. Back on his feet Espiritu clotheslines Tigre Azteca over the top rope and onto the apron. When Espiritu tries to knock him off the apron Tigre Azteca leaps to the side and manages to kick Espiritu Negro in the side of the head, knocking him to the canvas. Azteca leaps up on the top rope to get a little extra spring in his leap and then lands a splash on Espiritu Negro ONE!! TWO!! TH-NO!! CARDINAL So close COACH Well close is not good enough; my main Negro here is going to get the job done. Negro rolls to the floor to catch a break after the near fall, only Tigre Azteca is not willing to give his opponent even a moment to catch his breath. Tigre bounces off the ropes, leaps into a handstand near the opposite side and then flips over the top rope onto Espiritu Negro CARDINAL SPACE TIGER DROP!! COLE Unbelievable! Tigre quickly rolls his opponent inside the ring and follows closely behind him. Back inside the ring both luchadors begin to unleash on each other with a series of right hands, throwing their highflying style out the window in favor of just beating the snot out of each other. COACH Now we're talking! I want to see a good fight; I was beginning to think these two did not have that in them. CARDINAL You can feel the animosity between them, I don't think this is about Camaleón or Dr. Lucha, Jr. or anyone else, this is personal for these two now. Espiritu kicks Tigre Azteca in the head, sending him bouncing back in the ropes, on the rebound Tigre responds in kind and kicks Espiritu Negro in the face. Both men stagger after the kicks to the head, each leaning back against the ropes. Espiritu staggers forward, then reveals that it was a ruse as he super kicks Tigre Azteca through the ropes, sending him to the apron. Espiritu waits for Tigre Azteca to get back to his feet, then he rushes it and tries to elbow him off the apron. COLE DENIED!! Azteca managed to block the elbow and replies with a series of elbows to Espiritu Negro's jaw instead. Desperate to regain control Espiritu lands a knee to Azteca's groin, and then springboards over the top, turning a sunset flip into a power bomb off the apron CRACK!! COACH DAMN!! Good thing we have mats at ringside or he would have cracked his skull open! Both men are worn out from their very physical match, although Tigre Azteca is obvious in a lot worse shape after being slammed on the floor. Negro is the first man up and rolls into the ring to break the count, a few moments later Tigre Azteca is finally back on the apron again, using the ropes to hold him up. Negro decides to go for broke and rushes in, only to get kicked upside the head in a desperation move from Tigre Azteca. CARDINAL That was pure instinct! I mean his head bounced off the ground a moment ago, I'm not sure if Tigre Azteca really knows what he is doing. COLE That may not be a good thing, why is he climbing the ropes? A staggered Azteca slowly climbs up the turnbuckles, only for Espiritu Negro to leap up and kick his opponent in the side of the head with an Enzugiri that knocks Tigre off the ropes, flipping into the ring. Negro quickly rushes to the corner on the opposite side, leaps up on the top rope, and then turns around before dragging his thumb across his throat, signaling for the end of the match. COACH OH YES, YES!! This is it, the kitty gets neutered!! Negro leaps off and flies almost two-thirds across the ring. CRASH!! BUT MISSES THE LEGDROP!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! At that moment Dr. Lucha, Jr. comes running out from backstage and leaps up on the apron protesting some imaginary infraction against Espiritu Negro. COLE Urgh, I was wondering when he would show up. Moments later El Camaleón rushes out and pulls Dr. Lucha, Jr. off the apron. With the referee distracted Espiritu Negro massages his discreetly windpipe. Here comes Tigre Azteca, grabbing Espiritu Negro by the mask and..FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!! COLE SON OF A *BEEP!!* With Tigre Azteca blinded Espiritu Negro quickly pulls his opponent’s mask off and then rolls him up. ONE!! CARDINAL He took the mask!! Come on TWO!! THREE!! DING!! DING!! DING!! Espiritu Negro rolls out of the ring before the referee notices that he still has Tigre Azteca's mask in his hand. When Camaleón sees Tigre Azteca unmasked in the ring he forgets about Dr. Lucha, Jr. and instead rolls into the ring to help cover up his friend's face. -----O.A.O.A.S.T.---- Fall # 2 ---------------------- Tigre Azteca: 1 Espiritu Neg: 2 ---------------------- RICARDO MONTALBAN, JR. The winner of the match EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESPIRITU NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGO!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Dr. Lucha, Jr. laughs maniacally as Negro just stares at the people in the ring with a cold, calculated stare, not revealing a single shred of pleasure over winning the match. The only time he reveals any emotion is when he looks at the stolen mask in his hand and sadistically grins pleased with himself no doubt. COLE This is not right! Dr. Lucha, Jr.'s men stole another one. COACH Meh they outsmarted the widdle Tiger, big deal a fifth grader could do that. CARDINAL I just heard you say Dr. Lucha, Jr. is about as smart as a fifth grader COACH WHAT? COLE That's what I heard too, better hope word does not get back to Dr. Lucha, he would not be pleased to hear that. COACH That is NOT what I said! Come on guys you are just trying to get me in trouble here. COLE You seem to do that fine on your own COACH Oh shut up! Let's go to a break so I can smack these fools in private.COMMERCIALLIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S...ANGLEMANIA TENOAOAST World Title, Submissions Count Anywhere "Rocksault" Jason Silver © vs. Krista Isadora DuncanWorld Tag Team Title Match D*LUX vs. LDC Moneygang ©Barbed Wire Match Bruce Blank vs. BohemothLast Man Standing Baron Windels vs. RejectWomen's Title, Eight Girl Scramble Match Lorelei DeCenzo © Vs Morgan Nerdly Vs Amberlyn Duncan Vs Maya Duncan-Blanchard Vs Maggie Nerdly Vs Melody Nerdly Vs Sophie Vs HollyLa Leyenda de la Máscara Tournament 18 man Torneo Cibernetico match VICE, James Riggs, and Pierce Duncan vs. The OCC's, Alix, and Leon Rodez Mr. Dick vs. Deuce Deuce Bigelow Billy Cassidy vs. a OAOAST LegendSUNDAY NIGHT, APRIL 3rdONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEWCOMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by Krista Isadora Duncan for L'Orealhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gam3WJIKDoU We return to Sofa Central with the arena in the background cloaked in red, orange, and purple lights. COLE Last week on HeldDOWN~!, Anglesault responded to Zack Malibu's Anglemania challenge with a challenge of his own...that if Zack wants him in a match, Zack put not only the five shares of OAOAST stock he sold off on the line, but his career as well! COACH And what a brilliant move it was, Mikey Cole. It's a win-win situation. If Zack manages to get the shareholders to put up their stake, then his ego will do him in...but if he can't get the shareholders to agree, we won't even have a match! COLE Anglesault stated that he wants to speak to the shareholders face to face, here tonight. We know that Caboose, Tony Brannigan, and Some Guy have purchased three of the shares, but the last two people have remained a mystery. I personally have not seen any of those men backstage today, nor have I even seen Zack Malibu, so I don't know how well this situation is going for the OAOAST Franchise. Just then, "Medal" hits, and a bad situation appears to be getting worse. COACH It looks like time's up, Mikey Cole! Dressed to kill and with a proud smile on his face, Anglesault makes his way to the ring, oblivious to the venom hurled in his direction from the fans. Anglesault gets in the ring and even does his trademark "arms out" taunt before getting the mic, rubbing his good cheer into the face of the fans. ANGLESAULT Here we are, the moment of truth. As you all know, one week ago, I told Zack Malibu what he had to do in order to get me in the ring at Anglemania. I told the most selfish man that I've ever come across that he had to give a little this time...that he had to give me my power back, and give me my power back. Unconditionally, one hundred percent of the OAOAST, and then he could ride off into the sunset not as a proud hero, but as a humbled, broken, shell of a man who would never wrestle in this company again! So, Zack, if you're back there, or if you can here me, the clock has struck twelve, and I'm waiting to see how this is going to go. The crowd is buzzing as Anglesault stares intently at the stage, but moments pass by with nothing. ANGLESAULT C'mon, Malibu! There won't be any games tonight. You owe it to your fans to tell them face to face that you've let them down AGAIN. Where's your respect, Malibu? Where's your sense of hon... "Getting Away With Murder" cuts off Anglesault's sentence, but as the song plays and the Angletron lights up with images of Zack Malibu via his entrance video, it's not Malibu who appears on the stage... ...it's SOME GUY, TONY BRANNIGAN, and CABOOSE~! COLE Well, I guess we do in fact have the shareholders in the house! COACH That don't count, Mikey Cole! Anglesault wants to meet the final two, not the ones he knows! The crowd roars for the live appearance of the OAOAST Originals, marking the first time in years Caboose and Some Guy have shared the spotlight on HeldDOWN~! Tony, known for his gift of gab, holds a mic. ANGLESAULT Before you get started, Brannigan, I want to know where the rest of you are. I also want to know why Zack Malibu isn't here to tell me...to tell the world...that he failed miserably. What is this, another ploy? He sends you out here to do his dirty work so that he doesn't look bad? There's no saving face this time! The three of you might think you have some type of say in this, but the fact is I still have more power than the three of you combined! So if Zack couldn't do what I asked him to do, then the three of you need to get the hell out of MY ARENA and off of MY SHOW! The three Originals simply look at each other, rolling their eyes. TONY Anglesault, you know how they say good things come to those who wait? ANGLESAULT How cliche'. It's amazing how you were ever employed as a broadcaster for so long. TONY You know what, Anglesault? I did my job, and I did it well, and I continue to do whatever is asked of me in this company. You, on the other hand, completely SUCK at your job. You've surrounded yourself with a pack of yes-men, and you brought in your nephew the glory boy, but take a look around you. These people, this roster, the sponsors...NONE of them respect you! So you go power-mad, thinking you're going to earn it through intimidation, when all you do is dig yourself a deeper hole. Because as far as I'm concerned, and I know I can speak for Some Guy and Caboose here...we would like nothing more than to see Zack Malibu finish you off once and for all at Anglemania Ten! ANGLESAULT That's a nice pipe dream, Brannigan, but you're not gonna get it! Because your hero, your friend, hasn't shown his face, nor did he bring whatever suckers he sold off his power to! TONY That's where you're wrong. Anglesault gulps, and stares at Brannigan. TONY We're showmen, Anglesault. We just came out here to get you warmed up. Because the other two shareholders ARE here. Zack Malibu, he's in the back right now. We're just letting them...get ready. ANGLESAULT Ready? Ready for what!? God damn it, bring them out here right now! I want Zack Malibu out here NOW! Who's he with, Tony? Huh? Get them all out here! TONY What's the matter, 'Sault. Feeling a little...insignificant? ANGLESAULT I am not...wait, what did you just say? Just then, it's VINTAGE OAOAST~!, as a familiar anthem plays in the arena, drawing the crowd to their feet. Out come EVENFLOW DDT and THE SUPERSTAR, and right behind them is The Franchise himself. THE ORIGINAL IN CROWD ARE HERE ON HELDDOWN~! The crowd are ecstatic, and Anglesault kicks the ropes and smacks the turnbuckle, having a tantrum as the six men head to the ring. COLE What a shocker here tonight! The five shareholders revealed, rounded out by Zack Malibu's two closest confidants, the original members of The In Crowd! EvenflowDDT and The Superstar are BACK, and now we know who makes up the fifty percent of power Zack sold off! The music fades out, and Anglesault looks at the six men staring him down, while the crowd breaks out into a chant: "WELCOME BACK!" "WELCOME BACK!" "WELCOME BACK!" Tony hands the mic over to Zack, who steps up and goes face to face with Anglesault. MALIBU I don't know how this looks to you, but it looks to me like you need to start getting geared up for Anglemania. Anglesault fumes, but when Malibu turns to leave, he stops him. ANGLESAULT Wait, hold on just a second, Zack. You've brought your boys out, but while they're here, I want to talk to them. Zack looks at the five Originals, and backs off, as Anglesault approaches them. ANGLESAULT Look at you all. This is what you want? You want to follow his lead? What about me!? WHAT ABOUT ME!? You ungrateful bastards would never have had jobs, careers, money, fame...you would have NOTHING WITHOUT THE OAOAST! I AM THE OAOAST! This is how you repay me for everything I've done? Some Guy, angered, grabs the mic. SOME GUY Everything you've done? Do you remember this? Anglesault stares as Some Guy raises his hand, giving the aWo symbol. SOME GUY aWo for life, right? That's what you always said. Except the only life you cared about was YOURS. We helped you build an empire, and the minute you felt threatened, or felt we were weak, you cast us off like old toys. ANGLESAULT I never cast you off...you just could't handle it! You ARE weak! Every single one of you have been brainwashed by HIM! I mean, six years ago Zack, Caboose and Some Guy faced off with YOU, Tony, remember that? Or how about the night Some Guy showed up in Providence and went after you, Zack? Then there's Evenflow, whose girlfriend you stole out from under his nose! You people would turn on each other at the drop of a hat! You're not some cohesive, friendly unit. You're each individually greedy and corrupt. You are even worse than I am, because I know who I am. I admit. I am a ruthless son of a bitch and I don't give a damn about any of you. I'm not a pretender. I'm not Zack Malibu. CABOOSE And thank God you're not! The legendary superstar takes the mic, cricket bat firmly grasped in his other hand. CABOOSE Anglesault, we've all had our transgressions. Everyone in this company has at one time fallen by the wayside. That's the nature of the business. This business has amassed so many casulties during the years. Being in wrestling is akin to going to war. Now, you can spin doctor whatever you want. You've got your issues with Zack, and I certainly have had mine. The one thing that seperates you two, though, is integrity. I've been here since the very beginning. We ALL have. Ever since Zack set foot in this company, you went after him. YOU made HIM your target, because you knew, deep down, that he was a threat. That he would save us from ourselves, from being brainwashed, from being pushed to the edge. Zack Malibu turned your vanity project into a legitimate, world reknowned empire. Zack Malibu made us into household names. The OAOAST as it stands today would not EXIST if it were not for Zack Malibu. We owe him, Anglesault. YOU owe him. You and Zack, you've both got pride. Neither of you will back down. It's about as even as rivalries go. So be a man, Anglesault. Because the five of us here, we've all reached a decision. We want this to end. We want it to end the right way, just him... Caboose points his cricket bat at Zack, who stands in the corner, sternly looking at AS. CABOOSE ...and YOU. Caboose jabs the end of the bat into Anglesault's chest, causing the CFO to knock it away. ANGLESAULT Never in my life have I met such INGRATES. You want to drink his Kool-Aid? Then you can rot in hell with him, because YOU'RE ON. You just signed his death warrant, because inside that cage, NONE of you can help him. Because I'm going to tear him apart, I'm going to maim him, I'm going to break every bone in that god damn preppy body of his, and then the five of you will be broke, penniless, and working in god damn VFW halls to pay the rent on your trailers! You can think what you want about Zack Malibu, but the fact is NONE OF YOU WOULD EXIST WITHOUT ME! I am GOD to all of you! This company gave birth to all of you, and this is how you repay me!? I will not...I WILL NOT let you do this to me. This ends at Anglemania Ten, and so help me God I don't care how badly I bleed, the first thing I do when that cage lifts, and then announce me as the winner of the Survive or Surrender match, is walk up to each and every one of you and spit in your faces. EVENFLOWDDT That's what you call your worst? Hell, man, you've done worse than that for the past ten years, only you were oblvious to it! You already forgot us, you already tried to erase us from history. I mean, it's true that's the nature of the business...today's fad is tomorrow's failure. The only ones with longevity are the true legends, the standouts...the franchises. Zack Malibu had every reason to forget us, to do exactly what you want to do to us, but he didn't. You're right, we've all been down the dark road with Zack, but there was always that measure of respect that never went away. You never had that, Anglesault. Not when I was starting out, and not when I left. I'm a changed man now. I moved away from the business. I saved my money, and I started a family. My days in the OAOAST are over, they're long gone...so in just a few weeks, you and I might have more in common than you think. ANGLESAULT Enough...ENOUGH OF THIS! Get the hell out of my ring! GET OUT. I want to talk to you, Zack. The five Originals debate their next move, but Zack asks them to give he and AS some space. They head out to the floor, but stand around ringside, ready to back Zack should anything go down. ANGLESAULT Are you sure about this, Zack? Are you ready to give it all up? To leave it all behind after I destroy you? MALIBU Saying it is a lot easier than doing it, 'Sault. ANGLESAULT You don't have a perfect record against me, Zack. Even the darkest corners get a little bit of sunshine now and again. MALIBU You want to talk dark? Just wait until Anglemania. Because I'm not locked in that cage with you...you're locked in that cage with ME! I'm going to make you pay. For my family, for my friends, and for the fans. I'm going to beat you, and I'm going to hurt you where it hurts you the most...right in the pockets, and when it's all over, no matter how bloody you are, no matter how broken of a man you feel like, you're going to stand up on your own two feet and walk out of the building, get into your limo, and NEVER set foot in the OAOAST again. Because the people who built this company, people like me and the five guys you see at ringside, we ARE the OAOAST. ANGLESAULT Then at Anglemania Ten, I'm going to do what I have to do to make this company great again. I'm going to RIP IT'S HEART OUT. With that, Anglesault drops his mic at Malibu's feet and walks off to the sound of his music. Malibu's five allies get back in the ring and talk with him, leaving the camera to close in on one final moment of anger, as Anglesault and Malibu lock eyes one more time. COLE The challenge was made official, and the vendetta is hotter than ever! Anglemania Ten, Survive or Surrender, it's Zack Malibu versus Anglesault with each man's career and stake in the company on the line! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 For some reason a camera man just happens to be backstage in one of the locker rooms, you know since they seem to loiter backstage just looking for trouble, I wonder if that ever happens in Football? You know someone hanging out in the Steelers' locker room in case there is a confrontation between two players? Woops lost track of what is going on! We see J-MAX sitting on one of the benches, wearing mainly street clothes and his mask with the locker in front of him open where his boots and tights are hanging. J-MAX (Whistling a tune while he unties his shoes) Moments later Los Maniacos, recently introduced Luchadors from MILLF enter the room, bags over their shoulders and in street clothes, well street clothes and masks naturally. J-MAX Evenin' Los Maniacos basically ignore J-MAX as they look around the locker room. J-MAX Just grab a locker, any locker really. MANIACO IV Excuse me, you need to move. J-MAX I what now? MANIACO V My brother said move, different locker. J-MAX stands up, turns around and looks at Los Maniacos to figure out if they are serious. J-MAX Why should I move? MANIACO IV We need lockers side-by-side, we're brothers J-MAX So you need lockers side-by-side? MANIACO V Si, we're brothers. J-MAX I heard, why should I move? MANIACO IV We're brothers. J-MAX Yeah pal I 'eard ya the first time. MANIACO IV So you move? J-MAX Why? MANIACO V We're brothers. J-MAX Yes, you keep telling me that. MANIACO IV Then move. J-MAX I bet you two are just beloved in the MILLF locker rooms MANIACO V What this have to do with moving? J-MAX It's just a locker, calm down geezer. MANIACO IV Geezer? Maniaco IV looks confused, not sure what the word Geezer means MANIACO V What this word Geezer? J-MAX You know, Geezer, Fellar... old man? MANIACO IV Old? MANIACO V Did he call us old? J-MAX What? It's just an expression. MANIACO IV Expression of disrespect, the youth of today. MANIACO V In our day we respected more experienced Luchadors. J-MAX Look guys, let's not make a big deal eh? MANIACO IV Losing tradition not a big deal? MANIACO V Lack of respect no big deal? J-MAX Oi, chill. No big deal this is ridiculous, it’s just a locker after all. MANIACO IV Are you kidding? Man what has Lucha Libre come to these days? MANIACO V Kids today! J-MAX No disrespect to either of you, but I've been with the OAOAST for years, paid my dues, so please dial down the attitude. MANIACO IV Attitude? An angry Maniaco V grabs J-MAX by the shirt MANIACO V Do you know who we are? Do you know who our family is? J-MAX You're the guy who is going to let go of me!! Angrily J-MAX pulls out of Maniaco V's hold J-MAX And from the looks of it your family did not teach you any manners. MANIACO IV Que? MANIACO V You need to stop talking, right now. J-MAX Or? Instead of answering Maniaco V lunge for J-MAX but the Brit is one step ahead of him and moves out of the way, unfortunately J-MAX he is still in rage of Maniaco IV's bag which smacks him in the back. J-MAX OI!! Seconds later both Maniaco brothers pounce on J-MAX, driving him into the locker, slamming him against it repeatedly. The brothers punish J-MAX with several punches to the face and gut, then they push him backwards into the open locker and slams it hard WHAM!! Unfortunately for J-MAX he is actually too big to fit in the locker and ends up having his leg slammed in the door. Los Maniacos lets go of J-MAX who slumps to the ground, leaning back against the locker. MANIACO IV You will learn the proper respect Perrito! MANIACO V Or you will end up hurt even worse, Los Maniacos pick up their bags and make to leave, but pauses for a moment MANIACO IV Oh but you can keep your locker. Los Maniacos leaves as J-MAX tries to count the number of little birdies flying around his head. COLE Those jerks! Folks, we'll be back and hopefully with a lot less of those guys.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 In the locker rooms we see Nathaniel Black finishing up taping his wrists, in preparation for his upcoming match. Megan Skye sits in the background filing some paperwork, her eyes lifted from her work as the garishly dressed James Blonde passes by preening his hair. BLONDE You ready to go? BLACK Yeah, gimme a second. BLONDE Awesome! See you out there, pal! Blonde slips away and Nathaniel shakes his head with a smirk. As he goes to leave, Megan finally speaks up. MEGAN Uhm, Nathaniel... are you sure about this? Because, call me suspicious, but I've got a bad feeling about this. BLACK You reckon? Black laughs to himself again. BLACK Listen lass, trust me. Suddenly the door opens and James Blonde pokes his head through. BLONDE Hey, I forgot my... BLACK Already way ahead of yeh, 'mate'. Black tosses Blonde his can of hairspray, getting a thumbs up before Blonde slips away. Dusting his hands, Black glances over his shoulder at Megan. BLACK I weren't born yesterday. As Black heads out to the ring Megan seems much more at ease and goes back to her liaison work.COMMERCIAL We return focused on an arena that's bathed in green lights for the festive day. COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~! folks. Earlier today, our cameras caught up with the tag team champions the LDC Moneygangand found a pretty interesting conversation.EARLIER TODAY We find ourselves in the arena parking garge, watchingCOLIN MAGUIRE JUNIOR and SPENCER REGIER heading towards the venue for tonight’s show. They’re engaged in a fairly heated conversation. CMJ Who are ya s’posed to be anyway, Romeo Montague? Cyrano De Bergerac? SPENCER Cryano De what? Is that some type of store bought pizza? CMJ Cyrano De Bergerac. The book. I went to Havahad I’m well read. SPENCER I see that. What is all this about? CMJ What’s this play it fair crap you got going on with Jade and D*LUX? SPENCER I just want to have a fair fight with those two. I don’t want any Christian running in with his briefcase, or Lorelei leaping onto the apron and getting in the ref’s face while we hammer them with steel chairs. Just normal wrestling for once. CMJ There’s the problem right there. My haat pumps red blood, your haat pumps red kool aid. Spencer looks at CMJ as though he spoke the most inane words to ever be uttered by a human being. SPENCER My hat? CMJ Yeah, your haat. SPENCER Why would my hat pump anything? It’s a hat. CMJ Not hat. Haat! Thump, thump, thump. SPENCER Oh. My heart. You need to do something about that Boston accent of yours. CMJ I don’t think yer haad enough for The Enterprise anymore. SPENCER Not hard enough? CMJ And I don’t think you ever were. SPENCER Why because I don’t knock guys out with brass knucks anymore, I’m not hard enough? Because I think before I crack someone with a steel chair I’m not hard enough? Because I have a pink phone I’m not hard enough? CMJ You have a pink phone?! SPENCER Jade gave it to me. Because I found someone I care about, I’m not hard enough? CMJ The problem ain’t that you found someone you care about, its that the person you found is Jade Rodez-Duncan. SPENCER And so what? CMJ So everything, man. You flipped on all us with this. You know what her mother’s done to you and me, and you know what she’s done to Teddy. And you know what we’ve done right back at her. This shit between the Duncans and The Enterprise this is war, man! This is two countries going at it, and right now you know what I think? I think you’re a man without a country. SPENCER I have a country. The Enterprise. CMJ Yeah, we’ll see. The good friends and tag team champions walk off in silence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following tag team contest is set for one fall. In the ring, at a total combined weight of four hundred and sixty pounds... representing THE CUCARACHA KINGDOM... the team of DAISUKE MOTOZAKI... and the 2010 King Of The Ring, "KING" LLLLAAAAAAAANNDDOOOOONN... MMMMAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" With "Parade Of The Charioteers" trumpetting in the background, King Landon stands with his beefy hired hand behind him, looking surprisingly relaxed about what's facing him. COLE So King Landon, teaming up with Daisuke Motozaki to take on two 'former' allies of his in Nathaniel Black and James Blonde, who was 'thrown out' of the Kingdom last week. Which was rather 'sudden', wouldn't you say? COACH What's with that tone in your voice? All that stuff happened. COLE Well, it all seems a bit... strange to me. I'm not quite sure what to believe. COACH Believe this. Nothing strange is going on, at all. I talked to the Queen earlier on and she cleared everything up for me, it's all above board and most of all, normal. So there. COLE You spoke to Queen Esther? Talk about a meeting of the minds. "Chelsea Dagger" pumps out and still no signs of dread come from the King, as Nathaniel Black marches out. Black doesn't rush in and makes a more cautious pace to the ring, while James Blonde follows, attending to his hair. BUFFER And weighing in at four hundred, fourty six pounds... the team of "THE TRENDSETTER" JJAAAAMMMEEESSSS BBLLLLOOOOOONNDDEEEEEE... and NNAAAAAATTHHHHAAAAANNNIIIIEEEEELLLLLLLL... BBBLLLLAAAAAAAAACCKK!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Black and Blonde make their way in and the two teams stare off, with the King scowling at his former Prince. Who doesn't seem all that bothered, for a second, then suddenly seems to 'wake up' and scowls back. COACH Ooh, they hate each other. Grr. Hatred. COLE ... *DINGDINGDING* With the bell rung, Blonde aims some threats at Landon and then goes to step outside... but finds Black already there. BLACK Go get 'im, mate. You've got this. Blonde seems strangely reluctant to start and tries to convince Black to start instead. Not listening, Black psyches his partner up and sends him in to fight. Looking distracted, Blonde slowly walks up to Landon and the two begin to exchange some more words. Not nearly so threatening. And out of everyone's earshot. COLE Landon and Blonde, saying... something to each other. COACH You can cut the tension with a knife. COLE I think you could cut the tension with a spoon too. This is strange. After a drawn out conversation, the King suddenly rears back and kicks a surprised Blonde in the gut! Blonde looks up at the King with a look that seems to say "why would you do that?" as Landon helps him up... and then gives him a forearm shot! And another! COLE James Blonde seems shocked to be in a wrestling match here. And Landon, a little unsure about these forearms it seems. From the corner, Black urges his partner to fight back. Instinctively he does, giving King Landon a forearm. And then immediately regretting it and begging off. Landon, nursing his jaw, looks at his former Prince... and then gives him a kick to the chest. Hard. BLONDE OW! okay, okay, we're even Landon delivers a second kick. Even harder. BLONDE AHH! ease up, ease up Landon whips Blonde across the ring and hits a Samoan Drop! Cover... 1... 2... Blonde has to force his way out, immediately scrambling and making the tag. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" As soon as the King sees this, he scrambles and brings in Motozaki with similiar cowardise. COLE Tags made, bringing an end to that 'interesting' exchange right there. COACH Great wrestling. Blonde and Landon exchange some more curious looks and signals from across the ring, something clearly up even if Coach denies it, while Black and Motozaki circle. Black manages to catch Motozaki with a boot and gets the advantage, delivering a forearm. The Japanese hitman barely registers it and fires right back though. Back and forth they go, both dishing out forearms, both coming right back, until Black surprises Daisuke by breaking the chain and catching him across the face with a grazing headbutt! COACH Hey! No fair. Following after Motozaki, Black sends him headfirst into the turnbuckles. Daisuke manages to reverse an irish whip, sending Black across the ring into the corner. But as Daisuke charges in, Black bounces out of the turnbuckles and levels him with a clothesline! Cover... 1... 2... No! Black stomps on Motozaki, then wrings the arm for some control. Black then hooks on a facelock and wheels around, to tag in Blonde. And no tag comes, with JB pretending to look the other way. So Black just slaps him on the chest. COLE There's a tag. Blonde opts to hang out on the apron a while longer, but the referee orders him in. Looking for some teamwork, Black holds Motozaki in place, giving Blonde a free, wide-open shot to the gut. Which Blonde doesn't seem to want to take. Black presses Blonde, demanding to know what he's waiting for, eventually pressuring Blonde into taking the free shot. COLE Uh oh. As soon as the kick connects, Black steps outside and slowly, Motozaki rises up and looks Blonde in the eyes. Blonde, realising he's made the Japanese powerhouse mad, bugs out and begs off, trying to reason with Motozaki. When that doesn't work, he tries to get Landon to reason with him. But Motozaki isn't listening... and DESTROYS Blonde with a clothesline!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE OH, MY! Strangely, King Landon looks a little squeamish at this and does a poor job of hiding it. COLE That almost knocked James Blonde's head off! COACH I've got a bad feeling about this. COLE Oh, now you've got a bad feeling. Interesting. Motozaki picks up Blonde by his limp arm, setting Blonde up and flinging him like a ragdoll with a back suplex! The King seems slightly troubled, as he watches Motozaki give Blonde a big kneedrop. And as Motozaki goes to pick Blonde up again, Landon gets on the bottom rope to get Daisuke's attention. COLE What is this now? COACH Reminding him of the gameplan. Nothing for you to worry about. COLE You seem to know an awful lot about this 'gameplan'. Anything you care to share? COACH No idea what you're talking about. Nobody said anything about a gameplan. As Landon converses with Motozaki, Blonde is able to crawl weakly over and reach out for the tag. Black thinks about it for a second, then tags himself in. The conversation is quickly over and Motozaki goes to meet him, Black getting the jump with a clothesline. Motozaki stays up but is rocked, so Black hits the ropes and hits another one. Motozaki rocks again, but shakes his head and dares Black to try again. Black quickly hits a trio of forearms, then hits the ropes... ...and gets cut off with a forearm from Landon! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Landon calls for a double irish whip, but there's a breakdown in communication and they get hit with a DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" The King quickly rolls out, leaving Motozaki behind. Black wrings the arm of his Japanese opponent, going behind with a hammerlock, then coming back out the front to snap Motozaki down with the Hammerlock DDT! Daisuke is quickly back up but nursing his shoulder, presenting a target for Black to attempt the Crossface Chickenwing! COLE Here we go! Can Black get it on the muscular frame of Motozaki though? Able to block the hold, Motozaki snaps his head back suddenly, causing a collision of heads! Both men drop to a knee in pain and with both men hurt, James Blonde slowly crawls in, clutching his can of hairspray in his hand. At the same time, King Landon climbs onto the apron and distracts Black. COLE Wait a second... Maddix gets Black's attention and lures him in, only to drop down. With a big smile on his face, the King points for Black to turn around, which Black does, unaware that Blonde is waiting to spray him in the face... ...with SILLY STRING!?!? "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" BLONDE COACH Aww crap. A look of horror appears on both Blonde and Landon's faces, as Black wipes the silly string from his face and raises his eyebrows at Blonde. Caught in the act, the Canadian turns tail and tries to run... but Black grabs him and drags him back, into a HALF NELSON BACKBREAKER!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE The set-up backfired! Black sussed out the Kingdom! His royal plan foiled, King Landon isn't hanging around to find out the outcome, hurrying up the aisle and out of dodge. Black grabs Blonde and pulls him up by the hair, looking at Landon as he does so. The King is left to look on (from a very safe distance), as Black picks Blonde up and NAILS him with a Lariat, damn near turning him inside out!! COLE Maybe The Kingdom ought to invest in some acting classes. COACH Oh go ahead, laugh it up! Motozaki joins Landon on the ramp, called off by the King, who has left Blonde to take the brunt of the fallout. Stood over him, Black places a foot on Blonde's chest and raises a fist in the air, to the King's great (and far away) frustration. COLE Not one of the finest schemes in professional wrestling history. King Landon thought he could outsmart Nathaniel Black, but the King is left looking like the Jester... again. The King pouts as Black kicks Blonde out of the ring, no attempt from Landon to go rescue the Canadian as he and Motozaki leave. 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Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 fter another EXCITING commercial break where we are encouraged to buy all kinds of "new and improved" crap that no sane person would actually buy we return to what is the highlight of the week for most of the people currently huddled up around the TV in their mobile homes, basements and shacks all around the globe, OAOAST HeldDOWN ~! Why aren't you out celebrating St. Patrick's day and getting drunk on green beer? I know why, because while HeldDOWN~! won't get you drunk it's more entertaining than puking in someone's bra... unless you get off on that, in that case you're probably not even reading this anyway. FOCUS! After the narrator gets back on track we pan across the arena seeing a multitude of varied and thought provoking signs such as: "Kiss me I'm Irish" "Kiss me I'm Irish" "Kiss me I'm Irish" And who can forget "Don't kiss Piercy D, he has cooties" The camera cuts to a view of the ring, which now has green ropes, green canvas and green shamrock-shaped turnbuckles. Yes indeed it's time for the St. Patrick's Day Special. MICHAEL BUFFER Top of the evening to my Irish Brothers in GREEEN BAY!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! COACH Bleh they go nuts for the hometown mention, so sad, so pathetic. COLE You're just mad that we don't have St. Shenaynay day where we all wear fake weaves and drink black colored beer MICHAEL BUFFER The following match is schedule for one fall, with a four-beer minimum MICHAEL BUFFER Not really, just a 30 minute time limit. COACH I think it's only Bruce Blank matches that has a four-beer minimum, I know I need at least four to get through them. MICHAEL BUFFER Introducing first, a team hailing from the Circus, which I assume is somewhere in the very, very, very western Ireland... LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS ARLEQUINS!! COLE Who? COACH Harlequin? I thought those were those soppy, softcore books for women. COLE How would you know? COACH Oh har, har, yes Coach reads girly books, very funny. COLE That was not a denial. Generic circus music begins to play as Los Arlequins, along with their midget clown mascot Payasito comes down the aisle. Arlequin Rojo attempts to juggle bowling pins while Verde and Amarillo seems to be carrying a large potato sack with them, eyeing the crowd. COLE I've never seen a clown performance that involved a potato sack. COACH Really? Man sacks have been used in the hood to entertain for decades, you get a couple of sacks together, fill each of them with rats, then you let them loose in yo' granny's house and lay cash down on how many bites she gets. COLE You live a warped life. At ringside the green and the yellow clown focuses on a little kid in the front row who looks like he is freaking out by the sight of Payasito. Verde reaches over and grabs the kid by the arm as Arlequin Amarillo holds the sack out COLE No way! They are not putting that kid in a bag. COACH Only good place for them! HOOOOOOOOOOLD ON!! Los Arlequins, Cole, Coach and everyone else in the arena stops what they are doing and turns their attention towards the entrance. The interruption came from Lucky, the Boston Celtic's mascot, who just walked out on stage to the surprise of everyone. MICHAEL BUFFER Looks like as good a time as any to introduce their opponents, some call them the Knights of St. Patrick.... COLE Well honestly only Buffer calls them that since it's on the card. MICHAEL BUFFER A combination of unstoppable comedic power and immovable bovine force; tonight hailing from O'Toole's Irish Bar on 3rd street, Super Shamrock and the Lepre-Cow, also known as LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS MOOOOOOOOOOOO-CHADORS!! Out first is the Lepre-Cow, good ol' Cow dressed like a leprechaun complete with green jacket, green pants and a green bowler hat, let's just pause so you can take in the mental image of two guys in a cow suit who also have on a green jacket, pants and bowler hat ... ... Go on make the mental image while I wait. Got it? The Lepre-Cow and Lucky are soon joined by Ireland's premier Super Hero, a character waiting to be signed by either Marvel or DC or even both, the pint sized SUPER SHAMROCK!! Well Bribón dressed up like a green beer with a shamrock adorned mask as well as a green cape to really drive home that he's not just a hero, but a super hero. COACH Oh for f**ks sake, all they need now are Shamrock Shakes from McDonalds! COLE You insensitive clod!! You know the Cow cannot give milk and you want to remind him.. her.. the Cow, of that? COACH (Sigh) this is going to be a long night. Los Moo-chadors rush to ringside and chase off Los Arlequins before they can manage to put the kid in the bag. After making sure the kid is safe the self-proclaimed Knights of St. Patrick enters the ring to do an Irish Jig, although Super Shamrock's jig looks like more like a Mexican hat dance. As they dance the Lepre-cow almost drops the voodoo doll he had tugged into one of his jacket pockets. COLE That's the doll they stole earlier today, I bet Los Conquistadors are looking for it. COACH So that's why they brought in their bodyguard? COLE What are you talking about? COACH The guy at ringside, big foam head, looks slightly Irish COLE That's Lucky, not a bodyguard. While the match was technically scheduled to feature Arlequin Rojo and Verde, Super Shamrock points to Payasito on the floor, motioning for him to enter the ring. COLE I guess he finally IS picking on someone his own size. COACH Too bad we can't have two Arlequin's taped together to fight the cow COLE ... COACH I can't believe I just said that. The surly Payasito refuses at first, only to be mocked by Super Shamrock. After Los Arlequins confer on the floor Arlequin Verde gets up on the apron and grabs the tag rope while Payasito leaps up on the apron and rolls under the bottom rope into the ring. While Super Shamrock starts the match the Lepre-Cow steps through the ropes and grabs the tag rope with his mouth, waiting patiently for his turn. DING!! DING!! DING!! For the first time in his OAOAST career Super Shamrock is actually face to face with an opponent as he and Payasito have a standoff while talking trash. Well Payasito talks trash, Bribón doesn't talk, and fortunately Payasito will only have to be beeped in the Spanish speaking languages that OAOAST is shown in... and L.A. where Spanish is their primary language. After growing tired of cursing in Spanish Payasito runs at the ropes and then shoulder blocks Super Shamrock Thud! (Like THUD! except not as loud) COLE SUPER SHAMROCK STANDS HIS GROUND!! Payasito motions for Super Shamrock to try it as well, allowing his faux-Irish opponent to bounce off the ropes and shoulder block Payasito. Thud! COLE Oh my god, the irresistible force just hit the immovable object!! OH MY GAWD!! COACH ... The two mini-mastodons of the ring circle each other, both trying to get the better position. After a few moments the two lock up in a collar and elbow lock up, they both try to gain the upper hand then after a few tries they both push off, apparently at a stalemate. COLE This does not bode well for our Irish-Mexico relationship COACH What the hell are you talking about? THEY ARE BOTH MEXICAN!! COLE Woah Coach! I think your medication is wearing off, Super Shamrock is CLEARLY Irish. COACH *Grumbles* Growing tired of the stalemate Payasito rakes Super Shamrock's eyes, then kicks him in the midsection, before pressing him over his head in a Gorilla Press move. Payasito actually pumps his arms a few times, showing incredible strength... for a guy his size. Unfortunately the showboating backfires as Super Shamrock slips out of the grip, then drops down and head scissors Payasito. The little clown manages to push Super Shamrock off, only to be thrown to the ground as Super Shamrock flips over Payasito's back and arm drags him down. Super Shamrock leaps to his feet ready to attack ONLY TO BE KICKED IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD BY ARLEQUIN VERDE!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Verde tags in and quickly steps through the ropes, wanting to press his advantage against Super Shamrock. He picks up his pint-sized opponent by the neck and throws him into the corner, then he places his boot on Super Shamrock's throat and begins to choke him out. ONE!! TWO!! ARLEQUEN VERDE QUE?? The green Arlequin seems to not understand what the referee is saying, perhaps stumbling on the fabled language barrier. While he acts confused he keeps on choking Super Shamrock, using the language barrier as an excuse. UNO!! DOS!! TRES!! QUATRO!! Reluctantly Arlequin Verde breaks the chokehold COLE Score one for bi-lingual OAOAST referees! Moments later Super Shamrock is shot across the ring and hits the turnbuckles with such force that he flips over the middle turnbuckle onto the apron, since he landed on his feet Super Shamrock tries to run down the apron like he had silver hair and a ton of world title reigns behind him. WHAM!! A sliding drop kick from Arlequin Verde sends Super Shamrock flying off the apron, OVER the guardrail and right into the lap of a gorgeous lady at ringside. After getting a kiss because he is Irish, Super Shamrock leaps up on the guardrail, then runs down it and drop kicks Payasito off the apron YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! Lepre-Cow begins to stomp his hind leg on the mat, getting the crowd behind Los Moo-Chadors as Super Shamrock climbs up on the apron. When Arlequin Verde attack Super Shamrock crawls through his legs, then runs across the ring and leaps over to tag in the Lepre-Cow COLE BIZNIZ IS ABOUT TO PICK UP!! COACH Yeah the burger business. The crowd begins to moo like crazy as the Bovine Battler, the Beefy Brawler, the Horned Hustler, the Cow of many nicknames steps through the ropes. Verde just stands there, staring at the Cow as if he is trying to figure out what the hell is going on, either that or trying to figure out why the hell he left Mexico for this. Then finally he motions for one of his fellow Arlequins, the yellow one, to come join him in the ring. At first the referee is reluctant to let Arlequin Amarillo enter the ring, but finally just throws his hands up in the air and let's it go. COACH This is... I.... Coach is at a total loss for words when Arlequin Amarillo bends down behind Verde, imitating the two-man team of the Cow... I mean they pretend to be a cow so they can be half as awesome as the Cow! The Lepre-Cow dismisses the pale imitation as it turns it's head in disgust. With the Cow slightly distracted the Green and Yellow cow-imitator charges in and drives the Lepre-Cow into the corner, then they back up to gore their bovine opponent once more. Disgusted with their opponents' unsavory tactics Super Shamrock steps over the bottom rope, then races across the ring and drop kicks the legs out from under Arlequin Amarillo, leaving Arlequin Verde alone to face the rage of the Lepre-Cow. COLE GORE!! GORE!! THE COW GORED THE GREEN GUY!! COACH Do you hear yourself? This is beyond ridiculous! The referee finally makes the yellow Arlequin leave the ring while Super Shamrock whips Arlequin Verde towards his partner, perfect set up for COLE GORE!! GORE!! THE COW GORED THE GREEN GUY AGAIN!! COACH ... With Verde down and Super Shamrock back on the apron the Lepre-Cow stomps his front leg on the mat, then again and finally a third time before he starts to stomp his opponent instead COLE THE STOMP-PEDE!! Channeling the old Garvin Stomp the Cow stomps Verde on the shoulder, then the waist, and so forth, only doubling the damage as the Lepre-Cow's hind leg stomps the exact same place only moments later. After watching the Lepre-Cow stomp up and down his partner's body Payasito rushes into the ring and kicks the Lepre-Cow in the ass. COLE That was a mistake!! COACH ... The Lepre-Cow turns his attention to the diminutive clown and begins to chase him around the ring, round and round in circles until the Lepre-Cow stops dead in its tracks and reverses course. Changing directs puts them head to snout with Payasito and WHAM~!! COLE Oh shit the Lepre-Cow hit the referee, Payasito set him up! With the referee down Arlequin Rojo leaps into the ring, where Rojo grabs Amarillo around the head, ready for their trademark move. WHAM!! COLE THE BATTERING RAM!! Los Arlequins' finishing move strikes the Lepre-Cow in the side, tipping him over onto his back. The impact sends the Voodoo doll flying from his pocket and onto the floor, something that goes unnoticed by everyone in the ring. Rojo slaps the referee awake and drags him over to where Arlequin Verde is covering the Lepre-Cow UNO!! DOS!! T-DENIED!! The Lepre-Cow kicks out at the last moment, sending Verde closer to the Moo-Chadors' corner. Super Shamrock leaps off the top rope and takes Arlequin Verde with a flying huracanrana into a pinning position. UNO!! The Lepre-Cow runs across the ring and leaps OVER THE TOP ROPE ONTO ALL OTHER ARLEQUINS!! DOS!!! HOLY COW!! HOLY COW!! HOLY COW!! HOLY COW!! TRES!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! MICHAEL BUFFER The winners of the match, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS MOO-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADORS!! Super Shamrock and the Lepre-Cow celebrate in the ring as they invite Lucky to join them, but for some reason the mascot shakes his head, then he flips off both Moo-Chadors COLE What the? Lucky quickly scoops up the Voodoo doll from the floor and then runs towards the exit, stopping by the curtains to pull off his giant foam head COACH CONQUISTADOR DOS!! Dos got his voodoo doll back COLE Oh come on this is rid... ALL HAIL LOS CONQUISTADORS!! Dos holds the doll high in the air, celebrating that he regained control of "It" and apparently also Michael Cole COLE ALL HAIL LOS CONQUISTADORS!! COACH You finally come to our side and then you support Los Conquistadors?? Really how about picking Rocksault or someone actually worth a damn? COLE ALL HAIL LOS CONQUISTADORS!! Dos kisses the voodoo doll and then heads to the back as both Moo-Chadors look confused by what just went down. COLE ALL HAIL LOS CONQUISTADORS!!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 Backstage in the interview lounge that apparently every venue the OAOAST performs at has Maggie Nerdly is standing by with Los Cadetos del Espacio, who seem to be in the St. Patrick's Day spirit, especially Cadeto Amarillo who is wearing a giant foam shamrock on his right hand. MAGGIE (Sigh) Top of the evening to ye! I can’t believe they made me say that. AMARILLO Happy St. Paddy's day, it's indeed a great day to be Irish. MAGGIE And are you Irish? AMARILLO Well... no, but so what? You don't have to be Christian to celebrate Christmas, you don't have to be Jewish to celebrate Hanukah. MAGGIE Well it probably helps. AZUL Yeah but it's probably a good thing to celebrate St. Patrick's day so we do not offend the Last Kings of Scotland. MAGGIE Erm... I think I see a flaw in your plan. AZUL I just wanted to apologize for last week. AMARILLO Apologize? He hit me! AZUL Well yeah but that's because you insulted their Irish heritage. AMARILLO I'm still not sure how I did that; all I know is that I have a knot on the side of my head. MAGGIE Okay listen to yourselves, you insulted the Irish heritage of the Last Kings of SCOTLAND!! Los Cadetos just kinda looks at each other, not really getting the point Maggie was driving at. AMARILLO I apologized! Man will you let it go already? Are you Irish as well? I mean neither of those kilt wearing, bagpipe playing Neanderthals would let it go either, is it like a national pride thing? MAGGIE Okay I think maybe you should stop calling the six-man tag team champions Irish. Cadeto Rosa has been quiet through all this, probably still suffering the ill effects of the attack from last week ROSA Hold on, six-man tag team champions? AZUL As in trios? AMARILLO Trios? MAGGIE Well yeah, they hold the OAOAST Six-Man tag Team titles along with Alexander the Brutal. ROSA I didn't know that, when did that happen? MAGGIE I dunno, last year I guess, I didn't really pay attention to the six-man tag team title, it's like one of those things that's just there, and you know it's there... but you really don't care, like ex-boyfriends. All three Cadetos look mortified as hell by that statement. AMARILLO Don't care?? Don't care about the trios title?... Okay where is the hidden camera? MAGGIE What? It's just the six-man tag titles, whatever AZUL Miss, you don't understand, the trios title is what every luchador in Mexico wants to win, in Mexico it's like the main title of the company. AMARILLO It's THE match format in Mexico, it’s what sets us apart from just regular ol' wrestling almost as much as the masks and the three falls. MAGGIE If you say so AZUL Now these Kings... they team with Alexander the Great? AMARILLO What? How did that happen? ROSA OOOOOOOH guys, maybe the OAOAST funded the development of an actual time machine. AZUL Really? Man that's awesome! Imagine having a time machine. AMARILLO We could visit the actual Aztecs!! AZUL See the pyramids being built. ROSA Go to the future!! LOS CADETOS (in unison) Woooooooooooooooah, the future. Maggie Nerdly just looks annoyed at the three masked geeks, shaking her head and making a mental note to demand a huge raise when this is over. MAGGIE It's not the historical figure Alexander the Great! It’s this guy from Greece called "Alexander the Brutal" AZUL So… no time machine? MAGGIE No AZUL ROSA AMARILLO MAGGIE Getting back to this trios thing, are you actually saying that Mexicans CARE about six-man tag teams? AZUL Care? Miss- MAGGIE Okay that's the second time you called me miss, I'm not some damn schoolteacher! AZUL Los Cadetos look at each other, then exchange a few words in Spanish, which includes the word "month" and someone may have been asking about the "time of" or something. Growing weary of the whole thing Maggie interjects MAGGIE I think you guys were about to tell everyone that Mexicans are superior at the trios match over anyone else? AZUL That is true MAGGIE So you’re saying that you guys are a way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better team than the Kings of Scotland and Alexander the Brutal and could beat them for the title easily? AMARILLO Yeah... wait, what?? MAGGIE That honestly you are insulted that anyone but a Mexican team holds the titles? AZUL Well I wouldn't... necessarily put it that way. MAGGIE That you're head and shoulders above the champions? ROSA Well head AND shoulders may be a bit much. MAGGIE That you could beat them any day, any time for the titles? AMARILLO That's a very confrontational way of putting it. MAGGIE How about this, if they bring the belts to the ring, you will happily take them back to the locker room after the match? All three Cadetos look a little concerned that Maggie Nerdly does not exactly have their best interests in mind. ROSA Erm... well we would love to try MAGGIE Well there you have it; Los Cadetos del Espacio came with one clear message tonight "Last Kings of Scotland and Alexander the Brutal, we are better than you and we will take the six-man tag team titles from you if you ever get brave enough to face us" And with that Maggie walks off, giggling to herself. Azul quickly picks up the discarded microphone and nervously stammers AZUL Ha-ha-ha-Happy St. Patrick's Day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 The distorted sounds of “Don’t Stop” powers into the arena to a plethora of jeers from the St.Patrick’s day audience. The entrance doors spread apart, permitting Bohemoth and the world champion Jason Silver to walk onto the white lit entrance stage. The champion triumphantly raises his title into the air as a silver pyro fountain rises behind him. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of thirty minutes! Now making their way to the ring, first from Greenville, South Carolina he is BOHEMOOOTTHHHHHH! And his partner from New York City, he is the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion….JAAAASSSOOOONNNNN SIIILLLLVVEEERRRRR! The boos are fresh and powerful with the announcement of the champion’s name. He removes his cape like jacket at the base of the entrance stage, then takes a dive into the dimly lit ring. He goes to the top rope and shows off his world title, as his partner coolly enters the squared circle. COLE Bohemoth and Jason Silver are as impressive a team as you can form in this industry. And their opponents will have their work cut out for them. COACH Their opponents will have their work cut out for them just trying to communicate!Give me those bright lights, long nights High rise, over time "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"Give me them bright lights, long nights Party till the sun is rising High rise, over time Working till the moon is shining Hot guys, fly girls Never thought I'd say I feel on top of the world I feel on top of the world Hey Dancers dressed as the sexiest leprechauns you’ll ever see litter an entrance stage that’s tiles boast flashing multicoloured lights. Stepping into this sea of hottness is the queen of beauty herself, one Krista Isadora Duncan! Amidst the wealth of gorgeous bodies, Krista makes sure she stands out the most in a provocative low cut green halter top and white miniskirt with the left leg cutout. Yet, she’s forced to share the spotlight with the eye catching for other reasons creature know as It. The alien looks frightened at the flood of activity and starts to retreat backstage. Before he can get very far, Krista grabs onto his arm and guides him towards the entrance ramp. COLE Krista has a stack of papers in one hand and I have to wonder what they could possibly be for? COACH Something to soak up “It’s” brains after Bohemoth splatters them with a powerbomb. BUFFER And the opponents, hailing from outer space, he weighs in at Zinf, he is IT THE ALIEN! And his partner, from Los Angles, California, she is a best selling author and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos! 2010's most searched superstar on Yahoo, 2010's highest trending OAOAST topic on Twitter, a Hollywood walk of famer, more famous than everyone else put together and multiplied by four! She is a FOUR time OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion... ladies and gentlemen, "MISS CALIFORNIA"... KKRRIIIIISSTTAAAA ISADORA... DDUUUUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!! Krista and “It” strut down the glitter soaked entrance stage, with “It” staring in amazement at the excitement and fanfare that greets the two. At the base of the entrance stage, the wind machine blows Krista’s hair and allows her to strike a pose that could stop traffic, were there actually any traffic in the arena, which there isn’t. “It” on the other hand, becomes alarmed by the wind machine and quickly runs away from the danger it poses. COLE People across America lined up for hours to buy the Ipad 2, and people in Green Bay lined up for hours to buy tickets to see this woman. But, I don’t think any of them ever thought they’d see her tagging with “It” the alien. COACH That just goes to show you the intelligence Jason Silver has. He let Krista talk her talk, and manage to goad her into taking on this freak as a partner. Krista hangs herself alluringly on the ring ropes, and blows a kiss to the camera. “It” notices a funny feeling within his lower regions at the sight of Krista’s spicy trick. As such he nourishes himself back to help by chewing on the ring posts. KRISTA This is going to be a painful night. Very painful.DING DING DING “It” flops down at the front of Silver’s silver wrestling boots, drawing a condescending laugh from the world champion. His laughter only increases when “It” begins eagerly sniffing the shiny footwear. IT Is zorf! Is zorf! SILVER Yes, is zorf. Want to see more zorf? “It” begins wildly squirming on the canvas, which can only lead Silver to surmise he wants to see more “zorf”. Thus Silver begins motioning for the creature to begin rising to his feet. “It” looks at Silver’s motions with a confused stare through his mask’s eyeholes, not knowing quite what Silver wishes him to do. BOHEMOTH Get up! IT Geeet oooop? Silver’s patience wears thin, and he forcibly lifts “It” to his feet. He holds out his hand for “It” to see. SILVER Zorf. IT Zorf? SILVER Zorf. Silver rears back and SLAPS the alien! “It” is staggered, yet remains docile and calm. The crowd showers the champion with boos, as he turns to Bo and shares a good laugh with the former HI-YAH world champion. SILVER (pointing to Krista) Give her zorf. Without questioning Silver’s orders, “It” marches over to a highly annoyed Krista. IT Zorf Kreeeestaaaaaah! “It” plainly lifts up his hand and rifles it towards Krista for a slap! But Miss California blocks it with her forearm, much to Silver’s annoyance. Less to his annoyance, It raises the other hand to give Krista some zorf. Zorf is once again blocked by Krista’s forearm, causing an ill tempered Silver to stamp the ring in deep consternation. IT Zorf! Zorf! Zorf! GIVE ZORF! Krista quickly ushers up It’s mask partway to reveal GREEN lips. After choking back her initial revulsion, Krista plunges her tongue through these very same odd coloured lips! “It” is electrified by the kiss and his legs begin dancing as his arms flail in passionate excitement. IT KREEEEEESTAAAAA! ME! WHOOO-HOOO! KRISTA Maybe, that wasn’t such a good idea. IT (thrusting his pelvis at Krista) COACH “It” may be dumb but he’s no dweeb, even he knows the quality of that space age MILF ass. KRISTA (pointing to Silver) Now go get him, honey. IT Honey bath! KRISTA You bathe in honey? IT Me! Kreeeeeeeesssstaaaaaah! Honey bath! KRISTA With me? You are quite the Vulcan horndorg, aren’t you? Fine, you win this match, me and you are taking a honey bath together in my hot tub. Now go get, Silver. Bada bing! Bada boom! IT Bada boom! KRISTA Big bada boom! “BADA BOOM!” It cries as he charges at Silver. The world champ isn’t expecting much out of “It”, and as such is caught totally off guard when the creature spears him to the ground. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE Big spear by “It”! He did it even better than James Riggs! Unlike Riggs who has the good sense to either pin or punch his foe, “It” just lays atop Silver. After bracing himself for being pummeled, Silver realizes no harm is going to befall him. But still trapped beneath “It” he’s forced to find a way out. SILVER Zorf? IT ZORF! “It” plants a liplock on Rocksault, popping the audience, and shocking Bo! COLE That damn lucky alien! Silver finally summons the strength to shove “It” off him, lest a more disturbing fate befall him. Both competitors roll to their feet, with a highly outraged Silver striking first by kneeing “It” in the stomach. Still fuming over being kissed, Silver runs the ropes and leapfrogs a doubled over “It”. He comes back and finds “It” still doubled over. Silver pokes “It” but the alien doesn’t move a single centimeter. The world champion and his large partner share a good laugh, as he waves his hand in front of the unmoving creature. “LET’S GO IT! LET’S GO IT! LET’S GO IT” Even the audience’s chants don’t move “It” to action. Finally there’s motion, but only due to the face that Silver begins lifting “It” for a pump handle suplex. But somehow the slippery “It” manages to slide through Rocksault’s fingers. Coming down next to Silver, “It” seems offended by Silver’s attempts to suplex him. COLE I don’t think “It” appreciated the champ’s attempts to mangle him. It hooks Silver’s head beneath his armpit, and then simply falls backwards to drive Silver’s arm into the ground! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” “It” looks confused, unsure of what to do next. Krista sees this and summons her oddball tag team partner over. As he approaches her curiously, she digs through her stack of papers to unearth a picture of The Rock! Krista rubs the picture of the people’s champion against It’s face. IT (convulsing) Zeeeeeeeebleeeeeee! Zoooooobbbbbleeeee! “It” suddenly stops his violent tremors IT “ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!” The current champion, clubs the would be people’s champion in the back. He then grabs onto It’s arm and attempts to whip him into the ropes. However, “It” effortlessly reverses the hold to send Silver into the ropes. The world champion bounces back with a lariat, but It catches hold of him across his arm. The Alien looks to the side with an intense look, then shoots a hard stare at Bohemoth as he nails Silver with the Rock Bottom! COACH Who does he think he is Tha Puerto Rican? IT to SILVER As the audience erupts with delight, ”It” hooks the legs for the crucial pinfall… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! Kickout! “THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE!” It hunches over and waits for Silver to get to his feet. When he does, he nails the champion with several Rock style punches. Following them is an Irish whip into the ropes. When the New York native returns he’s upended with a Rock style belly to belly suplex! Silver clutches his back in pain and curses the moment he decided to make “It” Krista’s partner. “IT IS AWESOME! IT IS AWESOME! IT IS AWESOME!” “It” decides he’s had enough of Silver for the moment and tags Krista into the contest. COLE “It” suddenly morphed into The Great One when Krista put that picture on his face. That was amazing. COACH So does this clown learn from osmosis? Krista scrapes Silver off the canvas and shoots him into the corner. Rather than stay backed against the posts, Silver stumbles out and encounters a hiptoss for his troubles. KRISTA Bootytime~! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” KRISTA COACH This is what makes all her sonnings and insults tolerable. This is what's right in the world. KRISTA Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Krista’s red lips ooze a shocked yet sensuously pleasured moan over a mysterious touch. She turns over her shoulder, to find the unusual sight of “It” studiously probing and prodding her jiggling tush with a metal object. KRISTA Uh, what the hell are you doing to my ass? IT Eeeeet probe Kreeeestah! No whoo-hoo! Yes Scccccciiiiiennncccceeeee! KRISTA Well, if its for science, then by all means. Krista groans and grunts with unashamed joy, as Its tool explores the every curve and contour of her shapely derrière. “It” sharply studies his probe and its readings as if he were reading the important findings inside a historical text. COACH Damn! It just…I mean…he just….”Its” an intergalatic playa! Finally, Krista ushers “It” out the way and moonsaults over onto Silver. IT The referee counts the ensuing pinfall… ONE! TWO! Silver gets his shoulder off the canvas. He’s brought to his feet by his stringy black hair, but lashes out with an elbow. Having stunned Krista with the move, Silver guides her to his corner and applies the tag with Bohemoth. COLE The Metrosexual Monster is heading into a gigantic match at Anglemania against Bruce Blank. That match will be a Barbwire Match and it should be electric Silver holds Krista’s arms behind her back, allowing Bohemoth to stab her in the stomach with his massive boot. As Silver exits the ring, Bo lifts Krista up and slams her down to the canvas. She winces in pain, as he bounces his pecs above her. COACH Bruce Blank ain’t got no idea what he’s gotten himself into. He may be off his rocker, but Big Bo is a monster. The guy could powerbomb Blank through the ring. Bo’s black boots terrorize Krista with stomps. As she wails in agony, he pulls her to her feet. He tags her with several right hands before driving her back down with a short arm lariat. Krista’s cries of misery put smiles onto the faces of both Bohemoth and Silver. Stilling smiling, Bo picks Krista up and shoves her into the corner. Her body sags against the post, leading Bo to believe she’s easy pickings. As such he charges across the ring expecting to hit a corner lariat. But Krista slides out the way, and The Metrosexual Monster collides with the ring posts. He stumbles backwards, falling into Krista’s arms. The four-time world champion reminds him that Blonds Never Pay a Cover with a side effect. COLE Bo is as strong and as mean as anyone in the OAOAST. But as Krista just proved he can be taken off his feet. Krista raises her hand to tag in “It”. Problem is “It” merely stands in place. Thus Krista lifts Its hand herself, but before she can tag “It”, he drops his hand back down. She tries again and encounters the same annoying result. KRISTA Today is the day God has revealed that he hates me. It, tag! IT Tag? Tagger? Grrrwwwwwwwrrrr! KRISTA Not tiger! Tag! Tag me, damn it! Krista lunges for “It” hoping touch any part of his body, but the slippery alien gently glides away. He digs through Krista’s stack of pictures to come up with a picture of WCW star Norman Smiley! IT Beeeeg wiggle? KRISTA Um.... IT For scienceeeeee! Tik back toooooooo home! KRISTA Oh. In that case, sure what the hell. IT TO KRISTA KRISTA Happy now? It is delighted and squeals with a fantastic thrill. He slaps Krista’s hand and eagerly jumps into the ring. KRISTA Alright, honey, here’s the deal, I’m going to whip lord of the roids over there into the ropes, then we’re going to nail him with a double dropkick, understand? “It” turns around and begins trembling. KRISTA You’re either having an epileptic seizure or you’re agreeing with me. My inability to show compassion for people’s suffering makes the former rather unfortunate for you, so I’ll assume it’s the later. Krista chucks the still groggy Bo into the ropes. She leaps into the air for a dropkick only to be caught in “It’s” arms. IT Kreeeeeeeeesta! KRISTA Ned, carried me like this once at the hotel on our honeymoon. He dropped me when he saw the minibar was loaded with Miller Lite. Showing some chivalry, “It” carries Krista across the ring and gently sits her on the top turnbuckle. KRISTA (pointing to Bo) Bad man! IT Batman! Somehow It contorts his body to form the bat signal. KRISTA No, bad man. He wants to….WANT. HURT. KRISTA. HIM. BAD. IT Zaaaaarrrgggghhhhhhhhhhh! “It” rushes to a now standing Bo and nails him with the KIDology! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” KRISTA “It” hooks both of Bo’s legs for the pinfall…. CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! NO! SILVER BREAKS UP THE PINFALL! “It” NIPS UP to the delight of the audience. He positions himself at Bo’s side and spreads his legs apart. IT Boooootaaay time! COACH He can’t be serious. All besides Silver and Bohemoth share a good laugh at “It” shaking his rump like a salt shaker. COLE This is great! Look at “It” work that butt! It then flips backwards for the moonsault portion of the move, and the referee counts the resulting pinfall… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! Bohemoth presses “It” off him, showing amazing power! COLE It would seem that “It” really does learn from osmosis, as touching Krista has allowed him to absorb all her skill. And that’s VERY bad news for Jason Silver and Bohemoth. Bohemoth rolls to his corner and tags Silver back into the contest. The world champion enters the ring with a lariat aimed at It’s skull. But “It” ducks the attack, and Silver is sent running into the ropes. He comes back screaming back with a James Riggs type spear, only for It to counter with an impressive DDT! Silver rolls over into a sitting position, and remains dazed and wounded. That permits “It” to run the ropes and nail his foe with a John Morrison style running knee. COLE Exactly like Krista! “It” makes another cover… ONE! TWO! The champion lifts his shoulder off the canvas. He’s brought to his feet then flung into the corner. “It” wiggles his ass ala Krista, then charges in with a bodysplash. But Silver pulls the referee in front of him to act as a much needed shield. Crushed by the alien, the official sags down to the canvas. This enables Bohemoth to slip inside the ring and clothesline “It” from behind! COLE Bohemoth with the cheap shot! Bo sets his attention on Krista, and boots her off the apron! Miss California crashes into the guardrail, leading the near by fans to fret over her condition. They have every reason to worry as Krista struggles to simply move a single muscle. COLE Jason Silver used the referee as a shield and the entire complexion of this contest has changed. Silver rummages through Krista’s folder of papers, and unearths a picture of “It”. This causes his eyes to light up with a mischievous glee as eyes down the fallen alien. COLE Krista must have kept a picture of “It” to make sure she could change him back to his “normal” self. Silver strides over to “It”, talking trash to the creature while doing so. He bends over to lift up “It’s mask”, and jams the picture of “It” through his green lips. SILVER Eat it! The world champion cruelly forces the alien to chew on the picture. He laughs with a sick delight as “It” feasts on the image. “It” convulses on the floor as though electrical shocks were being sent through his tiny body. COACH I think “It” is changing from dominant Krista back to strange old “It”. What a genius play by Jason Silver. COLE He may be one the most intelligent world champions we’ve ever had. Silver tests his plan out by throwing It into the ropes. The alien hits the cables stomach first then falls backwards. SILVER Success! Hahahahaha! Silver batters “It” with stomps, before driving his knee into the creature’s skull. “It’s” defense mechanisms kick in and he rolls away from Silver. However, he keeps rolling until he rolls himself out the ring and lands flat on his face. That doesn’t stop “It” from rolling further and he carries himself beneath the ring. Seconds later, “It” emerges on the opposite end of the ring. However, he comes up in front of Bohemoth who nails him with a brutal stomp. The Metrosexual Monster grabs “It” by the seat of his black outfit and hurls back him inside the squared circle. “LET’S GO IT! LET’S GO IT! LET’S GO IT!” the fans chant. “It” however lies motionless on the canvas, permitting a chuckling Silver to simply prod him with his boots. COLE Jason Silver is having a great time, isn’t he? COACH He outsmarted Krista, why shouldn’t he be? He let Krista talk herself into this debacle like the genius that he is. Silver picks “It” up by the mask and guides him in to the corner. He proceeds to bash “It’s” head into the corner posts repeatedly as the fans watch on in disgust. Next, he hooks “It” into a rear waistlock in set up for a German suplex. But the alien manages to slither free! He strikes Silver in the nose with a reverse headbutt. While Silver checks for blood, the creature hops onto the second rope, and then shimmies his way onto the second turnbuckle. He gracelessly falls backwards colliding with Silver. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE Way to go “It”! COACH Was that even a move? Did he just lose his balance? Having landed atop Silver, “It” is in a pinning situation. As such the referee drops to his knees to make the count… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! “It” rolls off Silver and begins wildly flailing his arms with a strange giddiness. He jumps into the air several times, leading many to surmise he’s celebrating. COLE I think “It” thought a two count is enough for a victory. COACH And we thought Krista didn’t know anything about wrestling. Silver grabs “It” from behind and nails the alien with a back suplex! He quickly mounts “It” and begins pouring punches onto his face. “It” screams out in an unusual language, leading some of our younger fans to shed tears over the loveable creature’s suffering. After being warned about closed fists, Silver ends the parade of punches. COACH Mikey, who do you think the submissions count anywhere match at Anglemania favors? COLE I think its got to favor Silver. Rocksault has spent his entire career and development honing his submissions, whereas Krista has to do learn how to become a submission expert in a few weeks. Rocksault grabs onto “It” legs and slingshots the alien into the corner. After coming to his feet, Silver charges in and nails “It “with a bodysplash! Rather than stagger back to the center of the ring like most wrestlers, “It” backs up a few inches and stands straight up and stares out into space. This leads Silver to springboard off the top rope with a cross body block! But “It” falls sideways and Silver crashes into the canvas! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE Do you think “It” was playing possum? COACH I think you have to be aware of what’s going on to play possum. Bothered by his miss and a little sore, Silver crawls to his corner and tags in Bohemoth! Boos and jeers welcome the South Carolina native into the contest. He bounces on his feet, as he waits for “It” to rise. When the alien finally comes to his feet, Bo tears through him with a monstrous lariat~! COACH Haahahaha! “It” just knocked back into outer space. Bo scrapes “It’s” limp carcass off the canvas and stuff’s him into a standing head scissors. He wraps his arms around “It’s” thin waist, using that grip to lift “It” onto his shoulders. Bo expects to hit a powerbomb, but is surprised to see the alien backflip out the hold. COLE Woah~! “It’s” shining moment is short lived as Bohemoth slams his boot into his face. It tumbles back to the canvas, landing flat on his back and emitting pained yelps. Bohemoth adds to “It’s” misery by smashing his face with stomps. COACH Somewhere Bruce Blank is watching and thinking “what have I got myself into”? Well, Bruce, you’ve got yourself into a match with the biggest most powerful man on the roster. Bohemoth rocks “It” with a pair of right crosses. The blows don’t floor “It”, but instead leave him dazed on his feet. This allows Bo to whip “It” to the ropes nearest Silver. The World Champion strikes the luckless alien in the back of the head, shoving him back to Bo. The former Kreeon Marine Corps soldier is caught within Bo’s powerful arms and slammed to the canvas with a spine buster! COACH These aliens ain’t so tough. I say bring on the invasion, let all of “It’s” friends come, I’ve got stone cold stunners for all of them. While Silver applauds on the ring apron, Bohemoth hooks the legs for a crucial pinfall… ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! KRISTA BREAKS UP THE PINFALL! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Krista’ s entrance into the contest summons the world champion to ring. The New Yorker charges at Krista but is taken off his feet by a flipping heel kick from the number one contender to his title. COLE With all her pizzaz and style we forget that Krista is actually a fantastic athlete. She’s the leading goal scorer in UCLA soccer history. COACH Was that before or after she had her two children by two different men? Back onto his feet, Silver makes another dash for Krista. This time Miss California upends him over the ropes! He comes down onto his silver boots, however, annoying her greatly. As she approaches him, he knees her in her ripped stomach. The world champion then sunset flips himself into the ring. But Krista rolls through the hold, and leaves Silver in a sitting position. COLE That’s a bad position for Silver to be in. Krista rushes forward and smacks her knee into Silver’s face! The world champion falls over onto the canvas, leaving him open to any number of attacks. Krista’s chooses to go to the corner in order to punish him. She leaps onto the top rope, then whirls back at Silver with a corckscrew split legged moonsault! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the fans hiss as Bohemoth returns to action to club Krista from behind as she rises. Having stunned her with a pair of elbows, the Metrosexual Monster hooks her up for the Erotic Awakening of Bohemoth. But as he swings her out, Krista counters with a DDT! Bo flops onto his stomach, putting that famous devilish smile onto Krista’s face. COLE That look never bodes well for Bohemoth’s opponents. Krista tightens her long tan legs around Bo’s large head, and presses her hands against the ground. She turns on her most alluring of expressions to the camera as she uses her lovely thighs to smash Bo’s face into the canvas. COACH So sexy, yet so wrong! COLE Just like our love affair, my sweet chocolate prince. Bo is rescued and the horny crowd is deflated as Silver tackles Krista off the big man. The two slug it out on the ground near the corner, as the fans root Krista on. The referee tries to separate the two and gain order back into this contest, but their fierce fighting is almost impossible to bring to a finale. COLE All hell has broken lose here in Green Bay on St.Patty’s day! Elsewhere “It” and Bohemoth are to their feet. A smile appears on Bo’s face as “It” assumes what can only be thought of as an attack position. The big man waves “It” on, and “It” leaps at Bo. Not with a lariat, or with an elbow, he just jumps at him. Thusly Bohemoth easily catches him across his arm. COLE Bohemoth is about to have his Erotic Awakening! There’s a sudden massive roar from the audience. Its all due to a barbed wire baseball bat wielding Bruce Blank tearing through the crowd. COACH This maniac shouldn’t be here! Blank enters the ring, and trembles with a fantastic fury as he stands behind Bohemoh. He shakes the baseball bat as though he were at the plate in the World Series. COACH Get out of there, big man! Bo turns around to see what the commotion is about. That’s the exact moment when Bruce Blank swings for the fences! Bo is nailed upside the head, and capsizes to the canvas. Blood streams down his forehead, as the audience cheers with a violent delight. The crazed redneck exits the ring, watching as It accidentally falls atop the knocked out monster. Krista, having seen all this, takes a break from pummeling Silver to instruct the referee to count the resulting pinfall. The offical hurriedly heads over to the pinning situation and begins his count… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE~! DING DING DING! COLE Way to go “It”! The fans leap to their feet and toss gigantic cheers into the air in celebration of the stunning victory. It decides to try and fit in with everyone, and mimics the crowd’s handclapping and screaming. BUFFER Your winners….IT and KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAAAAAAANNNNNN! SILVER Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! Seeking quick vengeance, Silver rushes at “It” but he’s intercepted by Krista who nails him with a KIDology! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” A ringside attendant passes Krista her usual celebratory martini. But rather than keep the pleasure’s of intoxication all to herself, she offers the martini to “It”. The alien takes a long ponderous look at the delicious drink. He then promptly dumps it all over his head. KRISTA My self respect tells me not to lick the remains of the martini off the ring mat, but my alcoholism says its so worth the hit to my public image. COLE The best plaid plans of the world champion have gone awry thanks to a helpful assist from Bruce Blank! We’ll see you next week, everybody! Thanks for joining us!FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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