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OAOAST TMW: A comedy/erotic e-fed

Anglemania X-8


Chanel #99

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We fade into Lisa Ann sat backstage in her office, clad in an unbutton, boobie revealing business suit. At her side is her assistant, Blanchefleur.

LISA ANN
Welcome, everyone, to AngleMania X-Eight in Toronto, Canada. Sit back, grab your popcorn and get ready to scream because my boys are coming hot and heavy. Now let me make myself a little bit more comfortable.

The AngleMania X-8 logo flashes onto the screen surrounded by barbwire and fire, But then a giant stamp lays across it and lifts up to read "SHELL GANG"

BOOM!

BOOM!

BOOM!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Renee and Reject are at Sofa Central with Reject wearing a tuxedo and Renee wearing a one should strapped red evening gown.

RENEE
It has come to this, ladies and gentlemen it has come to AngleMania X-8 live from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Whooo Canada, my people!

REJECT
It stinks funny.

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***TMW Tag Team Titles: The Shell Gang (Jose Cantu-Si and Pike Pantera (c) ) W/Logan Mann Vs The Union Jets Vs The Big Hairy Nutt Saks Vs Das Wrestling Machine***

RENEE
No eliminations here, everyone.

REJECT
First fall and that's it, crown em champs.

The match was a big brawl to start as you can guess with the people involve. Seeing that referee Clem Buzzlefoxxer V had no control, Logan Mann decided to get involved. He joined with Jose in hammering away at Balrogg Nutt and throwing him into the stands! Help arrived for Nutt as C-4 got into the action and brawled with Logan.

REJECT
That was stupid. C-4 should have let Balrog get his ass kicked.

And for his favor, C-4 got derailed by a lariat from Julius Saks. A mass of people piled up in front of Saks and Tom Smith made them pay with a suicide dive!

"YYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

REJECT
That's a good way to shorten your career.

RENEE
Says a guy who was in multipule Heartland Chamber of Hell matches.

Reinhardt powered his way through Tom Smith with a lariat, then threw him shoulder first into the ring posts.

REINHARDT
Is time to die, puny man!

Reinhardt lifted Tom Smith for Aegis his two handed chokeslam but was halted by a a trash can to the back of the head by C-4!

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!"

In the ring, Jose was tuning up the band on Saks when he was hammered with a lariat by Nutt! The two went up top for their double body splash known as The Freezer, which popped the crowd. But before they could fly Pike and Logan shoved them to the outside! The sneaky White Lothar walloped Pike with a chair, leading to a close two count.

RENEE
The action is all over the place!

REJECT
Team work is going to win this match, Renee.

C-4 slid into the ring, avoided White Lothar's chair, and battered him with a leaping shoulder block! White Lothar came upight, clutching his midsection and felt the pain of a Tom Smith missile dropkick! This led to The Union Jets setting up the detonator!

REJECT
Teamwork, Renee. Exactly like I said.

Except the teamwork belonged to The Shell Gang with Logan bashing a top rope based Smith with a trashcan and Pike going through C-4 with a gorge!

RENEE
Smoking Gun!

Logan and Jose fended off the Nutt Saks and Pike pinned C-4 to sucessfully defend the tag team titles!

Winner: The Shell Gang, via pinfall

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***The Intruder Vs GOATman Pains[***/b]
Before the match The Intruder got on the mic.

THE INTRUDER
Once again, Pains, I’m offering you a spot at my table and blessings from this game.

RENEE
The Inturder asked Pains to be his  bodyguard last year at AngleMania. When Pains refused, Intruder attacked him from behind and cost him a year off his career.

So knowing that, The Intruder was foolish to make the offer again . And this time Pains refusal cane with a punch to the mouth. Intruder took some heavy hits for a good portion of the match. And when Pains hit his Spear things looked doom for the Arizonan. But Pains dragged him upright for more punishment. A leaping lariat took out the official after Intruder ducked. That’s when TURBO WOLF came into the ring and bashed Pains repeatedly in the back with a FRYING PAON! The werewolf then laid Intruder onto Pains to give the former Big Brother contestant a win!

Winner: The Intruder, via pinfall

Post match Turbo raised Intruder’s hand and gave him a curt nod

REJECT
Looks like The Intruder got the muscle he needed.

RENEE
I'm not so sure. TurboWolf is a lone wolf.

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Backstage we found Terry Taylor, dressed in a pretty tacky red tuxedo stood with ReX.


TERRY
ReX, your moments away from facing off against Painbow of The Shell Gang. Does The Shell Gang's gang mentality worry you?

REX
Why would I be worried?

TERRY
There's a lot of them and they're always around. I'd be worried if I were you.

REX
But you're not me. No one is me. Painbow you aren't me. You don't have the brains of an MD or the body of a monster. The only thing I'm worried about is being able to clean Painbow's blood off me so I can have a sanitized and safe chest day when I hit the gym tonight.

 

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***Winner Gets The Others Girl: Blaine Cayley Vs Money Marc Bennett***

Years go, limit some once fast
Swallowing the past
Making something last

I've seen you at your lowest of low
Watching your demons grow
Struggle you won't show

Maybe I got plans for you
And you take care of me
My blood brother, fight for me

Blaine enters to Blood Brother...

Blaine waved on Marc to arrive in speedy manner. And Money Marc did, along with Conan Chanel attacking Blaine from behind!

REJECT
Brilliant!

Money Marc shoved referee Rikishi away and joined Conan in stomping at Blaine. The two then double suplexed the Welshman out the ring and gave each other fist pounds.

REJECT
Reminiscent of me and ThunderKid.

“ASSHOLES! ASSHOLES! ASSHOLES!”

On the outside Blaine fought back against Coco, thrilling the fans. But he couldn’t stop Money Marc from landing a lethal shot into his forehead with a monitor!

RENEE
Blaine is busted open!

REJECT
If he gets back in this match he’ll have to deal with blood on his eyes.

The Lion was pushed back into the ring looking more like an injured kitten. Money Marc set up a table in the corner and leaned Blaine against it.

REJECT
Nevermind he’s not getting back in this match. This one is done, Renee.

RENEE
Don't count Blaine out.

Conan cane charging forward with a wild attack. But Blaine moved and the rich grappler put himself through the table!

MONEY MARC
Shit!

Money Marc immediately went to town on Blaine, bashing him with clubbing forearms. He had him weakened enough to try his Burning Hammer finisher. But Blaine slipped out and nailed Marc with Cruel Intentions I!

“YEEEEEAAAAAAA!

REJECT
Blaine is on the lean side but he throws that lariat like he wants to take your head off.

Both men answered Rikishi's count with Money Marc getting up first. He rammed his fist into Blaine's bloody face then pitched him shoulder first into the ring posts. The Austin, Texas native then roused Conan Chanel leading to the weary Chanel to join Money Marc with a double lariat attempt. An attempt that was ducked with Money Marc spilling out the ring!

RENEE
That might have been hugely costly for Money Marc.

Blaine booted Conan in the stomach and crushed him with a Cruel Intentions II!

"YYYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAA!"

Money Marc slid back into the ring with a steel chair, trying to take Blaine's head off. But Blaine spun around with a boot to Money Marc's stomach causing him to drop the chair. The Welshman then hit Money Marc with a cross armed side Russian leg sweep!

RENEE
Song for a Sad Girl! And The Doll will be sad if Blaine wins this match and a night with her.

Blaine came down on Money Marc with a Welsh Press that got a close two count. Still Money Marc was hurting and it thrilled Blaine.

BLAINE
Oh that look!

With blood running down his face, Blaine set up Money Marc for Cruel Intentions II. But Money Marc used a low blow to block it and hit Cruel Inetions II himself on Blaine. Blood was smeared all over the mat which pleased an arriving DOLL. Money Marc became distracted by her presence and invited her into the ring.

REJECT
Don't waste time, man. Pin him!

The Doll laid in the stomps to Blaine's bloody visage! Naturally this brought out SAMMI CAYLEY, who was looking to protect her brother/lover. The Doll wanted no parts of Sammi and hid behind Money Marc.

RENEE
That's typical Doll.

REJECT
Being a smart woman. They don't call Sammi The Lioness for nothing.

Sammi tried to get after The Doll, but got her hair caught by Money Marc!

MONEY MARC
How about a kiss for Money Marc.

But Money Marc got rocked by CRUEL INTENTIONS I from Blaine!

"YYYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAA!"

This left The Doll in Sammi's path and The Lioness tore through her with CRUEL INTENTIONS I! Then the twins put the power couple into twin LIONTAMERS and got a double tap out!

Winner: Blaine Cayley, via submission

The Doll was in tears, breaking down and on her knees tearing her hair out.

BLAINE
(to The Doll)
Don't worry I won't bite. Unless you ask me to.

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**Money In The Bank: Burlington Pembrokshire Vs Daisuke Motozaki Vs Storm Bellmare Vs Abdullah Abir Nerdly Vs Wesley Singleton Vs Alexander The Magnificent Vs Ignatius Maddix Vs The Bounty Hunter***

The Bounty Hunter entered to The Final Countdown...

I can't afford the price I pay, and I can't even pay the rent

They're coming at me every way and there's no letting up
I'm frightened by the threats they make
Take me down, and they'll bury me and if I run they'll
Chase me back again, drag me before I make the break

 

I can't keep holding on
In a hideaway I needed to keep me from breaking down
And I'm under..

Storm Bellmare entered to One In a Million...

WE GETTIN ARAB MONEY!

Abdullah Abir Nerdly entered to Arab Money....

Ready or not, here I come, you can't hide
Gonna find you and take it slowly
Ready or not, here I come, you can't hide
Gonna find you and make you want me

Alexander entered to Ready Or Not by the Fugees...

Then Ignatius came to that same song...


Then came Wesley....

The Bounty Hunter started to climb right away as everyone else began brawling. Ignatius pointed him out to his Shell Gang partner, Alexander who yanked the smaller man down. Alexander tried to hit TBH with the Sword of Damocles only for Daisuke to surge forward and kick him in the head!

REJECT
Oh damn, I felt that.

TBH thanked Daisuke for the help then truly showed his gratitude by low blowing him! Back up the ladder The Bounty Hunter went but this time he was pulled off by Wesley Singleton. Those two brawled as Ignatius went up the ladder in their stead. He almost reached the top until Abdullah and Storm combined to knock him off with a ladder of their own. Alexander came through to aid his Shell Gang partner, running both cruiserweights down with a lariat.

RENEE
It's almost like it's Shell Gang versus everyone else.

REJECT
And everyone else is gonna have to work together. Which they're doing so far.

Burlighton dragged Wesley out of the ring and started trading punches with him. This led to The Bounty Hunter going all suicide dive on them. But Pembrokshire caught the smaller man and gave him a fallaway slam into a ladder! Wes got taken out as Abdullah came off the top to the outside with a ladder assisted body press!

"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"

REJECT
Damn right it's a holy shit!

Daisuke was up on the ladder and got damn close to the MITB! But he was taken onto Ignatius' shoulders and given an electric chair drop out of the ring!

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Storm came flying off the top and gave Iggy a hurricanrana into a corner based ladder! Things were looking good for Mister Bellmare as he climbed rung after rung for the briefcase. But then Abdullah bashed him with a steel chair. And then powerbombed him off the ladder and onto the chair! Now it was Abdullah's turn to climb the ladder.

REJECT
Yes! My former mentor is going to win!

But Reject spoke too soon as Burligton Pembrokshire pressed Abdullah off the ladder and onto Alexander on the outside! Free and clear, Pembrokshire started to climb but was speared off the ladder by Storm! Then Storm started to climb, but on the other side Ignatius climbed. The two men battled it out for all the stakes! The end came when Alexander and Wesley combined to powerbomb Storm off the ladder, allowing Ignatius to secure the win!

Winner: Ignatius Maddix!!

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Backstage in the locker room The Nystrom brothers are prepping for their tag match with Tristan lacing his boots and Fabian spraying his hair which for him counts as the most important step.

Soon they here a musical knock.

TRISTAN
Come in.

And Queen Esther, in a poofy white ball gown, enters with a bright smile.

QUEEN ESTHER
Salutations, Nystrom brothers!

TRISTAN
Your grace.

FABIAN
The queen of the ring!

QUEEN ESTHER
I have not shown proper appreciation for your rescuing me. We must change that. Right now in fact!

FABIAN
Finally those creamy thighs, those succulent lips, that generous bust-

QUEEN ESTHER
Indeed! It will all be present as I accompany you to ringside against my father and his men.

FABIAN
(Dejectedly)
Oh.

TRISTAN
Absolutely not. It's too dangerous for you, your grace.

QUEEN ESTHER
I am a free woman and I am no stranger to danger. You must accept my help. You must!

FABIAN
The Queen of The Ring with the Kings of TMW! Let’s go, baby!

QUEEN ESTHER
Huzzah!

Tristan sighs heavily but goes back to tying his boots.

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***ReX Vs Painbow W/Wesley Singleton***

The muscle bound ReX came out to "Machinehead" by Bush...

Ready or not, here I come, you can't hide
Gonna find you and take it slowly
Ready or not, here I come, you can't hide
Gonna find you and make you want me

Painbow entered to the sounds of "Ready Or Not"

REJECT
Wesley Singleton got dragged into all this shit by Lisa Ann continuing to put him in matches with ReX and Painbow. Then like the geniuses they are The Shell Gang won Painbow to their side and now ReX has an army against him. Not a smart move by a former medical doctor that says he's a genius.


ReX suddenly flew through the ropes and hammered Painbow with a suicide dive!

"YYYYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

RENEE
Oh my!

REJECT
That man can do anything in that ring. But that won't be enough because what he can't do is fight a numbers advantage.

Wesley started attacking ReX battering him punches and forearms. When ReX just gave him a very angry look complete with flaring nostrils, Wes started backing up and backing up real quick!

WESLEY
Hey, mang, I don't want any trouble.

REX
Too late!

But ReX was cut down by a lariat to the back of the neck from Painbow. The rainbow haired grappler then fed ReX into Wesley who slammed a lariat into his chest. ReX just staggered so Painbow put him down with a DDT onto the LED ramp!

"OOOOOOHHHH!"

RENEE
Ouch! This could be the shortest last man standing match in history.

REJECT
Don't count on it, Renee.  Both these men are fighters in the truest sense of the word.

Proving Reject's point ReX came up swinging. He put Wesley on his ass then tossed Painbow into the ring. The two men went at it with punches until Painbow scored another DDT. From there Painbow proceeded to work over ReX's neck with the grand finale of a punishing piledriver on the apron!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!"

REJECT
You can't expect anything but the most gruesome for a man who was deemed to violent to play for my Knicks.

ReX gave the crowd hope and joy as he stood up at the count of five. But he had to contend with Wesley who bashed him in the head with a steel chair. ReX staggered back once more for Wesley, who really wanted him to go down. So Wes took aim...and got the chair caught by ReX. The former doctor then swung around and clocked a charging Painbow!

REJECT
Painbow's own momentum used against him!

Wes suffered a char to the stomach then to the back as the official counted Painbow down. But at three Painbow rose...only to rise into an Asai moonsault from ReX!

RENEE
Last man standing and last man flying!

Painbow got up again though this time much more slowly. He and ReX rolled back into the ring to again trade punches. ReX looked for a double underhook powerbomb but backdropped out of his set up. As he rose, Painbow smoked him with a wild yakuza kick!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!"

RENEE
That Bitch Kicks!

REJECT
As many head shots as someone can deliver that's what these men need to do.

Blood poured out of ReX's mouth but he stood and waved Painbow on. Painbow came charging in which led him right into a ReX's pop up powerbomb finisher!

"YYYYYEEEAAAAAAAA!"

RENEE
The Syringer!

Though stunned and dazed, Painbow was able to use the ropes to climb upright. On the outside ReX got a hold of the steel steps and then slid them into the ring. But before he could follow them in he was mobbed by PIKE PANTERA and JOSE CANTU-SI!

RENEE
The tag team champs have assaulted ReX!

Jose made ReX endure a little Sweet Chin Music and Pike tore through him with a gore!

RENEE
Smoking Gun!

But ReX was still able to get up at 8.5 seconds! He crawled back into the ring, blood seeping from his mouth. Painbow caught him in a front facelock and prepared for a DDT. But ReX muscled him out into a Blue Thunder Bomb! Both men were down and wouldn't get up until the eight count. Then ReX tried for his pop up powerbomb but was gore'd by Pike yet again, this time as Painbow was in the air. Instead it was ReX suffering the perils of a powerbomb as Painbow, Pike, and Jose combined with a triple powerbomb onto the ring steps! And that move was enough to keep ReX down for ten.

Winner: Painbow

RENEE
The Shell Gang wins again!

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All kinds of directions this could go now. GI Jo-Jo, a female version using the handler in the match named GI Jane Ho (short for Hogan) or even a stable with all 3.

Personally lean towards Jane Ho & renaming JJ as Woe. Experience Woe being a potential catchphrase as he becomes a Jake Roberts/Raven-esque character. 

Anyway, the match.

—————————————————

*** Always Pimpin’ Title: Jo-Jo Whoa vs. Sgt. Holt © ***

Match began (after Jo-Jo returned his snake friend Silver to its female handler) with a handshake and amateur wrestling. After being schooled early Jo-Jo shook Holt’s hand and they went at it again. This time Jo-Jo got the better of the exchange, controlling the action as Holt struggled to escape. Jo-Jo’s buns of steel sending the ladies into a frenzy.

f2TVP7E.gif

It was so loud even Jo-Jo had to pause to see what the pop was about. Just took one quick look to allow Holt to finally escape. Holt nodded, impressed by Jo-Jo’s ground game. Another handshake came about, along with it a knee to the gut!

RENEE
Hey!

Holt proceeded to club Jo-Jo to the mat and unloaded a series of double axe handle smashes, followed by a stiff kick to the— 

NO!

Jo-Jo grabs Holt’s leg and returns to a vertical base, fire in his eyes and belly. Holt dares him to strike, pointing to his chin. Jo-Jo refused. Instead he let go of the leg and slapped Holt!

REJECT 
It’s time to throw friendship out the window and throw down! Especially now that both men remember they’re in a title match!

The crowd pops at the intensity displayed as both competitors trade not-so-friendly fire. Chops turn to forearm strikes and then...a punch by Holt!?

RENEE
Did you see that?!

REJECT 
The action’s so fast I can’t keep up!

Jo-Jo is whipped to the corner, which he looks to turn into his advantage by going for SNAKE IN THR GRASS off the top! Except the Silver Serpent is still too groggy from the punch to execute a perfect springboard, needing to grab onto the top rope to keep from losing his balance! The extra second allows Holt to swipe Jo-Jo’s legs out from under and crotch him!

“OOHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Holt quickly capitalizes with a DISHONORABLE DISCHARGE OFF THE TOP ROPE for the 1-2-3!

Winner: Sgt. Holt, via pinfall.

Post-match Jo-Jo was helped up by Holt who raised his hand...

RENEE
This is great to see following a hard fought match!

... and then took Jo-Jo’s head off with a vicious lariat! 

REJECT 
Well, sarge did promise us a show. 

RENEE
Has sarge gone mad?! Jo-Jo is his best friend and a fellow vet!

Holt berates Jo-Jo for requiring help to his feet, telling Jo-Jo he’s no warrior as he whips him with the title belt!

* bell rings repeatedly *

The constant bell ringing seems to snap Holt out of his violent rage, thankfully. He exits as Jo-Jo is tended to by officials, only to spot the female handler mentioned earlier and shove her away to snatch the SNAKE BAG!

RENEE
Oh no!

Oh yes. Holt releases the snake inside and officials hightail it. Soon the control room is bombarded by calls from PETA as Holt strangles Jo-Jo with his own reptile!

“HO-LY SHIT!”

“HO-LY SHIT!”

“HO-LY SHIT!”

Suddenly a loud roar as TANNER NEPTUNE storms the ring!

REJECT 
What’s this idiot doing here?

RENEE
Being a real friend! Remember Tanner and Jo-Jo were once stablemates as part of Team SCREAM!

Holt makes a tactical retreat with the APT (Always Pimpin’ Title) which he salutes to boos.

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**The Nystrom Brothers W/Queen Esther Vs The Black Knight and "The Arabian Knight" Murmur W/King Edward***


The despised heels came out to "Doves Cry" from Romeo+Juliet...

 

REJECT
Renee, this man King Edward is against everything the OAOAST and TMW stands for. He's against the sex, the violence, the spirit of what we've got going on.

RENEE
Yeah, he says it has corrupted his daughter and now he'll rip out the heart and soul, the Nystroms.

Staring at the night sky
Trying not to wonder why
You never been the word to cry
Said you right to other side
You think you need to save me
Just tell me something not to wonder why
Staring at other place trying not to wonder why

Then came Fabian Nystrom, entering to the sounds of "Hero" by Extreme Music...

jericho233.gif

So I'm just gonna say so
You can never be my hero
Baby I'm just gonna say so
You can never be my (never be my)
So I'm just gonna say so
You will never be my hero
Baby I'm just gonna say so
Y
ou can never be my (can never be my) hero

RENEE
Fabian hasn't always been a fan favorite. He was the leader of The Shell Gang and he harbored a deep rooted resentment of his younger brother. But things have changed and Fabian is one ally Tristan can count on.

Death don't have no mercy in this land
Death don't have no mercy in this land
He'll come to your house and he won't stay long
You'll look in the bed and somebody will be gone
Death don't have no mercy in this land

Well Death will go in any family in this land
Well Death will go in every family in this land
Well he'll come to your house and he won't stay long
Well you'll look in the bed and one of your family will be gone
Death will go in any family in this land

Finally Tristan Nystrom came out to "Death Don't Have Any Mercy...

 

REJECT
Here he is, Renee. The heart and soul of TMW. The conscience of it all. If he fails, TMW fails.

DING DING

KING EDWARD
Esther! This is your last chance. Submit to your father's will!

QUEEN ESTHER
Never! Never ever!

King Edward was mad enough to stomp over to his daughter, eyes sparking malice. But Fabian jumped in front of her.

FABIAN
Pleasure to see you, Eddie.

KING EDWARD
Away from my daughter, vampire!

FABIAN
Esther do you want me to move?

QUEEN ESTHER
I do not wish that.

FABIAN
Tough luck, King Eddie.

But Murmur got Fabian to move as he barrelled into him with a swanton plancha! Fabian jumped up, fuming and started brawling with Murmur. At the same time Tristan began slugging it out with The Black Knight. Tristan didn't get much offense before being thrown by the throat over the ropes!

FABIAN
Don't just lie there, little brother.

TRISTAN
Damn you, Fabian.

The Black Knight lumbered out of the ring giving Tristan a chance to boot him in the knee. But when he tried to whip him into the steps The Black Knight remained rooted in place. The situation grew grimmer for Tristan as TBK tossed Tristan all the way into the lap of a Reject mark in the second row.

RENEE
That poor fan.

REJECT
If he's a fan of mine he's a tough one.

In the ring we saw Murmur come off the top with a hurricanrana that spun Fabian for a loop. Yes vampires can get dizzy and Fabian got up loopy. That was why it was easy for Murmur to spike his head into the mat with a tornado DDT!

KING EDWARD
Finish him!

Murmur nodded to his lord then hauled Fabian into a front face lock. King Edward watches with a smile as Fabian was hit with a flip out verticall suplex!

RENEE
Book of the dead!

REJECT
I don’t know how it works for vampires but for humans all that blood going to the head then getting slammed to the mat is bad news.


Amongst the fans Tristan Nysteom was battling TBK. It was going poorly for Tristan as TBK threw him against a railing back first then again chucked him into the stands. This time landing him in the lap of an old man wearing Bohemoth football jersey from back in the day. Tristan came back with punches, but got himself tossed into a production cart!

RENEE
Tristian has had no offense for The Black Knight.

REJECT
Tristan needs to take the hardest object he can find and hit The Black Knight in the head over and over and over again.

That's what Tristan does, unloading a chair shot on TBK's skull. But that just pisses TBK off and he delivers a thundering clothesline that bowls over Tristan! Before Tristan get up, TBK bashes the steel chair into his head!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!"


Back in the ring, Murmur was coming off the top with a monitor assisted axe handle. Luckily Queen Esther pulled Fabian out the way! Murmur still came after Fabian but endured a pop up double kick from the vampire!

RENEE
Bleed For Me!

REJECT
Murmur is bleeding, there's blood pouring out his mouth.

Fabian licked his lips at the sight of blood, after all he is a vampire. But before he can paratake, The Black Knight collars him across the head and threw him into the corner. Fabian slumped against the ring posts and proceeded to be smacked by King Edward!

QUEEN ESTHER
I can not stand for that!

Esther yanked her dad down from the apron and SMACKED him in turn!
"YYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

KING EDWARD
You bitch!

King Edward raised his arm to strike, but got speared by Tristan! The great and terrible king lied on the mat groaning in pain and unable to make any sort of orders or mount any attackl.

RENEE
We sure didn't see the last of Tristan!

Fabian was spurred by his brother's apperance and hit a springboard dropkick on The Black Knight! The big man only staggered and didn't go down when Tristan hit a springboard dropkick of his own.

REJECT
Has anything taken The Black Knight off his feet tonight?

Murmur tried to spin Fabian into an unprettier but the pretty vampire again got rescued by Queen Esther. Murmur rounded on her, malice flashing in his eyes. But The Arabian Knight was put down by a pop up German suplex from Fabian!

RENEE
Carpe That Fucking Diem!

The Nystroms then put down The Black Knight with four consecutive conchairtos to get the win!

Winner: The Nystroms, via knockout

QUEEN ESTHER
Three cheers for all! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!

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**Galaxy Title: Lawson Belle (c) w/Referee Nerdregard Vs Big Papa Thrust W/The Freakazoids, special guest referee Christopher Patrick Allen W/Whoros***

The specieal guest referee came accompanied by Whoros who were swarming him with kisses and groping his shredded body.

RENEE
I don't know how to summarize this one.

REJECT
Give it your best shot.

RENEE
Here goes. I'll take it one person at a time. Christopher Patrick Allen was shot to death in a police raid on a drug deal of his after he got ratted out by Bosley. But hell couldn't handle someone like CPA so they sent him back to earth. Over on Raw is Whore Glass Juliet and Effie Reese found him to be the only man who could tame them and he became the benefactor of their cheerleading squad, Whoros.

REJECT
Good summary.

Next came the Challenger to Dystopian...


It was time to get Wicked as the champ entered to Wicked by Bear Grillz.

Lawson came charging in with a lariat that only backed up BPT a few inches.

BPT
Keep coming, bitch boy!

So Lawson came again and got pressed and tossed aside!

REFEREE NERDREGARD
Oh shit!

DECEMBER
The weasel faced guy is adorable like a little buggy.

BOBBI
You have weird tastes that’s for sure.

BPT took down Lawson with a pair of lariats of his own that had the champ ducking out the ring.

“FUCK YOU LAWSON! FUCK YOU LAWSON! FUCK YOU LAWSON!”

Spurred on by the derogatory remarks, Lawson had something to prove. He came in springboarding to floor BPT with a savate kick. As BPT stood Lawson rocked him under the jaw with a heel kick that pushed BPT into the corner.

LAWSON
Fuck Lawson? Fuck you!

“BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOO!”

Lawson got worse than jeers as BPT came through him with another lariat!

BPT
Who’s The Man?!

THE FREAKAZOIDS
You’re the man!

WHOROS
Boooooooooo!

Whoros’ benefactor roused Lawson, which Bobbi yelled about.

DECEMBER
CPA really is a nice guy to help my brother like that.

BOBBI
He’s the worst!

Lawson was ready to go and tagged BPT with three jabs and a left hook. BPT came back with another lariat but this one was ducked. Lawson then took down BPT with an arm bar that had Lawson’s shoulders pinned on the mat.

RENEE
That’s a pin!

REJECT
That’s up to the referee. Who, in this case, is crooked.

BPT wound up power bombing Lawson! But The L Train, though anguished, kept the submission!

REFEREE NERDREGARD
TWEET TWEET TWEET!

Finally BPT rid himself of Lawson by buckle bombing him!

“OOOOOOOOOHHHH!”

REJECT
That was absolutely the only thing BPT could do to get rid of Lawson Belle.

The Big Bad Vampire Daddy lifted Lawson onto the turnbuckle which got a warning from CPA!

BPT
You wanna go, let’s fucking go!!!

But BPT was wiped out by a spinning head scissors off the top from Lawson! The Vampire then immediately endured a cross armlock!

RENEE
We’ve never seen a vampire submit!

REJECT
No one can withstand The L Train, Renee. As disgusted as I am to admit.

But BPT withstood forcing an angry Lawson to break the hold.

LAWSON
Nerdregard, gimmie the fucking bell!

Referee Nerdregard went for the bell...and got mobbed by The Freakazoids!

“YYYYYYYYEEEAAAAAAAA!

But as this was happening, CPA waved in Whoros! The cheerleaders stomped at BPT with Effie handing Lawson a Pom Pom. A Pom Pom with a led pipe! Lawson took aim and smashed it into BPT’s arm!

RENEE
I think I heard a break.

REJECT
There’s no think. You did hear a break.

Lawson went back to the Cross Armbreaker with BPT screaming in pain. It was enough for CPA to call for the bell!

Except the bell was gone from the time keeper!

CPA
Somebody better get me a motherfucking bell.

The bell was behind CPA slid into the hand of BPT by December! And BPT used that to nut shot CPA!

“YYYYYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Lawson pounced upon BPT with another arm bar! Though BPT screamed in agony he didn’t give up!

REJECT
There’s not a damn referee to control this thing.

REFEREE NERDREGARD
Oh yes there is!!

RFN slid into the ring, which should make things a formality. Except BPT powered out the hold and proceeded to give Lawson a Belly to Belly onto the ring bell! Bobbi yanked RFN out the ring and December brought in Buzzlefoxer V to count the winning fall!

Winner: Big Papa Thrust, via pinfall

RENEE
 Big Papa Thrust has done it!

REJECT
He literally beat death, he beat CPA and he beat Lawson Belle.

Ready or not, here I come, you can't hide
Gonna find you and take it slowly
Ready or not, here I come, you can't hide
Gonna find you and make you want me


RENEE
That’s Shell Gang music, Reject!

REJECT
And I know why. Just you watch, Renee.

BPT says bring em out and out comes Pike Pantera and Jose Cantu Si, the tag champs. They only saunter down the ramp so the real danger is LOGAN MANN who slides into the ring!

BOBBI
Look out Big Papa!

It’s too late as Logan delivers BPT a Percussion DDT on the ring bell!

DIIIIIIING!

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!”
Then IGANTIUS MADDIX and his MITB case arrived to the ring with Wesley, Alexander and Painbow forcing an official along.

RENEE
You don’t think....

REJECT
That man, Ignatius Maddix is about to become GALAXY CHAMPION!

Ignatius swung BPT up to his shoulders and struck him with a deadly Go2Sleep!

BOBBI
Big Papa!

The cover...


ONE!


TWO!

 

THREE!!!!

New Galaxy champion: Igantius Maddix, via pinfall

RENEE
Man oh man! Ignatius got that Money In The Bank just hours ago.

REJECT
And now he’s the king of the mountain. He is the man! Not Big Papa Thrust just Ignatius Maddix.

As The Shell Gang mobbed Ignatius with congrats we...

FADE OUT

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