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OAOAST TMW: A comedy/erotic e-fed

TMW 6/13/2020


Chanel #99

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***The Young Cucks W/The Bounty Hunter Vs Conan “Coco” Chanel and Money Marc Bennett W/The Doll***

RENEE
This match stems from a tag team match Money Marc and Conan had where they partnered with The Young Cucks, only for Money Marc and Conan to attack everyone with steel chairs including The Young Cucks.


Montel started off with Conan, using flippy tricks to evade the muscular brawler. But when he tried to hit a moonsault lariat on Conan, the Los Angeles native caught him and used a Bulldog like powerslam on him. Jordan ran in to help his partner, only to get wiped out with a lariat.

COCO
Its shocking that a braindead useless piece of garbage like you has survived this long.

REJECT
Damn, that cut deep.

Jordan was dominated by Conan and Money Marc, each man taking turns working over the neck of the high flyer.

REJECT
I don’t know if I’d work on Jordan’s neck. I’d focus on his legs.

Reject made a good point as Jordan suddenly hit a superkick to the gut of Money Marc and followed it up with a slingshot DDT!

RENEE
Big moves by Jordan!

The Young Cucks worked in tandem to take on Money Marc, dizzying him with their high flying moves. But when they tried the Alvarez Driver, Conan made sure it wouldn’t be done by taking out Jordan! But Montell took him out with a half nelson backbreaker!

REJECT
No matter how strong Conan is that has to hurt.

Conan rolled away in pain but Jordan followed him in with a high flipping lariat! The LA native,. Conan was dizzied and was again hit with a half nelson backbreaker!

RENEE
Coco just can’t defend against that move.

The Doll saw trouble arriving and hopped onto the ring apron to distract referee Val Venis…

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VAL
Hello, lady!


But that also got the attention of THE BIG HAIRY NUTT SAKS, who traveled to ringside to get a better look at The Doll! This incensed Money Marc and Coco and they went after The Nutt Saks with chairs! BAM! They took both Nutt Saks out for the second week in a row! But what they weren’t expecting was an attack from The Bounty Hunter, who superkicked the chairs into their face!

THE BOUNTY HUNTER
Nehehhehee, I always do my very best!

The Bounty Hunter tossed Conan back into the ring, thinking him defeated. But the musucle bound rich kid kicked out Jordan’s pin. Jordan then went for his victory roll into a face buster finisher, only for Coco to throw him off. Jordan landed on an approaching Montell, which left him open to Money Marc hitting him with his Death Valley Driver finisher! That led to a victory for Money Marc and Coco!

Winners: Money Marc Bennett and Conan Chanel, via pinfall

 

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Backstage Terry Taylor caught up with Sgt.Lyle Holt, who still had possession of Tanner Neptune’s Always Pimpin Title…

TERRY
Sarge, in a matter of moments you will go into battle with Blaine Cayley. This will be your first time facing Blaine Cayley in a match. What’s your mindset?

HOLT
My mind set is of a sick man—a man disgusted by his fellow countrymen. Blaine Cayley wasn’t even born in the United States and he has people rallying around him against me, a true war hero. America is burning, Terry, the flag is weeping, and the TMW Galaxy wants to get behind a Welshmen. Where the hell is Wales in the first place? Don’t tell me because I don’t care! I’m not about to lose to some guy from an obscure country that has sex with his sister!

***Sgt.Lyle Holt Vs Blaine Cayley W/Sammi Cayley***

The Sarge came out to Beat Down by Downstait…

HeartfeltGrippingInganue-size_restricted
REJECT
These are fitting lyrics. The Sarge will not go down to Tanner Neptune without a fight.

RENEE
Except he has. Three times!


The Lion and Sammi arrived into the arena to the arena to the sounds of “Blood Brother” by Zed’s Dead…

Years go, limit some once fast
Swallowing the past
Making something last

I've seen you at your lowest of low
Watching your demons grow
Struggle you won't show

Maybe I got plans for you
And you take care of me
My blood brother, fight for me

ConsciousArcticKilldeer-size_restricted.

REJECT
This should be a good one, Renee. And if Holt can pull off the upset, that’s a big momentum boost as heads into Anglemania to finally win back the Always Pimpin Title.

Holt engaged Blaine in a test of strength early on, which should have gone his way. Problem is Blaine just booted him in the stomach then walloped him with knife-edge chops! A pained and fearful, Holt clung onto the ropes; this forced Referee Scotty 2 Hotty to call for a break. Blaine gave it and paid for it with Holt pounding him with chops. But then Holt learned not to piss a Cayley off a Blaine dropped him with an enziguri!

RENEE
Oh! What a nasty shot!

Holt begged off for a moment; the Alabama native feeling a ringing in his head.

BLAINE
What’s the matter, Sarge? You don’t want to dance anymore?

Holt and Blaine traded chops for a bit before Holt slammed his knee into Blaine’s stomach. The former Always Pimpin Champion then put himself off the ropes only to be overturned by a spinning head scissors! Luckily, he was able to duck Cruel Intentions I! The Albama native then got back on the attack with a belly to belly back breaker!

RENEE
Burn Bag!

REJECT
Brilliant move by an American icon.

RENEE
Icon?! Icon of what?!

REJECT
Icon of heroism. We need a guy like Holt in these times to lead us to glory and greatness.

The cover only got a two, which had Holt grousing about a slow count. Still complaining, Holt went to the second rope and dropped a fist on Blaine’s head. The Army vet then tried to bust open Blaine with mounted punches, but The Lion pushed his violent foe off. Holt came back at him with a knee to the gut that was followed by a double arm DDT! Though Blaine’s head was spiked into the mat he was still able to kickout.

REJECT
Do you see this, Renee? Give Sarge his due. The man embodies America!

RENEE
I’m glad I’m Canadian.

Blaine blocked Holt’s attempt at a pile driver and hit a hurricanrana to dizzy the Alabama native. But when Blaine came in for a charge, Holt overturned him with an arm drag. From there the former Always Pimpin Champion locked in an arm bar. Blaine tried to reach the ropes, but Holt had firm in keeping him stuck in the center of the ring. That left Sammi to be forced to work her magic…

SAMMI
Oh, Sarge, wouldn’t you like to put this booty on duty…

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REJECT
Hell yeah!

Even Holt couldn’t resist, and the distraction allowed Blaine to fight out the hold. He then cursed Holt with a cross arm Russian leg sweep!

RENEE
Song for a Sad Girl!

Holt grimaced in agony, which was quite pleasing to Blaine…

BLAINE
Oh, that look!

The Lion then came off the top and hammered Holt with a double stomp! Holt hollered in pain, but managed to rise to his feet. There he was slammed in the face with a leaping lariat better known as Cruel Intentions I!

RENEE
Right on the money!

But Holt was able to kickout! More than that he was able to escape Blaine’s Vertebreaker attempt and hit a single arm DDT on the arm he had worked over. The Alabama native then went to the second rope, and saluted the viewing audience. From there he flew at Blaine, who managed to grab hold of him and ground him into a Liontamer!

RENEE
We saw Blaine submit Jose Cantu-Si last week with the Liontamer!

Holt was able to roll out of the hold and avoid what looked to be inevitable defeat. But when he rose to his feet, Blaine struck with Cruel Intentions II! That was enough to get the pinfall victory for The Lion.

Winner: Blaine Cayley, via pinfall

Blaine hadn’t a moment to celebrate before PAINBOW blindsided him with a lariat!

RENEE
Painbow jumping Blaine again!

Painbow stomped away at Blaine, who couldn’t muster the strength to come back. The former Knicks draft pick got an assist from Holt who proceeded to whip Blaine with the Always Pimpin Title.

RENEE
What a sore loser!

But help arrived for Blaine in the form of TANNER NEPTUNE, who cleared house with a steel chair! Sammi profusely thanked Tanner, while Blaine just gave a slight nod to his old friend.

REJECT
You’ve heard of the song Return of the Mac. Well, in Tanner’s case, it’s Return of the Simp.

There was a video of Lawson Belle stood in front of a black background where he addressed Storm Bellmare.

LAWSON
I appreciate you, Storm Bellmare for bringing the old Lawson Belle back. It’s because you interfered in me beating down Bi-Curious George that I was smartened me up. I had been going too soft on everybody. TMW is going to get the old aggressive Lawson Belle back. And you, Storm Bellmare, are gonna get an Anglemania moment of being bloodied, beaten and destroyed by the L-Train.

 

 

 

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT....TRISTIAN NYSTROM'S CAREER ON THE LINE...TRISTIAN NYSTROM VS PIKE PANTERA!

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Backstage we find Blanchefleur in a chat with Pike Pantera.

BLANCHEFLEUR
Tonight you’re going to make Tristan Nystrom leave TMW for good. I like that you stepped up and volunteered to get rid of him.

PIKE
Do you know why I did that? Because I’m tired of him getting in our way. We’re not jokes. We’re threats. He’s going to learn that even if I have to teach him that singlehandedly.

Blanchelfeur thick lips form a blissfull smile

Burlington Pembrokshire Vs Bedrock***
There were a collection of security officials that accompanied Bedrock to the rign and stayed for his match.

RENEE
Blanchefleur thinks Big Papa Thrust is a threat to Bedrock’s life so has assigned a security detail.

REJECT
Never in the history of our great sport has their been a promoter who cared so deeply for their talent.

RENEE
I hope that raise was worth your dignity.

Pembrokshire started the match out by hoisting Bedrock up with amateur holds. This showed off Pembrokshire’s strength. It also made Bedrock furious. Once Bedrock blocked a powerbomb effort and turned things around with a lariat Pembrokshire had no chance of victory. After a prolonged beating, Bedrock won when the ref called the match.

Winner: Captain Bedrock via pinfall

The real story of this segment was when Big Papa Thrust charged the ring! It took every security guard to keep him from murdering Bedrock. But Bedrock wanted the vampire and threw himself at Big Papa Thrust. This forced the lower card members of the locker room and the Studs to work to keep them apart.

RENEE
Blanchefleur can’t delay the inveitable. These two men, Bedrock and Big Papa Thrust are going to go to war!

 

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Backstage we found The Snowbunny Annagret Wickedborn, walking down the hall. She was on the hunt for a black guy and she found it in BLK’s Luther Mandela.

ANNAGRET
Luther, you really don’t get the credit you deserve. You’ve taken yourself from journeyman wrestler to leader of a group of black gods. And now BLK is tag team champions. And when you’re a champion there are certain perks. Doors are opened to you. And I want you to know that champion or not, my door and other things are always wide open to BLK.

LUTHER
I appreciate a hot white woman. But you gotta know in this game it ain’t enough to be hot. We got our fill of hot white women hollering at us.

ANNAGRET
I’m different.

LUTHER
And different gonna get this dick inside you?

ANNAGRET
Correction, Luther, different is gonna get ALL THESE dicks inside me.

Annagret trailed her finger along Luther’s face before walking away.

Suddenly Luther was jumped from behind by DAS WRESTLING MACHINE!

WHITE LOTHAR
Good day, Luther! Well, good for us, but an awful day for you. Though you can’t be surprised to be meeting us like this. Now can you?

REIGNHARDT
Luther Mandella too old to fight back! Go to nursing home, old man!

Help arrived not in the form of Luther’s BLK mates but in the way of THE UNION JETS! The new odds didn’t scare Reignhardt.

REIGNHARDT
English pansies get crushed!

But, White Lothar…

WHITE LOTHAR
As a matter of fact, I believe we have a prior engagement to attend. Would love to stay but social grace calls.

White Lothar busted out with Reignhardt fended off by a 2X4 toting Tom Smith. Afterward, there was a tense staredown between Union Jets and Luther Mandella.

C-4
Remember who scratched your back when you had this itch.

 

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***Pike Pantera W/Blanchefleur and Lisa Ann Vs Tristan Nystrom W/Queen Esther***


Pike entered to The Shell Gang entrance music of “Ready Or Not” by The Fugees…

Ready or not, here I come, you can't hide
Gonna find you and take it slowly

Ready or not, here I come, you can't hide
Gonna find you and make you want me

BeneficialEnviousBuzzard-size_restricted

 


REJECT
Ready or not, Tristan Nystrom, here comes two hundred fifty seven pounds of Pike Pantera. If you lose, Tristan, it's your last match in TMW.


Tristian Nystrom entered to “Death Don’t Have No Mercy” by Esterly…

Death don't have no mercy in this land
Death don't have no mercy in this land
He'll come to your house and he won't stay long
You'll look in the bed and somebody will be gone
Death don't have no mercy in this land

ShinyElasticLamprey-size_restricted.gif

 

RENEE
Tristan Nystrom is the conscience of TMW. He is our heart and soul. To lose him would be crushing. But that’s what we risk tonight. Because his career is on the line.

The two men got into each other’s faces right as the bell rung, neither willing to back down from the other.

REJECT
I’d like to know what kind of job Tristan can find after Pike puts him out of TMW.

The two men locked up with the vampire forcing Pike into the corner. Pike was able to push Tristian to the center of the ring though Tristian was able to swing around and take him down with an amateur hold.

REJECT
Tristian beat his own brother to save his ass a few weeks ago. Just sacrificed his brother like he was nothing.

RENEE
That’s hardly what happened!

Pike reversed a whip to the corner and made Tristian eat a running lariat. The Dutchman stayed strong and began hammering Pike with forearms. But, the strongman from Georgia stunned Tristian with a rolling chop to the neck! Staggered, Tristian was floored by a lariat from Pike!

QUEEN ESTHER
Oh good heavens!

Tristian ate turnbuckle then got his shoulder rammed into the steel ring posts. Feeling himself, Pike did the happy hoss dance as Blanchefleur applauded behind a stoic Lisa Ann. Queen Esther shouted support for Tristian who fought to his feet. But he couldn’t stop Pike from drilling him with a spine buster!

REJECT
How powerful is Pike Pantera son of Ken Pantera?

Pike kept the pressure on, chooking Blaine in the corner. He had to break on Referee Clem Buzzlefoxer’s count, but only went on to choke Tristian on the ropes. As vampires don’t breathe this was a bad move and Tristian upended him over the ropes! The Dutch vampire then bombed against Pike with a suicide dive!

RENEE
Tristian throwing his body to the wind on that one!

Tristian stomped away at Pike until Blanchefleur wheeled Lisa Ann over to distract him. That allowed Pike to gore him into the steep steps!

RENEE
Smoking Gun into the steel steps!

The cover was made in the ring and somehow Tristian was able to kickout!

REJECT
Pike is getting the better of the fight. The 257 pounder is dominating Tristian.

Pike dumped Tristian with a gut wrench suplex into another pin. Tristian’s kickout was labored, which had Queen Esther worried. She grew more concerned as Pike locked her charge into a bear hug. Somehow Tristian was able to fight out, but couldn’t stop Pike dropping him with a leaping shoulder tackle!

REJECT
Everytime Tristian gains some momentum Pike Pantera shuts him down.

Tristian rolled into the corner and was met with overhand chops from his foe. But the Dutchman saw a surge of energy and began battering Pike with punches! Pike threw a lariat only for Tristian to dodge and hit a snapmare cutter!

RENEE
Pike is Bleeding Out!

Pike rolled to his feet first, only for Tristan to sweep behind him and hit a German suplex! Again Pike got to his feet only for Tristian to launch a discus knee strike at him. Pike dodged the attack and the referee got struck down!

QUEEN ESTHER
Oh dear!

Tristian drilled Pike with a dropkick and then went up top. But he got crotched on the top by Blanchefleur! The interim GM then proceeded to shake the ropes, causing Tristan horrible pain. Tristan fell to the mat, which led Blanchefleur to pummel him with stomps.

RENEE
What does she think she’s doing? Who does she think she is?

Pike had a steel chair raised high above his head, ready to bash Tristan’s brains in. But the chair was snatched out of his hands by…

RENEE
Lisa Ann!

REJECT
What the hell?!

BLANCHEFLEUR
Wha…wha…wha…what’s going on?!

Lisa Ann flourished forward and speared Blanchefleur to the mat! The two rolled around in a tangle, clawing ferociously at one another.

RENEE
Lisa Ann is back!

Suddenly a hooded figure bashed Pike in the back with the steel chair! Pike staggered forward and was clocked by Tristan’s buzzsaw kick!

RENEE
Blood Plauge!

The cover…

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

 

THREE!


Winner: Tristan Nystrom, via pinfall

The hooded figure pulled down his hood to reveal himself as Fabian Nystrom!

REJECT
He’s not supposed to be here!

The Nystrom brothers, Lisa Ann and Queen Esther hugged for a feel good moment that touched hearts around the world.

But there was a problem in the form of the rest of The Shell Gang arriving en mass to attack the vampires!
 
RENEE
If Alix was here she would say damn them to hell!
 
Though they were vampires, the Nystroma were overwhelmled by the heels. That was until REX, BLAINE CAYLEY and TANNER NEPTUNE arrived to even the odds! From there the faces cleared the ring!
 
RENEE
Yes!
 
But we weren’t done as Lisa Ann grabbed da stick!
 
LISA ANN
It’s good to be back! And for my first official rulings back I’d like to announce at Anglemania, Alexander and Logan you will both face ReX, Painbow you will fight Blaine in a last man standing match, Wesley you will fight Tristan, and Ignatius you will defend your Galaxy Title against the newly rehired Fabian Nystrom!
 
BLANCHEFLEUR
You can’t do that!
 
LISA ANN
And that reminds me. Blanchefleur, YOU'RE FIRED!
 
As Blanchefleur freaked out we...
 
FADE OUT
 
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