Chanel #99 Posted April 2, 2013 Report Share Posted April 2, 2013 -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- COLE Folks, welcome to Philadelphia for OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Michael Cole sitting alongside Da Coach Jonathan Coachman! On a week where Lebron James has chosen the Miami Heat, things are red hot in the OAOAST! COACH Damn straight, Mikey. Tonight we're gonna see Alix meeting up with one half of the NEW one and only world tag team champions Colin Maguire Junior, and a Battlebowl match. Last week we saw Nathaniel Black and James Blonde advance to the battle royal. Who's gonna make it there this week? COLE But first we start with MEL tangling with Mister Dick! “Like the Angel” by Rise Against hits and identical twin sensations MARV and MEL emerge onstage. They high-five and two pyro rockets shoot into the air. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Laguna Beach, California, weighing 185 pounds, one-half of the Christ Air Express… MMMMEEEELLLL!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Popular with the females, it takes the guys some time to make it ringside. Once they do the RAWK~! sign goes up to each section of the arena. COLE What an opportunity MEL has tonight going up against a former OAOAST World Champion, Coach. COACH Baron Windels’ victory at the Great Angle Bash has every tag wrestler in the company thinking they can be the next World Champion. You know it can’t sit well with Mr. Dick that MEL views him as a stepping stone. COLE I wouldn’t use the term stepping stone, but it’d certainly be a feather in MEL’s cap if he could defeat Mr. Dick. “Motherfucker of the Year” by Motley Crue hits and Mister Dick and Malaysia are showered onstage by golden pyro. BUFFER And his opponent, accompanied by MALAYSIA… from San Antonio, Texas, weighing a hard 238 pounds… he is the former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion… MMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSTTEEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Mr. Dick has a few choice words for ring announcer Michael Buffer. COACH Smack him, Dick. COLE For what? COACH Rubbing in the fact he’s no longer the World Champion. COLE In that case, maybe he ought to change his name to Mr. Sensitivity. * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds and both men lockup. Mr. Dick rides MEL to the mat and paintbrushes him. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MEL fires back with a SLAP! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" MD shoves MEL, who slaps him again. COLE You won’t disrespect me says MEL. MD gets the better end of an exchange and shoots MEL into the ropes, but he ducks a clothesline and takes MD down on the rebound with a flying head scissors! MEL hip tosses MD again and again, then takes him over in a side headlock. MD returns to a vertical base and fires MEL across for a press slam, but MEL counters in midair with a dropkick! COACH Those Nerdly boys are panther-like. COLE And they’re not even black! COACH The cover. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! MEL whips MD in for a BAAAAAAAACK BODY DROP. After a MELANOMA scare MD spikes MEL into the canvas with PURE PENETRATION! The cover. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! MD looks to finish MEL off with the STF, but MEL rolls him up in a SMALL PACKAGE~! The cover. ONE… TWO… NO! MD kicks out, then thumbs MEL in the eye. Following a snap mare MD clamps on a chinlock to keep the high flying Nerdly grounded. “LET’S GO MEL!” “LET’S GO MEL!” “LET’S GO MEL!” The crowd firmly behind him, MEL mounts a comeback, delivering a JAWBREAKER to break free of MD’s clutches. On spaghetti legs MD stumbles into a SPINNING HEEL KICK! The cover. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! After being rocked against the ropes by a series of overhand chops, MD reverses a whip… but gets spiked on the rebound with a SWINGING BULLDOG! The cover. ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! COLE We were a half-a-count away from the biggest upset of the year. MEL wrings the arm for the NOSEPLANT… but MD flips MEL back and catches him on the way down with an INVERTED ATOMIC DROP into THE CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!! COACH Cock Shot~! With MEL flat on his back, MD grabs a leg and applies the STF. COLE There’s that submission hold-- COACH Which got Baron Windels to tap last week. COLE He didn’t tap and you know it. COACH Just like you know Mr. Dick didn’t tap or say I quit when he lost the title. MEL refuses to submit at first, but once MD starts crashing his weight down from behind he taps immediately. * DINGDINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here is your winner… MMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSTTEEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The crowd ROARS as MD’s hand is raised, not because he won, but for the arrival of BARON WINDELS. COACH What business does this guy have out here, Cole? COLE That guy happens to be the heavyweight champion of the world. MD taunts BW knowing he won’t be able to reach him with OAOAST officials out in full force. COACH Look at Baron Windels hide behind retirees and puny referees. COLE Give me a break. “LET THEM FIGHT!” “LET THEM FIGHT!” “LET THEM FIGHT!” COLE Ladies and gentlemen, we desperately need to get this situation under control. Don’t you dare go away. HeldDOWN~! continues in a moment.LATER TONIGHT ALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS COLIN MAGUIRE JUNIOR TONIGHT!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 2, 2013 Backstage we find….MAGGIE NERDLY engaged in a conversation with Mariachi. MAGGIE Yeah, I’ll sign your petition. MARIACHI Gracias! MAGGIE I think getting Baron Windells to wrestle naked from now on is a noble cause. MARIACHI Si! Si! MAGGIE Hey, can you hold on? Maggie excuses herself to greet her elder sister…MORGAN NERDLY MAGGIE Hi, Morgan. MORGAN Um, hi? MAGGIE Sorry. I mean Wassup, g? MORGAN Oh! Hi, Maggie. MAGGIE Are you feeling okay? What about your ankle, after what Leon did to you? MORGAN He didn’t do anything to me. MAGGIE Hell yeah he did! He shoved ya into that freakazoid Quiz, and you almost sprained your ankle. MORGAN I’m fine. Leon didn’t mean for me to get hurt. MAGGIE You took your meds today, right? MORGAN Yeah. MAGGIE Promise? MORGAN Yeah, I took them. They aren’t miracle pills, Maggie. I can’t take them and suddenly see the world like you and Melody do. I take them so I won’t plunge knife through my stomach. MAGGIE But, you seem hella bummed. More than usual, even. Is it this thing with Sophie? MORGAN No. MAGGIE Come on, I’m your sis, you can tell me. MORGAN I guess…it is Sophie. I thought with Josie gone, that maybe, I could just have a normal life here. As normal a life as someone with my condition can have. I could be with Leon, and we could at least try to pretend we’re happy. I thought Josie’s firing was the end of my worries. MAGGIE You didn’t expect this, did you? MORGAN Nope. I’ve dealt with Sophie before, and it wasn’t so bad. But this is a different Sophie. This one is scary. I’m worried. MAGGIE Don’t you worry about a thing, Molly’s got a match with her and everything will work out in the end. MORGAN Nothing ever works out in the end. Not for me at least. CUT to the women’s dressing room whereMOLLY NERDLY speaks withSOPHIE GREY MOLLY We don’t have to fight. SOPHIE You leave me with non choice. MOLLY I certainly have left you with a choice! I see no reason for us to engage in any sort of battle. After all, I consider you to be a close friend, my best friend, perhaps. SOPHIE Non! I have no friends! Zhey were all using me to reach Josie, zhat is zhe truth! MOLLY This is incredibly far removed from the truth. So far removed that its almost laughable in its foolishness. SOPHIE Foolishness! Je ne suis pas bête! I am not stupid, nor am I a fool, as you say. I see zhe truth behind zhe friendships! Zhey were all empty, non? With Josie gone, my friends have left to. MOLLY I am still right here. SOPHIE You are no friend of mine. You are zhe Nerdly you are zhe enemy. I will see you in the ring next week where I will use you to send a message to Morgan. Sophie walks off, leaving Molly behind to shake her head in sorrow. SIMON That’s too bad. MOLLY Simon? Why in the devil are you in the women’s locker room. SIMON I came to steal Melody’s panties. Points for zhe honesty, mademoiselle? Molly can only throw up her hands in bewilderment at her friend's creepy behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 2, 2013 COLE Folks, after last week’s shocking mainevent, Molly Nerdly’s camera caught up with Krista Isadora Duncan and her mother Genevieve. Let’s take a look at what was filmed.LAST WEEK Krista and her mother stand backstage with Krista’s arms folded and her lips turned into a scowl. KRISTA Image, pajamas, swelter, document, computer. Genevieve looks at Krista as though she’s gone completely mad. GENEVIEVE Honey, what on god’s name are you babbling about? KRISTA These are all safe words. You might want to pass them onto Mister Dick so he can use them when I’m CHOKING THE CRAP OUT OF HIM! GENEVIEVE Honey, violence is never the answer, unless its against the Spanish. Let’s talk this out. KRISTA You can talk. You can talk about refugees marching for Lebanon rights, or the USA soccer teams loss to a country who if you look in a thesaurus’ name is synnomous with aids, but I’m just going to CHOKE THE CRAP OUT OF MISTER DICK! GENEVIEVE Honey, why on earth would you want to do that? KRISTA I don’t know if you saw it with your vision clouded by corn booze, Valium, and Nordstrom catalogs, but Mister Dick just cost me A.the world title, and B. the tag team title. GENEVIEVE Jewish Time’s bikini babe of the year, Maxim Magazine’s hottest mom, SHAPE magazine’s Ultimate fitness guru, non fiction writer of the year, how many more titles do you need? KRISTA A lot! I just bought a new trophy case and when you have to add “Most likely to assisnate a republican president” award from 8th grade, you start to realize you could use a few more awards. And that’s not the point! I could have zero titles and I could have 90 thousand titles! No matter what, I earned them, I worked for them, everyone can go straight to hell and have a cocaine party with Richard Nixon, because they’re mine! And your strange friend, who inhabits a tar pit filled with baby oil and looks like he raided Liza MInelli’s thong closet, just stole two from me! GENEVIEVE Honey, what am I supposed to do about it? Don’t you understand this is a very difficult time for Jock? KRISTA What, Malaysia couldn’t get the chastity belt off? GENEVIEVE Not funny. Jock just lost his world title to the very man who rubbed his face in his own semen. KRISTA WHAT?!!! MOLLY I don’t quiete believe that’s how it happened. GENEVIEVE (ignoring Molly) And then he wrote a poem about it, and got nominated for a Pulitzer. This man has betrayed Jock time after time, and in Jock’s weakest moment he took his most prized possession. Jock is suffering so bad. He feels so lost, and alone, and weak. He’s hurting, Krista, he’s hurting. KRISTA FYI, Oprah, I hurt to! GENEVIEVE You have your daughters, and your fitness empire, and your famous friends, your massive breasts, what else does Jock have? He only had that title, and now its gone. KRISTA And what do you want me to do about that? GENEVIEVE I want you to understand, and I want to get over your issue, and leave me alone because my son needs me. Genevieve walks off, leaving behind a daughter that seethes with rage. KRISTA Your…your….your….son?! I’M GOING TO CHOKE THE CRAP OUT OF HIM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 2, 2013 The fiddling opening of I’m Shipping Up To Boston powers through the arena and calls out Colin Maguire Junior. Spitting on the floor as he emerges through parted entrance doors, CMJ is not welcomed by the sold out Philadelphia audience. CMJ spits in their general direction in response to their booing before heading down the green and gold lit entrance ramp. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televisied time limit of twenty minutes! Now making his way to the ring from Boston, Massachusetts, he is a Harvard Graduate, and one half of the one and only world tag team champions, THE BOSTON STRANGLER…..COLIN MAGUIRE JUNIOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRR! COLE Last week we saw an utterly absurd “bonus” match between Chicks Over Dicks and the LDC Moneygang that saw the Moneygang walk out with the tag team titles. And they owe this victory to Mister Dick. COACH They owe it too good timing and great wrestling. And don’t forget that Mister Moneymaker came through with major coup, showing Alfdogg who really runs this show. In a surly mood, CMJ kicks over a set of ring steps. He then dives into the ring, where points at the audience and levels threats at them all. ::CUE:: Katy Perry- SNOOP DOGGGreetings loved ones Lets take a journey KATY PERRYCalifornia girls We're unforgettable Daisy Dukes Bikinis on top Sun-kissed skin So hot Will melt your popsicle Oooooh Oh Oooooh California girls We're undeniable Fine, fresh, fierce We got it on lock West coast represent Now put your hands up Oooooh Oh Oooooh Neon Lit ,gaudy, and full of drunken patrons, the sparkling countertops of Alix’s bar slide onto the entrance stage. Attired in drop dead gorgeous white booty shorts, and matching halter top, with a silver faux fur boa, Alix cuts an eye catching figure even amongst the fanciful illumination of her bar. The darling diva provides a feast for the eyes and the loins with a sexy Beyonce style dance atop the counter part. With the fans already drooling at her fur boots, she leaps onto the stage and blows a kiss to cause super imposed red lips to pop up on screen. BUFFER And the opponent…..from Los Angeles, California, she is THE HOLLYWOOD BAD GIRL, and One Half of the 2010 Anderson Cup champions, she is ALIX MARIA SPEZIAAAAAAAAA! The audience meets Alix with a warm cheer as she merrily skips down the entrance ramp with a loving smile filling her face. The champion quickly scampers up the ring steps to head to the top rope and flashes the peace sign to the cheering fans. DING DING DING ALIX Whoo-hooo, let’s wrestle naked! COACH Yes! COLE (looking at Colin) Yes! Alix happily begins to pry away the ties of her bikini top. Clem blows his whistle, stopping Alix in mid disrobing. Perhaps worst of all, he issues her a YELLOW CARD for improper usage of wrestling attire. “BOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH A yellow card? COLE Well, the world cup is in season. Saddened and annoyed, Alix is ordered to put her clothes back on by Clem. After hiking up her pants, she’s attacked by CMJ! “BOOOOOOOOOOO!” CMJ Go fhack yerselves! CMJ backs Alix into the corner where he batters her with overhand punches Alix reaches out for the ropes, causing a clean break. The problem is, CMJ refuses to offer the break, and instead continues to hammer Alix with his punches. This does not sit well with Clem and he blows the whistle! CMJ Ah! Don’t you know that hurts worse than hell! Clem will hear none of CMJ’s complaints and issues a YELLOW CARD! COLE One more card, and Colin is out of this match. COACH Landon Maddix better hope Spain is a lot more disciplined come Sunday. CMJ backs Alix out the corner, and throws her into the ropes. Alix responds by ducking beneath a lariat and heading to the opposite ropes. She leaps onto the second rope but becomes enamored with something in the audience. ALIX Oooooooh shiny object. Alix like. What Alix doesn’t like is the clubbing forearms CMJ bangs against her back. The attack drop her from the ropes, and land her on her black boots. CMJ then grabs onto her chocolate hair and guides her to the center of the ring. There he snaps on a front facelock. For some odd reason this causes Alix to shriek in horror. CMJ What is yer problem? ALIX Your arm pits! They’re rancid! Foul! Stinky! Smelly! Rotten! Lemme go! Clem blows the whistle on Colin for his alleged poor hygiene. CMJ For pete’s sake! Clem reaches into his shirt and pulls out….A STICK OF DEODORANT! This grave insult deeply offends Colin, leading him to slap the deodorant out of Clem’s hand. This, as you might guess, earns him a whistle but no yellow card. Thankful for this, CMJ turns back to Alix and finds the bubbly babe on the second rope. She flies at him with a missile dropkick that dumps him to the canvas. A pinfall is then scored… ONE! TWO! Colin rips his shoulder off the canvas, causing the fans to complain of a slow count. This in turn causes Clem to give the audience a YELLOW CARD! COACH This is working on my nerves, old man. Coach gets a YELLOW CARD! COLE One more card and you’re out the game, Coach. Colin comes to his feet under his own power, and launches a spinning elbow at Alix. The Hollywood Bad Girl sidesteps the attack with unerring ease. She then horsewhips a pair of kicks into Colin’s shins, weakening the Boston native. Barely able to stand, Colin can’t defend himself from the front facelock Alix affixes him inside. She leaps into the air and begins to twirl around for a tornado DDT! But CMJ makes a desperate effort to shove her, and fully succeeds. Pushing his luck, he charges at Alix, only to be captured by an Irish whip that dumps Colin into the corner. ALIX Booty time! Alix slowly shimmies down her pants, giving the audience tantalizing sights of her g-string clad ass. The audience is impatitent, their collective libido openly demanding more than just teases of her perfect behind. Alix isn’t one to deny the public’s demand; with one swift motion, her pants fall to her ankle and an ass resting on statuesque legs is revealed for all to see. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Alix then charges forward, but doesn’t get very far, as her pants trip her to the ground! Thankfully she has a nice landing place in CMJ’s crotch! ALIX Whoo-hooo time lick the lollipop! Before Alix can make this an X-rated show, Clem blows the whistle on her for a low blow. ALIX Party pooper! Alix hikes up her pants, much to the fans dismay, and then does the same to CMJ. She dazes him with a few forearm shots and then sends him into the opposite corner. As CMJ stumbles out the corner, Alix leaps onto the second rope. She then comes Straight Out of Compton with a springboard spear! A pinfall is then made… ONE! TWO! CMJ kicksout the pin! This brings out boos from the audience, who again complain of a slow count. Leaving the audience to continue to voice their complaints, Alix runs to the ropes. But as she returns, CMJ swings behind her and captures her in a sleeper hold. Alix immediately feels the ill effects of the attack and whimpers in pain. The referee checks for a submission, but Alix refuses to give up. But her resilencey is tested when she’s forced to a knee as the hold tightens. “LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX!” CMJ wrenches on Alix’s neck, which draws the attention of the senior offical. Alarm fills his face, as he believes the hold has become a choke. The whistle blows, and Colin is ordered to make a clean break. COLIN What is this crap? CMJ throws Alix down to the ground simply so that he may get in the face of Clem. Colin shouts down the referee, pushing himself to the edge of a red card. Somewhat fortunately for him, he’s school boyed before he can be booked…. ONE! TWO! CMJ rolls through the pin. He and Alix come to their feet at the same moment. CMJ draws first blood with a knee to Alix’s bare midsection. The Harvard graduate then executes a Harvardplex, slamming Alix to the canvas. While Alix wirthes in pain, CMJ runs the ropes. He bounces back and leaps into the air for a leg drop. However, Alix rolls out the way and Colin is driven through the canvas! ALIX Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me! Alix ESKIMO KISSES CMJ before heading to the cables. They spit her back, and she leaps at a rising Colin with a cross bodyblock. But CMJ’s green boots superkick her out the air! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!” CMJ Hows that for a kiss, eh? CMJ pulls Alix off the canvas, and ravages her chest with an Irish uppercut. Alix falls against the ropes, bone weary and tired. For this reason she’s unable to stop CMJ from lariating her over the cables! Alix lands on the ring apron, and screams out in pain. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” The cute brunette’s situation only grows worse when CMJ snatches her inside a front facelock. He then brings her high into the air, and throws her backwards with the Celtic Frost Suplex (Vertical drop Exploder suplex) COACH Yo~! That’s all she wrote, Mikey! The Cavaliers have a better chance of being relevant than Alix does of winning this match. CMJ hooks onto Alix’s bare legs for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Alix makes an amazing kickout! “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans cheer as CMJ pushes the whistle-blowing ref’s limit with his complaining. COLE Colin has to be careful, he already has that yellow card. COACH Why are you entertaining this idiot? You can think Joey Crawford can come into an NBA game and say “Hey, guys, tonight, free throws are worth five points”? CMJ grabs onto Alix’s arm and guides her off the canvas. He snaps his arms around her thin waist, and without a second of delay attempts to launch her overhead with a German suplex! But Alix uses her incredible agility to backflip out the attack! After coming down on her snow boots, she runs forward to try and takedown CMJ with a shoulder charge. But the Harvard Graduate is ready for Alix’s arrival and powerslams her to the ground. Buzzlefoxer counts the resulting pinfall… ONE! TWO! Alix throws her shoulder off the canvas, allowing the audience to breathe a sigh of relief. COLE Alix is tough, you aren’t going to beat her very easily. CMJ pulls Alix off the canvas and strikes her with devastating leg kicks. The attacks hobble Alix, leaving Colin able to climb the ropes. He pumps his fist, earning a groan from the audience. He then flies off the top rope with an axe handle smash. But Alix springs into the air, and her snow boots connect with his chest on a beautiful missle dropkick! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” The fans try to urge Alix to capatalize on her surprise attack. However she, like Colin, remains grounded, exhausted from the previous attack. Clem finally does something besides blow a whistle and begins counting against both competitors… ONE! TWO! THREE! CMJ begins stirring! FOUR! Alix makes moves to get to her feet. But before she can do anything more, CMJ runs forward with a kick aimed at her head! Thankfully, Alix rolls out the way and Colin whifs on his attack. He angrily turns back towards Alix, and dashes at her with a lariat. However, Alix leaps in the air, wraps her gorgeous legs around CMJ and flips him over with a hurricanrana! Buzzlefoxer counts the ensuing pinfall… ONE! TWO! CMJ slides out the pinfall at the last possible moment. He comes to his feet, as Alix does the same. He prepares to attack her with a left hook, but Alix grabs onto his arm and hurls him into the corner. Shortly after he crashes into the ring posts, Alix nails him with a knee to the chin! CMJ lurches forward, his body seeking to topple to the canvas. But Alix shoves him back upright, leaving his exhausted frame to sag against the corner posts. She then elevates herself up the turnbuckles, and proceeds to raindown punches on CMJ’s head. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! The whistle is blown! ALIX Clem ushers Alix off the ropes, with the explanation that she was using closed fists. Alix sighs in frustration but doesn’t bother to argue her point. Instead she rips the whistle right off Clem’s neck! The ref is horrified and his creaky bones lunge for the whistle. But Alix evades him and drops it down her bikini top. “Come and get it, dude” Alix says with lips pouting, and hands squeezing her gorgeous breasts together in mind boggling beauty. With Clem not accepting the invite, Alix turns to CMJ and blows the whistle in his ear! CMJ Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! The tag team champion stumbles out the corner, ears ringing and mind pierced by the awful noise. Alix runs up to him and drives him to the canvas with a face crusher! A pinfall attempt is then made… ONE! TWO! CMJ powers out the pinfall. He comes to his feet, where he’s met with thudding forearms from the Hollywood Bad Girl. Stunned, CMJ can only watch as Alix heads to the ropes. As she returns she strikes his jaw with a leaping heel kick! COLE Alix is on fire! COACH It’d be a lot cooler if she stripped again. Alix grabs onto CMJ’s leg and slingshots him against the cables. She rolls to her feet and runs at him with the intent of lariating him over the ropes. But CMJ ducks down and upends her with a back body drop! Alix manages to land on her snow boots, earning a nice reception from the audience. Alix shoulder blocks CMJ in the stomach, permitting her to execute a sunset flip! But CMJ counters by dropping onto his knees and hooking his arms around the ropes… ONE! TWO! Alix pushes herself out the pin. The fans react with a mixture of cheers and boos for Colin’s illegal tactics. COLE Why didn’t Clem punish Colin for using the ropes. COACH How could he? Alix stole his wrestle! CMJ comes to his feet and throws a lariat at Alix. The Hollywood Bad Girl ducks the attack, and returns with a running lariat that takes both she and Colin over the ropes to the outside! COLE And out go Alix and CMJ! Although wounded, CMJ begins digging under the ring apron for a weapon. This worries Alix, and she begins doing the same thing. COLE What are they looking for? CMJ comes up with…an inflatable Landon Maddix doll! Alix unearths a baseball bat! CMJ wisely runs away, and Alix gives hot pursuit. After running a full lap around the ring, Colin slides into the squared circle. Refusing to relinquish the bat, Alix follows him in. Colin hides behind the referee, pleading for his life in the face of a bat wielding foe. Clem Buzzlefoxer will not tolerate any further shenningans from Alix and issues her a RED CARD! DING DING DING BUFFER Your winner as a result of a RED CARD…COLIN MAGUIRE JUNIOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRR! The fans are highly irate at this decision, but Alix doesn’t seem to mind. Mostly because she holds a bat. Realizing he’s in danger, CMJ shoves Clem at Alix. But Alix sidesteps the elderly referee and pokes CMJ in the stomach with the baseball bat. Alix then releases the bat in order to snag CMJ into a side headlock. She then flips forward and nails him with a sommersault neckbreaker! COLE Confessions of a Kristaholic! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans delight over Colin’s suffering. Alix pops to her feet and excitedly claps her hands over her vengeance on CMJ.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 2, 2013 Backstage in Alfdogg’s lavish office, the suit clad president is engaged in a spirited discussion with Mariachi. ALFDOGG I understand where your coming from. I know they may look disgusting to you. I get that. I know they make you want to vomit, but I can not ask Molly to stop flashing her breasts. I guess I could, but then I’d be attacked by a mob of angry pitch fork wielding psychopaths. MARIACHI Mariachi’s mood is perked up by the appearance of Christian Wright. He’s slightly less enamored with Lorelei’s arrival, however. MARIACHI WRIGHT Remove yourself from my sight, cur! Alfdogg! Be you a man of dignity or be you a man of wrecthedness? ALFDOGG I be a man of honor. Always have been, Christian. WRIGHT Then thou wilt do they honorable gesture! Put eraser to paper and delete my ill gotten disqualifaction loss against J-MAX. ALFDOGG I figured that’s what you wanted. I can’t do that. LORELEI Why in the hell not? ALFDOGG Within the OAOAST rulebook… LORELEI There’s a rulebook for this crap? ALFDOGG Within the rulebook it was a perfectly senseable and logical DQ. I’m sorry, the loss stands. WRIGHT Thou art wicked and a fiend! You are no man of honor, my friend, for a man of honor has the courage to stands strong as the waves of popular opinion crash onto his beach. You capitiulate to what the OAOAST Galaxy has demanded of you. ALFDOGG I’ve followed the letter of the law. But I’m not like Josie was, I’m not inflexiable. I’ll give you a chance to erase that loss from the history books. You still haven’t been pinned in a year, and you’ve never once been submitted. Are you willing to put that all on the line to erase this loss? LORELEI Of course he is. ALFDOGG That’s what I like to hear! At the South Beach Spectacular, I’m going to make a match between you and Simon Singleton. If you win the loss is out of the record books, if you lose, well…you lose. Do we have a deal? WRIGHT I suppose I must endure this decesion. Yes, we have a deal. Wright turns in his heels and exits the room with Lorelei, both brushing pastHOLLY HOLLY Prissy (beep) ALFDOGG Lorelei isn’t that bad. HOLLY I like Lorelei, she’s good shit. I’m talking about him. What a (beep) sucking little poindexter, and Logan is friends with him! ALFDOGG It takes all kinds, I guess. So what’s up. HOLLY What’s up? What the (beep) do you think is up? Every champion around here is getting some respect but this redheaded bitch. People (beep) fall over that hick Windels, they’re amazed by the Moneygang, but no one seems to give two shits about Holly. ALFDOGG That’s not true. HOLLY Bullshit, asshole, if it weren’t why am I getting interviewd by an aneroxic bitch and a smart assed teenager that sprays me with a fire extinguisher? ALFDOGG That was…unfortunate. Do you want me to talk to Maya? HOLLY Hell no! I don’t give a flying (beep) what you have to say to her, asshole. I just want the bitch in the ring. She’s old enough wrestle, so she’s old enough to get the shit stomped out of her. ALFDOGG As much as Maya would like to wrestle, I can’t let her because she doesn’t have a wrestling license. What I can do is next week I’ll name the challenger for your title at the South Beach Spectacular. HOLLY How the (beep) does that help me? ALFDOGG If you beat this woman it gets you the respect you want. Holly grunts in annoyance and gives Alf the finger before departing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 2, 2013 COLE Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for our Battlebowl feature match of the week. So let’s go up to the Pat Sajak and Vanna White of the OAOAST, Josh Matthews and Maggie Nerdly for the drawing. COACH The greedy bastards. COLE COACH Just shooting the breeze, Cole. Just SHOOTING the breeze. We swoop over to Josh and Maggie on the world famous interview stage with the TUMBLER~! JOSH Thanks guys. Dinner’s on me tonight. Anyway, for those unfamiliar with Battlebowl, the rules are simple. Names are drawn at random to form two separate tag teams. The winners of those matches will go on to compete in a 16-man battle royal at the South Beach Spectacular live on TSM in the U.S. and The Pit in Canada on July 29th, with the winner to challenge whomever the OAOAST Champion is at AngleSlam. With that out of the way, Maggie, if you would please draw the first name! Maggie spins the tumbler as we cut to a split-screen of the heels in one locker room, the faces in another. COLE Who’s it going to be? The tumbler stops and Maggie pulls out a plastic container, which she opens and shows Josh. JOSH The first name… MALAYSIA! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Mr. Dick accompanies his main squeeze to the ring. JOSH Her partner… The second name is drawn. JOSH …COLOMBIAN HEAT! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Heat throws his hands in the arm, then makes the long walk to the ring. JOSH Their opponents… Maggie draws the third name. JOSH Oh, baby. “THE HANDSOME HUSTLER” NED BLANCHARD! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Cheered on by the rest of the guys, Ned storms out of the dressing room. Meanwhile, MD and Malaysia hold a chat with Colombian Heat. COACH What do you suppose is going on here, Cole? You think Dick’s trying to trade places with Heat? COLE I wouldn’t put it pass him. But this may be the closest a guy like Heat gets to a World title shot, so I don’t see him giving up his spot, at least not voluntarily. MD joins the guys at Sofa Central as Ned opens up a can on Malaysia. MISTER DICK The hell? I didn’t hear any bell. Ned whips Malaysia in for a back elbow, then shoots off the ropes… ONLY TO BE DECKED BY COLOMBIAN HEAT! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What the heck? MISTER DICK Attaboy Heat! Clearly our message got through to his pea-sized brain. Teams gotta strive to survive. COACH You said it yourself, Cole. This may be Heat’s only real shot at the World title. You can’t let pettiness get in the way of that. Maggie draws the fourth and final name, despite the melee in the ring. JOSH And his tag team partner… BIFF ATLAS! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The renowned giant “A” flashes high above. In the back, the face locker room parts like the Red Sea as we zoom in on Biff Atlas sitting in a dark spot far away from the others. Suddenly his face is lit by the giant “A” reflected off the mirror. The HDTV backstage perfectly positioned for such a cinematic shot! Biff stands tall dramatically, then sweeps his cape across the camera to cause blackness. COACH That had to set us back a few grand. The sounds of troubled streets, police alarms and fleeing citizens, can be heard through the arena. Then a women’s scream. A triumphant fanfare sounds before "The Power" by Snap hits and Biff appears onstage, hands on hips in heroic fashion. COLE It’s Biff, man! Biff is attacked by Malaysia and Heat the second he enters the ring. He charges under a double clothesline attempt and answers back with a flying version of his own, then strikes a superhero pose. MISTER DICK Who does this guy think he is-- Batman, Superman and Green Lantern rolled up into one? Ned re-enters the picture and the guys pair off in opposite corners. They whip Heat and Malaysia towards each other, only for them to put on the brakes. Just when they believe disaster has been avoided, Biff and Ned strike with quick clotheslines. MISTER DICK Come on, referee. Get this thing under control. Ned shoves Malaysia into the corner, then STOMPS A MUDHOLE AND WALKS IT DRY~! COLE No doubt some payback for what you and Malaysia did to Krista last week. MISTER DICK As much as she wishes, my beef isn’t with her. Baron Windels is the one I’m after because he has my World title. If Krista doesn’t want to get caught in the crossfire ever again, I suggest a career change. Maybe something in the kitchen. Leave the wrestling to pros like myself and Malaysia. Back elbow floors Malaysia off the ropes, but when Ned goes in for his pointy elbow he’s struck by Heat with a knee to the back! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Listen to these morons turn on one of their own, Cole. COLE They’re an emotional bunch, no question. But nobody can fault Heat for his actions tonight. Like the Lethal Rumble, there are no friends or foes in Battlebowl. Heat receives the tag and drills Ned with a SPRINGBOARD FLYING FOREARM! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Heat drags Ned towards the corner, then heads up top, but Ned slams him off and tags Biff. Before he exits, Ned delivers a drop toehold, which Biff follows with a high vertical knee drop and the cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Heat reverses a whip to the corner and charges in, only for Biff to float over and hit a side belly to belly suplex. Biff positions Heat to his liking, then delivers a HEROIC MIDDLE ROPE BIG SPLASH!! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY MALAYSIA! Ned comes in after Malaysia, but he gets cut off by the ref and is ordered back to his corner. This allows Malaysia to dump Biff outside where she slams him on the arena floor. MISTER DICK Goddamn, Malaysia just slammed 220 gigatons like it was 220 pounds. *laughs* Malaysia receives the tag and brings Biff back in the hard way via a suplex. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Malaysia scoops Biff up for a FALLAWAY SLAM, but on the release Biff manages to land on his feet, then connects with a SPINNING WHEEL KICK! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Biff slams Malaysia, then looks to hit THE ATLASSAULT, but Malaysia moves. Fortunately for Biff Lady Luck happens to be on his side tonight, as he again lands on his feet. However, Malaysia reverses a whip and spikes Biff into the mat with THE BOSSMAN SLAM! The cover. ONE! TWO! THR-- NO, SAVE BY NED! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Heat tags in and nails Biff with a MISSLE DROPKICK, which he follows up with THE SPINAROONIE~! COACH Now I’m reminded why I don’t like Colombian Heat. Heat bounces off the ropes, does a SHIMMY~!, and then drops a knee onto Biff’s head. COLE Shaky Leg Knee drop! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Heat sets Biff for THE BONG HIT, but it’s countered by a SIDE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP! MISTER DICK If that boy had any meat on him Biff wouldn’t have been able to counter so easily. This better not come back to bite us in the ass. COLE Us? You mean Malaysia? MISTER DICK We like to share, Cole. So when either of us win, the other does too. Biff tags out and Ned enters a house afire, decking both Heat and Malaysia. He whips Heat into the ropes for a back elbow, then connects with the POINTY~! ELBOW! The cover. ONE! TWO! THR-- NO! Ned moves and Malaysia stomps Heat by accident! COACH Things aren’t looking good for Heat and Malaysia. MISTER DICK Well their fortune is about to change. COLE Hey! Where are you going? As Ned hammers away on Malaysia in the corner, MD hops on the apron. NED Distracted, Ned falls victim to an inverted atomic drop, followed by a YAZUKA KICK TO THE CHEST. Malaysia places Heat on top of Ned and exits. The count. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! MD and Malaysia go berserk, then get chased away by BARON WINDELS. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COACH What’s he doing out here again? COLE To get him some of Mr. Dick. Unaware his partner has bolted, Heat looks to hit THE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE… but Ned floats over and presses Heat against the ropes, rolling back with him in a pinning combination following a tag. Heat rolls through, only to be kicked off into the direction of Biff who drapes Heat across his shoulders and spikes him with THE MICHINOKU DRIVER!! COLE Fanfare for the Super Man! The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, advancing onto Battlebowl… “THE HANDSOME HUSTLER” NED BLANCHARD and BIFF ATLAS!!! Their hands raised in victory, Biff and Ned celebrate in the ring. Meanwhile, OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Baron Windels reappears. He congratulates both men, then calls for a microphone as they exit. BARON Dick, get your carcass out here! BW paces as he awaits MD, who appears onstage with Malaysia and a microphone. MISTER DICK What’s the matter BW-- still sore from last week? This Roughrider broke you in real well, didn’t he? *laughs* BARON MISTER DICK Whoa there, champ. I don’t want you to keel over, at least not till I regain the World title. But I give you credit for having the balls to show your face after I made you tap last week. BARON You know I didn’t tap. MISTER DICK And you know I didn’t either. BARON Quit your bitchin’, Dick. I turned your lights out at the Great Angle Bash. Quit? Hmm. That gives me an idea. You want another shot at the World title, right? MISTER DICK I don’t want it. I’m entitled to it. BARON Then why don’t we just the flames out of this fire once and for all at the South Beach Spectacular in a winner take all I Quit match? COLE & COACH MISTER DICK So the loser gets no more rematches is what you’re sayin’? It’s one and done? BARON Winner take all. MD converses with Malaysia. MISTER DICK Kiss that title goodbye. You’re on. “Not Afraid” cues and BW/MD have a stare down. COLE What an announcement. Baron Windels vs. Mr. Dick one more time at the South Beach Spectacular in a winner take all I Quit match!FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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