OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 12/6/07

[Chanel #99]

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

PRESENTED IN HD

The opening credits, featuring greyish blue-shaded images of various OAOAST superstars in victorious poses flashes along the screen, set to the new and much, much, much improved themesong, Ultimate Victory by Chamillionaire. As if it finishes proclaiming the greateness of the OAOAST superstars we fade to the logo.....



We're taken into the arena, directly to Sofa Central, where the orange polo clad announcers, Michael Cole and The Coach lean off the leather couch, eager to welcome us to tonight's events.

COLE
Ladies and gentlemen thank you for joining us here on HeldDOWN! We are live from Tacoma, Washington, and as the year winds down, the intensity heats up. There's quite a bit of action to see tonight so let's get right to it!

Renegade hits, and Reject makes his way through the curtains, to the boos of the crowd, followed by the Burrough Boys.

COLE
And the International World champion making his way to the ring!

COACH
And you know he's got a lot of interesting things to say, Cole!

COLE
Reject coming off of a successful defense of his title at November Reign, defeating Denzel Spencer!

Reject steps into the ring and raises his belt in the air, then grabs a mic from ringside.

REJECT
First I need to get something off my chest.  The OAOAST scheduling manager is really scraping the bottom of the barrel lately.  Who the hell books a live HeldDOWN~! from Tacoma, Washington?

*crowd boos*

REJECT
Here I am, waiting to gloat about my successful title defense at November Reign, and we get a run of shows in the Pacific Northwest to do it in?  Although, I guess, Washington does deserve some consolation, since they're about to lose all their pro basketball teams...

*crowd boos*

REJECT
Boy, that Oklahoma City is picking up some REAL winners. 

*crowd boos*

REJECT
Anyway, I am, in fact, here to discuss my victory at November Reign.  I have to admit, without the BIAS of OAOAST officials working against me, I thought my match with Denzel Spencer would be a cakewalk.  But he actually gave me a hell of a match.

Reject turns and looks at the Burrough Boys, who start to give sarcastic rounds of applause.

REJECT
Yes, this Spencer has a bright future here in the OAOAST...but unfortunately, this is the present.  And you don't stand a chance.

*crowd boos*

REJECT
You know, I can't wait for the College Football bowl season.  Specifically, I'm looking forward to the Sugar Bowl, where the Hawaii Warriors will STOMP the Georgia Bulldogs into dust.  You see, I can relate to Hawaii, because all the major universities were afraid to play them during the regular season.  And that's the same problem I have.  Popick, Zack Malibu, Landon Maddix, Tha Puerto Rican, all these so-called "main-eventers"...they're all SCARED.  And that's why I run into the problems I do...

Je t'adore, Je t'adore...

Girls, Girls, Girls plays, and Felix Strutter walks through the curtains, followed by Deon Black.

COLE
And what do we have here?

COACH
Oh, this ought to be REAL good!

Strutter and Black climb into the ring, and Strutter gets another mic.

STRUTTER
Okay, look.  Do you have a point to make out here?  Because if I want to listen to shitty college football breakdowns, I'll turn on ESPN and listen to Lou Holtz.

Reject smirks, then raises the mic up again.

REJECT
Let me guess...you're out here to answer my challenge for more competition.

STRUTTER
I'm not out here for your insight on the Chick-Fil-A bowl.

REJECT
Okay then.  Tell me, what makes you a more worthy contender than Denzel Spencer?

STRUTTER
It's really simple when you think about it.  You say none of the big names will challenge you?  Well, it don't get no bigger than Felix Strutter.

*crowd boos*

STRUTTER
You can rank my body of work this year with anyone in this fed.  Just ask your former partner, Thunderkid!

REJECT
OK, that's all well and good.  You beat Thunderkid a couple times.  You rode Alf's coattails to a couple Heartland titles.  And that should somehow entitle you to a shot at MY title?  After you've lost to Sandman9000 on three consecutive PPVs?

*crowd cheers, as Strutter is visibly upset.*

STRUTTER
Enlighten me, then.  What's the secret to beating Sandman?

*pause*

STRUTTER
Oh, that's right...you don't know, because you were too busy getting your own ass kicked three weeks ago!

*crowd cheers, as Reject walks in a circle in the corner, then walks towards Strutter.*

REJECT
None of that matters.  Because when it comes down to it, you're just like Denzel Spencer.  Maybe you're the future of the OAOAST, but right now...(Reject pokes him on the chest with each word)...YOU...DON'T...MATTER.

Strutter puts his head down, then picks it back up and starts to speak again.

STRUTTER
I agree with you to an extent...I do have a bright future here.  And the future...IS NOW!

With that, Strutter SPITS in Reject's face!

COACH
Oh my...

Reject fumes, then as Strutter turns to leave, Reject blindsides him with his belt!

COLE
And Reject with a cheapshot on Felix Strutter!

Deon Black then strikes, grabbing Reject around the throat and trapping him in the corner!  The crowd cheers the big man on, as the Burrough Boys move in.  Black turns and lets out a yell.

BURROUGH BOYS
OH SNAP~!

The Burrough Boys scatter, then jump out of the ring and run away through the crowd!  Reject slides out of the ring, as Medal hits, and the cheers of the crowd shower Anglesault as he comes to the ring.

COLE
Here comes the boss!

Anglesault steps into the ring, and grabs the mic that was being used by Strutter off the mat.

ANGLESAULT
My my my...this is an interesting development!  I think the great fans of Tacoma would like to see this one play out!

*crowd cheers*

ANGLESAULT
So here's what I'm going to do.  Tonight, I'm going to make a match, for the International World title, featuring Reject, and Felix Strutter!

*crowd cheers*

COACH
WHOA~!

ANGLESAULT
But there's a couple other things I noticed listening to you guys.  Reject, you seemed awfully confident that you could beat Denzel Spencer anytime you want.

Reject reluctantly nods his head.

ANGLESAULT
Good.  Then that means you wouldn't have any problem with facing him one more time, which is great, because also in the match, will be Denzel Spencer!

*crowd cheers*

ANGLESAULT
Also...a certain individual was brought up in the discussion, who holds two victories on HeldDOWN~! over you, Reject, and three victories at consecutive PPV events over you, Felix Strutter!

The crowd roars, as they know who Anglesault is referring to.

ANGLESAULT
And judging by that, that would certainly warrant that individual a shot at the International World title!  So, the fourth and final participant in tonight's main event, will be...SANDMAN9000!

*crowd roars*

ANGLESAULT
Now then...I'll let you two go to the back, because you have a match to prepare for.  But I need to speak to this big man right here.

Anglesault turns his attention to Deon Black, as Reject angrily walks back to the dressing room, and Strutter hangs around to see what he has to say.

ANGLESAULT
Felix has a match to get ready for...but as for you, you need to get ready to return to your hotel room.

The crowd cheers, as Anglesault waves to the back, signaling a hoard of police officers to the ring.

ANGLESAULT
Your actions at November Reign were totally unacceptable, and has left an OAOAST referee in the hospital.  So, it is my decision, after nearly two weeks of deliberation, that you are suspended indefinitely from the OAOAST!

The crowd cheers, as Black starts to go after Anglesault, who goes into a fighting stance.  Strutter leaps onto the back of Black, talking into his ear, until Black calms down.

ANGLESAULT
Get him out of here!

Strutter is talking to him the whole time as the cops handcuff him, needing two pairs to reach both hands behind his back.

COACH
Look at that.  One pair ain't gonna do it with this guy!

COLE
Wow, some monumental things going down on HeldDOWN~! tonight!  Deon Black suspended, and a four-man main event, for the International World title!

[Chanel #99]

We cut backstage where the hallways are filled with OAOAST talent and staff, and at this moment no less a talent that Zack Malibu himself walks with a purpose through the backstage area...that is until an arm stretches out and stops him in his path! Malibu turns to the individual off camera who interrupted his stroll, and it's none other than the Metrosexual Monster himself, Bohemoth!

BO
Whoa...where you going, preppy?

MALIBU
Out to the ring. I've got a bone to pick about the way the end to the Triple Cage Match went down at November Reign, and figured what better place than here on HeldDOWN~! to air that grievance.

Bo softly chuckles to himself, shaking his head.

BO
That's funny, because I've got a bit of an issue with how things went down that night myself.

MALIBU
Do you?

BO
Yeah...namely for the fact that I'd be World Champion if it wasn't for getting my jaw rattled like a baby's toy thanks to someone's superkick.

MALIBU
Hang on...you're bitching about getting superkicked? Bo, I don't have time...

BO
No, you do have the time. We're right here, right now, so just listen. I'll give you the chance to talk, but you need to open your ears first!

Malibu is half angry, half shocked at the snap from the normally reserved hoss, but he respectfully remains silent, choosing to hear Bo out.

BO
I know why you're here tonight, Zack. You're going to go out to the ring and cry foul, find some way, some excuse to stay in the title hunt. Last time I checked, you've lost all your recent title opportunities. Your not exactly batting 1000 in title matches, but yet you always find a way. Now I know you've been screwed in the past by Popick, by Maddix, by PRL...but instead of whining about it, DO something about it! I've been in this company for almost three years now, and you and I, we haven't always seen eye to eye. Right now, we're more or less on the same side of things, but I'm not going to let that get in the way of how I feel. I bust my ass just like anyone else to get to where I'm at, and I got a shot to be in that Triple Cage Match. Now neither one of us walked out with the belt that night, but do you see me going out there and cutting a promo on why I should be the champion? No, because I'm gonna get back in the ring and earn the right to fight for it again. I'll go through anyone and everyone on the roster, and I'm challenging you, Zack, to do the same.

ZACK
You know, Bo, you make some good points. My being screwed though, that's not an excuse, or even a reason to want another title shot. It goes back to the aWo days, to Popick, to your old buddy, and you know who I'm talking about...this is a company that I helped build, and I EARNED the right to be called its Franchise. I earned the right to be the face of this company by busting my ass for the last five and a half years, going to hell and back whether it was for a belt, for this company, or for my own personal pride. I am tired of this company being represented by people who treat that belt as a trophy, disregarding what it truly means to be a champion. What you just said to me...it took balls, my friend. It took balls, and it showed you have heart, and that you're not out for the quick fix. So you know what...challenge accepted. If you're going to build yourself back up, then so am I. Now it's just a matter of who gets there first.

With that, Zack extends his hand, and Bo accepts, shaking on their little agreement.

BO
Even if you get there first, Zack, I won't be far behind.

MALIBU
Likewise, big man. Likewise.

Zack pats Bo on the shoulder and walks off, as Bo watches and smirks, then turns and goes his own way.

The camera cuts to the backstage area where Josh Matthews is standing by. Suddenly, he sees someone he wants to talk to: Stephen Joseph Popick! Popick, wearing a black T-shirt, leather jacket, his eyeglasses, black jeans with a black leather belt, a watch on his right wrist, his wedding ring on his right ring finger, and black boots, walks into the arena carrying a black duffle bag over his right shoulder and the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. Popick walks by with a cocky smirk on his face. The crowd boos.

JOSH MATTHEWS
Stephen Joseph! Mr. Stephen Joseph! One question: Who were you talking to last Thursday? Who is the person you believe will get rid of Tha Puerto Rican forever? Who is the person that has a history with Tha Puerto Rican?

STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK
Josh, you'll find out when everybody else finds out: later on tonight!

Popick walks away. Josh Matthews stands there disappointed that he didn't get anything interesting or newsworthy from Popick.

COLE
Just who is this mystery man Popick's got in his back pocket tonight?

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

From the speakers blasts LA Symphony's King Kong, and from the entrance doors waddles The Samoan Wrecking Ball Faqu. Behind him is the much more animated James Blonde, trashing talking and shadow boxing imaginary foes.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a television time limit of ten minutes! Now making his way to the ring being accompanied by James Blonde, from The Isle of Samoa...FAQU!

COLE
Faqu normally a resident of our Syndicated programing, but this is the second week he's gotten a chance to shine on the big stage. Last week he and his partners in Internationally Known fell to The Christ Air Express and Leon Rodez. But, he's gotta put that aside and get things done tonight. With a roster so large there's no room for failure.

BUFFER
And his opponent from Mobile, Alabama, Bill Boxton!

Faqu leans his blubbery chest into the ring ropes, saliva dribbling down his porous mouth, as his berobed second, offers him a wealth of questionable ring advice. Rather its actually understood  or valued by Faqu is debatable, for he simply posses the same primal, savage look we can only expect out of a man wrestling in his bare feet.

DING DING DING

No sooner then a moment after the bell rings does a roaring Faqu zoom across the ring, eager to crush his rival with his mammoth girth. But the youngster from Alabama sidesteps the incoming charge and sends the Samoan crashing into the corner posts. Stunned by the unexpected reversal, Faqu is peppered with a series of right hands. However, the attacks fail to do much damage, and he effortlessly shoves Boxton away. Boxton refuses to back down, and returns fire with a boot to the gut. Despite his weight, Faqu is actually doubled over by the attack, which gives BB the opportunity to dart  to the ropes. Once he returns he slams a lariat into his larger rival's chest! But, Faqu doesn't go down and instead emits a mighty scream of defiance.

COLE
Folks, just a reminder that the OAOAST will be in Monterrey, Mexico on January Third for the first ever New Year's Spectacular!

Not deterred by his previous failure, Boxton returns to the cables. He meets with much greater success this time, and upends Faqu with a diving shoulder block! Unfortunately there's no time to capitalize on his achievement, as Blonde has lifted himself onto the apron. Distracted by the ugly robe alone, Boxton retreats to give him such much needed fashion advice. But he doesn't get very far before he feels the constraints of a Samoan aided full nelson lock him into place. Within moments he's being brought into the sky, and slammed on the canvas by a powerful full nelson bomb!  Boxton screams in terror, while Faqu towers above roaring into a night like an Alpha wolf.

COACH
Didn't this guy used to be semi-sane? Like, you know, he could form coherent sentences, didn't droll, and wasn't some kind of psychotic killer? Now, dude is an animal!

“Finish him, man! Make this fool pay the price!” Blonde screams, while strutting on the outside.

At Blonde's insistence, Faqu rips Boxton off the canvas, and jams him between his tree trunk sized legs. Letting out another frightening shout, he attaches the youth into a double underhook, then lifts him upside down into the skies. Without any prelude or warning, the former HI-YAH world champion sitsout, crunching his head into dust with the Death By Samoan (Double underhook piledriver)

COLE
Good lord that was one of the most feared moves in all of HI-YAH!

Referee Billy Silverman counts the pinfall, as Blonde is already on the ring apron, eager to celebrate.

ONE

TWO

THREE!!!

BUFFER
Your winner....FAQU!

Blonde's celebration begins immediately. His bright red leather boots dance and strut across the apron, while his mouth flashes an utterly contemptible smile. Faqu, obviously shares in his partner's joy, growling in satisfaction over his massacre.

COLE
James Blonde and Faqu are very dangerous threats to many superstars, as we just saw here. Individually they're a worry to our singles competitors, together they can give the tag division fits, and with Nathaniel Black, they may present a formidable challenge to six man champions The Love Generation.

COACH
That's not that hard. Just threaten to rip up D*LUX's Krista poster, they'll fall out like two year olds.

COLE
They aren't that bad. Anyway, folks, let's go to Terry Taylor, who's with Mackenzie DeCenzo...

Indeed Terry is backstage with Mackenzie, who wears another one of her famous made for the red carpet evening gowns, this one a yellow strapless number highlighted by thousands of sparkling sequins.

TAYLOR
OAOAST fans, currently I am backstage with Mackenzie DeCenzo, the Chief Financial Officer of The Enterprise. Miss DeCenzo, what was once a harmonious group, has since been turned on its ear, with your recent relationship with Alix Maria Spezia. The changes haven't been for the better, as the upper echelon of The Enterprise ranks, Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker have expressed outright disgust for your lifestyle choice. In fact they've both gone as far as to say you are a sin against church, country and decency. How does it feel to have your own coworkers trash and demean you so openly?

MACKENZIE
You tell me, Terry. Tell me exactly how I should feel. Go on Terry, indulge me with your brilliance. Let me know what I should feel like after I've been basically punched in the gut and had your my faced smeared in shit by people I thought I could trust?

TAYLOR
I imagine it feels pretty bad.

MACKENZIE
Pretty bad? Pretty bad? You have a way with understatement. It feels awful, worse then anything, worse then death when it happens. At the moment it occurs its like a bullet to the brain. The only difference is, unlike with a gunshot, when you die instantly, with this you can react, you can think, and contemplate. And all you want to think about is revenge, all you want to contemplate is finding someway to hurt the people that are hurting you and your baby. And maybe if I wasn't so level headed, so capable of calm detached thought, maybe I would've done something irrational. Ashed a cigarette in Christian Wright's eye, tossed a drink in Moneymaker's face, and slammed my resignation papers on the table. But, lucky for all of us, I am a very rational person. So, while everyone's speculated that my days in the Enterprise are fast approaching extinction, I'm here to tell you to cancel the call of the world wild life fund, I'm going nowhere.

TAYLOR
So you have no problem with what they said about you? Absolutely none?

MACKENZIE
Are you even listening to me? I have a huge problem with it! How could anyone with a pulse not feel something when people they thought were their friends want them to rot in hell? Like I said, Terry, I got hit harder then you can imagine. But I can separate emotion from business better then anyone. And yeah what Moneymaker and Wright said hurt me. It hurt me bad. But I'm not stupid enough to let my emotions get in the way of me earning money. I have worked too hard to get into the position I have to watch it all come crumbling down. I will make this work, Terry. For Alix's sake and for mine.

TAYLOR
And what about Alix? She to hasn't been spared from the indignation of Moneymaker and Wright. And to add to that problem, Moneymaker hasn't been shy about his belief that he can exploit her cookie company for his own gain. And what's worse the rest of The Enterprise, Molly, Ned, Simon, and CPA have all had their own mistreatments at the hands of Alix. You can't tell me she's safe within The Enterprise.

MACKENZIE  
Alix is my world. A threat on her, is a threat on my life. And I will do anything in my power to protect her from those that want to do her harm. And that's exactly what I had to do last week during the main event.

Terry is taken somewhat aback by these comments.

TAYLOR
What?

MACKENZIE
Krista is an animal uncaged. A rabid pitbull off its leash. When she and Alix were pitted in the ring against each other what everyone else thought was a hollow look of sadness, was really a vacant look of a remorseless killer. She's a monster, without any capacity for love in her heart. Only hatred and rage, and Alix was just her next victim. The old clichéd term, if I can't have her, no one will, applies very well to Krista. Her goal isn't to love Alix or protect her, its to have total, unchallenged domination of her. If she can't control Alix, she'll hurt her. Physically and emotionally. You saw it yourself. Or you might have, if I hadn't stepped in to rescue my baby.

TAYLOR
You're insane!

MACKENZIE
I'm what!?

TAYLOR
Insane! Krista would never hurt Alix! Never! You on the other hand, better watch your back from now on! This interview is over!
 
Damn right it is, because Terry, growling several obscenities under his breath, storms away from Mackenzie. Unable to comprehend the audacity, Terry just conducted himself with, Mackenzie turns on her heels and walks off, leaving us to fade away.

COMING UP NEXT
WE ARE FAMILY
Lolly Vs Leon and Jade Rodez
NEXT

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

BUFFER
Wrestling fans, it is now time for the FAMILY FEUD mixed tag match!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

BUFFER
Currently making their way to the ring, Colonel Abdullah Abir Nerdly presents one-half of the World tag team champions and his lovely bride … LOGAN “Macho MACHO” MANN and “THE ANGEL OF DEATH” … HOLLY-WOOD!!

Uneventful entrance as Logan whisks Holly down the aisle.

COLE
As fans of our syndicated OAOAST Pro Wrestling telecast witnessed this past weekend, Logan Mann went on a verbal tirade when our broadcast colleague Tony Schiavone brought up the subject of November Reign, claiming Rodez’s victory was a fluke.

COACH
It was a fluke. Plus Rodez had a handful of tights.

COLE
He did not!

CUE: "Rock The Casbah" by Trust Company

BUFFER
Their opponents, hailing from Grand Rapids, Michigan…total combine weight 358 pounds, the brother/sister combination of LEON and JADE RRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

Always the life of the party, Leon and Jade go around slapping hands with their fans before hopping on the apron for a joint pose. As both hold out their arms triumphantly, Logan charges forward and knocks Leon off the apron with a RUNNING KNEE TO THE BACK, sending the Silky Smooth One crashing into the guardrail below!

JADE


* DINGDINGDING *

Jade shrieks in horror as the Angel of Death yanks her over the top and delivers a devastating clothesline. Outside, Leon is thrown into the crowd after being dropped throat-first on the guardrail, and then is slammed on the concrete floor!

COACH
It’s November Reign all over again, Cole, expect Rodez won’t be able to squeak out the win.

Despite warnings from referee Charles Robinson, Holly stomps Jade in the place babies come from and at her pain.

COLE
Holly totally disregarding the rulebook-- in front of the referee no less! She and Logan don’t care about winning, they just want to punish their opponents.

The Angel of Death backs Jade in the corner and…

“WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

…chops her hard across the chest.

“WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Again.

“WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

And again. Then slams her. Holly mimics the mannerisms of her husband as she straddles the second rope, spreading her arms out to the side before take-off…BUT JADE MOVES AND HOLLY SPIKES HER KNEE INTO THE CANVAS!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Even a wrestling novice such as J-Ro knows what to do next, and that’s applying the FIGURE-4 LEGLOCK!

COLE
The crowd is on their feet as Jade Rodez looks to make Holly tap with the figure-4.

Within seconds of the hold’s application Logan Mann is perched on the top, but LEON RODEZ shoves him down!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

The Grand Rapids Golden Child removes his robe and chases after Logan, who uses Charles Robinson as a human shield. As Leon and Charles become tangled up, Logan stomps on Jade and tags in.

COACH
Logan, no!

COLE
A huge mental lapse on the part of Logan Usher Mann. He automatically made Leon Rodez the legal man by tagging in as this bout is being contested under mixed tag rules, meaning the men vs. the men and women vs. women.

*clap*clap*clap*clap*

Having gotten the crowd involved Leon is ready to lockup, but Logan is not, citing an unsafe working environment. Charles Robinson begs to differ and orders Logan to fight. The Macho MACHO Mann wipes his hands on the side of his trunks and leans in, only to pull back as Leon steps forward.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Logan regains his composure and locks horns with Rodez, and then drives the knee into the midsection, doubling over the Silky Smooth One. A combination of jabs to the face/body rock Leon’s world, but he recovers in time to duck under a bionic elbow and land a JAB of his own! Followed by a second, a third and a fourth.

COACH
Uh-oh.

Leon blows the crowd a kiss, then drills Mann upside the head with an ENZIGURI~!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

COLE
Mama Said Knock You Out!

Rodez drags Mann towards the center and covers.

ONE…

TWO…

NO!

Holly makes the save…and gets decked by a jumping forearm smash from Jade!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Force to restrain the youngest member of the Rodez family, Charles Robinson doesn’t see the LOW BLOW that drops Leon to his knees. To add insult to injury Logan delivers an inverted atomic drop, and then connects with his patent running axe handle smash.

ONE…

TWO…

KICKOUT!

Logan badmouths the New-Age Love Machine as he chokes him, breaking on 4 and a half. The Macho MACHO Mann rams Leon into the turnbuckle, then shoots him across…but Rodez avoids a corner back elbow and plants Logan with an EXPLODER SUPLEX!

ONE…

TWO…

KICKOUT!

Irish whip, but Logan reverses and Leon counters with a kick to the shoulder and an INVERTED LUNGBLOWER!

ONE…

TWO…

Save by Holly.

Leon ascends to the top and soars through the air, wiping Logan out with a beautiful FLYING CROSSBODY…BUT LOGAN ROLLS THROUGH AND HOOKS THE TIGHTS!!

ONE…

TWO…

THR-- NO!

Rodez kicks out and ducks a wicked left hook, and takes Mann down for the LIONTAMER, only to have Holly pop him as he tries to turn Logan over.

LEON


Leon cocks his fist and points to Holly, then puckers up.

COACH
Touch her and you’re a dead man, Rodez. Logan doesn’t like anyone touching his property.

With such tempting options it’s hard to chose, so Leon lets the crowd decide for him. Fist or lips?

“FIST!”
“LIPS!”

Leon thanks the crowd for their input but takes what’s behind him instead, tagging his baby sister Jade.

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

J-Ro SPEARS Holly and hammers away. The Angel of Death covers up as best as she can, but Jade is ferocious in her attack, not letting up one bit. She whips Holly to the buckle and follows in, spiking both knees into the chest. Holly stumbles out and is placed in a COBRA CLUTCH, then driven straight back on Jade’s knee!

ONE…

TWO…

THR-- NO!

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Logan grabs Jade by the ankles and crotches her on the ringpost! Leon isn’t cool with that and floors Logan. They brawl on the arena floor as Holly plants Jade with a TWISTING FISHERMEN’S SUPLEX!

COACH
Rodeo Driver!

Leon goes to breakup the pin…

ONE!

TWO!

…but is too late.

THREE!

* DINGDINGDING *

BUFFER
Here are your winners… LOLLY!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Kneeling over his sister, Leon’s blindside by a top rope axe handle smash from Logan, who along with Holly proceed to put the boots to him.

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

Before anymore damage can be done the LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS and MELODY NERDLY hit the ring. Needless to say, Lolly bail, but it doesn’t stop Logan from talking smack on his way up the ramp.

COLE
I doubt this is the last we’ve heard of this. More HeldDOWN to come after this time out.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST QuizDOWN is brought to you by...Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End - 2 Disc Special Edition now out on DVD

Who Did The Mad Cappa defeat to win his second OAOAST Italian/Heartland Title?

A.Gunner Sharps
B.Drek Stone
C.Chris Bryte
D.Crystal

The Answer Still To Come!

The camera cuts to the backstage area where Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly are at. The crowd cheers loudly. Spanish Fly is stretching before his match, while Colombian Heat is bouncing up and down in place, the OAOAST United States Championship belt over his left shoulder. Fly stops stretching.

SPANISH FLY
Heat, can we talk?

COLOMBIAN HEAT
Sure, what's up, son?

FLY
It's about what happened last week. What with you and Tha Puerto Rican becoming friends again.

HEAT
Aw yeah! That was awesome, bro! Yo, me and PRL, we been kickin' it all week, just chillin', hangin' out. Been like ol' times!

FLY
Yeeeah. About that. See, I don't know if you remember...but...me and Tha Puerto Rican...well, we don't see eye-to-eye. In fact...to be perfectly honest...I'd like to stab that bastard in the face with an ice-pick! Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is...I don't think you should trust Tha Puerto Rican.

HEAT
And why not?

FLY
Heat...have you been in the same company that I have been in for the past four years? I mean, don't you remember? Don't you remember all the rotten, disgusting, nasty, brutal things he's done? To you? To me? To everybody in this whole damn company! I mean, he's a liar, an egomaniac, a backstabber, a heartless jerk, a selfish, self-centered, egotistical ASS! Seriously, you could tell me he's changed, but didn't he do pretty much the exact same thing he's doing right now LAST YEAR!? Remember? With D*LUX, and the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles? You didn't believe him last year, and you were eventually proven right! Why do you believe him this year?

HEAT
Because nobody in tha OAOAST can read Tha Puerto Rican like I can! Dude's a little shady, but he's good peoples! Trust me. He can act like an asshole, I's know dat from first-hand experience...but he's also a real cool dude once you get to know him.

FLY
Heat, buddy, I'm telling you. This is NOT a good idea. You can't trust this guy. He's bad news.

HEAT
Fly, buddy, I'm tellin' you. Youse got nothin' to worry about, homie! PRL's a'ight now. Not tha same guy he used to be. In fact, he's BETTA than he used to be! Much much better! Are you just worried that I'm gonna stop hangin' out wit you?

FLY
No.

HEAT
I's know you is! I's knows! Listen, Tha Badd Boyz thing wit PRL, that's one thing. But youse and I? We is tight for life, yo! We gonna kick it till we is in our graves! You can always count on me, man! I've got yo' back! We is partners! We is amigos! We is brothas! Ya feel me?

FLY
Yeah, yeah, I feel ya. I feel ya, Heat. But...still...

HEAT
Listen, don't worry, G. Everything is gonna be a'ight! You know what I'm sayin'? Now, we has got a BIG task ahead of us tonight. Cuban Wall. Mr. Boricua. Youse down to take them out 1-2-3 in tha middle of tha ring?

Spanish Fly lights up.

SPANISH FLY
Oh yeah I'm down, man!

Spanish Fly high fives Colombian Heat.

HEAT
A'ight, yo! A'ight, yo! It's frickin' payback time, man!

FLY
Yeah, man!

HEAT
Let's do it!

FLY
Yeah! Let's do it, maaaaaaaan!

HEAT
YEAH-UH~!

Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly walk away. The crowd cheers.

COLE
Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly vs. Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua next!

* COMMERCIAL BREAK *

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by
GEICO-Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent on car insurance
I'm Not There-Now playing in select theaters
L'Oreal-Because You're Worth It

"LIGHTNING CREW!"

The crowd stands up and starts booing immediately as the opening to "No Chance In Hell" starts playing. All shots of Tha Puerto Rican in The Lightning Crew entrance video have been replaced by shots of Stephen Joseph Popick. The lights go down in the arena while smoke fills up the entrance stage. Then, the crescendo hits, and a lightning bolt hits the entrance. The crowd boos, as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing.

*No chance (No chance)
That's what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.)

We're up against
no machine too strong (Too strong)

Pussy politicians buying souls for us
are...PUPPETS! (Puppets!)*

The entrance doors slide open, and Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall come out. The crowd boos louder. Wall and Boricua look at the crowd, Wall a smirk on his face, Boricua a sneer on his face. CW pumps his right fist into the air. He looks at Boricua. Mr. Boricua grunts. Then, the two big men of The Lightning Crew begin their walk to the ring, with Cuban Wall's eyes focused solely on it, a serious expression on his face.

*But will find their place
in line

But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz
Cuz it's just a matter of time
Cuz you've got...NO CHANCE! (You've got no chance!)
NO CHANCE IN HELL!

You've got...NO CHANCE! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!)
NO CHANCE IN HELL!

You've got...NO CHANCE! (Got no chance!)
NO CHANCE IN HELL!

You've got...NO CHANCE! (Chance!)
NO CHANCE IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!*

*DING DING DING*

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute TV time limit. Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. Representing The Lightning Crew. At a total combined weight of 585 lbs. The team of MISTER BORICUA AND CUBANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Cuban Wall shadow boxes a little bit as "No Chance In Hell" continues playing.

COLE
A big tag team match about to start in a few moments! Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua going head-to-head against two guys who they know very well in Spanish Fly and Colombian Heat!

COACH
True, but this times a little different. Now that Colombian Heat is back with his butt-buddy Tha Puerto Rican, Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua have even MORE of a reason to kick his ass!

COLE
You can't say 'butt-buddy' on TV!

COACH
Da Coach is bigger than any FCC violation!

Mr. Boricua yells at the fans. Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua climb the ring steps and then climb over the top rope to enter the ring. A spotlight shines on Wall and Boricua as the two of them do The Lightning Crew Salute to loud boos.  

COLE
And there is The Lightning Crew Salute. For years that was done by Tha Puerto Rican, but after last week, as hard as it is to believe, he won't be doing it anymore. Yes folks, Tha Puerto Rican is OUT of The Lightning Crew. Out of the very group he founded!

COACH
He was failing as a leader. Popick did the right thing. And if PR wants a war, then he's got a war! All 8 members of The Lightning Crew aren't afraid to fight, I can tell you that much.

COLE
Well, for four years they did PR's dirty work. Now they're doing Popick's! So, nothing has really changed!

COACH
Hush up, you!  

Cuban Wall jaws with the fans as "No Chance In Hell" continues playing. Wall heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his hands in the air. He then gets off the turnbuckle and heads to another second turnbuckle where he raises his hands in the air again. Wall then gets off the second turnbuckle and heads to a third second turnbuckle where he raises his hands again. Wall then gets off that second turnbuckle and heads to the fourth second turnbuckle where he raises his hands in the air for a fourth time. Cuban Wall then gets off the second turnbuckle and shadow boxes. Mr. Boricua heads to a second turnbuckle and poses to loud boos. He then gets off the second turnbuckle and exits the ring to the ringside area to yell at the fans.  

COLE
The two big men of The Lightning Crew about to face off against the team of Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly that are stronger than ever! They had some tension over the past two months, but they eased their differences after the incredible Ladder Match for the US Title 2 weeks ago at November Reign.

COACH
So? It doesn't matter. Both Fly and Heat are outmatched. This will be a piece of cake for The Lightning Crew!

COLE
You've said that in the past, Coach. This ain't Heat OR Fly's first rodeo with The Lightning Crew you know!

COACH
Yeah, but those were all flukes!

COLE
When do they stop being flukes and start being legit victories?

COACH
When I say so.

COLE
Which will be never.

COACH
Correct. You catch on quick!

COLE
Oh come on.  

The lights go back on in the arena.

COLE
Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly, more unified than ever! As great as Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall are, this is NOT a good time to be facing Heat and Fly!

COACH
Don't be ridicolous. Calm down on the hyperbole Cole!

"No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down. The crowd boos.

COLE
Big time match-up coming up in just a few moments here on HeldDOWN~!

The lights go down in the arena. Two spotlights shine on the entrance. After five seconds...





*BOOM~!*

Spanish Fly shoots out from underneath the entrance stage with pyro right behind him. Spanish Fly raises his right fist into the air causing the crowd to cheer. "Krokodilamadurinn" by Quarashi starts playing as Spanish Fly points to both sides of the arena, and then walks down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way.

BUFFER
And their opponents! First, coming to the ring at this time. Originally from Tijuana, Mexico but now residing in San Diego, California. Weighing in at 175 lbs. SPANISHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Spanish Fly continues slapping hands with the fans as he makes his way to the ring.

COLE
Spanish Fly, a former HI-YAH World Tag Team Champion, a Title which he held with Colombian Heat for two weeks back in January.

COACH
The darkest days in the history of the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles.

COLE (ignoring Coach)
Now he is once again tag teaming with Colombian Heat!

COACH
Fly didn't seem too pleased that PRL and Heat reunited last week.

COLE
While that's true, they agreed to disagree for now, which I can understand. I mean, after all, it was a little over two years ago that PRL was feuding with Spanish Fly over the 24/7 Title!  

COACH
The poor guy is just mad that his playtime with Heat has been cut in half. He doesn't want to share the sandbox with Tha Puerto Rican!

COLE
Oh will you stop!?

COACH
No, making these jokes about Fly is fun! I can't help it if he's a walking punchline!

COLE
Oh please.  

Spanish Fly climbs the ring steps and then enters the ring. He stares at Wall and Boricua. Fly then gets on a second turnbuckle and raises his hands in the air to cheers. Spanish Fly gets off the second turnbuckle and heads to another second turnbuckle, raising his hands in the air receiving another loud pop from the crowd. Fly gets off the turnbuckles and looks at his opponents again.

COLE
The 4'11" Spanish Fly in for the fight of his life. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall are thinking about what happened last week. And they will surely take it out on Heat and Fly.

COACH
As well they should.

The lights go back on in the arena. Spanish Fly says something to Wall and Boricua and then looks at the entrance. "Krokodilamadurinn" by Quarashi dies down.

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican is surely watching this match. His friend, one half of The Badd Boyz, about to be in tag team action with *his* best friend, Spanish Fly!

Spanish Fly does "The Outsiders point taunt". The crowd is buzzing in anticipation of Colombian Heat's entrance.

COLE
This crowd is on their edge of their seats waiting for the arrival of the US Champion!

COACH
Big whoop.

A piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody.

*"COME ON!"*

*BOOM~!*

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The entrance doors slide open, and the crowd cheers as Colombian Heat comes storming out. Heat bounces up and down in place, the OAOAST United States Championship belt strapped around his waist. Heat unstraps the belt and raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt over his head, pointing to it to loud cheers. The Colombian superstar raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. He then points to both sides of the arena, and then begins his walk down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans with his left hand and holding the OAOAST United States Championship belt with his right hand.

BUFFER
And his partner. Coming to the ring at this time. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia but now residing in Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 180 lbs. He is one-half of The Badd Boyz AND the reigning One And Only AngleSault Thread United States Champion. This...is...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Colombian Heat continues his walk to the ring, slapping more fans hands while Spanish Fly applauds him inside of the ring.

COLE
A tremendous ovation for Colombian Heat, the reigning United States Champion, who last week formed a new tag team with his old running buddy, PRL, called The Badd Boyz!

COACH
Something which didn't please Spanish Fly.

COLE
True. But they've agreed to put things on hold for now and concentrate on the task at hand. Because you gotta believe Popick has given Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall strict orders to decimate and manhandle both Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly!

COACH
Just sit back and relax and enjoy the carnage like I will, Michael Cole! This is going to be quite the match! HA HA!

Colombian Heat looks at the camera.

COLOMBIAN HEAT
We is gonna get CRUNK'D~! here tonight, y'all! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Colombian Heat climbs up the ring steps and then hops into the ring. Heat gets on the second ring rope and does the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal with his right hand, and raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt in the air with his left hand, receiving cheers. Heat then gets onto a second turnbuckle and throws up the "W" hand signal again with his right hand and raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt in the air with his left hand. He receives more cheers. Spanish Fly roots Heat on inside the ring.

COLE
A longtime rivalry about to continue as Heat and Fly mix it up with their two former comrades in The Lightning Crew, Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua.

COACH
Heat, Fly, and PRL all have one thing in common: none of them deserve to wear a Lightning Crew T-shirt!

COLE
Which is kinda funny when again, you remember that PRL FOUNDED the group in the first place!

COACH
I know. Life is weird, ain't it?      

Colombian Heat gets off the second turnbuckle and calls for a microphone.

COLE
Colombian Heat defeated Cuban Wall to win his first singles Title in the OAOAST, the 24/7 Title, back in July on HeldDOWN~! in 3 seconds flat. Something Cuban Wall hasn't forgotten about to this very day.

COACH
It was the truly the low point of Cuban Wall's career, but he has bounced back stupendously! And hey, if Popick still wants him in The Lightning Crew, that must mean something, right?

COLE
I'm not sure if I'd use Popick as the measuring stick for who's talented in the OAOAST.

COACH
Popick knows talent when he sees it. And in Cuban Wall, he DEFINITELY sees IT!

Colombian Heat receives a microphone from a ringside attendant.

COLOMBIAN HEAT
Yo!

CROWD
YO!

HEAT
Yo!

CROWD
YO!

HEAT
YO!

CROWD
YO!

HEAT
YO!

CROWD
YO!

HEAT
YO!

CROWD
YO!

HEAT
YO!

CROWD
YO!

HEAT
YO!

CROWD
YO!

HEAT
YO!

CROWD
YO!

HEAT
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Colombian Heat smiles. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull dies down. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall look on in disgust.

COLOMBIAN HEAT
Yeah, first off, I's like to send a special shoutout to mah boi, Tha Puerto Rican who will kick some Lightning Crew ASS later on tonight!

The crowd pops for the mention of Tha Puerto Rican.

HEAT
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But for now, if all of y'all are ready to see me and mah brotha from anotha motha, Spanish Fly, make Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua feel the Heat...then Tacoma, Washington...make some noise UP IN THIS--

"BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!"

The crowd does make some noise up in this bi-atch. Heat hands the microphone over to Spanish Fly.

SPANISH FLY
Aw yeah! Aw yeah! Where my dogs at!? Where they at!? Tacoma, Washington WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?

"YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

FLY
Damn right, yo!

Spanish Fly hands the microphone back to the same ringside attendant Heat got the microphone from. Colombian Heat removes his bling from around his neck and then hands the bling over to another ringside attendant. Heat then hands the OAOAST United States Championship belt over to referee Mickey Jay, who then hands the belt over to another ringside attendant. Heat exits the ring and searches around ringside for someone to give his Colombian Heat bandana to. He finds somebody in the form of an 8-year-old boy with a white Colombian Heat T-shirt on. Heat puts his Colombian Heat bandana on the head of the 8-year-old boy and then gives him a high-five. Heat gives the kid a thumbs up and smiles.

HEAT
YEAH-UH~!

COLE
Fans of all ages love Colombian Heat!

COACH
Yes, yes, I get it already! Cut it out with that crap!

Colombian Heat climbs back up the ring steps and hops back into the ring. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall are already in the ring. Heat stands by Spanish Fly as Fly pulls on the top ring rope. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation of the start of the match.

COLE
Popick said the physical and mental dissection of Tha Puerto Rican begins this week. We shall see if he's right.

COACH
Popick's got a good track record when it comes to being right.

Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua discuss stragety while Spanish Fly and Colombian Heat do the same. Mickey Jay pats down Cuban Wall, and then pats down Mr. Boricua. He then goes over and pats down Spanish Fly, and then pats down Colombian Heat. He gives the two teams last minute instructions and then calls for the bell.

*DING DING DING*

CUBAN WALL AND MR. BORICUA vs. COLOMBIAN HEAT AND SPANISH FLY
Mr. Boricua heads to his corner, meaning Cuban Wall will start for The Lightning Crew team. Spanish Fly and Colombian Heat do Rock, Paper, Scissors. Heat's Paper beats Spanish Fly's Rock, so Heat starts the match. He pounds elbows with Fly and then Spanish Fly exits the ring.

COLE
All right. We begin the match with Colombian Heat and Cuban Wall. Two men who know each other very well!

COACH
They've had their battles in the past, and as usual, Cuban Wall will come out on top!

"LET'S GO HEAT!"
"LET'S GO HEAT!"
"LET'S GO HEAT!"
"LET'S GO HEAT!"

Heat and Wall stare at each other. Heat looks at the crowd and nods his head, a smile on his face.

COLE
This crowd behind Heat 100% here tonight!

Colombian Heat watches as Cuban Wall cracks his knuckles. Spanish Fly gives Heat words of encouragement. Wall motions for Heat to bring it. Heat and Wall circle each other. They lock up. Heat immediately ends the lock up by kicking Cuban Wall in the gut! He does it again! And again! Heat then switches to forearm shots to the head of The Muscle of The Lightning Crew! Heat grabs Cuban Wall and whips him into the ropes. He follows with an AJ Styles-like dropkick! The dropkick dazes Wall, but he does not fall! So, Colombian Heat grabs Cuban Wall and takes him over to a neutral corner where he slams Wall's head on the top turnbuckle pad! Heat then kicks Wall in the chest. Then the gut. Then the chest. And then the gut again!

COLE
Colombian Heat in control of Cuban Wall in the early going!

Colombian Heat whips Cuban Wall into the opposite turnbuckle, and then follows with another dropkick! Heat taunts Mr. Boricua. Mr. Boricua grunts and yells and screams at Heat. Cuban Wall pokes Heat in the eyes!

COACH
That's what ya get for doing that, Heat! HA HA!

Wall quickly takes the advantage, grabbing Heat by his left arm and twisting it into an arm-wringer. He then turns the arm-wringer into a side headlock. Wall cinches the hold tight. Heat walks with Wall into the ropes, and then shoves him off into the opposite ropes. Wall does a shoulderblock which knocks Heat down!

COLE
And Wall with a shoulderblock, now in control!

Wall takes a few steps back, and then charges forward, going for an jumping elbow drop...THAT MISSES! Heat moved out of the way!

COACH
Oh no!

COLE
Nobody home for Wall on that one!

Heat slowly gets back to his feet. Heat sees Wall on the mat, so he decides to do the "Where The Hood At!?" onto Wall! Heat goes for the cover.

1...



2...



KICK OUT!

COLE
Not enough that time for Heat!

Colombian Heat slaps the mat in frustration. But he soon gets over it and picks the now slightly weakened Cuban Wall up. Heat grabs Wall by his head and slams his head on the top turnbuckle pad in a neutral corner. Heat then punches Wall in the face several times. CH climbs the second turnbuckle and starts hammering away at the top of Cuban Wall's head.

CROWD
ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

Cuban Wall shoves Heat off of him. But Heat lands on his feet, so he goes right back up onto the second turnbuckle and starts hammering away at the top of Cuban Wall's head!

CROWD
ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

Cuban Wall shoves Heat off of him again! But the United States Champion lands on his feet once more and immediately goes right back onto the second turnbuckle to continue hammering away at the top of Cuban Wall's head!

COLE
Shoved off again! But the United States Champion is relentless!

CROWD
ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

SEVEN!

EIGHT!

NINE!

TEN!

ELEVEN!

Colombian Heat gets back onto the mat and plays to the crowd, who cheer. Cuban Wall is already winded. Spanish Fly cheers Heat on.

COACH
What are you waiting for, Wall? DO SOMETHING!

CH pulls Cuban Wall out from the turnbuckle corner. He hooks him up for The Stroke!

COLE
Bong Hit on Cuban Wall! He got all of it on that one!

The crowd cheers. Mr. Boricua enters the ring. He goes for a clothesline. Colombian Heat ducks, and starts firing away with forearm shots to the head!

COLE
And now Colombian Heat going to work on Mr. Boricua!

COACH
No Boricua! That's a bad Boricua!

Mr. Boricua goes for a right punch. Heat ducks, and fires with some more punches! Mr. Boricua goes for a left hook. Heat ducks that one too, and fires with some more punches getting Stephen Joseph Popick's bodyguard dazed and confused! Colombian Heat keeps on hitting Mr. Boricua with his punches, and then bounces off the ropes, charges forward, and hits Boricua with a leg lariat sending him over the top rope and onto the floor!

COLE
Out goes Mr. Boricua! The 6'9" 300 pound monster has been taken out of the ring by the 6'0" 180 pound Colombian Heat!

COACH
What is going on here people? Focus! Focus! Focus! NOW!

Mr. Boricua is out on the floor. Colombian Heat quickly slides back into the ring and does a SHIMMY~! to the crowd's delight! Cuban Wall is showing signs of movement on the mat.

"HEAT!"
"HEAT!"
"HEAT!"
"HEAT!"

COLE
Colombian Heat is all fired up right now!

COACH
Get your heads together, guys!

Spanish Fly enters the ring. Mickey Jay tells Fly to get back to his corner but he won't listen. Colombian Heat paces around the ring waiting for Cuban Wall to get back to his feet.

COLE
And now Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly are in control of the two big men of The Lightning Crew!

Colombian Heat taunts Mr. Boricua, who is still on the outside. He then taunts Cuban Wall and laughs at him.

COACH
What is Heat waiting for?

COLE
I think he is just giving them time to get up.

COACH
What an arrogant jerk. He knows that he's in control, but he wants to prolong the suffering! And yet people CHEER for this thug!?

COLE
He's got alot of good qualities! That's why they love him!

COACH
He has no good qualities in my eyes!

Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly pace back and forth in the ring, getting the crowd worked up.

COLE
Yes he does! Like he's got a good heart. He's very talented. He's good on the mic--

SPANISH FLY GIVES COLOMBIAN HEAT A LOW BLOWii!!!!!!!!!!

COLE
HEY! WAIT A MINUTE!

Spanish Fly starts hammering away at Colombian Heat's back! The crowd is stunned!

COLE
What am I seeing!? What am I seeing!?

COACH
I don't know, but I like it!

COLE
That's his best friend! That's his best friend he's doing that to!

COACH
Looks like that's not the case anymore!

Spanish Fly hammers Heat until he can no longer stand! Fly then exits the ring and climbs the top rope. The crowd can't believe it.

COLE
Is this happening!? No! It can't be!

COACH
It is, Cole! It is! And I thought we had our fill with shocking events last week! But it looks like it continues this week!

Spanish Fly motions for Heat to get up. Cuban Wall is using the ring ropes to pull himself up. He smiles evilly. Colombian Heat is on his right knee.

COLE
I thought they had reconciled! I thought things were smooth between them again!

COACH
Looks like you were wrong, as usual, Michael Cole!

COLE
But wait a minute. Does that mean...

COACH
Could be, Cole! Could be!

Colombian Heat slowly gets to a vertical base. He is now groggy. Spanish Fly leaps off the top rope, coming down on Colombian Heat with a top rope Fame-Ass-Er!

COLE
Fly Swatter! Fly Swatter on Colombian Heat! This can't be happening!

COACH
It's happening right before your very eyes, Cole!

Spanish Fly lets out a primal roar! Colombian Heat is laying flat on his back on the mat! Fly taunts Heat as Mr. Boricua gets on the ring apron. Cuban Wall is now on his feet and is applauding Spanish Fly. The crowd boos loudly.

COLE
This is unbelievable! Spanish Fly has turned on Colombian Heat! There's no question about their friendship now!  

COACH
It was bound to happen. And it finally did.

Mr. Boricua enters the ring. He laughs maniacally. Cuban Wall also laughs maniacally. Then, it all becomes crystal clear as Spanish Fly looks at Wall and Fly...and forms an L with his arms! The Lightning Crew Salute!

COLE
Oh no! DAMNIT! DAMNIT! NO!

COACH
YES! He has returned home!

Spanish Fly has an evil smile on his face. He spits on Colombian Heat and then exits the ring.

COLE
Spanish Fly sold out! Spanish Fly sold out to The Lightning Crew! He has returned to The Lightning Crew!

COACH
Oh happy day! He has returned home! Praise the Lord!

Spanish Fly taunts the fans at ringside while Cuban Wall covers Colombian Heat. Mickey Jay counts.

COLE
Spanish Fly has sunk to a new low!

1...











2...











HEAT PUTS HIS RIGHT SHOULDER UP!!!

"YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

SPANISH FLY
WHAT!?

COACH
WHAT!?

COLE
He put his right shoulder up! Colombian Heat will not stay down! Come on Heat! Come on Heat!

COACH
And you say I'M biased!

Mickey Jay makes puts up two fingers to symbolize a two count. Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, and Spanish Fly can't believe it.

COLE
He's still got some fight left in him!

Cuban Wall starts stomping away on Colombian Heat! A "HEAT!" chant starts up again. Wall picks up the groggy Heat and sends him over to The Lightning Crew corner. He lays into Heat with some soupbones all over his body.

COLE
Did Colombian Heat even see Fly low blow him? Does he have any idea it was Fly!?

COACH
Maybe, maybe not. But he felt that low blow, that's for sure!

Mr. Boricua punches on Heat while Cuban Wall continues with the soupbones!

COLE
Colombian Heat, betrayed by his best friend, just like PRL was betrayed by his friends last week!

COACH
They're two peas in a pod aren't they?

Wall and Boricua hammer at Heat until he is down on the mat. But suddenly, Heat shoots right back up and punches Wall! Then he punches Boricua! Then he punches Wall! Then Boricua! Wall! Boricua! Wall! Boricua! Wall! Boricua! Wall! Boricua!

COLE
He's still got that fire left in him! He will not go down easily!

Spanish Fly looks on concerned as Colombian Heat starts wailing away on Cuban Wall! The punches take Cuban Wall into the ropes. Heat then rushes over and punches Mr. Boricua in the face! Spanish Fly distracts the referee while Colombian Heat punches Cuban Wall on the ring ropes.

COLE
But Spanish Fly has the referee's attention!

Colombian Heat grabs Cuban Wall's left wrist and gives him an Irish whip into the opposite ropes--Cuban Wall reverses--Mr. Boricua hits Colombian Heat in the back! Colombian Heat stumbles forward...right into a GOOZLE~!

COLE
Oh no! Not this! Not now!

Cuban Wall grabs Colombian Heat's yellow basketball jersey and then lifts him up, slamming him back down onto the mat with a CHOKESLAM!

COLE
Chokeslam! Chokeslam on Colombian Heat!

The crowd boos loudly. Cuban Wall laughs evilly and then picks Colombian Heat up. He scoops him up onto his right shoulder...and then falls to his knees, giving Heat the Wallbreaker!

COLE
Wallbreaker! Wallbreaker on Colombian Heat!

COACH
Oh please tell me what I think is coming up is coming up!

Spanish Fly is cheering wildly. He is the only one in the arena cheering. Cuban Wall stands up, sneers at Heat, and then runs into the ropes, bounces off the ropes, charges forward, and then jumps up and down onto Colombian Heat with THE LIGHTNING CREW SPLASH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

COLE
The Lightning Crew Splash! First PRL, now Colombian Heat! This is appalling! This is horrible!

COACH
This is awesome!

Cuban Wall lets out a primal scream of his own. He then covers Colombian Heat, hooking his right leg. Mickey Jay counts. Spanish Fly counts along.

COLE
This is the most horrible moment in Spanish Fly's career!

1...











2...











2 1/2










2.9999999999999999999999999999999999















3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*DING DING DING* (4:56)

COLE
Mercifully, it's over!

"No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing again. Mr. Boricua enters the ring and raises his hands in victory. Cuban Wall gets his hands raised by Mickey Jay. Spanish Fly enters the ring and jumps up and down in celebration.

BUFFER
Here are your winners...MISTER BORICUA AND CUBANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN WALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

COACH
They should add 'and SPANISH FLY' to that announcement because he's as much of a victor as Wall and Boricua are!

Spanish Fly high fives Cuban Wall and then Mr. Boricua. He laughs maniacally. The crowd boos loudly.

COLE
I never thought I would see this again: Spanish Fly, Mr. Boricua, and Cuban Wall on the same page! On the same team!

COACH
I guess Spanish Fly finally saw the light! He has returned home! He is back in The Lightning Crew!

COLE
I thought he left that all behind! I thought he was a better man! I thought he was above that! Guess I was wrong.

COACH
Guess so!

COLE
Spanish Fly, Mr. 6-1-9 himself, has turned his back on these fans, turned his back on his best friend, turned his back on us all!

COACH
And he couldn't be happier!

Mr. Boricua gets his hands raised in victory by Mickey Jay. Boricua then grabs Mickey Jay and throws him out of the ring onto the floor!

COLE
This is sickening!

Spanish Fly raises Cuban Wall's and Mr. Boricua's hands in victory to loud boos. Fly laughs maniacally. He then does The Lightning Crew Salute again. Fly tells Wall and Boricua something. Wall and Boricua start stomping on Colombian Heat!

COLE
Oh come on now! The match is over! That's enough!

COACH
Not for me, it ain't!

Spanish Fly joins in on the beatdown on Colombian Heat as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down.

"P.R.!"
"P.R.!"
"P.R.!"
"P.R.!"

Spanish Fly taunts the fans for saying "P.R.!" Mr. Boricua, Cuban Wall, and Spanish Fly continue stomping on Colombian Heat.

COLE
They were closer than most brothers! They were blood brothers! I can't believe it! I still can't!

COACH
Believe it! There ain't nothing but HATRED between Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly now!

Spanish Fly tells Mr. Boricua something. Mr. Boricua yells, snorts, and growls as he picks the severely weakened Colombian Heat up. Boricua places Heat in a standing headscissors, and then lifts him up high into the air!

COLE
Oh no! Not this too!

Mr. Boricua holds Heat in the air for a few more seconds...and then drops him HARD onto the mat with a Powerbomb!

COLE
Latino Bomb! Latino Bomb on Colombian Heat!

COACH
Way to go, Boricua! Way to go!

Colombian Heat lies unconscious on the mat. Mr. Boricua yells, snorts, and screams. Cuban Wall and Spanish Fly pose to LOUD boos.

COLE
Disgusting. That's all I can say. Absolutely disgusting!

Spanish Fly calls for a microphone. Cuban Wall hands him one from a ringside attendant.

COLE
Now what?

COACH
He's going to speak!

SPANISH FLY
Yeah! Yeah! SHUT UP! (CROWD: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) Yeah, guess my job of being the star of this team is over! I told you Heat! I told you to be careful of who you trust in the wrestling business, Heat! I told you there are people who will hurt you! You DID end up paying the price! I TOLD YOU SO! You go ahead and be friends with PRL, you're weak just like he is! Heat, I'm tired of being your little buddy! I'm tired of being your little charity case! I'm not your partner! I'm not your amigo! I'm not your brother from another mother! I'm NOTHING to you! YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE! From now on, I'm my own man! And I don't need YOU, and I ESPECIALLY don't need ANY OF YOU PEOPLE!  

The crowd boos.

FLY
All I need is the love and support from my FRIENDS in THE LIGHTNING CREW! Because THESE GUYS are the ONLY people in the One And Only AngleSault Thread who treat me with the RESPECT I DESERVE! And as for you Heat, you are nothing more but a PIECE OF CRAP! And I'm SICK of being in your shadow! People are going to know who I am and recognize me for my talent whether they like it or not! So put that in your pipe and smoke it, BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Spanish Fly kicks Colombian Heat some more! Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall join in.

COLE
Stop this! Will somebody stop this carnage!?

Wall, Fly, and Boricua continue beating down on Colombian Heat...

Until down the entrance ramp comes charging in THA PUERTO RICAN!

COLE
PRL IS HERE! PRL IS IN THE RING!

Tha Puerto Rican slides into the ring, and as soon as he does, Mr. Boricua, Cuban Wall, and Spanish Fly exit the ring! PRL lunges after Spanish Fly, but Fly is out of his reach, something Fly makes sure to mention as he walks away back towards the entrance.

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican is in the ring, but it's too late! Colombian Heat has been left for dead by Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, and the NEWEST member of The Lightning Crew, Spanish Fly!

COACH
Spanish Fly must feel like he's 5-feet tall tonight!

Tha Puerto Rican checks on his best friend while Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, and Spanish Fly walk up the entrance ramp, evil smiles on all their faces. Spanish Fly taunts Heat and PRL some more, doing a De-Generation X "SUCK IT!" hand gesture and sticking his tongue out. PRL runs his mouth at the three Lightning Crew members.

COLE
It's as if the roles have been reversed. You would think Spanish Fly would be the one to check on Colombian Heat, but no, it was SPANISH FLY who did the dirty deed and it is THA PUERTO RICAN checking up on Colombian Heat!

COACH
The OAOAST's turned upside down in the past week or so!

Spanish Fly hugs Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall, and then does The Lightning Crew Salute again. PRL points a menacing finger at Spanish Fly.

COLE
How long was this planned for? Huh? How long was this planned for? Since last week? Last month? Did Spanish Fly really want to reconcile with Heat at November Reign? Or was that a charade? Has he been wanting to do this since October?  DAMNIT I want answers!  

COACH
Be patient. You'll get your answers. Just savor the moment. Spanish Fly has returned to the flock! He has redeemed himself tonight in Tacoma, Washington live on HeldDOWN~!

COLE
We have seen a side of Spanish Fly that we thought was gone never to return. How wrong we were. Spanish Fly sold out. He has been lured back into The Lightning Crew now led by Stephen Joseph Popick!

COACH
This is an awesome awesome moment!

COLE
This is one of the most starling moments in OAOAST history! One of the most shocking moments ever! We never saw it coming! All the signs pointed the other way.  

COACH
I know, and that's the beauty of it! Bravo Lightning Crew! Bravo!  

Tha Puerto Rican helps Colombian Heat get up. Spanish Fly, Mr. Boricua, and Cuban Wall taunt The Badd Boyz from the entrance stage. All three Lightning Crew members laugh evilly. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to the ending of the match, starting with Spanish Fly turning on Colombian Heat.

COACH
All right! We're seeing it again! Okay, so you see Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly pacing back and forth. And then, BOOM! Low blow! Spanish Fly just DEMOLISHING Colombian HACK! He hit him from behind, but he got him good! He's 4'11", but look at all that power! And then he went up top...FLY SWATTER! Fly Swatter on his good 'buddy' Colombian Heat! It was official. Spanish Fly had rejoined The Lightning Crew. And then Cuban Wall takes over. Watch this: Chokeslam! HA! HA! Then, then, Wallbreaker! And then he finishes it off with The Lightning Crew Splash! Say Buenos Noches, Colombian Heat! Uno, dos, tres! Your winners, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, AND Spanish Fly! I love it!

The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen again. Cut to live action as Tha Puerto Rican helps Colombian Heat exit the ring. Cuban Wall, Spanish Fly, and Mr. Boricua have already left through the entrance doors.

COLE
I still contend that Colombian Heat had no idea it was Spanish Fly that gave him the low blow. He didn't look at him once during that whole 'beatdown'. He had no idea what happened. Everything happened so fast. He will have to look at the videotape, the replay of this, but I'm sure when he does, he will be absolutely crushed! A three-year friendship down the drain. Spanish Fly sold himself out to The Lightning Crew and for what?

COACH
Fame? Fortune? Respect?

COLE
All of which he had already!

COACH
Let's not kid ourselves, Mikey. He had no respect from these fans or his fellow OAOAST Superstars.

COLE
He had PLENTY of respect! For the past two years, Spanish Fly has entertained countless number of fans and put on entertaining match after entertaining match! And he threw it all away for what? What I ask!?

COACH
Because it got him no where! He can entertain these fans all he wants, but what's that matter when you barely got any belts to your name? Spanish Fly took a huge risk tonight, but it paid off in spades! His career is going to get a huge boost from this. A HUGE boost! He's going to skyrocket to the top now!

COLE
I don't know what BS Stephen Joseph Popick fed him to get him to do this, but all I know is that Spanish Fly is not the man I thought he was! And he proved it tonight!

COACH
You're right. He isn't. He's BETTER than the man you thought he was.

Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat walk up the entrance ramp. Heat is only half-awake. PRL has to hold Heat up as they walk up the entrance ramp.

COLE
Well, we need to take a break. Let what just happened soak in. Fans, we'll be right back after these messages with more HeldDOWN~! live on TSM!

The Badd Boyz exit through the sliding doors, Heat having to be held by Tha Puerto Rican and walking slowly. The crowd cheers. This is the last image we see before we fade to black.

FADE TO BLACK

*Commercials*

[Chanel #99]

The camera cuts to The Lightning Crew dressing room where the members of The Lightning Crew are congradulating Spanish Fly. Vitamin X high fives Fly. Thomas Rodriguez shakes Fly's right hand with his right hand. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick and Princess Stacey both give Spanish Fly a hug and a kiss. The Bone Thug nods his head. Spanish Fly nods back. Everyone in The Lightning Crew is speaking over each other. But that stops when Stephen Joseph Popick walks into The Lightning Crew dressing room, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. The crowd boos. Popick looks over Spanish Fly with a smile on his face.

STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK
I always knew you would return. Welcome home, Prodigal Son!

Stephen Joseph Popick hugs Spanish Fly. The rest of The Lightning Crew applauds them.

SPANISH FLY
Thank you, sir. It is an honor to be back. Now, I finally have the respect that I deserve!

POPICK
You do, son. You do. You see, we here in The Lightning Crew treat everyone like they're a brother or sister to us. And you, Spanish Fly, will be no different. Yes, you might be even smaller than the two ladies in our group, but I know that you have the biggest heart out of all of us! And I know that you will make all of us proud!

FLY
I will, Mr. Popick! I will!

POPICK
Please, from now on call me...BOSS!

FLY
Okay...boss!

POPICK
Much better! Lightning Crew, drink up, be merry! For tonight is a night of celebration! Spanish Fly has returned home to the flock! And he shall have a front row seat as we watch The Bone Thug DESTROY Tha Puerto Rican later on tonight!

THE BONE THUG
ARRIBA LA RAZA~! Yo no le dejará abajo Senor Popick! ARRIBA LA RAZA~!

POPICK
ARRIBA LA RAZA~! indeed, Bone Thug! ARRIBA LA RAZA~! indeed!

Someone's cellphone rings.

POPICK
Hold on. That's me.

Popick answers his cellphone.

POPICK
Hello? Yes. You're here? Good. Excellent! PRL's gonna love this, HA HA! Thanks for showing up, dude! Okay. See you in a few minutes. Bye bye!

Popick hangs up the cellphone.

VITAMIN X
Who was it?

POPICK
The man I talked to last week is here! The man who I GUARANTEE you all will get rid of Tha Puerto Rican once and for all! He has arrived and he is ready. Oh boy is he ready! I'm gonna go meet him! You guys stay here. I'll bring him in here in a few minutes! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! ARRIBA LA RAZA~!

Popick slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder and then opens the door to The Lightning Crew dressing room.

POPICK
ARRIBA LA RAZA~!

Popick exits through the door and closes it. The Lightning Crew all look on.

THE LIGHTNING CREW
ARRIBA LA RAZA~!

The Lightning Crew all go back to congradulating Spanish Fly on joining them. There are smiles all around. The crowd boos.

[Chanel #99]

The camera cuts to the backstage area where The Badd Boyz are currently located. Colombian Heat is being checked on by a doctor. The OAOAST United States Championship belt lies next to him on a big case. Tha Puerto Rican is pacing back and forth, in a REAL bad mood. The crowd cheers.

THA PUERTO RICAN
That midget bastard kicked you in the nuts and then beat you down!? HE did that!? That little shrimp did that to YOU!?

COLOMBIAN HEAT
Hey man, he caught me off guard!

PRL
Why that little pus...I told you he was bad news! I never trusted him! I never liked him anyway! Little bitch! Doing that to you! Come on!

HEAT
It's cool, G. It's cool. I'll get him in due time. But for now, youse gotta worry about yo' match wit Tha Bone Thug later on tonight.

PRL
Oh don't worry, Heat. I will get him. Then I will murder him. He may be my blood cousin, but that doesn't mean I have to *like* him either! I'm gonna kick his ass for what they did to you tonight! And then, afterwards, I will do some Fly swatting!

HEAT
You do dat. I'ma gonna go recuperate over herre.

PRL
I didn't even know you could say the word 'recuperate'!

HEAT
There's alot you don't know about me. It's been three years!

PRL
Heh.

HEAT
Heh.

PRL
Anyway, I gotta go get ready. Doc, make sure you keep an eye on Heat. Give him whatever medicine he needs. Tape him up wherever he needs to be taped up. If you don't, I'll kill you. Nah, I'm just playing. But seriously, if he's still hurt by the time I get back, I'm gonna take that stethoscope, shine it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass.

DOCTOR
You won't have to do that, P.R. Trust me, I know what I'm doing.

PRL
You damn well better! These OAOAST doctors don't come cheap! Anyway, later, Heat.

HEAT
Later, dude.

PRL high fives Heat and then walks away. The doctor starts taping Heat's ribs.

HEAT
Hey watch it! Nah, just playin'! Just playin'!

The doctor rolls his eyes and then goes back to taping Colombian Heat's ribs.

COMING UP NEXT
ZACK MALIBU IN ACTION
NEXT

[Chanel #99]

OAOAST QuizDOWN is brought to you by...Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End - 2 Disc Special Edition now out on DVD

Who Did The Mad Cappa defeat to win his second OAOAST Italian/Heartland Title?

A.Gunner Sharps
B.Drek Stone
C.Chris Bryte
D.Crystal

The Answer......

B.Drek Stone

COLE
Welcome back to HeldDOWN~!, folks! Michael Cole alongside the Coach here, and if you're just joining us, we've added a match to the broadcast that wasn't on our original card. Zack Malibu arrived here tonight looking to get a few things off his chest regarding our, ahem, beloved World Heavyweight Champion and his recent successful defense in the Triple Cage Match at this years November Reign event. Zack was stopped backstage by Bohemoth, another competitor in that matchup, who laid out a challenge for Malibu. Bo stated that he felt that Zack should prove himself once again, and work his way back up the ladder just as anyone else would do, and it was there that the challenge was set. Zack Malibu and Bohemoth, two men who valiantly struggled to become the OAOAST World Champion, will both start working their way back up the ladder, making their way through the superstars of the OAOAST until one of them is able to secure a World Championship match!

COACH
A bit of friendly competition to spice things up here in the OAOAST Mikey Cole, and who knew that it was gonna start tonight, because Zack Malibu faces his first obstacle in getting back to the top of the mountain in the form of Conquistador Uno!

COLE
A little one-sided, but we all have to start somewhere.

Already in the ring, Uno is flanked by his partner Dos, who encourages his partner to win one, since the number of checkmarks in the win column of Los Conquistadors isn't all that impressive. "Getting Away With Murder" hits, and out to the ring comes the OAOAST's favorite son, welcomed by a tremendous reaction from the crowd.

BUFFER
Introducing the opponent, he hails from Providence, RI. Weighing in at two hundred and ten pounds, this is ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLIBUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

The fans roar as Zack hops up onto the apron, then climbs the ropes to get a better view of his supporters. Malibu then hops into the ring, cracking his neck as he paces, waiting for the bell to ring. Dos gives Uno one last bit of advice, and whether it's going to work or not is about to be found out, as the bell sounds!

COLE
Here we go! Zack Malibu's quest to regain the World Title starts here and now against a rather unlikely opponent.

COACH
In this place, anything's possible, Mikey Cole.

COLE
It's a belief system like that that explains why you've still got a job, Coach.

COACH
...

Immediately, Zack locks Uno in a collar and elbow tie up, but the feisty luchadore uses a quick go-behind, pinning Zack's arm against the small of his back with a hammerlock! Zack braces himself, then fires back a hard elbow, catching Uno in the face and causing an immediate break! Zack then reaches back and snapmares Uno over, and backs up as his opponent starts to rise up off the mat...then absolutely CRACKS him with a SCHOOL'S OUT the moment he gets to his feet!

COACH
...ALREADY!?

Malibu jumps on top of Uno and hooks the leg, waiting for Charles Robinson to make the academic three count, as the fans are going batshit for Malibu's patented finisher.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

DING*DING*DING

COLE
Well, we...we barely got a word in edgewise. I think Zack's walk to the ring took longer than that match!

"Getting Away With Murder" is cued up again, almost as quickly as it had faded out. Malibu gets his hand raised to the crowd's delight, while Dos slides into the ring, as shocked as everyone else as he kneels beside his partner, slapping his face trying to get him to come to. Malibu turns and looks back at the damage he's done before exiting the ring, and as he makes his way up the aisle, he sees Bo at the entranceway, clapping for him.

COACH
So is Bo Zack's new motivational speaker or something?

COLE
In a way you could say that, because this little challenge of his has certainly lit a fire under The Franchise!

Zack comes up the aisle and doesn't stop, choosing to walk right past Bo...then he backsteps and holds up one finger (no, not like that!), signifying that Malibu's already got one victory as a part of the deal the two made no more than an hour earlier. Bo nods at Zack and watches as he disappears behind the curtain, then does so himself as we cut to break.

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

We return from break, focused on Michael Cole.

COLE
Let's take you back right now to our weekly Syndicated broadcast, OAOAST Pro Wrestling, from this past Saturday. Some candid remarks from The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew who have been on a bit of a slump in recent weeks, but picked up a 'W' in the win column against The All-American Boys. And after the match, they had this to say to Jesse "The Body"...

* SWOOSH *

Courtesy: OAOAST Syndicated

Rico and Lucius climb onto the entrance stage, looking a little exerted after their victory. There to meet them is Jesse "The Body", gathering them into shot.

VENTURA
Guys, congratulations on the win tonight but before we go any further, I gotta ask... what's the situation been in the past few months? It's safe to say, it hasn't exactly been a party for Mardi Gras since you guys lost your shot at the World Tag Titles.

RICO
Jesse mang, you right, you know. It's been real rough for me an' for Lucius here recently. But tha's all about to change. We're on the way back up.

LUCIUS
This man speaketh the truth. Gettin' eliminated from that Thanksgiving Survivor Series match first? That was a reeeaal low point. But it was also the kick me an' my main man Rico needed.

VENTURA
That said, you guys especially must be pretty pleased with the break-up of Chicks Over Dicks.

Lucius and Rico both laugh.

LUCIUS
You ain't gon' see nobody in that OAOAST locker room shedding no tears for Krista and Ally. You wanna know why that is Jesse? It's cause we're all HAPPY 'bout it! We're all happy that them 'Chicks Over Dicks' ain't around no more. Cause fo' years and years now, dem bitches be ruining careers. When they stepped into that squared circle, they weren't there to just beat ya, brotha. They weren't there just to hurt ya. Naw naw, they was there to rip every shred o' dignity you got away from ya!

RICO
See mang, to them it was all just a game. They got off on embarrassin' people. You step into the ring with them girls, you's never the same afterwards. Look at Christian Wright. Look at The South Central Militia. Look at The Sooner Bruisers. Look at Ned and Simon. Look at US!

LUCIUS
Me an' my main man Rico here were hot property just a few months ago. We were HI-YAH Tag Team Champs! We were contenders for the OAOAST straps. We were somebodies 'round here. An' now look at us. We got into the ring wit' them two bitches an' we ain't been the same! They cut mah 'fro! They turned Rico into a joke! We can't get our faces on HeldDOWN~! no more cause whenever people be lookin' at us, all they be seein' is me submitting from a haricut an' Rico singing Jefferson Starship!

Rico glares down the camera lens.

RICO
Rico hates Jefferson Starship.

LUCIUS
That's right, he does! And he hates Chicks Over Dicks too! Das why we're reeeeaaal happy to see they ain't gon' be round no more to hand out their special brand of embarrassation to the likes of us. It's great to finally see the tables turned, lemme tell ya Jesse Ventura. Whenever I see Krista bawling out them tears from those baby blues it makes me real happy. Whenever we see Alix an' Mackie arm in arm an' tongue in tongue, it makes Rico real happy. Seein' them dames torn apart and EMBARRASSED week in an' week out on OAOAST TV, that makes me an' Rico extremely happy baby! Cause now they now how WE feel!!

VENTURA
Well, they'll be one less team to deal with in the big Anderson Cup competition. You started off strong. Former HI-YAH Tag Team Champions. You guys know that all starts in January, you've gotta be hoping for a big run from now 'till then to guarantee a good seeding.

RICO
Jesse mang, it don't matter who we get.

LUCIUS
Das right! Mardi Gras' comin' early next year, so get ready for the party of a lifetime!

RICO
*strokes porn 'stache*

That facial hair stroking is apparantly the cue for "Easy Lover" as it hits again, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew swaggering their way to the back.

* SWOOSH *

Right to to the cozy confines of The Entperise's office/dressing room. Despite the stable's large membership base, only Molly Nerdly, fooling around with the Siclopse, and Christian Wright, eyes glued to an eighty inch flat screen television boradcasing HD, are present.

CHRISTIAN WRIGHT
Argh!

Molly isn't exactly paying attention, instead too busy fiddling with the lighting settings on the Siclopse to notice.

WRIGHT
Argh!!

Molly glances up annoyed, but doesn't seem ready to acknowledge her boss' anger.

WRIGHT
Argh!

MOLLY NERDLY
Alright, alright, alright, Greybeard The Pirate, I'll give you the time of day. What's wrong with you, Mister Wright?

WRIGHT
The laments espoused by those vagabond ruffians, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew ring too true, too harsh, too rough, and they prick like thorns. Were I permitted my druthers, I would prick hate for pricking and beat Alix down. Yet my sword remains sheathed, my feet chained, and my hands shackled, and the satisfaction for my lust for revenge remains eternally beyond salivating fangs. Every sorrow expressed through the vernacular of those street urchins, sounds as though it could have been crafted by my very lips. But, as they speak of the casual, thoughtless destruction of their already meager OAOAST existence, I speak of a once promising career now laden with booby traps set by Chicks Over Dicks. For every step I've strolled to my benefit, a Chicks Over Dicks landmine hurls me back yards.  Now, with eyes so tearful and heart so wounded, I languish amidst visions of my servile lackey, Bohemoth, blessed with championship opportunities he owns no entitlement towards.

MOLLY (no longer paying attention!)
Look a skittle!  And its purple! How wonderfully wonderful!

WRIGHT
I beesech you, Molly, transport your memory back to the survivor series contestation, and you'll find an ambush on my very senses. Though, I am a person of impeccable character, and moral fiber, I am but a man, a lowly man who's carnal urges so readily feast upon god's womanly glories. And with this knowledge, though they are assumed enemies, together they damned me with further humiliation and eventual elimination.  

MOLLY
Hey, Team Alix, won the match. Can you imagine the kind of reaction Moneymaker would've had if you guys lost? Wowza, I don't think they make tranquilizer darts strong enough to contain that kinda rampage.

WRIGHT (ignoring Molly)
Where The Wrecking Crew and other tag teams of their low brow ilk have sought to unearth hope and joy in the cessation of the Chicks Over Dicks unit, no simillar opportunity lies before these weary bones of Christian Wright. For I am damnded to call Alix Maria Spezia, an ally. I must gaze upon her not as a pagan soul to be exterminated for homosexual sins against god, but as a coworker to be tolerated, and not executed for her hedonistic sex crimes. The others have earned their parole from inescapable prison Alix and Krista constructed. Yet, I am left behind, made to endure embarrassment and function in a life transformed into an unbearable hell. And why is this? Because Mister Moneymaker's greed wills it so. Molly, I know not how much longer I can hold the peace.

Before Molly can offer a rebuttal, an angered Christian hastily storms out the room.

COLE
Wow. The Wrecking Crew stating that they and the rest of the lockeroom are thrilled to be rid of COD, but Christian Wright, well...overreact much?

COACH
Overreact? You heard The Wrecking Crew! The tag division was hell with Chicks Over Dicks around. A title shot was a curse, it was better to not get one, unless you like getting humiliated to the point where you have to be taken off TV for months. And now all that hell gets transfered onto Christian Wright. And Moneymaker's just gonna make him take it? Naw, never that.

COLE
Folks, we'll see how that develops. For now we still have our mainevent, plus another edition of Reel Talk!

COMMERCIAL

[Chanel #99]

Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime

The most OTT intro in TV today plays as...

The Enterprise presents...

In association with the OAOAST and TSM

REEL TALK

Executive Producer
Theodore Moneymaker

Produced By
Simon Singleton

Casting Couch
Ned Blanchard

Security
CPA

Directed By
Molly Nerdly



MOLLY (Voice-Over)
Reel Talk is filmed before a live studio audience.

"BOOOOOOOOO *cannedapplause* OOOOOOOOOOO!"

The curtain raises on the most expensive set in OAOAST Talk Show history once more as it's time for some Reel Talk. Clad in their best pastel blue suits, Ned Blanchard and Simon Singleton relax on their orange couches with a couple of beautiful plants ladies who are clearly very excited to be there. The duo seem oblivious to the fact they're on TV for a second or two, what with the hands being carrassed over their torsos. Not each other's hands you understand. Those of the plants... I mean ladies. Damnit.

SIMON
Ah! Good evening, welcome one and all to the classiest joint in town, for some more Reel Talk. I am of course the B.O.S.S, "Box Office" Simon Singleton, back for another edition of the show that truly is Reel-ality TV at it's best. And, Ned, who are those lovely ladies with us?

NED
Well it's funny you should ask, Simon. Let me introduce you to Ms. 1,841 and Mrs.... oh yes... 1,842.

The girls giggle, apparantly more than happy to be two in the list of many pushing Ned on towards that elusive Wilt Chamberlain record.

SIMON
Wow. I guess that means that THIS is the real Love Shack.

NED
Does that sound like me, man? You know me better than that. You don't need to love The Handsome Hustler to shack up with The Handsome Hustler. In the end, they all leave the same way. Sore and satisfied.

SIMON
That'd make a great t-shirt. *holds hand over his earpiece* Mel, get on that. NOW, on with the show! As everybody knows, Reel Talk is where it's at. We get the big guests and we get the big scoops and boy, have we got one for you this week. A man who specifically requested a slot on this show. He didn't want some half-hearted effort with Gene Okerlund or Josh Matthews or... some other hack... does Randy Savage still work here? Not important. Let's just get our guests out. Co-commissioners of the SWF, Megan Skye and our favourite former World Heavyweight Champion...

NED
Crystal?

SIMON
No, the non-female one.

NED
Oh.

SIMON
LANDON MADDIX ladies and gentlemen!

The canned applause machine goes into overdrive as Landon and Megan make their way onto the set, Landon admiring the luxurious set... and the ladies now leaving the set, their job as decoration safely carried out. Megan doesn't seem to appreciate that too much but appreciates the gentlemanly welcome from Simon and the VERY gentlemanly welcome from Ned. Landon shakes hands with the BHB too before waving to the studio audience, apparantly mistaking the canned applause for real applause.

SIMON
Landon, thanks for coming onto the show.

LANDON
Oh, no problem. You know, yours is the only show I'd ever dream of appearing on.

That not at all rehearsed interchange ends with smiles all round.

SIMON
So, what brings you onto Reel Talk?

LANDON
Well, I've got some real talk to lay down on the OAOAST. See, New Year is approaching and the year of 2007 is coming to a close. This year truly has been the Year Of La Cucaracha, I don't think I'm stretching in saying that, but it's time to start thinking ahead. Time to start thinking about 2008 becoming Another Year Of La Cucaracha. I've got a lot to live up to and I've got a lot to accomplish.

NED
2008 could be a real record-breaker, that's for sure. So, Megan...

MEGAN
Yes?

LANDON
(ignoring Ned and Megan)
Taking over the SWF and becoming the first man in history to hold the World Titles of the SWF and the OAOAST in their career will never be forgotten. Now, I've got new goals. Top of the list, regaining the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. That's why I wanted to come on here tonight, to put everybody on notice. I'm offically throwing my name into the hat for the Lethal Rumble next year.

Simon and Ned's eyebrows peak as they collectively realise the scoop they've got.

LANDON
I don't have many blots on my records but last year, the Rumble was one of them. I was close, and I mean, this close to putting that on the resume. First man to win the Clusterfuck and the Lethal Rumble. One elimination away. Next year, I intend on going that one better. When it comes to battle royals... *shrugs*... I dunno, I guess I've just got a gift. Two Clusterfuck victories over at the SWF, the Money In The Bank Battle Royal at AngleMania, another SWF battle royal win, last two of the Lethal Rumble. It's my match. And it doesn't matter who's in there with me. Nothing is going to stop me from going all the way this year, through 29 others, then on to AngleMania to get back my World Title.

SIMON
Well, unless we enter.

NED
Then again, we might be busy with a clusterfuck.

LANDON
Oh really? Because I'm sure we could keep a couple of spots open for you, if you're interested.

Ned's starts to freak, before Simon leans over and explains where exactly the wires have gotten crossed.

NED
Heh... of course.

SIMON
Well, Landon, we appreciate you using us as your forum for that big announcement. And we wish you luck in the Rumble.

LANDON
Oh and I should also mention, Landon Maddix's Non-Denominational Winter Funtime Extravaganza, Wednesday 19th December. If you're in Iowa, why don't you come on over and see us. Not like there's much else to do there.

NED
(thinking aloud)
I think number 863 came from Iowa.

SIMON
If you are number 863, by all means give us a call and let us know. Meanwhile, Landon, thank you, that's Reel Talk for another week.


Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime

Executive Producer
Theodore Moneymaker

Produced By
Simon Singleton

Casting Couch
Ned Blanchard

Security
CPA

Directed By
Molly Nerdly

© The Enterprise


COLE
Ned and Simon with ALL the hard-hitting questions, as usual.

COACH
What are you trying to imply?

COLE
Well, I wanted to hear a little more from Landon besides just that announcement. Like comments on the Triple Decker Cage and the Riot Act Pl...

COACH
That was weeks ago. Move with the times wouldya. That's what Ned and Simon do. They're trendsetters. That's Reel Talk. What's next?

Exclusive footage that's what!

December 5th 2007
The Mansion of Krista Isadora Duncan
Los Angeles, CA

Fade into the home's front hallway. We see Krista Isadora Duncan, outfitted in heavily destroyed jeans, and black hoodie with the word New York etched across the front, yammering away on her cellphone. Her seven year old daughter, Maya sits on the floor, working on some calculus problems simply for the fun of working on calculus.

KRISTA
Listen I already told you,  I think you're a very wonderful woman, but I'm simply not ready for a serious relationship yet. Okay?

Krista shuts her phone, and hastily thrusts it into Maya's hand.

KRISTA
If Martina Navratilova calls again, tell her I'm straight. Jesus, nine Wimbledon titles and all of a sudden you're Buddah's gift to vagina.

Before Maya can protest Krista's rejection of the women's tennis legend there's a loud knocking on the door. That's of course followed by a brief staredown between Maya and Krista on who will answer it. Unsurprisingly, Krista looses their mini battle, and with lowered head drags herself towards the front entryway. Krista opens the door to see a young Latino man, handsome and tall, in a three piece suit, standing beside a woman in a fur coat, who looks like an older version of her. This sight is roundly displeasing to Krista, and she scowls her disgust and irritation.

WOMAN
Krista, my darling little angel!

SLAM!

MAYA
Mom! You can't do that!

KRISTA
You're right. We need garlic, a silver cross, and a stake to drive through her heart.

MAYA
Come on, mom.

While Krista rummages through a dresser for some Holy Water, Maya opens the door with excitement radiating off her face.

MAYA (hugging the woman)
Grandmother!

WOMAN
Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. When my breasts sag lower then Deputy Dawg's ears, then maybe you can use the dreaded G word. Until then, you just call me Genevieve.

MAYA
Well, hi Genevieve. What'd ya bring me?

KRISTA
Maya!

MAYA
Mom, relax, I'm not concerned about the acquisition of material wealth, only the improvement of our gross national product, so that money may be distributed back towards the disenfranchised poor. So, yeah, what'd ya bring me?

GENEVIEVE DUNCAN
Oh nothing, except for the keys to a brand new Cadillac.

Krista's mother pulls out the keys to the outrageous gift from her purse and drops them into Maya's eager hands.

MAYA
Cool! But I'm only seven!

GENEVIEVE
The same age your mother was when she rammed her little bicycle into the McDonalds to protest the American legal systems discriminatory treatment of The Hamburglar. Besides, its just a little power wheels type car. When you get older, I'll get you the real thing, and one those simple people with the funny hair and big lips to drive you around...Krista, what do you call them? I believed one used to carry your father's golf clubs...

KRISTA
Black people?

GENEVIEVE
Yes, black people! Ah, such a marvelous little invention they are. What would we do without them?

Maya offers Genevieve a quick peck on the cheek, then runs outside to play with her new toy.

KRISTA (annoyed)
What are you doing here, mom? The other three horsemen of the apocalypse just left an hour ago.

GENEVIEVE
You are just too much for words, darling! I just got back from Vegas and I couldn't go a moment longer without seeing my little girl.

KRISTA (nodding towards the suit clad man)
Vegas, huh. I see you bought the jackass of spades along.

GENEVIEVE
Oh yes, I just have to introduce you to my little friend. Where are my manners?

KRISTA
Buried underneath your bed, with ten empty bottle of Valiums, your self respect, the rotting corpse of your first husband, and the shattered remnants of my tortured childhood I suppose.

At that comment, Krista's mother feigns a small smile.

GENEVIEVE
Eduardo, this is my beautiful daughter, Krista. I don't mean to embarrass her but, she was the Jewish daily News cover Jewess of the year. Her in a bikini on Sandra Bernhardt's lap? Hot.

Eduardo grabs Krista's hand and gives her a firm shake.

EDUARDO
I'm Eduardo Duran, charmed to meet you, finally. I see good looks run in your family.

KRISTA
Yep, right alongside twenty thousand dollars worth of plastic surgery, huh, mom? Look, Eduardo I'm sure you're a lovely gentlemen when you aren't seducing desperate liquored up cougars at three AM in the Greek isles casino, but unless the aforementioned family plastic surgeon has some revolutionary anti-aging techniques I haven't been privy to, you ain't my dad. So that means I'm on the hunt, I'm after you, And I'm hungry like the wolf. Are you picking up what I'm putting down, Duran Duran?

Not wanting her daughter to KO her guest, Genevieve slides between the two before an explosive situation can erupt.

GENEVIEVE
Krista, knock it off. I'm not having an affair with him! He's much too old for me.   

KRISTA
I forgot, you prefer your lover's after sex cigarette to be of the candy variety.

EDUARDO
You know, in my home country we like to show our mothers a little respect.

KRISTA
In your home country they hunt in packs and bury their food, what the fuck does that have to do with me, Ricky Ricardo?

GENEVIEVE
Krista!

Eduardo, eager to calm the situation, soothes his voice into a pacifying tone.

EDUARDO
I believe we're getting off point. Far off point. I work for VH1, I happen to do a lot of creative work with them, and am responsible for many of their most popular programs. But we're always on the search for even better and even more amazing shows. And after very extensive talks with your mother, I believe we have what has to be a very intriguing offer for you.

KRISTA
If its Linda Hogan, then been there, done that, threw up for two days straight afterwards.

EDUARDO
Actually we, in conjunction with the OAOAST, want to offer you your own television show.

KRISTA
I'm sorry, what?

EDUARDO
As the entire world knows, with your recent breakup with Alix Maria Spezia, you've gone back on the market. And for a perfectly aged USDA prime steak like yourself to sit on the shelf any longer then need be is a crime we can't abide by. Since you came out the closet years ago, women across the globe have worshiped you as a goddess. And rightfully so. Even to this day, they're still lining up in hopes of having one magical moment with the queen of fitness. But with your special relationship with Alix, that's been all but impossible. Until now. Now what we find is there's a veritable gold rush to the golden beauty's heart, and VH1 and the OAOAST, want to be right there chronicling the action, with the brand new reality series The Look Of Love.

KRISTA
Speaking of look, you might wanna look in the mirror, because you got some crazy on your face!

GENEVIEVE (rubbing Krista's shoulder)
Hear him out, darling.

EDUARDO
Eight of the most gorgeous girls in the universe will compete for an opportunity most women would kill in cold blood to receive, an All-Access pass to your heart and to share in all the splendor of your superstar lifestyle. We will send twenty handpicked women to a mansion right up the street in the Hollywod Hills, you won't have to go anywhere, to compete for your heart. Each week there will be a variety of challenges designed to test how the women will adapt to your fast paced celebrity lifestyle.

KRISTA
Fast paced celebrity lifestyle? You mean snorting coke with Jared Leto? And pleading my latest DUI down to sixty hours of community service?

EDUARDO
We'll work on the challenges of course. We just want to see who can handle the competition from outrageous, and sometimes hotter groupies. Who can mesh with your fitness empire. Who can keep their cool around all your famous Hollywood friends.

KRISTA
I have friends?!

EDUARDO
And all you have to do is offer the women who give you that Look of Love, special fitness cards allowing them to remain in the home, and your heart. The women who don't get one, will be sent packing. In the end only one lady can get that Look Of Love from you.

Krista scoffs at the idea, and turns to her mother with a disproving glare.

KRISTA
And, mom, you're okay with this?

GENEVIEVE
Of course I am, Krista. Of course I am. When you came over the house after Alix dumped you, you were crushed, you were in so many tears...I wasn't able to see it because I had a little lipo that day, but the maids told me you were. And I only want you to be happy, and get ten percent of your appearance fees as well.

KRISTA
What are mother's for. I don't get this whole want me to be happy thing. I didn't even think you actually liked me!

GENEVIEVE
Whatever gave you that impression?!

KRISTA
Well, the time I got a root perm, and you called me “pubic head.”

GENEVIEVE
Oh, honey, my obvious attempts to assassinate your character and lower your sense of self worth are done because I don't want you to ever feel prettier then me, not because I don't like you. I love all three of my children.

KRISTA
There's four of us.

GENEVIEVE
Four? What in the hell? What am I the bitch from one hundred and one dalmatians? I shoot em out like shrimp popcorn at an all you can eat red lobster in South Central.

EDUARDO
Well, Krista, what do you say, would you like to be the latest edition to the VH1's celebreality family?

KRISTA
Wow, that family includes a guy who supplies alcohol to an underage son hours before he crashes a Lamborghini going at ninety miles per hour, and a woman who's nick name in high school was DSL, for dick sucking lips, and its only slightly less crazy then my real family.

GENEVIEVE
What's your decision, darling?

JADE (o.s)
Krista, you have to do it!

KRISTA
Jade?

Bursting from the doorway leading to the basement, is Jade Rodez, wearing blue overalls covered in splotches of green and red paint. Out of breath, she doubles her self over so she can regain the composure to speak.

JADE
Sorry, to interrupt. And really sorry for my appearance, I've been downstairs painting the dance studio. But, um hi, I'm Jade.

Genevieve seems rather stunned by Jade's appearance, and gazes upon her with admiring, appreciative and outright curious eyes. Though she senses Jade's sudden uneasiness at this burning glare, Genevieve can't bring herself to break it.

GENEVIEVE
You're....Jade? Wow, well....wow. Amazing. You're even more beautiful in person then you are on television. Believe me. And your eyes they're...they're so blue, so vibrant. You are very beautiful young woman. Do you know that? Do you know honestly know that?

JADE (blushing)
Uh...thanks. Thank you so much! No one, really tells me that.

KRISTA
Yeah, mom she's straight...and so are you! Although Clara, my little sister, she says you're a big ol lez, but I say no that's just the way you walk. Anyway, this is Jade, she's been helping me around the house since Alix moved out. Jade, this is the reason I spend five hours a week in therapy. And this man is the reason my dad is currently loading his shotgun as we speak.

JADE
Krista, I overhead what they were talking about, and you have to do this. This is a great opportunity! Remember what we said about you needing to get over Alix? Well, the chance to do that just fell into your lap!

KRISTA
Actually to be more accurate it fell into my lap after my mother feel into his lap, if you know what I mean.

Due to Jade being around, Genevieve manages to bite her tongue from a bitter comeback.

JADE
You have to do this, Krista! This is just too perfect. They're practically playing the dating game for you! This is exactly what you need. And if its produced by VH1 maybe I can meet Salt N Peppa! Oooh baby baby! Baby baby! Oooh baby baby! Baby baby!

KRISTA
Yeah, let's not turn this into High School Musical: Short Bus edition. Look, all I can say is that I'll think about it.

EDUARDO (smiling broadly)
And that's all we ask. We already have a list of women prepared for the show, and a house rented. And with the OAOAST's production department teaming with VH1's, we can begin filming as soon as next week.

GENEVIEVE
Make your decision soon, darling, I can only hold interest in one daughter at a time, and Clara just bought herself one of those...what did you call them again?

KRISTA
Black people?

GENEVIEVE
Yes, black people! And he talks, and is potty trained, and he even eats at the table. The little bugger thinks he's really people, its so adorable! Now come, come Eduardo, you can drive me to the dermatologist if you're lucky.

KRISTA
Going to get a little botox?

GENEVIEVE
Just going for my regular mold...why, do I need botox?

KRISTA
No not at....oh my god what's that thing on your face! It looks like it needs orange cones and police tape around it! How long have you had herpes, mom?!!

JADE
Stop, she doesn't have herpes.

KRISTA
It may not be herpes, or even herpes adjacent, but I bet its coming to the herpes family reunion!

GENEVIEVE
Give me a mirror! Give me a mirror, god damn it!

KRISTA (laughing)
Gotcha! Now, you better hurry along, mom, you still have young you haven't eaten yet

Krista holds the door open, and rather impatiently ushers her uninvited visitors out.

EDUARDO
Get back to us soon. We look forward to working with you.

GENEVIEVE (holding Jade's hand as though it were a precious jewel)
Jade, its been a pleasure. I hope I can see a lot more of you.

JADE
It was great meeting you also!

Finally Genevieve and her guest depart the mansion, permanently barred by a strong slam of the door by Krista. Jade, on the other hand, is all smiles, and gives Krista a big thumbs up over the proposed reality show.

COLE
Wow, Krista spends more time at home then she does in the OAOAST!

COACH
Man, you soft as hell. Who cares where she stays at, how's about her mama? Krista's mom has got it going on! I'd knock the dust up off that sixty year old pussy, no joke!

COLE
Folks, and more specifically, Krista, Krista's father and Krista's family's lawyers, please ignore the retard, he doesn't know the error of his ways.

The camera cuts to the backstage area. Stephen Joseph Popick, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt slung over his left shoulder, is standing by. The crowd boos. Popick talks to someone wearing a black raincoat with a black hood on top. The camera only shows the mystery man from behind.

STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK
So, you're ready?

The man in the black raincoat nods his head.

POPICK
All right. I'm ready too! I can't wait to see the look on PRL's face when he sees you. He is going to FREAK OUT! HAHAHA! His career is almost over, man. His career is almost over. AND IT'S ABOUT TIME! Okay, let's go watch the match. It's coming up in a few minutes. Let's go.

Popick and the mystery man walk away, Popick making sure to polish the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt as he walks away. The crowd boos.

COLE
Tha Puerto Rican's in action next!

Commercials

"LIGHTNING CREW!"

The opening to "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing. The crowd starts booing. The AngleTron lights up with a picture of The Bone Thug posing in front of a grey background that has the words THE BONE THUG written on the right in big white blocky letters, and a Puerto Rican flag underneath that. Finally, the crescendo hits, and a lightning bolt hits the entrance stage as "No Chance In Hell" starts playing.

*No chance (No chance)
That's what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.)

We're up against
no machine too strong (Too strong)

Pussy politicians buying souls for us
are...PUPPETS! (Puppets!)*

The entrance doors slide open, and through the smoke comes The Bone Thug. The crowd boos some more. Bone Thug is wearing a Puerto Rican flag bandana over his mouth and a Puerto Rican flag bandana on his head, so the only thing you see is his eyes. Bone Thug looks at the crowd, and then begins his walk to the ring.

*DING DING DING*

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute TV time limit. Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 232 lbs. Representing The Lightning Crew. He...is...THEEEEEEEEEE BOOOONNNNNEEEEE TTHHHUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

COLE
We are about to have a little bit of a family feud tonight! Two cousins, one loved by the fans, one hated, will collide one-on-one in the middle of the ring! Tha Puerto Rican battles his own cousin, The Bone Thug, in just a few moments!

COACH
The physical and mental dissection of Tha Puerto Rican will begin in earnest right now!

The Bone Thug continues his walk to the ring.

COLE
PRL's life changed forever last week when he was kicked out of The Lightning Crew. And now this week, Popick has set it up so that PRL battles his own family one-on-one!

COACH
The Bone Thug, despite being in the OAOAST since February, has yet to have a chance to show his worth. Well, this is his shot. And what better time to do it than against the former leader of The Lightning Crew?

COLE
And I still can't believe it. FORMER leader? He's really the FORMER leader?

COACH
Well, after last week, anything is possible.

COLE
You're right, Coach, such as earlier tonight when Spanish Fly rejoined The Lightning Crew!

COACH
Go get 'em little Fly!

COLE
Will you stop?

The Bone Thug climbs the ring steps. The Bone Thug enters the ring. Thug walks around the ring, raising his hands in the air. The crowd boos loudly. Bone Thug pulls down on the Puerto Rican flag bandana over his mouth, revealing the rest of his face. Thug says something in Spanish to the camera.

COACH
He still refuses to speak English, huh?

COLE
Yep.

Bone Thug looks to the entrance. He has a look of ANGER on his face.

COLE
The Bone Thug wrestling for the first time on HeldDOWN~! in I don't know how long. Going up against Tha Puerto Rican one-on-one!

COACH
This is going to be great! Go get 'im Bone Thug! Make Stephen Joseph Popick proud!

"No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down. Bone Thug looks at the entrance. The crowd is hot, buzzing in anticipation of Tha Puerto Rican's appearance.

COLE
You can cut the electricity with a knife folks!

COACH
Stop doing lame cliches.

The lights go down in the arena. A Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them:

*THE CHAMP IS HERE!*

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and cheering. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and out through the smoke comes Tha Puerto Rican. The crowds' cheers get louder. PR looks at the crowd with a smirk on his face. For the first time in a long time, Tha Puerto Rican is coming to the ring WITHOUT a white Lightning Crew T-shirt on his body. Instead, he is coming to the ring shirtless, showing off his killer physique. PRL snorts, and then begins his walk down the entrance ramp.

BUFFER
And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 lbs. He is one-half of The Badd Boyz. THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

COLE
It is so weird to hear Michael Buffer announce Tha Puerto Rican without hearing 'The Corporate Champion' beforehand, but after last week, Tha Puerto Rican is The Corporate Champ no more!

COACH
Things are changing in the OAOAST, Michael Cole! I've said it more than once, but it's true! Things just keep happening around here! You can snap your fingers and something shocking will happen! We keep seeing them, like earlier tonight with Spanish Fly!

COLE
Indeed, the phrase 'Anything can happen in the One And Only AngleSault Thread' has taken on a whole new meaning in the past month or so!

PRL stops to give the camera a "People's Eyebrow", and then continues his walk to the ring. Tha Puerto Rican climbs the ring steps and gets onto the ring apron. He looks at the crowd, and then enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans' cheers while "Know Your Role '99" continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. The crowd is still cheering. The Bone Thug stares a hole through his cousin.

COLE
These fans have done a complete 180 on Tha Puerto Rican! At one time, he was one of the most despised Superstars in the One And Only AngleSault Thread. But now, he is one of the most popular! You could say he's The People's Champion now!

COACH
Let's not go there, Cole.

PRL heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his hands. He then heads to another second turnbuckle and raises his hands again. PR hits a third second turnbuckle, and raises his right fist in the air and "smells the electricity" while a single spotlight shines on him ala The Rock. PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth second turnbuckle, receiving cheers.

COLE
It's Cousin vs. Cousin on HeldDOWN~! Tha Puerto Rican is on his own! No more Popick! No more Lightning Crew! His only friend in the world is Colombian Heat! This situation completely different from the one PRL was in back in January, which just goes to show you how much things can change in just 12 months!

COACH
His whole life is different. He lost his girl, his Crew, his manager. Sure he got Colombian Heat, but that's not even a consolation prize isn't it?

COLE
I think PRL's whole mindset has changed. He's a different man, emotionally, mentally than he was before!

COACH
Definitely. But I somehow doubt that will help him in the end.

COLE
We shall see Coach, as our next match-up is about to begin in just a couple of moments!

Tha Puerto Rican gets off the ropes, removes his sunglasses and earring, and then hands them to a ringside attendant while the lights go back on in the arena. PRL pulls on the top ring rope. The Bone Thug focuses on Tha Puerto Rican, never taking his eyes off of him.

COLE
This must be a little awkward. You're fighting your own family here. Your own blood!

COACH
So? Just because you're related doesn't mean you have to *like* each other! I have plenty of relatives that I hate! I wish I could have a match on HeldDOWN~! against my uncle! Matter of fact, let's bring them all in, have one, big, giant all-Coachman Battle Royal!  

COLE
Actually having an all-Coachman Battle Royal sounds pretty cool. We gotta look into that!

"Know Your Role '99" dies down. PRL stares directly at his cousin. The crowd is hot, chanting "P.R.!" already. Referee Brian Hebner pats down Tha Puerto Rican, and then pats down The Bone Thug. He gives the two of them last minute instructions, and then calls for the bell.

*DING DING DING*

"Cousin vs. Cousin"
THA PUERTO RICAN vs. THE BONE THUG
Tha Puerto Rican continues staring at The Bone Thug. The Bone Thug's expression is still a serious one.

COLE
And here we go. PRL squaring off against his own cousin, The Bone Thug. The first time PRL has fought a member of The Lightning Crew since November of last year when he fought Cuban Wall in a match which later turned out to be apart of a grand 'Conspriacy'!

COACH
Oh yeah. That was great. But that was fake. This...this is real. PRL ain't wearing a Lightning Crew T-shirt anymore. He really ain't a member anymore!

COLE
I know. It's still hard to believe. But it's true.

PRL has a disappointed look on his face. He shakes his head. He says something to The Bone Thug in Spanish. Bone Thug responds in kind.

COACH
What's he saying?

COLE
I think he's saying how disappointed he is that The Bone Thug chose to stay with The Lightning Crew rather than side with him, being his relative and all.

COACH
Well, money is alot more enticing than blood. Think about it.

PRL and Bone Thug get into a heated argument. Their faces get red. The crowd is hot, and getting hotter. Finally, The Bone Thug goes for a punch. Tha Puerto Rican ducks...and fires off with a punch of his own!

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
And here we go! They've made physical contact!

Tha Puerto Rican nails The Bone Thug with Rock-style punches to the temple in a turnbuckle corner to the crowd's delight! Punch! Punch! Punch! NOW KISS THAT LEFT! Punch! P.R. grabs The Bone Thug and rushes with him over to the opposite turnbuckle corner, slamming his head on the top turnbuckle pad! PRL then whips Bone Thug into the turnbuckle corner they were originally in. PR follows with a Stinger Splash!

COLE
Stinger Splash from The People's Champion!

Puerto Rican gives Bone Thug an Irish whip into the ropes. He follows with a leapfrog, Bone Thug bounces off the ropes, into a reverse leapfrog, Bone Thug bounces off the ropes again, into an arm-drag from Tha Puerto Rican! Thug gets up, so PRL hits him with a dropkick to knock him down!

COLE
And one cousin is most definitely in control of the other cousin!

PRL picks The Bone Thug up. He gives him a short-arm clothesline back down onto the mat! P.R. picks Bone Thug up again. He grabs him by his stringy black hair and rushes with him over to another turnbuckle corner where he slams his head on the top turnbuckle pad! PRL then proceeds to stomp a mudhole in The Bone Thug, not forgetting to walk it dry! Suddenly Thomas Rodriguez and Vitamin X enter the ring!

COLE
I knew they would eventually show up!

The crowd boos loudly as Vitamin X attacks Tha Puerto Rican while Thomas Rodriguez roots him on!

COACH
Yeah! Get him X-Man! Get him!

Vitamin X starts jukin' and jivin'. He starts doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle, drawing boos. Punch. Punch. Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. Punch. BLOCKED! P.R. fires with left hands to the face of The Financial Consultant of The Lightning Crew! Punch! Punch! Punch! SPIT! Punch! Vitamin X goes down!

COLE
And PRL once again dominating The X-Man!

PRL picks Vitamin X up.

KICK

WHAM

CORPORATE NIGHTMARE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

COLE
P.R. Nightmare! P.R. Nightmare!

COACH
He's back to that again?

COLE
Yep!

The crowd pops loudly. Vitamin X is flat on his back. PR spots Thomas Rodriguez out of the corner of his eye. He lunges after him, but Thomas quickly escapes from the ring! However, this gives The Bone Thug the perfect opportunity to attack PRL from behind!

COLE
And The Bone Thug taking advantage of that little piece of interference!

COACH
Like a smart wrestler is supposed to!

COLE
I think a smart wrestler is supposed to *WRESTLE*, but I digress.

The Bone Thug hammers away at Tha Puerto Rican!

"P.R.!"
"P.R.!"
"P.R.!"
"P.R.!"

COLE
This crowd coming alive for Tha Puerto Rican!

Bone Thug knees PR in the stomach, and then hits him with the CLUBBERIN'~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN'~! forearms. Thug whips Tha Puerto Rican into the ropes--PRL reverses--Bone Thug bounces off the ropes, into a belly-to-belly suplex from Tha Puerto Rican!

COLE
Great move by Tha Puerto Rican!

PRL waits for Bone Thug to get up. When he does, he hooks him up for the LATIN SLAM!

COLE
Latin Slam! Latin Slam on Bone Thug!

COACH
Oh no!

PRL gets right back up. He looks at the screaming crowd, smiles a cocky smile...and then kicks Bone Thug's right arm onto his chest.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
It's time! It could be time!

COACH
No! No! No! No!

PR removes his right elbow pad--

CUBAN WALL ATTACKS PRL FROM BEHIND!!!

COLE
Damnit! Damnit! Again!

Cuban Wall attacks PRL, stomping on him! This causes Brian Hebner to call for the bell.

*DING DING DING* (3:02)

COLE
The Lightning Crew, once again, assaulting Tha Puerto Rican, just like last week!

COACH
And it's going wonderfully, unlike last week!

Mr. Boricua enters the ring and he joins in on the beatdown! The Bone Thug slowly gets up, and he too beats down on Tha Puerto Rican! Even Thomas Rodriguez gets a few kicks in! Vitamin X is still knocked out on the mat.

COLE
The LC, The Lightning Crew in control of Tha Puerto Rican again!

The LC pummel The P.R. Menace into a pile of mush...that is until Colombian Heat makes his way down the entrance ramp and into the ring!

COACH
Oh no! It IS a repeat of last week!

COLE
The other Badd Boy is in the ring now!

Colombian Heat, his ribs taped up, still manages to beat the snot out of Cuban Wall! Heat then turns his attention to The Bone Thug, knocking him down with several punches to the jaw! Heat then goes to Mr. Boricua punching him enough to get the big guy dazed and confused!

COLE
Colombian Heat thinking about what happened earlier tonight! That's for damn sure!

Heat hammers away at Mr. Boricua until he rests on the ropes. That's when Heat turns his attention to Thomas Rodriguez. Thomas begs off as Heat comes closer and closer to him. But his begging stops when he finds himself only an inch away from Tha Puerto Rican!

COLE
Uh-oh! Thomas is in trouble!

Thomas turns around and practically craps his pants! Thomas doesn't even have time to beg off since Tha Puerto Rican starts punching him in the face immediately!

COACH
HE'S A REFEREE FOR GOD SAKES!

PRL hits Thomas with Rock-style punches to the temple! Punch! Punch! Punch! NOW KISS THAT LEFT! Punch! Thomas goes down! PRL picks Thomas up and whips him into the waiting arms of Colombian Heat, who kicks him in the stomach, places him in a standing headscissors, hooks him up, and then lifts him up high into the air!

COLE
Is he really? Is he!?

Colombian Heat looks at the crowd, looks at PRL, looks up at Thomas, and then looks at the other members of The Lightning Crew lying around.

COLOMBIAN NECKTIE ON THOMAS RODRIGUEZ~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

COLE
Colombian Necktie! Colombian Necktie on Thomas Rodriguez!

COACH
He's a referee! A REFEREE! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

Colombian Heat smiles. He gets up and grabs the comatose Thomas Rodriguez and then throws him over the top rope and onto the floor!

COLE
And he lands with a sickening thud!

COACH
AAH! THOMAS!

Colombian Heat goes back to punching on Mr. Boricua, while PRL punches Cuban Wall. Suddenly, Spanish Fly runs into the ring, wearing a white Lightning Crew T-shirt! He quickly attacks Colombian Heat from behind!

COLE
And there's Spanish Fly! The newest member of The Lightning Crew!

COACH
And look who's he attacking first!

Heat and Fly engage in a slugfest! They trade lefts and rights in one corner of the ring! PRL, meanwhile, is punching Cuban Wall.

COLE
Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly! They're going at it!

COACH
Who's in control?

COLE
I can't tell!

Heat and Fly exit the ring, still duking it out! The crowd is going nuts! PRL continues beating on Cuban Wall!

The man in the black raincoat enters the ring!  

COACH
Hey, look at this!

The man in the black raincoat grabs Tha Puerto Rican and turns him around.

KICK

WHAM

STUNNER!

COLE
Stunner! Stunner! Stunner on Tha Puerto Rican!

PRL does a Rock-like oversell of the Stunner, doing a backflip before flopping down onto the mat! The crowd is stunned (no pun intended) by this latest sequence of events!

COLE
A Stunner on Tha Puerto Rican! He never saw it coming!

COACH
Wait, Mikey...who used to do the Stunner in the OAOAST?

COLE
Oh...you don't mean...

The man in the black raincoat stands up, and removes his hood to reveal...





THE MAD CAPPA!!!!!!!!

COLE
It's Cappa! The Mad Cappa is back! The Mad Cappa is back in the OAOAST!

COACH
But of course! Who hates Tha Puerto Rican more than The Mad Cappa does!? Think about all the battles that they've had!

The crowd is shocked again! The Mad Cappa stands tall over Tha Puerto Rican. He has an evil smile on his face. The Mad One yells at Tha Puerto Rican. At this point, the fans shock turns to boos.

COLE
Are you telling me...The Mad Cappa is working for Stephen Joseph Popick!?

COACH
If this is what it takes to beat Tha Puerto Rican, then so be it!

Cappa lays in the boots to the body of PRL! Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall soon join him! The Bone Thug gets up and joins them too! Vitamin X is up and he too gets in a few shots! Spanish Fly and Colombian Heat continue brawling on the outside!

COLE
I can't believe what I'm seeing! The Mad Cappa is working WITH The Lightning Crew AGAINST Tha Puerto Rican!

COACH
Things just get crazier and crazier here in the OAOAST!

Cappa switches between beating and taunting Tha Puerto Rican. The entrance doors slide open, and Stephen Joseph Popick comes out, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt strapped around his waist, laughing maniacally.

COLE
And there he is! The mastermind! The reason Spanish Fly is back in The Lightning Crew! The reason The Mad Cappa is back in the OAOAST!

COACH
Everything that is old is new again thanks to Stephen Joseph Popick!

Popick flashes his pearly whites as he comes closer and closer to the ring. SJP climbs the ring steps and enters the ring, applauding the destruction of Tha Puerto Rican!

COLE
Stephen Joseph must be ecstatic right now! He brought The Mad Cappa back into the OAOAST to destroy Tha Puerto Rican, and it looks like he's halfway there!

Popick is indeed very ecstatic right now. He motions that he can't believe it. The OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion laughs maniacally. He then shakes The Mad Cappa's right hand and thanks him for accepting his invite back to the OAOAST. The crowd boos loudly. The Mad Cappa has an evil smile on his face.

COLE
I don't believe it! I mean, three years ago The Mad Cappa HATED Stephen Joseph Popick! And now this? They're working together?

COACH
They have a common enemy. That's what this is all about. Separately they are powerful, but together, they are UNSTOPPABLE!

TMC sneers at PRL. Stephen Joseph Popick tells The Lightning Crew to stop beating on PRL. He calls for a microphone. Meanwhile, outside of the ring, Spanish Fly kicks Colombian Heat in the nuts, bringing him down to the ground. Fly taunts Heat and then enters the ring.

COLE
Colombian Heat and Tha Puerto Rican are down! The Lightning Crew is back in control!

Popick has a microphone.

STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK
Oh! Oh! Oh my! Oh my! This--this is great! This is even better than I could ever imagine it to be! I mean, this is tremendous! People, people, give it up for the NEWEST member of The Lightning Crew, THE MAD CAPPA!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

COLE
I don't believe it.

POPICK
I am very, very glad that you have decided to finally join us, Cappa. And, as your first act as a member of The Lightning Crew, next Thursday night on HeldDOWN~!, you, Mad Cappa, will face someone you know so very well. Someone you have ALOT of history with. Someone whose name always ends up next to yours in conversations. Someone who irritates you as much as he irritates me. The Mad Cappa, next Thursday, you go one-on-one with THA PUERTO RICAN!

COLE
Whoa! PR/Mad Cappa next Thursday!

COACH
It's the renewal of a legendary feud in OAOAST history!

Popick bends down so that he is only a few inches away from Tha Puerto Rican. PRL's eyes are glazed over. He is lying on the mat on his side.

POPICK
So did you hear that, P.R.? Next Thursday, you face the one man who you could never get the best of. The one man who always got the better of you in all your battles. The one man who YOU COULD NEVER BEAT! And next Thursday, he will be the one man who will DESTROY YOUR CAREER! So, get plenty of rest. Drink lots of water. Do plenty of excersises. Although none of that will matter as The Mad Cappa will still kick your ass anyway! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA! Good luck, PRL. Although it's not like luck will help you anyway! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Stronger" by Kanye West starts playing. Popick smiles evilly at Tha Puerto Rican. He points to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt around his waist and mouths, "You're never gonna get it." He gets up and laughs maniacally again. The Mad Cappa joins in on the laughing. Cappa and Popick shake hands again.

COLE
What a shocking turn of events! The Mad Cappa, back in the OAOAST, a member of The Lightning Crew! And next week, he faces Tha Puerto Rican again one-on-one for the first time in a long time!

COACH
What a wild roller coaster ride this had been! First, PRL and Popick end their alliance. THEN, PRL gets kicked out of The Lightning Crew. THEN, PRL reunites with Colombian Heat. THEN, Spanish Fly turns on Colombian Heat and rejoins The Lightning Crew. AND THEN, The Mad Cappa returns, gives PRL a BUST A CAP, and joins The Lightning Crew. This is the best two week period in the history of professional wrestling!

The Mad Cappa taunts PRL, despite PRL only being half-conscious by now. Spanish Fly has an evil smile on his face. He taunts Colombian Heat who is still on the outside, holding his junk. Stephen Joseph Popick congratulates the rest of The Lightning Crew on a job well done as "Stronger" continues playing.

COLE
The Mad Cappa is back in the OAOAST. PRL's arch-rival, arguably his most famous opponent is back, and they will collide again next week live on HeldDOWN~! The Mad Cappa vs. Tha Puerto Rican...AGAIN! Next week live on HeldDOWN~! Don't miss it! And please, stay tuned for our huge mainevent! You don't want to miss this one!

The Mad Cappa smiles evilly. Colombian Heat is starting to get up on the outside. Tha Puerto Rican has his head up on the mat, but that's all that's up for now. His eyes are still glazed over. Stephen Joseph Popick and The Lightning Crew gloat about what they've just done as "Stronger" by Kanye West continues playing.

FADE OUT

* COMMERCIAL BREAK *

COMING UP NEXT
International World Title
Denzel Spencer Vs Reject Vs Felix Strutter Vs Sandman9000
NEXT

[Chanel #99]

Next Week...

It's been a while...

But the feud is back on...

The Mad Cappa...

vs...

Tha Puerto Rican...

One on one...

Some feuds never die...

Some grudges never end...

Be there to witness what is sure to be another classic encounter between two legendary OAOAST Superstars!

The Mad Cappa vs. Tha Puerto Rican...

A Rivalry Renewed...

LIVE on HeldDOWN~! next Thursday at 8:00 p.m. EST/5:00 p.m. PST only on TSM!

FADE TO BLACK