Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We find our way to Sofa Central, where our announce team wears Angleslam football jerseys. COLE Welcome to Minneapolis for OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Michael Cole, sitting alongside Da Coach. And do we have a show for you!TONIGHTLEON RODEZ VS ALIX MARIA SPEZIATONIGHT'S MAINEVENT OAOAST WORLD TITLEMISTER DICK VS SHAYNE BRAVE COACH Don't forget about the sixth match in the best of seven series between ThunderKid and Denzel Spencer. COLE How could I? How could anyone? La Roux’s club thumbing track “Bulletproof” rolls into the arena to a chorous of jeers. Entrance doors spread apart bringing out the pixie haired starlet known as Sophie. The French girl wears black pants and a white tank top with her name scrawled across the back. She sneers at the camera and then stomps to the ring. BUFFER The following in an Ejaculation Chamber qualifying match! Now making her way to the ring from Marseilles, France, SOOOOPPPPHHHHIIIEEEEEE! COLE Sophie all set to face Morgan Nerdly here in Minneapolis. COACH She’s already got one victory over the little psychopath so it shouldn’t be too much trouble for her to get another. ::Cue:: GO! To un-explain the unforgivable, Drain all the blood and give the kids a show. By streetlight this dark night, A séance down below. There are things that I have done, You never should ever know! And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now. And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now. The entrance stage is bombarded by bolts of electricity, as the video screens fill with matching images. The final booming bolt crashes down on the blue lit entrance stage and summons Morgan Nerdly, in a cute pinstriped booty shorted romper. Morgan nervously chews on her hair as she’s shot a nasty look from Sophie. BUFFER And the opponent….from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, prepare for shock and awe from MOOOOOORRRGAAAANNNN NNNNEEEERRRRDDDDLLLLLLYYYYYY!Can you hear me cry out to you? Words I thought I'd choke on figure out. I'm really not so with you anymore. I'm just a ghost, So I can't hurt you anymore, So I can't hurt you anymore. And now, you wanna see how far down I can sink? Let me go, fuck! So, you can, well now so, you can I'm so far away from you. Well now so, you can. Morgan gets into the ring and stands on the first rope, while leaning over the second. She casts a quizzical glance at the audience, almost childlike in its odd innocence. COLE That victory Sophie has over Morgan was definitely an upset. Morgan doesn’t lose very easily. DING DING DING A lockup starts off the contest with both girls struggling to overpower the other one. Despite being the smaller of the two, Morgan manages to slowly back Sophie into the corner. But after doing so, Sophie rips her arms from Morgan and begins taking him with wild shots at her opponent. These blows back Morgan into an opposite corner where her thin frame is pounded by powerful kicks. Sophie then grabs onto Morgan’s light blond hair and snapmares her towards the center of the ring. Morgan is hit with a crushing kick to the back. As she screams out in anguish she’s hooked into a side headlock. COACH Morgan’s so small she could slide right out that hold. That girl could survive on one frosted flake a day. One frosted flake. Sophie wrenches and grinds on the hold, causing Morgan incredible pain. In spite of this suffering, she’s able to slowly work her way to her feet. She shoves Sophie into the ropes for a quick breather. But her breath is then ripped from her when Sophie nails her with a shoulder tackle. The French Girl puts herself back against the ropes, coming back to Morgan as she’s beginning to rise. Morgan leapfrogs her and Sophie continues a run of the ropes. When she returns she walks right into back kick from the cute Canadian! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Morgan picks Sophie up and throws her into the ropes. Morgan lowers head for a leapfrog. The problem is Sophie never returns, instead sliding beneath the ropes and taking a timeout. “BOOOOOOOOO!” the audience berates Sophie for her cowardly performance. Their jeers morph to cheers when Morgan’s platform pumps slam into Sophie with a baseball slide. Sophie topples over, all the wind ripped right out her body. Morgan scoops Sophie up and slashes her with a knife edge chop before deposting her back inside the squared circle. Morgan doesn’t follow Sophie inside, instead choosing to climb to the top rope. The audience pops, expecting to see a death defying stunt. But what they get is the sight of Morgan being shoved off the top rope! The tiny Nerdly sails outside and takes a terrible crash into the ring mats. She clutches onto her bare knees as her mouth forces out screams of pain. COLE Folks, we have to take a commercial break, but we’ll be back with more HeldDOWN~!COMMERCIAL Inside the ring, Sophie is abusing Morgan with slaps upside her head. But, Morgan begins fighting back with knife edge chops that pop the crowd. Her rally is cut short, when Sophie thumbs her in the eyes and shoves her to the ground. Sophie then runs the ropes, and returns to kick Morgan in the side of the head! Morgan falls over to the canvas, where she’s hit with an elbow drop from her European opponent. As Morgan grimcaes in pain, Sophie sits her up and terrorizes her adorable face with crossface punches. After receiving a warning from the referee about closed fists, Sophie ends the attack and decides to chuck Morgan through the ring ropes. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” SOPHIE Fermez la bouche! After hushing the audience, Sophie slips out the ring. She grabs hold of Morgan by the seat of her booty shorted romper and dumps her back inside the ring. After following her inside, Sophie plants a kick to the small of Morgan’s back and attempts a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Morgan lifts her shoulder off the canvas. COLE Close kickout by Morgan Nerdly. These two former women’s champions going at it live on HeldDOWN~! On TSM and The Pit in Canada. COACH How do you think Sophie would look in a bikini? The French have unusual fashion tastes, I bet she’d look like an elephant astronaut! Sophie draws the audience’s immense ire by choking Morgan on the ropes. This causes an immediate count from the referee… ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! Sophie breaks the hold, only to resume it a mere second later… ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! Sophie then takes off to the ropes. Coming back, she leaps forward to drive her knee towards Morgan’s skull. However, the Nerdly girl pulls her head out the way at the last possible second and Sophie gets jammed up on the second rope! COLE Morgan has got to look to capitalize on that miss! COACH Morgan’d be the only person to buy a bikini out the Macy’s juniors section, that’s how small she is. I bet she’d still look damn good though. Sophie gets to her knees, seething with rage over her miss. But that errant attack becomes the least of her worries as Morgan connects with the Electric Slide. COLE Sliding lariat just like Leon Rodez! Clutching her now sore face, an even angrier Sophie wobbles upright. She finds herself kicked in the ribs by Morgan. Another kick lands and Sophie feels the pain. It’s a pain that’s increased ten-fold when Morgan levels her with a round house! COLE Lightening Kick! Big moves from a little girl! COACH Big boobs on that little girl to! Morgan whips her foe to the corner, and follows her at full speed. But Sophie gets her elbow up to ward her away. With Morgan staggered, Sophie backs up to the second rope. She jumps forward and strikes her Canadian opponent down with an axe handle smash. COLE Simple but effective. COACH That’s all you need for someone that small. You flick a paper clip at that girl you probably break her arm. Sophie traps Morgan inside a chinlock. Morgan grunts and grimaces, the pain setting in rather quickly. COLE That axe handle smash may have taken quiet a bit out of Morgan. The referee asks Morgan if she wishes to submit, but receives a meek no in response. “LET’S GO MORGAN! LET’S GO MORGAN! LET’S GO MORGAN!” The OAOAST Galaxy wills Morgan back into the contest; the Tiny Terror of Edmonton is able to fight to her feet. With all strength behind it, she throws elbows into Sophie’s midsection. COACH Those don’t hurt, she’s to little, that’s like being whipped by a rubber band. Coach’s statement seems to be inaccurate as Sophie bellows in pain and rips her arm away from Morgan. With her foe stunned, Morgan puts herself off the ropes. Returning to Sophie she expects to hit a lariat. But before she can even raise her arm, Sophie strikes her down with a back elbow. The French Girl runs a hand through her pixie like haircut, and the attempts a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Morgan kicksout the pinall, and the audience cheers the result. SOPHIE Levez-vous! Levez-vous! As Morgan rises, Sophie backs into the ropes. They spew her back and she launches a lariat at Morgan’s head. But the tiny Nerdly girl ducks the attack, and then swings her platform heel back to crack Sophie in the ribcage. Sophie is doubled over and trapped inside a front facelock. Morgan dives backwards and spikes her head into the canvas with a DDT! COLE Morgan is getting her second wind, and Sophie is feeling the effects. COACH I don’t know who I want to win, they’d both look great in a bikini! Morgan attempts to whip Sophie into the ropes. However, Sophie reverses it and its Morgan sent into the cables. The Canadian bounces back and nails her opponent across the jaw with a double knee lift! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” The cover is made….. CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! Sophie kicks out at 2 ½! The audience is disgusted by this and boos the referee. Meanwhile, Morgan runs the ropes. But as she returns to Sophie she’s back body droped high into the air! She crashes down on the canvas in a mangled pinstriped mess, and is pinned by Sophie… ONE! TWO! Morgan makes a timely kickout! COACH That ref must have arthritis the way his wrist is moving. Nice and slow. Sophie grabs Morgan by her long blond hair and begins dragging her upright. But Morgan slugs her in the face with an elbow that spits her all the way back to the corner. Morgan follows her in with a running shoulder tackle to the midsection. Sophie staggers out the corner and is snap mared to the canvas. She immediately begins coming to her feet, but her path is halted by a dropkick to the face from her rival. COLE Sophie got caught right in the skull! And we have a cover! ONE! COLE This could be it! TWO! Sophie pushes her smaller foe off her. “THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE!” Morgan gets to her feet the same time as Sophie. Despite taking the earlier attack, Sophie strikes first with a diving lariat. A pinfall is then made… ONE! TWO! Its only a two count thanks to a well received kickout by Morgan. SOPHIE Tu es bête! Tu es bête! Sophie continues to berate Morgan as she throws her through the middle rope to the outside. She turns away from Morgan to scowl at the booing audience. What she doesn’t see due to this is Morgan catching onto the ropes. The littlest Nerdly kid, quickly scurries back into the ring, undetected by Sophie. COACH Turn around, Sophie! Turn around! Sophie does just that and is take onto Morgan’s shoulders in a standing fireman’s carry! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans cheer for the upcoming finisher. Morgan throws Sophie sideways, crashing her to the canvas with her version of the F-U! COLE Shock and Awe! As the audience continues to cheer, Morgan hooks the legs for a pinfall… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE!!! BUFFER Your winner and advancing to the Ejaculation Chamber at Angleslam….MOOOOOORRRRRGAAAAAAAANNNN NNNNEEEERRRRRDDDDDDLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYY! The audience sings out with cheers for the latest victory of Morgan Nerdly. The young lady rolls onto her back and lets out a comforted sigh. She then allows her hand to be raised by the referee as we go backstage to find Theodore Moneymaker applauding her victory. COACH Ain’t nothing sexier than a crazy chick in a bikini! COLE Folks, Morgan Nerdly joins Jade Rodez-Duncan, Melody Nerdly, Maggie Nerdly, Holly and Lorelei DeCenzo in the second ever Ejaculation Chamber at Angleslam!TONIGHTLEON RODEZ VS ALIX MARIA SPEZIACOMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 Master Blaster (Jammin') hits, and Denzel Spencer makes his way through the curtains. Terry Taylor awaits at the wheel. TERRY OK, here we are time to spin the wheel once again! *crowd cheers* Denzel, just a few weeks ago, you were looking at a 2-0 deficit in this series. But, like the competitor you are, you've fired off three straight wins, and now have a chance to clinch the series and bring back the title tonight! So, let's see what type of match that will be! Denzel spins the wheel, and it lands on Singapore Lumberjack match! TERRY It's the Singapore lumberjack match! *crowd cheers* TERRY The rules for this match are the same as for any lumberjack match, except... Terry holds up a kendo stick. TERRY The lumberjacks will be equipped with these! Some call them kendo sticks, others call them Singapore canes, hence the name, Singapore Lumberjack match! COACH Wow, and no cue cards! I'm so proud of you, Terry! TERRY If you or TK is thrown all the way out to the floor, the lumberjacks are free to use these as weapons until you are back inside the ring. And the two of you will be choosing those lumberjacks, starting now! Denzel makes his way to the back as his music plays. TERRY That match is later tonight, folks! Back to you guys at sofa central! And now, a special, extended historical interlude to hype up something that'll happen later. Enjoy.OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents... #~~THE LOVE SHACK~~# We're taken to 'Grand Rapids', 'MI', to the state of the art set of the world's most influential interview program, The Love Shack! Our wild and wacky host, often compared to Larry King in his prime, Leon Rodez is sitting behind his desk wearing a Grand Rapids Griffins hockey jersey. RODEZ Oh, hello there. Welcome to The Love Shack, the show Entertainment Weekly called insipid, base, distasteful, and a banal rout that sets broadcast journalism back twenty years. Fortunately, I declared that week opposite week, and that means they really liked the show! Thanks guys! ----- RODEZ Speaking of ladies I wouldn't mind doing, let's introduce my guests. They haven't been on a pay per view since Laguna Beach season one was still on the air, they've wrestled exactly two matches in the past four months, but that's alright, that's okay, they're gonna make it anyway, because they're really hot. They are Chicks Over Dicks....Alix Maria Spezia and Krista Isadora Duncan... Cue the applause track as The COD walk onto the set. Alix merrily waves to some non-existant audience members while Krista seems noticeably less enthralled. The two sit down on their provided chairs, Krista closest to Leon. Until, that is, Alix picks up her chair and squeezes it in the small gap between Krista's and the desk. ALIX Did I hear you right? Did you say that I was really hot? Aw, that's so nice of you. Isn't that nice, Krista? She looks angry. Best not talk to her too much. I really like it when men say that to me because it means they're not just into me for my brains or to steal my expert haircare tips. Men are such women nowadays. Have you noticed that? Huh? Huh? And, not like those half and halfers. Love Hewitts, I call them. She tried to sue me once, but then we spread that rumour about her on the internet. So. Owned. That's what she gets for stealing my part in Can't Hardly Wait. But, I think I've said to much because there's a flick knife jabbing me in the thigh, which usually means Krista's getting tetchy. Or she's drunk. Or not drunk enough. Putting on facecream, wearing pink, washing their hair more than twice a week. If I don't do that, why should men? Makes no sense. I see you have funny little braids in your hair, so I'm gonna stop talking. RODEZ Good, so... ALIX See, I like compliments. They're so...complimentary. Like those funny little mints that you get on your pillows. Your minty compliments make me all fuzzy inside. In a good way. Not the way I went fuzzy inside when I accidently swallowed that lollipop I found down the back of my car seat and unwrapped and put in my mouth to see if it was apple or lime. But Krista, she has this kinda thing where she kinda wants to kill every male that she sees. Kinda. In fact, if she were paying attention enough to realize that you called her hot, you'd be in a lot of hot, bubbly water right now. If that desk wasn't protecting your wang shaft, she'd have probably dived onto you as soon as she walked in and cut it right off. She did it to this hobo one time. Man, that was some running. Some people would probably enjoy that though. RODEZ Oh, I know exactly what you mean. And what I mean by that is, I kinda tuned out midway through what you were saying and started staring at your breasts. But I heard the last bit...and I've seen it all in my time. ----- RODEZ So, anyway, Krista, you haven't said much. What do you think of the interview so far? KRISTA Me? I think it's been god awful. It's like being tied, bound and gagged to your bed and being forced to watch re-runs of MadTV 24 hours a day, all day, every day. Cruel and unusual punishment. But, maybe I'm being too kind. I have that habit. How about I tell it to you straight, kiddo. It's a farce. You're no more of an interviewer than David Letterman is. It's more of a farce than American Idol. It's more of a farce than NASA. It's more of a farce than WNBA coverage. Sure, we don't know how to dunk, but we make up for it with good fundamentals. Yeah, so I stole that line from a Futurama epsiode...so what? Are you saying that makes me unoriginal? Obviously, you're not saying with words. But I can read your mind. You're lusting after my little sister and hoping that that lackey you sent to get you a foot long from Subway would hurry the hell up. ALIX Oh my gawd! We're sisters!?! That means we just got our incest on in the dressing room before we came out here! That's hot! But I don't want our babies to come out all deformed and defective. Like they could have three eyes, or six arms, or be Saved By The Bell fans. KRISTA (cringing) You, Mister Rodez, also think I'm unoriginal. Me. Unoriginal. Leon, you're preaching to the choir here. We're the original originals. And we don't need cool jackets with our names on to prove it. Chicks Over Dicks have been ripped off more times than Christina Aguilera's underwear. Consistantly and rampantly. With teeth. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen? Bitch, please. Alix had an eating disorder while they were still occupying space in their mother's womb...sapping her energy...taking her internal fluids...making her unattractive to the opposite sex. Yes, I have issues. Don't even get me started on that jerkoff Billy Banks. All the moves in Tae-Bo were the same I used to kick his bald ass when he made a pass at me at Miss California contest. The Pussycat Dolls? Don't make me laugh. Seriously, I got a botox injection and it'll make my face hurt. They're a ripoff of a ripoff. Where do you think the Spice Girls got their dress sense from? Certainly not us. They did steal everything else from us though. Including Alix's singing voice. Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? That was my sure-fire chat-up line for 7 years, 8 months, 23 days. Not that I need it now, seeing as all men are sub-human pigs who impregnate you with their demon spawn and then run off to form half baked tribute acts to wrestling tag-teams from the 1980s. RODEZ Not me. KRISTA I'm sorry little boy, did you say something? I've heard that before. You narcissistic sports pimps are all the same. RODEZ No, seriously. I'm a former pornstar see... ALIX Really? RODEZ ...so, I'm actually incapable of that, if you catch my drift... ALIX Rrrrreeeeeaaaaalllllyyyyy? RODEZ ...and me and Zack don't rip off anyone from the 1980s. Zack's too busy ripping off the entire early 90's re-run lineup. I pratically had to beg him not to call ourselves Hang Time. ALIX Rrrrrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaalllllllyyyyyyy? RODEZ ...actually, no. It was the other way around. Seemed cool at the time. Awkward silence. Alix glances at a nonexistent watch on her left wrist, as Krista contemplates suicide, just to get out of this ear-bleeding pointless segment. RODEZ According to this card, I have to talk about OAOAST matters on the show. So I'll abandon my planned discussion on climate change's affect on the mighty Himilayas and ask you about tonight instead. And, everyone's happy. Win for me, win for you Krista...err...and Alix...err... ALIX I found a nickel! It was in someone's pocket! RODEZ Wow...nickel! That's one of the most precious metals alive! ALIX I know! Wanna see it? Reaching hurriedly into her pocket, Alix pulls out the nickel and shows it to Leon with a beaming smile. But Leon isn't looking at the nickel. He's looking right into Alix's eyes. Cue sickly sweet, romantic music. ALIX ...Oh, that's my phone. *picks up phone* Hello? I'm sorry, I can't quite hear you, this is a very bad connection. You want to know how big my whats are? Man, there's a lot of static here. But, thankfully, no Jax. Hello? You'll have to speak up. You want to know if you can jab your long, floppy, rubber what up my who? I think you might have the wrong number, madam. Unless you got this off a bathroom stall door. In which case, thank you very much for your interest in whatever services you've been told I provide. But, unfortunately, I don't do that sort of thing unless you're a tall, rich, hot blonde, who happens to think the phrase “happy hour” has a silent “twenty four” in the middle. My “sister” however, seems to be turning into a man-hating lesbian as of late, so maybe I'll put her on. Nope, flick knife in the thigh again. Best hang up now. Toodles! *hangs up* And now, back to the staring. Re-cue sickly sweet, romantic music. KRISTA Ugh! That's it, I'm out of here. There's a liquor store around the corner run by a guy who looks like Chong. Or the other guy. I forget which one. If I haven't staggered out of there in 10 minutes, somebody grab the defibulator from my locker room. I might need to sell it for some beer money. And with that, Krista grumpily walks off. Leaving Alix and Leon still engaged in a super STAREDOWN~! ... OF LOVE~! RODEZ So, assuming your “sister” isn't going to affixiate herself to death, you wanna go grab something to eat? ALIX You had me at Hello. RODEZ That's funny. I don't remember saying "Hello". ALIX Sure you did. Silly! RODEZ No, I think that was the dominatrix chick on the phone. ALIX Oh. Well, either way, it turned me on. So, where are we going to eat then? I fancy something different. Like people say, when in Rome. Hey, lets get pizza! No, wait, Rome's in Italy. What does Spain have. Think Alix, think. You've watched Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego. Spain. Spain. Beaches? Bullfighting? Landon Maddix? Uh, uh...PAELLA! Let's have some of that. With french fries! RODEZ ...yeah, okay! Just, let me take care of this quickly. *to camera* That was the Love Shack, I was Leon Rodez, Krista was here, Alix still is...next week, stuff will happen no doubt. So, yeah, okay, see ya, yeah, bye. C'mon, let's go get stuffed. ALIX Ooh, goodie! Let's go get something to eat first though. Leon seems confused for a minute, but seems to get the picture and beams as he scuttles out from behind the desk. Grabbing Alix by the arm, Leon then whisks the wacky Ms. Spezia out of her chair and away out of shot. COACH Wow. I never realised until now, what a total dork Leon used to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 In the hallways of the arena, an awkward meeting is taking place. And thanks to the wonders of modern technology and cameramen with no morality, we're able to watch it from a safe distance. Looking most awkward is Jade Rodez-Duncan. Unable to make eye-contact with her grandmother, Jade stands and scratches her arm anxiously while Genevieve Duncan looks off in the distance, uncomfortable. JADE So... uhm... the weather's pretty nice today. GENEVIEVE Yes. Yes it is. JADE Yes. What follows is an awkward silence. Really awkward. GENEVIEVE Alright, enough! I know what you're thinking, you know what I'm thinking. Let's just get it out in the open, shall we. You're embarrassed about my relationship with Jock. And my relationship with Malaysia. Sweetie, you have to understand, I'm not just your grandmother. I am a woman. A woman with needs. Needs that I didn't even know I had until I met Jock. And well... they satisfy those needs. JADE Uh-huh. Ooh, I think I hear Tyler calling me, I gotta go! GENEVIEVE Not so fast! Unable to escape, Jade sinks back into her cringey position. GENEVIEVE I know it's hard for you to understand, being so young and naive. You probably think that the world revolves around the young and the beautiful and that once you hit a certain age, sex just becomes "gross"... that's the word you children of today use, right? Gross? Anyway, let me assure you, it is anything but gross. It's beautiful. As beautiful as it ever was. And Jock and Malaysia make me feel as beautiful as I ever did. Maybe I have a few more wrinkles here and there, or a blemish or too. But I am still fully functioning in every area. When Jock lays me down and he... JADE I definately hear Tyler. Do you not hear him? I do. It's all that I can hear... GENEVIEVE I don't understand how someone like you, as young and vibrant as you... and especially with your family background, how you can be so closeted sexually. JADE I'm not... "closeted sexually". I'm just not into... creepy stuff. Like whatever Jock and Malaysia and... and... you get up to. GENEVIEVE Is it that? Really? Or do you just not approve because your mother has convinced you that Jock and Malaysia are bad people. JADE Did you never see me and Malaysia wrestling each other? GENEVIEVE (chuckling) Oh, my darling, of course I didn't. Not sure how to react to that, Jade kinda pouts and folds her arms. GENEVIEVE Look, your mother doesn't understand. She's a selfish person. I'm sure somewhere in that Krista-centric heart of hers, deep down buried in there, she cares about you and Maya. But not enough to cancel out the love she has for herself. She can't understand or empaphise with other people's happiness, because she's only happy when she is happy. She doesn't understand or care that I am happy with Jock. She's just concerned with her petty little grudge. But you are smarter than that, Jade. You're more aware of the feelings of others than your self-aware mother is and I thought that you would at least understand, even if you're not worldly enough yet to not be uncomfortable about it. If we all listened to Krista, the only happy person in this world would be Krista. Infact, that's probably why you've turned out the way you have. Wondering what "you've turned out the way you have" is supposed to imply, Jade looks at herself self-consciously. GENEVIEVE Do you think I would be so happy and fulfilled if I listened to every bit of advice your mother had? Or if I listened to everyone who told me that what I'm doing is "wrong". Because it doesn't feel wrong. Deep down, you feel the same. You're just too concerned about disappointing the almighty one, here on Planet Krista. Tell me, has there never been someone you've had your eye on, that people wouldn't approve of? JADE Well... there's... sort of, yeah. GENEVIEVE Right. And you're too scared to take a risk, for fear of upsetting Mommy? JADE It's complicated. GENEVIEVE No, it's not, not unless you make it. If someone is going to make you happy, satisfy you, bring pleasure to your life, what's complicated about that? You can't live by Krista's word all the time. Trust your grandmother. Sometimes, life is about risks. Still Jade doesn't look entirely sure, as Genevieve reaches into her dress and produces a handful of money. GENEVIEVE Here. Buy yourself a new bikini for AngleSlam. See how it feels to treat yourself once in a while. With Jade left weighing up this idea, Genevieve leaves, only to stop and call off from the distance. GENEVIEVE Oh, by the way, Malaysia said to wish you luck. Says she'll be watching your match closely. Isn't that sweet? As Genevieve leaves, Jade suddenly looks disgusted again. JADE Eww!BACK TO RINGSIDE "Wildside" by Motley Crue hits and OAOAST World Champion Mr. Dick leads Malaysia ringside. COLE Speak of the devil. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring to my left… from Boston, Massachusetts… KOBE O’NEIL! O’Neil waves to the crowd and gets flipped the bird. Such is the life of a young wrestler trying to move up the OAOAST ranks. BUFFER His opponent is the ultimate combination of beauty and beat downs. She is accompanied by OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion MR. DICK… MMMMAAALLLLLLAAAAAYYYYYSIA!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Ladies and gentlemen, in case you didn’t hear, earlier this week OAOAST President Alfdogg signed a one on one match between Malaysia and Baron Windels for Angleslam. COACH Apparently BW holds Malaysia to blame for losing the World title at the South Beach Spectacular. But hey, he didn’t have to say ‘I Quit.’ COLE No. But he did it to help a friend in need because that’s the kind of guy Baron Windels is. MD talks smack to O’Neil, but the youngster doesn’t back down. Unfortunately he turns his back on Malaysia and gets leveled by a forearm smash to the back of the neck. * DINGDINGDING * Malaysia puts the boots to O’Neil, then introduces him to the top turnbuckle, followed by a series of forearm shots. COLE That young man learned a cold hard fact of life: never turn your back on an opponent. COACH Especially someone the likes of Malaysia Nerdly. Malaysia whips O’Neil across and charges in, only to eat a BOOT TO THE FACE! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" O’Neil soars off the top, but Malaysia catches him midair and executes a FALLAWAY SLAM! MR. DICK Malaysia finishes O’Neil off with a CANADIAN BACKBREAKER PILEDRIVER!!! The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here is your winner… MMMMAAALLLLLLAAAAAYYYYYSIA!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH I hope Baron Windels is watching, Cole, because that’s what he has to look forward to at Angleslam. COLE Baron Windels will not be intimidated that’s for sure. Impressive win for Malaysia here on HeldDOWN~! The action continues in just a moment. TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT OAOAST WORLD TITLEMISTER DICK VS SHAYNE BRAVECOMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 STILL TO COME ALIX VS. LEONTERRY You know, I used to have a puppy I felt that I felt that way about. Called him Spot. Because of the little brown spot around his eyes. Such a funny guy. So playful. Loved to eat the December snow. He liked to chase birds outside. That's why we called him Spot, and then.. MARTY Uh-huh, great. What are we looking at here? TERRY This. But you have to keep quiet. With a blank expression on his face, Terry extends his hand towards a crack in the door. Eager to view the display that has captured Taylor's attention, Marty delicately weaves his camera through the slit. Thanks to the miracle of modern broadcasting we're treated to the treasure Terry Taylor has unearthed. And what a treasure it is. Within the spacious lockeroom, 24/7 champion Leon Rodez is pressed against the wall, held in rapture by his girlfriend Alix Maria Spezia, who's devouring his neck with sugary kisses. Alix is wearing a white sleeveless mini top, (with plunging necklines, and ties at the cropped hem), denim cargo pants, and black pumps. Leon is attired in Grey plaid cargo pants, flip flops and a camo patterned tank top. MARTY Niiiiiiiiice, Terrence. Niiiiiiice! You know where it's at, man. You and I should party more often. This could develop into a very spicy situation. ALIX Lee-Lee, my buddy in boning, my friend in fellatio, my chum in cunnilingus, are you wearing lipstick? I already dated a guy who wore more makeup then me. Remember Northstar? Didn't work out well. He's doing Mariah Carey gender impersonation shows at the Flamingo in Vegas. Actually he's really really good. When he sings I Still Believe, I swear you'd think he's Mariah himself. But, what about the lipstick? Now, I love going to Sephora as much as the next girl, but that's not where I want to spend our one year anniversary. LEON It's not lipstick. I just ate a Popsicle. Have a taste. Ally slowly traces her tongue around Leon's lips, as much to get a sensual taste of her handsome beau as to determine what flavor of Popsicle he just consumed. ALIX Cherry? LEON *ERRRRRR!* Wrong answer! ALIX Strawberry? LEON Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Go directly to jail. ALIX Okay, I dunzo. Pittsburgh? LEON That's a city, Ally. Your three guesses just went adios, amigo. No grand prize for you. The flavor is grape. ALIX That would explain why your lips are purple. I dunno. I think I better go in for a closer molestation. LEON You mean inspection. ALIX No, I meant molestation. ------ BIFF Billy! Come on over and join the party! Someone should've brought food. MARTY Someone should've brought tissues. The straight laced Silverman puts on an investigative air, as he works his way towards the exhibit that has captured their unwavering attention. In the background Terry frets that something is about to go horribly wrong. But Billy pays him little mind, as he peers at the titrating sight. Unfortunately, Silverman, unlike the others, doesn't happen to be stimulated by what he sees. In fact the only thing that's aroused within his scrawny body are his keen “referee senses”. BILLY By the gods! Why didn't you alert me to this earlier? JOSH As you can see, it's kind of hard to pry your eyes away from this. BILLY She has him in a pinning predicament! Come with haste, Martin, you must document this! Billy and Marty, who's more then thrilled to get a better look at what he's been gawking at, storm into the room, with the others curiously watching from the door way. Alix and Leon are of course stunned to have a camera man and a referee barge into their private moment. LEON Hey, you came to see me make out. That's so sweet...and at the same time, very disturbing. ------ No words of response or apology are spoken by dutiful referee. He merely drops down to his knee and for reasons unknown to anyone present, counts a pinfall. ONE LEON Uhm...Billy? I'm a liberal guy, but come on. Could you make like Michael Jackson and... ALIX Molest television's Emmanuel Lewis in a ritzy New York City hotel room? LEON I was thinking more along the lines of beat it. TWO LEON Billy, what are you doing? Did you lick those old postage stamps Jade found in our parents' basements? THREE! Nary a soul knows what the three count is supposed to signify. Currently, all it serves to do is further bewilder poor Mister Rodez. LEON Okay, wonderful. You can count to three. Fantastic, clap clap, applaud applaud. You can count three whole numbers higher then Biff Atlas over there. BIFF Hold on, hold on, hold on. I can count to two. I've done it before. LEON Your cookie is in the mail. Now would you all kindly get the heck out of here! I am the 24/7 champ, for goodness sakes! I've beaten Tha Puerto Rican, and ..uh..and.....well...and ... BIFF And, Mister I'm so special because my fancy smancy education lets me count higher then two, and? LEON I've only been the champ for a few days, give me a break! But, at least I've won a title, which is a lot more then I can say for you, a guy who hasn't even won a match. So vamoose! All eight of you! Eight! There's a number to shoot for Biffster. Reach for those stars, bucko! Ya got the champ behind ya all the way. SILVERMAN I'm afraid you're not the champ anymore, Leon Rodez. ------ No words leave Silverman's mouth, as he mysteriously scurries to collect the 24/7 title. Shunning Leon's confused protests, he wraps the glittering belt around Alix's slender waist. ALIX Despite the repeated genetic experiments I've conducted on myself, I have yet to gain the power of telepathy, so I can't read your mind. So, I sorta need ya to verbalize just what on earth is going on! Just an idea, babe. I know you've taken off for the moon, Neil Armstrong, but could ya tell Scotty to beam ya back down to earth long enough to explain what's happening? Similar to Leon, Alix's pondering is met with silence. After properly fastening the title around Ally's waist, Silverman raises her arm and makes an announcement that's bound to send Leon running for Krista's stash of liquor. SILVERMAN Your winner of this impromptu 24/7 title match, and new 24/7 champion...ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! Stunned, shocked, and dizzy, all Leon can do is stare emptily into space. Alix does the same for a few seconds, before slowly...very slowly, what with her speed of thought process...her blank face begins to form a huge grin. ALIX Wowie! Lee-Lee! Can you believe it? We're both 24/7 champions! Is that not the hottest thing in the world? Oh, baby. Maybe we can take our belts out on play dates! We can buy cute little strollers, and bassinets, and we can take them to the beach. But we have to keep your belt separate from mine, because your's is a nasty dirty litle man-whore who will try to rob mine of her angelic virginity and womanly innocence the second we leave them alone. I don't want mine to wind up like it's Auntie Krista. Oh baby, this is soooo cool! Big hug, dude, start bringin' the lovin'! Overcome with jubilation, Alix tackles a distraught Leon to the floor. Still stunned, still shocked and possibly still dizzy, Leon puts up no fight. This show of affection is just background noise for the ex-champ, as he mouths the words “How did this happen?" Jumping off of her boyfriend's prone body, Krista takes the 24/7 Title and spins it gleefully. ALIX And to think, it took you two months to win this thing, yet I won it in 5 days! Isn't that CRAZY!?! Leon continues lying on the floor, looking up at the ceiling absent mindedly. ALIX Me, 24/7 Champion! Who'd'a thunk it? Holy crépé, I gotta tell Krista! So long boyfriend, sorry we didn't make it past third base tonight! Merrily skipping off through the door, the humming merriment of Alix Maria Spezia slowly begins to fade off into the distance. Leon sits up finally, still seemingly trying to reason out what just happened. And as a result, he barely acknowledges the crowd still standing around him. BIFF If I had known it was that easy to win that title, I would've slipped some GHB into Tha Puerto Rican's drink months ago. Backstage in the gorgeous interview lounge, Terry Taylor stands with Krista Isadora Duncan TERRY I’m Terry Taylor and I’m backstage in the interview lounge with Krista Isadora Duncan. Krista, last week you broke up your mother’s baptism into the Church of Abdullah. KRISTA I’m kind of sorry I did it. The Chruch of Abdullah has done some great things for not only America but the OAOAST as well. Like, for instance there was the time when Logan got trapped inside the bathroom at an Exxon in Tacoma and had to survive off of handsoap and toilet paper. Thus settling a longstanding bet between Tyler Bryant and I over whether one can survive off of handsoap and toilet paper. Then there was that time in Kansas City when those special ed kids came to visit backstage, and there was one kid with a unibrow, and Synth proceeded to draw a unibrow on his forehead and do funny dances behind the kids back providing amusement to those of us who are so often amused by those less fortunate than us. Then there was the time Holly got drunk in Springfield and held us all hostage with a spork, demanding a reversible 1993 San Diego Chargers starter jacket for our freedom. Nothing says fun like having your time wasted by a vulgar drunk with plastic flatwear. But there’s a lot of things wrong with the Church of Abdullah. Being hermaphrodites isn’t one of them, because I don’t discriminate like that. TERRY You’re a noble woman. KRISTA Thank you. TERRY Can I touch your boobs now? KRISTA No! Anyway, the problem with the Church of Abdullah is they take away our freedoms. Our freedoms to complain! Our freedoms to carry assault rifles! Our freedom to use assault rifles on ethnic minorties! Our freedom to search the web for hardcore pornography! I wasn’t going to let my mother throw away her right to visit Rawpussy.com and I wasn’t going to let her throw away what ties her to this family still, and that’s her Judaism, that’s her right to be cheap, her right to have a big nose, her right to have a son with a gigantic jewfro, her right to have kids who need countless years of therapy, her right to make her kids feel guilty and horrible for never visiting! My family is Jewish, and as far I’m concerned my mother is part of my family. I don’t care if she doesn’t love me, I still love her, and I refuse to let her cut all ties with what makes the Duncan family who we are. So that’s why I ran out last week and interfered in the baptisim. That and Alix told me if I did she’d give me some Starbursts. And they were delicious Starbursts and I enjoyed them mightily. Thank you very much. TERRY But you angered your opponent at Angleslam, Mister Dick. KRISTA Isn’t that great? When Mister Dick is angry he underperforms in bed. So now he cums in one minute instead of two. Ewwww, now I’m picturing him cuming and its not as pleasant as picturing Alix cum. Or even picturing an Elephant cumming. Anyway, so what if he’s mad? He has no right to interfere in my family and tell my mother what religion she should be. This country was founded on laziness, enslaving black people, refusing to pay taxes, and the freedom of religion, and my mother should have the freedom to be any religion she wants as long as that religion is Judaism. So Mister Dick needs to wake up and realize that. TERRY But is it wise to anger him so soon before Angleslam? KIRSTA I don’t care how angry he is, Terry. He can “RAWRR RAWRRRR ME MAD” all he wants, it doesn’t matter to me. At Angleslam in front of my own home crowd, I’m gonna give him a major noogie and rip his booty shorts out so hard it’ll split his asshole in half. And an asshole is already split in half so imagine how painful that’s going to be. TERRY Krista, thank you. Back to you guys at Sofa Central! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 COLE Moving onto more serious matters, last week, we saw Theodore Moneymaker somehow manage to sink to a new low. I mean, we've heard the man say some pretty nasty, VICIOUS, disgusting, HATEFUL things...but the things he said to Tha Puerto Rican last week...that was just a whole new level of evilness. COACH Hey, all Teddy was trying to do was to help Tha Puerto Rican out! You know how Latinos are! They can cut it on the dance floor...but they're not so good with their money! It's not like Tha Puerto Rican's name is Tha Jew! Teddy was just trying to be a Good Samaritan and help a Latino brother in need! COLE Except for the fact that Tha Puerto Rican is already a bonafide OAOAST main eventer, and thus, wouldn't need any help. Teddy was just upset at the fact that PRL refused to accept his dirty money at the South Beach Spectacular, and instead, eliminated him from Battlebowl! That's what this is really all about! COACH Battlebowl is in the past. Teddy was looking out for PRL's future! He was trying to get him a second job too! Who knows when Tha Puerto Rican's work visa expires? You've seen just recently how not having a work visa can affect a professional wrestler! COLE I could mention that Puerto Rico is a commonwealth of the United States, and thus, Tha Puerto Rican doesn't need a work visa, but it would go in one ear and right out the other, Coach! COACH Why, thank you! COLE ... Anyway, let's just show the fans what transpired last week LIVE on HeldDOWN~!. Tha Puerto Rican called out Theodore Moneymaker for the beatdown that he and The Enterprise gave to Tha Puerto Rican two weeks ago also live on HeldDOWN~!. Moneymaker has spent over three years feuding with Chicks Over Dicks and raging against homosexuality, but it seems that now he has found a new target in Tha Puerto Rican...and Hispanics as a whole. Fans, let us take you back to HeldDOWN~! from one week ago in Portland, Maine to show you just what happened when Tha Puerto Rican and Theodore Moneymaker were in the same exact ring together at the same exact time! He's shocked us and disgusted us before, but you won't believe what came out of Theodore Moneymaker's mouth this time! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen.OAOAST HELDDOWN~! LAST WEEK Tha Puerto Rican brings the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN Now, you all saw what happened two weeks ago at the South Beach Spectacular! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” THA PUERTO RICAN And you also saw what happened last week on HeldDOWN~! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” THA PUERTO RICAN Now, Tha Puerto Rican says that he was brutally assaulted for no good reason! Tha Puerto Rican was just minding his own business, doing his own thing, when all of a sudden, Theodore Moneymaker and his band of...jabronies come charging after Tha Puerto Rican before I had a chance to defend myself! Next thing I know, Tha Puerto Rican is on the ground getting stomped by 12 different boots, and getting kicked in the stomach by a PMSing bitch! The crowd boos some more. COLE Tha Puerto Rican the victim of a VICIOUS mugging last week by The Enterprise! THA PUERTO RICAN Looking back, Tha Puerto Rican says that he STILL cannot find a good reason for the attack. Perhaps Theodore Moneymaker suddenly realized that Tha Puerto Rican IS The People’s Champion! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN Perhaps Theodore Moneymaker suddenly realized that Tha Puerto Rican IS The Most Electrifying Man In Professional Wrestling! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN Or perhaps Theodore Moneymaker suddenly realized that he had a smaller penis then Tha Puerto Rican and developed a case of penis envy! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Oh my! THA PUERTO RICAN Whatever the case maybe, whether it is about jealousy, money, the United States Title or the size of my manhood, the fact of the matter is this: Theodore Moneymaker made a big, big, BIG mistake in targeting Tha Puerto Rican! And Tha Puerto Rican sure as hell AIN’T gonna let this slide! So Tha Puerto Rican says, Theodore Moneymaker, bring out your money making, custom suit wearing, monkey piss drinking ROODY POO… “…CANDY ASS!” THA PUERTO RICAN ...to this very ring, so that you can see just how well you fare against Tha Puerto Rican in a one-on-one fight! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Oh boy! Here we go! Things might be getting quite interesting in just a few moments! The crowd is amped up! Tha Puerto Rican drops his microphone and paces back and forth in the ring, staring at the entrance, awaiting the arrival of Theodore Moneymaker. He motions for Teddy to come out, running his mouth a mile a minute. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” COLE Is Teddy going to show up? A full minute goes by without an appearance from Moneymaker. The crowd, and Tha Puerto Rican, is growing impatient. PRL stands still in the ring wondering where Moneymaker is. He shrugs his shoulders and looks to the crowd. THA PUERTO RICAN Stop playing games and bring your ass out here! Tha Puerto Rican places the United States Championship belt onto the mat. Tha Puerto Rican gets into his “predator” position. He motions for Moneymaker to come out. Eventually, he does. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Well, he showed up, at least. MONEYMAKER Hi, Edward. How are you? You sound angry, and I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully I can relieve some of your rage. Yes, I did have The Enterprise along with my friends in VICE viciously attack you. And I'll admit that was a bit hasty of me. And I just want to say I regret it. COACH Mister Moneymaker is a great man. MONEYMAKER Just like I'm sure you regret your comments on my penis size which I assure you is an admirable length. Ask any woman in the locker room BWHAAAAAAAAAAAA! But I get off point. I believe you and I suffer from a fundamental failure to properly communicate. And I believe it all started at the South Beach Spectacular in Battle Bowl. Edward, you and I competed against sixteen other gladiators for the right to face world champion Mister Dick at Angleslam. The match was hellish, it was gruesome, it was intense! But most of all it was unfortunate. Not unfortunate because neither of us won, although that is an honest to god shame. But unfortunate because that's the sight of our grave misunderstanding. COLE What is he talking about? MONEYMAKER Edward, I am a generous man, I am a giving man, and I am a loving man. Is this not true, Portland? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" MONEYMAKER Yes it is. When I see a man in need, I don't turn my nose up at him and laugh at his misfortune. I get down on my knees, I get to his level, I look him in the eye, and I say "How can I help you?" When I saw you in the Battle Bowl, I saw a man in need. Not a man in need of athletic assistance, you're a fantastic competitor and like me a former world champion. But I saw a man in need of financial assistance. THA PUERTO RICAN MONEYMAKER In this societey we have the haves and have nots. I, and my people are firmly entrenched on the side of the haves and have been since the dawn of time. You and your people however...back in caveman days you struggled to find sticks to rub together to make fire! You are have nots. You and your people that is. THA PUERTO RICAN My people? MONEYMAKER The poor downtrodden Latino. For whatever reason, be it lack of education, broken family system, general laziness, drug culture, or gang influences the Latino people operate on the lower levels of civilization. Why do you think Arizona was in such a scramble to get them out, because a chain is only as strong as its weakest link and in society Latinos are the weakest link. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" MONEYMAKER Latinos, from the moment they enter America, from their boat, or their smuggle truck, are at a stark disadvantage from the rest of us. Their education level is in the toilet. Thanks to poor schoolings in their home countries where drug lords would rather teach you how to roll a joint then how to do long division, your people, simply don't own the intellect needed to advance in the global economy. And when you enter schools here, you go to the ones where kids are more concerned with getting each other pregnant and smoking crack then learning their ABCs! COLE I can't believe he's actually saying this. MONEYMAKER At least the negro people have the NBA, and NFL to aspire, your people can't even properly kick a small ball into a big net! Why do you think your countries do so poorly in world soccer. At least the Spanish, as ignorant as they are can do that properly. And the blacks also have rap, all you have are some weird congo drumps and a couple of large round salt shakers! So right there those are three moneymaking avenues closed out to you. That leaves you with precious few oppurtunities to earn any cash. So you're stuck running drugs to impressionable, innocent young white children, who know nothing of your wicked ways. Or you peddle rotten fruit that carries diseases in it on the highway. Or you wrong at Wendy's or Rallys and you mess up everyone's order because you can't understand simple instructions like "hold the pickle". Or you sell bootleg DVDs where people stand up in front the screen and the audio is in Korean and the subtitles are in German and you expect me to pay ten dollars for it! Give me a break! COACH Its a rip off! MONEYMAKER And when you do get money, you're consumed by materialism. You have to buy flashy rims, or gaudy jewlery such as 14 karat gold Frosted Flake box necklaces, I saw that on TMZ once. Or you have to spend all your money on your eight or nine brothers and sisters that live with you in a two bed room apartment leeching off the social welfare programs of this great country! That is why I offered you money at South Beach Spectacular. Not to bribe you, or to insult you. But to help you and your family of fifteen that no doubt takes bathes six at a time, and make mere pennies wrapping burritos at Taco Bell. I want to uplift you, Edward, I want you to be on my level, or well at least sort of close to it, you'll never have the Yale education, or the chiseled handsome features of a movie star. But you can have some of my money. And as for why I attacked you? I attacked you for your own good. I attacked you for your people! So that they may see their place in life is at the bottom of my boot, and if they wish to be free of that suffocating position then they must take my hand in help and in love. COLE Folks, the opinions of Theodore Moneymaker do not reflect the opinions of ANYONE ELSE in the One And Only AngleSault Thread. Tha Puerto Rican stands still in the ring, his sunglasses removed. He stares a hole into Moneymaker, who responds by giving PRL a cocky smirk. "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" MONEYMAKER These people love you! And I...don't really despise you, either! I am not here to make a new enemy. I am here to make amends. I want a truce. A truce between a great, proud, mighty white man and a lowly, bottom of the barrel, meek Latino. This was never personal. It was just business. Which is why I am calling for this truce. To put the past behind us. To let bygones be bygones. Neither of us wants this to continue. Neither of us wants to keep on fighting. Because we BOTH know who will be victorious in the end! More boos for that. Moneymaker puts his right arm around Tha Puerto Rican's shoulders. This incenses Tha Puerto Rican, and the crowd can tell that he is ready to explode at any moment, with how red his face is and how he is shaking. PRL is bug eye as Moneymaker continues speaking. MONEYMAKER Just take my hand. Accept my friendship. Accept my help. Accept my love. Let's work together! Not against each other! Let's be a team! Let's join forces! You have already done some pretty incredible things on your own in your 12 year career. But as my sidekick? Who KNOWS what you can accomplish!? To borrow a catchphrase that you, yourself, have borrowed, NOT stolen, like a lot of ignorant, Hispanic hating people think, if we both 'know our roles', only good things can and WILL happen! COLE Sidekick? MONEYMAKER Hell, I can even give you a second job to help you support your rather large family! I can always use another butler! "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" MONEYMAKER Or would you prefer being a maid? I know that is a role that your people are used to! "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE He just went there. COACH That he did! It is at this point that Tha Puerto Rican has finally heard enough. He removes Moneymaker's right arm from around his shoulders. Teddy is still smiling at P.R., but P.R. has a scowl on his face. PRL takes a few steps back. He looks down at the mat, and then looks to his cheering fans. Teddy puts his right hand out, asking for PRL to shake it. PRL has the McMahon SNEER~! etched on his face. COLE Teddy better watch out. COACH Why? Tha Puerto Rican sneers at Teddy...and then starts attacking him with Rock-style punches to the temple, causing Teddy to drop his microphone onto the mat! COLE That's why! The crowd explodes with cheers as PRL lays the smackdown on the bigoted leader of The Enterprise! The punches stagger Moneymaker! Punch. Punch. Punch. NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! Punch! Moneymaker falls to the mat! He gets right back up, only to get clotheslined over the top rope and onto the floor by Tha Puerto Rican! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Tha Puerto Rican responding to Theodore Moneymaker's racist remarks the best way that he could! COACH Just like a Hispanic, using violence to solve a problem! Theodore Moneymaker sits on the protective mats on the outside holding his neck, absolutely stunned that Tha Puerto Rican would react to his comments this way. PRL uses the ropes to hold him up as he yells at Moneymaker, pointing a menacing finger at him in the process. THA PUERTO RICAN YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY PEOPLE!? YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY PEOPLE!? HOW DARE YOU SAY THOSE THINGS!? HOW DARE YOU! SCREW YOU, TEDDY! SCREW YOU! YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THIS! Teddy massages his neck as he stands up. *He* points a menacing finger at PRL as he makes the following threats: MONEYMAKER THIS ISN'T OVER! NOT BY A LONG SHOT! YOU JUST MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE, P.R.! But PRL isn't fazed, telling Moneymaker to "JUST BRING IT!" Teddy and PRL continue their war of words as "Know Your Role 2000" starts playing. The crowd cheers loudly. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has sent a message to Theodore Moneymaker, loud and clear: He will NOT be brought off! He will NOT be treated like a second class citizen! And he will NOT let you belittle his race! The United States Champion has made his people proud once again! Tha Puerto Rican and Moneymaker continue screaming at each other. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to Sofa Central. COLE So, fans, as you can see, Tha Puerto Rican refused to bury the hatchet with Theodore Moneymaker. He is willing to fight, to continue this war with Moneymaker, so if Theodore Moneymaker wants to target Tha Puerto Rican? Well then, he can just, as Tha Puerto Rican might say, 'BRING IT!' COACH He stole that catchphrase just like Puerto Ricans steal hubcaps! COLE Coach! COACH All Moneymaker wanted to do was to help a guy in need! That's it! That's all there was to it! But Tha Puerto Rican had to let his Latin temper get the better of him and piss off a white guy just wanting to lend a helping hand to his Latino brother in arms! Well, Tha Puerto Rican better send out invitations to all 375 members of his family, because his funeral is going to take place real soon! And I bet he won't even be able to afford a REAL casket! He's so damn poor! The poor bastard! He'll probably be buried in a makeshift coffin that his grandfathers and his uncles and his 37 cousins all built! COLE You are such a parrot for Theodore Moneymaker that it's sad. Anyway, fans, standing by is Josh Matthews with a special interview with Tha Puerto Rican! The camera cuts to Tha Puerto Rican's lockerroom where Josh Matthews is standing by with Tha Puerto Rican. The OAOAST United States Championship belt hangs on a hook in the background. PRL has a serious expression on his face. The crowd cheers loudly. JOSH MATTHEWS P.R., last week you were the target of hateful, disgusting, racist remarks from one Theodore Moneymaker. You responded by attacking him and sending him out of the ring. How are you feeling now, one week later? THA PUERTO RICAN I feel even angrier than I did last week. I thought this was about alot of things; about me refusing to accept his blood money, about Battlebowl, about the U.S. Title. But it never did cross my mind that this was about race. Although, having watched Theodore Moneymaker and heard the things that he has said since he debuted in the OAOAST, I shouldn't be surprised that this is all about race. I've dealt with racist, bigoted idiots all my life, and I only WISH I could have done to them what I did to Teddy last week! I've NEVER let someone belittle my people before, and I'm DAMN SURE not gonna let someone belittle my people now! Teddy thought that I was angry last week? Oh no. Last week was just fun and games compared to now. Last week, I was silly and goofy. Now, playtime is over! It's time to get serious! If Teddy really does think that he is superior to any Hispanic on the face of the Earth, then he will have no problem stepping into the ring with me at AngleSlam in a one-on-one match! I'll even put the U.S. Title on the line so that he can try to take this belt away from a 'lowly', 'bottom of the barrel', 'meek' Latino. If Teddy wants to show the world that his way of thinking is right, or 'white' as it were, he can have his chance to do so at AngleSlam! But it won't be a one-sided battle! I can assure you of that much. Teddy, I eagerly await your reply! Tha Puerto Rican does The People's Eyebrow to the camera with a cocky smirk on his face. The crowd cheers loudly. COLE The challenge has been laid out for AngleSlam! Will Moneymaker accept? The ball is in your court, Mr. Moneymaker!God of Thunder hits, and Thunderkid makes his way out, adorned in his Packer green Aaron Rodgers jersey. COLE Well, with the news of Brett Favre's return to the hometown Vikings breaking recently, TK showing his support for Favre's replacement in Green Bay, Aaron Rodgers! TK steps through the ropes, as his lumberjacks, the Ghetto Groove Monkeys, surround one half of the ring with their sticks. TK Yeah, yeah, Brett Favre's coming back! *crowd cheers* TK Who cares? Who needs Brett Favre, anyway? Certainly not NFC frontrunners, the Green Bay Packers! *crowd boos* TK Oh wait...I know who needs them. A loser franchise like the Minnesota Vikings! *crowd boos* TK Some washed up 40-year old QB comes back, has a fluke season, and this entire sorry-ass city kowtows to him for a whole summer! How sad is this place? *crowd boos* TK Well, guess what? Finally, Minnesota has a REAL champion in town! And much like Brett Favre, Denzel will throw this series right into my hands, and I'll leave AngleSlam a champion...much unlike Brett Favre, and Minnesota. *crowd boos*Master Blaster (Jammin') hits, and Denzel makes his way to the ring, flanked by his lumberjacks, Team Heyross, The All-American Boys, Biff Atlas, and Colombian Heat. COLE You know, it's interesting that Reject and Sandman are not out here as TK's lumberjacks! COACH TK actually told me earlier that those guys aren't in the building tonight! TK was super-motivated for tonight's match, and Reject and Sandman have a ton of confidence that he'll get the job done here tonight and force a seventh match at AngleSlam! Denzel slides into the ring, where TK immediately attacks! *DING DING DING* COLE And a sneak attack will always help that cause! TK backs Denzel into a corner, and hammers him with European uppercuts. TK staggers Denzel with right hands, then immediately dumps him outside, where the GGM's unload with their canes! QUINCY YEAH! Queensbridge, bitch! COLE And TK may be intent to let the Singapore cane-wielding lumberjacks do the job for him! Denzel rolls back into the ring, where TK continues the assault. After a few right hands, TK tosses Denzel to the other side, where Team Heyross helps him to his feet and pushes him back in. COACH What are those guys doing? They're supposed to be clobbering Denzel with those canes! COLE The rules say that they have the RIGHT to use them as weapons, they don't HAVE to use them in situations they don't want to use them in! TK backs Denzel into a corner again, but this time Denzel fights out with right hands and quick kicks, then backs TK into a corner, hammering away, then taking him out with a monkey flip! Denzel follows up with a dropkick, sending TK through the ropes outside at the feet of the GGMs. COLE Denzel with a burst of offense, and now it's TK sent out to the lumberjacks! The GGMs allow TK to catch his breath, then he rolls back into the ring. Denzel catches him with a drop toe hold, then whips him into a corner, and catches him coming out with a spinning wheel kick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Denzel follows with a suplex, and a standing moonsault! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Denzel catches TK with a enziguri, sending him out to the opposing lumberjacks, where Heat and Biff trade shots with their canes! TK quickly rolls back inside as the GGMs come around the ring and have a shouting match with Denzel's lumberjacks. COACH Whoa, we may get some action on the floor here, too! Denzel slugs away at TK in a corner as the crowd counts along! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! 9!!! Denzel hesitates before #10, which allows TK to hook him and drop him face-first on the top turnbuckle! COLE Nice escape right there by TK! TK lifts Denzel in a PRESS SLAM~! and tosses him down to the mat, then drops a knee to the sternum, and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! TK hits Denzel with a BICYCLE KICK~! as he gets to his feet, sending Denzel to the outside, where Heat helps him to his feet and shoves him inside. TK picks him up, and hits a gutwrench powerbomb! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! TK backs into the ropes for an elbow, but Denzel rolls out of the way! COLE Nobody home on that elbow! Denzel charges TK, who ducks down and dumps him to the floor on a neutral side. Biff meets him and tries to push him inside, but is met with a cane to the back from Vinny, which triggers a huge brawl between the lumberjacks! COLE And it's broken loose on the outside! On the inside, TK whips Denzel into the ropes, where Denzel ducks a clothesline and attempts a reverse sunset flip! TK blocks, and charges Denzel, who catches him with a foot to the midsection, followed by a SCISSOR KICK~! Denzel then waits on TK to get to his feet, at which point one of the AABs slide into the ring, then spin Denzel around, and drop him with a EULOGY~! COLE Wait! What was that? COACH Denzel's own lumberjack backstabbed him! TK drapes an arm over Denzel... 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And TK has stolen the 6th match! BUFFERThe winner of the match...THUNDERKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!!!!! COLE "Not in the building" my ass! That's obviously Reject and Sandman under those masks! COACH You can't prove that! COLE Oh please! That move, known as the Eulogy when Reject uses it, was perfectly executed! And because of that, Denzel will need to win another match at AngleSlam to regain his title! The "AABs" jog up the aisle, with TK dragging behind, as Team Heyross stare them down from the ropes, while Heat and Biff check on Denzel.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 UP NEXT ALIX VS. LEONFuntime U.S.A, Sheepshead Bay, N.Y Not the usual place you'd expect a limousine to pull up in front of. This is the OAOAST though. Stepping out of the limo, Leon Rodez is casually dressed but his demeanour is far from casual. Infact, he looks noticeably scatty as he looks up, around, down, unable to properly focus himself as he seems to be in the middle of some sort of moral dillema. Scratching his head, Rodez begins to pace around the front of the building. Behind him, the doors to Funtime open and Charles Robinson sneaks outside, making sure not to be seen, despite the black and white striped referee's shirt that no-one in the wide world would be wearing right now, if not for an alterior reason. RODEZ Glad you could make it. ROBINSON It's like it says on my calling card, "I'll do anything for 40 bucks". So, are you sure about this? RODEZ Not really. But, look, just go with it okay? I think we passed a Dairy Queen on the way, so dinner's on me so long as you don't screw up. I have coupons. This camera guy's gonna have to buy his own though, I'm afraid. Now, let's go over the story one more time so we're clear... ROBINSON Okay. I'm here with my nephew and if you come in fancy dress you get in for half price which is why I'm wearing my referee's shirt. RODEZ And the cameraman? ROBINSON ...uhm...he's my nephew? RODEZ Good enough. ALI...C'MON OUT, WE'RE HERE! Stepping out of the limousine, a blindfolded Alix Maria Spezia stumbles forward a few steps and ends up in Leon's arms. Alix giggles a typically girlish giggle, excited no doubt about her promised surprise, and Leon returns the laugh...albeit it a nervous, guilty laugh. Lil' Naitch looks pensive too, knowing that if Alix suspects anything, he's likely in the frame for some nad-cracking. ALIX Oh, you'd think I'd be used to this thing by now. RODEZ Uhm, yeah. Let's discuss that later Ali. So, we're here and stuff so, take off the blindfold. Giggling gleefully once more, Alix reaches behind her head and hurriedly tugs at the blindfold's tie. Of course, she could just lift it off, but that wouldn't be as dramatic. Rodez looks nervous as Ms. Spezia's beaming brown eyes re-adjust to natural light, blinking away the momentary dis-orientation before her eyes lock on her big surprise. ALIX Oh...my...God...CHARLES ROBINSON! What are you doing here!?! ROBINSON Uh, wha? I'm, uh, I'm...oh God, I'm drawing a...a...wait, what's that thing you draw when you draw a...thing. Uhm, think Charles, think...I'm here...uhm... OH, I remember! I'm wearing my nephew's shirt because it was half price! ALIX Aw, that's sweet. What's that big building thing behind you, sweetie? (glances past Charles) IT'S A BUILDING! WOW! Is this my surprise? Is this what you bought me, you bought me a building? A whole entire building? Funtime U.S.A? This is what we flew halfway around the world, drove for five hours and slept in 3 motels for? Oh my god, this is the greatest thing ever! Like, greater than Coke with Lime. You put the Lime in the Coke you nut ya drink it all up. Oh, Leon, this is great! Not only do I love fun, but I also love the U.S.A! Time I can give or take, but the rest is just super! This is great! Can't you tell I'm happy? Am I not happy enough? Show me affection, please, I have issues! Why are you looking so nervous baby? Are you out of quarters already, because they probably have a quarter machine or something in there. RODEZ I'm fine. Just a little jetlagged. ALIX Well don't worry about that now because the four of us are going to have just SO much fun! OH, I almost forgot! Scampering back over to the fancy limousine, Alix routes around the backseat briefly before coming back out with her OAOAST 24/7 Championship draped over her shoulder. ALIX Can't go anywhere without this now, can I? C'mon guys, let's go and have a FUN TIME in the U.S.A! See what I did there, I took the words from the name and then I used them in a different way, which is so clever beca... Entering through the front doors, Alix's voice trails off, leaving a silent Leon outside with arms folded. ROBINSON On the plus side, I don't think she suspects anything. ------ Finally Rodez now enters the building and prepares to do...whatever it is he's preparing to do. But as soon as he gets inside he realises flaw one in his plan. Alix has a mind of her own and has wandered off, in search of some fun...in the U.S.A. Rodez places his hands on his hips and scans the building. A few kids, not many, it's pretty early in the day. Couple of bored looking staff, who could blame them? Charles Robinson, that's a given. Biff Atlas, gorilla pressing a cute looking redhead over his head and threatening to toss her over the balcony. RODEZ Crap. ------ ALIX Lee-Lee, are you okay? RODEZ I think so...you still have the belt? ALIX Yep. I think we should maybe go now? This was a sweet surprise and stuff and it's definately the U.S.A, but it's not that Fun. So, maybe it's Time we went? RODEZ Sure. This wasn't a good idea anyway. Taking his girlfriend by the hand, Leon leads Alix towards the stairs...but she has other ideas. ALIX While we're here though... Alix nods towards the big slide that leads from the second floor to the ground, with a childish grin on her face, which Leon returns in kind. RODEZ Meet you downstairs. ALIX Yay! Girlish flee overcomes Miss Spezia as she skips over towards the slide. Leon meanwhile decides to take the stairs, still wrestling with his conscience. But hey, at least Alix is having fun now as she scuttles over to the slide and with the camera-man gratuitously behind her, she sets off. ALIX WHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEE... ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Hands waving in the air, it's amazing such a simple little ride can give a grown woman so much pleasure (dirty jokes on a postcard), but it does as Alix rides the bumps and skids to a halt. Almost in celebration, Alix jumps up and cheers her safe arrival on the ground...not expecting to be wiped out by a LARIATO~! by Biff Atlas!!!! Quick as a flash, Biff does what any red blooded, slightly creepy, hula skirt wearing muscleman would and dives on top of the half-conscious Alix... ...and despite only being halfway down the slide, Charles starts a counting! 1... WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... 2... WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... RODEZ BREAKS THE FALL! ------ The two men crash backwards and fall against a strength tester, one of those carnival things. Rodez pulls himself up first and swipes the heavy mallet away from a shocked worker as Biff slowly recovers and hauls himself back up. Leon doesn't seem to be concerned with that however, as he looks at the contraption in front of him and decides to show any 7 year old kids who happen to be nearby that he is indeed 'buff'. Wielding the mallet overhead, Rodez aims and swings... ...but detours the target... ...instead NAILING BIFF IN THE CROTCH WITH THE MALLET!!!!! BIFF AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Eyes watering, Biff collapses in a heap. Rodez quickly disposes of the mallet and proceeds to go through a quick posedown routine to display that YES he is, indeed, 'buff'. Of course, he's wearing a shirt, but whatever. Posedown over, Rodez now leaves the whimpering Biff to it as he turns around and... ...sees no Alix. RODEZ Where'd Alix go? ROBINSON She left. RODEZ She left? ROBINSON She left. RODEZ She left!?! ROBINSON Well, that's not strictly true. She went over to the Food Court and grabbed herself a hot-dog, put some mustard on it and then she left. Limo just drove off. So, I guess we're walking to Dairy Queen then, are we? Shocked, Rodez looks around briefly before glancing out the door. Yep, she's gone. So's the limo. Running a hand through his finely gelled hair, disappointment is clear on Leon's face. Surely because he has to walk, right? He had something in the limo, yeah? He wasn't really going to try and win the belt, was he? RODEZ DAMNIT! Oh, nevermind, he was. Okay, on with the show!OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by...Papa Johns-Better Ingredients. Better Pizza."Oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long Just tryin' to find my way back home But the old me's dead and gone Dead and gone And oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long Just tryin' to find my way back home But the old me's dead and gone Dead and gone, dead and gone..." The opening to "Dead And Gone" by T.I. fades into "Numb" by Linkin Park, darkening the mood in the arena. One man always in a dark mood, Leon Rodez, emerges with his Money In The Bank briefcase in one hand and Morgan Nerdly being lead along by the other. Coming to a stop in the middle of the aisle, Leon looks up at the skies with a scowl on his face as the song suddenly erupts and the lights flash back and forth from purple to white static."I'VE BECOME SO NUMB I CAN'T FEEL YOU THERE BECOME SO TIRED SO MUCH MORE AWARE! I'M BECOMING THIS ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE MORE LIKE ME AND BE LESS LIKE YOU!" BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is set for one fall! Introducing first... being accompanied to the ring by MORGAN NERDLY! From Grand Rapids, Michigan... he weighs two hundred and eighteen pounds. The holder of the Money In The Bank briefcase... "THE FALLEN IDOL" of the OAOAST... LLLEEEEEOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRROOOOOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Rodez stalks around the centre of the ring, his brow lowered over glaring eyes as he looks into the crowd. Handing his briefcase over to the referee, Leon summons over Morgan and begins to converse into her ear. COLE What a feature match tonight, a match between two competitors that as you've seen during the course of tonight have a long and tangled history. Two former lovers who have gone in separate and very different directions in the past four years. This should be most interesting to watch unfold. What a great match, signed by our President, Alfdogg. ::CUE:: Katy Perry- SNOOP DOGGGreetings loved ones Lets take a journey KATY PERRYCalifornia girls We're unforgettable Daisy Dukes Bikinis on top Sun-kissed skin So hot Will melt your popsicle Oooooh Oh Oooooh California girls We're undeniable Fine, fresh, fierce We got it on lock West coast represent Now put your hands up Oooooh Oh Oooooh Alix's very own bar on wheels glides out onto the stage, complete with half-cut customers who don't seem to mind a- being on wheels and b- finding themselves in the middle of an arena full of fans all of a sudden. Laid out on the bar, Alix Maria Spezia fans herself with her frisbees before launching them deep into the crowd. Alix hops down and skips to the ring, stopping to blow a kiss to the camera, which is hit by super-imposed red lips. BUFFER And his opponent! From Los Angeles, California... she is one half of the world reknowned former six-time OAOAST World Tag Team Champions, Chicks Over Dicks! Ladies and gentlemen, this is AALLLLLIIIIIXXXX MMMAAAAAARRRRRIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAA... SSSSSPPEEEEEZZZZZZZIIIIIIAAAAAAAAA!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" As Alix makes her merry way down the aisle, in the ring, Leon continues to speak to Morgan. Although we can't hear what he's saying, his tone seems more forceful and his hands more gesturing towards Alix, as she scoots up the ring steps and jumps onto the ropes to wave to the fans. COLE And a reminder to you all, you can watch special referee Alix try and keep the peace inside the Ejaculation Chamber at AngleSlam, live on Pay Per View! COACH Let me tell you how much I'm looking forward to that match Cole. BAM! That's how much! Alix jumps into the ring and Leon's long discussion continues. And whatever he's saying seems to be having some effect on Morgan, who begins seething as she looks across the ring at Alix, giving her a look that could kill. Off in her own little world, Alix waves to the fans with a big smile. Ready to go, she does a few stretches... but then makes the harmless mistake of blowing a kiss at Leon. Suddenly, something snaps inside Morgan and she lets out a screech before launching herself at Alix! Luckily Leon has her arm hooked and makes a very lazy and half-heated effort to hold back the snarling pitbull of a girl, just on enough of a leash not to tear Alix apart. COLE Boy, Morgan did not appreciate that! Look at her! Tired of holding her back, Leon orders Morgan to settle down and get out of the ring. Which she does, but still clearly angry with Alix, giving her another evil look as she climbs down off the apron. Alix, bless her, looks confused as to what Morgan's beef is. COACH Man, what was that all about? It's like when Alix blew that kiss, Morgan just lost it. COLE I don't know. But I'm willing to bet it had something to do with whatever Leon was whispering in that poor girl's ear. He didn't look too surprised, or too concerned, when she started kicking up a fuss. *DINGDINGDING* The bell sounds to start the match and Alix shrugs off the bunny boiler glaring at her on the floor and squares off with her former flame. Leon keeps his head down and circles waiting to lock up, while Alix tries to get his attention. ALIX Yoo-hoo... Lee-Lee? Up here, sweetie. Aren'tcha gonna even say "Hi"? That's kinda awkward, don't you think? Damn, why you gotta be cold like that? Leon tries his best to ignore, in no mood to tolerate Alix's games anymore. ALIX Aww, man, those are some sweet ass leather pants! Dayyum! I've got a pair just like those at home. Infact... are those mine? They do look kinda tight. You're wearing my clothes, arent you? Old habits die hard I guess. Let me have a look at the label, I'm pretty sure they're mine. As Alix goes in to inspect the label a little closer, an irritated Rodez gives her a shot to the back and dispenses with the fun and games. He clubs Alix in the back a couple more times, before rearing back and kicking her in the stomach. Alix retreats back against the ropes, stung. But she lures Leon in and swats him across the chest with an overhand chop when he gets within striking distance. Equally stung, Rodez shakes off the chop and grabs Alix by the hair. Alix shrugs him off though and connects with another shot to the chest. A scowl forms on Leon's face and he turns around, ready and willing to punch his former lover in the face. But Alix dodges away from the ropes and catches a hooked Rodez with a knifedge chop! "WHOOOOOOOO!" *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a second one! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And then a third! COLE Alix, lighting Leon up like she was partying with Snoop. Whipping Rodez to the ropes, Alix executes a high dropkick and sends the Money In The Bank holder rolling underneath the bottom rope for a timeout! Alix celebrates her mini-victory with a little dance as a seething Morgan goes to attend to Leon. "AL - IX!" "AL - IX!" "AL - IX!" "AL - IX!" Well aware of how things works against the members of COD, Rodez stalls for time on the outside and waits for the excitement to die down. He takes until the count of seven before getting to the apron, then refuses to get in until Alix is moved back. In the meantime, Morgan starts to yell at Alix and Leon motions for her to settle down... but stops caring the moment an opening presents itself, allowing him to jump Alix with a boot to the gut! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Clubbing away again, Leon forces Alix down to her knees and then chokes her on the ropes, allowing Morgan to get another go at Alix while he deals with the referee. MORGAN HE'S MINE! YOU HEAR ME? MINE! I HATE YOU! Leon pulls Alix off the ropes and gives her a simple scoop slam, then makes the cover... 1... 2... No. COLE Poor Morgan looks extremely worked up on the outside. COACH Well can you blame her? Leon's ex is out here, blowing him kisses n' shit. Wouldn't you be mad? COLE Well Morgan has nothing to worry about there, but she doesn't know that. And if you ask me, Leon must have said something to set her off. She's obviously over-protective over this relationship with Leon and I wouldn't put it past him to have played on that. No reason for Morgan to be this upset otherwise. Keeping Alix down with a rear chinlock, Leon waits as she fights back to her feet, then cuts off the recovery with another shot to the back. Holding the head, Leon then takes aim with a hard knee strike to the midsection. Alix falls to one knee, but is dragged up and whipped to the ropes. Ready to attack, Leon is caught by surprise with a baseball slide though and stumbles over himself. He tries to recover with a right hand, but Alix blocks, ducks a left and rolls Leon up... 1... 2... No! Rodez is up first and moves straight in, but gets caught with a drop toehold! Left nursing his face, Leon is then caught with another rollup! 1... 2... No! Up again, Leon takes another wild swing. Alix is too fast for that though and makes Rodez pay with a knee, right between the buttocks!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE OH! That'll make your spine quiver! COACH Your spine if you're lucky. Suddenly bowlegged Leon hobbles around, as Alix hits the ropes and takes aim with a running dropkick! Launched backwards, Leon keeps rolling and again finds the safety of the arena floor. However he doesn't stay safe for long. Alix grabs the ropes, pumping herself up with some Ultimate Warrior style shaking before she ventures up over the top, wiping out Rodez with a PESCADO!! "YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!" ALIX Who wants to hear me tell you all the things that used to make Leon cry like a woman in front of me? "YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!" Before Alix can dish too many four year old dirty secrets, she's distracted by the referee telling her to get in the ring and losing her train of thought. Grabbing Leon, she bounces his head off the ring apron, sending him stumbling away in a daze. COLE I bet one of them was the ending to Titanic. Alix goes after Rodez, with a BACKRAKE! Kitty got claws! The cheery chica makes some cute cat faces to the fans, but pays for losing concentration. She walks right into Leon, who cuts her off with a knee, then scoops her up and drops her stomach first over the guardrail!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE OOH! Alix got caught and that was a nasty looking landing! Looking relieved to have regained the advantage, Leon takes a quick breather. With Alix still hung over the barricade he drags her back over, throwing her back into the ring. Alix holds her ribs in pain and now, the demeanour changes. Rodez sizes up his target, like a coiled snake, then takes aim with a running soccer kick to the lower back! The referee gets on Leon's case for his uncompassionate tactics, but as usual, Leon could care less what anybody thinks. He ignores the ref and drops down with a cover... 1... 2... No. Leon brings Alix back up to her feet. Keeping a hold of the head, he fires an MMA style knee into the body. And a second one. With Alix softened up, Rodez then picks her up in a fireman's carry and brings her down across the knee with a gutbuster! COLE And Leon now, definitely targetting those ribs. With no hint of compassion. COACH Can you blame him? After all Alix and her bastard family have done to ruin his life? Alix holds her ribs and gasps for air as she's slowly lead back to her feet. Backing her into a corner, Rodez opens Alix up and forgoes a clean break, slamming his shoulder into the midsection. After a pause to let his opponent's pain sink in, Rodez then drives the shoulder in a second time. COLE Dare I say, Leon seems to be enjoying this? Assuming he actually is capable of enjoyment anymore. He's certainly taking his time here, soaking in every shot he takes. Backing across the ring with a scowl on his face, Leon lines Alix up. But this time he takes too long soaking in the moment and Alix gets a boot up as he charges in! With Leon dazed, Alix uses the ropes for assistance in cracking him in the back of the head with a roundhouse kick! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Dazed, Leon staggers around trying to get his bearings. Alix throws him further into a spin though with a running hurricanrana out of the corner! She follows up quickly with a pin... 1... 2... No! Alix hops back up and quickly hits the ropes. Trying to cut her off Rodez takes aim with a kneelift, which is countered with a rolling schoolboy pin... 1... 2... No! Leon succeeds in cutting off Alix this time, with a quick boot. After taking a moment to clear his head, The Fallen Idol then sets Alix up for a suplex... and immediately gets suplexed by Alix, to the amazement of the crowd! And of Alix! COLE Whoa! Where did that come from!? Impressed by her sudden power Alix flexes her muscles in a mini-posedown, then sets Leon up for a powerbomb. Which is where her power fails her. After two failed attempts to be lifted Rodez tries to backdrop Alix, but she clings on, kicking her feet wildly until they reach safe ground again. Alix then gives Leon a slap in the kidneys, before jumping up and stomping down on the mat, jarring his neck. Pulling up on her booty shorts Alix then takes aim... and bounces her bouncy BUTT against the side of Leon's head! ALIX If you think my BUTT's a bomb, you oughta see my bazookas! BA-BAM! I'm a walking weapons factory! Infuriated by that move, Morgan jumps to the ring apron in a fit of rage. The referee orders her to get down, forcefully enough that it takes Morgan by surprise and she cowers back to ringside, knowing she's done wrong. Meanwhile, Alix takes Leon and whips him into a corner. Leon dodges out of the way of an avalanche attempt, only for Alix to land on the bottom rope. She scoots to the middle, high enough to aim a kick back at Leon's face. Alix then jumps up onto the top and prepares to fly. But Rodez swipes out and clotheslines Alix's legs out, causing her to land stomach first on the top turnbuckle! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Alix lies hurt over the turnbuckles as Leon backs across the ring. He gets a good run-up and charges in with a running kneelift, SMASHING the prone Alix right in the ribs!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Right to the exposed ribs! Leon almost moved the ring, he charged that corner so hard, imagine what damage he must have done to Alix in the process!! Toppling off the ropes, Alix hits the mat and curls up in a ball. Leon drags her away from the ropes and makes a cover... 1... 2... NO! COLE Alix, somehow, able to kick out. But she is clearly in a lot of pain. COACH Well, it's only going to get worse from here. If there's one person you don't want letting out frustration on you, it's Leon. He might decide to just drag this out now. Stalking around, Rodez takes aim with a stomp to the ribs. And another one. Alix is too hurt to fight back and takes a third stomp, which Leon decides to GRIND in, just for good measure. Ignoring the chastisement from the referee, Leon picks Alix back up. He hooks her up for a suplex again and this time gets her up. But instead of falling back, Leon just throws Alix forward, letting her crash stomach-first back to the canvas! Alix groans in pain, just watched by a still Rodez. "LE - ON SUCKS!" "LE - ON SUCKS!" "LE - ON SUCKS!" "LE - ON SUCKS!" Drowned in abuse, Leon continues to stand dead still, watching. COACH Oh yeah. He's in no hurry to end this. Alix slowly starts to pick herself up and only then does Rodez move. He crouches down, waiting for Alix to get back to her feet, which she does, hunched over in pain. Rodez then rushes forward with another running kneelift, blasting Alix in the midsection!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE That was just a cruel, cruel move. COACH Knocked the wind right out of her. Not going for a cover, Leon instead takes a rest in the corner and lets the referee deal with asking Alix if she wants to continue. COACH Look at how proud Morgan looks of her man. COLE Well, that's just sad, is what that is. How anyone can be proud of a man like Leon Rodez, I can't begin to imagine. And for Morgan to be wishing harm on Alix... that's not her. That's Leon, getting in her head. Alix refuses to give up and once informed that the match won't be stopped, Leon is forced to abandon his rest and start wrestling again. Picking Alix up, The Fallen Idol takes aim with another air sapping knee strike. And another one. And another. And a fourth! With Alix barely able to stand Rodez goes behind and lifts Alix up, connecting with a Blue Thunder Powerbomb!! 1... 2... NO! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Still hope remains for the Alix fans, annoying Leon. Dragging Alix up again, he decides that he hasn't softened her up enough yet and delivers yet another knee strike. COLE Alix is hanging in. But we're really seeing why, with that Money In The Bank briefcase, Leon Rodez is such a danger to whomever is holding the World Title. Dangerous and remorseless. Another raised knee knocks what's left of Alix's wind from her lungs and she falls to her knees, held up only by her grip around Leon's leg. Leon looks down at her with contempt. And he gives her a SLAP across the face! But that seems to wake Alix up. And she responds, CRACKING Leon across the face with a slap that shakes him up! COLE Ooh! COACH That's why you don't get in slap fights with girls. Leon shakes off the effects and fires back, slapping Alix again. Alix responds with another hard slap of her own. And Leon is rocked! COLE Leon may have just woken a sleeping giant. Dis-orientated, Rodez stops and tries to shake his head clear. Alix gets back to her feet and further messes with her former fling's mind with another slap! Followed up with a left hander! Looking for one big one to seal the deal, Alix tugs at thin air and powers up her arm like a chainsaw... but Leon cuts her off with a rolling sobat kick! Alix doubles up in pain, as Leon comes off the ropes and levels her with a big clothesline! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Leon rolls his eyes at the referee and shakes his head. "LET'S GO AL - IX!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "LET'S GO AL - IX!" *clap clap clapclapclap* Picking Alix up, Leon again goes to the ribs with the knee strikes. Three connect before he lets Alix going, the loveable Latina falling to one knee. Which does nothing to quieten down the crowd. Leon doesn't let it bother him and stalks backwards, eyes locked on his target. He waits for Alix to get back to her feet, then comes charging in with the running kneelift... ...but Alix catches the leg and counters with a one woman Flapjack!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE What a counter move! A vital counter move, that may have put Alix back in this match. Rodez uses the ropes to pick himself up and finds himself near the corner, which he becomes much nearer to thanks to a dropkick in the back by Alix. Bumping off the turnbuckles, Leon falls back into a rollup... 1... 2... NO! Ducking underneath a clothesline Alix comes off the ropes and knocks Leon down with a flying forearm. Alix isn't done yet though. With renewed energy, she's right back up and hits a second flying forearm in quick succession. Reeling, Leon gets back up just in time for a third flying forearm and with that, Alix has finally done enough to keep him down. COLE Alix is cooking here! And I mean that in a completely non-sexist fashion. Alix stills seems to be suffering with her ribs, but ducks outside and heads to the top rope anyway. Giving everyone a good look at the junk in her trunk she waits, prepared to strike, as Rodez staggers over... ALIX CATCH ME HUNKY STRANGER!! ...and dives into the arms of her handsome opponent with a flying crossbody! Unfortunately, this does more damage to Alix's ribs, preventing her from following up with a cover. COLE High risk and it paid off... sort of. COACH Man, Leon better get himself together here. If he thought he was miserable before, imagine how he's gonna feel if he gets beat by his ex-lover. He'd be just like... well, I better not say, might get sued. But you all know who I mean. Wink wink. Both the former lovers get back up, with Rodez in the corner and Alix coming from the centre, to clothesline Leon in the turnbuckles. Alix turns and hits the ropes as Rodez staggers out. But he recovers to cut Alix off, with another raised knee to the injured ribs! Morgan looks on intently, living and dying with every swing of momentum. Helping her off her knees, Leon gives Alix a piggyback. Not so helpfully, he then looks for the Backpack Stunner. Alix fights it off though and turns the situation to her advantage, by slapping on a Sleeper! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Oh, got caught! After a brief moment of panic Leon stops and goes into reverse, crushing Alix against the turnbuckles. Alix slumps down in the corner as Leon again shakes away the cloudiness in his head. Leon then charges in with a shoulder, which Alix rolls right over the top of, landing on her feet! COLE Alix is getting elusive. Leon just can't catch her. Slapping the turnbuckle in frustration, Rodez turns around... and runs into a SUPERKICK! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alix tries to follow up quickly and goes to lift Leon back up. But he responds with a headbutt to the midsection. Jumping back up, Leon then hits an Exploder Suplex out of nowhere! The fans groan, as he hooks a leg... 1... 2... NO! COLE Back and forth we go. We're being treated to an AngleSlam quality match-up right here tonight on HeldDOWN, that's for sure. COACH I gotta give it up to Alfdogg. He knows what the people want. And that's ex lovers beating the piss outta each other. Morgan slaps on the apron and urges Leon to get back up. Both he and Alix are slow to do so and use the ropes on opposite sides of the ring, resulting in a stand-off across the ring. After a brief exchange of stares, they both rush forward. And it's Alix who wins out, jumping into wheelbarrow position (ooh, hello!) and turning it into a rollup... 1... 2... NO! Quick off the mark Alix catches Leon on the way back up in a facelock, set for Confessions Of A Kristaholic... NO! Leon wrings the arm to escape, places his foot on Alix's jaw and falls back, jarring her pretty face! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Soul Destroyer! Alix staggers as Leon takes aim... with a SUPERKICK of his own! Alix staggers even more and has no answer for the BRAINBUSTER that follows! Leon rolls over and hooks the leg, almost emotionless... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Suddenly, the emotions pour out, in the form of despair that Alix could have kicked out. "AL - IX!" "AL - IX!" "AL - IX!" "AL - IX!" COLE I can't blame Leon for thinking the gods are against him right now. That was a brutal combination of moves and yet still Alix managed to kick out! Leon stalks around the ring, fuming over the two count. The crowd rally behind Alix who looks to have used her last energy kicking out of that pin. But she tries valiantly to get back up, not wanting to disappoint them. The moment Alix gets to her feet, Leon is waiting to move in, tripping her back up and looking for the LIONTAMER! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Aw, here we go! Alix's hurt ribs are twisted and torqued as she fights being turned over... until she manages to reach up and catch Leon with an inside cradle! 1... 2... NO! Leon cuts Alix off with a boot, then throws her angrily into the ropes. So caught up in his anger, Rodez doesn't expect Alix to come back STRAIGHT OUT OF COMPTON with the Springboard Spear!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Damn! Where do this hot bitches getting this energy from? Crawling over, Alix makes the cover, Morgan almost tearing up the ring canvas she's gripped to the apron so hard... 1... 2... NO!! COACH How 'bout Leon, showing a bit of resiliance too? COLE Neither Leon or Alix wanting to go down here. This'd be a big momentum dump for the Money In The Bank holder if he were to be beaten here tonight though. Alix drags herself back up again and is ready to strike, with an Enziguri to the back of Leon's head! Hitting face-first, Leon rolls out of the ring and tries to escape, realising he's in trouble. But Alix is right on his tail, sensing victory! Alix chases after Leon, who decides to turn this into a game of cat and mouse. COLE Look at Leon, running! COACH He's not running, Cole. He's suckering Alix in, I bet. COLE Sure looks like running to me. Rounding the corner, Rodez slides into the ring and waits for Alix to follow. Not taking the same route under the ropes Alix hops to the apron and tries to come in through the middle. Which doesn't turn out to be any safer, as Leon catches her with a kick coming through, then sets up the Downfall DDT! Facelock clamped on, Rodez starts to inch Alix inside until just her feet are hanging... but, they aren't hanging for long! Alix manages to unhook her feet and climb back inside, before backdropping Leon up and over the top to the outside!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Well if that was Leon's plan, it didn't work. Alix had that move well scouted. As Leon lays in a heap, Morgan scuttles over, concerned. She tries to help Leon up. And Leon responds by grabbing a surprised Morgan and tossing her in under the bottom rope! COLE Hey! Morgan rolls into the ring and gets up with a look on confusion, which turns to fear as the referee starts to admonish her. Not sure of quite how she ended up there in the first place, Morgan freezes up instead of leaving the ring. And the referee, assuming she's trying to interfere, does his job and shouts at her to get out, which only makes her more afraid. COLE Easy there referee, this isn't what you think. COACH Yeah, he better take it easy, you don't know what this girl's capable of doing. Morgan's shell shock reaction to being flung into the ring starts to cause a scene and seeing that she's in some distress, Alix tries to help Morgan out, while the referee is still trying to get rid of her more forcefully. Meanwhile, unconcerned with all this, Leon Rodez heads around the ring and retrieves his briefcase. COLE Come on ref, can't you see the girl is petrified! Stop yelling at her! With all eyes still on Morgan, Leon is able to slide in undetected... *THUD!* ...AND NAIL ALIX ACROSS THE BACK WITH THE BRIEFCASE!!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" COLE HEY! You've gotta be kidding me, right in the back with that metal briefcase! Leon slings the briefcase aside, right out of the ring. And he swiftly deals with the Morgan situation by nudging the referee out of the way and bundled Morgan out, just as unceremoniously as he bundled her in! Morgan ends up in a daze on the outside. As in the ring, Leon takes aim at Alix who has gotten to one knee... and BLASTS her with the rolling sobat to the face!!!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH ONE HIT KILL! Leon makes the cover and points the referee down to count... 1... 2... 3!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" *DINGDINGDING* COLE And Leon Rodez, with some unwitting help, has STOLEN this one! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... LLLEEEEEEOOONN... RRROOOOOODDEEEZZZZZ!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Rolling out of the ring Leon grabs his briefcase and clutches it to his chest as he makes a hasty retreat. Still in shock, Morgan stands shaking beside the ring and is bundled up by Leon as well, with some quick reassurances and comforting words to try and calm her down. COLE And poor Morgan Nerdly, an unwitting accomplice in this win. This wasn't even a plan, or a plot. That'd be one thing. Leon just used her like a pawn in his game. Is that all this girl is? A pawn? Are there no limits to how low Leon Rodez is going to stoop? COACH Alright, calm down. Sheesh. Back in Leon arms, Morgan begins to feel a little safer and relaxes enough to smile slightly at the fact Leon won. Once that problem is over, Leon lets Morgan go and looks back at the ring. And although there's no smile or laughter, the satisfied look in his eyes seems to be saying, "I got you". COLE A questionable win and some questionable tactics. Leon Rodez proves once again tonight that to him, winning is all that matters, by whatever means. Which has to be a worry right now if you're holding that OAOAST World Title.COMMERCIAL BREAK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 TK walks into the DA locker room, as the AABs unmask to reveal that indeed they are Reject and Sandman9000. TK Boy, we sure got them! REJECT Yeah! And now, all you have to do is come through at AngleSlam! TK Oh trust me, that won't be a problem. Suddenly, Alf walks into the room, slow clapping. ALF Congratulations on forcing a seventh match, TK! It should be an epic at AngleSlam! TK Yeah. An epic that will have a "Deadly" ending. ALF Good luck. Alf starts to leave, then turns back around. ALF By the way...if anyone residing in this locker room interferes in that match...that ending will also involve you losing that title. The DA's mood suddenly dampens with those words. ALF Again, good luck! Alf walks out of the room, leaving the DA to stew over the newest development. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 Inside the Interview Lounge....MAGGIE NERDLY is withALEXANDER THE BRUTAL MAGGIE What’s up ya’ll? Maggie Nerdly, It Girl on the scene chilling in the interview lounge with Alexander The Brutal. Alexander, you’ve got a match with the undefeated Christian Wright coming up at Angleslam. Got any thoughts you wanna share with us? ALEXANDER I have a vision for Christian Wright’s future. In it I see violence, destruction, and blood. I see a weak man cowering beneath a stronger one. I see a woman screaming for the weak man’s life to spared. I hear her begging for his very soul. But I do not see the strong man showing any sort of mercy. I only see him raise a sword and lower it through the weak man’s body, killing him. MAGGIE Painful! ALEXANDER Christian Wright, you are that weak man. I am that strong man. That blood is your blood. That violence is what I’ll bring to you at Angleslam. That destruction is that of your win streak. In my future you aren’t unbeaten. You are weak and humbled and a mere puddle of flesh beneath my feet. I will destroy you, Christian Wright. You and your win streak. MAGGIE Christian Wright, look out! We cut to the wonderfully decorated Enterprise locker room where Christian and Lorelei watch the interview on a gigantic plasma TV. CHRISTIAN Who in the devil does this dog assume to be? To call into question my future! As it stands to reason I hold it not a sin to strike him wherever he shall stand. LORELEI I wouldn’t do that if I were you. CHRISTIAN And why pray tell would you not take up arms against a man of such incivility that has brought you such superciliousness! LORELEI Because I don’t know what this man is capable of. CHRISTIAN He is capable of deeming me but a naive babe in this battle of gladiators! MONEYMAKER (OS) He’s probably also capable of ripping you to shreds. Theodore Moneymaker walks onto the scene puffing a cigar and holding a glass of Brandy to which he offers to Wright. WRIGHT Sir! MONEYMAKER Don’t be a fool, Christian. You never were one before. This man may be like nothing we’ve ever dealt with. I would not hold taking caution with him against you. In fact, I think it may be for the best. CHRISTIAN Then what do you suggest, sir? LORELEI Let me talk with him. Maybe I can work my magic and get this match called off. MONEYMAKER Yes, I believe that is an excellent idea. Mister Moneymaker smiles at Lorelei as we head back to ringside Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 Motley Crue’s powerful track “Motherfucker of the Year” plays to a massive amount of heel heat. A golden pyro shower glides down onto the entrance stage. Coming through it, holding his trusty shake weight and with his world title stuffed in his pants, is Mister Dick. Beside him is Genevieve Duncan who admires his fabulous physique as he flexes for her delight. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of thirty minutes, and it is for the OAOAST World Title! Now making his way to the ring from San Antonio, Texas, he is accompanied by Genevieve Duncan, he is THE HUMAN HARD ON and OAOAST WORLD CHAMPION....MIIIIISSTTTTERRRRRR DIIIIIICKKKKKKKKK! Mister Dick slides into the ring and humps the canvas, all while staring lustily at Genevieve who takes a seat at a vacant sofa central. GENEVIEVE Mister Coachman and that dreadful Michael Cole have stepped aside to allow me to shine in the spotlight and showcase the talents that made me a hit in Vegas before giving birth to Krista crushed my dreams of stardom.WELL ITS MIDNIGHT AND ITS COLDER PULL YOU CLOSER I CAN SEE THROUGH WHEN ITS SUNSHINE AND ITS SOLAR AND ITS OVER GUESS ITS ME AND YOU BLOOD. BY. SUN. LIGHT. Lupe Fiasco’s “Solar Midnite” brings out a wealth of cheers from the stands as Shayne Brave, attired in blue cargo pants, speeds out onto stage. While he works the fans into a frenzy the Duncan family threesome of Krista, Maya and Jade make their way out behind him. In the ring Mister Dick complains of Krista’s apperance, wanting her no where near him during this title fight. BUFFER And the opponent, from Detroit, Michigian, he is accompanied by MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD, JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN AND THE 2010 WRESTLER OF THE YEAR KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN, he is SHOWTIME SHAYNE BRAVE! Brave, Maya, and Jade high five their way down the entrance ramp. Krista for her part, keeps her eyes locked squarely on her Angleslam opponent. GENEVIEVE Here’s my daughter, Krista. Where’s the Mexican whore you chose to shack up with as opposed to marry my hand selected suitor? KRISTA Mom, I never even got to meet that guy. I know nothing about him. GENEVIEVE He’s a Jewish lawyer what more is there to know? DING DING DING Mister Dick, confident over his powerful physique, invites his foe into a posedown. GENEVIEVE This ought to be good! KRISTA If by good you mean vomit inducing. GENEVIEVE You always were such a depressing child. We took you all to Disney land and all you could do is complain that poor workers were suffocating inside their animal costumes. Shyane hits a powerful pose to showcase rippling muscles. Taut biceps flex and curl, as his sexy abdomen glistens with the sheen of baby oil. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Mister Dick orders the crowd to be silent and for Showtime to cease posing. He proclaims that this is how a real man looks and then strikes an awesome pose, becoming a refined work of art, sculpted out the finest materials. GENEVIEVE You aren’t enjoying this at all? KRISTA About as much as sledgehammer to the skull. No probably less. Though Mister Dick thinks he’s won the audience feels otherwise and attacks him with heat. Furious over failing to win them over, he grabs Brave by his shaggy hair and slams him into the corner posts. KRISTA That’s not very fair. GENEVIEVE You’ve always been about what’s fair and what’s not. Its not fair to keep the help the locked in the wine cellar with no food because they washed the reds with the whites. Its not fair to pull the plug on Grandma even though she’s pulled the plug on your hopes and dreams since you were a baby! Mister Dick attempts to whip Brave across the ring, but the cute boybander reverses it and sends Mister Dick heading to the opposite corner. Brave leaps into the air, and slams his body into MD’s face. The Human Hard On staggers out the corner, and Brave takes his place, getting atop the second rope. He then flies forward and bulldogs his foe to the ground. A pinfall follows as Earl Hebner counts… ONE! TWO! Mister Dick gets his shoulder off the canvas. He then rolls out the ring to catch a much needed breather. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Minneapolis derides the champion. MISTER DICK Shaddup! GENEVIEVE Yeah, shut up! KRISTA Yeah, damn the crowd for wanting to see Mister Dick do the job he’s paid to do. Evil bastards all of them! Annoyed with the stalling mainly because she has better things to do, Maya orders Mister Dick to get back into the ring. He takes exception to being told what to do by a teenage girl and makes a dick sucking motion at her and Jade. KRISTA GENEVIEVE Some of us Duncan girls enjoy having the power of…oral persuasion. Mister Dick’s crude behavior is cut to an abrupt halt when Brave flies over the top rope and takes out MD with a plancha. MAYA In yo face, Dick! JADE I don’t think you should be using that language while mom and grandma are around. MAYA That’s his name. Dick. His name is Dick. Dick is name. He has Dick for a name. Dick is what people call him. They refer to him as Dick. Shayne high fives the roaring audience in celebration of his aerial attack. Once done with that he picks Mister Dick off the canvas and rams him into the guardrail. MD howls in agony that’s only made worse by the knife edge chops that are winged against his chest. Brave then pulls MD away from the guardrail and sends him into the ring. Showtime leaps onto the ring apron and then flies into the ring with a body splash. Hebner counts the resulting pinfall… ONE! TWO! Kickout! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” GENEVIEVE Honey, what if Shayne were to win this match? What if you had to face your friend at Angleslam? KRISTA I’d probably be delighted to face a man who’s body content isn’t 95% baby oil. Shayne scrapes Mister Dick off the canvas and softens him up with a series of elbows to the skull. With MD stunned for the moment, Showtime runs the ropes. But as he comes back he’s caught with an inverted atomic drop! Hobbled by the pain, Shayne is forced to look on helplessly as the world champion crotch chops him. MD then takes off to the ropes and completes the Cock Shot with a clothesline from hell! GENEVIEVE That poor boy nearly got his head taken off! I suppose that would be an improvement in his intelligence! Mister Dick hooks onto Shayne’s legs for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! MAYA KICKOUT OR I’LL STONE YOU TO DEATH! KICKOUT! GENEVIEVE That’s her idea of being a good manager? KRISTA Would you rather her drug his opponent and attempt to rape them like your other lover? MD summons Brave off the canvas. When the Detroiter rises, The Cocky Prick takes him back down with an inverted body slam. Another crotch chop follows this as MD stands tall over his rival. “YOU SUCK, DICK! YOU SUCK, DICK! YOU SUCK, DICK!” Mister Dick leans over the ropes and invites the audience to spit their vile words into his face. Taking his eye off Shayne is most unwise as Brave sucks him downwards with a school boy! ONE! TWO! Mister Dick hurriedly escapes the pinfall. Rising off the canvas he aims a lariat at his opponent, but Brave ducks the attack! Mister Dick swings around to catch him with a discus punch, but is left laid out by a leg lariat! SHAYNE RADICAL~! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” GENEVIEVE Is this who you lay your lot with? KRISTA I’m sorry if he doesn’t wear enough assless chaps for you, mother, but he is my fri…fri…frie…still can’t say that word. Shayne heads to the top rope and pumps up the Minneapolis crowd. They get to their feet just MD gets to his and they watch Shayne take off with a beautiful tornado DDT! But MD shoves Shayne back into the corner! Before Shayne can react he’s being forced to bite Mister Dick’s shiny metal dick. GENEVIEVE It tastes better than you think. KRISTA Did not need to hear that. Mister Dick snatches Brave inside a rear chinlock, slowing down the pace of the contest. GENEVIEVE Honey, what did you think you were doing breaking up the Baptism last week? KRISTA I already explained it, I was saving you from throwing away everything that makes you a part of this family. GENEVIEVE Maybe, I don’t want to be part of this family. KRISTA You’re my mother. You’ll always be that. Always. Shayne begins fighting out the basic hold, rising to his feet and elbowing MD in the gut. This shatters MD’s hold and Brave his free to run to the ropes. Bouncing back he leaps at The Human Hard On with a crossbody block. However, MD catches him within his powerful arms and smiles a menacing sort of smile. But Shayne avoids certain doom by wheeling out and connecting with a DDT! The fans pop as the boybander grabs onto MD’s legs for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Mister Dick with the kickout! “SHOWTIME! SHOWTIME! SHOWTIME!” the fans chant, lead on by the Duncan girls. GENEVIEVE Even my own grandaughters have turned against me. KRISTA They’re not against you, they’re against the mutant from RuPaul’s thong drawer! Shayne waits for Mister Dick to rise and when he does, he sends him flying into the turnbuckles with a dropkick to the chest. As the Human Hard On lies prone against the posts, Brave backs to the center of the ring. He works the crowd into a frenzy before flying forward with a body splash. However, MD slides out the way! This isn’t much of a problem for Showtime as he’s able to land his tennis shoes on the second turnbuckle. What is a problem is that MD grabs him onto his shoulders for an electric chair drop. MAYA Victory roll! Shayne does just that and rolls through MD’s hold into a pinfall attempt…. ONE! TWO! MD narrowly avoids a world title loss by kicking out. JADE That was real smart, Maya, to say victory roll. MAYA Oh I was just reading the list of moves in OAOAST No Homo 2011 Melody gave me. Both competitors come to their feet with Shayne drawing first blood by stabbing his foe in the gut. He then runs the ropes, and plants him into the canvas with a DDT! Another pinfall follows… ONE! TWO! Kickout! GENEVIEVE This excitement isn’t good for my heart. I feel faint! KRISTA What are you talking about? Genevieve begins to have trouble breathing and falls over to the ground. KRISTA Mom! Jade and Maya see their grandmother’s sudden fall and rush over to aid their mother in reviving her. Shayne and the referee take notice and lean over the ropes to inspect a curious situation. The only one unconcerned with Genevieve’s fate is Mister Dick. He gathers up his SHAKE WEIGHT and uses it to go across Shayne’s skull. The boybander topples to the ground, and MD promptly pins him. MISTER DICK Hurry up and count, ya bastard! Snapped from the unusual occurrence on the outside, Hebner returns to his duties and counts the fall…. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING BUFFER Your winner as a result of a pinfall and still OAOAST World Champion…MIIIISTTTEEEERRRR DIIIIICCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK! By now paramedics have come to assist Genevieve’s unfortunate situation. Now that victory has been assured, Mister Dick can play the noble hero and comes to Genevieve’s aid. This, however, does not sit well with Krista, who orders him away. MISTER DICK Don’t tell me what to do, woman! KRISTA Just go away. MISTER DICK I ain’t goin’ nowhere! KRISTA This isn’t a joke, this is my mother. MISTER DICK This is my god damn lover, damn right its not a joke. You go away, she don’t even love you no more. You ain’t wanted. Yer disowned. Yer just like Jade, a bastard! That comment inflames Krista’s rage and she slugs MD in the jaw, sending him staggering backwards. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” MD quickly fires back with a right hand and soon hell breaks lose with a wild brawl over Genevieve’s unconscious body. The two superstars fall onto the announce table, slugging it out with murderous intent. Security and ring crew quickly flood the area to try and pry them apart, but there’s no separating the two as they fall off the announce table. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Despite her smaller stature, Krista is able to take the upper hand and sends Mister Dick scurrying back into the ring. Breathing with a fierce fire, she follows him inside. She charges at him, expecting to nail him with a KIDology. But MD is well prepared for her arrival and strikes her down with the shake weight! MAYA AND JADE Mom! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” We fade out on the image of Mister Dick posing with shake weight raised and foot on Krista’s throat.FADE TO BLACKOAOAST 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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