Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2022 Report Share Posted April 7, 2022 THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PORN AND SPORTS AND ENTERTAINMENT PRESENTS RAW IS WHORE! ALIX Yahooooooooooo! RENEE HELLLOO WOOOORRLLLLD! Raw Is Whore has arrived to your screens! Our babes are ready after one wild night at Taco Duelsday! ALIX The super highway to Anglemania begins with my step daughters kicking butt! TONIGHT’S MAINEVENTC02 VS ETTA KITT and LEBRENDA JAMES RENEE We’ll find out more about The Woke Queen’s accident and- Jenny died of suicideWith a candle burnin' in her eyeBut on my tombstone when I goJust put "Death by Rock and Roll" “BBOOOOOOOOOOOOO” via GIPHY RENEE The unique Dreamy or the vindicated Dreamy. Sandman9000’s daughter said he had the goods and in the end she brought the goods. “The American Wet Dream” hops into the ring. ALIX I don’t see Dreamy on my program., Renee. RENEE I’m surprised you have a program tonight! DREAMY You wanted a moment? I gave you the most significant moment of your meaningless lives! You wanted a surprise? You wanted a surprise I gave it to you! AWO, baby! 2.0! The sequel is always better than the original, but the third one is usually worse of all so to my future kids don’t try to mimic Admiral Awesome and her crew of of baddies! ALIX Dreamy should totally take some parenting lessons from Krista. RENEE I don’t know if anyone wants parenting lessons from Krista! DREAMY Charli 9ine, you made a big mistake pulling up on me when I wasn’t ready. You made me look like a chump stain in front of the peeps and those obnoxious Korean chicks! ALIX How rude! The Geishas are Indonesian. REENE They aren’t that either! DREAMY So Charli if you’re done caking up that ugly midwestern face, I want you to stuff your wrestling top so it looks like you got a pair and put that OVARY Title on the line against me RIGHT NOW! “OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!” ALIX Yoooo, I think they should be saying noooooooooo! RENEE That’s a lot of oooooo’s and a lot of money our insurance is going to be putting out for Dreamy’s hospital bills. ALIX You didn’t hear? Krista decided insurance is a scam and cut it. I wanna be your endgame I wanna be your first string I wanna be your A-Team (whoa, whoa, whoa) I wanna be your endgame, endgame Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations, ah And you heard about me, ooh I got some big enemies (yah) Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me would be a big conversation, ah (git git) And I heard about you, ooh (yah) You like the bad ones too “YYYYEEAAAAAAAAAA!” ALIX Here she comes, the OVARY CHAMP! RENEE You can marry her at your wallet’s risk and fight her at your spine’s risk! Charli proved Renee to be right and then some as she entered the ring with a SPEAR that betrays Charli’s (sometimes) demure demeanor! “YYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAA!” ALIX Pray for Dreamy, ya’ll. Charli snarled with rage that again sold out the lady she wishes to be! Instead of a proper wife win waiting, Charli turned into a beast who flipped Dreamy out with a fireman’s carry cutter! “YYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE Cuffing Season!! Charli stepped on Dreamy’s chest for a cover! Dreamy remained lifeless for three seconds before REFEREE SCOTTY 2 HOTTY dove into the ring to count the fall! CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE!! WINNER: Charli 9ine, via pinfall ALIX Maybe that was Nightmare and Dreamy is gonna come and nail Charli with the Unprettier? RENEE There is no Nightmare, Alix. Scotty raised Charli’s delicate hand with our champ trying to appear delicate with a bluishing smile. RENEE I think Charli needs to erase two years of footage for us to think she’s sweet and kind. Charli needed that aggression and failed to summon it in her most crucial moment: a blindslinde lariat by JENNA MALIBU! “BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!” the fans hissed, some already throwing garbage into the ring. Charli had no chance to fight back as Jenna fed the OVARY champ into the arriving TABITHA’s MAIN EVENT SPINE BUSTER! ALIX By god look at that the power! Who’s kid is she? She might be Zeus’! Charli squrimmed on the mat, but couldn’t rise thanks to Tabitha hovering over her…. RENEE It’s a hot second but a dark day for Raw Is Whore as….and look who it is? The leader of this operation, albeit a flighty one, Miss Angie aka Angleslut arrived with pomp, circumstance and whole lot of cuteness… ALIX It’s kinda funny, Krista used to call her dad GollumSault. RENEE I’m kind of shocked she knew anything about Lord of The Rings. ALIX We just ate out Melody. She says some weird stuff when cumming! Yet, Jenna is the one who takes the mic! JENNA Do you know who we are?! “BBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!” JENNA Do you know who we are?! “BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!” JENNA We aren’t that- (points to Charli being helped by Scotty) “CHARLI’S A TEN! CHARLI’S A TEN! CHARLI’S A TEN!” JENNA Dreamy had it right. Charli is a plain midwestern girl begging to be chosen by fat Inland Empire sweathogs! But we, the aWo, are THE CHOSEN! You are PRIVILEGED to lay eyes on us because you have lived your life never seeing anyone as hot as we are RENEE She speaks with such force you can tell she’s Zack’s daughter. JENNA We were simply BORN BETTER. Plain midwestern girls, second rate Nerdly cousins? Those are nothing compared to who we are, compared to WHAT WE REPRESENT! We will step in the bedroom and let the men tear us apart and we still step in the ring and tear the Hotties apart. And after all is said and done, when the cum is unleashed and the pins are counted in our favor you will know it is an HONOR to be in the presence of the rightful heirs to the OAOAST, the aWo so be grateful! RENEE I’m getting chills listening to her. ALIX That’s a really unique way to say your nipples are hard. Jenna passed the mic to Angie aka AngleSlut who kept tapping it to make a BOOM, BOOM, BOOM noise. RENEE That isn’t necessary, we have the best audio staff in the business. ALIX We did. Krista sorta fired them and got some kids from USC in exchange for tit pics. ANGLESLUT So I hear I may I have injured Pierette. Good riddance to bad apples! If I wanted to be around weirdos and loons I’d go out on dates with the regulars in the front row., “BBBBOOOOOOOOOO!” ANGLESLUT I’m kidding! I’m kidding! Take a joke! Jeez! But you know what’s not a joke? Angie holds up her Equestian Dressage Gold Medals. ANGLESLUT These babies. I’m sure a lot of you don’t understand what it takes to be a success. “BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!” ANGLESLUT Don’t boo. I’m gonna explain. My dad made sure to put me around the biggest, baddest, toughest stallions he could afford. Make no mistake, equestrian dressage is a jungle and I got tons of practice swinging on big, black vines. While these other Hotties were riding the mechanical horses outside of Krogers and Walmart good for twenty five cents ol Angie Thee Stallion was riding throughbreds for 25 thousand. RENEE What a weird industry we work in. ANGLESAULT So the Nerdregards attempt to basically challenge our will because that’s just the type of bitter punks Nerdly cousins are. But that doesn’t get to me. This does! Adelphe Nerdregard wants to face me at Anglemania 20 in New York City! “YYYYYYYYYEAAAAAAAAA!” ANGLESAULT Stop it. Cheering is just rude. I’m an Olympic Gold Medalist and adherent to the TWO I’S! RENEE The TWO I’s? ANGLESAULT Inseminate and Impregnatre! And above all else, Adelphe is a ginger! “FUCK YEAH, GINGERS! FUCK YEAH, GINGERS,! FUCK YEAH, GINGERS!” ANGLESAULT Cut it out! “FUCK YEAH, GINGERS! FUCK YEAH, GINGERS,! FUCK YEAH, GINGERS!” JENNA Thee Stallion told you to shut up! “FUCK YEAH, GINGERS! FUCK YEAH, GINGERS,! FUCK YEAH, GINGERS!” ANGLESAULT You say it again and I’ll accept Adelphe’s Anglemania 20 challenge and kick her butt! “FUCK YEAH, GINGERS! FUCK YEAH, GINGERS,! FUCK YEAH, GINGERS!” ANGLESAULT That’s it! You got it! Adelphe’s mine! I hate this freaknig Toy Box! Jenna swipes the mic bac and glares unblinking hard faced into the camera. JENNA Do you know who we are? Do you know who we are? You’ll find out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2022 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2022 Welcome to the state of the art interview set where highlights of Taco Duelsday blast on the numerous 4k video screens! Annie Idol looking quite jerk off worthy…. See? Stands with…. ETTA KITT, who is jerk off worthy if that is your thing! ANNIE Annie Idol, your intrepid reporter and basically just big social media presence standing with Etta Kitt! Etta, at Taco Duelsday, you beat Jade Rodez-Duncan. Inquiring minds, want to know? How do you feel? ETTA How do I feel? I have been let down by a team of people who aren’t good enough to be called my peers. ANNIE I wasn’t expecting that answer. ETTA No, you weren’t. Because you are not my peer either, Annie. Instead of giving me thanks for turning piggy into bacon…when I returned to the locker room I met with frost, frigid air, from the cold shoulder of the tarts, trollops, and hoochies of Raw Is W-word. ANNIE Did you say W-Word? ETTA I did. And after I defeat Maya Duncan Blanchard her, submit, tutor her, reshape- LEBRENDA (OS) Yo! LADYBIRD (OS) Yo! The boos from The Toy Box fans are audible as THE HYPEBEASTS… LEBRENDA JAMES And LADYBIRD JONES arrive LADYBIRD Etta, I think you have something to say to LeBrenda. ETTA Hmmm….LeBrenda James, If you wish to discuss our partnership tonight against C02- LEBRENDA You failed me! ETTA I never fail. LEBRENDA I was supposed to win the Hard On Hoes Championship! I got you the win over Jade. LADYBIRD Exactly, Etta, Exactly. LEBRENDA So where’s my belt?! I ain’t champ! You failed me! ETTA You failed yourself. Etta has no more to say to that and departs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2022 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2022 UNIONTOWN, PA.... STERN VOICED NARRATOR With a crime rate of 70 per one thousand residents, Uniontown has one of the highest crime rates in America compared to all communities of all sizes - from the smallest towns to the very largest cities. One's chance of becoming a victim of either violent or property crime here is one in 14. THE IMAGES CHANGES FROM ONE OF THE IMPROVISHED CRIME RIDDEN CITY TO THIS WOMAN… ATUNA PAIN You hear those stats? You hear them?! You fucking hear them?! I am responsible for all those violent crimes! I am the PAIN OF UNIONTOWN! You can’t ever save yourself from me! I look your fear right in the eyes and I snap your dick into pieces! My pussy is your grave! I will break you down like a bulldozer breaks down walls! I only feel alive when you feel dead. I am ATUNA PAIN! ATUNA PAIN…COMING TO RAW IS WHORE!! YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2022 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2022 *Fire & Ice Vs The Songbirds*** LILLIAN Ladies and gentlemen, the following is TAG TEAM CONTEST! In the ring we have ANNIE IDOL and CARRIE OAKLeym THE SONGBIRDS! Don’t worry about the jobber entrance because the Songbirds had a pre-tape! We cut to the youngsters in front of black curtain with a Raw Is Whore logo…. ANNIE Extraordinary Beautiful Outstanding Amazing CARRIE Those are how everyone describes our singing voices. ANNIE But they’ll be how they’ll describe our sports entertainment performance tonight against Fire & Ice! Be sure to write Toni and Krista a BUNCH of letters to describe how much you like…no LOVE us! We cut back to Sofa Central, where Alix is scribbling down on loose leaf paper. RENEE What are you doing? ALIX Annie told us to write letters to Krista! RENEE You see her everyday of your life. ALIX I’m getting the silent treatment again. Cinnamon entered to “Heads Will Roll” by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs..... Off with your headDance til you're deadHeads will rollHeads will rollHeads will rollOn the floor RENEE What Annagret did to Susan Leslie “The Soccer Mom” and Stacy “ Miss” Kunt disgusted me on every level. Annagret, after sexually torturing the pair, dumped them in dog food. It made me sick. ALIX Zelda had the right idea to chicken out! Like when the nazi’s wanted to kill my dad for stealing a box of oreos from commissary, he put out a rumor one of them sucked off one of the Islamic dudes and it totally distracted those racist losers! RENEE Zelda has a good reason to be afraid of Annagret, Alix. But it’s Cinnamon we need to step up. We need the old Cinnamon back. Cinnamon ooh’ed and ahh’ed as he sister entered to “SEX” by Collete Carr.. Sex, the way you move it make me wanna Sex, question is are we gonna Sex, we ain't kids... Sex, I know we just met but listen Sex, the way you move it make me wanna Sex, question is are we gonna Sex, we ain't kids... Sex, no disrespect but I need your sex via GIPHY DING DING Annagret checked out the African goods, this being D’Lo Brown. The blond beauty as always… Carrie decided to get the jump on AnnaG, smashing her back with a forearm. ANNAGRET Did I say you could touch me? CARRIE …no? ANNAGRET Then why did you touch me? I feel triggered! Annagret unleashed shortly pent up rage in the form of a spin kick that leveled the much less powerful Carrie! “OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!” RENEE Did Annagret expect Carrie to ignore the point of wrestling to indulge her black guy thing? ALIX She should have. D’Lo might have scored! That was a slam dunk for Lo Down! Carrie was more than just a pretty a voice! She was a pretty dropkick as she used one to dump the goddess into the ropes! The leggy lovely stumbled back into a leaping shoulder DDT t hat left her ailing and the fans cheering! RENEE Carrie calls that Da Groove! Cover… ONE! Annagret powered out the pin! Showing the spirit of a bird of Prey, Carrie decked a rising Annagret with a running dropkick! When the fuming goddess rose again Carrie swung her too and fro with a spinning head scissors! ANNIE Do your taunt! CARRIE Are you sure? It might just make her mad. ANNIE But it will get over like gangbusters! CARRIE If you say so…. Alas Carrie had the right of it… 😠🤬🤬😡🤬 The Snowbunny showed no mercy, backing Carrie into the corner with crushing ease. There her long legs devastated the youngster! ALIX Those legs ain’t educated but they sure are heavenly! RENEE I don’t think Annagret will appreciate you calling her dumb. ALIX Brown hair, don’t care. I can take her. I’m in my athletic prime. RENEE Sorry, Alix but this is isn’t 2015. Tag to Cinnamon, and if you like em crazy whip it out! CINNAMON Cinnamon Spoons, the one woman onslaught, enters the battle ground! Carrie sucked up her pain and took the fight to the valkyrie. The Marietta, Georgia native hit Cinnamon hard enough to attempt her face crusher finisher. An attempt was all itw as Cinnamon effortlessly dumped the black beauty into the Songbird nest. Brave Annie hurried and made the tag! ANNIE BWWWWARP! RENEE What was that? ALIX The Songbird birdcall! A Songbird classic! Annie hit Cinnamon with the hardest spinning forearm she could manage…which barely moved The Spice of Life. ANNIE BWWWWAAAAP! ALIX Renee, you’re behind. You haven’t listened to the Songbird Essentials on Apple Music. RENEE ….I still listen to compact discs. Annie went to the FIRST ROPE…not even making it higher than PIPI BIGGUNS! ANNIE Time for my big debut! ANNAGRET Asgard to LAMEWAD you debuted in 2020! ANNIE This is my season premiere! ANNAGRET Consider your show canceled, FRUITCAKE! Annagret scowled and shoved Annie into an embarrassing landing on her tush! That left her open to Cinnamon, drilling her with those delicious CinnaBuns! “OOOOOHHHH!” CARRIE Annie, are you ok?! ANNIE I’m ok! Ok? Not for long; Cinnamon sent Annie into an empty corner and decimated her with a running knee to the gut! CINNAMON Diabolical Demonic Knee Explosion! ALIX I didn’t know she called the move that! RENEE She doesn’t; she makes move names up on the spot. We’re all just too afraid of her to say anything. Case in point? The press slam into the Fire and Ice corner got dubbed… CINNAMON NETTLE INCIDENT HIDDEN ENDING! RENEE Those are just random words strung together. Tag to Annagret, who entered with leggy goodness… ALIX Yams for dinner! ANNAGRET Hey all my black daddies this goddess is gonna turn water into purple kool-aid! “YYYEAAAAA!” the dark Deviants let loose with whooping cheers for their white lovely! RENEE That is amazingly racist. ALIX Krista says if the group you’re offending cheers it’s ok. ANNAGRET Ugh, garbage duty! Annagret’s “garbage duty” meant bumping Carrie off the apron, and pitching Annie through the ropes. Ok could not describe Annie at this point! The lovely songstress whimpered in pain against the guardrail. ANNAGRET Awww, you look famished. Why don’t I get you something to eat? GET THE DOG FOOD! RENEE She wouldn’t?! Not a repeat of what she did to Stacy and The Soccer Mom at Taco Duelsday? A green haired Fluffer, shaking with fear dragged a bag of ROYAL CANIN 28 dog food. ANNAGRET This should make that red hair so nice and shiny, birdie. HAHAHA! Amidst, Annagret’s giggling she overlooked a blond haired waif hurrying through the crowd! Not until that waif booted Annagret in the left shin! ALIX Zelda Bazil! Zelda Bazil is in The Toy Box! ANNAGRET You! You runt! You kicked me in the shin! ZELDA It was magic. ANNAGRET Are you daft?! You kicked me in the shin! Zelda booted Annagret in the other shin! ANNAGRET ….NOT FAIR!! DING DING DING ANNAGRET D’LO I think you better recognize…you’ve been counted out! WINNERS: The Songbirds, via pinfall RENEE We haven't seen an improbable upset victory like this since Tanner Neptune and a rookie Marc Bennett beat Teddy Buckworth and Leon Rodez in the Anderson Cup! ALIX Fire & Ice ain’t getting to the pay window tonight, and we owe it to some shin kicking. ZELDA It was magic. Zelda was long gone before Annagret‘a shock subsided. Anger remained stil . Such rage led The Snowbunny to dump the dog food onto the green-haired head of the quickly tearful Fluffer! RENEE She didn’t have to do that! ALIX Annagret Wickedborn is a textbook, UCLA quality BITCH. Go Bruins!! We rock! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2022 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2022 Backstage we find…. GENERAL MANAGER KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN And…. ASSISTANT GM THE DOLL overlooking a set of TMW magazines with cover variants. KRISTA Don’t these covers look fabulous? THE DOLL They’re all of you. KRISTA No shit. That’s the reason they look fabulous. What’s in these magazines anyway? (flips it open) The Young Cucks journey from mom’s basement to stardom. Editor’s correction: and back to mom’s basement because Lisa Ann cut their assess. Hahahahaah, my wit doesn’t quit. A pudgy security guard who looks a bit like Jivin Jr rushes, blubber, sweat and all to reach the management team. SECURITY Krista, I’m sorry! But, they got past me! Who’s they? The arriving…. RIZZETTE(??) And…. ANSONIA(??) KRISTA They got past you, yet you’re in front of them. Tell me what experience do you have in security? SECURITY I guarded Tupac, and Biggie and my dad guarded JFK. RIZETTE Eh, toots fuggabout this schmoe. ANSONIA We’re ready for our next shot? KRISTA Stay here. Doll, fetch my shotgun. THE DOLL What do you two think you’re doing? You had your shot at employment. Cady annihilated you. The end. RIZETTE Heyhey, me and Ansonia are the men…women of 16 holds. THE DOLL Wow. Impressive. ANSONIA But, now that we’re prepped we’ll only need 7 to beat Cady. THE DOLL Like I said. Impressive. RIZETTE Alls we wants is a job. A nice little paycheck. ANSONIA And trans rights! RIZETTE Yeah that too. But we still fuck bitches. ANSONIA Mad bitches, yo! KRISTA Doll, you’re closer to their tax bracket than me. You answer. THE DOLL Grrrr. Fine. If you won’t learn your lesson the first time, then you’l learn it a second time. Next week. You two versus Cady. Loser LEAVES MY FUCKING LIFE! UGH! KRISTA I think you made her mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2022 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2022 *** Lauri w/ the Skylites vs. Euphoria *** Rather than reap what she sowed following her epic social media blunder, Lauri wanted no part of the bat-wielding Euphoria, who sent the Meme Machine scurrying into the arms of her cohorts for safety. On the snap of Skyler’s fingers the Skylites abruptly tossed DASHA inside to face Euphoria’s wrath! ALIXSomebody send up the Bust-Signal! I need the Bigguns to save Krista from another potential false advertising lawsuit like they did at Taco Duelsday! RENEEI wouldn’t hold my breath. ALIXWhy not? Your pregnancy did wonders for the girls! RENEEI said breath, not breasts! Before poor Dasha could even react Euphoria turned out her light with THE KILLSWITCH! A point of her bat toward the referee was all it took for her pin to be counted. (You don’t think the OAOAST gives its referees health coverage, do ya? It’s all about the Benjamins, baby, not the people. So the ref wasn’t about to risk his personal welfare over the switcheroo.) Winner: Euphoria, via pinfall. The once again jammed Toy Box erupted post-match as THE WOKE QUEENS hit the ring! Bandaged and bruised Tori Malibu and How2Girl looked to get them some of the Skylites, but the numbers were too much. As the Skylites held H2G down Skyler removed her jacket, then her equally expensive BELT... which she gave to PENNY MARS who sadistically WHIPPED THE WOKE QUEENS!!! RENEEHow disgusting! Not a sweat broken Skyler fanned herself, grinning ear to ear while Euphoria was seemingly frozen in the ring. It wasn’t till Penny’s attention turned to Tori did Euphoria act, chasing the Skylites away with her bat! ALIXSomewhere the Riddler is beating off! So many questions! RENEEAnd as of right now, few answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2022 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2022 WHO YOU TALKING TO MAN?!! “BBBBOOOOOOOOOO!” The jeers are for none other than the Peruvian beauty, Alysanne The Charming… RENEE Alsyanne could put on a clinic on fake nice. ALIX But today she said she liked my sandals backstage? You mean she didn’t mean it? RENEE You’re wearing sneakers. Alysanne strides into the ring, making sure it’s clear of undesirables such as Flufers and Studs ALYSANNE You deserve it, you deserve it, you deserve it. How many of you have chanted that very phrase? RENNE Probably everyone. ALIX I chanted it when the guy my dad snitched on got 20 to life! ALYSANNE I know what you the Deviants deserve…scorn, derision and hatred! I demanded a marquee matchup, no a mainevent title match for Anglemania 20 for my client Lady XFL. And what did you, the Deviants provide me with? Laughter and mockery! RENEE Basically, Alysanne wants Lady XFL to skip the line and get right back in the title picture. But that doesn’t sit well with the rest of the dressing room. ALYSANNE I will not be laughed at by basement dwellers, people whose life hinges on whether they get a Glass Juliet panty shot. ALIX Ain’t nothing wrong with a little camel toe. ALYSANNE I am mainevent level managerial talent and Lady XFL is mainevent level world championship material. We once called Malaysia Nerdly the ultimate combo of beauty and beatdowns. Now we have the next evolution. THE PENULTIMATE COMBO OF BEAUTY AND BEATDOWNS! But, Krista….Krista…Krista. Krista doesn’t understand anything but dick or any other words longer than four letters! ALIX Nuh-uh, she understands motherfucker, cocksucker and fag- RENEE Stop right there! ALYSANNE Toni Patrica understands what Krista doesn’t, that I and Lady XFL are cornerstones of this company! We are not like my sister, we are not “good hands.” My sister, the alleged starm was the type to settle for a job at ATT&T making 80 thousand and batting her eyelashes at Brad from sales. She, just like you, the Deviants doesn’t think big. And when you don’t think big you end up so very, very small. Now, Krista, give me my Anglemania 20 mainevent! I stay out too late Got nothing in my brain That's what people say, mmm-mmm That's what people say, mmm-mmm With the pop sounds of Taylor Swift booming throughout the Toy Box we get our MILF (maybe GILF aged) GM, Krista Isadora Duncan! via GIPHY RENEE We know that outfit is nice, but what is she doing at ringside? KRISTA Hi, my name is Alysanne, here is my uninformed opintion on shit I know nothing about. ALSYANNE What are you saying? KRISTA Trigger warning, I’m the head mistress of this barely legal debauched school. The fate of this kingdom rests on my broad but definitely not masculine shoulders. And, honey, you are quite right. Mommy Krista adores dicks, absolutely loves them, cum after cum until the last drop is out. “SHE’S A WHORE! SHE’S A WHORE! SHE’S A WHORE!” KRISTA And I love being one, sweethearts! But what I really love fucking is Alysanne’s mind… This is ten percent luck Twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of willFive percent pleasure Fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name ALYSANNE ALL XFL MUSIC?! EXPLAIN! WHAT’S GOING ON? KRISTA Sorry, honey, but I want to male this mindfuck last. Krista spins about…aAnd leaves Alysanne with tiny fists clenched, ready for a BIG tantrum! RENEE Krista and Alysanne never see to eye to eye. And now Krista has something hanging over Alysanne and Lady XFL’s head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2022 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2022 ***The Freakazoids Vs The Nasty Boyds*** The Freakazoids entered to "Dystopia" by Lookas WHIRRRRR WHIRRRRRR WHIRRRRRR!! RENEE Well, it’s a family feud between The Cayleys and The Boyds. But it’s drawn in Sammi’s BFF Brea Brea, who forms The Mega Hotties with The Lioness. And for last three or four months it’s drawn in The Midnight Foxes and now The Freakazoids. ALIX I wanna say the popular kids are teaming up to beat up on the poor kids. But Cali is popular and Ruby is rich and they’re teaming with the poor Nasties to fight the popular team. What’s going on in this world, dag namit! The Nasty Boyds entered to Deep Six by Marylin Manson You wanna know what Zeus said to NarcissusYou'd betta watch yourselfYou wanna know what Zeus said to NarcissusYou'd better watch yourselfYou'd better watch yourself ALIX Hey, where’s our mainevent attraction? Where’s Wally Nerdregard? RENEE He’s not any sort of attraction. In fact he’s making this family feud worse than it is. Nikki and Brit hold a grudge about growing up poor while Sammi and Blaine grew up with money. And I think Wally is egging The Boyds on. DING DING DING RENEE Our head female trainer Crystal was on THA PODCAST IS HERE with Tha Puerto Rican. She told The Puerto Rican that the Nasty Boyds were the toughest people she’s ever been in a ring with. That says something because Crystal has been in the ring with- ALIX Izzy! RENEE Uh, yeah, and Hoff, and Holly, and The Sandman, and- ALIX Izzy! The Nasties swarmed the former OAOAST Women’s Tag Champs! Despite the warning from Referee Clem Buzzlefoxxer V, the hated heels succeeded in dumping December out of the ring! DECEMBER Help. I fell. BOBBI You didn’t fall! They threw you out of the ring! DECEMBER Is that worse? BOBBI Yes! The former prison guards' strategy consisted of terrorizing Bobbi with an assortment of lariats and stomps. But when they tried for their famed Nasty bomb Bobbi used a back body drop to send Nikki tumbling outside! ALIX Clem VEE has all he can say grace over. RENEE Yeah, he sure….did you say “VEE?” ALIX Duh, Renee. That’s his name. Britt and Bobi battled it out, with Brit getting the upperhand by a drop toe hold into the second turnbuckle. And fans of blonds began to worry; Brit began tearing at Bobbi’s hair before using a hair-assisted body vertical suplex! RENEE I didn’t know that was possible! Cover…. ONE! TWO! Bobbi got the shoulder up! BOBBI I know I can do more! I’m just warming up! Bobbi started getting PUMPED UP…. via RedGIFs And our early strokers got pumped up as well! Brit came darting in with a stomp that Bobbi avoided, owing to eyes in the back of her head. The former OAOAST Women’s Champion then used a BPT special, throwing Brit down with a side belly to belly! COVER…. ONE! TWO! Nikki broke up the pin! Referee Clem V urged Nikki out of the ring, getting an earful from the hot-tempered Boyd. NIKKI Just because you’ve got gray ass hairs doesn’t mean I can’t rip it apart, inmate! RENEE Ewww! Bobbi rushed at a rising Brit, expecting to bowl her down with a shoulder tackle. Instead, the icy Boyd smoked the Seattle native with a diving lariat. The second Bobbi hit the mat Brit savagely choked her! BRIT Feel your breath fading, inmate. RENEE Clem beginning that five count on Brit Boyd. ALIX And that ain’t a moment to soon! Meanwhile, Nikki yanked December off the apron, forcing the ditzy brunette to again hit the outside mat! DECEMBER I keep falling. ALIX Cause Nikki keeps on a cheating. Nikki pitched December into the crowd, leaving dumbo at the mercy of a crew of perverts and sickos. RENEE Get out of there, December! You don’t know what they’re capable of! ALIX I do! They’re capable of molestation! The lucky fans had a great time with The Winter Freakazoid. They shred apart her skimpy outfit and leave the moronic bitch bare ass naked! ALIX By gawd it’s women’s devolution at Toy Box! Backstage in THE MIDNIGHT FOX dressing room, Ruby licked her lips, while Caeldori obsesses over her makeup. Meanwhile, Nikki dove into the ring, eyes locked on a suffering Bobbi! NIKKI How’s this, inmate?! Nikki sprung forward with a rising knee…that Bobbi deftly rolled away from! This left Nikki to collide with twin sister who went down in misery and woe. We see RUBY turn over a cheese platter in digust. Caeldori still frets over her lipstick. ALIX Once rivals over tag team gold, the Nasty Boyds and The Midnight Foxes are now united in a war against The Mega Hotties and The Freakazoids. And no other Hottie is safe! Except Renee. Because she’s not that Hot! Hhahaahhah! Nice one, eh? RENEE No! Niki was mad over the miss!! Not a shock, given her personality. Thus she came at Bobbi with another knee! This time the blond bitch caught Nick’s foot and delivered a leg DDT! RENEE She might have learned that move from her uncle James Blonde. ALIX And she learned how to rock cheetah print Angel wings and leprechaun hat to Target from him also! Brit surged forward to save her (slightly) younger sister. But, Bobbi caught her fellow blond and delivered a punishing tilt a whirl backbreaker! RENEE Now that move is all Big Papa Thrust! Bobbi proved that not only was the freakiest whore in the ring, but she was THE TOP WHORE; her top whore roll on Nikk dominated her foe like a Boyd prisoner! RENEE Bobbi and James’ family relationship has some similarities to the Cayleys and Boyds. We won’t see any party induct the other into the Hall of Fame. There’s only one top whores in this company said Nikki! The leggy Nikki powered out the roll, delicate face sporting red ferocity. ALIX Krista used to be all like “James Blond only a beer bottle could get along with you.” RENEE Heh. You do have to be drunk to talk to James. ALIX She threw the bottle at his head. Nikki dropped Bobbi with thudding overhand right. Snarling, Nik leapt for a double stomp….and felt her legs caught by Bobbi! NIKKI Huh? Bobbi sprung Nikki overhead, forcing the Georgia native to suffer a tumble to the mat. By the time Nikki rose, The Freakazoids pounded her in the back of the head with a double super kick! ALIX Out goes The Sunmer Freakazoid and here comes The Winter Freakazoid! And look at Nikki she big mad. Us smart people do that you lesser minds. RENEE Riiiight. Nikki’s lariat turned into a swing and a hit…for December who countered with a forward bulldog! RENEE That’s a move Spencer Reiger loved to use. A huffing and puffing Nikki rolled away to tag in Brit. But while December blocked Brit’s forearms, Nikki came around to bash her skull with an elbow. With December dizzy Brit threw her to the mat with a swinging gut buster! RENEE December might be Fresh Out of energy after that Fresh Out! Though Brit hooked the leg, Clem V had has arthritic hands full with Nikki assaulting Bobbi! But, Bobbi was the real problem; The Summer Freakazoid bashed Nikki face-first into the top turnbuckle! BOBBI Never let your guard down against Horny Spirit! DECEMBER Don’t worry. I won’t. BOBBI Not you! But December let her guard down against Brit and the cold-hearted bitch decked the brunette with a lariat to the back of the head! Backstage we saw a very pleased Ruby nodding her head. Cali was pleased too! Pleased she got a deal on Logan Mann designed high heels. RENEE Any one who buys Logan’s shoes doesn’t deserve any sort of discount. December fought off Brit’s stomps in the corner, turning the table with a parade of forearms! But, Brit made a sharp counter, latching onto December with a vise grip! BRIT Submit, inmate. BOBBI Not a chance she will! Did Bobbi know her partner or what? December somehow managed to take down Brit and her grip with a hip toss! Brit landed in front of the hot headed Nikki Boyd who hurried with a tag. Curses flew from Nikki’s mouth as she launched a spinning elbow at December! Yet, December executed a smooth roll avoidance! But all that spinning from herself and Nikki got to December… ALIX Oh no! December’s superior brainpower! Quick someone get Izzy out here to help! RENEE Help how?! Help with what?! Taking advantage of a dumb girl is what we do best in TMW! Thus the Boyds dropped the dumbest of them all with a double back suplex! December’s landing shook the very ring! Cover by Nikki…. ONE! TWO! A kickout! NIKKI Shake in fear, inmate! DECEMBER Ok . “FAKE TITS RULE! FAKE TITS RULE! FAKE TITS RULE!” Nikki was so upset, so galled, so aghast…that she took down Clem V with a CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! ALIX Damn them! Clem is 835 days from retirement! RENEE I see why Sammi wants nothing to do with Nikki OR Brit. Unbelievable! Nikki wailed away December, while her actual victim, Clem V, convulsed in an empty corner. Somehow this distress upset Nikki enough that she decided to BEAT CLEM instead of December! RENEE I can’t understand why Blaine wants to reconcile with the Boyds? These two…unbelievable! The damage may have been done to Clem, but December gave him a little assist by hot shotting Nikki onto the top turnbuckle! Pain flashed through Nikki’s head and anger flowed through her body. NIKKI You’re dead inmate! But Nikki didn’t see December tagged in Bobbi! Not until both Bobbi and December crashed into her with stereo missile dropkicks! “GET YOUR FREAK ON! GET YOUR FREAK ON! GET YOUR FREAK ON!” Despite her woe, Nikki forced herself into an unsteady rise. But this just led to Bobbi swinging her about the ring with a spinning head scissors! DECEMBER Brit. BRIT What is it? DECEMBER I was the one who ate your pudding. Not Jade. BRIT Not Jade? DECEMBER And I ate your cake. Not Jade. BOBBI That was my cake! Luckily the Freakazoids decided to deal with sweet-drama later. And for good reasons with them facing an oncoming Brit! They each dove bellow Brit’s running lariat attempt! But, poor Nikki endured the brunt of the blow! Such a powerful strike sent the (slightly) younger Boyd flying out of the ring! DECEMBER Also the cookies. BOBBI The cookies too?! And you blamed them all on Jade! To add to her Jade-kick, December even used Jade’s reverse X-factor finisher on Brit! Cover… RENEE We don’t have an official! And I hope Krista socks it to the Boyds! The lack of official continued to benefit the Boyds; RUBY shocked the crowd by appearing from beneath the ring apron! “WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!” RENEE But? Ruby? Backstage? ALIX Trikcery! Witchery! Puffery! Bobbi went after Ruby like Bob was in the Salem Witch Trials! But this left December as a soft target for NIKKI BOYD! The Nastiest Body smashed December in the back with her NIGHT CLUB! “OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!” RENEE Did I ask Krista sock it to the Boyds? She needs to fire them! December howled in agony, a wail we’d never heard from her. ALIX She can fire them…just uhhh put them in a night club on a pole match with Etta Kitt first up, pretty please! Pain upon torture fell on December thanks to the Boyds continued deeds; the twins delivered their spine crunching NASTY BOMB! “OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” ALIX My god in heaven! Or if you’re Muslim, your god in hell! RENEE Alix! No referee? NO PROBLEM! REFEREE WALLY NERDREGARD, arrived with his stripe shirt to count his gals’ pin… ONE! TWO! THREE!!! Winner: The Nasty Boyds, via pinfall (maybe?) ALIX If that goes down as W for Nik and Brit then my name is Alix with an E! Wally Nerdregard hopped on the mic, displeasing just about everyone… “SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” WALLY Don’t treat me like a woman, don’t treat me like a man, just treat me for the mainevent talent that I am! “BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!” WALLY Who can name the teams that took out THE FREAKAZOIDS and THE MEGA HOTTIES? That’s THE MIDNIGHT FOXES and THE NASTY BOYDS! “BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!” WALLY It’s not bullshit! It’s truth! And Bobbi and December the only reason I didn’t SHIT in your bags tonight is because your bags aren’t worth my shit! RENEE Was that necessary? ALIX No! RENEE You said it. Unbelievable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2022 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2022 Backstage in the Back Lounge (where all the kinky shit happens) PIPI BIGGUNS has accosted a poor photographer to do her bidding. Well, he might not be so poor. You see Pipi is n her near birthday suit…. And she looks ready to blow out more than a candle! PIPI Get my best cheek! My best cheek I said, dang it! I gotta send these pics to Luther right away! PHOTOGRAPHER I’m sure Mister Mandela will be happy with whatever you send. PIPI Shadup! Who asked you? Luther Mandella is my BRAND NEW BOYFRIEND! PHOTOGRAPHER PIPI And he’s gotta see my best side. Understand? But less than impressed are WHOROS members…. MITAMA & IAMHINA MITAMA Sister, sister, look, a photographer is using the back lounge to create child pornography. PHOTOGRAPHER Hold on! IAMHINA Mitama, Mitama, he must be employed by The Doll. MITAMA I would not put it pass the shrew to hire a pedophile to photograph little children. PIPI Are you talking about me?! Before Pipi can explode… CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN arrives to get his ladies. CPA Ya’ll hoes ready? IAMHINA Ready for what, Daddy? CPA All three members of BLK requested this pimp deliver them some Cheerleading ho’in. PIPI But But! Luther is my…but….but…. MITAMA Shameful pedophile. IAMHINA Pedophile! PHOTOGRAPHER Pedophile? Hold a moment! CPA The pimp don’t fuck with little kids BOOM! POW!BAM!SLAM! GIGATON PUNCH!!!!!!!! CPA The pimpin is not for Pete O’s. Let’s roll, bitches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2022 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2022 Etta Kitt entered to Obey by Bring Me The Horizon..... Obey We hope you have a lovely dayObey You don't want us to come out and play Away, now now There's nothing to see here It's under control We're only gambling with your soulObey Whatever you do, just don't wake up and smell the corruption via Gfycat LILLIAN The following is a tag team match! Now making her way to the ring, from Tulsa, Okalhoma she is a former Okalhoma State Teacher of the Year and a ring veteran of over twenty years, she is ETTTAAAAAAAA KITTTTTTTT! “BBBBBOOOOOOOOOO!” RENEE The song demands obedience. Will Krista obey Etta Kitt’s demands and make the Tulsa native the challenger to Maya Duncan-Blanchard’s Hard on Hoes title at Anglemania 20? ALIX Awwww hell no! Championships aren’t demanded like that. Unless you’re Krista. Then it’s cool, butt in on my Anglemania title match against Odin. I don’t mind. Really! LeBrenda entered to Ron Artest’s “Champions” MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR THE CHAMPIONS!!! LILLIAN And her partner, from Akron, Ohio she is “THE GREAT BLACK HOPE” and the master of “THE SRPEAD OFFENSE” she is LEEEEBREEAAAANDDDAAAA JAAAAAAMESSS! “BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOO!” RENEE LeBrenda fell in defeat in her quest to unseat Maya as Hard on Hoes champ at Taco Duelsday. MAYA And she blames Etta Kitt and Jade, herself a master of the “spread offense. “ Hehheeh, ya get it, Renee. RENEE Yeah, I do. C02 entered to Tove Lo’s “Disco Tits” I say hi, you say hi, we stay high You look so pretty, yeah I'm sweatin' from head to toe I'm wet through all my clothes I'm fully charged, nipples are hard Ready to go I'm sweatin' from head to toe I'm wet through all my clothes I'm fully charged, nipples are hard Ready to go LILLIAN And their opponents! Hailing from right here in LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, they are the former TMW World Tag Team Champions, former OAOAST Womens Tag Team Champions and the final OAOAST Tag World Tag Team Champions….they are “THE FUCK SLUT FROM HELL” MAYA DUNCAN BLANCHARD, “THE BOOTY SOLDIER”JAAAAAD ROOODEZZZ DUNCCAAAN…..C000002222! “YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE C02 enter Anglemania faced with a duel threat; one from LeBrenda James and one from Etta Kitt. Miss Kitt says she’s going to take Maya under her ring and remake The Fuckslut from Hell in her image. ALIX That’s why Etta is an advanced placement bitch! DING DING Maya started off against “Spread Offense” herself, LeBrenda James. LEBRENDA Aight, aight, you got me at Taco Duelsday. But you know, LeBron got got in his first finals. MAYA I was so hoping we moved on from that gimmick. LEBRENDA Uh-uh, you gonna be my KD, gimmie everything you got, Slim Reaper! Every thing YOU GOT! LEBRENDA Ah! Holy shit! What the fuck, bitch?! Why do you always take this shit to places it ain’t gotta go?! MAYA You told me to give you everything I got. I got a knife. Maybe you shouldn’t tell me to give you everything I got when what I got is a serrated edge. Duh. RENEE It feels odd to say this but I think LeBrenda is probably right. Luckily, Maya realized this and gave in. Thus we get a lockup that lead to Maya shoving her vexing rival into an empty corner. Without complaint, the brunette provided Ref Titania Nerdly with a clean break. RENEE That’s a little odd. She’ll knife someone but she won’t press the 5 count. ALIX The Tim Cash School of Keeping it Classy meets the Christopher Patrick Allen school of keeping it felonious. Another lockup resulted in Maya easily hiptossing LeBrenda to the well worn RIW canvas. A frustrated LeBrenda made her hand smack the mat after her black ass smacked it. ETTA I suggest you use speed and leverage to get underneath her. Once underneath- LEBRENDA Hey, bitch, did I ask for a tutorial? ETTA You should have. I am 1999, 2001, 2004, 2010, 2012 and 2018 Pro Wrestling Illustrated Female wrestler of the year., MAY I’m sorry, Etta- ETTA That will be, Miss Kitt, young lady. MAYA Riiiight. What did you say? ETTA I do not mind repeating myself for the sake of your betterment. I am 1999, 2001, 2004, 2010, 2012 and 2018 Pro Wrestling Illustrated Female wrestler of the year. MAYA ETTA Young miss, are we in a humorous situation? MAYA Are we?! Pro Wrestling Illustrated Female Wrestler Of The Year! I gotta tell mom! I’ll be right back! RENEE This is a first. We need a commercial break because a Hottie needs to talk to her mom. ALIX One time at a house show in Newark we had to pause my match against Rico against because I had to pee. RENEE I’m sort of surprised you competed at a house show. ALIX Krista told me it was AngleSlam. RENEE Do you ever think you’re in an abusive relationship? ALIX She’s gonna change, Renee, I know it. RENEE …… STAY TUNED FOR MORE BIG BREASTED SLUTS AND JIGGLY BUTTS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted April 7, 2022 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2022 Returning from break, Maya, free of the giggles and LeBrenda were in a lockup. The FuckSlut From Hell sent The Great Black Hope into an empty corner and hit her toned mocca chest with a series of chops. Dizzied, LBJ stumbled out of the corner and into a back body drop from the champ! LADYBIRD Ah! ETTA LeBrenda, you are instructed to refrain from charging the Little Miss. LEBRENDA I didn’t ask you, Remember The Titans sounding bitch. LeBrenda charged the “Little Miss” endured a boot to the stomach and a somewhat sloppy, could have been neck breaking scissors kick! “YYYYYEAAAAAAAAAA!” RENEE Inheritance Kick! Cover…. ONE! TWO! Shoulder up! ETTA My instruction is not optional. However, you will maintain distance between yourself and The Little Miss. LEBRENDA You lucky we ain’t on the school bus for real. LeBrenda failed to follow the PWI wrestler of a gazillion years and suffered Maya version’s of the famed Fadeaway dropsault! ETTA F minus! Maya decided she was A+ A+ and had to show that hot 20 year old body! MAYA It’s getting warm maybe I should take off some clothes….hey why’d it get so bumpy all of a sudden? LADYBIRD Because you’re stepping on me! MAYA Then maybe a certain Ladybird should get out the ring! LADYBIRD I am out the ring! The brunette bimbo at least had the decency to put on a sheepish grin as she returned to the squared circle. Embarrassment lasted for all of ten seconds as Maya returned to the ring to question her lovely if much dumber sister MAYA You didn’t eat anything weird before you came out here did you? Hmmm? JADE Just Cady’s pussy? MAYA Ehhhh, I ate mom’s asshole so we’re good. Softcore tag spot! That led to the greatest tag in history… “WE LOVE WHORES! WE LOVE WHORES! WE LOVE WHORES!” ETTA I have much work to do. Jade entered the ring to a barrage of The Great Black Hope punches. Blaming Jade for interfering with her title shot The Mistress of The Spread Offense unleashed the fury of Akron on her. ETTA Notice: Her stomach is her softest target. But LeBrenda went for an irish whip and endured a reversal to the C02 corner. Maya held the Ohioan in place and Jade blasted her with her trademark double knees! RENEE That’s a move popularized by OAOAST Hall of Famer Leon Rodez soon to be. ALIX Leon has a small dick and when I broke up with him he sent all kinds of gay whiny emails. Krista saved them and laughs at them at least twice a week. LeBrenda came out the corner fighting with an elbow. But Jade showed quickeness (for once) and delivered a powerful sidewalk slam! RENEE That might not spread LeBrenda’s cheeks but it will spread her chriopracter visits! ALIX Jade Rodez weighs more than the average American male and by god she’s tougher than one too! Jade drilled LeBrenda with a silicone crushing short arm lariat. But then Jade made the mistake of trying a (slow) running senton, easily avoided by LeBrenda. The Akron native sprung to her feet and delivered the teeth shattering chin crusher known as… RENEE Hoop Dreams! But, coming off the ropes led to slap on the back by Etta. Despite, LeBrenda bitching at her busty yet snooty partner, Titania called this a legal tag. ETTA (to LeBrenda) Watch and Learn! LEBRENDA Keep talking get done up like Chris Rock at the Oscars. Etta walloped Jade over the back, allowing the multi time PWI wrestler of the year to hit a side Russian leg sweep. Then, Etta rolled Jade through into a punishing back breaker! Cover…. ONE! TWO! A shoulder up! Etta sent Jade into a corner, landing her with tremendous impact! The Booty Soldier staggered backward, delivering herself into a drop toe hold. Face down, Jade endured Etta’s running knee to the small of the back! ALIX So crafty, so smart is Etta Kitt. But is she crafty enough to beat the former AVN lesbian orgy scene of the year winners? RENEE And beat the two time OAOAST Women’s Tag Team Champions, former TMW Tag Team Champions, and final OAOAST tag team champions? ETTA LeBrenda, you are instructed to knee Jade in the back upon my Irish Whip to you. Just to rebel, LeBrenda tried to punch Jade in the face…and met with Jade shoulder tackling her off the apron and into Ladybird’s arms! LADYBIRD😍😍 A narrowed eyed, Etta roared and charged forward! But Etta sidestepped her fellow blond! Etta sailed through the ropes, basically suicide diving LadyBird and LeBrenda! JADE Etta and Lebrenda crawled upright, shoving each other over the “suicide” dive! JADE Time to show you how it’s done. Jade ran the ropes, only to realize that her weight precluded such a move. JADE You know, Dan Black says matches are won with technical skills. MAYA Yeah, you don’t have that either. JADE Grrr! Etta hurried into the ring to a parade of stomps from Soowee. Ever the pro, the Joshi star reversed Jade’s stomps with a dragon screw. Or tried to as Jade twisted her way out the hold! This led to Etta getting cracked with an enzigirui to the face known as an E!Ziguri! “YYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” One Deviant in a JOHNNY JAX shirt wasn’t satisfied, “Jade, I wanna fap to you but I’m upset about Biden’s budget!” JADE Then check out this million dollar two dollar whore ass! “OINK! OINK! OINK!” So pissed off, Etta could only manage a shove! This dumped the white trash girl into a tag from Maya! RENEE Here we freaking go! The Fuck Slut From Hell FLIPPED herself into the ring, landing right into the bitchiest glare she can muster… via GIPHY “WHUP HER ASS, MAYA, WHUP HER ASS! WHUP HER ASS, MAYA, WHUP HER ASS! WHUP HER ASS, MAYA, MAYA!” ETTA Silence! My lesson begins! Not quite; a frowning, disgusted LeBrenda slappeds Etta’s back and Titania calls the tag. LEBRENDA To the left, Mister Belding. Maya ignored a scowling, red faced Etta to trade chops with LeBrenda. Once Ladybird grabbed Maya’s leg all was lost for the Hard on Hoes champ; LeBrenda smashed her with a tomahawk chop! “OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!” ALIX Slam Dunk! Slam Dunk! Slam Dunk! Cover… ONE! TWO! No! Jade broke up the pin!!!! “C02! C02! C02!” As Titania escorted Jade out the ring, Ladybird made her less than awaited arrival to the ring. “BORING! BORING! BORING!” Barely able to ignore the chants, Ladybird raged with a snarl as she decked an unsteady Maya with a discus lariat! RENEE The Harvard All American drilled Maya with the Spin and Drive! ALIX Harvard is cool but is it comparable to UCLA? RENEE Uh, yes! Never known for her risk, LeBrenda surprised by heading to the second rope. A wise idea as The Great Black hope hit Maya’s gorgeous visage with a fist drop! “YOU SUCK WORST THAN WESTBROOK’S SHOOTING!” A Deviant who actually wore a Westbrook jersey shouted. LeBrenda ignored the sally and instead pounded Maya in an empty corner with stomps. But a heroic Hard on Hoes champ fought back with punch after punch! Enough damage done Maya lifted LeBrenda onto her shoulders for her version of the wasteland! Instead LeBrenda hustled her way out of the hold an put Maya down with a chop block! “FUCK FOREVER! FUCK FOREVER! FUCK FOREVER!” The Deviants roared. ETTA Why can’t you be silent?! LeBrenda made an unsteady climb up top, befitting our poorly trained girls. ETTA Get down! You have minimal aerial ability! RENEE Etta is probably right. Since when is LeBrenda a risk taker? Since now as as LeBrenda descended upon Maya with a body splash….that landed on Maya’s raised knees! “OOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!” ETTA What did I say? What did I tell you? Unfortunately, the chop block left the raised knee counter a bad choice as Maya groaned in pain. Both girls suffered on the mat, a pleasing sight to those sickos who are into that sort of thing! Despite their agony and weariness, the duo crawled to their respective corners. “SOWEE! SOWEE! SOWEE!” RENEE LeBrenda must realize that the only way she can win this match is to work with Etta Kitt. ALIX Yeah, but that’s like working with Sly Sommers. Oh shoot he’s dead. Take backsies, take backsies, take backsies! LeBrenda slapped hands with a jittery Etta who then exploded into the ring. The Oklahoma native expected Maya but got her archrival Jade who gave Etta a Two Piece and a Biscut combo or two punches and a lariat! ‘YYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAA!” Ladybird made her unwelcome presence felt booting Jade in the ass. But the Harvard graduate showed community college smarts; Jade’s ass simply absorbed the blow with thunderous jiggling… “WHITE TRASH SLUT! WHITE TRASH SLUT! WHITE TRASH SLUT!” MAYA Speaking of trash. Maya tossed Ladybird out of the ring! ALIX That wasn’t on my format. RENEE The format isn’t a psychic reading, Alix! LeBrenda dashed at her foes only for the pair to level with a pair of dropkicks. We need not comment how Maya jumped higher than Jade. So much higher. MAYA Oh, big sister? JADE Yes, little sister? MAYA Don’t call me little sister. JADE But- MAYA What do you say we shake these Pro Wrestling Ilustrated Asses of the year? JADE I’m not sure they have an award for that. MAYA You’re dumber than me and I love that. So get shaking! via RedGIFs DEVIANTS ALIX YOU LIKE THAT ETTA?! THAT’S TEXTBOOK HONOR ROLL ASS! ETTA No! No! Neither of you will partake in deviance! RENEE I don’t think Etta likes it at all! Etta tackled Maya from behind, believing her to be the “savable” one! Both Hotties, both busty in their right, went down in a tangle! MAYA Get off, granny panties! ETTA That is Miss Kitt Little Miss! Maya managed to buck Etta off before fireworks blessed the fans. But like always Ladybird proved a thron in Maya’s side. The Harvard grad violently snapped our Hard on Hoe’s champ with a block buster! RENEE That’s a very rare miscue by senior official Titania Nerdly as we see her busy with a kvetching Etta Kitt. All eyes turned to LeBrenda who once more returned to the top turnbuckle. LEBRENDA Who says LeBrenda James can’t jump!? JADE The Booty Soldier says! Jade gave LeBrenda a simple shove. Or what seemed simple but resulted in LeBrenda flying so far she landed in the lap of of Lillian Garcia! ALIX That’s a good setup for our next lezzie scene. Not for LeBrenda who groaned her wails of agony into Lillian’s delicate areas! LILLIANS Oh the vibrations! RENEE I won’t say anything about that. What I will say is why did LeBrenda go to the top rope when Jade was standing fit in front of her? That’s dumb even for one of our girls. ALIX Jade and the word fit really don’t ever belong in the same sentence. Jade turned back with full on intent on BOARING Etta Kitt. But Ladybird tried to toss TALCUM POWDER in Jade’s eyes. Instead Jade course corrected and BOAR’ed HER! “OINK! OINK! OINK!” ALIX BOAR! BOAR! BOAR! RENEE That’s great, but where did Ladybird find talcum powder. That’s supposed to be banned in the United States! ALIX Renee, yee of little criminal background. Etta seized upon Ladybird’s FDA violating and FBI radar pulling scrafice; the Joshi legend grabbed hold of the former OAOAST Women’s Champion and brought that champ a second deathly pedigree in as many shows! The cover… ONE! TWO! THREEE! WINNER: Etta Kitt and LeBrenda James, via pinfall RENEE Etta Kitt has pinned Jade Rodez-Duncan two matches in a row. Who is the last woman to do that? ALIX Outside of strip club oil mud wrestling no one. Even though I hope Etta gets eaten by a crocodile and a monkey tears her insides out, and a cougar sinks it’s claws into her a neck, and a bird of prey- RENEE Alix! ALIX Oh yeah. Even though I want all that stuff Etta is wowie sauce! But not in a cool way. In a serious about wrestling way. Ever the senior official, Titania would like to raise Etta’s hand. The problem? Etta left the ring to rummage behind a groaning LeBrenda and a groaning (for other reasons) Lillian. The Tulsa native found herself a nice, hard, black… RENEE Paddle?! “YOU SICK BITCH! YOU SICK BITCH! YOU SICK BITCH!” “SILENCE” Etta barked at the Deviants as she entered the ring. ETTA Little Miss we must act fast to develop you into a lady fit for my business. MAYA Oooh you just can’t leave Terry alone drunk when mom tells him hire a busty MILF! ETTA Little Miss… MAYA Nose Bop! ***BOP*** ETTA You have struck me in the nose! MAYA Maya Butthurts! Inverted atomic drop! “YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” MAYA All together now! “Imaya!” But as Maya ran the ropes for her leap frog face crusher Miss Kitt dove through the opposite ropes to escape! “STAY AND FIGHT! STAY AND FIGHT! STAY AND FIGHT!” MAYA Etta! It sounds like you’ve got one, two, three, four, I’m not gonna count em all, you gotta a lot of people wanting you to stay and get your nose bopped! “YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Alas Etta retreated up the LED ramp with a few words for the Hard on Hoes champ…. ETTA I control you. You do not control me. Good day, Little Miss. ALIX Why, that no good son of fucking Musl- FADE OUT VERY QUICKLY!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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