OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 5/30/02

[Chanel #99]

HeldDOWN for May 30,2002

http://www.poppapopick.com/helddown.gif

The Pyro Hits and HOLD ME DOWN by Tommy Lee pumps out from the speakers.

"Here Comes the Money" hits, and a chorus of boos erupts as evenflowDDT, Alison, and The Superstar (dressed in a referee's outfit) make their way to ring-side.

evenflowDDT: You know you worship me! I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got some business to attend to. Alfdogg! You DO know we have a match at the PPV, right? You know, like, I dunno, a TITLE UNIFICATION MATCH?!?! You've been watching my matches, right? You MUST know by now that I'm not only richer, tougher, smarter, and better-looking than you, but that I'm going to beat you and become the first EVER OAOAT TV champion at the Great Angle Bash. It's the only reason I can think of why you haven't said a damn thing about the match or me at all, is you've seen what lengths I go to to win a match and know you'll lose. SO... I'll save you the trouble of a match at the PPV, and challenge you to a match, right now. How do you like that?

"Kona Crush" hits and the crowd is on their feet, only to boo when they see Zack Malibu dressed as alfdogg hit the ring. Alison starts laughing.

Zack: Don't laugh at me, woman, because NOBODY beats alfdogg... NOBODY!

evenflowDDT and Zack re-enact the EYEPOKE OF DOOM~! and Zack lays down for a three-count from The Superstar. evenflowDDT grabs the mic, as Alison helps Zack up to his feet. The Superstar presents evenflowDDT with a replica IC belt and evenflowDDT taunts the crowd by holding up the replica belt and his Hardcore belt. The boos are deafening!

evenflowDDT: Ahh... richer, tougher, smarter, and better looking than ALL of you jack-asses ::turns to his fellow In Crowd members:: ... present company excluded of course, and The One and Only TV Champion of The One and Only Anglesault Thread, evenflowDDT! You know you worship me!

Alfdogg comes in from the crowd and takes out Zack and The Superstar with nunchuks. evenflowDDT goes for a belt shot with both belts, but alfdogg ducks and evenflowDDT falls face first onto both belts. alfdogg ties him up in the ropes, gives him an alfkick, and whips out a taser. He shocks evenflowDDT repeatedly until the other members of the In Crowd regain consciousness, then alfdogg slips out the ring and through the crowd.

alfdogg: You ever hear of a silent killer? You have now... nobody beats alfdogg. NOBODY!!!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Chanel #99]

The Superstar Vs. The Masked Mystery Eskimo

Saliva’s Superstar plays and The Superstar hits the ring, jawing with the fans the whole way.

Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice plays and The Masked Mystery Eskimo sleds down to the ring (accompanied by Derek The Fish of course)

MME I conferring with Derek The Fish on the outside when Superstar hits the baseball slide. Superstar whips MME into the STEEEEEL steps and slams his head into a few times for good measure. Superstar picks up MME and goes to slam him shoulder first into the Post but MME slips out and pushes Superstar into the STEEEL post. Superstar is lying on the floor grabbing his shoulder in pain. MME picks him up and throws him back into the ring.

Cobainwasmurdered wanders out to a HUGE pop and chants of aWo. Unfortunetly CWM’s appearance disracts MME long enough for Superstar to regain his feet. When MME turns back to Superstar he’s met with a WELL PLACED KICK TO THE NUTS. MME drops like a sack of bricks. The Superstar scales the ropes and signals for the SUPERSPLASH. But CWM pushes him off the turnbuckle! CWM grabs a mic.

CWM: This match is now NO DQ!!

CWM grabs a chair from ringside and nails Superstar over the head with it. CWM puts Superstar’s arm into the chair and Pillmanizies it. MME has gotten to his feet, he looks to Derek the Fish for advice.

Derek: Hey help CWM! You Might Actually win!!

With that MME joins the assault on Superstar finally locking on the FROSTBITE FACELOCK. Superstar’s arm and shoulder have been so completely destroyed he has no choice but to tap out.

Winner: The Mask Mystery Eskimo!

CWM picks Superstar up and gives him a CradlePIleDRiver on the chair. The EMT’s come and take Superstar to the hospital.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Chanel #99]

Chirp. Chirp. The sound of birds chirping are heard, but nothing is seen. Thunder... lighting. Sounds are destruction is heard also... fading out the sounds of the birds.

The scene opens up... on a rooftop. It's night, and a figure is shown on top of it.

"Funny how things work. It really is." A voice is heard from the figure. The figure steps into a speck of light to reveal his face... boyish face. He's wearing a black tanktop with white windpants. His unique hair is dyed it's usual red, but his natural blonde can still be seen. "Hello, OAOAST... wait, that name sucks. Screw it. I'm doing things my way. This federation.. horrible. No leadership, no direction whatsoever. I thought when I came here I would have a challenge.. something. Here? Nothing. Alf has a win over me... whoopie-doo. Congrats on your win, alf.. but it's not over. Just begun, my friend. Oh and the aWo... fuck you. I don't need your help or anyone's in this federation to help me. I'm a former EAW Hardcore Champion and EAW World Champion. EAW.. name mean anything to anyone? Didn't think so, but it should. The place has more class than this one, but that's not the point. I'm here to let everyone know of my arrival. Flyboy has arrived, and he doesn't mean shit now, but he will. I'll be the World Champion in..." Flyboy trails off to count on his fingers, "two months? Or less. It doesn't matter. Ewwww... a Rock phrase." Flyboy spits on the ground, "... things will change. I'll make sure of that." Flyboy smirks as the scene fades to black.

JR: Well, moving along, lets take a look Angleplex's visit to another show that was on yesterday, and the events that happend their.

::AP: Is shown in a parking lot::

AP: Hey guys. I'm very embarresed to be here today, but I'm getting paid a lot of money because this show isn't doing great in the ratings department. The courts also told me I had to "Pay me debt to society".

Voice: Are you ready?

AP: Jesus, I don't think I can do this.

Voice: Lets start the show!

::The Reading Rainbow logo hits the screen.::

Levar Burton: Butterfly in the sky... I can go twice as high! Take a look.. it's in a book.. a-Reading RAINBOW! IIIII.. can.. go.. ANYWHERE! Friends to know.. and ways to grow.. a-Reading RAINBOW! IIIIIIII.. can.. be.. ANYTHING! Take a look.. it's in a book.. a-Reading RAINBOW, a-Reading Rainbow, a-Reading RAINBOW, a-Reading RAINBOW, a-READING RAINBOOOOOWWW!!!

AP: I can't do this

::AP starts walking away, but Levar pulls him back::

Levar: You silly.

::Levar forces AP to sit down in a chair nearby::

Levar Burton: So, AP, before we start, why don't you tell us why you're hear today.

AP: Well, I beat up my girlfriend. The judge said I needed to do some stuff. I don't really know, my lawyers handled it. They just said if I came here everything would be fine. Oh, and I'm getting paid.

Levar Burton: Well, don't you like BOOKS?

AP: I don't enjoy books. I always prefered movies. They take less time and less concentration.

::Levar Burton looks stunned::

Levar Burton: Well, kids, you need to read to have a good life and job. Reading is very important. Plus, reading is FUN! It can.......

AP: I don't read, and I probably get paid more than you.

Levar Burton: Reading is very important.

AP: Yeah, tell that to the guys who are paying me $1 Million + dollars a year to wrestle. Hey, actually, I do read. I read over my contract just to make sure that I am.....wait, my lawyers and agents do that for me.......

Levar Burton: Kids, our first book today is called "Herbert the Frog" by A. Gay American. Herbert was a little frog that hopped everywhere. Herbet hopped to the pond. Herbert hopped to his friends house. Herbert hopped over to his wife and slapped her across the face for not making him dinner. Herbert hopped to Fred's house to have wild, crazy frog sex. Herbert hopped to the hospital to see if he had any sexually transmitted diseases.....

AP: Uh...this is a childrens show, isn't it?

Levar Burton: .....lets move on to another book. This one is called, Leva and his friend.

Leva was a lonely man, he needed someone to talk to. He met a friend, and they talked, and they talked, and the talked. Leva became good friends with the man. Very good friends. One day when the two were alone, Leva asked his friend a question. He asked his friend if he could anally rape him. His friend said no, but Leva couldn't help himself. He tied his friend to the bed and had his way with him.

AP: Ah...is this an actual book?

Levar {Ignoring AP's comment}: Leva had his fun, day and night for 4 months. One day, his friend tried to escape. Leva knew his carrear would be ruined if this were to get out, so he brutally killed his friend.

AP: Are these true experiences?

Levar: Why do you say that?

AP: Well, his name is "Leva", which is exactly like "Levar", minus the "r". And you're also kind of....you know.

Levar: You silly.

AP: I'm out of here.

::AP walks away. He looks up to see a truck going right for him. AP jumps out of the way just in time. The truck doesn't stop and keeps on going::

Levar: {in a girl-like voice} AHHHHHHHHH!

::The truck hits Levar Burton. Levar flies up into the air and hits the concrete hard. The truck keeps on going, as the cast of "Reading Rainbow" goes to check on Levar::

::Cut back to JR at HeldDown::

JR: Now you gotta know that the truck was aiming for AP.

2: But who was in that truck!

JR: I don't know, but we are glad to say that Levar Burton is OK. Unfortunatly, he blames all of this on Angleplex.

Tony: Even worse, he's challenged AP to a match on WCW: Saturday Night this Saturday!

JR: That's right, Angleplex vs Levar Burton this saturday night......

Tony: I heard Levar has gotten the best trainers in the world!

JR: I just hope no one gets hurt to bad.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Chanel #99]

CWM: Put It On!!

TC: NO!

CWM: Do it or your FIRED!

TC: FINE! I’ll put the damn costume on! I can’t believe your making me do this!

CWM: Look just finish putting it on, Helmet included and go have your match.

TC: How am I supposed to see with this thing on?

CWM: That’s not my problem TrebleCleft, just do it!

TC finishes putting on his costume and heads for the ring.

Women’s title match: Treblecharged Vs. Molly, Tazz Towel On A Pole match

MEDAL hits and Molly makes her way to the ring.

THE OLD SCHOOL SURVIVOR SERIES THEME hits and here comes…The GOBELY GOOKER?? TrebleCharged has been forced to dress up as the Gooker!!

TC tries to get in the ring but his oversized head won’t fit between the ropes. Finally Molly grabs him and flips him into the ring. Molly starts ponding away on TC with Kicks to the ribs. TC is too busy trying to keep his Helmet on to ward Molly’s kicks off. Molly picks TC up and Body Slams him down. She scales the ropes and goes for the TAZZ TOWEL, but TC stumbles to his feet, with his helmet and eye holes facing the wrong way! He stumbles into the ropes sending Molly flying. Molly gets tossed so far she goes through the Table at ringside. TC finally gets his head turned around. He looks around for Molly and when he spots her lying in a heap of broken table bits, he quickly climbs the ropes and pulls down the TAZZ TOWEL!!

Winner and STILL Women’s Champ: TrebleCharged

TC is celebrating in the ring when ROLLING BY LIMP BIZKIT hits, and BIG hits the ring. He kicks TC in the head knocking off the helmet, and than gives him the RUDODRIVER on the Gobely Gooker helmet. BIG helps Molly to her feet and they leave.

EARLIER TODAY:

EvenflowDDt wakes up covered in sweat, and his own fears.

Ef: Dudes! I had the weirdest dream just right now!

Superstar: What is it?!

Ef: That Wizard, dude from the Dungeon said we would meet our doom’s in the White Castle of Fear..

SS: Dude! That’s where we are going right now!

Ef: Shit!

Zack pulls up to the parking lot of “White Castle Burgers.” All three men step inside. Zack, and the Superstar sit down.

Zack: Hey ef, go order the food.

EvenflowDDT goes up to the counter, and sees the cashier with his back turned.

Ef: Dude! I would like to order………….

The man turns around and reveals himself to be Fred Krueger. Freddy pulls him over the counter, as the other two Faces of Fear step in which knives and aprons, and proceed to stab Evenflow. Mario steps out with a chef’s hat.

Mario: What the fuck is going on here?! Put him down!!!!!

Ef: Aren’t you going to kill me??

Mario: We care about our customers, so we wont kill you here.

Ef: Well………

The Red Alert sounds

Mario: Sit down, NOW!!!!!

Rumbling is heard. FatBastard squeezes his way in through the door. The Big man goes to the couner.

FB: Okay!

The Fat man sits down next to the In Crowd.

Zack: Dude! I thought you kicked him out of the Dungeon, and when are you serving us?

Mario: Later, this man is literarly 90% of our profits.

Ef: I’m going to sit outside.

Evenflow sits near the ball pit. Suddenly the “Jaws” theme hits as the camera moves closer to Evenflow. Sudennly……….

Sharkolgalanchequake: SHARK ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

John Tenta jumps out of the ball pit and mauls Evenflow.

Mario: Put him down now!

Tenta spits out Evenflow. Evenflow steps back inside and sits with the In Crowd, who are talking with FatBastard.

FB: I challenge you boys to an eating contest.

SS: We accept.

EvenflowDDT goes into shock.

Minutes later.

The Dungeon of Doom is bringing food to the tables with forklifts.

FB: Let’s eat.

Each of the In Crowd members stop eating after five hamburgers each, FB walks into the bathroom, but deosen’t make it to the toilet. A loud fart, and a ripping sound are heard. Mario stomps in.

Mario: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST RETLED THIS FUCKING FLOOR!!!!!!!! JANITOR!!!!!! GET IN HERE AND CLEAN UP THIS FUCKING MESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scott Hall stumbles out from the back and goes into the bathroom with some mops.

Mario: Don’t use that.

Mario goes to the back and brings out Treble Charged and Luigi Logan who are tied to chairs.

Mario: Use these as mops. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Sandman 9k runs out from the back and knocks Mario out with a fluorescent bulb.

Zack: Let’s bail.

Ef: You are so totally correct Zack.

The Faces of Fear takes out their weapons and go towards the Sandman who has a barbed wire board. John Tenta jumps out of the ball pit and runs at the Sandman, yelling, “SHARK ATTACK!!!!!!” Sub-Zero comes out of the freezer.

We cut to the In Crowd who are outside. We hear, “AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHTHECHOKESLAM!!!!!!!!!!!” which causes the foundation to shake, knocking the In Crowd down, breaking all of the windows, and flipping over the In Crowd’s car.

The Sandman knocked out the Monster. He then proceeds to throw ketchup in the eyes of the Faces, he then knocks them out with his board. Sandman tosses the grease in Sub-Zero’s eyes, and takes him out with a cookie sheet. Sandman ducks out of the way as Tenta runs at him, knocking him out. The Sandman finishes his work by putting al of the Dungeon members in the freezer. A man with a suit goes up to the Sandman.

Man: Excuse me, sir. I’m from the Department of Health. Do you run this place?

SM9: No, the owner is in that freezer.

The Health inspector goes into the freezer as the Sandman leaves.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Chanel #99]

IC Champ: Alfdogg Vs. The Sole Survivor

The APA THEME hits and here comes The Sole Survivor. KONA CRUSH plays over the speaker and the IC Champ Alfdogg hits the ring. These two men are being forced to fight by the HeldDOWN Commissioner CobainWasMurdered.

They start off with a tie up and Alfdogg quickly grabs a headlock but TSS powers out of it with a few shots to the ribs.They tie up again and this time TSS grabs a headlock. Alfdogg quickly fights out of it though. TSS goes low and hits a gutwrench suplex. He follows it up a few well placed elbow drops and leg drops. He picks Alfdogg up and whips him into the ropes and hits a HUGE spinebuster 1…2…NO! Alfdogg kicks out! TSS goes to irish whip Alfdogg into the corner but Alfdogg counters. Aldogg stomps a mudhole on TSS and than places him on top of the turnbuckle. Alfdogg goes for a Superplex…but TSS pushes him off and follows up with a TOP ROPE FIST DROP! TSS seizing the advantage goes for the BRADSHAW BOMB, he picks Alfdogg up but Alfdogg slips out of it and chopblocks TSS’s knee. Alfdogg hits the STANDING ALFSAULT for 2,and than locks on a figure four.

TSS is writhing in pain but finally manages to reverse the figure four, Alfdogg quickly breaks the hold and gets up shakely. TSS’s leg has been so devastated that he has to use the ropes to stand up, when he turns around he walks right into the ALFKICK, sending him plummeting out of the ring. Alfdogg quickly brings him back in, and drags him over to the ring post…RING POST FIGURE FOUR BABYEE~! TSS is screaming in agony! Finally Alfdogg breaks the hold. Alfdogg goes up top…FLYING BODYPRESS~! But TSS catches him! TSS signals for the Fallaway slam but just as he goes to throw Alfdogg his leg buckles leaving Alfdogg on top of his prone body. 1…2…3!!

Winner and STILL IC Champ: Alfdogg

After the match TSS and Alfdogg shake hands, but as they celebrate the aWo attack!! CWM and SG hit the ring and nail a REVERSE 3d on TSS and CWM gives Alfdogg a PollyCutter. BIG and Angle-Plex grab chairs and work the two deadly alliance members over. Finally the aWo leave the ring and allow the EMT’s to take the Deadly Alliance members away.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Chanel #99]

::And now, the star of the show, the man with the scam, Zack Malibu, is beside his longtime punching bag and indentured servant, Michael Cole.

MC:"Zack, tonight The In Crowd has their toughest test to date, as they take on the Most Popular Member of the aWo Angle-Plex, and the Deathcore Icon, Sandman9000. EvenflowDDT's and Sandman's feud is at an end, as we saw this past week on IntenseZone, but what about the brewing feud between yourself and Angle-Plex?"

Zack takes a sip of his Evian water.

ZM:"Michael, as usual, you have it all wrong, baby! This isn't a tough test for The In Crowd, but it's not a walk in the park, either. It's just an obstacle, just a test, to see if we have what it takes. To see if we can practice what we preach. You know, there are a lot of people who think that The In Crowd is nothing more than a bunch of guys with nice clothes, a little cash, and big mouths. The truth is, we are what we say we are. There is no embellishment whatsoever here, I'm a pop culture icon! I'm ZACK MALIBU! I've got the looks, the mindset, I'm the guy mothers want their daughters to marry! Tonight, it all comes to a head. Angle-Plex, it's weird that the only time we've met have been in some of the most brutal matches in OAOAST history, between WarGames and tonight's match. But tonight, you'll know why people are stuck on The In Crowd, when you're stuck on that barbed wire!"

Zack sips more water. He decides he doesn't want it, so he dumps the rest over Michael's head.

ZM:"Man, you needed that more than you think. You get so nervous, but when you sweat, you smell!"

Zack heads off to get ready for the match. A wet and dripping (NOT LIKE THAT, PERVERTS! Michael Cole stands there, doing nothing of note until we fade out.::

The In-Crowd Vs. Angle-Plex and Sandman 9000 in a BARBED WIRE ROPE MATCH

In this match the ropes have been removed and replaced with BARBED WIRE. POPULAR by NADA SURF hits and the In-Crowd make they’re way to ringside. SONG 2 by BLUR hits and HEREEEE’S ANGLEPLEX! FIVE MINUTES ALONE BY PANTERA rocks the arena and The Sandman comes out to a tremendous pop!

The In-Crowd look a little heisitant about going near the BARBED WIRE but they don’t have much time to worry as AP and Sandman charge them and send them crashing to the mat with VICOUS clotheslines. The In-crowd stagger to they’re feet, AP and Sandman go for the double clotheslines again but the In-Crowd duck and when AP and Sandman rebound off the ropes the In-crowd nails them with DUAL SUPERKICKS! Zack sends AP crashing into BARBED WIRE, where AP gets hopelessly tied up and is cut in a number of spots. Meanwhile the In-Crowd are double teaming Sandman, Zack had snuck in Brass Knuckles and is using them to open up a gash on Sandman’s head right over his eye in hopes of obscuring his view. Meanwhile AnglePlex is STILL tied up in the BARBED WIRE and is watching his partner getting brutalized finally CWM runs down with a pair of wire cutters and sets AP free! CWM turns to go back to the dressing room and walks right into a MONSTOROUS Chair Shot from Big Poppa Popick!

CWM is unconscious on the floor until he’s taken away by the EMT’s and BPP climbs into the ring and lays out Sandman than he nails FINALITY on AP allowing the In-Crowd to get the pin!

Winners: THE In-Crowd!

After BPP continues to pound away on AP and the In-Crowd wrap Sandman in Barbedwire and beat him with a chair. Zack locks on a SLEEPER on Sandman and sends him to dreamland.

Finally the In-crowd and BPP have had enough and leave the ring.the EMT’s come and take Sandman away but before the can cart AnglePlex away the Lights go out and MASTER OF PUPPETS by METALLICA hits!!

When the lights come back on THE MYSTERIOUS ONE is standing over a prone AP. TMO grabs the mic:

TMO: Angleplex it is not yet time for you to go. You still must face me and I must show you the true path.

TMO picks up Angleplex and gives him THE ROLL OF THE DICE and than a Scorpion Deathdrop. TMO grabs a chair from ringside and than gives AP a TORMENTED SOUL DDT on the CHAIR! 1…2…3!

Winner: The Mysterious One!!

TMO picks up the chair and puts it over AP’s head and stomps away, FINALLY Some Guy and BIG run down to AP’s aid but the lights go out and The Mysterious One has Disappeared again!!

From the rafters.

Caboose-'Hmmm, I see TMO continues to grow stronger day by day, the force is with him, but can he defeat the darkside, difficult to see I am.

AnglePlex is troubled he grows frustrated at his run of defeats, Anger will set him free as it did me.

Sandman is strong also, he will go far, perhaps further than anyone else has ever been, but strange is his love of men.

BPP continues to be great, but will power rot his sole?

AlfDogg baffles me, help him I do, yet he seeks the title from AngleSault before I, we will see.

AngleSault hides for now, but still he does not see me in the shadows, when I come, there will not be Red White and Blue, only black.

I will be the Prince of Darkness, I will be Champion.

END OF SHOW

Thoughts,Comments,Bitching can Now Commence.

I'd just like to say that I think it was a subpar edition of the show, which is my fault.

I had half the show done late last night when I went out to pick up some beer, well long story short I get in a car accident and spend an hour and a half in the hospital getting stiches. When I got home at 2 am i feel right asleep and I only finished writing HeldDOWN a half hour ago.