Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLTCXZbCNFU We swing into the OAOAST arena "HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT!" The stage is lit by multicolored spotlights as "Heart Shaped Box" by Nirvana hits. Abdullah Abir Nerdly, in a light cream suit, leads the way making great proclaimations of his man, the goggled Synth. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by "The Speaker Of The Prophets", ABDULLAH ABIR NERDLY... from Las Vegas, Nevada. Weighing one hundred, ninety seven pounds... SYNTH AAAAAAABBDDUUUUUUULLLLLLL... JJJAAAAAAABBAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Synth falls to his knees and gives praise, Abdullah trying to elicit the same praise out of the crowd. And failing. COLE The battle between The Heavenly Rockers and D*LUX continues here tonight, as Synth takes on "Showtime" Shayne. And last week it was their respective partners doing battle as Logan took on Tyler...Tyler rolls out and both men spring to their feet at the same moment. Seeing red Tyler charges forward only to be kneed in the grits and gravy by his unscrupulous foe. MAYA Hey, ref, are you blind? CLEM Yes, Krista, I am. MAYA On the embarrassing scale, this ranks about a solid 7! Logan twirls his finger towards the disdainful crowd, and then falls backwards with the lethal Percussion DDT! A pinfall is then made, which Buzzlefoxer counts… ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING DING MAYA Awwwww man! Logan exits the ring, forgoing his usual celebration with Holly in order to berate Jade for her failings as a manager. BUFFER Your winner- Buffer’s announcement is cut short by the shock and surprise of Tyler leaping over the ropes and flattening Logan with a lariat! The fans offer huge cheers for Tyler unexpected attack, and the cute boybander fires both himself and them up. COLE Oh my! Tyler Bryant letting Logan Mann know exactly what he thinks of him! MAYA And he doesn't think too highly! COLE ...and although Tyler got a small measure of revenge after the match and defended the honour of his manager, it still goes down as one in the win column to The MACHO Macho Mann. Synth and Abdullah consult the great book, looking both angered and for some reason surprised when "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5 hits and distracts them. As if they'd somehow forgot this was a wrestling show and not a prayer meeting. Shayne Brave bounds through the curtains and plays to the crowd in green denim pants and a yellow denim jacket, backed up by the Duncan daughters. BUFFER And his opponent. Led to the ring by the managerial team of JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN and MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD! Hailing from Detroit, Michigan and weighing one hundred, eighty three pounds... one half of D*LUX... "SHOWTIME" SSSHHHHAAAAAAAYYYYYYNNEEEEEE... BBRRRRAAAAAAAAVVVVEEEEEEEE!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Tagging hands, Shayne makes his way down the aisle, outdone in the crowd friendly attire stakes by Maya in an Australian rugby top. COACH That girl knows more about pro wrestling than half of our roster. COLE And yet you and The Heavenly Rockers still think that she's overpaid. COACH She is! In which case, half of our roster is overpaid. I'd go along with that assessment. Shayne slides in and like last week, Jade stays at ringside while Maya joins the commentary team. *DINGDINGDING* Clapping gets the crowd behind Shayne, forcing Synth to duck through the ropes and call for a timeout. MAYA G'day guys! COLE Hi Maya. Good to see you. MAYA Don't patronise me. COLE ..... MAYA I'm just kidding, good to see you too! High-five! Having consulted with Abdullah, Synth ducks back inside and is ready to lock up. And he grabs a side headlock. Shayne struggles and manages to force Synth back against the ropes, getting a clean break. Once broken apart Synth throws a not-so clean right hand, trying to get in a cheapshot, but Shayne blocks it and returns fire! Repeated right hands set up an irish whip, Synth sent over with a BAAAAACK bodydrop, enough to send him bailing to the outside! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Abdullah comes over with the book again, apparantly pointing out a verse that'll help Synth out. MAYA Ya know, some of these religions are kinda funky and are responsible for wacky things happening. And I only got a D- in Religious Studies. But I'm pretty sure no religion's intention when writing an all-powerful book was to help someone win a pro wrestling match. Synth slides back in, enlightened. Shayne goes to lock up with him again, but Synth is expecting just that and buries a knee to the gut! COACH Praise be! Clubbing away at the back Synth works Shayne down to one knee and does just that, praising the greater powers watching over him. However, at that point, the powers decide to take a coffee break, leaving Synth to get cut down with a crossbody having whipped Shayne to the ropes... 1... 2... No! Shayne knocks Synth backwards with an elbow, staggering him into a corner. Winding up, Shayne then flies at Synth and hooks him with a monkey flip, sending him for a BUTT-scraping flight. Once he skids to a halt Synth tries to beg off, but Brave has none of it and slings right hands. COACH Attacking a man while he's on his knees, when he's at his most vulnerable, wailing away on him and just letting him have it, right in the face... disgusting. MAYA I'm too young for innuendo, so I'm gonna say nothing. But know that that was kinda gay. Picking Synth back up Shayne goes for an irish whip, but it's reversed. Approaching the turnbuckles, it takes an innovative evade from Shayne to avoid them, pushing off the top and floating onto the apron. And just in time to catch Synth charging with a right hand. Shayne runs down the apron and up the other set of turnbuckles, taking flight with a high crossbody... 1... 2... No! Shayne keeps the pace quick and Synth struggles to keep up, dropping down as Shayne comes off the ropes. Shayne leaps over and hits the opposite ropes. Synth ducks his head for a backdrop, but Shayne counters with a sunset flip... but Synth rolls through to his feet and hits Shayne with a seated crossbody!! MAYA Lame! COLE Synth, not quite so high on his high-cross. But the damage was done. 1... 2... No! Both men get back to their feet at a stand-off. Which doesn't sit well with Synth. Reaching up, he lowers his goggles down over his eyes and charges right for Shayne... MAYA LOOK OUT! ...and Shayne drops down, sending Synth sprawling through the ropes to the outside!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Goggles or no goggles, Synth isn't flying too high or too accurately tonight in Sydney. Shayne celebrates in the ring, to applause from Jade. COACH You know, if you really know what's going to happen before Synth and Logan do, why are you here and Jade's in the corner? MAYA This way, everybody knows I'm here. At all times. COLE You have much to teach us, oh wise one. Angrily picking himself up on the outside Synth climbs back to the apron, getting into it with the Aussie fans. That distraction doesn't help, as Shayne hooks him and gives Synth a hiptoss back inside. Synth backs off from "Showtime", but manages to lure him in and deliver a boot to the gut. Synth goes to work with shots across the back... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a knifedge chop. As Shayne clutches at his chest, Synth quickly snapmares him to the mat and drops a quick knee to the forehead. Cover... 1... 2... No! MAYA What sort of a name is 'Synth'? SAJ traps Shayne in a rear chinlock, trying to control his opponent. "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" The Sydney crowd's chants start to will Shayne (or Shaaiiyyne, when in an Australian accent) back to his feet. But as soon as he gets close to both feet on the mat, Synth reaches up and uses a handful of hair to help pull Shayne back down to the mat in the chinlock. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Jade complains to the referee of a hairpull, but when he asks Synth, he protests his innocence. MAYA I'm serious. Here's a dude who's first name is 'Synth'. You go on the website and his first name is 'Synth'. I'll bet his contract has his first name as 'Synth' and he probably signed it 'Synth'. And nobody thinks this is odd or ever makes any comment about this. Fighting up again Shayne draws on the support of the crowd some more, this time reaching his feet. And he digs an elbow into the ribs. A second. And a third. With the hold broken Shayne then hits the ropes. Synth tries to cut him off with a clothesline, but Shayne ducks underneath. Synth recovers though and catches Brave coming back with a jumping high knee to the face! Cover... 1... 2... No! MAYA Like, my Mom knows lots of Hollywood stars and plenty of them have stupid names lined up for their kids, but... wow. Synth pulls Shayne up again and sets him up for a vertical suplex. But first, he stops to give praise. Which allows Shayne time to recover and counter with a small package... 1... 2... No! Scrambling to his feet, Synth is able to cut Shayne off any further with a knee to the gut, before slapping him across the back in irritation. COLE Two halves of two of the finest tag teams in the OAOAST, The Heavenly Rockers and D*LUX going at it here in beautiful Sydney, Australia. And man, the OAOAST has always prided itself on tag team wrestling, but I can think of few times where the tag team division has been so competitive as right now. Synth hooks on a side headlock and backs Shayne up, aiming at a certain point in the canvas which he plans to smush Shayne's face into. The bulldog is countered, as Shayne manages to push Synth off. Stopping himself short of the turnbuckles, SAJ turns around to find Shayne leaping at him, hooking him for a flying headscissors... but Synth manages to throw Shayne off of him! Shayne lands hard on the mat and is quickly sent into the turnbuckles with an irish whip, then caught with a POWERSLAM on the way out in quick succession... COLE This could do it! 1... 2... Kickout! Abdullah leads the protests about the count. Even though the referee isn't fluent in Arabic, the message is clear, "count faster". Mounting Shayne, Synth fires away with illegal punches until the referee threatens a disqualification. Synth immediately apologises and becomes a man of peace again, backing away. MAYA It's so heartening to see what spiritual enlightenment can do, isn't it? Not. COLE Maybe Logan Mann could do with some of that calming influence, he's been a wildman lately. Once it's 'morally right' to compete, Synth creeps up behind Shayne and throws him face-first into the turnbuckles. Synth then fires away with more right hands in the corner. Another clean, spiritual break, before whipping Shayne across the ring. Shayne hits the opposite corner hard... but still manages to get a foot up! Clearing his head, Synth charges again... and eats the foot again. Suddenly, Synth gets an idea. He pulls down his goggles for protection, giving a thumbs up... and running right into two feet to the face! MAYA "Ze goggles, zey do nothing!" Get it? It's a Simpsons reference! COACH That show aired before you were even born you wannabee poser! With Synth dazed, Shayne climbs to the middle rope and plants his two feet again, this time into Synth's back with a mushroom stomp!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE The Showtime Stomp! Synth's head hits the bottom turnbuckle and he sits in a daze in the corner, goggles now wonky. Crawling over, Shayne drags Synth out and hooks a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Going outside, Shayne begins to climb to the top rope. COLE Shayne going to take a risk here, going up. As Synth pulls himself up Abdullah screams warnings from the outside. His screaming, in a different tongue, don't do Synth any good and it takes some wild gesturing and pointing to get him to turn around. And by that point Shayne is in the air and hitting a Flying Clothesline!! COLE Connects! MAYA Cover cover cover cover cover cover cover! Shayne does cover... 1... 2... Kickout! MAYA Faster faster faster faster faster faster! Trying to catch a break Synth rolls into a corner and tries to plead spiritual timeout, which is presumably more effective than a normal timeout. Shayne doesn't want to give it though and moves in, but falls into the trap, Synth headbutting him in the stomach. Synth then goes behind Shayne, setting him up for a back suplex. Floating up and over, Brave lands on his feet though, shoving Synth's chest into the corner before rolling him up... 1... 2... Synth grabs the jeans and reverses so he's on top... 1... 2... NO! COLE Synth almost stole it right there with a handful of the jeans! COACH If he didn't want his jeans pulled, he shouldn't be wearing jeans. MAYA Thumbs up idea! Finding himself in the corner after the kickout, Synth sees Shayne charging towards him and sidesteps. Shayne hits the corner, but when Synth tries to hit the ropes for a clothesline, Shayne comes out and meets him with a high standing dropkick! COLE Great dropkick by "Showti... MAYA Yo, Michael, I'm really happy for you, I'm gonna let you finish... but Scotty Static had one of the best dropkicks of all time! Cover by Shayne... 1... 2... No! Shayne pulls Synth back up and gives the signal for the Shaynedrop... but Abdullah climbs to the apron... and Synth goes to the eyes! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MAYA Nuts to this! COLE Hey! THROWING down her headseat, Maya leaps into action, as Abdullah steps off the apron to be confronted by Jade. Not quite a fair fight, Abdullah shows no fear in the face of the former women's champ and rants at her. Not realising that behind him, Maya has snuck up and is preparing to PANTS HIM!! ABDULLAH "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" COACH AAH! THAT'S A SPIRITUAL LEADER! COLE And those are the spiritual leader's underroos! Abdullah is in shock and collapses, trying to cover his dignity. The Duncan girls laugh and high-five over Abdullah's attempts to shuffle underneath the ring to safety. Meanwhile in the ring, Synth can't believe what he's seen, but tries to tear himself away. Re-adjusting the goggles, Synth scoops Shayne up for a slam, only for Shayne to float over the back. Shayne lands on his feet and as Synth turns around, he hooks him with the SHAYNEDROP!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Cover by Shayne! 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And Shayne Brave evens things up in singles competition! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "SHOWTIME" SSSHHHAAAAAYYYYNNEEE... BBRRRRAAAAVVVVEEEEEEE!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Shayne pumps the fists at the victory and Jade and Maya prepare to join him in the ring to celebrate. But before they can do so, HOLLY appears and pulls Jade off the ring apron, before SHOVING HER INTO THE STEEL STEPS!!!! COLE HEY! COME ON! Hearing the thud, Maya realises something is up and quickly goes to tend to her sister, just as LOGAN MANN slides into the ring. Catching Shayne by surprise, he spins him around and drills him with the PERCUSSION DDT, right in the middle of the ring! Boos ring out, replaced with hopeful cheers as TYLER BRYANT hits the ring, trying to make the save. But he's cut off as soon as he slides in. COLE This is breaking down, The Heavenly Rockers aren't taking this loss with a whole lot of good sportsmanship. COACH Well neither did Tyler last week. And he's going to get his too. Tyler tries to fight back on Logan and manages to get to his feet, only for Synth to strike from behind. And two on one, Tyler is simply overwhelmed. The Heavenly Rockers beat Tyler down, before positioning him and delivering the DOUBLE Percussion DDT, leaving Tyler laying right next to his tag team partner. "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" Logan flips out on the fans, luckily not coming to blows with anyone, as poor Abdullah is re-pantsed and helped to his feet by Synth. Pleased with their work The Heavenly Rockers leave with Holly and Abdullah, leaving three laying at their hands. COLE I understand this is personal animosity, but this was uncalled for. Holly's got her job back, every's right in The Heavenly Rockers' world. There was no reason for this. Except to prove they're sore losers, in which case job done. COACH The man's PANTS were pulled down Michael! That's not the kind of crime you commit and expect to get away with! COLE Give me a break. Sure thing!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 We return from break with Mister Dick positioned inside the ring with Malaysia at his side, and Melissa holding a microphone to his lips. MELISSA Ladies and gentlemen please join me in welcoming, Mister Dick! “BOOOOOOOOOOO!” MISTER DICK Welcome Mister Dick nothing, I feel about as welcome as a KKK Grand Wizard in a black panthers meeting! “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” The Human Hard On SPITS in the direction of several audience members. MISTER DICK That’s exactly why! But I don’t give two squirts of piss what the OAOAST Marks think of me. I ain’t here to tap dance and shuck and jive for these here morons. “BOOOOOOOO!” MELISSA Please, be silent while this great man speaks. MISTER DICK I’m here to talk about an even bigger moron than all of you, I’m talkin’ about King Moron, Biff Atlas! “BIFF! BIFF! BIFF!” MELISSA A horrible influence on our children and society. MISTER DICK You got that one right! I’m so damn sick of that boy that everytime I speak his name I got a little bit of vomit in my throat. Biff has stepped out of line one two many times for this cowboy’s tastes. That boy runs his mouth talkin’ this and that nonsense about being able to fly. I ain’t never heard such crazy talk in all my life! You god damn idiot, humans can’t fly even if they strapped a flight of damn sparrows to their boots. HUMANS. CAN’T. FLY. Got it? I’m trynna learn you your listen, son, but you keep on with the tom foolery! Boy, you ain’t Superman, you ain’t Batman, and you ain’t Aquaman, as far as I’m concerned you’re a dead man! MALAYSIA Ohhhh, baby, keep it coming, give me more. More! MELISSA Yes, please continue. MISTER DICK The only ability you got, boy, is the ability to get stomped deep into the ground by me. You fancy yourself a super hero, saving god knows what and god knows why? But you ain’t no hero, not in my book. You ain’t never saved nobodies life, you done gone and fail at every thing you do and it’s a miracle you aren’t buried in a casket serving as worm food. You’re a phony and a fraud and I think you got some retard in you at that. I’m the true hero, Atlas. Make no mistake about it, I’m a high school football legend in San Antonio, my name rings bells. Same thing in college at Texas A&M, people go speakin my name in awe and reverence like you do a true hero. When yer stupid name is spokin its with disgust and pity! I hear you blah blahin about great powers and great responsibility and I just gotta laugh my damn ass off. You have no power, yer still the same wimpy boy getting scared of fireworks, hidin under the ring, and clingin onto the ropes fer dear life. You don’t deserve to be called a hero, you don’t even deserve to be alive. “BOOOOOOOO!” MALAYSIA Tell them what you’re gonna do to him, baby, tell them all the sexy, hot details. MISTER DICK Hmmmmm….if you is what you say you is, boy, then I’m askin ya to grow a set and prove it to me. The only way to prove you can fly is by tossin ya off a building or keeping ya in a high space. I can’t do the first one, but I sure as hell can do the second one. If you ain’t the miserable piece of crap coward I just called ya, then you’ll be answerin my challenge for a scaffold match at Zero Hour. MELISSA A scaffold match? MISTER DICK You done heard me right, Melissa. A scaffold match. He and I suspended all kinds of feet above the ring, dukin it out, and throwin hands, loser is the first one to go splat! But if the boy gots the skills that he claims to got, then he ain’t gotta worry about no nasty 20 foot tumble, do he? He can just fly away like a butterfly and jerk off to some wonder woman comics. MALAYSIA When his bones crack into bits and his limbs are shattered its going to be….orgasmic. Oooooooohhhhhhh, mmmmmmm, I can hardly wait. MELISSA Now we await an answer from the cowardly Biff Atlas. Right on cue the superhero of the OAOAST emerges from the back. The fans greet him with a warm pop that brings a smile to his face. BIFF I’m no coward, young lady. I once was, but not any more. Not since my “evolution”. I’m a changed man. I realize that my destiny is to protect the innocents of the world and punish those who stray from the side of good! That’s you, Mister Dick. You once were as righteous and law abiding in me. But you sold your soul to the evil sprits for fast cash and fame. Shame on you and shame on anyone who supported you. Your joy ride is on its home stretch, Jock. Its coming to an end. To your challenge, I say you’re on! “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” BIFF Your vile and nefarious ways have gone on to long! I will stop them in the name of peace and justice! You will terrorize the good people of the OAOAST no more. I will battle you until the end of time and far beyond if I have to. Be afraid, Mister Dick, your day of reckoning is coming! The camera zooms in for a closeup of Biff’s trembling face, as he tries to maintain his heroic restraint.LATER TONIGHTTHE LOVE SHACK RETURNSTONIGHT!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 Walking through the hallways, we follow Leon Rodez, who gets booed as he shows up on the big screen. Leon can't hear the boos, but probably wouldn't care either way. And he brushes past all sorts of backstage personnel without a second glance, on his way to what turns out to be The Deadly Alliance's locker room. No knock, he soon wishes he had, as when he enters he's confronted by the sight of Mister Dick, laid up on a massage table, being rubbed down by Malaysia. MR. DICK Oh yeah that's the good stuff. Work those kinks. Malaysia immediately starts forcing her knuckles into Mr. Dick's back, which doesn't seem to trouble him. What does trouble him is being watched and he jumps up when he spots Leon, just about keeping his towel on. MR. DICK Hey! What the hell!? What is this huh, you wanna jump me while I'm BUTT naked, or you just wanna watch? Spit it out perv! LEON Save it. And... put some damn clothes on. I'm hear to talk. Eyeing Leon with suspicion, Malaysia walks over and hands Mr. Dick another towel. Mr. Dick proceeds to wrap it around his head, not what Leon had in mind. MR. DICK You got some damn nerve tryin' ta talk to me, punk. I oughta slap the taste right oughta your mouth as soon as look atcha. But I guess it's your lucky day... I'm saving my aggression up. Mr. Dick eyes up Malaysia, a kinky look between them. Leon's face doesn't change. LEON What the hell are you getting massaged for anyway? MR. DICK Duh, because I'm a frikkin' adonis? LEON Right. So it's not some kind of match preparation. Ready to fight Biff Atlas again? Barely sneak a win over the lowest guy on the totem pole? How the mighty have fallen. But hey, at least you've still got your body, right? Nevermind about success, or respect, or titles. That's why you kicked Baron to the kerb, right? To show everybody how great your abs looked? MR. DICK What the hell are you tal... LEON Face it, you're just another guy, Jock. Just another face in an endless sea of people nobody cares about. Like I said, how the mighty have fallen. Wasn't so long ago, you and me were fighting over the World Title. What was that, January? February? And now look. You're running around fighting a goofball, flying to differenty countries to make up numbers and getting babyoil massages because you're not needed after all. And I'm... Leon stops, and trails off. LEON ...you used to be someone. And then what? What happened to us? Maybe the only thing we've got in common. MR. DICK Woah woah woah. Cut the crap pencil dick, okay. I know why you're here. I ain't some moron. You're hear to make me a lumberjack. You want a little lumberdick backing you up, right? It's okay. You can some out and say it. It ain't nothin' to be ashamed of, wanting the Dickman's help. Listen, I ain't forgotten a damn thing that dyke bitch did to me, so you ain't gotta gimme the hardsell. I'm in. Shaking his head, Leon looks at Mr. Dick, with his towelled waist and towelled hair, hardly the most respect earning look in the world. And he scowls. LEON I wasn't trying to give you the hardsell. I was trying to remind you of why you want to be a lumberjack. Because THIS Mister Dick... I don't want around that ring. THIS Mister Dick is no good to me. THIS Mister Dick is a complete joke, a pathetic excuse of a man who's only contribution will be to screw things up for me and fail at Krista's hands again. I wanted to remind you that Krista RUINED you. She took the hottest guy in this entire company, a guy with momentum like nobody's ever seen and she took that giant dick of yours that you keep boasting off in some self compensation for a lack of masculinity and she tore it of and put it on her trophy cabinet!! She HUMBLED you! And unless you can convince me that you've still got the heart and the desire and the hunger to see Krista's soul get raped and pillaged, the way you used to, unless you can convince me all that hasn't been drained out of you by Krista already, then you're no damn use to me at all! Now face to face, Leon and Mister Dick stare each other down. Clearly this has had some effect on Mister Dick, now seething as he glares down into Leon's eyes, even the towel wrapped around his head struggling to make the man look effeminate now. MR. DICK Count me in. Leon immediately takes a step back and smirks to himself. LEON Good enough. With another lumberjack signed off on, Leon turns to leave... and finds the doorway blocked by the rest of the DEADLY ALLIANCE. Cheif among them, Reject, who stares Leon down. After a tense few seconds, Leon finally walks past, Reject watching over his shoulder as Rodez leaves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 Backstage we findMorgan Nerdly sitting near a wall and rocking back and forth with a slow rhythm as she stares blankly at the world around her. JOSH (OS) There you are. Interviewer Josh Matthews rushes to Morgan’s side. Ignoring her poor mood, he shoves the microphone into her face. MORGAN You were looking for me? Really? JOSH For an interview. Morgan sighs and nods to herself. MORGAN Oh. For an interview. That’s what you do, right. Interview people. JOSH First, I must deliver some news. Your impressive performance against Krista last week turned a lot of heads. And most of those heads belonged to the match making committee. Normally they let Josie handle title matches and all that, but they had to overrule her in your case. MORGAN What do you mean? JOSH They wanted you as part of the scramble match for the women’s title at Zero Hour. Those guys weild some power around here. Too much power for Josie to stop, so she had to let you in the match. MORGAN How did she look when she told you the news? Did she look repulsed? Did she look like someone slaughtered her parents in cold blood and left them to rot in the woods? Is that the look she gave you? It figures. Who isn’t repulsed by me? I’m repulsed by me, I sometimes smash mirrors out of hate. I don’t care about 7 years bad luck, I’ve been going on 19 years bad luck! I’m sorry…I shouldn’t talk like this to you. JOSH No, no. By all means. MORGAN Are you repulsed by me Josh? Do you see a victim or do you see a criminal? I see a little bit of both, and they both disgust me. But, you aren’t repulsed by me? You aren’t cowering in fear, or keeping your distance like the others. You’re different. Morgan gathers up her courage and leans in with eyes closed for a kiss. But Josh Matthews is horrified and promptly backs away. JOSH Morgan, no! MORGAN No what? Don’t you want me? JOSH Its not that. MORGAN Aren’t I hot enough for you? Don’t I look sexy enough?! What is it, Josh? Tell me what I’ve done wrong! JOSH What about Leon? I’m just….very scared of him. MORGAN Liar! Liar! Shut up! You are disgusted by me!zzzzzzzzt JOSH Morgan-zzzzzzzzzzt MORGAN I sicken you, don’t I?zzzzzzzzzzt JOSH I didn’t say that. MORGAN You think I’m a monster, is that it. You’re too good to kiss a monster? What makes you think you’re better than me. JOSH Morgan, calm down.zzzzzzzzzt MORGAN I’ll show you how much of a monster I can be!ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAP JOSH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MORGAN Stings like a bitch, doesn’t it?COMING UP NEXTSIMON SINGLETON VS SCOTTISH SCOTTNEXT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 “Protect Your Mind (2009)” by DJ Sakin & Friends cues and the Last Kings of Scotland march ringside. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by fellow Last King of Scotland, Danny Boy… representing ALL THE QUEEN’S MEN… “THE BRAVEHEART” SCOTTISH SCOTT! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Scott threatens to go Ron Artest but thankfully is restrained by security. COLE What a match-up this should be. Scottish Scott one-on-one against Simon Singleton. And you know Simon will have payback on his mind after what Scott did to Ned last week, resulting in a mild concussion for the Handsome Hustler who doctors wouldn‘t even clear to be ringside. COACH That’s funny. I thought you needed a brain to get a concussion! “Scream” by Chris Cornell hits and the crowd goes wild. BUFFER And his opponent, accompanied by MOLLY NERDLY… from Orange County, California, one-half of the wildly popular ORANGE COUNTY COBRAS tag team… “BOX OFFICE” SIMON SINGLETON!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Simon sprints to the ring and surprises the Last Kings with a SPRINGBOARD CLOTHESLINE! COLE Simon not messing around, he’s taking it right to Scottish Scott. COACH Thanks to a cheap shot, which you failed to mention. * DINGDINGDING * Danny tumbles outside while Scott chops away on Scott. Simon whips him in for a hip toss, and then a spinning wheel kick. The Orange County Cobra plays to the crowd before unloading on Scott in the corner. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN! Scott wobbles out and falls flat on his back mid-ring, then gets SPLASHED! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Simon rams Scott into the buckle and follows with forearm shots. Whipped across, Scott gets the knee up as Simon charges in, then takes to the air. BUT SIMON DRILLS SCOTT WITH A DROPKICK ON THE WAY DOWN!! COLE/COACH Simon heads up top, but Danny Boy SHAKES the ropes, causing Simon to CROTCH himself! COLE He’s got no business interfering! That’s uncalled for! Damn him! COACH I say that makes up for Simon’s cheap shot earlier. Totally unaware of what occurred behind his back, the referee darts outside to prevent Molly from confronting Danny. Meanwhile, Scott clubs Simon off the top rope and down to the floor, and then distracts the ref while Danny does a number on Simon outside. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Simon’s dumped back in, rammed into the buckle, pummeled by shoulder thrusts, slammed out of the corner and then nailed by middle rope knee drop! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Scott places Simon in a chinlock only to be drilled by a JAWBREAKER! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Scott stumbles back and is hammered against the ropes, but he reverses a whip and drives his knee into the gut of Simon! MOLLY (pointing to crowd) Simon! Simon! Simon! “SIMON!” “SIMON!” “SIMON!” Molly leads the crowd in support of Simon, drawing a smirk from Scott who clubs away. He slams Simon near the corner and attempts a VADER BOMB…but Simon gets the KNEES UP! SCOTTISH SCOTT Overhand chops stun the Scotsman, leading to an Irish whip and BAAAAAACK body drop. Scott lures Simon into a false sense of security and RAKES the eyes, then sets him up for the ARGENTINE PILEDRIVER, but Simon slips out, ducks THE SCOTTISH CLUB (Ivan Putski’s Polish Hammer) and takes Scott down with a CRUCIFIX! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here is your winner… SIMON SINGLETON!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Simon’s hand is raised, and then Scott wallops him with THE SCOTTISH CLUB! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Molly watches in horror as the Last Kings assault Simon. COLE That’s not right. It’s 2 on 1, damn it! COACH Simon not looking to eager to fight now, is he? "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The crowd roars as NED BLANCHARD makes the save wielding a STEEL CHAIR! COACH That guy should be resting on a bed, not stirring trouble. COLE Obviously Ned could no longer sit and watch his friend get beat up, he had to do something. The Last Kings angrily point at Ned before retreating backstage. Meanwhile, Ned raises Simon’s hand in triumph as “Scream” plays in the background. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 Backstage we find D*LUX looking troubled, Tyler and Shayne still regrouping after their run in with The Heavenly Rockers. As they talk over what happened, they suddenly find themselves with more troubles to worry about, as Leon Rodez walks over. TYLER Man, don't even start. LEON Oh, I think you're gonna want to hear this. See, I don't know what the hell you two were thinking last week, coming out and interfering in my business. Funny way of making out like you've severed all ties with me. So, since you're still so interested in what I do. How about being lumberjacks at Zero Hour? Tyler and Shayne look at each other. LEON Do you want me to wait for you to ask permission? Or are the girls not around? SHAYNE No. We'll do it. TYLER Yeah, somebody's got to make things fair. Smiling to himself, Leon nods. LEON I see. You go out there as lumberjacks, at least Krista's got somebody on her side? I feel so sorry for you. I do. You're blind. Blind to fact that you're just like me. SHAYNE We're nothing like you, man. LEON Oh, you are. More than you'll ever know. What? Let me guess. You think if you help Krista out, someday she'll return the favour. Friends helping out friends? Maybe even more? How'd that work out for you tonight? No answer from Shayne, or Tyler. Leon smiles to himself again, then becomes serious. LEON I'm not interested in being fair. But if you're going to help out Krista, so be it. Who knows... maybe standing outside that ring, next to so many other people Krista humiliated, the way she humiliated you two... maybe you'll figure it out for yourselves. Leon gives his former friends a look, before turning and walking away, leaving D*LUX with much to think about.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents...#~~THE LOVE SHACK~~# The Love Shack set hasn’t fared too well during its many months of misuse and is overran by cobwebs, dust and grime. This doesn’t seem to bother its current host, as she sits behind the desk adimiring her fetching features in a compact mirror. Who is this mystery woman, checking herself out on live TV? I think you know the answer to that. KRISTA You prayed, you begged, you wished, and you hoped, you’d never see the Love Shack and its simple jokes, awkward laughter, and degradation of the talk show profession, but like a picture of a naked ThunderKID destroys one’s will to live and love, so to have I destroyed the cancelation of the Love Shack! Things are sadly musty in here, and there’s cobwebs, unfortunately Leon’s not being strangled by any of them, and there’s lots of dust but hey it beats any show hosted by Jimmy Fallon. Regardless now that Leon has learned what I learnt from countless hours with my mother, life sucks and everyone secretly hates you, the show has been on the aforementioned hiatus. I figured why should such a crappy concept go unused so long, after all we still have NASCAR and MyNetwork. Thusly, I brought it back, and it’s a great way to torment Leon. And we pay tribute to his record setting feat of causing viewers in 37 countries around the globe to abruptly change the channel. Apparently there’s a guest, which is odd because I just commandeered this set like ten minutes ago, when I was looking for the water cooler, which I was going to spike it with cyanide and sneak it to Reject’s locker room. And this first guest guest is Leon’s former girlfriend and my current girlfriend, the lovely and sometimes talented Alix Maria Spezia! To canned applause Alix walks onto the set ALIX Hey. KRISTA How are things? ALIX Not bad. KRISTA Good. ALIX Did you see the bird fly into the window at the Hotel? KRISTA No, I didn’t. ALIX Yeah, you were in the shower. KRISTA I guess I was. That’s too bad. ALIX Yeah. KRISTA Oh well. ALIX Yeah. KRISTA Un, so dish the gossip, baby. Tell us what we all have been dying to know. What was it like surrendering your life to an overwhelming despair and darkness aka sleeping with Leon Rodez. Was it pornstar quality? ALIX Oh no way! Leon doesn’t make his partner better in bed. Sex is all about can you make your partner better, and stuff. For all his experience like in porn and whatever, he couldn’t get to me to orgasm and whatever in our whole five months of dating. Like, compare that to you for intance, we’ve filled six video tapes in like two months of solid, straight orgasms. That's the consistency you need to be an impact player at this level of sex. Leon thought talent alone would carry him, but when you're talking orgasms at such a high level, talent is only half the battle. And Leon got all his sex in garbage time, half of his sex per week ratio was just from lyin on top of me when I was asleep and too lazy to hit him with a really sharp object. And if you like check the stats and stuff you’ll see you have a much higher orgasm rating and you’re more efficient in getting there. Plus your sex is done in clutch situations, like right before Idol is about to come on, or when we’re at your mother’s house and she’s hosting tea party with all the ladies from the country club, you didn’t even miss a beat when Larry King’s wife walked in on us. That’s the sign of a true superstar. KRISTA So what I’m hearing, honey, is that Leon Rodez despite his heavy reliance on eXtense, is not as sexually competent as Krista Isadora Duncan? ALIX Yeah, that’s pretty much it. KRISTA Molly, you’ve also nearly ruined your entire life by having sex with Leon Rodez. Share a little bit about that, honey. MOLLY I will not broach that subject under any circumstances! However, I will note that although my dignity may have been lost, I was fortunate to escape without any STDs. It’s a risk any one who lies with Leon dares to take! KRISTA On that always thrilling and non-revolting subject, our expert research team of Terry Taylor and a billy goat have dredged up this clip of Leon Rodez speaking on that same subject. Footage is grainy and pixilated, but Leon Rodez stands in front of what appears to be former OAOAST superstars Axel and The Panther. He speaks very animatedly with wild hand gestures RODEZ Dont EVER tell a girl you have an STD. I don’t care how much she loves you, she will never look at you the same. And will have to make her do you and will think of them damn sores or breakouts, She would have to be a damn fool to perform oral sex on you, and when the sex goes bad, everything else follows! Just keep the condoms on and you'll do fine. No one will ever question that! I wouldn’t even tell, even if I put a ring on her finger. Besides, they got herbs that can cure it or suppress the levels, so when and if the time does come for some raw sex, which I’m sure will be a looooong way away unless the weddings already been planned: You can get right, so you wont give it to her. KRISTA Advice that’s both prudent and socially relevant. Thank you, Leon Rodez. Thank you. Molly, what’s next? MOLLY You seem to have forgotten there is a skit for this program. It is written in plain English in the script. KRISTA There’s a script? (Krista rummages through papers on the desk) Its written in pink crayon it says an inside look at Leon Rodez’s recruitment drive. Drive is in explicably spelled with an X. Well, seeing that I’ve ran out of jokes, I think its time to roll crap….Oops I meant roll footage. We fade on a tiny one bedroom apartment, littered with News clipings about Krista, and pictures of her ripped into shreds. Sitting on a tattered worn down couch is Krista herself dressed as Leon Rodez. Suddenly Alix dressed as Lucius Soul enters the apartment and looks around in wide eyed wonderment. LEON Welcome, brother in arms! I am the prince of darkness, and the emissary of evil. I have called you noble soldier to the front lines to serve in my army of vengance! Lucius Soul will you help defeat Krista with me? LUCIUS SOUL Awwww shit you got everything up in this mug. Soul takes a look at the stereo system SOUL You got mo’ shit in here than a WAL*MART in the hood. LEON Yes, I do, but- SOUL For every day low prices: rob Leon Rodez. Soul gets a look at one of the paintings on the wall. SOUL I bet this painting must’ve cost both arms and three legs. Who it by, Mozart? LEON Please lets get back to Krista! Will you help me or not? Soul begins playing inside the kitchen area. SOUL You even get running water in here. Last time I had running water, I got a FEMA check with it! You gets what you got and gots what you get. You like me, son, I be all up in shit. When them levees broke, them windows broke cause I was stealin TVs with my niggas, LG, Samsung, I got so much electronics I could revive Circuit City. KRISTA (V.O) And like one of Theodore Moneymaker’s promos it continued on and on with little or no point… Soul tap dances in front of Leon, wearing his Detroit Lions’ baseball cap. LEON That’s my hat! SOUL Ain’t I lookin’ clean in it? Leon tries to calm himself down with the Xbox 360, but he’s stopped by Soul snatching the controller from him LEON I was playing that! SOUL Damn this bitch got that surround sound, I bet the sub woofer is hot. Why you pick the Lions, that team ain’t shit, Saints, man, all day every day. This 360 is tight, I bet you on that Xbox Live tearin crackas in Somalia up. LEON I don’t think there are too many crackas in Somilia. SOUL Shit man when I was prison two of these Russian dudes had beef with me. Caught me slippin the shower by myself, and my nigga, my ass virginity was lost! I couldn’t sit straight for two months. Still got nightmares, yo! I wish they’d have cold war part 2 I be bustin in Russian niggas ass all day long! LEON DING DONG Leon rushes over to open the door, revealing Maggie Nerdly dressed as Synth Esizer. LEON Synth glad you could make it. My army grows more powerful with each day! Synth brushes past Leon to dap up Soul. SYNTH Yo-yo, Lucius Soul I heard you was deep in the hood! SOUL You heard dat real talk, mah white nigga! SYNTH What I gotta do to get The Rockers in your crew? LEON Guys- SOUL Man my crew is a family! That crew is made up of niggas I been knowing since the womb. Except for Scott and Danny boy who I met through the talent relations department. Oh and Esther. And Rico, we met in OAOVW. Every one else though- LEON That is everyone else. Guys can we just talk about Krista- SOUL Fuck bitches get that paper! SYNTH You can lose money chasin’ hos but you can’t lose ho’s chasin money. If this wrestling shit don’t work we gonna be runnin up in people’s houses, right? LEON Guys! SOUL Hell yeah, all in the name of Allah! SYNTH Praise be! SOUL We gonna be out in the street movin that rock, bringing a whole new generation of crack babies to the maternity word. SYNTH And we be workin in Target, folding them clothes, or maybe workin at the little food court they got fixin the slurpee machine. LEON ….. SOUL HELL THE FUCK YEAH, MY NIGGA! I love me some slurpees! Get that minium wage paycheck, put a camera in the women’s changing room and we go to titty heaven! Leon cruls himself into a ball and begins sobbing uncontrollably over his failed scheme. We cut back to the Love Shack set. KRISTA If you thought that was bad wait till you watch a James Blonde match! James Blonde? Have I insulted that many heels that I’m down to Landon’s weasel faced ass monkey? Whatever. Things have continued to get worse in Leon’s recruitment drive, so bad that he's had to go beyond the grave for lumberjacks. Lets take a look…ZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRT! What's that odd sound? Why, that's the sound of The Love Shack being abruptly pulled from the airwaves. Fortunatley with so many cameras littered about, finding the cause of this isn't terribly difficult. Leon Rodez is seen outside a production truck, ripping away at wires in a furious frenzy. DIRECTOR Hey, you can't do that! LEON No, no, no. no! You do not tell me what to do! PRODUCER Are you crazy? We were live with that? LEON Am I crazy? Am I crazy? I'd be crazy to let that continue! I will not be humiliated! Not by her! Not tonight! Not ever again! Leon rips out his final cord, sending sparks shooting through the air. LEON I believe you have some wires to repairs to make gentlemen. The number one contender sulks off, leaving behind wide eyed crew members.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts