OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 7/4/10

[Chanel #99]

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-


GREAT ANGLE BASH

MD clubs BW from behind and hooks him in a FULL NELSON, causing BW to wrap his leg around MD to block the slam. BW then smashes his ass into MD's gut to break free, ducks a clothesline and places him in a SLEEPER!

COACH
When's the last time Baron Windels has ever used a sleeper?

COLE
It's been awhile, if ever.

BW cranks on the pressure as MD falls to one knee, then both knees. The ref checks for signs of life by raising MD's arm.

It drops once.

Twice.

Three times!

* DINGDINGDINGDING *

GENEVIEVE (a/k/a KRISTA'S MOM)


BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, unbelievable! The winner and NEW OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion… “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BBAAAAARRRRROOOOOOOOOONN WINDELS!!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
Happy fourth of July!







COLE
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to a special Independence Day episode of HeldDOWN~! I am Michael Cole sitting alongside The Coach, and we both thank you for spending your holiday with the OAOAST.

COACH
Not me, you a fool for not getting that 4th of July All American pooooooosaaaaaaaaaaay.

COLE    
Okay, I thank you. Folks, we have a show fit for a day like this with the kickoff of Battle Bowl!

TONIGHT
BATTLE BOWL 2010
JAMES BLONDE AND NATHANIEL BLACK VS CUBAN WALL AND SYNTH ABDUL JABBAR
TONIGHT!

COLE
The winner of that match advances to the battle royal at the South Beach Spectacular to determine who will be the number one contender for the OAOAST World Title! But first lets here from the brand new OAOAST World Champion!

We swoop over to OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan in the ring.

BRANNIGAN
Ladies and gentlemen, the new OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion… BARON WINDELS!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
Listen to this ovation!

“Not Afraid” by Enimen plays Baron Windels to the ring. Tim Cash not present because it’s BW’s moment in the spotlight.

BRANNIGAN
Baron Windels, on behalf of the entire OAOAST Galaxy, congratulations on your big win this past Sunday night at the Great Angle Bash.

BARON
Thank you, sir. It means a mighty lot coming from a former great World Champion like you. As expected, it was a rough and tumble affair. I knew going in Mr. Dick would do everything it took to retain this here World title. And there were a couple of times he really had me on the ropes, but willed by over 60,000 OAOAST Marks in Cowboys Stadium and millions around the world I fought back each and every time. Then just when Mr. Dick thought he had seen every move in my playbook I surprise him with a sleeper taught to me by Tim Cash. Ending that miserable prick’s title reign by turning his lights out was worth all the B.S. he put me through over the years.

BRANNIGAN
I’m sure it was. Now the question becomes what’s next for the Lone Star Gunslinger?

BARON
(laughs)
I’ve been asked that a lot since winning the title. Everybody wants to know what kind of a champion I’ll be. In the past guys have won the World title and ducked challengers, while others have been fighting champions. I fall into the latter category. Friend or foe, I’ll take on all comers.

“Motherfucker of the Year” cues and MR. DICK emerges onstage alongside MALAYSIA.

COACH
I guess Mr. Dick has COME for another SHOT at the title, Cole. Get it? Cumshot? *laughs*

COLE
With material like that I’m amazed you don’t have your own late night show.

“YOU TAPPED OUT!”
“YOU TAPPED OUT!”
“YOU TAPPED OUT!”

MALAYSIA


MISTER DICK
No, you idiots. I momentarily lost consciousness. Then because the OAOAST fears the AARP they assign a senior citizen to ref and the guy prematurely rings the bell just as I was coming to.

COLE
Are you kidding me? He was out like a baby.

MISTER DICK
Fact is, that ref saved you one helluva ass kickin’!  

BARON


MISTER DICK
But thank God for rematch clauses, because tonight I want my return shot.

BARON
That all sounds fine and dandy, Dick, but you’re gonna need to get in line first. I talked to the boss earlier and he agreed to sign a title match for tonight between myself and… KRISTA!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE & COACH


MISTER DICK & MALAYSIA


BARON
After her generosity towards me and Cash awhile back, I thought it was only right to return the favor. Good luck to her and may the best person win.

“Not Afraid” by Enimen cues and BW plays to the crowd while MD throws a fit onstage.

COLE
Oh, my! Baron Windels to make his first World title defense tonight against Krista!  

COACH
It’s gotta be the first time Mr. Dick’s been cockblocked in any form, Cole.  

COLE
What a night it’s going to be!


TONIGHT’S MAINEVENT
OAOAST WORLD TITLE
BARON WINDELS VS KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN
TONIGHT!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

COLE
Let's send it backstage, with Josh Matthews.

And by backstage, we mean WAY backstage, as Josh is stuck lurking in the shadows of the arena with a briefcase carrying Leon Rodez and clinging protectively to his side, Morgan Nerdly.

MATTHEWS
Leon, three weeks ago on HeldDOWN, it was announced to the world that Josie Baker had been relieved of her power here in the OAOAST. What part did you play in that decision being made?

Leon looks at Josh for a couple of seconds.

LEON
What part I played... really doesn't matter. What matters is, the OAOAST finally came to the right decision. The way you ask me that question... do you expect me to feel guilty? Sorry? Sympathetic? Josie Baker got what was coming to her. She abused her power. Used her power to kick at me while I was down... to kick Morgan while she was down. Finally... finally, for once in my life, justice has been done. For once, those responsible for making my life miserable... have finally got what was coming to them. So, if I had any part in the OAOAST's decision... that's great. I really couldn't be happier.

Not even the faintest hint of a smile appears on Leon's face while saying that last line, which confuses Josh a little.

LEON
Now, as far as I'm concerned... it's done. Josie is gone. She is no longer a concern... to take up not one more of my thoughts. And as far as our new President goes... I trust that Alfdogg is smart enough not to cross me, like Josie did. Now, with her out of the way, there is nothing... absolutely nothing... to stop me from cashing in this briefcase, whenever I want. Until now I've sat back, biding my time, waiting for Josie to be dealt with, so as to free myself of any distractions or obstacles. I don't have to worry about a thing... except, when. The right place. The right time. And the right circumstances. Until then, whether it be Baron Windels, whether it be Mister Dick, whether it be anyone else holding that World Title, know one thing. I will be watching. Fourteen months... fourteen months I've had to wait. What's another two, three, four... to ensure I get what I want? Before, I was impatient. Now though... I don't have to be. Keep that in the back of your minds. And keep half an eye out around you. Just incase.

Suddenly, the microphone is tilted over by Morgan, who peeks up.

MORGAN
I'm just really glad that we've sorted out Josie and... and maybe now, we can move on. I... I'd like to be Women's Champion again and Leon can be World Champion again and we don't have to worry anymore.

LEON
Oh. It's "We" now, is it?

Looking down at Morgan, Leon takes a small step away from Morgan.

LEON
I don't remember any "we" in all of this. I remember you pleading and me doing. I've had to watch my every step, because you were worried about what Josie would do to you to get at me... but now, it's "we". That's your gratitude.

MORGAN
I-I-I didn't mean that... I am grateful! I am!

Stopping himself from saying anymore, Leon takes a deep breath and calms himself down, as Morgan shrinks into herself again.

LEON
I know. I know you are. Don't listen to me. I'm just a little annoyed right now... because tonight, thanks to this little annoyance you've got going on with Holly, I've got to compete against a two hundred, seventy pound freak of nature. Which right now, I could do without. So unless we are going to wrestle that match together, I don't think we is much help right now, is it?

MORGAN
....no.

LEON
No. Exactly.

After an uncomfortable silence, Leon turns back to Josh, standing dumbly with his microphone.

LEON
Anything else you want to contribute?

MATTHEWS
...no, I think we're just about done here. Guys, back to you.


The Wall by Kansas hits, and the crowd boos as The Deadly Alliance makes their way to the ring.

COLE
The Deadly Alliance on their way to the ring, obviously with something to say!  And as Thunderkid enters the ring, I want to let our fans know that next week on Syndicated, it will be match 2 of the best-of-7 series between he and Denzel Spencer, a match taped from Boston, Massachusetts!

REJECT
Well well.  It's a big day in the OAOAST, folks.  A new World Heavyweight champion!

The crowd cheers, as the DA offers a sarcastic golf clap.

REJECT
But as much I hate to say it, Jock Mulligan is right.  Baron Windels should not be in possession of that belt right now.  It should be ME holding that belt, I should be the World Heavyweight champion!

*crowd boos*

REJECT
I mean, how incompetent is Alf?  Even with him personally sitting at ringside, even with a 500-pound beast guarding the ring area, he still can't prevent interference in a World title match?  Give me a break.

*crowd boos*

REJECT
And you should also thank me, Baron, for softening Jock up for you.

TK
You have to admit though, it was satisfying watching Jock put to sleep right in the middle.

Reject nods his head in agreement.

REJECT
Yeah, he was out like a light, wasn't he?

TK
He was out like Ken Griffey Jr. in the dugout!

*crowd boos*

REJECT
But on top of all that, what has Krista done to earn the first shot at the new champ?  Hell, what has she ever done to earn her reputation, to earn the right to bring her worthless family in to hog all the airtime?

*crowd boos*

REJECT
I mean, nobody gives a fuck about...

Magnum Opus hits, and Alfdogg makes his way out.

ALF
I can tell you one thing Krista has done to improve her resume...she won a terrific dumpster match at the Great Angle Bash!

*crowd cheers*

ALF
You seemed to have a lot to say about Baron, about Jock and about Krista.  Well, I'm glad you're motivated, because next week on Syndicated, you're gonna be in the ring with all three of them!

*crowd cheers*

REJECT
That's supposed to make me upset?  A fatal-four-way match for the World title?  I'm up for that, bring it on!

ALF
No, that's not supposed to make you upset.  But it's not a fatal-four-way match, it's gonna be a tag team match!

COACH
A tag team match?

ALF
Krista Isadora Duncan will team up with the World champion, Baron Windels, and their opponents will be Mr. Dick...and Reject!

REJECT
WHAT?

*crowd cheers*

COLE
Oh, my!  What a big match made for Syndicated!

ALF
And you two better get some teamwork ready, because if one of you is responsible for the other losing the match, they'll be suspended for 90 days without pay!

Reject goes crazy in the ring, as TK tries to calm him down.

[Chanel #99]

HeldDOWN returns to the ring to see Quiz, burly bodyguard of The Heavenly Rockers, stood with the new Women's Champion by his side.

BUFFER
The following contest is set for one fall. In the ring, accompanied by OAOAST Women's Champion HOLLY... from Calgary, Alberta, Canada! Weighing two hundred, seventy seven pounds... QQQUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Snarling down the aisle towards backstage, Quiz stands cracking at his knuckles, with his left shoulder and lower back covered in light tape and gauze.

COLE
You can see Quiz, nursing those electrical burns that he suffered last Sunday at The Great Angle Bash at the hands of Morgan Nerdly. And tonight, he's looking to gain some retribution, in the form of Morgan's one reliable relation in the OAOAST, if you can call him... well, either of those things.


"Oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone
And oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone, dead and gone..."

The opening to "Dead And Gone" by T.I. fades into "Numb" by Linkin Park, to a seething disdain from the crowd. Heading out into this, Leon Rodez, miserable as ever, with a cautious Morgan Nerdly sticking close to him. Leon slowly makes his way down the aisle as the song meanders along, carrying in his hand the Money In The Bank briefcase, with no need for a lock and key to protect it anymore. Coming to a stop in the middle of the aisle, Leon looks up at the skies with a scowl on his face as the song suddenly erupts and the lights flash back and forth from purple to white static.

"I'VE BECOME SO NUMB
I CAN'T FEEL YOU THERE
BECOME SO TIRED
SO MUCH MORE AWARE!
I'M BECOMING THIS
ALL I WANT TO DO
IS BE MORE LIKE ME
AND BE LESS LIKE YOU!"


BUFFER
And being accompanied by MORGAN NERDLY... from Grand Rapids, Michigan! Weighing in at two hundred, eighteen pounds... "THE FALLEN IDOL" of the OAOAST... LLLEEEEEOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRROOOOOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

As Leon approaches the ring, Morgan continues to look anxiously over her shoulder. And in all directions, including the ring where she at least knows two angry people are waiting for her. Unconcerned with Morgan's state, Leon snaps at her to "hurry up" as she starts to trail behind.

COLE
Now, I hope you're going to keep your mouth shut tonight, Coach. We don't need Morgan coming over here again. And we certainly don't need Morgan and Leon coming over here.

COACH
Don't sweat it, me and Leon are tight. There ain't no beef here.

COLE
Well, I assume he wouldn't appreciate you yelling at Morgan... but, to be honest, I'm not sure Leon's in the best of moods with Morgan himself. Finding himself in this match with this monster, albeit a wounded monster, who I'm sure Leon has no opinion of one way or the other.

Leon cautiously gets into the ring, keeping a close eye on Quiz who is ready to go, muscles flexing and tightening all over his body. Looking stoicly back, Leon doesn't seem quite so eager about this match.


*DINGDINGDING*

Infact, so un-eager, that when the bell rings Leon leaves the ring and stalls for time.

COLE
Leon, in no hurry to lock it up with the bigman Quiz.

Leon takes a stroll around the ring, unconcerned with the referee's count being put on him. In the ring, Quiz dares him on. After a while though Quiz's attention wanders and he starts to shout down at Morgan, still angry about what happened to him at the Great Angle Bash. That allows Leon to sneak back in, undetected and attack Quiz from behind!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Despite getting a couple of free shots, Leon's attempts to beat Quiz down don't quite work. Shrugging off the blows, Quiz reaches out and shoves Leon off of him. Leon rolls through the shove and back to his feet, staying right on the attack. Again the strikes don't have much effect, so Rodez comes off the ropes, trying to get some more momentum. But he runs right into a shoulder tackle from the burly bodyguard and hits the mat hard!

COACH
Wow! That's like running right into a brick wall. Only, the wall's running at you too.

Leon rolls away from Quiz into a corner, but the bigman is hot and right after him. He grabs hold of Leon and gives the Money In The Bank holder a big hiptoss right out of the corner! Grabbing his tailbone, Leon wisely decides "nuts to this" and rolls back out of the ring.

COACH
This really is a no-gain situation for Leon. He might as well leave.

COLE
No gain? What about, you know, winning the match?

COACH
Yeah but Leon's got the money in the bank contract. He doesn't need to win another match, until he's cashing that in. All he's doing tonight is risking getting hurt and setting him back a few more weeks.

Tired of waiting around Quiz gives chase to Leon, who limps his way around the corner. Trying to get away, Leon rolls back into the ring. And he catches Quiz trying to follow with a stomp to the back of the head.

"LE - ON SUCKS!"
"LE - ON SUCKS!"
"LE - ON SUCKS!"
"LE - ON SUCKS!"

Glaring out at the crowd, Leon turns and hits the ropes... and runs right into a GORILLA PRESS!!!!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

COACH
Uh-oh!

Quiz carries Rodez around the ring, trying to decide where to dump him. He soon decides on "the arena floor". A popular choice. However, as he goes to do so, Leon waves to Morgan and gets her to stand in position to break his fall! Quiz hesitates over throwing Leon out onto the petrified young girl. And as he yells at her to move, it buys Leon time to wriggle free, landing on his feet and forearming Quiz in the shoulder area.

COLE
Ooh, he hit him right across that burn wound... and now, look at this, Leon targetting those burns!

Ripping and tearing at the guaze and bandaging, Leon starts punching away at the injured shoulder, finding a chink in Quiz's muscular armour. Leon comes off the ropes with a clothesline, aimed enough at the shoulder to do some damage. Leon then grabs hold of the injured arm and delivers a single arm DDT!

HOLLY
Come on ref, get him the (beep) off the (beep) arm!

Cover by Leon...


1...


2...


Kickout!

Like a savage animal, Leon goes right back to the wound, tearing away at the wrapping to get some better shots in at the injury.

COLE
What a vicious attack this is. Leon certainly not above exploiting an injury.

COACH
Well, he had to do something. Quiz was tossing him around like a chew toy!

Quiz tries to cover up his arm, as Rodez stomps away. Picking him back up, Leon leaves Quiz on his knees and backs up a step... then SLAMS an MMA style knee strike into his chest.

COLE
That will knock the wind right out of you.

With Quiz getting to his feet, Leon goes to the middle rope. And from there he aims for the shoulder with a precise punch. Starting to get defensive Quiz covers up again and fends Leon off with his good arm. So Leon starts kicking at the legs until the defence comes down, then catches Quiz near the ropes and wraps his arm around the ring rope!!

"ONE!"
"TWO!"
"THREE!"
"FOUR!"

Leon breaks on four, with Quiz left howling in pain. Morgan looks on, almost sad at the indirect part she's played in this.

COLE
Leon is slowly but surely dissecting this man mountain of a man known as Quiz.

Stepping out of the ring, Leon grabs hold of the arm again... and drops to the floor, hanging it over the top rope on the way down! Quiz lets out another shout and falls to his knees in the middle of the ring as Leon just stops and stares on.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Slithering back inside Rodez approaches Quiz and puts an overhead wristlock on the bigman, looking for a submission.

COLE
Well this hold must be tearing at that already inflamed skin of Quiz. But he's refusing to give up just yet. And I'm not sure Leon has the power to make this move work for long.

COACH
No way. Quiz is gonna power out of this any second, Leon needs to change tact here quick.

Unfortunately for Leon, he doesn't And sure enough Quiz is able to power out. He gets to his feet and delivers a knee to the gut, breaking the hold. With his good arm, Quiz then throws a big right hand! Leon is rocked right back into the ropes, the only thing stopping him from going down. The ropes instead bounce him back to Quiz, who grabs Leon and delivers a headbutt.

COLE
And here comes Quiz!

Waving Leon up, Quiz hits a muscular clothesline from the right side and goes for the cover...


1...


2...


Kickout!

Leon tries to roll away and makes it as far as the ropes. Whipped across, Leon manages to duck a big boot and takes a swing at the lower back, slapping Quiz right across his burnt skin! As Quiz cringes in pain Leon runs past him, coming back off the ropes ready for a clothesline. But Quiz muscles him right off his feet and hits a devestating SPINEBUSTAAHH~!

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
OH my, that's going to do it right there, what an upset this would be!


1...



2...



NO!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
Oh, that was close!

Reeling, Leon stumbles into a corner looking for a reprieve. And gets one as he catches Quiz coming in with a thumb to the eye!

COACH
Boy, Leon's getting desperate.

Wearily he pushes himself up onto the middle rope again, ready to strike. Quiz catches him though and drags Leon off the ropes with a slam, at the expense of his own shoulder.

HOLLY
C'mon Quiz, (beep) get the (beep) up!

A distinct lack of concern from Holly urges Quiz on. He waits for Leon to get up, then comes out of the corner looking for the Big Boot! Leon ducks out of the way, then catches Quiz with a dropkick. The bigman stumbles back into the corner and with a run up from the opposite side, Leon throws himself at Quiz with the Superman Spear! As Quiz staggers out, Leon lines him up, going to the midsection again with a rolling sobat. That doubles Quiz up and Leon tries for a DDT, but gets caught with a backdrop!

COACH
Too powerful!

Once again this is a sign for Leon, who gets straight out of the ring. Quiz doesn't give him a moment to rest though and goes out in pursuit.

COLE
Leon, trying to get away here.

COACH
Or is he trying to play cat and mouse?

COLE
If he is, that's the biggest cat I've ever seen.

Rounding the ring, Leon knows Quiz is on his tail and gets desperate. So he grabs a hold of Morgan on the way past and THROWS her into Quiz's path! A collision is narrowly avoided and wanting no more part of Morgan and her dangerous ways, Quiz quickly sets her aside. As he goes to climb back into the ring though, Leon is already there and waiting, with a HARD kick between the ropes!

COLE
Oh, right to the shoulder again!

With Quiz left hung up in the ropes, Leon hooks the bigman by the head and starts to draw him back in, so that he's hanging over the mat with just his feet on the rope. It takes some strength, moving the 277 pounder around. But he manages it... and SCORES with the Downfall DDT!!!

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
BAM! Lights out!

COLE
Two hundred seventy pounds coming crashing down on the neck, I think Quiz is out!

Rolling Quiz over, Leon hooks the leg hoping the same...


1...



2...



3!!!!!

*DINGDINGDING*

COACH
Wow! A bullet dodged for Leon Rodez!

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner... LLLLEEEEEEOOOOOOONN... RRRROOOOOODDEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Cussing and moaning, Holly comes into the ring to check on Quiz as Leon rolls aside and looks on. On his knees, he scowls down at Quiz for a second, before sliding outside with a smirk.

COLE
Leon able to overcome the two hundred, seventy pound muscle of the Heavenly Rockers. That was, in many ways, an impressive feat from the former World Heavyweight Champion, but it was far from easy.

COACH
I think Leon's just relieved to have gotten this one out of the way and come out unscathed.

Leon backs away from the ring and lays a hand on Morgan's shoulder, either oblivious or uncaring to the apparant twisted ankle she's suffered from being thrown into the way of Quiz. Apparantly without any prior warning, looking a little hurt emotionally as well as she limps to try and keep up with Leon, as they back up the aisle.

COLE
And with Leon in such deadly form, you have to wonder if Baron Windels is watching and worrying.

[Chanel #99]

Backstage we find


NED BLANCHARD


SIMON SINGLETON

AND


MOLLY NERDLY

chillin’ like villains in an empty section of the arena.  

NED
So what’s the plan, man?

SIMON
The plan is diabolical in its intricacies, ingenious in it simplicity, savage in its serenity, and unique in its terror…what plan are we talking about?

NED
You daffy bastard!

MOLLY
Simon, we’re clearly speaking of the plan you possess to end Christian Wright’s winning streak.

NED
Yep. You made a promise last week to end the blasted thing, and you better hold true to your word.

SIMON
My plan is more thought than action, more riddle than rhyme, more chaos then sense, and brilliant in all the above.

MOLLY
Are you just speaking in riddles because you haven’t thought of what to do?

SIMON
Pretty much. But huddle close, I have an idea.

Molly and Ned lean in close to Simon who eagerly explains his scheme.

MOLLY
My, that’s rather devious, and somewhat evil, and truly underhanded.

SIMON
I know, isn’t it great?

NED
I can’t wait to see you pull this one off, buddy!

Ned slaps his smiling partner on the back and lets out a loud laugh of satisfaction.


TONIGHT’S MAINEVENT
OAOAST WORLD TITLE
BARON WINDELS VS KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN
TONIGHT!
 
COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now
(Jesus Walks)
And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs
(Jesus Walks with me)
I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long


Onto a green and gold lit entrance stage come the much maligned duo of Christian Wright and Lorelei DeCenzo. CW soaks in the hatred of the audience, before releasing it with a thrust of his arms that sends green and gold pyro into the air. Lorelei isn’t so forceful in her entrance, instead twirling around to show off her backless silver beaded gown.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televisied time limit of fifteen minutes! Now making his way to the ring being accompanied by Lorelei DeCenzo, he weighes in at 8 and 1/3 bars of gold, from Washington DC, CHRIIIISTTTTTIIIIIIAAAAAAAAN WRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHT!

Wright and Lorelei stroll down the entrance ramp, with arms hooked and noses held high into the air. As they approach the ring, Wright does the gentlemanly thing by holding the ropes open for Lorelei. The Money Honey then welcomes Wright into the ring, and they hold their arms in the air in triumph.

COLE
Christian Wright looks to extend his win streak here on HeldDOWN against this man…

The audience claps their hands and gets in a festive mood as Skills by Beatbullyz brings J-MAX to the OAOAST forefront. The Birmingham Bad Boy claps his hands and then throws his arms up towards a receptive audience.

BUFFER
And the opponent from Birmingham, England, he is THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY……..J-MAAAAAAAXXXXXXXXXXXX!

J-MAX wows the sold out audience by leaping into the ring with a springboard moonsault and even more impressively coming down onto his feet

DING DING DING

The contest starts with a lockup that’s easily won by Wright, who shoves his opponent back into the corner. There referee Clem Buzzlefoxer calls for a clean break. Wright submits to his request, but does so only to rifle a forearm at J-MAX’s masked face. But the British superstar ducks beneath the attack, and Wright falls into the corner.  He’s assailed  by a torrent of knife edge chops that leave red welts across his fair skin. J-MAX then leaps into his chest and bridges backwards with a monkey flip! Wright is thrown to the center of the ring, but lands on his expensive Italian loafers. This isn’t exactly to his advantage as J-MAX rushes forward and traps him inside a victory roll!

ONE!


Wright finds his way out the pinfall, and gets to his feet.  J-MAX follows him upwards, only be ensared into a front facelock. Wright shoves him down to the ground, turning the transistion hold into a basic submission.

COLE
Wright has J-MAX trapped.

COACH
Homeboy better start tapping, and quit wasting our time. You just don’t beat Christian Wright. No sense in trying.

J-MAX squirms and struggles within the hold, but can do nothing to stop Wright from continuing to choke at him. However, the Brit stays firm in his resolve and refuses to give in.  Frustrated with his inability to submit the youthful high flyer, Wright yanks him off the canvas. He grabs onto the waistband of his tights, and then begins lifting him into the air. But J-MAX counter any suplex attempt by kneeing his foe in the head! Skull filled with pain, Wright releases J-MAX, and the masked superstar leaps onto the ropes. He springboards back with a high flipping lariat! However, Wright shoots beneath the attack and J-MAX crashes into the canvas.

COLE
And a rough miss from The Birmingham Bad Boy.

Wright begins ripping at J-MAX’s colorful mask, which causes immediate panic for the OAOAST superstar. As such be begins kicking furiously at Wright’s head.

COACH
What’s his problem? We all know what he looks like. Like a pasty ass whiteboy that ain’t getting no pooooossaaaaaaay!

J-MAX finally manages to kick CW away. He then comes to his feet and charges at the DC native. His arrival is welcomed by a snap powerslam who’s pinfall is scored by the referee…

ONE!


TWO!


J-MAX   lifts his shoulder off the canvas. But that shoulder is immediately captured into an arm lock from CW. J-MAX hollers in anguish with a cry that’s muffled by his mask. Its clear enough to be heard by CW, who politely ask J-MAX if he wants to submit.

J-MAX
Kiss my arse!

LORELEI
Wrong answer, fool.

Wrong answer indeed, as CW breaks the armlock to drive a series of knees into J-MAX’s face. Once that’s completed, Wright lifts the staggered J-MAX off the canvas and throws him against the turnbuckle posts. He then charges in and raises his knee into J-MAX’s chin. With his foe whimpering from the pain, Wright snapmares him to the canvas. Assuming J-MAX’s place in the corner, Wright elevates to the second rope. The God Child then flies off with an elbow aimed at his foe’s ringing skull. After it lands, he hooks the legs for a pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!

J-MAX makes a heroic kickout.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Less thrilling to the audience is the stomps Wright aims at J-MAX’s skull. He then scrapes him off the canvas, and slams the back of his head into the top turnbuckle.

WRIGHT
Dear squire, doth thou wish to accqueise to my calls for victory?

J-MAX
Go to hell, Nancy Boy!

LORELEI
Again, wrong answer.

Wright attempts to whip J-MAX into the far ropes, but finds his attacked reversed. Wright smashes against the turnbuckles, where his lips exhale a grunt of annoyance. More problematic is that J-MAX is back flipping towards him. But when J-MAX reaches him Wright goes low and dropkicks him in the face.

COACH
Oh man was that beautiful! Even the Taliban ain’t that brutal.

Wright grabs onto J-MAX’s legs and slingshots him into the corner. But J-MAX somehow finds the will and the way to land atop the second rope. Seeing this puts a look of vexation on CW’s face. But there’s little he can do as J-MAX moonsaults backwards and topples him to the ground. Buzzlefoxer scores the resulting pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!

Wright gets his shoulder off the canvas.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

While the audience grouses over the pin count, J-MAX picks CW off the canvas. He whips The God Child into the ropes, and when he returns he throws him to the canvas with a sit out hiptoss! The British superstar then runs to the ropes, and when he returns he hits a shooting star press on his foe. As the audience applauds the show of agility, J-MAX makes a pinfall attempt…

ONE!


TWO!

Lorelei distracts the Clem by flicking a tooth paste cap at him.

COLE
Why is she carrying around a toothpaste cap?

COACH
To flick at Clem, why else?

J-MAX grabs onto Wright’s slick backed hair and guides him off the canvas.  He then whips him into the ropes, and takes off to the opposite cables himself. When he appraoches Wright he leaps at him with a cross body block. But Wright catches him in his arms. Smiling over J-MAX’s impending misfortune, Wright whirls him to the side and strikes him with an Urange!

“CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS!”

WRIGHT
SILENCE! SILENCE! SILENCE!

Failing to have shushed the audience, a grumbling Wright begins pulling J-MAX off the canvas. But the fisty Brit fights back with elbows to CW’s midsection. However, these are no match for the knee Wright slams into his chest. He then fires off a series of European uppercuts, before stuffing his foe between his legs. From there he sits out and executes a deadly pile driver.

COLE
The God Child has been targeting J-MAX’s skull all match and it just might pay dividens.

COACH
Just might? What is this “might” mess? Everything Christian Wright does pays dividends.

Wright heads to the top rope, an action that fills the audience with a worried curiosity.

WRIGHT
Thy majestic bird shall take flight!

Wright fufills his promise, sailing through the air with a body splash! But J-MAX rolls out the way, and Wright splatters across the canvas! He rolls onto his back, where all can see the grimace that grips his face.

COLE
High risk, low reward!
 
J-MAX shakes off the pain in his skull in order to come to his feet.  He points to the top rope, sending the fans into a frenzy and Lorelei into a tizzy. The British thug, then scales the turnbuckles where he plays to the audience.

COACH
This fool better stop wasting time. He gotta get The God Child while he can get The God Child.

Coach’s advice would’ve been best heeded as Lorelei makes her way onto the ring apron. She latches onto J-MAX’s leg and refuses to let him take flight!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

J-MAX hasn’t much trouble in shooing Lorelei away. But Lorelei’s interference provided the time needed for Wright to recover.  As such he’s able to dart up the ring ropes, and stun J-MAX with a pair of European uppercuts! He then grabs onto J-MAX in a front facelock, expecting to superplex him backwards. But J-MAX calls upon all the strength in his thin body and shoves Wright back to the canvas. The God Child lands on his feet, but this does little to help him as J-MAX flips him over with a hurricanrana!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Buzzlefoxer drops down to his arthritic knees to count the pinfall…

COLE
Big upset?

ONE!


TWO!

Wright pulls himself out the pinfall mere moments before the three count.

COACH
Damn, that was too close, Mikey. Way too close!

J-MAX pulls Wright to his feet and whips him into the ropes. When Wright returns J-MAX connects with a leaping heel kick! He then moonsaults himself onto his fallen foe. The elderly offical counts the resulting pinfall…

ONE!

TWO!

Wright again finds a way to kickout.

“THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE!”

Beyond the vision of both competitors, SIMON SINGLETON is making his way to ringside. Lorelei notices his arrival and barks at her former friend to go away. But Singleton doesn’t yield to this request, and instead slides into the ring. He brushes past Clem Buzzlefoxer and kicks J-MAX in the leg!

DING DING DING

OAOAST GALAXY


BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a disqualifaction……J-MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX!

The signifgance of this announcement is not easily lost on Christian Wright. The God Child quickly comes to realize that his undefeated streak has been snapped by a simple kick to the leg. This does not sit very well with Wright. In fact he lunges at Clem, tackling the frightened old man to the ground. He grabs onto his collar and yells at Clem to reverse the decesion. All while this is happening, Simon sits in the corner laughing his fool head off.

COLE
Christian Wright’s win streak has come to an abrupt and stunning end!

COACH
He…he…still hasn’t been pinned or submitted!

COLE
That’s true, but that doesn’t seem to be much comfort at his moment. Folks, I'm sorry to say that its now time for the hated House of Worship.

[Chanel #99]

tomorrow,
only tomorrow

tomorrow,
only tomorrow
Sajo see you tomorrow

Sajo jon te i fe,
Ousmane ko ka bi fe ka bi
fe koniete ka le te sigi
Sajo jon te i fe malienw

The glorious and soul searing tenor of

join with even more glorious images of Abdullah Abir Nerdly speaking the message of the prophets to the citizens of various countries, as well as being flocked to by children and fawned over by women.

HOUSE OF WORSHIP
With your Inspirational Leader....Abdullah Abir Nerdly

Escorted by a bevy of beauties in belly dancer costumes, Abdullah Abir Nerdly wheels himself down in a yellow brick road in a wheel chair.  Once at the podium, Abdullah orders his babes away with a wave of the hand.

ABDULLAH
Brothers and sisters, brothers and sisters! I have been victimized! I have been brutalized! I have been tormentalized! My children, for my service to god and to the prophets I have been blessed with well deserved riches, loyal followers, a temple befitting a speaker of the prophets, and a bevy of submissive beauties. But for trying to smite the devil’s child, Morgan Nerdly I received only punishment! I recived only anguish! I received only misery! I am now trapped inside a wheel chair a victim of god’s cruel tricks. Yes, I said it, god’s cruel tricks! God has abondanned me when I only attempted to serve him! He has left me to wither and die when I wished only to destroy his enemies.  God watched with folded arms as I was maimed by the devil’s servant Morgan Nerdly. God, I ask you, if you are not in collusion with the devil, if you have not betrayed your humble servant, heal him. Give him the gift of movement so that he may hit the pavement and spread your message to the masses!

Abdullah suddenly begins trembling, his entire body powerfully shaking. Its as though his very figure were being rocked by a terrible earthquake. He falls out his wheelchair, and concerned gasps go up from the congregation. Some move to help him, but he holds out his hand to stop them. Slowly his legs begin moving, and soon his arms begin to push him up. After a painful effort he manages to stand!

ABDULLAH
I can walk! I can jog! I can dance! Glory be, god is wonderful! Praise him!

“PRAISE BE!”

ABDULLAH
Please show your thanks to the lord and his greatness by giving generously at the collection plate. Praise be!

“PRAISE BE!”

ABDULLAH
My children, I welcome a kind spirit into the House Of Worship. Unlike my last guest, this is no servant of satan. She isn’t a tool for the darklord to be used against us noble warrior poets. She is a child of god, and a lover of man! Please welcome Sophie Grey to the House of Worship.


SOPHIE GREY appears on stage and takes a seat next to Abdullah.

SOPHIE
Bonjour, Monsuier Nerdy.

ABDULLAH
Why have you joined in the crusade against the devil?

SOPHIE
Zhe devil?

ABDULLAH
You may not realize it my child, but when you struck a blow against Morgan Nerdly you struck a blow against Satan and his evil.

SOPHIE
I see. I attack Morgan because she is reason my sister no longer have job, non? Without Morgan I still have my sister, but with Morgan I have no sister.  It is bien pensant, non? Is logical, oui? Without one I have the other, with one I do not have the other. Is simple cause and effect. Morgan has disrupted zhe balance of peace and tranquility I had enjoyed.

ABDULLAH
How so, my child?

SOPHIE
I lived easy life, oui. I came to work, I sampled zhe fine cheeses of zhe deli cart, I watch zhe matches, and I parle avec mes amis! It was all thanks to Josie, and her being boss.  With Josie I get title shot whenever I want, non. All I do is ask, and it is mine. I was a bon vivant, I enjoyed zhe good life. That was zhe effect of Josie being zhe general manager.

ABDULLAH
And what about now, my child? What suffering must you endure thanks to Morgan’s actions.

SOPHIE
My career is in, how do you say, limbo. It is in a certain Je ne sais quois, but il n’est pas bien. Non, it is not good, mon ami. I am lost. I have nothing. I have not spoken to Alfdogg, but I am not impressed. He is blasé, do you not agree?

ABDULLAH
I do not believe he is a loyal child of god, no, I don’t.

SOPHIE
My career is in zhe shambles as you American’s say. And is Morgan’s fault. I make her pay dearly.

ABDULLAH
My child, I and The Heavenly Rockers will offer you whatever help you need to achieve that goal.

SOPHIE
Merci beaucoup.

NEXT!
BATTLE BOWL 2010
JAMES BLONDE AND NATHANIEL BLACK VS CUBAN WALL AND SYNTH ABDUL JABBAR
NEXT!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Khyber Pass plays to its usual poor reception as Synth, Quiz, and the Cuban Wall emerge from the back. Multicolored spotlights flicker across the entrance stage as Synth gives thanks to god while Wall and Quiz see who’s better at cracking their knuckles and looking fearsome.

BUFFER
The following Battle Bowl contest is scheduled for one fall with a televisied time limit of sixty minutes! Now making their way to the ring, accompanied by QUIZ, fist from Sin City, Nevada, he is SYNTH ABDUL JAABBAAAAAAARRRRRRR! And his partner, from Havana, Cuba….he is CUBAAAAAAAN WAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL

COLE
I got a chance to talk to Wall earlier today, and he says he’s planning on claiming his spot in the battle royal as well as restablishing his name in the OAOAST.

Wall scowls at the sold out audience, while Quiz does the exact same thing. For his part, Synth kneels in the corner and prays for a swift victory.

The Chruch Of Hot Addiction by Cobra Starship brings out the colorfully attired James Blonde, who’s wear a bright pink and yellow zebra print jacket, and red 3/4th length pants with golden sequined polka dots. He holds up his share of the six man titles, as Queen Esther happily applauds his him.

BUFFER
And introducing the opponents, first from Vancouver, British Columbia, he is THE PRINCE OF PANACHE JAAAAAAMEEEEESSSS BLOOOOONNNNDDDDDEEEEEEEE

Blonde swaggers down the ring, holding his title in the air and proclaiming his greatness to all who will listen. Which is no one. Absolutely no one.

COLE
It seems as though we’re being joined by Queen Esther. Welcome, your highness.

QUEEN ESTHER
Thank you! You aren’t quiet the inbred hump backed peasant Landon labeled you as.

COLE
He called me inbred?

Blonde’s confident mood immediately disappears when the bopping twang of “Chelsea Dagger” comes over the sound system. With lights alternating between red, white and blue, Black emerges from the back with arms raised into the ring. The former six man champion sports Black tights with a white union jack design and a union jack blue hodded track jacket.

BUFFER
And his partner, from London, England, he is NATHANIEL BLAAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Black hits the ring, and Blonde immediately scatters, worried over the fate that might befall him. The Brit throws his fist into the air, and lets out a mighty shout of victory.

QUEEN ESTHER
What a vile beast! It surprises me that fire doesn’t spew forth when he opens his mouth.

DING DING DING

More fearful of his own partner than the beast in front of him, Blonde turns worried glances onto Wall.

BLACK
Better worry about Wall and not me, Jimmy.

Still not trusting his partner, Blonde keeps cautious eyes on him. This is severely problematic for Blonde as Wall steamrolls through him with a shoulder tackle. Blonde is sent tumbling away, and lands in his corner. There fear overrules pain and he promptly gets to his feet to avoid Nate Black. Unfortunatley he carries himself into a pair of looping lefts from Wall. Blonde falls into the corner, where he’s faced with a running charge from Wall. But the Canadian slides out the way and his Cuban foe slams into the ring posts. This annoys him more than it hurts him and he swings around to strike down Blonde with a big boot. Wall then turns a scowl onto Black, who scowls right back at him.

COLE
Neither Black or Wall are known for being in the best of moods at anytime.

Wall picks up Blonde and throws him into the ropes.  He lowers his head, which only allows Blonde to leap over him with a sunset flip. But instead of falling backwards, Wall remains upright, reaching down to grab hold of Blonde around the neck.

COACH
This don’t look good!

Blonde is raised off the ground and lifted high into the air in preparation for the chokeslam. He’s brought crashing to the canvas courtesy of the big move, leaving Blonde in a world of hurt. A pinfall follows that’s scored by referee Charles Robinson..

ONE!


TWO!

Black breaks up the pinfall, starting an argument between he and Wall. The fierey Brit is ready to mix it up with his Latino foe, but is kept at bay by Robinson. Wall grumpily retreats to his corner, and applies the tag with Synth.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

COLE
The lone American in this contest, Synth Abdul Jabbar hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada.

BLONDE
Phew!

SYNTH
Phew? What does yo ass mean phew?

BLONDE
Its just that he’s big and mean and you’re closer to my size so you might be easier and.-

CRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNCHHHHHHH

That would be the sound of Blonde being drilled in the nose by Synth’s goggles. Blood spills down his down onto his lips as he shrieks in horror. Synth isn’t exactly sympathetic to his plight and hammers him with clubbing forearms. He then captures him inside a front facelock, in set up for the Percussion DDT. But Blonde desperately shoves his opponent away, forcing him into the ropes. Synth returns with fury and flattens Blonde with a lariat. A pinfall follows…

ONE!


TWO!


Blonde pops a shoulder off the canvas. Synth scarpes him off the canvas, and guides him into the corner so that a tag may be made with Wall. The big Cuban enters the ring with a pair of forearms to Blonde’s jaw.  Blonde staggers away, before diving out the ring!

COLE
What’s he doing?

QUEEN ESTHER
Why he’s taking in the scenery of course! Such marvelous and beautiful people!

Close up of a fan throwing up on himself.

Blonde stomps around the ring, pouting at his misfortune, before heading towards the purple lit entrance ramp.

COACH
He’s leaving!

Not if Black can help it! The surly Brit leaves the apron with a grunt of rage. He runs to Blonde’s location, grabs onto the back of his neck, and drags him to the ring. Blonde screams his protests, but they fall on deaf ears as he’s dumped back into the ring by his former friend.

BLONDE
What are you doing? You’re going to get me killed!

Blonde’s statement seems pretty accurate when Wall nails him with a big boot to the back of the head. A pinfall is then made…

ONE!


TWO!

Blonde gets his shoulder off the canvas.

QUEEN ESTHER
What a selfish man this Nathaniel Black is! Does he not see how James suffers? Does he not care for his plight? Does he not hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon (singing)
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned? Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? Can you paint with all the colors of the wind? Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

COLE
What?

QUEEN ESTHER
I felt like singing.

Wall nails him with several stomps, before heading to his corner and tagging in Synth. Synth rushes forward and throws an elbow drop at Blonde. But the Prince Of Panache rolls out the way, and Synth’s elbow slices the rock hard mat. While Synth copes with the pain shooting through his arm, Blonde hurriedly retreats to his corner and tags in Black. Then he DIVES out the ring once more so that his partner won’t harm him.

COLE
This guy is worse than Biff Atlas before he got his superpower.

QUEEN ESTHER
You don’t know what type of man this Nathaniel Black is! I live in constant fear that he will invade my castle and soil my virgin loins!

Black fires off three elbows that slam into Synth’s jaw. He then twirls around, cocking his arm to strike Synth down with another elbow. From there he grabs onto Synth’s  left leg  and wrenches it back and forth. Synth kicks at his foe with his free leg, but it doesn’t do enough damage to stop Black from tormenting him.  Next, Black steps inside his leg, twists it around his knee and drops to the ground. Synth hollers out in pain, while Black gives one final elbow shot to his leg.

COLE
This is the first time these two have met in the OAOAST ring and Black is taking an early upperhand.

Black pulls Synth up by the strap of his goggles and tags him with a few elbow strikes. He then grabs onto his arm and gives him an arm wrench with so much force it flips Synth to the ground.

COLE
What amazing power!

Synth comes to his feet and uses his aggrrived arm to swing a lariat at Black. But Black catches onto his arm, twists him around for another arm wrench and executes a front Russian leg sweep. Black then floats on top of his foe for a pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!


Wall breaks up the pinfall with a boot to Black’s head. However, Black’s quarrel is with Blonde.

BLACK
You gonna just sit their like an idiot, or are you planning on doing something useful?

Black picks Synth off the canvas, only to have his foe strike him in the face with a headbutt assisted by the goggles.  This splits Black wide open, and he stumbles away in pain. He looks for a tag from Blonde, however the Canadian refuses to give it once he sees Wall receive a tag from Synth.

COLE
James Blonde a bit gunshy now that Cuban Wall is stepping back into the ring.

QUEEN ESTHER
I’m unfamillar with this Cuban Wall, but he looks as though he spends his nights in box out in the alley and has a most repugnant odor.

COLE
You’re not far off.

Wall comes charging into the ring with arms raised in an axe handle. But Black amazingly cartwheels around it.

COLE
That is some fantastic agility by Nathaniel Black.

Coming fully upright, Black swings several knife edge chops into Wall’s expansive chest.  Having stunned Wall with the stinging blows, Black pushes himself into the ropes. But as he returns Wall reaches out and snaps his hand around his neck.

COLE
Chokeslam?

But Wall is kicked in the knee with Black’s blue boots, forcing him to attend to his leg and halting his chokeslam attempt. Black then grabs onto the back of Wall’s head, bends him backwards and knees him in the lower back.  Despite the damage of this attack, Wall is quickly back to his feet.  He chops down Black with a diving lariat, and then goes for a pinfall!

ONE!


TWO!

Black lifts his shoulder off the canvas. His entire body then follows suit thanks to Cuban Wall. The massive brawler then whips his foe into his own corner. Black reaches out for a tag with Blonde, but the Canadian once again refuses. Thus Black is left to endure a running lariat from the big man. Black stumbles out the corner, heading to the center of the ring while Wall bounces off the ropes. When he reaches Black he extends his elbow and strikes him in the back of the head. A pinfall soon follows…

ONE!


TWO!

Black gets his shoulder off the canvas once again.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Wall rips his foe off the canvas, and hurls him into the ropes. The Cuban lowers his head, expecting Black to leapfrog him. But this plan meets in failure as Black kicks him in the chest. Wall pops up, howling in a mixture of rage and anguish. Black then adds to his miserey by trapping him inside a hammerlock and DDTing him into the canvas!

COLE
Hammerlock DDT and that’s one way to bring a big man down.

Seeing Wall in such a vulnerable position lights James Blonde’s competitive fire, and he demands a tag. Black decides to be a decent guy and lets bygones be bygones. He brings Blonde into the ring…by grabbing onto his head and throwing him into the ring!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

QUEEN ESTHER
This is unfair! He is the heir to my king’s throne! Do you believe that some ruffian from Hull can manhandle Prince Harry? I should think not!

COLE
God help us if James Blonde ever becomes king of anything.

Blonde hurriedly picks himself off the canvas, only to find that Wall has done the same. Blonde turns for a tag, but Black flat out refuses to grant one. As such Blonde is left to deal with a charging Wall. Acting out sheer desperation, Blonde drops to the ground and captures Wall with a drop toe hold. The Trendsetter then goes to the second rope and flies off with a Marty Jannetty fist drop. A pinfall quickly follows…

ONE!


TWO!

Wall literally throws Blonde off of him. The Trendsetter panics and quickly goes for a sudden Lionsault. But he misses as Wall rolls out the way.  Blonde yelps in distress, and looks for a tag once more. Yet, Black still will not aid his cowardice. Synth isn’t so cruel, and happily accepts a tag from his partner.  He runs across the ring and attempts to kick Blonde in the side of the head. But The Prince of Panache, pulls his skull out the way at the last possible second. He quickly scampers to his feet, where he meets Synth with a pair of over hand chops. Following those attacks he executes a sitout jaw breaker! Synth stumbles away, clutching his rattled jaw. Blonde hounds his position and school boys him into a pin attempt…

UN!

DEUX!


KICKOUT!

“YOU CAN’T DRESS! YOU CAN’T DRESS! YOU CAN’T DRESS!” the fans chant at Landon’s loyal prince.

COACH
Nonsense. This is The Prince of Panache, if he tells me furry pink tennis shoes are this years must have items I’m getting some furry pink tennis shoes.

Blonde seeks out another tag, and again finds that his search yeilds little results. Thus, the dejected Canadian turns his attention back to Synth. However, Synth is on his feet and he blasts Blonde with a boot to the midsection. Several clubbing forearms follow that attack before Synth bashes his foe’s skull against the turnbuckle posts! Synth then raises his boot to choke the life out the Vancouver native.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

Synth breaks on four, only to restart his attack mere seconds later

ONE!


TWO!


THREE!


FOUR!

The goggled grappler allows Blonde to go free, and he sinks to the canvas where he wheezes and coughes. He reaches out for a tag, but again Black would prefer to see him suffer.

QUEEN ESTHER
What is this awful man’s problem? Does he not see a human being in trouble?

COLE
He sees James Blonde in trouble. That’s different than a human being in trouble.

COACH
You’re cold.   
 
Blonde comes off the canvas and is immediately bashed in the back by forearms from Synth. The Vegas native then grabs onto Blonde’s 3/4th length pants and throws him through the ropes to the outside. Blodne’s suffering continues as Quiz picks him up and throws him shoulder first into the steel steps. After earning himself a warning from Robinson, Quiz returns Blonde back into the ring. There the poor luck continues to mount as Wall is tagged back into the contest.

COLE
How’d you like to face this guy in a battle royal?

COACH
I’d rather open mouth kiss your horse faced mama.

Wall pulls Blonde off the ring mat and tosses him into the corner. He then pummels his midsection with shoulder charges that reduce Blonde to a whimpering wreck.   Wall pulls Blonde out the corner, and takes him onto his shoulders in set up for a power bomb! But Blonde rolls down his back , and quickly rushes to his corner. Before Black can leap off the ring apron, Blonde is tagging him into the contest.

QUEEN ESTHER
Its high time this lazy lay about does his fair share!  

COLE
Fair share? He’s done 90% of the work for his team?

Black enters the ring and is immediately put on the defense by a lariat from Wall. He runs beanth the attack and carries himself towards Synth who also offers a lariat. But Black scores with a raised double knee strike that throws Synth to the canvas. Wall then hooks Black’s arms behind his back, giving Synth the time needed to come back to his feet.

COLE
If either of these men can pin Nathaniel Black will they receive the king’s ransom?

QUEEN ESTHER
You must do more than pin him! You must slay the mighty dragon and lay his wretched head at our feet so that we may mount it on the wall!

Synth lunges at Black, but the Brit slides out the way and Synth strikes Wall down in his stead. SAJ apologies profusely, but is soon silenced by a headbutt from Black! With both men down, the former HI-YAH star attempts a pinfall on Cuban Wall…

ONE!


TWO!


Synth dives on top of Black to end the pinfall.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Synth scrapes Black off the canvas and whips him into the ropes.  Black returns  with forearm aimed at Synth’s head. But Synth ducks the attack!  Black swings around to retry the move, but Synth stabs him in the gut with a fist. He then hooks him into a front facelock and signals for the Percussion with the legendary finger twirl!

COLE
It may be Synth collecting on that bounty!

But Black reveres the attack with a Northern Lights Suplex!  Robinson immediately drop to his knees to score the pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!

Wall punts Black in the head, ending the pinfall. The gigantic brute grabs onto the back of Black’s neck and begins guiding him off the canvas. But Black suddenly shoots to life and takes Wall down with a crossface! He then applies the chicken wing, setting in the deathly submission hold!


COLE
He’s got it locked in!

Wall instantly submits to the hold, unable to stomach the incredible torment.

DING DING DING

BUFFER
Your winners, as a result of a submission and advancing to the battle royal at the South Beach Spectacular…..JAMES BLONDE AND NATHANIEELLLLL BLLAAAAAACCCKKKKK!

QUEEN ESTHER
James has done it!

COLE
James has done it? He, as usual, let his partner do all the work!

Blonde’s celebrations are cut short, by a tap on the shoulder from Black. Not realizing who’s tapping him, Blonde shoes Black away. Another tap follows, and another shooing ensues. This when Black gets angry. He grabs onto Blonde’s stringy hair, and his odd tights and hurls him over the guardrail! Blonde quickly comes to his feet, only to be knockedout by a right cross from Black!

QUEEN ESTHER
Summon the guards! Summon the guards! Lift the draw bridge! Don’t let him escape!

Queen Esther’s orders go unfollowed, as Black backs up the ring apron, informing Landon Maddix that he’s soon to receive similar treatment.

[Chanel #99]

We fade in Alexander The Brutal, trapped inside a darkened jail cell. His gritty, well worn face, leans against the rusted metal bars.

ALEXANDER
I do not trust in the honor of men.

Alexander lies on the ground, mouth oozing blood and face scarred from battle.

ALEXANDER
For men are foolish.

Alexander is attacked by a large heavily tattooed biker in the jail cell.

ALEXANDER
Weak.

Alexander easily dispatches his attacker, snapping his neck with cold brutality.

ALEXANDER
Men are made only to die.

A closeup of Alexander’s blood soaked hands.

A MODERN DAY GLADIATOR

ALEXANDER
I trust only in the heat of battle.

Alexander is in the midst of a raging battle, its praticpants all warring against one another in the jail cell.

ALEXANDER
The battle sees something in man. A spark. And it pushes, and pushes until it ignites.

Alexander delivers a death blow to a grounded opponent on the floor of the jail cell.

ALEXANDER
That is what I trust in. The battle.

ALEXANDER THE BRUTAL
COMING SOON TO THE OAOAST

THE MAINEVENT
OAOAST WORLD TITLE
BARON WINDELS VS KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN
NEXT!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

* DING * DING * DING * DING *

BUFFER
OAOAST Marks, this is your HeldDOWN~! main event of the evening! And it’s for the HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD! Are you ready?

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

BUFFER
Seattle, Washington, ARE… YOU… READY?

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

BUFFER
Then for the thousands in attendance and the millions watching around the world… Ladies and gentlemen… LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RRRRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
LLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Give me those bright lights, long nights
High rise, over time

“On Top of the World” by the Pussycat Dolls cues and the crowd goes bananas.

BUFFER
First, the challenger, accompanied by ALIX MARIA SPEZIA… from the City of Angels, Los Angeles, California… her list of accomplishments include being a best selling author, a member of the Hollywood Walk of Fame, star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos and games and the 2009 Wrestler of the Year. … presenting one-half of the One & Only World tag team champions in addition to being a former OAOAST World Champion… “THE GLADDIATOR” KRISTA ISADORA DDUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Alix pumps the crowd up while Krista remains all business.

COLE
What a first title defense for Baron Windels, Coach.

COACH
One that should have been against the former champion Mr. Dick, but the “Lone Star Chicken” ducked his challenge.

COLE
He did not. Baron said a rematch is fine and dandy by him, but only after Krista received the first shot. His way of thanking her for granting Citizen Soldiers a tag title bout some weeks ago. If you recall, BW never had a chance to defend his half of the tag titles due to a sneak attack by his then-partner Mr. Dick and Malaysia.  

COACH
And it could happen again with Tim Cash. I’d be pissed if my tag partner won the World title and then didn’t give me the first crack.

“Not Afraid” by Eminem hits and Baron Windels heads ringside alongside Tim Cash, big smile on the champ’s face.

BUFFER
And her opponent, accompanied by TIM CASH…  from San Antonio, Texas, weighing 265 pounds, he is the new OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion... “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BBAAAAARRRRROOOOOOOOOONN WINDELS!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

BW enters the ring and holds the title high for all to see.

COLE
Somewhere Mr. Dick has egg on his face right now. BW nothing more than a tag team competitor, huh? He showed him at the Great Angle Bash.

BW hands the title over to the official and we’re set to go.

* DINGDINGDING *

Krista and BW shake hands as the bell sounds, causing Alix to run-in and give both a big huge.

COLE
What the heck?

Cash gets in on the sportsmanship with hugs of his own. As this is an official match, the ref EJECTS the pair for interference.

ALIX & CASH


Visibly disappointed, Alix and Cash skip together backstage like a couple of young schoolgirls.

COACH
That boy ain’t right, Cole.

The action finally gets underway as Krista and BW lockup. Krista grabs a headlock and gets shoved off into the ropes just as quickly. BW is kicked away following a hip toss, then taken over to the mat in a headlock. He scissors Krista’s head and she floats on top.

ONE!

TWO!

But only two as BW bridges up to perform a BACKSLIDE!

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Krista reverses a whip, then leapfrogs BW. He stops and turns right into an inverted atomic drop, followed by a super kick!

COLE
Krista's Great California Adventure!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Krista snaps BW over and looks to follow with a BOOTY SHAKING MOONSAULT… BUT BW GETS THE KNEES UP AND DELIVERS A RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

BW positions Krista for a SUPERPLEX, only to be shoved back and hit with a FLYING CROSSBODY!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

COACH
I can barely keep up with all the action, Cole.

Krista grabs a front facelock on BW, the prelude to LIFE IN THE FAB LINE, but BW shoots her off into the ropes and applies THE SLEEPER!

COLE
Sleeper!

COACH
That’s the move that won Baron Windels the World title.

Krista desperately tries to escape, which only serves to zap more energy from her.

“KRISTA!”
“KRISTA!”
“KRISTA!”

COLE
The Krista supporters out in full force.

“BARON!”
“BARON!”
“BARON!”

COACH
Likewise, Baron’s supporters.

Krista drops to a knee and it seems BW has it all won until MR. DICK emerges from the crowd. After grabbing the World title he enters the ring and decks the brave official who tried to stop him.

COLE
Oh, he stuck an official! That’s going to cost him big.

BW spots MD and breaks the sleeper, only to take a ::beltshot:: upside the head.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

To ensure Krista doesn’t foil his plot, he also gives her a ::beltshot:: as Malaysia sprints ringside with some of her special toys.

COACH
What do we have here?

BW is CUFFED and fitted with a GAG BALL, then MD places him in an STF!!

MISTER DICK
I never said ‘I quit!’ I didn’t tap!  

* DINGDINGDING *

COACH
They can ring the bell all they want, Cole, but that’s not gonna work.

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Finally help arrives in the form of ALIX MARIA SPEZIA and TIM CASH. Unfortunately Cash is quickly taken out by Malaysia, as is Alix following a YAKUZA KICK TO THE CHEST!

COLE
It’s carnage out here!

OAOAST officials swarm ringside as MD basically humps BW applying further pressure to the STF.

MISTER DICK
Tap, damnit! Tap!

BW refuses to tap, so Malaysia grabs his hand and taps for him. MD breaks the hold and poses over BW’s body with the World title.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

MD and Malaysia exit as officials tend to BW.

THE WORLD IS MINE!

COLE
What the heck?

David Guetta’s powerful track stuns an audience that’s none too happy to see the trio of Theodore Moneymaker, Spencer Reiger, and Colin Maguire Junior appear on the enrance stage.

MONEYMAKER
Hello, America! I trust your fourth of July weekend is treating you well. On these patriotic days, I am reminded of the great men who founded this country, who’s backs we stand on and who’s soil we toil on. Our ancestors stood for something, America. They stood for pride. They stood for honor. They stood for dignity. And they stood for class. In this world of homosexuals gone wild, blasphemous religions, Anti American communists taking over Hollywood, and a rampant drug culture, it seems what our ancestors stood for is just like them…history!  Every where you turn debauchery, sin, and criminality have corrupted this once beautiful land. This is no longer, America. This is hell. But even in the darkest recesses of Hell-

REIGER
I don’t mean to interrupt you, Teddy, but the longer you talk the worse off Colin and I are going to be. Everybody listen up, have we got a treat for you! Our boy Teddy, well connected gent that he is, saw that Alfdogg wasn’t giving the hottest tag team in all the land its due. So, this wonderful human being the second largest investor of the TSM network, laid down the law on sucka ass suckas, and told them that tonight there would be a tag title mainevent. And the recipients?

CMJ
That would be the LDC Moneygahng, Spencah.

REIGER
That’s right. A guy from Boston, and a guy from New York working together to beat on some queers. That’s what America is all about, unity and beating minorities. Let’s go!

The Moneygang run to the ring at top speed, as Moneymaker trails behind them, smiling broadly at his major league achievement.

COLE
This is just…absurd!

COACH
This is Mister Moneymaker at his finest.

Reiger doesn’t wish to wait for Alix to wakeup, as that would be to his disadvantage. Thus he immediately assails Krista with a running knee. Krista falls to the canvas, but doesn’t stay there for long as Reiger picks her up and throws her into the corner.

“THIS IS BULLSHIT! THIS IS BULLSHIT! THIS IS BULLSHIT!”

COACH
Ungrateful bastards. You’re getting a bonus match, that you don’t even deserve.

COLE
This is no bonus! This is a farce.

Spencer grabs onto Krista with a front facelock and situates her atop the turnbuckles He climbs up after her and tags with her with a sucession of punches. However, these don’t weaken her as he expected and Miss California shoves him backwards to the canvas. Reiger lands on his tennis shoes, but is faced with the lovely legs of KID  coming at him with a hurricanrana! Thus Reiger counters her attack into a spinebuster!

COLE
There’s a move you don’t see out of Spencer Reiger very often.

Reiger hooks onto Krista’s legs for the cover…

ONE!


TWO!


THREE-KICKOUT!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Reiger scrapes Krista off the canvas only to drive her back down with a body slam. He then takes to the skies and drops a knee across her gorgeous face.

REIGER
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

As the audience jeers the New York native, Reiger pushes himself off the ropes. He comes back with a knee aimed at Krista’s head, but Miss California rolls out the way! She painstakingly picks herself off the canvas and heads to her corner, but with no Alix in sight she’s forced to go back to work against Reiger. But as she nears him he boots her in her tightly toned midsection, allowing him to set up for the Reiger Counter (pedigree)

KRISTA
Hey, Spencer, Alix and I had sex with your mom.

REIGER
What?

KRISTA
Last week before HeldDOWN~! we came over your penthouse on the upper west side, she served us Iced Tea, and then she went down on me on your bed, and fingerd Alix and  brought us to not one but two orgasms. Nice Star Wars sheets by the way.

The mental image of his mom performing oral sex on Krista and fingering Alix sufficiently disturbs young Reiger. As such as he’s easily able to be transferred into  a roll up by Krista…

ONE!


TWO!

CMJ breaks up the pinfall!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

CMJ
Go fhack yerselves!

Krista and Reiger roll to their feet and trade powerful punches. The One Man Triple Threat’s strength wins out over her will, and he’s able to hook her into a front facelock, from there he runs forward and strikes her with the New York Knockout (running inverted bulldog)!

REIGER (nervously)
I don’t even have Star Wars sheets, so you know, that’s just absurd. Obviously.

Reiger grabs onto Krista’s boobtastic top and pulls her off the canvas. He goes behind for a waist lock, expecting to hit a German suplex. But Krista counters with a stunner!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Reiger clutches a sore jaw, and stumbles about the ring. While he struggles with the misery, Krista runs the ropes. But her foot is caught by her greatest rival, Mister Moneymaker.

KRISTA
Do you want me to tell you about the time your sister nailed me with a strap on when you thought she was at the young republican’s convention? Normally I'm not a bottom, but every girl likes a gigantic plastic black penis everyonce in awhile

Already on the verge of throwing up Moneymaker releases his hold on Krista. She roars back at Reiger with a leaping sidekick that takes him off his feet. She then dives on top of him for a cover!

ONE!


TWO!


Reiger makes the timely kickout! He comes to his feet under his own will, and meets Krista with a pair of kicks to the ribs. Krista shoves him away, eager to end his vexatious attacks. She then charges after him, only to be nailed with an enziguri! After Krista hits the canvas, Reiger covers her for the pin….

ONE!

ALIX WAKES UP!

TWO!

BUT SHE’S CLOTHESLINED BY MISTER MONEYMAKER!

THREE-KICKOUT!

The fans don’t have a clue as to how to react, shocked over Krista’s kickout, but disturbed by Alix’s injustice. Unaware of her girlfriend’s plight, Krista slowly gets to her feet. When she’s fully upright, she’s stabbed in the stomach with a kick that doubles her over. Smiling to himself, Reiger then hooks onto her arms in set up for the Reiger Counter.

MONEYMAKER
Put her away, Spencer! Put her away!

Krista fight furiously to be free of Reiger’s bonds. With much struggle she summons the strength needed to escape. Wasting little time, she puts a stunned Reiger under incredible pain with the BLUE BALL SPECIAL!

REIGER
OWWWWWWWWWWWW!

KRISTA
Funny, I’m surprised there’s anything down there.

Krista’s quips and Reiger’s immense anguish is cut short when CMJ clubs the fitness queen in the back of the head.

COLE
Colin may have saved his partner from an involuntary sex change.

COACH
That move should be banned, Mikey. No man deserves that.

Now fuming with a savage hatred, Reiger stuffs Krista between his legs.  He smiles a murderous sort of smile before leaping into the air and nailing the Reiger Counter. His grin spreads even wider as he pushes Krista onto her back for a pinfall…

ONE!

ALIX IS UP!

TWO!

SHE SNEAKS PAST MISTER MONEYMAKER!

THREE—ALIX BREAKS UP THE PINFALL!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

REIGER
Bullshit, you’re not even in this match!

ALIX
Duh, doofus, I’m her tag team partner.

Alix swipes her boot across Reiger’s face, sending him toppling him backwards. He quickly scrambles to his feet, but is thrown under fire from knife edge chops by the Hollywood Bad Girl.  Having weakened him with those attacks, Alix whips him into the ropes. A blind tag is made by CMJ, but this doesn’t help his partner avoid a springboard spear!

COLE
Straight outta Compton!

Alix gets her inner hillbilly on by playing the AIR JUG! Unfortunately the impromptu concert is cut short by CMJ rushing at her with a lariat! Alix ducks the attack and swings around a furry snow boot to catch CMJ on the chin! The Boston native staggers backwards, before being captured with a side headlock. Alix then sommersaults over, spiking him into the canvas with the Confessions of a Kristaholic (sommersault neckbreaker)!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Alix giggles with a great glee as she makes the pinfall attempt on CMJ…

CROWD
ONE!

CROWD
TWO!


CROWD
THREE!

NO! SPENCER BREAKS UP THE PINFALL!

COLE
That would’ve been it, Coach!

COACH
That’s why he the best graduate to ever come out of OAOVW, ring smarts.

All the ring smarts in the world won’t help Reiger escape his grizzly fate! Krista dropkicks him over the ropes and to the outside mats. Moneymaker immediately goes to check on him, trying to gauge his blue chipper’s health. This is an unwise action as it leaves both he and Reiger easy targets.  They’re both nailed by Krista who wipes them out with a corckscrew plancha!

COLE
What a move!

The fans are delirious with excitement, sensing that COD are heading for a quick title retention. But their hopes are seriously threatened by the sight of Mister Dick dashing along the ring ramp.

COLE
What the heck is this?

COACH
This is great, that’s what this is.

Mister Dick enters the ring, and is immediately confronted by the referee. They find themselves embroiled in a heated argument that leaves the ref unaware of Christian Wright sneaking into the ring with steel chair in hand. He cracks it across Alix’s back, dropping her to her knees. Three more shots follow, riddling Alix incapable of preventing CMJ from pinning her. At this moment Mister Dick lets the referee go free, while CW exits the ring to impede Krista.

COLE
This isn’t right!

The referee makes the crucial pinfall count….

ONE!


TWO!


THREE!

DING DING DING

BUFFER
Your winners and new ONE AND ONLY TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD…..THE LDC MONEYGANG!

CMJ sits on his knees with a wide, bold, magnificent smile. Krista breaks away from Christian Wright and dives into the ring, forcing CMJ to dismiss his celebration and stage the victory party elsewhere.

COLE
I don’t believe this. The LDC Moneygang are your new tag team champions of the world and its all thanks to Mister Dick.

The Enterprise foursome, now joined by Lorelei, celebrate with high fives and hugs, each man taking his share of the credit for the victory.

COACH
It’s a beautiful day, Mikey Cole, a beautiful day.

COLE
All I know is that Mister Dick has a lot to answer to. A lot.

FADE OUT