Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- The OAOAST Sofa Central is decorated in festive Thanksgiving pomp and flare, causing the orange poloed announcers to stand out in the surroundings. COLE Welcome, folks, to OAOAST HeldDOWN, Michael Cole here beside Johnathan Coachman of ESPN and OAOAST fame. COACH Making that ABC money! COLE Tonight we have....what's this? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Suddenly, the cameras cut to the entrance way as LEON RODEZ stalks to the ring. COLE Oh, great. Looks like we're being interrupted here, Leon Rodez, apparantly with something more important to say. COACH I don't doubt that. Some warning woulda been nice though! Leon enters the ring with a microphone, head bowed. His eyes look out from under his brow and glare at the fans jeering him, trying to prevent him from speaking. He sighs into the microphone and starts speaking slowly and carefully. LEON I came here tonight... to get what I want. Nobody will return my calls. Nobody will answer my requests. So until I do get what I want, I am going to stand in this ring... and I am going to wait... "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" LEON I am sick... and I am tired... of outside forces standing in my way of being the World's Heavyweight Champion. I cannot do anything about bad luck. And I cannot do anything about the fates, that seem to have conspired to make my life a living, breathing hell. But none of that has to do with why I am out here. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" LEON They're not to blame this time. The people to blame are Reject... Alix Maria Spezia... and Josie Baker... and I can do something about them. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" LEON And until I get the fair, unhindered shot at the World Title that I deserve... then I will take my frustrations out on whichever forces I do have control over. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Finally being drowned out, Leon stops and scowls at the audience. COLE Boy, Leon, about as bitter as we've ever seen him. And that's saying something, with his actions and demeanour in the past eight months. COACH I think he's deadly serious, Michael. And I don't like the fact that you and me are the closest guys to him wearing OAOAST logos on our shirts. "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" LEON It seems that this company... is run by some very insecure people. These people see fit to play with the lives of those below them. They kick people while they are down... they tread on those who get in their way... and they revel in the power and the wealth that they do not deserve. The good people of the OAOAST, like me, are treated with disdain and disgust... the unloved toys that are kicked around and torn and twisted... this company is unfair and unjust... it rewards the evil and the greedy... Finally, to the relief of everyone, JOSIE BAKER appears on the stage, flanked by security. Leon scowls up the ramp at her, as she shakes her head. JOSIE Okay, that's quite enough Leon. You've said your piece and I've said mine. You're not getting what you want tonight. LEON You are exactly the kind of person that I am talking about. You have the power and the wealth... and you have gotten there with a complete disregard for anyone else around you. Not only have you systematically picked me apart, you sit behind your desk and you bully someone defenceless like Morgan... you plot annd you scheme to try and ruin her life as well, you... JOSIE Excuse me!? Defenceless!? Morgan!? No no, we're not even getting into that, but you are way off the mark. And from the sounds of it, you may well be completely off the deep-end too! "YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" The cheers of the crowd bite at Leon, causing him to cringe. LEON You people cheer... and laugh... at the thought of mental illness and suffering of someone else? These are your people, Josie? The people your company panders to and placates? Why am I not surprised? JOSIE You know, we could stand her all day and listen to your own personal brand of "life lessons", Leon. But, I have a show to run. So, I'm going to make this very simple. You say that you want to "do something". That's fine by me. But you will NOT being doing anything about Reject, because you are not getting a shot at the OAOAST World Championship in the near future. And you should get rid of any thoughts of doing something about me, right now. But as far as Alix Maria Spezia goes? You might just be able to do something about her. Because in just over two weeks, we've got a Pay Per View called November Reign. And at November Reign, there will be traditional Survivor Series Matches. Including, just signed, a match with a team lead by Alix, taking on a team lead by yourself. Shaking his head, Leon doesn't much care for this announcement. LEON You know what I want, Josie... and you know that that is not even close to it. JOSIE Well, as the saying goes Leon, you can't always get what you want. And unless you leave this ring right now, you will get a little of what you need. "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Woah. Josie Baker, laying down the law! COACH Yeah, with about 20 people backing her up! Leon paces around the ring, before glaring back up at Josie. LEON I might get what I need, you say. Well, the way I see it, with Krista on the disabled list... you need Alix Maria Spezia to stay healthy. That's the thing with life, Josie. You think you have it all figured out. And then it stabs you clean through the heart! Trust me when I tell you, sometimes you don't get what you want, or what you need... you just get hurt. Dropping the microphone, Leon leaves the ring. Josie's security parts to let him up the aisle, but Leon takes a different route and leaves over the barricade and through the crowd just to be problematic. Josie watches him navigate through the crowd, a troubled expression on her face. COLE Leon Rodez has made his point known and it could be dangerous for everyone.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 Clean shirt, new shoes and I don't know what I am gonna do. Silk suit, black tie, I don't need a reason why. They come runnin' just as fast as they can cause every girl is crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man. The crowd most certainly does not go crazy for a sharp dressed man as they deliver jeers and taunts towards Christian Wright. Minus his usual ring accompaniment, the Natural holds his brief case above his head as the camera gets full view of his stylish Armani suit pants. He then puts his briefcase towards his side and with a sly grin heads to ringside. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of fifteen minutes. Introducing first, he weighed in at 8 1/3 bars of gold, and hails from Washington DC, he is the 2005 rookie of the year, and a former tag team champion, ladies and gentlemen please welcome…THE NATURAL CHRISTIAAAAAAAN WRIIIIIIIIGHT! Wright struts up the ring step, tossing small smirks to the jeering fans of the front row. His leather dress shoes guide him to the center of the ring apron, where he holds up his briefcase to the loudest boos yet. COACH The Centennial Man, my boy Christian Wright, laying it down for The Enterprise. COLE As Christian has started his winning streak, Theodore Moneymaker has been out with a separated shoulder, but he plans to return very soon. He has to be happy with the way Wright’s carried on with the group in his absence. “HOLD UP! WAIT A MINUTE! PUT A LITTLE LOVE IN IT!” The rocking riffs of boom into the arena Multicolored spotlights trace a psychedelic path across the entry way, as the numerous video monitors flash with the steamy images of The Love Doctors. But what holds the audience’s attention is the magnnifque sight of Stepen Pigley stripping away his lab coats. The bright and bold lights highlight his jutting pecs, his six-pack of defined muscle and of course his skimpy, almost non existent tights. COLE Now there’s a man who knows how to dress! And undress! BUFFER And his opponent, hailing from the Windy City, he weighed in at two hundered and thirty pounds, he is DOCTOR STEPHEN PIGLEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY! Heavy cheers for the lady OAOAST Marks greet handsome stud as he slaps hands on his way down to ringside. COLE Last week Christian Wright extended his winning streak by beating Baron Windells in what was a tainted contest. Let’s see how he fares tonight without outside interference. DING DING DING. Pigley approaches CW for a lockup. The Natural fakes as though he’s accepting the attempt, but as Pigley approaches he boots him directly in the gut. The Love Doctor is doubled over in pain, which allows CW to land a clubbing forearm into his back. Pigley rockets upright, wincing in agony. His pain grows all the worse when CW tears through his chest with a European uppercut. The assault continues when The Natural hooks his foe into a front facelock. Fortunatley Pigley soon regains his strength, and several punches to the ribs free him from CW’s hold. COLE Christian Wright has never really been a fan favorite here in the OAOAST. In his five years in this company he has made enemy after enemy in the OAOAST Marks. COACH The OAOAST Marks ain’t ready for some who kicks knowledge as raw as Christian Wright With CW wobbling in a stunned state, Pigley makes a move for the ropes. He bounces off with arms raised for a lariat. But his telegraphing of the move proves costly as The Natural is able to again stab him in the cut. A body slam follows, and more pain is inflicted by an elbow drop from The Natural. He then makes a pinfall which is counted by Earl Hebner… ONE! TWO! Pigley fires his shoulder up, popping the crowd. Wright, however, is displeased and takes this displeasure out on Pigley with several stomps. Once done stomping at his foe, he drags him to his feet and throws him forward into the ropes. But much to Wright’s surprise, Pigley comes flying back with a diving shoulder tackle! “YEAAAAAAAA!” the sold out audience cheers as Pigley gives them a sexy hip swivel. Now finished pleasing the ladies, Pigley pulls CW off the canavs. He throws him into a neutral corner and then attempts to follow that up with a corner splash. But The Natural slides out the way and the doctor of doctornomics is left to crash into the ring posts. CW takes advatage of this by hooking onto the ring ropes and using them to repeatedly drive his shoulder into Pigley’s back. COLE Great strategy by The Natural. COACH The man is a god child, could you expect anything less from the son of the lord? COLE Good grief. Wright wraps his arms around Pigley’s thin waist, and uses that grip to fling him backwards with a release German Suplex! Pigley lands directly on his head, and then pain is doubled as CW screams across the canavs and drops a knee onto the top of Pigley’s head. Another pinfall follows…. ONE! TWO! But Pigley once again finds his way out the pinfall. He gets to his feet and begins trading punches with his rival. But CW easily gains the upper hand with a pair of lethal European uppercuts. This allows him to take Pigley into a front facelock. From that position he flings him backwards with a snap suplex and floats over into a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Again Pigley manages a kickout. “YEAAAAAAAAA!” “SILENCE!” Wright demands as he begins scraping the Love doc off the canavs. However his tiff with the audience comes with a price; Pigley fights his way out of Wright’s clutches. Angered, CW makes an attempt to seize him once more. But Pigley leaps into the air and catches The Centennial Man with a beautiful dropkick. Even more beautiful is the muscles Pigley flexes to the delight of the female audience members. COACH This perv has no place in an OAOAST ring, with his pervy, homoerotic behavior. COLE You just wish you had a body like that, flabby-io COACH Pigley picks Wright up by the seat of his dress pants and rams him face first into the nearest turnbuckle. He then goes to opposite turnbuckle and does the exact same thing. CW stumbles backwards, clearly dazed from the violence brought upon him. Seeing this, Pigley climbs onto the third rope. He works up the audience with some hand clapping, before dismounting his perch with an axe handle smash. He hits the former HI-YAH champion directly in the eyes and topples him over. A pinfall is then made…. ONE! TWO! The God Child kicksout, which does little to please the booing fans. Though sore he makes a return to his feet. But he finds that nothing but elbows await him. His foe dazes and cripples him with those shots, and then takes to the ropes. Rushing back, Pigley leaps into the air for a hurricanrana, but is caught by surprise and thrown to the canvas with the Wright Off! COLE VINTAGE Christian Wright! COACH VINTAGE you suck at your job. Hebner counts the ensuing pinfall… ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING BUFFER Your winner as a result of a pinfall….CHRISTIAN WRIGHT!!!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!” With much to celebrate, Christian Wright takes hold of the microphone and displays a wide smile upon his face. WRIGHT From this calendar day forward, as long as the sun may set, and the moon shall shine, I, Christian Wright, will concede neither pinfall nor submission to any man! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOO! COACH The Magic Man has done it again! 95 more wins left for The Centennial Man! COLE The Magic Man, The Natural, The God Child, The Centennial Man, pick a nick name and stick with it, darn it! Regardless folks we'll have more HeldDOWN~! including an interview with tag team champions, Team Heyross coming up. Stay tuned!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 Backstage we find Josh Matthews with…HOLLY JOSH Hello, everybody. I’m standing here with Holly, who is captaining a team at November Reign against Morgan Nerdly- HOLLY Hahahhaah JOSH What is so funny, Holly? HOLLY Nothing’s funny, its just so (beep) stupid, I gotta laugh. What a bunch of (beep) tards who run this company. I’m just laughing at their stupidity. Me in a survivor series match. Bullshit. JOSH Are you saying our boss Josie Baker is stupid? HOLLY I’m saying, that first Josie (beep) me around on my contract, she tried to screw me like I was some empty headed Nerdly teenager. I got the (beep) run around from the assholes up top and their lead bitch at the bottom. But these (beep) (beep)suckers realized what a Holly free OAOAST is. Its bad. JOSH Bad for who? HOLLY Bad for whoever’s ass my husband kicks because I’m not around. But right now I’m here, and everyone’s safe. My contract got ironed out, it should be good. But there’s a new storm brewing, its called Hurricane Holly and you’re sitting in the eye of the (beep) storm. No shit, I am more pissed off than I ever been in my adult life. Josie gave me a job to do, get the women’s belt off Morgan and send that useless bitch on home. I was ***this*** close to getting that done. I had her dead in my (beep) sights, and then a (beep) (beep)sucking referee (beep)_ me over! Thanks to that, I’m screwed out my second title reign! Now I don’t give a (beep) what Josie wants, its about Holly, the baddest bitch in the OAOAST. I want my title and I’m gonna get it. I’m gonna destroy Morgan and her team at Novemeber Reign and then I’m gonna destroy the last thing that gives Morgan joy, her title reign. JOSH If we could- HOLLY I wasn’t (beep) finished,. I don’t give a shit about how Morgan feels. Frankly I think people like her oughta be tossed out on their ass and livin on the streets. I don’t have time for a useless emo (beep) goin’ around cryin all the time. This isn’t a world for the weak or the infirm. You either have what it takes to survive or you have what it takes to die. Morgan doesn’t got what it takes to survive so I think she’d be better off pulling the trigger and getting it over with.MORGAN NERDLY storms onto set, with fists clenched and lip quivering. MORGAN Hey! JOSH Uh-oh! We're in trouble! Holly merely smiles at Morgan’s arrival. HOLLY Heheheheheh I knew that'd get your attention. I got you figured now, don't I? MORGAN You have no idea who I am or what I’ve gone through. Your biggest problem is that it took you two months to get a high six figure contract. My smallest problem is wondering what voices I’m going to wake up hearing inside my head. HOLLY Awwww too bad. Go cry to someone else! MORGAN You know what? You’re….you’re….you’re worse than all the others. People like me we deal with stigma and discrimination all day, but you’re truly terrible. But…but…I’d sell my soul to be you. Because you’re normal and healthy enough to never think that you or anyone you know could wind up like me. I wish I was you.zzzzzzzzzzt JOSH Don’t hurt her. zzzzzzzzzzt HOLLY Mind your own business and don’t tell me what the hell to do. JOSH I’m talking to her! HOLLY What’s she gonna do to me?zzzzzzzzzzt MORGAN Run away, Holly. Run very far away. HOLLY Yeah right, I’m not (beepin) scared of you! You’re a weak little 4’11 emotionally broken child. I bet if I flicked lent off you shirt, I’d send you running for the suicide hotline. MORGAN Run. Now. Run. Now. Run. Now. Run! Now! Realizing that a causality is soon to occur, Holly stuns Josh by shoving him into Morgan. Both Josh and Morgan topple over, much to Holly's glee. JOSH Ahhhhhhh! MORGAN Ouch! Holly laughes to herself and then darts away from the scene of the crime she’s caused. Josh slowly backs away, not knowing how to handle the trembling Morgan. COLE Folks, we apologize for any offense Holly may have caused with her comments. They are in no way reflective of the rest of the OAOAST. Folks, those two are going to have an explosive encounter at November Reign, you don't want to miss it. More HeldDOWN~! after these messages.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 In the ring we find Tony Brannigan, microphone in hand. BRANNIGAN Tampa, Florida, welcome back your One & Only World Tag Team Champions… CHARLIE MOSS, QUENTIN BENJAMIN… TEAM HEYROSS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" “Shine” by Collective Soul hits and Team Heyross head down the aisle slapping hands, a blast of red, white and blue pyro shooting off behind them. COLE What an ovation for arguably the most decorated team in OAOAST history. COACH I don’t see the LDC Moneygang anywhere. COLE Not them, Team Heyross! Now in the ring, Team Heyross raise the title belts for all to see. BRANNIGAN Gentlemen, it’s great to have you back on HeldDOWN~! MOSS Well it’s great to be back, Tony. You wouldn’t believe how hard it was for us to sit on the sidelines while the appeal process ran its course. BENJAMIN All because some whiny punks would rather win the tag titles in the courtroom instead of in the ring. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" THE CAN-AM ASSASSINS pay an unannounced visit. BRANNIGAN Now wait just a minute, gentlemen. This isn’t your time. STRUTTER Relax, T. We’re not here to cause trouble, just to make sure Team Heyross got our message last week. MOSS Loud and clear. STRUTTER And? BENJAMIN And we’re not scared of anybody. If you want a title shot… "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Benjamin loses his train of thought as THE LDC MONEYGANG show up unexpectedly. REIGER Hold up there, Shelton. Benjamin glances over at Moss and mouths, “Shelton?” REIGER In case you boys didn‘t get the memo, which Felix Strutter and that jacked up Chia Pet obviously did not, we’re the team who’s gonna take those tag belts away from you. Hell, we’re already the uncrowned champs in the hearts and minds of many. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" CMJ REIGER So forget about them and worry about our upcoming tag title match. STRUTTER Yo, fool, who died and made you matchmaker? REIGER I’m just breaking it down for you, homie. Go out and win a few more matches and we’ll think about giving you a title shot. STRUTTER Well, now that we’ve established who the number one contenders are, maybe we ought to take your asses down right here right now! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" CMJ jumps in front of Reiger as Strutter gets in his face. MOSS I say Tony, it looks like we’ve got a dilemma. Two teams who want a shot at our titles. And since we’re itching to get back into the ring, we’ll gladly shut them both up. Next week we’ll give one team a shot, and the other the following week. BRANNIGAN What about it, gentlemen? STRUTTER We’re cool with that. REIGER So are we. And we call dibs on next week. STRUTTER Oh hell no! You just had a shot. We get the first match. REIGER Who’s the wannabe matchmaker now? We get some pushing and shoving from Reiger and Strutter until they’re separated by their partners. BENJAMIN Why don’t we flip for it? You got a coin, Tony? LORELEI What’s a coin? REIGER Money poor people use. Brannigan hands Benjamin a quarter. BENJAMIN (to LDCMG) Since we don‘t want you to bitch, I’ll let you call it. Heads or tails? CMJ Tails nevah fails! Benjamin flips the coin, which lands on the mat and on heads. BRANNIGAN It’s heads. The Can-Am Assassins get the first title match next week. Strutter taunts Reiger as “Shine” by Collective Soul cues. BRANNIGAN There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Next week Team Heyross will defend the tag team title against the Can-Am Assassins and the winner of that one will face the LDC Moneygang on Thanksgiving night. Stay tuned! HeldDOWN~! returns in a moment. OR DOES IT???? YEAH IT DOES.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 Backstage we findTYLER BRYANTAndSHAYNE BRAVE Passing a soccer ball back and forth. TYLER What’s the deal with your ironic hipster shirts? SHAYNE My ironic hipster shirts? You wish you had my style and class. You can’t get enough of these. I have a closet full of these wonders. TYLER Your shirt says “Your Swagger Sucks”. Do you think many women are going to come up to you and say “Thank you for insulting me, lets sleep together” SHAYNE Chicks love these type of shirts. They dig my creativity. TYLER You weren’t the one standing behind a little Chinese boy in the sweat shop screaming “stitch Your Swagger Sucks or we sell your sister to local pimp!” Suddenly!.... ALIX MARIA SPEZIA and a woman who appears worn down, poorly dressed, and covered and dirt appeasr. ALIX Hey-ho guy-ohs! SHAYNE Hey, Alix…..uh…..um….who’s your friend? And does she dig my shirt? ALIX Oh, her? Yeah, like, this is Roshida she’s carrying one or both of your babies, and if you don’t join my team for November Reign than I’ll tell your parents one or both of you used your demonic hellborn semen to impregnated a crack whore ROSHIDA I prefer the term sexual narcotic exchange officer. ALIX Sex…ua….nar….eh, screw it you’re a crack whore, cracky voncrackenstien! Either you two join me or its Kelly Cracksmoke at your thanksgiving table! TYLER Woah chill, we said your back. ALIX Yeah, I remember. I waited all day in the motel room for doggy style sex and you never came through! Although the motel owner was nice enough to show me how the vibrating bed worked and layed on top of me so I wouldn’t fall off. He said all the thrusting was designed to keep his body aerodynamically grounded! He never did explain the erection though. That was odd. But you’re on the team? TYLER We sure are. You think you’re the only one looking to get back at Leon? You have no idea how much we’ve waited for this moment. SHAYNE That’s right , he’s just as much our enemy as he is your’s. He has to learn when you hurt somebody, you hurt their friends, and their friends are always going to be on the look out to hurt you. He can complain about unfair treatment all he wants, but he’s not the one laid up at home in a cast, unable to perform on the OAOAST, teach unable fitness classes, and is getting hounded by the paparazzi over a broken arm. TYLER Right on. I think he’s had it pretty easy. He gets four straight world title shots, four straight mainevent pay days, and now a high profile survivor series match. Its time we showed him what suffering really means. ALIX Wow! SHAYNE What’s wrong? ALIX I didn’t know you were capable of saying more than four sentences in a segment. Awesome! But anypoodle we’re not just doing this for ourselves or Krista, even, we’re doing it for those girls that have to, like, face the man who broke their mother’s arm every Thursday and stuff, and we’re also doing it for Bill Cosby. TYLER Huh? ALIX They hit it off at the Emmys one year. Anyway, I can’t wait for this match! Its going to be so awesome! I don’t care who Leon has on his team. He can have Barney Rubble, Big Bird, The Cookie Monster, and Aunt Jemima, and we’d still whup their butts to outer space and call Nasa and tell ‘em we did. I can’t wait. Group high five! ALIX By the way Shayney baby, that shirt kinda sucks. TYLER Told you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 "Right Round" by Flo Rida hits and it's party time in Tampa! Not that you'd know it, the fans not in a Mardi Gras mood. Strutting his stuff, Rico de Janeiro heads out with fistfuls of coloured beads, hoping to see some action from the ladies. BUFFER The following contest is a Fatal Fourway Match, scheduled for one fall! And by order of OAOAST President Josie Baker, all outside parties will be BARRED from ringside for this match. Introducing, participant number one. From Rio de Janeiro, Brazil... weighing two hundred, twenty eight pounds. He is "THE WHITE KNIGHT" of the MARDI GRAS HELLFIRE CLUB... RRIIIIIICCOOOOO... DDEEE JJJAAAAANNEEEEIIIIRRRRRROOOOOOOOO!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Always on the lookout, is Rico. But those wandering eyes certainly got him into trouble two weeks ago, at the Halloween Spectacular. COACH Wandering eyes!? There was no wandering needed, his eyes were ASSAULTED! Look!Suddenly THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND hit ringside and lay out Simon, then flee like thieves in the night. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What the heck?! Ned continues to hammer Lucius, the attack on Simon unbeknownst to him. But a clubbing blow to the back by Rico grabs his attention. From the middle rope Ned is placed in position for THE MOUSTACHE RIDE. COLE Uh-oh. COACH Uh-oh indeed. The guys told me their Moustache Ride/swinging DDT combo is called 3:10 to Hell. Ready for flight, Lucius becomes distracted when Molly hops on the apron and FLAS...******BIG GIANT FUCKING RED X ON THE SCREEN! NO BOOBIES FOR YOU!******** Rico drops Ned and hurls a pair of BEADS to Molly. LUCIUS Oh, shit. Lucius gets popped and thrown into Rico! Both men stagger to their feet and a DOUBLE COCONUT by Ned! The Handsome Hustler clotheslines Rico over the top and nails Lucius with THE SLINGSHOT SUPLEX!! COACH Ridiculous! COLE Well, Molly admits she got caught up in the moment, but what's done is done. COACH No, not that. They censored the footage! Bullshit! COLE But, you were ju... I mean, yo... oh forget it. Rico stands in the ring, stroking his moustache and watching the big screen. Suddenly, his lip curls as "Superstar" by Lupe Fiasco plays. The red carpet is rolled out for Ned Blanchard, who smirks at Rico on his way down the aisle. BUFFER Participant number two, from Beverly Hills, California! Weighing two hundred, thirty five pounds... he is one half of the ORANGE COUNTY COBRAS... "THE HANDSOME HUSTLER"... NNEEEEEEEDD... BBLLLLLLAAAAANNCCHHHHAAAARRRRRDD!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" As soon as Ned rolls inside, Rico exits the ring and talks a walk. Ned sarcastically tells Rico to keep his eyes on him and not anything else (like breasts), then climbs the ropes and poses for the crowd. COACH What a smug SOB."You try to play cool Like you just don't care But soon I'll be playin' in your underwear Givin' me all that I desire 'Cos down with me I'm taking you higher" "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Warren Miller version)" by Weezer hits and James Blonde swaggers through the entrance, wearing a one of a kind white version of his usual entrance jacket. Trends, and stuff. Fluffing his hair, Blonde extends his arms outwards and dares the crowd to boo him. Which, they do. A lot. BUFFER Participant number three. Hailing from Vancouver, British Columbia... he represents CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL! Weighing two hundred, eight pounds... one quarter of the OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Champions... "THE TRENDSETTER"... JJJAAAAAMMMEEEESSSSS... BBLLLLLOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEEE!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Wagging his finger, Blonde elects not to step into the ring yet. He walks around the ring and pats Rico on the back. And suddenly it's all smiles from the Brazilian, as he and Blonde warn Ned he's in trouble now. COLE Well this should be an interesting dynamic here. We know that there's been some kind of "working agreement" made, between Landon Maddix and Queen Esther. So will we see Rico and Blonde work together tonight, even though this is every man for themselves? COACH I hope so. Looking down at his opponents, Ned doesn't seem worried and gives them both a firm UP YOURS. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE I don't think Ned is concerned either way! Blonde and Rico reel from the shock of that, into the shock of BIG HUGE exploding pyro! The home audience is shown an overhead view of the entrance stage, it's metallic floor carpeted by simmering flames that form the shape of a bull's head. The camera then pans down to reveal Baron Windells, throwing up the longhorns! BUFFER And the final competitor. From San Antonio, Texas! Weighing two hundred, sixty five pounds... "THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER"... BBAAAAARRRROOOOOONN... WWWWIIIIIIIIINNDDEEEELLLLSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Big Baron marches to the ring and throws up the horns to the crowd, all business tonight. He pulls off his white leather jacket and hurls it over the ropes, narrowly missing Rico and Blonde, who aren't so cocky now the odds are evened up. COLE Baron Windels, cost a match last week by Landon Maddix. And clearly in a bad mood here tonight. COACH What's he mad at James for? What has he done to deserve it? COLE Unending loyalty to Landon? COACH Well, they're not actually that close, you know. Just occassional acquaintances. *DINGDINGDING* The referee calls for the bell, but with only two men in the ring. Outside, Blonde and Rico try to come up with a plan. They decide to rush the ring on '3'... or, at least, Blonde does. However, Rico bottles out. Blonde gets to his feet and quickly realises he's alone, turning to Rico and shouting at him for desertion, before getting a sinking feeling. And he turns around into a right hand from Baron! COACH Ahh, JB just got punked out! Baron unloads with big Texas sized right hands before backing up, clotheslining Blonde up and over the top to the floor! Baron wastes no time in going after him. Which sends Rico scurrying, not realising Ned has left the ring on the other side and is there to meet him with right hands of his own! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Blonde and Baron do battle on one side of the ring, Rico and Ned on the other. Not that either is much of a battle. Baron and Ned slug away, while JB and Rico just try to escape the beatings they're taking. COLE And it is breaking down already! With a knee to the gut, Rico manages to turn the tables on Ned. Meanwhile, Blonde opts for the "run for your life" tactic and escapes from Baron, rolling back inside the ring. Blonde tries to catch Baron unprepared with a right hand as he follows behind, but Baron blocks and decks Blonde with a Texas right of his own! Having had quite enough of being punched in the face for one night, Blonde backs into a corner and begs off. Baron has none of it though and whips Blonde across the ring. Throwing up the horns, Windels follows in and forces Blonde to BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS! Blonde staggers out, as Baron takes off into the ropes and nails a diving Texas lariat! Cover... 1... 2... Broken up by Rico! The Brazilian clubs away on Baron and attempts an irish whip. A reversal sends Rico off instead, but he manages to put on the brakes, booting Baron in the chest. Rico stops to stroke his porn 'stache and almost pays for it as Baron retaliates with a clothesline. But Rico manages to duck and twist Windels around into a neckbreaker. Cover by Rico... 1... 2... But it's Ned in this time to interrupt. COLE It's hard to get a quick pin in a match like this, while you've got two other opponents lying around, still relatively fresh. Ned lays into Rico with right hands, backing him against the ropes. Irish whip is reversed by Rico this time. A scoop up on the rebound doesn't work, as Ned slips out the back. He goes to scoop Rico, but Rico slips out as well. Both men aim and miss with clotheslines, before Ned is able to snatch Rico's thick legs and guide him into the top rope throat first with the STUNGUN! Ned makes the pin... 1... 2... And Blonde piles on top to break it all up. COLE Organised chaos here on HeldDOWN~! What could be better? COACH You want a list or were you being rhetorical? Ned shrugs Blonde off and fires away with right hands, sending JB back into a corner. Opening up a carton of California orange juice in the corner, Ned stomps a mudhole in Blonde's chest and walks it dry. Behind him, Baron picks Rico up and starts teeing off with right hands again. Baron whips Rico to the ropes and surprises everyone by throwing an impressive dropkick to knock Rico off his feet! COLE Wow, big 6'7 265 Baron, leaving his feet with that dropkick! Cover by Baron... 1... 2... Kickout. Turning away from Blonde, Ned converses with Baron. The former rivals combine to whip Rico off the ropes again. Baron takes him down with a drop toehold and Blanchard delivers the POINTY ELBOW~! COLE VINTAGE Orange County Cobra... wait a second... oh, now my head hurts. COACH Now ya know how we feel. Ned jumps right back up to lay out Blonde with a clothesline and fires up the crowd, Baron doing the same in the background. COLE These two are looking good now. But sooner or later, they're going to have to fight it out amongst themselves if they wanna win. Picking Blonde back up, Ned prepares his newfound friend, whipping JB into a Big Boot to the face! Blonde rolls out of the ring and Rico is left alone, struggling to his feet. A boot from Baron doubles him up and the Texan encourages Ned to go up top, while he prepares a suplex. As Ned goes up though, Rico blocks the suplex. Ned's foot is then grabbed by Blonde, while Rico gets a small package on Baron! 1... 2... NO! Back up first, Baron lays out Rico with a right hand, then runs over and boots Blonde off the apron. As he turns back around though, Rico is waiting with a clothesline! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Rico strokes at his 'stache, not paying attention to Ned, who comes off the top and clubs him from behind! "YYYAAAAAAAAYYYY!!" Ned goes to make the cover... 1... ...but is pulled out of the ring by James Blonde. Frustrated, Ned takes a big swing at Blonde. But he ducks and sends Ned CRASHING into the steel steps with a shove in the back!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Ooh, Ned went in hard, shoulder first. Back inside, Baron and Rico are up and trading punches. It's an even fight until Blonde slides back in and suddenly Baron is overwhelmed, two on one. Rico and Blonde club Baron down to a knee before stopping to stroke 'stache/fluff hair. COACH Oh yeah, lookin' good guys! COLE Yes, but which looks sleazier. I'd say it's a toss-up. A double irish whip sends Baron off the ropes. Baron doesn't even bother ducking the double clothesline, instead BREAKING through the arms. And as he rebounds back, he delivers a double clothesline of his own! Blonde weasels his way to safety again, so Baron goes on the attack on Rico instead. Right hands club the Brazilian back against the turnbuckles, the Tampa crowd behind every single one of them. Hooking Rico up, Baron then runs out of the corner, looking for a bulldog. Blonde suddenly re-appears from his hole and tries to intercept Baron with a clothesline, forcing the Texan to bail out and duck. When he turns around, Rico connects with a knee though, allowing Blonde to follow up with a dropkick to the side of the head. COACH Look at that, great teamwork. COLE Well it's two on one. Baron can only fight those odds for so long. Ned climbs back to the apron to try and even those odds, but is dropkicked off by Blonde. He preens, while Rico heaves up the 265 pound Baron for a vertical suplex. "LET'S GO BAR - ON!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "LET'S GO BAR - ON!" *clap clap clapclapclap* Sneering Blonde walks over, delivering a jumping stomp to Baron's head. The screen suddenly splits in two and we find interested observers watching on. In an otherwise humble looking locker room, Queen Esther sits in her giant throne, applauding gleefully at what she's now seeing. Standing alongside her, big smile on his face, is Landon Maddix. They chat away carefree, while they watch Baron being double-teamed. COLE And there you see Queen Esther and Landon Maddix, looking on. I guess that answers any questions about whether their business agreement is still in force. COACH So Rico and JB working together didn't tip it off for you? Pulled to his feet Baron is backed against the ropes and shot off. Double back elbows knock him down and it's all smiles for Rico and Blonde. Baron isn't going down without a fight though and gets in some blows to the stomachs, before he's stomped down again. COLE Looks like Blonde is trying to direct traffic here. What a complex this guy has. A number of them. The Trendsetter heads to the top, while Rico takes care of Baron. After some clubbing blows to the back the Brazilian shows his strength again, lifting Baron up and dropping him across the knee with an old-school gutbuster. Rico then steps aside, stroking his porn 'stache, while Blonde leaps from the top and puts his knee into the side of Baron's head!! COACH The Brand Labelling! Slap a price-tag on that man and cover him! COLE ...what!? Minus the price-tag bit, Blonde does just that... 1... 2... RICO PULLS BLONDE UP. "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COACH Uh-oh. COLE Well, so much for the teamwork. COACH Thank goodness Landon is there to attend to the Queen, she wouldn't want to witness this! Understandably annoyed, Blonde gripes at Rico but the Brazilian insists he just wants to do some more damage to Baron first. And he points Blonde back up to the top again. Not sure about this, Blonde goes up top anyway, as Rico puts Baron in a standing headscissors. However, Baron blocks being taken up for the powerbomb and Blonde is left stranded on the top rope, when Ned climbs to the apron and SHOVES HIM OFF THE TOP TO THE ARENA FLOOR BELOW!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COACH AAAHHHH!! Are his tights okay? COLE Are his TIGHTS okay!? COACH You don't know how much those things cost! He might have torn them, or broken a zip! Baron eventually manages to backdrop Rico, freeing himself. As he rolls aside, Ned takes over, unloading with punches on Mr. de Janeiro. Rico is backed into the ropes and sent off, dropped with a hard back elbow. And then a clothesline. Rico tries to retaliate, but Ned ducks the punch and jars Rico's spine with an atomic drop. COLE Oh no! Right to the TIGHTS! COACH Shut up. As Rico wobbles, Ned comes off the ropes and levels the hairy chest of his opponent with a lunging clothesline, enough to put him down for the pin... 1... 2... NO! Ned drags Rico up with a handful of hair and calls for the end. COLE Could be going for the Slingshot Suplex! Setting Rico up, Ned can't get the burly Brazilian up for it though. Rico manages to block twice, then tries to counter with his own suplex. Ned floats over the back, landing on his feet though. As Rico turns around, Ned picks the legs, looking for the STUN GUN... but Rico blocks that too. A double axe across the back weakens up Ned and Rico takes him up over the shoulder, ready to dish out a free MOUSTACHE RIDE... ...until Baron pulls Ned to safety! Rico has no idea what happens until he turns around, met with boots to the gut and hit with a DOUBLE SLINGSHOT SUPLEX!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE HOW ABOUT THAT! A little teamwork from Baron and Blanchard, who'd have thought you'd see that!? COACH Yeah but now they've got to cover him. Coach spots the problem before anyone else, including Ned and Baron, who both go to cover and get in each other's way. They go face to face for a second, before Ned just shrugs and starts slugging away on Windels! And Windels returns fire! COLE Well, should have seen that coming at least. Baron and Ned go punch for punch, trading blows. Baron gets the better of it with right hands (did I mention they were TEXAS-sized?) and sends Ned for the ride, looking for a Big Boot. Ducking underneath Ned avoids the boot and quickly takes out the other knee with a chopblock! Some of the Tampa crowd jeer Ned for what they deem a cheapshot. But Blanchard isn't cut up about that and he quickly dishes out a DDT, covering Baron... 1... 2... Kickout! Backing into a corner Ned elevates himself up, onto the middle rope. Clasping his hands together he takes off, the double sledge weilded. But he lands right across Baron's knee, with an eye-popping inverted atomic drop!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" NED Removing Ned from his knee, Baron boots him in the chest, firmly enough to knock Ned against the ropes, so he can dish out the MYSPACE COMEBACK as he bounces back!! Leg hooked by Baron... 1... 2... NO! COLE Two of the OAOAST's finest, battling it out here. And this crowd about 50/50, some for Ned, some for Baron. Both great athletes. Slipping off his elbowpad Baron gives the call for one more as he waves Ned back to his feet. COACH Looks like it's about time to start being a Baron Windels fan. COLE Another big Lariat, here it comes. Ned stumbles to his feet, a sitting duck for what's waiting for him. Off the ropes, Baron loads up, looking for a Lariat... but suddenly comes to a stop, as James Blonde grabs his ankle from the floor. And clings on for dear life. COLE Wait a minute, Blonde from the outside... like a leech, look at that grip! Baron struggles to pull his foot free, but is trapped. And with the referee's line of sight taken for a second, Rico sneaks up behind Ned and delivers a LOWBLOW!!!! COLE HEY! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" The referee turns around and sees Rico, coming off the ropes and unleashing THE HAND OF GOD to Blanchard!! Ned curls up in a ball and Rico stacks him up, trying to conseal the balls being nursed... 1... Blonde clings onto Baron, preventing him from breaking the pin... 2... 3!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Aw, come on! *DINGDINGDING* "Right Round" strikes up and the moment the bell sounds, Blonde lets go of Baron's leg and scampers away before he can get kicked. Baron is too late to get to Rico and he escapes with his hand raised in victory and his porn stache stroked in delight. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen your winner of the match... RRIIIIICCOOO... DEE JJAAANNEEEIIIIIRRRROOOOO!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Rico nods his head with a smirk and strokes on the 'stache. Getting to his side, Blonde gives him a half-hearted pat on the back in congratulations, before holding his hip in pain from the fall he took earlier. COACH It's amazing what a good business relationship can do, isn't it? COLE It's amazing what a lowblow can do, I know that much. COACH Oh really? Is that really any worse than exposing your breasts to distract someone? You reap what you sow in this game Cole and Ned Blanchard.... well... let's just say, he got S-OWNED~! COLE Very clever. Knelt near Ned, Baron scowls at the victory celebration unfolding in front of him and slaps the ring mat in frustration. Meanwhile, backstage, Queen Esther claps her hands like a child on Christmas morning, Landon smiling as if it were all down to him.FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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