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OAOAST TMW: A comedy/erotic e-fed

RAW IS WHORE 10/29/2019


Chanel #99

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RENEE
Helllooooo, world! We are on the air with Raw Is Whore as we head into Halloween Spectacular!

ALIX
That is gonna be a super-dee-duper show! My gals Chicks Over Black Dicks fight for the tag team titles in a three stages of hell match against the champs, those meanies, The Midnight Foxes!

RENEE
And here are your gals right now!

*** Chicks Over Black Dicks (Eponine Black & Isabella Spezia-Villagarossa) vs. Mary Jane & Gwen Watson *** 

Called upon to participate in the damnedest squash of all time were two Fluffers (our version of Young Lions, fyi). Eponine made quick work of Gwen, locking on Cupid’s Arrow (Sharpshooter) only to break and hold up a finger.

RENEE
Oh, I see. This is a silent but violent message to the Midnight Foxes. COBD simulating their upcoming 3 Stages of Hell contest.

RENEE
Correctamundo

Izzy received the tag and produced a DILDO well concealed in her outfit. Coated in organic Latin juice Izzy used the object on Gwen! Ms. Watson went flying straight back into her corner. Mary Jane protested for a DQ and got the dildo shoved into her mouth! Eponine returned to deliver a Falcon Arrow into a tombstone piledriver!

RENEE
Boy Crazy!

But rather than go for the easy pin, Eponine placed her unconscious opponent in the HEART OF ICE!

RENEE
Crossface submission! 

Gwen attempted to pry Eponine off... but the only ones who got off where the deviants in the audience and at home when Izzy stripped the gal of her bra and panties!

RENEE
If COBD do that to the Midnight Foxes we’ll have new Hotties tag team champions!

Izzy twirled the bra and panties overhead, then did the old belt motion better known today as the Discount Double Check. 

Winners: COBD.

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Strutting into The Toy Box full of swag is a Lakers’ Lebron Jersey wearing, LeBrenda James. Carrying LeBrenda’s bags and her OVARY title is Ladybird Jones.

LEBRENDA
Bow down bitches! You're in the presence of greatness.

Some nearby Fluffers whisper amongst themselves and hurry away.

LEBRENDA
They didn’t bow down.

LADYBIRD
You want me to drag them back here?

LEBRENDA
Nah. They’re small time. I’m big time!

LeBrenda and Ladybird keep walking until they run into an iPad carrying Krista.

KRISTA
You!

LEBRENDA
What up GM? When’s my victory party? You gonna put the red carpet in the ring? Have the past Hotties like Maggie, Melody and all them there to toast to my greatness.

KRISTA
Read these tweets...champ.

Krista shoves her iPad into LeBrenda's face.

LEBRENDA
“LeBrenda=fraud” “Fuck LeBrenda #notmychamp” “LeChump” “Nobody:   LeBrenda: let me bounce a basketball off a bitches head” “TrashBrenda Lames” I....what is this?

KRISTA
Shockingly the people didn’t appreciate you repeatedly bouncing your basketball off Charli’s head in your title match. They like my basketball sized tits. They do not like your basketball weapon. So in order to avoid a riot there won’t be any ceremony. Not now and probably not ever.

Krista storms off much madder than she was a moment ago.

LEBRENDA
I gotta fix this.

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Backstage looking over the collection of BUTT PLUGS is....

image.png
DASHA THA RAPPA

DASHA
Yo, yo, Dasha Tha Rappa down with butt plugs, mad addicted, Dasha Tha R love em like drugs.

Overhearing this is..

SEC90CSj_400x400.png

CHARLI 9ine


CHARLI
That was a nice rap. Tee-heeh.

DASHA
Charli the nine. Yes, Dasha rap good. But you very different. Different woman. Like multiplication table personality.

CHARI
Multi...oh multiple personalities. If people knew the real me it would be like getting stabbed! But I get angry when I think about what LeBrenda did to me. And how Skylar and Lauri got semi sort of involved. My appearance is like a rose and after the OVARY title final it's been wilted. Do The Skylites have a problem with me?

DASHA
Hmmm. I think..AHHH!

Dasha shrieks because Lauri and Kathy Karen Kelly come from behind to clobber Charli!

DASHA
Skylites, what is this thing?!

Lauri ignores Dasha as she pulls up Charli. This leaves the popular babyface open and she gets blasted by a KATHY KICK!

DASHA
😮

KKK
Good job, Dasha Tha Rappa.

Lauri chuckles and high fives KKK! But Dasha just bends down to check on Charli.

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Backstage in Krista's luxurious office with it's koi pond and waterfall...

image.png

KRISTA

and

MariaKanellis.png

THE DOLL

Stand feeding the fishes and having a conversation.

KRISTA
So your first lesbian experience was...

THE DOLL
Traumatizing!

KRISTA
Hhaha, wait until they bring out the cattle prod!

THE DOLL
Cattle prod?!

Before an odd story can be told, there's a knock on the door.

KRISTA
(ringing voice)
Come in!

Entering the room is....

Sarah-McDaniels-eye-difference.jpg
STACY "MISS" KUNT

KRISTA
Stacy! Thanks for coming, darling.

MISS KUNT
Its an honor to be called into the office a strong, powerful female.

KRISTA
I'm even stronger with a cattle prod....

MISS KUNT
I didn't catch that, Miss Krista.

KRISTA
Nevermind. Stacy, I now realize it was a terrible idea to let Malaysia manage you. And I was sober so I can't even blame it on alcohol like my two pregnancies.

MISS KUNT
Uh...

KRISTA
But I still feel like you need a mother figure, someone to help you along in this crazy world of double ended dildos and wristlocks. So I'm making Susan Leslie your new manager! Isn't that wonderful, dear?

MISS KUNT
Susan Leslie?

KRISTA
I mean her nickname is The Soccer Mom. How much more motherly can it get?

MISS KUNT
Uh, are you sure??

KRISTA
Oh, honey, I'm never sure of anything. And I'm sure this will be a huge success.

THE DOLL
Those sentences contradicted each other.

KRISTA
Shhh. Stacy, at Halloween Spectacular I'm putting you up against Kiki Kix with The Soccer Mom in your corner.

That brightens Stacy's mood.

MISS KUNT
Alright! A chance to match up my Kunt-Fu with a Muay Thai practitioner. Awesome! I won't let you down!

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***Lady XFL and Alysanne Vs Brea Brea and Sammi Cayley***

Brea entered to "The Greatest" by Sia...

Uh-oh, running out of breath, but I
Oh, I, I got stamina
Uh-oh, running now, I close my eyes
Well, oh, I got stamina
And uh-oh, I see another mountain to climb
But I, I, I got stamina
Uh-oh, I need another lover, be mine
Cause I, I, I got stamina
 
Don't give up, I won't give up
Don't give up, no no no
Don't give up, I won't give up
Don't give up, no no no

 

ALIX
Brea Brea reminds me a lot of myself. We're both plucky, we're both resilient, and we both do mad amounts of cocaine!

RENEE
Yeah, that's slander. But anyway, everyone, Brea Brea and Sammi Cayley have formed a tight friendship, Brea melting down Sammi's sometimes aloof exterior.

Meanwhile The Lioness entered to "Blood Brother" by Zed's Dead...

Years go, limit some once fast
Swallowing the past
Making something last

I've seen you at your lowest of low
Watching your demons grow
Struggle you won't show

Maybe I got plans for you
And you take care of me
My blood brother, fight for me

 

RENEE
Things have gotten very heated between Sammi Cayley and Lady XFL and Alysanne as we head into Halloween Spectacular.

ALIX
Krista's gonna need to assign two referees and a whole bunch of security to keep that title match from going nuts.

 

Sammi and Brea came soaring off the top turnbuckle and dropped BIG AXE HANDLES on Lady XFL as she was about to enter the ring.

ALYSANNE
😮

Brea then speared Alysanne to the ground, while Lady XFL was hurled into the ring by Sammi.

SAMMI
Time you learned not to cross a Cayley!

Sammi slapped on the Liontamer on Lady XFL and the Lady XFL immediately groaned in pain. Groaned but not screamed. Though her face did contort in agony.

RENEE
That's the same hold Blaine beat Money Marc with at Anglemania.

ALIX
Except this one will lead to hurt pride and egos not hurt nipples and vaginas. But then again ya never know!

Lady XFL crawled to the ropes, but Sammi wouldn't let go. Eventually referee Rikishi had to pry Sammi off of her victim.

ALIX
I'll tell ya what folks there is malice in that Lioness' heart and she's coming for the kill.

Lady XFL was still pained by the Liontamer and got smoked with a Welsh Press to add to her misery!

"YYYYEEEEAAAAAA!"

RENEE
Will this be what we see at Halloween Spectacular? Sammi Cayley dominating the Hard on Hoes champion?

ALIX
Sammi knows how to dominate! Without even using a cattle prod!

RENEE
What's with you and Krista and cattle prods?

Brea Brea got the tag and started flinging about Lady XFL with arm drags. But then she played to The Toy Box which got her back suplexed by Lady XFL!

LADY XFL
I'm The She Wolf!

"BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The Hard on Hoes champ flung Brea about with a dead lift gut wrench suplex. When she saw Brea slow to rise in an empty corner, Lady XFL smelled blood. She let out a mighty roar and charged only to eat Brea's funky colored boots! Alysanne tried to grab hold of Brea's curly hair, but Brea decked her with a right hand than gave her an admonishment...

 

But when Brea turned around he got kicked Through the Uprights For 3!

"OOOOOHHHHHHH!"

ALIX
For our non American football watching fans from overseas the uprights are a woman's pussy and for 3 means 3 fingers inside.

RENEE
Stop confusing people! Everyone, don't listen to Alix. Ever.

Brea Brea kicked out the pin, though it was a close call. The champ then arrogantly paraded her in front of Sammi, who had to be held back by Rikishi. This let Alysanne come in and kick Brea as hard as she could in the ribs!

"YOU'RE A CHEAP BITCH! YOU'RE A CHEAP BITCH! YOU'RE A CHEAP BITCH!"

Lady XFL locked Brea down into a reverse chinlock, which instantly got Sammi and the crowd behind The Little Hottie That Could. The South African starlet used elbows and her tenacity to fight free of the attack. Yet that was all she could do as Lady XFL mowed her down with a lariat.


"BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

ALYSANNE
Bring her to me.
alysanne9bring her to me.gif

And so Lady XFL gave the weakened Brea to her manager.

ALYSANNE
You want to stick your nose in my business? You want to make a fool out of me? I'll show you who's the fool! You're the fool!

Alsyanne went to slap Brea Brea...but Brea blocked her arm! As the fans roared, Brea snapped off a dropsault to bowl Alysanne to the ground!

RENEE
Now Brea has to make the tag to Sammi Cayley!

That's what Brea did, diving to reach Sammi's outstretched hand.

SAMMI
It seems the fool is still you, Alysanne.
Sammi ran through Alysanne with a series of lariats that was only stopped by Lady XFL tackling her to the ground! Sammi rolled out and smashed Lady XFL with a high knee lift then decked Alysanne with a discus punch!

ALIX
This what happens when you let a hungry lion out her cage!

Lady XFL came right back and pitched Sammi out of the ring! Then she started clobbering Brea yet again. But after Lady XFL went off the ropes, Brea Brea shocked her with a sliding lariat!

RENEE
Fantastic Voyage!

Brea Brea bundled Lady XFL out of the ring, right as Sammi came in to trip Alysanne up and haul her into a Liontamer! Alysanne didn't last but a few seconds before tapping out!

Winner: Sammi Cayley & Brea Brea, via pinfall

Sammi wouldn't let Alysanne go free no matter how much Rikishi asked and no matter how much Alysanne tapped out.

RENEE
Will Lady XFL be in that position at Halloween Spectacular? Will The Lioness be crowned the new Hard on Hoes Champion?

FADE OUT

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