OAOAST Syndicated 3/1/09

[Chanel #99]

Brought to you by American Express
Taped: God only knows
First air date: The land that time forgot
Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan
Theme song: Kat DeLuna-Calling You

If Celtic Spectacular didn't need a witty subtitle then I see now reason why I must be a slave to your endless desires for entertainment and comedy and make a snappy, witty and sharp introduction.  You know maybe I don't feel like fun and games today? Maybe I don't wanna find some hilarious way to compare this weeks show to the war of 1812 or a Sammy Davis Jr routine, maybe I just wanna post the show and be done?

***The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club and Queen Esther Vs The All American Boys and Sophie***

Six person action saw Queen Esther spend a two minutes trying to fit her royal gown through the ring ropes. People across the country wondered why that wasn't edited out, its not a live show. To which we reply, editing? Sophie matched up well in early going with Queen Esther, in large part because Esther was not exactly dressed to do anything more than sit in King Arthur's court. Things went less well for Sophie's team when Soul entered the ring and began manhandling Freedom. In came Liberty, who had a much better time dealing with the surly Brazilian. Showing that Americans and The French really can get along, Sophie and the Boys teamed up to triple dropkick Freedom out the ring! This brought in Soul, who found dealing with the AAB's much easier than his partner, gaining near falls off hurricanrana and a spinning power bomb. Queen Esther took her shot at Sophie and almost secured the win for her team with several underhanded tactics.  But Sophie proved to be the tough little French girl, and got a big dropkick that allowed her to make the tag to Freedom. But the hot tag cooled quickly as Soul and Rico quickly began picking the AAB's apart. A Mustache Ride was delivered to Freedom, and he rolled out the ring, leaving his partner to the wolves. But Freedom fought back and launched Rico over the ropes with a top rope lariat! Sensing a problem, Esther tried to beat down the AAB with the scepter but was robbed of her weapon by Sophie! This however couldn't buy a victory for the AAB as Soul snuck behind Freedom to strike him with a match winning Fro 2 Sleep

WINNER: The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club, via pinfall

It was time for the House Of Worship where commissioners of The One and Only Jamie O'Hara wrestling federation Holly and Abdullah Abir Nerdly welcomed the federations founders, Logan Mann and Synth Adbul Jabbar. THRs laid out their awe inspiring vision for the federation, which was to "honor O'Hara's extreme level suckiness by creating the worst promotion ever seen by man, as well as give O'Hara a place where he can fight "competition more his skill level like Lenny The One Legged Goat, a deflated basketball, and a Bill Clinton mask." Logan stated that he wanted ratings to dive into the negative numbers, the company to incur extreme amounts of debt, the ACLU to protest the various human rights abuses, arenas to be bereft of fans,and advertisers to pull out at stunning speed if anyone was dumb enough to advertise in the first place. Synth said that they're setting a new trend in sports entertainment, a trend of offending the audience and bankrupting the company. Anything less wouldn't honor the spirt of O'Hara's awfulness they said. As an added bonus they decided to introduce the newest tag team of the Jamie O'Hara wrestling federation, Tony Tourettes and Biff Bot! Tony came out with Vinny holding his hand over his mouth so as not to offend the holy man, Abdullah. At their side was a clunky robot made out of wire and tin can. On the video screen, Biff Atlas appeared from the secret location of his fallout shelter. He said Biff bot was his newest invention to save himself from harm, as he could hide 20 feet underground while Biff bot did everything for him. He said he'd control Biff Bot from his bomb shelter and put himself at absolutely zero risk! As a demonstration Biff Bot broke out some funky dance moves, and the rest of the HOW soon joined him as Logan and Synth sung the official One and Only Jamie O'Hara Federation theme song the masterful and undeniably classy, "Shut your mouth you dirty slut you know you want it in your butt"

Baron Windells Vs Danny Boy W/Scottish Scott***

Danny Boy, Freedom, Liberty? Who says the stars don't shine on Syndicated? Windells started the match with some nice basic mat work that got an appreciative reaction out the audience. But Danny Boy almost got a shocking victory with a sunset flip that earned a two count. Angered by his near loss, The Gunslinger returned fire with hard kicks and grounded and pounded his foe on the canvas. Danny Boy fought back valiantly but the Cowboy Bebop elbow gave BW a quick and easy victory on Syndicated.

WINNER: Baron Windells, via pinfall

Los Diablos were on the main stage surrounded by barely dressed speedo clad hunks to announce the first ever Mister OAOAST competition! They along with all the spicy ladies and freaky guys out there would determine what OAOAST Superstar would be crowned the first ever Mister OAOAST. That person would live a year of fabulous middle class splendor making appearances at TGIFs, WAL*MARTs, and High School football games all across America's horrible, horrible, heartland. Get those voting ballots ready, gang, more details are too come!

SYNDICATED MEET AND GREET

WITH


REJECT

What sports did you play in highschool?
Basketball, basketball, basketball. Star point guard of course. I could get a triple double playing by myself against a team of Malone, Jordan, Chamberlin, Bird, Barkley, and Ewing.

Who do you know that reminds you of a desperate housewife?
Jumbo is desperate for some ass, and fat like a house wife.

What's your ultimate karaoke song?
I hate Karaoke. While you're up there singing Marvin Gaye like a Japanese businessman, I'm whispering "Let's Get It On" in your girl's ear like a pimp.

Who are you dying to get into the ring with?
Alex Rodriguez. Now that he's off the juice, I'd beat his non playoff producing ass down. I don't have season tickets to watch them finish behind the Rays. What an embarrassment.

What's the best nickname you've ever had
Reject.

First car you ever owned
1996 Ford Escort. Its in my Uncle's garage out in Long Island. His dogs sleep in there.  

What's the most played song on your ipod
Amazing by Young Jeezy. I think its very fitting, personally

This week on HeldDOWN~!
The Franchise speaks. Hopefully!
Spencer Reiger Vs Simon Singleton
Clips from a major Deadly Alliance press conference
And more!

Before his upcoming contest with Brock Ausstin, James Blonde was seen backstage telling a very disinterested Melody Nerdly his plans for beating down Brock Ausstin. He said he'd follow the strategy his hero Landon Maddix used in defeating Leon Rodez for the 24/7 title. This of course made no sense as Brock is a giant musclehead and Leon is an average sized technician. This was pointed out by a nearby Todd Cortez. Blonde didn't welcome the intrusion from Cortez, and he certainly didn't welcome Cortez' claim that the only way Blonde would win was through Faqu's interference. In order to prove his rival wrong, Blonde announced he'd fight the mainevent without Faqu by his side!


***James Blonde Vs Brock Ausstin***

The trendsetter first attempted to prove his worth by kicking Brock in the junk. As good as that plan was in JB's mind it failed miserably when Ausstin caught Blonde's foot and flipped him over onto his head. Blonde scurried right back up to try and regain his dignity. Unfortunately dignity would be hard to reclaim as Ausstin hit a waistlock slammed and took advantage of Blonde with fine amateur wrestling skills. A body slam by Brock got a two count, but the Canadian was able to even things up with an irish whip reverseal into a spinning wheel kick. The strike landed with enough force and ferocity to send Ausstin tumbling over the ropes. Blonde won some begrudging respect from the fans as he hit a plancha from inside the middle turnbuckle right before the commercial.

Coming back from break it seemed Blonde's high flying display was for naught as Austin was in control, hitting a shoulder block to send Blonde tumbling from the apron to the floor. On the outside Blonde and Ausstin exchanged strikes with the bigger man getting the upper hand by whipping The Trendsetter into the steel steps. Although Blonde barely beat the count into the ring, he made good once there by reversing a shoulder breaker into an arm drag. Blonde tried to ground the big man with a facelock, but his hold was no match for the brute strength of the former six man champion. Forced to go with more high risk attacks, Blonde missed a missile dropkick. His errant attack caused him to be pummeled by his powerful foe until he managed to hit the  Fashion Statement (inverted DDT). But the signature move couldn't keep Brock down for very long as he came right back with an urange for a near fall. Next he tried for a powerbomb, but Blonde frantically fought his way out the hold. He took off to the ropes, coming back for a sunset flip that earned him a two count. Thinking Ausstin was soon to be finished off, Blonde sought the Illegally Blonde (Cobra Clutch Legsweep). However, Ausstin effortlessly powered out the cobra clutch and then locked in the Katahajime! That led to a quick submission from The Trendsetter.

WINNER: Brock Ausstin via pinfall