Friday Night HeldDOWN~! 12/28/07

[Chanel #99]

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

PRESENTED IN HD

As always the epic and airy sounds of the title track from Chamillionaire's Ultimate Victory join the magnificently produced introductory video which features numerous gryed shots of the main characters (sorry los diablos, mister boricua,etc) engaged in several victory poses. As the video winds down and the song fades out finishes the logo bleeds onto the screen



The logo dissolves right into the image of orange polo shirted announce team at the announce desk.

COLE
Ladies and gentlemen it is the final HeldDOWN of 2007, and it is coming to you from the deserts of the southwest! The OAOAST is in Phoneix, Arizona, and the stars are out tonight! Christian Wright and Alix Maria Spezia will take on The Christ Air Express, the six man title won't be defended by The Love Generation tonight, I don't know why any ever thought they would be, crazy people, we'll have highlights of a confrontation between The Rockers and The Gunslingers from Syndicated, and I understand Zack Malibu and Bohemoth will be guests on Reel Talk. But right now, let's go to the main stage where Jesse Ventura and Tony Schiavone are waiting to announce the brackets for the 2008 Anderson Cup!

Over at the Big Board setup near the stage are two familiar faces, the hosts of OAOAST Syndicated (check time and local listings)…



As to not reveal the brackets prior to the official announcement being made, the board displays the Anderson Cup logo -- a gold figurine of Arn Anderson performing his trademark throat slash.

SCHIAVONE
Hi again, everyone. Tony Schiavone and Jesse “The Body” Ventura here with you on this special occasion as we prepare to release the 2008 Anderson Cup brackets. Before we do that, why don’t you quickly go over the rules, Jesse.

VENTURA
Oh, right. As it has been the past two years, 16 teams will compete in a single elimination tournament for bragging rights and a shot at the One & Only World tag team titles at AngleMania VI. It’s WIN or GO HOME! But victory don’t mean championship gold. Two of the previous three Anderson Cup winners have gone down to defeat at the biggest show of the year, both times at the hands of Chicks Over Dicks. Luckily for all the teams this year, Schiavone, COD is no more!

SCHIAVONE
You’re exactly right. Alix Maria Spezia now dating Mackenzie DeCenzo.

VENTURA
Talk about a power couple. Bill and Hillary ain’t got nothing on them.

SCHIAVONE
But we have something for you, the 2008 Anderson Cup bracket!

CUE: Trumpet Fanfare

BOOM~!
BOOM~!
BOOM~!
BOOM~!

LOS INFERNALES CONFERENCE

Los Diablos de Fuego (1) vs. Nathaniel Black & Jamie O‘Hara (
Beverly Hills Blonds (4) v. Christ Air Express (5)
Team Heyross (3) vs. Deuce Deuce Bigelow & Jumbo (6)
LSGS/Heavenly Rockers (2) vs. South Central Militia (7)

MIRACLE WEIRDNESS CONNCECTION CONFERENCE

Theodore Moneymaker & Christian Wright (1) vs. Rescue 911 (
D*LUX (4) v. James Blonde & Faqu (5)
Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew (3) v. Love Doctors (6)
?? (2) v. Los Conquistadors (7)

SCHIAVONE
Some very interesting match-ups Jess.

VENTURA
I’d say. The top seeds in each conference are no surprise as they were last year's finalists. What is a surprise is the pairing of Nathaniel Black and Jamie O‘Hara, if you can believe that. Both 2-7 bouts are intriguing for that matter. You have a mystery team in the MWC two hole, and then you got the loser of the Heavenly Rockers-Lone Star Gunslingers tag title match at the New Year’s Spectacular booked in the LI Conference. I gotta hand it to the Anderson Cup committee; they put together one helluva tournament.

SCHIAVONE
Aren’t you part of that committee, Jesse?

VENTURA
I don’t mean to brag…but yeah! My first year, along with Tony Brannigan and a couple of the old-timers in the back. Come on, Schiavone. Tell me. What do you find most intriguing about this year’s cup?

SCHIAVONE
A lot to be quite honest. Two teams I’d look out for are the Christ Air Express and Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. Both have held championships in other promotions, with Marv and Mel being former OAOAST tag titleholders as well. But I’d -- as I’m sure everyone here and at home would as well -- love to know who's the mystery team facing Los Conquistadors in the MWC.

VENTURA
Take my word for it. You’re going to love it. Just to whet your appetite a bit: it’s a team no one thought they’d see again.

SCHIAVONE
You’re such a tease. Anyway, fans, I have been informed of the first two matches that will take place right here next week on TSM. For the LIC it’ll be the Beverly Hills Blonds against the Christ Air Express and for the MWC, Los Conquistadors vs. the team Jesse Ventura says we thought we’d never see again. Until then, that’ll do it for us. HeldDOWN~! returns after this timeout.

New Year's Spectacular
FIRST ROUND ANDERSON CUP ACTION
Beverly Hills Blonds vs. Christ Air Express & ?? vs. Los Conquistadors
THURSDAY NIGHT, JANUARY 3rd, LIVE ONLY ON TSM!

[Chanel #99]

RECORDED EARLIER TODAY

We see Alix Maria Spezia in The Enterprise dressing room, wearing a red and white stripped t-shirt with a collared lace trim, and a pair of super short dark washed jean shorts with a braided woven belt. She's pouring through a bag of Miss Spezia's Sweeties Oatmeal Raisin Cookies, separating the normal cookies from the ones that vaguely resemble Jesus. Ah the work of a CEO is never done! This important task is is interrupted by Mackenzie DeCenzo, who comes through the door, in what's deemed a dressed down outfit for her, a sequined mini dress decorated by an abstract blue and green pattern meant to resemble an ocean

MACKENZIE
Hi, baby. Got something for you. Are you ready for a bag full of goodies?

ALIX
Oooh goodie weed!

MACKENZIE
Don't I wish! Actually, this bag has people!

ALIX
Ooooh goodie immigrant slave labor! And just in time to, those guys from Nike have been hounding my tush about the getting out the new line of Air Maxes before the after New Year's sales.

MACKENZIE
Actually, Madam Foot Locker, its one person, and I found this guy hanging out at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

ALIX
Ooooh goodie a gay man!

MACKENZIE
Not quite. Well, actually, maybe. We'll see in a second won't we. Come on in!

Through the doorway, Christian Wright, holding a cup of Starbucks coffee,his bags from Bed Bath and Beyond, and clad in a pair of khaki shorts and an olive colored half zipper sweater, strolls into the beautifully decorated dressing room.  

ALIX (taking a look at Wright)
Ooooh goodie useless shit!

WRIGHT
I shan't absorb barbs from a harpie who lists her most treasured personal achievement as constructing California's largest ball of aluminum foil.

ALIX
Hey, I get five television stations no one in the entire state of Los Angeles gets, 'cause of that thing! Look, I shouldn't be so hard on ya, dude...

MACKENZIE
Alix, don't....

ALIX
After all it must be so tough for you, being trapped inside a man's body and all. (Alix begins singing and dancing like a 40's era male lounge singer) A room without windows, a room without doors. A room without windows, a room without doors. A room where no guy but I can spy the charms that are yours. Like being marooned on a island far from civilized shores. You and me in a room without windows, a room without doors! Hit it, Mackie!

WRIGHT'
Ay me, sad moments seem long when faced with such lamentable insanity.

ALIX
So what-cha-what-cha-whcta-cha want? If you're looking for the good stuff, Terry Taylor's got a peep hole drilled into the wall, he charges ten dollars for admission and that includes drink service and a light dinner. Or you can just head over to my website, and pay $20.99 per month, or $36.99 for a premium membership, which includes premium members only webcam shows, thank you for order, please pull up to the second  window.

WRIGHT
The qualities of vigor, moxie, fortitude, and gallantry all of which make Sir Moneymaker a leader of brilliance, have somehow manipulated him into deeming it necessary for you and I to associate in a manner most unfit to my stature.

ALIX
Uh-huh, and the qualities of annoying, boring, dull, and rude, all of which make you a virgin have  manipulated me into deeming it necessary for me to introduce to ya to my old pal, speeding traffic! Right this way, sir, I hear the rumbling of a Dodge Charger.

Mackenzie steps between Alix and Christian to preserve the piece.

MACKENZIE
Remember when I told you I had some big matches in store?

ALIX
Yeah, I just thought that meant we were gonna go down to South Central and set poor black children on fire. And it better still mean that because I didn't spend two thousand dollars of your money on flame retardant suits and embalming fluid for you to wuss out now!

MACKENZIE
Yes, well, as appealing as ethnic cleansing sounds at this moment, according to all three of our bosses, Mister Moneymaker has determined that it would be better if you two were to team up and tag against The Christ Air Express. I know, I know, I hate it just like you do, baby, but he thinks its unhealthy for two of the top members of The Enterprise to be constantly at each other's throats. So this is his solution.

ALIX
Driftwood, John Wayne, my relationship with Mackenzie. Things that are dead? Ding ding ding? Tell her what she's won! An all expense paid trip to douchebag island population this homophobic jackass! (Alix points at Christian)

MACKENZIE
I understand how mad this makes you feel right now. I get it. The entire Enterprise has been terrible to you. Terrible, and I blame myself. But, they've been pretty bad to me lately also. And maybe to smooth things over, make them right, we have to play their game just for a little while. And if playing that game means fighting their battles, then I guess we have to bigger people and try it for a little while.

WRIGHT
And what of my feelings? What of my great sorrow at being enlisted to ally with a homosexual, a step bellow the devil's personal hand puppet? Am I, a competitor of valor, strength and merit to be amused by the prospects of lowering my moral stock to galavant with a lesbian, who's no better then a night walking floozy? You who have as little on your mind as you wear on your body. You, madam, are nothing more then a common smut peddling filth merchant!

ALIX
Did you decide I was a filth merchant after the fortieth of fiftieth time you got an erection when I so much as bent over during the match?

WRIGHT
I know nothing of  the absurdity you speak! If you wish to prove me a deviate pervert, then perhaps you should...um....demonstrate said bending over. Several times if need be! Slowly as well.

MACKENZIE
No way!

ALIX
That's right dude, you gotta sign up for at least a six month membership on my site to get the booty action going on.

WRIGHT
Tis meaningless regardless. The bulging of my brooks brothers pantalons is but simply created by the rush of competition. Dare you to say anything more?

ALIX
Anything more? Hmmm, interesting, dude, isn't that what all your sexual partners say when you pull down your pants.

WRIGHT
No!

ALIX
Oh of course not. Sheep can't speak!

WRIGHT
The straw has been laid and the camel's back broken! These insults are crimes I shall bear no further!

Wright slams his cup of coffee onto a nearby end table and proceeds to tun towards the door.

ALIX
What's this? I just read assholes for dummies cover to cover, and they never mentioned this behavior!

Before Wright can exit the room he runs into his entering boss, Theodore Moneymaker, attired in a fabulous navy pinstriped suit.

MONEYMAKER
Greetings one and all! What a magnificent treat it is to see the high ranking members of The Enterprise gathered as a unified of whole strength, dignity and righteous American morality. Though two amongst of us have reserved their one way ticket to the devil's paradise with their pagan allegience to the fag agenda, I believe we can all come together over common love for one universal fascination. Money. Now, I apologize for being late to our impromptu pow-wow, but I had to draw up some briefs with Greg Atwater, my attorney

MACKENZIE
I bet their were some briefs involved but I doubt they were being drawn up

MONEYMAKER


MACKENZIE
I'm sorry I have no idea where that came from. Uh, the devil made me say it?

MONEYMAKER
Be that as it may, I feel as if I have been personally touched by the Heavens to be able have business partners, who are as every bit as skilled with the sword as they are with the checkbook. Alix, I don't think that I can wipe away all  your hatred and mistrust of The Enterprise by myself. Why, I bet you think me as some kind of shark, circling the waters, gnashing his fangs, ready to sink his teeth into the cookie company you've worked so hard to build into a success. And maybe that's a fair accusation. In the world of business, a Moneymaker is a great white, his friends hammer heads with the wisdom to stay away from his path, and his enemies but guppies just there to be devoured. But for you, I am a beacon of hope, and when you are ready to submit your company my guiding wisdom, and maybe renounce your oath to hedonistic church of homosexuality. I'll be there.  I don't ask for your allegiance now. You should continue to pay allegiance to your heart and your soul. Today, I ask only one thing from you. Honor your King's wish for peace.

Moneymaker nods to Alix and exits the room, leaving Mackenize to look dumbfounded. Wright on the other hand, reverts from his docile manner to his previously annoyed persona.

WRIGHT (to Alix)
I won't allow you to make a fool of Mister Moneymaker. He is a consummate leader and a battle tested warrior. Traitors, even those of your own heart and soul, must be destroyed. Should you dare cross The Enterprise, I will not hesitate to do what a man protecting his Empire should do.

Wright hisses at Alix, and receives a fiery snarl in return. With that he exits the room and Alix turns to Mackenzie.

ALIX
A lap dance, a diamond ring from Tifannys, a Playstation Three, season tickets to the Lakers, front row seats to Suessical The Musical

MACKENZIE
Suessical the musical? What the heck? Is the Montessori school for the deaf, dumb and blind? Are you six years old?

ALIX
For once in your life can you not think of the show tunes? I'm trying to list all the stuff you owe me!

MACKENZIE
For what?

ALIX
For the worst night of my firggin life!

And now its Alix's turn to storm out the room, and her girlfriend has left to stand behind wondering what steps she'll have to take to achieve a somewhat normal healthy relationship.

COMING UP NEXT
MONEY TALKS. JESUS WALKS
The Enterprise Vs The Christ Air Express
NEXT

[Chanel #99]

The moody guitar strings of Rise Against's Like The Angels seep into the arena, accompanied by flashing blue and orange lights that border the steel entry ramp. Within moments the peaceful strumming explodes into an aggressive alt-rock anthem and the video screens that line the entry stage's walls televisions fire flash highlite after highlite of the Christ Air Express' numerous high flying exploits.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of twenty minutes. Now making their way to the ring from Laguna Beach, California by way of Edmonton Alberta, Canada, they weigh in a total combined weight of three hundred, seventy five pounds... here are MARV and MEL, THE CHRIST AIR... EEEEEXXXXPPRRRREEEEESSSSSSS!!!!

Heralded by a rather large pop from the Arizona audience, the twins leap through the entrance doors landing perfectly at the center of a bluish orange spotlights. Rock hard abs, and sexy well defined chests remain partially obscured by a pair or fancifully designed blue jackets that stretch down to the waistband of their star studded orange tights. The Nerdly boys exchange a fist pound and a salute before heading down the entry ramp.

COLE
The Christ Air Express will help open up the 2008 Anderson Cup next week with an opening round contest against The Beverly Hills Blonds. Unfortunately they have a tune up match against the very dangerous, and very volatile Enterprise tag team of Alix Maria Spezia and Christian Wright. Moneymaker says he's done this to unify The Enterprise, but I don't see it. Alix hasn't been pinned since her current girlfriend beat her for the 24/7 title almost two years ago, and Wright is no slouch in the won/loss department himself. All Moneymaker is doing is using the two The Enterprise members with the most success to give The Blonds an easy advantage in the first round.

MARV and MEL slide into the ring, getting another loud pop from the sold out audience. They each scale to the turnbuckles, removing their jackets, and running their mouthes to further pump up an already excited audience.

Clean shirt, new shoes
and I don't know where I am goin' to.
Silk suit, black tie,
I don't need a reason why-hy-hy-hy.
They come runnin' just as fast as they can
cause every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.

Not only girls but boys go crazy as well for the arrival The Natural. However this craziness isn't brought upon by the Italian Silk suitcoat, matching pin stripped pants, or even the five hundred dollar Salvatore Ferragamo calf skin dress shoes. No, this craziness is induced by the simple fact that people really hate Christian Wright.

BUFFER
And introducing their opponents, first, now residing in Washington DC, and working as The Enterprise's financial analyst, he weighed in at 8 1/3 bars of gold, he is The Natural, CHRISTIAN WRIGHT!!!

Christian pauses at the top of entrance ramp, as three white spotlights converge upon his flawlessly dressed figure. With a smirk of self satisfaction, he pops the collar on his suit coat, a gesture that washes him in a wave of jeers. As his grin grows wider by the second, he casually discards the three thousand dollar suit coat as though it were a piece of cheap fabric, and struts down the ramp with unbelievable arrogance.

COLE
Can Christian and Alix work together and defeat The Christ Air Express? The answer to the first question is most likely no, but if they manage to stay out of each other's way, then its possible they could be as dysfunctional as any team we've seen and still score a victory. We'll see here tonight.

Across the ring apron, a smirking CW struts, his every movement guided by the peppy bounce only spending three thousand dollars on clothes can bring. When he reaches the center of the apron, he holds his arms out to his side, happily taking in every last casting of hatred and ill will the audience offers to him.

I was lost
And I'm still lost
But I feel
So much better

Cause now I know
It's not so far
To were I go
The hardest part is inside me
I need to

Just be
To just be
To just be
To just be


YEAAAA...

BUFFER
And his tag team partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is The Enterprise's  Head Of Technical Tactics Identifying Excellence aka HOTTIE....The CEO of Miss Spezia's Sweeties, The Hollywood Bad Girl and Princess of Los Angeles, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA!

***Hey, I have an idea instead of me having to write a whole bunch of stuff for this entrance, why don't I just use the power of the visual media to express the entrance. Like so....


if u ask me why i'm such a genius i'm gonna say damn nigga i dont know
(just pretend Mackenzie's behind her and that alix danced on a desk before coming down to the ring)

COACH
I can't believe the brazen disrespect Alix had for Christian Wright. You've got show more respect for one of the best performers in this company. There's no one here more versatile then Christian. He can dominate in tag team ranks and in singles competition.

COLE
You can just as easily make the same comment about Alix. Anyway, rumor around the OAOAST world is that these two could be competing in a Heartland Title match at the New Years Spectacular. Stay tuned for more information.

Wright encounters a small personal dilemma on the matter of who should begin the affair. Though he deems himself indisputably qualified to manhandle the CAE, Wright's  beaver cleaver deems it an indisputable pleasure to watch Alix wrestle in shorts so tiny they'd be best served as a belt. But, arrogance trumps libido, and he anoints himself starter of the bout.

DING DING DING

Attempting to throw CW off his game at the early onset of the bout, MARV shoots directly towards his knees. But, Christian is remarkably fast on his feet, and leaps backwards to avoid the Canadian hunk's attack. MARV isn't bemused by the avoidance, though, and instead passes Christian a mockingly congratulatory smirk. This innocent gesture vexes Christian severely, and he seizes hold of his rival with a lockup. Instantly the pairing throw themselves into a furious and frantic struggle, taking their battle about the ring, beat red faces flashing a constant anger. Finally Wright secures victory by flashing his perfectly ironed suit pants forward to smash his knee into MARV's washboard abs.  

CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS!

“The unqualified prattlings of a varigated potpourri of dregs and vagabonds! The adjective of suck is a descriptor discordant to my talent!

“Mackenzie, dear, could we bring in Christian's denial file, I think we have a little something to add.” Alix retorts, angering Christian.

The DC native channels his frustration with his partner into a European Uppercut that bombs across MARV's chiseled chest. The powerful attack stumbles the handsome skater into the ropes, and decorates his beige skin with a series of red welts. He yanks himself away from the orange ring cables, but is captured by the outstretched hand of CW and thrown into the opposite ropes. When he ambles back across the ring, the financial wiz attempts to decapitate him with a lariat. But MARV (having to press caps lock to write this guy's name is starting to get annoying!) angles his stringy body beneath the weapon, and continues galloping towards the other ropes. Snarling in aggravation, Wright twists his body around to retry his attack. But as soon as he raises his arm, MARV's blue elbow pad cracks into his face, smashing him to the ground!

“SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE!”

MARV pulls Wright's hand away from its task of guarding his sore nose, and goes for a pin that's scored by referee Billy Silverman..

ONE!

TWO!

But, CW lifts his shoulder away from the canvas, and the crowd expresses their annoyance with heated boos. Wright is just as displeased as they are, but his outrage is aimed towards his tag partner....

“Insolent vamp! Know you not enough to lend boot, elbow and fist to the mongrel who dares sees me stilled for three seconds time?”

“My, my, someone's gonorrhea is acting up today isn't it!” Alix chastises him.

Distracted by Alix's wisecracks, Wright doesn't even think to offer a defense when MARV yanks him off the canvas and snaps his arm down with a violent arm wrench. As his foe whimpers in misery, MARV uses his injured limb as a leash to schlep him towards the corner for a tag with MEL. But to MARV'S tremendous surprise and horror, the former HI-YAH world champion recollects his strength and utilizes it to bulldoze his enemy into the corner posts. Thankfully for MARV, MEL applies an emergency tag before the snorting and growling Wright can do him much harm.

COACH
Aren't these idiots supposed to have some kind of image consultant? You know I liked the Boiz a lot better when they had those, what do you call them? Gimme a second here. Personalities. Yeah, wouldn't want that on our super serious wrestling show.

As MEL enters the ring, MARV overpowers Christian with a pair of UFC inspired overhand rights. Quickly, MARV pins The Natural's arms behind his back, but immediately encounters violent thrashing against his clutches. Before CW can complete his desperately sought after escape, MEL slashes his elbow across his face. At that point, MARV releases his hold on Wright, and the snooty superstar plummets to the ground, joined by a wealth of cheers from the audience. While MARV exits the ring, MEL hooks Wright's legs for a second pinfall..

ONE!

TWO!

Christian pushes himself out the pin a mere moment after the ref's hand hits the canvas a second time. His easy escape is no cheer to him, and he continues to be rasped by Alix's refusal to break up the pin.

“You thick headed wench! Is it some bloody stupidity that binds you to inaction?”

“Hey, pull the USS Bad Attitude back into port, dude, you don't wanna mess with me!Ya know, I'm a pretty awesome biter. Uh-huh, yeah. I once chewed through the leather restraints in my eleventh grade math teacher's S&M dungeon.”

MACKENZIE


“What? Chastity belts, nipple clamps and spanking benches are what got me into UCLA!”

The least talkative amongst the competitors, MEL clamps down onto CW with a front facelock and leads him to his feet. But as the pair rise, The Natural rebels against MEL's grasp, wrapping his arms around the skater's waist, then crushing his testicles with a inverted powerful atomic drop. MEL's screams are piercing and plentiful, but can hardly be heard over the song of,

CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS!

Crippled by the searing pain in his groin, MEL is reduced to a helpless victim as Wright hoists him onto his shoulders into a standing fireman's carry position. The troublesomely devious smile on his face informs the wrathful of audience he's about to commit the Bank Roll.

COACH
MEL is quick, he's talented, and he's strong but he's about to get a Christian Wright special all up in dat ass!

MEL is spared from the unwelcome anal entry predicated by the Coach, as his brother zips across the ring to yank him free of Wright's deathly manuevuer. Obviously incensed by the meddling of the twins, Wright turns his body around, egotistically assuming he can KO them with two potent swings of his fist. The duo prove him false, however, as their bright orange boots send him flying backwards with a  supremely timed double dropkick.

“YEAAAAA!”

COLE
Wow, what a double dropkick by the Christ Air Express! A great move by two great young athletes!

After exchanging a MANLY~ fist pound with his brother, MEL hooks Wright's leg for another pin.

ONE!

TWO!

Once again Christian kicks out of the fall, but this time does so only because Alix accidentally dropped her elbow directly onto his face.

“Oh, heaven, in my honest hands lay me a whip to lash this bewhored fool into the pits of hades!” Christians screams over the cheer of the audience.

“Why Christian Williams, I can't believe what I'm hearing!”

“Wright!”

“Huh?”

“My last name is Wright!”

“Oh....that's pretty!” Alix comments while walking back to the apron.

Barely able to maintain his sanity, Wright scrapes himself off the canvas and joins MEL in a combative position. The high flying hipster instantly assails him with a brigade of knife edge chops, that earn the requisite WHOO's from the Arizona audience. But The Natural takes the assault in stride and calms his aggressive foe with a despicable rake of the eyes!

BOOOOOO!

COACH
What are you making that face for, MC? Yeah it was a cheap shot. So what? Prime television time is scarce in the OAOST, you do what you have to do to win. Wright understands this. Maybe if da Boiz did they wouldn't have to undergo image makeovers every four months.

Fully capitalizing on his opponent's inability to see anything besides blurry distorted shapes, The Natural sinks on a tightly held inverted facelock. Mere moments later, MEL is being powered down to the canvas at the hands of an inverted DDT! As the fans boo his latest show of dominance, CW hooks MEL's leg for a crucial pinfall...

ONE!

TWO!

But, MARV breaks up the fall with a swipe of his boot, generating quite the pop from the fans. Unfortunately, it also generates quite the outrage from Wright, and the young slice of beefcake pays for his prying with a diving lariat.

COACH
See, Alix, that's how tag team wrestling works. You aid and assist your partner.

COLE
You're going to tell the record holding four time tag team champion how to do her job?

With MARV swiftly and brutally dealt with, Wright is free to return his focus to the in ring Nerdly twin. Grabbing hold of MEL's layered hair, The Natural pulls him upright, then sets him on a path to the ropes. After the cables shoot the youngster back, CW grounds him with a lightening quick snap powerslam. Silverman counts the ensuing pinfall....

ONE!

TWO!

To the spectator's joy, MEL manages to get his shoulder up at the last possible microsecond. Wright is infinitely perturbed by the pinfall escape, and is only pulled deeper into the belly of rage by Mackenzie's demands for him to tag Alix. Understanding the type of trouble he'll face should he disobey Moneymaker's call for cooperation, Wright begrudgingly accepts Mackenzie's orders, and tags his eternal tormentor into the fray.

Trying to make peace with CW, Alix says, “Love the man boobs, babe. Nice and perky without the tude!”

COLE
Alix Spezia entering the ring to face off against MEL in a battle between Los Angeles County and Orange County.

The bubbly brunette inches her way through the ropes with a seducing slowness, providing the world with a titillating view of her sexy tanned legs, and Wright with a deep regret he didn't carry along a packet of tissues. Once Alix finally gets into the ring, things become slightly less arousing, and much more serious due to an irish whip from MEL. As the Hollywood Bad Girl bounces off the ring cables, MEL attempts to upend her with a whirling savate kick. But, the agile Californian is several steps ahead of her rival and foils him by rolling beneath his fast whirling leg. As he turns around to get a bead on the elusive Latina, he finds himself trapped in a suffocating position between her pretty pink gogo boots. But he isn't forced to endure that choke hold for more then a few seconds before Alix twirls her body around and dumps him onto the canvas!

“Yeah! Looks like Ally's gonna kick some boot-ay to-day!”

ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!

The recipient of the fans adoration carries herself to the ropes, and quickly leaps to the third one. Using the video screen in the entryway as her guide, the beach bunny waits for MEL to rise, and once he does, she dismounts her base by twisting her body horizontally through the air with a dangerous kick. Unable to shield his bearded face in time, MEL is smacked senseless by her assault, and dropped to the canvas in a confused heap. While the audience continues to loudly cheer her displays of power, Alix flips a loving kiss to Mackenzie, who happily catches it and plants it on her cheek. Problematically for Alix, her quick offering of TLC to Mackie, gave MARV the distraction required to sneak into the ring and pummel her down with ferocious clubbing forearms to her bare back.

“Come on, man, get up!” he barks to MEL as he throws Alix into a neutral corner. His enemy hits the harsh ringposts with a hard thud, one that violently sucks all the energy and breath out her body. As the woozy girl staggers away from turnbuckles, the CAE work in total unison to flip her over with a double hip toss. However, she stuns them with amazement and frustration by landing on her feet! While the audience salutes her nimbleness, the hottie begins turning the tables on the Nerdly twins by swatting MEL away with an axe kick! However, as she turns to wage war on MARV, the Orange County native captures her with a Jawjacker! Left dazed by the unusually strong attack, Alix is an easy victim for the gladiator's follow up single arm DDT. Well aware of the fact, that the referee can't tell apart him from MEL (even though it says their names on their tights!) MARV feigns complete innocence and hooks onto Alix's silken legs for a pinfall....

ONE!

TWO!

Alix kicks out, allowing the capacity crowd to breathe a little easier.

COLE
One thing that we've seen in Christ Air Express matches is how adept they are with teamwork, and how excellently they're able to work together.

COACH
Jesus, I hope they can work well together they've known each other since they were in the womb!  

With a firm hold of Alix's booty revealing hotpants, MARV pulls the Princess of Los Angeles off the canvas. He weakens her with a parade of elbows to the side of her head, then gives her another whip to the ropes. But this Irish whip effort is just as fruitless as the previous attempt, as when Alix returns, she leaps into the sky and uses her luscious honey buns to steamroll her enemy into the ring ropes!

COLE
You have to figure having a  fitness guru for an ex-girlfriend would give you a pretty tight tush.

The cables don't permit MARV a chance to remain in their embrace for very long however, and violently propel him into the waiting clutches of The Hollywood Bad Girl. Before MARV can stage a proper defense, Alix locks her arm beneath his, halting him in place. That is until her gogo boot swipes at his inner leg, taking him off his feet with Herpes, the gift that keeps on giving (flatliner)! MARV's cute face thuds off the canvas, momentarily drained of all life, as the crowd roars for Alix's signature hold.

ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!

With Marv in dire need of some valtrex, Ally is free to offer her fans one good reason to lock the door, dim the lights, and find the box of Charmin. Her arms held into the air, Alix's curvy hips enchantingly dance from side to side, and up to down, with the mesmerizing bouncing of her perfect heart shapped ass cheeks reducing the audience and Mackenzie into blubbering erotic messes. Wright exerts a gargantuan effort to fight against the jiggly arousal exuded by this supreme ass goodness. The starting lineup of the 1999 Baltimore Orioles, his grandmother having sex with Dick Chenney, the name of every Cheers episode, nothing can free his mind from the bucking and bouncing beauty of the flesh that lies before him. Fortunately, for Wright the camera remains primarily focused  on his now moonsaulting partner. Unfortunately, for Alix, her shenanigans blessed MARV with the time required to regain his health, and as she descends upon his sprawled out frame he rolls out the way. Saving the audience from further despair, the city of angel's favorite daughter manages to come down on her 60's era footwear. But neither Alix nor the fans are able to breathe easily, as the hipster smashes his knee into her tight stomach. Ally is doubled over in anguish, and her chocolate colored hair drapes in front of her face, totally hindering her ability to keep track of her rival. This is to her incredible disadvantage; placing a hand onto her exposed back, the Jared Leto lookalike(check the pic base!) throws himself into the air, then uses his right leg to slice through her neck with the Noseplant! As Mackenzie cringes in fear on the outside, Alix's head is smashed off the canvas, giving rise to deep throated cries of distress.

COLE
MARV using one of his brother's signature holds, and definitely one the Beverly Hills Blonds have to look out for if they hold any hope of beating the Nerdly twins in their opening round Anderson Cup match next week at the New Years Spectacular live on TSM!

While Cole continues to shill his soul away, MARV drapes his shoulder across Alix's neck for a rather nonchalant pin...

ONE!

TWO!

Shocking all the color from MARV's face, Alix kicks out!  

YEAAAAAAA!

As his eyes widen further and further in dismay, MARV rubs his thin beard and continues to question how he failed to earn a three count.

COLE
Just once I'd like to see someone agree with the referee's count. Someone who says, hey, that wasn't three, you were right.

Forcing Alix to expend her valuable energy, MARV makes her head upright under her own power. Before she's able to extend to her full five feet and eight inches, MARV bounds off the ropes with frighteningly quick speed. He returns to coil his arm around her neck, then in one super smooth motion dips backwards, planting her head into the canvas with a running DDT! Alix hollers out in agony, as the raw pain scorches across her neck. But, MARV silences her screams with another pin attempt....

ONE!

TWO!

Fearful over an impending loss, Mackenzie elevates herself to the ring apron to aid her troubled girlfriend. Unsurprisingly, Silverman is easily distracted by the stunning image of the elegant blond and forgets all about MARV's pinfall.  
 
“WE WANT KRISTA! WE WANT KRISTA! WE WANT KRISTA!” the fans sing in reply to Mackenzie unwelcome presence.

As the audience expected, Mackenzie's meddlesome behavior does Alix more harm then good, because it creates an opportune moment for a CAE double team. MARV takes hold of Ally's lush brown locks, and roughly removes her off the canvas. He grips onto her bracelet coated arm and flings her towards MEL, who hops onto the third rope. As Alix draws nearer, the Nerdly boy evacuates his nest, and mows her down with a springboard lariat! Alix falls back to the canvas, whimpering quietly in searing pain. There's no sympathy from CAE, however, and they curse her with further anguish with a pair of leg drops.  

COLE
As usual, great teamwork by the Nerdly twins. But can it translate into a win tonight?

Cole's question is soon to be answered as MEL hooks Alix's leg, while MARV scampers from the ring. No longer lulled to distraction by Mackenzie's beauty, Silverman rushes to the pinfall to apply the count!

ONE!

TWO!

Again, Alix gets her shoulder off the ring apron, drawing a huge pop from the sold out arena.

LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!

MEL brings her to her feet where he attaches her into a front facelock. The Canadian raises her into the air, then falls backwards, torpedoing her neck straight into the ring with a deadly brain buster DDT! The impact of the deathly attack shocks Alix into long tortured screams, ones that cause Mackenzie to urge her to get up and fight back. But Mackenzie's wish remains ungranted, and her mood only worsens when she watches MEL drive the point of his elbow into her girlfriend's upper back!

COLE
At some point Alix is going to have to reintroduce Christian Wright to this match. The Express have switched in and out constantly, and Alix and Wright have only tagged once.

Showing admirable resilience, Alix rises on her own accord. Her enemy emphatically tries to show her that it would've been wiser to stay on the mat and get pinned, by throwing a sidekick towards her midsection. But she catches firm hold of his shoe, indefinitely delaying the strike. She shakes her head like an admonishing mother, then dizzies her rival by spinning him in a 360 rotation. When the nauseated skater comes back to face her, she gives him a taste of his own medicine by striking him in the gut. The Larina sex kitten then sweeps around MEL, and catches him into an inverted facelock. Seconds later Alix turns herself into a pink and black tornado, violently twisting her adversary to the ground with the Make Love Not Babies (inverted tornado DDT). A grotesque pain seeps into MEL's clobbered neck, as the crowd bestows Alix's sensational attack with an enormous cheer.

LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!

“Oh wretched strumpet, action calls you!  Grant your moral and athletic superior entry into the contest and die wowed at a level of achievement eternally beyond your befouled hands!” Wright boasts.

Barely able to withhold her rage, Alix turns to Mackenzie and says “Next time you take a bath, it'll be rub a dub-dub, oops I dropped a blender in the tub.”

After that thereat of spousal abuse passes, Alix applies the unwanted tag to her haughty tag team partner. Instantly the tide of public opinion sways entirely back towards The Christ Air Express, leaving Christian Wright as the most hated figure in the arena.

COLE
The OAOAST fans have never felt any love for Christian Wright, and they aren't about to get a warm fuzzy feeling right now.

Charging across the ring, MARV attempts to grant the crowd's wish for Wright's destruction. But The Natural, emits a comically insulting yawn, and upends his approaching enemy with a lariat!

“BOOOOOO!”

As his brother is left to nurse his wounded chest, MEL undertakes the task of besting Wright by employing the same strategy. But he meets with the same grizzly end as his sibling, floored by a lariat from the yawning superstar.

“BOOOOOO!”

“SILENCE!” Wright reprimands the audience.

The fans go anything but quiet, instead bursting with applause and cheers as they watch MARV hammer the The Financial Analyst with overhand chops to the back. The flesh shredding attacks cause enough damage to allow MARV to attempt to whip CW into the corner. Attempt being the key word here, as Wright reverses the hold and delivers MARV into the corner with a titanic thud. The impact seems to deprive the skateboarding stud of all energy and fighting spirit, leaving him the perfect target for the running body splash Wright aims at him. But MARV kicks his feet up, and the sharp dressed man collides face first with the raised leather boots.

“YEAAAAAA!”

Knocked senseless by the unexpected counterattack, CW hardly notices when his rival traps him within an inverted ¾ facelock.

“Here we go Phoneix, let's do it!” MARV screams to the fans

“SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE!”

With Wright firmly entrenched in his grip, MARV runs up the ring ropes, and then launches himself off the top turnbuckle. MARV sails back through the air, eventually crashing himself into the ring floor and bringing Wright's head along with him.

COLE
Acid Drop!  Acid Drop! Acid Drop!

Silverman drops to his knees to count a pinfall the capacity crowd prays will reach three.

CROWD
ONE!

CROWD
TWO!

Christian kicks out, and even his own tag team partner is more then a little annoyed by this development.

COLE
And what a feather in the cap it would've been for the Christ Air Express to beat the first ever One and Only World Tag Team Champions, and a four time tag team and two time 24/7 champion.

Not wishing to waste a second of his offensive momentum, MARV begins lifting Wright off the canvas. But the shrewd financial guru destroys MARV's grip on his curly hair, by rifling his forearm into his rival's testicles.  As the audience lustily boos his terrible sportsmanship, The Natural attempts to subdue MARV with a basic bodyslam. However, MARV frantically slides free of Wright's clutches, and succeeds in landing behind the detested heel. Without offering Wright the chance to so much as turn around, MARV leaps into the air and swats him to the mat with a beautifully executed sidekick.

“SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE! SKATE OR DIE!”

Pumped up by a surge of adrenaline, MARV emits a guttural roar and throws up his famous “RAWK” hand signal! However, their's nothing rawking about the fate that quickly befalls him; Alix tightens him into an inverted facelock, then swings her free arm across his face, lariating him while she viscously hammers him into the canvas.

“RAWK that whiteboy!”  

ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!

MARV captures Alix by surprise by latching onto her wealth of bracelets, and using them to launch her into the corner. He trails her path with incredible speed, not wanting to give her a moment to counterattack his assault. But despite his precautions, the wilily minx evades his attack, by willfully throwing herself over the top rope! Though MARV encounters a horrific meeting with the poorly padded steel posts, Alix avoids her own self inflicted disaster by latching onto the secondropes.  

COLE
Wow did you see that? What technique from Alix Maria Spezia!

Alix further impresses fans and announcers alike by sliding herself back onto the ring apron where her brown eyes observe the pleasing sight of MARV nursing a busted lip. Setting her keen wrestling mind to work, Alix is quick to take advantage of the youngster's unfortunate position. She escalates herself to the top rope, bringing the fans to their feet in anticipation of a death defying assault. After flashing her raucous fan base a peace sign, The Hollywood Bad Girl rockets backwards. After several gymnast worthy twirls through the sky, her suntanned body plows through MARV with a corckscrew moonsault press!

”YEAAAAA!”

The audience and Mackenzie join Silverman in counting the ensuing pinfall,

CROWD and MACKENZIE
ONE!

CROWD and MACKENZIE
TWO!

But with firm grip on Alix's gogo boots, MEL yanks the feisty babe off his brother, generating a round of boos from the audience.  

COACH
Them boys has gotta be a lot quicker on the draw if they wanna keep rolling among the top tag teams!

Ignoring the wrath stemming from the usually pro-Nerdly crowd, MEL leads Alix off the canvas by her slinky tube top. But he hasn't a second to exert any sort of attack, before The Hollywood Bad Girl roars to life and assails him with a pair of open handed slaps! The attacks leave burning red hand prints on his hairy face, and prevent him from stopping Alix from placing him into a side headlock. She somersault forward, then falls down supine, using the momentum of the flip to twist MEL's neck back into the canvas with her finisherA Shot At Love (sommersault neckbreaker)! A flash of terrible pain explodes around his neck, forcing steady scream of anguish from his throat. The audience and Mackenzie show no concern for MEL's suffering, instead loudly cheering for Alix's impending victory. Silverman scores the crucial fall...

CROWD
ONE!

CROWD
TWO!

The fans are jarred into a furious tantrum when they witness Christian Wright take a stiff handful of Alix's hair and barbarically throw her away from her victim. Mackenzie is beside herself with disgust for Wright's actions, and calls upon every last ounce of self control she has to keep herself from mauling him to death.

COLE
What in the hell is he doing?

Hogging the spoils of victory for himself would be the obvious answer, as Wright drags MEL's limp carcass off the canvas. His hands snake around the beaten wrestler's slender waist, and with a thundering cry he hoists his foe into the air and punishes him with the Stockmarket Crash (Gordbuster)!

COACH
MEL might wanna pull his money out the market and invest in more wrestling lessons, because he just got bitched by The Natural!

As the audience is deflated into silence by his deplorable misbehavior, Wright hooks MEL's outside leg for the pinfall....

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

DING DING DING DING!

Cause every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man

Not oblivious to the fact that he's now incurred the wrath of two very angry lesbians, the wretched trickster dives out the ring before Silverman can even raise his hands. He quickly retreats up the ramp, with jeers and boos of a depressed audience assailing him with every step. Once he's certain he's a safe distance away from a scowling Mackenize, Wright breaks out into uproarious laughter that only further serves to enrage both audience and Alix.

BUFFER
The winner of this match as a result of a pinfall...ALIX MARIA SPEZIA and CHIRSITAN WRIGHT!

As Alix watches the replay of the finisher on the scoreboard, she can scarcely believe her eyes at the treachery done against her. Once the replay concludes she fixes a scornful gaze upon Mackenzie's, who only shakes her head in sorrow.

COACH
Christian Wright, doing good by his boys in the 'Prise! Beatin that Nerdly ass only a week before The Beverly Hills Blonds have their opening round Anderson Cup match against them. That's a real team player.

COLE
A real team player? He pulled his own partner off their beaten opponent just so he could get the win! How's that a team player?

COACH
Wright knew that sissy girl neckbreaker she uses as a finisher may get the job done on mark ass tag jobbers like The Love Doctors, but it ain't happening against The Christ Air Express. Wright stepped in and made a big play. And I hope the eighty five unused wrestlers on our roster were watching, because maybe if ya'll were a little bit more like Wright, and a little less like yourselves, you might actually get on TV regularly like The Natural.

COLE
Well, folks the remaining remembers of The Enterprise, and The Express' opponents in the opening round of the Anderson Cup, The Beverly Hills Blonds, will be with us after this commercial break for Reel Talk with Zack Malibu and Bohmoeth. You don't want to miss it!

COMING UP NEXT
REAL. LIVE. TALK
REEL TALK
NEXT

[Chanel #99]

The OAOAST Event Tracker Is Brought to By Gillette-The Best A Man Can Get
January 3, 2008 (New Year's Spectacular) - Monterrey, Mexico (SOLD OUT)
January 10, 2008 - San Antonio, TX (SOLD OUT)
January 17, 2008 - Halifax, Nova Scotia
January 24, 2008 - Calgary, Alberta(SOLD OUT)
January 27, 2008 (AnglePalooza) - Atlanta, GA (SOLD OUT)

Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime


The Enterprise presents...

In association with the OAOAST and TSM

REEL TALK

Executive Producer
Theodore Moneymaker

Produced By
Simon Singleton

Casting Couch
Ned Blanchard

Security
CPA

Directed By
Molly Nerdly



MOLLY (Voice-Over)
Reel Talk is filmed before a live studio audience.

"BOOOOOOOOO *cannedapplause* OOOOOOOOOOO!"

As the curtain rises on another episode of Reel Talk, we are on the set of Reel Talk! Intros aren't really my thing at the best of times. I'm sorry. Ned and Simon pick up their drinks from the bar, Ned slipping a sneaky tip into the barmaid's top and flashing her a wink as the hosts head towards the VIP Lounge of the set. High above, the LED screen with the total number of women Ned has slept with in his quest to break Wilt Chamberlain‘s record reads:

CHASING CHAMBERLAIN
1,883 happy -- and very sore -- bitches!

SINGLETON
Welcome once again to the home of real talk, the... wait, is that right? Only fourty one in three weeks Handsome H, that can't be accurate, can it?

BLANCHARD
What can I say, the Christmas season... stuck at home, with too many close family friends and relatives.

SINGLETON
Some of the close friends must have been women, surely?

BLANCHARD
Yeah, but they only count once, no matter how many times they sample the yule log. I'm not one for fabricating figures. I don't need to. It's New Year's next week and The Handsome Hustler's going to be going south of the border... over and over and OVER again! ARRRRRRRRRRIBA! Think about it, they each have about twenty kids per family down there, it'll be like shooting fish in a barrel.

Ned aims his 'rifle' into the distance and mimes taking a shot with a thrust of the hips.

SINGLETON
Those aren't blanks he's firing either ladies. Anyway, as I was saying, this is Reel Talk. Accept no imitations, this is the premiere in OAOAST talk shows, where we discuss the issues that really matter, FIRST. None of this 'inviting people onto our show the week after they appear on Reel Talk and try to discredit everything they said' crap that other, less scrupulous shows will try and pull. The best guests, the best issues, the best...

BLANCHARD
Screaming orgasm I've ever had!

SINGLETON


BLANCHARD
(holds up glass)
Seriously, this is amazing. Genniveve, a masterpiece.

The barmaid blows Ned a kiss.

BLANCHARD
I'll have to return the favour to you sometime. *winks*

SINGLETON
We've got not one, but two guests on the show tonight. And we've also got our good, close personal friend Christopher Patrick Allen and his security team on stand-by, incase they get any funny ideas. But, just incase, I want to warn the audience, in particular the first few rows, your health insurance may not cover acts of professional wrestling talk-show and to leave now if you do not have a competent lawyer. Alright, legal obligations taken care of, bring out the first guest... BOHEMOTH!!

No need for canned applause as The Meterosexual Monster gets a huge reaction as he strolls out. Attired in a usually crisp suit and wearing his trusty, oh-so stylish orange tinted sunglasses, Bo smiles at the fans as he makes his way out... to be confronted by CPA. The Enterprise's head of security gives Bo a run down of the behaviour he expects him to follow on the show before he's allowed to pass.

SINGLETON
Bo, Bo, good to have you on. You're looking pretty dapper. Not bad at all, really.

Simon straightens out his own suit jacket.

BOHEMOTH
Well you know, I like to look my best, even when I'm on som...

BLANCHARD
Yeah, yeah, that's whatever you were talking about for ya. Let's go ahead and brings out Zack shall we? ZACK MALIBU, come on out!

Bo looks a little annoyed but not entirely surprised at the interruption by the hosts as we're taken over to the entrance again. CPA mouths away into his walkie talkie as out does walk Zack Malibu in a retro Thrillogy t-shirt and faded jeans, opting for the casual look which earns him some derisive looks from The Blonds as he amicably shakes their hands. Zack goes to sit down next to Bo, but The Blonds motion him over to the sofa opposite, so the two are facing one another.

SINGLETON
Nice of you to dress up for us Zack. And, let's just remind you now you're out here, we don't want any trouble tonight. So, now you're both out here, there's a lot of rumours doing the rounds, in the locker room, about some sort of 'challenge' you two have come up with. Tell us about that Zack.

ZACK
Well, we...

BLANCHARD
Sorry, Bo, did you say something?

BOHEMOTH
No, I...

SINGLETON
Hey, don't interrupt Zack there big guy. He's a former World Champion, he outranks you... isn't that right Zack?

With a wry smile, Zack notices Bo now staring at him.

ZACK
This 'challenge', as everybody wants to call it, it's all about the World Heavyweight Championship. Whether it's because we've never had the gold before and want to hold it for the first time, or because we've had it before and want that feeling of being on top one more time, me and Bo here both have a common goal. To go back to the top. To be the World Champion. And we both know that only one of us is going to get there first.

BLANCHARD
Putting you in direct competition, right Bo?

BOHEMOTH
Well, I dunno about that.

SINGLETON
But sooner or later, you might have to bust out that Superkick one more time, right Zack? Like at November Reign.

BLANCHARD
Yeah, how IS your eye doing there big man?

Neither Bo or Zack reply this time and as the mood gets tenser, Ned can be seen motioning off screen for CPA to keep his eye on proceedings.

SINGLETON
Alright guys, I can see this 'friendly competition' is having a little strain on the both of you, so let's skip the starter questions, shall we? Zack, what makes you think you can beat big Bo here to the World Title? What makes you superior to Bo? Don't pull any punches.

ZACK
Listen Simon, I've never said that I'm any superior to Bo.

SINGLETON
But...

ZACK
But nothing.

BLANCHARD
Very informative. Bo, same question.

BOHEMOTH
I don't have to talk about how great I am, Blanchard. I just do what I do in the ring. People can draw their own conclusions over who's better.

Now it's Zack's turn to stare at Bo.

SINGLETON
I'm not quite sure what THAT was supposed to mean, but I like your style. Quiet, but confident. Are you as confident Zack?

ZACK
You don't become three-time World Champion without being confident.

As Bo chuckles under his breath, loud enough to be heard by Zack apparently, both Ned and Simon are practically rubbing their hands with glee at how their interview is going.

BLANCHARD
Uh, anyone who hasn't already, we're going to give you a few seconds to call you friends and tell them to tune in. (pause) Okay, done? Now, Bo, let's come to you. This man right here, he's got a long and storied history in this company. Not all of it quite so 'on the level' as he has appeared to be recently. My question is, how long can you trust him to keep this competition so 'friendly', considering what's on the line.

ZACK
I think the real question is, how long can we trust you two to conduct a proper interview instead of trying to goad us into a fight?

Zack stands up and the hosts exchange a quick look. Apparantly they're not about to back down on their own turf and stand up as well... their confident posture disappearing the moment Bo also finds his feet.

BLANCHARD
Now, hold on guys...

SINGLETON
Let's calm it down, we don't want you to come to blows...

ZACK
No, you want ratings, because ratings mean money and we all know that's what's important to YOU. So how about this? How about me and Bo show you just what this competition between us really means in the grand scheme of things, that being very little, and we show you just how much we can trust each other by taking you on in a tag team match this Thursday night! Let's see what that does to the ratings.

After a quick glance in surprise at being put into a match without any say in the matter, Bo takes a step nearer to Zack which prompts the Beverly Hills Blonds to take an abrupt step ba...


*STATIC!*



COLE
...and, that's what happened.

COACH
Up until the point The Blonds destroyed Zack and Bohemoth, beat them within an inch of their lives, made them humble and left with all the fine bitches. Shame about the technical difficulties. That would have been great footage.

COLE
Yeah. Right.

COACH
Anyway, when the fuck does Deuce Deuce Bigalow get his own talk show? Seriously, what's the freaking hold up?

COLE


COACH
I'm just saying what they're all thinking Michael! You can't fight public outcry forever man!

COMING UP NEXT
REEL TALK IS OVER. TIME FOR A REAL FIGHT.
The Beverly Hills Blonds Vs Zack Malibu and Bohemoth
NEXT

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by....


Krista Isadora Duncan presents Briel Milano Watches-touch feel briel

As we return to HeldDOWN~! at the Holidays, the red carpet has been rolled out reading for the arrival of the OAOAST's true box-office superstars. Leading the way is Molly Nerdly, the hired intern more concerned with making sure she gets the right shots of the right people than playing to the thousands of people in attendance. Lucky then that Ned Blanchard and Simon Singleton do more than enough showboating to make up for anyone in the OAOAST. The Beverly Hills Blonds tread the red carpet, not looking phased by the task that awaits them.

"Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime
CALL ME! (call me)"]

BUFFER
The following tag team contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, on the way to the ring. Being accompanied by by MOLLY NERDLY... at a total combined weight of four hundred and sixty pounds. They are the former three time OAOAST World Tag Team Champions and the former HI-YAH World Tag Team Champions. Representing THE ENTERPRISE... "THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLANCHARD... "THE VIDEO VOYEUR" SIMON SINGLETON... THE BEVEEEERRRRLLLYYY HHHIIIIIILLLSSS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Molly sets up the Siclopse at ringside, with Simon overseeing his unpaid intern's efforts. Ned is too enfactuated with a couple of females three rows back to care about being in the ring alone though.

COLE
The Beverly Hills Blonds brought this match on themselves, by as we saw earlier trying to goad Zack Malibu and Bohemoth into a confrontation on their latest taping of Reel Talk. If they'd pulled it off it would have been a 'reel' talking point. But, instead, they get a tag match with two World Title contenders.

Simon finally enters the ring, ignoring Ned's attempts to point the two hotties in the crowd out to him and trying to get him focused on the actual match ahead.

COLE
Not ideal preparation this for The Beverly Hills Blonds, as they begin their 2008 Anderson Cup campaign next week against The Christ Air Express at the New Year's Spectacular. Can't wait to get down to Monterrey, Mexico for that show!

COACH
Oh, yeah. I love taking my own bottled water with me on road trips for fear of contamination.

COLE
Coach! .....we're going on a plane.

COACH
Oh right, right. Sorry.


*BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!*

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

As "Liberate" by Disturbed powers through the PA system, Pheonix somehow gets even HOTTER for the entrance of the coolest man in Arizona, The Meterosexual Monster, Bohemoth! Adjusting the orange-tinted sunglasses, Bohemoth marches to the ring, not waiting around at ringside for any partners.

BUFFER
And the opponents. First, hailing from Greenville, South Carolina... he weighs in at two hundred and eighty four pounds... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBOOOOOOOOOOOO - HHHHEEEEEEEEMMMMMMOOOOOOOOTTHHHHHHHHHH!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Bo slides into the ring and referee Mike Chioda is quick to warn The Beverly Hills Blonds not to try anything stupid. So too is Bohemoth with an angry glare in their direction. No sooner has Bo's music died down than it's replaced by "Getting Away With Murder", a similiarly loud cheer going up around the arena for that also.

BUFFER
And... weighing two hundred, ten pounds! From Providence, Rhode Island... the former three-time OAOAST Heavyweight Champion of the World... "THE FRANCHISE", ladies and gentlemen, this is ZZAAAAAAAACCKK... MMMMMMAAAAAAALLLLLLLLIIIIIIIBBUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Stepping through the golden shower (of pyro), Zack pulls the hood down from his entrance attire and fires up the crowd, as if they needed it. Zack then marches to the ring with a similar purpose to his partner, who calmly goes through his warm-ups in his corner.

COLE
Ned and Simon will be banking, I'm sure, on these two men not being able to get along. Zack and Bohemoth's challenge may not be a direct challenge to one another, it may be friendly competition, but it does seem to be creating some tension as you'd expect from two proud athletes such as they.

COACH
It's not about being proud athletes Michael. It's like when two guys at a bar make a bet over who can pick up a girl first. At first, everything's nice and friendly. But it's all based on ego. And you know those two egos, especially ones as big as Malibu and Bohemoth's, are going to get poked and prodded, until sooner or later it begins to get personal. All these hand-shakes and compliments are only going to last for so long, before somebody's ego gets knocked too far out of line and they do something about it. That's the entertaining part... you KNOW it's going to happen, you just don't know when!

Playing it cool, Ned and Simon talk strategy in the corner while Zack and Bo try to decide who's going to start. Easier said than done maybe. Eventually Zack decides to be the bigger man and allows Bohemoth to start, which prompts Simon to give his partner the signal with a pat on the back. Ned suddenly wheels around and sprints forward looking for the cheapshot...



...and SLAMMING on the brakes when he realises just who he's running into!

COLE
Uh-oh! Ned making a quick re-think here.

Ned glares at Simon, who has wasted no time taking up position on the apron, for selling him out before trying to reason with Bo.

"BO - HE - MOTH!"
"BO - HE - MOTH!"
"BO - HE - MOTH!"
"BO - HE - MOTH!"

BLANCHARD
So... uh... see, here's what I think happened...

Clothesline by Bo!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"


*DINGDINGDING!*

The bell sounds, but it looks like Ned has had enough before he's even gotten started, rolling to his knees and begging off from The Meterosexual Monster. Bo picks him up by the EARS and shoves back into a neutral corner, ramming him in the gut with a shoulder. And again. And once more for good measure. Irish whip sends Ned corner to corner, hard enough for him to be bounced right back out into a Gorilla Press! Even seven feet in the air Ned tries to reason with the bigman, buying enough time for Singleton to come into the ring to help out. Zack is wise to that though and intercepts him with a clothesline. Out of the ring rolls Simon. But if he thinks he's escaped the worst of the situation, he's in for a hell of a shock as Ned comes soaring over the top and lands on him with a thud at ringside!

COLE
Oh my, Ned Blanchard thrown all the way over the top and onto his partner! The Beverly Hills Blonds are not getting off to an auspicious start...

Brushing aside his partner, Zack grips onto the top rope and pulls himself all the way over with a SOMERSAULT PESCADO, wiping out the Blonds!

"YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

COLE
...and it didn't improve any there, either!

"ZACK!"
"ZACK!"
"ZACK!"
"ZACK!"

Bohemoth watches on with hands on hips as he waits for Zack to feed him somebody. Zack first deals with the hands being held out over the guardrail by his adoring fans, which wastes too much time for Bohemoth's liking. The bigman leaves the ring and throws Ned back inside leading to an 'exchange of words' between himself and his preppy partner.

COACH
Here we go! This is what the people want to see Michael, I just hope TSM's got enough juice to cope with the ratings spike!

COLE
Not on their show, but Ned and Simon may get what they wanted after all.

With the air apparantly cleared, Zack and Bo go their seperate ways with Bo heading back into the ring. The moment he ducks his head through the ropes though he finds a knee driven into the temple by the resourceful Ned Blanchard! Bo collapses into the ring, Ned right on him with some frenzied stomps before reaching out and tagging Simon Singleton in. The Video Voyeur picks up right where his partner left off, before springing off the bottom rope with a kneedrop.

COLE
The first little lapse in concentration by Bohemoth and The Blonds, the former 3-time OAOAST World Tag Team Champions, are right on top of him.

Singleton drops a second knee on Bohemoth before positioning his throat across the bottom rope, stepping on his neck as he mugs to camera three, aka. his own Siclopse.

"ONE!"
"TWO!"
"THREE!"
"FOUR!"
"FI..."

Jumping off of Bohemoth, Simon takes referee Mike Chioda aside and tries to explain to him the importance of figure allignment in the world of photography and how that process takes more than the five seconds he was allowed. Chioda, perhaps keen on taking up a new hobby, takes all of this in while Bohemoth's throat is now draped across the middle rope by Ned Blanchard!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
And there's a good reason why Ned and Simon are three-time Tag Champions, their flagrant disregard for the rules!

Seeing enough, Zack jumps from the apron and rounds the ring to help out his partner. Referee Chioda manages to spot that though, jumping out of the ring to cut the aghast Franchise off. Back in the ring, this allows The Beverly Hills Blonds to do even more damage. Ned keeps Bo pinned throat-down over the ring rope while Simon heads to the middle rope. Right on cue, Molly throws the trusty BHB clapboard to her personal B.O.S.S, an adept catch from Simon followed by him coming off the ropes, bringing the clapboard down on the lower back of Bohemoth!!

COACH
Aaaaaaand... CUT!

COLE
This is ridiculous. What kind of people bring a clapboard to the ring with them anyway!?

COACH
People who like hitting other people with clapboards.

COLE
Evidently.

Simon ditches the evidence and forces Bo down into a pin, while Chioda finally gets Zack back to his corner...


1...






Bo powers out!

Rolling Bohemoth over onto his front, Singleton singles out the small of the back with stomps and then the point of his elbow. Bo climbs to his feet but the kicks keep coming, Bo finding himself backed into the Beverly Hills district of the ring and sneakily trapped by a handful of the tights on the outside by Ned. More kicks from Singleton wear down Bohemoth to the point that Ned can safely tag in, stinging Bo with a hard uppercut as he steps through the ropes.

COLE
Chioda warning Ned to open the fist up but that's like telling a drunk carjacking hit-and-run driver not to litter.

Once he's shaken off the effects of the right hand, it looks like the shot has woken Bohemoth up. And The Hansome Hustler suddenly regrets tagging in, as he tags Bo...


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...with a knifedge chop!


*SLAP!*

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

...and another one! Bohemoth is still standing though and getting progressively angrier, so Ned changes tact. A quick ankle pick puts the 284 pounder off balance and allows Blanchard to sweep the standing leg from underneath him. As Bo tries to roll away, Ned pins him on his front and quickly peels off his right elbowpad, digging the point of the exposed elbow into Bo's spine!

COLE
That must be excruciating!

Hearing Bo's shouts of pain Zack steps in and shoves Blanchard off of his partner, before being sent back to his corner. Ned waves him on his way, then reaches down and applies a Boston Crab.

COLE
Coming into this match, I doubt many people expected The Blonds to be picking Bohemoth to try and isolate from his corner, but they've been doing a pretty good job so far. Albeit with some shortcuts along the way.

COACH
Shortcuts Shmortcuts! You forget, Ned and Simon have a crucial advantage over Bohemoth. They've got inside knowledge.

COLE
Of course, I've got no doubts they've been in Christian Wright's ear ever since that confrontation on Reel Talk happened.

Ned sits down on the Crab, but just isn't powerful enough to keep Bohemoth pinned down. And after a brief struggle, Bo is able to reach out and grab the bottom rope to break the hold. Blanchard typically milks the count a few seconds before breaking, then tags in Simon Singleton again. The Video Voyeur quickly kneels down on Bohemoth's back and 'rolls cameras' in the direction of Zack, drawing him into the ring. Chioda does his job and keeps Zack at bay, distracting him from another aspect of his job...



"OOOHHHHHHHHH!"

...preventing lowblows, Singleton dropping a leg across the nether regions!

COACH
Looks like this feature might have to get an PG-13 rating. Not that movie or TV guidance ratings really matter. But, authenticity.

Simon drags Bohemoth into position and climbs to the middle rope. Finally Chioda is undetained again, in time to see Singleton come off the second rope with a kneedrop to the lower back, before turning Bo over and covering...


1...







2...







NO!

"BO - HE - MOTH!"
"BO - HE - MOTH!"
"BO - HE - MOTH!"
"BO - HE - MOTH!"

With some difficulty Singleton gets Bohemoth back to his feet, then just dumps him on the ropes. Tag is made and Ned steps in, trying to pick Bo up with his throat across the top rope. He has to settle for a sort of wheelbarrow lift to get the legs off the canvas, in time for Simon to leapfrog him and drive his weight into the small of Bo's back! Ned then follows up with a Russian Legsweep, making the cover...


1...







2...






Kickout!

Hauling Bo back up, Ned sends him into the ropes with an irish whip. That all becomes wasting effort the moment he ducks his head however, Bohemoth coming to a stop just short and CLUBBING Ned between the shoulder blades!

"YYEEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!"

As Ned arches upright, Bohemoth backs into the ropes once more...




...but this time, he meets a knee from the outside from Singleton!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Simon turns out to the crowd and again 'rolls cameras', Molly capturing the taunt in a dramatic up-angle on the Siclopse. Behind him, Ned now charges at Bohemoth. With a duck of the head Bo manages to backdrop Blanchard however, sending him over the top...



...and although Ned lands on the apron, his trailing foot catches Simon in the back and knocks him to the floor!

COLE
Down goes Singleton!

COACH
Oh my god, oh my god... is the camera okay!?

Luckily, it seems to be, as does Molly (thanks for caring, Coach!) as she gets out of harm's way just in time. Meanwhile Ned manages to drive a knee in through the ropes to catch Bohemoth and sets him up for a suplex to the floor. No way that's happening though. Ned has to wait for Simon to climb back up and help him, The Blonds now positioning Bo for a double suplex up and out of the ring. Even combined they struggle to get Bohemoth up though and Zack sees his chance, running down the apron and scaling the turnbuckles on the far side. The Franchise then sacrifices his body as he dives out to the arena floor, managing to catch Singleton with an axehandle on the way down! Both Zack and Simon hit the floor with a splat, leaving Ned to be suplexed back inside by Bohemoth!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

COLE
Big move for Bohemoth to turn the tide! But, right now he's got nobody to tag out to!

COACH
Yeah, thanks to Zack playing the hero and trying to one-up his own partner.

COLE
I really don't think that's what happened.

Bohemoth rolls over and looks to his corner, to find just turnbuckles. No Zack, no nothing. So he does the same as Blanchard and drags himself back to his feet to continue the fight himself. Ned is up first and strikes first with a right hand. Bo comes right back with one of his own though, staggering Ned back three or four steps. Back comes Ned with a right... and Bohemoth rocks him again. Irish whip by Bo this time, catching Blanchard on the rebound with a BIG Powerslam!!


1...








2...







NO!!

With Zack now limping back to his corner, Bohemoth knocks down Ned with a clothesline. And a second. And, once Ned finally makes his feet for the third time with hands begging for mercy, a third clothesline! The Handsome Hustler is reeling and Bohemoth ignores Zack as he re-grabs the tag rope and offers the belated tag...


Thumbs Up.


THUMBS DOWN~!



*slap!*

COLE
Blind tag?

COACH
Oh boy oh boy! How how does the Neilsen Scale go, anyway?

Tagging himself in, Zack steps in to be confronted by an unhappy Meterosexual Monster. As the clear difference of opinions rages, Ned manages to get across to his corner and tag out to Simon Singleton who creeps into the ring. Bohemoth and Zack continue to debate between themselves...



...allowing Singleton to creep over and schoolboy Zack...



1...









2...







KICK BY BO TO BREAK THE COUNT!!

COLE
Oh, I wasn't sure he was going to save him for a second!

Apparantly not concerned by the fact he just got kicked in the ear by him, Singleton quickly scoops up Zack and holds him in place, offering Bohemoth a free shot at his partner! Simon urges Bo to "go ahead". But, Bohemoth just looks at him like he's crazy and goes to leave... at which point Simon shoves Zack into Bo! Bo shoves Zack right back at Simon, who again traps him and gives Bohemoth the option again now that Zack has "attacked him first". Still no dice however, as Zack performs a standing switch and grabs a waistlock...



*SMACK!*


...Big Boot by Bo...




...into a Release German by Zack, DROPPING SINGLETON ON HIS HEAD!!

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
Bohemoth did NOT take the bait and instead Simon took the ride with the UGLY landing!!

Seeing his partner getting decimated spurs Ned into the action. Balling up his fists he runs at Zack with a wild double axehandle, which Zack is easily able to duck and spin into a waistlock.

ZACK
One more?

BOHEMOTH
Sure, why not?



*SMACK!*


...Big Boot by Bo...




...into a German by Zack, this time with no release! Zack hangs on and rolls through with The Handsome Hustler, bringing him to his feet for a second rolling German! Clinging onto the waistlock, Zack brings Ned up one more time. He doesn't go up for another suplex though, instead jarred across the knee with an atomic drop, setting him up in the path of the charging Bohemoth...




...AND A MURDERLINE!!!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Oh he took his head off!

COACH
He did not, quit exaggerating! Ned's fine! Look at him!

Cut to a close up of Ned, right leg twitching.

COACH
That'a boy Ned, keep on dancing you crazy cat you!

COLE
I've got a feeling the end may be near.

As Molly becomes the lone voice wondering what happened to the referee's five count to get one in and one out of the ring, Zack and Bo turn to each other and try to figure out who's going to finish the match off. Apparantly neither wants to give up that privilege, Bohemoth picking Simon slowly up while Zack crouches and keeps one eye on the awaking Ned. Still with half an eye on each other, Zack watches Ned up while Bo scoops Simon off the mat with a double leg.




*WHAM!*


FRONT SPINEBUSTER by Bohemoth...




*SMACK!*

"YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

...AND SCHOOL'S OUT by Zack!! Both Ned and Simon are out. Double cover...



1...








2...









3!!!!


*DINGDINGDING!*

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

BUFFER
Here are your winners... the team of BOHEMOTH and "THE FRANCHISE"... ZACK MMAAAALLLIBU!!

Molly sadly turns the Siclopse off as Zack and Bohemoth stand up from their pinfalls and turn to each other. Not nearly as heated as before, the two seem to have gotten over their misunderstanding enough to exchange a wry smile with each other from across the ring as they stand over the motionless Beverly Hills Blonds.

COACH
Well, in the end, Zack and Bo were able to stay on the same page and pick up the win here tonight. But although The Beverly Hills Blonds won't get the blow-up they were hoping for, the seeds of doubt have been planted. Tension definately seemed to rise at times in this match. How long can these two stay on the same page in co-pursuit of the World Heavyweight Championship?

COLE
With people like you and The Blonds pushing the buttons, I'm not so sure.

COACH
And it'll be every man for himself January 27th, at AnglePalooza, in the Lethal Rumble. Sooner or later Michael... sooner or later.

COLE
That remains to be seen. For now, an impressive win by the makeshift team of Zack Malibu and Bohemoth, a bad start to Anderson Cup season for The Beverly Hills Blonds.

With another exchange of looks, Bohemoth leaves Zack to soak up the adulation of the victory, happy with just another in the 'W' column. Zack watches him leave before he so much as climbs the first turnbuckle.

COMING UP NEXT
THE HOLY WORD FROM A HOLY MAN.
Colonel Abdullah Abir Speaks
NEXT

[Chanel #99]

We see goth-prep Maggie Nerdly, in a black polo shirt and ruffled black mini skull patterned skirt, stationed in the expertly decorated Action Zone, which features a wealth of flat screen television monitors, each displaying various moments in oaoast history. On the walls hang glittering replicas of the numerous oaoast titles both past and present, along with gorgeous pictures of those superstars that don't look like they've spent the previous night face down in a ditch.

MAGGIE
What's up ya'll! Maggie Nerdly, it girl on the scene, keepin it gangsta at the ActionZone. I know ya'll are gonna be hopping onto OAOAST.com after the show is over for the last AfterParty of the year, and you better because we got one kick ass New Year's edition for ya. Alix tells us how to spend the New Year's in the city of angels, Zack let's us know how to keep it crackin in New England, and Christopher Patrick Allen tells us about the time he had to tangle with Ike Turner in a bar in St.Louis on NYE. You better be there!

We move from Maggie to much uglier sight of Michael Cole,

COLE
Switching gears now, ladies and gentlemen. This past weekend on OAOAST Syndicated a confrontation took place between the two teams who will meet LIVE next Thursday night at the New Year’s Spectacular for the tag titles on the premiere of Abdullah Nerdly’s House of Worship. You heard me right. Colonel Abdullah is now the host of his very own syndicated talk show. In case you missed you, let’s revisit the incident that got the Heavenly Rockers and Lone Star Gunslingers barred from the arena tonight.

Courtesy: OAOAST Syndicated

We zoom in from a wide shot somewhere up in the cheap seats to a platform located off to the side of the entranceway as a mellow ARABIC CHANT plays in the background.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Xenophobia or simply distain for the guiding light of the Heavenly Rockers, COLONEL ABDULLAH? You decide as the black sheep of the Nerdly family, dressed as though he stole Morgan Freeman’s wardrobe from Bruce Almighty, walks to the podium.

SCHIAVONE
What is this?

VENTURA
It's the Colonel.

SCHIAVONE
I can see that. But what business does he have out here?

Abdullah stands before a cloudy backdrop now surrounded by a bevy of beauties and with a microphone that would make Bob Barker proud in his possession.  

VENTURA
Not quite 72 virgins, but you won’t hear any complaints from the Colonel-- or me!

The chanting plays at a subdued level throughout the “service”.

ABDULLAH
Greetings, infidels, and welcome to the grand opening of my House of Worship! Ever since Brothers Simon and Ned left for the riches of pay television, this portion of the show has been without…a guiding light.

“BOO!”

ABDULLAH


Under the hot television lights the Colonel begins to perspire. With the snap of his fingers one of the beauties pats his forehead dry with a cloth.

SCHIAVONE
Give me a break! This guy is so full of himself, Jesse. Look at that hideous smile on his face.

VENTURA
The service ain’t even over and Abdullah’s already delivered a powerful message!

ABDULLAH
For the past few weeks a search has been going on to find a new host. A host that cannot be swayed by the color of a person’s skin. A host that would allow its viewers to think for themselves. A host loved the world over.

SCHIAVONE
Then what’s he doing up there?

ABDULLAH
As fate would have it, the man conducting the search was a close friend of the family -- my REAL family, not the Nerdly clan -- and the executive producer of this segment, Brother Theodore Moneymaker.

“BOOOOOOOOOOO!”

ABDULLAH
Suffice to say, Brother Theodore was blown away by my message of hope and prosperity. A message I wish to spread to all the lost souls of the world, such as those in this arena and watching at home. So without any further ado, let’s begin, shall we?

The lights dim and a spotlight falls on Abdullah.

ABDULLAH
Let’s begin by talking about sex. No, no, no. Love. As you know by now, the hottest story in entertainment is not the writers’ strike, but the revelation Britney Spears’ snot-nosed kid sister is pregnant. To quote a Nerdly family proverb, “One can always find a positive in what is usually deemed a negative.” For Papa Nerdly it was the federal aid he received from fathering countless children. For Sister Jamie Lynn, it’s quite evident to me her hope is to be the mother she never had. A mother that will love and nurture instead of trying to make a quick buck. So rather than condemn young Jamie Lynn, we ought to commend her for bringing love into the world. A lot like the love my guests this week spread through music, and who on January 3rd at the New Year’s Spectacular will play one of their greatest hits for the Lone Star Gunslingers. Brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews and mothers and fathers, I present to you the greatest rock ‘n‘ wrestling band of ALL-time, accompanied by Holly-Wood, the One & Only World tag team champions… THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS!!!

HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT!

The Heavenly Rockers emerge to a chorus of boos. Their attire is worthy of the jeers alone as Lolly (Logan and wife Holly) sport matching leopard skin jumpsuits, while Synth rocks an un-PC shirt that reads “My Brother Was A Suicide Bomber And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt”.

SCHIAVONE
Playing favorites I see.

VENTURA
Hey, the Heavenly Rockers aren't no slouches. They're the One & Only tag team champions of the world.

Synth mentally undresses the beauties as Lolly take center stage with Abdullah.

ABDULLAH
Brothers Synth and Logan and Sister Holly, welcome to my House of Worship.

LOGAN
Anything for a friend. But I gotta say, it’s weird being in a House of Worship considering sins past, present and future!

SYNTH
:headbang:

HOLLY


ABDULLAH


LOGAN
Perfect example: our date with your wicked half-sister’s Lone Star Gunslingers, January 3rd at New Year’s Spectacular. The night acts of violence unimaginable to the human mind will materialize.

ABDULLAH

Brother Logan, it was only this past spring you uttered such a statement and we have since to see the poor souls who dare stood in your path again.

LOGAN
It’s the same fate Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels will meet at the New Year’s Spectacular. You, Gunslingers, will realize the Heavenly Rockers just aren’t the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of all-time…but the greatest tag team to ever set foot in a wrestling ring sayeth Logan Usher Mann!

ABDULLAH
Now, Brother Synth, there’s a rumor going around…started no doubt by Melody Nerdly, the biggest gossipers this side of the National Enquirer…that despite the fact the same stipulation was in place for last year’s tag title match at the New Year’s Spectacular, where the loser was automatically entered in the Anderson Cup, you guys fought hard for it to be included. Do you care to dispel this rumor, Brother Synth?

SYNTH
Why yes Ah certainly do. Lies. ALL LIES! The Heavenly Rockers ain’t scared of no one or anything. If the Gunslingers were here right now, we’d punk their asses out again.

“YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

SCHIAVONE
Well they’re going to get their chance.

VENTURA
Aw, come on. Just because you don’t believe what’s being said doesn’t mean you can storm the place.

The crowd erupts as MELODY NERDLY and the LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS head to the set. Melody attired more conservatively for the syndicated program, hiding her navel. The Gunslingers on the other hand have come dressed to fight, fists taped and all.

ABDULLAH
Oh, yes, the gossip according to Synth. Truer words have never been… (notices company) … spoken. Now hold on just a second, Brothers Jock and Baron and Sister Melody. This is a House of Worship. I will not tolerate any violence on this holy ground.

BARON
Shut up!

MELODY


“YEAH!”

ABDULLAH
:firedevil:

BARON
We’ve been sitting in the back minding our own business, but enough is enough. You wanna talk about lies? Everything that just came out of your mouths were lies. But let the TRUTH set you free! You hear that clock ticking in your heads. Like a doctor telling his patient he or she only has so long to live, you know the music’s going to die January 3rd at the New Year’s Spectacular. We have the momentum and most importantly the support of each and every one of these people here and at home!

“YEAH!”

LOGAN
You talk real big for a couple of guys who haven’t won a damn thing in their lives. Luckily for you the Heavenly Rockers are in the holiday spirit, so I suggest you ride off into the sunset before somebody gets hurt.

JOCK
Talk is cheap. I’ll give you that, partner. So why don’t we let our actions speak louder than words?

MELODY
Yeah! Why wait for the New Year’s Spectacular when we can end 2007 with one right now!

“YEAH!”

Jock and Baron head off to the ring and are promptly jumped from behind.

SCHIAVONE
Oh, no, Jesse! The Lone Star Gunslingers turned their backs on the Heavenly Rockers…

VENTURA
And they’re paying for it now, aren‘t they? Serves those Gunslingers right. They pulled that tough guy act on the Heavenly Rockers and got punk’d, just like Synth said they would. Ha! I love it.

Restrained by Colonel Abdullah, Melody STOMPS his foot and then SLAPS him in the face to break free…

“YEAH!”

…only to be quickly wrapped up by Holly-Wood and forced to watch the beat down on her team.

“BOO!”

SCHIAVONE
Somebody needs to put a stop to this!

Logan pummels Baron with a light stand as OAOAST officials storm out from the back. As they’re ushered backstage, Logan gets in a parting shot, SPITTING on both Gunslingers!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

We cut back to Michael Cole and The Coach live at Sofa Central.

COLE
That only adds fuel to the fire, Coach.

COACH
A fire the Heavenly Rockers will extinguish at the New Year’s Spectacular.

COLE
We’ll all find out south of the border, next Thursday night, January 3rd live on TSM. Right now, we're heading to commercial. But we still have our mainevent to come later in the evening. Don't miss it!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

The Look Of Love is in Krista's eyes
But will ten of the wildest women on television erase it?
January 3rd 2008
The Look of Love Debuts (unless Patty's still too lazy)

We return to HeldDOWN~! to, strangely, find Landon Maddix and Megan Skye in the ring. Strangely mainly because Landon is in a WHEELCHAIR and wearing a NECKBRACE. (Hey, it beats explaining how they got him into the ring in the chair, huh?) Typically he recieves no sympathy from the Pheonix crowd, even as he grimaces in pain. Holding up a microphone, Megan taps the end to a- make sure it's on and b- get everyone to quiet down. At least she gets one of those, before she hands the mic to Landon.

MADDIX
First of all, I'd like... (stops and favours neck)... first of all, I'd like to wish you all a belated, but nonetheless Happy, Cucarachamas.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

MADDIX
And, of course, a Happy Cucarannukah for some of our foreign viewers.

Landon is again forced to stop because of his bad neck. Megan wraps an encouraging arm gently around him, motioning for the fans to stop booing and show some compassion.

COLE
Did he just say Cucarannukah?

COACH
I don't know. Let's rewind... oh, wait, we're live, shut up.

MADDIX
As you can see, I'm not at my best here tonight. Unfortunately, two weeks ago I suffered a neck injury that would have commited a normal man to a wheelchair for life. Luckily for me, I am no mere normal man... thus, this wheelchair is not for life, just for Christmas. That doesn't mean I am any the less in pain however. Having suffered through a miserable Christmas period, unable to enjoy the simple pleasures of a tobaggon ride, a snowball fight, the building of a snow replica of myself... partly because of the lack of snow around my villa in Madrid, but mainly because of my CRIPPLING neck pain... I come back tonight in a pretty bad mood.

Some of the crowd pick this moment as the perfect moment to heckle Landon.

MADDIX
You people really know how to kick a man when he's down, huh?

"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"
"YOU SUCK!"

MADDIX
MOVING ON! Tonight, I'm here for one reason. It's not to wrestle as you can probably guess. Instead, I'm out here to try and help out each and every member of the OAOAST roster... lord knows there's enough of them. Tonight, I'm demanding that something finally be done about Todd Cortez!

The crowd cheer Cortez's name, perhaps not realising it might seem like they're agreeing with Landon.

MADDIX
The Riot Act Plus has already taken too many victims. Me. That's one too many! Which is why I think it's about time our President, Commissioner, Director Of Authority, General Manager, whatever the hell AngleSault is, did the decent and sensible thing and banned the Riot Act Plus, before more innoce...



.:CUE: "Oh No", Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoah Monche:.

COACH
Oh no.

Landon's eyes bulge as out marches Todd Cortez, presumably to disagree strongly with his opinion. Pleading with Megan to wheel him out of the ring Landon watches in fear as Cortez slides into the ring, stalking right towards him. Landon frantically starts to try and wheel himself backwards, which gets him into a corner at least. For all the good that'll do.

COACH
The handicapped groups of America are sure gonna let us hear about this!

COLE
Handicapped? Maybe mentally, I'm sure if Landon were in need of a wheelchair we'd have heard about it before now.

MADDIX
N-n-now Todd, let's... let's not be hasty... I mean, I'm willing to, uh, debate the pros and cons of this, uh...

Suddenly, as Cortez starts to near Landon, Megan springs into life and jumps onto Cortez's back! The former SWF Women's Champion, for whatever that's worth, tries to put some sort of choke on The Urban Legend, earning her a quick beil off the back and hard onto her ass in the middle of the ring. Landon cheers his manageress on, despite the fact she's clearly in trouble.

COLE
Megan might want to get out of here. Fast.

No such luck, as Cortez grabs her by the hair... and pulls her into a standing headscissors!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAA..."

COLE
Oh no... Todd, don't do this!

Before Todd can even think about setting up Megan for the RAP, Landon Maddix MIRACULOUSLY SPRINGS OUT OF HIS WHEELCHAIR!! Reaching into the spokes of the right wheel, he pulls out a lead pipe...



...uh, wait a second... he pulls out a pi...



...wait for it... THERE WE GO! He eventually pulls out a pipe, turning around and swinging for Cortez's head...




...trouble is, Cortez has thrown Megan aside at least three seconds ago and been watching Landon struggle to pull the weapon from his chair. Ducking the wild swing, Cortez boots Maddix in the gut. The pipe flies off out of the ring as Cortez pulls Landon into a standing headscissors. And as he flails around trying in vain to prevent it, Landon is pulled up into the air by the tumbling Urban Legend...



COACH
NO!! HE'S WEARING A NECKBRAAAAAAAAAACE...




*WHAM!*

...AND SPIKED ON HIS HEAD WITH THE RIOT ACT PLUS~!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Happy Cucarannukah, Landon Maddix!!

His job for the night done, Cortez casually rolls out of the ring as the shocked Megan Skye watches on. Crawling across the ring she tries to revive Landon, while Cortez stolls back off to the back.

COACH
This is horrible. So horrible.

COLE
As plans go, that was a pretty lame effort, I have to say. No offence.

COACH
Well Landon's gotta do something! Apparantly nobody else cares about the damage the Riot Act Plus is doing!

COLE
That's because almost nobody else is getting hit with it! It's just Landon, week after week after week.

COACH
Yeah, rub it in! Can we not get some EMTs out here or something, I mean come on!

COLE
Well, while we await for EMT Tim Cash to aid Landon, let's head to commercial break. When we return set your VCR'S because it will be time for our mainevent!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

*KA-CHING~!*

*”Come and take your Vitamin X.”

The crowd boos loudly as entrance music they haven’t heard in a long time begins playing, that being “Rhymin’ & Stealin’” by The Beastie Boys. Once the vocals kick in, The Lightning Crew Mobile makes its long awaited return to the OAOAST, driven by Cuban Wall with Vitamin X sitting next to Wall in the front passenger’s seat. Princess Stacey dances seductively on the hood of the car, moving her hips to the hip-hop beat.

COACH
I haven't seen that since the 1980's, but I am SOOOO glad that The Lightning Crew brought it back!

The Lightning Crew Mobile stops next to the entrance ramp, and Cuban Wall and Vitamin X exit the vehicle. Wall and VX high five each other and then raise their hands in the air to loud boos. Cuban Wall pumps his right fist into the air. Princess Stacey slides off the hood of the red lowrider and kisses Vitamin X on the lips. She then hugs her man and nods at Wall. Stacey directs Brains & Brawn to the ring. Dollar signs are superimposed over the entrance ramp.

*DING DING DING*

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with TV time remaining. Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by Princess Stacey Of The Lightning Crew. Representing The Lightning Crew. At a total combined weight of 533 lbs. Cuban Wall. Vitamin X. BRAINNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD BRRAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

COLE
Brains & Brawn haven’t wrestled as a team in some time, but they have remained active in singles competition. Tonight, on the final HeldDOWN~! main event of 2007, Brains & Brawn look to soften Tha Puerto Rican and The Mad Cappa up for Stephen Joseph Popick as we are exactly one week away from the New Year’s Spectacular on January 3rd!

COACH
PRL and The Mad Cappa have to team up AGAIN tonight, but they can rest easy knowing that next Thursday they can go back to hating each other again!

COLE
And I’m sure Popick wouldn’t have it any other way!

COACH
That’s right, Divide And Conquer! That’s Popick’s plan to keep the Title on the New Year’s Spectacular!

COLE
But whether that plan will work remains to be seen.

Vitamin X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. He taunts some fans at ringside, while Cuban Wall continues his walk to the ring, eyes focused solely on it, a serious expression on his face.

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican actually SAVED The Mad Cappa earlier tonight, but that doesn’t mean he’s friends with The Mad Cappa now.

COACH
No sir. And that is exactly why the Triple Threat Match next Thursday is Popick’s for the taking! I mean, think about it. PRL and The Mad Cappa HATE each other! They absolutely DETEST each other’s existence! How can they concentrate on winning the World’s Heavyweight Title when they’re only a few feet away from each other? How?

COLE
There is A LOT of history between all three men in the match, and it should be quite the memorable contest next Thursday night on the New Year’s Spectacular, our first OAOAST event of the year 2008!

Cuban Wall shadowboxes a little bit, while Vitamin X continues jawing with the fans. Cuban Wall climbs onto the ring apron and enters the ring via the top ring rope. VX, meanwhile, hops onto a second turnbuckle, and then crosses his arms into a “X”. While X does this, Cuban Wall just stands in the middle of the ring, giving the fans a cold hard stare while “Rhymin’ & Stealin’” continues playing over the P.A. system. Princess Stacey taunts the fans who are ogling her, telling them that they’re never gonna get it.

COLE
And as we say goodbye to 2007, you gotta mention the fact that 2007 was a memorable, an incredible year for The Lightning Crew. Three new members, their leader was kicked out, a new leader replaced him, titles were won, hearts were broken, people were beaten. This might be The Lightning Crew’s best year to date!

COACH
Oh absolutely! No doubt! The Lightning Crew was on FIRE from the beginning of 2007! That’s 365 days of awesomeness right there!

Vitamin X hops off of the second turnbuckle and into the ring. X, Wall, and Princess Stacey all stand in the middle of the ring while spotlights shine on them. They all look at each other…and do The Lightning Crew Salute to LOUD boos from the crowd! Afterwards, VX receives a kiss from Princess Stacey while Cuban Wall jaws with the fans.

COLE
2007 was a memorable year for everyone involved in this match-up, including Princess Stacey, who started the year off by turning on her then-boyfriend Colombian Heat and siding with Vitamin X and The Lightning Crew.

COACH
A great moment in Stacey’s life! And a horrible moment in Colombian Heat’s life, topped only, I think, by Spanish Fly turning on him and joining The Lightning Crew too! Heat lost his girlfriend AND his best friend to The Lightning Crew IN THE SAME YEAR! It’d be awesome if it weren’t so sad and pathetic.

COLE
Colombian Heat bounced back though, winning the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles with Spanish Fly, the OAOAST 24/7 Championship AND becoming the first United States Champion in OAOAST history!

COACH
He hasn’t defended the belt in over 30 days. The OAOAST Championship Committee should look into that.

COLE
Anyway, Vitamin X won Princess Stacey’s ‘love’, if you can call it that, and then proceeded to feud with the legendary Caboose, culminating in a brutal, barbaric, but unforgettable Falls Count Anywhere Match against the two-time former World Heavyweight Champion on the special Saturday night edition of OAOAST Syndicated back on April 28th.

COACH
Vitamin X made his mark on the business by beating Caboose BY HIMSELF. Without any help from The Lightning Crew at all!

COLE
That, unfortunately, cannot be denied.

COACH
Yeah. Then X disappeared until School’s Out when he showed up dressed as Caboose! BRILLIANT!

COLE
Yes, Vitamin X and The Lightning Crew helped Tha Puerto Rican defeat Bohemoth in that hellacious Hell In A Cell Match for the Golden Contract back in May at School’s Out. And Bohemoth, by the way, lost the OAOAST 24/7 Title to Cuban Wall at AngleMania VI: Etched In Stone, right in the middle of the Money In The Bank Over The Top Rope Battle Royal!

COACH
Cuban Wall lost the Money In The Bank Over The Top Rope Battle Royal, but he STILL left AngleMania VI with a title in his hands…until that punk Colombian Heat STOLE IT from him in three seconds!

COLE
That’s right, Colombian Heat became 24/7 Champion for the first time back in July by defeating Cuban Wall in less than 5 seconds! 3 to be exact! The bell rung, the ref counted the fall, and it was over!

COACH
IT WAS THAT DAMN ‘PIMP CANE‘! THAT CANE SHOULD BE BANNED FROM THE OAOAST FOREVER!

COLE
Coach, that was months ago. That was in the past. Calm down.

COACH
I’m calm knowing The Lightning Crew has got Colombian Heat running scared now! The Badd Boyz my ass! PRL and Heat are at The Lightning Crew’s mercy!

COLE
Things have been hectic around here this past month or so, and it looks like the chaos will only continue as the calendar switches from 2007 to 2008!

Cuban Wall heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his hands into the air. The crowd boos. Wall then gets off the second turnbuckle and does some shadowboxing for a little bit. Meanwhile, Vitamin X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle and dances (rather badly) with Princess Stacey.

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican and The Mad Cappa team up for the second week in a row, knowing that next Thursday they have to collide with Popick over the World Heavyweight Title! Can they keep focus on the task at hand?

COACH
While last week might make me think otherwise, I still believe they will duke it out real, real soon. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Vitamin X asks Cuban Wall to dance with him. Wall shakes his head no. VX keeps pestering Wall to dance. Wall threatens to punch VX in the face. That stops X’s pestering. “Rhymin’ & Stealin’” by The Beastie Boys dies down.

COLE
Here is a match that we thought we would never see, but it is coming up in just a few moments right here LIVE on the final HeldDOWN~! of 2007!

COACH
Princess Stacey looks so hot right now.  

COLE
Ugh. Here we go again.

Cuban Wall removes his sunglasses and gold chain from around his neck and hands them over to a ringside attendant. Vitamin X also removes his sunglasses and hands them over to a ringside attendant. Brains & Brawn look to the entrance. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation for the good guys’ entrances.

COACH
What? It’s the truth! She gets hotter and hotter every single day! Imagine how hot she’ll be by the end of 2008!

COLE
Hopefully you won’t have a job here by the end of 2008.

COACH
What was that?

COLE
Nothing.

COACH
That’s right! It better had been nothing!

COLE
*Sigh*

“THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…”

*DUN DUN*

“…IS…”

*DUN*

“…HERE!”

The lights go down in the arena and spotlights circle around and around as “Know Your Role 2000” brings the crowd to its collective feet. The entrance doors slide open, and Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out, with the crowd cheering even louder than before! PR stops on the entrance stage to look at all of his adoring fans, and then makes his way down the entrance ramp with Brains & Brawn staring at him and PRL doing likewise.

BUFFER
And their opponents. First. Coming to the ring at this time. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 lbs. He is one-half of The Badd Boyz. THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN!

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican started the year off as one-half of the HI-YAH World Tag Team Champions with Stephen Joseph Popick. And now next Thursday night, he will face that very man in a Triple Threat Match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, and the third man in that match is Tha Puerto Rican’s partner tonight!

COACH
What a difference a year makes, right? PRL went from being something to nothing.

COLE
He has the fans’ respect now.

COACH
So? He still doesn’t have the World Heavyweight Title.

COLE
That might change in one week, Coach!

COACH
Still. Another year without a World Title. Sad, really.

PRL adjusts his elbow pads and makes sure to talk some trash on his two former allies as he continues his walk to the ring.

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican is the former leader of The Lightning Crew, a position now held by Stephen Joseph Popick since November 29th of this year.

COACH
But planned since September of this year according to Popick.

COLE
The Lightning Crew stunned Tha Puerto Rican, stunned us all by turning their back on their leader for the past four years and siding with Popick, the man who, at one time, proclaimed that PRL was his ’Corporate Champion’.

COACH
PRL was never corporate material anyway.

COLE
You say that now? After rooting for him endlessly for over a year or so?

COACH
Popick made me see the light! PRL is nothing without The LC!

COLE
But if he wins the World Title next week, he’ll be something all right!

COACH
That’s ’IF’, Cole. The keyword is ’IF’. And knowing PRL’s history in World Title matches, that ’IF’ might always be an ’IF’ if you know what I’m saying.

COLE
Who knows what might happen? Remember, No Disqualification, No Countouts, anything goes! THERE MUST BE A WINNER next Thursday night in the Triple Threat Match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title!

P.R. looks at the crowd and gives them The People’s Eyebrow. He then walks around ringside with Brains & Brawn staring at him. X has a cocky smirk on his face. Princess Stacey taunts PRL from inside the ring. Tha Puerto Rican bends down. Cuban Wall and Vitamin X get into their fighting stances.

COLE
Vitamin X and Cuban Wall, two charter members of The Lightning Crew, about to do battle with their former boss. Wall for the second week in a row, X for the first time EVER!

COACH
People have always said that Vitamin X was the breakout star of The Lightning Crew. Now it’s X’s chance to prove it, and against the former leader to boot!

PRL slides into the ring. Brains & Brawn and Princess Stacey exit the ring. Wall and Vitamin X corner Tha Puerto Rican from the outside of the ring. PR dares the two to “JUST BRING IT!”

COACH
They’re cornering him!

COLE
Why? Another Lightning Crew plan?

COACH
I guess so, Mikey!

Cuban Wall and VX enter the ring. Cuban Wall is standing next to PRL on his left, and Vitamin X is standing next to PRL on his right. The crowd boos.

COLE
He’s all alone! PRL is in a bad way here!

COACH
Get ‘im! Get ‘im! Hurt him! Hurt him!

Vitamin X and Wall inch closer and closer to Tha Puerto Rican. Closer they come. Closer…closer…closer…Tha Puerto Rican hits Vitamin X with a Rock-style punch to the temple! “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. PR continues hitting VX with The Rock-style punches as the crowd cheers!

COLE
And Tha Puerto Rican in control of Vitamin X!

COACH
The bell hasn’t even rung yet!

Cuban Wall grabs PRL from behind and beats on him! Vitamin X joins in with right hands of his own! Brains & Brawn have PRL trapped in a turnbuckle corner and beat on him!

COACH
Ha! Ha! They got him again!

COLE
It’s 2-on-1! Tha Puerto Rican’s partner, The Mad Cappa, hasn’t even arrived yet!

COACH
If he’s smart, he’ll stay in the back. Save himself for next Thursday. He doesn’t even like the guy! Why help him?

COLE
As a way to repaid him for helping him earlier?

COACH
Nah.

Cuban Wall punches P.R. while Vitamin X stomps a mudhole in him! Princess Stacey applauds her team while the crowd boos.

*1, 2, 3! Hit it!*

The opening trumpet blare causes the crowd to stand up and cheer loudly! “Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Reunion Mix)” by DJ Kool starts playing. Red spotlights fly all over the arena while strobe lights appear over, under and around the AngleTron. The entrance doors slide open, and The Mad Cappa power walks down the entrance ramp, not stopping to dance this week.

COLE
The Mad Cappa has arrived!

COACH
All right! Here we go!

Vitamin X exits the ring to meet up with Mad Cappa on the entrance ramp! X charges forward…right into a clothesline from The Mad Cappa!

COACH
Oh no!

Vitamin X gets up…and gets clotheslined back down again! Cappa picks Vitamin X up and punches him in the face! He does it again several times, causing Vitamin X to stumble around the ringside area.

COLE
The Mad Cappa going to work on Vitamin X, the man who joined The Lightning Crew the night Cappa’s larynx was crushed!

COACH
Crushed by Tha Puerto Rican, his PARTNER tonight! WTF?
 
“Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Reunion Mix)“ by DJ Kool dies down. The Mad Cappa continues punching Vitamin X causing him to stumble around ringside. Princess Stacey can only look on with concern on her face as Cappa grabs Prince Vitamin and slams his face onto a ring post!

COACH
Oh no! The royal face!

COLE
The Prince is in trouble now!

COACH
Unhand him you PEASANT! You’re a commoner! You shouldn’t touch royalty!

Cappa grabs Vitamin X by his hair and picks him up, slamming X’s face on the top ring step! X collapses onto a barricade. Meanwhile, Tha Puerto Rican slides out of the ring. Mad Cappa slides into the ring and grabs Cuban Wall so that he can start beating him in the face repeatedly! Referee Mike Chioda calls for the bell.

*DING DING DING*      

THA PUERTO RICAN AND THE MAD CAPPA vs. BRAINS & BRAWN (with Princess Stacey)
Cuban Wall hits Cappa with an uppercut! This causes Cappa to stagger. Cappa bounces off the ropes, right into another right hand from Wall! Cappa bounces off the ropes again, right into another right hand from Wall, causing The Capster to drop to the mat!

COLE
Those right hands from the 6’7” 285 pound Cuban Wall rocking The Mad Cappa right now!

PRL heads to his team’s corner. As he does this, Cuban Wall picks The Mad Cappa up and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. Cuban Wall goes for a clothesline…The Mad Cappa ducks…bounces off the ropes…charges forward…Lou Thesz Press!

COLE
Lou Thesz Press from Cappa!

Cappa gets on top of Wall and pummels him with right hands!

COLE
The Mad Cappa having his way with Cuban Wall!

Cappa then gets up, charges forward, and bounces off the ropes, running forward so that he can drop a double axehandle onto Cuban Wall’s face! Cappa covers Wall.

1...






2...


VITAMIN X BREAKS UP THE COVER!

COLE
And The X-Man coming in just in the nick of time!

COACH
Thank God! Thank goodness.

Vitamin X picks Cappa up and punches *him* in the face now. The crowd boos loudly, hating the fact that The X-Man is on offense now.

“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!CLAP!CLAP!*
“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!CLAP!CLAP!*
“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!CLAP!CLAP!*
“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!CLAP!CLAP!*

COACH
He is not! He’s manhandling Mad Cappa right now!

COLE
I wouldn’t say ‘manhandling’, but he is in control, that is true.

Vitamin X starts jukin’ and jivin’, further irritating the crowd. VX punches Cappa in the face. He does it again. X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle, and then punches Cappa in the face a third time, knocking him down to the mat!

VITAMIN X
BOO-YAH~!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

COLE
X receiving no love from these fans.

COACH
Peasants. All of them. Peasants.

Cappa crawls on the mat, so Vitamin X drags Cappa over to a neutral corner and stomps a mudhole in him. X taunts Tha Puerto Rican, but Tha Puerto Rican just sneers. X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle and laughs evilly at PRL, but that stops when The Mad Cappa comes charging out from the turnbuckle corner with a clothesline!

“YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Vitamin X gets up, so Mad Cappa starts punching him in the face again. The punches take X to a neutral corner, where The Mad Cappa grabs X’s left wrist and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle corner--NO!--Vitamin X reverses the whip and Cappa hits the turnbuckle back-first HARD! Cappa stumbles out of the turnbuckle, into a clothesline from Vitamin X--NO!--Cappa ducks the clothesline…

KICK

WHAM

BUST A CA--

NO!!!

Vitamin X shoves The Mad Cappa off of him into the ropes. SPEAR~!

COLE
Spear! Spear from Vitamin X!

COACH
All right X! He caught him! Cappa never saw it coming!

Princess Stacey applauds her man. VX stomps on Mad Cappa for a little bit, and then picks him up by his hair, putting him in a front facelock, followed by putting Cappa’s left arm over his head, grabbing Cappa’s baggy style loose jeans and giving him a snap suplex back onto the mat!

PRINCESS STACEY
All right, X! WOOOOO!

COACH
I’m sure Princess Stacey had a very Merry Christmas!

COLE
I’m sure she did. I’m sure Stacey got the best gifts money can buy, the little golddigger.

COACH
How rude! And it’s PRINCESS Stacey to you, commoner!

X gets up and taunts the fans. He then takes a few steps back and charges forward, jumping up and down onto Mad Cappa’s face with a right knee--MAD CAPPA MOVES OUT OF THE WAY!

COLE
Nobody home for Vitamin X there!

COACH
His royal knees are hurt!

Cappa is up and is attacking Vitamin X. He gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. Cappa puts his head down, so Vitamin X kicks Cappa in the face, and then bounces off the ropes with a clothesline knocking Mad Cappa down!

COLE
And just like that, Vitamin X is back in control of The Mad Cappa!

COACH
Where he will remain for the rest of this match-up!

X goes for the cover.

1...




2...







LEFT SHOULDER UP!!!

Princess Stacey mouths, “DAMNIT!” Prince Vitamin trash talks Cappa and then punches him in the face several times before taking him over to a neutral turnbuckle corner and slamming Cappa’s face on the top turnbuckle pad. VX pounds away on Cappa in the corner while the crowd boos.

“MAD CAP-PA!”
“MAD CAP-PA!”
“MAD CAP-PA!”
“MAD CAP-PA!”

COLE
The crowd trying to bring Mad Cappa back to life! Tha Puerto Rican has yet to enter this match officially!

COACH
He wants some of The X-Man? He can get some too!

COLE
Uh-huh. Sure.

COACH
Shut up.

Vitamin X switches between punching and kicking The Mad Cappa in the corner.

“KILL THE X-MAN!” *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!CLAP!CLAP!*
“KILL THE X-MAN!” *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!CLAP!CLAP!*
“KILL THE X-MAN!” *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!CLAP!CLAP!*
“KILL THE X-MAN!” *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!CLAP!CLAP!*

X tells the crowd to “SHUT UP!” He taunts Tha Puerto Rican some more, and then puts The Mad Cappa in a front facelock. X puts Cappa’s left arm over his head, grabs Cappa’s baggy style loose jeans and seats Mad Cappa on the top turnbuckle. Prince Vitamin punches Mad Cappa in the face some more.

COLE
Vitamin X doing a good job of softening up The Mad Cappa for Stephen Joseph Popick!

COACH
And a damn good job at that! Now just take care of Tha Puerto Rican and we’re all set!

Vitamin X continues punching Cappa, causing Cappa to nearly fall off of the turnbuckle and onto the floor. Luckily, X grabs Cappa’s long white T-shirt to stop him from falling. VX then climbs the second turnbuckle, punches Cappa in the stomach, and then puts him in a front facelock again, putting Cappa’s left arm over his head and grabbing Cappa’s baggy style loose jeans again. Suddenly, Mad Cappa starts punching Vitamin X in his ribs! The crowd cheers!

COLE
This capacity crowd coming to life! The Mad Cappa hammering back!

Cappa keeps hitting VX in the ribs, and then finishes with a headbutt, causing VX to lose his balance and fall to the mat! As Vitamin X gets up, The Mad Cappa stands on the second turnbuckle…and jumps off, hitting Vitamin X with a double axehandle on the way down!

COLE
And he caught him! The Mad Cappa catches Vitamin X with that double axehandle!

COACH
Get up, X! Get up!

The Mad Cappa picks Vitamin X up by his hair and drags him over to his corner where he makes the tag to Tha Puerto Rican.

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

COLE
And now Tha Puerto Rican in this match for the first time tonight!

COACH
What are you waiting for, X? Stop playing possum! Attack! Attack! ATTACK!

Cappa holds Vitamin X so that Tha Puerto Rican can punch him in the stomach! PR attacks VX with Rock-style punches to the temple!

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican and The Mad Cappa working as a unit once again!

COACH
I can’t believe it!

The Rock-style punches take Vitamin X over to a neutral turnbuckle corner. But X fires back with a scratch to the eyes! Prince Vitamin grabs Puerto as he’s covering his eyes and takes him over to the Brains & Brawn corner where Cuban Wall is waiting with his right foot resting on the top ring rope, a foot which PRL meets a few seconds later. X makes the tag to Cuban Wall.

COLE
Brains & Brawn in control of one of the men who will meet Stephen Joseph Popick next Thursday on the New Year’s Spectacular!

COACH
And it’s on free TV, so you cheap bastards out there have no excuse not to watch it!

“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”
“P.R.!”

Cuban Wall taunts Tha Puerto Rican. Tha Puerto Rican responds with a flying clothesline knocking Cuban Wall down! P.R. then starts stomping on Wall with his shaky leg kicks!

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican, The People’s Champion, stomping on the 6’7” 285 pound Cuban Wall with the crowd 100% behind him!

Wall gets up, so PRL punches him in the face! He does it a few more times, and then whips Cuban Wall into the opposite ropes. PR puts his head down, so Cuban Wall kicks PRL in the face HARD! PR stumbles, Wall scoops P.R. up…and brings him down to the mat with a Death Valley Driver!

COLE
Oh my! A Death Valley Driver from Cuban Wall to Tha Puerto Rican!

COACH
Beautiful! Beautiful!

Wall goes for the cover!

1...







2...






KICK OUT!!!

COLE
Only a two count! P.R., despite being beaten by Cuban Wall, still has some fight left in him!

Wall waits for Tha Puerto Rican to get up. When he does, Wall strikes with an uppercut, knocking PRL down to the mat again! CW picks P.R.L. up again, and gives him a headbutt knocking him back down to the mat! Wall picks Tha Puerto Rican up and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. Wall puts his head down, so PRL stops in his tracks, grabs Wall, hooks him up, and delivers a Double-Armed DDT on the big man!

COLE
And Tha Puerto Rican planted Cuban Wall! Hook of the leg!

1...



2...







3!!!
VITAMIN X KICKS PRL IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!

COLE
And Vitamin X makes the save again!

COACH
The X-Man helping his buddy out!

COLE
And he’s doing it against a former buddy!

Both PRL and Cuban Wall slowly get up.

COLE
Cuban Wall and PRL slow to get to their feet as Princess Stacey looks on, worried for her team.

And she has even more reason to be worried as when Cuban Wall goes for a punch, PRL BLOCKS it! He fires with a punch! And another! And another! And another! And another! Puerto Rican grabs Cuban Wall’s left wrist and deliver an Irish whip into the ropes--Cuban Wall reverses--PRL bounces off the ropes--Cuban Wall goes for a clothesline, PRL ducks, bounces off the opposite ropes--Cuban Wall bounces off the ropes himself--DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE OF DOOM~!!!!!!!!!

COLE
Oh! And both men had the same idea right there! Both men knock each other down!

PRL and Cuban Wall both lie on the mat, fatigued. Vitamin X roots for Cuban Wall to get up. So does Princess Stacey. The Mad Cappa looks on, concerned for his tag team partner/arch-rival. Mike Chioda starts his 10 count with neither man showing signs of life.

“3!”

“4!”

“5!”

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican has never been a World Champion, but that could all change next Thursday. But for now, PRL is struggling to survive in this match-up against The Lightning Crew’s premier tag team!

“6!”

Cuban Wall slowly gets up.

“7!”

Wall is on his right knee.

“8!”

Wall stands up.

“9!”

Cuban Wall is at a vertical base now.The crowd chants for Tha Puerto Rican again. Wall picks Tha Puerto Rican up and kicks him in the stomach. The kick takes PRL over to a neutral turnbuckle corner where CW proceeds to hammer away at Puerto’s handsome face. Wall grabs Puerto’s left hand and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle. PR does a Flair Flip onto the ring apron! Cuban Wall goes to attack, but PRL headbutts Wall in his massive gut! He does it again! And again! And again! Cuban Wall slowly steps away from the ropes, so PRL gets back into the ring and waits for Wall to get near him.

KICK

WHAM

P.R. NIGHTMA--

NO!!!

Vitamin X attacks PRL, stopping the P.R. Nightmare! PRL falls to the mat, just as The Mad Cappa enters the ring to attack Vitamin X! Cappa hammers away on Vitamin X! The punches take X over to the Brains & Brawn corner where The Mad Cappa proceeds to stomp a mudhole in Vitamin X and walk it dry! Meanwhile, Cuban Wall stomps on Tha Puerto Rican a few feet away from Cappa and VX!

COLE
All four men are in the ring now! They’re all going at it right here, right now!

Mike Chioda tries to stop The Mad Cappa from stomping an even deeper mudhole into Vitamin X. Just then, Mr. Boricua enters the ring!

COACH
Here comes the calvary!

COLE
The other members of The Lightning Crew have arrived!

The Bone Thug and Thomas Rodriguez also slide into the ring! Mr. Boricua and The Bone Thug attack The Mad Cappa! Upon seeing this, the referee has no choice but to call for the bell.

*DING DING DING* (4:58)

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

COACH
Phew. Brains & Brawn are saved!

COLE
The Lightning Crew has entered the ring and are attacking both PRL and The Mad Cappa!

COACH
They’re softening them up even more now!

The crowd boos loudly. The Bone Thug stomps on The Mad Cappa. Cuban Wall continues stomping on Tha Puerto Rican. Thomas Rodriguez and Mr. Boricua get some shots in on The Mad Cappa as well! Spanish Fly runs down the entrance ramp--but is KNOCKED DOWN FROM BEHIND BY COLOMBIAN HEAT!!!!

COLE
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Colombian Heat is here!

COACH
And he’s attacking Spanish Fly!

Colombian Heat hammers on his former running buddy to the crowd’s delight! Heat hits Fly with rapid fire punch after rapid fire punch on the barricade!

COLE
Finally, after all these weeks, turnabout’s fairplay!

COACH
He caught him unprepared! He caught him when he least expected it!    

COLE
Just like Spanish Fly has done for the past three weeks, right?

COACH
No, this is different!

COLE
How so?

COACH
Because it’s Spanish Fly getting beaten!

COLE
Oh come on!

As Colombian Heat battles with Spanish Fly on the outside, in the inside of the ring, Cuban Wall picks Tha Puerto Rican up. PRL springs to life with a Rock-style punch to the temple! Then another! Then another! Punch. Punch. Punch. NOW KISS THAT LEFT! Punch! PRL attacks The Bone Thug next, hitting him with Rock-style punches to the temple too! Punch! Punch! Punch! NOW KISS THAT LEFT! Punch! The Bone Thug goes over the top rope and onto the floor!

COACH
What are you doing? Soften him up, not let him soften YOU up!

PRL next attacks Mr. Boricua, punching him in the face repeatedly! PRL then whips Mr. Boricua into the ropes--Mr. Boricua reverses. Mr. Boricua goes for a clothesline, Tha Puerto Rican ducks, stops in his tracks--

*KA-POW~!*

AND HITS THE SWEET CHIN MUSIC ON MR. BORICUA~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

COLE
Sweet Chin Music! The Sweet Chin Music on the biggest member of The Lightning Crew!

The Sweet Chin Music is enough to send Mr. Boricua over the top rope and onto the protective mats on the outside! PRL then turns his attention to Thomas Rodriguez. Thomas Rodriguez frantically begs for his life, but Tha Puerto Rican grabs The Official Referee For The Lightning Crew and simply throws him over the top rope and onto the floor, joining Mr. Boricua on the protective mats on the outside!

COACH
NOT THE REFEREE! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

COLE
The Bone Thug is out of the ring! Mr. Boricua is out of the ring! Thomas Rodriguez is out of the ring! Spanish Fly is still brawling with Colombian Heat on the outside! That leaves just Brains & Brawn inside of the ring!

COACH
Where’s Princess Stacey!? I hope she’s all right!

Princess Stacey is on the outside too, watching everything unfold right before her very eyes. And she shrieks in horror when Tha Puerto Rican starts punching Vitamin X in the face several times! The Mad Cappa gets up and attacks Cuban Wall! PRL clotheslines Vitamin X over the top rope and onto the floor! The Mad Cappa whips Cuban Wall into the ropes--Cuban Wall reverses--and hits Mad Cappa with a big boot!

COACH
YES!

COLE
Look out now! Cappa and Cuban Wall in the ring! Wall with a big boot!

Tha Puerto Rican brawls with Vitamin X on the outside while Colombian Heat continues brawling with Spanish Fly also on the outside! Cuban Wall chuckles while The Mad Cappa crawls around the mat. Vitamin X throws Tha Puerto Rican over the barricade. X follows him, and the two men go brawling through the crowd. Colombian Heat apparently has severely weakened Spanish Fly, so he hops over the barricade and gives chase to Vitamin X through the crowd!

COLE
They’re brawling everywhere! Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat, The Badd Boyz, are brawling with Vitamin X in the crowd! The other members of The Lightning Crew are scattered around ringside, in pain! Princess Stacey is really the only LC member on her feet! And Cuban Wall and The Mad Cappa are the only ones left in the ring!

COACH
And look at what Cuban Wall is doing to Mad CRAPPA now!

Cuban Wall has The Mad Cappa on his shoulders…but The Mad Cappa slips out of Wall’s grasp! The crowd boos loudly though as Stephen Joseph Popick has run down to ringside and is grabbing a steel chair!

COACH
POPICK’S HERE!

COLE
The OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion has arrived! And he’s got a weapon in his hands!

COACH
Oh yeah! Soften Cappa up yourself!

Popick, wearing a black dress shirt, a black sports jacket, a gold chain around his neck, his eyeglasses, a nice platinum watch on his right wrist, his gold wedding ring on his right ring finger, black dress pants with a black leather belt, and black dress shoes, has a steel chair in his hands. He threatens to hit Mike Chioda with it. Back in the ring, Cappa goes to kick Cuban Wall, but Wall blocks the kick by grabbing Cappa’s right foot! Wall spins Cappa around, right into a GOOZLE~!

COACH
Do it! Do it! Do it!

COLE
Oh no, Cappa! Cappa is in trouble here!

Wall taunts Mad Cappa while clutching his throat. Wall then grabs Cappa’s jeans and lifts him up, slamming him back down onto the mat with a CHOKESLAM~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COACH
THAT’S how you soften somebody up!

Popick applauds Cuban Wall for a job well done.

COLE
The Mad Cappa is down! A victim of a Chokeslam!

COACH
That’s going to affect him next Thursday night I’m sure!

COLE
Stephen Joseph couldn’t be happier! One of the men who will be challenging him for the World Heavyweight Title next Thursday is lying on the mat, a victim of a Cuban Wall Chokeslam!

COACH
Now all we need is Tha Puerto Rican and we’re done!

Popick gloats over Cuban Wall’s Chokeslam on The Mad Cappa. Suddenly, Colombian Heat hops over the barricade! Popick glances at Heat and yells at him. SJP slides the steel chair into the ring and then yells at Heat some more before going for a punch--BLOCKED! Heat punches Stephen Joseph Popick in the face, causing him to stumble around ringside! Heat punches Popick several more times to the crowds’ delight!

COLE
Colombian Heat is beating up the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion!

COACH
Why are you letting him do this, Popick!? STOP HIM!

Heat grabs Popick and slams his head on top of a barricade! He then sees Cuban Wall has gotten ahold of the steel chair and plans on using it on The Mad Cappa! So Heat, being the good ol’ babyface that he is, slides into the ring and grabs the steel chair just as Cuban Wall lifts it over his head!

COLE
Colombian Heat trying to help The Mad Cappa just like his friend PRL did earlier tonight!

Heat tries to take the steel chair away from Wall, but Wall holds on tight and swipes the chair away from Heat’s hands! Wall then kicks Colombian Heat in the stomach--


*WHAM!*

AND SLAMS THE STEEL CHAIR OVER COLOMBIAN HEAT’S HEAD~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

COACH
I LOVE IT!

COLE
What a chairshot! What a hellacious chairshot by Cuban Wall!

COACH
THAT. WAS. AWESOME!

The crowd groaned with that chairshot! Colombian Heat lies spread eagle on the mat, unconscious following that chairshot! Cuban Wall laughs maniacally as he drops the steel chair onto the mat.

COLE
Colombian Heat sacrificed himself for The Mad Cappa!

COACH
Oh what for? It’s not like they’re friends!

COLE
No, but Heat wanted to HELP The Mad Cappa! He wanted to do the right thing!

COACH
And look what happened. Serves him right, that dumbass!

Cuban Wall stands tall over the fallen Colombian Heat and laughs evilly. He grabs Heat’s yellow basketball jersey and yells at him despite Heat being out cold.

COLE
Colombian Heat is unconscious! Did you hear the impact? That collision, head and steel? He’s got to have a concussion! There’s no way he can survive this unscathed!

Wall poses to LOUD boos while The Mad Cappa continues lying on the mat.

“CAP-PA!”
“CAP-PA!”
“CAP-PA!”
“CAP-PA!”

The Mad Cappa starts crawling around the ring. Cuban Wall continues posing and taunting Colombian Heat. He laughs manically. Cuban Wall turns around. The crowd cheers.

KICK

WHAM

BUST A CAP~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

COLE
BUST A CAP! BUST A CAP on Cuban Wall!

COACH
OH NO!

Cuban Wall now lies flat on his back, just like Colombian Heat! The Mad Cappa taunts Cuban Wall. As he does this, Stephen Joseph Popick slides into the ring and starts wailing away on Heat!

COACH
Look at Popick!

COLE
Popick going to work on Colombian Heat, Tha Puerto Rican’s best friend!

COACH
Hurt him!

COLE
Why? He’s already knocked out!

COACH
Send a message to PRL!

Popick taunts Colombian Heat in between punching him in the face!

COLE
Stephen Joseph Popick hammering away on an unconscious Colombian Heat! Damnit! The man is out cold!

COACH
He’s making it worse! He’s pouring salt into the wound if you will! I love it!

Stephen Joseph Popick continues beating on Heat. The Mad Cappa gets up and stares at Popick. The crowd buzzes in anticipation. Cappa walks on over to Popick, and when he does, Popick stops punching Heat.

COLE
Wait a minute. The Capster is standing over Popick!

COACH
LOOK OUT POPICK! LOOK OUT CHAMP!

SJP slowly tilts his head up until he locks eyes with The Mad Cappa. Popick’s expression changes from cockiness to outright fear. Popick starts sweating bullets as The Mad Cappa just stares at him.

COLE
Stephen Joseph looking at one of the men who wants his World Title next Thursday!

COACH
He’s never gonna get it! NEVER EVER! EVER!

The Mad Cappa gives Popick two middle fingers! Popick slowly stands up and begs for mercy. He keeps saying, “WAIT ‘TILL NEXT THURSDAY! WAIT ‘TILL NEXT THURSDAY!” But the crowd is antsy for something to happen right now. Cappa sneers at The Most Hated Man In The OAOAST.

COACH
RUN, CHAMP, RUN!

Popick is shaking in his dress shoes! He makes a run for the hills, but The Mad Cappa grabs Popick by his black sports jacket and black dress shirt and drags him around the ring!

COLE
He’s all alone! Princess Stacey can’t help!

COACH
Yes she can! Hit him in the nuts, Stacey!

But Princess Stacey only watches as Cappa continues dragging Popick around and around and around! Cappa lets Popick go. Popick runs right into the ropes, which he bounces off of…

KICK


WHAM


BUST A CAP~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

COLE
BUST A CAP! BUST A CAP ON POPICK!

COACH
AAAHHHH!

The Mad Cappa taunts Stephen Joseph Popick! Popick’s glasses have fallen off of his face. “Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Reunion Mix)” by DJ Kool begins playing while the crowd cheers loudly.

COLE
And if The Mad Cappa does that to Stephen Joseph Popick next Thursday, we could have a new World Heavyweight Champion here in the One And Only AngleSault Thread!

COACH
Well, he won’t get to do it next Thursday, because Cappa AND PRL will go down at the hands of Popick and you can bet on it!

Cappa continues taunting Stephen Joseph Popick, who is lying a few feet away from the still unconscious Colombian Heat.

COLE
The Mad Cappa returning the favour to Colombian Heat!

Cappa plays to the crowd and dances as “Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Reunion Mix)” continues playing. Cappa paces around the ring, making sure not to bump into Heat or Popick, and calls for a beer. He’s thrown one from a ringside attendant. Mad Cappa cracks open the beer can and drinks from it as Popick crawls around the ring. Cappa then calls for something else. He’s given a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from the same ringside attendant. TMC takes a cigarette from the carton and lights it up, and then takes a drag, blowing smoke up into the air.

COLE
A post-match beer and a post-match smoke from The Mad Cappa!

COACH
What’s he doing that for? It’s not like he won anything!

COLE
He gave Cuban Wall AND Stephen Joseph Popick BUST A CAPs, AND he is the last man standing in the ring tonight! I think that’s reason enough to celebrate!

COACH
Oh big whoop! He’ll get his next week!

Cappa continues drinking his beer as Popick crawls out of the ring.

COLE
The OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion leaves HeldDOWN~! in what has to be a tremendous amount of pain inflicted by one of the men he must face next Thursday for his World Heavyweight Championship!

The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to Cuban Wall hitting Colombian Heat over the head with the steel chair.

COLE
But Colombian Heat is STILL out cold after that SICKENING thud of the chair by Cuban Wall! You heard that sickening thud all over the arena!  

COACH
Cuban Wall just WALLOPED Colombian Heat over the head with that steel chair! That was AWESOME! The best chairshot I have ever seen! And I’ve seen plenty in my life! Look at that! In slow motion! Beautiful! Let’s look at it again! HA! HA! I LOVE IT! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen again. Mad Cappa is drinking beer and smoking his cigarette. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick has come out to help take Stephen Joseph Popick back to his dressing room. Princess Stacey, her man nowhere to be found, decides to help take Stephen Joseph back to his dressing room too.

COLE
And now Stephen Joseph Popick being helped back to the lockerroom by his wife, Lindsay, and by Princess Stacey.

COACH
Oh, is he a lucky man. How I would love to be helped by those two if you know what I mean.   

COLE
You’ve acted this way throughout all of 2007, why stop now?

Popick is shaking as he’s taken back up the entrance ramp, Lindsay to his left, Princess Stacey to his right. He has a scowl etched on his face as he’s forced to listen to The Mad Cappa’s entrance song again. The rest of The Lightning Crew start moving around the ringside area. The Mad Cappa takes a drag off of his cigarette and then waves bye-bye to the Popicks and Princess Stacey, before giving them all a double middle finger salute! The crowd cheers loudly. Cappa looks down at the unconscious Colombian Heat and shows a look of concern on his face. He checks on Colombian Heat as “Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Reunion Mix)” continues playing over the P.A. system.

COLE
The Mad Cappa stands tall tonight, but will he stand tall next Thursday when he has to take on two men for the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship? It’s The Mad Cappa vs. Tha Puerto Rican vs. Stephen Joseph Popick in a Triple Threat Match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, the main event for the New Year’s Spectacular next Thursday night, January 3rd, LIVE from the Monterrey Arena in Monterrey, Mexico exclusively on TSM! Remember, there will be no HeldDOWN~! next Thursday night, because we will be bringing you the New Year’s Spectacular in the HeldDOWN~! time slot, 8:00 PM Eastern Standard Time/5:00 PM Pacific Standard Time. Fans, thanks for tuning into HeldDOWN~! tonight, and thanks for tuning into every HeldDOWN~! in the year 2007! We hope you enjoyed every edition like we did! The year may be ending, but the OAOAST is still going strong, maybe even stronger than ever! From all of us here in the One And Only AngleSault Thread, from the wrestlers, the referees, the ringside attendants, the announcers, the interviewers, the website people, the production staff, the ring crew, and even Terry Taylor, we all want to wish each and every one of you a very safe and a very Happy New Year! We'll see you in 2008! Good night everybody!

The Mad Cappa gets another beer from the ringside attendant. He cracks it open and drinks from it on a second turnbuckle. Cappa then takes another drag from his cigarrette and blows the smoke up into the air. Stephen Joseph Popick, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, and Princess Stacey have left through the sliding doors. Tha Puerto Rican and Vitamin X are still nowhere to be found. Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, Thomas Rodriguez, Spanish Fly, and The Bone Thug start walking up the entrance ramp, all in horrible pain. The Mad Cappa chugs the beer he’s drinking as “Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Reunion Mix)” by DJ Kool continues playing over the P.A. system. The crowd cheers loudly. This is the last image we see on OAOAST HeldDOWN~! in 2007 as the credits roll and we fade to black.

FADE OUT