The 469th Annunal Angle Awards

[Chanel #99]

EXT. - PITTSBURGH HIGH

It's a bright sunny day at Pittsburgh High, where a monument of Kurt Angle doing his arms-in-the-air pose standing tall with the words "Intensity, Integrity, Intelligence" engraved on a plate. Students are seen walking into the school, and chasing nerds -- one of whom looks like Angle-Plex... No wait, it is AP.

INT. - CLASSROOM OaOast

We're now inside the famous OaOast classroom, where legends such as Tony "The Body," Kurt Angle, have roamed.

The current crop of legends in the making are sitting in their seats. Those men are: Zack, BPP, SP, SS, y2jailbait, Alf, Jingus, a picture of Caboose, and of course, the infamous gang in school...the aWo, who sit behind the class acting as cool as only the aWo can. Plus a few more kids but they're most likely the bastard students.

CWM

Damn. It's true about these American classrooms. So crowded. We care in Canada.

REST OF aWo

We'll give you that.

ANGLESAULT

I need to go back to private school.

BRADSHAW

Damn, boy! You should just go to school in the country of Texas. Always pounding ass!

CWM

I never knew Bradshaw went to school here.

BRADSHAW

Hell, son, I don't go to school here. I got drunk and somehow landed in here. I be gone now.

ANGLESAULT

Sandman? Get 'em.

SANDMAN

With pleasure.

SM gets up; starts chainsaw

MAN

(over PA)

Class-uh, I'm your principle, Mr. HHH-uh. So please stand-uh for our national anthem-uh. And remember-uh -- I'm that damn-uh good. (HHHonk)

SM returns to class wearing a bloodstained shirt.

CUE: "The Game"

In one of the most twisted things to ever happen, Prinicple HHH has turned our national anthem into his theme song. The students sign "The Game."

A camera pans over class OaOast and shows the aWo not singing.

HHH

(over PA)

I-uh don't see-uh and hear-uh singing from you-uh aWo. If you-uh don't start singing my praises and sucking my peanut sized dick-uh... I'll-uh have to kick your ass-uh. I'm now going to pose, spit water.

ALL

(chanting)

ANGLE-SAULT! ANGLE-SAULT! ANGLE-SAULT!

AS stands from his seat, looks at the HHHcam, spins around like Kurt Angle and let's out a "Woooooooo."

(Mic drops in HHH's office)

CUE: "The Game"

The most hated music in the land plays again, as Principle HHH tries to scare the cool bad guy AS and his gang.

CUT TO:

INT: PITTSBURGH HIGH - HALLWAYS

HHH is seen power walking through the halls of Pittsburgh High, water dripping from his intense water-spiting, past the OaOast Janitor.

The janitor frowns.

KURT ANGLE

I just cleaned the frickin' floor. Now it's wet again. What went wrong in my life.

HHH turns around

HHH

You're jobbing to Nathan Jones when he arrives.

KURT

Aww.

CUT TO:

INT. - PITTSBURGH HIGH - CLASSROOM OaOast

The door is blasted down. HHH is standing there with his head down. He looks up and around...poses, spits water.

ALL (except aWo)

Ooh.

THE SUPERSTAR

That's...intense.

The aWo grab SS, give him a wedgie, and hang him on a branch outside.

HHH and AS go face-to-face.

HHH

You-uh don't disrespect The Game-uh. (HHHonk)

AS just stands there with the aWo behind him.

HHH (CONT'D)

Yeah-uh, you gotta have your boyfriends watching your-u back. But hey, I-uh have to admit, they're pretty hot-uh.

ALL

We knew it! You're --

WOMAN

(screechy voice)

Huuuuunter! Why aren't you with me?

HHH

Steph. I was-uh, uh, these boys are being bad-uh and disrespected me-uh. I-uh need to-uh teach them a lesson. A-uh very hard lesson.

STEPHANIE

But Hunter, I'm crankey.

HHH digs in his pocket and pulls out a little bottle.

HHH

Here. This is the brand new HGH product made the the folks at UnManly Smooth Legs.

SUPERSTAR

(still hanging from window)

I used to endorse their product... Only two times a year, of course.

HHH

You're suspended for upstaging...

A green spotlight is placed on HHH.

HHH (CONT'D)

The Game.

Three Janitors; Chris Jericho, Kurt Angle & Vince McMahon walk in with training equipment.

HHH

Anglesault... no I mean ASS-uh.

ANGLESAULT

It's only AS, roid-shit.

HHH looks like he's going to go off in roid rage.

HHH

For disrepecting The Game-uh, I challenge you to a 3 Stages of TV Viewing Hell-uh match. First match: arm-wrestling. Second: extremely gay-uh pose-down judged by your little classmates. Thrid and final fall, if it comes to it-uh --

AS

You know it will because it always does.

HHH (CONT'D)

Bench press challenge. Game...on-uh.

AS presses a button and the equipment turns on.

HHH

Dad, would you-uh please mcee the event.

VINCE

Yeeeees. Hello everybody, I'm Vince McMahon, and welcome to the Greatest Pose down Challllllenge. Tonight, in this very classroom, my soon to be son-in-law, Triple HHHHHHH, takes on an obsessive Kurt Angle fan, Anglesault. We don't know what exactly they're playing for, but a challenge has been issued and accepted.

The two other janitors set up the arm-wrestling table. HHH & AS both move toward the table.

HHH

You're mine, bitch.

VINCE

Ready? Set? Go!

HHH & AS both try to postion themselves to get that oh so important advantage.

VINCE

Triple H has him. Anglesault's hand is going down. 1-2-3, he's got 'em...NO he's getting up.

HHH & AS are now struggling to win the first fall.

AS

Dear God, I just remembered, Agnes has a championship belt.

HHH

Noooooooooo!

AS slams HHH's hand into the table. AS wins the first fall.

VINCE

Unbelieveable! A boy-hood dream has come true. Unofficial stalker, Anglesault has upset the Game in the arm-wrestling portion of the competition. But Triple H still has two more challenges to go. Anything can happen here at Pittsburgh High.

HHH

Alright-uh. You beat me in arm-wrestling, but I-uh will win the extremely gay-uh pose-down. Vince.

HHH starts doing a different number of poses I cannot describe.

VINCE

Oh-oh! Triple H is made out of a rock. Look at that incredble body. Nothing but hard labor in the gym, and male prisons, there. This is a lock for Triple HHHHHHHH.

AS takes off his shirt and does an array of poses.

VINCE

This young man doesn't have much going for him. Very clear he doesn't do much hard labor at the gym.

HHH

Okay-uh. Judges, it's now time to pick a winner. With a show of hands, who votes for Anglesault.

HHH looks around.

HHH

Nobody? Wow! How about that-uh? Not one single vote. Let's see if I can do better-uh. Who votes for me?

Everybodys hand goes up. AS turns around, and HHH quickly hides his "best of" tape.

VINCE

Ho-oh, we got a winner. The winner of the second fall....Triple HHHHHHH. Now, the third fall -- the bench press challenge. Anglesault, you may go first.

ANGLESAULT

You can't beat me here, Triple H. Janitors, put 5 pounds for starters.

VINCE

Whoa! 5 pounds? This man is a machine.

With ease, AS picks up those 5 pounds. HHH's turn.

HHH

Raise it to 600 pounds.

VINCE

Yeah! Triple H going for the win.

HHH

Unh!

Kurt Angle drops the weights right on HHH.

KURT

Whose a frickin' nobody now. Get him, boys. Wooooo!

CUE: "Medal"

Everybody in the classroom except Zack attacks HHH. Sandman with the weedwacker cuts off what's left of HHH's "guys".

Everybody laughs.

ALFDOGG

It's the size of a penny.

Vince eats what's left of HHH's "guys," then SM slices Vince's head off.

SANDMAN

DEATHKORE!

The OaOast's own "American Idol," Zack Malibu walks in.

ZACK

Ooh, sorry Mr. H, I'm late. Had a date. I'm sure you under...stand.

BPP

I thought you were in class.

Zack goes up to his desk and reveals a look-alike dummy with a book covering his face.

ZACK

I made this during shop class.

ANGLE-PLEX

We have shop?

BPP

Sandman teaches it, but everybody's scared to go into his class.

SANDMAN

Pussies!

AS

This was better than Speed, but eh, what's the word I'm looking for.

TONY

(out of nowhere)

It still sucked!

Everybody looks at him.

TONY

Hey, the host always needs to be involved in te opening act.

BPP

Why couldn't you rap or something like the other Tony did at the People's Choice Awards?

TONY

Who's signing your checks?

BPP

Bill Watts.

TONY

Don't kayfabe me, motherfucker!

ZACK

Hey, you guys want to go to The Body and have lunch?

ALL

Let's go.

Everybody leaves.

SUPERSTAR

(still hanging from branch)

Help! You guys! Oh, why do I have to be the guy everybody picks on?

A white light from the sky shines down on SS.

SUPERSTAR

God?

GOD

That's right my son. And to answer your question -- you suck!

Lightling strikes SS.

CUE: "Medal"

GOD (CONT'D)

Live from Chinatown in New York -- no it's not Saturday night, it's the Angle Awards.

(Applause and laughter)

NARRATOR

For over three centuries, the most prestigious award has been the Angle. At the first ever Angle Awards in 1534, French astrologer Nostradamus, winner of the very first Angle Award for "I'm Miss Celo before there ever was a Miss Celo," predicted that in the year 1999, a man by the of Kurt Angle would grace the world via professional wrestling. Nostradamus said these exact words during his speech: "In the year 1999, a young man by the name of Kurt Angle will bring intensity, integrity, and intelligence to the world. That man will also spawn a cult-like following to be lead by a man simply known as 'Anglesault'"

Nearly two centuries later, the 16th President of the United States of America, Abraham Lincoln -- winner of the "If I'm Ever Assassinated, I'll Have The Best One" which was later dropped by the OaOast after former U.S. President, John F. Kennedy won the award and assassinated years later, due to it being deemed highly insensitive which former OaOast Vice President of Operations Vince McMahon Jr. said: "The OaOast didn't screw Lincoln & Kennedy. Lincoln & Kennedy screwed Lincoln & Kennedy." Back to the original topic, Mr. Lincoln said this: "I won't be alive to see Kurt Angle. But let it be known...I'm a helluva wrestler myself, and I would of made him tap out. For I cannot tell a lie. It's true! It's true!"

Over the centuries, many incredible names won Angle Awards. J.F.K., Madonna, James Bond, The old lady who asked "where's the beef," the U.S.S.R., Ronald McDonald, Wendy's, Jack In The Box, Burger King, and the list goes on and on.

Tonight, we introduce the Fall of Haim award. The award will ensure your immortality when your career fizzles out like Cory Haim and the cast of "LUCUS" So won't you join us for the 469th annunal Angle Awards hosted by Tony "The Body."

[Chanel #99]

Tony "The Body" appears at the stage, where two giant Angle Awards stand behind him with the AngleTron hanging above.

TONY

Welcome to the 469th annunal Angle Awards from the Universe.

(Applause)

TONY

This is the first time the Angles are being broadcast live, so bare with us if the show sucks or whatever.

CROW MEMBER

Jinx.

TONY (CONT'D)

Thank you, sir. As I'm sure you know, people think it's a matter of time before we go to war with Iraq, and they're concerned that a lot of our boys will lose their lives. You know what I say? Send Agnes to Iraq and we'll get Saddam to surrender faster than a speeding nuke.

(crickets chirping)

TONY (CONT'D)

Man, it's getting hot in here. Uh, and when we send Agnes over there, he'll kill Saddam, then the U.S. will bomb Agnes, killing him.

(cheers and applause)

ALL

Yeah, send him over.

TONY

I better stop while I'm ahead. To present the award for best finisher -- ladies and gentleman, Jingus!

CUE: "Verdi's Requiem"

PUT A FORK IN HIM, HE'S DONE (BEST FINISHER)

JINGUS

I don't want to be here, nor do I even care who wins this award. Eh, everybody is up for the award so no need to do all that other shit. The nominees are...

PUT A FORK IN HIM, HE'S DONE NOMINEES

The Finality & the Fallen Angel - Big Poppa Popick

Mytifyer - NazMistry

PYSCHO DRIVAH~! - Sandman9000

The Devil Bomb & the Claw Slam - JINGUS

Too Many Finishers - Anglesault

(applause)

JINGUS

And the winner is... it's a tie, Big Poppa Popick & Anglesault!

BPP & AS leave their tables to accept their award.

ANGLESAULT

The fact that I have to share this award pisses me off. I mean, a tie? A frickin' tie! This isnt 1st grade. Somebody has -- no, should lose.

KURT ANGLE

It's true! It's damn true!

ANGLESAULT

But since I don't want to leave Tony hanging, I say thank you to myself. I deserve every win and awards.

BIG POPPA POPICK

Just like AS, I don't want to leave the show hanging, so thank you for this award.

CUT TO:

EXT. - THE UNIVERSE - MAIN ENTRANCE

Outside the AA ceremony, a long, black stretch limousine pulls up. It parks alongside the entrance to the building, and sits there for several moments, until finally the back door swings open. The occupant, looking perturbed, walks over to the front passenger side window. He taps on it, and it rolls down, revealing the chauffeur.

MAN

What was that about? Aren't you supposed to open my door, stand proud as I make my grand entrance?

CHAUFFEUR

Stand tall as you make your grand entrance? Corey, I stood tall when you were in Lucas. Or how about The Lost Boys, you remember that? I stood tall for a LONG time after you made that movie. But the fact that I had to take on this crummy limo-driving job just to pay off your gambling debts gets to me son, it really does.

COREY

All right dad, all right, not now. I mean, c'mon, how long has it been since I hosted ANY awards show?

DAD

You never did.

COREY

Well...well then that's good! Tonight could be my big break!

DAD

Corey, you had your break. Now you're just broke. Look, I'll be waiting out here. And listen, if you can, get me some autographs of these wrestling guys. I'll sell them on Ebay for some quick cash.

COREY

You got it dad. You're just lucky the camera's aren't on us!

Corey turns, and is looking dead into the camera.

COREY

Whoa...hey...uh...hello there. As you must know, I'm Corey Haim, t star of such films as Lucas, The Lost Boys, License To Drive, and Blown Away...but not the Jeff Bridges Blown Away, no I was in a direct to video one with that other Corey, you know, and my girlfriend Nicole Eggert, whom you may know from Baywatch. Yes, we did a few scenes that kept quite a few 13 year old boys up late watching Cinemax, and...well, enough about that. I'll tell you what I'm here for now. Tonight is a special night. Not only does it mark my initiation into the world of professional wrestling, but it marks the beginning of a legacy. To honor those whose careers have fallen by the wayside, or just vanished into thin air all together. And what better way to do that, than to honor them by inducting them into the Fall Of Haim...waitaminute...ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IS THIS A JOKE? Everywhere I go, no one remembers me. I was on the cover of Teen Beat, Teen Dream, Teen Scream, you name it, I was on the cover! I was the heartthrob! Not that other Corey, not Kirk Cameron, ME!!! And how do I get treated? By doing low-budget actioners with Alan frickin' Thicke? By hosting a wrestling awards show whose sole purpose is to MOCK ME? I'm COREY HAIM, DAMMIT! I HAVE CONNECTIONS! I...

Just then, an OAOAST official interrupts Corey's tirade. He whispers in his ear.

COREY

Really? I get a cut of the royalties from the video? Awesome!

Corey puts his arm around the guy, and is led inside.

COREY

You want an autograph...$5...

ENTER COMMERICAL

RETRO ANGLE - 1981

THE 1980s U.S. HOCKEY TEAM

The winner for "Stick a Folk in him, he's done"...former President Carter.

HOCKEY TEAM

Mr. Carter didn't want this award, so we'll giving it to the U.S.S.R., who's asses we kicked.

CROWD

U.S.A.~! U.S.A~! U.S.A.~!

RETRO ANGLE

[Chanel #99]

TONY

Welcome back to the 469th annunal Angle Awards from the Universe in the Chinatown section of New York. Still to come, the award for fan favorite and best stable or whatever we call it to make it hip and cool.

(applause)

TONY

I gotta agree with Mr. Haim about "Blown Away." I've been told two of our superstars -- who will call AP & SS -- can say they spent weeks watching that tape. Not as hardcore as it should of been, but ou can't win 'em all. Jim.

JIM ROSS

Please welcome, the anti-Christ of professional wrestling, Vince Russo.

CUE: "Iron Man"

(boos)

Russo throws the finger at the crowd.

SWERVE BAYBEE~! (MOST RIDCULOUS SWERVE/TURN)

VINCE

Fuck you! Vince Russo is here to save the whole stinkin' business again, just like I did to Vinnie Mac's WWE. Now that hell-hole is going to shit. In this God damn business, one of the best things to do to keep the fans at home on their feet is to throw a swerve every now and then. So I'm here to present the award for best swerve, because Swerve Baybee rulez! I don't give a shit about you 15 year old kidz sitting behind a computer voting and talking shit like you know what the fuck your talking about. All of you -- hell no -- besides those sons of bitches running that motherfuckin' company know as the OaOast, none of you know what the fuck happens behind the scenes. All of you should run home to mommy like Caboose, BigMcLargeHuge, GreenMist, Some Guy, and all the other pussies that left did. They couldn't hack it, now they're flippin' burgers for a buck 50 an hour. Enough of my rant because I can't wait to get the fuck out of this Goddamn piece of shit company. These shitty moments are your nominees.

SWERVE BAYBEE~! NOMINEES

aWo reunion - DOOMSDAY

EvenflowDDT becomes The Golem

SM joins aWo, uses KOTDM to eliminate everyone from helping OaOast

CWM goes bad

Jamie Vick: Zombie Girl

"Hell Freezes Over" - the Masked Mystery Eskimo turns heel

"Respect" BPP/Tony - BLOODY, BATTERED & BEATEN

(applause)

VINCE

How the hell Superstar's leg shaving shit didn't get nominated beats the hell out of me. But this whole Goddamn company sucks! The Swerve Baybee~! winner goes to... the aWo reunion. Somebody call FOX to air this shit.

CUE: "aWo Porno"

The camera pans over to the aWo table, which is COVERED in Anglesault and Sandman's earlier awards. The aWo starts to climb the stage, and Anglesault cwm and Sandman have made it up, but Agnes, thrilled to have actually won something, jumps up too quickly and knocks the table and all the awards over. The other aWo members stare at Angle-plex in horror as he scurries up to the stage.

ANGLESAULT

You know, Agnes, sometimes I wonder just how the hell you got into this group. And this is a group that DEFINES glory. Just look at that table over there. Aw fuck. Well, before Agnes knocked it over, it was COVERED in little Angle trophies. You see, even the most loyal of OAOAST wrestlers can't help but vote for the aWo. Because we are the best fucking thing this fed has seen, and that cannot be denied. Remember that, your fighting is useless, because we WILL NOT be denied.

The aWo head back to their seats. Russo goes back to the podium.

VINCE

And Hogan, you big bald son of a bitch...kiss my ass! And fuck all you wannabe smarts. I made Austin, Rock, D-X, and all them. Fuck you!

Russo throws the crowd the finger again as he leaves.

ENTER COMMERICAL AD

NARRATOR

Tomorrow night, see the biggest and baddest OaOast superstars battle it out for the championship gold. It's ANGLEPALOOZA 2003. This year's show willbe bigger and better than last.

See the OaOast World Heavyweight Championship defend it, as the Superstar challenges the Champion, Anglesault, in what will be a wild and crazy match. What does Anglesault and the aWo have plan?

Also see the brand new OaOast Royal Rumble match. New rings. New year. The build to ANGLEMANIA II begins at ANGLEPALOOZA 2003.

Call you cable or satellite provider to order NOW.

[Chanel #99]

NARRATOR

Please welcome, Ricky Morton.

CLOSER THAN BROTHERS, BUT NOT THAT CLOSE

RICKY

I guess I get no music. Anyway, one of the lost arts of professional 'rasslin' are the tag teams. Over the years this business has seen many great teams such as: the Andersons; the Steiners; the Road Warriors; the Midnight Express; the Freebirds; the Hart Foundation, and of course, the Rock N' Roll Express. Tonight, I have the honor of presenting the "Closer than Brothers, but Not That Close" award for best tag team.

CLOSER THAN BROTHERS, BUT NOT THAT CLOSE "NOMINEES" (BEST TAG TEAM)

Miracle Wierdness Connection - Masked Mystery Eskimo & JINGUS

No other teams

Ain't that a bitch? We have no other tag teams.

Blame the lack of tag teams on Big Poppa Popick

RICKY

And the winners are...the Miracle Wierdness Connection, Jingus & the Masked Mystery Eskimo!

Camera shows Eskimo, wearing a tux, spiting out water as he hears his team's name called. Eskimo celebrates while Jingus looks on.

MASKED MYSTERY ESKIMO

Best tag team? Well well well. You idiots managed to vote correctly on ONE category, I see. Maybe there's hope for you yet. But when it comes to the OAOAST tag titles, there is NO hope for anyone. Because we will regain those titles and go on to be the most dominating force this promotion has ever seen. In the mean time, this piece of crap will have to do.

RICKY

Um, since I wasted all my money instead of saving, coul I at least be inducted into the Fall of Haim? I mean, my career fizzled years ago.

TONY

No. Let's go to break.

JIM

The Angle Awards are brought to you by:

Unmanly Smooth Legs. We'll make you feel like a natural women. Just ask the Superstar.

The Lean Mean CWM Drinking Machine. Drink all the time, every time. Life's good when you're not married to Courtney Love.

Coming in March. The Lean Mean CWM Stone Machine. You can't get any higher unless you're in heaven.

And by OaOast Home Entertainment. Pick up "OaOast Fatal 4' containing the top events of 2002. ANGLEPALOOZA 2002, ANGLESLAM, ANGLEMANIA, THE GREAT ANGLE BASH. Now on VHS & DVD.

[Chanel #99]

TONY

Ladies and gentleman, oh yeah! "Macho Man" Randy Savage!

(applause)

CUE: "Pomp & Circumstance"

DID HE RUN OVER YOUR MOTHER (BITTEREST RIVIALY)

MACHO MAN

Oh, yeah! Ah-ha. This is the famous OaOast?

(roar from crowd)

MACHO MAN

Yeah! I was a heel during most of my career, meaning I did some pretty nasty stuff to the "good guys" if you will. The only one who deserved it was Hogan, but I did what I did well. Because of my high asking price I can't get a contract with WWE. But the OaOast offered me TV time -- something I haven't had in years because I'm way past my prime and can't tell. And I gave the higher ups in the federation, a life-time supply of Slim Jim's. Uh-huh! So I'm here to present the award for "Did he run over your mother." The nominees...

DID HE RUN OVER YOUR MOTHER NOMINEES

Sandman9000 vs. EvenflowDDT

aWo vs. the OaOast

MACHO MAN

And the winner is...Sandman9000 & EvenflowDDT. Oh, yeah! Dig it!

The aWo table is shown where all the members are seated with hookers, pizza, beer and Canadian beer. The aWo starts celebrating, with SM throwing cups, plates and whatever that isn't nailed down into the air.

Both Sandman and Evenflow come up on stage. They stare at each other, the hate still obvious in their eyes. Both men approach the podium, and place a hand on the award. They look at the award, then each other, as the entire crowd is unsure of what to expect. The tension in the room is obvious, as Evenflow and Sandman could come to blows at any time. Even Randy Savage is oddly quiet. Sandman breaks it up by releasing his grip on the award and spitting on it!

Sandman and Evenflow glare at each other one more time, as Sandman turns and walks away.

EVENFLOWDDT

Ummm, I suppose I should thank Sandman? If he wasn't such a bastard this wouldn't be possible. Sisters, girlfriends, titles, and deathmatch after deathmatch after deathmatch have told me only one thing – that Sandman always has, and always will be one very sick man, and despite all the gallons upon gallons of blood we've spilled over our years together, even in the indys before OAOAST 'big time', I doubt we'll ever be able to get along. So… kudos to that? That doesn't seem quite right. Then again, when you're dealing with Sandman, nothing ever is.

CUE: "The Game"

HHH steams out of the back entrance, he looks pissed...or should I say...intense.

HHH

Let me-uh remind you-uh who the hell-uh I am! I'm the Game-uh, Triple H-uh! (HHHonk) I fuck-uh the daughter of the owner of-uh WWE, somebody you-uh so-called "smart marks" will never do, maybe besides kissing her ass-uh. I ejaculate-uh on her so intense-uh, she screams my name-uh. I get special treatment. Your heroes such as Jericho, RVD, Benoit...and especially Kurt Angle--

CROWD

Fuck you! Fuck you! ANGLE~! RVD~!

(Crowd starts throwing trash at HHH)

HHH (CONT'D)

Haha -- will never see superstardom until I-uh want them to. I-uh get disrespected in the opening-uh segment. Screw you! And screw the rules! I'm taking over this whole show-uh. For the remainder of this crappy show I-uh will do what I-uh do best...hog the spotlight.

HHH walks towards the statue of the Angle Award.

CUE: "The Game"

HHH starts posing; spits water.

FADES TO COMMERICAL

INT. - APARTMENT - BEDROOM

CUE: "When A Man Loves A Woman"

Cameras pan around the living room to show candles lighted everywhere.

LITTLE GIRL

Supey, honey. Since this is our anniversary, I bought you a little something.

Little girl gives SS the present.

SUPERSTAR

Aw, you shouldn't have.

SS opens the present. It's 4 bottles of UnManly Smooth Leg cream.

SUPERSTAR

Wow. You really know me. I got you something too.

SS gives the girl a HUGE wrapped box.

LITTLE GIRL

(gasps)

The girl opens up the present and frowns.

LITTLE GIRL

Oh, UnManly Smooth Leg cream.

SUPERSTAR

Yeah, isn't that great?

LITTLE GIRL

Wonderful.

SUPERSTAR

Now we can share.

Door opens; woman walks in.

WOMAN

Superstar!

SUPERSTAR

Mom.

MOM

Didn't I tell you to stop doing this with your sister?

VOICE-OVER

UnManly Smooth Legs. So smooth, you don't even know what you're doing.

A man enters bedroom wearing a towel.

MAN

Babe, we aren't finished.

SUPERSTAR

Anglesault~!

ANGLESAULT

There wasn't a triple post, Supershit. This would make one helluva commerical, don't you think?

AS winks at SS, then leaves with SS's "mom."

[Chanel #99]

The camera does an overhead shot of the huge crowd (OaOasters and fans) inside the Universe, but HHH can still be seen posing and spiting out water.

NARRATOR

Welcome back to the 469th Annunal Angle Awards. Still to come, the awards for "The Pen Is Truely Mighter Than the Sword", and

Please welcome, former NWA/WCW announcer, Tony Schiavone.

(applause)

Tony walks out on-stage.

TONY

Thank you. Tonight is the greatest night in the history of our sport--

(laughter)

TONY (CONT'D)

Damn it! I didn't mean it. Please don't make fun of me over that line. My career, just like my Washington Redskins, went down the drain. Uh, at least J.R. isn't up for out next award.

CALLING IT LIKE IT IS

TONY

Unlike other sports, in professional wrestling, announcers are very important. Not only can some announcers give you information concerning the match, our job is also to hopefully entertain you not only when there's a good match, but ones that are not good or how should I say this...boring. But our job comes at a price like Jerry "The King" Lawler and myself have endured. We aren't the most respected people around. Our job is a lot harder than people think, there's always somebody, be it in the company or on the internet, whose there judging you for every mistakes, no matter how big or small it is. The two men nominated tonight are two of the greatest an most colorful color commentators around. I've happened to work with one of them which was truely an out of body experience. Here are the nominees for "Calling it like it is"...

CALLING IT LIKE IT IS NOMINEES

JESSE "THE BODY" VENTURA

TONY "THE BODY"

TONY

And the winner is...

TONY "THE BODY"

Thank you!

TONY SCHIAVONE

Hizzhonor, Jesse "The Body" Ventura!

TONY "THE BODY"

(sobbing)

Why?

CUE: "Welcome to the Jungle"

Jesse, wearing a leather jacket and blue jeans walks towards the stage.

JESSE "THE BODY" VENTURA

First off, I wanna thank Tony "The Body." Ton', the fact you based yourself after me and got me a job in the OaOast -- the wrestling of the future, baby...!

(applause)

JESSE (CONT'D)

...means a lot. You know, I took this job when I was still the Governer of the great state of Minnesota. A lot of the media attacked me for taking this part-time job until Tony finished his business with the aWo. But I say...screw the media! Those jackalys don't mean nothin'. I'm proud of my term as the Governer of Minnesota. And I'm proud of my job in the OaOast. And I'm proud of all you guys in this building.

Camera shows all the OaOast superstars.

JESSE (CONT'D)

People have come and gone in this company, yet you guys still show up every week even though the pay is virtually non-existed, just because of the joy of doing something that's fun. If there were more of you in this world, we wouldn't be seeing all these problems from cowards hiding in caves and dictatorships. Thank you for this award. I'll place it next to the Jesse "The Body" and "Strongest Arm" awards.

ALL

JESSE! JESSE! JESSE!

THE INTENSE ZONE~!

Every Monday night. Only on SMTV. It's so intense not even Triple H can hold it down.

[Chanel #99]

ARRATOR

Big Poppa Popick & Terry Funk.

CUE: "Aww Naw"

Big Poppa Popick, dressed in a red and purple zoot suit, swaggers out onto the stage. He carries an envelope with him. Terry Funk is wearing a "Funk U" shirt and jeans.

KANSAS-CATCH-CANS IT AIN'T (BEST BRAWL/HARDCORE MATCH)

BIG POPPA POPICK

Throughout the year, we've been witness to some amazing matches, some very emotional, and some very brutal. Terry.

TERRY

Thank you, Stephen. I'm honored to be here tonight. I'm a big fan of the OaOast. I want to thank you guys for getting an old man to be entertained without a naked women around.

(laughter)

BPP

We're here tonight to first give out the Angle for Most Brutal Match. Your nominees are...

AngleSault vs. Superstar, BBB

Zack vs. Superstar, IZ

Sandman vs. Alfdogg, IZ

Sandman vs. Evenflow, BBB

Tony "The Body vs. Big Poppa Popick - BBB

BPP

And your winner...

TERRY

Sandman vs. Evenflow!

Sandman and Evenflwo come to the stage on seperate sides, warily looking at each other to keep kayfabe. Sandman grabs the stick~!

SANDMAN

My Angle I don't care about, but Justice Pain will care when I shove this up his ass~!

EVENFLOWDDT

Mine's only 20 carat gold...what a cheap ripoff...

TERRY

Throughout most of my career I threw my body around in these hardcore matches. I knew the risk and I have no regrets. But nowadays we got guys using weedwhackers and all that other nonsense. Hardcore is one thing, being a moron is another.

SM nails Funk with his Angle Award. J.R. rushes to the stage to call the action.

JIM

That sick son of a bitch, Sandman attacked the original 'hardcore icon,' Terry Funk.. The two start exchanging rights and lefts. Funk throws SM off the stage onto the table reserved for President Bush's staff. These crazy bastards are now headed outside the Universe in the Chinatown section of NYC, but we have to go to break. Oh, man, what's gonna happen? We'll be back!

ANGLEPALOOZA 2003 TOMORROW NIGHT. LIVE! Only on SM-Pay-Per-View. Order NOW~!

Corey Haim emereges from behind the curtain, and faces the crowd.

COREY

Hello, everyone. I'm Corey Haim, and...

Off-camera voice:"You RULED in Goonies!

The camera pans to see CWM giving Corey a thumbs up.

COREY

Goonies...what...that was the OTHER Corey. You know, Corey Feldman?

SM

Oooh yeah, he was the kid who made that stupid ass Demoliton High movie with the dad from Growing Pains!

COREY

Um, NO, that was me too. And Alan Thicke is a damn good actor!

AS

Right, right. Well look Haim, the aWo is a little offended that the OAOAST had to drag your ass out of mothballs for this show tonight.

COREY

Out of mothballs...what am I, like an old toy. I'm a star, a celebrity!

AS

No you're not. Tom Cruise is a celebrity. Hell, Tom ARNOLD is a celebrity. You, you're just a has been.

Corey Haim is fuming on the stage. Suddenly, we get some groovy special effects, and venture into Corey's "mind". We now see on the TV Anglesault, seen from Corey's P.O.V. A voiceover (Corey "thinking out loud") is heard.

COREY

C'mon Haim, are you going to let this guy badger you like this? What would Lucas do. Lucas...

Clips of the movie "Lucas" are shown on the screen, as if being replayed in Corey's head. For the most part, it's the scenes where Lucas is picked on, or is hurt during football.

Suddenly, Corey snaps out of it, probably realizing the same thing would happen if he tried anything now.

COREY

OK, anyways folks, there is a very good reason why I'm here today. I'm here to present the Fall of Haim awards for those past OAOAST Superstars who need to be remembered, whose stars will never fade...who will never be dumped by their girlfriend because she get a role on Baywatch and gets a big head from hanging out with David Freakin' Hassellhoff, who won't return your calls and...

The room sits in stunned silence. Corey stops babbling once he realizes he's going off on a tangent.

COREY

All right, enough about me. Here's a look at the inductees.

[Chanel #99]

JIM ROSS

Welcome back to the 469th Annunal Angle Awards. This fight has been going on all through the break. Traffic has been jammed thanks to these two men fighting on the street.

SM slams Funk's head into a car's hood. SM then tells Funk to slam his head into the hood and Funk agrees. They go back and forth slamming their heads into the hood.

JIM

My God. These two men must have lost their minds. Look at this. This is what out a doubt one of the wildest things I've ever witnessed in my 20 plus years in this sport.

Funk throws SM into the windshield on the car. Funk takes the driver out and gives him a DDT on the street.

FUNK

J.R., if you wanna cover this...you better get in.

J.R.

Fans, we're going to send it back inside the Universe. I'll be sure to update you all as---

The car speeds away.

CUE: "Wolfpack"

LAZY BASTARD (BEST HIATUS)

Wearing a black sports coat with black pants is none other than "Big Sexy" Kevin Nash.

KEVIN NASH

Big Sexy in da house!

(boos)

KEVIN

Oh, I forgot, we're in the land of the 'smarts.' Well, I got news you ya boys...when I'm out on the town or sitting at home banging chicks, you guys are at home wacking off to some villina midgets match or my best of tape. (chuckles)

ALL

Big Poochie!

Nash gives the crowd a crotch-chop.

KEVIN

If anybody knows about being on hiatus, and the ones who are jealous considering me a lazy bastard -- while getting paid six figures, is me, 'Big Sexy.' So I'm here to present some loser with the Angle Award for 'Best Hiatus.' Is that an oxymoron?

LAZY BASTARD NOMINEES

ANGLESAULT

CABOOSE

THESOLESURVIVOR

ANGLE-PLEX DRAWING POWER

KEVIN

For those who care about the winner...it's Anglesault. What the hell kind of a name is that? You guys are weird. I'm outta here.

CUE: "Dream On"

Anglesault, in a tuxedo walks up to the podeum with his title over his shoulder.

EVENFLOWDDT

Oxymoron!

ANGLESAULT

(taps OaOast Title)

Yep.

(points towards EF)

Nope.

The aWo table is shown ragging on EF.

ANGLESAULT

Well, well, well. It certainly appears that all of you people are jealous. You are jealous of me, the aWo, and my title. So you give me some "Lazy Bastard" hiatus award? Very funny. I applaud you. You OAOAST loyalist pussies can be patting yourselves on the back over this one. But you are forgetting one thing. It is this very hiatus that you are mocking that sucked you all in. And left you with nothing but you di(BLEEPS)ks in your hands when the aWo returned. So once again, I get the last laugh.

ENTER COMMERICAL

CWM

Hi, I'm CobainWasMurdered. You may know me from the OaOast, and my popular "Lean Mean CWM Drinking Machine," but I've created a brand new product. Since my goal in life is to help people with their problems, I'm giving you first crack at the "Lean Mean CWM Stone Machine." For only 4 easy payments of $49.95, you'll receive my last product. Listen to some of my healing stories.

SEAN "SYXX-PAC" WALTMAN

Man, this is the best shit I've ever smoked. After my buddy, Scott Hall said CWM's "Lean Mean Drinking Machine" was the shit, I knew this would be. All I gotta say is CWM...you're God.

RVD

Dude, ever since I started using CWM's newest product, I don't even care that I'll never see the main events. Well, besides jobbing in them. But when you're RVD, all that matters is that nobody will get as high as Rob...Van...Dam.

CWM

Endorsed by many sports and stars, including High Times Magazine -- if you find anything wrong with my product, I'll give you your money back. No questions asked. Just ask Courtney. Courtney?

Courtney is passed out on the floor, blood coming from her head.

CWM

Oops. I think she's taking a very very long nap. Buy now!

1-800-HIGH-4-LIFE

[Chanel #99]

Back again, Big Poppa Popick is out once again, this time sporting sports pants and a Team OaoasT Basketball jersey. Along side BPP is none other than Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat, decked out in a tux.

SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT IS DEAD (BEST WRESTLING MATCH)

RICKY STEAMBOAT

Earlier tonight, Ricky Morton was talking about tag team wrestling be a lost art. The same can be said for today's wrestling matches. Gone are the days of wrestling. Now it's punch, spot, punch, spot. However, the OaOast has been blessed with having some great wrestling matches.

BIG POPPA POPICK

That's right, Ricky. Now comes the time to give out the Angle for the best wrestling match...Your nominees are...

BPP vs. Tony, BBB

AngleSault vs. Superstar, BBB

Zack vs. Superstar, IZ

Superstar vs. Jericho, Breakout

RICKY STEAMBOAT

And your winner is... Big Poppa Popick/Tony "The Body.

(applause)

Tony comes running to the stage.

TONY

Finally! I still don't forgive you for not giving me the "Calling it like it is" award, but this is a good freebie. I wanna thank my parents for doing it and giving birth to a handsome looking son, that being yours truely. But most inportantly, I wanna thank...

Tony looks at BPP.

TONY (CONT'D)

Myself. Thank you, Tony.

CUE: "The Game"

TRIPLE H

You know BPP uhhh, no one is more emotional than me uhhh.

TONY

Wrong award, guys.

BPP

Well right here it says that BPP/Tony won the Angle ::Foley thumbs up:: so I'd say I'm THAT DAMN GOOD.

TONY

Aw, fuck it.

HHH

But uhh, you can't spit uhhh water uhh!

BPP spits water, poses. The crowd pops.

HHH spits water, poses, tears his quad

BIGG

While someone tends to his intense injure, thanks to everyone for giving me my own Angle!

The OaOast helicopter captures the intense action going on with SM & Terry Funk. Cops are now chasing an out of control car down the streets of Chinatown. SM lights a barb-wire bat on fire

JIM

The car is out of control. Funk & SM are going at it in the front seat. Apparently, the driver carries around barb-wire bats. Cops are chasing us down. I don't know what the hell is happening.

The cops starting firing at the tires, in an attempt to stop it, but fuel starts leaking.

JIM

Shots have been fired. We got a leak. The car is slowing down. Funk is bleeding. My God! We're gonna crash. I'm outta here.

Funk hits SM with his cowboy boot sending SM through the door. The car crashes into a fireworks stand. The flaming barb-wire falls to the ground, touches the fuel.

JIM

The place is going to blow.

SANDMAN9000

This might be fun.

Sandman runs into the stand.

JIM

No!

LOUD BOOM

JIM

It's like the 4th of July, and we're nowhere near July. This is crazy.

ENTER COMMERICAL

This week on the Intense Zone~! Who's the World Champion? Who won the Royal Rumble? Find out LIVE! Monday night. The Intense Zone~! On SMTV.

[Chanel #99]

We come back from commerical to see the Chairman of the OaOast Board of Directors, "Cowboy" Bill Watts standing on the stage.

BILL

Ladies and gentleman, it's with great honor to introduce to you the 43rd President of the United States of America -- please welcome, President George W. Bush.

CUE: "Hail to the Chief"

Being lead to the podium by Secert Service Agents, President Bush walks out to the stage, waving at the crowd.

(applause)

HE MUST OF SHOT ABE LINCOLN OR SOMETHING (MOST HATED WRESTLER)

PRESIDENT BUSH

Thank you, Bill. Hi, Superstar.

Everybody looks at SS with a mean look.

SUPERSTAR

Hey, Dubbya.

PRESIDENT BUSH

Good stuff. I don't really know much about the OaOast except from my two girls saying what a hunk Tony "The Body" is, and somebody named Agnes being a loser. As a matter of fact, the CIA & FBI had the OaOast listed as a terrorist group before finding out the OaOast was a parody e-fed. Heh. Anyway, it's great to be here.

Protesters disrupt the show while the President just looks on waiting for security to take the protesters away.

PROTESTER #1

(chanting)

No war for oil.

PROTESTER #2

(holding up a 'No War For Oil' sign)

Save our GI's!

PROTESTER #3

Save the whales!

PROTESTER #4

Save Agnes' career!

Security take the protesters away, while many of the crowd/OaOasters throw debris at them.

BILL WATTS

Get them damn hippes outta here.

TONY

Thow them out.

BILL

Shouldn't you be backstage?

TONY

Yeah, but I've hardly done anything tonight.

PRESIDENT BUSH (CONT'D)

In this world, there are a lot of mean people. People who don't want peace. People who hate America for being the land of the free and the home of the brave. Samething applies to the OaOast. The meanest people known to the wrestling world are here in the OaOast. The nominees for "He Must of Shot Abe Lincoln or Something" are:

(3 gunshots heard outside; 30 shots fired)

HE MUST OF SHOT ABE LINCOLN OR SOMETHING NOMINEES

Sandman9000

CWM

Anglesault

PRESIDENT BUSH

The Angle goes to...Anglesault.

CUE: "Dream On"

Anglesault leaves his previous award and belt at the table, and walks back up to the podium.

ANGLESAULT

Heheh. You hate me, you really hate me. So nice of you to bestow this honor on me. But must I remind you, jealousy is a very ugly thing. Much like that tramp that used to Evenflow around. Anyway, the other very important thing about jealousy. As much as you'd like it to, it won't take that belt away from me. Such a pity too. Because you could direct that hostility in a productive manner, as opposed to constantly losing to me. That must suck, right Superstar? And then after years of failing to do anything productive, you end up a washed up has-been like Tony, trying to leech off of younger stars. Of course, that plan backfires, because when you try to leech off eternal failures like Popick or Alf or Zack, the results aren't exactly a surprise. The truth does hurt, doesn't it?

COMING SOON!

ANGLEMANIA II

[Chanel #99]

SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE (MOST BRUTAL BUMP)

MICK FOLEY

I'm here to present the award for most brutal bump, or as the OaOast calls it "someone call an ambulance."

NOMINEES

"Recess" - School's Out on CWM

"Shaken, not stirred" - Tony falls off cage - IZ

"Bombs Away" - Ring Explodes - DOOMSDAY

"Bad boys" - Alf/SM - BBB

"Who" Caboose

"Don't remember this" - SM lightbulb one

"He isn't an Angel" - Anglesault falls from the Stairway to Heaven

MICK

HA. Just like WWE writers, you don't know what happened where.

TONY (off-screen)

Don't say that Mick. We both are anti-grammer.

MICK (CONT'D)

The winner is "He Isn't An Angel" -- Anglesault.

CUE: "Dream On"

Anglesault makes his way up for his second award of the night. Behind him, on the Angletron, we see several different shots of his fall from heaven.

ANGLESAULT

You know, for over a year now, at the Smart Marks, people have been telling me to be patient and wait and see how things play out. When caboose through me off that cell, he took me out for a month. He thought that he would take me out for good. But things didn't exactly play his way in the end, now did they? Just goes to show you what happens when you test my patience and the strength of the aWo. Don't let his example be in vain. Quit fighting before it's too late and I'll be forced to air a sequel to the caboose saga. Of course, it will be a straight to video release. And you, my dimwitted friends, will be the sub-par cast.

ENTER COMMERICAL

NARRATOR

The following announcement has been paid using OaOast, but it's an ad for the aWo.

Now on OaOast Shopzone. The new aWo poster with the OaOast Champion, Anglesault. CWM, Sandman9000, and AP.

BUYER BEWARE: Looking at Agnes' picture might cause brain damage. Look at your own risk!

Only $19.99. $4 s&h.

[Chanel #99]

IF I WANTED A STUNTMAN I WOULD OF HIRED ONE (MOST SUICIDAL WRESTLER)

CUE: "2 X-treme"

Jeff runs out of the entrance doing that shit he does and popping pills.

JEFF HARDY

I-I-I.....

Jeff falls over and needles fall out of his pants. EMTs rush to help Jeff.

TONY

Biiiiiill. This isn't going well.

Tony touches his ear and nods.

TONY (CONT'D)

Here are the nominees.

NOMINEES

EvenflowDDT

Sandman9000

TONY

The winner is Sandman.

Jeff gets up, grabs the award and is going to present it to SM. Sandman comes up on stage again and takes the award, but quickly lets it go and inspects his hand.

SANDMAN9000

What the fuck is this shit? Seriously, there is like goo on my fucking award!

Sandman looks at Jeff Hardy, who looks like he seriously needs a hit.

SANDMAN9000 (CONT'D)

This had to have come from you, freak. You know what?

Sandman clotheslines Jeff Hardy down, who sells it like a gun shot. Sandman lifts Jeff Hardy onto his shoulder, and throws him off the stage! Jeff crashes into the orchestra pit, sending trombones and flutes scattering. Sandman returns to the podium.

SANDMAN9000

Remember kids, don't do drugs.

Sandman walks away with another award.

Monday, on the Intense Zone. Witness the backlash after the shocking events of AnglePalooza 2003. What will happen? Find out LIVE! Only on SMTV.

[Chanel #99]

LOU THESZ HE AIN'T (BEST BRAWLER)

JIM ROSS

Plea-- (choking)

Paul Heyman appears on-stage.

PAUL

That outta shut up that pig. Ladies and gentleman, please welcome the innovator of violence, Tommy Dreamer!

CUE: ECW theme

Tommy blows snot out of his nose, then eats it.

TOMMY

'Cuse me. I haven't eaten all day.

(groans from crowd)

TOMMY (CONT'D)

Judging from what the promter says, I guess the guy writing the show didn't know what to write me. That's understand. So here are the nominees.

NOMINNES

"Deathkore" - Sandman9000

"Canadian Badass" - CWM

Big Poppa Popick

"The Devil Man" - JINGUS

TOMMY

The winner: Sandman9000.

Sandman, visibly upset, comes to the podium. He is about to make another speech, but sees Tommy Dreamer picking his nose off to the side, and then eats it! Sandman looks visibly upset, and when Tommy Dreamer sticks his hand down his pants, Sandman gags and runs off stage, to the bathroom.

RETRO ANGLE - 1998

JIM CARREY

The winner of "you can't write this shit" is: "Can't Get Laid" The life story of Agnes & Superstar.

AGNES & SUPERSTAR

Screw you!

JIM

You betcha, since you can't get laid. HA.

RETRO ANGLE

[Chanel #99]

JIM ROSS

Welcome, the head trainer on Tough Enough, Al Snow.

CUE: "Tough Enough theme"

YOU CAN'T WRITE THAT SHIT~!

AL SNOW

It's great to be here. I-

RUSSO

What? Did some 5 year old write this show. Al, me and you are friends, but I'm sorry -- the intellengence of all the viewers is being insulted by this piece of shit of an award show. My kids could write better TV than this. Just like I saved WWE, Vince Russo's going to save this show. The nominnes:

NOMINEES

Angle-Plex's Career

Various In Crowd promos

"Betty Ford" - Derek the Fish & Scott Hall; 6-Pack on A Pole

"Happy Birthday" - SM/Zack

'Santa Strikes Back' - Tony "The Body" attacks BPP, dressed as Santa

'Umanly Smooth' - SS shaves his legs

RUSSO

The Angle goes to...'Unmanly Smooth', Superstar shaves his legs. It's about damn time the greatest segment in the history of the OaOast won an award. That's entertainment. Ratings went through the roof 'cuz of it.

(laughter)

Everybody is making fun of the award SS didn't want to win.

SS doesn't get up because he doesn't want the award.

ENTER COMMERICAL

NARRATOR

We're running out of good commericals. But be sure to visit the Universe in the Chinatown section of NYC. Entertainment for all ages. Food, music, you name it, we probably got.

The UNIVERSE

Now serving cats and dogs.

[Chanel #99]

SMELL THE BUYRATE~! (BEST PAY-PER-VIEW)

Stephanie McMahon appears on stage wearing a top that shows off a lot of boobs.

STEPHANIE

(screechy voice)

My father is the greatest promoter in the history of sports entertainment. Like the attack on the Twin Towers, many tried to break my family apart -- much like you folks on the internet do today. But we've always survived. Now my family own the business, although we watch NWA-TNA, then use angles we see on their show on ours, knowing we have a lot of you brainwashed into thinking we're the top dogs. It's with great honor to introduce the greatest father and man in sports entertainment--

AUDIENCE MEMBER

(shouting)

It's wrestling, you bitch!

STEPHANIE (CONT'D)

(screechy voice)

Vince McMahon.

CUE: "No Chance"

Vinnie Mac walks out, hugs Steph, then stares at her breats.

Cameras show Agnes whacking off to that sight.

VINCE MCMAHON

Ahem. I noticed the OaOast has taken off in the last year. Even though you guys shoudn't bash the greatest that is World Wrestling Entertainment, including Triple H, you still produce a great product with excellent pay-per-view events. So I'm here to present the award for "Smell the buyrate~!" Best pay-per-view.

SMELL THE BUYRATE~! NOMINEES

The Great Angle Bash

DOOMSDAY

BLOODY, BATTERED & BEATEN

The cameras go back to Vince, but we see him & Steph making out.

CROWD

Uh.

Anges whacking off faster.

BRADSHAW

Damn, boy! You're gonna break that sum-bitch off. Haha.

VINCE

Uh, excuse me. And the winner is...BLOODY, BATTERED & BEATEN.

JIM ROSS

To accept the award is the Director and Executive Producer of Bloody, Battered & Beaten...Sandman9000.

SANDMAN9000

I hate awards shows. I think they are a complete waste of time. The only thing that is worse then an awards show is an XPW show. Therefore, the second this is over, I'm leaving. Everyone here can go to Hell.

Sandman walks off stage, spitting off the side as he leaves.

ENTER COMMERICAL

Shots of two rings, two cages being construcked.

LIVING ANGLEOUSLY: WAR GAMES

[Chanel #99]

ALL MY BROTHERS IN THE HOOD (BEST STABLE)

JIM ROSS

Here's Sean "Syxx-Pac" Waltman.

Waltman walks out and nearly falls down. He appears to be stoned.

SEAN

Hey, man, since I quit my last job I don't have the money to buy the grass so I can smoke it. So big props to the OaOast for helping a man buy his weed. Before I present the fuckin' award...shout out to my boys, Kev, HBK, Scotty and Triple H. What up?

NOMINEES

The OAOMEF

aWo

Dangerous Alliance

SEAN

And the w-winner is... *thud*

Waltman fainted and EMTs rush to the stage.

TONY

Uh, and the winner is...the aWo.

(boos)

CUE: "aWo Porno"

Agnes leaps up from the aWo table again, but this time the rest of the group is there to steady the table. They make it up to the stage while aWo highlights play in the background.

ANGLESAULT:

It certainly looks like personal jealousy has to take a backseat to greatness once again, doesn't it? Not only did we humiliate and trick you all, but we dominated and destroyed you, dashing all your dreams in the process. It's been a great year.

[Chanel #99]

JIM ROSS

Give some love to Duke "The Dumpster" Drose.

EVEN THE GOBBLY GOOKER COULD OUTDRAW YOU (WORST GIMMICK)

DUKE

Being stuck with a bad gimmick can be killer. I mean, look at me. I live in a dumpster! All because people like you wouldn't accept a trashman gimmick. Screw you! The winner of this award is ten times better than you because he's willing to do stupid things to bring food to the table.

NOMINEES

The Golem

Positively Caboose (Naz)

Agnes

Elv1s

Aerosault (Anglesault)

BowserLogan

Alfdogg: Pissed at everyone

The Mysterious One

DUKE

And the winner is...the Golem.

EFDDT gets up to accept this "prized" award.

EVENFLOWDDT

Wow, The Golem. Worst gimmick ever? C'mon… this is a federation with drunken fish, inuits, monsters, and a guy who actually LIKES Aerosmith! Think of him more as a failed experiment… most 'religious gimmicks' such as his fail because they never take risks. I took these risks, but they didn't pay off – the 'perfect being' had become little more than a self-revering idol, committing his own sin of idolatry and worshipping his own lack of soul, that one thing which makes us human and, ironically, kindles religion in all of us. But still, while it lasted, I fooled you all. Playing God and creating such a being not from womb, nor from dust and clay in the image of our Lord, but from my own mind. Ha, every man wants to play God, and every man fails at it, for there is but one God, and it's certainly not me. I'm not that slick… yet.

Oh, and it really wasn't me in that suit. Well, maybe a couple of times.

[Chanel #99]

FALL OF HAIM

CUE: "Do you remember me" or whatever it's called. That's why I need a researcher!

COREY

Hey, how ya doing? I'm Corey--

CROWD MEMBER

Feldman.

COREY (CONT'D)

No, sir. Corey Haim. I'm sure you guys all just playing like you don't remember me.

Crowd looks around confused.

COREY

Anyway, I'm here to induct six men into the Fall of Haim. I'm sure that's meant in a good way so I have no problem with my name being used. Those men are:

FALL OF HAIM INDUCTEES

Big Poppa Popick

Caboose

Some Guy

CWM

Tony "The Body"

Anglesault

JIM

(narrating)

We don't have much to say about Some Guy, besides him being some guy who is a former aWo member. Even though he's no longer apart of the OaOast, we still wish him the best and welcome him into the Fall of Haim.

COREY

Unfortunatly, Some Guy couldn't be here tonight but he did send us this email. And I quote:

"It started off to mock AS and I decided to check it out because the bastard "walloped" me with his various belts for shitting on the Yankees. Then it got more fun. I read the infamous emoticon war and was hooked in. I'd sit at my PC for hours ::Some Kicking:: people and whatever. CWM, AS, AP, GH, TC, Mario, and all the others who were around at the begining made this thing what it became. Tony, Alf, BPP, and others got it organized. ANd I just kind of (Some) kicked around doing stuff with the aWo. It was a lot of fun for me while I was here, but I lost interest in it over time and just had less time to devote to it. When I realized that I didn't have any idea who the new members were, I knew it was time for me to leave.

Thanks for remembering me and keep the fed going, I check it out every once and a while,

SG"

Everybody looks at Tony.

TONY

What? I like Some Guy. We're cool.

JIM

(narrating)

One of the founding fathers of the OaOast, CobainWasMurdered -- or CWM, as he's known to us -- was the first man to ever post in the now famous "One & Only Anglesault thread." CWM has been apart of the OaOast from day one. CWM is also a long-time member of the aWo, and a former OaOast World Heavyweight Champion. He also was the producer of the long running HELDdown program. He's since devoted his life to beer and weed. Along with Fall of Haim inductee, Big Poppa Popick...CWM's also a Supervising Producer of OaOast Entertainment. A good man, our man, we welcome CWM into the Fall of Haim.

(applause)

CWM stands up from the aWo table and heads to the ring.

CWM

Well. I've been inducted into the OAOAST Hall Of Fame...all I can say is IT'S ABOUT TIME! I should have been inducted ages ago! I never ever get any credit for the things I've done for the OAOAST. It was ME who founded it! Not Tony, not Treblecharged, Not Anglesault or anyone else. I've been here longer than anyone else. When Anglesault left I was here. When The Sole Survivor Left I was still here, when Caboose left I WAS STILL HERE~! I was the best damn commisioner there was until I was SCREWED out of my job. I was the greatest OAOAST champion ever! I beat everyone who stepped into my path until I lay down for Anglesault. But I'm not going to lie down for anyone ever again. I'm not going to get screwed over again. I'm going to show everyone why I'm still around, and you all will rue the day that you fucked with me.

COREY

It's the Fall of Haim, but forget it. The next man to enter the FOH is Big Poppa Popick.

JIM

The leader of the Deadly Alliance, Big Poppa Popick joined the OaOast not long after it debuted. He quickly rose to power when the OaOast decided to hold weekly shows, becoming the producer of the Intense Zone. BPP is also co-supervising producer with CWM, and the head of our graphics deparment for the OaOast.

(applause)

COREY

BPP.

BIG POPPA POPICK

As for being inducted into the Fall of Haim, I don't have to say much except that if you liked the first year of the OaOasT, you ain't seen NOTHING yet

The Big Poppa Popick is your hookup!

Holler, if ya hear me!

COREY

Our next inductee...

JIM

The man who started it all. Anglesault caused havoc for not becoming a Mod in early 2002. SmartMarks Mod, Tony149, ordered a thread to be made just for AS. That thread would become the "One and Only Anglesault thread." Since then the company has been on the highway to hell. The OaOast has become bigger than anybody expected.

Not only is AS a rabid Kurt Angle fanboy, he leads the aWo and is the only two-time OaOast World Heavyweight Champion. AS is also a producer for OaOast entertainment. A man whose truely one of a kind.

(applause)

COREY

Anglesault.

ANGLESAULT

This last year has been an amazing one for the OAOAST, one that we will never, ever forget. We became a real company, got a real leader, and got a lot of respect from people all over the Smart Marks Board. And, of course, much of that was because of me. And I plan on making 2003 even bigger, so, if you were a betting man, I'd bet on AS in '03.

JIM

(narrating)

As one of the founding fathers of the OaOast, Tony "The Body" has been a power figure behind the scenes since nearly day one. Known to us backstage as Tony149, Tony helped the OaOast in its early stages, setting up the shows, making sure nothing got all of hand. In mid-May 2002, the main power players at the time decided to make Tony the Executive Producer of OaOast Entertainment. He would oversee production to make sure everybody knew their role and to sort out an problems if need be.

The first show under Tony was The Great Angle Bash, which was acclaim by fans and critics. The show won "Best PPV" at last years Angles. The show was so good, it was one of the few things nominated again this year. Since then the OaOast has had an expolsion in new talent and people wanting into the production side of the company. 2003 looks to be a bigger and brighter year for the OaOast.

(applause)

COREY

That said, we welcome Tony "The Body" into the Fall of Haim.

TONY

I'm not big on speeches but I want to say thank you to you all for supporting the OaOast. While many of the original members are still here, some have left long ago. I'd like to take time to thank these men: Some Guy, TheSoleSurvivor and BigMcLargeHuge. I know there's many more, but I really hope they didn't leave because of the idea I or the production team have total control over booking and nobody's ideas will be used. That isn't and never was the case. While there will be times somethings change, nobody on the staff goes out of their way to butcher anybody's ideas.

I also would like to thank AS, CWM & BPP, especially AS and CWM since they started the company and let me join even though I'm one of the founders -- for allowing me to do what I do. For a lot of us, we'll never be writers, wrestlers, producers, executive producers or run a company, but it's fun doing so now. Thank you.

COREY

Now, let's go to the U.K.

Live Sattelite Feed...

Caboose sits in a chair at a neutral location to accept his place in the Fall of Haim, he has heavy strapping on his throat...

(Half Boos, Half Cheers for the now departed Caboose)

CABOOSE(Coughs)

I opened my mail a few days ago and I found a letter from the OAOAST committee, inviting me to make a one time appearance to accept my place in the OAOAST Fall Of Hame (cough). I sent a reply back telling the Committee to that I wouldn't be there. When Tony rang me up and asked for a reason, I said to him (cough), Tony your a friend, but dammit if I show up at the awards, you know I'm gonna kill at least two sonsofbitches there!(cough)

(Camera shows Sandman and BPP)

Tony said he understood and told me he'd send a camera crew to a neutral location here in England and we'd do this instead.(cough) Well now that we are here on live network television, all I have to say is this...

You can take your fucking Fall Of Hame induction You can set of a few fireworks, you can light up the screen in fancy graphics and release all the balloons you want, but when your finished, you can all take this Fall Of Hame thing and shove it up BPP's and Sandman's asses!

DIRECTOR

Cut the feed...

CABOOSE

Don't you fucking cut that feed on me! Fuck you Popick! Fuck you Sandie! Fuck you both to hell!(Cough)

FADE

DYK: Did You Know

Did you know, well, you don't know shit.

[Chanel #99]

JIM ROSS

Ladies and gentleman, please welcome a man who's truely a legend, the former 16 time World's Heavyweight Champion, the one and only "Nature Boy" Ric Flair.

CUE: "2001" (You try to spell its real name)

Looking sharpe, the "Nature Boy" struts and Whooooooo's his way towards the podium.

WITH A TEAR IN MY EYE AND A LUMP IN MY THROAT (MOST EMOTIONAL MOMENT)

RIC

Whooooooooo! One and Only Anglesault BY GOD Thread. I'm here to present the award for the most emotional moment. I know my most emotional moments were when I wrestled Harley Race at the first Starrcade in 1983, and when I returned to WCW in the fall of 1998 and punked out that bitch, Eric Bischoff. Whooooooo! I'm sorry if I couldn't entertain you more since I have to go ASAP so I can carry the Champ's (HHH) bag.

NOMINEES

"Respect" - BPP/Tony - BBB

"Fish in Rehab" - Derek the Fish enters rehab

BPP gets 5 mins alone with the aWo

"Unbelieveable" - SM/EF - SM gets EF to say "I quit"

RIC

And the winner is...SM/EF. Sandman gets EF to say "I quit." Whooooooo! Whooooooo! Whoooooo!

SM doesn't bother getting up, so he sends Agnes to get, not accept, his award. EF will say something.

EVENFLOWDDT

Once again, were it not for Sandman's and my immense hatred for each other, this wouldn't be possible. How ironic. God, I can close my eyes and still feel the pain from this moment. I still fear it in my dreams. I even made the mistake of inviting my family to watch the match at ringside; I found out later my mother and sister left in tears not even halfway through the match. And yet, the fact that I'm not the only one who will be haunted forever isn't what bothers me; what bothers me most about it all to this very day, was that were it not for the aWo, I know Sandman and I would've literally killed each other. Who knows what would've happened? 'Luckily', I was christened with the hot wax and open wounds that eventually caused my loss, but I submitted to the aWo, not to Sandman, and he recognized that. Oh, the irony – that one moment, when everyone else's heart stopped, when they feared, when they prayed, for not just 'the face' but the health of both men involved, it was all nothing to us. Neither of us won. The pain, the nightmares, and yet it's still nothing. To me, that's what makes this event so hard to watch again and remember. We destroyed ourselves for nothing.

JIM

Still to come, Jesse "The Body" Ventura.

[Chanel #99]

JIM ROSS

To present our next award is "Big Poppa Pump", "Freakzilla", "The Big Bad Booty Daddy", Scott Steiner.

Sirens blare over the PA.

Steiner comes out looking ripped, posing.

SCOTT

This is the gayest award I've ever seen. I'm sure GLADD a punch of pussies like the OaOast has such an award.

Crowd starts booing Steiner.

SCOTT

(getting pissed)

What, bitch?! What? Come on, motherfuckers. I'll beat your ass so bad, you'll be shittin' outta your mouth. Where's the gimmick stealer Big Poppa Popick. If I see that bastard I'll tear him a new one. Ain't nobody better or equal to 'Big Poppa Pump.' I have the largest arms in the world. Women have never experienced the big 'O' more than with 'the Big Bad Booty Daddy.' I get more ass in a day than most of you will have in your life. 'Cuz 'Big Poppa Pump' is your hook up, holla if ya hear me.

Steiner leaves.

NOMINEES

Sandman9000

Mystery Eskimo

SpiderPoet

EvenflowDDT

Alison

Zack Malibu

Steiner comes back, zipping up his pants.

SCOTT

I had to take care of one of my freaks. Her chest and body experienced 'White Lightling.' The winner of the gay award...Zack Malibu. Pretty boy, you better stay out of my way before I beat the shit out of your pretty boy ass and turn you into one of Popick's freaks.

Zack Malibu, who is laughing in disbelief, gets up to accept the award. Superstar, ballbuster that he is, yells "I wanna touch YOU Zack!", getting laughter from the crowd. Over at the aWo table, Anglesault warns Agnes to keep his hands on the table, where he can see them.

ZACK

Well...uh...hehe...I didn't see THIS one coming.

SS stands up.

SS

We're ALL coming, you sexy bitch!

ZACK

HAHA...thanks SS, but keep it in your pants. I, uh...well, hopefully this award had a LOT of female voters. Now Agnes, I know YOU threw in a vote, or two, or twenty, but I'm sorry...I kick ass, I don't stick ass!

Round of laughter throughout the room. AP throws up a middle finger at Zack.

ZACK

Right back at ya, AP. Anyways, thanks to the voters for this award. Mom, if you're watching, I hope you didn't pass out from seeing this.

Zack goes to head offstage, when Corey Haim comes running up to him.

COREY

Zack! Man, this is great. Listen, I've got a really good idea for a movie, and I think you would be the perfect fit for it!

ZACK

Really?

COREY

Yeah man! Listen, we'll be two high school freshmen, who...

ZACK

Freshmen? HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMEN?

COREY

Well, yeah.

ZACK

Dude, you're 32!

COREY

So what? Luke Perry was like 40 when he played Dylan on 90210.

ZACK

Oh no you did NOT just diss 90210...

COREY

OK, sorry. How about this one...we play two gas station attendants who...

ZACK

Corey, NO ONE is gonna believe that someone as good looking and popular as me works at a gas station. Though no one ever thought that about you, and that could pass as your 9-5 job these days. You can keep tossing these Blockbuster bargain bin scripts at me, but I'm not biting.

Zack pats Corey on the shoulder, and walks off. Corey mutters under his breath.

COREY

If I was Mario Lopez he'd do it...

Top Honor

NARRATOR

Some people ask 'what is the meaning of those credits at the end of the shows?' Well, I'm here to answering those questions.

The credits are used to let people know they're writing the shows, not the 'bookers.' While in the case of the Angle Awards, Tony149 wrote most of the shows besides the victory speeches.

Another question asked a lot, 'what's the top honor of the credits?' That would be the Director. The director -- who has the hardest job -- is in-charge of everything for the show, such as putting the matches together, then getting people to write them.

[Chanel #99]

JIM ROSS

Please welcome, the head writer of the longest running television series on cable, RAW...Brian Gerwitz.

(boo)

CUE: "RAW theme" or whatever the fuck it is.

Looking like a lost 4th grader, Gerwitz is meant with no love.

THE PEN IS TRUELY MIGHTER THAN THE CHAIR (BEST WRITER)

BRIAN

I'm here to present the Angle Award for best writer. I myself have written for many great shows like 'JENNY' or the ever so popular kids show 'BIG WOLF ON CAMPUS'-- *bat breaks over Gerwitz's head*

Russo has returned!

RUSSO

Get this piece of shit out of my face. He makes me sick to my Goddamn stomach. If anybody deserves to present this award, it's Vince fuckin' Russo. I made WWE a powerhouse. Once I felt they were able to ride the wave of what I built, no matter what you wannabe's on the internet think. You bring up your little numbers like you're some kind of big shot, but never ask yourself 'would WWE even be in that position if it wasn't for Vince Russo writing the 'Attitude era.' Let's get this damn show moving.

NOMINEES

Big Poppa Popick

The Superstar

Tony149

Sandman9000

RUSSO

And the winner is...Sandman9000. A man who can write entertaining shit.

Standing ovation for Sandman, who actually looks humbled for once. Sandman pulls out several sheets of paper and a pair of glasses.

SANDMAN9000

I don't know what I'm doing here. I mean, I don't even wear glasses. ::small laughter from the audience:: If nobody minds, I'd like to speak here as Sandman the person, not Sandman the character. Uh, I know I shat on the other awards earlier, but those mean a lot to me. However, I'd be lying if I didn't say that this one means the most to me.

I try to raise the bar every time I write a match. I try to do something new, something no one has ever seen or ever thought of before. When I fail to do that, I often feel I've failed, and that the match is useless. People often say that they are their own worst critics, and that is certainly the case with me. I try to write every match like it's a big one. Nothing is throwaway with me. Well, except for that First Blood with BowserLogan, and that's 'cause I didn't like him.

After Doomsday, I told myself I'd take the rest of the year off, but a couple months later, I was back writing again, and writing deathmatches again. It's funny. I act like I've seen every deathmatch in the world, when I haven't seen shit. I've seen some, but not as much as I want. So, when I'm writing one, I actually try to put myself in the ring, from a first person point of view. I imagine myself surrounded by barbed wire and lightbulbs and thumbtacks and panes of glass and all kinds of weapons. My what little deathmatch experience I do have in real life, I know what a lightbulb does when it breaks, and how barbed wire doesn't like to come out of skin real easily. But I'm rambling here.

I suppose I should thank some people. First is Evenflow. It may seem like I hate the son of a bitch, but I've got no problem with him. If I didn't like Evenflow, I wouldn't have tried to kill him on a regular basis. Besides, he always won, anyway. 'Flow, all the shit that I've won tonight, you're responsible for it. If it wasn't for you, it would have just been me stabbing myself with sharp objects. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for allowing me to put you through all of the shit that we've gone through.

I wanna thank BPP, who more or less gave me whatever I needed or wanted. Tony, ditto, as with everyone else. I'm gonna wrap this up before I get too emotional. All I want to say is tomorrow night's Rumble, please read all of it. I poured myself into this match, knowing it's going to be the last big one I get to write for a while. Thank you.

DYK: Did You Know: OaOast

Did you know there was nearly a script written for a possible "FAST TIMES AT PITTSBURGH HIGH" show? The show was nixed when it was deemed too time consuming.

[Chanel #99]

TONY

For our final award of the evening, let me introduce the presenter of our next award. The man who tells it like it is, Jesse "The Body" Ventura!

THE CROWD IS SO LOUD MY EAR'S ARE BLEEDING

CUE: "Welcome to the Jungle"

JESSE

I'm here to present the award for...You know, as somebody who gets cheered everywhere he goes and does, there ain't nobody better to present this award than Jesse 'The Body,' himself. Since there ain't no other nominness, the winner by a landslide is Zack Malibu.

After the announcement is made, Zack Malibu, who is leaning back in his chair, just smirks. He stands up to a round of applause from his friends, while certain people (coughAWOcough) gag themselves. Zack makes his way up to the podium, and looks out at his fellow competitors.

ZACK

Well, I'd be lying if I said I was surprised..."

Chuckles and applause drown out Zack, so he stops for a moment.

ZACK

Some things never change, you know. Sandman will always be a sick motherfucker. We'll always make fun of Agnes. And I'll always be a smartass. The thing is, I went from being reviled and despised when I entered this company, to recieving this. We've come a long way since that day. A long way since the days of Eric Angle and The Mean Street Posse. People used to think I was a coward, or insecure, by surrounding myself with people. They thought The In Crowd was nothing more than added security for myself at first. The aWo thinks that we on Team OAOAST are cowards. But you know what guys, this award shows that groups don't matter, because the people who made this award possible, the fans, will always have my back. Thank you."

Zack makes his way back to his seat, and is given a hug by Alison, and a pat on the back by Evenflow.

CUE: "Dream On"

Zack is cut off in mid-sentence by the music of the OAOAST World Champion and leader of the OAOAST World Champion. The cameras pan to the aWo table, where all the Angles won by SM & AS block off AP -- AP has a sign that says "Please Remember Me." Anglesault has an absolutely DISGUSTED look on his face as he makes his way up the stage, with his awards on the table and his belt over his shoulder.

ANGLESAULT

What the fuck is this? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? I create this fed, I make it what it is, I being PRESTIGE to it's championship, and you end this show with THIS Bullshit? Are you fucking kidding me? This asshole isn't even worthy of being my bitch, let alone ending MY show. I mean, really, what HAVE you accomplished here, Zacky? If my math is correct, basically jack and shit, am I right? Have you even won a title, let alone this one? I am the LONGEST REIGNING OAOAST CHAMPION, and the only two time champ this fed has seen. And you? Yeah, that's right, you almost kind of won one time. Zack, you are a poor, pathetic, underachieving piece of shit. You have no business trying to overshadow the champion of this company. You should just stay where you belong. Know your fucking role, and stay out of my spot.

Anglesault starts to get in Zack's face.

ANGLESAULT (CONT'D)

Because as far as I'm concerned, Zack, you are nothing but an overhyped, overrated midcarder. And you never will hold this belt. Because, really, let's face it. You've just never been able to do anything meaningful is this company. Sure, you pop the crowd and get them to cheer, but that means nothing Zack. The people are stupid. They seem to forget, that under all that prep bullshit, you are nothing more than a life long failure, and a man that will never amount to anything.

[Chanel #99]

DIRECTOR'S COMMENTARY

TONY

Welcome to this special edition director's commentary of the '469th Annunal' Angle Awards. In a matter of minutes you'll see the never-before-seen opening of the show which was cut because I didn't feel it was good. After talking about it in the production meetings, it was decided to finally bring 'Fast Times At Pittsburgh High' to life. We've joked about it in the past, now we... I mean, I was actually going to do it. I'm happy with the result, even though it was rushed and probably makes no-sense whatsoever.

Even though I had about two months to write the show, I didn't start writing it until the last week. Part of it was due to having to wait on Caboose to pm the ballots, and also due to BBB not taking place yet. I also have to give props to Superstar for being a good sport for taking all those jokes. It's all in fun...well, maybe not when AS is doing the joking, but we like him.

Now is the time you've been waiting for. The never-before-seen opening of the show, noticed the ripped-off plot of a movie. Yeah, its been done to death but it was all I could think of at the time.

ORIGINAL OPENING

Tony "The Body" and the entire OaOast roster, including Chairman of the OaOast Board of Directors, "Cowboy" Bill Watts, are shown standing outside OAOAST HEADQUATERS, with a superimpose graphic underneath him saying:

7:00 p.m.

OaOast Headquaters

Pittsburgh, PA

TONY

Where's our ride? We're going to miss the opening of the show and I'm hosting.

BIG POPPA POPICK

Here it comes.

A LIMOUSINE pulls up. Tony knocks on the front seat window; window pulls down.

TONY

Uh, we ordered three limos. This is only one.

MAN

Hey, pal, I just ride what I got. And I'm not the driver. You gotta drive the shit yourself.

ANGLE-PLEX

We aren't going to fit.

EVERYBODY ELSE

No shit!

TONY

Get in.

CUE: Circus-like music

All the OaOast members climb into the limo one by one, almost like the clowns get inside a little car.

TONY

Everybody ready?

EVERYBODY

Yeah.

Tony starts the limo and off they go.

Anglesault's cell phone rings to the sound of "Medal."

EVERYBODY

(to the beat)

You suck! You suck! You suck!

Nearly a minute passes by before anybody says a thing.

BPP

Answer the damn phone!

CWM

Eh?

ANGLESAULT

The only two-time, two-time, OaOast Champion in history. How can I help you?

MAN

Hey-uh, bitch. Remember who the-uh hell-uh I am-uh?

ANGLESAULT

Supershit?

MAN

No. (HHHonk) I'm-uh the Game-uh.

ANGLESAULT

The Game-uh.

MAN

I-uh make Chris Jericho, RVD, Booker T and soon to be Scott Steiner my bitches-uh. But my-uh--

ANGLESAULT

The singer?

MAN

Just let me-uh finish. But my biggest bitch-uh is Kurt Angle-uh.

ANGLESAULT

You bastard!

MAN

You-uh finally-uh figured it out-uh? This is-uh Triple H-uh. And there's a bomb-uh under that limo that will kill some of my biggest critics-uh.

ANGLESAULT

Bomb under the car!

Superstar & Angle-Plex scream like girls.

TRIPLE H

When you're-uh dead and buried...you'll still job to the Game-uh in death. Oh, and one other thing-uh, you must keep that-uh limo going over 50 miles per-uh hour or it'll-uh explode. Game over, Anglesault.

CUE: "The Game"

The theme music of HHH blasts inside the car and scares the shit out of everybody.

ALFDOGG

If the bomb doesn't kill us, the music will.

ZACK

Nothing more fun than ripped off movie plots.

A weird noise is heard. Tony checks outside thru the mirror and notices the car is sinking.

TONY

There's too much weight. We going to have to drop somebody.

ZACK

But how?

TONY

Whose the most useless of he group?

BIG POPPA POPICK

Well, Zack, Evenflow are too cool to see die. Me, Tony, Sandman, Alf & CWM are needed to run the company.

ANGLESAULT

I'm the only two-time, two-time OaOast Champion in histroy. So I stay.

TONY

Okay. That takes care most of us. But hurry up, we're also running out of gas.

Superstar & Angle-Plex start screaming like girls again, and everybody starts looking at them with an evil grin.

ANGLESAULT

I say we get rid of two. Those who oppose say "nay."

Nobody says anything.

ANGLESAULT

Those who agree say "I."

EVERYBODY

I~!

TONY

Sandman...take care of it.

Sandman digs into his pants and pulls out the infamous WEEDWHACKER~!

Sandman chops off one of SS's legs.

SUPERSTAR

You're just pissed because my legs are as smooth as a baby's tush. AAAAHHHHH!

Superstar goes flying out the window. Followed by his leg.

ANGLE-PLEX

Excuse me. I'll jus throw myself out.

AP goes flying out the window.

SS's leg starts moving and reconnects onto his body.

Angle-Plex screams like a girl.

ANGLE-PLEX

H-How did you do that?

SUPERSTAR

Months after I started using Unmanly Smooth Legs shaving cream, my legs became tender. One day I was playing football by myself -- you know I'm a superstar, so I don't have much friends. Uh, but, uh, I do have a lot of friends. I kick the ball and my leg just flys off. After a few seconds it crawled back onto it.

ANGLE-PLEX

Oh.

SUPERSTAR

Now Unmanly Smooth Legs use me as a test buddy.

ANGLE-PLEX

You're one of those Miss Piggy thingies.

SUPERSTAR

No silly. I'm a "test buddy." They probe me and stuff. You should see what I can do with my little superstars. Wanna see?

ANGLE-PLEX

(excitedly)

Do I?!

Meanwhile Tony and the OaOast are still in the limo.

TONY

Dammitt! Look how close we are to "The Universe" in the Chinatown section of New York City.

BPP

I gotta hand it to you. You got us from the HQ in Pittsburgh to NYC in a matter of minutes.

TONY

Shit! We out of gas!

Everybody screams.

ANGLESAULT

I love you Kurt Angle.

AS's cell phone rings.

AS

Kurt?

HHH

No jackass. Triple H-uh.

The limo hits a speed bump and everybody screams "We're

dead!"

HHH

Unh!

TONY

We're alive and in front of The Universe.

Everybody steps out of the call and sees HHH stuck underneath.

AS

Son of a bitch. There wasn't no bomb. It was only this asshole underneath.

A white light beams down from the sky and the ghost of wrestling's past (Thesz, Mr. Wrestling, etc) fall from the heaven's to take HHH away.

LOU THESZ

Time to get stretched.

HHH

No-o-o-o-o-o!

EVENFLOWDDT

I guess that's that.

ZACK

That was kinda simple, wasn't it?

TONY

Zack, my man...the easier the better.

ALFDOGG

What about Supershit & Angle-Plex?

TONY

Leave them. They'll find their way here. Besides, do you want them?

ALFDOGG

No.

ZACK

Now that our adventure is over...aren't we going to do some musical number?

TONY

No. This shit sucked. And I'm tired.

(Laughter and applause)

TONY

I hoped you enjoyed that and this special edition director's commentary. I had planned on using the logo made by Superstar, but I felt it would screw up the way the page would look. The idea behind the '469th Annunal' deal was done to spoof all those awards shows and of course, to live up to our whacky nature. Overall, since this was the first time we've ever tried something like this, I thought the show was very well done. As we end this commentary, I'll like to show you a list of some of the awards we didn't use, due to having too many awards, and some that were re-named.

'That Cat Is Hipper Than MC Hammer!' (Best Music)

'If Terry Funk Was Dead, He'd Be Turning In His Grave' (Woosiest Wrestler)

'Who In The Blue Hell Are You?' (Biggest Jobber)