OAOAST Syndicated 9/30/09

[Chanel #99]

Brought to you by American Express
Taped: Time is an illusion
First air date: See above
Host: Alix Maria Spezia
Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan
Theme song:

(link now works!)

Alix opened the show not with a monolouge but with a ptich. A pitch made for producers for her movie concept. This delightful idea was  based on a proclaimed true story. Its the tale of your average house cat with not so average feline abilities. You see this cat can see through butts. People's butts. And one day he sees an atomic explosion occuring in someone's butts. This man's farts could destroy the world! Now Alix the cat has to due her part to save humanity and the man. But must one be sacrificed to save the other? Find out in FART CAT an Alix Maria Speiza film!

Vinny Valentine vs Brock Ausstin

Vinny made his entrance, accompanied by Tony Tourettes, and began to dance as Brock waited in the ring.  As Vinny made his way to the ring, Tony stopped him, wanting to show off his skils.  So Vinny gave him the floor, and Tony did a few horrible dance moves, followed by a front handspring attempt that resulted in a flat-backed landing on the floor.  Vinny laughed at his cousin as he writhed on the floor for a few seconds, but then Tony got up and chased him backstage, which eventually resulted in Brock being awarded the match.

WINNER: Brock Ausstin (forfeit)

Josh Matthews interviewed the new OAOAST Heartland champion, Denzel Spencer, having ended the two-year reign of Sandman9000 at Zero Hour.  Denzel expressed the toll that the Chamber of Hell takes on a man, then put over all his opponents, and lauded Sandman's fortitude to be able to hold the title for two years without a loss.  He promised to be a fighting champion, then said he'd be celebrating the victory with a big party at his home in Montego Bay, and everyone was invited, as he placed a Rasta hat on Josh's head.

Alix returned with Melody Nerdly, who was excited to talk about OAOAST No Homo 2010. 70 Superstars including legends would be in the game along with a robust create your own storyline mode. Melody promised to have profiles and screenshots ready by October. She also said if you pre order now you get a free OAOAST No Homo beanie. Alix said if you never want to have sex with a woman you'll wear that beanie.  

***LDC Moneygang W/Lorelei DeCenzo Vs Los Conquistadors***

The wily LC's cast a voodoo spell on Reiger to start the contest. SR acted as though he were about to throwup which got the hopes of Uno and Dos up. Then he struck them both down with punches and laughed in their faces. Uno and Reiger went at it for several minutes, Reiger fighting against the luchadore's offense with his own cheap shot style of wrestling. CMJ got his turn in the ring, but couldn't find the success of his partner. The luchadores worked him over until Reiger snuck in for an illegal blow to Dos' head. From that point on the match belonged to the Moneygang. No curses from the LC's seemed to work as the Moneygang chugged along like a well oiled machine. A hot tag was made by Uno, and a spell made CMJ think he was being attacked by spiders. But Reiger wouldn't fall prey to such trickery and ended the match with a Reiger Counter on Dos.

Winner: LDC Moneygang, via pinfall

Alix hosted The Nerdly Girl best of 7 challenge series between Melissa and Maggie. This time the competition was bobbing for apples. Maggie and Melissa went neck and neck in the thrilling contest until Melissa grew frustrated.  This caused her to attempt to drown Maggie in her own bowl! Fortunately security stopped her, but Maggie could not continue making Melissa the winner.

The Can-Am Assassins vs Deuce Deuce Bigelow & Jumbo

The big guys overpowered Felix to begin the match, but he was able to make a tag to Pantera to even up the odds.  Pantera gained advantage of Jumbo after an ill-advised test of strength, then executed an impressive bodyslam.  However, Jumbo escaped the follow-up and tagged in Deuce, who took advantage with his strong style.  However, he went to the well once too often, and got caught with a stun gun.  The Can-Ams controlled the match for a few minutes, but Deuce was eventually able to evade a high-risk move from Felix and tag Jumbo back in.  Jumbo was a HOUSE-AFIRE~!, but missed an avalanche, and Pantera capitalized quickly, whipping him into a flying sleeperhold drop from Strutter, ending the match.

WINNERS: The Can-Am Assassins

Lead Interview Type Guy Tony Brannigan conducted an interview on the world-famous interview stage with his guests, The Heavenly Rockers. Accompanied by Abdullah and Holly, The Rockers looked bummed. Logan vowed to keep his cool and his composure as he lead the talking, claiming that Synth was in a sombre mood mourning the loss of his precious, irreplacable, sentimentally valued Poison drums. When Tony pointed out, "I thought they were from Whitesnake?", Logan predictably flipped out. Ranting and raving, Logan went off on 'Old Man Brannigan', D*LUX, Jade, Maya, Krista, Josie Baker, Anglesault, The OAOAST Board Of Directors, the state of Nevada, President Obama and God himself. At which point Abdullah stepped in. Long story short, they vowed revenge on D*LUX and warned them that whatever advice they were getting from Duncan girls, they ought to stop listening, before they do something they'll live to regret.

Joined by the always jovial Queen Esther, Lucius Soul cut an in-ring promo on the Orange County Cobras. “Word on the street is, two blond hoes got a problem with the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club,” Soul said. “And like any ho that goes off track, you gotta pimp slap ‘em back, y’know what I‘m sayin‘? Now my boy Rico, he’s got his plate full, but Sweet Lu is here to take ‘em boys to school. Yeah, bring ‘em both on. I got this.”

***2 on 1 Handicap Match: “Sweet” Lucius Soul w/Queen Esther vs. the Orange County Cobras w/Molly Nerdly***

Soul’s bravado came back to bite him as Simon and Ned kicked his booty from pillar-to-post.  At one point Soul even tagged Queen Esther but obviously she was not allowed in, nor did she want in! But things took a shocking turn when, after dropping the Atomic Blond on Soul, Queen Esther fainted on the apron. Former rule breakers themselves, the O.C. Cobras saw right through the charade, prompting Ned to toss a fan’s beer on the Queen! As Molly laid the verbal smack down on Esther, Rico came in through the crowd and walloped Simon with brass knucks to secure the pin for Lucius Soul.

WINNER: Lucius Soul, via pinfall

Alix interviewed head of the match making committee Jesse Ventura. Jesse talked  about the strength of the tag division and future maineventers. Alix only wanted to talk about how he survived the attack from Predator and if Predator was still hunting  him and if there were others like him. Alix claimed she was being chased down by a gigantic cyborg that looked a lot like the Governor of her homestate California.  Interrupting this interview was Leon Rodez! He wanted the match making committee and Josie Baker to commit to making him another world title match against Krista. His belief was that he lost because of teenage girls and idiot lumberjacks, none of it was his fault. Jesse of course disagreed with this assessment and this led the former world champion to shove him to the ground! Enraged, Alix pulled out a gun and shot Leon. A water gun. But it was right in the eye. Leon was incredibly annoyed and stormed off the set. But not before tipping over several lights and cameras.

Landon Maddix came to the ring, with only Megan Skye for company. Carrying all three of the 6-Man Tag Titles, plus his makeshift belt, Landon explained to the crowd that his team's visa issues were still, infact, issues and therefore they couldn't defend the titles at the PPV. However, the title match WOULD infact take place next Thursday on HeldDOWN~! For tonight, Landon was left to find a replacement and had called in a "royal favour" to procour one of All The Queen's Men, Rico De Janeiro's services for the evening.

***Landon Maddix and Rico De Janeiro w/Megan Skye and Queen Esther -VS- Citizen Soldiers w/Maggie Nerdly***
Landon kindly kissed the hand of Queen Esther, in reverance to her, apparantly oblivious to Megan standing three feet away.

The match saw Landon and Rico struggle early on, trying to get some sort of cohesion. On a couple of occassions double-team moves ended with Rico accidentally clobbered by Landon and both men sent outside moments later by Baron and Tim. Which Landon, of course, blamed on Rico. To the point that Rico began to walk out and had to be brought back to the ring by his Queen. Eventually the makeshift duo got their act together as Landon prevented a top rope dive from Tim Cash onto Rico, shoving him off the ropes from the apron. Landon and Rico worked over Wrestling's Last True Good Guy, with Rico doing the bulk of the wearing down and Landon attempting to pick the bones. Cash hung in with the support of the OAOAST Marks behind him. And another series of miscommunications lead to a collision in the corner, Landon accidently nosediving into Rico's crotch and a well-earned tag to big Baron!

Baron ran wild with Cowboy Bebop elbows and big Texan right hands, holding both men off long enough for Tim to recover and help out. No problems working as a team for Citizen Soldiers, working over Landon and Rico in stereo. In the end, as Cash and Rico bundled each other outside, Baron went for the big Texas Lariat on Landon, who ducked and hit the Crash Landon '05 for a close nearfall. Calling for the GTS, Landon failed to get Baron up and he switched into the Brigham Young Cocktail. Landon escaped and pushed Baron away, towards the ropes. However Baron managed to put on the brakes, sidestepping Landon and throwing him outside. Rico snuck up behind Baron and hooked him for a back suplex, only for Baron to amazingly flip over onto his feet! A big boot to the porn 'stache rocked the Brazilian and as the ropes pushed him back to the middle of the ring, Baron delivered the Brigham Young Cocktail for the victory!

Winners: Citizen Soldiers, via pinfall

Citizen Soldiers celebrated their win, as Landon looked on stunned at his partner (not him, as he made sure to point out) had been beaten by Citizen Soldiers, again.


Good night, everybody!