Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- HeldDOWN~! opens with a ticker-tape PARADE down the EMPTY streets of East Rutherford, New Jersey, “Born in the U.S.A.” blaring in the background. Well, just the chorus. The reason: to celebrate new OAOAST Champion Theodore Moneymaker. Seated on a GOLDEN THRONE, the Billion Dollar Heir is carried by a dozen or so BIKINI-CLAD VIRGINS supplied by good friend and spiritual advisor Abdullah Nerdly. COLE And there you see him, ladies and gentlemen, the brand new OAOAST World Champion Theodore Moneymaker, who defeated Krista Isadora Duncan in controversial fashion last Sunday at the Great Angle Bash to capture the title. COACH Whether you like it or you don’t like it, learn to love it, Cole. The decision is final. We have a new champion. So quit crying over spilled milk. Tonight is cause for celebration! Smoking a pipe, the belt on his lap, the Billion Dollar Heir waves to longtime supporters (VICE, the Heavenly Rockers/Abdullah, rest of the Enterprise) lined up to catch a glimpse of him. Suddenly the parade comes across a group of ANGRY PROTESTERS, which VICE and Morgan take care of with violent force. MONEYMAKERhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJUs_r_wlXo (Tony your video was yanked off youtube) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 COLE Ladies and gentlemen, we just saw Theodore Moneymaker's parade, and now, we begin the road to determine who his opponent will be at AngleSlam! Battlebowl 2009 kicks off tonight! Cut to a split-screen of two locker rooms, one containing the face side, and one containing the heels. COLE And there you see all the participants, 32 in total, and eight of them are going to be chosen for two tag matches, one of which is about ready to take place right now! COACH Right now? Well, let's get going! COLE Let's go up to Josh Matthews and Maggie Nerdly at the tumbler! Cut to the aforementioned scene, with Maggie spinning the tumbler. JOSH All right, thank you, Michael! Of course, the rules of Battlebowl are simple, the first two names drawn will be tag partners, and the next two names will be their opponents! The winners of the match will go on to compete in a 16-man battle royal at the Chi-Town Spectacular on July 30th, the winner of which will challenge for the OAOAST World title at AngleSlam, August 31st from San Juan, Puerto Rico! And with that out of the way, Maggie, if you would draw that first name, please! Maggie stops the tumbler, and pulls a plastic container out, which Josh opens, and opens up the enclosed sheet of paper. JOSH Wow, how's this for a #1 pick...ALFDOGG!!! The crowd erupts, as Alf pumps his fists and stands up from his seat in the locker room, receiving a pat on the back from Baron Windels as he heads towards the ring. COLE Alf with that forehead bandaged, a result of that brutal WarGames match this past Sunday! JOSH And Alf's partner... Josh opens up the paper. JOSH From the Orange County Cobras, SIMON SINGLETON!!! Another positive reaction from the crowd, as Simon gives Ned a high ten before heading to the ring. COLE This could be a good team, a three-time World heavyweight champion and a four-time World tag team champion! JOSH Now the opponents... Josh grabs an egg and opens it up. JOSH Representing the Deadly Alliance...THUNDERKID!!! COLE Another man from WarGames thrust right into a Battlebowl match! TK consults with Reject and Mr. Dick before departing the locker room. JOSH And TK's partner...will be... Josh opens up the paper. JOSH The Metrosexual Monster, BOHEMOTH!!! COLE WHOA! Bo stands up and lets out a yell, before high-fiving Zack and heading to the ring. The camera cuts to a wide shot, then cuts to the aisle, where Alfdogg is walking down to the ring. Simon comes through the curtain as Alf is halfway down. Alf steps into the ring, then waits for Simon to enter the ring, and the two shake hands, with Alf slapping Simon on the chest in a friendly fashion. Thunderkid then makes his way down the aisle, to boos, taunting the crowd on his way out. The crowd then explodes in cheers, causing TK to turn around and see Bohemoth walk into the entrance. TK stops in his tracks, and points as if to say "that's my partner?", then walks to the ring with his hands on his hips. Bo eventually climbs into the ring and starts hopping in place, as TK starts talking to him. COLE And you can bet, these two not happy to be partners! TK starts poking Bo as he talks to him, so Bo pokes back, and TK backs off. COACH I think Bo should be thrilled, he's got a two-time World tag team champion in his corner! *DING DING DING* Alf steps out of the ring, leaving Simon to start. After continuing a brief argument, Bo steps out, leaving TK. COLE And it'll be Simon Singleton starting with Thunderkid, the two experienced tag team wrestlers in this match! TK gets up in Simon's face and starts talking trash. COLE And ironically, Alfdogg on the apron, he's held every active title in the OAOAST except for the tag team title! TK shoves Simon, who shoves right back. The two then tie up, and Simon grabs a headlock. TK shoves him into the ropes, and takes him down with a shouldercheck. He then runs to the ropes, and hops over Simon, who then turns over and catches TK with a reverse monkey flip! COLE Nice reverse monkey flip by Simon! TK backs off into a corner, working the kinks out of his shoulder. He then moves in again, and the two tie up, but Simon quickly takes down TK with an armdrag! TK gets to his feet, and starts yelling at some fans at ringside. COLE TK having some problems with some ringside fans here... Bo tells TK to worry about Simon, and TK responds by pointing the finger at Bo and yelling at him. TK grabs a headlock on Simon, then spins behind and grabs a hammerlock. Simon stays in the hold for a few seconds, then reverses, and schoolboys him... 1... 2... Kickout! TK protests to the referee that Simon pulled his tights, then motions the same thing to the crowd, who shower him in boos. COLE TK not making any friends with this crowd in East Rutherford tonight! Tie-up, and TK grabs a rear waistlock. Simon reverses to his own, but gets drilled with a TK elbow! COACH Yeah, there we go! TK delivers a foot to the gut, and a gutwrench suplex, then backs into the ropes and attempts an elbowdrop, but Simon rolls out of the way! COLE Nobody home on the follow-up, though! Simon follows with a scoop slam, then hits a foot to the gut, and catches him with a swinging neckbreaker, then tags in Alf! COLE First tag of the match, and Alfdogg in the ring! Alf whips TK into the ropes, and catches him with a AA SPINEBUSTER~! COLE BIG spinebuster! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COACH And TK is in big trouble here, he may want to think about tagging the big man in! TK rolls to the outside, where Bo berates him from the apron. TK gets on the apron, and has a brief argument with Bo, then steps back in, and ties up with Alf. He backs Alf into a corner, then backs off slowly, before driving a forearm into his chest. He delivers some European uppercuts, then tosses Alf over the ropes, before celebrating. However, Alf skins the cat back up! COACH Look out, TK! TK catches him, but Alf hooks him around the head and pulls him out to the floor! COLE And TK to the outside once again! Alf then completes his skin-the-cat move, and waits for TK to get to his feet. He hooks him in a front facelock, and suplexes him back inside! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf then tags Simon back in, and Simon picks up TK, and whips him into the ropes. Simon puts his head down, however, and TK drives in a kick! COLE Simon made a mistake there, and paid for it! TK picks up Simon, and executes a PRESS SLAM~! He then drops a knee to the sternum, and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! TK backs Simon into his corner, and tags in Bo. The crowd cheers upon Bo's entrance. COLE And Bohemoth finally getting a tag here! Bo whips Simon into the ropes, and takes him down with a BIG shouldercheck! COLE Wow, like running into a brick wall! Simon staggers to his feet, and Bo grabs him in an armbar. Simon struggles for a bit, then manages to take Bo to the mat, and grabs an armbar of his own! Bo works his way to his feet, then scoops up Simon, and drives him forward into the mat with a powerslam! COLE Lots of power on display from Bo tonight! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Bo grabs Simon, and tags TK back in. TK hammers away on Simon, then goes behind him and executes a back suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! TK goes for a kneedrop, but Simon rolls out of the way and tags Alf, while TK makes a tag to Bo! COLE Look at this! Bo has a smile on his face as he looks across the ring at Alf, then steps through the ropes, as the crowd cheers on in anticipation. COACH No question the fans wanted to see this matchup! Alf moves towards Bo, and the two tie up. Bo grabs a headlock, and wrenches down on it. However, Alf is able to slip out when Bo lets up, and hooks him in a hammerlock. He changes to an armbar, and Bo gets to the ropes by dropping to one knee. Alf slowly releases the hold...then delivers a big slap to the massive back of Bo! COACH How about that? Bo turns to look at Alf, who holds his arms out to the sides. The two tie up once again, and Bo quickly backs Alf into a corner, and starts hammering him with right hands and forearm blows. He then whips him across into another corner, catching him with a PRESS SLAM~! on the way out! COLE And now it's Alf being overpowered by the Metrosexual Monster! Alf backs off into a corner, as the referee keeps Bo back. Alf moves in once again, and trips Bo up by the right leg, then drops an elbow to it! COLE And now Alf working the leg of the big man! Alf stomps the leg, then picks up the other, and tries to step through, but Bo is able to quickly shove him off. COLE Alf going for the Sharpshooter right there, but Bo having none of that! Alf then makes his way to Bo, and delivers a kick right to the back of the head! COACH And Alf getting frustrated now, I think! Alf backs Bo into a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! The chops are having no effect, as Bo stares down Alf. Alf stares back for a second, then delivers a third CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf backs off, then delivers a thumb to the eye! He then grabs Bo in a headlock, and rakes his eyes across the ropes! COLE And Alf pulling out all the stops now! Alf then hooks Bo, and executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! However, as he gets to his feet, TK nails him from behind! COACH TK knew that Alf was going for the kill there, and put a stop to it! Bo rolls to the outside, as Simon comes in and takes TK down to the mat, and the two brawl to the outside, as boos fill the arena. The camera cuts out to show Reject sauntering down to ringside, carrying a steel chair. COLE And here comes Reject now, and he's got a chair! Alf spots Reject coming down the aisle as he comes to, and makes his way to his feet, inviting him into the ring. The referee steps in between as Reject has one leg on the apron, and Reject gets down. COLE Referee attempting to keep Reject from entering the ring... Reject stares at Alf for a few seconds...then turns and cracks Bo over the head with the chair as he gets to his feet! The referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* COLE Reject just hit Bo, and now the referee has called for the bell! COACH I think Alf and Simon are gonna be disqualified! BUFFERThe winners of the match, via disqualification...the team, of THUNDERKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID and BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! COLE TK and Bohemoth the first participants in the Battlebowl battle royal, and if you ask me, Alf, along with Simon Singleton, just got screwed by Reject! Alf stares down the aisle at Reject, who has a smirk on his face, as he celebrates with TK. The smirk suddenly turns to a look of fear, however, as he sees Bo dashing down the aisle towards him and TK! COLE And Bo has got his sights set on Reject, and look at them run! COACH Hey, Bo should thank Reject, Reject just sent him and TK to Battlebowl! COLE Wait a minute. Fans, I’m being told… COACH He’s here, Cole! He’s here! COLE Well let’s just go there right now. TO THE BACK~! we go, where Theodore Moneymaker and the gang have arrived at the arena. Ushered in under the protection of VICE, Moneymaker acknowledges the sea of people backstage, from wrestlers to crew members. MONEYMAKER Mr. Dick, how nice of you to come. We cut to Mr. Dick leaned against a wall, Malaysia nibbling on his neck. MR. DICKTwice actually! Oh, that's rich stuff right there. Anyway, Moneymaker and company near the Gorilla position. COACH Oh, my God, Cole! I think the Billion Dollar Heir is ready to bless us with his presence! COLE And we’ll have that when we return live!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 A looped version of the opening fanfare from “Jesus Christ Superstar” plays as the new OAOAST Champion Theodore Moneymaker, showered by CONFETTI, is carried in on his throne. Now he’s joined by one of the bikini-clad virgins, bearing a striking resemblance to Krista, who feeds him grapes. Oh, and there’s real life ELEPHANTS!! COLE This has got to be the most gratuitous display of ego I’ve ever witnessed. Elephants, bikini-clad “virgins,” Jesus Christ Superstar?! What’s next, the release of white doves? Sure enough, that’s exactly what happens as Moneymaker enters the ring in his flowing white robe. He takes several moments to suck in the championship paradise he has created for himself. Once he's filled with the vigor of his personal dedications he takes hold of a microphone. MONEYMAKER It is a blessed day, isn’t it? “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” MONEYMAKER When is a champion more than a champion? At what point does the personal glory of championship victory evolve into glory for all of humanity? When does the accomplishment of the few become the accomplishment of the many? When a lone hero transcends the shackles of human limitation, to emerge as something beyond mere man or simple mortal, but to the plateau of immortality. That hero is me. “BOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH I agree, sir, I agree wholeheartedly. MONEYAMKER Every hero is defined by his greatest villain. Lex Luthor to Superman, Luke Skywalker to Darth Vader. And Krista Isadora Duncan defined me in ways I was not prepared for. I had never known loss, or lacking, or struggling or fear until I encountered her and her witchlike ways. She was a worthy foe for a warrior of my stature and in many ways she eclipsed me. I was not prepared for a long three year war when I first crossed her path. No one could’ve prepared or warned me that everytime I thought I had conquered her or broken her, she would fight back with greater strength than ever before. Too many times have I had victory snatched from me by her jaws of defeat. Soon hatred turned into fascination or love, and this became both a war and a chase for the treasure that eludes me. This war has tested my resolve, my patience, and my will. But like any great hero of lore and fable I refused to give up. I knew the greater good of American family values that I championed would prevail over her wickedness. Now, my faith has led me to her world title, her company, entangled her into a voodoo curse, and soon her entire mind body and soul will be mine. Especially her body. Soon I will have my treasure and queen, Krista Isadora Duncan. “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” MONEYMAKER My championship reign will not be marred with matches in which the challenger walks out, shows where the champion is no where to be seen, title defenses against unworthy challengers. This championship reign is the reign of the American people! Unlike Krista who merely represented the Hollywood liberal elite, I hold the title high and proud for the janitors, the farmers, the meat packers, the factory workers, and most of all our boys in the Armed Forces. This is the title of America, and I am America's champion! Let it be known by all that whenever I defend this title I defend these shores of the land of the free and the home of the brave! Why a mere hour after winning the title my good family friend Jeb Bush gave me a rang and said if we had more guys like me in the service there wouldn’t be a Taliban or Al Qaueda member left breathing! Krista concerns herself with how she looks on the red carpet, or what they’re saying about her in tabloids. She does not care for the sport of wrestling as much as I do. As champion I intend to do what I always do and that is pour my heart and soul into this ring. COLE Please, Moneymaker hadn’t wrestled in nearly two months before that title match. He swoops in and takes what he wants. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” MONEYMAKER Krista is not going to come out if she has any sense. The world is an unwelcome place now that the evil of witchcraft circles around her. But I will not bring a storm cloud over this glorious sunshine. I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest -- quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends. And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "Land of the free and hme of the brave." And see inspiration and hope in my bravery against adversity. I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood and discuss how the very world changed when I won my world title. COLE Oh god, he can’t be serious. MONEYMAKER I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice where those who spoke out against will bow before me in reverence. I have a dream that little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged for having me being their favorite athlete their but by the content of their character that display by recognizing my brilliance. I have a dream today! “BOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH Yo, my man was spittin truth to power. I felt a lot of Martin Luther King vibes from his greatness. COLE That’s because the latter half of his speech was ripped off entirely from Martin Luther King! Unexpectedly "Scream" the theme song of the orange county cobras hits. The fans offer a large pop in response to the music interrupting Moneymaker. Their happiness continues to grow as Ned Blanchard and Molly Nerdly step onto the stage. MONEYMAKER Traitors! You are not welcome here! NED Moneymaker, you think anyone is buying your line of B.S.? I bought it for a while but ain’t no way this crowd is buying it for a damn second. In most cases I’d let ya have your moment in sun, but you pissed me off big time. I don’t know if it was your damn curse or because you screwed with the ring ropes, but Krista, the mother of my daughter, is concussed. Krista and I ain’t always been on the best of times, but nothing changes the fact that she’s my kids mother. You hurt her and you hurt Maya. I ain’t about to let you get away with you did. You don’t deserve that championship, and you’re a damn disgrace! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” MONEYMAKER Shut up, you fool! You defend your child and your former lover only when its convenient to you. You think I forgot how you begged me to get you a better child support lawyer because you were afraid Maya would drain your pockets? Do you forget that you confessed to me that you cheated numerous times on Krista? MOLLY The content of Ned's character is changed. He is a better man! MONEYMAKER No he is not! Ned Blanchard, you are a sleazebag, and gutter trash! I will not permit you to railroad me off the tracks like the liberals have done to poor Sarah Pallin. An innocent loving woman such as her hasn’t the ability to fight back against the hounds. But I embody American strength and masculine dominance, therefore I will demolish you in my first title defense. NED You’re on! COLE Its Ned Blanchard in his very first world title shot against new champion Mister Theodore Moneymaker in our mainevent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 Backstage we find Alix and Krista walking through the parking lot on the way to their car. With her eyes filled with worry Alix reads over a book “The Complete Guide to the Occult” Krista looks disinterested and annoyed. ALIX Don’t you wanna at least here what it has to say? KRISTA Only if the first words are “Alix , shut up and leave Krista alone” ALIX Hey, I’m trynna help! KRISTA Waking up chained to the hotel bed room, with a knife at my throat all in the name of exorcising the evil spirits is not exactly a Red Cross relief mission. ALIX Krista, you gotta accept that you’re cursed! The girls reach their Krista, but first Krista must put Alix in her place to get peace and quiet. KRISTA No. What I have to accept is that Megan Fox will never become a lesbian now matter many gold coins I throw in a wishing well, I have to accept that my mother’s jewish guilt has slowly eroded my already low will to live, but I will not accept that I am cursed, and I won’t accept that bastard has my title belt. I nearly choked out Rene Zwelliger when she wore the same shoes as me at the Oscars, think about I’ll do to Moneymaker. ALIX Krista, I’m super serious! This book says you only mere days before unthinkable terror consumes you. When have I ever been wrong? KRISTA Your wrong every day! Just last week you thought if you dressed the cat up in a superman outfit and tossed him off the roof he could fly. Did he fly? No, but he landed right smack in the middle of the set for the PETA commercial I was shooting. Now you’ve replaced Mike Vick on the top slot of their “too Kill” list ALIX Why are we out here anysnooch? KRISTA Because I must retrieve a lacrosse stick , functions as both a great sex toy for a giraffe and an effective tool to bash Moneymaker’s skull in. Krista opens the trunk only to have a battalion of bumble bees emerge from it. She’s incased in a surging capsule of angry bees. While Krista shrieks in horror over this sudden attack, Alix rushes to grab a fire extinghuisher. Straining with might and determination she blasts it at Krista’s buzzing and staining attackers. The substance is like a kryptonite to to the troupe of bees and they abandon Krista to be free of Alix’s weapon. Once the last bee has retreated, Krista slinks down against the rear of the car and holds her mouth agape with horror. Alix quickly returns to her side to comfort her out her shock. BRING BRING BRING BRING Seeing that Krista is in no mood to answer her iphone, Alix does it for her. ALIX Hi-ya! MAYA Alix? Put mom on the phone. ALIX Her head’s kinda buzzing hehehehehe so she wants things to BEE quiet heheheheheheh! What’s the deal, homegirl? MAYA Something’s wrong with the pool! The water is all gone and its been replaced by all this red goo. ALIX Possibly a pool filled with cherry jello, granting me my ultimate wish? MAYA No to that. ALIX Shucks! MAYA It looks like blood in a way. But whatever, Jade better learn some pool cleaning skills because there’s no way I’m taking care of it . Uh-uh not my job. Bye! CLICK KRISTA I’m having trouble adjusting to what is apparently an ongoing episode of the Twilight Zone, is my brand new Olympic zied outdoor pool filled with blood? ALIX It’ll be okay, Krista. Alix gives Krista a loving hug as we fade to…..COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 We return from break inside Josie's office where Lorelei DeCenzo stands with her arms folded and her lips frowning in disgust JOSIE I've done it. LORELEI Done what, exactly? Why am I here. JOSIE You're here because I finally found away around all your schemes and tricks. LORELEI Schemes and tricks? I have no clue as to what you're talking about, I've always displayed honesty and integrity. JOSIE Yeah, right. You and Moneymaker are the two biggest throns on the OAOAST's side. I think I've found a way to eliminate one of you. You've manipulated Morgan Nerdly into being a one woman wrecking crew. Because of your lies and deceit too many people have fell at Morgan's hands. LORELEI Lies and deceit? You don't understand anything, do you? I care for that girl as though she were my own flesh and blood sister. JOSIE Is that right? In that case you'll need to figure out how to put your sisterly love aside tonight, because you're facing Morgan for the women's title. LORELEI Impossible. I don't believe you. JOSIE You better, or else it could be a long night. LORELEI You'll regret crossing me. Everyone does in the end. With those ominous words, we cut and find a very sour looking Jade Rodez-Duncan, head fixed away from something. Or, someone. And as the camera pans back we see why, as that someone turns out to be Bohemoth. BOHEMOTH Will you just say something already? JADE Like what? BOHEMOTH Like 'I understand'. 'I forgive you'. JADE Even if I don't? Bohemoth sighs and shakes his head. JADE Look, I've got a lot to worry about at the moment, what with Mom and Leon, my family. I just... need some space. BOHEMOTH Fine. I think it's obvious who's side you're taking. But for what it's worth, I think deep down, you know I'm in the right. And I'll be in the right again. Because I'm not through with Leon yet. JADE Then I guess we're through here, aren't we? BOHEMOTH ...I guess we are. Sighing again, Bohemoth leaves. Glancing over her shoulder, a sad Jade hangs her head before walking off in the opposite direction.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 Cue: Sex and Money The production crew makes it rain, dousing the steel stage in crisp dollar bills. The Money Honey, Lorelei DeCenzo twirls onto the stage, her voluptuous body shown off beautifully in a mini dress with sparkling pink feathers. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is for the OAOAST Women’s Title…now making her way to the ring from Manhattan Beach, California she is the Money Honey…LORELEI DECENZOOOOOOOOO! “BOOOOOOOO” Displeased with the cold reception, Lori holds her nose up to the cruel audience. COLE The Enterprise with a chance to rake in another title this one the women’s title, in a match Josie is using to punish both Lorelei and Morgan Nerdly. I can’t necessarily say I agree with her actions. COACH Right on! Bout time you made some damn sense! How is Morgan gonna react to this? Who’s gonna get hurt because Josie made a dumb ass decesion. Lorelei enters the ring to continued disdain from the audience. They do however have to pay her begrudging respect as she shows off her perfect body with a slow and graceful spin. BUFFFER And the champion..... Cue: This is how I disappearGO! To un-explain the unforgivable, Drain all the blood and give the kids a show. By streetlight this dark night, A séance down below. There are things that I have done, You never should ever know! And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now. And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now.ZAAAAP ZAAAAAP ZAAAAAP electrical sparks strike like misses onto the entrance way. Morgan explodes onto the stage with speed of a road runner. She paces back and forth across the entrance floor, her mouth muttering inaudible words at rapid speed. Despite the troubled look of the champion, Lorelei views Morgan with friendly warmth and waves her down to the ring. BUFFER From Edmonton, Alberta, Canda, she is the nineteen year old women’s champion, prepared to be shocked and awed by MORGAN NERDDDDDLY! The nineteen year old stomps down the entrance ramp, her mouth continuing to mumble her rage. Fans stay back, giving her a wide berth down the entryway, fearful of what anguish she may cause them. After throwing her women’s title into the ring, Morgan slides beneath the ropes. Her eyes stare painfully at her only friend. COLE Morgan does not look well. COACH That’s putting it lightly. Morgan instantly grabs onto referee Earl Hebner’s shirt and shakes him with all the violent force her tiny body can manage. MORGAN You can’t make me do this! I won’t do this! HEBNER Its not up to me. MORGAN I won’t do it, I can’t fight Lorelei! HEBNER Josie says you have to. MORGAN No she’s my friend! She’s my friend! As Morgan continues to plead Lorelei stands behind her with satisfied smirk filling her cherub face. HEBNER You have to fight her. MORGAN You can’t make me! I won’t hurt my friend! No, never! Never! Suddenly Morgan feels a tug on her legs. Before getting a chance to even react, she’s dragged against her will down to the canavs. Hebner drops down to count what has become a pinfall attempt from Lori. ONE! TWO! THREE! COLE I can’t believe it! Nor can Morgan and the crowd, as both sit in stunned and confused silence. The only sound emerges from Lorelei’s delighted celebration and her booming entrance music. COLE Lorelei just flat out betrayed her own “friend.” A “friend” that was desperately trying to get out of this match to avoid having to hurt her. Lorelei bows with grace and style befitting of the Money Honey, but receives a decidely negative reaction from the sold out audience. COACH First Mister Moneymaker now Lorelei DeCenzo, the gold is mounting for The Enterprise! COLE Yes, Lorelei won the women’s title from a severely mentally ill girl who had no one to trust besides Lorelei herself. Perhaps surprisingly, Morgan manages to keep her anger in check. However she exits the ring and takes off through the crowd. Though not actively seeking conflict, she delivers a hard shove to everyone she deems in her way. It takes several moments for Lorelei to recognize Morgan’s disappearance as she was so caught up in her own revelry. Smiling with pride, she motions for Morgan to return. However Morgan is long by the time such a half heatred gesture is made. Lorelei does have the audacity to wonder aloud why Morgan is so upset. COLE If you couldn’t tell by now you now know The Enterprise is full of snakes! COACH Sexy snakes in the case of Lorelei! Don’t get me wrong, Morgan is cute but she’s just a kid, I need a grown ass mature sexy woman in my life, and Lorelei gets that job done! Shake that ass, but watch ya self!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 We find Jade Rodez-Duncan backstage again, sat alone and looking mighty glum. And in desperate need of someone to cheer her up. Unfortunately, the person who walks across camera and sits down next to her is one of the few people more miserable than her. That being her uncle Leon. For a few seconds there's no words between them, Leon just staring off into the distance. LEON So, is it over? JADE Thanks to you, yes. Leon hides a smirk, not feeling as guilty as Jade was trying to make him. LEON I'd like to say I'm sorry to hear that. But you know fullwell that I'm not. JADE Well I'm glad someone's happy. LEON Happy? Who said anything about being happy? I'm not happy, Jade. I'm relieved. Relieved that you're finally seeing life for what it really is. I know how you look at me lately. Same as everyone else. Like there's something 'wrong' with me. What's wrong, Jade, is living in denial. Thinking that life is fair and just. It's wrong because you only end up getting hurt when you realise different. You're not happy? Welcome to my world. Leon opens his arms out in mock 'welcome'. LEON It gets better. Trust me. The denial is the worst part, because when you think life should be fair and it's not, it hurts. When it's not and you know it never will be, you get numb to it. Me? I'm starting to learn to take little pleasure when and where I can. It's given me a little pleasure to know that you're not so naive anymore now. That you finally understand what's going on with me. And... it's given me a little pleasure to know that bad things happen to bad people sometimes, as well as to good people. It's good to know that I'm not the only one with a curse hanging over me around here anymore. Realising who Leon's talking about, Jade stands up and scowls at her uncle. JADE You know what's really wrong? You are. Because I will never, EVER, be as bitter and twisted as you are! Life is what you make of it. And right now... you're making me feel sick! LEON Jade... JADE No! No! I'm sorry, but I hope Bo does beat some sense into you. Because until you pull yourself together, I don't want anything to do with you! Jade storms off, having left Leon speechless. Once he gets over the shock, Leon goes right back his normal bitter mood. Elsewhere, the door to Josie Baker's office opens, from the inside. And with a big grin on his face Landon Maddix leaves, carrying a mysterious black bag in his hand. COLE What is Landon so happy about? We're going to hear from Cucaracha Internacional next, here on HeldDOWN~!*COMMERCIAL BREAK* "We're running with the Shadows Of The Night So baby take my hand, you'll be alright Surrender all your dreams to me tonight They'll come true in the end" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! To the sounds of "Shadows Of The Night", the ranks of Cucaracha Internacional emerge from the shadows of the entrance. Landon leads the way with a big smile on his face and carrying that mysterious black felt bag. Behind him are the World 6-Man Tag Team Champions, James Blonde with Faqu and Nathaniel Black miserable at the back. Not forgetting Megan, miserable somewhere in the middle. COLE Landon Maddix, all smiles. Which must mean something's up. COACH Maybe he's just in a good mood. Not everything has to be suspicious. COLE What about the bag? COACH Probably just a packed lunch. You've been watching too much CSI I think, Cole-umbo. Entering the ring, the 6-Man Champs line up behind their leader, who calls for some quiet with a microphone in hand. MADDIX The observant among you might have noticed that Battlebowl starts tonight. So... that's a few of you. Fill in the rest while I talk, would you? See, Battlebowl starts tonight. Thirty two of the OAOAST's top stars fighting for a shot at the OAOAST World Title. Supposedly. Because those of you who noticed Battlebowl has started have probably also noticed that none of us are involved. "YYYAAAAAAAAAYYY!" Landon glances over his shoulder, not expecting that to be cheered. MADDIX We're not involved and for that, we have Josie Baker to thank. And if this sounds like I'm being sarcastic... it shouldn't. Fact is, I asked her not to put us in Battlebowl and she was kind enough to agree. COLE Probably anything to shut him up. COACH Shhh! MADDIX Now, you're probably wondering, 'Landon, why wouldn't you want the chance at another shot at the OAOAST World Title? After all, you were such a great World Champion the first time around'. And I'd laugh and try to act humble, even though you'd be right, before explaining that I've got more important things to do. We have more important things to do. For weeks, I've been touting these men in the ring with me. We are the strongest, greatest unit in the OAOAST. And we've been begging and pleading for the chance to prove it, without any of these other distractions. Well, it seems like Todd Cortez is a little distracted right now, but that's okay. He's got his stuff to deal with and we completely understand. Blonde can be scowling at Todd's mention. MADDIX You see, this ship is far from rudderless. We have a mighty captain steering us on. With Todd pre-occupied... and now that my other commitments are... 'cleared up'... I figure that it's about time that I got back into the ring! Oh yes! I've been sat on the sidelines, letting the rest of Cucaracha Internacional bath in my spotlight. I've been resting up a nagging little back injury, concentrating on being an inspirational leader. But now, my guys need me. And it's time to lead by example again. It's time for me to step into Todd's place and lead this team. Cue applause from James Blonde, answering the rallying cries even if no-one else will. MADDIX But although the line-up may be a little different, the mantra is still the same. We are the strongest and well-oilingest unit in the OAOAST. And we still know that no eight man team can beat Cucaracha Internacional. The problem is, we've put out this challenge to the OAOAST and I guess everybody agrees with us, because we're just not getting the challengers we expected. Nobody wants to go four on four with us. So I spoke to Josie earlier and after some long negotations, we've come up with a way to get this open challenge of ours really going. And a way for me to show my solidarity with these three. To be one of the guys. Not a leader, but a peer. Josie seems to be of the opinion that these 6-Man Tag Team Titles aren't being defended enough. And I'll admit, six man matches don't really fit into our plans. Well, I looked into it and discovered a little loophole. Let's call it the 'Original Elite Loophole'. Say goodbye to the OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Champions... Landon reaches into his mysterious black bag and removes... another title belt! MADDIX ...and say hello to the OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Champions!!! COLE What!? COACH Awesome! Landon hangs the belt over his shoulder and extends his arms, stepping back amongst his teammates. Blonde comes dangerously close to breaking his wrists, so hard and loud is his applause. COLE Why does the belt say 'SWF ICTV Championship' on it? COACH Probably just a typo. MADDIX From now on, we'll defend these titles as a foursome. The open challenge stays, any four who think they can beat this unit, you're welcome to try. But now you've all got something extra to fight us for. "Shadows Of The Night" hits again and the 6-Man Champions leave as 8-Man Champions COLE Can you believe this? Blonde, Black and Faqu have held the 6-Man Tag Titles for about seven months. Landon brings in a belt from home and suddenly they're '8-Man Tag Team Champions'? The rest of the belts have giant 6s on them. Because they're 6-Man Tag Team Titles! COACH Not anymore, you heard Landon. COLE Well this is certainly a turn up for the books. And a headache for the title history chapter of those books. Unprecedented stuff here on HeldDOWN~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is a first round match in the 2009 Battlebowl, set for one fall. Back we go again to Josh and Maggie. JOSH (looking at phone) "Stuck in traffic, hate world, ell oh ell". Hehe. How did we ever live without Twitter? MAGGIE *ahem* JOSH ...OH! We're on! (opens ball) The first person in our second Battlebowl match of the evening is going to be... one half of The Heavenly Rockers, LOGAN MANN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" .:CUE: "Heart Shaped Box", Nirvana:. Emerging from the entrance, The MACHO Macho Mann strums a little air guitar. He scowls at the crowd as he makes his way down the aisle in a not particularly sunny mood, followed by his always gloomy wife Holly and Speaker For The Prophets, Abdullah Abir Nerdly. COLE Logan Mann, a former three time OAOAST World Tag Team Champion. And he had these words to say earlier along with his regular tag team partner Synth Abdul Jabbar regarding what happened two weeks ago in London, England.OAOAST A small square box SWOOPS~ in and settles on the upper right hand side of the picture. In front of the OAOAST HeldDOWN~! backdrop stand The Heavenly Rockers, Abdullah Abir Nerdly and Holly. ABDULLAH ڗگڃښ O'Hara! ڠ ڠڛڲڔڸڬړ mask! کڛڛ پپڀڌ٢ڰ٦!!! LOGAN Abby, chill man. Jamie O'Hara, you are a COWARD! You couldn't face us like a man, you couldn't hang with the greatest rock n' wrestling band in history face to face. You had to hide behind a mask like a damn criminal to get at us! We ran you out of here once. Don't think just because you've got some fancy mask now, we won't do it again. Mask or no mask, you're still the same pathetic white trash punk you always have been. Don't think this is over. Don't Fear The Reaper... fear the Rockers!HELDDOWN~! Logan stands in the ring talking things over with Abdullah, as the Maggie draws another ball. JOSH And Logan's partner... DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Logan and Abdullah manage a little smile as Bosley leaves the locker room ALL fired up! COLE And another tag team specialist, one half of VICE, Detective Bosley. Almost came away with those OAO World Tag Team Titles last weekend at The Great Angle Bash, now he's in the hunt for the OAOAST World Title. COACH That'd be an interesting match, huh? Mister Moneymaker versus Detective Bosley. COLE 'Interesting' would be one word. Detective Bosley walks out to the sounds of "In The Air Tonight" by Nonpoint. The intense Detective fires up in the aisle, pounding at his chest with a huge roar. Sliding into the ring Bosley shakes hands with Logan, offering up a fistbump to his "tanned camel riding bro'", inappropriate on so many levels. COLE Well that's certainly a promising sign for this team, a little mutual respect. JOSH Okay, and their opponents... oh wow. The one and the only, ZACK MALIBU!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE THE FRANCHISE! .:CUE: "Getting Away With Murder", Papa Roach:. The New Jersey crowd go wild as Zack Malibu walks out into a shower of golden pyrotechnics. White pyro shoots out on either side of Zack as he emerges from the sparks, stopping on the top of the aisle and hopping back and forth. Zack stares down at the ring for a few seconds before he begins his walk. COLE The most decorated champion in OAOAST history! Zack Malibu looking to take the first steps back onto the road to the OAOAST World Title after losing the belt back at School's Out, hoping for reign number five in San Juan, Puerto Rico! Zack doesn't slide into the ring yet and waits. Staring at Bosley and Logan, Zack doesn't even bother to watch the screen until the very last moment. JOSH And Zack's partner... representing Cucaracha Internacional, TODD CORTEZ! COLE Oh wow! A raised eyebrow from Zack greets that reveal as "Oh No" hits. A quick burst of pyro shoots up from both sides of the ramp, showering Cortez in sparkles as he prepares to walk down the aisle. COLE Todd Cortez the sole representative for Cucaracha Internacional in Battlebowl. And a man with a storied history with Zack Malibu. Cortez reaches his partner at ringside and they acknowledge each other with a nod, no more friendly than that. They enter the ring together and Cortez scales the turnbuckles raising an arm to the fans. Zack stays on his guard for Bosley and Logan, who do their best to look unconcerned. Stepping down, The Urban Legend removes his bulletproof vest and cross. *DINGDINGDING!* After some brief discussions, it's Detective Bosley and Zack Malibu to start for their teams. Trying to prove himself as the real Alpha Male of the OAOAST, Bosley challenges Zack to a test of strength. He beats his chest, trying to psych Zack out. Which doesn't work as Zack locks fingers and tries to power Bosley down. Chest to chest they struggle before Bosley starts to raise his hands up and slowly force Zack down onto one knee. BOSLEY YEAH! YUUUHH!! FEEL THE FREAKIN' POWER MALIBU!! WHAT NOW!? WHAT NOW!? Having the added humilation of Bosley screaming right in his face, Zack is able to fight back to his feet. Kicking at Bosley's arm, Zack manages to break the hands apart and catches Bosley with a fireman's carry sweep, mounting the Detective and slamming his elbow down repeatedly! COLE Right into that big mouth! Zack is in no mood to be messed with tonight! Bosley shoves Zack off of him and gets to his feet. He wipes at his mouth before charging at Zack in a rage. Zack ducks underneath a wild clothesline and comes off the ropes with a running forearm smash! Popping back to his feet, Bosley is knocked down with a second momentum assisted forearm. Taking a wild swing, Bosley misses again and gets rolled up... 1... 2... Out quickly, Bosley is caught in a front facelock. Zack softens him up with some knee strikes before rolling backwards, getting Bosley seated and butterflying the arms. COLE Submission hold, superbly done by Zack. COACH I tell you what, Zack's looking focused tonight. Bosley bats at Zack's arms and manages to break the butterfly lock, but eats an elbow smash before he can get away. Rolling back to his feet, Zack catching Bosley sitting back up with a low dropkick and covers... 1... 2... No! Controlling Bosley with another facelock, Zack gets caught with some bodyshots. Bosley then runs Zack backwards, into his team's corner, allowing Logan to tag in. Logan takes the free shot, a running double axehandle between the eyes in the corner. And he stomps Zack down in the corner. COACH This is where the advantage is. Detective Bosley, one half of VICE, tag team specialist. Logan Mann, one half of The Heavenly Rockers, tag team specialist. COLE Well this isn't Zack or Cortez's first go around. Zack's a former two time tag team champion himself. COACH Zack's also the most selfish man in wrestling. COLE Oh please. Logan brings Zack out of the corner. Snapmare, followed by a leaping kneedrop to the forehead. Logan hooks a leg... 1... 2... No. Leading Zack up, Logan delivers a couple of right hands and whips him to the ropes. An early duck of the head costs Logan though as Zack stops in his tracks, kicking him in the shoulder blade. Logan tries to respond with a clothesline but Zack ducks the line, hitting Logan with a Powerslam off the ropes... 1... 2... No! Zack drags Logan to the corner... and tags in Todd Cortez. COLE A little hesitation, but a tag is made and in comes The Urban Legend. Stepping in, Cortez goes right after Logan's knees with some low kicks. The kicks hobble Logan and leave him prone for Todd who hits the ropes. He sweeps Logan down with an STO, right back off into the ropes to follow that up with a legdrop. Cover... 1... 2... No. Logan tries to back into a corner, pursued by Cortez, forcing him to resort to a cheap pull of the tights sending Cortez face-first into the turnbuckle! COLE There's where Logan's veteran resources do come in handy. Logan limps over to his corner and tags in Bosley. The AMOG charges Cortez in the corner and pulls him out looking for a back suplex. But Cortez flips over onto his feet! Catching Bosley with a kick to the thigh, Cortez turns and hits the ropes, but gets caught with a sudden explosion of energy as Bosley cuts him off with a Lariat!! The fired up Detective berates Todd instead of going for the pin, but Logan isn't bothered and decides to join in by posing for the crowd. COLE A bit early for celebrations, don't you think? COACH What's the point in beating someone if you can't enjoy it? Of course, you've never won anything in your life, so you wouldn't know. COLE I won second prize in a beauty contest once. Sorta. With Zack watching from the apron, Bosley brings Logan back in. The MACHO Macho Mann quickly hangs Cortez over the middle rope with a choke. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Logan spins away and twirls a finger towards Zack. Already in a bad mood, it doesn't take much to set Zack off and he comes into the ring to get at Logan, distracting the referee while Bosley takes over the choking. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Look at this for teamwork, brilliant. COLE I'd call it many things but brilliant wouldn't be high on the list. As Cortez regains his breath, Logan charges and hits a running double axehandle sending him spilling out through the ropes to the floor. Knowing what's coming, Zack drops off the apron and walks around the ring, warning off Abdullah. COACH What's Zack doing? Get on the apron pal. COLE Zack's trying to keep an eye out for his tag partner. COACH Even though Abdullah's done nothing wrong and is merely standing and offering his spiritual assistance? That's persecution. The referee leaves the ring to move Zack back to his corner, which allows Bosley to drop down and whip Cortez hard into the guardrail! Zack tries to get around the referee, or at least tell him what's going on, but does more harm than good as Cortez is rammed into the apron before being thrown back inside. COLE Any defence now? COACH We were talking about Abdullah. Did Abdullah do anything wrong? Exactly. Logan pins Cortez, waving the ref over... 1... 2... No! Tag made to Bosley, teamwork there to see. Cortez is sent to the ropes and doubled over by a fist from Logan. That sets him up for a Frontflip Swinging Neckbreaker from Bosley! Cover... 1... 2... Broken up by Zack! COACH Looks like whatever Anglesault's been saying, it's starting to have an effect. Bosley cusses out Zack, giving Todd the chance to get to his feet. The Urban Legend catches Bosley with a kick to the thigh. Another. And one to the other leg. Cortez then gives Bosley a spine-jarring Crotch Droppah! Off the ropes, Cortez attempts a clothesline. Despite the lower body attacks Bosley still manages to lift a leg and kick the clothesline away though. With Todd stopped, Bosley takes a step back and aims high with a Roundhouse Ki... DUCKED! Cortez waits for Bosley to come around and throws his own Roundhouse Ki... DUCKED AS WELL! Dropping to a knee, Bosley catches Todd with a backfist jab to the gut, then just throws him carelessly to the mat. COACH Well Todd should be used to this experience, getting beaten down by a cop. Taunting Zack, Bosley draws The Franchise in again and paves the way for a double-team, he and Logan stomping away. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Zack, really doing his partner no favours here. Clearly frustrated Zack leaves the ring, leaving Cortez in trouble. Bosley mockingly waves at Cortez to get back up and fight "like a real man". Pulling himself up on the ropes, Todd turns around and takes a thrust kick to the gut. Bosley sets him up for a suplex, but Cortez floats over the back and lands on his feet. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Cortez connects with a chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And another. But Bosley cuts him right off with a knee to the gut. BOSLEY AIN'T NOTHIN'! AIN'T NOTHIN' BOY! YOU CAN'T HURT THE BIG DOG! Laughing it up, The Bos slaps Cortez upside the head a couple of times. Bosley then attempts an irish whip, but Cortez reverses and sends the AMOG for the ride. Approaching the ropes, Bosley leaves his feet and leaps to the middle rope. As he flies back with an elbow though, Cortez runs right past him. Bosley suffers a jarring landing while Cortez ducks through the ropes to the outside. And as Bosley gets back up, Cortez comes in from the apron to hit a Springboard Dropkick!! COLE Todd Cortez going to the air! And now, can he make the tag to Zack? Both Bosley and Cortez begin to crawl towards their partners for the night. Bosley gets there first and Logan comes in... stopping in his tracks as Cortez gets the tag seconds later! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE He can! And here... comes... Zack! Zack steps in and Logan tries to catch him off guard with a running double axehandle, but Zack sidesteps and Mann runs himself into the turnbuckles! He turns around into a barrage of right hands from Zack, getting sent into his team's corner and nailed with a clothesline. Zack turns around in time to catch Bosley coming, giving him a helping hand up and over the top rope to the outside. A boot then sets up Logan for a Fisherman's Suplex! COLE Modified Pop Drop from Zack, with a bridge! 1... 2... No! Logan staggers back to his feet and walks into flailing hands, Malibu striking him with a flurry of open handed strikes from the left and from the right. Dazed, Logan falls against the ropes. Shooting him off, Zack backs into the ropes and levels Logan coming back with his leaping lariat. COLE Zack Malibu is taking over here! Sensing things are going badly, Abdullah climbs to the apron to try and buy Logan some time. All he does is buy himself a punch in the mouth from The Franchise. "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH PREJUDICE! UNCALLED FOR! Zack turns back to Logan and sets him up for SCHOOL'S OU... NO! Logan ducks it! Regaining his balance Zack is caught with a boot and set up for PERCUSSION... but counters with a Northern Lights Suplex! 1... 2... NO! Back up, Logan gets a vengeful look and he throws a big right hand, which Zack blocks and returns in kind. Sent to the ropes Logan is sent over with a BAAAAACK bodydrop! Bosley re-appears on the apron and is knocked down just as Abdullah was. Coming up behind Logan, Zack traps him in a waistlock and delivers a German Suplex! Hanging on, Zack drags Logan back to his feet. But instead of another suplex, Zack pushes Logan towards a corner. COLE We all know Zack usually loves to chain those suplexes together. Like a certain other person. Do we read anything into that? COACH We do if we're conspiracy theorists like you. With Logan leant in a corner, Zack runs across the ring and delivers the ZACK ATTACK II, slamming his knees into the back of the MACHO Macho Mann! Logan is in trouble and Zack prepares to strike. Cortez keeps guard on the apron... until that is he's pulled down to the arena floor by TOMMY G!!! COLE HEY! WHAT THE HELL!? Tommy G slugs away wildly at the back of Cortez's head until The Urban Legend manages to turn around and tackle him back against the ring steps. And soon both men are slugging it out on the ground in nothing more than a street fight! In the ring, Zack has Logan set up ready for the Cut Day, but notices the brawl on the floor and tosses Logan aside in order to leave the ring and try to break it up, with the referee curiously out of position. COACH I guess this thing between Tommy G and Cortez isn't over just yet! COLE We need to get some security out here, this is chaos! Holly keeps the referee occupied on the other side of the ring. And it soon becomes clear why as the opportunistic Detective Bosley whips out his TELESCOPIC BATON and CRACKS ZACK IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH IT!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Throwing the stricken Franchise back into the ring, Bosley neglects to break up the Tommy G/Cortez brawl as it spills towards the crowd. Cortez and Tommy G end up tipping over the barricade in the midst of their brawl and continue to battle wildly through the crowd. Which leaves Zack all alone and with no idea of where he is. Holly conveniently finishes up her conversation with the referee, just as her husband scoops Malibu up off the mat. And with Zack defenceless, Logan dishes out some PERCUSSION treatment!! COLE DDT, you've GOT to be KIDDING me!! Logan turns Zack over and hooks the leg... 1... 2... 3!!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COACH THREE! YES! COLE I don't believe it! What an upset! Bosley punches the air and hugs and dazed Abdullah, only to toss him aside for a more enjoyable hug from Holly. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match, advancing in the 2009 Battlebowl competition... DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY and LOGAN MANN!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Logan has his hand raised in victory, Bosley getting a piece of the action too. The fired up Detective gives Logan a celebratory chest bump and antagonises the crowd while Logan gets celebrations from Holly and Abdullah. All the while, the fight continues in the crowd between Tommy G and Todd Cortez. COLE This may go down as one of the biggest upsets in Battlebowl history! One of the odds-on favourites and one of the real darkhouses, both out in the first round. And somewhere Theodore Moneymaker has a HUGE smile on his face, I'm sure. Two of his biggest potential challengers are out. Zack Malibu is out of Battlebowl. And it's thanks to two of his, shall we say, 'negotiatable acquaintances' in Logan Mann and Detective Bosley, who I'm sure can expect a little 'reward' for their work tonight. COACH I know. Could it have gone much more perfectly? Logan, Holly and Abdullah leave with Bosley right behind them amped up and yelling about the great job they just did. Which is slightly annoying, but nothing the trio can't live with in return for a win. COLE A big turn up for the books here tonight. Proof of just how unpredictable this Battlebowl competition can be. And hopefully, we're getting some control over this fight between Tommy G and Todd Cortez, they disappeared out of sight, they may be taking it out to the streets! COACH So long as they're not out here anymore, I don't care. As the victorious Bosley and Logan leave, Zack picks himself up in the ring. Holding the back of his head, Zack scans around and finds the referee standing outside the ring and slides out to confront him. He tries to explain about the baton shot and the fact his partner was attacked. And the referee simply responds that he didn't see any of it. COLE Well Zack obviously not happy with what went down here tonight. COACH Boo freakin' hoo. The apologetic referee goes to leave... and Zack grabs him by the arm and pulls him back! Zack gets in his face, but manages to hold himself back from doing anything more and lets the referee go. Once that tense moment is over the crowd start to cheer Zack. But the cheers stop and turn to gasps as Zack suddenly lashes out and rips away the top of the announce table, throwing it across ringside! Zack throws one of the TV monitors after it, shattering it and sending casing flying! Seething, The Franchise grabs a chair vacated by those at the timekeeper's table, throwing it right at the ringpost! ZACK GOD... DAMNIT! Zack runs his hands through his hair and suddenly has a realisation moment. Looking at the dented chair in front of him, Zack curses under his breath and shaking his head, he storms off. COLE Zack frustrated... to say the least. The fans call out at Zack, mostly encouraging but a couple not so as he walks up the aisle, still brimming with frustration. He disappears through the entrance with another shake of his head, as the cameras cut back to the mess he's left behind. Backstage we find former women's champion Morgan Nerdly storming down the concourses of the arena proper. Fans makes the wise decision to keep themselves as far away from Morgan a possible. Finally Morgan reaches what she's looking for, a security guard. MORGAN I need you to arrest me. OFFICER What for? MORGAN Don't ask just do it. OFFICER I can't arrest you for nothing. MORGAN Its nothing! Its something! A big something! OFFICER What is it? MORGAN I am going to hurt somebody. And its going to be very bad for them. You could save their life. OFFICER You? You're only five feet tall. Who could you hurt? ZAAAAAAAAAAP MORGAN You. Morgan storms off, leaving the security guard to convulse in pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this is your MAIN EVENT, and it is for the OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! For the millionth time tonight, "Scream" by Chris Cornell hits. BUFFER Introducing first, the challenger, accompanied by fellow Orange County Cobra SIMON SINGLETON, he weighs 237 pounds… "THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLAAAANCHAARD!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" His knee bandaged, Ned limps to the ring and quickly tosses his vest aside. COLE You think Ned isn’t ready? I’ve never seen him more determined in my life. COACH Speaking of life, the O.C. Cobras are running on barrowed time. They screwed VICE out of the tag titles at the Great Angle Bash. COLE What about the Moneymaker/Duncan World title match? COACH Well, the Cubs have the Curse of the Billy Goat; Krista the Curse of the Cunt! Green and yellow lights swirl across the area as Theodore Moneymaker is carried to the ring to the tune of “Sympathy for the Devil” by Guns N Roses. BUFFER And his opponent, hailing from Vero Beach, Floridia, and weighing 236 pounds... he is the Chief Executive Officer of THE ENTERPRISE and the NEW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORRRRRRLD... "THE BILLION DOLLAR HEIR" THEODORE MMMOOOONNEYMAKER!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Moneymaker rises from his throne, mic in hand. MONEYMAKER Attention one, attention all. Your World Champion is about to speak. Showered with boos, Moneymaker scowls. MONEYMAKER Now, before this match gets underway we need to take care of some business first. Simon Singleton, you need to get your ass to the back or I‘m not defending my title. You’re a meddler. Not to mention a disgruntled former employee! SIMON MONEYMAKER Don’t play dumb with me. I saw the Great Angle Bash, which I recommend everyone catch the encore presentation of this weekend to see history made by yours truly. You and Blanchard cost V.I.C.E. the tag team title, so I wouldn’t put it past you to try to do the same to me. If I’m gonna lose… "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" MONEYMAKER …it’s because Ned was the better man, not because he had outside help. COLE Is he forgetting the Great Angle Bash? COACH That was divine intervention. Simon and Ned discuss the situation, then high five before Simon returns backstage. COLE I guess we’re gonna have a World title match then. Moneymaker disrobes and enters the ring to chants of “TEDDY SUCKS!” * DINGDINGDING * Face to face, Ned and Moneymaker exchange words. Shoving ensues and Moneymaker pie-faces Ned, who retaliates with a barrage of roundhouses! Moneymaker reverses a whip and sets for a backdrop, but Ned throws a kick and clotheslines the Billion Dollar Heir! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Moneymaker tries escaping the ring but is grabbed by the hair. Ned rams Moneymaker into the buckle and backdrops him out of the far opposite corner! The early offensive onslaught causes Moneymaker to beg for mercy. Fist clinched Ned plays to the crowd, buying Moneymaker time to make his next move, hurling Ned into the turnbuckle by the trunks! COACH Would you look at that? Ned actually used his head for once! COLE Oh brother. Moneymaker slides outside and bashes Ned’s already tender knee against the ring post! Again. And again! Clutching his knee, Ned retreats to the center of the ring. Like a predator stalking its prey, Moneymaker creeps up on Ned, laughing diabolically. Repeated stomps to the knee cause Ned to scream in pain. Moneymaker places Ned’s foot on the bottom rope and crashes down with all his weight! COACH Look at Ned squirming, Cole. It’s like a fish out of water. Moneymaker applies THE SPINNING TOE HOLD and keeps twisting the knee until Ned kicks him off! The Billion Dollar Heir smacks the corner hard and stumbles back into a SCHOOL BOY! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Ned hammers away, and then fires Moneymaker across. Big clothesline connects and, after shaking off the knee, Ned runs the ropes to deliver his trademark POINTY ELBOW~!…but Moneymaker pops to his feet and executes a POWERSLAM! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Following a snap mare Moneymaker drops A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS~! COACH I bet Ned regrets taking this match now, Cole. COLE I seriously doubt that. We always knew Ned had the talent, but it was until recently we found out he has the heart to go along. Rather than go for the cover Moneymaker climbs onto the middle turnbuckle and delivers a DIVING BACK ELBOW DROP! Now the cover. ONE! TWO! THR-- KICKOUT! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COACH The knee Teddy! Go back to the knee! COLE What are you, a manager now? Apparently Moneymaker heard Coach, as he once again targets the knee of Ned. Moneymaker twirls his finger and goes for THE FIGURE-4, but Ned wraps him up in a SMALL PACKAGE! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Moneymaker charges forward, and Ned counters the attempted BILLION $ KNEELIFT by SWEEPING Moneymaker’s legs out from under! Quick cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Toe to toe both men go, with Ned getting the better end of the exchange. Moneymaker rakes the eyes to put a stop to that, but Ned reverses a whip and plants Moneymaker with a FLAPJACK! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Moneymaker crawls onto the apron and is on the verge of being suplexed back in when Ned’s knee buckles and he lands on top! COLE He’s got the tights, ref! Theodore Moneymaker is gonna steal this one! The count. ONE! TWO! THR-- NO, KICKOUT!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Moneymaker hooks Ned for a belly-to-belly, but Ned stomps his foot and SLINGSHOTS Moneymaker into the corner turnbuckle! COACH I got a bad feeling we’re gonna have a new champion, Cole. Ned looks to hit the SLINGSHOT SUPLEX when he spots V.I.C.E. arrive ringside. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What happened to Moneymaker preferring to lose because Ned was the better man, not due to outside interference? I mean he threatened not to wrestle as long as Simon was ringside. COACH VICE hasn’t interfered. COLE Yet. Though VICE do not interfere their presence alone is enough to throw Ned off his game. Moneymaker delivers a LOW BLOW, unseen by the referee who is distracted by VICE, and then THE SPEAR OF LONGINUS~!!! The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * COLE DAMNIT! BUFFER Here is your winner…and STILL OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… "THE BILLION DOLLAR HEIR" THEODORE MMMOOOONNEYMAKER!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The jeers soon turn to cheers as SIMON SINGLETON rushes down to get him some of VICE! COACH Look at this idiot trying to fight 2 guys at once. Simon strikes fast like a cobra, but the numbers are too much for him to overcome. Thrown into the ring he’s subjected to a 3 on 1 beat down courtesy of VICE and Theodore Moneymaker. COLE Hey, come on now! This isn’t right! The bell sounds frantically, but that doesn’t stop VICE or Moneymaker. Suddenly a HUGE ROAR as KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN storms the ring. COACH It’s Krista! COLE And she’s mad as hell! Moneymaker bails, whisked to safety by CPA. This leaves Bosley to experience Krista’s wrath. She puts the clamps on Bosley, giving him a BLUE BALL SPECIAL (Testicular claw) while slapping him with her free hand. Then she PUKES. COLE/COACH The opening fanfare from "Jesus Christ Superstar" hits again as Moneymaker, arms raised to the heavens, flashes "the moneyfingers" sign while laughing. Refusing help from Ned, the show ends with Krista looking like she got an early start on a weekend bender.FADE OUT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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