OAOAST Syndicated 1/13/10

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST Syndicated!

With



JESSE VENTURA



TONY SCHIAVONE



LEAD CORESPONDENT TONY BRANNIGAN



SIDEKICK MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD

AND



HOST ALIX MARIA SPEZIA

Brought to you by American Express

United States Champion Alix decided that her opening monologue should address the ongoing saga between Conan O’Brien and NBC, and the whole late night picture. “I’m an opportunistic lady, I thought maybe I might step in for Conan O’Brien if he refuses to get pushed back to 12:30, so I pitched the idea to the president of NBC, he seemed pretty excited by it, and his first words were ‘How the hell did you get into my house’ and ‘Why have you brought the masturbating bear with you? So that was my experience with the late night debacle. So, like, if Conan gets pushed back, that pushes Jimmy Fallon back, and so that, like, pushes Carson Daley back to like 2 AM, at which point the show will be renamed “What the hell is Carson Daley doing with his life”

Vinny Valentine and Mariano vs The Christ Air Express

Vinny attempts to rebound from the PATD breakup with a new partner, as he joins forces with 1/4 of the Burrough Boys.  However, the CAE takes command early, flooring Vinny and Mariano with various aerial moves.  CAE is in total control of the match, as MEL sends Mariano to the floor.  However, Luther rolls out from under the apron as MEL's back is turned, switching with Mariano, who disappears under the ring.  When MEL goes to pick up Luther, Luther pulls him into the steel steps, then begins to stomp away on him.  He tosses him inside and gets a two-count off a split-legged moonsault, then tags in Vinny, who wears him down with power moves, then hooks in a Boston crab.  MEL manages to crawl over and reach the ropes, and Vinny tags in Luther.  Luther attempts a hurricanrana from the top rope, but MEL catches him with a powerbomb, then tags in MARV, but the referee misses it while distracted by Vinny.  As the referee puts MARV out, Waldo switches places with Luther, and drills MEL with a gourdbuster, getting a two-count.  Waldo tags in Vinny, and the two attempt a double clothesline, but MEL ducks and floors both men with a bodypress, quickly rolling off and tagging MARV, who comes in and delivers clotheslines to both men.  Eventually a donnybrook breaks out, and MARV hits Waldo with a jawjacker, but the cover is broken by Vinny.  MARV fights off Vinny while Quincy switches out with Waldo, and sneaks up behind MARV, hitting him with the Tanooki Suit, which sets up Vinny's Night Fever legdrop from the top to pick up the win.

WINNERS: Vinny Valentine and Mariano

Alix welcomed Nate Rockwell the inventor, of “PAL PENIS!” Pal Penis is essentially a glove for your penis. It also has an extra baggy attached so that you can pee into it if you’re at the movies or at a sports game and you can’t get to the restroom. Maya was not impressed,  “Your invention is beyond reprehensible, it is a shameless disgrace to the human race, having set back man as a whole over a thousand years. Your invention has made the world a worse place, and I hope that you eternally burn in hell.”

French New Wave (Sophie and Molly Nerdly) Vs Papa Nerdly's Little Girls (Maggie and Morgan Nerdly)

The smallest tag team in the OAOAST was set for competition against smooth running machine of French New Wave. Things went FNW way for the early parts of the match as the two were able isolate Maggie in their corner.  Maggie eventually broke free of their bonds and made the tag with Morgan. At that point Sophie and Morgan renewed their rivalry, fighting with an intense fire. The two teams then went and back and forth, neither one seeming to gain any sort of advantage. However, Lindsay Gonzalez ran out from backstage, and made herself a presence at ring side. While the referee was distracted by Maggie and Molly bickering on the outside, as only sisters can. Lindsay clocked Morgan upside the head with the remains of poor Morgan's Angle Award. This gave Sophie a chance for an easy pinfall. Postmatch Molly chastised Sophie for accepting a tainted win.

Winner: French New Wave, via pinfall.

We cut backstage to Alfdogg, who is holding his Feud of the Year Angle Award in his left hand, and has his other arm wrapped around Vinny Valentine in a headlock, forcing him to hold the microphone up to him.  He talks about his feud with Reject, and how deserving it was of the award, and congratulates Krista for matching his feat of two Superstar of the Year awards, then tells her she better get back soon, because he's currently the frontrunner to win a third as the OAOAST World champion.

The PPV Match of the Year Angle Award went to the Skate or Die Heartland title match, and we go to Josh Matthews with the winner of the match, holding the trophy, Denzel Spencer.  Denzel says he's happy to receive the award, but expresses disappointment over not winning the Young Lion award for his fast rise up the rankings.  Suddenly, Spencer Reiger appears on the scene, and laughs at the thought of Denzel winning "his" award.  Denzel points out that he needed only one shot to win his first title, unlike the Moneygang's multiple failures against Team Heyross.  Spencer is irritated enough by this comment to challenge him to a title match, which Denzel accepts.

Alix and sidekick Maya sat down with Jackie Chan star of “The Spy Next Door”.  Alix noted that he looked like a kid named Joe Park she went to highschool with. “In the year book everyone had these quotes under their name, and there was one kid who had this profound quote about the secret of life, and next to him was Joe Park and his quote was ’I ate paste in ten minutes!”   Things went well until construction workers came and began dismantling the set. Alix asked “Dude, like, what are you doing?” The answer came from an OAOAST representative, “Affiliates are mad that your killing their lead to erection dysfunction informericals, and Tony Toruettes has been threatening to leave for the WWE, so we’re bumping you back and giving him your time slot. You’ll be on after the infomercial for herpes medication.”

OAOAST Heartland title: Denzel Spencer © vs Spencer Reiger

Denzel gains advantage early, catching Reiger off-guard with his quickness.  Reiger is able to take advantage on the floor, ramming Denzel into the ringpost and choking him across the guardrail.  He rolls Denzel back inside and tosses a can of goodies into the ring.  He empties the can and uses it on Denzel.  He lays the can on Denzel and attempts a splash, but Denzel moves and Reiger splashes the can.  Denzel comes back, hammering Reiger with rights and sending him to the floor with a spinning wheel kick.  He hits him with a dive to the floor, then rolls him back inside, but Reiger is able to regain advantage surprisingly quick.  He wears Denzel down, including assaulting him with a kendo stick, but Denzel is able to avoid the Reiger Counter, backdropping Reiger onto the trashcan, then scooping him up and dropping him on it again with the Carribean Compactor to retain his title.

WINNER: Denzel Spencer