OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 11/4/10

[Tony149]

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-

We cut straight to Sofa Central. Gone are the Halloween decorations and in their place are Thanksgiving items such as wooden turkeys, fall leaves, and miniature pilgrim statues.

BRANNIGAN
Hello world! Welcome to Salt Lake City for OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Tony Brannigan sitting with Da Coach, and tonight’s show should be amazing.

COACH
Damn right, Tony. We got Baron Windels in action and a first round Queen Of The Ring match between Melissa Nerdly and Megan Skye.

BRANNIGAN
And on top of that we have a brand new world champion in Alix Maria Spezia.

SNOOP DOGG
Greetings loved ones
Lets take a journey

KATY PERRY
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
Will melt your popsicle
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent
Now put your hands up
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

Entrance doors spread apart and from them comes a beaming Alix Maria Spezia, the OAOAST world champion. She carries a great deal of flowers along with her OAOAST World Title.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the new OAOAST World Champion Alix Maria Spezia!

Alix walks down the entry ramp, passing out flowers to the front row fans! As she gets ringside she gives one to both Tony and Coach

BRANNIGAN
Why thank you, little lady.

COACH
If you’re in a giving mood why don’t you give that title back to the woman you stole it from!

Upon entering the ring, the new world champion is granted a microphone.

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

ALIX
Well, Salt Lake, I finally did it!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

ALIX
It took a lot of hard work, a lot of concentration, a lot of deep personal sacrifice, and a lot of perseverance, But I did it….I finally figured out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop! Forty point six to be exact. Welp, that’s all I came out here to say. See-ya later, alligator!

“WHAT ABOUT YOUR WORLD TITLE?” a fan in the front row screams.

ALIX
Oooooooooohhhh, yeah. This thing. I almost forgot I had it! Thanks for reminding me, dude! A whole bunch of years ago there was this strong black woman who was riding a bus. I don’t know why, public transportation is icky. Melody showed me some gif of some fat dude on the bus bumping his belly into this girl’s face, and its like, oh my god, I’ll just walk, if Jesus can walk on water, I can walk on the sidewalk to get the birth control pills because I’m cheating on Krista with her tennis coach. Anywho, this lady was on the front of the bus. Then this wack ass white dude got on the bus, which is odd because all white dudes are rich and have really nice cars, so I don’t know what he was doing. Anyway, he’s all like, “I’m white, so lemme sit at the front of the bus, or else blow me because interracial sex is HAWT~!” And anyway the woman, was all like “I don’t get down for no scrub ass whiteboy riding public transporation.” And she refused to give up her seat! This woman’s name is Rosa Parks, and she’s a great leader in civil right’s history.

BRANNIGAN
A history lesson from the champ.

ALIX
Rosa Parks is no longer with us. She’s taking the big bus in the sky, no I don’t mean an airplane, I mean a bus in heaven. Which makes me wonder why do they have busses in heaven? Get off your lazy ass, God, and invent some teleporters. Anywho, Rosa isn’t here, but I am, and in many ways I’m the next best thing. Let’s look at the facts, peeps. I’m the first person to play goalie for UCLA’s women’s soccer team and win a world title. I’m the first person to chug a medium chocolate milkshake from McDonalds in one sitting and become world champion. I’m the first person to set fire to Krista’s garage in an effort to master the mysterious 5th element, known as crystal meth to ever win the world title. I’m the first Clippers season ticket holder to ever win the world title. I’m also the first Clippers season ticket holder to admit to actually being one. So, basically, I’m like a trendsetter or something! Go me!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

ALIX
But I couldn’t have done it without some special people.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!“ the crowd cheers, thinking she means them.

ALIX
Not you, I hardly know any of you! Unless you’re the talking lawn gnomes from my latest drug induced hallucination. Which you’re probably not. I’m talking about my dad. He’s had a pretty tough life. The man and his whole you can’t smuggle fifty pounds of cocaine across the Mexican border attitude has really got him down. And he’s currently residing in San Quentin prison back in California. It’s a totally depressing life, unless you’re Mariachi, in which case being surrounded by a bunch of sexually repressed dudes with raging hard ons, is pretty awesome. But for him it sucks. And there’s hardly ever anything to make him happy. That was until Sunday! Because his baby girl brought home the OAOAST World Title!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

ALIX
And if he hadn’t been raped by the Aryan Nation earlier that day, it would’ve been the greatest day in his life! All that good family stuff out the way, there’s another person who’s like so responsible for me winning this title. She’s always been with me, going back to when we were teenagers, she’s always been behind me 100% usually wearing a strap on or holding some other sexual insturment. She’s my girlfriend, Krista Isadora Duncan!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

ALIX
Krissy, I know you think wrestling fans are subhuman mooks only good to swindle out their money, but they really wanna see you and I do to.

Krista shuffles out onto the entrance stage to a massive pop. Her demeanor doesn’t match such a grand reaction as she seems rather apathetic to the world around her.

BRANNIGAN
Krista seems….different. Usually its like a fashion show when she enters, or a walk down the red carpet. Now its just like a regular person’s entrance.

Krista enters the ring and is handed a microphone.

KRISTA
Hi.

ALIX
Hey, baby! Isn’t this wonderful? Isn’t this awesome? Isn’t this the most fantastic stupendous, thrilling, totally cool thing in the world? You and I are the only intact tag team to both hold the world title! Plus, we’re girlfriend and girlfriend and we’ve both held the title. That’d be like Ryan Reynolds winning an Oscar and Scralett Johanson winning an award for being the hottest piece of ass I ever saw! It’d be like Denise Richards winning an emmy, and whatever guy is crazy enough to date her winning an emmy to. This is historic!

KRISTA
I’m struggling, yes truly struggling, to contain my joy. Why I might just burst into a million pieces from the glee that is encased inside my mortal body. And if I burst into pieces, I'd be dead. Which I believe would be quite nice right about now.

ALIX
That’s the spirit! But you seem kinda down, clown frown? Where’s the enthusiasm? Where’s the passion? When you won the world title we were barely in the limo before you started going down on me. In front of your mother at that! How bout that, Salt Lake, you wanna see Krista and I make out? Is that cool in the Mormon bible? Don’t wanna offend anybody.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

KRISTA
I have a headache. A severe headache. A throbbing headache. The kind of headache that makes me wish to choke and dismember the first person I lay eyes onto.

ALIX
Awwwwww. Well, I have just the medicine to set you right, my darling girlfriend. You and I have been through so much. UCLA soccer, our breakup, our run in the OAOAST, and its all been so wonderful I just had to show everyone. So Molly helped me put together a little something to document our time together. Production people, roll it!

The following song plays:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jbd7oOU1gWM
Automatic Loveletter-Let It Ride

Lay on the floor
Breathe it in deep
Don't speak, don't say a word
Just savoring
You're all that I have
And all to hold on to
You can't lead me on

An image is shown of Alix and Krista’s days of playing soccer at UCLA. They stand with their arms around each other, Alix dressed in her goalie gear while Krista wears the regular uniform.

Come on, come on
Can't you feel it
And start chasing dreams
And don't let it go (?)

We see Krista scoring a game winning goal in her senior year and running all the way across the field to leap into Alix’s arms.

And take me away
Let's get out of this town
Baby, run
We're unstoppable now
On top of the world
Sing it out loud
And mean it and keep believing
We've got the rest of our lives
So let it ride
The time of our lives
Let it ride

Alix and Krista are seen jointly hoisting an NCAA championship trophy with their teammates applauding.

Running away
Don't tell anyone
We'll be the talk of the town
We'll be the envy of everyone
Dances to mixtapes and car tops
So don't, don't, don't let this go

Alix applauds with a proud and admiring smile as Krista cuts the ribbon to her first gym in Santa Monica.
And take me away
Let's get out of this town
Baby, run
We're unstoppable now
On top of the world
Sing it out loud
And mean it and keep believing
We've got the rest of our lives
So let it ride
The time of our lives
Let it ride

Krista is shown taking a hearty bite out of the first ever batch of Miss Spezia’s sweetie’s cookies. She gives the camera a satisfied thumbs up.

Coming on strong and never before
I swear if you leave this end of the world (?)
So don't walk away
Just take my hand
I'm calling you out
Now I've shown you my heart
So take it away

Alix stands up and applauds wildly as Krista wins her first-

HERE I AM AGAIN! HEY NOW HEY NOW I’M THE MOTHERFUCKER OF THE YEAR!

BRANNIGAN
What is this?

Receiving a furious chorus of boos, Mister Dick, clad only in jean shorts that are easily two sizes too small, steps out from beyond the entrance doors.

“YOU SUCK, DICK! YOU SUCK, DICK! YOU SUCK, DICK!”

MISTER DICK
Shaddup, ain’t no one asked none of ya’ll to speak on nothing.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

MISTER DICK
God damn it, they must be ice skating in hell, and turning people away at the gates of heaven, because what I’m about to do is gonna defy all logic. I’m gonna defend, Krista.

ALIX
Defend her?

MISTER DICK
You heard me, devil woman! I don’t know how many drugs have rotted your pea brain, but you’re as stupid as a baby chick dancing swan lake in a tutu. Krista seems down? She has a “headache”? She’s not excited? Why the hell do you think that is? Because you done went and stole her title like a thief in the night!

ALIX
Stole her title? That’s not true, right Krista?

KRISTA


ALIX
I won it fair and square!

MISTER DICK
That ain’t your title to win, moron! That’s as much your title win, as the White House is your house to sleep in.

ALIX
Whoo-hooo, doing the nasty with Michelle Obama! Now that’s one tall glass of chocolate milk I want on my lips.

MISTER DICK
Shut up, for a second! I’m saying you ain’t got no claim to that title.  Sure the match said you could win it, but the match also said Queen Esther could’ve won it and she knows better not to. It weren’t her title to win and once again, it ain’t your title to win neither. Krista done beat the best sports entertainment has ever had to offer for that belt. The bitch done put more sweat into that belt then anybody ever has save myself. That’s her belt.

ALIX
Krista?

KRISTA
I’m but an innocent bystander. A bored innocent bystander with a rising urge to commit a murder/suicide.

ALIX
You’re making her mad, you big jerk!

MISTER DICK
I ain’t a big jerk, I’m a big dick, and you’re the one who mad3 her mad! Your job, as the sidekick, as the girlfriend, as the bottom in yer relationship, was to make sure she kept the title. That’s all you had to do, as simple as milking a prized heffer. Your role ain’t the role of a champion, that’s Krista’s role. Your role is the support. Behind every good man is a woman? Well, behind every good butch lesbian is a lipstick lesbian, and that’s you! So you done go and ask yourself why Krista is acting the way she’s acting? Its because of you and your thieving ways! You up and stole her god damn title belt!

ALIX
That’s not true!

MISTER DICK
Krista?

KRISTA


ALIX
So if Malaysia had a chance to win the world title, she wouldn’t take it because of you?

MISTER DICK
I’m sayin’ that even if my woman won the world title, she’d be a good enough girlfriend to drop it straight to me, because she knows I’m the bread winner.

ALIX
Oh, yeah right! I’m gonna give you a chance to prove that stupid theory. I’ll defend my belt against Malaysia tonight, and we’ll see what she does if she wins. She’ll probably crap all over your theory, hopefully figuratively and not literally! ‘Cause that’d be so gross and its kinda hard to crap on an abstract concept.

MISTER DICK
Heh, damn you don’t stop making stupid moves, do you? Salt Lake City, yer lookin’ at a new heavyweight champion!

BRANNIGAN
What a show this is shaping up to be. Alix Maria Spezia versus Malaysia for the OAOAST World Title! Tonight in our mainevent! Don't go away!

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

As we return from break “Not Afraid” by Eminem hits and Baron Windels marches onto a stage that’s carpeted by flames in the shape of a bull’s head. He throws up the bull horns and then power walks to the ring.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Currently in the ring, from Seattle, Washington, weighing 240 pounds… GREG TAYLOR!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Taylor threatens to pimp slap the haters as BW steps through the ropes.

BUFFER
And his opponent… from San Antonio, Texas, weighing 265 pounds... “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BBAAAAARRRRROOOOOOOOOONN WIN--

Buffer’s flees the ring as BW pounces on his opponent.

* DINGDINGDING *

BRANNIGAN
Needless to say BW is still fuming over his defeat at the Halloween Spectacular.

BW hammers Taylor in the corner and then whips him in for a BIG BOOT. Taylor staggers to his feet and gets caught with a TOP ROPE LARIAT!

BRANNIGAN
It’s Clobberin’ Time!

COACH
This guy’s getting clobbered alright.

BW immediately follows up with THE BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL DDT and the cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!!

* DINGDINGDING *

BUFFER
OAOAST Marks, here is your winner… “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BBAAAARRRRROOOOOOOOONN WINDELS!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

After his hand is raised in victory, BW high fives OAOAST Marks as he returns backstage.

BRANNIGAN
A strong showing for the Lone Star Gunslinger. And you can bet he won’t rest until he avenges his loss to Reject. Somewhere, some place they will meet again.

[Tony149]

Sullen as ever, we cut backstage to find Leon Rodez sat alone in the bowels of the building. Hunched over on an equipment box, Leon fiddles with the handle of his Money In The Bank briefcase, angrily picking at the paintwork in bored fashion. A few seconds pass before a thud can be heard behind him, at which point without looking, Leon hops down and starts muttering to himself.

LEON
Look who finally decided to show up. I sent you on one simple errand and you have to turn it into a cho...

Cut off into mid-sentence, Leon finally notices that it's not Morgan who he's berating. Having stumbled on his solitary place, ANGLESAULT raises a half eyebrow at Leon, who seems to go on edge as he sees Bohemoth, Todd Cortez and Jason Silver backing Anglesault up.

ANGLESAULT
Gee. Sounds like you're having some problems.

Leon looks curiously at the four in front of him, caution turning to simply being alert as Anglesault and co begin to pass by.

LEON
Nothing I can't handle.

ANGLESAULT
Glad to hear it.

The four begin to pass off without incident, but suddenly Anglesault stops them and turns back to Leon.

ANGLESAULT
Listen, I've been watching what's been going on. And, between you and me... this new attitude of yours has really changed my opinion of you. You always had something. Marketability, talent, all of that. But you want to get to the top? You need an edge. And you never had that. You were... well, always a bit of a pushover. This new you? It's won me over.

With that compliment paid Anglesault and co go to walk off again, only for Leon to speak up.

LEON
For what it's worth... there's not a lot around here to get excited about... but seeing Zack Malibu finally get what was coming to him... I've really enjoyed it.

Anglesault smiles and nods, definitely on the same wavelength as Leon.

ANGLESAULT
If we see your little friend, we'll tell her you're waiting for her.

Anglesault and his crew head off and Leon sets himself back down, a little more content with life for the moment.

TONIGHT'S WORLD TITLE MAINEVENT
ALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS MALAYSIA NERDLY

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

Back at ringside and "Renegade" by Jay-Z and Eminem plays out Melissa Nerdly, gloved up and throwing shadow punches as she heads for the ring for singles action.

BUFFER
This contest is a Queen Of The Ring quarter final match in the Krista Division, set for one fall! Introducing first. Now hailing from The Bronx, New York... MMEEELLLLIIIISSSSSSAAAAAAAAA NNEEEEERRRRDDLLLLYYYYYYYY!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Melissa makes her way to the ring and raises her boxing gloved hands in the air confidently as she climbs into the ring.


As Melissa ungloves, "Easy Way Out" by The Pink Spiders hits and out heads Megan Skye, in focused mood.

BUFFER
And her opponent. From Providence, Rhode Island... MMMEEEEEEGGAAAAAAANN SSSSSSSSSKKYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

BRANNIGAN
First round action in the Queen Of The Ring tournament, winner of this one to face the young upstart of the Duncan family dynasty Maya in the semi-finals.

COACH
So whoever wins this should fancy their chances of being in the final, is what you're saying?

BRANNIGAN
No. It's what you're saying. And I want to make that point very clear incase Krista is listening. Which I'm almost 100% sure she isn't, but, just incase.

Megan goes through some last second stretches and is ready to go.


*DINGDINGDING*

Circling around, the two ladies look for an opening. Megan throws a kick at Melissa's legs and able to avoid it, Melissa quickly ducks herself through the ropes and decides she needs a little time to regroup.

BRANNIGAN
Megan has a kickboxing background. Also very smart, the OAOAST's new foreign liason and the brains behind the new World 6-Man Tag Team Champions, The Last Kings Of Scotland and Alexander The Brutal.

COACH
She's also a very bitter and jilted person. Don't forget that.

Centering herself and embracing her inner-chi, or something like that, Melissa comes out ready to fight. Her fighting stance just encourages Megan to try for kicks though and Melissa decides she doesn't like it. Backing into a corner she protests about Megan's tactics. Megan rightly points out to the referee that she's doing nothing illegal, but the distraction is all Melissa is looking for, running up and yanking Megan down by the hair!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COACH
What were you saying about Megan being smart again?

Melissa stomps away at Megan, then drops an elbow. And a second one. Megan rolls away towards the ropes and buys herself time to get up, only for Melissa to catch her with a kick to the ribs.

BRANNIGAN
Well Melissa clearly has no problems dishing out kicks. It's just taking them that appears to be a problem.

Irish whip sends Skye off, Melissa looking for a clothesline. Megan ducks underneath, coming back and avoiding a back elbow attempt as well. With swings not landing Melissa goes a different road and ducks her head for a backdrop. But Megan puts on the brakes, lifting Melissa's head up and exposing her for a kick to the ribs of her own!

MELISSA


Melissa stumbles away into a corner, but doesn't get a break this time as Megan follows in. Hitting a couple of forearms, the OAOAST's foreign liason then steps onto the middle rope and uses her right leg to scrape her boot across Melissa's face!

"ONE!"
"TWO!"
"THREE!"
"FO..."

Skye steps down and holds her hands up apologetically.

COACH
Is that the kind of behaviour an OAOAST employee should be excused for?

Coming out of the corner with grave concern for her face, Melissa is caught by Megan and flung into the ropes. Megan takes a quick step to blast Melissa coming back with a clothesline and goes for a cover...


1...


2...


No.

Megan drags Melissa back up by the hair, snapping her over and giving Melissa a hard kick to the spine. Off the ropes, Megan follows up with a low dropkick and covers again...


1...


2...


No!

In control, Megan begins to stomp away. But soon her attention is diverted as down the ramp marches KING LANDON MADDIX!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

BRANNIGAN
Wait a minute, what's he doing out here?

COACH
Whatever he wants, he's the King!

Distracted by the King's arrival, Megan turns her back and pays with a shot from the blindside. Not looking best pleased, King Landon stands with arms folded at the end of the ramp, watching on as Melissa clubs away on Megan.

COACH
You know what, the King should be out here. It's the Queen Of The Ring tournament, he's the King, of course he's going to take an interest in this tournament. That must be it.

BRANNIGAN
The King certainly getting a close view of this. A little too close, if you ask me.

As the King watches on Melissa catches Megan off the ropes with a sideslam and hooks the leg...


1...


2...


No!

Melissa tries another irish whip, but Megan twists her way out and catches Melissa with a kick. Another kick is close by. And then a third, softening Melissa up. Skye turns the tables and whips Melissa to the ropes, but ducks her head too soon and suffers with a faceplant onto the knee!

COACH
Didn't see that one coming.

BRANNIGAN
Well what do you expect? She's distracted by Maddix being out here.

With Megan dazed, Melissa connects with a Spear and makes the pin...


1...


2...


Kickout!

King Landon's lip curls at the sight of the kickout. Ready to make good on that, Melissa sets herself. Waiting for Megan to get back up, she lies in wait, before springing forward and looking for the Eulogy... but Megan counters! Shoving Melissa in the back, Megan throws Melissa off and then catches her coming back with a Powerslam!!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

BRANNIGAN
Big turn of the tide here. Can Megan follow up?

Waiting for Melissa to stir, Megan goes to hit the ropes. But with the referee checking on Melissa, the King leaps into action and TRIPS UP MEGAN!!

BRANNIGAN
HEY!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Landing face-first, a groggy Megan gets back up and falls prey immediately to the EULOGY from Melissa!

COACH
Whoops!

Cover...


1...



2...



3!!!!

*DINGDINGDING*

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, advancing in the Queen Of The Ring tournament... MELISSA NERDLY!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Melissa sneaks out with her win and seems overly pleased with herself, considering. Meanwhile, recovering from her surprise Eulogy, Megan tries to explain what happened to the referee.

BRANNIGAN
Are you going to condone that?

COACH
Condone what?

BRANNIGAN
Oh, just as I thought. See no evil, speak no evil, especially when it comes to the King.


As Megan continues to protest to the referee, King Landon walks up the steps with a microphone in hand.

KING LANDON
I told you, you will never, ever be Queen material.

King Landon gets into the ring and Megan picks herself up to confront him.

KING LANDON
I told you that you were nothing more than a decieptful, vindictive little wench! And tonight, I just proved it. But now... now, the King has something to say to you. So I suggest you prick up those pretty little ears and listen to what I have to say.

"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"
"LAN - DON SUCKS!"

The unkind chant somewhat getting in the way of what he's trying to say, the King waits impatiently for the crowd to calm down.

KING LANDON
Tonight, I just proved to everybody one simple fact. That you are nothing without me. Now, I know that probably hurts your little feelings. But you need to come to terms with it, before you do something you regret. Because you do not want to get into a fight with the Kingdom that you can't win. Kingdoms have ruled this Earth for centuries. And every now and then, after years of bloody war, yes, a kingdom here and there might be toppled. But I'm fairly certain that a kingdom has never been toppled by a girl in a sulk. So as King, I'm imploring you, for your own good, to move on, get over me, go work behind your little foreign legion desk in your new little secretary job and leave me be, before you get on my bad side!

BRANNIGAN
How condescending.

Seething, Megan demands a microphone.

MEGAN
First of all, Landon...

KING LANDON
(off mic)
King Landon!

MEGAN
...I suggest you be careful what you say, before you get on my bad side.

COACH
Ooh. Big words from such a little woman.

MEGAN
I don't know what the hell's gotten into you, maybe that stupid plastic crown of yours is on too tight. Then again, you always were a bit of a goofball.

KING LANDON
A goofball!? Excuse me!?

MEGAN
The fact is, ever since you became "the so-called King", your head has swollen more than I thought possible and suddenly you really think that you're royalty. Well, the fact is, you're a royal idiot. Infact, you always were a royal idiot. The only difference is, now, you don't have me around to cover it up. Everybody in that locker room, everybody in this crowd and even you, deep down, know that if anything, you're the one who would be nothing without me!

Hardly able to control his amusement, the King starts to laugh a very choked, disbelieving laugh.

MEGAN
You always treated me like crap. But deep down, you know that whenever your brain failed you, I was the one who bailed you out. It was always me who did the real work. You just took all the credit and hogged up all the spotlight. And that was fine. I never asked for any praise or any thanks. Which is just as well, because I never got it. I never had a problem with that. But now? Now, I'm going to tell you what you really are, mister "King of the OAOAST". You're a self-centered... vain... naive... ignorant... stupid... inconsiderate... goofy... out of your depth... sexist... jumped up... bigheaded... egomaniacal... primadonna... fantasist... rat-faced airhead!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

BRANNIGAN
Wow!

COACH
...dayyyyum!

Shocked, the King proceeds to FLIP OUT and start pacing around like a madman!

KING LANDON
Alright! Alright! You know what, fine! Fine! You have officially disrespected the King! That's it!

The King tries to calm himself down and collect whatever shreds of his dignity are left.

KING LANDON
You really think you can match up to me? Huh? You think you can lead better than a King? Fine! I'll give you an opportunity. November Reign is coming up and I'm willing to issue a royal challenge. I assemble my team... you assemble a team... and we'll meet at November Reign, Survivor Series Elimination Match. But there's one condition! If my Kingdom win, you must forfeit. I want you, when my Kingdom wins, to show some humility for a change. You must get down on your hands and knees in the middle of this ring, pucker up... and KISS my royal feet! In front of the world! And then tell me that I'm a great King!

Ranting and raving, the King is on the verge of losing it. Megan nods her head, not concerned by this challenge.

MEGAN
Alright Landon. You're on. On one condition.

KING LANDON
Name it!

MEGAN
If my team wins... then right here, in front of all of your so-called "subjects", you have to get down on your hands and knees, crawl over... admit that without me, you would be nothing... and then, you have to kiss my feet.

Not liking this idea, the King stalls for a second, before his anger takes over again.

KING LANDON
Fine! You're on!

Throwing the microphone away, the King continues to rant at Megan under the sounds of "Easy Way Out" striking up again, before storming off in a huff. Megan scowls back at him and it's clear the tension is just bubbling between the two.

BRANNIGAN
Wow. I hate to say it, but... the King might have just put his foot in his mouth with that one! Survivor Series match at November Reign and high-stakes for the loser, they'll have to get down and kiss some feet!

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

"Medal" begins to play, which causes quite the chain reaction, causing the jovial fans filling the arena tonight to be overcome with disgust. The boos shower from the rafters on down to the front row, as OAOAST company founder Anglesault, his nephew Jason Silver, the "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez, and the "Metrosexual Monster" himself, Bohemoth, enter the arena.

TONY
Last weekend at the Halloween Spectacual, Cortez and Bo had their first match in ages, and their first as a tag team, obtaining victory over the Orange County Cobras.

COACH
A hard fought victory at that!

TONY
Well, that victory came in the shape of a normal, everyday piece of silverware, as Todd Cortez jabbed a forked into the forehead of Simon Singleton en route to the victory!

As is now the norm for them, the four men are all clad in suits, and look to be all business as they hit the ring. Once they're inside the squared circle, Anglesault takes the mic to speak on behalf of his faction.

ANGLESAULT
For those of you who did not get a chance to see the Halloween Spectacular, it's unfortunate, because you would have witnessed one of the greater comeback matches of the past decade. Todd Cortez and Bohemoth, once blacklisted from this company because of their involvement with that bloodsucker Zack Malibu, returned to action and were victorious over one of the most established duos that the OAOAST has to offer!

The crowd boos, but Anglesault is all smiles.

ANGLESAULT
People, that reaction can't change history. The fact of the matter is, at the Halloween Spectacular, just like every week before it, we did EXACTLY what we said we were going to do! The Orange County Cobras have taken up the cause for the locker room, and those who don't want to adhere to the new standards I'm setting in motion, and I can guarantee you that it will cause them to become martyrs, because as far as I'm concerned, Ned Blanchard and Simon Singleton are personas non grata around here!

Anglesault cackles, and then has the mic taken away by Silver, who doesn't even get a chance to speak before he's booed.

TONY
Looks like he's a chip off the old block!

SILVER
You know, you people should be a little more receptive to the changes around here. Ned and Simon thought they'd be heroes, but their efforts were in vain, and now the four of us just have another example to cite when we're out here making our points to you. In my case, well, I've been itching to get in this ring for a while now, but as my uncle taught me, there's a time and a place for everything. So I've studied up, watched the footage, looked over every man, woman, and child on this roster, and along the way one person in particular stood out to me, and I want to call attention to it right now. So, if you would, JAMES RIGGS, come on out to the ring!

TONY
James Riggs!?

COACH
Riggs? What do they want with bad ol' JR?

Equally as confused as Da Coach, James Riggs saunters down the aisle, rubbing his chin and looking bothered...maybe even a bit intimidated, at being called out by the rookie superstar. Being cautious, Riggs, circles around the ring, debating on whether or not to get in, before finally climbing on the apron and going in. Anglesault, Bo, and Todd stand back, as Silver approaches Riggs.

SILVER
First off, you have my word that nothing's going to happen to you with them. This is between you and me.

RIGGS
You and me? I didn't realize that there was something between you and me. I don't even know you.

SILVER
That's right, you don't. You don't know me at all...AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM!

Silver is now just a tad irate, and screams in Riggs' face.

SILVER
See, if you've been paying attention, you'd know that we have a bit of an open door policy going on here right. A chance for people on the roster to make good with us. We have a chance, James, all of us, to make the OAOAST into what it once was, and what it should be. We are creating a dynasty and you...you stand out. Because deep down, you know that somewhere, things went wrong with this place. You know that people weren't getting their fair shake, so you took it upon yourself to grab some of the OAOVW talent and give them their shot, didn't you? You gave them opportunity. You tried to make a group of boys into MEN.

RIGGS
Let me get this straight...you're mad that we don't know each other, but you're happy that I kicked the asses of a bunch of rookies?

SILVER
No, James. I'm glad that you took some initiative when it came to the rookies. What I'm mad about is that, I think you might be suffering from one of the same ailments that Zack Malibu had. During all of your research, when you hand-picked the guys out of the developmental system, why didn't you ever pick me?

RIGGS
Seriously? That's what this is about?

SILVER
That's what this is about.

RIGGS
Well, I don't have a good answer for it.

SILVER
I do. It's because you DO know me, James. There's no way you couldn't have seen at least one of my matches. You saw me in all my glory, this God-given talent that oozes off of me, and you felt that lump in your throat. You knew that you couldn't toy with me long before it came out about what family I came from. So tonight, I've run it by my uncle, and we're going to give you a bit of an audition.

RIGGS
An audition?

SILVER
That's right. See, Cortez back there, he was willing to make an example out of you tonight, and I changed his mind on it. What we're going to do tonight is have a match, you and I. I respect you for the chances you've handed out, but now the handouts stop. Tonight, one of two things are going to happen...you beat me, and we'll leave you alone. You can live your own life, have your own career, torment rookies until the end of time for all we care. I beat you, and...

Riggs interrupts, and that's seriously alters Silver's somewhat pleasant mood.

RIGGS
Look, as far as I'm concerned, you guys are doing something that should have been done a long time ago. The whole reason I started plucking rookies out of OAOVW is because some of them have been there for years, waiting for a chance that may have never come thanks to people like Zack Malibu. If you're looking to get me on board, then I'm with you. This place has gone to hell the past few years, and these fans certainly haven't made it any better!

SILVER
That's good. That's the kind of attitude I like. Unfortunately for you, we're still going to do this.

Silver backs off and hands the mic to Bo, while Uncle Anglesault removes his suit jacket. Bo and Cortez step out of the ring, and Anglesault calls out a referee. Charles Robinson comes running, and Anglesault tells him to call for the bell, as now we've got a match on our hands!

TONY
Yet another unexpected turn of events courtesy of Anglesault and company. Jason Silver is now, for the first time, wrestling on HeldDOWN~! against James Riggs!

The bell sounds, and immediately Riggs goes for a spear, but it gets sidestepped and he bounces off the ropes, right into a back elbow from Silver! Silver then snapmares him over and hits the ropes, then hits a sliding clothesline as Riggs sits up. Riggs staggers to his feet but Silver grabs him and snaps him over with a suplex, but rolls through to his feet and then promptly hits an elbow drop on his downed foe! He brings him up again, this time moving behind Riggs and hooking his arms as if for a Tiger Suplex, but jumps up and pulls Rigs back by the arms into a modified backstabber! Riggs kicks his legs in agony on the canvas as Silver stands up and looks to his uncle, who smiles proudly as Riggs gets brought to his feet, then draped across Silver's shoulders torture rack style.

COACH
Riggs can't even get any offense going...this Silver kid is liquid, son!

TONY
He's what!?

COACH
Just keeps on flowing, man!

TONY
Your commentary is making me have to go to the bathroom, Coach.

COACH
That ain't the first time I've heard that.

Silver holds Riggs across his shoulders, but rather than trying for a rack submission, he hooks the near arm and near leg and snaps Riggs over his head, sending him to the canvas face first! Riggs looks up in agony, groaning over the fall, and Silver immediately pounces on his back and hooks the head with one arm and pins Riggs arm back with his other, trapping him in the DRAGON CLUTCH~!

TONY
We've seen this before, during some of the assaults that have transpired over the past few months. Jason Silver appears to favor this Dragon Clutch, and Riggs has nowhere to go.

Right on cue, Riggs quits, screaming and tapping with his free hand, causing Robinson to call for the bell. Despite the sound being loud enough for him to hear, Silver doesn't break, and Riggs continues to tap, hoping he'll realize it. Robinson pleads with Silver to stop, but Anglesault, Bo, and Cortez get into the ring, and Anglesault simply nods Robinson away, sending the ref scurrying away!

TONY
I don't like the looks of this.

Silver, seeing his uncle and allies enter the ring, releases the hold and drops Riggs' head to the canvas. The four of them circle around him, encasing him within their circle so that he has nowhere to go. Anglesault drops to his knees, then helps Riggs to his feet.

COACH
Did we just see that, Tony B.!?

Riggs is confused, and backs into the corner, that way he can keep an eye on all four. Anglesault takes the mic to offer an explanation.

ANGLESAULT
Riggs, it's over. You have my word that none of us are going to touch you. To be perfectly honest, I like the way you think, and the boys agree. You took that beating like a man, and you gave my nephew the shot he should have gotten long ago. If you meant what you said earlier, then I think you could be a real asset.

Riggs seems weary of it all, but Silver is the first to extend a hand. Riggs eyes everyone else, making sure this isn't a setup, and shakes it...and that's all there is to it. A simple handshake with Jason Silver seals the deal, and Riggs backs out of the ring before anything else transpires.

TONY
Talk about something completely different. James Riggs of all people has earned the respect of Anglesault's group, and for the first time officially, Jason Silver had a chance to showcase his wrestling ability, defeating Riggs in quick succession.

COACH
We saw VICE a few weeks ago, James Riggs tonight...think you and me better put our applications in with them?

TONY
Will you stop it already!?

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

Coming back from break we find Holly milling about the backstage area by herself. This is mostly due to the fact that everyone is afraid to approach. Well, almost everyone except for a male intern.

INTERN
Hi, Holly, can I have a few words with you?

HOLLY
(beep) no! Who in the shit are you? I’ve never seen your scrawny ass around here before.

INTERN
I was assigned to interview you because all the regular interviewers are too afraid of you.

HOLLY
Too afraid? What a bunch of (beep)! You don’t look much different. You ever thrown a woman on the bed, and (beep) her brains out like Logan does to me? Probably not, you limp (beep)  (beep). What do you want from me?

INTERN
Maya beat Sophie in the first round of the Queen of The Ring? Are you upset about that?

HOLLY
Why the (beep) would I be upset?

INTERN
Well, the whole point of Maya entering the tournament was to get a chance to face you in the finals in a Hell In The Cell match at November Reign. And now she’s one step closer.

HOLLY
You act like I got something to be afraid of? What I’ve got dumbass is a rich bitch spoiled brat wanting to kick my ass. Who gives a (beep)? Not me. So she beat Sophie. Again, who gives a flying (beep). Not me! That’s what you call a fluke victory. It doesn’t mean a damn thing to me and it shouldn’t mean a damn thing to any of you (beep) suckers. You think just because she beat Sophie she can beat me? Her prissy little ass hasn’t even gotten through the (beep) second round. When that second round comes around, her ass is dead, Melissa is gonna knock her lights out.

INTERN
What if she gets through the second round to the finals?

HOLLY
What if she gets out the second round? What the (beep) kind of question is that? Then she faces me, and she dies. I don’t give a (beep) what kind of crazy dyke her mother is or who her lousy deadbeat father is.  When she enters the ring with me in Hell In a Cell, I’m going to leave her a (beep) bloody mess. She’s going to the winter formal in a wheel chair and a body cast.

INTERN
Um, how do you respond to her calling you a bully?

HOLLY
A bully? That’s crazy bullshit. Its not my fault people can’t stand up to me. Would a bully do some shit like this?

CRAAAAAAACK! Holly headbutts the intern in the nose!

HOLLY
Does that seem like something a bully would do, you (beep) (beep)sucker?

BRANNIGAN
What a disgrace to this great sport Holly is. Hopefully Melody can put her in her place next week in their Queen Of The Ring first round match.

THE WORLD TITLE MAINEVENT IS NEXT!

COMMERCIAL

[Tony149]

Motley Crue’s Wildside ushers in the world title challenger Malaysia. Clad in jeans and a black corset, Malaysia cracks her whip atop the entrance stage, frightening the finnicky audience. Behind her stands Mister Dick, playing the role unusual role of cheerleader. He and his main squeeze engage in a spicy liplock that's made even hotter by the dual ass grabs they engage in..

BUFFER
Introducing the challenger! From Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, she is the Ultimate Combination of Beauty and Beatdowns, being accompanied by Mister Dick…..MAAAALAAAAYYYYSSSSSIIIIIAAAA!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

BRANNIGAN
Alix takes a ride on the wildside in her first title defense. According to that man Mister Dick should Malaysia win the world title she’ll promptly drop it to The Human Hard On. I don’t believe that’s the case.

COACH
Believe it, T-Bod. In the words of The Rock Malaysia knows her role. And that role is supporting Mister Dick. That means she’s turning over that world title belt because that’s her job.

Mister Dick slides into the ring and humps the canvas while giving a thrilled Malaysia a lusty stare.

SNOOP DOGG
Greetings loved ones
Lets take a journey

KATY PERRY
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
Will melt your popsicle
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent
Now put your hands up
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

A huge pop greets the arrival of world champion Alix Maria Spezia. Her trusty bar rolls onto stage complete with patrons, bartender, and of course Alix herself, laid out on the bar fanning herself with some frisbees. After leaping off her bar, Alix sends several of the pink discs roaring into the crowd. She then blows a kiss into the camera, causing super imposed red lips to pop on screen!

BUFFER
And the champion… From Los Angeles, California... she is one half of the world reknowned former six-time OAOAST World Tag Team Champions, Chicks Over Dicks! Ladies and gentlemen, this is AALLLLLIIIIIXXXX MMMAAAAAARRRRRIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAA... SSSSSPPEEEEEZZZZZZZIIIIIIAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Alix gingerly skips down the asile, paying little attention to the violent glares casted at her by Malaysia and Mister Dick.

COACH
Here comes a damn thief, Tony! A rotten scoundrel. Alix has no business with that world title.  I don’t see how you couldn’t be on Krista’s side. What if Dan Black had swooped in and stolen your world title!

BRANNIGAN
Krista doesn’t have a side, she hasn’t said she has a problem with it.

COACH
That’s because for once in her life, she’s being nice. Well, as nice as she knows how to be.

Happy as can be, Alix waves to her legion of fans. Such a good sport, she even blows a kiss to Malaysia. This is returned with a sinister smile from the dominatrix.

DING DING DING

BRANNIGAN
Here we go, Alix Maria Spezia with her first world title defense.

Malaysia circles Alix, smiling at the smaller woman over the pain she’s soon to inflict. Oblivious to this, Alix smiles back. So Malaysia smiles wider. Then Alix smiles wider. Then Malaysia smiles wider. Then Alix uses her fingers to widen her smile into some strange clown like smile. Malaysia dismisses this game as stupid and steps into a lockup. The two women tangle for several seconds, neither able to gain one up on the other. That is until Alix flips Malaysia to the ground with side headlock take down. This hold doesn’t last long as Malaysia brings her powerful legs back to scissor Alix’s head.

ALIX
Somehow when I fantasized about being between your legs, I didn’t quite picture this.

As such Alix kips up and out of Malaysia’s hold. Unfortunatley for her, Malaysia is quick to her feet and strikes her in her bare stomach with a boot. She then brings Alix down to the canvas with a headlock takedown. But this time its Alix who wraps her lovely legs around Malaysia’s neck, forcing Malaysia to kip out the vice. After getting upright, Alix fires off a superkick! Malaysia narrowly avoids it, by hopping backwards.  Alix follows her, and is promptly elbowed in the face.  Malaysia then attempts to throw her over the ropes. Thinking, she’s rid of Alix, Malaysia turns around to catch a breather. However this leads to her being slung over the ropes by a dropkick from Alix!

BRANNIGAN
Never count the world champion out!

COACH
Don’t call her that.

Mister Dick attends to an irate Malaysia, attempting to settle her down. For whatever reason, Alix decides to do an Irish jig while she waits for Malaysia.

BRANNIGAN
This is one world champion that likes to have fun. You’re rarely going to see her angry or frustrated.

Malaysia finally decides to reenter the battleground.  She gets into Alix’s face with some rather vulgar words and threats. Alix responds with a monkey face and a rollup!

ONE!


Malaysia forces her way out the pinfall. As she heads upright, she throws a lariat that’s ducked by Alix.  As she spins back around she’s caught with a knife edge chop.

ALIX
Heheheh I touched your boobs.

CHOP!

ALIX
I did it again!

CHOP!

ALIX
And again! Its like slapping two huge water balloons!

Amazingly Alix gets uncharacteristically bored of touching Malaysia’s breasts and slams a dropsault into her head. Malaysia stumbles back into the corner, where she hears shouts of encouragement from Mister Dick.

ALIX
Duh-duh-duh CHARGE!

With that battle cry taken care of Alix runs forward and leaps into the air with a knee aimed at Malaysia’s face. But the Canadian slides out the way, and Alix’s knees crash with the top turnbuckle.  She falls backwards and is immediately pinned to the canvas by Malaysia….

ONE!


TWO!

Alix pops out the pinfall, which leads the referee to be doused with complaints from Mister Dick.

COACH
Ain’t no reason Krista can’t be out here supporting her woman. Except she doesn’t want to, because Alix betrayed her.

Malaysia hooks Alix into a neck vice and twists her around into a neckbreaker. Alix whimpers in pain, which etches a smile onto Malaysia’s face. She leans backwards, covering Alix in a most casual way…

ONE!


TWO!


Kickout!

“LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX!”

BRANNIGAN
The Ally Cats are numerous tonight.

COACH
Bunch of traitors just like Alix. A week ago they were cheering Krista as world champion, now they’ve sold her out just like Alix.

Malysia stradles Alix’s back and cinches in a camel clutch. The pain is immediate for poor Alix, and Malaysia smiles over her predicament.

BRANNIGAN
Alix is in a terrible position, trapped in the middle of the ring with a bigger opponent on top of her.

Mister Dick demands Alix tap out, but the Hollywood Bad Girl steadfastly refuses. She attempts to push up to her feet, but as she does so Malaysia switches to a side headlock and grounds her once more.

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” the fans chant once more to rouse their heroine to fight.

The kind words of the audience seem to do their trick as Alix fights to her feet. She wings severeal elbows into Malaysia’s midsection, which finally wins her her freedom. This freedom, however, does not last very long as Malaysia stabs her in the stomach with a fierce kick.  She then grabs onto Alix’s wrist and hurls into the ropes. But Alix returns to take Malaysia off her feet with a Triple H style knee strike!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans cheer as Alix celebrates her achievement by doing the ROBOT.

BRANNIGAN
Even in the middle of a grueling title defense Alix keeps the levity. She’s the most calm champion I’ve seen in a long time.

COACH
What you call calm, I call being too stupid to realize she’s in danger!

Alix dashes at a rising Malaysia. But the Canadian beauty lunges forward and wipes Alix out with a diving lariat! Malaysia smiles over the pain she’s inflicted upon Alix and goes for a pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!


Alix makes a kickout! This annoys Malaysia, and she takes out her frustrations on Alix with a jumping elbow drop. Another pinfall then follows…

ONE!


TWO!


Kickout!

No sooner than one second after her kickout is Alix placed in a reverse chinlock by Malaysia.  The Hollywood Bad Girl begins fighting against the hold almost immediately. This is much to Malaysia’s chargin, and things get worse for her as Alix fights back to her feet.

BRANNIGAN
There’s no quit in Alix Maria Spezia.

COACH
But there is a thief, ‘cause she stole the title from Krista!

Alix may be on her feet, but offense isn’t forthcoming as Malaysia grabs onto her chocolate coloured hair and slams her back to the canvas.  She then drops onto Alix for another pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!


Alix preserves her championship by kicking out!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

Malaysia backs away from Alix, giving her time to sit back up. That’s when the Edmonton native strikes, running forward to snap Alix’s neck with a whiplash! After Alix falls over to the canvas, Malaysia makes the pin…

ONE!


TWO!


NO!

Alix attempts to crawl away, heading towards the safety of the corner. But Malaysia pursues her, and pounds her with vicious stomps.  Yet, Alix finds the strength needed to fight back, and eventually works her way upright. Problematically, Malaysia shoves her away and then crashes a Yakuza Kick into her chest.

BRANNIGAN
Classic Malaysia!

Malaysia hooks onto Alix’s bare legs for a pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!


Another kickout! This causes Malaysia to rain down punches upon Alix’s face, taking a sick sort of glee in doing so.  These blows earn her a warning from the referee, and Malaysia is forced to switch to another reverse chinlock to wear Alix down.

BRANNIGAN
Malaysia is doing a fine job of keeping Alix grounded.

Alix squirms and writhes within Malaysia’s grasp, doing her best to fight out the hold.  She manages to weaken Malaysia’s grip, forcing the dominatrix to break it all together. This does Alix little good, as Malaysia begins slamming elbows into the back of her skull. On the outside Mister Dick cheers and hollers over Malaysia’s dominating performance.

COACH
There’s a man who knows he’s only two pinfalls away from being three time world champion.

Once done with her elbows, Malaysia snaps on her inverted Boston Crab finisher!

MISTER DICK
Hell yes! That belt is mine, you stupid bitch!

Alix cries out a pained wail as Malaysia puts pressure on the hold. The sold out Salt Lake audience begs Alix to tough out the pain. This tremendous task isn’t made any easier by the taunts and insults of Mister Dick. Yet Alix mounts a mighty struggle to break free of the hold.

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” the fans try to rally the World Champion.

Alix takes their encouraging words to heart and begins scratching and clawing her way to the ropes. With much effort she manages to wrap her hands around the cable.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Malaysia begins pulling Alix off the canvas, only for Alix to slug her in the stomach several times. Gaining a second wind, Alix begins peppering Malaysia with jabs that push her into the corner.  Malaysia quickly ducks under the ropes to prevent Alix from further pounding her. The referee, at Mister Dick’s demands, ushers Alix away.

ALIX
Boo this man, everybody!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

While the ref tries to calm the crowd down, Alix darts at her foe. However, Malaysia catches her with an elbow.  Alix staggers backwards, giving Malaysia the time she needs to charge in with a lariat. Malaysia is caught off guard by the leg lariat Alix slams into her face.

BRANNIGAN
Alix caught Malaysia right there. Malaysia had no way of knowing that move was coming.

Alix tosses her hair back out her eyes, and then climbs to the top rope. The fans rise to their feet, expecting a high risk stunt. Alix gives them what they want when she leaps off the turnbuckle with a crossbody block! The referee drops into position to count the pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!


Malaysia throws her shoulder off the canvas.

“THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE!”

MISTER DICK
That weren’t no three count!

Malaysia quickly rolls to her feet, only to be tagged by a pair of elbows from the champion. Alix then leaps into the air and knocks Malaysia off her feet with a dropsault! As the audience cheers her, Alix runs to the ropes. Coming back, she attempts flatten Malaysia with a leaping forearm. But the former Women’s Champion ducks the attack. She spins around to catch Alix with a fast kick to the stomach. From there she attempts to twist Alix into a neckbreaker. But the Hollywood Bad Girl shoves her challenger away to the ropes. The cables spew Malaysia back to Alix who leaps into the air and connects with a Lou Thez Press.

BRANNIGAN
A brilliant counter and a brilliant attack by Alix.

COACH
That’s only time you’ll ever use “brilliant” to describe something related to Alix.

Much to everyone’s delight and glee Alix begins humping Malaysia! She purrs an arousing hiss as she passes sexy stares to the camera.

COACH
Okay, that’s brilliant.

After getting to her feet, Alix nails a standing shooting star press on Malaysia! On the outside, Mister Dick panics over his fleeting title hopes.  He watches as Alix sails at a rising Malaysia with a leaping side kick! But Malaysia ducks the attack and then tries to trap Alix inside a sleeper hold. Thankfully for the Ally Cats, Alix is able to flip her forward and away.  Malaysia comes charging back, but Alix comes Straight Outta Compton with a springboard spear!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Alix hooks onto Malaysia’s legs for a pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!


Mister Dick puts Malaysia’s boot on the ropes! Thinking her to be in dire straits, he rolls her out of the ring as well. This earns complaints from both champion and crowd. Only Alix is able to deal with the problem though, taking out both MD and Malaysia with a plancha!

BRANNIGAN
The actions of a desperate man yield minimal results.

COACH
He ain’t desperate, T-Bod. He’s just hungry for that world title.

Alix rolls Malaysia back into the ring and pins her shoulders to the mat…

ONE!


TWO!

Malaysia makes a timely kickout!

BRANNIGAN
If Malaysia had lost, Mister Dick would have only himself to blame for putting her in a position of danger.

Alix grabs onto the black of Malaysia’s leather top and brings her to her feet. But Malaysia blasts an elbow into her face! This permits Malaysia to grab Alix in set up for the  Canadian Backbreaker Piledriver. But as she lifts Alix up, the spunky brunette counters by whirling out the hold.  This is no problem for Malaysia as she simply traps Alix into a sleeper hold.

BRANNIGAN
Malaysia is taking it old school with a sleeper hold.

Alix manages to quickly counter the attack with a stunner! Malaysia is, as the name of the move implies, stunned. Therefore Alix is able to set her up with a side facelock. She then sommersaults over with a neckbreaker!

BRANNIGAN
Confessions of a Kristaholic!

As the crowd cheers wildly, the referee counts the pinfall…

CROWD
ONE!


CROWD
TWO!


CROWD
THREE!

DING DING DING!

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a-

All cheers and announcements are interrupted by Mister Dick who dives into the ring to brutally attack Alix.

BRANNIGAN
This is just plain wrong. Alix won her first title defense fair and square and Mister Dick’s plan didn’t work. There’s no reason to attack the poor girl.

COACH
You of all people are complaining about cheap shot assaults? That’s what you made your career on, man!

BRANNIGAN
I’m reformed, and this isn’t right.

Mister Dick stomps the world champion, violently cursing her out while doing so. Alix tries to mount a heroic fight to her feet, but Mister Dick’s cowboy boots keep her grounded and in pain.

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

Much to the crowd’s delight Krista comes…WALKING down the entrance ramp.

BRANNIGAN
Here comes Krista!

COACH
She sure is taking her sweet time to get here.

This doesn’t go unnoticed by Mister Dick, who warmly welcomes Krista into the ring.

BRANNIGAN
He wants her in there?

Mister Dick holds the ropes open for Krista, giving her easy access to the ring. He then leads her over to Alix, and invites her to attack her own girlfriend!

COACH
Do it! Do it! You know you want to! That woman stole your title!

Krista takes a moment to consider Mister Dick's offer. And a moment is all she needs to level the Human Hard On with a superkick!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

KRISTA


BRANNIGAN
There’s your answer, Jock Mulligan!

Mister Dick makes a wise escape out the ring, clutching his sore face. He’s joined by Malaysia, who screams and threatens COD. Mister Dick, however, calms her down. With an even temper he motions to Krista that it’s “cool” and tell her "don't worry".

BRANNIGAN
What is going through that man’s mind?

Alix comes to, realizing that Krista has saved her hide. For that Krista has earned herself a big hug!

KRISTA


BRANNIGAN
Fans, I don’t think we’ve heard the last of Mister Dick! Tune in next week to see what he has in store for our OAOAST World Champion Alix Maria Spezia!

FADE TO BLACK