Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- To answer Tony's question, we never had a theme song by Miley, but we did have a spectacular named after her. Miley Cyrus Spectacular!OAOAST ARENA We come to sofa central where Coach and Cole, wearing orange polos and khaki pants, sit in an area decorated with Thanksgiving paraphernalia such as autmun leaves, cornocupias and fake turkeys. They're forced to talk over Van Halen's "Top Of The World" Why is that song playing? Read and find out! COLE Welcome, folks, to the number one rated sports entertainment show on television, OAOAST HeldDOWN~! What big night we just had at the Halloween Spectacular, nudity, new US champion, and a new world champion COACH And titties! COLE Yes I said that. And yes you heard correctly we have a new world champion in Reject, leader of the Deadly Alliance. COACH Like it or hate, the R-man is carrying the gold. In the ring, the Deadly Alliance stands as the music continues to play, attired in stylish suits. Sandman and Arturas both have the arms torn off of theirs. COLE And indeed, they are on Top of the World, The Deadly Alliance, led by the new World Heavyweight champion, Reject! For those of you who missed it this past Sunday, Reject cashed in his Money in the Bank contract during the match between Krista and Leon Rodez, and the match was turned into a triple threat! The finish is shown to the match. COLE (voiceover) Reject struck fast, scoring the pin on an injured Krista and becoming the champion of the World! Reject, with the belt strapped over his shoulder, raises the mic to his mouth, waiting for the music to die down, as the crowd boos. REJECT Today is a great day in the OAOAST! *crowd boos* REJECT For the last three months, we've asked ourselves the question: "Who's going to lead the OAOAST into the future: Krista, the narcissistic lesbian, or Leon, the emo porn star?" Well, this past Sunday, that bleak outlook was washed away when I, Reject, stepped in and made everything right, becoming YOUR World Heavyweight champion! *crowd boos* REJECT Because let's face it, Krista's time was up. Unfortunately, she couldn't figure that out, because like most women, she didn't have a watch. And why don't women have watches, T-Kid? THUNDERKID Because there's a clock on the stove! REJECT Exactly! Hopefully that arm cast doesn't hinder the ability to bake a cake or make me a sandwich. *crowd boos* REJECT And as for Leon Rodez...I will never get tired of putting that guy on his back. Maybe now he can take some time off to go see a shrink or something. I thought that guy was emo before he turned on Zack...wow. It's always good to see razor marks on the wrists of your World champion when he raises his belt up, right? But anyway, where are we tonight? Oh yes, Cincinnati! *crowd cheers* REJECT You know, it's nice that we can do a great service like this, and bring a REAL team of winners like the Deadly Alliance to a loser town like Cincinnati! *crowd boos* REJECT I mean, your star wide receiver changed his name! That's how embarrassed he was to be representing this city! *crowd boos* REJECT And the Reds...what's it been, 19 years without the playoffs now? Hell, even the CUBS have won a playoff series since then! *crowd boos* REJECT But...I gotta be fair, you guys do have the undefeated Cincinnati Bearcats football team! *crowd cheers* MR. DICK Yeah, but they play in the Big East! REJECT Oh...well, nevermind, then. I thought I had one for you, Cincinnati. Sorry! *crowd boos* REJECT Man, remember when Cincinnati wasn't full of losers? SANDMAN ...no. REJECTExactly. But hey, at least we brought in a winning product tonight! Revel in it, Cincinnati!Top of the World plays again, as The Deadly Alliance stands in the ring with their heads held high. TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT US TITLEJAMES BLONDE VS NEW CHAMPIONALIX MARIA SPEZIATONIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS TONIGHT!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 HeldDOWN returns with the view focused on the Thanksgiving themed sofa central COLE Folks welcome back to HeldDOWN, plenty more here on TSM such as The Can-Am Assassins in action as well as Alix putting her US title against James Blonde. Right now, let's send it back to Josh Matthews with some special guests. At the interview backdrop, it's a crowded scene. Matthews is stood in the middle, literally surrounded. Either side of him are Queen Esther, sat in her royal throne, and Landon Maddix with his SWF ICTV disguised as an OAOAST 6-Man Title over the shoulder of his red Cucaracha Internacional tracksuit top. Yes, they have tracksuits now. Even though only Landon is wearing is. Next to those two, off to either side, are their four respective stable members. MATTHEWS I'm standing by right now with two of the OAOAST biggest forces. To my left, Cucaracha Internacional and to my right, All The Queen's Men. And, first of all, I'm wondering why you wanted this time split between you? LANDON Well, that's really very simple. The past couple of weeks, you might have noticed that myself and the fair Queen here have entered into a little 'working agreement' and I just wanted to take this time to publicly thank the Queen for her graciousness... Landon reaches across, with a very staged handshake with Queen Esther, who fans herself in "surprise" and "humility". LANDON ...I know I've said many times that Cucaracha Internacional are the strongest unit in the OAOAST. And, it's still true. But, if there had to be a close second, it would be the Queen and her men. QUEEN ESTHER Why, thank you! Oh, what great fortune, to find a gentleman such as my Spanish-American friend here in this world. A man both of great honour and great integrity. MATTHEWS .....you mean Landon? LANDON Of course she means me! Now, with that out of the way, let's talk business. I wasn't in Iowa last week for the Halloween Spectacular. For many reasons. Not least, because it was in Iowa. BUT, I did keep my eye on the show from afar, on Pay Per View. And after watching what happened, I began to think that maybe this little business arrangement might have to become a permanent one. Because it's obvious, we're the only people in this entire company with any class whatsoever. Nods all around from everybody, except Faqu, who's grunting noises couldn't really be described as 'classy'. LANDON Don't even get me started on that costume contest. Total objectification of women, including Queen Esther. I was appalled. MEGAN So appalled, he had to take his laptop into the bathroom for fifteen minutes. ...... LANDON To vomit, yes. ...... QUEEN ESTHER As correct as you are noble, you most certainly are. Why, I may have to contemplate disposing of ALL footage from that awful show. All Hallow's Eve does just the worst of things to the most ordinary of people. It is quite terrible. But the most unedifying scene of them all was the indignation, suffered by my Hellfire Club. To be subjected to the unrequested nudity of another. OH! I'm all of a quiver just thinking about it. LANDON Me too. Quivering with rage. Landon glares over at Megan, clarifying himself before she can make another wisecrack. LANDON It's pretty obvious these Nerdlys have got no shame. All week, I've been hit by what basically amounts to spamming... I think that's the term... by Melody Nerdly. E-mails. Texts. Facebook. Twitter. I don't have any of them. But she does. And she's using them to try and start some 'campaign for justice', claiming that we didn't give Baron, Cash and her brothers a fair shot at our OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Titles. A 'campaign for justice'. Seriously. Little does this fresh-ai deprived geek seem to realise, I'm constantly scouting. Watching footage. Tracking stats. These 8-Man Titles are prestigious. And the reason they're prestigious is because Cucaracha Internacional are holding them. We issued an open challenge months ago, to any team who thought they could beat us. But that was just to get the ball rolling. Get the interest peaking. That window is slammed shut now. If Baron and his buddies want another shot at the strongest unit in the OAOAST, they're going to have to earn it. If they do, we'll be more than happy to give them a shot. Until then, step away from the computer, step outside your front door and step into the real world, Melody. With a finger, Landon beckons an excited James Blonde out of the group. LANDON As far as tonight goes, we're going to concentrate on more important things. Like bringing the US Title back into our Internacional camp. James, tell them about it. Eager, Blonde commandeers the microphone. BLONDE Alix Maria Spezia, you picked the wrong time to become the US Champion! Because Landon's done the deal, Landon's worked his magic, Landon's got me a shot at you tonight! I've been waiting for this opportunity for a year now. The opportunity to show Landon that I can follow in his footsteps! That maybe one day, maybe somewhere some time, I can be just as half as good as he is! And be a singles champion! Landon believes in me and he's given me all the confidence in the world! You're riding high right now and you're a big name in the OAOAST! But there's a bigger name in the OAOAST now! And his name is Landon Maddix! And his right hand man, me, the second in command, is going to take your US Title, tonight! Blonde pats Landon on the back and gives him a thumbs up, positively bursting with joy as we go back to the arena. COLE What a lovefest that was. Sheesh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 The nonsensical entrance music selection of Thriller by Fall Out Boy drifts into the arena, giving birth to an excited murmur from the crowd. Red and blue lights splash across the landscape, as an orange pyro missle descends from the peak of the overhead scoreboard and onto the entrance stage. It lands with tremendous impact, nearly deafening those spectators unlucky enough sit near it. Immediately after the powerful pyro display concludes the lights dim to a troubling blackness. The home audience is shown an overhead view of the entrance stage, it's metallic floor carpeted by simmering flames that form the shape of a bull's head. The camera then pans downward to reveal Melody in red flannel shirt tied up to her chest and daisy duke shorts, standing right beside her is super hunk Baron Windells wearing white trunks, burnt orange kneepads, and white boots. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a TV time limit of twenty minutes! Now making his to the ring accompanied by Melody Nerdly, he weighs in at two hundered and sixty five pounds, and is a former one and only tag team champion, hailing from San Antonio, Texas, he is BAROOON WINDEELLLLLLLLLS The fans put forth a mighty cheer for the announcement of The Gunslinger’s name. He pays these fans their due respect with a kind nod as he enters the ring. He then stands in the center of ring holding his arms up in triumph as the fans’ mimic the gesture. COLE This match between Baron Windells and Christian Wright has its origins in Halloween Spectacular- COACH Because Baron took a cheap shot at Wright and knocked him into a pit of apples! You don’t know where those apples have been. They might have been shoved up Clay Aiken’s ass. You just don’t know! COLE I doubt they were in Clay Aiken's ass. COACH Why not, I heard your tongue is up there all the time. SONNED!Clean shirt, new shoes and I don't know what I am gonna do. Silk suit, black tie, I don't need a reason why. They come runnin' just as fast as they can cause every girl is crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man. Most unwelcome are the powerful duo Christian Wright and Lorelei DeCenzo. Arms hooked between each other, the two appear as though they’re ready for an evening of class and magic with Lorelei in a strapless, and backless, yellow evening gown, and CW in dress slacks and an Armani blazer. The smile at each other and then turn disdaining glares upon the fans as they march down the apron. COLE Christian Wright’s winning streak gets its hardest test yet, as he faces one of the toughest and rugged men in the OAOAST. BUFFER And the opponent being accompanied by Lorelei DeCenzo, he weighed in at 8 1/3 bars of gold, and hails from Washington DC, he is the 2005 rookie of the year, and a former tag team champion, ladies and gentlemen please welcome…THE NATURAL CHRISTIAAAAAAAN WRIIIIIIIIGHT! The crowd is nothing short of hostile towards the snobbish twosome. Wright merely chuckles at their anger as he happily pats his briefcase. Lorelei seperates from his path, in order to take up residence at the announce table. COACH Welcome, Miss Lorelei! LORELEI The pleasure is all your’s. COACH It sure is! Loved the costume, by the way! DING DING DING Japanese referee Okari Tanaka decides to explain the rules to BW. Odd as BW has been wrestling for the better part of his twenties. The rules do more to harm BW then help them as Wright breaks them by bum rushing The Gunslinger. His blows back BW into the corner. This allows him to hammer BW’s toned stomach with fierce stomps. After landing a good ten stomps, the 2005 rookie of the year whips BW into the opposite corner. “CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS!” After attempting to shush the booing audience, The Natural glides across the ring to strike his foe with a lariat. But as he nears BW rips himself off the corner posts. Wright tries to slam on the breaks, but fails and is tagged with punches from the handsome cowboy. “BARON! BARON! BARON!” BW takes hold of CW’s arm and throws him into the ropes. BW puts himself off the ropes, hoping to catch CW with a lariat. But Wright slides beneath his muscular arm. He quickly stands up and catches onto BW’s neck. From there he falls downward and cracks Windells’ neck with a neckbreaker. He then dives atop BW, and hooks the leg for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Windells lifts his shoulder off the canvas. In response to an unwelcome kickout, Wright hops to his feet and drops an elbow towards BW. But the Texan moves out the way and Christian’s elbows crashes into the canvas. Pain spreads across his face, as he retracts his arm to his chest. Shooting angered looks at Baron, The Natural slowly reaches a vertical base. But once he’s upright The Lonestar Gunslinger leaps upwards and catches him with a dropkick! The attack lands with so much force that CW falls into the ring ropes. COLE Wright is in trouble. LORELEI Christian is never in trouble. Trouble has never met Christian Wright. Baron throws his fist up in the air, drawing a pop from the fans and especially large cheer form DA LADIEZ~! LORELEI How quaint. Windells charges into the ropes, and bounces back towards Christian. Upon reaching the Lonestar Gunslinger he leaps into the air and comes down across his back. The Natural howls in pain, but manages to pick himself off the canvas. This does him little good, however; BW grabs onto his arm and chucks him into a corner. Upon landing against the posts, Wright tries an immediate escape.. However he’s thrown back when BW makes him BITE HIS SHINY METAL ASS! LORELEI What a horrible move that is. Horrible or not it seems to do the trick as CW stumbles away from the ropes, glazed eye. Baron pounces upon him, and hooks his hands through his foe’s slacks. He then lifts him into the air and brings him down with a vertical suplex! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” COACH Damn, where’s Christian when you need someone to yell SILENCE? COLE He’s right there getting his ass kicked. LORELEI Please watch who you’re talking about. This is only part of the strategy. While CW’s “strategy” sees him whimper on the floor, BW starts a climb to the top turnbuckle. Seeing the imminent danger, Wright springs back to his feet. He makes a dash for Windells and clubs him in the back to halt his ascent. However, Baron will not be stopped and violently fights back by thrashing his cowboy boots into CW’s skull. The Natural can only take so many strikes before he topples over to the canvas. “BOOM HEADSHOT!” Melody shouts from the outside. Baron ascends to the top rope, and pumps his fist in a show of respect to the fans. As they cheer him on he comes off the rope with a body splash. He lands onto Wright with tremendous force, and the fans cheer wildly. Next he hooks onto Wright’s legs for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Wright pushes himself out the pinfall. Immediatley both competitors rise to their respective bases. Windells throws hard and heavy punches that back The Natural into the corner. Leaving Wright to linger stunned, The Gunslinger backs to the center of the ring. He then throws himself forward and attempts to catch The Natural with a corner lariat. But CW ducks low and intercepts Baron with a chop block. The big Texan falls over onto the canvas, gritting his teeth against the pain. Wright is instantly upon him stomping at his knees with his leather dress shoes. Melody whines, “OMG this s-u-x!” The situation grows even suckier, as Wright attaches his foe into a standing leg lock. LORELEI Admire the way Christian finds a body part to exploit and does it with such accuracy. COACH That’s why they call him The Natural. He’s a natural at this game. The pain is harsh but BW forces himself to endure it. CW makes this a difficult task by twisting and tearing at the tendons in the knee. Windells has no escape from the move and continues to suffer when CW begins dropping elbows onto his knee. “LET’S GO BARON! LET’S GO BARON! LET’S GO BARON!” Windells finds strength in the audience’s chants and begins hammering Wright in the head with elbows. CW tries is hardest to keep BW locked down, but The Gunslinger’s fight is too great to control. Eventually BW wins his freedom and fights his way to his feet. Now upright both competitors trade blows, with Wright gaining the upper hand with a European uppercut. Having weakened BW with that strike, The Natural is able to fling him into a nearby corner. CW then performs the money finger gesture before skating across the ring at his foe. But BW has a fine recovery and raises his cowboy boots as forcefield against CW. The Natural falls back to the canvas. However, he’s in better shape than BW who painfully limps out the corner. CW realizes this, and takes advantage of the situation. He seizes hold of Baron’s arms, underhooking his own through them. Windells begins a powerful struggle for his freedom. Yet its of little use as CW is able to power him into the air and then smash his back against his outstretched knee. COLE There’s a Nightmare on Wallstreet! A pinfall is attempted by CW…. ONE! TWO! Miraculously, Windells fights his way out the pinfall. The audience is absolutely estatic and begins chanting his name. LORELEI He must be using performance enhancing drugs! There isn’t any way he could survive the Nightmare on Wallstreet. Incredibly frustrated, Wright roughly brings BW to his feet. But as he has BW halfway up, the Texas stud begins winging fists into CW’s midsection. CW tries to stand firm against the blows, but they come too heavy and too fast. Thus Wright is forced into relinquishing his hold on BW. Putting his freedom to good use Baron begins hammering Wright’s face with punches. The Natural’s head bounces back and forth and side to side like a basketball. With Wright dizzied and stunned by the move, Baron does a small jig and then floors CW with the Cowboy Bebop! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” MELODY Cowboy Bebop FTW! Baron looks for the win also with a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Kickout! LORELEI This isn’t exactly going as well as I had envisioned. COACH What did you envision? LORELEI Certainly not Christian getting elbowed in the face by a dancing rodeo clown! Wright scrambles to his feet with his hand clutching onto his sore face. This leaves the rest of his body wide open and Windells pounces on it with stomps to his midsection. After weakening CW with those stomps, The Gunslinger traps inside a front facelock. He latches onto his dress pants and raises him high into the air, delaying so as to showcase his raw might. COLE Such power, such scary power! No wonder Landon Maddix refuses to face this man! Baron’s round of showboating comes with a hefty price; Wright is able to knee his way out of danger. He comes down on his Brooks Brother’s loafers, hacking and wheezing for breath. There’s little time get his bearings, as Baron lobs a lariat towards him. Wright narrowly escapes harm, ducking bellow Baron’s incoming shot. But his escape is short lived as Baron swings a boomerang lariat at the back of his head. COLE Myspace Comeback! “Everyone is using facebook these days” Melody chides. COLE Don’t yell at me, you named the move! There’s a loud and vicious sort of booing from the audience. The animosity stems from Landon Maddix strolling down the entry way. He wears the devious grin of a trickster, which doesn’t go unnoticed by the booing fans. COLE He has no business being anywhere near ring side! Maddix seems to disagree with that statement, and expresses his disdain for the rules by stepping onto the ring apron. This draws the attention of referee Okari Tanaka, who orders Maddix off the apron. Maddix is defiant, and remains on the apron to taunt BW. This captures Baron’s interest, and the Gunslinger jaws back to Maddix. Unfortunately this pulls away his eyes from Wright, who is retrieving his briefcase. COLE Baron look out! Wondering what the commotion is about, Baron spins around. At that moment he’s smashed between the eyes by the case. Windells sags down to the canvas, as Wright removes the evidence of the misdeed. With Maddix smiling at the mishap he’s caused, Tanaka slides to the ring to count the fall… ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING BUFFER Your winner….CHRISTIAN WRIIIIIGHT! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Maddix claps his hands more for Baron’s loss than CW’s victory. He pumps his fist and jumps back up the entrance ramp to celebrate this wondrous outcome. COLE Well that just stinks! But what can you expect from someone like Landon Maddix? He’s afraid of Baron Windells, absolutely terrified and has to resort to cheap tricks to take his shot at the young stud. Maddix's time will come and its only a matter of weeks before Baron Windells lays down the law on the lawless one. Meanwhile Lorelei has carried herself into the ring and with a proud smile hands CW a microphone. "CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS!" WRIGHT From this calendar day forward, as long as the sun may set, and the moon shall shine, I, Christian Wright, will concede neither pinfall nor submission to any man! “BOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Like it or not, and Landon Maddix likes it, Christian Wright has extended his unbeaten streak to four. COACH Only 96 away from historic 100! COLE Ugh.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 Returning from break, in her office, Josie Baker is busy in mid-conversation, with a sheepish looking Molly Nerdly. MOLLY ...but, it won't happen again, I promise. JOSIE It better hadn't. Otherwise next time, you'll be explaining yourself to the board of directors. Besides, what do you think your fellow students think of you, exposing yourself on live Pay Per View? MOLLY It was Halloween. Half of them were doing the same thing... on a smaller scale, admittedly. And also, a couple of them do life drawing classes, where you have to paint the naked model? Anyway, they said I was breaking down barriers. You know, desensitising the natural state of nudity? JOSIE This isn't art, Molly. It's wrestling. Big difference. Now, I can't let this go unpunished I'm afraid, so you can expe... A THUD suddenly interrupts the lecture. Stomping into the room with a face like thunder, Leon Rodez glares a hole through Josie's forehead. LEON (to Molly) Leave. Now. Not needing telling twice, Molly hurries off. Josie tries not to let herself by intimidated by the hulking, fuming wrestler in her face and stares right back. LEON You owe me. JOSIE I take it this is about Sunda... LEON You owe me... and you know it. I had Krista beat. I got screwed last week... and I want to know what you're going to do about it. JOSIE Well the way I see it, you screwed yourself. If you hadn't asked for it to be no disqualifications, then Alix wouldn't have been able to interfere, would she? You know, not everything is everyone else's fault in your life, Leon. Barely able to contain himself, Leon grinds his teeth. LEON You know damn well, you also said no outside interference. But apparantly, that doesn't extend to anyone helping Krista. And you know damn well, I asked for a one on one match. All these goddamn briefcases... I am sick and tired of people running in and snatching away what's rightfully mine! JOSIE Well, I also said last week that you've used up your opportunites. And I stick by that. So for now, you're just going to have to wait in line. Leon just stands there, breathing heavily, staring at Josie. Then, suddenly, he makes a move forward, pinning Josie up against her desk. LEON Do you want to know, what I felt, when I hit that 450 on Krista last week? Do you want to know, what I felt, when I heard her arm SNAP in two!? Do you want to know how I felt when I looked at her eyes glazing over, her lips trembling, barely able to take a breath!? NOTHING. I felt NOTHING. Now, I accept... that the whole world is against me. But I am long since past the point of lying down and taking it. And as far as I'm concerned, anyone who's against me and is playing their part in making my life a living hell... they deserve EVERYTHING they get. No matter... WHO... they are. JOSIE Y-you wouldn't dare lay a finger on me. LEON Oh... maybe I wouldn't. Josie's eyes widen. LEON The question is... do you want to find out? Taking a step away Leon finally gives Josie some space to breathe, which she desperately needs. Leon scowls at her for a few more seconds before turning and leaving, as Josie tries to compose herself.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 How you feeling? (Hot hot hot) How you feeling? (Hot hot hot)HOT NEWZ~! OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan mans the anchor desk inside the state-of-the-art OAOAST Hot Newsroom. BRANNIGAN Hi again, everyone. Tony Brannigan here and breaking right now on all OAOAST media outlets, Hot News on the One & Only World Tag Team Title situation. Before I get into that, however, let’s revisit the closing moments of the LDC Moneygang/Team Heyross tag title bout from Angleslam.ANGLESLAM Courtesy: OAOAST Home EntertainmentCOLE Are we gonna see the Super Rocker Dropper? Not if Lorelei DeCenzo can help it. She grabs Benjamin’s ankle and holds on for dear life as he gently tries to shake her off. When that fails Benjamin pushes her back with his hand, then gets CROTCHED on the top rope by CMJ! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" CMJ shoves Reiger forward but Moss sits down to block the victory roll! The count. COACH Clem, you idiot! Moss isn’t the legal man! ONE! TWO! NO! Somehow Reiger reverses the hold, steps through to hook the legs and bridges back! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDINGDING * CLEM COACH We’ve got new champions, Cole! COLE How can we? Even you admitted Moss wasn’t the legal man. COACH Yeah, but I’m not the referee. And the referee’s decision is final! Lorelei hands the tag belts to her men and they all celebrate until Clem snatches them away. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COACH What’s that idiot doing now? More officials arrive to help Clem sort out the situation. Ring announcer Michael Buffer is then informed of the decision. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. I have just been informed by referee Clem Buzzlefoxer that BOTH men’s shoulders were DOWN! By rule, the title shall be returned to the reigning champion or champions and this match declared a DRAW! LORELE SPENCER/CMJ A graphic w/the tag titles appears on the upper left hand corner of the screen. BRANNIGAN Rather than ask for a rematch, which Team Heyross no doubt would’ve accepted, Spencer Reiger and Colin Maguire Jr. immediately filed protest. This despite the fact there was a double pin…with the illegal member of Team Heyross being pinned at that! But after weeks of legal wrangling we finally have closure, because moments ago the OAOAST Board of Directors rejected the LDC Moneygang’s appeal to have that decision overturned. The previous graphics turns into one w/Team Heyross holding the gold. BRANNIGAN That means the titles are once again free to be defended on OAOAST television and across the globe. And I understand Team Heyross will be here LIVE next week. What they’ll have to say is anybody’s guess, but teams are probably lining up as we speak for a title shot. Maybe the Can-Am Assassins will be one of those teams. They're in action next!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 Backstage, a celebration party is taking place, and the Burrough Boys are gathered together drinking punch (probably with vodka, lol). MARIANO Yo, what's goin' on wit' da G-Men? LUTHER I dunno, dawg. We can't be takin' this shit from da Iggles. MARIANO We gotta get 'dis one on Sunday, yo. West Coast is whack. QUINCY Jacobs has had it, yo. We in sum trouble. WALDO Man, y'all need ta chill, yo. LUTHER Waldo's got a point, y'all. We could be Jets fans. Waldo hangs his head as the three chuckle at Luther's comment. Meanwhile, Tony Tourettes slams his hand into a bowl of chips and comes out with a handful, as Felix Strutter looks on with a slightly disgusted look. He takes a bite of one of the chips as he comes back into the crowd. TONY THESE ARE FUCKIN' STALE! Tony slaps his hand full of chips onto the back of Luther's head. LUTHER Man, what is wrong wit' you! Luther and Tony flail their arms at each other for a couple seconds as Waldo looks on and laughs. At this point, the Deadly Alliance walks in, to applause for Reject. MARIANO Congratulations, baby! REJECT Thanks, guys. LUTHER Yeah, it was time for that Krista to go, cause like we said, West Coast is whack! East Coast 4 life, son! REJECT Exactly! MARIANO This is a big week! Our boy Reject became a World champ...and the Yankees, baby! #27! QUINCY Man, fuck the Yankees. WALDO I feel you on dat one, yo. Da Yanks and da Phillies? Man, that's torture. Vinny Valentine comes onto the scene. VINNY The champ is in the house! It's party time! We got the refreshments, we got the women...all that's missin' is some music. Vinny pulls out a big boombox. VINNY This one's to "celebrate" the new champ! Vinny hits the play button, and the chorus to Celebrate by Three Dog Night begins to play. Vinny dances as he gets the singing started. VINNYCelebrate! Celebrate! Dance to the Music! The BB's and Tony join in, and start to dance in a circle around the DA, who look on confused, but slowly bob their heads. Tony stops, then turns around and starts to back it up into Sandman, who sticks his foot out and shoves him into the refreshment table. Vinny and the BB's stop and look at Tony for a couple seconds, then start to dance again. -------------------- Back in her office, Josie is attempting to run through a heavy workload of contracts and rulebooks. However she's interrupted byHOLLY who storms through the door JOSIE You. HOLLY Yeah, me. JOSIE You. HOLLY Yeah, me again. You asked to see me? Whadoya want, Baker? JOSIE You lied to me. Do you know that? You lied to me. HOLLY What the (bleep)? You called me in to throw that random shit in my face. JOSIE You said you could get rid of Morgan. You promised me, Holly! Did you do that? Is she no longer champion? Is she on her way back to Edmonton with a pink slip in her hand? HOLLY Don’t lay this shit on me. JOSIE Well, who should I lay it on? Its your fault, all your fault. You’re the one who promised me a Morgan free OAOAST. HOLLY That’s before I knew your referees were all full of horse shit. Who the hell counts someone out in a title match? Of all the stupid things in this world, I get counted out and my husband gets DQ’ed for voicing his opinion. If you’re fishing for an apology, you ain’t getting one. JOSIE I deserve one. HOLLY I deserve one more. My husband deserves one! Where do you get off calling me in here and trying to spew that garbage at me. I was closer to beating Morgan than anyone has ever been. I was dismantling her limb from limb. I did my part, your referee just (beep) everything up for both of us. JOSIE I don’t know what to do. HOLLY What do you mean you don’t know what to do? Its (beep) obvious! Give me Morgan at November Reign. JOSIE November Reign? I kind of like that. I kind of like that a lot. I like it because I don’t have to rely just on you, I could stack an entire team of women against her. HOLLY A team? Hold up now. You mean a lumberjack match? JOSIE Not quite. I mean a survivor series match you leading one one side and Morgan leading on the other. HOLLY That’s (beep) retarded! What’s wrong with you? JOSIE Sorry, Holly but you already fell short once. I won’t risk embarrassment again. Now, if you ever want another title shot, then I think you better start considering how you’re going to win at November Reign. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 Backstage in the suddenly less populated Duncan family dressing room, Alix is trying to draw funny pictures on her US title. She’s interrupted in this odd pursuit by D*LUX TYLER How you holding up? ALIX I’m sucky! It’d be one thing if someone I hate got their arm broken. Like when my Uncle Pedro lost his foot in a mowing accident, that was funny. But this is someone I love, and she’s, like, all hurt and stuff. Like, I can’t even enjoy my US Title. And oh my god, there’s not even a hint of chocolate in this bad boy. I spent hours eating it! The only thing I can think about right now is revenge, ya know. I’ve killed men for less than what Leon did to me, and I should shoot him bang bang, but it’s a recession out here and bullets ain’t cheap, young homies. So, I'm just gonna whup that creep's BUTT for what he did! SHAYNE You’re not the only one feeling like that. Next time I see Leon, it’ll be the last time he sees me. Get my drift? ALIX Yeppers, you’re gonna rape and murder him. Awesome! But before ya get on that train to the Hershey Highway, lemme take a crack at him first. Like, I know I don’t always seem super serious and stuff, but this time I’m legit 100% serious. Krista has two daughters that had to watch her get her arm broken up close and personal because of Leon. That's just not cool, its awful, no girl should see their mommy hurt like that. Except for me but I hate my mother. I can't let this kind of thing go because I love Krista, grouchy, drunk, rude, horrible cook, falls asleep in movies, takes 3 hours to get ready to go out, routinely mocks me, never feeds the dogs, leaves the bathroom a mess, and all. I can’t stand to see her in pain! She’s really bummed about all this, and, like, this is such Leon Rodez’ fault. That’s why I can’t breathe easy until I get him, ya know. TYLER Whatever you decide to do, we’ve got your back. ALIX Alright doggy style sex! Can’t wait! TYLER No I mean— SHAYNE (whispering to Tyler) Shut up, dude, we can score! TYLER (ignoring Shayne) What I mean is that we’re behind you with whatever route you decide to take. SHAYNE And good luck in your match tonight. ALIX (sinsterly) Wish James Blonde luck, because until Krista comes back I’m gonna break the arm of every person I face……hehehehhe only kidding, but wouldn’t it be awesome if I wasn’t? I could mount the arms on my wall, like my uncle Jose mounts the heads of his dead rival drug dealers. Well, anyway, bye!COMMERCIALCOMING UP NEXT US TITLEJAMES BLONDE VS ALIX MARIA SPEZIATHE MAINEVENT IS NEXT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 "You try to play cool Like you just don't care But soon I'll be playin' in your underwear Givin' me all that I desire 'Cos down with me I'm taking you higher" "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Warren Miller version)" by Weezer hits and James Blonde swaggers through the entrance, a smug smile on his face. Backed up by Megan Skye, Blonde pulls down the hood on his unique, trendsetting entrance jacket and soaks up the thought of becoming the next United States Champion. Doing his best to ignore the boos and listen to the egotistical choice of music. BUFFER The following contest, set for one fall is for the OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP. Introducing first, the challenger. Accompanied to the ring by MEGAN SKYE. Weighing two hundred, eight pounds and hailing from Vancouver, British Columbia... he is "THE TRENDSETTER" and represents CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL... JJJJJJAAAAAAAMMMMMEEEEESSSSS... BBLLLLLOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" At ringside, Blonde slips off his poncho/jacket/whatever the hell it is. Underneath he wears a silver boa and silver wristtape to offset his gold wrestling shoes. Trends. Blonde does a Landon-esque spin into the ring and smiles gleefully. Seeking out the hard camera, he dedicates his win to Landon already. COLE James Blonde, finally getting a shot at the US Title, which has been in his sights for some time, dating back to Todd Cortez's title reign. Back then it seemed to be fueled by jealousy. And maybe it still is. But... uhm... I'm not sure what my point was, besides the jealousy part. COACH Get outta here with that talk. James Blonde is jealous of no man. He is his own man! A Trendsetter! The Greatest Man That Ever Lived... except Landon Maddix. COLE I'm pretty sure that's who the music is referencing. I don't think Blonde does anything without it being about Landon. So, safe assumption."TURN THE LIGHTS ON!" While Beyonce’s dreamy "Sweet Dreams" rolls across the arena, red and pink spotlights rove through the graveyard. Around these illuminations rest a red heart shaped bed with sparkling sheets. On top of this lies Alix Maria Spezia attired in the same outfit as the picture and holding those same frisbees. She sensually massages herself against the sheets, before spinning to a seating position. There she blows a kiss at the screen and super imposed red lips appear on screen."You can be a sweet dream Or a beautiful nightmare Either way I don't wanna wake up from you (Turn the lights on)" BUFFER And his opponent! From Los Angeles, California! She is your brand-new United States Heavyweight Champion... one half of Chicks Over Dicks and the host of OAOAST's hit weekly show, Syndicated... ladies and gentlemen, the champion, AAALLLLLIIIIXXXXXXX... MMMMAAAARRRRRIIIIIIAAAAAAA... SSSSSPPEEEEEZZZZZZIIIIIAAAAAAA!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Alix skips down the aisle, with the United States Title hanging around her waist. Or hanging off her waist. Either or. She's slim, see. Flinging out frisbees, she's in jovial mood as always. COLE Alix, flying the flag for Chicks Over Dicks in the absence of Krista who went down with that broken arm this past Sunday. A mixed night for Alix, coming away with singles gold but seeing her girlfriend suffer that injury and lose the World Title. COACH She sure seemed cut up about it at the time, didn't she? COLE Well I don't think Alix knew Krista had a broken arm at the time, Coach. She may claim repeatedly to have x-ray vision, but I am somewhat sceptical. Alix jogs up the ring steps and climbs the ropes, shooting the peace sign and the "smoke weed" sign, which kinda cancel each other out in the role-model stakes. Jumping into the ring, Alix removes her silver boa, looking curiously at Blonde. The Trendsetter looks down at his neck and starts to go red. ALIX Oh wow. If you're wearing lacy blue panties too, this is gonna get kinda embarrassing. For many reasons. Pitching a fit, Blonde takes off his silver boa and STOMPS it into the ground. Alix just stares blankly. COLE What was that about? COACH Well, that's proof that silver boas aren't cool anymore. The Trendsetter has shunned it. Therefore, uncool. COLE Why is it uncool all of a sudden? Because James realised he was dressed like a girl? COACH Fashions change in the blink of an eye. You've gotta be on top of it. Like JB. You wouldn't understand. *DINGDINGDING* As the bell rings Blonde tries to put aside his little fit and goes to lock-up. Still not unwrapped yet, Alix quickly takes off her silver boa and wraps it around Blonde's neck as he moves in! Blonde starts thrashing around trying to get the boa off and ends up rolling to the floor, where he pitches another fit. COLE Now, why is Blonde so horrified to be made to wear THE EXACT SAME THING HE WORE TO THE RING!? COACH That was a girl's boa. Big difference. And besides that, did you forget our little "fashion change" talk already? COLE Sadly, no. But I'm trying. Megan calms Blonde down and he re-enters the ring. Trying establish some male dominance, he walks up to Alix and shoves her. A smug look on his face, Blonde watches, as Alix falls to the mat and starts crying. And suddenly, he doesn't feel so smug. The ref gets on Blonde's case for being a jerk and he protests that he didn't do anything, then trying to convince the fans (and himself) that she's faking. Alix, however, stays down. The boos keep coming though and feeling guilty, Blonde is forced to apologise and help Alix back up. And at that point, Alix headbutts him in the gut. "YYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!" Alix skips around clapping her hands, DELIGHTED at her merry little plan. She then hits the ropes, with Blonde doubled up. The Canadian ducks his head low, only to get caught with a sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Fist balled, Blonde runs right into an armdrag. And another one. He's smart enough to avoid the third one, but not smart enough to avoid wasting time letting the crowd know how smart he is, so Alix pitches him out of the ring. COLE HAHAHA! Alix does a funky strut as Blonde picks himself up, deeply embarrassed. COACH To think, Krista gets injured, I'm happy, everyone's happy... and then we remember Alix is still here humbling people. And it's even worse when she does it, because you're getting humbled by a half-wit! Climbing back to the apron, Blonde manages to lure Alix in and catch her with a shoulder through the ring ropes. Blonde launches himself back inside, looking for a sunset flip. Alix rolls right through to her feet though and blasts Blonde in the face with a BUTT smash. Shaken, Blonde is then crushed with a rolling senton and pinned down... 1... 2... No! Grabbing a front facelock Alix tries to keep control of her challenger. Blonde breaks free with some shots to Alix's slender midsection and backs her off the ropes. The Trendsetter ducks his head for a backdrop, but Alix baseball slides through the legs, trips Blonde up onto his face and breaks into a Beyonce dance next to him while he nurses his nose. COLE A little dance for all the single ladies! COACH Da Coach is down with that. He likes all the single ladies. COLE All the single ladies? COACH ALL the singles ladies! COLE If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it. If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it. COACH Oh, oh, oh, oh. Alix skips to the ropes, leaping over Blonde as he attempts to provide a block in the road. As she approaches the far ropes Alix jumps to the middle rope, twisting backwards with a crossbody block... 1... 2... Blonde turns over on top, GRABBING ALIX'S BOOTY SHORTS! COLE HEY! 1... 2... NO! COLE Blonde trying to steal one! Both quickly to their feet, Blonde trips Alix's legs and holds his opponent in a very vulnerable position, suddenly with something to smile about. He teases a kick, but teases for too long and Alix kicks him away. Rolling back to her feet Alix ducks a wild swing from Blonde and catches him with an inverted atomic drop. She trips him up, teasing the same kick, to which Blonde freaks. The referee warns Alix not to do what she's thinking of doing. So she doesn't, floating over with a jacknife pin instead... 1... 2... No! COLE James Blonde, really struggling to get to grips with Alix here. Not the first and won't be the last, I'm sure. Alix whips Blonde into a corner, following up with a clothesline. She then climbs the turnbuckles, looking for the crowd to join her counting game. ONE! TWO! THREE! .... FOUR! ... FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN! ELEVEN! .... ..... TWELVE! THIRTEEN! FOU... ...no, wait, wait... FOU... ...nope, hold on... FOURTEEN! COLE I... don't think Alix quite gets the game. Quite pleased with herself nonetheless, Alix whips Blonde out again. However, Blonde hangs on and reverses. Alix approaches the corner in control and leaps to the middle rope, only to lose her footing for a second. And before she can recover, Blonde rushes forward and bundles Alix over the top rope to the ring apron. COLE A slight slip from Alix, an uncharacteristic slip, has given Blonde a window into this match. As Alix picks herself up on the apron, Blonde rushes past her, springing to the middle rope and launching a dropkick. Alix is caught in the face and crashes to the floor to worried groans. Not from Blonde though, who takes a bow. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Now why is it that posing and showboating is BOOO worthy when JB does it, but Alix starts dancing and skipping and it's the greatest thing ever? COLE Because people like Alix? Laid out in a heap on the arena floor, things suddenly look dire for the new United States Champion. A groggy look is on Alix's face as she sits up, hand pressed to her back. Blonde takes the referee, allowing Megan to get involved. If she wanted to. Which she doesn't. So Blonde is forced to go get Alix himself, throwing the US Champ back inside the ring. "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" Despite Landon being nowhere in sight, the chants have an effect as Blonde starts flipping his shit. COLE Emotional attachments are a weird thing sometimes. Blonde takes his anger out on Alix, giving her a snap suplex and pinning her down... 1... 2... No! Blonde slaps on a chinlock, giving him the chance to list reasons to the crowd why they're wrong about Landon. "LET'S GO ALIX!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "LET'S GO ALIX!" *clap clap clapclapclap* Alix sits in the chinlock for a while, before suddenly saying "ooh, that's me!" and realising she should be getting back up. She fights back to her feet and fires elbows, trying to break Blonde's hold, eventually doing so. But as she hits the ropes, Blonde recovers and flips her over with a knee to the breadbasket. The fans boo again, never happy to see Alix hurt. Blonde delivers a double stomp to the ribs and covers... 1... 2... No! COLE James Blonde has wanted to hold this US Championship for some time, mainly it seems to impress Landon Maddix. And tonight he's getting his chance to impress his mentor, the chance he never got while Todd Cortez was champion. A scoop and a slam sets Alix, Blonde going to the middle rope. He preens at his hair as he prepares to come off, delivering the Marty Jannetty Fistdrop... BUT ALIX GETS HER FEET UP!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE But that will not have impressed anyone, except maybe Blonde's dentist! The fans rally behind Alix and both she and Blonde try to get back up. The referee reaches a count of five on them both before Blonde pulls himself up via the ropes. Nursing his jaw, he waits for Alix to get up and throws a right hand. But it's blocked and Alix fires back with a punch! Blonde tries again, but is blocked and punched again! A block, and a punch! COLE Alix is firing on all cylinders! Blonde is shot off the ropes and sent over with a BAAAAACK bodydrop! COACH Woah! C'mon James, get it together. COLE That'll be easier said than done, because the Alix Express is ROLLING~! Feeling good Alix raises the roof, imaginary backdrops for all. Blonde picks himself up in a corner and finds himself engulfed, a big flying avalanche from the fur-covered champion. So fun it was, that Alix decides to fly in again with a second avalanche and a loud "WHEEE!!" in mid-air. COLE Alix, big smile on her face, flying right towards you. But wake up James Blonde, this isn't a dream. Blonde staggers out of the corner and right into a Superkick! Cover by Alix... 1... 2... NO! Blonde tries to roll out of the ring but only makes it as far as the apron, before Alix reaches through the ropes and grabs hold of the hair. Blonde thrashes about, hanging by his hair. He's eventually dragged back to his feet and struck in the face. Alix then runs him down the apron, face-first into the outside turnbuckle. With Blonde dazed, Alix pulls him through the middle rope, then leaves him hanging... literally. From the middle rope, Alix soars with a legdrop, chopping Blonde down and the rest of the way into the ring. COLE That could do it right there! Rolling on top, Alix throws up a peace sign as the count is made... 1... 2... FOOT ON THE ROPES! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Alix looks confused as to why the counting has stopped, unaware of Megan's assist placing Blonde's foot on the ropes. COLE So much for Megan not getting involved. COACH Megan plays by her own rules. She's an independant woman. COLE When do you think someone will clue Landon into that fact? Arms folded, Megan does a good job of convincing the referee of complete dis-interest in the match. Which may or may not be acting. Alix pulls Blonde back to his feet, to his squeals of "not the hair". After a couple of slaps across the face, Alix turns and runs off the ropes. A quick recovery from Blonde surprises Alix, but she avoids his leapfrog, tucking and rolling through the legs. As Blonde turns around, Alix attempts to scoop him up. Apparantly over-estimating her own strength. Blonde slips out the over-arching back, hooking Alix's head and delivering a Reverse DDT! COLE The Fashion Statement! Alix got caught! Blonde reaches up and hooks Alix's leg, stacking her up... 1... 2... NO! "AL - IX!" "AL - IX!" "AL - IX!" "AL - IX!" Brushing back his abused hair, Blonde balls up his fist, ready to strike. COACH Oh yeah. Show 'em what a man does, JB! Blonde measures Alix with the biggest right hand of his life. Unfortunately, Alix ducks it. Striking at the chest Alix chops and slaps away, forcing Blonde back into a corner covering up as best he can. After threatening the referee with the same, insisting she's a "honey on the edge", Alix grabs Blonde, snapmaring him out of the corner. Alix quickly jumps to the middle rope, ready to follow up with a high flying move. Blonde is up though and grabs hold of Alix, hurling her backwards. Luckily, Alix is agile enough to backflip, landing safely on her feet. She poses for style points, then dives forward with another avalanche... but Blonde sidesteps!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Nobody home! And Alix might have driven the wind out of herself. COACH Good. No wind, no talking, no dancing... no title. With Alix winded Blonde's eyes light up. He gives the signal, reeling Alix in and slapping on the cobra clutch. COACH HERE WE GO! Blonde has Alix all set up, but to everyone's confusion, he stops and just lets Alix go. COACH (wailing) ...what are you doing!? Wagging his finger, it's clear Blonde knows what he's doing. He appears to be the only one, as even Megan gets on his case. Blonde insists everything's under control though, as he takes Alix up into a fireman's carry. COACH He's going to win the title with Landon's move, Michael! What an honour! COLE Are you kidding me? Blonde walks Alix into the middle of the ring... but as he goes to throw her up in the air, Alix isn't there anymore. Escaping down the back, she slaps Blonde across the BUTT! Blonde wheels around with an elbow, but Alix ducks. And with Blonde off balance, she springs up and blasts him with KIDOLOGY!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE THERE'S YOUR SHOUTOUT! COACH Nooooo! Alix makes the cover, as Megan looks on disbelievingly, hands on hips... 1... 2... 3!!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Rock beats scissors, Krista beats Landon, Alix beats Blonde! COACH Damn you and poetic your logic! Alix skips around in victory, presented with her US Title again. Megan just stares, shaking her head at the idiocy of the KOed Blonde. BUFFER Your winner of the match and STILL OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPION... ALIX MMAAARRIIIIAAA... SSSPPEEEEZZZIIIIAAAAAAAAA!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Performance over, Alix takes a bow and blows kisses to the fans as she leaves. COLE Just another day at the office for Alix! COACH I doubt she even knows where she is, to be quite honest. COLE An impressive first title defence for Alix. Are we seeing the beginnings of a Chicks Over Dicks reign of terror? Sitting up in the ring, Blonde looks mortified at having lost and buries his head in his hands.FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts