Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 Patty's note: Real rap, so I got caught up in some foul shit and was taken to the hospital on Tuesday, giving me no time to prepare the AA seeing that I just got out earlier this morning. I figured I better write my NYS matches before I do any AA stuff in terms of the OAOAST, so I improvised with these and did it like your watching highlights of a ceremony on a website. ANGLE AWARDS 2008~~MOST SHOCKING MOMENT OF THE YEAR~~JADE IS KRISTA'S KID! andJOSIE BAKER RETURNS AS HeldDOWN~! GM! Despite her clear misgivings, Jade is shepherded up onto the stage by Krista to collect the award. Not sure whether to be happy or not, Jade takes the award and looks it over. It's then that she notices the sea of eyes focused on her, expecting a speech regarding possibly the worst moment of her life. No pressure! JADE Uh... hey, hi... thanks. Jade fiddles with the award awkwardly. JADE Well, this... isn't really the kind of thing I'd expect to win an award for... but, I have... so, uhm... how 'bout it? Ooh boy. You know at first I didn't really think I'd ever get over the confusion it all caused. Kinda life changing, you know? I just couldn't figure out what it all meant. Or how it happened. Infact, I'm still not sure if I understand how it happened. I mean, Leon's long-lost brother nobody ever heard about? I've heard of coincidences before, but this!? *awkward silence* JADE *AHEM!* Anyway, months on and I can now look at the positives. The positive ways it changed my life, because it helped me not to find my family, but extend it. Thank you.~~BROMANCE OF THE YEAR~~Reject and TK !!~~ROMANCE OF THE YEAR~~!!MISTER DICK AND MALAYSIA An instrumental version of “Love Hurts” plays, to Malaysia’s surprise. Don’t believe me? Here’s proof. MALAYSIA And why this reaction? MR. DICK Our song, big mama. Both outfitted in what can only be described as “high class bondage attire” (minus masks), MD and Malaysia engage in a sloppy make-out session…all the way to the stage! They pick up their award and resume their game of tonsil hockey, not even bothering to make a speech as they exit offstage. ~~FEUD OF THE YEAR~~ IN CROWD+KRISTA AND ANGLESAULT VS THE ENTERPRISE Enterprise CEO Theodore Moneymaker, oozing self-satisfaction, at the top of his lungs as his associates throw their hands up in celebration. As the Enterprise heads to the podium, Moneymaker stops to embrace his spiritual guide Abdullah Nerdly who gives him a kiss on both cheeks. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Last onstage Moneymaker receives the Angle and handshakes from all his Enterprise associates (because only the poor high-five). MONEYMAKER Isn’t this quite the reversal of fortune? One year ago the Enterprise shared this very award, but refused to accept because it recognized failure not achievement. Now tonight we receive this award in recognition of our great achievement, liberating the OAOAST from a tyrant’s repressive regime. Yet people constantly remind us about November Reign. To all you I say the In Crowd and Krista won the battle…BUT THE ENTERPRISE WON THE WAR. Moneymaker raises the Angle over his head. MONEYMAKER This award symbolizes that and it’s something you can’t ever take away us. Not even from my cold, dead hands! BWAHAHA! ABDULLAH Praise be! Suddenly the place goes pitch black. When the lights return Moneymaker is irate, and more importantly without his Angle Award. THE ENTERPRISE ABDULLAH MONEYMAKER Somebody lock down the place! I’ve been robbed! “GET OFF THE FUCKIN’ STAGE!” BOSLEY HOW ’BOUT I FUCK YOU UP?! MORACCA You can fuck me anytime. BOSLEY Ew, homos. MARIACHI No, homies. LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 ~~TITLE REIGN OF THE YEAR~~PRL'S WORLD TITLE REIGNandJERME GREY'S IC TITLE WIN "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..."*DUN DUN* "...IS..."*DUN* "...HERE!" “Know Your Role 2000” starts playing over the P.A. system. The crowd cheers loudly. Tha Puerto Rican comes out, causing the crowd to cheer louder than before. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican is wearing an white dress shirt, a gold chain around his neck, an earring in his left ear, a black sports jacket, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants with a leather belt and black dress shoes. He receives his trophy from (Insert Name Here, Patty!) and then raises it to the crowd’s delight. PRL then stands in front of the podium and then raises the trophy into the air with his right hand while he “smells the electricity”. PRL smiles. THA PUERTO RICAN WOOOO! ALL RIGHT! LET’S DO THIS! “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. The crowd cheers loudly. THA PUERTO RICAN HA! HA! GOOD TO BE BACK, BABY! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Tha Puerto Rican does The People’s Eyebrow. He then chuckles. THA PUERTO RICAN Oh man! Oh man! Wow! Wow! What a difference a year makes, huh? I mean, last year, at this time, I was flat on my back getting my ass kicked by 9 people who I called my friends. Now this year, I stand before you a FORMER One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN Really, this has been a phenomenal year. I mean, 2008 was a huge, historic year for a lot of people. Barack Obama, Michael Phelps, Sarah Palin, the New York Giants, that dude who used to be a girl who had a baby. But, I think we can all agree that nobody had a huger, more historic year than Tha Puerto Rican! Am I rite, people!? The crowd cheers loudly! THA PUERTO RICAN Yeah. That’s right. I did it. I did what nobody thought I could do. They thought that I was a ‘choke artist‘. They thought that I couldn’t cut it. They thought that I wasn’t good enough. But on March 30, 2008, I PROVED EVERYBODY WRONG! Because at the end of AngleMania VII, at the end of the biggest show of the year, in front of over 100,000 people in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California, I stood tall finally, FINALLY FINALLY raising the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! The crowd cheers. THA PUERTO RICAN And I STILL WASN’T DONE YET! Because, for the majority of 2008, I held that Title and defended it, SUCCESSFULLY I might add, against any and all comers. Whether it was two men who had a love-hate relationship with each other, a 6’7” 285 pound giant of a man who wanted to cripple me, a spazzoid who can afford everything EXCEPT dance lessons apparently, his life partner who has a fetish for breaking ankles, an OAOAST Original clinging onto the past, or a bohemoth who is way too cool for school, they all fell to ME! The crowd cheers. The camera cuts to Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix who whispers something to Megan Skye, and then to Alfdogg who just rolls his eyes. THA PUERTO RICAN And I will give props where props are due. Leon Rodez did what no one else could. He DID beat me 1-2-3 to dethrone me. The crowd cheers, although there are some scatter boos too. The camera cuts to Leon Rodez, who nods his head, a grin on his face. THA PUERTO RICAN But this isn’t Leon’s TV time. This is mine! SOOOO, let’s get back to the subject at hand! Ahem. I’d like to thank my mother. My father. My brother. My 3 sisters. My cousins (except The Bone Thug). My many aunts and uncles. My grandmother on my mother’s side. My grandmother on my father’s side. My other grandmother (step-grandmother?) on my father’s side. My grandfather on my mother’s side. My grandfather on my father’s side who is no longer with us, but I know that he was watching me this year from above! Love you Grandpa! Colombian Heat, for standing by me through everything. Continue recovering, boy. We’ll see you soon! All of my opponents for BRINGING IT~! in every match. The backstage workers in the One And Only AngleSault Thread for making me look my best every single week. And last…but CERTAINLY NOT LEAST…The People. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN Yeah, that’s right! The People! You! The Lightning Bolts! The Lightning Bolts who have watched me every week in the arenas and on television! The Lightning Bolts who chanted my name every night in every arena across the world! The Lightning Bolts who believed in me and had faith in me even when the chips were down! Even when my back was against the wall! Even when I was the underdog, you were with me and never turned away! Words cannot describe how much your support meant to me this whole year! From Anglepalooza to November Reign! When I fought, you were there with me! I have nothing but LOVE and APPRECIATION for all of you Lightning Bolts! This award is as much yours as it is mine, but I get to go home with it! Sorry! The fans laugh. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Tha Puerto Rican “smells the electricity” again. He then smiles. THA PUERTO RICAN Ha ha! You know that I won one of these things last year? But I forgot where I put it. I think Lindsay Gonzalez must have thrown it out while she was moving out of my place. Oh well, I like THIS award much better because I actually WON the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship this year unlike the year before! The crowd cheers loudly. THA PUERTO RICAN Heh heh. Oh. 2008 was the greatest year of my entire career. 2008 was the greatest year of my entire LIFE! BUT, I will not rest on my laurels! I will NOT be a one year wonder! My good streak WILL continue into 2009! I will end this decade on top! The PRL Era WILL INFACT RESUME in the new year! Because Tha Puerto Rican GUARAN-DAMN-TEES that he WILL return to the One And Only AngleSault Thread 100% healthy and ready to go! The bicep IS healing, and when the time is right, I will be BACK right in the ring laying the smackdown on some roody poo… “CANDY ASSES!” THA PUERTO RICAN And I think that I see my first target right now! The camera cuts to Mr. Dick sitting next to Malaysia Nerdly. The fans know exactly who Tha Puerto Rican is talking about, and boo accordingly. Mr. Dick has a cocky smirk on his face, wearing his eyeglasses tonight. Malaysia strokes Mr. Dick’s right arm while staring at Tha Puerto Rican with a cocky smirk of her own. THA PUERTO RICAN Yeah, that’s right. Don’t think that I haven’t forgotten, Dick! I never forget! I WILL hit a man with glasses! Mr. Dick makes the “Yak, yak, yak” hand gesture. He mouths, “You’re all talk! You ain’t shit! You ain’t nothing!” Malaysia scowls at PRL as she continues stroking Mr. Dick’s right arm. THA PUERTO RICAN Watch yourself, Mr. Dick! Storm clouds are in your future. Watch out for the lightning strikes! ANYWAY, enough of that asshole! Let’s bring this on home! Mr. Dick, Know Your Role, Shut Your Mouth, and listen up! Tha Puerto Rican is NOT retiring! Tha Puerto Rican WILL RETURN! And Tha Puerto Rican GUARAN-DAMN-TEES that he will, come Hell or high water, become One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion…again! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tha Puerto Rican grabs the microphone from the podium. He bends down, tilts his head back and then brings the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…HAS…SPO-KUN~!!! “Know Your Role 2000” begins playing again. Tha Puerto Rican does The People’s Eyebrow. He smiles. THA PUERTO RICAN Thank you very much! Tha Puerto Rican places the microphone back onto the podium. He then grabs his trophy and raises it in victory. The crowd cheers loudly. PRL blows the fans a kiss and then waves bye to them. Tha Puerto Rican exits the stage as “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system.~~FEMALE PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR~~KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN As a favor to Melody, Krista allows her l33t speaking robot onto the stage to give the speech for her. Bad idea as halfway towards the stage, it sees Terry Taylor as a hostile enemy and douses his toupe in flames. Terry Taylor runs screaming all over the place until Zack Malibu mercifully puts him out with a school's out. Unfortunatley that SO sends Terry crashing through Meody's table, causing the robot to once again see Terry as an enemy. While the robot prepares to ass rape Terry, Krista quitley grabs her award and scuttles off stage. Melody pleads with the audience not to let this be the decding factor against employing robot presenters at wrestling award shows. ~~MANAGER OF THE YEAR~~ MOLLY NERDLY MOLLY This is an honor, I can not believe I was lucky enough to receive. I only started out a lowly intern, working not even for pennies and here I have crawled to the top of the managerial ranks and won myself an Angle Award. Unanimously at that! One day I hope to be on a similar stage receiving an Oscar or an Emmy. ALIX Or an AVN Award, you hot sexy bitch, you! LEON Been there done that. All a popularity contest. MOLLY Who's more popular than the only Nerdly you can tell apart from the others *tosses brown hair* Thanks once again for making my dream come true.DOWN AZZ NIGGA OF THE YEARTHEODORE MONEYMAKER “Sympathy for the Devil” cues up, but instead of Theodore Moneymaker we get Lorelai DeCenzo and CPA. The Billion Dollar Heir’s certified personal ass-kicker in possession of a HALLIBURTON BRIEFCASE. LORELAI Ahem. Due to security concerns Theodore Moneymaker is unable to be here. Therefore I accept this award on his behalf and warn the at-large perpetrator of serious consequences if Mr. Moneymaker‘s property isn‘t return in pristine condition. That is all. To ensure Angle stays in their possession it’s placed in the care of CPA and the Halliburton briefcase.PPV MATCH OF THE YEARZack Malibu Vs Bohemoth Anglemania Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 ~~ENTERTAINING CHARACTERS OF THE YEAR~~DUNCAN GIRLS JADE Hey thanks! Back again. I don't know if I'm entertaining or not. I'm just a normal girl from Grand Rapids that gets mixed up in a lot of crazy situations with my much more entertaining realtives. But Melody tells me classic sitcom formula requires a straight man. And I am a straight man. That doesn't sound right. It sounds almost weird. Why can't I be a straight woman? Doesn't gender equality extend to sitcom theory? And why do I have to be anything? I like to cut lose as much as Alix, I can crack jokes as much as my mom. How many lives does a radioactive cat have? Give up? Um...I forgot the punchline. I think it was 7. 7 is a funny number. Um, Alix is making motions to get off the stage. Aaaaaand....she's picking up a tomato. Aaaaand....*SPLAT* she threw it at Synth, thinking it was me. That says something about both myself and Synth. Well again the Duncan family thanks you! ~~DICK MOVE OF THE YEAR~~MISTER DICK JERKS OFF ON BARON AND WRITES A SONG ABOUT IT! “Real American Dick” hits and the Human Hard On rushes onstage to accept his award, shocking the audience with his reappearance -- towel around waist and wearing a leash/ball gag. MR. DICK MFHFFIMFFQUMMITMMFF! “WE CAN’T HEAR YOU!” MR. DICK MFHFFIMFFQUMMITMMFF!!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” MR. DICK MD then realizes the problem and promptly removes the gag ball, then goes on without missing a beat. MR. DICK You love me! You really love…to hate me! And that’s mighty fine ‘cause I take great pride in this award, Dick Move of the Year. I mean it’s practically named after me! Although I can’t forget the people who helped me get to where I’m at. People such as Big Daddy Dick and Mama Vag for creating this gift to women the world over. But most importantly Baron Windels. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" BW looks on intently full well knowing this can’t lead anywhere good. MR. DICK Without him television misses out on one of its most memorable moments. Don’t feel too bad BW. You’re the envy of women everywhere. Do you know how many of them would kill to be in the position you were? BARON :firedevil: MR. DICK In closing, which women never do when Mr. Dick’s around, 2009 will be the year I shoot to the top and become OAOAST Champion. After all I’ve already proven nobody can handle The Dick.~~STABLE OF THE YEAR~~DEADLY ALLIANCE ~ENTERTAINING SEGMENT OF THE YEAR~-IN CROWD IMPERSONATES THE ENTERPRISE- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 ~~FEEL GOOD MOMENT OF THE YEAR~~JADE WINS THE WOMENS' TITLE JADE Thank you. This is really awesome, thanks. Jade starts to leave the stage. ALIX SPEECH! JADE That was my speech. ALIX BETTER SPEECH! JADE Oh... I, well... uhm... I'm happy to have won the Women's Title. And I'm happy to still be the Women's Champion. It means a lot. Beating Malaysia meant a lot, because I worked really really really hard to do it. So even when I lose the title, I'll still have this award to remind me of that moment... as well as, you know, my actual memory... which is neat. It just goes to show that hard work pays off. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Eventually you might get what you want. Like me. Thanks. ALIX LESS SENTIMENTAL!~FREE TV MATCH OF THE YEAR~5-Man Prism Elimination Match For The OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship: Tha Puerto Rican (Champion) vs. Alfdogg (Challenger) vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix (Challenger) vs. Brickston (Challenger) vs. Bohemoth (Challenger) (Halloween Spectacular) THA PUERTO RICAN Wow. Haha! I win again! That has never happened before! Truly, this is my best year ever! Um, what more can I say? Thank you to the fans who voted! Thank you to my opponents! Thank you to the OAOAST for sanctioning this match! And um, that’s it, I guess. It felt really REALLY good to win this match, I gotta say! AND beating you guys to do it made it even sweeter! Ha! Ha! Thank you!~~FACE OF THE YEAR~~ZACK MALIBU!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2013 ~~YOUNG LION OF THE YEAR~~JADE RODEZ DUNCAN! JADE Oh, wow, thank you, I... I can't believe it. This is just... wow. Thank you so much! For the first time in the night, Jade cracks a genuine smile looking at the award. JADE Best Young Lion? Wow, I really wasn't expecting to win this one. I really need to thank Mom because she's the secret behind my improvement. Mom and Alix. And Leon for getting me starting too. I love you all! I may be the young lion of this year but I don't want to stop there. I want to be the very best I can be for all of you. Apparantly I'm doing a pretty good job so far. Who knew!? Anyway, yeah, thanks to everybody who's helped me become the Young Lion I... have just become. Thank you!~~ALMIGHTY AND HOLY WRESTLER OF THE YEAR~~drum roll plz dun dun dun dun dun no more drum roll plzKRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN!! KRISTA MWAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAMWAHHAHAHAMHWAAAHAHA....Excuse me that was inappropriate. I never honestly believed I could win wrestler of the year. And now that I have I realized that I stand on the shoulders of great men like Vinny Valentine. Greats scholars like Lucius Soul. Great poets like Rico De Janerio. Great human beings like Detective Bosley. These are the men who deserve this award, not me. But seeing they got 0.000000000008% of the vote combined, I guess it goes to me! 2008 was a crazy year, I lost a girlfriend and gained one, I gained a daughter, I gained another archenemy, I won a guaranteed world title shot, and I was given support hose as a birthday gift and that makes me feel old and creeped out that someone gives panty hose as a birthday gift. I gave em to Terry for his Holiday Bonus, much more thoughtful than the 5 grand I normally dole out. So, alas, our time here is short, but as Wrestler of The Year I won't promise you that I'll take wrestling any more seriously, I'll just do what makes me great, sonning the life out of everyone else that does. Have a great 2009! Buy my fitness videos, you fat freaks of nature! Mommy and daughter hug with their awards as we fade out THANKS FOR WATCHING OAOAST.COM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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