Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLTCXZbCNFU COLE Folks, we welcome you to the Windy City for another exciting episode of TV's top rated comedy drama, the OAOAST! We are a week away from the Celtic Spectacular and things are certainly getting tense around here. This show promises to be one of our hottest of the year. Right, Coach? COACH I'm thinkin about fuckin this bitch i know. She has an std though. COLE Why do this to me? COACH I think its curable, a teddy bear got health insurance, unlike most of ya'll bums. COLE Why can you not just do the introduction of the show like any other broadcaster would? COACH I'm the type of teddy bear to let it all hang out...I'll put my dick on the table like a crap shoot. That's real teddy bear talk right there, I play russian roullet with my dick. Microphones are promptly cut and we move atop the world famous interview stage where we find OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan. BRANNIGAN After 7 weeks, 16 teams and 8 matches, we are now down to the final two. Live right here next week, the 2009 Anderson Cup Finals between Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright and their former associates the Beverly Hills Blonds. But it’s more than just the Anderson Cup and a shot at the One & Only World tag team championship on the line. As you’ll recall, Theodore Moneymaker claimed the BHB name is property of his Enterprise, and in an attempt to basically extort it from Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard he had V.I.C.E. repossess the Siclopse. Since then nothing has gone right for the Billon Dollar Heir. His prized Angle Awards have been destroyed and just last week shocked everyone by firing his personal security force. Then later that evening in an impromptu preview of next week’s Anderson Cup Finals, the Beverly Hills Blonds pinned Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright!As [the hands of Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright] are raised, the crowd ROARS as the BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS hit the ring! COACH What are these idiots doing? COLE Sending a message. The BHB get the better end of an exchange between them and their former E associates, then plant them mid-ring with stereo flapjacks before dropping THE ATOMIC BLOND! They cover both men and count the pin themselves. ONE! TWO! THREE! BRANNIGAN Because of that incident Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright have refused to participate in tonight’s pre-Anderson Cup Finals interview, a tradition that dates back years. However, the Beverly Hills Blonds are more than happy to oblige. Therefore would you please welcome… "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Surprised by the crowd’s reaction Tony looks at the entranceway and spots SPENCER REIGER headed his direction. BRANNIGAN Wait just a minute. Spencer Reiger, this isn’t your television time. SPENCER Listen, Gene… BRANNIGAN Tony. SPENCER Whatever. All you announcers are interchangeable, unlike “The One Man Triple Threat” because nobody else here has the looks, skills and charisma I do. And you can add U.S. title to that list next week after I jig out of Boston the new United States champion. Inspired by my victory the markets will soar the following morning, and in less than 24 hours I’d have turn the OAOAST and U.S. economy upside down…and both for the better so you can go ahead and thank me now. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" SPENCER BRANNIGAN Well thank you for sharing that with us. Right now I’d like to welcome my real guests. The 2009 Los Infernales Conference Champions and Anderson Cup finalists, Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard… THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" “Superstar” hits and the BHB scroll the red carpet towards Brannigan onstage. Reiger still there with hands on hips, a perplexed look on his face. BRANNIGAN Gentlemen, as I mentioned in the intro, there’s more than just the Anderson Cup at stake next week at the Celtic Spectacular. NED Ya damn right there is, Brannigan, it’s personal. It’s only fitting Theodore Moneymaker stands in the way of another tag title shot. For the last couple years we helped advance his causes and got nothing in return. One title shot in two years? Ain’t that a bunch of bullshit! Sure the money was nice, but anybody worth their salt in this industry wants a gold belt around their waist. It’s been a good while since we last held championship gold… SIMON And the Siclopse. Let’s not forget about that. NED …but that’ll all end soon. SIMON Answer me this Tony: What man is the Anderson Cup named after? BRANNIGAN Arn Anderson. SIMON And what’s he best remembered for? BRANNIGAN Being the longtime enforcer of the Horsemen. SIMON The 4 Horsemen to be exact. And the Beverly Hills Blonds are looking for their record tying FOURTH tag title reign. Combine this with getting the match-up we were hoping for and you’ve got the stars aligning for the two biggest in the OAOAST. SPENCER NED You find something funny, pretty boy? SPENCER The idea you guys think you’re superstars, that’s what. I haven’t laughed that hard in, like, forever because you’re looking at the only true superstar in the OAOAST. The man cooler than the other side of the pillow and hotter than a wildfire. How ‘bout them big apples? SIMON More like crushed apples if you ask me. SPENCER The BHB sock New York’s Finest, knocking him off the podium. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COACH Ah, that’s disgusting, Cole. What did Spencer do to deserve that? Nothing that’s what. COLE Yes he did. He opened his big mouth. COACH I’m not even gonna go there. Too easy. As “Superstar” cues THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT rush up from behind, but the BHB catch them red-handed. Forced to put on the brakes the senior Enterprise officials seek a peaceful end to the standoff. That is until V.I.C.E. ambush the BHB! COLE Wha--What’s going on here? I thought Moneymaker fired these damn bullies last week? COACH This is more confusing than the boardroom drama at TSM headquarters. Detective Bosley does a number on Ned with his TELESCOPIC BATON as CPA whips Simon against the interview stage and delivers a GIGATON PUNCH! The damage done they’re joined by INSPECTOR NERDLY who offers Theodore Moneymaker a smirk, and then a big hug. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE We’ve been duped! COACH And I couldn’t be happier. MONEYMAKER “FIRE RUSSO!” *clap*clap*clap*clap*clap* “FIRE RUSSO!” *clap*clap*clap*clap*clap* * TWHACK * * TWHACK * Bosley uses his baton to shut a few OAOAST Marks up critical of their return to the Enterprise (predictable as it was, or maybe it wasn't in some eyes, lol). Meanwhile, Theodore walks over to the fallen Blonds and prepares to have them kiss his diamond $ sign ring when darkness falls over the arena. The lights return and RAGDOLL is face to face with Theodore Moneymaker. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" MONEYMAKER Like a man who’s just seen a ghost, Theodore falls back and is dragged away by V.I.C.E. for his protection. COLE Theodore Moneymaker wants no part of Ragdoll. COACH Not when he sneaks up on you. Put them face to face and it’d be a whole different story. COLE They were face to face. It’s a good thing Moneymaker had dark pants on. Ragdoll stands tall as the E return backstage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 Glued to the TV monitors backstage, we find everybody's favourite geek sweetheart Melody Nerdly. Engrossed in the events of HeldDOWN? Hardly. She's managed to fit up her old Sega Mega Drive to the TV monitor, possibly because it's the only one primative enough to be compatible with the primative console. Whatever the reason, her game of Streets Of Rage draws the attention of the passing James Blonde. At least, something does. Judging from the grin on his face, maybe it's not the 16-bit fight side scroller after all. BLONDE Hey there lil' lady. MELODY If you're looking for a turn, I warn you I only packed one controller with me. BLONDE No, you're okay. I'm a Trendsetter. Retro is... not my thing. MELODY O r l y. Explain the super 70s jacket you're wearing. Blonde looks at his red Adidas track jacket and shrugs. BLONDE I'm re-setting the trend. Anyway, that's not important. I actually wanted to ask you a question. You're into all these movies and stuff, tell me, are you a James Bond fan? MELODY Of course. Blonde smirks to himself and rubs his hands in excitement at the set-up line working. Unfortunately, as he's about to cut to the chase, he's about to be cut off, as Todd Cortez walks up behind him. BLONDE Me too. You know, incase you hadn't noticed my name is quite similar. So here's what I was thinking. I can be James Blonde and you can be my Puss... CORTEZ Can I have a word? BLONDE (through gritted teeth) Not right now. CORTEZ Landon wants to see you. BLONDE ...damnit. We'll continue this talk later. MELODY What talk? Unhappy at he is to be dragged away, Blonde is eager to go with Landon waiting. Cortez walks behind him, Blonde a few quicker steps ahead. BLONDE So, did he say what it's about? CORTEZ Who? BLONDE What do you mean who, Landon! CORTEZ Oh. Yeah, I lied. Slamming on the brakes, Blonde turns around and glares at the US Champion. BLONDE So Landon doesn't need me? What the hell man!? I was about to use the Pussy Galore line on that hot piece of Canadian bacon. CORTEZ I figured as much. That's why I stepped in. No lady needs to hear that. BLONDE You know what, you've got a real nasty habit of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The wrong place is anywhere near me by the way. And the wrong time is... CORTEZ Any time, I get it. BLONDE You wanna watch your mouth pal... Cortez suddenly takes a step closer to Blonde, much closer. Taken aback, Blonde rocks back on his heels and glances around, trying not to show and signs of backing off when every sense in his body is telling him to do just that. CORTEZ Or what? You'll tell Landon? Don't make me laugh. The days of you and him and Black pushing me around are long gone, go if anyone needs to watch their mouth, it's you. Otherwise a slap from a hundred pound Canadian nerd'll be the least of your troubles. BLONDE Point taken. As Cortez backs up a little, Blonde straightens out the collar on his jacket. BLONDE I guess you got what you wanted then. CORTEZ Excuse me? BLONDE You're top dog now. Landon's favourite. After months on the sidelines, suddenly you're the go to guy. Don't go kidding me any different, you've been walking around like the cat that got the cream ever since you won the US Title. You get all the attention and we're all forced back on the sidelines to make way for you. In a rarity, the usually super-serious Cortez actually chuckles to himself, again unnerving Blonde a little bit. CORTEZ You think I got what I wanted, huh? BLONDE Well, didn't you? CORTEZ No. I never wanted in on this Cucaracha Internacional thing in the first place. Landon wants me involved, because he wants me with him instead of against him. Because he knows what I can do to him. Months of you guys tormenting me, it hasn't changed a thing. Landon got what he wanted. I haven't even come close to getting what I want yet. But now I'm in the good books again, I am getting closer. Looking worried, Blonde leans closer. BLONDE Meaning? CORTEZ Meaning... I'm gonna bring this whole thing down from the inside. Blonde's eyes widen as Cortez walks off, leaving him with that worrying prospect.LATER TONIGHTCHAMPION AGAINST CHALLENGERLEON RODEZ ONE ON ONE WITH ZACK MALIBUTONIGHT!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 “Living in America” hits and Liberty walks out waving the flag of the land of the free and home of the brave. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of ten minutes! Now making his way to the ring, from the hearts and souls of the American people, he is “OLD GLORY” LIBERTY! COLE Liberty has only one thing on his mind and that’s revenge from Rico’s unprovoked attack on him from two weeks ago. “Rio” plays bringing out Rico DeJanerio and his lovely empress the redheaded Queen Esther! BUFFER And the opponent from Rio DeJanerio, being accompanied by Queen Esther he is THE WHITE KNIGHT RICO DEJANERIOOOOOOOOO! “BOOOOOOOO!” Queen Esther arrives at the entrance table while Rico enters the ring to talk trash to Liberty. Yes you all have finally seen the day where I don’t feel like writing detailed entrances. QUEEN ESTHER Liberty is the kind of man that would slit his mother’s throat for a nickel! A rusty one at that. But I never thought he would get so upset at this unfortunate incident. COLE Rico hit him with a scepter! QUEEN ESTHER He has a high tolerance for pain. I believe he amputated his own legs in Vietnam using only the teeth of children he killed. Liberty bravely steps forward, coming nose to chest with Esther’s White Knight. He hasn’t forgotten the scepter shot he received– an attempt to strike fear into the heart of the OAOAST no doubt, but the patriot isn’t about to let that affect him. He looks right into Rico’s green eyes with a look of burning rage. “Is this man being serious?” Rico wonders with an amused smile crossing his face. The Brazilian gets his answer when Liberty plasters him with an elbow. As the fans cheer him on, the AAB batters his foe with hate fueled left crosses. Liberty quickly retreats several steps backwards after landing the blows, knowing better than to test the muscular brawler. This does not stop him from waving on Rico, earning a great reaction from the fans. Well, great for someone as low on the card as Liberty that is. However this boldness doesn’t impress Rico who merely scoffs at it. QUEEN ESTHER With Liberty’s criminal record and jail time, I never believed he would take such offense to being tapped on the shoulder with a plastic wand. COLE He’s never been in jail. What are you talking about? QUEEN ESTHER Oh yes he has! You should read newspapers sometime, and learn about the kinds of weird people you associate with. He went by the pseudonym Bonnie and Clyde. Rico goes after Liberty, eager to sink his claws into him. But Liberty has no desire to sit there and be devoured and leaps onto the second rope. Moments later he’s flying towards Rico and strikes the South American between the eyes with an axe handle smash. COACH Liberty is a true innovator of offense. What would we do with out this cat making high risk plays and big time moves. With Rico dazed and groggy from the simple attack, Liberty puts himself off the ropes. Though his opponent recovers midway through his run, Liberty is still able to send him crashing to the mat with a crossbody block. He hooks the leg, and referee Earl Hebner drops to this knees to count the fall… ONE! TWO! Rico’s shoulders come off the mat, and he curses Liberty for even thinking a mere crossbody block could beat him. QUEEN ESTHER Isn’t this exciting? How Rico strings along the naïve peasant, leading him to believe he has a chance to win and then snatches away victory at the last possible moment. Isn’t it wonderful in a sort of cruel and inhuman kind of way. Getting back to his feet, Rico lashes out with a haymaker. But Liberty ducks down and pivots his foot to fluidly move into a roundhouse kick, and his foot finds its way into The White Knight’s abdomen! Not surprisingly Rico doubles over, clenching his stomach in agony. Liberty quickly takes off across the ring, panning on returning with a devastating move. But when he bounces back off the ropes, closing in Rico like a dart….WHAM…De Janerio upends him with a lariat. QUEEN ESTHER Its…its…its… COLE Fantastic? QUEEN ESTHER Yes! Yes it is fantastic! Rico grabs hold of Liberty by his arm and then slings the patriot around to slam his forehead into Liberty’s! A mighty “CRACK~!” rings out from the hit and the crowd “OOOOOH’s!” a response as the victim stumbles backwards. Again Rico grabs hold of Libertys by his arm to keep him upright as well as within reach, only this time he forcefully jerks his foe forward to strike him down with a second lariat! COACH You see that, Cole. Rico could wipe the floor with Liberty! QUEEN ESTHER But why would he? He’s a heavy, muscular man and moving him across the floor at a pace traditional to cleaning would be very difficult! Rico drops to his knees and applies a lateral press, and Hebner makes his count ONE! TWO! But, Liberty gets a shoulder off the canvas. He rolls up to his feet and heads for the corner. He’s a dazed from the tremendous hits The White Knight gave him and hopes to get a chance to regain his health. It’s unfortunate for him that the second he checks back over his shoulder he sees Rico charging towards him from across the ring! He quickly ducks down and skirts out of the corner as De Janerio makes an ill fated avalanche attempt on him, and instead mashes his chest into the top of the turnbuckle padding. Lesser men might have been stunned after this, but The White Knight easily shakes it off and heads out of the corner for his opponent. He needn’t head very far, as Liberty comes after him like he was shot out a cannon! Rico swings out his arm with such strength it could behead a solid steel statue. If they actually made solid steel statues, I don’t think they do. But Liberty ducks down just enough to avoid the lethal blast. Rico is forced to quickly spin around to catch Liberty just as he comes off the ropes. He doesn’t give his rival a chance to dodge another lariat and instead offers up a dashing headbutt to his chest! “OOOOOOOH!” The crowd winces at the hit! Liberty is knocked on his back again, but this time Rico ends the exchange with a huge exclamation point in the form of a falling hedbutt and with gravity dragging his ripped frame down the pro-USA fans are forced to turn away when his hard head connects with Liberty’s sternum! QUEEN ESTHER Isn’t this wonderful? Have you ever seen anything so great and fantastic in all your life? What? Why are you guys looking at me like that? COLE Coach can barely stay awake through half the show, and you’re acting like you just got transported back in time to see the battle of Gettysburg. Rico quickly crawls over the Old Glory and drops his weight on top of Liberty. If the hits weren’t enough to put Liberty away than at least he can pin the Old Glory’s shoulders to the mat with his weight alone. Herrington drops to count for: ONE! TWO! Though ever so slightly, Liberty has enough room to thrusts his arm out to raise his shoulder off the mat. Thankfully, for Liberty, it’s enough to end the count. Somewhat livid, Rico drags the Old Glory back up to his feet and unloads with a searing, knife-edged chop, lighting up Liberty’s chest! Liberty stumbles back, clutching his chest- *SMACK!* QUEEN ESTHER Agony! -and Rico easily connects with a backhand across Liberty’s face, sending a stream of spit flying out of the side of Liberty’s mouth! *SMACK!* QUEEN ESTHER Misery! I’m good at this. And another backhand connects. Right now Liberty isn’t making any attempt to avoid these hits. All his body can do is stumble away, but Rico spares no expense to keep up with his chase; each hit that connects sends Liberty stumbling around the ring. Liberty staggers to the side and falls into the ropes. He tries to get back to a vertical base as fast as possible, knowing that his opponent is trying to press him. When he spins back around towards Rico he’s hit with another backhand across the face, which catches him before he’s gained full control of his balance and he goes scrambling backwards into the ropes. Still Rico closes the distance, keeping the full court pressure in effect and he grabs Liberty by the neck to drag him out of the ropes. He stands there, triumphantly displaying Liberty to the crowd like a trophy kill from his latest safari.. “WHO WANTS A MUSTACHE RIDE?” he asks in his thick Brazilian accent. QUEEN ESTHER He always asks me that and I wonder, how is it possible to ride something so small? COLE Unintentional sonning of the year. Finally, Rico drops Liberty in front of him, letting Old Glory drop… but not without Liberty snatching Rico by his head on his way down- *WHAM!* and dragging Rico down with him for a falling neck-breaker! “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHH!!” QUEEN ESTHER I can’t watch! I won’t watch! I mustn’t watch! Shield my eyes! Finally, the Old Glory is up. He’s a little dazed still but he has enough sense about him to try and get himself back into this match, even if Rico is back up as well. Rico storms towards the Old Glory, steaming mad, and when he gets halfway to Liberty he rushes in for the kill! He swings out his arm for another huge lariat, and with the lack of ability Liberty’s shown to be able to avoid these hits recently this one should put his lights out! But Liberty dives out of the way and rolls back to his feet! This obviously enrages Rico as he damns the avoidance. He knows he let his opportunity escape him and he has to get his opponent back under his control, so he quickly pivots on one foot to turn back towards Old Glory and- *CRACK!* is nailed (or pelted rather) with a left hook from Old Glory! It connects, stunning him for only a brief second, but it’s enough time for Liberty to step in and thrust his open palm into Rico’s forehead, smacking him right between the eyes with a palm-strike! Rico stumbles back and Liberty delivers another, and then another, and finally a third knocks him back several steps! Rico won’t go down but when he moves he moves rather sluggishly. Liberty steps towards Rico and slams his fist into the side of Rico’s head! De Janerio shouts angrily, and wildly swings back at old glory misses. DeJanerio continues to assail Rico with wild right hands. Desperate to not be knocked out, Rico resorts to gouging his assailant’s eyes. Blinded by the terrible cheap shot, Liberty can hardly see Rico back away. Even more troubling is that he can’t see him surging forward. And for that he’s thrown into the air by the Hand of God (running uppercut)! The fans sit in amazement as they watch Liberty crash to the canvas as though he were knocked out by Tyson himself. COLE What a punch! Rico hooks the leg for a crucial pinfall… ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING Rico celebrates over the downed body of Liberty, stroking his porn stache and talking heaps of trash to his foe. QUEEN ESTHER We did it! Its just amazing what you can do with a little faith and a little magic. (singing) Faith and magic, with them life is oh so tragic! In the sky I do so magic with every bird that flies by. Oh, I know that’s magic I cry! What whisks by but a car, without its magic we wouldn’t get very far- COLE Why are you singing? Why do you act like a Disney character? QUEEN ESTHER This is just my normal personality. Life makes me want to sing! Queen Esther resumes her song as we go into commercialCELTIC SPECTACULAR LIVE FROM BOSTON!NEXT WEEK ONLY ON TSM, YOUR SOURCE FOR NOTHING OF RELEVANCE***LIVE FROM INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA!*** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 COLE Next week, live from Boston, it will be the Celtic Spectacular, headlined by the battle between friends for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship as Leon Rodez defends against Zack Malibu. Earlier today before the stands filled here in Chicago we managed to get Zack and Leon together for their thoughts on their upcoming match.-EARLIER TODAY- Up in the empty seats of the United Center in about the 14th row, we find both the OAOAST World Champion Leon Rodez and his soon to be challenger Zack Malibu, casually sat back a couple of seats apart. Leon rests his feet up on the seat in front of him, the OAOAST World Title placed across his lap. The mood seems very easy-going between the two, considering their upcoming match. LEON So, it's official huh. You and me in Boston. ZACK This is the point where we start cutting promos on each other, right? LEON Heh. Yeah, I guess so. ZACK You know, honestly, I just want to say first off that I appreciate you even giving me the title shot in the first place. With AngleMania coming up, a lot of guys would have been locked in concentrating on that already and I don't think anyone would have blamed you for turning me down. But fact is, you've been true to your word. No matter what anyone says. You vowed to be a fighting champion and a proper champion and take it from me, that's what you are. LEON Well that means a lot... uh... you know, I'm just gonna be happy to have a fair title defence for a change. I spoke to Josie about making sure nobody comes out and obviously there's no guarantee there. But I at least know that I'm in there with Zack Malibu, world reknowned stand-up guy... ZACK I don't know about that. I've been called a lot of things over the years. That ain't high on the list. Champion and challenger share a laugh. ZACK Infact, I was thinking about it the other day... unless I'm forgetting anything, it's been about four years since you and me wrestled one on one. LEON A lot's changed since then man. ZACK Like me being considered a stand-up guy now? LEON Way I remember it, it was virtually three on one last time. But hold no grudges, that's all in the past. I've gotten to know you in the succeeding three or four years and I can honestly say there's nobody else I'd rather be in that ring with come February 26th. We've been tag partners and stable mates and whatever else, but truth be told you've been more than that, because me trying to be an upstanding World Champion, that's your influence. You took great pride in being the flag-bearer of this company and I do the same. By leading by example. ZACK You're not calling me a mentor, are you? LEON No, I'm just sayi... ZACK I mean, because if you were, that'd make me feel damn old. LEON In that case yes, yes I am. They laugh again. ZACK I appreciate it though, really. And in return, I'll say there's probably no other guy I'd feel more secure in being OAOAST World Champion for the company's interests than you. LEON And vice versa. ZACK Obviously I'm looking forward to next week. Not just the shot at the title though, but the chance to go out and wrestle. No grudges, no personal issues. Just you and me in the spirit of competition. One thing's for sure... win lose or draw, you and me are going to tear the house down in Boston. LEON I hear that. May the best man win. The friends share a handshake as we fade out. COACH If anyone back there can bring me out a sickbag, that'd be good. COLE Coach, we're back on. COACH I know. COLE ...Leon Rodez and Zack Malibu, one on one for the OAOAST World Championship next week at the Celtic Spectacular. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 Still stuck to her television screen, Melody sits backstage in possession of a wide smile. Maybe her smile is due to her limited edition Wolverine PSP, or maybe its do to her Ryu themed Street Fighter IV arcade controller, or her Megman artbook. MELODY By the elder gods it is I Melody Nerdly coming to bring you tales of OAOAST No Homo for your PSP. I’ve taken a break from pwning of stupid fireball spamming N00bs on Street Fighter IV to do this, so I hope you all appreciate it. Most likely you’ve got No Homo on 360 or PS3 and most likely I’ve left you crying for WWF Warzone for PS ONE after I destroyed your ZOMGULTRAMEGA-UNSTOPABLE-CAW with Jivin Jr, now available on Xbox Live and the Playsation Network. But what happens when you want to take the OAOAST on the go? You can’t take your PS3 with you, it’s the size of Jumbo’s last kidney stone! If you have a PSP, then congratulations for not falling for Nintendo’s cheap flashy fanboy marketing schemes! Also now can you take No Homo wherever you may roam with OAOAST No Homo for the PSP. Everything you love about the big size version! Crammed down into this little disc and powered by awesomeness! We’re entering a kingdom of awesomeness with this one, people. How about we take a look at some profiles and some screens, put them together and we get the kingdom of awesomeness! The “kingdom of awesomeness” is put under threat by malicious invaders as Lorelei DeCenzo and Morgan Nerdly enter Melody’s makeshift arcade. Lori wears a sharp smile, one that’s clearly masking sinister intent. Morgan merely hangs behind Lori, hands shoved in pockets, head lowered in apathy. LORELEI Kingdom of awesomeness? Your way with words would make Webster himself weep for the butchery of the English language. Is this what it’s come to on HeldDOWN? We’re so desperate to fill up air time we roll out a socially inept half wit to show of her new toys. Mister Moneymaker is a big investor in the TSM network, he allows HeldDOWN to be on here as a gift. A very generous gift, mind you. He asks for nothing in return but for the conversation to be engaging and intelligent. You and your mindless games of course fail at both counts. MELODY Are you here to challenge me to a game of No Homo? We can’t play PSP, but I’ll pop in the PS3 one. I’ll even let you pick Krista so you can cheap me with humiliation moves, and hey I’ll spot you a few holds to. LORELEI God, you are dumb. As if I would waste my time with the useless nonsense you’ve devoted your miserable life to. I don’t want to play with you, because what I’ve come for isn’t any game. Morgan! MELODY Morgan? Do you want to play? MORGAN No one wants to play your stupid games, so just shut up. LORELEI Feisty! I like that. Melody, I don’t know if you know this or not because it took place in real life and not season mode in a video game, but Molly and Morgan will be competing at Celtic Spectacular. I should be happy, but I don’t know if Morgan is up for the job. Morgan grimaces painfully at this casually stated insult. MORGAN I am- LORELEI I wasn’t finished. I don’t see the killer I need, I just see a whiny teenage brat that’s going to get easily outsmarted by the more intelligent sister. I gave Morgan the assignment but I don’t trust her to finish it. MELODY Then do it yourself, and quit making people do your dirty work. LORELEI If I did that what would be the point of being the boss? Nope I have to trust those under me, and trust is earned not given. Morgan if you want my trust you will zap Melody. Shock erupts on Morgan’s face. Apparently she had no notice of Lori’s evil scheme. MORGAN You told me we were just here to scare her. LORELEI I changed my mind. Shock her. MELODY Wait! She’s already done this before, she’s shocked me. You were like two feet away, you saw the whole thing! LORELEI That was in a match. That doesn’t count, its only self defense. I want her to shock you for no other reason than I told her to. MELODY You don’t have to do this, Morgan! LORELEI Oh yes she does. If she wants my trust she does. MELODY What’s so great about your trust? LORELEI My trust can lead to my friendship. Isn’t that what you’re looking for, Morgan. Someone to be your friend? Your sisters never played with you, they never cared about you, or included you like a friend should. They aren’t your friends. MELODY Don’t listen to her! She’s manipulating you, it’s a classic evil villain maneuver often employed by Lex Luthor or Penguin! LORELEI See that? They only try to act like their concerned when you pose a threat. If you care about Morgan, tell me, what’s her favorite colour. MELODY Just because I don’t know doesn’t mean I don’t care. That’s stupid logic! It doesn’t even make sense. LORELEI Blue. Electric blue. Morgan glares at Melody. Her eyes a pitiless and merciless like those of sharks. She raises her arm and slams shut those hateful eyes to block out the miserable task she must complete. LORELEI One more thing. Maximum setting please. MOLLY (O.S) Stop! Before Morgan can use her tazer to shock Melody, Molly tackles her to the ground. The two are put into an instant struggle with Molly trying to subdue her angered sister. MELODY This is straight out of mid 90’s hit drama Party of Five. MORGAN Get off me! Molly’s body is slung back and forth as though she were rider in the PBR. But her grip remains firm thanks to her determination to keep her younger sister from returning to a firing position. MOLLY I won’t let you do anything you’re going to regret! MORGAN Who says I’ll regret it? Get off of me!THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! Suddenly Morgan feels Molly’s grip loosen and her already slim body lose all its weight. It takes her moment to realize what’s happened, but the horrified expression frozen on Melody’s face helps her piece it together. She looks up to see Lorelei casually setting back the chair she used to batter Molly. MORGAN You didn’t have to do that. I could’ve handled it. LORELEI Not to my liking. And that worries me. Lorelei whisks herself away from Melody’s game zone, leaving Morgan to try and get her sister off her. MELODY I am definitely blogging about this tonight.COMMERCIAL Cue funky circus music and annoying whistling sound. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, making their long awaited return to professional wrestling… THE DING DONGS! COLE/COACH The living breathing pieces of Wrestlecrap sprint down the aisle and sound a bell attached to the ring post. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE I can’t believe what I’m seeing, Coach. The Ding Dongs are here on HeldDOWN~! COACH Who’d have thunk it, Mikey Cole? I thought these guys were discontinued decades ago. “Citizen Soldier” by 3 Doors Down hits and the team of Tim Cash and Baron Windels emerge onstage. BUFFER And their opponents, total combine weight 485 pounds… here “WRESTLING’S LAST REAL GOOD GUY” TIM CASH and “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BARON WINDELS… CITIZEN SOOOOLDIERS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Cash and Windels do that baby face thing old school, slapping hands, etc. Once inside the squared circle they toss aside their entrance attire and get ready for business. COLE It’s great to see Tim Cash and Baron Windels back in the ring following their heartbreaking Anderson Cup elimination. They’ve spent much of the past few weeks filming public service announcements. COACH You know Tim Cash is fired up for tonight. This is a homecoming for him being an Illinois native. Easily the nicest person to ever come out of this state which explains why his career hasn’t gone anywhere! * DINGDINGDING * As customary for any match he’s involved, Tim Cash opens with a handshake. Luckily he’s in there with a Ding Dong and not one of the more opportunistic guys on the roster, so we get a clean handshake and a mild round of applause. * dingdingding * No, that’s not the ring bell you hear but rather that of tiny bells tied to the ankle of Ding, or maybe Dong because they never had actual names. Either way both have them, which only further antagonizes an already hostile crowd. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The lockup occurs and Tim Cash is placed in a side headlock. He shoots the Ding Dong into the ropes and gets leveled by a shoulder tackle. Back off the ropes Ding comes, but Cash leapfrogs him and delivers a standing dropkick on the rebound. Running vertical suplex follows and so too does a pin attempt. ONE! KICKOUT! A tag ensues and the Citizen Soldiers execute a double backdrop. Baron Windels fires the Ding Dong back in and nails him with a big boot that sends the masked man straight back. And it just so happens to be near his corner so we get a tag. * dingdingding * "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" DING DONG #2 COLE You’d think after 20 years they’d understand why nobody likes them. COACH Hell’s Bells would be a perfect theme song for them, because their walking is hell on the ears. BW slams the Ding Dong out of a lockup, and then tags Tim Cash. Wrestling’s Last Real Good Guy heads up top as Baron lifts the Ding Dong for a VERTICAL SUPLEX. FLYING CROSS BODY! ONE! TWO! SAVE BY DING DONG #1! Cash wags his finger to let him know that wasn’t nice, and then goes to wring the arm of DD #2 when he’s headbutted! COLE This might be the break the Ding Dongs need. The tag is made but Tim Cash takes Ding Dong #1 over with a crisp arm drag that would make Ricky Steamboat proud. He places the masked man in a front facelock and drags him over to the Citizen Soldiers corner. Once again the legal man, Baron Windels flings DD #1 overhead to satisfy the DEVIL’S ADDICTION. He follows with the ever popular BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS (running butt bump), and then serves a BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL (leaping) DDT! Cover. ONE! TWO! THREE! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners, the team of TIM CASH and BARON WINDELS… CITIZEN SOOOOLDIERS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" After their hands are raised in victory, the Citizen Soldiers celebrate with their fans. COLE An impressive win for the rising tag team of Tim Cash and Baron Windels. And we’ll be right back!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 COLE Folks if you keep up with gossip websites and any good drag queen worth his salt sure does, you know there’s a bit of a feud brewing between our Krista Isadora Duncan and Lindsay Lohan. COACH You said “our” Krista. She gonnna kill you. COLE Well, at least I’ll get to watch this clip from E! News before I die! The spot for the hottest celebrity news, E! News with Gulianna Ranic flashes onto the screen. GULIANNA Krista Isadora Duncan may be celebrating the release of her newest book, 3 Words to change your life, but don’t expect Lindsay Lohan to come to the party. The starlet, the self professed biggest fan of Duncan, is still smarting over the snub from the 300th episode of TVs HeldDOWN. E! news spoke with Lohan outside of night club LAX. Gulianna don’t lie, Lindsay Lohan is in fact outside of LAX LINDSAY Its hurt me a lot as a person. She was someone that I looked up to, because she was smart, funny, and beautiful and did her own thing. I admired Krista, and she was one of my heroes. She never treated me like a child, she always spoke to me on her level. I thought we were friends, and friends invite friends to things that are important. Birthday parties, wedding, yeah the whole deal. I’ve reached out to her about why she didn’t invite me, but I get the run around for publicists and agents. I’m not a journalist calling for an interview, I’m a friend asking why you’ve forgotten about your friendship. She’s her own person and she can do whatever she wants, but she really should treat her friends better. If you’re just pretending and putting on an act, then okay, but tell me that. Don’t act like you support me and then turn around and be two faced. I’m not expecting her to be perfect, I’m just expecting her to be a friend. CUT TO GULIANNA GULIANNA The queen of fitness has been strangely mum about the whole ordeal, preferring to speak through her publicist. “Krista considers Miss Lohan to be a true friend, and is looking forward to talking with her and working out their issues at a later date.” GULIANNA We’ll keep you updated as more unfolds. COACH You know what's better than a catfight? A drunk catfight! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 COLE Right now let's throw it backstage where Josh Matthews is with the number one contender to the OAOAST World Title, Zack Malibu! After viewing the conversation earlier today between champion and challenger, we go to JOSH~!, who is standing by with the challenger for the Celtic Spectacular. JOSH Zack, the last time we saw you in the ring, it was surrounded by four walls of steel, as you and Theodore Moneymaker battled for the fate of the OAOAST at Anglepalooza. Now, one month later, the Celtic Spectacular, the first television special the OAOAST will air on PitTV, you challenge a man that you consider a friend. A former World Tag Team Championship partner, a member of your In Crowd, the OAOAST World Champion Leon Rodez. We saw you two getting along quite nicely earlier today, but will that be the case when you have to compete with Leon next week? Is there such a thing as a friendly battle when the World Title is on the line? ZACK You know, Josh, it's going to be tough. I'll admit that I feel I'm going into this match the underdog, and I think even my most diehard supporters would tell you that Zack Malibu is at his best when his back is against the wall. I thrive on the pressures put forth by those who look to make a quick name for themselves at the sake of myself or the company. None of that is going on here. Truthfully, I was surprised that I'm getting this match, and before Moneymaker or any of my detractors go complaining that it's some type of In Crowd circle jerk, I'm going to stop you right there. Leon Rodez, the World Champion, is confident in his abilities that he sought to challenge me, despite the fact that he's the one holding all the cards right now. You saw that conversation from earlier today, where Leon brought up the last time we were in the ring together. That was a different time for both of us. Leon was just breaking out, and I wasn't having my best day. In fact, if you remember Josh, you and I went through some things during that era as well. That night, I told Leon it was his "Proving Ground", and I purposely stacked the odds against him so that he couldn't come close to reaching my level. Now here we are, four years later, and that same man is a former World Tag Team Champion with me, he's my best friend in the business, and he's the OAOAST World Champion. The Celtic Spectacular is where things come full circle. Leon Rodez and Zack Malibu will BOTH prove themselves, win or lose. Leon has proven himself to be a great champion for us, just as I have in the past. JOSH Do you think Zack Malibu will prove himself to be a great champion for us in the future? Zack snickers before responding. ZACK Everyone knows my story, Josh. And everyone knows the sacrifices put forth by everyone to establish that belt and this company as the best in the world. Leon Rodez is taking a brave step in challenging me to a match, because he knows what I'm capable, and truthfully that could be my downfall as much as it could be my saving grace. If there was ever a purely honest and even matchup in wrestling history, it's this one. Just then, ANGLESAULT comes over, patting Zack on the back and interrupting. ANGLESAULT Josh Matthews, this is Zack Malibu you're talking to here. This man IS the OAOAST, and he WILL be a champion again. Leon Rodez is on the roll of his life right now, but Zack's right...it's even steven all the way, and come the Celtic Spectacular, it's anyone's game. Now, no offense to Leon, as you've gotta love the guy and all he's done, but I've put my faith in Zack before, and I'm putting it in him again for the Celtic Spectacular, because I think that we'll see him take the belt home for a fourth time. Anglesault shakes Zack's hand, then finishes up. ZACK Josh, all I can say is that it could go either way, but there's still only going to be one ending to that night, and it's going to be with a handshake. Leon, you're my friend, you're my brother, but you have something that I miss dearly, and that I work hard for every time I step into that ring. I hope you're up to the challenge, old friend. Zack pats Josh on the back and walks off, while Anglesault does the same to Zack before following him off camera. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 From the geek interviewer to the cool interviewer, we go to the much more attractive Maggie Nerdly. Apparently unconcerned that one of her sisters was about to electrocute the other, Maggie stands cheerfully with Mister Dick. Or as cheerful as anyone can be around someone as nauseating as Mister Dick. MAGGIE What’s up, everybody? Maggie Nerdly, “It” Girl on the scene chillin backstage with Mister Dick. By the way, Jock, nice outfit, next time where something with glitter. MISTER DICK Maggie Nerdly, you got a smart mouth on ya, and I do not like smart mouths on my women. I'd slap my own mama dead if she just dared to speak a cross word to me! A couple of people on the way to the building here tried to crack wise to me like you just did. They said if PRL is The Rock, I’m Billy Gunn and I’m gonna be puckering up to kiss that chicken wuss’ ass. In this life I have been crapped on just as much as anyone having to lug that piece of nothing Windells around, and listening to that monkeybrained whore sister of yers Melody for a year. But that comment just took the cake and ate it to! I didn’t leave PRL out cold and out the OAOAST just so that a few months later I could hear that kinda barkin from the OAOAST Morons! MAGGIE That’s Marks, man. Marks. MISTER DICK I left PRL like I left him, so the OAOAST could get back to normal. I tried to do ya’ll a favor. Instead of being chained by the balls to that peabrain still stuck in 1998, I tried to be like Lincoln and free the slaves! I didn’t have no army behind me, no muskets, no bayonets, no cannons. But I went out and I fought with all I had and I freed the OAOAST from being enslaved by this midget squeaky voiced uncreative sawed off Mexican! If I hadn’t done nothing, it was just a matter of time before the boy got his rematch against Rodez and won a belt he don’t got no business winning. But the whole world’s been lookin at me blue, like I shot at the president or something. I did ya’ll a favor, and ya’ll can’t appreciate that? Ya’ll are just as big a losers as PRL and there ain’t no reason in Hades why I shouldn’t beat yer asses inside out. Best believe that’s what I’m gonna do after I get done with PRL. I’m gonna march out into that audience into those stands and I’m gonna lay boots and throw hands on all of ya’ll! MAGGIE Boy that’ll sell tickets in a jiffy! MISTER DICK PRL, this is Mister Dick talking to ya, and if I done called you a phony, a fraud, a loser, and a nobody than damn it, son, that’s just what you are. Ain’t no changing that no matter what you do. You pulled one over on me a couple of times, boy, I ain’t gonna deny that. But when I get you in the ring one on one, I’m gonna run circles around you, son because you ain’t in my league. You’re playing checkers, and I’m playing Chess. After I lay you out and lay you down like I could lay your every female family member, you gonna wonder what the hell you were thinking. You’re gonna see the light, boy, you’re gonna realize that I ain’t Spanish Fly or Leon Rodez. This is the real deal, this is Mister Dick, and you ain’t got nothing that can stop me. MAGGIE I bet the special guest referee Krista Isadora Duncan might. Just because I like it when a man talks dirty, I’m gonna ask what do you have to say about her. MISTER DICK Vulgarity ain’t in my nature, Maggie. Today I only got good things for Krista. I ain’t got the fancy book learnin that Krista does. When I was at Texas A&M I was out havin a hog-killin good time with my boys, not sitting around learnin’ no Shakespeare like a damn virgin nerd cooped up in his dorm on a Friday night. But I do got some affinity for poetry. Yes I do. That don’t make me a wuss or nothing, that just makes a me well rounded man. I love a good, well written poem just as much as I love a good, well shaved, 18 year old, pus….well ya’ll know what I mean. In that spirit I went ahead and wrote a poem for ya’ll to enjoy, I dedicate it to Krista. I call it “I saw it in a vision”. MAGGIE Awww man! First I get someone who sings, now I get someone who reads poetry. I’d kill for an interview with the guy with tourettes right about now! MISTER DICK I saw it in a vision that yer car windows got smashed out, now you know I know where you be. I saw it in a vision me visiting your house. I saw it in a vision, me layin’ a sledge hammer to all your pretty fancy stuff. I saw it in a vision your littlest girl watching in the corner. I saw it in a vision her crying out for mommy. I saw it in a vision, where your daddy work at. I saw it in a vision, your daddy talking that mess about me. I saw it in a vision your daddy getting his head cracked. I saw it in a vision your daddy learn’ I ain’t the kinda cattle he wanna russle up. I saw it in a vision your daddy lying half dead in your arms. I saw it in a vision you saying your final good byes to dear ol daddy. MAGGIE Dang, man! You can’t threaten a US congressman, they’ll put the CIA on you. And Malaysia’s associated with you, they’ll come to our house, I don’t need that kinda heat! I’m snitchin the first chance I get. Call me a rat, I’ll be a rat not rotting in some ditch in Hati thank you. MISTER DICK You oughta do something about me, Krista, I’m a serious hazard to yer family’s health and well being. Mister Dick grins with lecherous intent into the camera as we fade out.COMMERCIAL CELTIC SPECTACULAR OAOAST WORLD TITLE LEON RODEZ VS ZACK MALIBU ANDERSON CUP FINAL: THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS Vs THE ENTERPRISE PRL VS MISTER DICK MORGAN NERDLY VS MOLLY NERDLY UNITED STATES TITLE: TODD CORTEZ VS TIM CASH VS SPENCER REIGERNEXT WEEK ONLY ON TSM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 We go up to the ring, to find Cuban Wall on his way slowly up the ring steps. COLE What is this now? I don't have Cuban Wall on my schedule tonight. COACH We have schedules!? COLE You used your's as a napkin when the corndogs came. I tried to warn you, bu... oh, wait, Wall's about to speak. WALL I got something to get off my chest, so I suggest you all shut the hell up. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" WALL All I hear lately is "Bohemoth this, Bohemoth that". And I'm sick and damn tired of it. So he won the Lethal Rumble? So what? I won the Rumble last year. And what did I get for it, huh? Did I get your respect? Were people talking about me all the time? No. Did I get some fancy interview in the ring with Michael Cole like Bohemoth did? No. COACH Yeah, what's up with that dawg? COLE Don't look at me! WALL Hell, I didn't even get my shot at the World Heavyweight Title at AngleMania. Yet Bohemoth wins the Rumble and they've done everything short of giving the guy a damn parade. And I'm sick of it. I've beaten Bohemoth before and I could beat him again, just like *snaps fingers* that! And as far as World Champion goes, all I've got to say about hi... *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Wuh-oh! Wall's head slowly turns to the entrance way, where the Number One Contender has apparantly heard enough and is marching to the ring! Not suited as he usually is, but in jeans and a dress shirt. Oh, and the orange-tinted sunglasses of course. Bo jogs up the ring steps and enters the ring, marching right past Wall to grab himself a microphone. With a scowl on his face, Wall stands his ground and the two bigmen go nose to nose. COLE We've got a staredown right here! And I think it's only going to get more physical from here! With the two big bulls locking eyes, Bo raises the microphone. BOHEMOTH PROVE IT! Throwing down the microphone, Bohemoth takes a step back and pulls off his dress shirt (to screams from the crowd, of course) and waves Wall on! COLE Wall said he could beat Bohemoth like that, it looks like he's going to get his chance right here! "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" Still scowling, Wall glares right at the number one contender as he adjusts his gloves. WALL You just made the biggest mistake of your life, pal. Cause I'm gonna make sure you don't make it to AngleMania either. Down goes Wall's microphone, dropping into his fighting stance! COLE Oh, here we go! Here we go! Both putting up guards, Bo and Wall size each other up for a few seconds... before the number one contender suddenly bulls forward, tackling Wall off his feet and back into a corner, to a cheer from the crowd! Bohemoth quickly straightens up and unloads with overhand rights across the head of Wall, who tries to fight him off from underneath with bodyshots. In this time, referee Charles Robinson runs out from the back and calls for the bell to make the match official! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And there's the bell, this war is underway! COACH Not that these guys needed a referee to fight. Wall manages to push Bohemoth away, far enough to give himself some room to manoeuvre. Bo tries to move right back in but a meaty right hand cuts him off. Following after him, Wall lands another right on Bohemoth, then a couple of bodyshots, before a headbutt to the ear rocks him. The Cuban quickly dumps Bohemoth through the ropes and decides to take the fight to the floor. COLE Well this didn't start as a wrestling match and it hasn't resembled much of one yet. Coming up from behind, Wall grabs a hold of Bohemoth... *THUD!* ...and bounces his head off of the steel steps! COLE Ooh! Wall picks Bohemoth back up and turns him around, sending him into the ring apron this time. Staggered, Bohemoth rounds the ring in an effort to clear his head. But Wall catches up to him with a hard right hand to the back of the head, then throws him into the ring again. "LET'S GO BO!" "LET'S GO BO!" "LET'S GO BO!" "LET'S GO BO!" Rolling back into the ring Wall puts up his dukes, waiting for Bo to get back up. He lands with another hard right, then goes back to the ribs with a bodyshot. Leant up against the ropes, Bohemoth is whipped across the ring and Wall throws his boot up... but gets CAUGHT! Able to stop himself Bohemoth catches the foot, throwing Wall off balance before dropping him with a clothesline! COLE What a clothesline, not often you see Wall being knocked off his feet after one attack but then again, there's not many people who match Wall for size and power like Bohemoth. Backed in a corner, Wall is worked over with a series of shoulder thrusts up against the turnbuckle before being whipped across the ring. Hitting the opposite corner, he's sandwiched with another clothesline. COACH There's even less people who can throw Wall around like that. Bohemoth comes off the ropes with Wall staggering out, leaving his feet with a shoulder tackle to knock the big Cuban down again! He follows with a cover... 1... 2... No! Bohemoth takes Wall by the hair and puts him face-first into the top turnbuckle. The Meterosexual Monster turns Wall around and goes to work with some right hands of his own, not quite as well-placed but every bit as hard hitting as his opponent's. COLE Cuban Wall and Bohemoth the two most recent Lethal Rumble winners doing battle in an impromptu match here on HeldDOWN~!, we are live in Chicago and we thank you again for joining us tonight. Taking hold of Wall's arm, Bohemoth whips him corner to corner again. But this time his charge faulters, running right into Cuban Wall's raised boot! COLE You might say Bohemoth just ran into a brick Wall! COACH Or you could say he ran into his foot and stop reaching for lame ass puns that nobody'll laugh at anyway. Shaking off the effects of the boot Bohemoth turns around, only to find himself grasped around the throat! Wall grasps onto the jeans of his opponent and surprises everyone by driving Bohemoth into the mat with a CHOKESLAM!! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH THERE'S some power! COLE Huge chokeslam, that could do it right here! The 2009 Rumble winner, in danger of losing to the 2008 winner! Wall hooks a leg and covers... 1... 2... NO! Glaring at the referee, Wall gets to his feet and stalks Robinson for a bit. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" Cuban Wall stomps Bo in the head as he tries to sit up, continuing to put the boots to him until the referee bravely steps back in to reprimand him. With another glare to the ref Wall picks Bohemoth back up. He measures the number one contender, then pops him with a big right hand. And another. COLE This would be a major coup for Cuban Wall, if he could beat Bohemoth here tonight, the man with a guaranteed main-event spot at AngleMania VIII. It could go some way to getting him back into the World Title picture. COACH It'd make a statement. And Cuban Wall's all about making statements, the more physical the better. Hooking Bohemoth up, Wall exhibits his power again by taking Bo up for a back suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Back to his feet Bohemoth rests against the turnbuckles, catching Wall approaching with a boot to the gut. Wall shrugs it off though, then starts blatantly choking Bo in the corner! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIV..." Breaking the choke, Wall answers the count, but then lays into Bohemoth with a sucker punch to further agitate the referee. COLE This has been as much a street fight as a wrestling match, these two heavy hitters battling it out in their street clothes. COACH Thanks for the fashion update, queer eye. Once the referee's done warning him Wall pulls Bohemoth out of the corner. After a boot to the gut, he comes off the ropes and SLAMS his boot into the side of Bo's head! Bohemoth stays up somehow, but a clothesline changes that and Wall looks for the cover... 1... 2... NO! Slowly picking Bohemoth back up, Wall begins to set him for a Double Arm DDT. As soon as he hooks one arm though, Bohemoth comes to life and barges Wall back into the turnbuckles! COLE And back comes The Meterosexual Monster! Wall hits the buckles hard and has the wind further knocked out of him by some shoulder barges, as the Chicago crowd roar Bohemoth on. After a fourth charge he stands up and punches Wall, then looks for an irish whip. Wall reverses the whip though, then crushes Bohemoth with an Avalanche in the corner! COACH You might say Bohemoth just hit the Wall! COLE I... hate you. So very much. With a cocky smirk on his face Wall draws Bohemoth out of the corner, then puts all he has behind muscling the bigman up and over his shoulder looking for a powerslam. However, he puts a little too much in, allowing Bohemoth to slip down the back to his feet. Wall turns around, but not quickly enough to prevent a huge clothesline, knocking him off his feet! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Both men are down after that and referee Robinson puts a count on them. COLE What a battle we're seeing here. Two of the biggest and baddest in the OAOAST going at it, the two most recent Lethal Rumble winners. One on course for the AngleMania main-event, one who didn't even get the chance to cash in. COACH Thanks to PRL. COLE Thanks to Stephen Joseph Popick putting it on the line. And Spanish Fly, who lost it for him. Besides, Cuban Wall got his title shot eventually and he lost fair and square. COACH Yeah, but that's different and you know it. At the count of six both men are back to their feet. Bohemoth strikes first with a boot to the gut and pulls Wall in, setting him up for a powerbomb. Not having any of that, Wall quickly pushes Bo away, then catches him as he rebounds back off the ropes, with a big hand around the throat! Wall gives the signal for another Chokeslam. But Bohemoth fights out with a couple of boots to the gut, then hooks Wall up with a vertical suplex! COLE Up and down goes the big Wall, he's not used to that I don't imagine. Wall picks himself up in the corner and gets sandwiched with a big clothesline. Punches then rain in, forcing him down into a seated position against the bottom turnbuckle. Bohemoth quickly hits the ropes and smashes him with the FACEWASH!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Flat of the boot, right to the SKULL~! Dragging Wall out, Bohemoth hooks up a leg... 1... 2... NO! Bohemoth picks Wall back up, smashing him with a couple of right hands before attempting an irish whip. A reversal by Wall sets Bohemoth up for a BIG BOOT~! though! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH There's a receipt. COLE The boot from Wall this time, will that be all? Cover by Wall... 1... 2... NO! COACH Uh-oh, Wall looks pissed now. COLE When doesn't he!? Clenching the fists, Wall goes into hands of stone mode as he lays into Bohemoth repeatedly with body shots against the corner. He casts a warning glare at referee Robinson as he backs up, coming at Bohemoth with a big Avalanche! Looking a little bit happier now, he backs up again and delivers a second Avalanche! Bohemoth sinks in the corner as Wall holds up a finger, indicating he's got one more yet. And with another cursory glare to the referee, he charges... ...and finds NOBODY home! COLE Well went once to the wall... uhm, I mean once to the well... he missed, okay? Turning around, Wall gets scooped up and DRIVEN with a Front Spinebuster in a sudden show of power from the 2009 Lethal Rumble winner!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE SPINEBUSTER! COACH But can he get him up again, that's the question. Fired up Bohemoth marches around the ring with the fans on his feet. He comes to a stop, looking out into the Chicago crowd, who certainly believe he can do it. Thumbs Up. THUMBS DOWN~! COLE The idea got the thumbs up, will Cuban Wall be getting the emphatic thumbs down though? Watching Wall back to his feet Bohemoth lays in a boot. With a handful of hair he holds Wall in place while he gets a deep breath, knowing the resulting lift is going to be no mean feat. But to the crowd's approval, he manages to get the 285 pounder up into his arms! Unable to carry him for long he doesn't waste time getting in position, before swinging him around... ...out... ...and DOWN~! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Erotic Awakening Of B!! On the Cuban Wall, what a show of power!! As the crowd go wild, Bo makes the pin... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Bohemoth is ROLLING towards AngleMania!! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBOOOOOOOOOO - HHHEEEEEEEEMMMMMOOOOOOOTTHHHHH!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Scaling the turnbuckles Bohemoth raises his arms in victory, a brief show of left-over intensity which soon wears off. As soon as he steps off the ropes he's completely calm, cool and collected again looking down at Cuban Wall. Bohemoth's hand is raised again to confirm the win by the referee. COLE And the question is, just who is going to stop The Meterosexual Monster? He won the Lethal Rumble, he just beat last year's winner in Cuban Wall... are we looking at the next OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion? COACH Hey, I sure wouldn't bet against him. Even I've gotta admit, that was impressive. Bohemoth climbs out of the ring and calmly walks to the back, leaving Wall clutching his back in the ring. COLE Do you think Wall would like an in-ring interview still? COACH I know I'd like to see you try. I'd really like to see it infact. COLE Maybe something for next week. For now its good night, we'll see you next week for the Celtic Spectacular!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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