OAOAST Syndicated 2/3/09

[Chanel #99]

Brought to you by American Express
Taped: Somewhere in the mysteries of space
First air date: There are those who say time does not exist!
Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan

Why just celebrate HeldDOWN? Why not also celebrate Syndicated, the show that brought you a disco on a pole match, a hot dog eating contest that ended in a rap off, WARRIOR chasing Vinny into a bathroom in an effort to murder him, Biff being whipped while running around naked, and so much more family friendly entertainment. On this episode we have Team Heyross meeting The Last Kings of Scotland, Synth facing Jamie O’Hara, and Anderson Cup action! Celebration action!

The show opened with the key to cleaning your soul and your bowls, THE HOUSE OF WORSHIP. At the altar today was Jamie O’Hara. But not just any Jamie O’Hara, a 85 year old man impersonating Jamie O’Hara! Nearly blind, partially deaf, and as skinny as a mouse’s skeleton, the old man was clearly not right for the part. This didn’t matter to the host, who asked him the tough questions, on his refusal to adhere to Allah’s laws by stealing thing such as airtime from the Heavenly Rockers, lack of respect for his spiritual betters i.e. The Heavenly Rockers, and practicing a chaste and moral lifestyle. Abdullah said that while he might like to offer him a chance at redemption, the US Government had decided to deport the Birmingham Bad Boy for disrespect to the national icon known as The Heavenly Rockers. At that point Synth and Logan, dressed as INS agents, arrived on scene and beat down the sickly old man. They then saw fit to place him into a wooden crate marked “SHIP TO NEAREST DUMPSTER!” Los Conquistadors emerged before they could wheel the crate away and cast an incantation to set it ablaze! The Rockers then kicked the flaming crate off stage, saying its exactly what O’Hara deserved.    

***TEAM HEYROSS VS THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND***
Danny Boy and Scott showed off their fancy new Moneymaker-bought spiked clubs for an unreceptive audience. Sadly, the clubs didn’t do them much good at the start of the mat, as Benjamin took Danny through a mat wrestling clinic. The Boston native was able to get a breather through a low blow that allowed him to tag in Scottish Scott. The Braveheart gained control of the bout after he caught Moss off a diving cross body block. Scott worked over Moss’ back with basic submission holds, before bringing in Danny to do more of the same. Danny thought he had a submission with a Boston Crab but Moss stunned him by reversing it into a rollup! Although Danny kicked out he couldn’t continue his attack as Moss sent him for a ride with a twisting powerslam! A hot tag was made to Benjamin and the amateur wrestling guru cleaned house with big right hands! While his partner took the brunt of Benjamin’s attack, Scott tried to come off the top rope with a dropkick but only ended up making his comrade’s misery all the worse! SS couldn’t even take the time to apologize before Benjamin rolled him up for a three count.

WINNERS:TEAM HEYROSS, VIA PINFALL.

The HeldDOWN Rewind was brought to you by HeldDOWN, the only show important enough to sponsor itself. On the 300 epsidode we had 300 plot developments. Too many for me to sum up so go read it yourself!

Backstage Mister Dick tried to convince Josie that he was in no shape to fight his Anderson Cup match against The Beverly Hills Blonds that had been moved up to tonight. He believed that due to injuries incurred from PRL’s “cheapshots” he should not only be given a bye, but also full security detail. That wasn’t happening. Josie did, however, offer him a compromise. To compensate for his supposedly wounded state she’d let he and Malaysia add a third man to their team. The only catch was it would be the next person that walked through the door. And who should open up the door but Terry Taylor! However, Mister Dick punted him in the face before he could step through the door. This paved the way for Christian Wright to step over Terry and announce himself the couple of the year’s new partner! Have I used that gag before? I don’t care it’s a good gag.

***SYNTH ABDUL JABBAR w/ LOGAN MANN VS JAMIE O’HARA***
O’Hara began the match incredibly pissed and went right after Synth with a series of diving lariats.  The crowd was solidly behind O’Hara as the two men brawled about the ring. Synth avoided a flipping body splash in the corner and worked over the neck for a near fall. His brainbuster attempt was countered into a 720 tornado DDT that popped the audience. O’Hara further thrilled them with some breakdancing efforts before almost getting a three count on a standing SSP. O’Hara then situated his foe onto the top rope and sought a hurricanrana but Synth reversed it into a devastating power bomb! Somehow, The Birmingham Bad Boy kicked out. He reversed the follow up Percussion attempt into a roll up that might have got three if it weren’t for the interference of Logan on the apron. O’Hara tried to go after him with he was put down with an inverted DDT. A sky hook elbow drop gave Synth the victory.

Winner: Synth Abdul Jabbar by pinfall.

Backstage, Tony Brannigan caught up with The Beverly Hills Blonds to get their thoughts on having their Anderson Cup match changed to a 3 on 2 handicapped match. Shockingly The Blonds were thrilled with the addition, simply due to the fact it gave them a chance to get their hands around Christian Wright’s neck. Molly even invited the rest of The Enterprise to team with the deadly couple to make it a 7 on 2 match, because her guys would still cut them all down. Easy for her to say, she only has to hold the camera!

This week on HeldDOWN~!
OAOAST WORLD TITLE: LEON RODEZ VS SPENCER REIGER
SECOND ROUND ANDERSON CUP MATCHES
DA (EX)CHAMP SPEAKS
AND MORE!


***ANDERSON CUP SEMI FINAL: CHRISTIAN WRIGHT, MALAYSIA, AND MISTER DICK VS THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS W/MOLLY NERDLY***
Tony might be asking why this match is occurring now and not on HeldDOWN as it was supposed to. Well...I DON’T ANSWER TO YOU TONY! There were HUGE chants for Ned to start as he paired off with CW. Ned got an early advantage with several takedowns but Wright quickly took advantage by firing shots into his ribs. Ned broke through an early bear hug attempt to monkey flip Wright and delight the audience.  Simon then came into the ring and he his former friend traded furious strikes until Ned came back in and the Blonds put down CW with double teaming.  As Simon exited, Ned tried for a slingshot senton but Wright countered with knees to his already sore ribs.  This smart reversal gave CW the chance to tag in The Human Hard On. Mister Dick continued his partner’s work, systematically going after Ned’s ribs. Malaysia was then brought in to continue the pummeling of Ned, and completed her mission with true brutality as she dumped him with an impressive military press. She battered him with shoulder strikes in the corner before tagging Wright back into the contest. Christian and Ned traded punches, a slugfest that Wright stopped with a knee strike and a body scissors. Molly, Simon and the crowd immediately got behind Ned and their support paid off in a big way with Ned fighting out to reverse to a Boston Crab. The crab didn’t last for more than a few seconds thanks to a Stiff Kick from Mister Dick. With Ned out, The Cocky Prick tagged himself into the match, thinking he could mop up the Handsome Hustler.  His wish was almost granted as he got a near fall after only a few stomps. He then locked in an abdominal stretch which prompted the audience to get behind the 3 time tag team champion. Ned escaped with a hiptoss and came amazingly close to earning the tag. But Mister Dick surged forward and lariated him to the outside as the show went to commercial.

Back to Syndicated, Ned was still suffering through incredible pain, this time at the calculating hands of Malaysia.  There were more chants for Blanchard as he fought back with open hands, and elbows. But the chants were for naught as Malyasia brought him down with a ribbreaker, and tagged CW back into the bout. CW immediately tried for the Wright Off, but Ned reversed it into a dropkick! At the audience’s and Molly’s urging, Ned made the much needed tag with Simon! Simon took out CW with a running knee followed by a lariat in the corner. An awesome flying forearm smash got a near fall until it was broken up by Mister Dick. The Human Hard On then punished Simon with an incredibly devastating Pure Penetration. But the moment he hit his signature strike the music of PRL played! That sent Mister Dick and Malaysia heading for the hills as they escaped through the stands. This, unfortunately, left Wright and their Anderson Cup hopes to be dashed by The Atomic Blond!

WINNERS:The Beverly Hills Blonds, via pinfall

Post match Molly filmed Ned and Simon celebrating over the fall body of Christian, a piece footage sure to delight the rest of the Enterprise.