OAOAST Syndicated 3/13/09

[Chanel #99]

Brought to you by American Express
Taped: 3/12
First air date: 3/13 (we churn these mothers out)
Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan
Theme song: Kat DeLuna-Calling You

Tonight on Syndicated…

Matches and promos will be summarized!

Jokes will be made!

You may or may not laugh!

If you enjoy this show please direct all praise to Patty O’Green, OAOAST president. If you despise it and wish for the writer to die, please kill Tony149, vice president of the OAOAST.

***CITIZEN SOLDIERS VS LOS CONQUESTIADORS***
Another Anderson Cup rematch following the one seen on HeldDOWN~! Uno and Baron kicked things off with Baron looking for a quick pin on his oddball foe.  Uno escaped each pin attempt and punished Windells by casting a voodoo spell. Whatever that spell was, it didn’t work terribly well as Baron proceeded to beatdown Uno in the corner. Windells eventually gave way to Cash, who tried to convince Uno to leave his evil ways behind. Uno responsed to that by casting another spell. When that didn’t work as expected he traded a series of arm drags with the former EMT that allowed him to make the tag to his partner. Unfortunatley for the voodoo freaks, Dos didn’t fare much better than Uno as CS uses powerful double teams to brutally punish them. That is until Dos connected with a bulldog on BW after Uno provides the distraction with his disturbing spell casting.  Uno and Dos kept the bigger man under control with fast tandem offense that BW had no counter for. On commentary Jesse and Tony debated the validity of voodoo with Jesse admitting he’s had voodoo dolls of Tony for over 16 years! Back in the match, Dos held BW down with a basic yet effective chinlock, while Uno frightened the crowd by taunting them with spells. But BW rolled through the hold and made it into his corner to apply the tag with Cash.  Wrestling ultimate nice guy was anything but to Los Conquestiadors, taking them down with dropkicks and DDTs. Uno tried to save Dos from a Midwest Sling (Texas cloverleaf) but was sent outside by a devastating lariat from The Lonestar Gunslinger. Without his partner there to help him, Uno was forced to submit.

WINNNER:Citizen Soldiers, via submission.

After the commercial break, Uno and Dos promised revenge on Citizen Soldiers, declaring that they’d sacrifice “their blood and guts to the heart of the nightmother” Very well then.

***SOPHIE VS MEGAN SKYE***
Skye got an early upperhand through usage of a series of uppercuts. But, Sophie valiantly weathered the storm and scored big with a drop toe hold onto the bottom turnbuckle.  Sophie then showed off her decent striking ability with strong round house kicks. But she over did the strikes, as Skye started to expect them and countered with a belly to belly suplex. The two traded punches and strikes for several minutes before Skye Lyte sought a Skye Lyte (tornado DDT). But Sophie shocked both her and an approving audience by countering her into a roll up for a three count!

WINNER: Sophie, via pinfall

***THE JAMIE O’HARA WRESTLING FEDERATION PRESENTS….***

NUMBER ONE CONTENDER’S MATCH WINNER TO FACE BIFF-BOT FOR THE WORLD HEAVEYWEIGHT TUBE SOCK
AN EMPTY DVD CASE OF ONE OF LEON’S PORNOS VS A PIECE OF PAPER!

Here to give us expert analysis, your commentators Logan Mann and Synth Abdul Jabbar.

LOGAN
No homo, Leon’s dick game had fallen off after he won his third AVN award. He looked tired at the end of his run, no energy. And I swear I saw him kiss a chick after the chick has sucked another dude off. I think he might have been bi, but only got off on dudes. He didn't even look excited to be doing dime pieces no more.

SYNTH
You gots to respect the classics, mang. Ah mean some of the shit he did is difficult as hell. Ah once saw him pick up a bitch that was easily over 160lbs. She was layin on the couch and he picked her up by her waist off the couch and over his head. Positioned her legs on him shoulder and she just be sitting on his shoulder. Ya know that be hard to do? And my man was rockin the pushup style boning he did. That takes tremendous strength. Sometimes this guy would do a move and Ah just have to rewind just ta make sho he did what Ah thought he did.

LOGAN
Our next competitor comes from the nation’s capital; it’s the phone number of a girl named Tiffany, Jamie O’Hara met at Club Fur in DC! Giving us his thoughts on the newest competitor to the worst federation on earth is our hero and icon Jamie O’hara. J’Oh?

“JAMIE O’HARA”
Alright so I was at this club last night that my boy told me had some nice trannies. I was talking to this chick named Tiffany who had some masculine features and thought for sure she was a tranny. We clicked and then she whispered in my ear that she wanted me to nail her in the ass. I thought that she was a tranny for sure then. We go in the back alley and I pound her uranus. I finish then tell her its my turn to get it. She looks at me weird and say "Excuse me?" I then looked at her crotch area (she had her pants down) and saw no bulge! I said "are you post-op?!" She was like "WTF are you talking about I'm a female!" and then slapped me. That's when I realized I just had heterosexual anal sex with an ugly woman! I threw up about 10 times right there. I then ran home and filled my bath tub with bleach and soaked in it for about an hour. Be careful, some of these trannies could be real women!

LOGAN
Riveting and poignant! This could be the night that defines pro wrestling for the next century. And I will spend most of it updating my twitter and watching teenage girls shake their ass on youtube. To the ring we must go!

****AN EMPTY DVD CASE OF ONE OF LEON’S PORNOS VS A PIECE OF PAPER!***

FROM JAMIE O’HARA’S BRAND NEW PALATIAL MANSION



Living up to their promise to create the worst federation known to man, Logan and Synth called the (in)action between to inanimate objects as though it were Ali Vs Frasier. Logan acted as though the very fate of humanity rested on the outcome of this match going as far to call this match “Wrestling Gettysburg Address!” But halfway through the unbearable affair something odd appeared,



LOGAN
Great googly moogly! What have we seen? What hell has been placed on our earth? A suicide bombing by Sponge Bob Square Pants! Is there no humanity left in this world? Where have all the good men gone? The war is at our door step, America! Barack, are you listening? Barry are you out there? President Obama, can you hear the children crying? Dick Chenney was right! Its time to get tough on terrorism, Obama!

SYNTH
The nerve of this nigga SpongeBob to turn his back on the set. Ah took this nikka outta Nickelodean when he was just dirtbag making hamburgers for a tightwad. Them nikkas used to share chicken sandwiches rite from the spot on 145th. I always looked out for his blood brother. But now I dunno wut to do wit this shorty shit stain ass nikka...you a foul lookin ass boy. Now Imma personaly take this dirtbag nikkas kufi b. He crossed the line b, for real. If I see this nikka again in Bikini Bottom...word to blood b, pappy he gonna get his. Now i realize SpongeBob aint loyal he just a yellow homo living in a pineapple.

LOGAN
The war between the SpongeBob World Order and The One and Only Jamie O’Hara wrestling federation is EXPLOSIVE, brudda! We’ll see you next week, same Jamie time, same Jamie channel!

This week on HeldDOWN~!
Spencer Reiger Vs Quentin Benjamin
Number one contender to the US Title: Nathaniel Black Vs James Blonde
Theodore Moneymaker Speaks!
Congressional BeatDOWN~! Mister Dick Vs Congressman Joel Duncan

SYNDICATED MEET AND GREET WITH…


INSPECTOR MORGAN NERDLY

I’d run the amazing race with…
I hate racing but I’d do it with Melody, I suppose. Maybe I could lose her in a Jungle in Peru and she’d get eaten by white tigers.  

What’s something you’d be embarrassed to buy?
Despite my last name, I couldn’t buy a comic book without breaking down and crying.

What’s the last thing you do before you go to bed?
I take my medicine, and then I watch TV until the pills kick in and I go to sleep. That's my nightly routine.

What animal do you most resemble?
I think I look a lot like a human. What do you think?

Favorite Chick Flick
I’ve seen How To lose a guy in ten days about sixteen times. In fact I’m over due for this month’s viewing.

Who would you least like to have a beer with?
I don’t think I’d want to see my mother shit faced drunk. I don’t want to see her shit faced sober either, for that matter.

Least favorite OAOAST Wrestling growing up?
I liked Some Guy because I thought “Sexy Boy” was a nice theme. But, then I found out he just stole it from Shawn Michaels. I blame a lot of my sociopathy and homicidal thoughts on finding that out. Maybe that’s not fair, but if he ever showed up backstage I would blast him with electricity for sure.

***THUNDERKID Vs DENZEL SPENCER***

Denzel took early control of the mainevent contest with a variety of headlocks and wristlocks. ThunderKid grew frustrated and annoyed with his inability to out maneuver DS and left the ring to reform his strategy as we went to break. Returning from the commercial, things were quite a bit brighter for TK, as he had DS trapped inside a deadly sleeper. The Jamaican sensation eventually fought his way out the hold but couldn’t gain much momentum due to being crunched into the canvas with a powerslam. TK went to the top rope, which proved costly as Spencer shocked him a run up arm drag. The Jamaican used a fantastic array of punches and kicks to keep TK at bay and almost got a near fall off of a running cross body block. TK struck back at his foe with a powerful exploder suplex that wowed a very begrudging crowd. The Green Bay native then went for the Scorpion Deathdrop but his opponent furiously fought out of his finisher. The Jamacian then went for a scissor kick, but TK caught his foot and dragged him down into an Ankle Lock. Spencer tried with all his might to stomach the pain, but eventually the anguish was too much to bear and he had to tap out.

WINNER: ThunderKid, via pinfall