OAOAST HeldDOWN 5/20/10

[Chanel #99]

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-

COLE
Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Michael Cole and The Coach at ringside and as you can see, the ring has been FILLED with OAOAST competitors. For what reason, I have no idea!

COACH
Well how about you cram it and we find out?

In the ring and around the outside (because let's face it, we've got a shitload of characters), the sea of OAOAST stars stands in front of an elevated podium that's been placed next to the ropes near the ramp. As they wait some of the wrestlers talk among each other. Some, as you'd expect, exchanging some bitter looks. That is until JOSIE BAKER appears on the stage, grabbing everyone's attention. A mixed reaction greets Josie, as well as an expectant locker room.

JOSIE
Ladies and gentlemen, for the past few weeks my time has been very split, dealing with the running of the OAOAST and trying to deal with the numerous requests and complaints from our roster. Frankly, it's time I don't have. And it has gotten to the point where the complaints are turning into criticism, of me. That I am not paying certain people enough "attention". So, tonight, I have decided to open up a public forum to all of the OAOAST wrestlers. Anyone who has a problem or a grievance can air it right now, in front of the world. Who's first?

After a few seconds of shrugging and looking around, with Quiz at her side, Holly barges her way from the back of the ring and strides onto the podium.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

HOLLY
Is this thing on? Can you (beep)suckers hear me? I hope to god you can't because I’m gonna unleash a rant that'd put the mother(beep) devil to god damn shame. I'm a girl who’s been around the block a few times, ain't shit new to me. I've seen it all, and (beep) I've done them all. There’s nothing that's a surprise to me. At least that's the kinda shit I thought up until last week. Because last week was the first time I've ever been (beep) zapped! It was the first time I've ever seen my friend get (beep) zapped!

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

HOLLY
Don’t (beep) cheer that! You don't (beep) cheer me getting (beep) zapped! That tiny, four foot bitch Morgan Nerdly got herself some ovaries and decided to step up to Holly. Morgan, that's a big (beep) mistake. I was just gonna leave you to waste away in your depression after I took your title, but you had to (beep) come back and save your (beep)sucking whore sister. Apparently you couldn't (beep) fade into the (beep) background like a good Nerdly girl. Well, that's (beep) dandy and excellent! Good for you! La-dee (beep) da! Not so good for you is that I'm gonna rip your blond ass apart at School's Out.

Josie holds up a hand to try and silence Holly, with a worried look on her face.

JOSIE
Not so fast!

HOLLY
What the (beep) does that mean?

JOSIE
It means calm down! Think reasonably! I can't reward Morgan with a women’s title shot after she shocked you and Abdullah. Would we give Osama Bin Laden a corvette for bombing the white house?

MONEYMAKER
If it gets the democrats out the white house, we would!

JOSIE
No, we wouldn't. That’s why I can't endorse Morgan in a title match.

COLE
I think Josie's just scared Morgan will beat Holly.

JOSIE
But what I can do is give you Maggie Nerdly.

HOLLY
What the shit? I don't (beep) want (beep) Maggie (beep) Nerdly!

JOSIE
And I can give you her at School's Out with Morgan Nerdly as the special guest referee.

HOLLY
What the (beep) kind of coke are you snorting, bitch? How does that match even make a bit of sense?

JOSIE
I'm sorry, Holly, but my decision is final.

Quiz ushers a grumbling Holly away.

COLE
Well, we're off to a great start here! Hopefully we're still on the air.

Nathaniel Black takes the discarded microphone and steps up, snarling.

JOSIE
Yes, Nathaniel?

BLACK
I just wanna know, wot I've gotta do, an' 'ow much longer I'm gonna 'ave to wait to get my match with King Tosspot 'ere. Coz I'm gettin' a little sick of waitin'! So since yer out 'ere givin' people matches at School's Out, how about puttin' that one together an' lettin' me commit a little regicide!

JOSIE
Well, Nathaniel, the problem is you and King Landon already have a match scheduled for School's Out.

The cameras pan to The Cucaracha Kingdom on the outside, King Landon in his robe and throne for no particular reason other than he's in public and he can. And he seems fairly surprised to hear about this.

JOSIE
However, it will not be a one on one match. It will be five on five, Cucaracha Kingdom against yourself, The Last Kings Of Scotland and two partners to be determined. And in keeping with the theme of the show, School's Out, it's going to be one on one, Winner Stays On, until one team has been eliminated entirely. So if things work out, you might well get your wish.

Neither Nathaniel or Landon seem too thrilled about this and they exchange a glare as Tyler Bryant takes the podium.

CMJ
This ought to be boring.

TYLER
I'm gonna make this one thing.

SPENCER REIGER
Over, hopefully?

TYLER
No, short. Shayne Brave, you are a chicken wuss!

REIGER
Chicken wuss? Dang, bro, watch that language you might get us kicked off the air with talk like that!

TYLER
If you ever wanted to face me one on one all you had to do was ask. Now, you go behind my back and get the match made because Lorelei tells you? I never thought I'd say this but I'm going to enjoy beating you to a pulp tonight.

LORELEI
This match is going to be good.

Tyler leaves the podium as Alix skips, literally skips, up to it.

ALIX
Let the floor recognize that Alix Maria Spezia has the podium. I'd like to talk about someone that effects us all! Someone who we've let into our homes. Let nurture our children! Let comfort our hearts and our souls! Let water the tree of life so that we me grow anew with vigor and gusto! I of course am talking about Chef Boyardee! A jolly man. A happy man. A caring man. A man for all seasons. But what do we really know about Chef Boyardee? Did you we know that his tasty Beefaroni is actually made out of the souls of small Korean children. You may say, what is that to me? Koreans make lousy, small, unreliable automobiles, and their sweat shop labor produces 15% less product per capita than other Asian countries. But what if I told you the sauce the Chef's Raviolli was rat poison? Well, its not, but imagine for a second it was, wouldn't he who decides to treat us like a character from Feivel Goes West deserve the most brutal of deaths? That is why I am using this time to advocate for the immediate capture and execution of Chef Boyardee. Thank you.

As Alix steps down, the rest of the roster star at each other in confusion, a couple trying to cover for their bemusement with some very scattered clapping.

JOSIE
Uhm... thank you, Alix. Next. Please?

The next person, or persons in this case, to take the podium are the Orange County Cobras.

NED
We're gonna make this short and sweet. Dick, Malaysia, we've got unfinished business from last week. So we want you both in the ring... TONIGHT!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Mr. Dick and Malaysia laugh off the challenge.

SIMON
Aw, don't tell me you guys are gonna use Malaysia already being booked tonight as an excuse.

Baron Windels unexpectedly joins Simon and Ned on the podium.

BARON
Pardon the interruption, but's it no excuse. It's a fact.

"Damn right!" MD shouts from afar. "I'm also the World Champion so I won't be dictated to."

BARON
But I know Jock's the kind of guy who doesn't back down from any challenge. That's why I'm sure he and Malaysia will be glad to take you on next week.

MD rushes onto the podium and gets right in Baron's face.

MISTER DICK
Wait a minute, BW. Just because I let you co-hold the tag title doesn't mean you can go around accepting matches on my behalf or Malaysia's. As the captain of this team I call the shots... and I say no match.
(to Simon & Ned)
Swallow that!

Ned shoves MD who promptly shoves back, then has a few words for Simon who lunges forward but is cut off by Baron. A shoving match between the two teams ensues until wrestling's last real good guy, TIM CASH, restores the peace. At least for now.

JOSIE
Gentlemen, please! This isn't what tonight is about! There will be no physical altercations here! None! Now, who's next!?

After a moment's pause, into the ring rolls one OAOAST competitor who had been inconspicuous up until now. Money In The Bank holder, LEON RODEZ.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Leon slowly collects his microphone, slowly stepping onto the podium, taking his sweet time and letting Josie's dread and frustration at who's about to address her really sink in.

LEON
Ms. Baker... I have a question.

Josie glares back down from the stage with disgust.

LEON
I have a question... and it's a question that's on the lips of everyone in this ring... everyone in this crowd... and everyone watching this show. When are you going to do the decent thing and resign?

Waiting for an answer, Leon stands with his hands calmly behind his back, ear leant out expectantly. Josie is taken aback and takes a second to compose herself.

JOSIE
That will not be happening.

LEON
Really. I see. Ms. Baker, I have another question.

JOSIE
You've had your turn Leon. Next.

LEON
Seeing as this is a public forum, I don't think you can really prevent me from talking... no matter how much you may want to. I'm sure you'd like to silence me. Because I see what's going on here. And I'm not afraid to speak my mind. It's obvious that you are showing a bias... a personal bias, against me. It's obvious that you are losing your authority. That this is just a desperate publicity stunt, to try and convince the OAOAST's upper management that you are still in charge... to try and convince us that you are still in charge, despite all of the political chaos going on in the OAOAST right now. And I think it's obvious that you are losing... all... control.

Josie snarls, finger pointing, starting to lose her cool.

JOSIE
I suggest you step down right now before you say something you're going to regret Leon. Somebody, take the microphone, I want another question. NOW! WHO IS NEXT?

LEON
Oh, not a smart move, Ms. Baker. If you have the authority, surely you should remove me yourself? Asking someone in this ring to snatch this microphone from me... that's just asking for trouble. And can you really control that trouble? Hmmm.... let's find out.

Suddenly, Leon turns around and SPITS in the direction of Mister Dick and Baron Windels!! The Gunslingers fly into a rage, but the moment they make a move for Leon, they end up brawling with the Orange County Cobras again... which is the cue for ALL HELL TO BREAK LOOSE!!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Bodies pile towards each other in a mass brawl, which Leon manages to escape, calmly stepping out of the ring before anyone can get to him. He just backs away, watching with a smile, as the chaos ensues! Some of the roster try to play peacemaker, but just as many simply want to get their shots in, to the despair of Josie Baker who watches on horrified at what's happened to her forum.

COLE
It's all hit the fan! Oh boy, it's going to take an army to break this one up!

COACH
We may never break this up!

The fight continues to spill over, forcing the show into a very abrupt commercial break!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

We return from break focused on Sofa Central and a harried looking Michael Cole.

COLE
Folks, we’re back live on HeldDOWN~! Order has been restored for the moment, but we’re getting reports of minor brawls backstage between several OAOAST superstars. Hopefully things will calm down as the show continues.

COACH
That shit was crazy!

COLE
I also hear Josie is considering sending some of the roster back to their hotel room to keep the peace.

WELL ITS MIDNIGHT
AND ITS COLDER
PULL YOU CLOSER
I CAN SEE THROUGH
WHEN ITS SUNSHINE
AND ITS SOLAR
AND ITS OVER
GUESS ITS ME AND YOU

BLOOD. BY. SUN. LIGHT.

Lupe Fiasco’s Solar Midnite reaches through the landscape to a mixed reception for the arriving Shayne Brave. Clad in a red denim cargo shorts and jacket, Brave plays thing calm, walking to the ring with head lowered.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with the winner receiving 15,000 dollars of Theodore Moneymaker’s money! Now making his way to the ring from Detroit, Michigan…..SHOWTIME SHAYNE BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!

COACH
And I always thought he was the dumb one of the team. But this genius has turned his back on friends and partners and stands to win fifteen thousand dollars because of it.

WELL ITS MIDNIGHT
AND ITS COLDER
PULL YOU CLOSER
I CAN SEE THROUGH
WHEN ITS SUNSHINE
AND ITS SOLAR
AND ITS OVER
GUESS ITS ME AND YOU

BLOOD. BY. SUN. LIGHT.

Solar Midnite meets with a much more positive reaction as Jade and Maya bring out the fired up Tyler Bryant.  The Tremendous One doesn’t even wait for Buffer to call his name, instead charging down the entrance ramp and into the ring. That makes for a much easier entrance to right.

COACH
That kid is all energy tonight. Too bad its gonna equate with him getting his ass kicked and missing out on fifteen thousand bucks.

DING DING DING

COLE
I can’t believe this is actually happening.  What a true shame.

Shayne gets in Tyler’s face, talking intense trash and disrespect…until he’s fingerpoked to the ground. Shayne hits the canvas as though he were tossed off the building, surprising a suddenly pleased audience.

COACH
This isn’t good.

Tyler places a boot on Shayne’s chest and attempts the first and possibly only pinfall…

ONE!



TWO!




THREE!

High fives are exchanged between the Duncan sisters on the outside as they and the audience revel in a plan well executed. Shayne is helped to his feet by Tyler and enjoys a celebratory hug with his best friend.

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a pinfall…TYLER BRYANT!

COLE
And Theodore Moneymaker is fifteen thousand dollars poorer!

Shayne grabs the microphone from Buffer and smiles a broad sort of smile.

SHAYNE
Hey, Teddy, we fooled you!

TYLER
By the way, I’ll take my money in cold hard cash! Yeah-uh!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COLE
The Enterprise has been outsmarted by D*LUX!

COACH
I never thought I’d hear those words. Those awful, miserable, burning words.

We cut to The Enterprise limo where Theodore Moneymaker sits with Lorelei DeCenzo and Spencer Reiger watching the replay of the entirety of the D*LUX match.

MONEYMAKER
Unacceptable! Unacceptable!

SPENCER
Calm down, man, you’re gonna pop a blood vessel or two.

MONEYMAKER
I don’t care what I pop! Make a fool of me! Make a mockery of me! Turn me into a laughingstock to millions? I won’t stand for it! It is not something I’m going to tolerate! They’re lucky I have the self control needed to sit in this limo and stew in my hatred, because if I didn’t we would be seeing the wrath of the devil unleashed upon those four! You can take a scant few things from Theodore Moneymaker, and his money is most certainly not one of them. Is that understood?

LORELEI
Of course, Teddy.

MONEYMAKER
I will have my revenge, for this humiliation will not be endured lightly.

SPENCER (singing)
Somebodies gonna get their ass kicked.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

COMMERCIAL


We return to HeldDOWN with Lorelei striding through the men’s lockeroom, without a care for the shocked stares that greet her. She quickly finds what she wants in Shayne Brave, emerging from the shower. His near naked body earns a grand reaction from the ladies in attendance.

SHAYNE
Ah! Lorelei!

LORELEI
My, my, Krista’s ab exercises work better than I could have ever dreamed. Tell me what stone did they use to chisel those things? Granite?

SHAYNE
Uh, hi, Lorelei. Look, I don’t think you and I should be talking right now.

LORELEI
What’s wrong with a little conversation, sugar? A lonely single girl chatting up a good friend, who’s half naked, glistening, and showing off his rock hard stomach. Where’s the harm in that?

SHAYNE
Maybe, I should get changed.

LORELEI
Maybe I should to. Into something similar.

SHAYNE
Oh….oh….oh…..wow.

LORELEI
I admire what you did tonight, truly I do. It took a lot of gumption and moxy to pull off that kind of move. There are very few people with the guts or the attitude to trick Theodore Moneymaker the way you did. I like to reward those that have that special something. Have dinner with me, won’t you?

SHAYNE
I’m not so sure.

LORELEI
Yes you are.

SHAYNE
Its not such a great idea.

LORELEI
That’s what makes it so enthralling. Wear something nice next week, and I’ll be sure to wear something…revealing.

Lorelei kisses Shayne on the cheek and turns to leave. Showtime watches in wonderment and awe over his good fortune.

COACH
This dummy never learns.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

"Slither" by Velvet Revolver hits and through the gigantic snake’s head appears Ned Blanchard, Simon Singleton and Molly Nerdly by his side.

BUFFER
The following bonus match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by fellow Orange County Cobra SIMON SINGLETON and MOLLY NERDLY… from the O.C., he weighs 237 pounds… "THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLAAAANCHAARD!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Ned rushes to the ring where he waves his opponent on.

COLE
The Handsome Hustler is ready to go. And you know Baron Windels will be too.

COACH
Yeah, we got two guys who enjoy a good fight, but only 1 who isn’t afraid to bend the rules to pickup the W.

“Citizen Soldier” by 3 Doors Down cues and Baron Windels heads to the ring joined by OAOAST World Champion Mr. Dick.

COLE
Well this is unexpected.

COACH
The Lone Star Gunslingers showing U-N-I-T-Y.

BUFFER
His opponent, from San Antonio, Texas, weighing 265 pounds, one-half of the One & Only World tag team champions... “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BAAAAAROOOOOOONNNNNNNN WINDELS!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

BW remains outside slapping hands while MD hops inside and whispers something to ring announcer Michael Buffer.  

BUFFER
And, ladies and gentlemen, accompanying Baron Windels ringside, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion… MMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSTTEEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!!

MD basks in the spotlight until Ned decks him with a clothesline!

COLE
Oh, my!

* DINGDINGDING *

BW comes to his partner’s aid and a slugfest ensues between he and Ned.

COACH
This one’s already out of control, Cole.

BW blocks a kick to the gut and delivers an ATOMIC DROP. Ned’s momentum shoots him off the ropes and into a BIG BOOT! Knocked out onto the apron, Ned is assisted back in courtesy of a suplex.

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

BW attempts an Irish whip but Ned reverses and connects with a back elbow, followed by the famed POINTY~! ELBOW.

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Ned rams BW into the buckle, then STOMPS A MUDHOLE AND WALKS IT DRY much to MD’s dismay. But his frown turns upside down as BW turns the tables on Ned.

COLE
The Lone Star Gunslinger firing away on the Handsome Hustler.

A quick thumb to the eye stops BW in his tracks.

COACH
What did I tell you, Cole. I said this match only had 1 one who wouldn’t be afraid to bend the rules to win and Ned Blanchard proved me right.  

Ned slams BW and takes to the air for a middle rope pointy elbow, but nobody’s home as BW moves and quickly wrings the arm. A knee to the gut doubles BW over and then Ned sends him for the ride. BW ducks a clotheslines and tells Ned to BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS!!

The cover.

ONE…

TWO…

KICKOUT!

BW signals for the Brigham Young Cocktail DDT, but Ned counters with a backdrop and follows up with a SLINGSHOT SUPLEX!

The cover, but no count.

Why?

Because MD jumps on the apron, prompting Simon to do the same, but the referee only spots the latter as it occurs right in front of him. As he pleads with Simon to step down MD sneaks in and BLASTS NED WITH THE WORLD TITLE!

COLE
Not again.

MD places BW on top and exits.

REFEREE


The count.

ONE…

TWO…

THREE!!!





NO, SIMON BREAKS UP THE PIN!

* DINGDINGDINGDING *

COACH
Obviously Simon has never heard of losing like a man.

COLE
Oh, please. He prevented a miscarriage of justice.

The referee informs Buffer of the official decision.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match as result of disqualification… “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BAAAAAROOOOOOONNNNNNNN WINDELS!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

MD yanks BW outside as the replay airs. Upon returning back to the arena BW has a stunned expression on his face after viewing the replay on the AngleTron.

BARON


BW re-enters the ring to speak with the official and the O.C. Cobras. Whatever’s said causes Simon’s jaw to drop as the ref meets again with ring announcer Michael Buffer.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. At the request of Baron Windels, the referee has REVERSED his original decision. Therefore, the winner of the match as result of outside interference… NED BLAAAANCHAARD!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

MISTER DICK


MD returns backstage shaking his head in disgust as BW raises Ned’s hand in victory, then shakes hands with the O.C. Cobras.

COACH
Baron Windels probably thinks what he did was real noble, Cole, but I say it’s real stupid. What’s next, the New Orleans Saints giving back their NFC Championship to the Vikings because the refs blew a couple of major calls?

COLE
It’s take a real man to do what Baron just did. I, for one, applaud him.  

COACH
I think I’m gonna be sick.

COLE
We’ll be back!


LEON RODEZ LIVES ON HeldDOWN~!

In this farewell
There's no blood
There's no alibi
Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

Backstage we find LEON RODEZ, swinging a trash can repeatedly at the body of one of Los Diablos De Fuego!

So let mercy come
And wash away

What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

Leon backs off the ropes and with Krista fallen on one knee, he rocks her with a running boot to the side of the head!

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty

Spencer is tripped up by Leon and placed in the LIONTAMER!

Rolling his eyes, Leon pulls a sobbing Morgan into a frigid embrace

So let mercy come
And wash away

What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

A double leg trip cuts Rico off though, worse to come as Leon turns him over into the LIONTAMER!!!!

Leon emerges from the back with a scowl aimed at the booing audience

For what I've done

I'll start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done

Stalking out into a sea of boos, Leon Rodez scowls. At the crowd, at the match, at life basically.

I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

Leon dives off the top rope and crashes into MARV with a diving lariat!

Leon is waiting, aiming with a Rolling Sobat to the head and CONNECTING, scrambling Jumbo's brains!!!

What I've done

Forgiving what I've done

LEON RODEZ LIVES ON HeldDOWN~!

[Chanel #99]

Motley Crue's Wild Side comes to life over the arena sound system. Through parted entrance doors and a golden shower of gorgeous pyro comes the whip toting Malaysia Nerdly. Clad in a black corset and tight jeans, she smiles to herself and savors the anguish and miserey she’s soon to inflict upon Alix.

BUFFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of thirty minutes! Now making her way to the ring from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, she is MALAYSIA NERDLYYYYYYYY!

There’s a decidedly mixed reaction for the deadliest Nerdly child. But the expression of the front row fans is one of immense feat as Malaysia cracks her whip at them and not so cordially invites them into her dungeon.

COLE
Malaysia’s partner in beatdowns and sex Mister Dick will team up with Baron Windells to defend his tag team title against five time tag team champions Chicks Over Dicks in the mainevent of School’s Out!


Cue: "David Guetta ft. Akon-Sexy Bitch

"She's nothing like a girl you've ever seen before
Nothing you can compare to your neighbourhood hoe
I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful
The way that booty movin I can't take no more
Have to stop what i'm doin so I can pull up close
I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful"

A massive cheer flies from the stands as a Neon Lit bar named “Alix’s” slides onto the stage in front of the face’s tunnel. The patrons all look longingly at the beautiful body of Alix Maria Spezia that’s framed by the ultra sexy combo of white booty shorts and a faux fur white bikini. Alix’s dances for a short while, before accidently kicking one of the patrons in the face. Deciding that’s enough dance for the moment, Alix leaps off the bar. She blows a kiss into the camera and super imposed lips appear on the screen.


BUFFER
And the opponent! Hailing from Los Angeles, California! She is a five time tag team champion, two time 24/7 champion and a former United States Champion she is... AAALLLLLIIIIIXXXXXXXXX... MMMAAAAARRRRRRIIIAAAAAA... SSSSPPEEEEEZZZZZIIIIIIAAAAAAA!!!!!

Alix is the image of glee and bubbliness, merrily bouncing down the apron without a care in the world. She tosses off her silver boa to a small child in the front row and then enters the squared circle. The Hollywood Bad Girl finds her way to the top rope where she offers the peace sign to the sold out audience

COLE
This is a first time meeting, Alix and Malaysia have never squared off in an OAOAST ring.

Malaysia looks across the ring at Alix and licks her lips at the tasty tanned treat presented for her.

COACH
You think Malaysia digs Latinas?

COLE
Huh?

COACH
I bet she’s been waiting all her life for this. A chance to get her hands on a girl who’s an even bigger nympho than her.

DING DING DING

ALIX
Whooo-hooo clever bondage references and masturbation fodder here we come!

Malaysia charges across the ring and clubs Alix to the canvas with a lariat.

ALIX
Ow, not what I had in mind.

Malaysia scrapes Alix off the canvas and shoves her into the corner. There she leans in close and whispers softly into Alix’s ear.

ALIX
Okay, that’s a little TOO kinky. Even for me!

The hyper sexed brunette is then thrown across the ring by her larger opponent. Malaysia runs after her with arms raised for a lariat. But Alix lifts up her furry boots and wards the Canadian away.  As the eldest Nerdly child copes with her anguish Alix elevates herself onto the top rope.  But before she can take any course of action, Malaysia comes to life and kicks her legs out from under her. This causes Alix to fall into a troubling tree of woe position. Malaysia’s face fills with a sick smile, as evil thoughts dance through her head. She proceeds to fulfill her wildest fantasies by biting Alix BETWEEN THE LEGS!

COACH
Oh baby, daddy like.

Alix whimpers and tries to shift her body against the white hot contact, but Malaysia’s strong arms hold her and place and the maddening exercise continues. Referee Earl Hebner spoils Malaysia’s fun soon enough however by separating her from her victim.

ALIX
That totally reminded me of my 11th grade math teacher. Totally!

Malaysia takes another charge for Alix, this time raising her legs into a yakuza kick. But Alix slides out the way and Malaysia crotches herself onto the top rope.  Alix then grabs onto the highest cable and shakes it with all her might, bouncing Malaysia up and down. Far from having the intended effect, Malaysia enjoys the treatment and begs Alix to go faster and harder.

ALIX
Jesus this girl is really freaky! And that’s coming from a girl who’s found new and exciting uses for Krista’s tennis racket.

Frustrated by Malaysia’s pleasure, Alix resorts to dropkicking her foe off the top turnbuckle. Malaysia tumbles sideways but somehow succeeds in coming down on   her feet. Alix is annoyed once again, but keeps herself focused on her task. She uses the ropes to propel herself through the air with a plancha! However her aerial attack is intercepted by Malaysia’s waiting arms. The dominatrix strokes Alix’s curled hair gently before not so gently dumping her onto the steel steps!

COLE
Malaysia is as vicious as ever! She just swiped Alix clean out the air and punished her on the ring steps.

Alix’s pained wails draw a grin across Malaysia’s face as she rolls back into the squared circle. The referee watches Malaysia wearily while he makes a count on Alix…

ONE!


TWO!


THREE!

Alix finally begins stirring, much to the relief of the sold out audience.

FOUR!

Alix’s hands find the ring apron and they use it to pull her 5’8 frame up.

FIVE!

Alix steps onto the ring apron, which leaves Malaysia hungering for the opportunity to inflict further pain upon Alix. She strides across the ring, but is cut in the chest by a shoulder block from Alix. The Hollywood Bad Girl then flips forward with a sunset flip, but can’t manage to pull the eldest Nerdly girl down.

ALIX
I know where this is gooooooooooooing.

Alix feels the full power of Malaysia’s heavily muscled thighes as the woman straddles her face. A single thought shoots through her lust fogged mind, making Alix totally devoted to pleasing her every last whim. Thus she rubs herself into Alix’s face, taking sweet pleasured moans from the sensual feel. Unfortnatley the referee decides this is a pinfall effort and makes a count…

ONE!


TWO!

But Alix throws Malaysia off of her.

COACH
Dumbass ref.

Alix quickly scatters to her feet, and her furry boots take her into the ropes. But as she returns Malaysia catches her within a sleeper hold.  Alix is in immediate pain and sags inside Malaysia’s powerful arms.

COACH   
Krista better get ready for a run in because Malaysia is gonna have her way with Alix!

Malaysia wrenches and wracks Alix’s neck, causing an incredible amount of discomfort to the Hollywood Bad Girl.  With no way of grabbing onto the ropes, Alix is forced to find a way to fight her way free of Malaysia. Thus she begins blasting Malaysia’s sides with elbow strikes.  The dominatrix holds firm, but the attacks pepper away at her defenses and she’s eventually forced to release Alix.  

COLE
Alix found her way out!

Putting her freedom to good use, Alix rushes to the ropes. But as she bounces back she encounters a lunging punch from Malaysia. But the bubbly babe manages to avoid it by sliding beneath Malaysia’s leg. She pops up and does a little disco dance before connecting with a leg lariat!

COLE
Vinny Valentine eat your heart out!

Alix makes another run of the ropes, this time timing her arrival to come back as Malaysia stands. She then springs into the air and topples her larger opponent with a diving forearm.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Alix scoops Malaysia off the mat, and whips her into the ropes. Malaysia counters any assault Alix may bring, by hooking her arms around the top rope.  But this tactic comes at a cost, as Alix surges forward to clothesline Malaysia over the ropes. The heavily muscled Canadian crashes into the outside ring mats, making it Alix’s turn  to try and revel in someone’s miserey.

ALIX
Isn’t really amazing how I with my rail thin super model body could clothesline someone with a bodybuilder’s body who weighes twenty pounds more than me all the way to the outside? Pro wrestling rocks!

Done pontificating, Alix takes flight with a shooting star plancha that wows the OAOAST Galaxy and topples Malaysia back to the ground.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Malaysia comes to her feet, with her face seething red from anger.  She lunges for Alix, and throws her into the steel steps. But Alix throws her hands in front of her and prevents a disastrious landing. Malaysia starts to step forward to attack her, but Alix has other ideas…

ALIX


“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COACH
Why can’t she just do that all the time? Why does he have to have opinions or thoughts or feelings or ideas?

Malaysia reaches out to grab onto Alix’s juicy rump, but there’s touching at Club Alix and she’s promptly kicked in the face!

Malaysia rolls back into the ring, where she groggily comes to her feet. Once she’s cleared out a few cobwebs she comes after Alix with a raised forearm.  But Ally Cat wards her off with a sharp kick to the face. Malaysia is staggered backwards, permiting Alix to leap onto the third rope.  She then flies off with a missile dropkick that impacts perfectly on Malaysia’s face.

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!“ the fans chant as Alix jams out on the guitar.  She then heads to the ropes, and comes onto the second one to springboard back with a crossbody block. But Malaysia catches her within her arms! A wide smile creeps across Malaysia’s face before she twirls to the side and punishes Alix with a spinning powerslam.

COLE
What strength shown by Malaysia!

Malaysia strokes Alix’s adorable face before attempting a pinfall….

ONE!



TWO!



Alix gets her shoulder off the canvas. However, her troubles continue as Malaysia wraps her thick legs around her slender waist for a body lock. As she attempts to squeeze Alix’s midsection into dust, she takes for herself a helping of sexually charged delight by raining deep kisses on Alix’s neck all while tugging on her hair! This odd combo of pleasure and pain does not do it for the Hollywood Bad Girl and she begins throwing fists towards Malaysia’s face. The tactic pays dividens as Alix is momentarily able to win her freedom. With it, she pushes herself to the ropes. But as she returns Malaysia flourishes forward and strikes her in her bare stomach with a knee. Malaysia snorts her satisfaction with her attack and then forces Alix down for a pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!

Once again Alix finds the means to kickout. But the effort it took to do so takes a great toll on Alix and she whimpers in exhaustion. Malaysia continues to hound her, this time by bringing her up into a front facelock. She lifts Alix up and then throws her backwards with a vertical suplex! But that’s mere child’s play compard to her next action; the dominatrix cruelly steps on Alix’s breasts!  The screams that come from Alix’s throat are music to Malaysia’s ears and she purrs with deep enjoyment. Once finished punishing Alix, Malaysia makes another pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!

Alix pops her shoulder off the canvas.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COLE
Alix was in serious trouble, but as always The Hollywood Bad Girl continues to find ways to beat the odds.

COACH
Lousy booking.

COLE
Huh?

COACH
Nothing.

Malaysia runs forward and punts Alix in her exposed midsection. The attack lands with enough force to flip Alix onto her back. As she bites her lip to cope with the pain, she’s pushed down into another fall…


ONE!


TWO!


Alix kicksout, bringing forth another cheer from the OAOAST Galaxy.  Malaysia grabs Alix by the NIPPLES and painfully drags the Latina to her feet. The sensation causes Alix to scream out and beg for Malaysia to stop. Smiling, Malaysia gives her a few playful slaps to the cheek before twirling into a discus punch. But Alix connects with an enziguri! Malaysia topples over to the canvas, as Alix lies on both knees, weakened from her simple attack.

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

COACH
I guess nipple play is where Alix draws the line. Boo this girl!

The referee begins a count against both knocked out beauties.


ONE!



TWO!



THREE!



FOUR!

Suddenly, Malaysia begins to rise, her face filled with rage and fire. Alix follows suit, but shows no intimdatiom of the fearsome queen in front of her. Malaysia roars and gives charge to Alix only to be cut down by a lariat.

COLE
Malaysia can’t afford to let Alix get on a roll!

Alix picks Malaysia off the canvas and whips her into the corner. The brunette then leaps onto the third rope, hoping to springboard back. But Malaysia grabs onto her booty shorts and throws her back down to the canvas.  Malaysia then steps on Alix’s throat, and revels in the gagging sound Alix makes. With the Latina hottie’s shoulders pinned to the canvas, the ref must count a pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!

Alix lifts her shoulders away from the mat.  Malaysia continues to press her advantage, though, trying to trap Alix inside a sleeper hold. But Ally Cat shrugs her off, and then rushes at her with a lariat. But Malaysia counters it into a powerslam! A pinfall is then made…

ONE!


TWO!


Alix with the kickout!

COLE
Man oh man, was Alix in trouble right there. She just can’t seem to get any momentum going against Malaysia.

Malaysia rips Alix up by her hair and then slings her into the corner. She follows Alix in with a corner lariat, that leaves the Hollywood Bad Girl stumbling towards the center of the ring. But Malaysia fells her with a boot to the back of the head!

“OOOOHHHHHHHHHH!”

With Alix lifeless from the attack, Malaysia makes an important pinfall…


ONE!



TWO!


KICKOUT!

Alix comes to her feet under her own will power, but gets shoved into the ropes by an angry Malaysia for her troubles. But Alix returns the favor with a kick to Malaysia’s stomach!  With Malaysia doubled over, Alix bounces off the ropes in hopes of hitting a sunset flip. But as she nears Malaysia, the dominatrix shoots to life and clobbers Alix with a lariat! A pinfall is then made….


ONE!



TWO!


Alix punches Malaysia in the head and manages to escape the pin attempt. Quickly coming to her feet, she waits for Malaysia to rise. When the Canadian does so the Los Angeles native leaps onto her shoulders for a hurricanrana! But Malaysia uses all her raw strength to shove the smaller girl off her. Alix lands on her feet, but this is perhaps unfortunate as Malaysia decks her with a kick to the side of the head.

“OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

COLE
Did you hear the force behind that kick? It could’ve rattled Alix’s brains!

COACH
If she had any to rattle.

Malaysia smiles as she grabs onto Alix’s legs for a pinfall….

ONE!



TWO!


Alix again manages to stave off certain defeat.  Malaysia seems shocked and disappointed over the kickout, but soon savors the oppurunity to inflict more harm to Alix’s beautiful body.  Malaysia pulls her up by the shoulders and slings her to the ropes. But Alix refuses to bounce back, instead using her agility to leap onto the third rope and dive at Malaysia with a springboard spear!

COLE
Straight out of Compton!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” The fans sing as Malaysia gets to her feet, albeit unsteadily. Its due to this awkward rise that Alix is able to strike her in the back a dropkick! This causes Malaysia to fall over and hang herself up between the second and third ropes.

ALIX
Smoke weed everyday!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Alix leaves the fans with those poingnant words and takes to the ropes. She comes at Malaysia with the intention of hitting a 619, or a 310 in her case. But Malaysia catches onto her lovely legs. She pulls Alix back into the ring, and begins setting her up for the  dangerous Gory Special. But Alix manages to worm her way free of Malaysia’s clutches. The Los Angeles native then springboards off the third rope with a moonsault but is again caught within Malaysia’s arms.

COACH
Malaysia has had an answer for everything Alix does.

Malaysia attempts to dump Alix out the ring with a dvd to the outide. But the Los Angeles native succeeds in landing on her furry snowboots. Malaysia is unrelenting and attacks with a shoulder strike. But Alix lands a powerful kick that throws the dominatrix back to the ground.


ALIX
Alix got weed, Alix got pills, Alix got dat work on the corner cutting deals. Alix knows them hatas out there snitchin ain’t fa’real so Alix got some gang niggas down for the kill.

On that note, Alix sling shots herself back into the ring with a body splash. But Malaysia rolls out the way and Alix collides with the rock solid ring mat. Malaysia then rolls Alix onto her back for a pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!

Alix kicksout!

COLE
So much resiliency shown by Alix!

COACH
So much ass too, I swear her tights get smaller and smaller as the match goes on.

Malaysia grabs Alix by her halter top and throws her into the corner. She follows the Hollywood Bad Girl in with a rushing lariat that connects perfectly with Alix’s collarbone. Far from being done, Malaysia begins probing Alix’s cheek with her tongue! This sends quite the charge through Alix’s body, rejuvenating her spirit and calling to life her sexual energy. Not at all repulsed by Malaysia’s action, Alix takes things a step further.

ALIX TO MALAYSIA    


“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

COACH
This is why I sit through Alix and Krista matches.

Aside from driving the audience wild as well as Malaysia it seems to have drawn the incredible ire of Mister Dick! The Cocky Prick makes a fast move down the entrance ramp, cursing at Alix and demanding she free Malaysia’s tongue.  

COLE
The world champion has a bone to pick with Alix.

COACH
You mean a boner after that display!

Alix notices MD’s arrival and breaks away from Malaysia to confront the world champion. The two have a spirited argument which is only worsened by the fact that Alix has decided to converse in Pig Latin! But the debate is cut short by Malaysia who spins Alix around and boots her in the gut. She then stuffs Alix between her legs for the Canadian Backbreaker pilerdriver!

COLE
Uh-oh!

But Alix counters by rolling Malaysia up into an inside cradle!

ONE!



TWO!


THREE! MALAYSIA KICKSOUT!

COLE
Did she get it?

DING DING DING

COLE
She got it!

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a pinfall…..ALIX MARIA SPEZIA!

Alix hasn’t much time to celebrate before she’s struck down by a Stiff Kick from the world champion! Mister Dick looks down on Alix with a twisted smile, as Malaysia rubs his well oiled shoulders.

COLE
Oh come on!

The Human Hard On now signals that more pain is soon to come Alix’s away. He lifts the dizzied starlet up and at Malaysia’s urging executes the dangerous Jackhammer! Alix screams out in agony, as Mister Dick towers above her dousing her with cruel words.

COLE
That is just uncalled for!

The deadly couple celebrate above Alix’s prone body with an R-rated kiss and firm grabbing of each other’s asses.

COACH
Baron Windells sent a message of respect last week, this week Jock sends a message of disrespect. I think I like his message a bit better.

The message may still be in the sending process, as Mister Dick breaks away from Malaysia to eye Alix with a predator’s gaze. The fans begin to stir and worry, unsure of Mister Dick’s intentions but knowing they may be of brutish variety. Their fears are proved well founded when Mister Dick pulls Alix into another front facelock. His face brightens with the light of Times Square as his mind dances with visions of executing his Jackhammer.

COLE
This isn’t right!

Suddenly cheers spring up from the audience, putting curiosity onto Mister Dick’s face. He watches annoyed as Baron Windels sprints down the entrance ramp. But his nettled expression, oddly turns to one of enthusiasm when BW enters the ring.

MISTER DICK
Come fer a double team, eh, BW?

Widnels grunts in the negative and yanks Alix away from her tormentor. He gently rests her against the turnbuckles, as a shocked Mister Dick tries to come to grips with what just happened.

COLE
Thank god for Baron Windells.

Windels turns around to calm down a fuming MD. But there’s no reasoning with The Cocky Prick as he unleashes a verbal storm upon BW. Windels doesn’t appreciate being victimized by the verbage and returns fire with insults of his own. Soon the two are nose to nose, exchanging hatred and disrespect without regard for their friendship.

COACH
This is getting ugly.

SMAAAAAAACK

COLE
Oh my! Mister Dick just smacked Baron Widnels!

SMAAAAAAAAACK

COACH
Baron Windels just smacked the world champion!

“OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Mister Dick takes a moment to process things, before cocking his fist back to pummel BW. Windels does the same, and it appears a full scale two man riot is about to occur. But thankfully Tim Cash enters the ring to talk down BW. His soothing words are the calming influence BW needs, and he leaves the ring without incident. Together he and Tim Cash carry Alix towards the back. Mister Dick shares none of Baron’s new found serenity and leans over the ropes to spew bile and hatred at his partner.

FADE OUT