OAOAST Syndicated 11/11/09

[Chanel #99]

Brought to you by American Express
Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan
Host: Alix Maria Spezia
Theme song:

United States champion Alix opened with her usual monolouge. Her major joke was, "In an interview with OAOAST.COM Vinny Valentine admited he liked to light a fire before making love. In a related interview women have said they like to light themselves on fire before they have sex with Vinny Valentine." ZING! Another top joke "Studies have shown those who frequently lose sporting events or competitions are more likely to gain weight than their counterparts. In related news Biff Atlas had to be forklifted from his couch."

***Sophie -Vs- Sugar Belle***

Sophie got the advantage early on with some fine technical work. Sugar Belle, however, was up to the task and assaulted Sophie with well placed strikes. The two were locked into a seemingly endless stalemate of punches and kicks before Sophie scored with a running bulldog. From there Sophie went to work on Sugar Belle’s arm. Once again Belle valiantly fought free of Sophie’s holds and went back to her brawling offense.  But she wasn’t skilled enough to put down the French girl, who took home victory with an inverted diamond cutter.

Winner: Sophie, via pinfall

Eye of the Tiger hit, and the Teal Tiger made his way to the ring, slid into the ring, and posed on the buckles.  He then went to mid-ring, and removed his mask, revealing, of course, Alfdogg.  Alf announced that he was back, and that he would only walk away on his own terms, which is why he went under the Teal Tiger mask.  He congratulated Reject on his World title victory after hunting the belt for so long, but informed Reject that he was now the hunted, and that his hunting license had just been renewed.

***Biff Atlas -VS- Detective Tango Bosley w/CPA***
A not-quite-rematch from HeldDOWN two weeks ago, as Biff Atlas took on Tango Bosley, partner of CPA, who beat Biff in that match. Footage played during V.I.C.E's entrance from earlier in the night, where Bosley and CPA were playing cards. They interrupted the game to make a side-bet, that Bosley couldn't beat Biff in a quicker time than CPA did.

Clearly, even a bet couldn't make Bosley take Biff seriously. He beat on the would-be superhero for a while, laughing and chuckling at every time Biff tried to "hulk" up and make out like a shot didn't hurt. But it did. Bosley began to get a little over-confident though and Biff found a way into the match with some clotheslines and FLYING shoulder tackles. Far from being worried about his partner, CPA seemed amused at Bosley's problems, counting his winnings in his head. Biff eventually got ahead of himself and went to the top, which proved a mistake, hit with a Roundhouse Kick in mid-air! A Frontflip Swinging Neckbreaker got a 2 count for Bosley, who looked over to CPA, pointing to his watch. Biff made another attempted fightback. But it was to be for nought, as his punches were shrugged off. Another Roundhouse Kick left Biff prone for Justifiable Homicide (Unprettier) and the 3 count, just within CPA's time.

Winner: Detective Tango Bosley, via pinfall

After the match, Bosley took great joy in being paid his money by CPA. The bigman took his annoyance out on Biff, planting him with the Dominator. However, Bosley was so amused at this that he decided to split the winnings with CPA anyway, making the whole bet useless, if not for the fun they had beating up poor Biff.

A recap aired of the Heavenly Rockers/D*LUX Cage Match at the Halloween Spectacular, which I'm reliably informed wasn't actually on PPV. So whoever ended up getting my money needs to pay it back. NowAnyway, Alix helpfully informed us that The Heavenly Rockers had formed an official complaint through Theodore Moneymaker's legal team, to challenge the result of the match and specifically the DQ of Logan Mann. Logan had also been fined $3,000 for "being a big old meanie", aka improper conduct, plus an extra $5,000 to pay for the damage he caused to OAOAST and arena property, having trashed his locker room. More details on the NEWZWIRE.

***Malaysia Nerdly w/Mr. Dick -VS- Kelly Browne***
Not the way to make a debut, here. The young local female wrestler looked nervous from the moment Malaysia stepped into the ring and rightly so. Malaysia completely towered over her opponent. No match physically and no match, period. Malaysia stared down at Kelly with a smile, then on the bell, unleashed a brutal beating, stopping here and there to really savour the pain she was dishing out. Mister Dick watched all this with a big ol' smile on his face. Young Kelly was basically beaten to a pulp, before Malaysia started to step out of first gear. A Fallaway Slam and a release Butterfly Suplex, the big moves of the beating, before Malaysia clamped her opponent in the Inverted Boston Crab for the quick submission.

Winner: Malaysia Nerdly, via submission.

Alix and sidekick Maya sat down with Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart of Twilight fame. Alix was mystified how much Robert looked like Tyler Bryant and how much Kristen looked like Molly Nerdly. They on the other hand couldn't get over the fact that Maya wasn't "the girl from Harry Potter". Sensing an opportunity for some hot topless action, Alix brought up Molly's flashing at Halloween Spectacular III. Seeing that Kristen looked just Molly, we should see if her whole body looks just like Molly's. Kristin didn't fall for Alix's bait, forcing the US champion to dig into her pockets for a bribe. What she found was three dollars, a bus pass, and a to kill list with Clippers owner Donald Sterling being front and center. Maya, however, worked her slick charm and got Robert to take off his shirt and cause her and the female audience to go wild.  

Abdullah Nerdly held a special service at his House of Worship; his guest speakers, the LDC Moneygang. Lorelei DeCenzo thank the spiritual leader for giving them the platform to express their views after they were denied interview time on HeldDOWN~! Colin Maguire Jr. then chewed out the OAOAST Board of Directors and President Josie Barker for rejecting their appeal to overturn the decision at Angleslam, calling himself and Spencer Reiger “the people’s champions” to a chorus of boos. Reiger closed the interview by saying if anybody’s first in line for a tag title shot it’s them, nobody else, vowing he and CMJ will do “whatever it takes” to ensure they’re the ones who ultimately dethrone Team Heyross. “And I do mean, whatever it takes.”

***OAOAST World title: Reject © vs Deuce Deuce Bigelow***

What Deuce did to earn a World title shot, we'll probably never know, but here he is as the challenger in Reject's first World title defense.  And he impressed early on, battering Reject with stiff forearm blows and various power moves.  He tried one corner charge too many, though, and Reject was able to ground the big man for a few minutes.  Reject would miss a move of his own, however, and Deuce mounted a comeback, culminating in a moonsault attempt.  Unfortunately, Deuce attempted to land on his feet as Reject rolled out of the way, and appeared to favor his ankle after the landing.  Reject pounced immediately, chop-blocking him at the ankle, then hooking in the R-Lock to wrap up a successful title defense.

Winner: Reject