Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We go immediately to sofa central, where Tony Brannigan and Da Coach wait to call the action. BRANNIGAN Hello world! Its Tony Brannigan and Da Coach here for OAOAST HeldDOWN~! We seem to be starting with Abdullah Abir Nerdly, oddly enough. We go to the ring where Abdullah Abir Nerdly is stationed inside. ABDULLAH Brothers and sisters, pity me. For I, in my determination to serve god and his prophets, have caused great injury and humiliation to myself. It wasn't as if I was doing something unholy such as complimenting Barack Obama, or masturbating to Mariachi's gay porn, I was on a noble mission of good when I endured the worst pain of my life. I was attempting to wrest the world title from the hands of a true sinner, from the hands of the devil's loyal servant, from the hands of the antichrist, Krista Isadora Duncan! “KRISTA! KIRSTA! KRISTA!” ABDULLAH I stood tall in this ring, and with pride in my heart, and valor in my veins, I was ready to bring the OAOAST world title back to the side of good. I knew that no matter how fearsome the beast that is Krista Isadora Duncan was that god was on my side, and I would prevail! I knew I had the lord and his servants on my side, and I could not be defeat. Ah, but reality was a true trickster. It derailed my destiny, perverted god's wishes and had me lose in ten seconds! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” ABDULLAH This is not the way it was meant to be, my children! The poor, communists, and jews, they are meant to suffer as I have suffered, not a man of upstanding character and impeccable servitude to the lord such as myself. People often ask, Abdullah what does god want of you. And I say god wants me to have my Mercedes Benz, he wants me to have my Vegas penthouse, he wants me to make millions from speaking engagements at churches, he wants to me lie with as many virgins as humanly possible. He wants me to have the OAOAST World Title. He wants me to have this because he knows that the world title is a key to reaching the masses! With the world title, I shall be looked at as a hero, and a savoir. A messiah if you will for these modern times. By being world champion I will open doors to a new world of believers. With the world title I will sell millions of books and in turn become a millionaire as god wishes for me to be. My global image will increase ten fold and so will my bank account, as god wants it to be. Simply put, my children, I need the world title. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” ABDULLAH But it is painfully clear to me, that even with divine intervention I can not best Krista Isadora Duncan. She is a foul demon to rich with strength, and blessed with near unlimited power. Though David may have slew Goliath, I am no David and she is most certainly Goliath. My children, fear not. I have not been dissuaded from my goals! If anything I have become more resolute and steadfast in them. I will continue to pursue Krista Isadora Duncan and her ill gotten grasp on the world title. But, I shall not do it alone, my children. I will amass an army of like minded warriors. They will come under the banner of the Church Of Abdullah and together we shall mount the strength of an entire nation and put an end to Krista Isadora Duncan and a beginning to my world title reign. Together, my children, we will change the world! BRANNIGAN I think Abdullah is jumping the gun. Krista still has to make it past Landon Maddix at Zero Hour. No easy feat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 BRANNIGAN Right now, let's send it backstage to Terry Taylor. Terry? Looking delighted to be assigned to an interview that doesn't involve Krista, even if it is at the expense of another interviewer's health, Terry beams with excitement, stood next to a less excited Tim Cash. TAYLOR Thanks Tony, I'm standing by with Tim Cash and Tim, I've got to ask how you're feeling tonight. A couple of weeks ago, you were humiliated by Leon Rodez, who seemingly set you up with some sort of devious plot, in order to get you arrested! CASH First of all Terry, thank you for asking. That's very considerate of you. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling too good. I've always prided myself on a few things. My honesty, my integrity and my status as a role model to all of my great fans. And two weeks ago, Leon Rodez took all of that away from me. Thanks to Leon Rodez, I now have a criminal record. A black mark on my good name. But more than that, he took away the trust and the faith that my young fans held in me, as an upstanding person and someone that the OAOAST Galaxy could believe in. TAYLOR Well Tim, this Sunday you get a chance for revenge against Leon Rodez one on one, at Zero Hour. What are your thoughts going into that? CASH Terry, I don't want revenge. Sighing sadly, Tim shakes his head. CASH Deep down... I do want revenge. But revenge is a base emotion. It's built on hatred and bitterness. And that's just not me. Leon has made me feel things that I never want to feel. Like hatred. But also shame and disappointment. But I have a message for Leon and for all of my fans... LEON (off-screen) Oh really? Abruptly crashing the interview is Leon Rodez, casually walking in and right up towards Cash. Tim looks down in disgust and tries to control his anger, as Leon looks back at Morgan Nerdly, noticeable bruising under her left eye. LEON Maybe you shouldn't be giving them a message. Maybe you should be giving them an apology. Maybe you should be giving me an apology, Tim. How about you tell all of your great fans how sorry you are, that you snapped... and punched a defenceless woman in the face. Tim doesn't respond, as Leon decides to keep on prodding. LEON Let me ask you a question Tim... what was it like? What was it like in the back of that cop car? Huh? I wouldn't know... I've never been arrested. But you have. So tell us, how was it? How did that upbeat view of the world go down... when you were thrown in a cell with the other criminals? Did the sun shine as brightly in your world, coming through prison bars? Looking up, Tim glares at Leon who antagonises Tim even further by just looking right back at him, almost daring Tim to do something. CASH Let me tell you something Leon. I am sorry. I'm sorry for what happened to Morgan. But I'm even more sorry for her, because of the way you treat her. LEON How I treat her is no business of yours. CASH You want to know what my message is, Leon? Well here it is. You may have messed up your life. And you seem to enjoy messing up other people's to make you feel better. But I won't let you mess up mine. You're a miserable, sick... pathetic excuse for a human being. You want to drag everyone down with you. Well I don't care what you do to me, my fans know that my name is still clean and that my conscience is clear. And you will never... never ruin who I am! Having said his piece, Cash goes to leave... ...and Leon grabs him by the shoulder. He spins Tim around... but Tim surprises him with a double leg takedown and starts to rain in with punches on the ground! TERRY HEY! Guys! Guys, cut it out! CAN WE GET SOME HELP HERE? Tim and Leon scrap it out on the floor of the interview set, with Morgan looking on in fear, as Terry tries desperately to prise them apart. Finally some more bodies appear to help him out and between three men, they manage to pull Cash off of Rodez. Leon is held back, but doesn't hang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 BRANNIGAN We are back live on TSM and The Pit in Canada. And by now many of you know about an incident that occurred earlier today in Los Angeles involving Mr. Dick and Alix Maria Spezia. COACH According to my sources Mr. Dick and Malaysia were do a little shopping at Victoria’s Secret when they were ambushed by Alix. Naturally they fought back in self defense and the poor girl got hurt. BRANNIGAN That’s not what happened at all, and we have the footage to prove it thanks to a local television station.EARLIER TODAY LOS ANGELES, CA A line stretches outside an L.A. based Victoria’s Secret store for a meet-and-greet with Alix Maria Spezia. Inside we see the OAOAST Hottie pose for pictures and sign autographs. Jaws then drop as MALAYSIA cuts to the front of the line wearing GLASSES and her hair in a bun, which is enough to fool Alix into thinking it’s just another fan. ALIX Hiya! MALAYSIA (stifling laughter) I can’t believe this. ALIX Believe it, girlfriend. You’re up close with the one and only Alix Maria Spezia. MALAYSIA You really don’t know who I am do you? ALIX Of course I do. You’re one of my Ally Cats! MALAYSIA Excuse me? ALIX The guys in marketing suggested I come up with a cool name for my fans. You know, like Hulkamaniacs or Little Stingers/Warriors. Rad, huh? FEMALE FAN Careful Alix! It’s Malaysia! ALIX No it’s not, silly. Malaysia removes her glasses and lets her hair down. ALIX MALAYSIA Silly rabbit. Who says tricks are for kids? With that MR. DICK jumps out of the dressing room and blindsides Alix. MALE FAN It was a trap! FEMALE MAN #2 Help! Security! The cries for help fall on deaf ears as security is too busy fondling a scantily-clad MANNEQUIN. Meanwhile, MD chokes Alix out with undergarments, then breaks a mannequin across her back. Just when it seems the damage is done, MD STRIPS Alix of her clothing until she’s down to her BRA and PANTIES. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Security finally steps in to end the madness, but not before MD MOONS THE ONLOOKERS! FEMALE FAN #3 You suck, Dick! MR. DICK Gag on it! MD grabs a pair of panties and shouts at the clerk to "PUT IT ON THE TAB," then exits arm in arm with Malaysia. COACH BRANNIGAN It won't be a laughing mater come Zero Hour. You can bet on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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