Anglepalooza 2011

[Chanel #99]

TV 14
L, V

PRESENTED IN OAOASTHD

* DUN DUN DUN DUNNA, DUN DUN DUNNA *

Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid's shock and delight.



30 OAOAST Superstars compete in the Lethal Rumble for a guaranteed World title shot at AngleMania.

Featuring…

MR. DICK

BARON WINDELS

NATE BLACK

KING LANDON MADDIX

BIFFMAN

THEODORE MONEYMAKER

ALIX MARIA SPEZIA

BOHEMOTH

TIM CASH

SPENCER REIGER & “THE RESULT” PIERCE DUNCAN OF THE LDC MONEYGANG

ZACK MALIBU…

Plus many more. It’s every man for himself in the Lethal Rumble.

In addition, OAOAST Champion Jason Silver defends the title against the very person he took it from, Krista Isadora Duncan.

Then in tag team action, Morgan Nerdly reluctantly teams with Alix Maria Spezia to face VICE, Christopher Patrick Allen, otherwise known as CPA, and the Alpha Male of the Group, Tango Bosley.

2010 Queen of the Ring Maya, daughter of OAOAST superstars Krista Isadora Duncan and Ned Blanchard, meets Sophie in a Duchess of York match; the rules of which only known to Queen Esther and Sophie.

And then in a bunkhouse match, Baron Windels looks to settle the score with Deadly Alliance leader Reject.

All this on the 2011 edition of…

ANGLEPALOOZA

BOOM!
BOOM!
BOOM!
B O O M ~!

Members of the OAOAST Galaxy go bananas as we pan around the arena.

LIVE!
SAN JUAN, PR

Over at Sofa Central we find Double C, Michael Cole and Da Coach.

COLE
The road to AngleMania begins tonight. Welcome to Anglepalooza! Michael Cole and Da Coach here with you at Sofa Central. And with a stacked card for you this evening we’re gonna get right to the action.

[Chanel #99]

*DINGDINGDING*

Alix immediately convinces Morgan, who's eyes are locked vengefully on the VICE members, to start on the apron. Alix then circles into position to face Bosley.

BOSLEY
ARE YOU STUPID GIRL? HUH!? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!? HUH!?! I'M OFFICER TANGO BOSLEY, BITCH!!

ALIX
Alright alright, calm down pig, I know the score.

Turning her back, Alix sticks her hand behind her head, allowing herself to be frisked. A position she seems strangely comfortable with assuming. Bosley gives a confused look back to his corner... but then shrugs his shoulders and takes advantage with a shot to the back of the head!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

ALIX
AHH! POLICE BRUTALITY! I'M NOT MEXICAN, I'M NOT MEXICAN!

Bosley stomps away at the not-entirely Mexican Alix before lifting her back to her feet, delivering a forearm smash. And another one. Irish whip then sends Alix towards the ropes, which she hurdles like a low wall. Landing on the apron, Alix lures Bosley in, jabbing a shoulder through into the gut. A high kick over the top sends Bosley staggering backwards, creating room for a Springboard Crossbody!!

COLE
Beautiful move!


1...



2...



No!

Rolling back up, Alix ducks a clothesline from Bosley and gives him a thrust kick to the chest. Bosley stumbles back into his corner and scowls back at Alix, angry at being shown up... but willing to step out and give CPA a try.

COLE
Tag made. And don't expect one on the other side.

It's clear Morgan is dying to get in, asking for the tag, but not getting it from Alix. She prefers to go it alone, even if it means facing off with CPA.

COLE
As we thought, this is a glorified handicap match.

COACH
No it's not. Alix can tag if she wants.

COLE
Yeah, to a partner who stands no chance against these two huge, ruthless men!

Not made for facing huge, ruthless men either, Alix dodges and weaves out of CPA's grasp, frustrating the bigman. After a few failed attempts CPA stops and takes a deep breath to calm himself down. And to block out the screaming and hollering from Bosley, never calm. CPA then raises a hand in the air and offers a test of strength. Mistaking this gesture, Alix raises a fist in solidarity with her black brother in arms. CPA rolls his eyes and decides to just quit playing around and throw a punch...


...but Alix ducks! Kicking away at the legs, Alix hobbles CPA up and runs the ropes. A running dropkick rocks CPA back a few steps, but he recovers and rumbles back at Ally with a clothesline. Alix ducks underneath and springs off the middle rope with a moonsault... but gets CAUGHT!

COACH
Uh oh!

Before CPA can put together an offensive move though, Alix starts kicking her feet and manages to turn it into a Swinging DDT!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Cover...


1...



2...



No!

Alix chops away at CPA with some more leg kicks, forcing him back into a corner. She tries to whip him out, but CPA won't budge. So Alix breaks apart the hands and delivers a roundhouse kick!

COLE
Wow! Caught CPA right in the temple!

With Allen left staggering and stumbling, Alix quickly goes to the top. Looking to cut her high-flying antics off at the pass, Bosley runs down the apron... and gets a boot in the mush! Down goes Bosley and down goes CPA, with a top rope sunset flip!!


1...



2...



Kickout!

COLE
Alix is taking these two on gamely, but how long can she hold the VICE squad off alone?

Hopping to her feet Alix quickly deals with one member of the squad, giving Bosley a dropkick through the ropes on the outside. Alix pulls herself to her feet on the apron, coming in with another springboard... which CPA ducks! Alix lands on her feet though and does a funky little wiggle in celebration, the waggling BUTT inticing CPA into a reckless charge that results in a drop toehold!

COLE
Infact, Alix is giving VICE the runaround!

COACH
And the worst thing is, she'll never get tired. Cocaine's a hell of a drug.

COLE
...you're not suggesting one of our performers is on cocaine, are you?

COACH
It'd explain a lot.

With CPA on all fours, Alix comes off the ropes and delivers a sliding dropkick. After which, she's accosted by the referee. Unsure of what she's done wrong Alix is informed that a blind tag was made and Morgan is now legal.

ALIX
Nuh uh, no tagsies, I called no tagsies!

Despite Morgan's eagerness to get in, Alix shepherds the poor girl back aside, insisting she's got this covered. Alix then gets back to the action, running the ropes again. But with the referee distracted by Morgan, BOSLEY pulls down the middle rope on Alix, causing her to CRASH to the arena floor!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

COLE
Come on! Blatant lowbridge by Bosley... and now what!?

Not done, Bosley whips out his TELESCOPIC BATON and NANCY KERRIGANs her!!

COACH
Ooohhhh!

COLE
Right to the knee! This isn't right!

Alix curls up in pain, leaving poor Morgan not only all alone, but legal in the match! Bosley looks on with a smirk on his face, as CPA stalks the trapped young Nerdly.

"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"

Bosley hears it from the crowd, while Morgan cowers in the corner from her former partner in crime (enforcement). Towering over her, CPA looks down at Morgan and puts the frighteners on her, before lifting her out of the corner and carrying her to the middle of the ring.

COLE
Oh no. C'mon now! You've gotta be kidding me!

Dumping Morgan unceremoniously, CPA makes a tag to Bosley, who's eager to get in.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Big smile on his face, Bosley stands over Morgan. And he dares her to take a free shot.

COACH
Well that's gentlemanly of him.

COLE
Oh yeah, what a great guy Bosley is. Gimme a break!

As CPA puts the boots to Alix, Morgan cowers, Bosley yelling at her to fight him. And getting more and more aggressive about it. Poor Morgan is helpless to do anything though, paralysed with fear.

BOSLEY
C'MON! HIT ME, BITCH! HIT ME!

HIT ME!!!



*THUD*

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Bosley does get hit.

But not by Morgan

COLE
WHAT THE-

As Bosley goes down, stood behind him is LEON RODEZ, with a lead pipe in his hands!

COLE
LEON! LEON RODEZ IS BACK!


*DINGDINGDING*

Emotionless, Leon stares down at the unconcious Bosley as the referee calls for the bell. Noticing something is up, CPA looks up from Alix and locks eyes with Leon from the floor.

COLE
My God I never thought I'd be happy to see Leon Rodez again!

After a tense stand-off, CPA makes a bolt and tries to rush the ring... BUT GETS CAUGHT! Leon darts forward and catches CPA coming in, dragging him in over the rope... AND DROPPING CPA WITH THE DOWNFALL DDT!!!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Leon hovers over CPA, staring down at him with cold intent in his eyes.

COLE
DDT! Leon has returned, to the rescue of Morgan!

COACH
But I don't think he's done Cole! These guys tried to take him out, don't forget!

Morgan has made it to her feet in the corner, still a little shell-shocked. She runs forward and embraces Leon in relief. An embrace which isn't reciprocated. Not even looking Morgan in the eyes Leon waits for her to let go, then ushers her away. Calmly walking over, Leon retrieves his leadpipe and looks down at CPA.

COLE
Oh man. This doesn't look good for VICE!

Suddenly, TODD CORTEZ, JAMES RIGGS and PIERCE DUNCAN hit the ring! Leon spots them and calmly slips out of the ring, leaving back through the crowd before anyone can get to him, a route which Morgan follows a few feet behind.

COLE
The cavalry is here and there goes Leon... but not quite soon enough for Bosley and CPA! Leon Rodez, saving Morgan from some serious trouble... there's no telling just how noble his intentions really were, but damned if they weren't at just the right time for Morgan!

Leon skulks off through the crowd with Morgan in pursuit, while a pissed trio of Cortez, Riggs and Duncan stalk the ring and try to check on their fallen team-mates.

[Chanel #99]

Backstage in the locker room, BARON WINDELS tapes his fists as Terry Taylor stands next to him.

TERRY
Baron Windels, I see you’re dressed to fight. Can I get your thoughts before your bunkhouse match against Reject?

BARON
They’re pretty violent thoughts, Terry. Too violent for TV.

TERRY
Even pay-per-view? I guess that just about says it all. So let me ask you about Tim Cash. He’s beaten himself pretty hard for the Deadly Alliance ambush on you a few weeks back. Especially when you didn’t return his calls. How is your relationship with Timmy?

BARON
Look, Timmy’s a sensitive guy. Maybe too sensitive at times, hence stuff like him feeling I believed he was partly to blame just because I didn’t return his messages. Anybody who knows a Texan realizes we don’t like to receive messages, we like to give them. And tonight Reject is gonna get a message he’ll never forget.

[Chanel #99]

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, Anglepalooza continues with the much anticipated BUNKHOUSE MATCH!

Dramatic music plays as we cut backstage to show Reject headed to the ring.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Sporting jeans and a Deadly Alliance t-shirt, Reject passes the After Party set just feet away from the Gorilla position when BARON WINDELS SPEARS HIM INTO A NEARBY VENDING MACHINE!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

* DINGDINGDING *

COLE
Baron Windels and Reject aren’t going to wait until they’re in the ring to fight.

COACH
Reject didn’t have a choice, you idiot. He got ambushed.

COLE
Just like he ambushed Baron Windels two weeks ago. Besides, anything goes in a bunkhouse match.  

BW pulls out and opens a SNICKERS bar knocked loose from the impact.

BARON
Hungry? Why wait, you piece of shit.

COACH
I’m pretty sure that’s not how the slogan goes.

BW delivers a roundhouse and then stuffs the candy bar in Reject’s mouth, which Reject spits out after being stomped in the gut.  

COLE
Reject’s figure will thank Baron for that.

COACH
Vintage Mikey Cole.

Reject staggers out through the curtain at the side of the entrance set after being introduced face-first to the vending machine. Jelly legged, Reject hurls a TRASH CAN at BW to stun him momentarily, only for it to be used on him. BW places the can over Reject’s head and clubs him with a LIGHT STAND.

COLE
Our company account must be freaking out right about now.

BW signals for a big boot and charges ahead, but Reject ducks and executes a backdrop.

COLE
Oh, my!

COACH
Man delivers backdrop with trash can on head. Quick. Send that in to America’s Funniest Home Videos.   

Reject falls on BW.

COACH
I think that was a big splash.  

COLE
Whatever it was, it led to a cover.  

The count.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Reject finally removes the trash can and slams BW on it.

COACH
That’ll make you scheduled an appointment with your chiropractor.

Reject uses BW’s own shirt to CHOKE him in the aisle way. BW responds with a series of elbows and then wildly throws Reject to the ground. Reject pops to his feet and both men brawl ringside.

COACH
It’s turning into a war zone out here.  

BW takes a knee to the gut but reverses a whip to send Reject into the STEEL STEPS. Slumped against the ring steps Reject lures BW into a false sense of security and POSTS him.

COLE
Oh! Face-first into the cold steel of the ring post!

Reject regroups while BW rolls in the ring.  

COACH
Look at that coward run, Cole. He’s had enough.

COLE
Give me a break.

Reject pulls a BROOMSTICK out from under the ring.

COLE
Hey! That’s belongs to the ring crew.

COACH
Not anymore.

Reject cocks back and… RECEIVES A FACEFUL OF POWDER!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

BW rams Reject into the buckle then unloads from the middle rope.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIV-- NO!

BW is suddenly back dropped to the floor, but he pops up and flies off the top… right into a broom shot!

COACH
Beautiful.

Reject cracks the broom over BW’s back and then chokes him.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

A series of knee strikes to Reject’s side breaks the choke, but the leader of the Deadly Alliance retaliates with a kick to the gut. Reject then removes his BELT and whips BW like a dog.

* WHAP *

* WHAP *

* WHAP *

What happens next nobody could foresee, as BW is HANGED OVER THE TOP ROPE!

COACH
Whoa!

COLE
This has gone too far.  

BW struggles to escape while the ref looks on powerless.

COACH
If I was Baron Windels I’d live to fight another day.

“BARON!“
“BARON!“
“BARON!“

On the verge of losing consciousness, BW gouges Reject’s eyes in a last ditch attempt to escape… and it works.

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

BW removes the belt around his neck and takes Reject to the woodshed.

* WHAP *

* WHAP *

* WHAP *

BW then shoots Reject in and clotheslines him with the belt. A big boot knocks Reject outside where he hightails it through the crowd.

COLE
Who’s the one running now, Coach?

COACH
Reject’s just working on his cardio.

BW eventually catches up with Reject and drops him crotch-first on the handrail.
 
REJECT


A boomerang lariat follows and then a pin attempt.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

BW attempts to bring the action back ringside, but Reject connects with a shot to the gut and then a BACK SUPLEX ON THE CONCRETE STEPS!

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Reject’s complainant of a slow count falls on deaf ears, prompting him to take his anger out on BW. After being punched and stomped, BW is whipped into a HOT DOG STAND and then hit with a CUP OF BEER.

COACH
I bet that beer didn’t taste great. *laughs*

Reject scoops BW up only to be surprised with a side Russian leg sweep.

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Reject tries to crawl away but BW stays on the attack. Ultimately the fight spills into the MEN’S RESTROOM.

COLE
They’re in the men’s room!

COACH
Don’t get too excited.

Sadly there’s no lady in the men’s rooms, but the folks inside watch on in shock and awe as BW and Reject brawl past a stall with an “OUT OF ORDER” sign. That didn’t stop two people from going in there anyway. We can see their feet underneath.

COACH
(chuckles)
Looks like we got some hanky panky going on in that stall. Two lovebirds who just couldn’t wait till they got home, which here is their car.

Reject stumbles forward after being whipped into one of the stall doors, right into a front facelock.

COLE
BW is about to serve a cocktail in the men’s room! A Brigham Young Cocktail DDT.  

BW never gets the move off as THE CAN-AM ASSASSINS emerge from the stall thought to be out of order.
 
COLE
Not another Deadly Alliance ambush.

COACH
Karma is a bitch.

BW fights off the World tag team champions until THUNDERKID and SANDMAN9000 join the action. Despite being outnumbered BW continues to battle, but the DA is too much for him to handle, or any man for that matter.

COLE
This is disgusting!

Reject slams the stall door across BW’s head.

Again.

And again!

Then like some twisted gangbang the DA take turns on BW.

Pantera whips BW towards Strutter who delivers a SLEEPERHOLD DROP, followed by a CURBSTOMP from Sandman and then a BRAINBUSTER by TK.

COACH
The Thunderbolt!

As if things couldn’t get any worse… REJECT STUFFS BW’S HEAD IN THE TOILET AND FLUSHES IT!

COLE
Does Reject have a death wish?

COACH
After tonight Reject won’t have to deal with Baron Windels anymore. Baron will be too embarrassed to ever show his face again.

BW can barely stand when Reject attempts to deliver the Eulogy, so the R-man calls an audible and PILEDRIVES BW THROUGH THE TOILET!

No shit. Thing shatters into pieces.

COLE
No he didn’t!

COACH
Yes he did!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!!

* DINGDINGDING *

“Final Ride” by TRU cues as the official raises Reject‘s hand.  

BUFFER
Here is your winner… RRRRRREEEEEJECT!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

To add insult to injury, Reject spits on BW before we cut away.

OAOAST HEARTLAND SPECTACULAR

Live from Indianapolis, IN
February 24, 2011

Available free of charge on TSM and The Pit in Canada

[Chanel #99]

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen the following is a Duchess of York match!

carries itself into the arena, drawing boos from the sold out San Juan auidience. The entrance doors spread apart, and Sophie, wearing the unusual wrestling attire of a black and white sequined dress, emerges with miniature horse in tow. Standing at her side is the mastermind behind this contest, Queen Esther.

BUFFER
Now making her way to the ring, being accompanied by Queen Esther, from Marsielles, France, she is SOOOOOPPPHHHHIIIIIEEEEEE!

COLE
We don't know the rules of the contest, how to win, how to lose, or how to do anything. Sophie is coming in at a distinct advantage here.

Queen Esther finds herself a seat in the lavish, and well made throne at ring side. She keeps herself situated next to the minature horse as Sophie prepares for the contest.

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

brings out a swell of cheers from the crowd. A neon lit pyro sparkling sign that reads MAYA lowers from the ceiling. Leaping through the first A, is a baton weilding Maya Duncan-Blanchard! The Teen Dream whirls around and tosses her baton into the air. The baton comes down into her hands, and the youngest Duncan girl performs a graceful spin!

BUFFER
And the opponent, from Los Angeles, California, she is the 2010 Queen Of The Ring, The Teen Dream....MAYA DUNCAAAAANNNNN-BLLLAAAANNNNCHHHAAARRRRRDDDDD!

Maya slaps hands on her way down the entrance ramp, and gives her baton to a smiling kid in the front row.

COLE
While most kids Maya's age are preparing for a biology presentation or worrying about a math quiz, Maya is taking on Sophie in a match in which the rules are a total mystery.

DING DING DING

Expecting Maya to take a sound thrashing in this contest, Queen Esther happily claps her hands and smiles brightly.

SOPHIE (waving Maya on)
Come on, ma ami!

COLE
Sophie waving Maya on.

MAYA


COLE
And Maya waving Sophie on in the only way a Duncan can.

A lockup begins the contest, with Sophie forcing Maya into the corner. Referee Charles Robinson calls for a clean break as a result. However this isn't given as Sophie rams a pair of forearms into Maya's face.

MAYA


The pissed off Duncan girl responds in kind, backing Sophie to the center of the ring with fast and powerful forearms. Unable to take much more of these blows, Sophie tries to slow down Maya by grabbing her into a headlock. However, Maya breaks through this hold within seconds and snatches a side headlock of her own. Maya humiliates the French girl by giving her NOOGIES! The Queen becomes maddened over such “primitive” tactics and calls for Sophie to fight out the hold. The French girl does just that, shoving Maya into the ropes. But when Maya bounces off the cables, she mows down Sophie with a lariat!

SOPHIE
Baise! You are meant to shoulder block moi, not clothesline. Americain stupide!

MAYA
Oh, right. Well, let’s try this again. A do over.

Sophie smiles, thinking she’s lured Maya into a cruel trap. The youngest Duncan girl bounces off the ropes, and Sophie lashes out with a lariat. Unfortunately she falls well short of Maya, who has just simply stopped in her tracks. By the time Sophie realizes SHE’s the one who got tricked, Maya is dropkicking her to the canvas!

COLE
You can never out smart a Duncan!

COACH
You can never out sex one either, Maya looking right in them tight pants!

COLE
Well, I guess you’re okay with Krista beating you into a bloody pulp.

Maya puts herself back off the ropes, coming back to find Sophie attempting to hiptoss her. But Maya stays on her feet, and punches Sophie in the stomach.

MAYA
If you had just bought one of my mom’s fitness videos that wouldn’t have hurt.

Angered, Sophie manages to capture Maya inside a wrist lock. This hold doesn’t last but for more than a few seconds before The Teen Dream, rolls through. She kips upright in order to knock Sophie over with a single punch!

COLE
Maya fighting at a distinct disadvantage here. She’s the only one who doesn’t know the rules. Queen Esther knows, and you have to assume Sophie knows. I bet even that miniature horse knows!

Sophie crawls to the corner and uses the ropes to pull herself upright. There’s little safety to be found in the corner, however, as Maya slams knife edge chops into her chest. Sophie can only take so many blows before stumbling out the corner. Maya follows her retreat, grabbing onto her arm and trying to throw her into the ropes. But Sophie reverses the attack, and uses her grip on Maya to throw her over the top rope! But Maya lands on the ring apron!

COLE
Shades of the Lethal Rumble will see later tonight live from San Juan.

Sophie believes Maya to be disposed of and turns to the Queen to gloat over her mild victory.

QUEEN ESTHER
Turn around, dear lady!

Sophie does just that and is leveled by a missile dropkick from Maya!

“MAYA! MAYA! MAYA!” the audience sings, as Maya courtesies to Queen Esther.

QUEEN ESTHER
Off with her head! At once, I say!

Sophie rolls out the ring to catch a breather and change up her strategy. She immediately goes over to the Queen and her miniature horse. Neither do much in helping Sophie prevent being clubbed in the back by The Teen Dream. Maya then grabs onto Sophie’s arm and hurls her into the guardrail!

COACH
Damn, this girl was right when she said she had her mother’s killer instinct.

As the nearby crowd members root her on, Maya lays punch after punch into Sophie’s skull. Next, she lifts Sophie up and drops her chest first across the guardrail! Sophie staggers backwards, moaning in pain.

COACH
I’m saying, even Krista let’s things start off with a headlock or a dance routine, working you into the beating and humiliation. Maya’s so mean she goes right into dropping you on a metal guardrail.

Maya latches onto Sophie’s unusual wrestling attire and dumps her back into the ring. While Sophie struggles to get her bearings, the teenager quickly scales to the top rope. When Sophie turns around, Maya flies off with a cross body block! But Sophie slides to the side, forcing Maya to endure a hard crash into the canvas.

QUEEN ESTHER
That’s the way! Jolly good show!

Emboldened by Maya’s miss, Sophie picks the young competitor up and captures her in a front facelock. She lifts her into the air, and slams her backwards with a vertical suplex. A cover is then made…

ONE!


TWO!

KICKOUT!

Sophie pulls Maya up by her sandy blond hair and begins rifiling knees into her face. She finishes it off with a double that throws Maya backwards and riddles her with pain.

COACH
Krista gonna be shelling out some major bucks for plastic surgey after Sophie’s done messing up Maya’s good looks. At least I’ll have Morgan and Maggie to fulfill my jailbait fantasies.

Sophie pummels Maya with stomps, looking out to Queen Esther for approval. The English lass gives a hearty round applause to Sophie’s performance. Equally enjoyable is watching, Sophie knock Maya to the ground with a round of European Uppercuts. Sophie then snaps on a reverse chinlock. Maya kicks her legs and wiggles her body in an effort to slip out the simple but painful hold.

SOPHIE
Soumettez, vous ralent!

Maya refuses to follow Sophie’s orders, not just because she doesn’t understand French, but because she refuses to give up.

COLE
Can a Duchess of York match even end with a submission?

With the crowd rooting her on, Maya manages to force her upright. She slams elbow after elbow into Sophie’s thin stomach, and eventually wins her freedom. The cute grappler takes a moment to catch her breath before whipping Sophie into the corner. Its full speed ahead as Maya charges after Sophie. But the Queen’s beautician raises her black boots and Maya is knocked down to the mat. With Maya groaning in pain, Sophie backs up to the third rope. She waves to her adoring fans, all two of them, before being dropkicked in the stomach by Maya!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans chant as Sophie wails her misery on the top rope. Queen Esther urges Sophie to fight back, as Maya leaps onto the third rope. The Californian wraps her arms around Sophie’s waist and then throws her backwards with a super belly to belly suplex!

COLE
OH MY~!

COACH
DAYUM~!

“MAYA! MAYA! MAYA!” chant the wowed crowd.

Maya hops to her feet, and waits for Sophie to do the same. Once the former women’s champion does, Maya springs forward with a lariat. But Sophie ducks the attack. This is no problem for Maya who simply drops her with a boomerang lariat!

COLE
A page out of Baron Windels’ playbook!

A seething Sophie leaps up, and slams a knee into Maya’s midsection. Doubled over, Maya can only watch Sophie run to the ropes. Sophie comes roaring back with a lariat. But its ducked by Maya, who uses her position behind Sophie to nail her with an atomic drop.

COLE
Maya Butthurts! VINTAGE Maya!

Maya runs to the ropes, coming back to leapfrog over Sophie and nail her with a leapfrog facecrusher!

COLE
iMaya! It doesn’t surf the net, it doesn’t link to your Facebook, but it sure does some damage!

Maya pins Sophie as the crowd counts the fall…

CROWD
ONE!

CROWD
TWO!

CROWD
THREE!

DING DING DING

COLE
Just like that and its over!

A panicked Queen Esther grabs a microphone.

QUEEN ESTHER
I’m sorry, I’m sorry! But I believe you all are misinformed of the rules of the match. In actuality, round one has come to an end WITHOUT an official winner! Let round two commence!

COLE
What?

Sophie begins round two by school girling Maya! She hooks onto Maya’s baby blue tights and puts her feet on the ropes!

ONE!

TWO!

Queen Esther is ready to call for the bell to signify victory for Sophie, but Maya pops out the pinfall. An annoyed Maya sends forearms across Sophie’s face before an irish whip attempt. Sophie reverses and Maya is launched into the ropes. Sophie makes the mistake of lowering her head and Maya makes her pay for it with a kick to the chest. Maya then puts herself off the ropes and lacerates Sophie with a brutal lariat.

COLE
I think the fix is in, Coach.

COACH
What are you talking about? Its not Sophie’s fault Maya didn’t read the rulebook.

COLE
There is no rulebook!

Maya runs the ropes once more, but as she returns she’s tripped up by a double leg takedown. Sophie keeps hold of her legs and launches Maya into the ropes with a slingshot! Maya stumbles backwards and is put on the ground by a neckbreaker! Sophie sees this as the perfect moment to wave hello to her smiling queen.

COACH
What a good servant Sophie is, always aiming to please her queen. You should be more like Sophie and aim to please me, Mikey.

Sophie scrapes Maya off the canvas, merely to drop her back down with a well placed European Uppercut. Maya is brought back to her feet rather quickly, and sent into the corner posts. She crashes hard, the force of the impact pushing her backwards into Sophie’s waiting arms. Sophie attempts to lift her with a German Suplex, but Maya rolls through the hold! Rather than pin Sophie to the canvas, she grabs a leg lock!

COLE
Maya’s got her with a submission! A first from The Teen Dream!

Sophie doesn’t wish to bear any of the pain the submission holds for her and rapidly taps the canvas!

DING DING DING

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of submission…

QUEEN ESTHER
No, no, Michael! I believe you are incorrect in your forthcoming statement. In actuality submissions are not allowed in this contest.

COLE
Since when?

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

MAYA
Aww hell no, Maya don’t play this!

An outraged Maya ducks through the ropes and immediately storms over to the Queen.

QUEEN ESTHER
Begone, demon child!

MAYA
Oh I’ll begone, alright. Be gone up your BUTT!

Maya grabs the Queen by her ruffled gown and throws her to the ground!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COLE
Its about time!

But there will be no more celebrations or humiliations for the Queen as Maya is struck in the back of the head by a scepter from Sophie!

COLE
Oh come on! This is just one giant scam!

Sophie picks Maya’s limp body up and pushes it back inside the ring. After following Maya inside, Sophie hooks her legs for the pinfall…

ONE!

COACH
This is it!

TWO!


KICKOUT!

“MAYA! MAYA! MAYA!” the sold out San Juan crowd chants as Queen Esther looks on perturbed.

Sophie hauls Maya off the canvas in order to nail her with a strong forearm. The blow dumps Maya into the ropes. Sophie pulls her free, and shoots her into the opposite ropes. Maya comes back to avoid a lariat. But upon bouncing off the other ropes, she’s caught with a back elbow by Sophie! Pleased with herself, Sophie waves to the now much happier Queen Esther.

COLE
I think Sophie needs to focus less on Esther and more on Maya.

COACH
You speak from your years of experience inside the ring.

Maya comes to her feet under her own willpower, but is caught inside a front facelock by Sophie. The French Girl drops backwards to spike Maya’s head off the canvas with a DDT! A pinfall is then made…

ONE!


TWO!


No!

“MAYA! MAYA! MAYA!”

Sophie orders the crowd to be silent as she pulls Maya up by her sandy blond hair. She affixes Maya into the setup for a back suplex, but as she raises The Teen Dream, Maya quickly flips out! Sophie spins around to capture hold of Maya, but is nailed with a KIDology (codebreaker)!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Both competitors are strewn about the canvas, unable to move. Queen Esther sits on the edge of her throne, highly anxious over the proceedings of this contest. With neither lady moving, the referee is forced to begin a count.

ONE!

TWO!


THREE!

Sophie is first to her feet, and an angered expression appears on her face. She marches over to Maya, only to be slugged in the stomach! Maya defiantly heads to her feet and soon she and Sophie begin trading blows.

COLE
These two beautiful young ladies are just teeing off on each other!

Maya uses a parade of knife edge chops to back Sophie into the corner. Sophie is trapped against the posts, and this allows Maya to go to town with a seemingly unending procession of stomps to her stomach. Once that grows boring, Maya whips Sophie across the ring to the other corner. The Teen Dream follows in after her and connects a double knee to Sophie’s jaw! The former women’s champion dizzily stumbles to the center of the ring, where Maya captures her in a side belly to belly suplex! Sophie can take no more punishment from her fired up rival and retreats to the outside.

COACH
That’s right take a break. Slow things down. The tortoise wins the race!

Maya becomes annoyed with Sophie’s stalling and aims to do something about it. She charges forward and baseball slides Sophie in the back! The French Girl falls forward and lands directly into Queen Esther’s private area!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

QUEEN ESTHER
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

COACH
The Queen has been violated by another Duncan girl!

Sophie quickly rips her head away from Queen Esther’s lady area and wears the look of someone who’s just walked through a toxic waste dump!

COLE
Sophie looks like she just ingested gasoline. Has the Queen ever heard of Dove?

Still horrified, Sophie turns around right into a lariat from Maya! The Teen Dream disregards Sophie like a squashed ant, as she focuses narrowed eyes on Queen Esther. Suddenly she lashes out and grabs Queen Esther by the arm!

QUEEN ESTHER
Unhand me, street urchin!

Maya doesn’t follow orders and rips a now frightened Queen out her throne.

COACH
She’s got the Queen! Someone do something!

The Queen struggles with Maya, refusing to be brought into the ring as Maya wishes. All this gives Lucius Soul the time he needs to run down the ramp, and dash over towards Queen Esther.

COACH
Thank god for the Black Knight!

Lucius becomes more of a hindrance than a help when Maya whips Queen Esther into him! They both topple to the ground, with Queen Esther particularly vulnerable. That’s precisely why Maya is able to bang Queen Esther’s head into Lucius’ groin over and over again!

COACH
No! Even Krista wasn’t so cruel!

Queen Esther screams though she’s being pumped full of bullets as Maya repeatedly drives her face into Lucius’ crotch!

COLE
The virgin Queen has been violated!

“MAYA! MAYA! MAYA!”

Maya finally shows some semblance of mercy and pulls the CRYING Queen away from her miserable black knight. The Queen is dumped into the ring, and the other Queen quickly follows.

MAYA
I swear on my Taylor Lautner fan club membership, its time for you to DIE!

“MAYA’S GONNA KILL YOU! MAYA’S GONNA KILL YOU! MAYA’S GONNA KILL YOU!”

Out the corner of her eye, Maya catches Sophie elevating herself onto the ring apron. This leads The Teen Dream to snap at Sophie with a superkick! Sophie is dazed, but stays upright on the ring apron. This is to her disadvantage. Maya runs the ropes, and leapfrogs over her! She grabs onto her head, and carries her forward to drive her face into the announce table!

COLE
An iMaya right onto our announce table, and Sophie is out!


The referee needn’t see anymore than Sophie’s knocked out body and calls for the bell!

DING DING DING

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a technical knockout…MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD!

The crowd is ecstatic over the outcome. However, Queen Esther is not. She gets into the face of the official and demands by royal decree that the contest be restarted for the round had already come to an end. Not only does Esther not get her wish, she gets an iMaya for her qualms!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COLE
And Maya had enough of Queen Esther’s games!

Maya puts on Queen Esther’s tiara and poses with a broad smile above her vanquished foe.

[Chanel #99]

COLE
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm told there's been a major development. With more on that we send it over to our colleague Terry Taylor.

We go to Terry at our backstage interview position.

TERRY
Guys, I received a statement from OAOAST President Alfdogg stating that at the request of Tim Cash he's signed for later tonight a tag title match featuring Tim Cash and a mystery partner versus the Can-Am Assassins. Furthermore, additional fines and/or suspensions could be levied against the Deadly Alliance for their brutal assault on Baron Windels earlier tonight. Back to you.

COLE
Oh, my! Tim Cash and a mystery partner to face the Can-Am Assassins for the World tag team championship later tonight!

COACH
Forget Murbarak. Out with Alfdogg!

COLE
Let's go to Michael Buffer.





BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship!

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Give me those bright lights, long nights
High rise, over time

"YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Give me them bright lights, long nights
Party till the sun is rising
High rise, over time
Working till the moon is shining
Hot guys, fly girls
Never thought I'd say
I feel on top of the world
I feel on top of the world Hey

plays to a thunderous ovation! Dancers wrapped in Puerto Rican flags fill the entrance stage and give things a local flavor with some Latino based dance moves. Gliding out from the entrance doors is challenger to the world title, the always glamorous Krista Isadora Duncan. Attired in a ruby tank top, and a white mini skirt, Krista is fawned over by the numerous female dancers.

BUFFER
Introducing the challenger….from Los Angles, California, she is a best selling author and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos! 2010's most searched superstar on Yahoo, 2010's highest trending OAOAST topic on Twitter, a Hollywood walk of famer, more famous than everyone else put together and multiplied by four! She is a FOUR time OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion... ladies and gentlemen, "MISS CALIFORNIA"... KKRRIIIIISSTTAAAA ISADORA... DDUUUUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!
Krista struts down an entrance way that’s caked with red and gold glitter. Surrounding its sides are numerous fashion photographers. At the bottom of the ramp, Krista turns an alluring smile onto the camera as a wind machine gently blows her hair.

COLE
Krista aiming to get back that which was taken from her. The OAOAST World Title.

COACH
That ain’t gonna be easy. Jason Silver rolls with a gang of goons eight deep!

Krista hangs herself upside down on the third rope, providing home viewers plenty of reason to rush for the baby oil.

by Innerparty System floods the arena. Boos rain down from every corner of the venue in response to the appearance of coat clad world champion Jason Silver. The New York native raises his world title into the stare while staring harshly at Krista. As KID stares right back at him, Silver marches to the ring.

BUFFER
And introducing the champion, weighing 212 pounds, from New York City, he is ROCKSAULT…..JAAAASSSSOOOOONNN SIILLLLLVVVVVERRRRR

COACH
If Jason Silver can beat Krista and make her tap, he’ll prove himself not only as a world champion, but as the greatest champion of all time! Nobody makes Krista tap!

COLE
I believe you have a point, Coach.

Silver gets into the ring, a cocky smile stretched across his face as he motions to the belt around his waist.  He unsnaps the strap and hands it over to referee Nick Patrick, who holds the belt high to signify that this is in fact a title match.  Krista looks on with disgust for Anglesault's "golden boy", and when the bell sounds she charges him and swings around him, pulling him to the mat with a schoolboy!

ONE!

NO!

Silver kicks out, but as he's getting up, Krista rolls him up with a small package!

ONE!

NO!

Silver kicks out of that as well, but he gets up and gets trapped in a backslide attempt...only to power Krista over!  KID floats over his back, and quickly drops the champion with an inverted atomic drop, then nails him with a superkick that sends him through the ropes and to the floor!

COLE
The fans are going crazy here as Krista Isadora Duncan has floored the World Champion just seconds into the match!

Silver gets up, holding his jaw, and kicks the ring steps in anger.  Krista calls him on, and he slowly walks up the ring steps, taking his time in getting back into the ring.  As he moves through the ropes, Krista goes for him, so Silver instantly pulls back, staying on the apron and ordering Patrick to keep her back!  The veteran referee does what he can, but Krista blows past him and goes for Silver, who hops off the apron to the floor!

COACH
That's it champ, take your time!  You've got all night!

COLE
Actually, pay per views have an allotted time, Coach.  How long have you worked here?

Silver circles the ring and then hops up on the apron again, and when Krista goes for him, he shoulders her in the ribs to drive her back.  Silver then gets into the ring and yanks her by the hair, snapping her to the canvas, and then stomps on her repeatedly, as if he was trying to put a fire out!  Dragging her up by the air, Silver swings her around and then tosses her across the ring, then makes a hand motion as if he's just "cleaned up".  Krista gets up, and Silver rushes her, scooping her off her feet and running her into the corner!  Silver pins an elbow across her throat, but Patrick calls him off, and the champ obliges...and delivers a hard slap to the former champion as he does!  Krista, never one to be intimidated, comes out of the corner and nails Silver with a hard slap, then uses a double leg to get him on the mat, where she unloads on him!  Silver throws her off, and when he gets up he boots her as she approaches, then grabs a side headlock.  Krista pushes him off, but Silver bowls her over as he comes off the ropes with a shoulderblock, and he pulls her up and again locks on the headlock!  Krista struggles, and again sends him to the ropes, this time using a drop toe hold to take him down, and she locks on a headlock of her own!  Silver lifts her up but she floats over, and tries to run him towards the ropes, but the champion clings to the ropes, and only Krista goes rolling backwards!  She's up just as he turns around and nails her clothesline attempt, then floors him with a dropkick after he's recovered from that!  The World Champion then finds himself sent towards the corner, where he goes up and over...almost, as he lands back in the ring...where Krista grabs his head and runs up the ropes, kicking off for a swinging tornado DDT...that gets blocked!  Silver throws her off and charges with a clothesline, but Krista ducks and reaches back, dropping him with a neckbreaker!  The fans go crazy for Krista's fiery offense, as Silver again rolls out to the floor, looking to keep himself out of trouble as much as he can!

COLE
I think Jason Silver finally realizes that tonight isn't going to be a pushover!

COACH
He ain't scared, Cole!  Especially of Krista!

Silver wipes the sweat from his brow and talks down to some ringside fans...and turns around into Krista, who hits a running crossbody through the ropes...and into the arms of Silver, who catches her!  Silver smiles, but his satisfaction is short-lived, as Krista throws elbows to the side of his head, getting him to drop her!  Krista takes him and tosses him back in under the bottom rope, then springboards onto Silver's shoulders, spinning herself around into a huracanrana!  Silver backs up into the corner, but Krista is right there, furiously pounding away on the man who stole her beloved World Title!  Patrick does his best to break it up, as Silver tries to cover up from the blows, but Krista grabs him by the air, drops him face first into her knee, then follows up with a jawbreaker that sends him staggering backwards!  Silver crashes into the corner, and Krista continues to take control of the situation, hitting a monkey flip that sends the World Champion airborne!  

COLE
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and when that woman scorned is Krista Isadora Duncan, even the Devil runs away in fear!

COACH
Man, you sound like me trying to get a date on Friday night!

COLE
Do the boys usually go for that kind of talk?

COACH
Oh haha.  Don't get fresh just because you're a Mali-buddy, Mikey Cole!

Krista pulls Silver up, but he shoots up with a hard European uppercut that floors her!  Silver then scoops slams Krista not once, not twice, not even three times.  No, instead the former champion gets slammed five times before Silver picks her up for another scoop slam, this time throwing her into the turnbuckles!  Krista crumbles to the mat, and Silver drags her into the center of the ring, going for the cover!

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Krista fights off defeat, and Silver quickly brings her up, running her face first into the turnbuckle!  Trapped in the corner, Krista is then shot across the ring, but she dodges the ensuing charge, and capitalizes, ramming Silver's face into the top turnbuckle repeatedly!  Krista then hits a back suplex, and now both champion and challenger lay on the canvas, trying to regain some of their lost energy!

COACH
C'mon champ!  Make her pay for what she took from you!  Do it for the books!  Do it for the guitar!

COLE
I'm sure Uncle Anglesault has already bought some shiny new toys for his "favorite".

Both champion and challenger get up at the same time, and Krista strikes first with a hard slap...

"YAY!"

...only for Silver to respond with a slap of his own, shocked that Krista would be so disrespectful!

"BOO!"

Krista fires back!

"YAY!"

But so does "Rocksault"!

"BOO!"

"YAY!"

"BOO!"

"YAY!"

"BOO!"

"YAY!"

"YAY!"

"YAY!"

Krista opens fire, hitting slaps from all angles, then going for the coup de grace, a running kick to the area just underneath the waistband of Silver's tights...but the champion catches the foot...and Krista backflips out of it...BUT GETS HER HEAD TAKEN OFF BY A RUNNING BOOT!

ONE!

TWO!

NO!  KICKOUT!

COLE
Jason Silver stayed one step ahead of Krista on that exchange, but the K-I-D will not be denied!

Silver brings her up and sets Krista up in a standing headscissors, smirking menacingly to the crowd as she rest on her knees in front of him.  Silver hoists her up for a powerbomb, but when he does, Krista punches at his forehead until Silver is hobbling, and loses his grip!  Krista lands on her feet, then springs up and tries for KIDOLOGY, but Silver blocks it by shoving her off!  After a kick to the ribs, Silver pulls her up again for a powerbomb, but Krista quickly counters with a rana!  Krista shakes off the cobwebs as Silver gets up, and she grabs a TESTICULAR CLAW, causing Silver's eyes to bug out and his jaw to drop!

COLE
It's a BLUE BALL SPECIAL!

COACH
I hope it's a two for one deal and you get the other one.

Silver cringes in pain, then knocks Krista's arm away and rakes her eyes!  Silver then spins her around and lifts her up for the SILVER BULLET~!, but Krista slides out and hits a backslide while still blinded!

COLE
New champion!  Krista's getting the title back right now!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE...NO!  SILVER KICKS OUT!

The fans let out a collective groan, as they were hoping for their girl to get her gold back!  As Krista goes for Silver he throws her through the ropes, but instead of going to the floor, Krista lands on the apron!  Silver turns around and gets necked on the top rope, then Krista slingshots over the ropes, springs off the middle rope, into a moonsault on Silver...NO!  Silver catches her, and runs to the corner to drop her with a Snake Eyes, then hits a German suplex, rolls with it, pulls Krista's legs out from under her, and hits a wheelbarrow suplex into the corner!  Silver then drags Krista to center ring and hooks the leg tight, as Nick Patrick makes the count!

ONE!

TWO!

THR-------NO!  NO!  KRISTA KICKS OUT!

Silver looks shocked, as Patrick holds up two fingers to show that this match must continue!  Growing frustrated, Silver pulls Krista up once again for the Silver Bullet, and sends Krista off his shoulders...BUT SHE LANDS ON HER FEET AND HITS THE STUNNED SILVER WITH KIDOLOGY!

COACH
DAMN~!

COLE
HOW THE HELL DID SHE PULL THAT OFF!?

Krista falls on top of Silver, as the fans roar, counting along with Patrick's count!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

NO!  NO! NO!  SILVER KICKS OUT!  SILVER KICKS OUT!

COLE
HOW THE HELL DID HE KICK OUT OF THAT!?

COACH
He's the champ, Mikey Cole!

Krista gets up, covering her mouth in the "Oh My God" manner, as she can't believe she didn't just reclaim OAOAST Championship gold.  She brings Silver up, but he shoves her into the ropes, and she rebounds into him, knocking their heads together!  Krista shakes it off, and grabs Silver's head, looking to live LIFE IN THE FAB LANE...but as she turns to culminate the move, Silver pulls her up onto her shoulders...SILVER BULLET!   Krista is slammed hard to the canvas, and Silver quickly slides onto her back, and he locks on the SIXTEENTH MINUTE, cranking back on the neck of the beautiful brawler!

COACH
C'mon champ, you got this!

Krista winces, her cries muffled by the forearm of Silver, who is pulling back on her neck.  Blonde hair flails as she tries to slide her head free from his grasp, but it's to no avail, as the next sound heard is that of Krista's hand tapping on the canvas!

DING!  DING!  DING!

The bell sounds, and "Don't Stop" begins playing, but Silver won't release the hold!  He continues to crank on it and crank on it until Earl Hebner rushes down to the ring, and it takes both he and Patrick to pry Silver off.  Krista lay motionless on the canvas, and when Patrick hands the belt to Silver, he proudly holds it high, rubbing it in the fans faces that he has retained her at Anglepalooza.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, and STILL OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion..."RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCKSAULT" JAAAAAAASON SILLLLLLLLLLLLLVERRRRRR!

The announcement only fuels the fires of hatred in the crowd, as garbage hits the ring while the most undeserving OAOAST World Champion in history laughs to himself.  Circling the ring with a victory lap, Silver blows off the fans reaction, while Krista is being helped to her feet by the refs.  Holding her neck, she's able to stand up...and Silver runs across the ring, nailing her with a beltshot!

COLE
Oh COME ON!

COACH
Ha!  Just like his uncle!

Patrick and Hebner complain to Silver about his actions, but he takes Patrick and sends him out to the floor, then threatens Hebner, who backs off and goes to help his fellow ref.  Krista is laid out in the ring, and Silver now takes the World Title and starts whipping Krista with it, sending the sixteen pounds of gold crashing across her back!  Silver taunts her, asking her "You want your belt back!?" before telling her "Here it is!" after several more shots with it!  More refs and road agents flood the ring, trying to get Silver to back off, and he does in fact stop.  With Krista down, Silver slinks down to the canvas and crawls over to Krista, as the camera gets in tight enough to hear him say "Your belt is mine now, bitch!" before rolling out of the ring!  

COLE
A real class act, that Jason Silver!

Silver throws the belt over his shoulder as he heads up the ramp, dodging half-filled beer cups and crumpled up hot dog wrappers on his way.  The hatred runs deep for Anglesault's prodigy, and the boos continue long after he disappears behind the curtain.

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S...

ANGLEMANIA X

SUNDAY NIGHT, APRIL 3rd

ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW

[Chanel #99]

“Tom Sawyer” plays to a healthy heaping of jeers from the crowd. Making their way out from the back, and looking none too pleased over having to wrestle are the Can Am Assassins.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen the following is a bonus contest scheduled for one fall and it is for the One and Only World Tag Team Championships! Now making their way to the ring, FELIX STRUTTER, KEN PANTERA, THE CHAMPIONS, THE CAN AM ASSASSINS!

COLE
This match made by Alfdogg at Tim Cash’s request. Tim couldn’t tolerate what happened to Baron Windels in his match with Reject and wanted to take on the whole Deadly Alliance. This is the compromise Alfdogg made.

COACH
Alf is just sticking it to the Deadly Alliance. And who’s going to be Tim Cash’s partner.

3 Doors Down “Not My Time” plays to a raucous ovation. Rushing from the parted entrance doors are Tim Cash and BIFFMAN, and lets not forget Melody Nerdly and her bouncing breasts!

The challengers dive into the ring and take the fight straight to the champions.

DING DING DING

COLE
We’re underway in this impromptu tag title contest!

COACH
Biffman? Cash couldn’t have picked a worse partner.

Cash and Biffman send both Can Ams running to the ropes. When the duo bounce back, the do gooders upend them with big back body drops!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Felix and Ken get to their feet, only to be taken over the ropes by a pair of lariats from the good guys!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COLE
The crowd loves this!

BIFFMAN
Up, up, and AWAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!

Biffman comes off the top rope with an axe handle smash to wipe out Ken! Strutter is disposed of with a plancha by Tim Cash! The two fan favorites high five over the fallen tag team champions. They then deposit Strutter back into the ring. Cash follows him inside while Biffman takes a position on the ring apron.

“LET’S GO TIMMY! LET’S GO TIMMY! LET’S GO TIMMY!”

Cash picks Strutter up and whips him into a far corner. He charges in with a body splash, but Strutter moves out the way! Cash stumbles back into a back suplex setup by the tag champ. However, he manages to flip out the hold. This allows him to drop kick Strutter into the corner. The Canadian teeters backwards, and falls right into a side Russian leg sweep from Cash. A pinfall is then made…

ONE!


TWO!

Ken Pantera returns to action to break up the pinfall! This does not please Biffman one bit, and he dropkicks Pantera through the ropes and out the ring.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COACH
Damn, are these people going to cheer everything these do gooding idiots do?

Cash bounces off the ropes, only to come back to a punch to the gut from Felix. The tag champ then tags Cash with a few more punches that back him into the ropes. This permits Strutter to be able to choke Cash against the cables! Referee Charles Robinson quickly begins a count…

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

The hold is broken at the last possible second by Strutter. He kicks Cash in the legs several times, succeeding in dropping him to a knee. With Cash weak, Strutter bounces off the ropes. But as he nears the Peroia native, he’s flipped over the cables! Thankfully he comes down on his boots. He slams a shoulder into Cash’s stomach and then sunset flips back into the ring. Robinson makes the count…

ONE!


TWO!


Kickout!

COLE
A close call in this unexpected tag team title contest.

Cash and Strutter begin trading blows with Strutter getting the upper hand courtesy of a knee to Cash’s stomach.  The Can Am grabs onto the back of Cash’s hair and guides him into his corner in order to apply the tag with Ken Pantera. Together the tag team champions go to work on Cash, stomping him down in the corner.

COACH
That’s great teamwork by Felix and Ken. That’s why they’re the champs.

COLE
I thought they were the champs because they never defended the belts!

Ken grabs hold Cash’s arm and whips him into the ropes. Luckily for a weary Cash, Biffman makes the blind tag! Pantera ducks a blow from Cash, only to be caught by a diving clothesline by Biffman!

MELODY
Now use the power ring the guardians of the universe gave you!

BIFFMAN
I don’t have such a ring, Citizen Melody.

MELODY
Oh. Well, just stomp him.

Biff does just that, causing Pantera to crawl to the corner. He manages to pull himself upright, but sagged against the corner posts, he’s tagged with punches by Biffman!

“ONE!”

“TWO!”

“THREE!”

“FOUR!”

“FIVE!”

Biffman is caught by an inverted atomic drop by Pantera!

COLE
Look at that strength by the power lifter.

Pantera bounces off the ropes in order to flatten Biffman with an elbow.

MELODY
Eeek! Summon your mutant power!

Biffman summons some sort of power and kips up! Unfortunately he kips up right into another elbow.

COACH


Pantera makes a casual cover on the fallen superhero…

ONE!


TWO!


KICKOUT!

“BIFFMAN! BIFFMAN! BIFFMAN!” the fans chant, led on by Melody.

Biffman fights to his feet, but is under fire from powerful punches by Ken Pantera. The strong man snatches Biff into a front facelock, and prepares to suplex the super hero.

MELODY
Use the power of Cryoyak to use your super strength!

Biff uses all the strength in his body to run Pantera across the ring and crash him into a neutral corner. This pleases Melody, and she’s even happier to see him slam a succession of shoulder tackles into Pantera’s midsection. Pantera is doubled over and Biffman retreats to the center of the ring. He gives a superhero’s salute before charging forward….and smashing shoulder first into the turnbuckle posts! Pantera grabs hold of Biff and drops him shoulder first across his outstretched knee!

COLE
Devastating shoulder breaker!

Pantera shoves Biff off his knee and pins him..

ONE!


TWO!

Biffman makes the HEROIC kickout! But he can’t make a heroic comeback as Pantera lifts him up and drops him onto his shoulder onto the ground! As Biffman moans in agony, Pantera tags Strutter into the contest.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Strutter enters the ring and stomps on Biff’s shoulder all the while mocking Tim Cash. The good guy doesn’t fall for Strurtter’s games and instead roots on Biffman to make a comeback.

COLE
Even with his anger over what happened to Baron Windels, Tim Cash still focuses on the positive things.

COACH
Ain’t nothing positive about your moron partner getting his shoulder separated.

Strutter takes hold of Biff by the waist and slams his shoulder into the corner posts! He performs that move once again, drawing a look of anguish onto Biff’s face. He then hooks his arm around Biff’s waist and slings him backwards to drive his shoulder onto the canvas! A pinfall is then made…

ONE!


TWO!

Biffman makes another timely kickout!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the fans hiss. The reason for the disgust being the arrival of Abdullah Abir Nerdly to ringside.

MELODY


COLE
What does he want?

Abdullah beats on the apron, and starts up his own pro-Biffman chant.

COACH
He’s here to cheer on the man who saved his life.

Strutter points a finger of warning at Abdullah before turning back to Biff and stomping on his shoulder. Next, he gathers up Biffman and traps him inside a standing armbar. The pain is immediate and Biffman groans his misery.

ABDULLAH
Draw on the power of god, Biffman! He is with you always!

Tim Cash and Melody rally the crowd, and they get behind Biffman in earnest. Strutter pays them no mind as he wrenches on Biff’s weakened limb. Yet somehow Biff finds the strength needed to hiptoss Strutter over to the canvas!

MELODY
That’s superstrength! Colossus would be so jealous right now.

Injured and tired Biff begins an arduous crawl to his corner.  His journey is made all the tougher by Felix Strutter latching onto his ankle. Despite this unwelcome grip, Biffman slogs a tough path to his corner and succeeds in tagging in Tim Cash!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Cash comes in, bursting with energy and hungering for payback for Baron. He meets an approaching Pantera by ducking his lariat, and then taking him to the canvas with a back brain wheel kick!

COLE
Pantera just got rocked!

Felix Strutter charges at Cash, only to get dropped by a double leg takedown. Cash begins twisting him over in set up for the Midwest Sling (Texas Cloverleaf), and the audience reacts with large cheers as a result. However the move is never completed due to Ken Pantera clubbing Cash from behind. Pantera pounds on Cash, wildling away the advantage he had won.

COLE
Ken Pantera taking it to Tim Cash!

But Biff captures the strong man inside a full nelson!

COLE
Biff looking for the full nelson faceplant he calls the Biff Blast!

However, Pantera is able to use his sizeable strength to power out Biff’s grasp. He stuns Biffman with a power of right hooks, before taking himself to the ropes. But when he bounces back Biff nails him with a big spear!

MELODY
BIFF SMASH!

COLE
Melody said it best!

The crowd and Abdullah roar with delight as Bifffman is FIRED UP~! He hops on his bright red boots, waiting for Pantera to stand. When he does Biffman lifts the powerhouse onto his shoulders.

COLE
What strength by Biffman!

MELODY
Correction: what super strength!

Biffman sits out spiking Pantera into the canvas with a DVD into a Michonoku Driver!

COLE
Fanfare for the Superman!

A recovered Felix Strutter charges at Biffman. But the superhero catches him with a side belly to belly suplex.

BIFFMAN
Citizen Cash, its time.

Cash nods in agreement and grabs hold of Strutter’s legs. He twists Strutter over and fully locks in the Texas Cloverleaf.

COLE
Midwest Sling!

Strutter hollers in pain, unable to stomach the extreme agony of the hold.

COACH
Don’t tap! Don’t tap!

Strutter can bare no more of this anguish and taps out.

COACH
No!

The crowd explodes with delight over this amazing and unexpected title change. Abudllah is thrilled and hugs his sister, turning her mood from one of glee to one of confusion.

BUFFER
Your winner and new One and Only World Tag Team Champions…BIFFMAN AND TIM CASH!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Biffman and Tim Cash come together for a celebratory hug in the center of the ring. They’re handed their belts and they foist them high into the sky with huge smiles over their incredible achievement.

CASH (to the camera)
This one is for you, Baron!

COLE
The Can Ams first televised title defense is their last one, Biffman and Tim Cash coming through huge in San Juan!

COACH
I’m in shock. I feel like throwing up. Biffman is an idiot led around by the most delusional woman in the company, and Tim Cash is a ballless goody goody.

COLE
Nice guys do finish first!

[Chanel #99]

The view switches to Michael Buffer who stands in a darkened ring, illuminated by a soft blue spotlight.

BUFFER
Earlier today, those participating in the Lethal Rumble match drew numbers from 1-30 at random. In just a few moments, those men who drew numbers 1 and 2 will enter the ring, and the match will begin. Every two minutes thereafter, another participant enters the match, according to the number he drew. Elimination occurs when a participant is thrown out over the top rope, and BOTH FEET must touch the floor. The one man remaining in the ring after all 30 participants have entered, will be declared the winner, and will receive an OAOAST Championship match at ANGLEMANIA X!





Here’s the situation
Been to every nation
Nobody’s ever made me feel the way that you do
You know my motivation
Given my reputation
Please excuse I don’t mean to be rude

But tonight I’m fucking you

A steady stream of curses and boos rolls from the arena as a stand housing a DJ turntable slides from parted entrance doors. Working the turntables is Pierce Duncan, who cuts an arrogant figure with a wide smile and Oakley sun glasses.  He steps away from the turntables, and makes his way down the entrance ramp with a conceited smirk.

BUFFER
Introducing entrant number one! From Los Angeles, California, he is THE RESULT PIERRRCCCEEEE DUUUNNNCAAAAAAAAN!

Pierce heads to the second turnbuckle, spreading his arms and giving off the cockiest grin he can possibly imagine.

BUFFER
And entrant number two….

Psychic spies from China
Try to steal your mind's elation
Little girls from Sweden
Dream of silver screen quotations
And if you want these kind of dreams
It's Californication

It's the edge of the world
And all of western civilization
The sun may rise in the East
At least it settles in the final location
It's understood that Hollywood
sells Californication

COLE
What is this? James Riggs and Pierce Duncan starting the match? Two tag team partners, going at it?

Riggs saunters out from the back with his mangy blond hair shielding his face. He whips his head back to reveal his ice cold eyes. Cracking his knuckles and ignoring the fans, he stomps to the ring.

BUFFER
From Long Beach, California, he is JAAAAMMMEEESSSSS RRRRIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGSSSSSS!

Riggs slides into the ring as the crowd murmurs over the unusual occurrence of a tag team starting the contest. Pierce smiles at Riggs, apparently not expecting the all out brawl the crowd is anticipating.

COLE
How are Riggs and Piercey D going to approach this one? Never have we had two members of the same team starting the match. Only in the OAOAST!

Riggs and Pierce come to the center of the ring, never taking an eye off each other, fist clenched, and mouths flapping. Flapping because they’re discussing whether Puerto Rico should become the 51st state.

COLE
This has to be a joke.

COACG
They’re educated men, Mikey. They settle things in the mental arena as well as the physical.

Not concerned with the mounting jeers of the audience and the orders to fight from the referees, Piercey D and Riggs continue to talk.

And talk about tanning.

And talk about the gym

And talk about tanning after the gym

And talk about the need for their to be a tanning salon in the gym

And flex.

And talk some more. That is until the counter begins

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1!!!!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZT

Mother
Tell your children not to walk my way
Tell your children not to hear my words

One half of the brutish Last Kings Of Scotland, Danny Boy rushes down the ramp. He slides into the ring, drawing quizzical stares from Pierce and J.Riggs.

COLE
Do those two goofballs even realize they’re supposed to be in an actual match?

COACH
You getting’ mighty saucy for a nigga that got his shit pushed in by Anglesault AND Holly.

Pierce and Riggs finally decide that it might be in their best interest to do away with Danny.  They terrorize him with stomps to his head, rendering him dizzied and weak. As such they encounter little difficulty in picking Slime up and tossing him over the ropes for the first elimination.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Danny Boy
Entered: 3rd
Left: 1st
Time of participation: How the fuck would I know?
Eliminated: None
Eliminated by: James Riggs and Pierce Duncan
Left in ring: James Riggs and Pierce Duncan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Such a monumentus occasion can only be properly celebrated by the GUIDO FIST PUMP Riggs and The Result bust out.

“YOU BOTH SUCK! YOU BOTH SUCK! YOU BOTH SUCK!”

COLE
I’m afraid I have to second that opinion.

COACH
Those are Anglesault’s boys, don’t be acting like you can’t get got in these streets. It ain’t safe for you, son.

Without anyone to throw out Riggs and Pierce go back to talking about their favorite subjects: themselves!

COLE
Are we honestly going to have to wait two more minutes for someone to come out? Are we honestly going to have to sit here and watch them talk?

Yes, Cole, yes you will. Time passes slowly and awfully, as Riggs and Piercey D have  zero intention of even pretending to engage in anything resembling a battle. Mercifully, the timer begins…

10
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1!!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

The mammoth import from Japan, Daisuke Motozaki, brings an international flavor to the contest. He strides along the entrance path in a very deliberate manner. Its slow enough that Riggs and Pierce become fully aware that they’ve got a mean mastodon approaching them. However, its not slow enough for them to formulate any sort of plan of attack. Perhaps that is why Pierce’s scheme simply consists of shoving Riggs into Daisuke. The Asain powerhouse  welcomes Riggs with his powerful arms, encasing the young man. He then throws him over head with a belly to belly suplex! Riggs sails through the air, clearing the ropes and splattering onto the outside mats.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
James Riggs
Entered: 2nd
Left: 2nd
Time of participation: How the fuck would I know?
Eliminated: Danny Boy
Eliminated by: Daisuke Motozaki
Left in ring: Daisuke, Piercey D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COLE
Pierce Duncan just sacrificed his own partner!

Pierce is all too knowledgeable of the fact that he’s the only one left to face this heartless beast. As such he holds out his hands and appeals to Daisuke’s better nature. Sadly, Daisuke doesn’t have a better nature. Pierce finds this out when he’s punched in the face. He staggers back into the corner, where a corner lariat drops him on his behind.

COLE
The Result is starting to wish he hadn’t thrown his partner to the big bad wolf.

Daisuke picks Pierce up, and tags him in the chest with a series of knife edge chops. The Result falls into the ropes, and Daisuke runs back to the opposite cables to build a head of steam. He comes rumbling forward only to be hit underneath the chin with an elbow! Pierce pants and wheezes, but smiles over having gotten one up on the Japanese grappler.  That smile is quickly wiped off Pierce’s face as Daisuke nails him with a headbutt!

“OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Pierce’s nose is bloodied, and that is more than Pierce can take! He screams as though he’d been shot, and falls flat on the canvas.

COLE
Coach, I’m sorry, but I find it very difficult to believe this guy is related to Krista. Krista wouldn’t let herself be manhandled unless it was by Alix dressed up in Bill Clinton costume.

Daisuke scoops Pierce up, and presses him over head. The fans marvel at his strength, as he prepares to dump Piercey D out the ring. However, Piercey D escapes the hold! He dropkicks Daisuke in the back, expecting to knock him over the ropes. That doesn’t exactly happen, and Daisuke swings around to lariat Pierce almost out his boots! As Pierce writhes on the ground in pain the counter begins…

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3
2
1!!!!!!!

HERE WE GO AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER!

Entrance doors spread apart, and not a moment too soon for the battle hungry Sandman. Carrying with him a kendo stick, the former Heartland Champion makes charge for the ring.

COLE
Folks, the Deadly Alliance’s first representative was easily dispatched. But something tells me that getting rid of Sandman might be a tough task.


Sandy slides into the ring, carrying himself between Daisuke’s legs. He pops up and slams the kendo stick into Daisuke’s stomach! He does it again, and Daisuke groans in agony. Now, Sandman takes aim with the kendo stick at Daisuke’s head. But Daisuke blocks and shatters the kendo stick with his FIST! While the crowd is amazed, Sandman certainly isn’t. He merely goes to work on Daisuke with stomps to his knees. Four stomps are able to bring Daisuke to his knees. This allows Sandman to run to the ropes. But as he nears Daisuke, Piercey D slices through him with a spear! That’s enough to plant a self assured smirk on Pierce’s face.

COLE
Did you see that? Its like The Result came out of nowhere.

Piercey D hasn’t much time to celebrate before Daisuke begins unleashing stiff forearms to his face. Unable and unwilling to fight back, Pierce does what any good coward would do and turtles! This draws out boos from the sold out audience. Pierce doesn’t seem to care that he’s embarrassing himself as the continues to keep himself inside a little ball.

COACH
The Result has got the body and he’s got the brains. His elder sister wouldn’t have thought of a strategy like that.

COLE
That’s because Krista would be sharing sushi recipes with Daisuke before superkicking him out the ring.

Sandman returns to action with kicks to the back of Daisuke’s legs. Sensing that the danger is over, Pierce uncurls himself. However, he still has no will to fight and hangs back to watch Sandman and Daisuke duke it out. Sandman finds his forearm blocked, leaving him staggering backwards. Daisuke sees an opportunity and raises his boot to kick Sandman in the face! Sandman falls backwards, tumbling over the ropes, before having a fortunate landing on the ring apron. With Sandman vulnerable, Pierce finally feels like fighting. He runs over to Sandman’s location and begins an attempt to push him off the apron. Elsewhere the countdown begins…

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1
BBBZZZZZZZZZZZT

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

A huge pop welcomes Bruce Blank to the 2011 Lethal Rumble. The violent redneck explodes from the parted entrance doors, and darts towards the ring.

COLE
Bruce Blank back in the OAOAST! But is he gunning for the world title or is he just hear to damage to Anglesault’s lackeys.

The answer to that question seems to be the latter as Bruce takes a fight to Piercey D! Three punches are about all The Result can take before he dives through the middle ropes. Bruce would like to follow but he’s attacked by Daisuke. The big brawler from Japan softens up Bruce with several left crosses. He then backs to the center of the ring before charging at Bruce with a raised boot! But Bruce ducks down and Daisuke crotches himself on the third rope!

COACH
That’s pain you would know nothing about, Mikey.

At this point Pierce decides to spring into action. He leaps onto the apron, grabs hold of Daisuke’s jet black hair and merely yanks him off the cables, sending him falling to the outside!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Daisuke Motozaki
Entered: 4th
Left: 3rd
Time of participation: How the fuck would I know?
Eliminated: James Riggs
Eliminated by: Pierce Duncan
Left in ring: Piercey D, Sandman9000, Bruce Blank
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COLE
Unbelievable! That goof Pierce Duncan just eliminated possibly the toughest man in the contest.

Pierce is all too aware of his accomplishment and turns to the audience to boast about it. This is unwise as Blank grabs onto his spikey blond hair, and slams Pierce into the corner posts! Stunned, Pierce is easily able to be sucked into a front facelock. Blank lifts him up and suplexes him back into the ring! At this point…


AMBERLYN DUNCANwalks down the ramp to ringside.

COACH
This match just got a lot more enjoyable.

COLE
What is she doing here?

Amberlyn cheers on her big brother, while everyone else chooses to insult him. Her support doesn’t do him much good as Blank easily throws him over the ropes. He bounces off the ring apron and falls right onto…Amberlyn!

COLE
Piercey D, can get to the tanning salon early it looks like.

Pierce, however, doesn’t see himself as eliminated and rushes back into the ring.

COLE
What? He got eliminated!

COACH
Damn you’re dumb, the rules say both feet have to touch the floor. His feet touched Amber.

Escaping certain doom doesn’t exactly do much good as Blank resumes beating on him. Thankfully Sandman comes to his “rescue” and proceeds to pound on Blank with punches.

COACH
Two of the sickest animals in the OAOAST are going at it.

Blank wins round one by kneeing Sandman in the gut and sending him into the ropes. When Sandman returns, Blank flings him through the air with a back body drop! Sandman sails over the ropes, but comes down on the ring apron. Blank would like to push Sandman to the ground, but he’s halted in that action when Piercey D runs right through him with a lariat!

PIERCE
You got the result of messing with The Result.

COACH
Piercey D’s got just as much charisma and style as his elder sister. And Amber’s got the looks just like her.

Sandman gets to his feet, but finds that his ankles are being held by Amberlyn! Krista’s kid sister holds onto them for dear life, refusing to let Sandman move an inch. This is more than advantageous for The Result, who saunters over to Sandman. He wears a smug grin as he winds up and knocks Sandman clear off the apron with huge haymaker! The former Heartland champion crashes into the guardrail, and has to suffer through being trash talked by Amberlyn.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sandman9000
Entered: 5th
Left: 4th
Time of participation: How the fuck would I know?
Eliminated: None
Eliminated by: Pierce Duncan
Left in ring: Piercey D, Bruce Blank
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COLE
Somehow, someway, Pierce Duncan has eliminated THREE people.

As the referees check on Sandman the countdown resumes…

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8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1!!!!!

Whatever the hell Todd Cortez’s entrance music is plays, and The Urban Legend steps onto the stage.

PIERCE
Yeeeeeeeeeeesssssssss!

COACH
Yo, Blank is in serious trouble here. He’s got two of Anglesault’s goons in the same ring with no help in sight.

Upon entering the ring, Todd Cortez produces his trusty fork!

COLE
Oh no!

Cortez orders Pierce to hold Blank in place. It’s a request that The Result is happy to oblige. With Bruce’s arms pinned behind his back, Cortez readies to strike. He lunges for Bruce….and connects with Piercey D as Blank slid out the way!

AMBERLYN


Blank decks The Result with one right hook! While Pierce frets over a possibly broken nose, Blank and Cortez proceed to trade blows. Blank gets the upper hand and whips Cortez into the ropes. But instead of bouncing back, Cortez has his legs locked onto by Amberlyn. Sighing to himself, Blank charges forward. But as he nears Cortez, the former SWF star dips low and upends him over the ropes! Blank lands on his feet on the ring apron. But he must contend with Amberlyn trying to drag him to the floor. He manages to kick her away, but is promptly nailed in the jaw by The Result.

COACH
No one lays a hand on Piercey D’s family.

COLE
Is that why he let Jason Silver choke Krista into unconscious?

Bruce counters The Result’s assault by nailing him in the stomach with a shoulder. He then fights off Cortez with a simple combo of jabs. With both Cortez and Riggs reeling, Bruce makes a quick climb to the top rope!

COLE
Its been some time since we’ve the man known as Bruce Blank, but I can’t remember him ever taking to the top rope.

Perhaps he should’ve remained grounded, as Amberlyn pulls his feet out from him and crotches him! Piercey D and Amberlyn share a family bonding moment as they laugh at Blank’s misfortune. Cortez on the other hand is all business and climbs onto the turnbuckles to join Blank. He and Blank trade shots for several seconds, before Cortez clamps down on him with a front facelock. From there Cortez superplexes him down to earth! Mere seconds after Blank lands, does his body get pummeled by stomps from The Result. Cortez sees a perfect opportunity to rid the ring of Bruce Blank. Thus he instructs Pierce to cease his stomping, and the two men gather up Blank. Cheered on by Pierce’s baby sister, they hurl Blank over the top rope. Luckily, the Alabama native manages to keep himself on the ring apron. This annoys both Cortez and Pierce, and they do their best to kick Blank off the apron. Blank’s situation isn’t helped any by the fact that Amberlyn is digging her claws into his eyes.

COLE
Its three on one out here in The Lethal Rumble, and that’s simply not fair. You’re not supposed to have valets or managers out at ringside.

COACH
Are you going to be the one to tell a Duncan where they can and can’t go?

COLE
No.

Cortez and Pierce continue to stomp at Blank, while Amberlyn tries to rob him of his eye sight. The appearance of the countdown doesn’t even gain a hint of their attention

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1!!!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZT


Somewhere beyond hapiness and sadness
I need to calculate what creates my own madness
And I'm addicted to your punishment
And your the master, and I am waiting for disaster

I feel irrational, so confrontational
To tell the truth I am getting away with murder
It is impossible to never tell the truth
But the reality is I'm getting away with murder

COLE
Yes! Yes! Here he comes!

The capacity crowd leaps out their seats and offers a huge eruption of cheers for the arrival of the OAOAST’s favorite son, Zack Malibu!  The Franchise wastes no time soaking in the crowd’s reaction. He sprints towards the ring at light speed!

COLE
The Result and Cortez are in big trouble!

Amberlyn high tails it all the way behind Sofa Central to avoid Malibu.

COLE
What are you doing back here?

AMBERLYN
Shield me with your heavily gelled and graying hair!

COLE
I am not graying!

Malibu enters the ring, and of course Pierce is no where to be found. This leaves Cortez to bear the brunt of Zack’s attack.  The Pissed Off Prep fires off a parade of right hands that stun Cortez.  The Urban Legend is then thrown into the corner and chased down by a corner splash. But Cortez slides out the way and Zack crashes into the posts. Cortez doesn’t intend to give him any time recuperate; he hooks him into a back suplex position. But as he raises Zack into the air, the four time world champion counters with a bulldog!

“ZACK! ZACK! ZACK!”

Zack turns around to find Piercey D sneaking up behind him. The look on Zack’s face is one of great rage, and he points a stern finger at The Result.

PIERCE


Pierce begs off in the most sniveling manner possible. His pleas do not move Zack and The Franchise readies for the School’s Out. Problem is, Amberlyn has a hold on both his feet!  Zack tries to free himself, but Amberlyn’s grip is tighter than virgin pussy,

PIERCE
B-)

With his sun glasses on, Pierce takes aim at Zack with a superkick of his own! But Zack ducks the attack, and Pierce’s boot connects with Cortez chin! Cortez is propelled backwards and falls over the ropes and onto the mats outside!

AMBERLYN


PIERCE
Oooooohhhhhhh shit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Todd Cortez
Entered: 7th
Left: 5th
Time of participation: How the fuck would I know?
Eliminated: None
Eliminated by: Pierce Duncan
Left in ring: Piercey D, Bruce Blank, Zack Malibu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PIERCE
Any advice, little sis?

AMBERLYN
Run, you damn fool, run!

PIERCE
Good idea.

Pierce hauls ass out the ring! He’s trailed by Malibu, who is eager to get a hand on Anglesault’s cowardly stooge. Pierce completes two full laps around the ring, without Zack even getting near him. Feeling as though he’s worn Zack down, Piercey D gets into the ring. He points and laughs at a tired Malibu, failing to notice that Bruce Blank looms behind him. He becomes aware of Blank’s presence the moment he turns around and gets popped between the eyes! This is too much for Pierce to handle and he turtles once more.

COLE
Doesn’t he have any professional pride?

COACH
Pride goes out the window when a legitimate psychopath is beating you.

While Pierce resides in a little ball to shield himself from Malibu and Bruce’s stomps, the countdown begins…

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1!!!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

THE WORLD IS MINE

A mixed reaction greets 3 time tag team champion Spencer Reiger.  He runs down the entrance ramp, speeding past the audience. Now inside the ring he gets right in Bruce Blank’s face and talks an ungodly amount of trash. When that gets boring he shoves Blank in the chest. To add insult to insult he SLAPS the Alabama native, and then throws him over head with a belly to belly suplex

COACH
Yo, the boy Spencer just straight disrespected that hillbilly yokel!

Zack immediately begins rifling punches into Reiger’s skull. Emboldened by having an ally, the cowardly Pierce back rakes Zack! This does more to anger Malibu than it does to hurt him, and he pounces upon Pierce. Suddenly, Pierce doesn’t seem so courageous as he cries out for help! Thankfully, Reiger is there to pull Zack away by the hair. He orders Pierce to assist him in a double team, which Pierce rather reluctantly agrees to. Together they hook Zack into a front facelock in preparation to suplex him over the ropes. But as soon as they get him into the air, Malibu reverses and DDTs them both to the canvas!

“ZACK! ZACK! ZACK!”

Reiger is first to his feet (of course) and is immediately thrown under fire by Zack Malibu! The Franchise whips the Boston native into the ropes, and flapjacks him onto the third rope! Malibu turns away from Reiger, in order to grab Pierce, who was again seeking to escape the ring. Malibu hurls The Result at the ring cables, giving him a flapjack onto the third rope upon his return! Zack then dumps both Pierce and Reiger over the ropes. Miraculously, they land next to each other on the ring apron.  While they try to recover, Zack takes a run of the ropes. The cables spit him back right into a tomato thrown by Amberlyn!

COLE
What?!

Amberlyn shrugs her shoulders as if to say throwing a tomato at someone is an everyday occurrence for her. While Zack wipes off the remains of the tomato the countdown begins…

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1!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTT!

I've got the power
I've got the power
Oh yeah

Like the crack of the whip I snap attack
Front to back in this thing called rap
Dig it like a shovel rhyme devil
On a heavenly level
Bang the bass turn up the treble
Radical mind day and night all the time
Seven to fourteen wise divine
Maniac brainiac winning the game
I'm the lyrical Jesse James

COACH
God damn it.

While the sight of BRAND NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPION Biffman produces an earnest out pouring of cheers from the San Juan crowd, it produces wild laughter from Amberlyn, because let’s face it, it’s a grown man wearing a superhero costume without any sense of irony or self deprecating humour. Regardless Biff rushes to the ring to battle the forces of evil. The first force he confronts is a recovered and angered Bruce Blank. The two men trade blows, before Blank grabs Biff by the waist and drives him into the corner. Blank backs away, building up a head of steam before charging in on Biffman. But Biffman swings his cape at Blank and amazingly this stops Blank in his tracks.

COLE
Just like the hero in NBC’s The Cape, Biff’s cape has magical properties!

COACH
Just shut up. Please.

Biffman backs up onto the second rope. He adjusts his mask and his “magical” cape, and then takes flight with a diving lariat! But Blank ducks the attack and Biff crash lands on the canvas. Blank is quick to work, grabbing hold of Biff’s legs and slingshotting him over the ropes!

COLE
Could this be all for Biffman?

Much to the fans’ delight Biffman manages to stay on the ring apron. Bruce Blank would deal with this minor detail, but he’s come under fire from Reiger. The New Yorker wraps his arms around Bruce’s waist in preparation for a German Suplex. But Zack Malibu winds up with a School’s Out that’s ducked by Bruce and taken by Reiger!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

SR falls into the ropes, a dangerous position.  Thankfully for him, he has enough wits about him to drop down to the ground and roll onto the ring apron. This doesn’t exactly provide much relief as Bruce sticks his leg through the ropes and grinds his boot into the side of his head. Meanwhile Biff is back in good health and clubbing The Franchise down with forearms. After each shot, Biff actually APOLOGIZES for assaulting another hero. Hearing Biff say sorry for doing his job, leads Pierce to believe he’s finally found a target he can handle. Thus he surges across the ring and spears Biff to the ground! This one move is apparently all Pierce can take, and he leans out the ring to be given a drink of water by his little sister.

COACH
Don’t say Krista wouldn’t do that, because I’ve seen her drink during matches.

COLE
Yeah, you’ve seen her drink Martinis.

Pierce gets to his feet and spews water in Zack’s face!

“OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Blinded, Zack is unable to stop Pierce from attempting to chuck him over the ropes. But on sheer instinct alone, Zack is able to hold onto the third rope. Aside from keeping him from being eliminated this position doesn’t do him much good as Pierce kicks him in the head! Malibu falls back into the ring, where Pierce causes him further harm by standing on his face!

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2
1!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTT

The mighty monster known as Quiz comes roaring out the gate!

COLE
Here’s a guy who could be a darkhorse to win the Rumble.

Quiz makes a direct charge at Piercey D! Pierce backs up, and Quiz keeps charging until Pierce is at the edge of the ring. He lowers the ropes and momentum carries Quiz over to the ring apron!

COLE
I can’t believe this idiot has counted for over half the eliminations!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quiz
Entered: 11th
Left: 6th
Time of participation: Suck a dick, bitch
Eliminated: None
Eliminated by: Pierce Duncan
Left in ring: Piercey D, Bruce Blank, Zack Malibu, Spencer Reiger, Biffman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COLE
I don’t believe this is happening. How has Pierce Duncan not only managed to survive this match, but also thrive in it as well?

COACH
Krista never eliminated five dudes in a Lethal Rumble!

Quiz is furious and despite the referee’s best attempt to restrain him he dives back into the ring, seeking vengeance.  As Pierce is hiding behind Amberlyn on the outside, Quiz settles for attacking the first person he sees. That poor soul is Bruce Blank who eats a big boot simply for being present! Blank falls against the ropes and Quiz readies to punt him over them. But Biffman intercepts Quiz and begins raining down shots on Quiz! Eventually Quiz has all that he can take of Biffman’s blows and ducks out the ring.

COLE
Quiz not wanting to get into too bad a fight against Biffman, who’s being recruited by his boss Abdullah Abir Nerdly into the Church of Abdullah.

COACH
I don’t wanna question his holiness’ ways, but Biffman? Really?

Reiger and Zack Malibu do battle near the corner. The Boston native grabs hold of Zack in set up for a back suplex. But Malibu flips out the hold. This doesn’t matter much to SR who merely lashes his foot backwards and kicks Zack into the ropes. Malibu comes dangerously close to teetering over, needing only a push from Reiger to end his time in the match.  But before that can happen Bruce Blank comes to Zack’s rescue with powerful punches to SR’s chin. Blank then whips SR towards Malibu, who flings him over the ropes with a back body drop! But SR skins the cat and brings himself back into the ring. He ducks a lariat from Zack, coming up to nail Blank with a rising knee strike!

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6
5
4
3
2
1!!!!


Kneel down ye sinners, to
Streetwise religion
Greed's been crowned the new King
Hollywood's dream teens
Yesterday's trash queens
Save the blessings for the final ring-
AMEN

Take a ride on the wild side
Wild side

Jeers fill the arena in response to Motley Crue’s wildside. These jeers turn to appreciative cheers as Malaysia steps out in a smoking hot outfit of black bikini bottoms and a black corset. She laughs and cracks her whip before heading down to the ring.

COLE
Malaysia one of two women to enter this Lethal Rumble, Alix Maria Spezia being the other one.

As Malaysia enters the ring Zack and Blank are working over SR in the corner. SR gets a small reprieve as Malaysia peels Malibu away from him. The dominatrix guides Zack to the corner, where she takes immense pleasure in smashing his head into the corner posts.

MALAYSIA
Scream for me little Zackie, scream for me!

Zack reverses the attacks and now its Malaysia being driven into the posts. The problem is Malaysia actually enjoys this rough treatment, and purrs with orgasmic delight.

MALAYSIA
My turn!

Malaysia grabs a confused Zack and manhandles him onto the top rope.  She gives him a playful slap, and promises him much more painful actions are soon to come. But Zack has other ideas and dives off the top rope to take down Malaysia with a shoulder tackle! As the audience cheers Zack’s performance, The Franchise kips up. Problematically, he’s captured by The Result, who throws him over the top rope!  Malibu manages to land on his feet, which greatly annoys The Result. He takes a swing at Zack but has it blocked by The Franchise’s forearm. Pierce stumbles backwards and Malibu climbs onto the third turnbuckle. He sails off and nails Piercey D with a diving lariat!

COLE
I know that had to feel good!

Zack mounts Anglesault’s lackey and proceeds to mercilessly pummel him with punches. Amberlyn reaches into the ring and grabs onto her brother’s arms in an effort to pull him free of Malibu’s unrelenting assault. Elsewhere, SPENCER has Bruce Blank halfway over the ropes. Malaysia comes over to assist The Enterprise member in his quest to dump Bruce over the ropes.  Unfortunately Malaysia’s brand of help consists of biting Bruce’s fingers, and taking an erotic glee in his scream. Enraged over this, Blank fights his way back into the ring. He attacks Malaysia with overhand rights, but these attacks do more to pleasure Malaysia than actually hurt her. Thus Malaysia easily grabs onto Blank’s arm and whips him towards the ropes. But Blank crashes into Zack Malibu, who in turn crashes into The Result. Together, Zack and Piercey D topple over the top rope! Much to the crowd’s delight, Zack lands on the ring apron, Much to crowd’s dismay, Pierce does the same.

10
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1!!!!!

You've got something about you
You've got something I need
Daughter of Aphrodite
Hear my words and take heed

I was born on Olympus
To my father a son
I was raised by the demons
Trained to reign as the one

God of thunder and rock and roll
The spell you're under
Will slowly rob you of your virgin soul

“God Of Thunder” powers its way into the ring bringing with it Green Bay’s contribution to the OAOAST ThunderKid. While TK strides to the ring, Zack and Pierce do battle on the ring apron. Pierce isn’t much of a match for Malibu and is nearly beaten off the apron. Thankfully, his sister keeps him afloat. This only delays the inevitable as Zack blasts him with a School’s Out! Pierce topples off the ring apron, but lands right on Amber, saving himself from elimination!

COLE
This isn’t fair, Coach. Spencer doesn’t have Lorelei out here to help him, Zack doesn’t have Candie, but Pierce has his sister to save him.

Zack hasn’t time to focus on the cowardly Pierce, as TK is in the ring and beating on him with fierce elbows. Zack teeters and totters on the apron, coming dangerously close to falling back to the mats.

“ZACK! ZACK! ZACK!”

COLE
San Juan is getting behind the most popular superstar in OAOAST history!

Zack is saved from certain doom by Biffman taking on TK’s challenge. Biffman fights TK into the corner, where he climbs to the second turnbuckle to begin raining down punches upon the former Heartland Champion.  This goes on for several moments before TK grabs hold of Biffman’s legs and nails him with an inverted atomic drop! But the second Blank touches down on the ground, TK is leveled by a School’s Out!


“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”  

Zack turns his attention to an approaching Reiger. He fights him off with a series of knife edge chops. The blows double Reiger up, and lead Zack to try and back up to the ropes. But as he nears the cables he’s struck in the back of the head by Malaysia. Malibu retaliates by dropping her with a single punch to pop the crowd. Now recovered, SR makes a mad dash for Malibu but gets hiptossed over the ropes and onto the apron.

COLE
Reiger is in big trouble here!

SR springs to his feet, expecting to have to ward of Malibu. But The Franchise is shoved to the ground by The Result, who nails SR with a side kick. Reiger holds onto the ropes, but Piercey D decides to celebrate anyway. A GUIDO FIST PUMP~! is interrupted when Zack feigns a superkick, and Pierce dives through the ropes to the safety of his sister.  While Zack dares Pierce to get back into the ring, the countdown begins anew…..

10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1!!!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

*BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!*

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!“

COACH
Aw yeah! Shit just turned real serious for Blank and Malibu.

The Meterosexual Monster storms to the ring, prompting Malibu and Blank to assume fighting positions. These stances don’t do much to help them as Bo runs through them both with lariats! TK tries to catch Bohemoth by surprise, but the big man captures him in a powerful sidewalk slam! Malaysia however is able to tame the beast by raking his eyes. Bo is stunned and Malaysia bounces off the ropes. But as she comes back the South Carolina native comes to life and lays her out with a lariat! Blank returns with a cross body block and ends up getting slammed to the ground by a fall away slam! Biffman shouts a heroic cry, and runs forward only to be leveled by a raised boot! Seeing that the only person left to do him any harm is his ally Pierce, Bohemoth raises his arms in triumph.

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!”

COLE
What Bohemoth’s objective in this match? To win the Rumble or to take out both Zack and Bruce Blank?

Trying the tactic of self preservation, Reiger nervously clubs Bo from behind, doubling him over. This leads the New York native to grab a front facelock in preparation for a DDT. But Big Bo shoves Reiger into the ropes. Reiger hesitates for a moment, thinking it might be better to duck out the ring. But he’s hit with a surge of bravery and comes roaring back with a lariat that Bo ducks, leading Reiger to connect with Malibu! The Franchise goes down in a heap, leaving Reiger to curse his ill luck.

COLE
Spencer Reiger and Bohemoth have quite the score to settle and they’re doing it right now!

Reiger doesn’t have time to feel sorry for himself as Bo whips him into the corner.  The big man runs after him only to eat a boot to the face for his troubles. Bo staggers backwards, right into a low blow from Malaysia!

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”

Malaysia decks Bo with a left cross. She then turns her attention to her former stable mate ThunderKid. A palm strike to the chin is followed by her gripping onto his neck. His gasping and wheezing provides Malaysia with intense sexual pleasure and she smiles brightly at him. But alas all good things must come to an end, and Malaysia’s fetishes are one of them as well; TK breaks the grip by kicking her in the knees. He grabs hold of her in a front facelock, lifts her up and suplexes her over the top rope! Malaysia has enough dexterity to come down on the ring apron however.  Piercey D, sees this as an opportunity to add another notch to his belt and sprints over to the Canadian. But, Malaysia merely backs him away with an elbow, and does the same to TK. This allows to her take an easy step back into the ring.

10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1!!!!!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTT

SNOOP DOGG
Greetings loved ones
Lets take a journey

KATY PERRY
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
Will melt your popsicle
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent
Now put your hands up
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

The roof is nearly taken off the arena for former OAOAST World Champion, Alix Maria Spezia.  Always in a giving mood, Alix flings candy from a homemade basket into the stands as she walks along the entrance ramp.

COLE
Alix Maria Spezia is joining Zack Malibu as the only other world champion to have participated in this match so far.

Alix discards her cute basket at ringside, and enters the ring. Rather than join in any of the battles, she marches over to Piercey D, who as usual is doing his best to avoid having to do any actual work.

ALIX
Hey, Pierce, Krista told me to give you this message.

Alix KNEES Pierce in the balls, and throws him over the top rope to the outside!

”YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COLE
Thank god!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pierce Duncan
Entered: 1st
Left: 7th
Time of participation: Suck a dick, bitch
Eliminated: Todd Cortez, Danny Boy, Daisuke, Sandman9000
Eliminated by: Alix Maria Spezia
Left in ring: Alix, Bruce Blank, Zack Malibu, ThunderKid, Malaysia, Bohemoth, Spencer Reiger, Biffman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suddenly Alix slaps her head in a frustration brought on by a sudden realization.

ALIX
Crap, that was the message she wanted me to give to Christian Wright. Your message was that you left your surfboard over our house. Sorry dude I got kind of mixed up!

Enraged, Pierce “tries” to clamor back into the ring. He’s not held back by anyone yet he still can’t manage to get into the squared circle.

COLE
What a tool.
    
Malaysia pounces upon Alix, unsheathing her whip and slamming it into Alix’s back!

ALIX
Yeouch!!!!!!!

Malaysia whips Alix again, moaning her intense pleasure as she does so. Ever the heroic one, Zack begins clubbing Malaysia’s back. But Bohemoth tackles him to the ground, and proceeds to bloody him with hard right hands.

COACH
Bohemoth just busted Zack wide open, Mikey. That’s gotta make Anglesault happy.

Malaysia winds up to attack Alix one more time. But this time Alix is proactive and spears Malaysia to the ground! The Hollywood Bad Girl rolls off her archrival and grabs hold of her trusty whip. Malaysia pops up to confront Alix, only to find The Hollywood Bad Girl grinding seductively with the whip between her teeth!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COACH
Oh baby don’t stop.

MALAYSIA


Alix unfortunately is forced to stop tantalizing the crowd as TK grabs her inside a rear waistlock. This isn’t much of a problem for the bubbly brunette as she works her magic with a sexy slither that carries her out TK’s arms.

COACH
I think that’s one failed suplex TK is okay with!

What he’s not okay with is the enziguri Alix clocks him with!

ALIX
Booty time!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

But there will be no rump shaking on this evening as Bohemoth runs down Alix with a lariat!

COACH
Damn, if that kind of cock blocking is what he have to look forward to from Anglesault’s crew, I may just side with Zack.

Speaking of Zack the pissed off prep joins with Bruce Blank in mobbing Bohemoth. They beat him into the corner, where they each stomp him down to the ground. After agreeing on a double team plan, they pick him up and whip him to the opposite corner. Bruce charges in first and hits a corner lariat. Zack comes in second, and Bo catches onto him and raises him in gorilla press position! He heads to the edge of the ring and chucks Zack forward, sending him all the way towards the stands! Malibu lands directly onto one of the guardrails!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

COACH
Anglesault has to love this! Zack is outta here!

Not quite, Mister Coachman! While Bo and Blank trade blows, Zack rolls off the guardrail onto a chair vacated by a helpful fan. This fan is so helpful that at Zack’s request he picks up another section of the guardrail and drapes it onto another part of the guardrail.

COLE
I think that fan is trying to build a bridge for Zack, but he can’t leap over the guardrail to connect it to the ring apron.

10
9
8
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1!!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

COACH
This is a damn mockery! Zack’s just hunched up on a chair, waiting for someone to build him a bridge. Now what idiot would do that?

Cause it's not my time, I'm not going
There's a fear in me and it's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know, ooh, but I won't go

“Not My Time“ by Three Doors Down summons out the always popular and jovial tag team champion Tim Cash!

COACH
I have my answer.

Indeed, Tim Cash runs right to the distressed fan and the helpless Malibu, and connects the guardrail to the ring apron. Malibu gives an appreciative nod to Zack as he crosses back into the ring over the makeshift bridge.  Problematically, a fuming Bohemoth meets him with hard right hands.  Zack is a game opponent and trades shots with Bo with incredible power. Amazingly he overpowers Bo and succeeds in trapping him into a front facelock. But try as he might he can’t quite suplex the big man. This is where Tim Cash comes in, together they try and suplex Bo over. But Bo continues to fight off the attempt. But he’s made helpless when Spencer Reiger lifts his legs up and helps fling him up and over onto the guardrail.

COLE
Talk about teamwork!

Bruce Blank completes the occasion by diving over the top and splashing Bohemoth! But he lands with enough force that they both tumble off the bridge and onto the mats!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bruce Blank
Entered: 6th
Left: 8th
Time of participation: Suck a dick, bitch
Eliminated: Bohemoth
Eliminated by: himself
Left in ring: Alix, Tim Cash, Zack Malibu, ThunderKid, Malaysia, Spencer Reiger, Biffman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bohemoth
Entered: 14th
Left: 9th
Time of participation: Suck a dick, bitch
Eliminated: Nobody
Eliminated by: Bruce Blank
Left in ring: Alix, Tim Cash, Zack Malibu, ThunderKid, Malaysia, Spencer Reiger, Biffman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Although sore and dazed, Bo realizes what has happened and immediately attacks Bruce Blank! Not one to be bullied or beaten, Blank fights back with full furor. Soon a full scale brawl erupts, and all the ringside referees are forced to try and calm it down.

COLE
All hell has broken lose here at ringside!

Meanwhile in the ring, Malaysia has come to blows with Tim Cash. Not wanting to hit a lady, Cash tries to appeal to her kinder nature. Problem is, Malaysia has no kinder nature. As such she takes him down with an armbar, and cranks violently on the hold. Owing Cash a favor, Zack stomps at Malaysia until she’s forced to break the hold. Malaysia takes this as a sign of Zack being willing to play her kinky games, and she licks her dark red lips. Slightly worried, Zack chops her in the chest.

MALAYSIA
Again!

CHOP!

MALAYSIA
Again!

CHOP!

MALAYSIA
Again!

CHOP!

MALYSIA
My turn!

Malaysia pummels Zack with rapid fire knife edge chops that send her to the brink of sexual ecstasy. She cuts short her chopping in order to try and whip Zack to the ropes. But the four-time world champion reverses the hold and Malaysia is tossed into the cables.  Upon rebounding Zack upends her with a back body drop that sends her out the ring! But Malaysia grabs onto the third rope and pulls herself back onto the ring apron! However, Alix has the answer for this! She gives herself a wedgie, and then nails Malaysia with a spring board BUTT bump to knock her off the apron! The crowd explodes (in more ways than one) as bootylicious Alix waggles her gorgeous tush in celebration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Malaysia
Entered: 12th
Left: 10th
Time of participation: Suck a dick, bitch
Eliminated: Nobody
Eliminated by: Alix Maria Spzia
Left in ring: Alix, Tim Cash, Zack Malibu, ThunderKid, Spencer Reiger, Biffman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Chanel #99]

10
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1!!!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

“Parade of Charioteers” calls for a flood of jeers and boos from the San Juan audience. Walking out onto the stage is the much despised King Landon Maddix!

COLE
Landon Maddix is the winner of two SWF Clusterfucks, and a Lethal Rumber runner up.  If anyone can see this thing to the end its Landon.

COACH
King Landon. You ain’t been away that long to forget that!

Maddix enters the ring surprisingly quickly for someone who’s well, um, a bit of a coward. Tim Cash meets him with a welcoming handshake. Landon, however, does not touch peasants and shoves Cash away! Realizing that Cash won’t fight back, Landon shoves him again! And a third time for good measure. He tries a fourth time, but Cash captures his hands and drags him to the canvas with an armbar takedown! Maddix quickly rolls out the hold, but pops up into a pair of right hands from Zack. Maddix begs off, reminding Zack that a king should not be treated in such a manner.

COLE
Landon Maddix; perhaps the only man in this match more cowardly than Pierce Duncan.

Zack lights up Maddix with knife edge chops in the corner, causing Maddix to scream like a young girl. Once the chops are done, Zack grabs Landon and situates him onto the top turnbuckle. He calls over the agile Alix, who has somehow procured a lollipop. At first Alix fears Zack will steal her lollipop, and readies a superkick. But after Zack assures her he doesn’t want half eaten candy, Alix is open to the idea of knocking Maddix off the top rope. As such she leaps onto the third rope and springboards at Landon with a dropkick! Maddix is knocked off the top turnbuckle, but only comes down on the ring apron. Zack joins Biffman in proceeding to stomp at him, in an attempt to push him off the apron.

COACH
Come on, King Landon, roll back into the ring! You can’t let a peasant do you like that!

Elsewhere Tim Cash and old rival TK do battle, exchanging punches in the center of the ring. ThunderKid uses a burst power, to drive Cash all the way into the corner. There he assails Cash’s stomach with stomps from his tennis shoes. Out the corner of his eye he notices Alix making a charge at him. As such he lowers the ropes, and the former world champion tumbles over them! The fans breathe a sigh of relief as Alix manages to keep herself on the ring apron. This doesn’t stop TK from trying to eliminate her with kicks to her skull. Thankfully for her Tim Cash wards off the danger TK poses with a dropkick. A true gentleman to the very end, Cash helps Alix back into the ring.

COACH
How is this idiot going to ever win this match? Is he just going to request that people let him eliminate them?

TK decides to act first and runs at the two with a lariat! But they duck the attack, and TK misses entirely. He swings around and is nailed in the face by a pair of dropkicks from Cash and Alix! The former Heartland Champion tumbles into the ropes, leading Alix to charge him! But TK goes low and Alix is upended over the cables! The crowd watches in horror as she’s nearly taken to the outside mats. But The Hollywood Bad Girl skins the cat and brings herself back inside. This is cause for a celebratory dosey doe with TK a very unwilling partner.

10
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8
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6
5
4
3
2
1!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

WRESTLING SUPERSTAR VIRGIL~!

COACH
Oh shit!

COLE
How do you spell man?

COACH
V-I-R…G-I-L.

The action resumes after the galaxy somehow manages to avoid imploding from the awesomeness of Virgil‘s surprise appearance.

COLE
Virgil the replacement for Baron Windels! Could Virgil be on his way to face the OAOAST Champion at AngleMania?

COACH
The fuck you say?!

COLE
Could Virgil very well be on his way to face the OAOAST Champion at AngleMania?

COACH
It’s great to have Virgil here, but you don’t need a magic 8 ball to know the answer to that. Not very likely. Although his personal appearance fee just shot up from 5 cents to a quarter!

Virgil promptly goes to work on Landon Maddix, who had escaped Zack Malibu with a series of eye rakes. Maddix is stunned that this flash back from the 90’s is attacking him and is floored by a left cross. However, Virgil can’t press his advantage as Spencer Reiger attacks him from behind. This isn’t the smartest move as Virgil dizzies Reiger with a pair of left crosses.  

COACH
Look at Virgil go! Baron Windels couldn’t have topped that!

But Virgil is again attacked from behind, this time by a low blow from a vengeful Landon Maddix!

COLE
Cheap shot on this surprise entrant!

COACH
You gotta do whatever it takes to win The Lethal Rumble!

Elsewhere TK is trying to shove Alix over the top rope! But Tim Cash once again comes to Alix’s rescue by punching TK away from her. Cash hammers TK with quick right hands. However his attacks are cut short when TK slams a knee into Cash’s stomach. A front facelock is applied on the Peoria native and Cash is lifted up and dropped stomach first across the ring ropes. TK then runs the ropes, expecting to drill Cash with a knee on his return. But he’s intercepted by a high knee from Alix!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans chant as Alix jumps around exuberantly.

Things aren’t rosey for Cash, as Landon Maddix comes over and rakes his eyes! This prevents Cash from stopping The King from slamming him face first into the turnbuckles. Cash falls backwards, all the way to the outside!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tim Cash
Entered: 16th
Left: 12th
Time of participation: Fuck off
Eliminated: Nobody
Eliminated by: Landon Maddix
Left in ring: Alix, Landon Maddix, Zack Malibu, ThunderKid, Biffman Virgil(!!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elsewhere Biffman is caught by Zack who tries to lift the superhero over the ropes. Biffman fights back, and backs Zack away from the ropes. Zack responds with a boot to Biff’s stomach. But before he can attack Biffman further, he’s hit with a side Russian leg sweep by ThunderKid! TK then quickly grabs onto Zack’s legs and slingshots him towards Biffman, who upends Zack with a back body drop!

COLE
Look at Biffman go!

Zack goes flying over the ropes, but lands on the ring apron! This isn’t a problem for Reiger who runs forward and baseball slides Zack! Its only thanks to his hold on the bottom rope that Zack stays in this contest.

10
9
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6
5
4
3
2
1!!!!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith

And I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate


The boos are loud and plentiful for Theodore Moneymaker who is more detestable than usual due to a steel chain being wrapped around his hand.

COLE
He has a chain! He’s bringing a chain with him to the Rumble!

Given courage by his illegal weaponry, Moneymaker makes a speedy trek to the ring. Immediately upon entering the former world champion clocks TK with his steel chain! Alix is next to go down, thanks to a punch to the stomach.  Biffman is upended with an uppercut that sends him tumbling over the ropes and out the contest!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Biffman
Entered: 10th
Left: 12th
Time of participation: Suck a dick, bitch
Eliminated: Nobody
Eliminated by: Theodore Moneymaker
Left in ring: Alix, Tim Cash, Zack Malibu, ThunderKid, Spencer Reiger, Theodore Moneymaker, Virgil
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COLE
This is terrible! Biffman just got eliminated by a steel chain.

COACH
Mister Moneymaker told Chumpman that there was nothing he could do to stop him from winning the rumble. He just proved his point.

Landon wisely bails out the ring as Moneymaker turns to him. Zack Malibu is knocked through the ropes by a powerful punch! Reiger merely stands back, unsure if his own boss would take him out as part of his rampage.

COLE
This isn’t right, Coach!

COACH
The only rules in this contest are that you have to throw someone over the top rope. They never said you couldn’t bring weapons.

Moneymaker turns his attention to Virgil who tries to remind him of all the good times they had together. Problem is this Theodore Moneymaker not Theodore DiBiase. As such annoyed Moneymaker winds up for a big blow. But when he throws said punch, Virgil blocks it with his forearm! Though this stings Virgil, he has enough strength to fight through it and begins assaulting Moneymaker with rapid fire punches! Luckily The Billion Dollar Heir, his lackey Spencer Reiger smashes his fist into the back of Virgil’s head.

COLE
Spencer Reiger trying to get back into Theodore Moneymaker’s good graces after revealing a romance with Jade Rodez-Duncan.

This does the New York native little good as Virgil turns his fast fists onto him! SR is backed across the ring and is desperate for escape or reprieve. He’s granted his wish as Moneymaker wraps his chain around Virgil’s neck! The old time grappler gags and wheezes, in severe pain from the choking. His situation is made even more miserable when Moneymaker uses the chain to sling him over the ropes! Virgil bounces off the ring apron and falls onto the floor bellow.

MONEYMAKER
BWAAAHAAAAAAAAAA!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgil
Entered: 18th
Left: 13th
Time of participation: Fuck off
Eliminated: Nobody
Eliminated by: Theodore Moneymaker
Left in ring: Alix, Landon Maddix, Zack Malibu, ThunderKid, Theodore Moneymaker, Spencer Reiger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COLE
That’s nothing but a low down dirty shame to compound the low down dirty shame of Baron Windels not even being able to compete due to Reject.

COACH
Quit your whining. You’ve still got your Windels centerfold from this month’s OAOAST Magazine to drool over.

COLE
Its not the same as the authentic article!

With his chain gone, Moneymaker finds himself at a bit of a disadvantage. ThunderKid, who has fresh memories of being beaten with a chain, tears into him. He whips him into the corner, and follows up with a stinger splash! Moneymaker stumbles towards the center of the ring, where TK nails him with a dropkick! The tycoon falls into the ropes, causing Landon Maddix to spring into action, he grabs onto the back of Moneymaker’s head and attempts to drag him over the ropes! The leader of The Enterprise fends off The King and manages to pull himself away from the young Spaniard.

10
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8
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6
5
4
3
2
1!!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!

“Chelsea Dagger” brings out the ever surly, but ever popular, Nathaniel Black! The Brit charges down the ramp and immediately goes after The King. Realizing he’s in grave danger, Landon dives back into the ring. Black follows his escape trail, and Maddix is forced to use ThunderKid as a human shield! Black just shrugs his shoulders, and then runs through both TK and Maddix with a clothesline! The two men topple over the ropes, with Landon keeping himself on the apron, but TK falling to the outside!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ThunderKid
Entered: 13th
Left: 14th
Time of participation: Fuck off
Eliminated: Nobody
Eliminated by: Nate Black
Left in ring: Alix, Landon Maddix, Zack Malibu, Theodore Moneymaker, Nate Black, Spencer Reiger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elsewhere Zack Malibu delivers a spin kick to Theodore Moneymaker that dumps him into the ropes. Zack prepares to take Moneymaker out the ring, but is interrupted by Alix.

ALIX
Let me! Let me! Let me!

Zack allows Alix to do the honors, but all Alix does is pinch his cheeks!

ALIX
Chubby cheek, Teddy! Chubby cheek, Teddy! Chubby cheek, Teddy!

Tired of being treated like a baby, Moneymaker shoves Alix away. Unfortunately this leaves him open to the School’s Out that knocks him clear over the ropes and to the outside!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Theodore Moneymaker
Entered: 19th
Left: 15th
Time of participation: Fuck off
Eliminated: Virgil, Biffman
Eliminated by: Zack Malibu
Left in ring: Alix, Landon Maddix, Zack Malibu, Nate Black, Spencer Reiger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COLE
And Theodore Moneymaker is gone!

Reiger looks horrified at his boss’ elimination and leans through the ropes to both check on him and absolve himself from any blame. Alix and Zack have a leisurely chat about the vast feline empire that seeks to disrupt the space time continuum. Well, Alix has a chat, Zack is just forced to listen because Alix is gripping his arms like a maniac. Meanwhile, Black and Maddix are locked into a battle that The King has seemingly no hope of winning. Black beats on Maddix with elbows and forearms in the corner. After several blows Maddix manages to rid himself of Black with a rake of the eyes!

COLE
And Landon going right for the eyes!

Maddix hooks Black into a back suplex position, and lifts him into the air.  His hope is to drop him over the top rope. However, Black slips out the hold!  He grabs Maddix into a rear waistlock and German suplexes him to the canvas! Maddix rolls out the ring, wisely avoiding his angered former friend. This leaves Black to trade blows with Zack Malibu. Black’s elbows get one up on The Franchise, and leave him woozy in the center of the ring. Black bounces off the ropes and knocks Zack loopy with a massive diving lariat! But as Black gets to his feet, he’s nailed with a lung blower by Reiger!

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1!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

James Blonde comes rolling out the entry way, eager to rid the ring of Black. Blonde hits the ring, and immediately goes after his one time stablemate. But the British superstar is ready for Blonde and he spears him to the ground! Punches rain down a helpless Blonde’s face, leaving him to whimper in agony.

COACH
Oh no! The Prince of Panache is getting beat bad!

Maddix aids Blonde by pulling Black off him.  But this just causes Black to turn his rage on his former leader, and he gets help from Zack! Together Black and Zack whip Maddix into the ropes. When he comes back he’s attacked by a double lariat from his foes. Maddix rolls beneath the attack, however, saving himself from a lethal attack. Maddix pops up and nails both Black and Malibu with a side Russian leg sweep! This is quite the achievement for The King, and he pops up to celebrate, much to the crowd’s disgust.

“LANDON SUCKS! LANDON SUCKS! LANDON SUCKS!”

Landon and Blonde turn their attention to Alix, and begin attacking her with forearms. They latch onto her wrist and hurl her into the ropes. But rather than bounce back Alix slides beneath the ropes.

COACH
Coward!

Alix quickly scurries back onto the ring apron, drawing the attention of Blonde and Maddix. They storm over to her position, expecting to be able to easily handle the brunette babe.  But Alix surprises them by springboarding towards them with a lariat! Blonde ducks out the way, but Maddix isn’t so lucky and endures the full force of the move.

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1!!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

I'm just the thorn in your side,
The disrespect in your eye,
I can't control myself.
I'm like the stain in your drain,
I'm taking over your brain,
'Cuz I can't help myself.

COLE
Oh no!

Clad in the tightest and skimpiest tights imaginable, the hated Mister Dick runs out from the entrance stage. Accompanied by a wealth of boos, he dives into the ring. Immediately he finds his archrival Alix and tackles her to the ground! Alix quickly rolls out from beneath Mister Dick.  Elsewhere Zack does battle with Landon Maddix, pounding on him in the corner. After weakening Maddix with enough blows, Zack situates The King onto the top rope. The fans buzz in anticipation of what’s coming next. While they cheer, The Franchise climbs to the top rope to join Maddix. However, the Spaniard is well recovered and easily shoves Malibu to the side, forcing Zack to crash throat first onto the cables!

COLE
The King found himself a bit of luck right there.

COACH
Luck? That was all skill, son. His royal highness suckered Malibu up to the top, and then he went OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

Blonde, who escaped Black’s beatings, upends Zack over the ropes and onto the ring apron. Malibu clings onto the bottom rope, trying to preserve his time in this contest as Blonde attempts to rid the ring of him. Maddix dismounts the top turnbuckle and joins his loyal lackey in stomping away at Malibu. Things get even worse for Malibu when Mister Dick and Reiger join the effort to push him off the apron.

COACH
You want to talk about luck, Mikey?  Your hero and savoir just ran into some bad luck! He’s got half the rumble trying to stomp his ass out.

Zack gets in aid in the form of Nate Black and Alix Maria Spezia, who ward off The Kingdom and Mister Dick respectively.  Black whips Blonde into a corner, and then throws Maddix in after him. The King crashes into his Prince, and they both stumble out towards the center of the ring. Black rushes with elbow raised at them, only to have them both duck his attack! The British superstar falls into the corner, with his back left vulnerable an exposed. This allows Maddix and Blonde to begin peppering him with boots and punches. Elsewhere Zack deals with Reiger, nailing him with overhand rights.

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1!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

Niggaz dat want to space age hustle
catch that rocket to the fuckin moon
That be yo final ship, bitch, cause yo ass is doomed

Two time world champion Reject emerges from the back, and makes speedy trot to the ring.

COLE
Here comes the biggest jerk in this Rumble.

Upon entering the squared circle, Reject is accosted by Zack Malibu. Malibu unloads with right hands on the Deadly Alliance leader.  Reject appears to be out on his feet, but he surprises Zack with a EULOGY~! As the crowd boos the appearance of his deadly finisher, Reject strikes a pose above Zack’s prone body. This is an unwise action, however, as Alix dropkicks him in the back of the head! The Bronx native stumbles forwards, and falls directly into the ropes.

COLE
Five former world champions in the Lethal Rumble currently, and two who have all the tools to be a champion.

COACH
James Blonde is great, isn’t he?

COLE
I was talking about Nathaniel Black and Spencer Reiger.

Alix tries to dump Reject over the top rope, but simply doesn’t have the strength needed to do so. As such Reject is able to elbow her away, and take a nice and easy breather.  Once that breather is complete The R-man rushes a now standing Alix. But The Hollywood Bad Girl wraps her ankles around his legs and takes him down to the canvas with a drop toe hold! Reject is quick to get onto all fours, but Alix is even quicker to sit on him!

ALIX (riding him!)
Come on ride the train hey ride it woo woo! Come on ride the train hey ride it woo woo! Come on ride the train woo woo hey! Ride it woo woo! Come on ride the train! Woo woo hey ride it woo woo!

COLE
Come on, Coach, come and ride my train, woo woo!

COACH
Damn, I miss Tony B something fierce right now.

Mister Dick rushes at his old rival with a Stiff Kick! But Alix dismounts Reject just in time to avoid the deadly attack. As such Mister Dick’s kick screams towards Blonde. But The Prince of Panache catches MD’s leg and upends the two time world champion! Pleased with this, Blonde begins a wild celebration and accidently elbows King Landon! The King stumbles into the ropes, woozy and defenseless.

COLE
And Blonde just nailed King Landon!

COACH
It was an accident! It was an accident!

Blonde apologizes profusely, trying his hardest to untangle Maddix from the ropes. All this allows Nate Black to surge forward and easily clothesline them both off over the ropes and straight to the outside!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Landon Maddix
Entered: 17th
Left: 16th
Time of participation: Fuck off
Eliminated: Tim Cash
Eliminated by: Nathaniel Black
Left in ring: Alix, Reject, Zack Malibu, Nate Black, Mister Dick, Spencer Reiger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
James Blonde
Entered: 21st
Left: 17th
Time of participation: Fuck off
Eliminated: None
Eliminated by: Nathaniel Black
Left in ring: Alix, Reject, Zack Malibu, Nate Black, Mister Dick, Spencer Reiger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COLE
The Kingdom has been vanquished! And I think a lot of it has to do with James Blonde’s celebration that hit Landon Maddix in the head.

Satisfied with defeating his old rivals, Nathaniel Black smugly turns around…AND IS NAILED WITH A THRUST KICK BY FAQU!

COLE
Oh my!

Black is left blinded and dizzied, as Faqu escapes the ring as fast as rotund body can carry him. Reject sees this as an easy opportunity to lessen the field. Thus he scrapes up Black and pitches him over the ropes for an easy elimination.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nate Black
Entered: 20th
Left: 18th
Time of participation: Fuck off
Eliminated: ThunderKid, James Blonde, Landon Maddix
Eliminated by: Reject
Left in ring: Alix, Reject, Zack Malibu, Mister Dick, Spencer Reiger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COLE
There was no reason for Faqu to be out here! He’s not even entered into the match.

COACH
There’s plenty of reason. He had to avenge his king, and fight for the safety of The Kingdom!

Maddix and Faqu go to work on Black with hate filled stomps. The King is rather brutal, the goofy way he was eliminated still fresh on his mind. In fact this memory causes him to yell at Blonde to go away when the Prince of Panache tries to assist him.

BLONDE


COLE
And now look at The King, acting like a thug and also yelling at his most loyal soldier.

COACH
Well, as sad as I am to say it, Blonde is kind of half responsible for King Landon being eliminated.

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1!!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

Sexy, woman take me in your arms
Rock your baby
Woman take me in your arms
Rock your baby

Everyone’s least favorite throwback to the 70’s appears on the stage. A little disco shimmy precedes Vinny Valentine charging to the ring. Vinny is lucky enough to find that Zack is dealing with Mister Dick, and Reject is tangling with Alix. Therefore Vinny is able to hang back and pick his spots. Upon seeing Spencer Reiger start to get Zack over the ropes, Vinny springs into action to assist his fellow New Yorker. Together they begin to shove Zack over the ring cables.

COACH
Anglesault’s gonna give these two guys a major bonus if they can get rid of Zack.

The Franchise fights back against his two enemies and succeeds in backing them away so he may climb back into the ring. He tags them both with right crosses to the jaw, leaving them stunned. He then bashes their skulls together to draw a large pop from the audience! Unfortunately for Zack, the two come back to sudden life and throw him over the top rope!

COLE
Oh no!

COACH
Oh yes! That preppy punk is gone, and we don’t have to deal with Anglesault coming out here and throwing a fit.

But to the immense glee of the audience, Malibu skins the cat back into the ring. He’s faced with a double lariat from the oddly matched duo. But he ducks the attack, and when Vinny swings around he nails The Disco Duck with a Schools’ Out!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Another one is aimed at Mister Dick, but the Cocky Prick catches hold of Zack’s foot and slams it down to the canvas. He then nails The Franchise with a massive lariat! MD stands above Zack’s fallen body, and grabs his crotch while he spits on the four time world champion.

“YOU SUCK, DICK! YOU SUCK, DICK! YOU SUCK, DICK!”

Elsewhere, Reject and Alix find themselves tangled up in the ropes. The R-Man tries to use his superior strength advantage to push Alix over the ropes. But Alix fights back, and eventually manages to shove Reject away. Angered, Reject comes charging back in, only to be hit in the stomach with a headbutt by Alix!

ALIX
Okay, that hurt just a wee bit more than I thought it would.

And with that Alix falls back onto the mat to take a little nap.

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1!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now
(Jesus Walks)
And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs
(Jesus Walks with me)
I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long


REIGER


The unbeatable man, Christian Wright, strides out past parted entrance doors.  As the audience pelts him with jeers, he makes a charge down the entrance ramp.

COACH
Here’s a guy coming to fulfill his destiny. This man is world championship material, and 2011 is his year.

The second he enters the ring, CW is harassed by Zack Malibu. The Franchise backs him into the corner with frantic punches. With CW sagged against the posts, Malibu backs into the center of the ring. He then charges forward, heading towards The God Child. But he’s intercepted by Mister Dick who nails him with a Stiff Kick!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the fans hiss as Mister Dick chops his crotch over Zack’s body.

As Alix continues to take her NAP, Vinny Valentine hammers on CW. Thinking CW weakened, The Disco Duck lifts him onto his shoulders for the Night Fever (Alabama slam)!

COLE
Vinny Valentine could slam Christian Wright right out of this ring!

Wright manages to easily escape the clutches of Valentine. When Vinny spins around to get a read on him, Wright snatches him inside a front facelock! He lifts him into the air and Stockmarket Crashes him directly to the floor bellow!

COLE
Oh my! Vinny Valentine was just slammed on his stomach directly onto those paper thin mats.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vinny Valentine
Entered: 24th
Left: 19th
Time of participation: Suck shit, bitch
Eliminated: None
Eliminated by: Christian Wright
Left in ring: Alix, Reject, Zack Malibu, Mister Dick, Christian Wright, Spencer Reiger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wright is attacked by the suddenly awake Alix Maria Spezia. Still feeling a little sleepy, she yawns as she chops The God Child in the corner. Wright soon has enough of being chopped and throws Alix into the corner. He then proceeds to drive his shoulder into her tight and toned midsection. After landing four shoulder shots, he attempts to dump her over the ropes. Wright orders Reiger to assist him, but The One Man Triple Threat REFUSES.

COLE
Spencer Reiger feeling loyalty to Jade. We know how mad she’d be if he was to eliminate Alix.

Wright can’t take any of SR’s insubordination and gets into his face to douse him with abuse. SR tries to explain himself, but Wright will hear none of it. In fact The God Child goes so far as to shove Spencer Reiger away. Having some pride, Reiger can’t take this lying down and shoves his boss back! Soon a full on shoving match occurs between the two Enterprise mates!

COLE
Its broken down for The Enterprise!

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1!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT


I'm a sailor peg
And I lost my leg
Climbing up the top sails
I lost my leg!

I'm shipping up to Boston ... wayy-yooo!
I'm shipping up to Boston ... wayyyyyy-yo!
I'm shipping up to Boston ... wayy-yooo!
I'm shipping off ... to find my wooden leg!

Colin Maguire Junior is all too aware of the breakdown of his Enterprise. As such he charges as fast as he can to defuse the situation.

COLE
I don’t know if Colin Maguire Junior is the best mediator.

COACH
He’s a Harvard Graduate; he’s the best at everything.

Once in the ring, CMJ pleads with his partners to show unity and respect to one another. He tells them to focus on the task at hand in order to claim glory for The Enterprise. That seems to get through to Spencer Reiger, who turns his back to Wright to deal with the other combatants in the field. That’s precisely when Wright grabs onto his board shorts and hurls him over the ropes!

COLE
Oh my!

CMJ
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spencer Reiger
Entered: 9th
Left: 20th
Time of participation: Suck shit, bitch
Eliminated: None
Eliminated by: Christian Wright
Left in ring: Alix, Reject, Zack Malibu, Mister Dick, Christian Wright, Colin Maguire Junior
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reiger pops and shoots a nasty glare at Wright. For a moment it seems Reiger is ready to enter the ring and take up close and umbrage with his superior.  But CMJ leans over the ropes and successfully pleads with Reiger to go on about his way.

COLE
If that’d had been me I would’ve bopped Wright in the nose!

COACH
If that’d been you, you would have pulled down your pants, spread your cheeks and asked for another round.

Elsewhere Reject has Alix half way over the ropes. Unable to muster the strength needed to fight Reject off, Alix tries another method: she sexily massages his well muscled chest!

REJECT


Love drunk by Alix’s little rub down, Reject is unable to prevent Zack from attempting to dump him over the ropes. The Deadly Alliance leader lands on the apron, and quickly scrambles back into the ring. The Franchise picks him up and whips him into the ropes. When Reject returns Zack nails him with a powerslam! But the moment Zack gets back to his feet, he’s thrown over the ropes by Mister Dick!

COLE
Zack is gone!

Not so fast! The Franchise skins the cat and brings himself back into the ring!

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1!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT


“THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…”

*DUN DUN*

“…IS…”

*DUN*

“…HERE!”

Did shit just get real? I believe it did. A lightening bolt touches down onto the stage, sending a plume of smoke into the air. The fans are on their feet and are cheering their hearts out as the hometown boy Tha Puerto Rican appears on stage!

“P-R-L! P-R-L! P-R-L!” they shower the hometown hero with chants.

Tha Puerto Rican nods to the fans and then breaks into a full sprint to the ring.  Upon entering he’s stomped by CMJ, who yells at him with blind fury. Despite the fast coming blows, PRL is able to fight to his feet. He unloads on the Harvard man with right hands, sending the Boston native backpedaling. PRL winds up with his fist and then clocks CMJ with a brutal shot that lands with such force that it takes CMJ over the ropes and to the outside!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colin Maguire Junior
Entered: 26th
Left: 21st
Time of participation: Suck shit, bitch
Eliminated: None
Eliminated by: Tha Puerto Rican
Left in ring: Alix, Reject, Zack Malibu, Mister Dick, Christian Wright, Tha Puerto Rican
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PRL isn’t given much of a chance to catch his breath, as a vengeance minded Wright is on him with clubbing forearms. Never the biggest PRL fan, Mister Dick is more than happy to assist Wright in battering Tha Puerto Rican.  The two hated heels throw the hometown hero into the ropes. But when he bounces back he nails them both with a diving shoulder tackle! He kips up and tells them both to BRING IT~!

“P-R-L! P-R-L! P-R-L!”

Elsewhere Reject is throwing punches into Zack’s skull, as the preppy grappler sags against the turnbuckle posts. Having weakened Zack enough, Reject attempts to dump him over the top rope. He’s almost successful, but is halted in his efforts by Alix leaping onto his back!

ALIX
Piggy back ride!

Reject flat out refuses to give Alix her sought after piggy back ride, and runs backwards into the corner posts! Alix however manages to gently place herself on the second turnbuckle. When Reject turns back around to attack her, she flies off with a cross body block and takes him down to the canvas!

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1!!!!!!!!!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

Hey Hey Hey

When you look you see right through me
Cut the rope, fell to my knees
Fallen, broken every single time

Always keep me under finger
That's the spot where you would (sue) me
Might see some type of pleasure in my mind

Yeah, here comes the water
It comes to wash away the sins of you and I
This time you see

Hey hey hey

Slither blasts across the arena bringing out fan favorite Simon Singleton! But behind him stands an unexpected guest, TODD CORTEZ! The Urban Legend wastes no time in striking the unsuspecting Singleton in the back of the head with a steel chair!

COLE
What the heck is going on here? That dirty scoundrel Todd Cortez just took a chair to Simon Singleton!

COACH
I’m glad. Simon Singleton looks like the type of dude to do something stupid like dump Taylor Swift.

COLE
You’re right, he looks exactly like the type of dude to dump Taylor Swift.

With chair firmly in hand, Todd Cortez runs at top speeds to the ring. Immediately upon entering he wacks PRL in the head! Tha Puerto Rican falls backwards into the ropes, leaving him to be Stiff Kicked out the ring by Mister Dick!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tha Puerto Rican
Entered: 27th
Left: 22nd
Time of participation: Suck shit, bitch
Eliminated: Colin Maguire Junior
Eliminated by: Mister Dick
Left in ring: Alix, Reject, Zack Malibu, Mister Dick, Christian Wright,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Todd Cortez swings like a wild man at Zack Malibu! The Franchise goes down in a heap, blood already sliding down from his forehead. Cortez raises his chair and brings it down across Malibu’s head! He smashes the chair against Zack’s over and over and over again, causing The Franchise incredible pain and draining all life from his body.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the audience spews venom at Cortez for his vile treatment of their beloved hero.

Alix tries to help Zack, battling fiercely against Todd Cortez. But The Urban Legend wards her off with stiff punches. A hard kick to stomach puts Alix down, and allows Cortez to return to the task of pummeling Zack.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

That is until Denzel Spencer rushes into the ring! He pounces upon Cortez, raining down punches on his forehead!

COLE
Well, Denzel Spencer is entered in The Lethal Rumble, he was either coming up in the upcoming entrant or the next, but he’s jumped the gun to help Zack Malibu.

Cortez manages to fight his way free of Denzel’s furious flurry of blows. He and the Jamaican superstar go to war, slugging out in the center of the ring. Denzel seems to have the upperhand in the situation. But that goes awry when Cortez kicks him low! The Urban Legend signals for the Riot Act Plus, to the horror of the crowd. They watch in disgust and dismay as Cortez nails his deadly finisher!

COACH
Dayum~! Homey got smoked! Anglesault’s gotta be loving that!

The icing on Anglesault’s delicious cake is the easy elimination of Denzel by Reject, who chucks him over the ropes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Denzel Spencer
Entered: 29th
Left: 23rd
Time of participation: Suck shit, bitch
Eliminated: None
Eliminated by: Reject
Left in ring: Alix, Reject, Zack Malibu, Mister Dick, Christian Wright,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With Zack properly brutalized, Todd Cortez exits the ring with a ferocious snarl. He stands on the outside, watching as Christian Wright casually tosses Zack over the ropes. Somehow and someway, Zack is able to grab onto the bottom rope and keep himself aloft! This pops the previously deflated crowd, and a round of ZACK chants begin.

COLE
Zack Malibu still has some life left in him!

Todd Cortez is irate, and refuses to allow Zack his moment of triumph. He pulls out his infamous fork and holds it high in the air for all to marvel and cower over. While the crowd is worked up into a enraged fury, Cortez digs his fork into Malibu’s skull! Zack screams with agony, as blood masks his handsome face.

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1!!!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn

I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you

Alexander The Brutal, one third of the six man champions, emerges from the back to a solid cheer. He beats his chest twice, and then heads towards the ring.

COLE
Alexander The Brutal, our last entrant into the contest, making his first Lethal Rumble appearance, and I’m curious to see as to what this powerful and sexy stud muffin can do in and out the ring, tee-heh!

While Alexander enters the ring, Cortez is busy terrorizing Zack Malibu. Finally help comes in the form of Ned Blanchard and Tyler Bryant! The two men chase Todd Cortez off, who knows better than to take on two vengeful superstars. The referees, Blanchard, and Tyler all check on Zack’s condition, wondering if he can even continue the contest.

COACH
Preppy is done. Todd Cortez jacked him up good.  Someone just needs to hurry up and kick him off that apron.

Meanwhile, ATB is teeing off on Reject with deadly blows. The Bronx native can stomach no more of Alexander’s attacks and rakes him in the eyes. With Alexander stunned, Reject retreats to the ropes. But as he comes back, Alexander throws him over head with a belly to belly suplex!

COLE    
BRUTAL~!

A dazed and groggy Reject finds his way upright, simply to be dropped on his head by a T-Bone suplex from the powerful Greek. Elsewhere, Alix is being worked over by two of her biggest enemies, Mister Dick and Christian Wright. After beating on her in the corner, Wright and MD whip her into the opposite end of the ring. They chase after her, expecting to be able to hit double splashes. But Alix runs up to the third rope, and wipes them both out with a moonsault double lariat!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

Reject is up to his feet, and looking for a way to escape Alexander. But Alexander stalks his every move, providing Reject with great fear. This fear causes Reject to lash out with an elbow that connects perfectly with Alexander’s jaw. Alexander falls over into the ropes, and Reject attempts to dump him to the outside.

COLE
Could Alexander The Brutal’s time in his first Lethal Rumble be at an end?

Reject calls CW over to assist him, and The God Child is quick to agree to lend his aid. But this assistance doesn’t do Reject much good, as Wright is easily shoved to the ground by Alexander. The BRUTAL Greek then clamps down on Reject’s throat with both hands.

REJECT


Reject is lifted into the air and then tossed over the ropes to the outside!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COLE
Oh my! What scary power showed by Alexander The Brutal!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reject
Entered: 23rd
Left: 24th
Time of participation: Suck shit, bitch
Eliminated: Denzel Spencer, Nate Black
Eliminated by: Alexander The Brutal
Left in ring: Alix, Alexander The Brutal, Zack Malibu, Mister Dick, Christian Wright,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wright assails Alexander with punches, trying to get a jump on the six man champ. But Alexander is no easy target and swiftly fights back against his foe. He grabs onto Wright’s arm and whips The God Child into the ropes. Alexander responds by returning with a lariat. But Wright ducks the attack and Alexander catches Alix in the back of the head. Mister Dick gives Alexander a thumbs up for hurting his archrival. Alexander says “your welcome” by booting Mister Dick in the face! The Texas A&M alum falls all the way back into the corner, laying against the post in serious pain.

COLE
No one can seem to get control of Alexander.

ATB lets out a mighty roar and then charges at Mister Dick. He slams his shoulder into MD’s six packed abdomen, causing The Human Hard On to stumble towards the center of the ring. Wright takes advantage of his weakened state by flooring him with a European Uppercut! Wright then turns his attention to Alexander The Brutal, charging him with a lariat! Alexander blocks the attack with his forearm then boots Wright in the gut. CW is doubled over and weakened, allowing Alexander to head to the ropes. But when he returns, Wright catches him with a Sky High, slamming him into the canvas!

COLE
The Wright Off!

Wright is mugged by Alix Maria Spezia, who beats his head like a bongo drum. Literally in fact, as Alix beats out quite the catchy tune. Wright quickly grows tired of being treated as a primitive instrument and shoves Alix away. This does not deter Miss Spezia however, and she goes right back after CW. The two warriors tangle themselves in the ropes, as they struggle strenuously to push the one another over.  

COLE
Wright and Alix, two long time rivals, going at it once again.

Alexander seeks to aid them both in their quest to rid the other of the ring, by taking them both over the ropes. As such he charges forward after emitting a huge war cry. But Alix and CW are ready for his arrival and work together to back drop the Greek over the ropes! He comes down on his feet, but sadly his feet come down on the ring mats!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alexander The Brutal
Entered: 30th
Left: 25th
Time of participation: A short amount of time
Eliminated: None
Eliminated by: Christian Wright and Alix Maria Spezia
FINAL FOUR: Alix Maria Spezia, Zack Malibu, Mister Dick, Christian Wright,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wright floors Alix with a single punch, catching her totally unaware. He hasn’t a chance to capitalize on this attack, however , as Mister Dick pounces upon him with right jabs.  The shots leave Wright dizzied and MD is able to knock him on the chin with a discus punch!

COACH
Mikey, it’s the unbeatable man against last year’s Lethal Rumble winner. Who you taking?

COLE
Its too close to call, but let’s not count Alix out yet, either.

MD grabs hold of CW’s arm and flings him into the corner. He gets a full head of steam and leaps into the air to force Wright to bite his shiny metal dick! Wright staggers out the corner, and is caught in a front facelock by MD. The Human Hard On lifts Wright up, preparing to suplex him straight out the ring. But The God Child fights free with repeated knees to MD’s head.  Staggered, MD is hit with a parade of punches that backs him into the ropes.

COACH
The God Child has got the boy Mister Dick reeling!

Wright heads to the ropes to gain enough momentum to knock MD over the ropes. But halfway across the ring, Wright is caught with a high knee lift by Alix!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Alix takes hold of MD’s thick legs and slingshots The Human Hard On across the ring towards CW. Wright takes MD’s approach in stride, expecting to be able to catch him with a punch. But MD surprises him by striking him with a lariat! The blow sends Wright tumbling over the top rope and down onto the apron!

COLE
Wright is in trouble!

Alix runs forward and baseball slides into Wright, pushing him off the apron and out of this contest!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christian Wright
Entered: 25th
Left: 26th
Time of participation: A decent amount of time
Eliminated: Spencer Reiger, Vinny Valentine, Alexander The Brutal
Eliminated by: Alix Maria Spezia
FINAL THREE : Alix Maria Spezia, Zack Malibu, Mister Dick,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mister Dick is immediately upon Alix, giving a sound thrashing with left hooks. Once his punch fest is concluded, he grabs hold of her chocolate coloured hair and guides her to the corner. There he slams her face into the ring posts repeatedly. He stops for several moments in order to insult her. After he says his piece, he begins bashing Alix’s face once more.

“LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX!”

The chants of the audience work wonders for The Hollywood Bad Girl, and she breaks free MD’s clutches. Now she makes him pay for his rough treatment of her by providing him with a bitter taste of his own medicine. The Human Hard On can only tolerate so much before he desperately elbows Alix in her bare stomach. The bubbly brunette staggers backwards, and this gives MD the chance he needs to begin peppering her with blows once more.

COACH
Yo, Jason Silver against Mister Dick is going to be a hot Anglemania  match.

COLE
Alix still has yet to be eliminated. You should know by now to never count a COD member out.

COACH
A man can dream, can’t he?

MD slaps his thigh in preparation for the Stiff Kick. He then runs the ropes, and bounces back with raised leg. But Alix avoids the deadly the kick by rolling beneath it. Popping up, she scrambles to Mister Dick, attempting to catch him with surprise attacks. But, MD is ready for her, and merely scoops her onto his shoulder! He walks close to the edge of the ring, smiling in delight as he does so.  But Alix turns that smile upside down by slipping out the hold! She shoves MD into the ropes, forcing him to entangle himself inside them.

COLE
That’s a bad position for Mister Dick to be in.

The crowd buzzes with glee as they believe their close to a Mister Dick elimination. Alix seeks to give them what they desire, charging forward to try and knock him over the ropes. But the two time world champion ducks low and upends Alix over the ropes!

COLE
Oh no!

Alix comes down on her feet on the apron, much to the relief of the sold out San Juan crowd. A fuming MD tries to swat her off the ring apron, but Alix ducks his attack! She responds by striking him in the face, nailing him with a blow that seems to daze him. As such she jumps onto the third rope, looking to springboard back into the ring. But MD shoves her off the ropes, sending her tumbling down to the mats bellow!

COLE
No!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alix Maria Spezia
Entered: 15th
Left: 27th
Time of participation: A long ass time
Eliminated: Christian Wright, Pierce Duncan, Alexander The Brutal, Malaysia
Eliminated by: Mister Dick
FINAL TWO : Zack Malibu, Mister Dick,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mister Dick turns around to celebrate and is drilled by a SCHOOL’S OUT from Zack Malibu!!!! The Human Hard On goes flying over the ropes and crashes on the ringside mats!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mister Dick
Entered: 22nd
Left: 28th
Time of participation: A medium amount of time
Eliminated: Alix Maria Spezia, Tha Puerto Rican
Eliminated by: Zack Malibu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COLE
Zack Malibu! Zack Malibu! Zack Malibu!

COACH
Will you shut up?

Face coated in blood, Zack collapses onto the canvas, nearly lifeless from his mortal wounds.

COACH
He should be dead! Todd Cortez clocked him with a chair good knows how many times and carved up his head with that fork!

COLE
Zack Malibu, with all the energy left in his body, used a miracle School’s Out to eliminate Mister Dick!

Amidst the roar and celebration of the crowd, the heroic Lethal Rumble winner tries to climb to his feet. He can do no more than raise his hands for a few seconds before exhaustion and pain brings him down to the ground once more.

“ZACK! ZACK! ZACK!”

~~~~~~~~~~~
TEH WINN0R~!
Zack Malibu
Entered: 8th
Eliminated: Theodore Moneymaker, Mister Dick
~~~~~~~~~~~

Standing atop the entrance stage, as furious as ever is Anglesault. The founder of this fine company throws an outrageous fit, going as far to take off his jacket and slam it on the floor.

COACH
Zack won the Lethal Rumble and we’re all going to pay the price!

EMT’s and referees flood the ring to attend to the wounded victor, who can barely acknowledge that he’s claimed an Anglemania title shot.