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OAOAST TMW: A comedy/erotic e-fed

RAW IS WHORE 10/8/2019


Chanel #99

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RENEE
Welcome every-

ALIX
Yahoooooooo!

RENEE
Welcome every-

ALIX
YAHHHHOOOOOOO!

RENEE
Welcome every-

ALIX
YAAAHOOOOOOOOO~!

RENEE
........

ALIX
........

RENEE
Welcome every-

ALIX
YAAHOOOOOOOOOO~!!!!!!

Uh-oh, running out of breath, but I
Oh, I, I got stamina
Uh-oh, running now, I close my eyes
Well, oh, I got stamina
And uh-oh, I see another mountain to climb
But I, I, I got stamina
Uh-oh, I need another lover, be mine
Cause I, I, I got stamina
 
Don't give up, I won't give up
Don't give up, no no no
Don't give up, I won't give up
Don't give up, no no no


The fans are on their feet for the sounds of "The Greatest!" And why not? Brea Brea appears with a warm smile for the first time in months. She slaps hands down the entry way, her smiles growing even wider.

RENEE
We had no clue Brea Brea would be in the Toy Box tonight! But here she is in front of the people who love her the most.


BREA BREA
Thank you, I really appreciate that. You’re the best, Toy Box. You guys have supported me 100 percent in the old TMW and in Raw Is Whore. I could never have been Hard On Hoes champion without you chanting "We think you can." At Anglemania XXX-8 you saw me at my lowest low. When I was recovering from the pain I didn't know what the future held, and I didn't know if you'd still like me. But you do!

"YYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

BREA BREA
And I need your support even more than ever. I want to step back into the Wolf Den. The Lady Wolf Den. Alysanne. Lady XFL you hurt Sammi, my friend, last week. And you know what? It's time for foul play!

RENEE
Whoa!

BREA BREA
Call me crazy, call me insane but I've been going crazy all week thinking about poor Sammi. I've listened to her sobbing over the phone and bottom line: it's time for payback.

"WHO YOU TALKING TO MAN?!"

Alysanne strolls onto the entrance stage, twirling her hair in her finger.

ALYSANNE
Brea Brea, good to see you. You look healthy. You should count your blessings you were able to recover. Count your blessings and find easier targets. I hear Annie is free.

BREA BREA Are you going to give me Lady XFL or not?

ALYSANNE
Non title?

BREA BREA
Whatever it takes to get that match.

ALYSANNE
Okay then. I'll have Lady XFL mow down you, Blaine, Sammi's Facebook friends, anyone who is close to her! I hate Sammi Cayley and I hate you!

The scene ends with a staredown with both girls having flames spitting out their eyes.

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Backstage in the catering room...

MV5BMTMxODAwMjQxNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwODEy
KRISTA is giving it to one of the staff. And I don't mean she's giving the puss!

KRISTA
If you don't get some god damn vodka in this room I will make sure your mom knows you're called "Fire Gums" because you give toothless blowjobs at truckstops.

STAFF MEMBER
Gulp!

The staff member hurries off. Presumably to get vodka and not give toothless blowjobs.

Krista smirks in satisfaction, but smiles widely as...

image.png
TORI MALIBU approaches.

TORI
Krista! Glad you're here.

KRISTA
You and the millions of men across the globe.

TORI
I'm doing my best to fight against The Big Boss Lady and Sunshine Yukino and their evil deeds but they keep attacking me from behind. I need a match with the both of them.

KRISTA
Woke Queens versus whatever those two call themselves. Great idea!

TORI
Uhhh actually Hayley is kind of off my friend list. She's let me down too many times. But I can handle them myself.

KRISTA
I'm not hip with the whole super hero movie thing but isn't the point to gather as much heroes as you can get?

TORI
It'll be alright!

KRISTA
If I told you I wanted to fight a mobster and a pimp by myself what would you say?

TORI
Umm....

KRISTA
Exactly. So you don't have to team with How2Girl. But you have to team with someone.

TORI
Fine. I'll team with the next person who walks through that door!

Tori has to wait about 15 seconds and then through the door comes...

mqnklde8q3wbqrnrdvux.jpg

EUPHORIA


EUPHORIA
I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccccccccccck!

Far from being put off Tori gives Krista a stern nod,

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***The Big Boss Lady & Sunshine Yukino Vs Tori Malibu and Euphoria***

TBL started shoving Tori around to start the much so Euphoria shoved her from behind! But that didn't make TBL too happy.

TBL
You shoving me, punk?

Suddenly the fearsome mobster didn't seem like such an easy target.

 

Tori saved Euphoria's hide by dropkicking TBL from behind! Still not wanting to get hit Euphoria ducked out the ring. And that enabled Yukino to jump Tori from behind!
"BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

TBL pressed Tori into the air, tossing her onto Yukino's knee. But TBL didn't get to do any more than that as she was yanked out the ring by Euphoria. Euphoria soon realized she probably shouldn't have done that and ran like hell. Her journey carried her all the way backstage with TBL following in hot pursuit.

RENEE
They're gone!

Not having a partner was no problem for Yukino who worked over Tori's neck with a series of submissions and DDT variations.

"LET'S GO TORI! LET'S GO TORI! LET'S GO TORI!"

SUNSHINE YUKINO
You make good whore for me. Earn me lots of money. These things good.

 

TORI
I'm not your ho! I'm a strong damn woman!

Tori started fighting back with such fury she ended up clotheslining Yukino over the ropes! After that she sailed over the top and hit Yuki with a plancha!

"TORI! TORI! TORI!"

ALIX
That was an alarming amount of coordination shown by Tori. Someone check if she's a Tori Bot!

RENEE
There are no such things as Tori Bots. Yet

Yukino blocked a punch from Tori then snapped off a DDT onto the mats. Tori whimpered in pain. A pain that got increased as Yukino WALKED BACK AND FORTH on her face.

SUNSHINE YUKINO
Get cardio. Good for heart.
Tori was dumped back into the ring by a smiling Yukino, who smelled blood. But it was not to be for Sunshine as Tori came roaring back with a series of clotheslines! But attentions were turned toward the entry way as Euphoria came running back with The Big Boss Lady on her tail.

EUPHORIA
Heeeeeelllppp meeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Euphoria dove into the ring as did TBL. And when TBL rose Tori blasted her with a School's Out. A kick that was enough to secure the win for her and Euphoria!

Winner: Tori Malibu, via pinfall

Post-match Euphoria FAINTED from exhaustion.

RENEE
I don't realize running for your life was so taxing.

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***Non Title Match: Brea Brea Vs Hard on Hoes Champion, Lady XFL W/Alysanne***
Lady X entered last in this AM rematch, which was just fine for Brea Brea, That's because Brea took her out with a suicide dive before she could even enter the ring!

ALIX
Who knew a road agent saying "Lady XFL you enter last" could prove so tragic!

Not as tragic as Brea would have hoped as Lady XFL stood back up and started hammering Brea with punches. But Brea wasn't about to let herself be beat on; she sent Lady XFL reeling with a dropkick!


RENEE
Lady XFL still on her feet! How tough is she?

ALIX
Tougher than shoe leather. Played her football in the LFL and hog tied and raped the commissioner in the shower because her pay was late.

Brea came charging at Lady XFL only to get overtaken with a back body drop. The South African experienced more agony as Lady X rammed her into the barricade not once, not twice, but three times!

LADY XFL
No mercy!

RENEE
If Melody Nerdly were here she'd be telling us that's the greatest wrestling game of all time.

ALIX
And she'd be wrong, Here Comes The Pain is the best wrestling game of all time!

Inside the ring, Brea ducked being Kicked Through The Uprights For Three and started hammering Lady XFL with multiple axe handle smashes. Lady XFL was finally brought to her knees, much to Alysanne's horror. Alysanne shrieked as Brea Brea nailed Lady XFL with a sliding lariat!

RENEE
Fantastic Voyage!

Lady XFL kicked out well before three and kipped right up.

LADY XFL
Bring it!

It got brought as Brea started bashing Lady XFL with jabs and hooks. All that punching got shut down as Lady XFL pulled Brea Brea into a clinch and hammered her with knees. Agonized, Brea still managed to struggle out the hold. She staggered about the ring until Lady XFL rocked her with a three point lariat!

"OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

ALIX
That move ain't in No Mercy. folks, I'll tell ya that.

RENEE
Forget that! Brea is in trouble!

Indeed she was as Lady XFL pushed her into the corner and battered her with knees to the midsection.

RENEE
The Hard On Hoes champion is really targeting Brea's stomach and ribs.

ALIX
Ya can't fight if ya can't breathe.

Brea was harshly slung out to the center of the ring where she struggled to her feet. Next, Lady XFL loads up her big yakuza kick signature move. But beyond her SAMMI CAYLEY has ascended to the top turnbuckle!

RENEE
It's Sammi!

ALIX
By gawd where the hell did she come from?!

Sammi flings herself off the top and smashes Lady XFL with a missile dropkick!
"YYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

A series of shoulder tackles from Sammi has the champ reeling and...grimacing in pain?!

RENEE
Lady XFL is hurt!

ALIX
But you can't hurt a cyborg like that!

Actually you can as Lady XFL is sent hurtling in pain out of the ring thanks to a STIFF lariat from Sammi!

Winner: Lady XFL, via disqualification

Post-match Sammi helped Brea Brea to her feet and cheered her up as Alysanne stormed backstage.

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**Ovary Title Tournament Final: LeBrenda James W/Ladybird Jones Vs Charli 9ine***

Sat at ringside for this historic match was Krista Isadora Duncan in black business suit. She also had the OVARY title on hand.

Charli entered to End Game by Taylor Swift....

I wanna be your endgame
I wanna be your first string
I wanna be your A-Team (whoa, whoa, whoa)
I wanna be your endgame, endgame


Big reputation, big reputation
Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations, ah
And you heard about me, ooh
I got some big enemies (yah)
Big reputation, big reputation
Ooh, you and me would be a big conversation, ah (git git)
And I heard about you, ooh (yah)
You like the bad ones too

 

RENEE
To get to this point, this point where she can become queen of the Outrageously Valiant And Ravishing Youthes, Charli had to fight the sneaky and scrappy Didi Bigguns and then had to beat a very tough, very dangerous Penny Mars.

ALIX
And as we saw from Marvin the Martian those aliens really are trouble.

RENEE
I...don't know what to say.
MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR THE CHAMPIONS!

To Ron Artest's Champions comes L:eBrenda James as accompanied by Ladybird Jones.....

RENEE
LeBrenda had it easy against Annie Idol in the first round but The Celestial Cum Craver, Adelphe Nerdregard gave her all she could handle. Now LeBrenda, who is not popular in the Toy Box, seeks to become the first ever Outrageously Valiant And Ravishing Youth champion.

ALIX
I like LeBrenda. Black and brown unity! Kill whitey!

RENEE
Hey!

ALIX
Except you of course.

DING DING DING

LeBrenda got all up in Charli’s face for some trash talk.

CHARLI
Hehehe, please don’t make me angry.

LEBRENDA
Bitch, I’m god! I’ll make anyone angry out here! That’s on god!

CHARLI
Ummm please stop yelling before I get angry.

ALIX
It’s bad when Charli gets angry. She’s more dangerous than Krista.

RENEE
Now that’s dangerous!

LeBrenda was smart enough to just start working over Charli’s arm. But Charli was a tough chick and ended up muscling LeBrenda to the corner. Referee Titania Nerdly got a clean break from Charli. But then...,LeBrenda slapped her!

“OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHJ!”

CHARli
Grrrrrr!

LeBrenda snapmared Charli over to allow for a chinlock. But Charli was able to power out such a basic hold. The Iowa native started blasting LeBrenda with rights and lefts that forced LeBron’s number one fan to bail out the ring.

LEBRENDA
This some bullshit!

ALIX
Totally! Who would ever expect to be attacked in a wrestling ring.

Charli came after LeBrenda but got stone walled by LadyBird.

CHARLI
Excuse me, could you move.

LadyBird did move, thanks to a shove from LeBrenda that toppled both her and Charli!

RENEE
She just sacrificed her bff!

ALIX
What are friends for if not to use and manipulate in your quest for play fighting gold?

Back in the ring, LeBrenda slapped on another chinlock and talked some trash to the fans.

LEBRENDA
This is my house!

"LET'S GO CHARLI! LET'S GO CHARLI! LET'S GO CHARLI!"

Go Charli went muscling out the hold and then lariating LeBrenda over the ropes!

RENEE
That's serious power, guys!

Charli hurried to the outside to pursue her advantage. A press slam dumped LeBrenda stomach first onto the guardrail and had her howling in pain. But Charli couldn't press this advantage as Ladybird dumped beer all over her!

CHARLI
Grrrrrrrrr....

Meanwhile LeBrenda sipped on some Coke Zero...

LeBrenda9sip on drink.gif

ALIX
Don't these people know not to make her mad? You're poking the bear! And this bear ain't a teddy bear, folks.

LeBrenda saved Ladybird from an ass kicking as she repeatedly slammed Charli's head into the ring apron. Back inside the ring, LeBrenda went right back to a chinlock and proceeded to let the crowd know what it is...

LEBRENDA
I'm the greatest!

"BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Yet again Charli powered out the hold with furious elbows. But her offense was shut down by an eye rake followed by a chin crusher!

RENEE
Hoop Dreams!

LeBrenda was title dreaming as she made the pin cover only to see Charli kick out at 2.5!

LEBRENDA
The hell kinda count was that, Titania?! Don't make me unload on you, girl?

TITANIA
Don't mess with these guns!
85781.gif

 

Suddenly Charli snagged LeBrenda in a sleeper hold and used that hold to hit The Great Black Hope with a side slam!

"YYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

RENEE
Side Bitch Slam!

The cover....

CROWD
ONE!


CROWD
TWO!


Ladybird yanked Charli out the ring!

"BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Titania let that slide, mainly because Charli decked Ladybird with a left cross!

"YYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Charli's attention was caught by SKYLAR and LAURI arriving. Lauri had a sign pointing to Charli that read "HBIC!"

RENEE
Head Bitch In Charge?

Lauri waved the sign in Charli's face, or to be more accurate literally shoved the sign in Charli's face. This allowed, LeBrenda to haul Charli back into the ring by her golden locks. Inside LeBrenda hit her finisher of a leaping tomahawk chop on Charli!

RENEE
Slam Dunk!

ALIX
Isn't it kind of racist the black girl has a basketball gimmick? Why can't she have a nuclear scientist gimmick?

RENEE
Never mind that! This match could be over!

But it wasn't as Charli got her shoulder up at 2.9!

"CHARLI IN CHARGE! CHARLI IN CHARGE! CHARLI IN CHARGE!"

LeBrenda was IRATE! Irate enough to hurry out the ring and snatch a basketball from under the ring! But referee Titania wasn't going to allow her to use it and a tug of war ensued. Behind Titania's back, Ladybird snagged Charli and nailed her with Power Moves a rotating powerslam! Naturally, LeBrenda let Titania take the basketball and proceeded to deliver a second Slam Dunk to the Charli! But Charli kicked out again!

“WE LOVE CHARLI! WE LOVE CHARLI! WE LOVE CHARLI!”

Amidst the raucous cheers of the crowd, the disliked Skylar was helped over the guardrail by Lauri. The influencer strode into the ring as casual as a stroll in the park.

ALIX
What’s that She Devil want?

As Titania tried to get Skylar to leave, LeBrenda repeatedly bounced the basketball off Charli’s head. Those blows in combo with Power Moves and the previous Slam Dunk sealed the win for LeBrenda!

Winner: LeBrenda James, via pinfall! First ever champion!

ALIX
Oooooh man there’s cheating and there’s...

RENEE
What LeBrenda and LadyBird did

Ladybird doused LeBrenda in champagne after her hero received the title from Krista. The general manager just shook her head at LeBrenda's cheating nature and walked off from the celebration.

 

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