Chanel #99 Posted March 31, 2013 Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We cut to sofa central where the announce team awaits to call the action COLE Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the OAOAST network and a special shout out to those watching at The Pit. I am Michael Cole, sitting alongside the Coach for OAOAST HeldDOWN~! live from San Fransisco!BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM (Jesus Walks) God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down (Jesus Walks with me) The only thing that that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now (Jesus Walks) And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs (Jesus Walks with me) I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long Green and yellow pyro rockets shoot out from each side of the entrance stage as the audience rises to their feet to shower the arena with jeers. Clad in a yellow strapless gown, Lorelei DeCenzo leads Christian Wright onto the entrance stage. The two offer a graceful twirl to the hateful audience, showcasing their expensive outfits and their over confident smiles. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of ten minutes...now making his way to the ring, being accompanied by Lorelei DeCenzo and weighing 8 1/3 Bars of Gold, he hails from Washington DC....CHRISTIAAAAAAN WRRRRRRRIGHTTTTTTTTTT! With arms hooked and noses held high in contempt and arrogance, CW and Lorelei stroll down an entrance ramp illuminated by green and yellow lights. BUFFER And his opponent from Los Angeles, New York, and all points in between...FREEDOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM! Freedom holds up his arms in typical jobber fashion, gaining some cheers from the more patriotic in the audience. COLE Christain Wright with perhaps a less challenging opponent than the likes of D*LUX which he and Theodore Moneymaker had to cheat to beat at the Motor City Spectacular The moment The Enterprise representatives enter the OAOAST ring, they’re met with a pair of microphones. CHRISTIAN Greetings! “BOOOOOOOOOO!” LORELEI Be quiet! “BOOOOOOOOO!” LORELEI I said be quiet! “BOOOOOOOOOOO!” WRIGHT SILENCE! “BOOOOOOOOOOO!” Unable to earn the audience’s silence, Wright throws down the microphone in exhaustion. Lorelei is left to pick it up and speak for him. LORELEI Now look what you’ve done, you shushed a great man. Shame on you! Shame on all of you! Now, Freedom, I think its great you’re so gung-ho about this country, I really do. And I think you can most of all appreciate the point I’m about to make. America is capitalistic society, without capatilism we wouldn’t have this arena, or this ring, or even the OAOAST. And what fuels capatlism is money! Sweet, beautiful, money! And if capitalism is what fuels America, then money is what fuels America, and all the handsome American boys like you. FREEDOM What are you trying to say, Miss DeCenzo? LORELEI What I’m trying to say is that I have an offer for you. It’s a very gracious offer in the sprit of America. We will give to you five thousand dollars of Theodore Moneymaker’s money if you allow yourself to be pinned by Christian. WRIGHT This is a most noble offer in its generosity. Be not slave to ego but rather friend to integument! FREEDOM No! WRIGHT Dear sir, I do believe my auditory faculties have been found lacking, was your reverberation in the negative? FREEDOM You heard me, bucko! WRIGHT Then I heard a fool! That shows thee a weak slave for to the weakest goes the meek! Tis a pity, dear squire, thou brandishes such dullard intellect. You will find me a cruel tyrant and a clever trickster. Perhaps not clever but certainly cruel as Wright takes the microphone and jams it into Freedom’s eye. Deeply pained the patriot doubles over and whimpers in distress. As Lorelei exits the ring, CW punishes Freedom with attacks from the microphone. The referee stands aside, too dumbstruck and frightened to make any sort of move. COLE This is heinous! Wright shoves Freedom into the corner, where he batters his chest with devastating European Uppercuts. WRIGHT Thou art quick to speak but slow to move! “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The audience is soon given a smidgen of hope as Freedom’s elbows find their way to Wright’s jaw. The snooty superstar is backed towards the center of the ring, and left dazed on his feet. This grants Freedom the opportunity needed to rush to the ropes. But as he returns, Wright recovers his once errant strength and undercuts him with a Wright Off (sky high) COACH Oh yeah! Look at the way that dude’s neck snapped off the canvas! Ol Captain America ass nigga, your shield ain’t saving you from this beating. The referee counts the resulting pinfall…. ONE! TWO! But Wright ends the pinfall himself, shaking his head as if to say the torment isn’t yet over. To prove his point he scrapes Freedom off the canvas and terrorizes him with more European Uppercuts. Freedom staggers away, trying to create distance between he and his foe to heal from his pain. However, Wright hounds his position and captures him inside a sleeper hold. He then raises him up and slams him to the canvas, causing a violent collision between mat and bone. “CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS!” While Lorelei chides the audience for their rude show of disrespect, Wright pulls Freedom to his feet. WRIGHT Look upon thy death! With the crowd dousing him with hatred, CW lifts his opponent into the air and then drives him downwards with the Stockmarket Crash (Gordbuster)! Wright smiles with self satisfaction as he hooks the leg for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING BUFFER Your winner as a result of a pinfall…CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! Wright isn’t exactly enamored at his victory as he regards Freedom with a vile sneer. COLE Christian Wright obviously with very little respect for his foe. Its more of a total hatred than a complete disrespect. Wright showcases his attempt for his foe by pulling him into a front facelock. As the audience derides his poor sportsmanship Wright slams Freedom into the canvas with another Stockmarket Crash! Freedom curls up into a pained position, whimpering in horror as Wright and Lorelei raise their arms above him.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 We go up to OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan in the ring. BRANNIGAN History will be made Sunday night, May 30 at School's Out, as for the first time ever a OAOAST pay-per-view event will be headlined by a tag team title match pitting the current titleholders Baron Windels and OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Mr. Dick, collectively the Lone Star Gunslingers, against the former 5-time champions and my guests at this time… KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN and ALIX MARIA SPEZIA… CHICKS OVER DICKS! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" San Fran erupts, but instead of COD they get MR. DICK. Accompanied by Malaysia, the OAOAST Champion sports his new “100% Hetero” jackhammer t-shirt. COLE Well this is a surprise. COACH A welcome one, too. COLE So you prefer dick to the chicks? COACH You damn ri… Wait a minute! COLE MD greets Brannigan with a big cheesy grin on his face. MISTER DICK (chewing gum) 5-time former tag champs, huh? Big whoop. I hold the World AND tag titles simultaneously. BRANNIGAN The latter with Baron Windels, of course. MISTER DICK I was gonna get to that. Anyway, if you wanna chat with somebody worth a damn, get talking. “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne suddenly cues up and COD confront MD. MISTER DICK Who the hell are you? Malaysia whispers into MD’s ear. MISTER DICK Krista?!? *laughs* Damn girl, I didn’t recognize you standing up. Only time I ever see you is when you’re flat on your back for the 1-2-3. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” ALIX Oh no, you didn’t. Oh no, you didn’t. MISTER DICK I did. The truth is hard to swallow, ain’t it? KRISTA You know, Dickey, because your stupidity never ceases to bore me I’ve decided to hold off kicking your ass till School’s Out. COACH (sarcastically) Isn’t that kind? KRISTA Actually, I’ve changed my mind. Krista lunges towards MD but stops when “Citizen Soldier” by 3 Doors Down hits. COLE Now what? Baron Windels and Tim Cash charge the ring to keep the peace. MISTER DICK Hey, does everybody know what time it is? CROWD MISTER DICK Tool Time! That’s right. The OAOAST is proud to present “Wrestling’s Last Real Good Guy” Tim Cash and the other half of your One & Only World tag team champions… Baron Windels! How bout a nice round of applause? "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" BARON Come on, guys. Let’s try to keep it civil. CASH As role models, please think about the example you’re setting for our children. KRISTA What, that violence isn’t okay? Because sometimes it is. CASH MISTER DICK At least there’s another thing we agree on. KRISTA What’s the first thing? MISTER DICK That your mother is a real piece of work. KRISTA Yeah, she is. MISTER DICK And I’d like to sculpt her with my huge-- Krista tackles MD and all hell breaks lose. COACH You knew this would happen at some point, Cole. Mr. Dick and Krista can’t stand each other. COLE And it all dates back last year when Mr. Dick became the first person to ever pin Krista in a singles match at AngleMania VIII. Being the gentlemen that he is, Cash shields Alix in the corner. Meanwhile, MD turns the tables on Krista, hammering her while Malaysia restrains BW. COLE Clearly Baron Windels and Malaysia have a difference of opinion. He wants to breakup the melee, she wants it to continue. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" More chaos ensues as NED BLANCHARD jumps MD! COACH Where did he come from?!? Ned rams MD into the buckle and proceeds to stomp a mud hole in his ass, figuratively speaking of course. BW comes to MD’s aid but winds up getting into it with SIMON SINGLETON. COLE We’ve got all 4 men going at it now. COACH It’s like a mini-battle royal, Cole. OAOAST officials rush to the ring to restore order, then BW grabs a mic. BARON Hey fellas, instead of bushwhacking us, why don’t you meet us face to face right here in this ring later tonight? To make it worth your while, we’ll even put the tag titles on the line. MISTER DICK Simon and Ned accept the challenge. COLE Oh, my! The Orange County Cobras vs. the Lone Star Gunslingers for the One & Only World tag team championship later tonight! COACH What’s with Texans always wanting to start wars? It must be something in the water down there. COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 Its the motherfuckin' interview lounge! And inside it isMAGGIE NERDLY MAGGIE What’s up ya’ll? Maggie Nerdly “it” Girl on the scene chillin with…Maggie Nerdly. MAGGIE What’s up? MAGGIE Not much. Hey, you look hot as hell! MAGGIE You’re not too bad looking yourself, I bet you’re the cutest one in your family. MAGGIE Oh stop! Heheheehheh. We gotta talk about the Motor City Spectacular. What a crappy show that was. You got majorly screwed by Holly and captain roidhead Quiz. MAGGIE Right on! I was going to have that match in the bag, I was taking it to Holly, giving her hell, and then Godzilla comes and starts spitting fire at me, so I had to defend my rep as a bad ass and I had to spit fire back. Know what I mean? MAGGIE For sure. MAGGIE But then Holly comes and cold clocks me with a pair of brass knucks! The next thing I know its two hours later and MARV and MEL ate all the jelly donuts at the catering table. MAGGIE Bastards. MAGGIE Bastards, and a bitch in Holly’s case. MAGGIE What are you gonna do about it? MAGGIE If she wants to use brass knucks, then I say let her use brass knucks. Lets have a match wear its 100% on the up and up to use them thangs. Let’s have us a brass knucks on a pole match for the OAOAST women’s title next week on HeldDOWN~! MAGGIE Whoa! What a huge announcement! MAGGIE You wanna know what’s gonna be a bigger announcement? “Your winner and new OAOAST women’s champion….MAGGIE NERDLY!” MAGGIE Woah, I'm down for that. Guys, its all your's! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 I CAN FEEL IT COMING IN THE AIR TONIGHT The duo of CPA and Detective Bosley emerge onto stage to a chorus of boos from the California crowd. Bosley lights a smoke and dismisses the jeering fans as “tree hugging hippy liberals” while CPA plays things cool with a toke on a cigar. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of fifteen minutes! Now making his way to the ring from New York City, he is accompanied by CPA he is the ALPHA MALE OF THE GROUP…DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY! Bosley throws his arms into the air, earning another disdainful response from the fans. He then throws his smoke to the ground and ashes it with his boot, causing several fans to protest him for littering! COLE One of the most twisted and demented superstars in the OAOAST, Tango Bosley lives in a world of his own. “Its Not My Time” plays to a gigantic reception as Tim Cash briskly walks out the entrance doors. BUFFER And the opponent….from Peroia, Illinois, he is Wrestling's Last Real Good Guy…..TIIIIIM CAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH! White spot lights trail his descent down the ramp, as he slaps hands with the legion of fans in the front row. COLE Tim Cash took our world champion Mister Dick to the limits at the Motor City Spectacular. It was a fantastic match and Tim Cash has so much to be proud of as he elevated himself to upper echelon of OAOAST superstars. COACH Mikey, I can’t help but think Bosley’s gotta be a little jealous, and he’s gonna try and prove he’s the better of Rescue 911 tonight. DING DING DING Cash knows Bosley well enough by now not to bother with handshakes, and instead steps into his former partner for a lockup. The collar and elbow tie up sees the two former Rescue 911 members tussle about the ring. As they finally falls into the corner, referee Charles Robinson comes between the two competitors. Cash gives a clean break and even offers Bosley an encouraging pat on the shoulder. This infuriates the New York native and another lockup ensues. COLE Its certainly an intense affair whenever these two hook up. COACH Bosley’s intense no matter what. I hear the guy cussed out his own grandmother for losing shuffle board at the old folks home. Cash briefly gets Bosley into an arm wringer. But Bosley counters with a knee to Cash’s midsection and captures him inside a side headlock. BOSLEY Here comes the pain, baby! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the fans hiss as Bosley powers his elbows into Cash’s cranium. He allows Cash to go free simply so that he may target his lower back with elbow strikes. Once finished with those attacks, Bosley attempts an Irish whip on Cash. But the Peroia native reverses the hold and its Bosley who’s sent running to the ropes. The Detective rumbles back with a lariat but is flipped over with a hip toss! Bosley quickly comes to his feet, but walks right into the Cashback (Randy Orton backbreaker)! COLE He may not look it or act like it but Tim Cash is as dangerous and deadly as any superstar in the OAOAST. Bosley should know better than to take him lightly. The former NYPD officer comes to his feet, where he’s thrown under fire by a parade of punches from the former EMT. Cash then plays to the audience before flooring his one time friend with an enziguri! COACH Showboating! What’s so nice about that, Cole? CPA elevates himself onto the ring apron to threaten Tim Cash. But wrestling’s last real good guy only kindly asks Allen to please not interfere with the match. Not only does this not rid the ring of CPA, but it leaves Cash wide open to the low blow Bosley slams into his groin. Cash falls over to the canvas, howling in pain. BOSLEY Oh come on! Don’t act like you got any balls, pussy! Bosley scrapes Cash off the canvas and hooks him inside a front facelock. A DDT is his intended weapon but Cash furiously fights out the hold with well placed punches to Bosley’s midsection. Bosley stumbles away, releasing Cash and cursing his poor luck. Cash then rushes him with a lariat. But Bosley ducks the attack and levels his old friend with a shuffle sidekick! COACH He done ruined that dude’s jaw! BOSLEY Tim Cash, say good bye to solid food! Yeah! The fans try to rally the one time number one contender as Bosley now terrozies him with stomps to the back of his head. Bosley then picks Cash up by his parted hair and strikes him with a barely legal headbutt. But rather than hurt Cash it gives him the will he needs to fight back with forearm shots to Bosley’s face. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE There’s no quit in Tim Cash! COACH Except when he gets hit with a Jackhammer and can’t kickout. COLE Any superstar in the OAOAST, past or present, would’ve gone down to that move. Bosley immediately thumbs Cash’s eyes and has a fine laugh about it as well. The Alpha Male then lifts up Cash and swings him around for the Bossman slam. Cash hits the mat with enough force to shake the ring right down to its very core! COLE Tim Cash is now Serving Hard Time. “LET’S GO TIMMY! LET’S GO TIMMY! LET’S GO TIMMY!” Barking at the crowd to “keep [their] traps shut”, Bosley stomps away at his opponent’s lower back. Next, he rips Cash off the canvas and makes him feel the full extent of the long arms of the law (crucifix neckbreaker) Cash immediately grabs his neck, now sore from the signature attack. “BOSLEY SUCKS! BOSLEY SUCKS! BOSLEY SUCKS!” BOSLEY Get up, asshole! GET UP! Bosley throws several martial arts kicks at Cash’s shins as the former EMT begins to rise. Having weakened Cash from those strikes he promptly swings around for a roundhouse. But Cash ducks the deadly attack! Now Cash throws himself on the attack an pounds at Bosley’s face with super fast jabs. COLE Tim Cash is back in this match! Continuing his flurry of momentum, Cash strikes Bosley with an inverted atomic drop! With Bosley hobbled by the attack, Cash runs to the ropes. He returns to flatten the detective with a diving shoulder tackle that pops the audience! A pinfall attempt is then made by the Ultimate Good Guy… ONE! TWO! Its just a two count as Bosley kicksout. “THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE!” Cash begins to pick Bosley up off the canvas. But Bosley counters this by jamming his fist into his old friend’s throat! Cash is hobbled by the attack and unable to defend himself against the spinebuster Bosley strikes him with. CPA B-) Bosley makes a rather casual cover…. ONE! TWO! Cash with the kickout! COLE That cover may have cost Detective Bosley this match. He could have had it won after that spine buster. “I’m the man here!” Bosley shots as he lays stomps into Cash’s back. He continues to berate his foe with vulgar words and cruel taunts even while he lifts him into the corner to pepper him with punches. COACH Bosley is tearing him apart! Cash stumbles away from the ring posts and towards the center of the ring. There he’s locked into a set up for the Justifiable Homicide (Unprettier)! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” But the fans are soon given a reason to celebrate as Cash counters into the Midwest Sling! COLE He’s got it locked in! In spite of CPA’s encouragement’s not to give up, Bosley has no other choice but to submit. DING DING DING BUFFER Your winner as a result of a submission…TIM CASH! Cash shakes hands with the referee and thanks him for a match well officiated. He’s a nice guy, folks. COLE Tim Cash is back on the winning track, and he does it against his one time good friend, Tango Bosley. COACH Sad as I am to say it, I think we’ll see Tim Cash in the world title picture sooner rather than later.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 * DING * DING * DING * DING * BUFFER This is your HeldDOWN main event! Scheduled for one fall and sanctioned by the OAOAST, it’s for THE ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Are you ready? “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” BUFFER San Francisco, ARE… YOU… READY? "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" BUFFER Then for the thousands in attendance and the millions watching around the world… Ladies and gentlemen… LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RRRRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! "Slither" by Velvet Revolver blasts through the speakers and the O.C. Cobras power walk to the ring. BUFFER Introducing first, the challengers… 3-time former World tag team champions… from Orange County, California, total combine weight 460 pounds... SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD... THE ORANGE COUNTY COOOOBRAS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Ready for battle the O.C. Cobras quickly toss away their vests. COLE As you heard Michael Buffer say, Simon and Ned are former 3-time tag team champions. They won’t be intimidated by the big stage. COACH Yeah, but they lucked into the match thanks to Baron Windels‘ Texas temper, Cole. “Motherfucker of the Year” cues and BW storms the ring while MD looks on in disbelief. BUFFER And their o-- Buffer quickly exits as BW takes on both O.C. Cobras himself. * DINGDINGDING * MD stands on the apron, hands on hips, as the O.C. Cobras pummel BW. COACH Baron’s gone rouge, Cole. I mean, what kind of a man decides to go at it alone 2 on 1? COLE A tough son of a bitch, that’s who. And Baron is not alone. He’s got Mr. Dick and 15 thousand plus in attendance. BW avoids a double clothesline, levels Ned with a BIG BOOT and then delivers an atomic drop on Simon. The Lone Star Gunslinger follows up with a RUNNING BUTT BUMP! COLE Bite My Shiny Metal Ass~! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY NED! A slugfest ensues and BW sends Ned packing after a Cowboy Bebop (bionic) elbow. BW’s attention shifts back to Simon but, lured into a false sense of security, walks into a back elbow! COACH Maybe that’ll knock some sense into Baron Windels. Simon introduces BW violently to the top turnbuckle, then unloads on the Lone Star Gunslinger. * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” BW returns fire only to be brought down via a drop toehold. The O.C. Cobras tag and Ned delivers his trademark POINTY~! ELBOW. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Ned shoves BW back in the corner, then proceeds to STOMP A MUD HOLE AND WALK IT DRY. Simon tags in and the O.C. Cobras spike BW with THE DOUBLE FEATURE FLAPJACK! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY MD! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Simon shakes off the blow and slams BW, then climbs to the top. COLE Could this be the Atomic Blond? Indeed it is. Ned launches Simon off the top but BW moves! COACH Nobody home there, Cole. Ned receives the tag and immediately drags BW towards the O.C. Cobras part of the ring. He doesn’t waste any time going for the kill either, setting BW for THE SLINGSHOT SUPLEX… but Malaysia hops on the apron to distract the ref as MD sneaks in and CLOBBERS NED WITH THE WORLD TITLE!! COLE & COACH MD drags BW to their corner and tags in, then cover Ned. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match… and STILL your One & Only World Tag Team Champions… BARON WINDELS and OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion MMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSTTEEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Just to be a dick, MD wallops Simon with the title, too. COLE Oh, come on! COACH The champ sending a message tonight. Don't screw with him. FADE TO BLACK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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