OAOAST Syndicated 9/23/09

[Chanel #99]

Brought to you by American Express
Taped: Recently
First air date: More recently
Host: Alix Maria Spezia
Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan
Theme song: Kat DeLuna-Calling You

Parts of Syndicated are taped in front of a live studio audience

It’s a new look, and a new attitude for syndicated television’s raunchiest, most vulgar, most mind poisoning show, OAOAST Syndicated.  The show now takes place on a soundstage in Los Angeles with Alix Maria Spezia hosting the wonderful and wacky festitivities.

Our dashing hostess with the mostest, Alix Maria Spezia, welcomed the studio audience to the “MUCHO IMPROVO SYNDICATO. No, she did not explain how she, a Latina, could have such awful Spanish. Instead Alix opened with a monologue reminiscent of Gallagher as she smashed water melons. No jokes went along with this, just smashing watermelons for no apparent reason. Awesome.

***Outhouse Jack Vs Charlie Moss***
Singles action for Charlie Moss against a dangerous opponent. Dangerous because he tried to stab Charlie during his intro! Fortunately Moss took him down and the match began with some devastating wrestling holds by the current tag team champion. When the match shifted to brawling, OJ seemed to have the upper hand. But his desire to fetch his hunting knife doomed in as Moss grabbed him into the Mossy Knoll for a submission

Winner:Charlie Moss, via submission

ARE YOU SMARTER THEN AN OAOASTER?

Set up differently than the TV show who’s name I am ripping off, this gameshow pitted Vinny Valentine against OAOAST Mark Jenny Shep. Each contestant would get a series of questions, with the goal of outscoring their opponent. Alix claimed the loser would be dipped in lava and their charred remains would salt her pizza. Oh yeah, Alix was eating pizza during all of this. First question for Jenny was “Who was the first president of the United States” Vinny’s first question was “Scientifically prove the existence of god.”  Jenny’s next question was “What city do the Pittsburgh Steelers play in?” Vinny’s next question “Explain why the Euler-Lagrange equation is a conjunction of the Lorenz gauge condition?” And so on it went until Vinny passed out from over taxing his mind. Alix had security drag him to her desk, where she promised to perform Syndicated’s first sacrifice to the gods!

OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan conducted a stage interview with the Orange County Cobras in which the Last Kings of Scotland crashed after it was announced the two teams would meet at Zero Hour. Though heated, the situation remained cool until Danny Boy made a crude remark directed at Ned’s daughter Maya, prompting the Handsome Hustler to strike. A melee ensured and then a challenge by Ned: “I might not be cleared to wrestle until Zero Hour, but I damn sure can FIGHT! So hike your little panties up and put on your best skirt, then meet me next week on HeldDOWN~! I‘ll be waiting not with flowers…but my fist!”

Staredown Contest: Alix Vs Tim Cash

Tim Cash held his own against the self proclaimed queen of "looking at people awkwardly for a really long time." That is until a PA set his shirt on fire. For some reason that caused him to break his gaze on Alix. Ever the good guy Cash laughed and said a third degree burn is nothing a few bandaids can't handle. What a guy!

***Denzel Spencer, Colombian Heat, Teal Tiger Vs Sandman9000, ThunderKid, and CMJ***
The headline match for Syndicated was a six-man tag team match featuring the six participants in the Chamber of Hell match this Sunday at Zero Hour.  Denzel Spencer and Colombian Heat, two former U.S. champions, teamed up with the Teal Tiger, who most certainly did not wrestle under a previous identity and win two of those titles himself!  Their opposition was the odd combination of Heartland champion Sandman9000 and United States champion Thunderkid, representing the Deadly Alliance, and Colin Maguire Jr., representing the Enterprise.  Thunderkid was on the defensive early, as his opposition took turns teeing off on him and working over his arm.  Fortunately, CMJ landed a cheap shot from the outside, and TK was able to escape the onslaught as his partners took control of the match.  Denzel was reeling from the rough styles of CMJ and Sandman, but managed to evade a high-risk move late from CMJ and bring the Tiger in.  The Tiger was a HOUSE AFIRE~!, flooring everyone with right hands, and sending TK to the outside with a big belly-to-belly suplex!  However, Sandman leveled him from behind, then held him for a shot from CMJ, which missed and connected with Sandman instead!  The short-tempered champion leveled his own partner in retaliation, before a PELE KICK from Heat sent him out of the ring, and the DA mates retreated, leaving CMJ to fall victim to the Tiger's Sharpshooter, ending the match.

WINNERS: Denzel Spencer, Colombian Heat, & The Teal Tiger