Dirty Deeds 2003

[Chanel #99]

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Scene: A darkened street, windswept newspapers fluttering bye on a drizzling night. Our camera is on the street corner, panning right towards the moon in the sky. It then shifts down, and we catch a view of a man standing underneath a telephone pole, light shining like an old Dick Tracy comic on a trench coat hoodlum. He takes one puff of a cigarette, then flicks it to the ground, stomping it out. Sneering, he turns and walks up toward the camera.

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Derek

Yo, mine name's Derek. Derek da Fish. No, not dat fish. Da real Derek Da Freaking Fish, el padrino around these heres parts.

How YOU doin?

Dis here is a licensed One and Onlyze An-gle-Sault Thread Production. Any broadcast, redistribution, or otherwise fucking with us is prohibited by penalty under da law, or Jimmy da Crispy knuckles. Capeche? Oiu, on wit dat show, and welcomes to Chicagos.

Derek crackles his knuckles for effect in plain view of the camera, and we begin to crest leftwards and upwards as he walks out of the picture. Our camera captures a side of a worn-down building, reading McGinny's Chophouse?on the side in faded red letters.

Lightning crashes, and the chophouse sign is no more. Lightning flashes again, and OAOAST emblazons itself on freshly chopped wood, and the camera pans back left, highlighting a changed avenue with flashing neon lights, hookers on street corners lobbying for tricks, and a long line of fans stretching across the building and wrapped around it.

A limo slinks down the street, catching the attention of the crowded line, heads straining to see who gets out. It's an old man dressed to the nines in silk, surrounded by three hoss-like men. He turns to the camera and speaks.

Derek

Ah, Chi-ca-go, always da same. Why, I remembers da last time der was diss fight at McGinny's. It was a sight to behold I tells ya!

::wavy dream lines interrupt his speech, and his voice carries over into the old Chicago again.::

Derek (narrating)

It was nineteen, ohh, twenty-six if I remembers. Does wer da days of mob bosses, gunfighting in da streets, and booze in da speakeasies. Dat's what McGinny's was. A speakeasy every one knew bout, and to top it all off, we had wrestling. Doc Boss loved da wrasslin, and in particular, loved his chosen champ Mickey One Eye?DItalino. And DItalino had two eyes mind ya, his nickname was for what his opponent looked like after he gots through withs him.

::clips of Mickey, in grainy white film, hovering over an opponents bruised face. We pan up to his face, and it's a horrid mesh of cuts and scrapes. Mickey's in the background, laughing, the crowd chanting MWO; for Mickey World Order.::

Derek

But, ders always a time de underdog gets a chance. Now Mickey was on tops on the world, and ole Doc Boss was a happy clam. But dis new kid, this scrapping lad nicknamed Shooter?came onto da scene, and you know, he had some talent that lad. So Mickey's beat up, kinda old to the crowd, but ole Doc loves him. So Doc figures, dis new kid, he could fight Mickey, and dat would get the crowd interested. Doc didn't figure that Mickey would lose, and you know, wrestling fixed anyways right? No one told Shooter that though, or the consequences should he win

::clip of the end of the match, a weary Mickey standing and looking at the turnbuckle, the camera and time slowing down as Shooter flies off the top and lands on Mickey in a bodypress, sending the old timer down to the match, and the sound of a gunshot everytime the ref's hand it the mat.

Derek

Yeah, old Mickey lost to Shooter, and Doc was none to pleased with the crowd's response. Dat night, he took Shooter aside, him and a few goons, and made sure Shooter never won a match again. I know, I was outside, guarding against really nobody. No one cared, or they all pretended they didn't. Don't matter. Dat night a fire went up at McGinny's, and we never saw Shooter again and McGinny's never re-opened. Doc had seen enough wrestling.

::waves bring us back to the present, with Derek walking with a cane towards the entrance door.::

Derek

I gets the feeling tonight, be no different. No Doc, No DItalino, but a feller named Shooter, and a made man. No, you young ones, Dirty Deeds will be done tonight.History, always repeats itself.

OAOAST

Proudly Presents

Dirty Deeds

Executive in Charge of Production

Stephen "Big Poppa" Popick

Graphics

Leroy "Killer" Parka

[Chanel #99]

If you're havin' trouble with your high school head

[Clip of Zack Malibu after losing the OAOAST heavyweight title]

He's givin' you the blues

[Calvin Szechstein lifts the championship into the air]

You wanna graduate but not in his debt

[Dream Machines stand on the turnbuckles with their belts]

Here's what you gotta do

[Clip of Jay confronting Calvin on IntenseZone]

Pick up the phone

[shot of Stephen Joseph and Tony the Body on the boat]

I'm always home

[shot of SpiderPoet warming up, with El Dandy coaching him]

Call me any time

[Axel polishing his boots, a look of hope in his face]

Just ring 36 24 36 hey 36 24 36 8(echos) I lead a life of crime

[Calvin in the back with Totally Endorsed]

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

[Totally Endorsed squaring off with Dream Machines]

Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap

[Calvin in a staredown with Jay Darring]

You got problems in your life of love

[shots of OAOAST women, Candi, Crystal, Amanda, Josie]

You got a broken heart

[K-Money shocked at Josie's turn]

(She's) He's double dealin' with your best friend

[Zack and Ed's former beau kissing]

That's when the teardrops start ?fella

[Ragdoll and Josie walking down the aisle together]

Pick up the phone

{Tim Moysey talking on his cell phone at the HeldDown tapings]

I'm here alone

[A shot of a stoic K-Ness]

Or make a social call

[Eskimo in shock of Jingus?return]

Come right in

[Come with me]

Forget about him

[Jay Darring lacing up his boots]

We'll have ourselves a ball

{Totally Endorsed celebrating Calvin's win over Zack]

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

[Caboose retiring Stephen Joseph with an Emerald Fusion through a steel chair]

Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap

[Dan Black piledriving Clarissa]

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

[Zack stares up into the sky]

Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap

[Calvin counting his money, gleefully]

Concrete shoes, chairs, a DDT

[shot splice of all OAOAST wrestlers]

Done Dirt Cheap

[Flashes the Tag Team Championship]

Ambush, contracts, take a fall

[Flashes the X Title and NA Title]

Done Dirt Cheap

[World Title as we fade out]

[Chanel #99]

COLE

Hello fans all over the world! Your favorite announcing duo this side of Thursday night is here to start things off for ya

COACH

That's right. Mad props go to Stephen Joseph for having us start off the ppv for the first time

COLE

Mad props?

COACH

It's a hip thing, you wouldn't understand

COLE

I am so hip

COACH

Name one hip thing you've done

COLE

Wear my baseball cap backwards holmes

COACH (rolls eyes)

Fans, we'd like to take this moment to run down the card for tonight's event. In the Main Event, IntenseZone's Jay "Shooter" Darring takes on HeldDown's Calvin Szechstein for the OaOasT title.

COLE

Also, we will see a North American Title defense when K-Ness takes on the obnoxious Puerto Rican Lightning.

COACH

And in a last match of sorts, Zack Malibu will grapple with SpiderPoet for Malibu/Poet III. We can only expect the best from those two men.

COLE

Many more great matches, but by order of Stephen Joseph, we're starting out the PPV with a bang.

COACH

That's right. THE most exciting title in the world, the X title, will be fought over next.

COLE

Many were suprised when Josie returned to Ragdoll's side, but how about Mad Matt. Revolution winner and now, he goes for his first ever OaOasT title.

COACH

And that's next!

[Chanel #99]

::We fade in::

-The camera fades from black to a backstage area. We see numerous OAOAST banners hanging, and in the middle of the ring stands a ladder. The camera moves in on the ladder as two figures step out from the shadows. They are Josie and Melanie. Josie holds the OAOAST X Title, and Melanie holds a black Singapore Cane. Josie motions over towards the shadows. The camera moves...and we see nothing. The camera's light suddenly turns on, and we see Ragdoll sitting in the corner, a long, thin trail of smoke coming from his cigarette. His face is covered up by his long greasy hair, and his clothes are in tatters. His black "I *heart* NY" shirt is missing the right sleeve. He looks like a complete degenerate.

RAGDOLL

...Not long ago, I did something...that I am both ashamed of...and proud of...two months ago, I retired my brother...Ken Baker...known to the fans as K-Money...

-A few moments pass as Ragdoll takes a slow drag off of his cigarette.

RAGDOLL

...I will always remember the call home...I will always remember the tone in my mother's voice...I will always remember how she cried...how she screamed...how she called ME AN ACCIDENT!

-Ragdoll's sudden change in demeanor causes an awkward silence to go out. His cigarette continues to burn as he puts it back into his mouth.

RAGDOLL

...I will always remember that day, however...as the day I forged my own path...no longer will people say, "Oh, that's K-Money's brother"...no longer will people just pass me off as the younger sibling trying to be like the older...on that night, I broke away from K-Money and his blindness...he couldn't see my potential...he couldn't see what I had to offer!

-Ragdoll quickly throws the cigarette down and stomps on it, just before being handed a fresh one by Melanie. He slowly puts it in his mouth and lights it up, taking a long drag.

RAGDOLL

...it was his blindness that cost him his title...it was his blindness that cost him his woman...it was his blindness that cost him his career...K-Money could only see what would be best for him...he never cared about Josie or myself...he never cared about the fans...he only cared about his own evils...his evil was plauging the OAOAST...and I cut him down! He never knew my potential before, and now that is what keeps him awake at night! I RID the OAOAST of K-Money's evil!

-Ragdoll takes a very long drag off his cigarette, causing the paper to slowly burn. The light from the cigarette somewhat shows his haggard and tired eyes. The icy blue of his eyes now made grey by the smoke.

RAGDOLL

...I thought my job was done...but the moment I turn on my television, what do I see? I see a man so obsessed with greed and the X Title, that he drives himself insane for it! I see a man whom I defeated VERY early on in my career! I see a K-Money RE-IN-CAR-NATE! I! SEE! MAD! MATT! Mad Matt says that he will take the X Title from me...he says that he will end my reign as champion...he says that he will end my career! He tells me to beware the Shadows of Madness? He dares tell ME to watch my back? This is the same blindness that befell K-Money.

-Ragdoll slowly stands and shakes his head soflty, getting the hair out of his eyes. His icy stare is locked on the camera.

RAGDOLL

...Matt...I cannot stand by and let your evil go unchecked...I cannot let you go on and corrupt this organization...at Dirty Deeds, you and I will go one on one in a Stairway to Hell match...and I will do what I should have done a long time ago...

-Ragdoll slowly looks to the ground and chuckles slightly. He slowly looks up, his hair now covering his eyes.

RAGDOLL

...and what is a necessity to do now...and that's end your career. So you better bring everything you've got, little man...because I am bringing nothing less...at Dirty Deeds...I will show you the true meaning...

-Ragdoll smiles a wicked grin. The hair completely covering his eyes now. All that can be seen is his smile.

RAGDOLL

...of madness...

-Fade to black, then to the title graphic, then to Cole and Coach

COLE

Ladies and Gentlemen, we're moments away from a guaranteed blood bath!

COACH

That's right, Mikey. Tonight, we get to see Mad Matt-a man HELL-BENT on revenge-take on the self proclaimed "King of New School" Ragdoll

COLE

All in a Stairway to Hell

DING DING DING!!

-The fans erupt as Howard Finkel stands in the middle of the ring. Above him is a large bushel of barbed wire attached to a chain.

FINKEL

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…the NEXT match…is scheduled for one fall…and is a STAIRWAY to HELL match for the OAOAST X CHAMPIONSHIP!

-The lights slowly dim

"BEWARE THE SHADOWS OF MADNESS"

CUE: "Higher" by Creed

-The fans erupt as a purple spotlight hits the entranceway. The cheers grow louder as the headlight opens and out walks MAD MATT! His eyes remain locked on the ring as he walks slowly towards it.

COLE

Mad Matt…I know this kid has got such a big heart…he's going to give it his all in this match…but this IS to Ragdoll's advantage. Ragdoll thrives in this kind of environment…this was WELL documented in both of his matches against his brother, the now retired, K-Money…however, Mad Matt DOES have the home town advantage…Peoria isn't THAT far away?br>

COACH

Frankly, I don't think Mad Matt has the GUTS to survive this match?br>

COLE

…wanna bet?

COACH

…how much?

COLE

400 dollars on Matt

COACH

Deal!

-Mad Matt, now in the ring, stands at the far ropes, watching the entryway. Once again the lights dim

"VIVAAAA LAS VEGAS?"

CUE: "Deceptacon" by Le Tigre

-The fans erupt in a chorus of boos as the lights flash back on with the blue and green pyro. Three figures suddenly emerge from behind the headlight: Melanie, Josie, and the X Champion…Ragdoll. Both Josie and Melanie are dressed in the UBER sexy goth cheerleader outfits. Ragdoll wears a blood red button vest, black t-shirt, and tan cord pants. Josie holds the X Title belt over her shoulder. All three hold Singapore Canes. Ragdoll walks cockily down to the ring, a certain swagger in his step.

COLE

Ragdoll, albeit never the one to admit it, has taken on MANY of K-Money's traits, Coach

COACH

No, K-MONEY took on many of RAGDOLL'S traits…g=Get it straight!

-The referee holds Mad Matt back as Ragdoll quickly slides into the ring, raising his Singapore Cane high in the air. A small portion of the fans cheer, but the rest boo. Ragdoll smiles a cocky smile as the song fades out. Finkel stands between the two, but behind the referee, who keeps his eyes on Ragdoll the whole time.

FINKEL

TO MY LEFT from Peoria, ILLINOIS!

-The fans erupt with an "ILL-I-NOIS!" chant.

FINKEL

…weighing in at 211 pounds the current X Championship #1 ContenderMAD MAAAAATTT!!

-The fans cheers grow even louder as Matt cracks his neck, his eyes never leaving Ragdoll. The fans start pounding their feet, causing a thunderous sound to echo throughout the arena.

FINKEL

And to my right from Las Vegas, Nevada…weighing in at 174 pounds He is the current OAOAST X Champion?This IS RAAAAGGGDDDOLLLLL!!!

-The fans cheers turn to thunderous boos. A huge "KICK HIS ASS!" chant starts up as Ragdoll smiles at Matt. Howard Finkel leaves the ring as the ref asks for the bell to be rung

DING, DING, DING!!

COLE

The match has officially started!

-Oddly enough, Ragdoll quickly slides out of the ring and walks over to Josie, who hands him a pack of cigarettes. The fans boo as Ragdoll pulls one out and puts it into his mouth. Melanie pulls out a Zippo lighter and lights it Ragdoll takes a long drag as Josie and Melanie start to circle the ring.

COLE

What are they doing?

COACH

Oh this is PURE brilliance

COLE

What?

COACH

The Rat Pack are trying to psych out Mad Matt. They know he's paranoid as all hell, so by surrounding the ring Oh, Ragdoll's brilliance gives me goosebumps!

-WhackWhackWhackMelanie, Josie, and Ragdoll all start hitting their canes against the middle ropes. All three hit at the exact same timeWhackWHACKWhackWHACK Mad Matt's glare never leaves Ragdoll, who is smiling like a madman at his foe Whack whack WHACK. She shots are no longer in unison Mad Matt starts to break his gaze from Ragdoll.HACKWHACKWHACKWHACKWHACK! Mad Matt quickly turns around to Josie and Melanie, who smile wickedly Mad Matt turns WHACK! The fans groan as Matt clutches his head in pain. Ragdoll takes another drag off his cigarette as he watches his foe.

COLE

WHAT A CHEAP SHOT BY RAGDOLL!

COACH

Oh shut up. He took his opportunity like a man h…he clubbed the living fuck out of Mad Matt. Deal with it

-Matt slowly gets to his hands and knees as Ragdoll twirls the cane, the cigarette still resting in his mouth. Matt pivots slightly WHACK! The fans cheer as the cane bounces off of the mat! Mad Matt dodged! Ragdoll swings the cane again WHOOSH! Mad Matt ducks underneath it! Another swing, lower this time WHOOSH! Matt jumps high into the air, dodging another shot! Ragdoll, now frustrated, swings downward WHOOSH! Matt jumps to side and onto the middle rope Matt rebounds with a CROSSBODY NO!~ Matt clutches at his eyes as Ragdoll smiles wide, staring off at the fans.

COLE

RAGDOLL JUST THREW THAT LIT CIGARETTE INTO THE EYE OF MAD MATT!

COACH

Brilliant move! God, Ragdoll's cool!

-The fans boo as Ragdoll tosses the cane into the air and slowly slides to the outside. Josie and Melanie smile as Ragdoll reaches underneath the ring and pulls out?br>

COLE

Ladder time! He's going after the barbed wire early on!

-Ragdoll slowly pulls the ladder out from under the ring and lifts it up. He slowly sets it up right next to the ring and looks at Mad Matt, who is beginning to get to his feet. Ragdoll looks at Josie and Melanie ."Both of you, hold this piece of shit steady," Ragdoll orders. The two girls oblige and grab the ladder by either side as Ragdoll starts climbing, the fans rising with each step.

COLE

What the hell is he doing?

COACH

Something spectacular, I'll tell you that much match Ragdoll closely

-Ragdoll's eyes are locked on the slightly standing Mad Matt as he steps onto the top step of the ladder. Ragdoll smiles wide and leaps!! Countless flashbulbs go off as Ragdoll dives through the air, his body completely horizontal for a cross body block WHAM!! The fans erupt in cheers and groans as the heels of Mad Matt are driven into the gut of Ragdoll, causing the Las Vegas native to fly back through the ropes and back to the outside!

COLE

OH MY GOD!

COACH

Joey?

FANS

"HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT!"

-Melanie and Josie rush to Ragdoll, who is now breathing heavily. Mad Matt clutches at his face still as he slides out of the ring, causing the two beauties to scatter. Ragdoll slowly tries to stand, but all the wind has been knocked out of him. All he can do now is back up slowly. Mad Matt slowly stalks Ragdoll, who is pleading with his enemy.

COLE

Kill him, Matt!

-Matt's left eye remains slightly closed from the cigarette, but you can tell that his eye is the least of Matt's worries. Ragdoll and Matt are now at the top of the ramp near the entryway. Josie and Melanie are stalking slightly behind Matt, whose eyes are focused on Ragd WHAM! The fans and Mad Matt groan as Ragdoll's leg jets up, kicking Matt square in the groin. Ragdoll stands quickly, grabbing Matt by the hair. Ragdoll winds up WHAM! A vicious right hand from Ragdoll rocks Matt's head backWHAM! Another, more brutal shot once again rocks his head backWHAM! WHAM! WHAM! Mad Matt is on dream street! Ragdoll, now seeing he's in control, drags Matt back down the ramp and towards the ring. Melanie and Josie point and laugh at Matt as Ragdoll throws him back into the ring. Ragdoll puts his hand on his ribs and looks over at Melanie, who slowly gives him breathing exercises.

COLE

That dropkick from Mad Matt must have really hurt Ragdoll's ribs.

COACH

Ragdoll? Hurt ribs? What?

-Melanie smiles and kisses Ragdoll as he finishes the exercises and rolls back in the ring, where Mad Matt is on his hands and knees. Ragdoll short-bounces off the ropes WHAM! Mad Matt clutches his face as he writhes in pain, courtesy of a dropkick to the face from Ragdoll, who is again clutching the ribs.

COLE

Vicious dropkick from Ragdoll Fans, let's take another look at that dropkick to Ragdoll

*A small box in the upper right hand corner appears. It's showing a still of Ragdoll at the top of the ladder. The clip plays, and we see Ragdoll dive off WHAM! Ragdoll goes flying through the ropes to the outside. The clip ends.*

-Back in the ring, Ragdoll now has the ladder resting in the corner. Ragdoll smiles as he sees Matt stand, his back turned to his enemy. Melanie slowly hands Ragdoll another cane. Mad Matt turns WHACK!! The fans groan as Mad Matt staggers back, the large gash on his forehead now re-opened. The blood slowly trickles down his forehead as he drops to a knee. The fans erupt as Ragdoll looks out at them THEY know what's next!

COACH

I smell a Devil Doll!

COLE

C'mon, Matt!

-Ragdoll glares back at Matt, who is remaining on one knee, looking down at the mat. He slightly teeters…he's groggy. Ragdoll's devilish smile suddenly returns. He runs forward and leaps, driving his knee foreword WHOOSH! The fans erupt as Ragdoll goes right over Mad Matt, who quickly ducks under the Devil Doll! Ragdoll lands on his feet as Mad Matt spring up and turns Ragdoll turns WHAM! The fans erupt as Ragdoll clutches his face and flies backward, courtesy of an absolutely incredible Mad Matt dropkick!

COLE

MAD MATT DODGED THE DEVIL DOLL! HE IS THE SECOND PERSON TO EVER DODGE THE DEVIL DOLL!

COACH

Are you comparing Mad Matt to K-Money, Mikey?

COLE

YES!

-Melanie and Josie scream for Ragdoll to get up, but that dropkick knocked Ragdoll's brains senseless. Mad Matt looks back over towards the ladder and then up towards the barbed wire. The fans erupt, knowing exactly what Mad Matt has planned.

COLE

It's time that Mad Matt got his FUCKING revenge!

COACH

Dude, you ok?

-Mad Matt, now pumped up by all the cheers of admiration from his fellow Illinois-ians, rushes over to the ladder and grabs it. He quickly brings it over towards the center of the ring and sets it up. The fans rise with each step up the ladder that Mad Matt takes, much like they did with Ragdoll.

COLE

Get the barbed wire and make him BLEED, Matt!

-Mad Matt finally makes it to the large wrapping of barbed wire and grabs it. The fans erupt as he grabs it and pulls it down from the ring. The cheers grow louder as Matt raises the barbed wire into the air…CRASH!~!~! MATT HITS THE ROPES GUT-FIRST AND BOUNCES OUT OF THE RING AS THE LADDER CRASHES DOWN!

COLE

NO! MELANIE AND JOSIE JUST RUSHED THE RING AND KNOCKED THE LADDER OVER!

COACH

YES! THAT'S TEAMWORK! YES!

-The fans chant "HO-LY SHIT!" as the girls of The Rat Pack stare at Mad Matt, who is on the arena floor clutching his ribs. Both girls have a look of "Oh shit" on their faces. Behind them, Ragdoll slowly gets to his feet and looks out at Matt. Ragdoll has a "…Wow?quot; look on his face as he stumbles past his girlfriends and rolls out of the ring.

COLE

THOSE DEVILS! MAD MATT COULD BE DEAD! WHAT RIGHT DO THEY HAVE TO INTERFERE?!

COACH

They have EVERY right, Mike! Ragdoll's their client, and he hired them to WATCH OUT FOR HIM!

-Ragdoll looks down at Matt, who isn't moving, and smiles. He jokingly kicks him in the ribs as he says "I think he's dead." Melanie and Josie slowly climb out of the ring as Ragdoll grabs Matt by his blood soaked hair and slides him back into the ring. Ragdoll slowly picks up the wrapping of barbed wire and slides into the ring. Ragdoll slowly covers Matt as the ref drops

COLE

First cover of the match

COACH

And the last! 1!?!!?THDAMMIT!

COLE

Unbelievable

-The fans erupt as Ragdoll shakes his head softly, a frustrated look covering his face. He cannot believe Mad Matt kicked out!

COLE

I said it before, Coach: Mad Matt has got probably the most heart out of the entire OAOAST Roster!

COACH

Yeah, well, Ragdoll has the highest pain tolerance. Let's see which one fares better in this match, all right?

-Mad Matt slowly begins to stir as Ragdoll picks up the ladder again before picking up his foe. Ragdoll moves over to the far left corner of the ring and sets the ladder up. He quickly pushes Matt into the corner.

COLE

What does Ragdoll have planned here?

-Ragdoll slowly starts to climb the part of the ladder that is farthest from Matt. He slowly climbs each step higher and higher. Ragdoll is almost to the top but MAD MATT EXPLODES OUT OF THE CORNER AND KICKS THE LADDER OVER! Ragdoll drops CROTCH FIRST ONTO THE TOP ROPE!!

COACH

Oh, Melanie and Josie won't like that

COLE

Neither will Ragdoll!

-The fans cheer as Ragdoll groans and Matt tries to find the energy to capitalize. That kick was a desperation move. Nothing fancy about it. Matt, through his huffing and puffing, looks down at the barbed wire and grabs it. He slowly reaches up and puts it over Ragdoll's head AND HOPS UP THE TURNBUCKLE!

COLE

Oh my god?

COACH

He wouldn't!

-Mad Matt glares at Ragdoll before flipping the bird! Mad Matt stands, and almost immediately leaps off the top turnbuckle. He flies through the air like an eagle WHAM!! The fans erupt as Ragdoll tumbles out of the ring, the blood now rushing freely from his head!!

COLE

BARBED WIRE ASSISTED RADAR OF MADNESS!!

COACH

RAGDOLL IS DEAD!! RAGDOLL IS DEAD!!

FANS

"O-A-O! O-A-O! O-A-O!"

-Melanie and Josie stay back from Ragdoll, whose eyes are completely glazed over. Mad Matt lies on the mat on the inside, a large smile on his face. He saw the blood spill from Ragdoll's head. He felt his foot hit the barbed wire into the skull of another man. And he loved every second of it. The fans are standing, their cheers blowing the roof off of the arena. They loved it too. Mad Matt slowly starts to move, just as Ragdoll lifts his arm, signaling he's still alive. The ref is in complete shock. Mad Matt slowly slides to the outside and grabs Ragdoll by the hair and lifts him up. He quickly slides the near dead Las Vegas native into the ring and follows.

COLE

COVER, MATT! COVER!!

-Matt does so! The ref drops, and the fans count along!

1!!

2!!

COLE

NEW CHAMPION!

THNO!!! The fans groan as Ragdoll's shoulder barely gets up! Mad Matt covers his face and tumbles over, kicking his feet into the mat. The frustration is obviously setting in.

COLE

I don't believe it

COACH

YES! THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT!

COLE

Love him or hate him, you have GOT to respect Ragdoll and his toughness here tonight!

-Melanie and Josie shout their encouragement as Ragdoll slowly starts to stir. Mad Matt slowly stands and looks at the ref, a sad look on his face. Ragdoll is now on his hands and knees, and is slowly picked up by Mad Matt WHACK! The fans "Whoooo" as Ragdoll's chest is lit up by a vicious chop. Matt pushes Ragdoll into the corner WHACK! "WHOOO!" Matt grabs Ragdoll by the wrist and whips him into the opposite corner, but Ragdoll plants his foot into the middle turnbuckle, stopping himself. Ragdoll quickly turns to face the running Mad Matt WHAM!! The fans groan as Mad Matt clutches the back of his head, which just bounced off the mat, courtesy of an absolutely VICIOUS Red Label! Ragdoll collapses to the mat as well, the superkick taking a lot out of him.

COLE

My God! Ragdoll fights back with an absolutely BRUTAL Red label Superkick!

COACH

See? Even in a desperation move, Ragdoll goes big. Ragdoll is the FUTURE of the OAOAST, Mike

COLE

Yeah, well, Mad Matt is representing the Here and Now of the OAOAST JUST fine, thank you.

-Melanie and Josie rush to the corner that Ragdoll is pulling himself up in. The blood slowly trickles down the side of his face, but his quick movements have caused the blood to slightly move over the rest of his face. Melanie grabs his hand as he looks at her and nods. Melanie quickly reaches in between her cleavage and pulls out

COLE

Cigarettes

COACH

The boy loves his Winston's

-Melanie quickly pulls a cigarette out and hands it to Ragdoll, who slowly puts it into his mouth. Josie reaches into her cleavage and pulls out the Zippo. She quickly hands it to Ragdoll, who slowly lights his cigarette up. Mad Matt is on his knees now Ragdoll takes a slow puff AND BOUNDS UP! Ragdoll leaps over Matt and backs up a pace or two before running fore word WHAM!~

COLE

DEVIL DOLL! DEVIL DOLL! DEVIL DOLL!

COACH

It's over! It's Over!!

-The fans start to cheer and boo as Matt falls limp to the mat but Ragdoll doesn't cover. He just stands over Matt and stares at him as he smokes his cigarette.

COLE

Why isn't he pinning him?!

COACH

SERIOUSLY!

-Ragdoll slowly straddles Matt's gut, still staring at his nemesis' face. Ragdoll slowly takes the cigarette out of his mouth and puts the ash to Matt's chest the fans writhe as Ragdoll slowly and nonchalantly makes a "D" with the ash he smokes it some more

COLE

Oh my god Ragdoll just burned "DIE" into Mad Matt's chest he has reached a new level of sickness by god!

-The fans boo as Ragdoll slowly stands up and finishes off his cigarette. He quickly flicks it out onto the mats and picks up the ladder. Slowly, Ragdoll sets it up in the middle of the ring and looks out at the sea of fans, which are now chanting Mad Matt's name.

COLE

What in the hell is he going to do now?

-Ragdoll slowly motions for Melanie and Josie to come into the ring as he inspects the ladder. The two vixens quickly slide in and walk to Ragdoll, who tells them to "hold it steady."

COACH

I think I know

-Ragdoll slowly walks over to Matt, who is still lying lifeless, and pulls him over next to the ladder. He's positioning him

COACH

Oh my god he wouldn't

-Ragdoll slowly turns to the ladder and starts to climb. Once again, the fans rise with each step. Ragdoll is taking his time He knows that Matt is knocked out cold But he finally reaches the top. On wobbly legs, Ragdoll stands on the top step of the ladder He's a good 15 feet in the air above Matt, who is still not moving

COACH

Oh god, he's going to do it

COLE

I think I knowOh god

-Ragdoll looks down at Matt and leaps, backflipping

COACH/COLE

LAS VEGAS NIGHTMARE!!

!!CRASH!!!! The fans erupt as Ragdoll clutches at his ribs as he writhes in pain! He hit nothing but mat, and not the Matt that he wanted to hit! Mad Matt slowly stands as Josie and Melanie slide out of the ring, shocked expressions on their faces!!

COLE

RAGDOLL MISSED THE LAS VEGAS NIGHTMARE FROM THE LADDER!!

COACH

MAD MATT WAS PLAYING POSSUM!!

-Mad Matt quickly grabs Ragdoll by the hair and lifts him up, as the fans cheers grow louder. Matt drops slightly, putting Ragdoll onto his shouldersTORTURE RACK!! The cheers grow louder as Ragdoll screams in pain! The ref asks him if he wants to give up WHACK!! The cheers turn to boos as Ragdoll gets dropped to the mat. Mad Matt cringes slightly and turns, only to see Josie standing there, holding the Singapore Cane! Mad Matt's eyes have a look of sheer hatred as he turns to the woman who cost him the X Title a month prior Matt quickly grabs her by the hair and pushes her back towards the ropes WHAM!! Matt drops to his knees as Melanie rolls out of the ring, delivering a devilish low blow. Josie slowly picks up the barbed wire and wraps it around Matt's head, before blowing him a mock kiss

COLE

Those wenches!!

COACH

RAGDOLL'S UP!!

-Matt continues to stare at Josie as she rolls out of the ring, not noticing Ragdoll up right behind him Ragdoll rebounds against the opposite ropes and runs forward. He quickly jumps in the air and kicks out WHAM!! Mad Matt's eyes get glazed over as the fans boos turn slightly to cheers! Ragdoll clutches his ribs and rests as Matt falls from his knees to the mat, face first, courtesy of a barbed wire assisted Deceptacon.

COLE

NO! BARBED WIRE DECEPTACON! NO!!

COACH

YES!! YES!!

-Ragdoll slowly crawls over to Matt and flips him over onto his back. That last move was all Ragdoll had left, and thankfully, it was a high impact move he slowly drapes his arm over Matt as the ref drops

1!!!?

2!!!!

3!!!!

CUE: "Deceptacon" by Le Tigre

-The fans boos grow even louder as Josie and Melanie jump up and down outside as Ragdoll and Matt lay there in a huge puddle of their own blood. The ref slowly takes the X Title from the timekeeper as Melanie and Josie slide in. Melanie takes the title as Howard Finkel stands.

FINKEL

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OUR WINNER in 20:56 by PINFALL and STILL OAOAST X CHAMPIONRRRRRAAAAAAGGGGGDDDOOOOLLLL!!!

-Ragdoll slowly slides to the outside and is followed shortly by Mel and Josie. Melanie hands Ragdoll the X Title, which he clutches tightly to his chest. The girls help the battered and bloody champion to his feet as the long loops through again. The three slowly walk to the back as paramedics rush down to the ring.

COLE

I don't believe it Mad Matt gave it his all, and through shady circumstances, RAGDOLL walks out of here STILL holding the title!

COACH

YOU OWE ME 400 BUCKS!!

COLE

How can you think of money at a time like this? Mad Matt is just NOW moving

-The paramedics check on Matt as the music fades out. A few silent minutes pass before Mad Matt slowly slides out of the ring and stands. The fans rise to their feet, giving Matt a very well deserved standing Ovation as he limps past the paramedics and back up the ramp.

COLE

Matt Ladies and Gents, it is now official Mad Matt has got the more heart than almost anyone in the OAOAST roster he and Ragdoll took each other to the limit, and even after NUMEROUS blows to the head and after an absolutely hellacious Barbed Wire Deceptacon he STILL manages to walk out of here on his own two feet my god?

COACH

I will admit, Mad Matt is probably the most impressive new performer in the OAOAST today

COLE

Fans, we'll be right back

[Chanel #99]

COLE

Backkkk to you Jesssse and JR

JR

Wait Oh my God no!!

COACH

Guess his barbeque sauce is little ::chuckle:: Runny!

JR

I've just got word that someone has attacked Blurricane backstage!

JESSE

What!? He probably just slipped. He is clumsy you know!

JR

Oh horse sh*t! You know exactly who did it!

(We cut backstage were OAOAST wrestlers and officials are crowded around an unconscious Blurricane as EMTs check on him. Everyone looks worried as a close up shows that Blurricane is surrounded by broken glass and small pools of blood. Nearby is a broken window that obviously he was thrown through. Teddy Long runs up with a mic.)

TEDDY

Can one of yall playas tell me what went down here?

OAOAST OFFICIAL

It seems someone has attacked The Blurricane while no one was around.

TEDDY

Well duh dumb ass. I think every cracka at home knows that! What does this mean for his match?

OAOAST OFFICIAL

We don't know at this time.

TEDDY

You never know anything. Well JR, Jesse, you heard it. Blurricane is down and somebody gonna get their ass whooped if he comes to.

(We cut back to the announce table where JR and Jesse look upset.)

JR

I cannot believe the nerve of Bizarro. He knows he can't beat Blurricane so he attacked him backstage!!

JESSE

What are you talking about JR? He'd already beat Blurricane before! Blurricane obviously got scared and cooked up some scheme to get out of his match!

JR

Oh that's a bunch of sh*t and you know it!! Let's cut to something else before I have a heart attack!!

[Chanel #99]

JESSE

Something else? Someone get me a beer. I got a feeling tonights going to be a long one.

JR

Beer's not good for you

JESSE

Like that stopped you or your boy toy

JR

He is not my boy toy.

JESSE

He likes your sauce right?

JR

Everyone likes my BBQ Sauce!

JESSE ::whispering::

The man didn't even get it...

Our lights once again go down.

JR: We're about to be rudely interrupted here by one of my least favorite people.

"Quiet" plays, as a huge rush of black smoke fills the entranceway. Through it steps the IntenseZone General Manager, "Ice Heart" Dan Black. Black makes his way to the ring, looking with disgust at the jeering fans. Dan slides into the ring and grabs up a mic.

BLACK

Good evening, and welcome to DIRTY DEEDS!

JR

BAH GAWD, This man has a nerve acting like this is his show. After what happened with Blurricane...

BLACK

I hope you'll all enjoy the evening...I personally am looking forward to seeing my friends Bizarro, Calvin and PRL picking up deserved wins.

JR

They're not his friends! Black just wants to screw with everyone who commands any respect round here!

JESSE

Give the guy a break, Jim Ross! He's out here, entertaining the fans!

BLACK

I'm sure you're all extremely disappointed that I am not wrestling on tonights card.

CROWD POPS!

BLACK

Yes, yes, very sad. But I shall, instead, be acting as ring announcer for this next match, and then taking a place alongside JR and Jesse for commentary!

JR

Aw, crap.

JESSE

That's great! The leader of IntenseZone!

BLACK

And now, the match which Stephen Joseph and JINGUS started...but Y2Jailbait will finish. Introducing first...

"How I could just kill a man" rips out, and Jailbait bounces out, throwing poses and grinning to the capacity crowd, who greet him aggresively. Jailbait swaggers down to the ring, sliding in and slapping hands with Dan Black.

BLACK

Introducing first, from New York City, weighing 220lbs....WHY TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIILBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT!!!!!!

JR

We saw Jailbait return just days ago on IntenseZone, where it was revealed that Dan Black used IZ funds to buy Jailbait's way out of prison, where he'd been sent by Dan himself, as Mystery Eskimo!

JESSE

Who said wrestling was like a soap opera!

JR

Jailbait attacked JINGUS at the end of Jay Darring handicap match against Dan and Calvin, and I can tell YOU, Jesse, there'll be hell to pay for Jailbait tonight!

BLACK

And....his "opponent"...

Verdi's "Reqium" swells through the building, and a huge wall of fire blankets the entranceway. JINGUS appears to a huge roar from the crowd, stepping THROUGH the fire and walking slowly to the ring!

BLACK

From.....well, who cares...weighing...a whole lot of stupid...oh, you know, its that guy.

Dan scoots out of the ring and takes up a position next to JR and Jesse.

JESSE

Welcome to the commentary table, Dan!

BLACK

It's good to be here! Hello, Jim!

JR mumbles angrily and looks away.

BLACK

Aww, not angry with me for that little match we had the other week?

JR

You think you're a big man, beating up on a middle aged announcer?

BLACK

Jim, Jim...I had no idea you felt this way. Why don't you take it up with...oh, wait, he won't care....perhaps...no, he doesn't like you...YOU KNOW WHAT, JIM! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

There's a shocked silence from JR, as we hear Jesse trying his best not to chortle.

JR

Well...I apologise for that language, fans. Let's just get to the match, shall we?

In the ring, Jailbait cocks his head, looking inquisitively at the monstrous JINGUS. The Devilman allows our referee to check him down, but as soon as the bell sounds-

DING DING DING

-JINGUS charges at Jailbait! Y2J spins around, avoiding the clutches of JINGUS and hiding behind the referee!

JR

Oh, this is just cowardly!

BLACK

It's not Jailbait's fault the official's in the way! C'mon Jim, call the match fairly!

JESSE

I've been saying that for years, Dan, he never listens.

JINGUS growls and charges again! Our ref ducks aside at the last minute, as JINGUS shoulderblocks Jailbait down hard. The Devilman quickly picks Y2J back up and sends him into the corner. JINGUS turns and runs after him, leaping forward and CRUSHING Jailbait's body with an Avalanche!

JR

JINGUS has over 100 pounds in weight on Jailbait...

BLACK

You have over 200 pounds on most everyone in this company, Jim, but I don't see you holding any belts.

JR

FOR PETE'S SAKE, THAT DOESN'T EVEN-

JESSE

Call the match, Jim Ross! Don't be so unprofessional!

JINGUS steps away, and JB wobbles out of the corner, straight back into his arms! JINGUS scoops him up and body slams him hard to the mat. Big J gets down for the cover:

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

BLACK

A body slam? He thought a BODY SLAM would pin an athlete like Jailbait? What a joke!

JR

I seem to remember a time you were wrestling David and Courtney Cox-Arquette with a fish as your tag team partner.

BLACK

GODDAMIT! That was your doing, Ross! Are you TRYING to piss me off?

JESSE

He doesn't need to TRY, Dan, it comes naturally to him.

JINGUS drags Y2J back up and whips him to the ropes, but Jailbait ducks down on the rebound and avoids JINGUS' swinging lariat. Jailbait rebounds from the ropes on the other side of the ring and leaps forward, connecting with the knees of JINGUS with a basement dropkick!

JINGUS staggers but doesn't go down. Jailbait runs to the ropes behind JINGUS, coming up behind the Devilman and diving forward, clipping his legs out and downing the big man!

JR

We saw Jailbait batter the legs of JINGUS with that damn baseball bat on IntenseZone, and he looks to be going straight back after them here!

Jailbait indeed begins to stomp fiercly on the right leg of JINGUS, before jumping in the air and dropping his knee into the joint of J's own knee. Jailbait grabs JINGUS by the ankle and pulls up on the leg, applying pressure.

JINGUS fights back, the massive muscles in his leg pumping, and Jailbait is pried off! Y2J shrugs, and waits for JINGUS to get up, before resuming kicks to the leg! JINGUS buckles down to one knee, and Jailbait goes to swat him with a punch to the head, but the Devilman reaches out, grasping Jailbait around the throat with one huge hand! J

ailbait, gasping, tries to wrench JINGUS' fingers loose, but JINGUS stands, about to deliver a chokeslam,! Y2J frantically kicks his right leg again, and the pain causes JINGUS to let go.

Jailbait reaches up, grabbing the top of JINGUS head from directly under him, and drops down, CRUNCHING JINGUS' jaw into the top of his own skull! The jawbreaker drops JINGUS away, and Jailbait follows up with a dropkick that staggers JINGUS back into the corner.

JR

That leg injury could be a huge factor in this match!

BLACK

Well, duh. What EXACTLY are we paying you for anyway, Jim?

JINGUS shakes his head clear in the corner, as Jailbait runs over, leaping onto the middle rope and starting to deliver the top rope punches to the head of the Devilman!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

JINGUS takes a grip around Jailbait's legs with both hands!

SEVEN!

JINGUS steps forward, and SLAMS Jailbait down hard with a huge SPINEBUSTAH! The crowd POPS for the impact, as JINGUS hooks up a leg for the cover:

ONE!

TWO!

THREEEEEEEEE-KICKOUT!

JINGUS wastes no time grabbing Jailbait up, and whips him to the ropes. Jailbait slides down on the return, going through the tree trunk legs of his opponent, and slams a forearm into the back of the Devilman.

JINGUS hardly seems to feel it, however, spinning around and just nailing Y2J with a HEADBUTT! JINGUS runs to the ropes, bounces off, and executes a picture perfect LEGDROP OF DOOM! The cover!

ONE!

TWO!

THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE-KICKOUT!

JR

Two near falls for the Devilman! This has to be worrying for you, Dan.

BLACK

Why? Are you implying I have some kind of bias in this match?

JR

*SIGH*

JINGUS grabs Jailbait up once more, and pulls him up high, before planting him across his left leg with a backbreaker. JINGUS poses over the body of Jailbait, roaring and flexing his mutant muscles to the delight of the crowd. JINGUS finally stops, grabs Jailbait up by the hair, and gestures for THE DEVIL BOMB!

JINGUS grabs Jailbait around the waist and pulls him up, but Jailbait fights back and flips out of JINGUS' clutches, landing back down on the canvas in front of JINGUS. The monster swings hard, but Jailbait ducks. Another swing and a miss, and Jailbait grabs arm of the overbalanced Devil and whips him to the ropes.

As JINGUS comes back, Y2J leaps into the air, wrapping his legs around the head of JINGUS and dragging him over with a hurricanrana! The massive body of J is spun across the mat, and Jailbait leaps over to cover!

ONE!

TWO!

THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE-KICKOUT!

Jailbait looks at our official appealingly, but the two count is all he gets. Y2J launches a SNOT ROCKET onto the chest of JINGUS, collecting a storm of boos, and heads up top! JINGUS shakes his head, attempting to clear it, and starts to climb to his feet. As J turns to Jailbait, the New Yorker leaps forward, feet first, with a missile dropkick!

The kick is aimed not at JINGUS' upper body however, but at his knees, and Jailbait connects sharply, cutting the legs out from under the big man and sending him falling onto his face! Jailbait grins and turns, giving a grin to Dan Black, who gestures him back to the match.

Jailbait turns, and see JINGUS getting to his feet! Jailbait angrily runs in, but JINGUS swats him away to the mat! Again Jailbait charges, but JINGUS steps aside and helps him on his way, sending Y2J tumbling out over the top rope to the floor!

JR

JINGUS trying to buy some time for his injured legs...

JESSE

Maybe he should just stand his ground and fight like a MAN!

Jailbait crashes to the floor on the outside, and holds his head. JINGUS tests out his right leg, shaking it. Jailbait starts to use the guard rail to get up on the outside, as JINGUS eyes him thoughtfully...

The crowd heats up at the mere suggestion of what the monster might do...

JR

BAH GAWD! IS JINGUS GOING TO-

BLACK

That idiot! He can't-

JINGUS leaves both men speechless by turning and running towards the edge of the ring! As Jailbait is up and turns, the Devilman LEAPS through the middle and top rope, CRASHING into Jailbait with all his 350lbs! The impact SLAMS Jailbait back into the guard rail, and both men are down!

Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!

JR

BAH GAWD! JINGUS just dived like a guided missile, and Jailbait may well be BROKEN IN HALF, BAH GAWD!

BLACK

That's not wrestling...that's just...oh, BAH GAWD!

Our official starts to count both men out.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

No signs of movement from either man!

FIVE!

SIX!

JINGUS' arm starts to move!

SEVEN!

JINGUS begins to haul himself up!

EIGHT!

NINE!

JINGUS dives forward and slides into the ring, stopping the count, before sliding quickly out again.

JR

JINGUS didn't want to win by countout! He wants a clear win over the schemeing Jailbait!

JESSE

That was pretty stupid, Jim Ross. A win is a win, and JINGDUMB should have taken it.

JINGUS picks Jailbait off the floor, and throws him back into the ring. JINGUS stops to check out his leg once more, the dive to the floor probably not having helped matters.

JINGUS nevertheless grabs Jailbait up, wrapping his arms around the torso of Y2J and twisting him up into a TOMBSTONE position! Jailbait struggles, and claps his legs into the ears of JINGUS once, twice, three times! JINGUS is dizzied and Jailbait flips outs of his arms and down to the mat.

Jailbait kicks the right leg of JINGUS hard, lowering the Devilman enough to grab him by and pull him down into a front facelock. Jailbait pulls the stunned JINGUS around into the corner and hops up, sitting on the top turnbuckle, the facelock still applied.

Jailbait twists his finger through the air with the traditional signal, as he propels himself forward off the ropes, swinging around in the air and PLANTING the face of JINGUS into the mat with a tornado DDT! The cover!

ONE!

TWO!!!!!

THRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-E-E-E-E-E-E-NO!

KICKOUT!

Jailbait is SHOCKED, as the crowd draws a sigh of relief. Y2J grabs JINGUS and tries to pick him up, but the dead weight of the Devilman is just too much and Jailbait can't do it.

Y2J takes a look around, and heads into the corner, grabbing the top rope and vaulting up top.

JR

Jailbait going for a FROG SPLASH, BAH GAWD!

Indeed, Jailbait leaps off the top, hunching his body in before SMASHING down onto the body of JINGUS with a HUGE frogsplash! The cover!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

NO! KICKOUT!

BLACK

The hell? That referee is never working on MY show again!

JR

That was TWO! Can't you count, Dan?

Jailbait shakes his fist at the official and almost strikes him, but restrains his temper at the last second. JINGUS is once more rising up, displaying the invunerability that has made him a legend in the OAOAST. Jailbait turns to him, and skips behind, grabbing the right leg and wrapping his arms around at the knee.

Y2J simply squeezes his arms together, grinding the joint. JINGUS stumbles and falls, and Jailbait is on top, locking on an STF! JINGUS roars in pain, as Jailbait adds a cross face to the move!

JR

A vicious submission move! JINGUS has to be in a world of hurt!

BLACK

Tap, you freak!

JESSE

I think I heard the Devilman's leg BREAK!

JINGUS tries to roll over, but Jailbait has the hold in tight! The Devilman reaches forward, and starts to drag himself along the mat...slowly, JINGUS reaches forward...but his arm starts to waver above the mat!

JR

BAH GAWD! Will he tap?

The monster's hand hits the mat!

BLACK

It's over! Ring the damn bell!

JR

He was just reaching for the ropes and he missed!

BLACK

RING IT!

The referee shakes his head, however, as JINGUS reaches forward and makes the ropes! Jailbait breaks at the count of four with extreme reluctance, and steps away, as our official checks if JINGUS will continue.

BLACK

I'm going to sort this out...

Black leaves the ringside table and enters the ring! Our official protests, but Dan boots him in the stomach and gives him the Black Out! (stunner).

Dan rips the black and white striped shirt of the ref, putting it on and pointing to himself!

JESSE

Dan's the new referee!

JR

He can't do that!

JESSE

He has POWAH, Jim Ross, he can do what he likes!

Dan gestures to Jailbait, who re-applies his STF! Dan gets down, and begins to taunt JINGUS!

The crowd BOOOOOS the scene....but POPS as STEPHEN JOSEPH runs down to ringside!

JR

BAH GAWD! ITS STEPHEN! He and Dan Black have been butting heads for the past month, and its happening again!

JESSE

He can't interfere- he's retired!

Dan doesn't see SJ as he slides into the ring behind him....and grabs Black up by the scruff of his neck! Dan turns, furious, and he and SJ argue angrily, nose to nose!

Meanwhile, Jailbait's STF is still on! JINGUS....

TAPS!

JESSE

It's over!

JR

But we have no official!

JESSE

Dan is the official!

JR

I think he has other things on his plate!

Indeed, Dan has just thrown back his right hand and SLAPPED SJ across the face! SJ's head is snapped around, but he turns back with a grin.

SJ knees Dan in the gut, grabs him by the neck and, running, throws him out over the top rope to the floor!

Jailbait releases JINGUS and comes over at SJ, who slides out of the ring himself, shaking his head and smiling at Jailbait.

Jailbait steps onto the bottom rope, leaning forwards and shouting at Stephen...not noticing the frame of JINGUS up and behind him!

Y2J turns!

KICK!

WHAM!

DEVILBOMB!

JINGUS collapses onto Jailbait! Our official crawls over, barely aware, and slowly counts!

ONE!

TWO!

TWO AND A HALF!

THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

DING DING DING

Announcer: The winner of the match.....JINGUS!

JR

BAH GAWD!

JESSE

What a screw job!

JINGUS and Jailbait are down in the ring, JINGUS clutching his leg, having summoned all his Devil-powers for that last, desperate effort.

Dan picks himself off the floor, almost unable to believe what happened. SJ, on the other side of the ring, nods approvingly. Black screams abuse at the OAOAST legend, who calmly strolls away. Dan makes to go after him, but stops when he sees the grinning face of Jim Ross.

Black walks over, and grabs Ross by the shirt

BLACK

You think this is funny, bitch!

Dan makes to strike JR, but suddenly Jesse leaps up and blocks the blow, shoving Dan to the mat!

Huge POP from the crowd!

Black's butt hits the ground, and he slides / bounces right into a standing Stephen Joseph, who looks down at him.

STEPHEN

Ruin MY show? Next time you think about ruining MY show Dan, I might just come out of retirement ::Crowd pops:: Dan scuttles away retreats, pointing at Jesse, JR, and Stephen and shaking his head.

JR

BAH GAWD...Thankyou, Jesse! I guess you showed your true colours here tonight!

JESSE

Don't get all mushy on me, Jim Ross, occasionally I just can't resist my better nature, that's all!

JR

Ah, I know you love me, big guy!

JESSE

Quiet.

JR

JINGUS defeats Jailbait- but Jailbait made JINGUS tap out at one point! Y2J might even have won if not for Black's intervention.

JESSE

We'll never know, Jim Ross, but I'm sure these four men will have something to say about this on IntenseZone in a few days!

JR

I believe you're right. Big win for JINGUS, but Jailbait will not be happy with his "boss"! We'll be back after this, with more of that!

COMMERCIALS

[Chanel #99]

MC: Right now, we're going to take you to Palisades, California, where we're apparently set up for the first ever Bayside Death Match! Since our usual correspondant, Josh Matthews, is probably very partisan towards Sly here, we recruited some homeless guy off the street. Sam Kitchener, take it away!

(We cut to the main hallway of Bayside High, where grungy-looking, old, homeless man Sam Kitchener, with a microphone.)

SAM: You know, I don't like balogna. It's pink, and has a bad odor. The bread on the sand....

(Sly barges in)

SLY: Excuse me, Grandpa! Hi there, my adoring audience. Welcome to the hallowed halls of Bayside High! I wish I could give you an exclusive tour of this amazing building, but sadly, I must destroy my number one nuisance! The rules are simple: first person to be shoved into a locker will lose the match. Simple, eh? Oh, and one more thing....I decided that, in the interest of fairness, that, if Crystal somehow beats me (laughs), I'll lift her dress code, and she can wear her regular ring gear again. So....

All of a sudden, Crystal, in the Bayside cheerleader's outfit, comes flying into the picture, with a springboard dropkick off the stairs. The match has begun!

She pulls him up by the hair, and throws him into a locker. She then grinds his face into a combo lock, and he starts bleeding. She then goes all the way up the stairs. She slides down the stair rail while standing, and hits a legdrop on a laying, bloody Sly. She pulls him up by the hair, and connects with a set of kicks to the mid-section. She then opens Screech's locker using the infamous locker code, displaying millions of various items. She grabs a chair out of the locker, and places it on Sly's face. She walks back a few steps, then runs towards Sly and dropkicks him in the face, via the chair. She then pulls out two more chairs, and tries setting them up, with the seats facing each other. However, she takes too long setting the spot up. When she gets over to Sly, he's in good enough condition to kick her in the stomach. He sort of gets up, using the rail to hold himself on his feet. He then throws a stiff right punch to the side of Crystal's skull. He goes to Screech's locker, and pulls out a bag of golf balls. He starts throwing them at her. But, he misses every one. She looks up in anger, and charges at him. She connects with a Thesz press, but gets up, disgusted, when she sees that he actually has a huge smile on his face while in the position. As she goes to grab another weapon, Sly sneaks up behind her, and locks in a very bizarre move on the lower region of her body....

SLY: Ha ha, no one escapes my Clitorial Claw!

But, Crystal quickly escapes, and flips Sly over, onto a Barney Fife keychain. She pulls him by the hair again to the middle of the hallway, and tosses him into the door of Mr. Belding's office. She charges at him, but he moves, and she goes hard into the locker door. Sly scratches his chin, and thinks for a second. He then uses Sam Kitchener as a battering ram to break down Mr. Belding's door. He gets in, and drags Crystal by her hair, across the carpet.

SLY: Feel the carpet burn! Ha ha ha...hey, this is nice carpet!

As Sly admires Mr. Belding's carpet, Crystal crawls back up, and dropkicks Sly into the filing cabinet that holds all the permanent records. However, it triggers some sort of reaction, as a banner comes down, balloons come from the drawers, and "Happy Birthday" starts playing. Mr. Belding then walks into his room, and is amazed by the shiny balloons. Both Sly and Crystal sneak out and shut the door as he's distracted. They then go fist-to-fist, blow-to-blow in the hallway. Crystal blocks three punches from Sly, and kicks him down low. Crystal then does a drop-down dropkick to the face. Sly goes flying back into a locker, hits his head, and falls on the concrete floor. Crystal then grabs the legs, and locks in the Crystalizing. Sly's tapping, but the rules of the match state that tapouts are worthless. She drops the hold after about a minute, and climbs to the stairs. All of a sudden, Donkeylips appears at the top of the stairwell. She pulls a remote out of her pocket for some reason, and pushes a button. He charges at her, but she leapfrogs him. He stops, while confused, at the bottom step. Then, a set of tires, set up ala an obstacle course, slides in from under the stairs. Donkeylips looks on in fear.

SLY: Remember, Donkey: high steps equal high hopes!

Donkeylips attempts to run the tires, but he trips on the first one, and knocks himself out. Crystal steps on his head for extra measure. She then re-climbs the steps, and connects with her beautiful double-jump moonsault. She then opens the designated locker, and drags Sly's lifeless body into the locker. She shuts the locker! Crystal has rid herself of not only this annoying jackass, but the ridiculous ring gear she's had to put up with!

COACH: You know, if she took it off now....

(Both announcers drool, and we get dead air for a minute. Then, after a group of children start laughing at them, they begin to weep.)

COLE: ::sniff:: Dream Machines ::wah:: in action ::next::

COACH: I want my mommy

[Chanel #99]

“Breathe” hits, and the fans instinctively start booing as Totally Endorsed members Axel and Colvid walk through the curtain. Both ignore the deafening boos and talk strategy as they walk down the ramp. Both men are wearing warm-up jackets emblazoned with the words “Scarface: Special Edition, out on DVD this Tuesday!!”

COLE:

“Totally Endorsed has really reinvented itself over the past month. Calvin wins the World Title, they recruit two young stars into their ranks, and now they have a chance to get more gold.”

Colvid hops onto the apron, glaring at the fans while Axel circles around the ring and stops at the announce position, yelling “It’s ours tonight” to the commentators. Axel joins his partner in the ring and sheds his jacket as the music fades.

“California Love!”

The fans hop to their feet as the Camino drives through the curtain, Parka at the wheel and Knight leaning out the window, holding his Tag belt for the crowd to see.

COACH:

“Of course, Axel and Colvid have only really been a team for a week or two while the Machines have been tagging ever since they joined the OaOast way back in February. They have also faced both their opponents before, albeit not together.”

COLE:

“The Machines threw some more fuel, or carbonated beverage in this case, on the fire this past Thursday on HeldDOWN, getting involved in TE’s tag match.”

The footage of the Coke Bath is replayed for both those at home and in the arena, which only pisses off Colvid and Axel even more. As the DM’s head into the ring, Colvid and Axel take a step towards them, which forces the ref to step in between. Both teams share some words before the Machines hand off their belts to the ref. Parka and Axel step out to the apron, leaving Knight and Colvid to start the match. They circle each other and lock up, spinning around the ring before Knight gets Colvid into the corner, where the ref demands a break. Parka yells some encouragement to his partner and the crowd cheers the champs as the pair locks up again. This time, Colvid forces Knight to the ropes and drives a knee into the gut. Colvid snapmares Knight down and backs up a few steps, raising his arm to the crowd before charging and neckwhipping Knight. Colvid pulls him back up and whips him into the corner. He charges, but Knight sidesteps him and pushes him into the corner, following up with a belly to back suplex. Knight shakes the cobwebs away and tags in Parka. Parka goes wild on Colvid, whipping him from pillar to post leaving Colvid to scurry to the corner and tag Axel. Axel and Parka lock up, and Parka backs him into the ropes. Parka goes for a whip, but Axel reverses and Colvid drives his knee into Parka’s back. This allows Axel to take control and dominate the match.

COLE:

“Uh….is there any action for us to call.”

COACH:

“Guess the writer just plum ran out of ideas.”

COLE:

“Call your friend at WWE, he’d fit in perfectly there.”

Axel grabs Parka in a bearhug and takes him over with a belly to belly. Cover.

1….

2….

Shoulder up

Axel gets another suplex, this time a t-bone. Another cover.

1…

2….

Parka gets his shoulder up AGAIN!

Axel shoves Parka into the corner and picks him up in a reverse Death Valley position.

COACH:

“Axel Slam coming up!!”

Unfortunately for Axel, Parka manages to escape, landing behind Axel and driving him to the mat with a German suplex and bridge.

1….

2…..

No, Axel kicks out.

COLE:

“Parka mounting the comeback. Axel has really been doing most of the work in this match. Very impressive.”

Parka whips Axel to the ropes and ducks down, but Axel rolls over his back, ending up behind him and jumps on Parka’s back with a sleeper.

COLE:

“Sleeper!! Axel’s pulling out all the stops.”

Parka stumbles around the ring with Axel on his back, trying to break the sleeper. Parka rams him into the corner, but that doesn’t do it. He tries again, still no good. Finally, he runs towards the opposite corner and turns around, slamming Axel into the buckles and that does the trick, but Parka is too tired to take advantage and falls to his knees, which allows Axel to recover and stalk Parka, locking in a Million Dollar Dream after Parka gets to his feet. Parka flails his free arm, desperately looking for a tag or the ropes, but Axel has it in the middle of the ring. Eddy and Knight clap and pound the ring trying to get the crowd to rally, but Parka falls to his knees, starting to slip into unconciousness.

COACH:

“Parka’s fading here.”

Axel slips his arm under the throat of Parka, which forces the ref to start a five count. Axel releases right before 5, yelling “Come on!” to Parka. Parka starts to stir a bit, and gets up to a knee, but Axel slips the arm under the throat again. The ref starts his count, but Axel won’t release this time, so the ref has to go in and pry Axel’s arm loose. With that distraction, Colvid slinks across the apron to the other corner and starts untying the turnbuckle pad.

COLE:

“Hey ref, we got Colvid loosening the turnbuckle pad here!”

COACH:

“Maybe he was a Boy Scout and didn’t like the knot that was used to tie it?”

Axel finally releases the hold, smirking and talking some trash to Knight before getting Parka to his feet. He whips Parka into the ropes, but Parka ducks a clothesline and puts on the brakes, spinning around and booting Axel in the stomach. Parka hooks him up and delivers a vertical suplex…..and another…..and one more. Parka picks him up for a fourth, but instead puts Axel in a slam position and drives him to the mat with a Michinoku Driver!

COLE:

“The Supercharger! He doesn’t bust that out too often. Here’s the cover: 1…2….Colvid BARELY breaks the pin and keeps his team alive.”

Colvid comes in and breaks the pin, which draws in Knight, who gets in a few shots before Colvid bails, but Knight goes right out after him, the ref following. Meanwhile, Parka whips Axel into the corner, the jolt knocking off the loosened turnbuckle pad, exposing the bolt. Parka charges, but Axel, feeling the bolt on the back of his neck, moves, sending Parka chest-first into the exposed turnbuckle and crashing to the mat.

COLE:

“That may be the break TE is looking for!!”

Axel hops onto the top rope and waits for Parka to get up.

COACH:

“Cole, remember the triple threat? Do ya? Huh?”

COLE:

“YES, YES, I KNOW what you’re getting at, Jonathan!”

As the ref continues to try and break up the fight outside, which Eddy has now joined, Parka slowly gets to his feet. When he turns toward Axel, Axel jumps off and hooks his legs around Parka’s head. Parka struggles, knowing what Axel is trying to do and trying to counter, but Axel completes the Dragonrana.

COLE:

“There it is!! We’ll have new champions if we can get the ref back in here!”

By now, Knight notices his partner is in trouble and quickly whispers something into Eddy’s ear. Eddy suddenly flies into a RAGE, flailing his arms and yelling something about his mother and a goat to Colvid, who turns his attention to Eddy, oblivious to what is happening in the ring. Knight slides back into the ring and charges at Axel, going low and dropkicking him in the face, causing him to go to the mat and Parka into a sitting position, turning the tables as the ref notices the pinfall. Colvid finally has enough and decks Eddy, but turns in time to see Parka pinning his partner and Knight’s feet in his face.

COACH:

“Whatta counter. Here’s the cover.”

1…….

2……

3!!!

COLE:

“The Dream Machines retain!! Oh, what a match. TE had the match won, but one mistake by Colvid allows Knight to help his partner out.”

Knight gets the tag belts from the ref and gives one to his partner, who takes a moment to realize that they won. The ref raises their hands as “California Love” plays. Colvid slides into the ring to check on his partner, and they both pound the mat and stare at the champs as they collect a woozy Eddy and walk up the ramp with their belts held high.

[Chanel #99]

COLE

Dream Machines retain in one hell of a match. But right now, we again send it back over across the ramp to Jesse and JR for this Bizarre Match.

JR

Bizarre is the right word Cole.

JESSE

Dammit. Where's my beer?

JR

Well here we go. The Triple Cage is being lowered from the ceiling as we get ready for a war. This cage is built like a Step Pyramid. Each level gets smaller as it goes up. As you can see the ring is surrounded by ladders that will be used to climb to the next level and can be used as weapons. Also in the second level there are weapons hanging on the walls. We have trash cans, kendo sticks, a shovel, and a couple of light tubes! This match will be brutal and violent, however the real issue at hand is will Blurricane be able to make it?

JESSE

Of course not! Like I said, he’s running scared.

JR

Shut up! Blurricane wouldn’t back down from this match. Not after everything he’s been through!

RING ANNOUNCER

This next match is a Triple Cage Match for the OAOAST Contract! (The crowd pops!) The first person to climb up through all three levels and reach the briefcase that is suspended high above the cage will win the contract inside that briefcase and the other will be forced to leave the OAOAST!!!

CUE: Blackened

RING ANNOUNCER

Coming to the ring…weighing in at 190 pounds…from Parts Unknown…BIZARRO BLURRICANE!!!!

(The fans boo as Bizarro rises from the stage with an evil grin on his face. He unfolds his arms and looks up as the music gets heavier and he walks to the ring. Bizarro ignores the jeers from the crowd as he tests the sturdiness of the cage and then circles around while flipping off the fans. He then enters the cage and slides into the ring where he poses on the turnbuckles before asking for a mic.)

BIZARRO

I am saddened to hear that Number 13 slipped and fell through a window backstage. I really looked forward to tossing him off the highest point like I promised. (The crowd is absolutely livid over Bizarro’s actions) It’s too bad that he’s such a klutz because I hate to win this way, but I’ll take it.

JR

What does he mean? This match can’t end in forfeit!!

JESSE

If Blurricane doesn’t show it can!

CUE: Rock You Like a Hurricane

(The fans erupt as pyro goes off…but Blurricane doesn’t come flying out. The fans quiet down and look worried as Bizarro laughs in the ring.)

RING ANNOUNCER

Coming to the ring…weighing in at 190 pounds…from Parts Unknown…THE BLURRICANE!!!!

JR

Still no sign of Blurricane! This can’t be happening!

JESSE

What did I tell you? He’s scared!

(The music dies out as the fans begin to boo Bizarro who is actually rolling around the ring with laughter.)

CUE: Rock You Like a Hurricane

(The fans pop again as the music starts over, but still Blurricane does not come out.)

RING ANNOUNCER

I have just been informed that Blurricane now has a 10 count to come out or the match and the contract will be awarded to Bizarro. (The fans boo loudly at that decision)

1…2…3…4…5…6…CUE: Rock You Like a Hurricane

(The fans go apeshit as Blurricane finally comes out from behind the curtain. He is moving slowly as blood still trickles down his arms and his mask is partially torn. Inside the ring Bizarro has a look of shock on his face as he shoves the ref down out of anger and exits the ring to pick up a chair.)

JR

Bah gawd!!! Blurricane is here and he’s not scared at all Jess!!

JESSE

Well he will be once he gets in that ring in his condition!!

Blurricane slowly enters the cage and immediately he’s met with a STIFF Chair shot to the head!

*DING DING DING*

Bizarro then drags him to his feet and tosses him face first into the cage wall. Blurricane bounces off and falls to the mat where Bizarro hits him with two more chair shots and then goes to grab one of the ladders. Bizarro hoists the ladder onto his shoulder and waits for Blurricane to stand. As Blurricane stands Bizarro comes running in and smashes the ladder against the forehead of Blurricane. He then leans the ladder against the side of the ring and pulls Blurricane to his feet where he tears his mask open a little more and begins dragging Blurricane’s face across the chain link wall.

JR

Good gawd!! He’s trying to grate Blurricane’s face like a piece of cheese!!

JESSE

Hmm must be limburger cheese because it stinks!!

Bizarro actually drags Blurricane’s face across one whole side of the cage opening a small gash on Blurricane’s forehead even wider. Bizarro then drags him back the other way to where the ladder is leaning against the side of the ring and he tosses Blurricane face first against the ladder! Blurricane crumples to the mat as Bizarro slides the ladder into the ring and sets it up under the opening to the next level. The fans boo and chant, “Blurricane” as Bizarro starts to climb. Bizarro stops half way up as he sees Blurricane pulling himself up on the apron. Bizarro hops down and slides out of the ring where he grabs Blurricane and whips him into the steps, but Blurricane reverses out of desperation and whips Bizarro into the steps before dropping back to the mat. The fans explode over Blurricane’s reversal, but they then let out a sigh as Blurricane falls back to the mat. Both men lie there for a second trying to regain their composure as the fans try to rally Blurricane back into the match.

JR

I don’t see how Blurricane can make it. This doesn’t look good at all.

JESSE

Good because I have money bet on Bizarro.

JR

What!? You bet money on Bizarro?? Do you even care that Blurricane’s career could be over?

JESSE

I care, but I’m also realistic.

Blurricane and Bizarro actually pull themselves to their feet at the same time and begin punching back and forth. Bizarro kicks low and hits Blurricane below the belt, which sends Blurricane back to the mat. Bizarro looks to the crowd and shrugs his shoulders. Bizarro then rolls Blurricane into the ring and grabs the ladder. Bizarro raises the ladder up and brings it down onto Blurricane’s leg, which causes Blurricane to recoil in pain. Bizarro kicks him back over onto his back and then hits his leg with the ladder again. Bizarro then sets the ladder down and sticks Blurricane’s leg in between the two sides of the ladder before grabbing the chair and smashing it against the ladder over and over. A loud “Bizarro Sucks” chant rings out across the crowd, but Bizarro just smiles and continues to whack away with the chair. Bizarro then pulls the ladder off and sets it up under the opening to level 2. Bizarro starts to climb, but as he reaches the top of the ladder he sees Blurricane moving again and stops. Bizarro steadies himself and leaps off for a big Splash, but Blurricane moves and Bizarro hits nothing but mat!

JR

I can’t believe it! Bizarro let his anger get the best of him and instead of climbing up he went after Blurricane and it backfired!!

JESSE

You idiot!! I have $100 on you!!

The fans are on their feet cheering as Blurricane slowly pulls himself to his feet. Blurricane limps over to the ladder and begins to climb slowly. Blurricane gets about half way up the ladder when Bizarro reaches his feet and pulls Blurricane off the ladder by his leg. Blurricane comes down hard on the leg that Bizarro worked on and he screams out in pain. Bizarro then takes his place on the ladder and begins to climb. Bizarro is almost to the top and even touches the edge of the level 2 opening, but suddenly the ladder is tipped over by Blurricane sending Bizarro flying into the cage wall and down to the mat!!

JR

Bah gawd Bizarro just bounced off the cage wall on his way down!!!

JESSE

No!! Get up you fool!!

Blurricane slowly stands, pulls the ladder back into position, and begins to climb. The fans are on their feet cheering as Blurricane slowly moves up. Blurricane reaches the opening and pulls himself up to level 2. The fans cheer as Blurricane rests for a second on the floor of level 2. Bizarro finally starts to stir on the outside and begins pulling himself into the ring, but Blurricane sees this and pulls the ladder up into the second level before Bizarro can get to it. Bizarro becomes furious and slams his hands down on the mat before going to the other side of the ring to get another ladder. Blurricane then tosses the ladder aside and goes to choose one of the weapons. Blurricane grabs a Kendo Stick and waits for Bizarro. Bizarro then slides into the ring with his ladder and sets it up under the opening. As Bizarro climbs up Blurricane reaches down and begins hitting Bizarro with the Kendo Stick. Blurricane nails him in the head, hands, back, and anywhere he can reach, but Bizarro manages to stay on the ladder.

JR

Listen to those shots!! Blurricane is whipping him like a Government Mule!!

JESSE

What is a government mule exactly??

JR

I don’t have time to explain it Jess! We’ve got a match to call!!

Finally Bizarro blocks a shot and pulls the stick away from Blurricane before whacking him in the leg with it as hard as he can. Blurricane tries to walk it off, but he has to stop and rub his leg in pain. This gives Bizarro the chance to finally make it up to level 2 where he immediately grabs a Light Tube and swings at Blurricane. Blurricane ducks the shot and the Light Tube busts against the cage wall, sending glass everywhere. Blurricane peppers Bizarro with hard right hands that almost knock Bizarro through the opening, but Bizarro keeps his balance and ducks Blurricane’s next punch. Bizarro plants his shoulder in Blurricane’s gut and tries to Back Body Drop him through the opening, but Blurricane reaches up and grabs the roof to keep from being thrown over. Blurricane breaks from Bizarro’s grasp and kicks him back, while still holding onto the roof, sending Bizarro back through the opening, but Bizarro grabs the edge and easily drops down to the ring. Bizarro then climbs back up the ladder, but Blurricane is there to meet him with a trashcan shot to the head. Bizarro stumbles, but grabs the edge of the opening to keep from falling. Blurricane then decides to hit him again, but Bizarro grabs the shovel, which was on the wall next to him, and nails the trashcan back in Blurricane’s face!

JR

Did you hear that!? He hit that trashcan as hard as he could back in Blurricane’s face and it just about flattened the can!!

JESSE

That’s why I bet on him!!

Blurricane stumbles back against the cage wall as Bizarro pulls himself back up into level 2. Bizarro then grabs the other ladder that Blurricane threw aside and charges in to hit him in the gut. Blurricane moves at the last second and the ladder hits the cage wall, leaving an indention! Blurricane Clotheslines Bizarro down and then places the ladder on top of him. The fans buzz with anticipation as Blurricane grabs the shovel and begins pounding on the ladder with Bizarro under it! Blurricane then reaches back with one big swing…and breaks the shovel over the ladder!!! The fans explode as Blurricane holds the broken shovel up for all to see.

JR

Bah gawd!! Blurricane just broke a shovel over the ladder with Bizarro under it!!

JESSE

He’s trying to kill him!! Call the cops!!

Blurricane takes a few seconds to rest before pulling the ladder up and setting it up so he can climb to level 3. He begins to climb, but out of nowhere Bizarro busts the other light tube over Blurricane’s hurt leg! Blurricane falls to the floor as Bizarro drags him over to the cage wall and sits him up against it. The fans boo loudly as they wait to see what happens next. Bizarro then grabs the ladder, folds it up, and goes to ram it into Blurricane’s head, but Blurricane moves and the ladder busts the cage wall loose so that you can crawl out at the bottom!! The fans stand and applaud as the two men now have access to the roof of the cage! Bizarro gets a sick smile on his face as he picks up a jagged piece of a light tube and beckons Blurricane to come on. Blurricane starts to stand, but Bizarro runs in with the jagged tube and tries to stab Blurricane’s forehead, but Blurricane blocks the shot. Bizarro pushes with all his might to try and hit Blurricane’s forehead, but Blurricane pushes back as Bizarro pins Blurricane against one of the good walls. The edge of the glass comes closer and closer to Blurricane’s head as Bizarro continues to push, but finally Blurricane knees Bizarro in the gut and kicks the glass tube out of his hand.

JR

Damn him!!! He was trying to stab Blurricane with that glass!! What a sick son of a bitch!!

JESSE

What about when Blurricane tried to kill him with a shovel??

Blurricane comes towards Bizarro to attack him, but Bizarro Monkey Flips him against the broken wall and Blurricane busts through and lands on the roof, almost falling off the edge, but luckily he stops himself. Bizarro quickly follows out onto the roof and picks Blurricane up. Bizarro then lifts him up onto his shoulders for a Black Death, but Blurricane fights it and lands behind him. Blurricane then grabs him and goes for a Blur Effect, but Bizarro fights out and hits a low blow that causes the crowd to erupt with boos! Bizarro then lifts Blurricane above his head with a Gorilla Press and looks towards the edge of the cage. The fans shout no, but Bizarro nods his head yes.

JR

GOOD GAWD NO!!! DON’T DO THAT!!!

JESSE

Do it! Do it!!

Blurricane fights out and on his way down he catches Bizarro’s head for a Neckbreaker! Both men are laid out on top of the first cage as the fans stand and applaud the match so far. Blurricane slowly starts to crawl back into the second cage and goes to pick up the ladder. Slowly he stands the ladder up and goes for level 3, but his leg keeps him from climbing very fast. Bizarro starts to crawl up behind him and grabs him by the ankle. Blurricane starts stomping on his head to make him let go, but Bizarro swings Blurricane’s leg into the ladder a couple of times and then pulls himself up. Bizarro then grabs Blurricane and tosses him down to level 1!!! The fans let out a loud sigh as Blurricane hits the ring hard and Bizarro throws his arms up in the air to gloat!

JR

BAH GAWD HE’S DEAD!!! HE’S BROKEN IN HALF!!

JESSE

Yes!! $100 here I come!

Bizarro takes a moment to catch his breath and then climbs the ladder into level 3, which is open on all sides out onto the roof and there are rungs on the corners of the structure to climb up to the area with the briefcase. Bizarro senses victory, but stops to survey the damage. In the ring Blurricane doesn’t move, so Bizarro starts to climb the rungs, but suddenly a swarm of about 12 men all dressed in black start running to the ring from every side of the arena!!!

JR

What the hell is this??? Who are all these men???

JESSE

I don’t know, but they’re climbing the cage!!! Some have even entered the cage and are climbing up through the levels!! What the hell is going on here??

The fans erupt as the camera catches a glimpse of their faces.

JR

GOOD GAWD IT’S THE CLONES!!!!

JESSE

What!? Where did they come from?? They all look like Blurricane and Bizarro!!

Bizarro sees them climbing and freaks out. He jumps back down to the roof and assumes a defensive stance as the first clone reaches him. Bizarro fights him off with punches, but soon another clone reaches the top. Bizarro for a few seconds is able to fight both of them off, but soon they get the advantage. The two clones slam Bizarro head first into the support beam for level 3 and Bizarro slumps down to the mesh roof.

JESSE

This isn’t fair!!! How can you condone this!?

JR

How can you condone anything Bizarro has done?? He deserves every bit of this!! This is what he had coming to him dammit!!!

The other clones help Blurricane to his feet and even offer him a drink of Gatorade. Blurricane slowly comes to and begins to climb the first ladder. The crowd is on its feet cheering as Blurricane slowly hauls himself into level 2. Up top Bizarro gets the advantage again by low blowing both clones and even tossing one down to the roof of the next level down!! Another clone comes up, but Blurricane calls out to them and tells them to back off. The clones slowly climb down and congregate in the ring to watch the rest unfold. The crowd is loudly chanting “Blurricane” as he finally makes it up to Bizarro and the two start trading punches. Bizarro shoves Blurricane down and starts to climb the rungs, but Blurricane reaches up and pulls him off. Then Blurricane starts to climb, but Bizarro pulls him off. Bizarro rams his shoulder into Blurricane’s leg, pinning it against the support beam and Blurricane yells out in pain. Bizarro then shoves him with his feet back down to level 2 and the crowd starts booing again. Bizarro regains his composure and begins to climb again. What Bizarro didn’t notice is that Blurricane didn’t fall completely down. He had caught himself on the ladder and now Blurricane is pulling himself up and starts to climb the final rungs with a kendo stick in his hand that he got in level 2. Bizarro reaches the top and tries to grab the briefcase when Blurricane swings back…and breaks the kendo stick over Bizarro’s back!!! Bizarro lets out an incredibly loud scream as the fans cheer loudly and chant “holy shit.” Blurricane then stands up on the very top and for the first time in months….he does the *HOKEY THUMBS UP* and the crowd goes insane!! Blurricane then grabs Bizarro by the throat, lifts him up, and Chokeslams him all the way down to the roof of level 2……and he breaks through!!!

JR

GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY!!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!! BIZARRO JUST BROKE THROUGH THE CAGE!!

JESSE

Holy Sh*t!!! There goes my money!!!

Blurricane then reaches up and grabs the briefcase!!

JR

YES!! YES! YES!!! HE DID IT. HE DID IT!!!

JESSE

Well I’ll be damned!

*DING DING DING*

RING ANNOUNCER

Here’s your winner…..and OWNER OF THE OAOAST CONTRACT!!!......THE BLURRICANE!!!!!

Rock You Like a Hurricane plays as Blurricane opens the briefcase, pulls out the contract, and hits his knees while holding the contract to his chest. Blood still pours from his forehead as he cries tears of joy! Inside the ring the clones celebrate as the fans give a standing ovation!

JR

He’s fought back from what seemed like the end of his life! He’s put Father in jail and now he’s defeated Bizarro!! I’m proud of Blurricane tonight because tonight he stands tall while that son of a bitch Bizarro lies in a heap!!!

JESSE

I gotta hand it to him. He fought a hell of a battle.

Blurricane stands atop the triple cage and holds the contract up for all to see as the fans are still standing and cheering. Some of the clones climb up to meet him and raise his hand.

JR

Well we’re not done yet. We still have more to come, but thank God Blurricane is home!

[Chanel #99]

"Short Stories With Tragic Endings" begins to play, perhaps for the last time at an OAOAST event. A surge of energy goes throughout the arena, drawing the fans up to welcome SpiderPoet through the curtain. Coming out to the entranceway, SP pauses, then slowly walks to the left side, looking at the fans cheering him. Poet gains a smile on his face, and then slowly walks over to the right side of the ramp, looking out to those fans, and giving them the same response. Poet then walks to the ring, taking his time, as he continues to let his eyesight wander, as if to take mental photographs of the fans here tonight that will witness his last matchup before embarking on the task of family life.

MC:"Take a look at the reaction, Coach. Not only the reaction of the fans as SpiderPoet makes his way out here, but look at his demeanor tonight. He hasn't even set foot into the ring yet, but you can tell that tonight will be nothing short of a 100% effort."

Coach:"I know exactly what you mean, Michael. This is the final curtain for SpiderPoet, and he's not going to let this turnaway crowd go home without exposing them to a classic."

SpiderPoet gets into the ring, and poses in mid-ring, watching the spotlights shine around him. He then heads to one of the corners, where he leans over the turnbuckles, mentally preparing himself for what lies ahead. Even the introductory verse of Evanescence's "Bring Me To Life" do not break his meditation.

BOOM~!

The pyro shoots up in blue and gold streams, and Zack Malibu, alongside the lovely Candie, come out to a tremendous response from the fans. The charismatic duo continue to egg the crowd on, drawing everyone up on their feet. Once the crowd is as frenzied as it could possibly get, Zack and Candie walk down the aisle, as Poet has now turned out of the corner and is watching them make their way down. Zack hesitates at ringside, looking up at his opponent, who is also his friend. Candie offers some words of encouragement and a quick kiss on the cheek before Zack slides in under the bottom rope, coming up right in front of SpiderPoet. Zack and SP share a tense moment before both simultaneously extend their hands, and a handshake is made, to the delight of the crowd. The referee calls for the bell, and this match, the last chapter in the SpiderPoet legacy, is underway.

Zack and SP circle each other, each hesitant to move in for a lockup. They finally do, and Zack grabs a headlock, but SP slips out and grabs one of his own. Zack slides his head out from SP's grip, and grabs a waistlock, but SP elbows back twice, getting Zack to break the waistlock. Poet then takes Zack and sends him in, and the two collide with shoulderblocks, but neither man falls. Poet runs the ropes and comes at Zack again, ramming into him with a shoulderblock, but again neither man allows give. They both nod to each other, and then each man backs up, bouncing off the ropes and both try dropkicks at the same time, each man just barely grazing the other. As soon as they get up, Poet quickly armdrags Zack to the mat, then runs the ropes and hits a basement dropkick to Zack's chin as he's sitting up. Poet goes for a quick cover in the early going...and barely gets two for his effort. He gets up off Zack, allowing Malibu the space to recover himself, but then quickly takes him by the arm and tries an Irish Whip, only to have it counter, as Zack pulls him in and drops him with an inverted atomic drop! Malibu follows up with a lariat, but SP ducks, and Zack continues on, running the ropes and getting caught with a snap powerslam by Poet! SP sets Zack up near the ropes, then stands with his back to Zack, grabs the top rope, and jumps up, springing off the middle rope and launching himself backwards with a moonsault...that misses! Zack hits the ropes, running back to the near side, and FLOORS Poet with a lariat. Getting right up after delivering the shot, Zack hits the ropes again, and this time drops an elbow on the Poet, catching him right in the sternum. Zack picks SP up, and sets him up for a suplex, but Poet puts his leg between Zack's to block, preventing himself from being carried over. Poet then tries to suplex Zack, but Malibu takes a page out of SP's book, blocking himself from falling victim to a suplex. Zack shoves Poet off, into the ropes, and backdrops him over, but Poet lands on his feet, spins Zack around, and rocks him with a snap suplex to the mat! Poet grabs a chinlock quickly in order to keep Zack at bay, but Malibu pushes up to his feet, and then jars SP with a jawbreaker! Poet goes stumbling backwards, and Zack gets up, running at Poet, who ducks and backdrops Zack over the top rope...and the P.O.P. lands on the apron! Zack launches his shoulder into Poet's bread basket, then leaps over with a sunset flip! 1...2...rollthrought by SP, who grabs Zack's legs and starts to intertwine them, suggesting that he's going for a Sharpshooter...Zack reaches up and gets a small package...TWO COUNT ONLY! Both men get to their feet and look at each other, as the crowd starts clapping and cheering their efforts thus far.

Coach:"Man, this crowd is feelin' this matchup, MC."

Both guys come closer and tap hands, nodding to each other in a show of respect. Candie claps at ringside, shouting words of encouragment to Zack, as the two circle each other again.

Another lockup, but Zack quickly uses a drop toehold to take Poet to the mat. Poet sits up, and Zack backs up, then unleashes a STIFF~! kick to SP's back, causing a loud "SMACK" to echo throughout the arena. Zack comes off the ropes and jumps over SP, hitting a snapmare that sends SP back to the mat. Zack hits the ropes and comes off with another elbow drop, however this time SP moves out of the way. He comes off the ropes and tries a kneedrop on Malibu, but the former World Champion rolls out of the way. Zack gets up just as SP is shaking off the effect of jamming his knee into nothing but canvas, and takes advantage of the situation, hitting a low dropkick to SP's right knee, causing the star to fall facefirst to the mat!

MC:"Zack saw the opening there, and he took it. Poet can't let him wear down that knee if he expects to stand toe to toe with Zack."

Coach:"He can't let him work the knee if he expects to stand at ALL!"

Zack picks SP up, and immediately grabs the leg, taking Poet back to the mat with a Dragon Screw, but hanging on to the leg. Zack rolls through and goes for another Dragon Screw, but Poet jumps up, cracking Zack in the back of the head with an enzugiri kick! SP gets up, his leg feeling some wear and tear but lucky (for him) not too much. He picks Zack up and pushes him into the corner, where he climbs to the middle rope, standing over his ally turned opposition. Poet looks out to the crowd, who respond loudly when he calls for them to count along. Poet nails Zack in the forehead with several blows, until Zack shoves Poet off of him. Poet makes the mistake of trying to land on his feet, like he had done earlier in the bout, but the impact of landing on the mat does no good for his knee, and he falls favoring his right leg! Zack Malibu comes racing out of the corner like a lightning bolt...ZACK ATTACK TO SPIDER POET! POET IS DOWN~! SP QUICKLY rolls under the bottom rope and allows himself to fall off the apron, to the floor, in a last ditch attempt to escape defeat, as he was just struck dead-on by one of Zack's patented manuevers!

Poet lay on the floor momentarily, trying to fight through the daze. He's able to push himself up to all fours, but takes a moment before he pushes himself all the way up to his feet. Dazed, he turns to go back into the ring, but catches sight of Zack Malibu charging across the apron...APRON RUN DIVING CLOTHESLINE~!

MC:"That's TWO high impact manuevers used by Zack in as many minutes. That doesn't bode well for SP!"

Zack takes SP and rolls him back in, not wanting a win via a countout. With Poet down on the mat, Malibu heads to the top rope, looking out to the crowd and throwing his hands up to entice them to cheer more. Just as Zack gets to the top rope, Poet starts pulling himself up, trying to balance himself between being stunned and having a bad wheel. Zack changes his course of action when he sees Poet up, and leaps off with a flying bodypress that nails Poet...AND THAT POET ROLLS THROUGH WITH! COVER...TWO COUNT!

Poet falls back to the ropes, using them as leverage to stay on his toes. Zack gets up and hits Poet across the chest with several knife edge chops, then takes him by the arm and sends him into the opposite side, catching him with a monkey flip as he comes back towards Zack. Poet lands hard, while Zack pops right back up, and he eyes Poet during his recovery from the move...YAKUZA KICK...NO~! Poet ducks, and grabs a waistlock...GERMAN SUPLEX! Poet hangs on...ANOTHER GERMAN! He rolls through a third time...THIRD GERMAN SUPLEX WITH A BRIDGE!

ONE...TWO...KICKOUT BY MALIBU~!

Rather than let go, Poet keeps his arms locked around Zack, rolling through AGAIN and trying to pull Zack to his feet. Both men are standing, but now Zack fires back with elbows to drive Poet off him. He succeeds in forcing Poet back, and then turns to him, pulling him to the mat with a double leg takedown, and then locks on a FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK~!

Coach:"Looks like Zack is going to force a submission out of the Poet, Cole."

MC:"The question is, will he submit though? We know his leg is weak right now, but given that this is his final bout, I don't think he can bring himself to tap out."

Coach:"Foolish pride."

MC:"Foolish or not, he is a proud man."

Poet squirms, trying desperately to reach the ropes, but they seem like they are miles away. Zack keeps the hold cinched in as tightly as he can, and every time Poet lays back on the mat, the referee is right there to count his shoulders down, though none of the counts exceed the count of two. Poet continues to wriggle, stretching his arms as far as he can, reaching for the ropes.

Coach:"He's in the center of the ring, Cole. He'll never make those ropes! He'd have to morph into Mr. Fantastic!"

MC:"Coach, you're a comic geek?"

Coach:"Hey, I am NOT a geek."

MC:"Says you."

While reaching for the ropes, Poet starts to use his leverage to turn his body, trying to force himself to roll over. Zack tries to fight it, but Poet successfully reverses the figure four, and now has Zack trapped!

Coach:"He reversed!"

Luckily for Malibu, he's a bit closer to the ropes than the Poet was, so he tries crawling while in the hold, and then shoots his hand out, grabbing the bottom rope to get the hold broken. Poet has his back to Zack as he's getting up, so the Pissed Off Prep goes over, hopping up on his shoulders for a victory roll! Poet looks like he's about to collapse under the weight, but then falls backwards, slamming Zack to the mat with an Electric Chair Drop~! Both men are down!

The referee starts his count on both men, but Poet rolls onto his stomach, then pushes himself up. Zack is still looking up at the lights, the wind having been taken out of him after that last move. Poet assists Zack in getting up, but grabs him in a facelock and then DRILLS him into the mat with a brainbuster, driving his head hard into the canvas!

Coach:"That'll have him seeing stars!"

Poet sets Zack up near the corner, and then slowly starts to climb the turnbuckles, going all the way to the top rope. Poet looks out to the crowd and shouts, getting a loud response back from the crowd, and then launches himself backwards, floating over with a SPIDAHSAULT~! from the top rope, crashing down on Zack Malibu! Poet stays on Zack for the cover, impatiently waiting for the referee to count...AND IT'S ONLY FOR TWO! ZACK GOT A SHOULDER UP!

Poet slaps his hand on the mat, but then decides not to complain, and keep on the attack. He lifts Zack up and puts him up on the top rope, then follows up. He grabs Zack in a facelock while standing on the turnbuckles, and tries to suplex Zack from the top rope, but Malibu uses his hand to hold onto the rope and not go over. Zack punches at SP's ribs, hoping to drive him off, which he successfully does, as SP is off the ropes. Landing in a standing position, he just goes right back up the turnbuckles and tries to superplex Zack again, keeping the facelock on Zack like a vice grip. Malibu punches him and tries to drive him off again, while SP uses an equal amount of force in trying to pull Zack over. Finally, as a last ditch effort, Malibu is able to slide his head free, and shoves SP off the top rope...AND POET LANDS, CROTCHING HIMSELF ON THE TOP ROPE! The crowd takes a collective gasp, as Poet reels in pain. Zack then stands himself up on the top rope...AND LEAPS OFF, HURACANRANAING POET TO THE RINGSIDE FLOOR~!

Coach:"YO~!"

Many of the fans start up the requisite "Holy Shit" chant, as the desperation move payed off for Zack, but also cost him his own stamina! Both guys are out on the floor, and Candie goes running over, as the announcers go over the move via split screen replay, showcasing it again for the fans watching at home.

MC:"Look at that Coach. Zack nearly cracked his neck against the apron on that move. Now you and I both know he's willing to go to great lengths in his matches, but he was a few inches away from having this be HIS retirement match!"

Zack gets up, and is OK, as he assures Candie. Poet is wiping the sweat off his brow and starting to sit up, so Zack moves back inside, giving Poet some space. Zack goes and sits in a corner, Raven style, and the referee checks on him to make sure he's fine. Just as he told Candie, Malibu nods his head yes, and catches his breath, as Poet gets up and slowly slides back in. Zack uses the ropes and pulls himself to his feet, going for Poet. He grabs his arm and uses an armwringer, then releases and goes behind, using a waistlock takedown to put Poet on the mat. Zack then goes for the wounded right leg, trying to get a single leg crab, but Poet rolls over onto his back and kicks Zack away, sending him careening into the corner. Zack comes out of the corner just as Poet is getting up, and comes for him again, staggering him with punches to get him dazed a bit more. Poet staggers back, hobbling on his bad leg as it is, but maintains his stance when Zack takes the arm to send Poet into the corner. Zack tries again, and Poet holds firm, and then pulls Zack in, lifting him up on his shoulders...DEATH VALLEY DRIVER BY POET~! Zack reaches back, holding his head and his neck, and Poet pulls him up to a sitting position...AND LOCKS ON A DRAGON SLEEPER~!

MC:"Coach...Poet is using the California Dream on Zack!"

Coach:"What a sight that would be, to see Poet win with Zack's own submission hold!"

Zack waves his arms, trying to fight off the hold, but he's already been worn enough. Poet keeps it cinched in, and it almost looks as if he's trying to pull Zack a bit more towards the center of the ring, preventing any possible rope breaks.

Coach:"Michael, we talked about how Zack's neck just barely escaped injury on that rana to the floor, but it's as if SP is aware the neck is a target now. Going from a DVD to the sleeper, he's exploiting the weakness as much as he can."

Zack's retaliation fades, as he's basically sitting still while in the hold. The referee comes over, and Poet asks that he check Zack to see if he's passed out in the hold. The referee takes Zack's arm and lifts it once, and it simply flops to his side.

MC:"Zack's out, Coach..."

The referee lifts his arm again, and again, the arm falls, dangling by his side.

Coach:"That's two."

The referee goes to raise Zack's arm again...AND ZACK SWIPES IT AWAY! ZACK RAISES HIS OWN ARM! HE'S STILL ALIVE~!

MC:"I stand corrected!"

Zack reaches out with both arms, looking for anything to possibly get his hands on for a break. He is finally able to push himself to his feet, though Poet keeps a lock on the Dragon Sleeper. Zack tries prying his grip off, but to no avail. So Zack forces himself backwards, ramming Poet in the corner, and breaking the hold...BUT POET GOES RIGHT BACK TO IT AFTER THE IMPACT!

Coach:"Zack didn't even get a chance to breathe!"

Poet cinches it in, and Zack squirms some more, until he's able to turn so that he's facing the ropes...he jumps up and kicks off, flipping himself over Poet...AND LOCKS ON A CALIFORNIA DREAM OF HIS OWN~! Poet is now the one trying to wriggle free, but Zack wraps his legs around him, taking him to the mat with a grapevine, all while holding the Dream on him!

MC:"Great counter by Malibu!"

Poet tries to get free, but Zack, as tired as he is, is now trying to free himself from the hold, the same hold he was using to his advantage just a few moments ago. The fans are split in their decisions as to who to cheer, as some chant "Zack" in hopes of a submission, while others chant "SP" for the Poet to stay alive in this matchup. Poet keeps kicking his legs and twisting his body in a effort to break the leg grapevine, and succeeds! Zack spins out and sits on his own knees while holding Poet in the sleeper, but Poet does the same as Zack did a few minutes ago, making it to his feet in a effort to break the hold. Realizing he's nowhere near the ropes, Poet makes a final attempt at breaking the hold, spinning his body towards Zack and carrying him over with a Northern Lights Suplex, with a bridge...2 3/4 COUNT ON ZACK~!

Again, the fans roar in approval, as both men were nearly forced to submit, yet persevered. Feeling the rush of adrenaline, Poet comes at Malibu full speed, but Zack catches him with his right arm...ROCK BOTTOM BACKBREAKER ON THE POET~! Hooks the leg, COVER...SPIDER POET KICKS OUT~!

MC:"It's almost like a sudden death period. They've fought through the wear and tear, and now they realize it's anyone's game!"

Zack picks Poet up, and immediately grabs him, reaching down to hook the leg for a POP DROP~!...NO! Poet shoves Zack backwards away from him, then gets up and is a HOUSE...OF...FIRE~!, hammering away at Zack, before sending him into the ropes...TILDEBANG~!...NO! MALIBU DROPKICKS SP FROM MIDAIR~! SP goes sprawling backwards, while Zack springs up to his feet. He eyes Poet, and when SP stands up, he waits for the right time...

SCHOOL'S OUT ON SPIDER POET~! POET GOES DOWN~!

...AND THE LIGHTS GO OUT~!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Coach:"That's a damn powerful kick!"

MC:"You boob...can you make anything out?"

The fans clamor to see what the deal is, when suddenly the lights come on, and CWM~! is standing behind Zack. Wasting no time, CWM spins Zack Malibu around...POLLYCUTTER ON ZACK MALIBU~!

MC:"NO! What is this all about? What's wrong with this guy?"

The fans shower CWM in boos, but in typical CWM fashion, he could care less. He takes Zack over to the ropes and locks the top and middle ropes around his arms so that he can't break free. Candie runs in and tries to prevent this, but CWM takes her and shoves her down, then starts stalking her!

MC:"C'mon, leave her alone, she's just trying to help him!"

CWM has other things on his mind, however, as he exits the ring, going right past Candie. CWM heads over to the timekeeper and lifts him up by the collar of his suit jacket, and then takes him and rams him into the ringpost! CWM grabs the steel chair that seated the timekeeper and slides into the ring. The referee stands in front of CWM, not allowing him near Zack, so CWM takes the chair and CRACKS the referee over the head with the chair! Candie is trying to free Zack, but CWM comes pacing over, swinging the chair wildly and scaring her out of the ring, unable to do anything for her man.

CWM goes over to SpiderPoet, who's extremely groggy after getting caught with Malibu's patented superkick. CWM reaches down and helps SP to his feet, and Poet backs away for a minute, looking in amazement at CWM's presence in his match.

Coach:"You don't think...you don't think Poet's been screwing with us, do you Cole?"

MC:"I don't know what to think, Coach. CWM attacks Zack, helps SP...there's got to be something to this!"

Poet looks over at Zack, tied up in the ropes, and CWM snickers. He hands Poet the steel chair, and Poet takes it. He looks down at the implement of destruction in his grasp, and a huge smile comes over his face, as the fans in the arena realize this is all a scam on the part of CWM and SP.

MC:"Goddammit...don't do what I think you're going to do..."

Poet walks over to Zack and stares him down, looking at him try to break free. SP takes the chair and lifts it up over his head, ready to bring it down...

ACROSS THE TOP OF CWM'S HEAD~!

Coach:"YO~!"

HYYYY-UGE POP for that, as Poet throws the chair down in disgust. CWM kicks his feet on the mat while holding his head, as Candie now races to untie Zack from the ropes. Poet rolls CWM out of the ring, and then plays to the crowd, who are extremely happy that the worst did not happen. Poet continues to play to the crowd, making his way around the ring, until Zack is freed...

SCHOOL'S OUT ON SPIDERPOET~! SCHOOL'S OUT~!~!

Zack covers, and Candie shakes the ref, who's starting to stir after going down via CWM. He crawls over to where Zack has SP pinned, and slaps the mat once...twice...

BUT NOT A THIRD TIME~! SPIDERPOET KICKS OUT OF SCHOOL'S OUT~!

MC:"He's been hit with TWO School's Out kicks, and STILL has the ability to kick out!"

Zack can't believe it, and rolls onto his back, as Candie quickly goes back to ringside so the match can continue. Again the dueling chants start up, as Zack pulls himself to his feet. Heading to the ropes, he starts stomping his feet, warming up the band so to speak, waiting for Poet to recover...

SCHOOL'S OUT NUMBER THREE...

BLOCK BY POET! He spins Zack around, and follows up with a lariat, ducked by Zack...YAKUZA KICK by Malibu...DUCKED BY POET...SPIDAHKICK BY SP~! He virtually collapses on Zack!

1!

2!!

3!!! NO!! NO!! ZACK MALIBU GETS A SHOULDER UP AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND!

Coach:"My heart is racing!"

MC:"And for once, it's not because Crystal is in the same room as you!"

Poet stands up, and looks out to the crowd, making the motion that he's going to try a TILDEBANG~! on Malibu! He picks Zack up, and whips him in...MALIBU SLIDES BETWEEN HIS LEGS~! Zack catches SP as he spins around with a YAKUZA KICK~!...BUT POET IS STILL STANDING~!

MC:"How on EARTH..."

Coach:"It's the POWER OF THE POET, MC!"

SP fights through the pain, not falling to the mat, and unleashes his OWN Yakuza Kick on Zack...WHO ALSO DOES NOT GO DOWN~! Zack rears back...ANOTHER YAKUZA KICK...SPIDER POET IS STILL UP, FIGHTING THROUGH IT ALL!

Coach:"They're kicking each other RIGHT IN THE FACE...AND FIGHTING THROUGH IT!"

MC:"Imagine the pain that must be going through his leg after what he's endured...and now to use it...he's running on pure adrenaline, Coach, no doubt!"

Before he can muster the energy to unleash another one, Zack tries a third Yakuza Kick, which gets ducked! Poet presses Zack up as he turns around...TILDEBANG~! ON ZACK MALIBU~! THE FANS GO NUTS~! COVER~!

ONE!

TWO!!

THR...NO! ZACK MALIBU GETS A FOOT ON THE ROPES!

Poet can't believe it, as he was THAT CLOSE to defeating Zack. With Malibu laid out, SP again goes to the top, primed for another SpidahSault! Poet springs off the top rope, flipping backwards...ZACK MOVES~!...BUT POET LANDS ON HIS FEET...AND BLOWS HIS KNEE OUT~! THE BAD LEG GOES OUT ON POET!

SP falls to his side, down on one knee. Zack pulls himself up, and seeing Poet down, comes in with a Zack Attack...AND IS SPEARED OUT OF THE AIR BY SP~! DESPERATION SPEAR BY THE POET~! He drapes an arm across Zack for another cover...AND THE SHOULDER IS UP JUST BEFORE THE COUNT OF THREE!

Coach:"What do these guys have to DO to each other in order to win?"

Poet pulls Zack up to his feet, but Zack uses a schoolboy out of nowhere...KICKOUT...Poet rolls through, grabbing Zack with a double underhook, Pedigree style as he gets up...Zack backdrops out...SUNSET FLIP BY POET...KICKOUT BY ZACK...Malibu rolls over and grabs Poet as he's getting up...POP DROP~! POP DROP BY ZACK MALIBU~! THE POET IS OUT~!

1!!

2!!!

3!!!

NO! NO! SPIDERPOET KICKS OUT TO A HUGE ROAR FROM THE CROWD~! HE KICKED OUT OF THE POP DROP~!

MC:"Listen to these fans, Coach! Listen to the response these guys are getting!"

Stunned, Zack has no idea what to do. He pulls Poet over a bit more, within range of a top rope move, as that's where he's going. Zack points upwards, and then starts his climb, with his back to SP. Shockingly, the Poet starts to stir as Zack is climbing, and comes over to Zack, trying to pull him down! Zack kicks away, but Poet climbs up, trying a back suplex off the turnbuckles, but Zack elbows back, staggering the Poet and eventually driving him off, as he goes crashing to the mat. Zack makes it to the top turnbuckle, perching himself up there, but Poet shakes off the cobwebs and gets up, only to be met with a boot to the face! TORNADO DDT...BLOCKED~! Poet hangs on, and lifts Zack back up, placing him back on the top rope! Poet hits an open handed chop that nearly cracks Zack's chest open, and climbs up the ropes as well. The two men trade blows, each one jockeying for position, and SP grabs a facelock, trying to get Zack up and over, but the ex champion does his best to prevent it! Zack hits SP in the ribs, and then grabs him in a facelock, throwing him down to the mat front suplex style, and SP goes SPLAT~! on the mat! Zack gets his balance, and stands up on the top rope, ready to soar through the air. SP stands up, and looks up to see Zack flying at him with a picture perfect bodypress...

AND CATCHES HIM WITH A TILDEBANG IN THE AIR~! SP TILDEBANGS MALIBU OUT OF NOWHERE~! COVER~!

1~!

2~!!

3~!!!

WINNER:Spider-Poet in 19:44

Both men lay on the mat, as the fans go wild. The third time has been the charm for Spider Poet, as he finally defeated the one man he seemingly never could. The referee checks on both, and Candie slides in to check on Zack, as the fans roar is drowning out the sounds of "Short Stories With Tragic Endings".

Poet is brought to his feet in the corner by the referee, while Zack regains his composure across the ring, with Candie making sure he's OK. A large SP chant starts up, but Poet does not acknowledge it. Instead, he starts coming towards Zack, limping on his bad leg. Candie turns to see him coming, and steps aside, as the two men lock eyes. Malibu comes out of the corner, and now these two weary warriors are in the dead center of the ring, covered in perspiration and out of breath, after having just put on a great match. The last match in SpiderPoet's career.

SP extends a hand to Zack, and Zack looks down, and accepts the handshake, and then the two hug to a huge cheer from the crowd. Suddenly, streamers of various start flying into the ring, as fans are tossing them at SP in celebration of his career. Another "SP" chant starts up, so Zack Malibu and Candie each take a corner and climb up, working the crowd up even moreso and encouraging the SP chants. Poet, his eyes now showing signs of tears, stands in the center of the ring, looking out to every side of the arena and pounding his heart, then pointing out to all the fans. Zack and Candie come down, and each one of them take Poet's arms and raise them up high, taking part in this final moment. A moment that not only the fans, but that the OAOAST will remember. A moment that will never leave the confines of Peter Cone's mind.

Suddenly, without any warning, the OAOAST locker room begins flooding the aisle. HeldDOWN~! General Manager Tim Moysey, Jay Darring, FOSHI, and Poet's former partner, EL DANDY~! are all headed to the ring. They all enter and share applause with the fans, as each and every one of them go up to Poet and pay their respect. The SP chants continue on, nonstop, as SP is overwhelmed by the response, tears in his eyes.

MC:"Fans, this has got to be one of the most heartfelt moments I've ever seen. In a sport that's not necessarily known for them. We're witnessing the end of an era tonight, and on behalf of myself and the OAOAST staff, I want to thank that man, Spider Poet, for giving us some of the most memorable matchups in OAOAST history."

Coach:"You got that right, Michael. That man never gave less than 100%, and our boys and these fans are showing him the same respect right now."

The babyfaces clear the ring, and all start heading up the aisle, except for one man. SpiderPoet looks out at his fellow wrestlers, who continue to clap for him from ringside. Poet takes on final pace around the ring, before looking up at the sky. Poet takes a deep breath, and you can see him mouth the words "Thank You". SP leaves the ring, and walks around ringside, slapping hands and hugging each and every fan that's down there.

Coach:"Folks, what a tremendous encounter that was, and what a great show of faith by the fans and the OAOAST boys post-match. SpiderPoet, Peter Cone, from all of us here, we wish you the best with your family, and we hope that your new journey brings you as much happiness as being in the OAOAST did."

[Chanel #99]

JR: Now, sit back and relax as the greatest duo in history brings you your final two matches!

Jesse: We've got a North American title defense as well as the World Championship. I can't wait!

OAOAST North American Championship, Last Man Standing match: K-NESS © vs. Puerto Rican Lightning (w/ Mr. Boricua, Vitamin X and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez)

JR: Folks, our next match is one that we've all been waiting for! We will get to see the big confrontation between the OAOAST North American champion K-NESS and the challenger, Puerto Rican Lightning as they battle it out in a Last Man Standing Match!

Jesse: That's right Jim, after many attempts against Jay Darring and Andrew Hyland and MONTHS of hard work, Puerto Rican Lightning is FINALLY going to crush that little punk K-NESS to win the North American title that should've been his for months!

JR: What do you mean Jesse?, PRL has NEVER beaten anyone for that title in numerous attempts, therefore he does NOT deserve that belt.

Jesse: Oh yes he does, just wait.

JR: Fans, the rules of a Last Man Standing Match are simple. There are no pinfalls. No submissions. Anything goes. If a wrestler does NOT get up by the referee's count of ten, that wrestler will lose the match! This maybe THE most important match in K-Ness and PRL's lives! If PRL loses, he will still have the "Choke Artist" label attached to him and K-Ness will prove that he is no joke champion.

Jesse: And if PRL wins, he will get what he deserves after being screwed out of the title in 4 consective occasions! And K-Ness will be revealed as the joke that he is really is!

JR: Who knows how far these two men will go to win? What will happen? Who has the psychological advantage? Who has the physical advantage? It is going to be a slobberknocker folks. Let's go to the ring!

*DING DING DING*

Ring Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a LAST MAN STANDING MATCH!

*crowd pops*

Ring Annoucer (Continuing): And is for the OAOAST North American Championship! Introducing first...

*The Lightning Bolt hits the entrance stage. Pyro shoots out and the crowd boos.*

Jesse: It's showtime!

*Smoke fills the entrance as the AngleTron lights up with the waving Puerto Rico flag. In big, blue, blocky letters, the words "PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING" appear. The crowd boos. "Bulls On Parade" by Rage Against The Machine hits as smoke rises. From the fog, Puerto Rican Lightning, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, Vitamin X, and Mr. Boricua all walk to the ring to the biggest reaction of their careers as the fans are booing and throwing trash at them! PRL does the Curt Henning gum swat and jaws at the fans. He has the Puerto Rican Championship over his left shoulder and cocks his right eyebrow like The Rock. He is wearing his special PPV-Only Puerto Rico Flag Face-Paint that covers half his face.*

*PRL is wearing a special personalized Lightning Crew T-Shirt with "PRL" on the front and on the back: K-SUCK in big blocky red letters. "Ain't Nothin' But A Joke. Dirty Deeds, September 28, 2003" are written below it in script.*

JR: That's a nice shirt PRL is wearing.

Jesse: Isn't it, Jim Ross? PRL told me that he designed the shirt himself.

JR: The poor writing and bad grammar kind of gives it away.

Jesse(Sacrastically): Ha. Ha. So funny I forgot to laugh. Anyway, there he is! The man who within minutes could become the OAOAST North American champion. K-NESS better be prepared, because PRL looks to be in great shape tonight.

Ring Annoucer: Coming to the ring at this time. Accompanying to the ring by The Lightning Crew. Weighing in at 223lbs. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. He is the Puerto Rican Champion. PUERTO RICAN LIGHHHHHHHTTTTTTNNNINNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

JR: It all started for Puerto Rican Lightning the day after AngleMania II on March 31, 2003 when PRL's former manager Vince Rusco arranged for PRL to take on then-North American Champion Andrew "Your Hero" Hyland in a NA Title match at Living Anglelously. At the Living Anglelously PPV, Puerto Rican Lightning had his match against Hyland and lost by disqualification when Mr. Boricua interfered just as Andrew was going to pin PRL.

Jesse: A sad day for PRL fans everywhere.

JR: Then at May's School's Out, Puerto Rican Lightning had a chance to regain his #1 Contendership for the NA Title when he was involved in a Fatal Four-Way Elimination Match for the #1 Contendership for the NA Title. That match also included J.O.B. Squad, The Blurricane, and The Mad Cappa. Lightning had THAT match won, but Mad Cappa's distraction caused him that match.

Jesse: Cappa once again injected himnself in P.R.'s life. But all was taken care of the next night on IntenseZone when Puerto Rican Lightning DESTROYED Mad Cappa and sent that punk to the injury list. Ha! Ha!

JR: Also at School's Out, "Shooter" Jay Darring defeated Andrew "Your Hero" Hyland and became the OaOasT North American Champion. Blurricane put his #1 Contendership on the line in a match against PRL the next week on IntenseZone and PRL won.

Jesse: PRL got his revenge against Blurricane! Justice was done!

JR: At June's the Great Angle Bash, PRL and Jay Darring locked up in a Ladder Match for the North American AND Puerto Rican titles. It was a brutal, barbaric, and memorable match which, in the end, saw Jay Darring capture the Puerto Rican Championship while at the same time remain the North American Champion.

Jesse: PRL was SCREWED in that match! He would have won it if not for Featured Attraction's appearance! PRL will never let Jay forget that.

JR: And PRL would never let Jay forget that as he sunk to a new low in the weeks following Great Angle Bash. The Lightning Crew kidnapped Jay's girlfriend, Lauren Gellar, and did unspeakable acts to her all because Jay would not give PRL the Puerto Rican Championship back!

Jesse: Hey. Jay asked for what Lauren got. All he had to do was vacate the Puerto Rican Championship. Did he? NO! So, PRL made him vacate it the only way he knew how.

JR: How you could defend what PRL did is disgusting. But Jay did give in and vacate the Puerto Rican Championship, by throwing it in a garbage can.

Jesse: Disrespect to a prestigious title.

JR: At License To Pin at the end of July, PRL and "Shooter" Jay Darring locked up once again in a Three Stages of Hell Match. The first fall, a Submissions Match, saw Darring come out with the win. The Second Fall, A Tables Match, PRL got his revenge. But it all ended for PRL in the third Fall, The Cage of Death. Which saw PRL be smashed over the back with lightbulbs and barbed wire. Electrocuted. Have his face covered in thumbtacks. And fall 20 Feet from the top of the cage through the annoucer's table.

Jesse: Once again, PRL was screwed. Jay did not warn him about the Cage of Death. That whole match was proof that there is a giant conspiracy against PRL in the OaOasT!

JR: At AngleSlam 2: Screams of No Reply, PRL had a 10 Minute Open Challenge for the Puerto Rican Championship. K-Ness anwsered, after PRL spent a good 5 minutes pinning members of the United States Navy. K-Ness had the Puerto Rican Championship won, but Mr. Boricua came in with only 5 seconds left, securing the win for PRL.

Jesse: If PRL could defend the Puerto Rican Championship in September, I'm sure he would put it on the line in this match.

JR: He's a coward. That's why he won't put it on the line!

Jesse: That is not true!

JR: And folks, that is where we are today! A Last Man Standing Match for the North American Title. Can PRL win the NA belt after 4 unsucessful tries? Or will PRL's record in NA Title matches be 0-5?

*PRL steps into the ring and does the HBK pose as pyro goes off behind him. The crowd is still booing and yelling at him. He poses with the Puerto Rican Championship on the top turnbuckle then he gets out and waits for K-NESS to arrive.*

Ring announcer: And his opponent...

*HUGE POP*

*The crowd start chanting: K-NESS!!!, K-NESS!!!, K-NESS!!!*

Ring Announcer: From Samar, Phillipines. Weighing 221 pounds. He is the OAOAST North American Champion, K-NESS!!!

*"Trans-Magic" starts playing and a blue light centers on the entrance ramp as K-NESS appears to a enormous pop and more "K-NESS!!" chants. He enters the ring and throws the black towel that was around his neck to the ground. K-Ness removes the North American Title from his waist to give it to the referee, while looking at PRL right in the eyes.*

*PRL picks up a microphone:*

PRL: Lindsay, X, Boricua, please leave, this is just too dangerous for you guys. I need to do this on my own. I need to show these idiots out here. I need to show all the so-called OaOasT "Superstars" in the back. I need to show MYSELF, that I can win the North American Championship ON MY OWN. I need to prove to myself that I don't need anyone's help to win the belt. To win anything. I need to show the world I AM Good enough to be Champion. I am WORTHY enough to be in the OaOasT. Besides, K-NESS just might attack one of you when he realizes he's no match for me, so please leave. The only person who I want to focus on is K-NESS.

*Crowd boos*

*Boricua, X, and Gonzalez leave the ringside area and go backstage. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez gives PRL a good luck kiss before leaving.*

JR: This is certainly a courageous move by PRL. He's actually going to try and win a match without The Lightning Crew.

Jesse: You're saying it like it's never been done before. PRL can win matches without The LC.

JR: Since when has PRL won a match without ANY sort of interference?

Jesse: Road To AngleMania II. PRL vs. Chico.

JR: I stand corrected.

PRL: Alright K-SUCK, it's just you and me! Let's do this!

*PRL runs drops the microphone to the grounds and runs to the ring.*

* DING DING DING*

PR Lightning goes for a clothesline but K-NESS ducks! He bounces off the ropes, and gives PRL a running forearm!!! K-Ness picks up his opponent as the crowd is already loudly cheering for the champion. K tries a wristlock, but PRL pokes him right between the eyes! K-NESS goes down and the challenger starts stomping him like crazy!

JR: Bah GAWD what an explosive start to this North American title match! This is going to be great! K-Ness may still be feeling the effects of the 2 back-to-back Lightning Crew attacks given to him last week on IntenseZone! PRL going right for where the Lightning Crew attacked K-Ness.

PRL stops and heads to the top rope. He comes back down with The Mad Cappa Crusher 2003 (Top Rope Legdrop). PRL then drops several fist drops onto K-NESS's chest. He stays on the grounds to choke K-NESS!!! The crowd starts chanting "PR sucks!, PR sucks!, PR sucks!".

Jesse: Puerto Rican Lightning wants that North American title badly, and we have the proof right there that he'll do anything for it!

JR: Whoever survives this battle will show the world what kind of intensental fortitude he haves.

PRL stops, looks at the crowd, and laughs, drawing another chorus of boos. He picks up K-NESS and whips him into the ropes. He does his signature leapfrog and reverse leapfrog then gives K-Ness a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. PRL picks up K-Ness again and and gives him a Dragon Leg Screw. He holds on to K-Ness's right leg, and recieves an enziguri by K-NESS to the delight of the crowd.

Both guys are down and the referee starts counting:

1..

2..

PRL gets to one knee while K-NESS grabs the middle rope to get up. Both guys are now standing in opposite corners of the ring. They walk towards each other and they lock up! K-NESS gets a hammerlock, but the challenger reverses, gets behind his opponent, and executes a Drop Toe Hold! PRL tries a Sharpshooter but K-NESS pushes him away!

JR: What was he thinking? Submission manoeuvers are useless in a Last Man Standing match!

Jesse: He's trying to weaken K-NESS legs so that he can't get up! Think before saying something JR, THINK!

The NA Champion gets up, and they lock up once more! PRL seems to be struggling a bit, which allows K-NESS to get a Scoop Slam. A quick elbow drop immediately follows. K-NESS picks up the challenger and throws him into the corner. Knee to the gut! And a second one!

JR: Irish Whip to the other corner by the champion. K-NESS goes for a Running Lariat but PR Lightning moves out of the way, and K-NESS comes crashing into the corner!

Jesse: K-NESS made a mistake here, he should've known that Puerto Rican Lightning had more than enough energy left to move out of the way before his opponent hit him.

JR: PRL turning K-NESS around, and is now stomping a mudhole in him. He puts him onto the top turnbuckle, and he's climbing the top rope. This can't be good. What's PRL trying to do?

The challenger puts K-NESS's arm over his head, SUPERPLEX!!! by PR Lightning.

Jesse: Look at THAT JR! K-NESS made a small mistake and PRL is taking advantage of it, big time!

PRL picks K-NESS up and gives him a T-Bone Suplex. He then picks up K-Ness and whips him into the ropes, but K-NESS reverses, but PRL then reverses and gives him a Samoan Slam.

PRL then rolls out of the ring, takes K-NESS's towel, and puts it around his neck! The crowd starts booing him and again chants "P.R sucks!, P.R sucks!" while he walks around the ring, acting like K-NESS.

JR: Oh come on now, just get in the ring and wrestle dammit!

Jesse: It looks like PRL is channeling K-Ness.

When Puerto Rican Lightning gets back into the ring, the Champion is slowly getting back to his feet. HIGH-ANGLE EXPLODER by PRL!!

JR: What the HELL?? This is one of K-NESS's manoeuvers!!!

Puerto Rican Lightning, still wearing K-Ness' towel, picks K-Ness up and gives him a Jugigatame.

JR: PRL will the Rolling Backdrop Suplexes.

Jesse: It seems as though wearing K-NESS' towel has given Puerto Rican Lightning the ablitlty to do K-NESS' moves.

Puerto Rican Lightning heads to the top rope and comes back with a Top Rope Knee-Drop. PRL does a K-NESS-like pose making the crowd boo. PRL takes a few steps back and the referee starts counting.

1..

2..

3..

4..

5..

6..

7..

K-NESS gets up.

JR: That move took a lot out of the North American champion, but it just wasn't enough!

PRL runs at K-NESS, and goes for spinning wheel kick but K-NESS ducks! K-NESS replies with a right hand, and follows with a Knife Edge chop!

Crowd: WOOOO!!!

And another

Crowd: WOOOO!!!

And a THIRD ONE!!

Crowd: WOOOO!!!

PRL Flair Flops onto the mat! K-NESS is still a bit shaky because of the High-Angle Exploder but he immediately picks PRL up and gives him a P.R NIGHMARE OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!!! The crowd EXPLODES!!!

JR: BAH GAWD!!!!, K-NESS JUST USED HIS OPPONENT'S FINISHING MOVE, IT'S ALL OVER FOLKS!!!!!!

Jesse: w... w... What the hell?, that's not fair, K-NESS is a goddamned cheater and nothing else!

The ref counts as PRL is down and completely knocked out.

1..

2..

3..

4..

5..

6..

PRL gets up!

Jesse: About friggin' time! That was a bit too close.

Puerto Rican Lightning is a little dazed from the P.R. Nightmare, so K-NESS gives him a Belly-To-Belly Suplex. K-NESS grabs PRL but PRL low-blows him to take control.

JR: Oh my! PRL has just hit K-NESS' family jewels!

Jesse: Whoa! That had to hurt.

Puerto Rican Lightning runs to the ropes and and comes back with a dropkick. He picks up K-NESS and gives hims 5 suplexes then knees him in the back.

JR: PRL is now in control of this match and it looks like he may kick things up a notch.

Jesse: Yes! JR! PRL is going to do WHATEVER it takes to win the North American Title. ANYTHING IT TAKES!

PRL Irish Whips K-NESS into the turnbuckle and follows up with a Stinger Splash. He whips K-NESS to the other turnbuckle, but K-NESS reverses and PRL Flair Flips onto the apron.

Jesse: Such grace. Such quickness from PRL! It's great.

PRL lands perfectly on the ring apron and brags to the crowd about how smart he is. Suddenly, K-NESS clothelines PRL off the apron and into the floor to the roars of the crowd.

JR: Great move by K-NESS! Unfortnaley, anything goes outside the ring and K-NESS isn't a brawler neither. He better be careful what happens outside the ring in this match as PRL will infact do whatever it takes to become the NA Champion tonight at Dirty Deeds!

K-NESS heads to the outside to grab PRL. He chops him in the chest several times before grabbing him and throwing him into the ringsteps.

JR: Oh, that had to hurt!

Jesse: K-NESS is showing a different side of himself than the one we're used to seeing!

JR: He is trying to retain the NA Title tonight. He has already disproven PRL's accusation that he is nothing but a joke and he is doing so by beating the hell out of PRL!

Jesse: Just wait till the match is over before you make that decision.

K-NESS grabs PRL and tries to slam his head onto the stairs, but PRL blocks it and slams K-NESS onto the steps. PRL follows with a clothesline onto the floor. He then jaws with the fans for a bit before picking up K-NESS and ramming him into the ring posts.

JR: PRL being tough on K-NESS outside the ring.

Jesse: This is PRL's domain! This is where he is at his best!

JR: Puerto Rican Lightning taking the ring steps. And it looks like he's going to use them on K-NESS.

Jesse: Obviously, Jim Ross.

PRL grabs the top ring step and rams it into K-NESS' back. PRL places the ring step on the floor and grabs K-NESS once again. They climb up the step and PRL puts K-NESS in the position for the Annexation of Puerto Rico. The crowd is on their feet as PRL poses.

JR: Oh no! Don't tell me! Don't tell me PRL is going to do this. He's going to try for the Annexation of Puerto Rico on the floor.

Jesse: This is a great move, JR! This match could be over right now.

PRL prepares to pick K-NESS up, but K won't budge. He tries again and K-NESS once again won't move. He tries one more time and K-NESS reverses into a back body drop on the floor. The crowd cheers as K-NESS is down on one knee while PRL is down on the floor. The referee begins to count.

1....

2....

3....

4....

5....

6....

7...

8....

PRL gets up. PRL and K-NESS brawl near the ringside area. PRL kicks K-NESS in the gut and whips him into the barricade. He throws K-NESS back into the ring.

JR: PRL now taking things back to the ring.

Jesse: Thanks for stating the obvious, Captain Obvious.

JR: PRL going right to work on K-NESS not stopping to catch a breath. The Puerto Rican Champion has become OBSESSED with becoming the North American Champion and he will torture K-NESS if he has to to win the belt.

Puerto Rican Lightning begins beating on K-NESS' right arm. Lightning knees the arms while the crowd boos. "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" begins ringing out through the arena again as PRL applies a Fujirama Arm-Bar on K-NESS' right arm near the ropes. PRL tells the crowd to shut up.

JR: Puerto Rican Lightning is focusing on K-NESS' right arm.

Jesse: PRL is doing that so that K-NESS won't be able to do the Release Tiger Suplex '85 on him. This is brillant stragety.

JR: PRL is continuing to work on his arms.

Lightning kicks K-NESS' right arm several times then heads to the outside once again. He grabs a chair and enters the ring. He lays the chair on the mat and continues beating on K-NESS' right arm, which is beginning to hurt K-NESS.

JR: I wonder what PRL is going to do with that chair.

Jesse: Whatever he does, it won't be good news for K-NESS.

PRL grabs K-NESS' right arm and kicks it several times hurting K. He then grabs it again and jumps on the top rope. He jumps on the top rope several times and brings K-NESS down with a springboard Armdrag.

JR: Incredible move by PRL!

PRL continues holding on to K-NESS' right arm and arm drags it. He then whips K-NESS into a turnbuckle chest first. K-NESS lies on the turnbuckle while PRL grabs the chair and heads outside.

JR: PRL now back outside. With a chair. Jes, do you have anything idea what PRL plans on doing?

Jesse: It looks like he is going to try and injure K-NESS' right arm so that he will have no way of sucessfully doing the Release Tiger Suplex '85.

The crowd is pumped up as K-NESS' right arm is rammed into the ringpost several times by Lightning. He grabs the chair and procees to smash the chair into K-NESS' right arm which is laying on the ringpost making a ringpost sandwich.

JR: BAWD GAWD~! THAT HAS TO HURT K-NESS AND IT MAY HURT HIS CHANCES OF WINNING THIS MATCH!

Jesse: And that is all PRL wants.

K-NESS is screaming in pain as PRL returns to the ring. He demands that the referee begin counting and the referee obligies.

1....

2....

3....

4....

5....

6....

7...

K-NESS gets up to applause from the crowd.

JR: K-NESS is still in the match but his right arm looks to be injured.

PRL kicks K-NESS' right arm several times then DDTs 'Ness. He then grabs the chair and smashes it across K-NESS' legs. K-NESS tries to get up, but everytime he gets up, PRL smashes the chair on his legs knocking him back down.

JR: This is carnage. CARNAGE BAWD GAWD~!

Jesse: Puerto Rican is just making sure K-NESS is unable to get up also. Such great psychology from such a great man like Puerto Rican Lightning.

Lightning continues smashing the chair on K-NESS. He tries to smash the chair onto K-NESS' head near the ropes, but K-NESS moves out of the way and the chair hits the ropes and catapults right back to PRL's face to the roar of the crowd. PRL drops the chair and is dazed. K-NESS gives PRL a swinging neckbreaker and both men are down. The crowd is now hot following the chairshot and are chanting "K-NESS! K-NESS! K-NESS! K-NESS!" as both men are down. By now, 3/4 of PRL's face-paint is gone. Both men are in pain with K-NESS holding on to his right arm. The crowd is rooting for K-NESS to get up as the referee begins the 10 Count.

1....

2....

3....

4....

5...

PRL starts to get up.

6...

K-NESS starts to get up.

7....

Both men are on their knees.

8...

PRL and K-NESS get up and begin brawling. K-NESS' right arm is numb and is fightning with his left arm while holding onto his right in between breaks. K-NESS comes out with a lariat sending PRL to the roars of the crowd.

JR: A great move by the North American Champion!

Jesse: He's relying on his adrenaline! That's all he's got left in this match! That's all that he must rely on if he wants to remain the NA Champion! Adrenaline is keeping him in this match!

JR: K-NESS with a dropkick on PRL! K-NESS with the REAL Rolling Back Suplexes.

Jesse: Puerto Rican Lightning can do it better.

JR: K-NESS is going up top. The Top Rope Kneedrop on PRL. Both men are down.

1....

2....

3....

4....

5....

6....

7....

8.....

PRL gets up to big boos. K-NESS holds on to his right arm then punches PRL. He Irish Whips PRL to the ropes but PRL comes back with a Latin Slam (Rock Bottom).

Jesse: LATIN SLAM! LATIN SLAM! LATIN SLAM ON K-NESS!

JR: And it looks like this match may soon be over.

The crowd is on their feet as PRL gets up and waits for K-NESS to follow. The ref starts counting but K-NESS gets up at the count of 7. PRL chops K-NESS several times then bodyslams him. PRL picks up K-NESS again and applies the Gory Special on him in the middle of the ring. The camera does a close up on K-NESS who is screaming in pain.

Jesse: He calls this move the "Che Guevera Special." This move is painful on the arms and that is exactly what PRL wants. He is hurting K-NESS' already hurt right arm and making the left arm feel some pain also. He is pulling out all the stops to become NA Champion tonight!

PRL turns the Che Guevera Special into a Gory Bomb which makes the crowd groan!

Jesse: That's the "Free Puerto Rico Now!". And it looks like it did it's job of hurting K-NESS.

The referee begins counting as PRL relaxes on a turnbuckle.

Jesse: K-NESS better get up if he wants to keep the North American Title tonight!

JR: PRL seems confident that he has this match won. But K-NESS gets up and PRL continues the assault.

Puerto Rican Lightning punches K-NESS some more then gives him a German Suplex. He follows again with another German Suplex. And another. And another. And another but K-NESS kicks PRL in the testicles and gives him a facebuster.

JR: K-NESS is still in this match! He refuses to quit! He won't quit! He wants to keep the NA Title more than anything else right now! He wants to beat PRL! He wants revenge.

K-NESS picks up PRL and goes for a Piledriver, but PRL reverses sending K-NESS to the mat. Puerto Rican Lightning grabs the chair and places it in the center of the ring. He grabs K-NESS and gives him a neckbreaker on the chair. He then picks up K-NESS again and prepares to give him a Styles Clash.

JR: Oh come on! This is enough! This is enough! I don't believe this. Puerto Rican Lightning wouldn't do this would he?

Jesse: With the North American Title on the line, who knows what PRL will do?

The crowd is pumped up as PRL does the Styles Clash on K-NESS with K-NESS' head hitting the chair causing the crowd to groan.

JR: OH MY~! THAT COULD HAVE GIVEN K-NESS A CONCUSSION!

The crowd is booing PRL who is also lying on the mat. His makeup is all but gone. He is sweating up a storm. K-NESS is lying on the mat dazed as the crowd begins chanting "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!"

JR: The crowd is showing PRL what they think of him.

Jesse: You think PRL gives a damn what the crowd thinks of him? He ain't The Mad Cappa. He doesn't need the fans to survive.

JR: Both men now showing signs of life.

The referee continues counting and the count reaches 6 as the two men get up. PRL DDTs K-NESS on the chair then picks him up and places him on the second rope. The crowd gets amped up again as the "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" chants begin. PRL yells out "7-8-7!" and heads to the ropes. He comes back with the 7-8-7 (6-1-9).

Jesse: The 787 connects! That's San Juan's zip code. The 787!

PRL heads to the outside. He sneers at the crowd, who boo him loudly, then jumps on the top rope and hits a 450 Splash on K-NESS.

Jesse: There it is! The San Juan Jam!

JR: This match has taken a toll on both these men. Both men want this belt so badly that they are sacrificing their bodies for it. They want the chance to be called the North American Champion!!!

The referee starts another 10 Count with PRL getting up at the count of 8. He picks up K-NESS and gives him a Spinebuster. He then heads up to the top rope causing the fans to cheer loudly. He takes off his left elbow pad and throws it to the crowd. He then does the "Up Yours!" sign and comes hits the F.U. Elbow Drop on K-NESS to the roar of the crowd.

Jesse: I think that F.U. Elbow Drop took alot of wind out of Puerto Rican Lightning.

JR: And K-NESS also.

Jesse: Lightning should finish the match right now. He should just P.R. Nightmare K-NESS when he has the chance. He doesn't want K-NESS to get his second wind.

JR: PRL waiting for K-NESS to get up.

Puerto Rican Lightning picks up K-NESS and gives him a spinebuster on the chair in the middle of the ring. The crowd gets very excited as PRL gets in position to deliever the Puerto Rico Elbow.

JR: Oh no! I know where this is going.

Jesse: It is now time for the most electrifying move in professional wrestling NOT sports entertainment, The Puerto Rico Elbow!

Puerto Rican Lightning takes off his right elbow pad, spits on it, and throws it down on K-NESS' face. He then does some weird hand signals and bounces off the ropes, leaps over K-NESS, and bounces on the other ropes. As he is about to drop the Puerto Rico Elbow, he stops and laughs. The crowd boos as PRL smiles and saids he won't drop the elbow. He then suddenly changes his mind and drops the Puerto Rico Elbow to the roars of the crowd.

JR: The Puerto Rico Elbow connects! It could be over! It could be over!

Jesse: It will be over, Jim Ross! PRL has K-NESS right where he wants him. This is all over.

PRL demands that the referee counts and he does. As the referee counts, PRL relaxes on the top rope and laughs as the crowd boos him.

5....

6....

7....

8....

9.....

K-NESS gets up. PRL's smile fades as he begins beating on K-NESS. He Irish Whips him into the ropes, but K-NESS reverses, but PRL comes back with the Flying Forearm.

JR: Puerto Rican Lightning is going to finish off K-NESS once and for all.

Jesse: This is what he does. These are his transition moves to set up the P.R. Nightmare.

Puerto Rican hits another forearm. And another. He hits one more then signals to the crowd "That's It!" The crowd boos and the "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" chants begin once again.

JR: PRL is going for the P.R. Nightmare and I pray that he doesn't!

Jesse: We are just a few seconds away from a NEW North American Champion, Jim Ross! A few seconds! PRL is going to finish off K-NESS! It's over!

The crowd boos as Puerto Rican Lightning picks up K-NESS and goes for the P.R. Nightmare, however K-NESS blocks...and locks on the Ganso STF! The crowd is going crazy as PRL screams in pain.

JR: THE GANSO STF!!! THE GANSO STF!!! THAT MOVE HASN'T BEEN USED SINCE ANGLEMANIA II BECAUSE K-NESS DID NOT WANT TO HURT HIS OPPOENTS!!!

Jesse: It shows how much he really hates PRL if he is willing to bring back the Ganso STF for this match!

JR: The referee is now frantically trying to break the hold. PRL has tapped out but there are no submissions in a Last Man Standing Match.

Jesse: K-NESS doesn't care. He just wants to hurt PRL! He wants him to suffer for what the Lightning Crew has done to him. He doesn't care about PRL's health! HE's the real heartless bastard Jim Ross!

The referee breaks up the Ganso STF to massive boos as K-NESS begins beating on PRL. The crowd is getting hyped up as K-NESS whips PRL to the turnbuckle chest first. K-NESS then does the 10 Punch on PRL. Lightning hits the mat and K-NESS comes off top with a Top Rope Kneedrop.

JR: K-NESS is getting his second wind!

Jesse: Come on, PRL! Shut that punk up! Show K-SUCK who's boss!

JR: K-NESS with a piledriver on the chair! He doesn't care that his right arm maybe injured. He's clinging onto it in between moves, but he is still wrestling his heart out to retain the NA Title!

K-NESS grabs PRL and gives him a double-armed DDT. K-NESS then does a necksnap on PRL. K-NESS hits a powerbomb on PRL as the crowd goes wild. K-NESS raises his fists in the air causing the crowd to pop.

JR: It looks like K-NESS is ready to end this match. He may go for the Release Tiger Suplex '85, but can he do it with one good arm. The more moves he does, the more damage he does to his right arm.

Jesse: If K-NESS is smart, he would just use a chair and knock out PRL in. But thank goodness he's an idiot, and instead the technical wrestler will go for a wrestling move even though he has an hurt right arm.

JR: What a match this has been! For 20+ minutes, we've seen these two gifted athletes push each other to the limit in order to become the North American Champion! This is indeed a slobberknocker!

K-NESS waits for Puerto Rican Lightning to get up. By now, PRL's Puerto Rico Flag facepaint is only on his forehead and eyes. K-NESS kicks PRL in the gut and prepares to give PRL the Release Tiger Suplex '85 to the roars of the crowd.

JR: Release Tiger Suplex '85! No! His right arm gave out on him. He was unable to do it! PRL using this to his advantage. The Annexation of Puerto Rico! The ANNEXATION OF PUERTO RICO!!! BAWD GAWD~! THIS MAYBE THE END! THIS ONE COULD BE OVER!!!

Jesse: If K-NESS was smart, he would just stay down! But NO! He wants the NA Title so badly, he'll get up. What an idiot this man is!

JR: The referee is once again starting the count. Both men are down. Both are tired. Both are in pain. Both want to win this match! Both men are on an adrenaline drive right now! Both men want to be Champion!

Jesse: I need a drink!

1....

2...

3....

4...

5....

6....

PRL starts to get up.

7....

K-NESS starts to get up.

8.....

PRL kips up to the boos of the crowd.

9.....

K-NESS gets up on one knee.

JR: These two men are STILL not out.

Jesse: Amazing, isn't is, Jim Ross? The fact that PRL can survive this. And the fact that K-NESS is showing us what an idiot he is by not staying down on the mat in order to prevent any further beatings from Puerto Rican Lightning.

Puerto Rican Lightning slowly gets up and heads to the outside. He throws the timekeeper off his chair and grabs it. He heads back to the ring. Meanwhile, K-NESS has grabbed the chair that was already in the ring and is slowly getting back up and ready to hit PRL.

JR: Oh my! Oh my! What are these two going to do?

Jesse: I don't like where this one is heading Jim Ross.

JR: They're both going to try and chairshot the other! This is insane! Who is going to get the chairshot first?

The crowd is buzzing in anticipation as Puerto Rican Lightning and K-NESS both have chairs in their hands and are preparing to hit each other. The crowd is chanting "K-NESS! K-NESS! K-NESS! K-NESS! K-NESS!" Then they chant "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" They both turn around....

*THWACK~!*

*THWACK~!*

PRL and K-NESS both hit each other in the face with chairs at the same time. They both fall back first onto the mat as the crowd groans and chant "Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit!"

JR: UNBELIVEABLE. We have basically seen it all in this match-up.

Jesse: JR, I just thought of something. If the referee counts to 10 and both men are out, then this match is a draw and K-NESS keeps the NA Title!

JR: In that case, I think it would be best if K-NESS just laid on the mat until the count of 10.

Jesse: What if PRL gets up before then.

JR: I highly doubt it.

1....

2....

3....

4....

5....

PRL starts to move.

6.....

7.....

PRL gets one knee up.

8.....

9....

PRL gets up. K-NESS is still lying on the mat knocked out.

10

JR: 10? 10? 10?!!!! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! AW, SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!

*DING DING DING*

Jesse: YES! YES! YES! YES! PRL HAS DONE IT! HE'S FINALLY DONE IT! WE GOT A NEW NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION! WE GOT A NEW NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION!!!!

Ring Annoucer: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match.......and NEW OaOasT North American Champion, PUERTO RICAN LIGGGGGGGGHHHHHTTTTTTNNNNNINNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

*"Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against The Machine starts up. The crowd is booing quite loudly, probalby the loudest they have ever booed PRL as garbage is thrown into the ring. Puerto Rican Lightning, dazed and tired, manages enough strenght to raise his arms and flip the middle finger to the crowd. He looks at K-NESS and spits at him as he smiles evily and jumps up and down.*

JR: Ladies and gentlemen, as much I hate to admit it, we got a new OaOasT North American Champion. Puerto Rican Lightning. After 4 unsucessful tries, has won the North American Title for the very first time.

Jesse: And I, for one, couldn't be any happier! It is true! Good things come to those who wait! We waited 6 months for this to happened. But PRL's time has come! He has dethroned K-SUCK and is now representing the OaOasT, representing North America as their Champion! Give it up for P.R.L.! Come on, Jim Ross! Give it up for him!

JR: I rather not.

*Jesse "The Body" Ventura stands up and gives PRL a standing ovation. The crowd continues booing and chanting "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" as PRL is finally, FINALLY handed the OaOasT North American Title.*

Jesse: It couldn't have happened to a better guy! After being SCREWED out of the title 4 times, Puerto Rican Lightning has overcome the odds and is now the Puerto Rican & North American Champion! He is a double Champion! The first double champion in the history of IntenseZone! This night will go down in the record books!

*Puerto Rican Lightning hugs and kisses the NA Title belt. He jaws with the crowd as The Lightning Crew come out to celebrate. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez gives him a kiss. Vitamin X gives him a high five. And Mr. Boricua gives him a big hug. The Lightning Crew raise the hands of PRL who is tired and sweaty as the crowd continues booing. PRL is handed the Puerto Rican Championship and hugs both his old belt and his new belt. K-NESS is being helped to the back by officals and referees.*

JR: September 28, 2003. A night that will go down in the record books as the night Puerto Rican Lightning defeated K-NESS in a brutal 20+ minute Last Man Standing Match to become the OaOasT North American Champion.

*"Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against The Machine starts up once again as K-NESS has left the ring and being taken to the medical room to check on his right arm. PRL does the Kurt Angle-esque celebration crying his eyes out and hugging and kissing his belts. The lights go out and a single blue spotlight is shown on PRL. He puts the North American Title belt in the center of the ring and kneels behind it, bowing down to the belt as if the belt was his god.*

Jesse: And like PRL's shirt saids. K-SUCK is nothing but a joke and PRL proved it tonight.

JR: How dare you say that, Jes?!! K-NESS, if anything, proved what a tough son-of-a-gun he is tonight! He should have been out of this match along time ago! But he did not lie down! He did not quit! HE showed heart. He was able to continue to fight with a injured right arm. He was able to get up right after the Annexation of Puerto Rico. He was able to survive a Styles Clash on a steel chair! For you to say he was a joke, when he, infact, HAD THIS MATCH WON several times, is absolutely rubbish!

Jesse: But who won the match, Jim Ross? Who did not bleed? Who was able to survive getting hit in the head with a chair? PRL! He showed the world. He proved it to the boys in the back. He proved it to the fans! HE PROVED IT TO HIMSELF! He does not need anyone ANYONE to help him win his matches! He can win matches on his own and you and all these OaOasT IntenseZone fans are going to have to deal with it!

*PRL does the HBK pose with both his belts to massive boos. The fans can still not believe PRL is actually the North American Champion. PRL raises the OaOasT North American belt on his right hand and the Puerto Rican Championship on his left hand. He raises both belts for the crowd to see in the middle of the ring while pyro shoots off from the ringposts.*

Jesse: Starting this week on IntenseZone, THIS MAN RIGHT HERE will main event every show. THIS MAN will dominate the show. THIS MAN RIGHT HERE will hold IZ's biggest title belt. Puerto Rican Lightning will main event every IntenseZone for as long as he's NA Champion.

JR: I pray that someone, ANYONE is able to dethrone PRL real soon. I just don't want to deal with PRL every single week on IZ defending our most prestigious title.

Jesse: Hey. PRL proved he was worthy enough for the belt tonight!

*PRL goes to all four turnbuckles and raises the North American & Puerto Rican Championships as he sneers to the crowd. The crowd boos PRL loudly and throw trash to the ring. He jaws with the fans as garbage continues to fill the ring.*

Jesse: In March of 2003, Puerto Rican Lightning competed in a tournament and won the Puerto Rican Championship. On September 28, 2003, Puerto Rican Lightning defeated K-NESS in a Last Man Standing Match to become the North American Champion!

*Red, white, and blue confetti and ballons pop out from the top of the arena. Fireworks hit causing the crowd to cheer. Flyers then fall from the arena with "CONGRADULATIONS PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING-NEW OAOAST NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION!" written on them. PRL looks at one of the flyers and hugs the Lightning Crew. "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against The Machine once again has to be restarted as Mr. Boricua puts PRL on his shoulders and leads him across the ring. Vitamin X and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez chant "P.R.! P.R.! P.R.! P.R.! P.R.! P.R.!" while the fans chant "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" PRL raises the NA Title on top of Mr. Boricua's shoulders.*

JR: PRL won this match by one second. By ONE SECOND!

Jesse: Yeah, that's because he's better than K-NESS. Unbelieveable right JR?

JR: Absolutely unbelieveable. And absolutely disgusting that PRL is the North American Champion.

*PRL raises the North American and Puerto Rican Championships on the turnbuckles one more time then leaves the ring. The crowd continues booing him and throwing garbage in his direction. The Lightning Crew all leave the ring. At the top of the entrance ramp, PRL raises his two belts together. The crowd boos once more and The Lightning Crew leave. "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against The Machine finishes as the crowd begins chanting "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!"*

Jesse: Man oh man. I'm beat. I cannot wait till IntenseZone this week. Who will PRL have his first title defense against?

*(Cut back to the annoucer's table with Jim Ross and Jesse "The Body" Ventura)*

JR: I don't know. That should be interesting. Who will PRL defend the belt against? The Mad Cappa? Blurricane? Jay Darring?

Jesse: I have no idea, Jim Ross. W-(Listens to his headset)Yes! I have just been told that this week on IntenseZone, PRL will have a victory speech prepared for us. I cannot wait for what PRL will say.

JR: Oh boy.

Jesse: But let's get back to tonight. We may have just witnessed a milestone in PRL's career, but we still got more Dirty Deeds action to get to. Like the main event!

JR: Indeed you are right, Jesse. Fans, we still have the main event coming up. Even though PRL winning the North American Title was an extreme disappointment, it maybe an omen. An omen that tonight the World Heavyweight Title will change hands. Will it happen? Will "Shooter" Jay Darring live out his dream and become the OaOasT World Heavyweight Champion? We will find out because we are just a heartbeep away from the main event. For the OaOasT World Heavyweight Title, a Falls Count Anywhere Match. The Champion, Calvin Szechstein vs. "Shooter" Jay Darring. It's gonna happen. And it's gonna happen next!

[Chanel #99]

The opening chords of “Shin-Jingi Naki Tatakai [Kill Bill Teaser]" by Hotei resonate throughout the darkened arena, which turns a navy blue, spotlights flashing as “Shooter” Jay Darring steps out onto the entrance ramp! The crowd erupts as the bell rings three times, the ring announcer prepping himself.

RING ANNOUNCER

Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE match… scheduled for ONE fall! Introducing first, the challenger, weighing in at one-hundred and seventy-three pounds, accompanied to the ring by Lauren Gellar, from Boston, Massachusetts, “SHOOTER” JAAAAAAAAAY DARRING!

Jay, per his usual custom, slaps hands with the fans, actually grinning a look of confidence on his face. Lauren stays on the outside, giving Jay a peck on the cheek for luck as Darring slides into the ring, raising both arms to the crowd as they shower him with affection, the music fading slowly as JR and Ventura get a word in.

JR

We’ve had a slobberknocker of a night so far, and bah gawd we’ve hit the top – “Shooter” Jay Darring, trying to accomplish his dreams against sellout champion Calvin Szechstein, the self-proclaimed New Era of OAOAST!

JESSE

You can self-proclaim him to death, Jimbo, but the fact remains that Calvin Szechstein has brought a new wave forth upon the OAOAST!

“Three-two-one, I’M THE BOMB!”

The sounds of “I’m The Bomb” by the Electric Six begin to pulse over the P.A. system, the crowd standing up and booing as Calvin Szechstein steps onto the ramp, the OAOAST Heavyweight Championship draped over his FUBU-clad left shoulder as he struts confidently down the ramp, flanked by Miss Lindsay Gonzalez.

RING ANNOUNCER

And the CHAMPION! Weighing in at one-hundred ninety-seven pounds, he hails from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, being accompanied by Miss Lindsay Gonzalez and representing Totally Endorsed, give it up for the OAOAST Champion, the New Era, CAAAAAAAAALVIN SZECHSTEIN!

The crowd boos like mad as Calvin slides the belt into the ring, where referee Nick Soapdish grabs it, holding it up for the crowd. Calvin takes off his FUBU jersey, revealing a mint- and forest-green singlet. He slides into the ring, wasting no time in charging Jay Darring!

The two lock up quickly, and despite Szechstein’s weight advantage Darring picks up the upper hand, twisting Calvin’s arm into a wristlock! The crowd pops as Jay brings his leg up, looking to smash Calvin in the jaw with a Yakuza kick… but Szechstein ducks, and Darring’s leg flies over his head! Calvin grins, set up perfectly as he uses his strength to pull Darring over to him, lifting him into the air quickly before slamming him back with a hard Samoan drop! The crowd boos as Calvin bridges straight from the Samoan drop into a cover!

“ONE!”

“T – NO!” Darring gets a shoulder up, but Calvin simply nods, getting to his feet and picking Darring up with him.

JR

Jay takes advantage with his knowledge of submissions, but Calvin uses his strength to gain advantage!

JESSE

Calvin is more refined and exciting than the pitifully bland Darring, and I feel that he deserves to retain on the strength of that alone!

Szechstein grabs Darring by the hair, lifting the Shooter to his feet and holding him by the hair for a few moments, growling at him before running forward, throwing Darring headfirst to the outside! The crowd “OOOOOH!”s at the move, and a grinning Szechstein slides outside, following Darring and looking to do some damage.

JR

And Szechstein wastes NO time in taking this match to the outside!

JESSE

He knows he has the advantage out here, JR, and that’s exactly why he’s doing it!

Szechstein grabs Darring by the hair, dragging him over to the railing and pulling Jay’s head back, bringing it forward and ramming it hard against the guardrail! The crowd boos like mad as Jay grabs his forehead in pain, but Calvin grabs Darring by the hair once more, pulling his head way back before slamming it against the railing once more! The crowd’s booing grows louder as Darring stumbles away from Szechstein, the champ grinning as he follows Darring.

JR

Szechstein using underhanded tactics, and the referee can do nothing about it!

JESSE

Aw, now ain’t that a bitch, JR.

Szechstein follows Darring over to the ring apron, grabbing Darring by the arm and whipping him into the steps with a devilish grin… but Darring reverses! The crowd pops as Calvin is sent flying at the ring steps… but, using his mind, Calvin leaps into the air, landing narrowly on the top step! Calvin taps his temple, grinning wildly as the crowd boos him. Szechstein thinks fast, leaping backwards from the step and doing a quarter-turn in midair, looking to catch Darring with a crossbody… but Jay sidesteps him, and Calvin is sent sprawling to the concrete!

JR

Calvin misses with the crossbody, and it looks like Darring is in control!

JESSE

Case this may be, JR, but he won’t be for long!

Jay Darring gets to his feet, wiping sweat out of his eyes as he grabs Szechstein, clutching his ribs on the outside, and hauls him to his feet. Jay grabs Calvin by the bottom of his singlet, rolling him into the ring and following close behind. Calvin gets to his feet, trying to take advantage of Jay’s downtime with a hard right, but Jay ducks it! Calvin’s momentum takes him around, and Darring quickly reaches up, grabbing Szechstein in a half nelson! Jay steps forward, using his left hand to grabs Szechstein’s inside leg and lift the champ up, falling back with a half-nelson backdrop!

The crowd pops for the high-impact maneuver as Jay floats through, pulling back on Calvin’s left leg and looking for the three!

“ONE!”

“TWO!”

“TH – NO!” Szechstein gets the shoulder up!

JR

Innovative offense from the challenger nearly gets three, but the champ barely manages to escape!

JESSE

As innovative as Jay may be, JR, Calvin has the power and might of corporate America behind him!

Darring gets to his feet, lifting Calvin up as well. Quickly, Darring catches Calvin with a right hook, sending Calvin reeling. Jay leaps on top of his wounded enemy, grabbing the champ’s arm and whipping him into the corner, following up with a smooth avalanche! Calvin grabs his sternum, his breathing quickened as Jay backs out of the corner, before charging back in, looking for a shoulderblock… but Calvin leaps, rolling over Jay! He grabs both of the Shooter’s legs, rolling him back with a sunset flip!

“ONE!”

“TWO!”

“THR – TWO COUNT!” Jay narrowly escapes the pin, rolling back and getting to his feet quickly. Calvin, too, slowly stands up, and the two pause, looking at each other as the crowd begins to applaud.

JR

Indy applause stance by the two young fighters, and…

But it is not to be, as Calvin charges Jay, running past Darring to the side and grabbing him by the neck, taking him down with a neckbreaker! The crowd’s booing is… loud!, as Calvin scampers on top of Darring for the pinning attempt!

“ONE!”

“TWO!”

“TH – NO!” Darring again gets the shoulder up, and Calvin, frustrated, gets to his feet, yelling in the referee’s face.

JR

Calvin is not happy about that count, Jess. I think he’s desperate for this match to be over with!

JESSE

Bull, JR. Calvin has dominated for the brunt of this match, and the longer we go on the more depleted Jay Darring’s fatigue becomes. As good as you may think he is, JR, he has got to get some offense!

Szechstein turns away from the ref, a look of frustration on his face as he grabs Darring by the collar of his black OAOAST shirt, lifting him to his feet and ripping his shirt open, exposing his bare chest, pink scars and all. An angry Szechstein whips Darring into the corner, following it up with a high clothesline across Darring’s neck! The crowd erupts in boos as Jay grabs his jugular in pain, but Szechstein storms at the Shooter, grabbing his jaw and cupping it in his right hand, rearing back with the left and bringing it down with a chop across Darring’s stomach!

“WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

The crowd noise doesn’t distract Szechstein at all, as he brushes back his jet-black hair, stepping to the outside of the ring. He stands behind the turnbuckle, reaching forward and grabbing Darring under the chin, pulling Jay over the turnbuckle by his head and driving the turnbuckle into Darring’s back! Jay lets out an angry roar of pain, and Szechstein lets go, letting the challenger topple to the inside of the ring.

JR

Jay is showing a lot of heart against Szechstein here, but Calvin’s dirty tactics may win him the match!

JESSE

This is Dirty Deeds, Jimbo, and Calvin will do any deed, no matter how dirty, to retain his belt!

Calvin leapfrogs over the back of the turnbuckle, landing on the top buckle and staring out at Jay Darring. The Shooter, meanwhile, slowly gets to his feet in the ring, Calvin sneering at him to “GET UP!” As Jay gets to his full height and turns around, Calvin leaps off the turnbuckle, both legs extended for a missile dropkick… but Jay rolls out of the way, and Calvin catches nothing but canvas! The crowd roars as the champ gets to his feet quickly, trying to regain the advantage on Jay by charging him… but Darring simply grabs him, throwing him overhead with a belly-to-belly suplex!

“SHOO-TER JAY! SHOO-TER JAY!”

The fans break out in a chant, favoring Jay as he gets to his feet, his breathing heavy as he goes over to Szechstein, looking to pick the champ up… but Calvin crawls backwards on his hands, shaking his head at Jay! Calvin slides out of the ring, putting his hands together in a T, signaling for a timeout. Jay, baffled, rolls out of the ring, but can do nothing but stare at Calvin as he goes over to the timekeepers’ table…

And grabs a can of Pepsi!

JR

THAT DIRTY SHILL! This is a wrestling match, not a Goddamn commercial!

JESSE

JESSE:

I, on the other hand, admire Calvin’s product placement! 8/10!

He opens it, taking a long drink before setting it back down on the table, looking in Jay’s direction and giving him a wink. Angrily, Darring charges Szechstein, flooring him with a flying forearm! Calvin’s back hits the concrete hard, and he grabs it in pain, as Jay gets to his feet quickly, looking down angrily at Szechstein! Calvin backs up, and Jay stalks after him, on the warpath…

But he gets stopped from behind by a nutshot from Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez! The crowd erupts in boos as Puerto Rican Lightning’s valet dashes away, only to get dropped with a Yakuza Kick by Lauren! Lindsay is clutching her face in agony!

JR:

Now THAT'S standing by your man!

The damage has been done, though, as Jay drops to his knees. Calvin, still breathing heavy and his hair matted with sweat, tacks on a dropkick to the face of the kneeling Darring, sending him sprawling to his back! Quickly, Calvin pounces on top for the pin…

“ONE!”

“TWO!”

“THR – NO!” Darring gets the kickout!

JR

Stiff dropkick to the face from the champ gets two and a half, but Jay Darring continues to show his resiliency!

JESSE

Resiliency, they’re calling it? I call it ‘Pride of a Moron’.

Calvin gets to his feet, his breathing noticeably heavier as he grabs Darring by the hair and lifts him to his feet, rolling the Shooter into the ring. Jay attempts to catch his breath as Calvin, his breathing starting to normalize, goes over to the ring announcers’ table once more, grabbing his belt and walking angrily towards the ring, looking to make an imprint of the new OAOAST logo in Jay’s forehead…

But Jay is on his feet and charging towards the ropes! As he hits them he leaps, his feet hitting the second rope as he springboards over the top, flipping over and landing, all 171 pounds of him, on the World champ and his title belt!

JR

RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT ON THE CHAMPION!

The crowd erupts as Szechstein hits the concrete, and gets even louder as Darring hooks the leg, looking for three!

“ONE!”

“TWO!”

“THREE!”

“NO!”

Szechstein just –barely– gets the shoulder up, and Darring, shocked, grabs Calvin by the hair, lifting Szechstein to his feet and looking to do even more damage. The referee grabs the title belt, lost in the move by Jay, and hands it back to the ring announcer with a grin.

JR

Folks, we very easily could’ve had a new champ right there!

JESSE

What, JR, Calvin’s kickout isn’t resilient enough for you?

Jay, looking to press his advantage, hooks Calvin up for a vertical suplex. He's got him up! Jay's keeping him there, letting the blood rush to Calvin's forehead. He pumps twice, AND SPIKES HIM RIGHT ON HIS HEAD!

JR:

THE BEST DAMN BRAINBUSTER IN NORTH AMERICA!

Jay floats over....

1!!!

2!!!!

NO! ANOTHER close nearfall!

JR:

Jay is coming so heartbreakingly close to achieving his dream!

JESSE:

Close but no cigar, and Calvin will make sure that close is all he gets.

Jay picks Calvin up again, irish whip, reversed by Calvin. Jay bounces off the ropes, Calvin jumps up, wraps his legs around Jay's head for a rana...

BUT GETS DRIVEN DOWN BY JAY INTO A JACKKNIFE POWERBOMB! JAY FLIPS OVER TO A DEEP COVER!

1!!!

2!!!!

3---NO! KICKOUT!

JESSE:

Wow JR, even I thought that was it! This match is proving, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Calvin is tough enough to be champ!

Jay continues his relentless assault. He makes the gun-blowing gesture with his fingers- "Colt 45!" He double-underhooks the arms, he's got him up in the Canadian backbreaker position...

NO! Calvin wriggles out the other side! He quickly kicks Jay low, and schoolboys him!

JR:

HE'S GOT THE TIGHTS DAMMIT!

1!!

2!!!

THRE-NO!

JESSE:

Oh MAN, I can't believe how close that was!

Jay rolls out of the cover, but Calvin, thinking quickly, immediately kicks him in the gut...

JR:

Uh oh, he's signalling for the Code Red Clash, the most deadly finishing move in wrestling today!

He's got him in the Clash position, but wait a second, Jay uses his lower body strength to rana out of it!

JR:

What incredible athleticism by the Shooter, he's not gonna be denied tonight!

Calvin recovers from the rana and gets to his feet, but gets kicked in the stomach by Jay. He grabs him for a Fireman's Carry!

JR:

KT DRILLER! KT DRILLER! NEW CHAMPION!

BUT WAIT, SLY SOMMERS HAS HIT THE RING!

Jesse:

HA HA, you KNEW Totally Endorsed would come to the rescue!

Jay sees Sly, he drops Calvin- Sly charges for a SPEAR!

Jay moves out of the way! Sly FLIES through the ropes and lands HARD on his head!

JESSE:

Is he going to be Planet Sommers now?

Calvin has recovered, and hooks him up for a Tiger Driver! He double-underhooks the arms, picks him up...

NO! Jay kicks him in the head, Calvin releases! Calvin goes for a clothesline, DUCKED by Jay! He grabs his head from behind!

JR:

AFTERTHOUGHT! AFTERTHOUGHT! HE HIT THE AFTERTHOUGHT! THERE'S A COVER! HE HOOKS THE LEG!

1!!!

2!!!!

COLVID PULLS OUT THE REF!

JR:

DAMMIT, IT'S LIKE A HANDICAP MATCH!

JESSE:

That's the rules JR- and Calvin would have kicked out anyway.

Colvid has hit the ring....Jay doesn't see him, he's still got a cover on Calvin!

Colvid is heading to the top rope- COLVID CRUNCH TIME!

JAY MOVES! HE HITS CALVIN! Colvid can't believe it! Jay DRILLS him with the STIFF~! Superkick and Colvid gets LAUNCHED OUT OF THE RING!

The ref is back in! Another cover, he hooks the leg!

1!!!

2!!!!

KICKOUT!

JR:

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THE CROWD CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

JESSE:

If there was any doubt about whether Calvin was a deserving champion, it's being erased with his performance tonight! Now here comes Axel!

JR:

He's got something in his hands!

Axel rushes into the ring! Jay is on his knees from the pinfall attempt, he gets up, turns around.

JR:

HE'S GOT POWDER!

Jay sees it, he kicks the powder back in Axel's face! Axel is stumbling around.

JESSE:

HE'S BEEN BLINDED! How can Jay live with himself?

JR:

Hey Jess, like you said, no rules.

Axel's grabbed someone...but it's not Jay.

JESSE:

OH NO, he's got Calvin!

Indeed, unable to see, Axel's got CALVIN in the reverse DVD position- AXEL SLAM CONNECTS ON CALVIN!

JESSE:

NO, YOU IDIOT! DAMMIT!

JR:

COVER, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!

1!!!!!

2!!!!

KICKOUT!

JR:

How in the hell is Calvin mustering up the strength to kickout of such an assault, from HIS OWN TEAM!

JESSE:

Pardon the pun, but you'll have to shoot him to take his belt away! That belt means the world to Calvin!

Jay dropkicks Axel, and he spills out of the ring.

"JAY! JAY! JAY! JAY!"

Jay gives the "thumbs down" gesture to Calvin, to a ROAR from the crowd!

JR:

NOW we're gonna see the KT Driller! NOBODY kicks out of that, it's ended careers, it's broken necks!

WAIT A SECOND, someone's slid into the ring through the crowd! Jay doesn't see him, he's got Jay's arm! He hooks it behind Jay's neck, picks him up in a reverse DVD position, and DRIVES JAY DOWN NECK-FIRST!

JR:

THAT'S A CUTTTHROAT SUPLEX!

JESSE:

AND THAT'S THE SAME GUY THAT INTERFERED IN JAY'S MATCH AT ANGLESLAM! The resemblance to Darring is UNCANNY!

The mystery man, with the startling resemblance to Jay Darring, heads to the outside and watches the rest of the action.

Calvin has recovered from the Axel slam, he's groggy, he's crawling...crawling...there's the cover!

1!!!!

2!!!!

3!!!!

NO! DARRING GETS A SHOULDER UP!

JR:

OH MAN, what a close fall!

Calvin is FUMING. He grabs Jay's legs, and picks him up in the Code Red Clash position---

IT HITS!

1!!!!!

2!!!!!

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JESSE:

And that's it.

Ring Announcers: Your winner, and STILL OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, CALVIN SZECHSTEIN!

JESSE:

Let this be a lesson to all you doubters, all you negative nancy boys, CALVIN SZECHSTEIN IS FOR REAL! He took everything Jay Darring could throw at him, and he STILL came out on top! He truly is a champion for the new era!

JR:

I have a feeling this is far from over though, Jesse, not after what just went down with this mystery man!

JESSE:

Wait a second, he's gonna speak....

The mystery man has indeed procured a microphone....

MYSTERY MAN:

Jay, Jay, Jay, you've always been a disappointment to me, and to Mom and Dad -you're a failure, a misguided soul...and I'm going to set you on the right path, LITTLE BROTHER!

JR:

THAT'S HIS BROTHER?!

Jesse:

...Now it all makes sense, heh, even Jay's family hates him. Nice to know I'm far from alone.

The battered Jay is in the ring, staring holes at his older brother as he heads back through the crowd, as Szechstein celebrates with his title belt on the turnbuckles. The camera focuses in on Jay as he mutters something, tears in his eyes.

"Mike, why? why?"

JR:

He's crying, Jesse.

Jesse:

My heart is *breaking* JR. Heh.

Suddenly, the lights go out!

JESSE:

Oh lord, what now?

"Tubular Bells" plays, and a giant "?" similar to the Batman signal goes around in the crowd for a few seconds, then disappears. The lights come on, and a masked man is shown standing behind Jay.

JR: Who the hell's that?

Jay turns around, and the masked man kicks him in the stomach, and picks him up in a powerbomb...then truns it into a STUNNER in midair!

JR: Oh mah gawd~! That masked man has attacked Jay Darring! What in the hell is going on?

The masked man pulls out a black kendo stick and starts beating Darring with it. The referee tries to step in, and gets nailed in the gut with the stick!

JR: My GAWD, he just took out the referee!

Jesse: Who the hell is this guy, Ross?

Calvin is standing outside the ring, and gets hit with a SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP~!

JR: And now Calvin gets laid out with a Space Flying Tiger Drop!

Jesse: He's not done yet, Ross, he's going to get some more of Darring!

Jay is still out in the ring, so the masked man ascends the top rope and delivers a FIVE-STAR FROG SPLASH~!

JR: MAH GAWD JAY DARRING MAY BE BROKEN IN HALF!

The masked man then grabs the belt, plants a foot on Jay's chest and poses with it.

JR: Who the hell is this masked man, and what vendetta does he have with Darring and Calvin?

JESSE: We'll all find out as we make our way to WORLDS WITHOUT END, a Tony the Body production!

JR: BY GAWD!

Stephen Joseph Productions would like to thank the following:

Leroy "Killer" Andrew Parka

Dan "Postal" Black

??? as the Shadow

What?

Jay "Shooter" Darring

Zack "R. Kelly" Malibu

Michael "Lightning" Benoit

The Mysterious K-Ness

Peter "Unfuckwithable" Knight

P. "Legdrop" Fury