OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 1/28

[Chanel #99]

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmshRQ8zaZA

We go straight to Double C

COLE
Folks, as we head to Anglepalooza just days away we welcome you to another exciting edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

COACH
Exciting? Shit around here is as dull as dishwater.

COLE
How wrong you are! Because tonight's show is loaded with action!

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT
JASON SILVER VS SIMON SINGLETON

ANDERSON CUP FIRST ROUND ACTION
THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS VS THE MASKED MUTANTS

GRUDGE MATCH
TIM CASH VS REJECT

[Chanel #99]

Lingering backstage we find…


BIFFMAN

and


MELODY NERDLY

BIFFMAN
What about a green and orange colour scheme?

MELODY
Green and orange? What's wrong with yellow and red like now? Green and orange are Aquaman's colours. Personally I think Aquaman is underrated. Fish probably have some pretty cool stories to tell, and only Aquaman gets to hear them. But everyone else thinks Aquaman is a mammoth turd. Do you want to be thought of as a turd?

Suddenly a stagehand rushes up to the superhero.

STAGEHAND
Biffman! Biffman!

BIFFMAN
What is it, citizen?

STAGEHAND
Abdullah Abir Nerdly is trapped inside a burning car!

MELODY
Elle-Oh-Elle! Leave him there!

BIFFMAN
Biffman to the rescue!

Biffman and Melody rush outside to see, Abdullah in a BARELY smoking car. Despite this Abdullah pounds on the door as if he were about to go up in flames. Biffman springs into action! He shatters the driver side window with his forearm.

BIFFMAN
Your hero is here, Citizen!

Biffman grabs hold of Abdullah and pulls him out the so-called burning car. Stagehand quickly come and extinguish the smoke.

ABDULLAH
You saved me! You saved me! Hallelujah, you saved me! You truly are an agent of god!

BIFFMAN
I'm no agent of god, I'm just your everyday superhero.

ABDULLAH
No my child. God saw his speaker and emissary in mortal danger.  And he said THIS SHALL NOT STAND! He opened the very gates of heaven and you came charging out of them, like a guardian angel to rescue me, the speaker for the prophets. You, my child, are heaven sent.

MELODY
Can we go now, someone from a rival World of Warcraft clan has been vandalizing my Wikipedia page, and I've got to correct it.

ABDULLAH
Brother Biffman, you are the embodiment of all that is right with god and the heavens. You are truly god's ultimate weapon against the devil's evil. That is why you saved god's most trusted servant, myself. Although I am not as strong you, nor do I own superpowers, I have the same good heart that you do. You use your abilities to physically save me, and I use my abilities to spiritually save people. In our own special ways we are both superheros. That is why I propose we form an alliance and that you, Brother Biffman, serve god under the banner of the Church of Abdullah. Together we will save the world, one soul at a time!

MELODY
Oh-em-gee, there's no way he's going to join your crooked organization.

ABDULLAH
The world has much to gain from our alliance, Brother Biffman. Please give it some thought.


Elsewhere, in the more-luxurious-than-most surroundings of the Duncan family dressing room, trouble may be brewing. Gathered are not just Krista and Alix, but also Maya. And, despite not being Duncans in any way shape or form, Tyler and Shayne of D*LUX, apparantly allowed in the room to back up Krista's side. All five sit and stand, aimed at Jade Rodez-Duncan, who shifts nervously under this close attention.

KRISTA
Okay. Explain this to me again. You..... and Spencer Reiger....... are seeing each other?

JADE
How many times are you going to ask me this? I've said yes at least eight times.

KRISTA
I'm sorry but despite my eternal good looks and the threatening letters sent to editors of magazines around the world instructing them on how to and how not to describe me, I am actually getting older.

ALIX
*gasp!*

KRISTA
Oh, yes, also I told Alix I was like Tinkerbell and would never grow old. Luckily, she has a near non-existant short-term memory and can be reprogrammed. Anyway, despite my unfaltering physical appearance, my hearing isn't quite what it used to be and apparantly I am also hallucinating as well. So...

JADE
Mom, can we not do the long-winded soliloquoy this time, please?

Taken aback at being called out for being, quote, "long-winded", Krista stops talking. Well, for a couple of seconds.

KRISTA
My long winded soliloquoys are keeping you girls in country club memberships... well, that and nepotism, distrust and quite honestly inherent racism within the political circles of my parents. But that's besides the point.

MAYA
Mom, let me handle this. I have one question. Wh... no, wait. Actually, I have many questions. Namely, how, when and WHY?

JADE
Well, we were at an autograph session a couple of months ago. Colin was supposed to be there and somebody else too, but they got caught up in the snow and couldn't get there and had to cancel. Anyway, it was just me and him there and, we got to talking and he's really a nice person once you get to know him. He's not who you think he is. This whole... 'bravado' thing he has going on on TV... it's all an act!

ALIX
Acting? In wrestling? What are you talking about?

MAYA
(ignoring the broken fourth wall)
Answer me this. If he's such a 'nice person' then why is he currently filling the role of Henchman #3 for the biggest immoral scumbag in the entire OAOAST?

JADE
He's fallen in with the wrong crowd, that's all. Moneymaker has done a lot for him. I think he feels like he owes him a debt of gratitude. You might not like it... and, honestly, I don't really like it either. But I understand. Moneymaker can be persuasive. It sucks people in. I know that as well as anybody. And so does Alix.

Krista, Maya and D*LUX don't look convinced, but can't really argue, considering who's talking.

JADE
Look, can I at least bring him in? You can't make him stand and look at the wall forever.

KRISTA
Pretty sure when I said 'indefinately', I meant 'stand here and look at that wall indefinately'.

Rolling her eyes, Jade ignores her mother and opens the locker room door, dragging a reluctant Spencer in from the cold by the arm.

JADE
Me and Spencer are together and that's just the way it is. I don't expect you to understand. I just want you to give him a chance. If you can't trust him... at least trust me. Please?

Taking a moment to weigh this plea up, Krista turns her attention to Spencer.

KRISTA
So you really care about Jade?

SPENCER
I do, yes.

KRISTA
Willing to stand up for her, be her knight in shining Ed Hardy garb?

SPENCER
Yup.

KRISTA
'Yup', he says. 'Yup'. I'm pretty sure that's not even a word. It barely even counts as a noise. 'Yup'. You disgust me. I mean, uhm... well, in that case, I expect you're still pretty riled up about what happened last week. And I'm sure you'll have no problem standing up for your bestest girl here, defending her honour and challenging Bohemoth to a match. Because that seems like something a good person would do.

JADE
Mom, no!

Despite the clear and loud disapproval of Jade, Spencer calls her off and holds his head up to Krista's challenge.

SPENCER
You're right. Bo needs to be taught a lesson... and I need to be the guy to do it.

KRISTA
Well, that's great, best of luck, hope you survive, or maybe not, now if you don't mind me and Alix have some business to attend to, bye bye.

ALIX
Oh boy, time to get nekkid~!

KRISTA
Not that kind of business... actually, you know what, we can probably fit a quickie in on the way, what the hell.

Blasé as usual about even the most exciting of things in life, Krista leaves with Alix skipping off in tow. Just the acussing looks of Maya and D*LUX are left behind for Jade and Spencer to deal with. Which isn't quite so bad as Krista's.

JADE
You don't have to do this you know.

SPENCER
Don't worry, I've got this.

Spencer leans over and gives Jade a reassuring peck on the cheek... and as one, Tyler, Shayne and Maya all try not to cringe. Spencer leaves to go face the music, Jade too concerned about what's going to happen to notice the looks on the other three people in the room's faces.

[Chanel #99]

We return to ringside with 

blasting through the speakers. A dirty, disgusting dumpster is wheeled out from the entrance doors. From it comes the dirty and disgusting tag team known as The Masked Mutants! The Mutants bang their heads together and let our a feral roar before running to the ring.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen the following is in Anderson Cup quarterfinal match in The Jannetty Bracket! Now making their way to the ring they are your NUMBER EIGHT SEEDS, from London, Ontario, Canada, they are SLIME and SNOT, THE MASKED MUTANNNNNNTTTTSSSSSSSSS!

COLE
The Masked Mutants seeking a major upset over former Anderson Cup champions The Heavenly Rockers, who might be somewhat distracted from earlier events.

COACH
Someone tried to kill their leader!

COLE
The car was barely smoking. Something is very fishy.

Khyber Pass causes a multicolored lights to swing across the entrance stage as the audience expresses their displeasure with the forthcoming tag team. Led by the vulgar Holly, The Heavenly Rockers, clad in matching leather pants with guitars on the legs, march out from the back.

BUFFER
And the opponents, they are your NUMBER ONE SEED, being accompanied to the ring by HOLLY, they are three time OAOAST tag team champions, and former Anderson Cup champions, they are….LOGAN MANN, SYNTH ADBUAL JABBAR, THE ONLY ROCK N WRESTLINGBAND THAT MATTERS….THE HEAVENLY ROCKERSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

COLE
The Masked Mutants are young and their hungry. They have one win over The Heavenly Rockers already. Can they get another one?

COACH
You saying The Masked Mutants have a chance of beating The Heavenly Rockers is like when Jerry Reinsdorf said The Bulls would have a better record than The Heat. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

DING DING DING

SLIME
Weeble smabble! Mibble mabble!

On that note Slime engages Logan in a lockup. The hold only last for a few seconds before the Mutant grabs onto Logan in a sideheadlock. Slime wrenches on the hold, before Mann shoves him into the ropes.  Slime bounces back to find Logan already jumping for a leapfrog. This is unwise as Slime jumps with him and dropkicks him in the stomach!

COLE
And Slime saw that one coming a mile away.

Mann scrambles back to a neutral corner to get some reprieve and reset his gameplan. Problematically, Slime follows him into the corner. The oddball picks his nose and wipes it on Mann’s face!

HOLLY
What the (beep)? (Beep) you, you (beep) sucker!

COACH
Couldn’t have said it better myself. What a disgusting filthbag!

Slime proceeds to kick a disgusted Mann in the chest with his leather boots. But Logan surprises him, but grabbing onto his black pants and quickly dumping him through the middle ropes. Slime lands on the outside on his shoulders, and moans in pain. While, Logan distracts referee Clem Buzzlefoxer, Synth runs over to Slime and begins stomping his head!

SYNTH
:headbang:

By the time Buzzlefoxer pries himself away from Mann, Synth is already on the ring apron, minding his own business.  Now, Mann exits the ring in order to retrieve Slime. He gives the masked grappler a few shots to the stomach, and then roughly throws him into the ring.  He follows Slime into the ring and pins him to the canvas…

ONE!


TWO!


Kickout!

Mann has a few choice words for the elderly referee about the count. He then retreats to his corner and applies the tag to Synth. The devout follower of the Church of Abdullah, enters the ring and grabs hold of Slime’s mask.  He then proceeds to bash Slime’s face into the turnbuckle post, causing him great pain.

HOLLY
Kill that mother(beep)!

Synth does his best to follow Holly’s orders, and stomps down Slime while he’s trapped inside the corner.  Deciding that Mann can hit the harder between them, Synth makes a quick to the Rocker’s lead singer.

“LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS!”

Synth holds Slime with his arms pinned behind his back, as Logan enters the ring. The MACHO Macho Mann takes aim and blasts Slime’s stomach with a pair of knee strikes. Synth lets the rookie go free and he falls to the canvas in pain. While his partner leaves the ring, Mann bounces off the ropes. He returns to kick Slime in the side of the head! Slime flops onto his back after enduring such a brutal blow. Mann happily dives on top of him for the pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!

Slime gets the shoulder off the canvas!

COACH    
I wouldn’t be shocked if I found out these two psychopaths are the one who started the fire that nearly killed Abdullah.

COLE
The Masked Mutants aren’t arsonists, Coach. And like I said, something is very fishy about the “burning” car.

Mann picks Slime up by the back of his mask and whips him into a neutral corner. The MACHO Macho Mann follows him in and nails him with a lariat to the chest. Slime stumbles out the corner, hurt and dizzy.  This allows Logan to take a swing at him and drop him with a left hook!

COLE
VINTAGE Logan Mann!

A pinfall then follows….

ONE!


TWO!

A kickout by Slime is followed by the cruiserweight being choked mercilessly by Mann. Buzzlefoxer quickly begins making the count!

ONE!


TWO!


THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

Logan finally breaks the hold after pushing the limits of the count. He grabs Slime by the arm and hauls him upright.  Mann tucks his head beneath Slime’s arm and then throws him backwards with a back suplex. From there, Mann bounces off the ropes, coming back to cut through Slime’s neck with a leg drop! Another pinfall is made…

ONE!


TWO!

Slime gets the shoulder up.

COLE
There’s a lot of resiliency in this eccentric competitor Slime.

COACH
Is that what we’re calling him? Eccentric? I call him dumbassed!

Logan lifts Slime up by his mask and guides him to The Rockers’ corner. There a tag is applied with Synth.  After stepping into the squared circle, Synth joins Logan in applying a front facelock. The two brawlers then fling Slime backwards with a vertical suplex.

COACH
Snot hasn’t been in this match once. That’s just great tag team wrestling by one of the best teams in the sport.

As Logan clears out the ring, a pinfall is made by Synth….

ONE!


TWO!

Kickout!

COLE
Slime is fighting hard, but he needs to make a tag to the fresh Mutant.

Slime rolls away from Synth, who sizes him up for a big lariat. With all the energy in his body Slime runs forward at Synth. The Vegas native launches his lariat, but Slime rolls beneath the attack. He pops up in front of Snot and makes the crucial tag!

COLE
The big man into the contest!

Snot runs through Synth with a lariat!

HOLLY
(beep) that creepy bastard! Beat him up!

Synth crawls to the conrer, and uses the ropes to pull his broken body upright. Within seconds Snot is taking his big body and charging at him. But, Synth slides out the way and the Mutant crashes into the turnbuckles posts.  Snot stumbles backwards, dazed and weak. Synth hurries Logan into the ring so that they may complete a double team. They leap at Snot with a double dropkick, but can’t knock him off his feet!

COLE
Look at the strength of Snot!

Snot surges forward with a lariat! He connects with Logan, but Synth runs beneath the attack. However, Slime nails Synth, causing him to stumble back into a lariat from Snot! Holly gets onto the ring apron, to express her hatred for the Mutants and the world in general. But all this does is attract the referee and allow Slime to get into the ring for a double team.  The two hook on a front facelock, and lift Synth up for a double gordbuster. But Logan pulls his partner free! The Mutants then leap at both Rockers with lariats! Both attacks are ducked, and The Rockers respond with low blows to their foes.

COACH
Ha! That’s the way, boys!

The MACHO Macho Mann pitches Slime through the ropes! This enables him to join Synth in front facelocking Snot. The two wheel backwards and drive Snot into the canvas with a Double Percussion DDT!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Holly ends her minute long rant, and the referee goes to count the resulting pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!


THREE!

DING DING DING

“Khyber Pass” returns to the arena as the crowd groans over the result.

BUFFER
The winner and advancing to the second round of the Jannetty Bracket….THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS~!

The Rockers mob the camera and dedicate their victory to their assaulted leader, Abudllah Abir Nerdly.

COLE
The Heavenly Rockers are moving on, they’ll take on J-MAX and Mariachi in the second round. Should be a good one!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Backstage, OAOAST correspondent Terry Taylor is with TIM CASH.

TERRY
Tim Cash, last week the OAOAST Galaxy witnessed the vicious attack by the Deadly Alliance on Baron Windels. Later tonight you will have the opportunity to avenge your good friend and fellow Citizen Soldier when you face Reject.

CASH
Vengeance isn’t in my vocabulary, but payback sure is. What Reject and the Deadly Alliance did to Baron was disgraceful. A week later and I still can’t shake the imagine of Baron lying unconscious because I feel partly to blame for what happened.
(slaps forehead)
Stupid me. I just had to use a different restroom. What was I thinking? Oh wait. I wasn’t. Like the microphones would pick me up flushing that big enchilada plate I had out of my system. Geez Louise!

TERRY
Don’t do this to yourself, Timmy. Reject is the one who attacked Baron, not you.

CASH
Unfortunately Baron seems to agree with me. Ever since he was released from the medical facility he hasn’t returned my calls, text messages or emails. And I’m really worried, Terry. Not just for our partnership, which I value immensely, but for Reject as well.

TERRY
Reject?

CASH
I’m afraid he’s really done it this time. A man can only take so much before you push him over the edge. Baron’s not just my tag team partner, he’s my friend. Most guys would complain about playing second fiddle, or even admit the presence of a fiddle, but not me. I have no problems coming in number two. Especially for a man like Baron Windels. That’s why I worry for Reject. I don’t want to see my friend throw his career away by doing something crazy in the name of revenge. There’s a time and place for everything. That time and place is this Sunday at Anglepalooza.

TERRY
Live exclusively on pay-per-view! Don’t miss it!

[Chanel #99]

“Final Ride” by TRU plays as Reject power walks to the ring.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, representing the Deadly Alliance… from the Bronx, weighing 230 pounds… RRRRRREEEEEJECT!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Reject slithers inside and poses on the turnbuckle.

COACH
Are we looking at the Lethal Rumble winner, Cole? Could Reject be on his way to AngleMania?

COLE
He’ll need to survive his match against Baron Windels first. And before he can think about that or the Lethal Rumble, he’s got to deal with Tim Cash tonight.

“It’s Not My Time” hits and Tim Cash receives a warm reception from the OAOAST Galaxy.
BUFFER
And his opponent… from Peoria, Illinois, weighing 220 pounds… Wrestling’s Last Real Good Guy… TIIIIIIMMMMM CCAAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Though Christmas has passed, Cash brings cheer and joy as he mingles with the OAOAST Galaxy.

COACH
What’s this guy doing-- running for office? Get in the ring and let’s go. We don’t have all night.

As Cash waves to the crowd from the apron, Reject strikes, knocking wrestling’s last real good guy down onto the guardrail.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Come on! That was totally uncalled for!

* DINGDINGDING *

Reject puts the boots to Cash outside before dropping him throat-first on the guardrail. He rolls Cash in and stomps away.

REJECT

Oh, I almost forgot.

Reject shakes Cashes hand…

COLE
(sarcastically)
Isn’t that nice?

…then stomps him in the face!

COACH
Yeah, it is. *laughs*

Reject wildly clubs Cash who does his best to cover up. To the corner both men go where Cash blocks a turnbuckle smashes and does it to Reject instead.

ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIVE!
SIX!
SEVEN!
EIGHT!
NINE!
TEN!!!

Reject staggers out into a victory roll.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Cash counters a clothesline into a crucifix pin!

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Cash charges into a knee and then is dumped outside so Reject can take a breather… except Cash pops right up and connects with a MISSILE DROPKICK!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THR-- NO, KICKOUT!

Cash hooks the legs for the Midwest Sling, but a quick THUMB TO THE EYE puts an end to that. Reject then leaps over the top to snap Cash’s neck off the top rope ala Randy Savage.

COLE
Reject is back in the driver’s seat. And we’ll be back following a quick break.

HeldDOWN~! CONTINUES…

Back from the break and Reject has Cash in a reverse chinlock.

COLE
We’re back live on TSM and The Pit in Canada. And during the break Reject continued to dominate the action, Coach.

COACH
I don’t know how much longer Cash will be able to go, Cole. Home boy was getting that ass whooped.

“LET’S GO TIM!”
“LET’S GO TIM!”
“LET’S GO TIM!”

Fueled by the crowd Cash executes a jawbreaker to escape Reject’s clutches.

* CHOP *

“WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

* CHOP *

“WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

* CHOP *

“WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

A series of overhand chops stun Reject long enough for Cash to whip him in for a BAAAAAACK body drop. He then rams Reject into the buckle and delivers forearm strikes from the middle rope.

ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIVE!
SI--

The count comes to an abrupt end when Cash is tossed over the top. Fortunately for Cash, he lands on the apron and soars off the top rope… but Reject catches him in midair and delivers THE EULOGY~!!!

COLE
Oh, my!

COACH
Stick a fork in Cash, he’s done.

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!!

* DINGDINGDING *

“Final Ride” by TRU cues as Reject‘s hand is raised in victory.

BUFFER
Here is your winner… RRRRRREEEEEJECT!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Just when he’s about to exit Reject decides he isn’t through with Cash yet.  He strips the ref of his BELT and uses it on Cash.

* WHAP *

* WHAP *

* WHAP *

COLE
What’s the point of this? The match is over.

COACH
Actions speak louder than words, Cole. Baron Windels said it himself. And this is Reject’s message to him.
Reject continues to whip Cash when the OAOAST Galaxy erupts.

The reason: BARON WINDELS.

COLE
Baron Windels is in the building!

Reject spots BW and bails just before the Lone Star Gunslinger can get his hands on him.  

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COACH
There you go, Reject. We know how tough you are. No need to risk injury days before a big pay-per-view match.

COLE
Give me a break.

BW grabs a microphone.

BARON
(to Reject)
Surprise to see me? Well, I think you’ll even be more surprised to learn about the change to our little date Sunday at Anglepalooza, because President Alfdogg has granted my request for a BUNKHOUSE MATCH!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

REJECT


COLE
As if Anglepalooza couldn't get any wilder. Now we know Baron Windels and Reject are going to settle the score like two cowboys in a bunkhouse match this Sunday live on pay-per-view!

COACH
And once again Alf has found a way to stick it to Reject.

COLE
Cry me a river. Folks, right now Terry Taylor is backstage with Maya Duncan-Blanchard. Terry?

[Chanel #99]

Backstage in the always poppin interview lounge, Terry Taylor stands with....


MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD

TERRY
Thanks, Michael. Maya, you’ve got a big match at Anglepalooza. A Duchess of Queensbury match against Sophie. What are your thoughts?

MAYA
Lookie here, I’m not going to pretend to be something I’m not. I’m no tough girl! Well, I did sock Roy Ciccone in the gut in 5th grade after he drew a penis on a my Justin Timberlake poster in my locker. And I nailed Brett Lucas in kindegarden after he got the orange blanket I slept with EVERY SINGLE DAY for naptime. And then there was that time Ricky Forester said he could beat up any kid at school and I KO’ed him with one punch. I also put Becky Snipes in a crossface in 7th grade after she had the nerve to say her dad could beat up my dad. So maybe I am a bit of a tough girl!

TERRY
You’re still my little sweetheart.

MAYA
Thanks, Uncle Terry. But all this means is that Sophie is in for big trouble in little Tokyo. Actually the show is being held in San Juan so that reference doesn’t really work. But I just had to use it! Sophie thinks she’s coming for an easy victory in this Duchess of York or Queensbury, or Newcastle, or Trent up thyne, or ompaloma lompa dee doo, but what’s she’s really coming for is a good thrashing! Jade may have Alix’s heart of gold, but I’ve got my mom’s killer instinct. And that instinct is going to let me run Sophie and Esther straight off the island of Puerto Rican with their ugly butts black and blue!

[Chanel #99]

We head back to the ring, where Bohemoth stands menacingly cracking his knuckles and looking back up the aisle, patiently waiting.

COLE
Talk about going to the gallows.

"The World Is Mine" by David Guetta hits and into the arena walks a resigned man, Spencer Reiger, dread pouring out of him. And sweat. And... well, hopefully just dread and sweat. Spencer makes a very slow walk to the ring, in no hurry to meet his fate.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall. In the ring, from Greenville, South Carolina... weighing two hundred, eighty four pounds... BBOOOOOOOO - HHHEEEEEMMMMMMMOOOOOOTTHHHHHHHH!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

BUFFER
And on the way to the ring, hailing from Manhatten, New York... weighing two hundred and ten pounds... "THE ONE MAN TRIPLE THREAT" SSSPPEEEEEENNCCCEEEEERRRRR... RRREEEEIIIIIIIIGGEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!

also "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Reiger approaches the ring, seemingly having second-thoughts. He glances back at the inviting exit. But, with a deep breath, he fights off the urge to leave and climbs up the steps to the ring.

COLE
Well we saw earlier on, Spencer Reiger deciding to make this challenge. But, clearly under duress from Krista. And this certainly wasn't an idea pitched with Spencer's best interests in mind.

COACH
Oh no, Krista would love to see Spencer get mutilated tonight, no doubt.....

COLE
...and...

COACH
...and, it might happen!

Stood tall in the middle of the ring Bohemoth just looks down at Reiger, still calmly cracking his knuckles. Spencer tries not to back down and slowly inches towards squaring off with the bigman.


*DINGDINGDING*

COACH
Well, no turning back now. Peace out bro, I'll miss ya.

The bell rings but Bohemoth doesn't make a move, preferring to let Spencer have the first shot. Spencer doesn't look sure, but with Bo stood there, he eventually takes it. And his right hand is shaken off by Bohemoth with a smile.

COLE
Spencer might as well just turn and run... I'm surprised he hasnt already, to be honest.

COACH
No lie.

Bo starts to stalk forward and Spencer backs off, trying to calm the bigman down...


...only to lure him in and deliver a kick to the knee that hobbles Bo!

COLE
There you go! Smart move, how about that?

With Bo hobbled Spencer quickly goes to work, hammering away with quick, fast shots to the side of the head. Up to the middle rope, Spencer comes off with a fist to the head, rocking Bohemoth back a couple of steps. But Reiger goes to the well once too often. Bohemoth catches him coming on the way down, then runs Spencer back into the turnbuckles! A barrage of shoulder tackles are then driven into the gut, before Bo starts to hammer away with right hands.

BOHEMOTH
Get the hell off of me!

The warning from Bohemoth sends the referee scurrying away, regretting his attempt to get a clean break. Bo turns his attentions back to Spencer and makes a charge, but Spencer dodges out of the way!

COLE
Spencer needs to hit and move here.

COACH
No, he needs to move. And keep moving. Out of the building.

Not leaving just yet, Spencer waits for Bo to turn around and connects with a standing dropkick! Bohemoth is sent back into the corner by that and Spencer tries a charge this time. Bo ducks his head and backdrops Spencer over the top. But The Prodigy lands on the apron, taking aim and CRACKING Bohemoth across the back of the head with an enziguri from the outside!

COLE
Caught him!

With Bohemoth staggered, Spencer climbs to the top. He lies in wait, until the perfect moment... which ends imperfectly with a CLOTHESLINE IN MID-AIR!!

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

After shaking out his head, Bohemoth drops down and covers Reiger...


1...



2...


BO PULLS HIM UP!

COLE
Oh, we're not done yet. Bohemoth isn't done yet!

Bohemoth shakes his head and brings Spencer back up, working away with some bodyshots. Irish whip to the corner is followed with a BIG clothesline, knocking Spencer up off his feet! He collapses into the middle of the ring and Bohemoth takes a moment to start BOUNCING HIS PECS.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COACH
Is that guy in shape? Damn!

Dragging Spencer up again, Bohemoth decides to show off some more. He picks Spencer up over his head, holding him in a Gorilla Press. Not a sweat, Bo decides to do a couple of reps with the New Yorker, just for fun, before merely letting go and strolling away, while Spencer plummets to the canvas face-first!!

COLE
This is starting to get ugly now.

COACH
This is just a warm-up for Bo. I hate to say it, but this ain't nothing for him. Sunday is where it's at. He's getting ready for the Rumble.

COLE
He won it two years ago. Will Bohemoth make it a second Rumble win on Sunday? I wouldn't bet against him, that's for sure.

Still not satisfied, Bohemoth grabs Reiger and slaps him in a cobra clutch. Spencer grasps out desperately in search of the ropes, the referee, or anything to save him. But he finds nothing, except a Cobra Clutch Backbreaker! Bent backwards over the knee of Bohemoth, Spencer groans in pain, the groans getting choked up in his throat as Bo tightens up the cobra clutch. And he delivers a second Backbreaker!

COLE
You've got to give Spencer some credit for staying and fighting, but... it hasn't worked out well.

Bo lifts Spencer back up again... and flattens him with a clothesline.

COLE
And Spencer is not moving.

COACH
Somebody needs to get out here and help him.

COLE
Like who?

COACH
I dunno, Colin? CW? Don't tell me they've abandoned my boy Spence.

COLE
Well... I don't know! Maybe they have! Or maybe they just don't want to get on the wrong side of Anglesault.

Strolling around, Bohemoth takes his time, in complete control of the match, to the point that it's a mis-match. Bo looks down at Spencer, a pitiful sight. But Bo takes no pity. Grabbing Spencer by the throat, he lifts him back to his feet, then delivers a CHOKESLAM that leaves Reiger completely prone and immobile.

"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Suddenly, there's a cheer, as help is on the way for Spencer.

Sadly for Spencer, it's only JADE, who has seen enough and heads down the aisle.

COLE
Uh oh. This isn't any place for Jade to be right now.

Bohemoth catches sight of Jade and smirks to himself, as he peels Spencer off the mat one more time. Jade pleads with the referee that enough damage has been done, but Bohemoth doesn't agree. Scooping Spencer up into his arms, he turns to Jade. Making sure she gets a good look at the manhandling her new boyfriend is taking, Bohemoth swings Spencer's lifeless body around and DOWN with the Catatonic, to Jade's dismay.

COLE
And mercifully, this is over.


1...



2...



3!!!

*DINGDINGDING*

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... BBOOOOOOOO - HHHHEEEEEMMMOOOOOOTTHHHHHHH!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Smirk on his face, Bohemoth stands over Spencer and gestures down at him, as if to say "this is your boy now?" Jade looks on disgusted, as Bo casually steps over Spencer, one last smirking glance back over his shoulder before he casually leaves the ring and strolls back up the ramp. Jade makes sure that Bo is gone before sliding in the ring, to check on a destroyed Spencer.

COLE
Spencer Reiger may have just sacrificed himself for Jade and... I've got to say, I'm surprised. He took one hell of a beating. But... he took it.

COACH
Well if he thinks this'll make things right with Krista, my boy ain't thinking straight. He could have ran out of here, saved his neck and still have Krista's unending loathing, just without all the bruises.

Jade continues to attend to Spencer, as Bohemoth stops and raises his arms in the air, heading for the Lethal Rumble with big-time momentum.

[Chanel #99]

Backstage in the  offices of general manager Alfdogg we find…


MORGAN NERDLY in a heated conversation with  Alfdogg, who sits behind his desk listening intently.

MORGAN
But I don’t need a partner!

ALFDOGG
I don’t even want you to take on VICE in the first place. But you proposed it and Anglesault ran with it. But, I still have power around here and it will be a cold day in hell before I send you out on your own against those two animals. Alix is your partner, and that’s just the way it’s going to be.

MORGAN
I-I….don’t want Alix as my partner!

At that…


ALIX MARIA SPEZIA bursts into the room wearing an excited expression.

ALIX
Everyone wants me as their partner!

MORGAN
Not me.

ALIX
I’m spunky Alix, the bubbly California girl with the heart of gold!  Everyone loves me except the Hindus.  I may have drawn a picture of a robotic cow humping the Bhagavad Gita and accidently uploaded it to my public photobucket album. Bad idea.

MORGAN
I hate you!

ALIX
Are you hindu?

MORGAN
No.

ALIX
Then why do you hate me? Why don’t you want me to be your partner. People want me to be my partner for everything. Maria Sharapova asked me to be her doubles partner in a charity tennis match. I said if you don’t mind playing without underwear, or a shirt no problem! She got all uptight, its not like I said you can’t wear a bra. Prude. People want me as their business partners. The crazy homeless guy that sometimes hangs out at the Blockbuster on Santa Monica Blvd, wanted to me to be his partner in marketing his own brand of presidential busts made out of booggers, rat dropping, paper mache and children’s eye balls.  Which is insane because how the heck and am I supposed to get enough paper mache! Anyway, tons of people want me as their sex partners.  Your sister Melody says I’m the most searched for girl on Google image search. While 5 percent may search for me because their Hindu terroist and need to pin a picture of me on a death notice, the other 95% are searching for the animated gif of my bootylicious bethonged behind bouncing to and fro as I headed to the ring at Angleslam. Which you were at, which reminds me you’re a nice little slice of cutie pie! Nicely controlled portions perfect for the weight watching cunnilingus diet. Forget wrestling, hot mouth and talented tongue ready for your pleasure, Madame Morgan! Hope you don’t mind video cameras, though. And an appearance from my Kermit the frog puppet.

MORGAN
Leave me alone! I don’t want anything to do with you!

ALIX
I still don’t get why that is. Did I set you on fire in a past life? Because I set a lot of things on fire in this life, so you really can’t expect me to remember my life lived as John Wilkes Booth.

MORGAN
You’re….you’re…just trying to steal Leon away from me. I haven’t heard from him, since he was attacked. And I-I- bet that’s because you’re talking to him! Yeah, its all because of you.

ALIX
I haven’t talked to Leon since the match where I accused him of stealing my leather pants and he kicked me in the stomach. Its like dude, if leather pants are so important to you, go raid Gene Simmons’ closet and escape using the mystical art of ninja mastery like the rest of us. I don’t want anything to do with that Grumpy Gus. I have Krista!

MORGAN
You’re lying to me. You think because I’m little and ugly…

ALIX
Ugly? You’re a hottie! If Alfdogg weren’t here, I’d throw you on the desk and devour you like a damn savage!

ALFDOGG
Uh, don’t let me stop you!

ALIX
I don’t believe in having sex in front of dogs or comedic space aliens. You are aa combo both! My point, which I rarely ever have, is that you’re totally hot, Morgan. And Leon is a man, and men like hot girls. So he’s not going to risk losing a hot girl to chase after one who’s already been there done that. You’ve got nothing to worry about.

MORGAN
How do I know you won’t abandon me in the middle of the match? What…what…if they mess my face up, and Leon thinks I’m ugly, and he’ll…run back to you. I still don’t trust you.

ALFDOGG
You’re going to have to learn to, Morgan. Because Alix is your partner at Anglepalooza.

MORGAN
Fine!

Morgan folds his her hands into tight fists and hurriedly heads out Alf’s office.

ALIX
Teenagers!

OLE
Ladies and gentlemen, Anglepalooza is live this Sunday on pay-per-view from San Juan, Puerto Rico.

COACH
Wait a minute. Aren’t we supposed to toss it to Maggie or Tony?

COLE
We’re doing a live shill tonight.

COACH
You mean it wasn’t live before?! What’s next-- you’re gonna tell me the Easter Bunny isn’t real?

COLE
It’s not!

Coach pulls a RABBIT out of a HAT.

COACH
Buster says otherwise.

Coach strokes the rabbit as Cole shakes his head.

LETHAL RUMBLE MATCH

COLE
Anyway, Anglepalooza means one thing: the Lethal Rumble.

COACH
Yeah, and listen to some of the names entered: Mister Dick, Baron Windels, Reject, Nate Black, Landon Maddix, Theodore Moneymaker, Bohemoth, Zack Malibu plus many more.

COLE
The winner will receive a World title shot at AngleMania X against the winner of the other big match signed for Anglepalooza.

OAOAST CHAMPIONSHIP
Krista Isadora Duncan Vs Jason Silver ©

COLE
Can Krista regain the title stolen from her by Jason Silver?

COACH
Hey, he beat Krista smack in the middle of the ring. Nothing was stolen from anybody.

COLE
Tell that to Leon Rodez.

Alix & Morgan Vs VICE

COLE
In tag team action, Morgan Nerdly reluctantly teams with Alix Maria Spezia to face VICE.

COACH
Alf and Ben Roethlisberger must be related, Cole. Both refuse to take no for an answer. If Morgan doesn’t want Alix as her partner it shouldn’t be forced on her.

DUTCHESS OF YORK MATCH
Maya vs. Queen Esther

COLE
Alix’s would-be stepdaughter Maya will also compete this Sunday when she meets Queen Esther in a Duchess of York match.

COACH
The rules of which are known only to Queen Esther and Sophie.

BUNKHOUSE MATCH
Reject Vs Baron Windels

COLE
Then in a highly anticipated grudge bout, Baron Windels and Reject will collide. All this and who knows what else this Sunday live exclusively on pay-per-view. Don’t be left out, ladies and gentlemen. Order Anglepalooza right now!

COMING UP NEXT
THE MAINEVENT
JASON SILVER VS SIMON SINGLETON

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Beverly Hills, California! Weighing two hundred, twenty eight pounds. Being accompanied by MOLLY NERDLY... he is one half of the Orange County Cobras... SSSIIIIIIMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOONN... SSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNGGLLLEEEEEETTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONN!!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

A serious expression on his face, Simon climbs into the ring and locks eyes with the entrance way, waiting on his opponent.

COLE
Unfinished business still to be settled, between the Orange County Cobras and the members of Anglesault's army. Tonight, Simon Singleton doesn't get a shot at the World Title, but he does get a shot at retribution against the boss's nephew.

With Simon looking on intently, "Don't Stop" by Innerparty System powers out. And through the entrance, with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title flung over his shoulder, saunters the heir apparant to the Anglesault legacy, Jason Silver.


BUFFER
And introducing his opponent. From New York City, New York... weighing in at two hundred and twelve pounds. He is the reigning OAOAST HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD... "ROCKSAULT"... JJJAAAAAAASSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOONN... SSSSSIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLVVVEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Brimming with self-satisfaction, Silver walks to the ring and hops onto the apron. The referee steps in to move Singleton back, giving Silver room to enter and raise the World Title over his head to the cameras.

COACH
This just makes you sick, don't it Cole? I can tell.

COLE
I'm not going to go into any personal thoughts or feelings on this man here. But I'll say this much. Jason Silver hasn't proven himself yet, both to the wrestlers in the back and to the OAOAST Galaxy. He won that World Title with Anglesault's help, whether he wants to admit it or not. And Jason Silver, in two days, has the match of his career, against Krista Isadora Duncan. If he can find a way to beat Krista and retain that title, then he'll have proven something. But until then, the way he won that title is going to hang over this young man's head.

COACH
Alright, alright, I didn't ask for his life story. Jeez.

Silver hands the World Title over to the referee and limbers up, stared back at by Singleton.


*DINGDINGDING*

The bell sounds and Silver goes to leave his corner, but turns right into a stampeding Simon Singleton! Backpedalling, Silver ducks himself through the ropes and forces a break before Simon can get his hands on him, to the annoyance of the crowd.

COLE
Simon, wasting no time getting aggressive tonight!

Once Singleton is backed off, Silver emerges from the ropes and looks ready to go again. This time there's a lock-up and Silver comes out on top, with a fireman's carry.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Shown up, the BOSS collects himself. Another lock-up is slipped out of by Silver, picking one of Simon's legs. The World Champ leaves Simon hopping on the one foot for a few seconds of amusement, before sweeping out the other leg and dumping him. This time Simon comes up hot and goes after Silver, but Rocksault again retreats to the corner and urges the referee to "ease him up".

COLE
Jason Silver just trying to show up his experienced opponent here. And Simon isn't really losing his cool, because I don't think he had it in the first place.

Another lock-up leads to a side headlock from Silver, confident look on his face. Which gets wiped off as he's sent to the ropes and hit with a shoulder tackle! Simon hits the ropes, Silver rolling over to force him to hurdle. Silver then goes for a leapfrog... but gets caught with an inverted atomic drop! The crowd cheer Silver's misfortune, as Singleton rears back and knocks him down with a clothesline. Simon on top...


1...


...NO, no cover, Simon instead raining down with punches from the mount!

COACH
Man, Simon didn't come here to play!

COLE
He may have come to play spoiler! This could be bad preparation for AnglePalooza for Silver!

The referee threatens a DQ and forces Singleton to break. Holding his hands up to acknowledge the break, Simon gets caught napping and Silver manages to escape. He turns Simon over and hooks on a single leg crab.

COLE
Nice counter from Silver!

After a brief struggle, Singleton is able to make the ropes. Silver holds on for an extra second or two before breaking, just 'cause he can. Berated as he pulls himself up on the ropes, Simon is then stomped. And again. Then hit with a forearm smash. Irish whip by Silver, catching Singleton with a back elbow. Cover...


1...


2...


No.

Silver brings Simon back up and delivers a couple more forearms. Up for the fight, Singleton fires back with a right hand! Cutting him off, Silver hits another forearm. And another. Silver then goes for another whip, but it's reversed. A hook of the top rope halts Silver's return though and as Singleton charges, Silver drops down, causing BOSS to crash and burn through the ropes to the outside!

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
And that was just a rush of blood right there. Singleton, to the floor and hard.

COACH
That was a smart move from Silver though, you've gotta admit.

Not giving Simon any time to recover, Rocksault goes out after him. And as Molly scatters, Singleton is sent face-first into the barricade! The referee yells at Silver to get back inside and gets a yelling in return, but Silver does throw Simon back in, sensing an opening. He slides back in and gives Simon a T-BONE SUPLEX! Cover...


1...



2...



No!

Silver has control now and picks his spot, a sore one, right in the head courtesy of a boot. Pin again by Silver...


1...



2...



No!

Dragging Simon up, the brash youngster aims some words at the crowd, before hitting Simon with another forearm. Silver then whips Singleton to the corner. Clothesline rocks him in the corner, Simon staggering out and getting hooked in a beautiful Fisherman's Suplex, with a bridge!


1...



2...



Kickout!

COACH
You say Jason Silver's unproven. Well, he's proving something to me. This guy is the real deal!

COLE
He's an impressive athlete, I never said he wasn't. But he's got a long ways to go to prove himself yet.

Stomping away, Silver shows some over confidence and actually lets Singleton get to his feet. Which backfires, as Simon fires away with some punches to the gut. And then some right hands to the jaw. Firing away, Singleton backs Silver up and turns to hit the ropes... only for Silver to chase him down and cut him off with an elbow!

COACH
Nuh uh! Nowhere to go.

With Singleton dazed, Silver knocks him down with a clothesline and covers...


1...



2...



No.

Maintaining control, Silver applies a chinlock and nods his head confidently.



At which point, rather inconveniently, the feed on the AngleTron changes.

"BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

No, not the sound of bees.

Instead, an industrial humming and some jarring sounds of destruction, as somewhere outside the arena, KRISTA and ALIX are stood beside a WOOD CHIPPER.

COACH
What in the heck is this?

Silver drops his chinlock and all concentration on the match, as Krista and Alix, in their safety gear, are feeding some more of Silver's possessions into the wood chipper!! It seems Alix isn't taking this quite so seriously, with her bunny earmuffs over her actual ear protection. But Krista seems very concerned with doing a good job DESTROYING Silver's worldly goods!

COACH
They can't do that!

COLE
Oh, please, Krista can do whatever she wants!

The World Champion looks on in horror as books are tossed willfully into the chipper, putting up less resistance than an ACOUSTIC GUITAR, which soon ends up obliterated.

Thankfully for Silver, perhaps, he's spared any further anguish as the Tron cuts away.


Back to the action then, but Silver is still distracted and demanding to know what's going on, which allows Singleton to sneak up with a schoolboy!

COLE
LOOK OUT!


1...




2...




NO!!

COLE
Almost!

Silver scrambles back up into a flurry of punches, the BOSS coming back to life. He fires away on a reeling Silver, then comes off the ropes and catches him with a flying clothesline!

COACH
Talk about taking someone's head out of the game! All of Silver's stuff is getting destroyed somewhere! And now he's got to try and finish this match?

Simon whips Silver in and scores with a POWERSLAM!


1...



2...



NO!

Off the ropes again, Singleton takes aim with another clothesline... but gets cut off with a BOOT, right under the jaw!!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Man! There was some venom behind that strike and it wasn't from the Cobra!

Doubled up, Silver slowly looks up with a RAGE in his eyes. And with nothing he can do about Krista, he turns his aggressions onto Singleton. The BOSS picks himself up in the corner and gets trapped in by Silver, who starts firing back elbows! Left side and right, boxing Singleton's ears and bouncing his head back and forth like a rubber ball, with seemingly relentless elbows!

COACH
I think they done pissed Rocksault off.

Silver finally lets up and Singleton collapses to his knees, out of it.

COLE
Man, Singleton just got hammered in the corner. He may be knocked out.

Hooking Singleton by the head, the World Champion drags his deadweight opponent back to his feet. He hooks him up again, this time for a BRAINBUSTER, which dumps him on his head in brutal fashion!!

COACH
I think that was a wake-up call, Cole. Krista didn't throw Silver off for long. She might just have made him stronger.

COLE
Well seeing his worldly goods getting shredded has certainly angered Jason Silver. And Simon Singleton is the one suffering for it.

Not done yet, Silver drags Singleton up again. Still raging, he turns Singleton around and puts him up in the rack. Silver carries Simon around, picking his moment, before hurling him up and slamming him into the mat face-first! Which would be damage enough, except Silver immediately takes his back and slaps on the DRAGON CLUTCH!!

COLE
He calls that move the Silver Bullet... and turns it right into the 'Sixteenth Minute', the Dragon Clutch, submission manouever!

Singleton tries to fight it... but with Silver wrenching away, it's no use and he's forced to tap!!


*DINGDINGDING*

COACH
I guess Simon's fifteen minutes are up. Somebody get the clapboard out of storage.


BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner... the OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... "ROCKSAULT" JJJAAAASSSSSSSOOOOOOONN SSSSSIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLVVVEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Snatching his title belt away from the referee, Silver seems more cut up about the rest of his possessions and paces over what to do, before storming out of the ring and up the ramp.

COLE
It looks like Silver is going to try and salvage what he can of his possessions... but, I don't think he knows where he's going. Where were Krista and Alix, anyway?

COACH
Outside somewhere. Comb the arena. Circle the building. Call the police. I dunno, the guy's gotta do something.

Aimlessly Silver makes his way towards the back, not sure which way to turn and eventually disappearing through the curtains in search of what's left of his stuff.

COLE
We saw the aggressive side of Jason Silver come out... but, I think it's pretty obvious, Krista is getting to him. Anglesault and his crew have made some powerful enemies. But, I think playing games with Krista is about as powerful of an enemy as you can get and Jason Silver is finding that out.