Chanel #99 Posted March 29, 2013 Report Share Posted March 29, 2013 -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We come to the OAOAST Arena With Thanksgiving gone and forgotten, Sofa Central now takes on a delightfuly whimsy holiday theme. Two Menorahs sit at opposite ends of the announce table, and streamers shaped as the star of David glide across the table as well. Fake snow rests around the area, with a glitzy silver christmas tree planted behind the announcing duo. A miniature Santa's Workshop is also set up."Oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long Just tryin' to find my way back home But the old me's dead and gone Dead and gone And oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long Just tryin' to find my way back home But the old me's dead and gone Dead and gone, dead and gone..." “Dead and Gone” morphs into Linkin Park’s Numb as jeers wash over the arena. Making the first superstar apperance of the night is Leon Rodez, clad in black denim, a white t-shirt and a black leather jacket At his side, dutiful and doting is Morgan Nerdly, wearing a red Cardiff sweater and wrecked Hollister jeans. Together they make their way down the ring, with Morgan hurrying to keep pace with Leon. COLE An unexpected way to begin HeldDOWN~! Leon Rodez here and present after picking up a November Reign victory. I can’t say he’s welcome here. But, folks, you certainly are as we close out the year with a bang. Michael Cole here as always with Johnathan "Da Coach" Coachman. Leon darts up the steps and into the ring, where he snatches a microphone from Michael Buffer. LEON Here I am again. I don’t want to be here, and you don’t want me here. As much as you hate me, and as much as I hate you in return, nothing compares to the emptiness I feel over not being world heavyweight champion. “YOU’RE NOT THE CHAMP! YOU’RE NOT THE CHAMP!” LEON You have no idea how much those words sting. “YEAAAAAAAA!” LEON But the fact is I don’t think my world title shot is coming any time soon. I have begged, I have pleaded, and I have humbled myself for men and women who aren’t worth the dirt on my shoe, and I have got nothing in return. No, I take that back I have got something in return. I have watched this poor girl, Morgan Nerdly, be bullied and harassed by Miss Josie Baker and Holly. Morgan lowers her head and nods. LEON I have also seen myself bullied and harassed by not only Josie Baker, but the entire OAOAST front office as well! I can’t explain why I’m yet to receive a match with Reject. I can’t explain why I’m locked out of title matches against a guy yet to have a single title defense. It can only be because I’m despised by everyone. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” LEON What I should do is turn a certain little blond haired girl lose on everyone who seeks to keep me down. But I’m a peaceful man, at heart. But in that heart I have a lot of hatred. Hatred for Alix Maria Spezia. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” LEON Yes, chant her name, chant it all you want. I used to do the same thing, when I tricked myself into thinking I loved her, and she loved me in return. I later realized our love was a lie, and I was strung along like a damn puppet. That was my fate. Now, I have a soul that burns with hatred for her, and I know I’ll never love anyone again. Morgan looks up and offers a surprised frown. LEON Alix Maria Spezia, how can one so obviously oblivious and ignorant cause so damage and destruction to a man’s heart. She skips merrily through life, adored by her hanger ons, mindlessly worship for her sense of humour, elevated to royalty status for her beauty, and destroying any man that’s dumb enough to impede her happy, happy, dance through life. I am a victim of Alix Maria Spezia, teased by her hyper sexuality, brutalized by the only woman I ever truly loved. Again Morgan looks surprised. LEON I guess all of you think she’s the victim here. Her girlfriend laid up with a broken arm, well no one ever asked me about my broken heart when we split up. There wasn’t anyone to rush to my aid when she damaged me. But she’s there to rush to Krista’s aid, and people are there to rush to her aid, people like D*LUX, Alfdogg. Bohemoth….by the way, hope the jaw feels better, big man. “BOOOOOOOOO!” COLE A cheap shot by Leon Rodez, referencing a cheap shot by ThunderKid. LEON I should feel a bit better shouldn’t I? I did captain a team that wiped out her entire sycophant army, and I was the one who pinned her. COLE Thanks to a Eulogy from our world champion Reject. LEON But, I don’t feel any better. I still feel the sting of our relationship and the sting of watching her and Krista humliate myself and others time after time. I feel terrible, and you all love it! “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” LEON Shut up! I realized Alix will keep getting free passes, and dancing along through life, and I’ll still be stuck in this misery. I don’t even have the cold comfort of a championship belt. Not like she does. And that brings me all the way back to my first point. I want my world title, and I want it back right now. Leon pauses to sternly nod his head. LEON I chose Reject for my team, because I knew he could help me get revenge on Alix. But I don’t respect him, I don’t like him, and I’ll never forgive him for denying me my third world title reign. I teamed with Reject, but I despise him and I envy him. I want my world title shot against him. I am demanding a world title match against Reject. I will never be silent until I’m granted that world title match. Do you hear me, OAOAST Marks? I will never be silenced until I get justice! "SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Suddenly Josie Baker emerges onto the entrance stage, earning a mixed reaction. JOSIE Hello, Leon. Leon looks both puzzled and annoyed at her arrival. JOSIE Happy to see me? The former world champion looks back at a fuming Morgan and smirks. LEON Keep your distance, Baker, wouldn’t want something to happen to you. There’s certain people I can’t control. JOSIE Using your 5’1 slave as a threat, that’s real manly of you. LEON What exactly do you have to say? If its not about the world title, I don’t want to hear it. JOSIE Lucky for you it is about the world title, and a world title shot. LEON Excellent. JOSIE Not excellent. You’re not getting one! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Morgan looks ready to attack, however, Leon holds her back. LEON What are you talking about? JOSIE You’ve burned through your chances, I’m not giving you another one until you prove you deserve one. LEON What more can you want from me? I pinned Alix! JOSIE That’s right, you did. And that should buy you something. How about a US Title Shot? Next week, mainevent of HeldDOWN~! Not quite what you wanted, but it’s a start. LEON No, no, that’s fine. If I can take Alix’s belt, give her some of the misery she’s given everyone else, and THEN get my shot at Reject, I will finally be a happy man. We go to commercial with Leon Rodez left staring stoically at Josie Baker.TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT NUMBER ONE CONTENDER TAG TEAM MATCHCAN AM ASSASSINS VS THE LDC MONEYGANGTONIGHT!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2013 Backstage Holly, dressed in black denim, combat boots, and a camo top, hovers in front of Josie’s office. HOLLY This is gonna suck. Holly starts to step away from the door. HOLLY Maybe I shouldn’t I don’t wanna hear her shit. Shaking her head, she returns back to the front of the door. HOLLY Ah (beep) it. Its not my (beep) fault anyway. Sighing to herself, Holly pushes her way into the GM’s office. Josie looks up from her Mac Book to see the oft disgruntled wife of Logan Mann. JOSIE Holly! Hey, girl. Holly blinks her surprise. HOLLY Hey, girl? JOSIE What’s going on, girlfriend? HOLLY What the (beep) is wrong with you? Are you on some kind of (beep) up allergy medication? Have you been huffing paint? JOSIE What? No, no, Holly. I’m in a good mood because you and I can celebrate. Holly scoffs at this ascertain. HOLLY Celebrate? What the (beep) is there to (beep) celebrate? JOSIE You put Morgan out the OAOAST! Just like you promised! HOLLY You know damn well- JOSIE Damn well what? That you didn’t do a thing to Morgan all match? That she had you beaten down before my referees stepped in? That you got kicked out your own match and Malaysia had to do mop duty. And a fine job she did, maybe I picked the wrong person to- HOLLY You’re crazy! None of that was my fault. (beep), I had Morgan exactly where I wanted her, and exactly where I need her. But your dumbshit referees got in my way, like always and I couldn’t do anything but scream and shout for them to let me do my job. JOSIE I gave you five of the best female wrestlers in the company! Lorelei, Megan, Malaysia, Melissa, I gave you an army, and you gave me nothing in return. No more chances for you. You’re done. HOLLY I’m done! Oh that’s a load of horseshit! No one else can do what I do to Morgan. They’re all (beep) scared out of their (beep) skin. I’m the only one with any guts to face her. You know that, don’t you? JOSIE I do, I do. I don’t want to do it, but it can’t be helped. You have your third and final chance against Morgan at New Years Spectacular. You fail that, and… Holly waves her hand at Josie, and snickers her disgust. HOLLY I won’t. We cut to the center of the ring where Christian Wright stands, clad in a white dress shirt and grey slacks. “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!” WRIGHT I take it most unkindly that the fete given my person is one of despicable odium! “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” WRIGHT I stand within this athletic institution not a man worthy of thy contemptuousness, but instead a god child well made for profusions of cheers and well wishes. Think me not a malefactor capable of only wrong. Rather behold me as The Centennial Man beholden of opportunities worth their weight in gold! “BOOOOOOOOOO!” WRIGHT By heaven, is this the curse of godliness, to be a receptacle of such malice? We can not all be masters, nor all masters can truly hold immortality. Many a knave, knee-crooked, and doe eyed may wear out a masters time, and shed himself of his bondage, he becoming a master thyself. Tis the reason I in the generosity of my mastership extend the chance of my dethronement to the stars yet born of OAOVW. COLE OAOVW being our development promotion. WRIGHT Bring forth thy youngster who holds faith and will to lay peril and disease upon my undefeated streak. COLE This is certainly unusual, Christian Wright is issuing a challenge to a student in our developmental program.The Feel Good Drag cues, and out from a curtain marches a 6’2, thin, tan, youngster with gelled black hair. He wears red tights, with gatling guns running down the sides. He holds his arms into the air to a mild reception from the fans, but enthuasitiac clapping from Christian Wright. BUFFER Now making his way to the ring, from Biloxi, Missippi, he is OAOVW SUPERSTAR….RYAN GAAAAAATLINGGGGGGG! Gatling enters the ring, and shakes hands with referee Clem Buzzlefoxer and his foe for the night. COLE Ryan Gatling, 27 years of age, former baseball player at the University of North Carolina. He’s considered to be one of the more advanced students in OAOVW, and Jesse Ventura has him marked as a future world champion. DING DING DING COACH The Centennial Man stay keeping it trill. He’s giving shots to bums in the stands, and prodigies from the minor leauges. COLE You could say he’s padding his record by fighting lesser competition. Gatling opens the contest by firing right hands at CW, like a….Gatling gun. Wright seems unfazed by these blows and shoves the youngster away. Gatling then bounds off the ropes, coming back at CW with a lariat. But The Natural ducks low and upends him with a back body drop. Gatling hits the mat hard, and immediately goes tending to his sore back. COACH Already sore and we’re only seconds in. That don’t look so good, kid, take your ass back to Burger King and flip my a whopper jr. Gotta watch my weight. Wright scoops Gatling to his feet, and whips him into the ring posts. He follows in, raising his arms for a lariat. However, Gatling slides out the way. As soon as CW collides with the ring posts, Gatling drags him down with a school boy. COLE Could be it! Could be an upset! ONE! Wright easily pops out the pinfall. Gatling comes to his feet and meets CW with a flurry of elbow strikes. Again these blows do little to harm CW, and he begins battering Gatling with European uppercuts. Gatling tries to fire back with a discus punch, but CW grabs onto his under arms and lifts him into the air. He quickly slams him downward with a sitout powerbomb known as the Wright Off. Referee Buzzlefoxer counts the pinfall… ONE! TWO! THREE! Wright hops to his feet and celebrates hopping on both feet with arms raised. BUFFER Your winner……CHRISTIAN WRIIIIGHTTTTTT! “BOOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH Mark it down, Mikey, The Centennial Man is now at ten straight wins on the quest to one hundred! Groans are induced from the crowd by CW being handed a microphone. WRIGHT From this day forth, I defiantely vow... no man, woman nor beast shall commit thine self to defeat! "BOOOOOOOOOOO!" We fade out on Christian bowing to the less than excited audience.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2013 BUFFER The following #1 contenders match is scheduled for one fall, with the winner receiving their tag team title shot at the New Year's Spectacular. “The World is Mine” by David Guetta hits and the LDCMG head to the ring flanked by green and gold spotlights. BUFFER Introducing first, representing THE ENTERPRISE and accompanied by LORELEI DECENZO… at a total combine weight of 430 pounds, COLIN MAGUIRE, JR. and SPENCER REIGER… THE LDC MMMOOOONNEYGANG!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" CMJ and Reiger taunt the crowd. COLE Right now let’s take you back to this past Sunday night at November Reign. It was the LDC Moneygang and Can-Am Assassins vs. Team Heyross, Deuce Deuce Bigelow and Jumbo. After jumping to a 4 on 2 advantage, a miscue lead to the elimination of Spencer Reiger. What happened next stunned us all. November Reign Courtesy: OAOAST Home EntertainmentLorelei throws her arms up in disgust, then proceeds to scold the Can-Am Assassins. COACH Looks like Lorelei is coaching up her team, Cole. Just as that’s said Lorelei SLAPS Strutter! COLE I don’t know about that. COACH Obviously Lorelei subscribes to the Bobby Knight method of coaching. Strutter gets in Lorelei’s face, but CMJ comes to her defense. An argument ensues and CMJ walks away with Lorelei and Reiger. STRUTTER COLE Is he leaving? COACH It appears so. The referee starts to count CMJ out. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4th elimination: Colin Maguire, Jr. eliminated by: Count out ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COLE Some co-captain CMJ is. I can’t believe he took his ball and went home. COLE The Can-Am Assassins would ultimately go down at the hands of Team Heyross, but they weren’t done fighting yet.We cut to the Enterprise’s private dressing room where CMJ and Spencer Reiger are dining on turkey legs. BRANNIGAN Spencer Reiger, CMJ, I gotta tell you, for two guys whose team just LOST you sure don’t seem too upset. CMJ (mouthful) It couldn’t happen to a bunch of nicer guys. REIGER More like a pair of TURKEYS if you ask me. I mean, some partners the Can-Am Assassins were. The whole concept of tonight’s show is teamwork. So why the hell did they stand on the apron with their thumbs up their ass while CMJ laid in on the floor in a world of hurt and I got spiked with the Orange Crush?!? Suddenly a lot of screaming and shouting is heard in the halls. Then the door kicks open and THE CAN-AM ASSASSINS enter. STRUTTER THERE YOU ARE, YOU SONS OF BITCHES! With that all hell breaks loose as the LDC Moneygang and Can-Am Assassins go at it backstage. OAOAST officials quick to rush in and separate the four. The Can-Am Assassins rush the ring as “Tom Sawyer“ plays. COACH They’re not wasting any time, Cole. * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds as CMJ and Reiger attack the CAA on the way in. Whipped across, the CAA put on the brakes and Strutter hits THE THUNDER BAY THROTTLE on Reiger while Pantera POWERBOMBS CMJ! Strutter covers Reiger. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" *DINGDINGDING* COLE/COACH LORELEI “Tom Sawyer” by Rush cues as the CAA hands are raised. BUFFER Here are your winners and #1 contenders to the One & Only World Tag Team Championship… FELIX STRUTTER, KEN PANTERA… THE CAN-AM ASSASSINS!!! The CAA receive a mix reaction. Strutter wipes the sweat off Pantera’s brow and flicks it at Lorelei. COLE Look at that. Strutter didn’t even break a sweat. COACH I still can’t believe what we just saw. I don’t think the match even lasted 30 seconds. COLE It’ll be anything but sweet dreams tonight for the LDC Moneygang. The Can-Am Assassins are your new #1 contenders. What a match it should be with them and…Deuce Deuce Bigelow and Jumbo?The most decorated tag team in OAOAST history. TEAM HEYROSS Nearly 1,000 lbs of humanity. DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW & JUMBO The One & Only World Tag Team Titles at stake. TEAM HEYROSS vs. DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW & JUMBO THIS WEEKEND ON OAOAST SYNDICATED Check local listings for time and date.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2013 COLE I understand there's some kind of disturbance going on in the Enterprise dressing room. We have a camera crew on the way so... Here they are. Our cameraman sprints down the halls, screaming and shouting heard in the background. Once they come to the E dressing room we find CMJ and Spencer Reiger trashing the place. Even Lorelei gets in on the act, knocking over a lamp. Reiger spots the camera. REIGER Come here. Naturally our cameraman is hesitant given how emotional CMJ and Reiger are. He doesn't make enough to get beatdown! REIGER I SAID COME HERE, GODAMNIT! Reiger forces the cameraman inside. REIGER Nobody makes a fool out of the LDC Moneygang and gets away with it. So all you people laughing at us now better enjoy it, because as the old saying, "He who laughs last laughs best." And believe me, we'll be laughing straight to the bank with the tag team titles around our waist. CMJ shoves the cameraman out the door and slams it shut.FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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