OAOAST Syndicated 1/13/09

[Chanel #99]

Brought to you by American Express
Taped: January 11th, 2009
First air date: January 12th, 2009 (check local listings for airings in your area)
Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura
Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan

Its 2009 and Syndicated returns bearing fruit, love, arms and if you're lucky, boobies. If you're unlucky they'll be Jumbo's boobies. The year's first edition of Syndicated brought out the likes of Bohemoth, Logan Mann, Tyler Bryant and more for a star studded 45 minutes plus 15 minutes of commercials.

***Tyler Bryant Vs Danny Boy w/Scottish Scot
Syndicated began just as World War I began with an American Idol reject fighting with a drunk from Boston. At the onset of the bout, Danny tried to intimidate Tyler with grunts, growls and general boorishness. While his goonish behavior may not have bought him any advantage, a distraction from Scottish Scott did and Tyler was brought down with a headbutt. Danny worked Tyler over on the mat with a neck vice, but the youngster fought his way back upright. He landed only a few piddling shots before his AC opponent back body dropped him over the ropes. On the outside, Tyler fought against an attack from Scottish Scott to decimate him with a belly to belly over the guardrail.  But his offense died when he returned to the ring, as Danny took control of the match. His time on the attack didn't last long thanks to a missed corner knee strike. Tyler sent his foe tumbling over the ropes with a crowd popping dropkick. He then further wowed his fans with a plancha that took out both Kings.  While Tyler high fived the roaring crowd, the show went to commercial.

This is where I'd post some sort of funny youtube video, but there's nothing funny about cancer.

The return from break brought viewers to the sight of the crowd trying to rally Tyler out of a chinlock. Bryant managed to grant their wishes, but could do nothing more than that as a double arm suplex brought him down for a 2 count. Bringing Tyler back upright, Danny Boy sought to finish him off with a powerbomb. But to the fans glee, Bryant reversed it into a hurricanrana. He proceeded to dazzle the fans and stymie his foe with his agile offense. But a daring frog splash cross body block nearly earned him his doom when Danny caught him and set him up for the Flower of Scotland (brainbuster). But a crisis was averted when Tyler frantically slithered out the hold. Danny swung around with a lariat but Tyler easily captured him onto his shoulders and took him out with an Idoliser (TKO). Tyler hooked the leg for the match-winning fall.

Winner:Tyler Bryant, via pinfall

Post match, Scottish Scott got hold of a microphone and informed Bryant the Kings would reign over the Anderson Cup and they'd put his partner back out of action for an entire year.

EDIT: NO SPOILERS PLEASE!!!

Backstage the ladies of French New Wave engaged in some casual conversation before their match. Molly was curious to know what Sophie thought was the strangest part of American culture. Without hesitation, the French import snapped "Les hommes!" Molly had trouble believing this, thinking most of the guys she's met in her film classes and studio work had been "positively dashing".  Right after she said this a diaper clad Tony Tourettes came charging by threatening to cover the nation of Islam in his semen.  Molly backtracked by claiming you can't judge a gender by its members that want to douse fringe religious groups in bodily fluids. Things got even more awkward for Molly when Lorelei DeCenzo approached.  The Money Honey let the ladies know that she had extended ten thousand dollars in cash to their opponents if they could injure one of French New Wave. Sophie barked something in French, and judging by Lori's disgusted expression she wasn't complimenting her handbag.

Time for the HeldDOWN~! Rewind. There was so much genius work on this show, I haven't the will or the way to recap it all. I do remember who posted the show. A handsome, brilliant and debonair Jew with a heart of a gold and the mind of kings. I'm sure you all remember it that way to.

***French New Wave W/Simon Singleton Vs Chick Morris and Jane Spitz***

The heel side wasted precious time over debating who would begin the match, with Jane realizing someone named Chick Morris probably fails at everything they do and so started the match. This decision was a pointless one, as Sophie shoved Jane through the ropes and began working over Chick Morris. A series of arm drags weakened Morris and allowed Sophie to bring in the Angle Award winning manager of the year. But Jane grabbed onto Molly's legs as she entered the ring and CM was able to take her down with a cheap shot. Morris pounded away at Molly, until a reversal on an irish whip forced Spitz to make a blind tag. Again Spitz plans' went awry when Molly brought her over with a Japanese arm drag.  Spitz was given the run around by the NYU grad student, until she was finally given a breather by Molly tagging in her partner. Spitz greeted the arriving French Girl with a samoan drop and hooked in Syndicate's favorite rest hold, the chinlock!  Chick Morris announced she wanted back in the match, but Jane announced she wanted to win and tagging in Chick Morris was not conducive to that kind of goal. Eventually, Sophie was able to escape the pedestrian hold and counter a stinger splash with a lethal lariat. With Spitz left out, Sophie made the hot tag to Molly.  The fans went batty as the manager of the year connected with a back elbow on Spitz and a hooking lariat on Chick Morris. The two jobbers made a fast return to their feet but were promptly ran ragged by Molly's frenzied assault. Molly finally finished them both off with a pair of Final Cut Studio's (final cut) for the win.

WINNERS: French New Wave, via pinfall.

On the interview podium Lead Correspondent (as in he gets paid more than Josh) Tony Brannigan caught up with The Love Doctors to discuss their upcoming Anderson Cup match against Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker. Pigley expressed that disgust for Moneymaker was at an all time high in the OAOAST, and people had grown tired with his bullying behavior.  Anderson commented that although they've sworn to protect lives, they'd take Moneymaker's if they could. He believed that Moneymaker to be a disease slowly destroying the OAOAST, and he was always taught to eradicate every disease he comes across. They stated they'd do the ultimate good by curing the OAOAST and the Anderson Cup of Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright.

***Bohemoth Vs Colin Maguire, Jr.***
Two men making rare Syndicated appearances, or in Collin's case, a rare appearance period. The noisy Rhode Island crowd was solidly behind the heavy hitting In Crowd member. He didn't disappoint his loyal fans, beginning the match with a lariat that cut right through CMJ.  A knee and a hip toss left CMJ lying after he tried to in vain to chop down the big man.  A missed running elbow drop bought CMJ the time he needed to get back to his feet but not back on the offense as Big Bo punted him out the ring. The Bostonian was able to work his way back into the ring before the ten count, but still had no answers for the smash mouth assault of Metrosexual Monster. Finally a low blow gave him the chance to calm Bo's rampage with a headlock. But his hold on Bo didn't last all that long as the big man had little trouble in powering out of it. He pulverized CMJ to the audience's delight before decisively ending the match with a front spine buster.

WINNER: Bohemoth, via pinfall.

Backstage Jamie O'Hara was seen doing something. What type of something? Well, I dunno.  Reading a magazine, listening to music, playing the psp. No one plays that useless waste of code and microchips. Whatever he was doing was interrupted by the king and queen of rock n wrestling, Logan Mann and Holly. Surprisingly the young couple came not to insult O'Hara but to pay him a compliment. They put a smile on his face by admitting how much they gushed over his matches. They then took away that smile by noting their favorite parts of his matches were "the 10 or so minutes you spend getting the crap kicked out of you". Logan went on to say that he and Synth were the 2009 model for the OAOAST, cool, stylish and talented and a pasty kid with an accent wasn't what the company needed anymore. O'Hara kindly thanked them for their opinion and then not so kindly told them where they could shove it. Lolly responded to this crass comment with a shove and a series of stomps. They departed after promising to put him out the OAOAST's misery in tonight's mainevent.

This week on HeldDOWN~!
First Round Anderson Cup Match, MWC Conference
The Love Doctors vs. Theodore Moneymaker & Christian Wright!
Update on The Name's injury!
VICE's investigation continues!

***JAMIE O'HARA VS LOGAN MANN W/HOLLY***
Logan got the jump on the Birmingham Bad Boy during referee's Clem Buzzlefoxer reminiscing to O'Hara about the time he stole Churchill's underoos. A knee and a series of short arm shoulder thrusts backed O'Hara into the corner. There he was thrown under fire from Logan's wicked left hands. But O'Hara weathered the storm of shots and struck back with a kick that sent Logan staggering away. The Brit came off the top rope with a tumbling lariat but Mann countered it into a neckbreaker. The Macho Macho Mann then tried to clamp down on O'Hara with a sleeper hold, but J'OH furiously fought out the hold. The Brit then quickly lept off the second rope and caught a stunned Mann with a spring board bulldog. A slingshot 450 splash earned a close two count and large amount of applause from an impressed crowd. Logan sprung to his feet and charge his speedy foe. But, O'Hara left him lying against the corner through a drop toehold.  The Birmingham Bad Boy then dashed towards the corner with a beautiful flipping avalanche. But Logan slid out the way and O'Hara nailed the ring posts. Mann scooped up his sore body and struck him with the always deadly Percussion DDT that gained a three count.  

WINNER: Logan Mann, via pinfall