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OAOAST TMW: A comedy/erotic e-fed

RAW Is Whore 6/9/2019


Chanel #99

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he show opens to shots of the highest paid assets in the biz, Krista’s...

 

 

KRISTA
Hello, hello, my little darlings. I do hope you enjoyed Anglemania XXX-8. It was my pleasure to present all those hot babes and take all those big black cocks so you could get your rocks off. Being  around all that chocolate jizz gave me an idea. We need a title that expresses how fertile, how horny and how ready to go our Hotties are. That is why I present to you...the Outrageously Valiant And Ravishing Youth titles...the OVARY title. Starting next week an eight Hottie tournament kicks off to see which girl is the freakiest and meanest of all....

Chasey Lain conference 1st Round

Charli 9ine Vs Didi Bigguns
Penny Mars Vs Carrie Oakley

Kylie Ireland 1st Round

LeBrenda James Vs Annie Idol
Ladybird Jones Vs Adelphe Nerdregard


KRISTA
And-

Krista is interrupted because onto the scene arrives...

image.png

DIDI BIGGIUNS

DIDI
Miss Duncan, I’ll say it once and I’ll say it again you are fifty times the woman Lisa Ann is. You saw I was more than a Fluffer and you made me talent. And now you see I’m a champion! I’m top titty, that’s what you’re saying! A G cup all star.

KRISTA
That’s not-

DIDI
You and I are gonna make a lot of money. Our bras are gonna be stuffed with cash.

Didi smirks to the camera and we head to the intro...

 

ALIX
Good nom-nom-nom-noming!

RENEE
What?

ALIX
I combined the phrases of nom nom and good evening. It'll be the cool new thing to say!

RENEE
Uh-huh. Speaking of cool what a cool announcement Krista just made. And what a cool opportunity Tori Malibu is about to have against Sunshine Yukino.

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***Sunshine Yukino W/The Big Boss Lady Vs Tori Malibu***

See I believe in money, power, and respect.
First You get the money.
Then you get the muthafuckin, power.
After you get the fuckin' power muthafuckas will respect you

Money, Power, Respect booms into The Toy Box bringing with it a chorus of jeers. However, The Big Boss Lady and Sunshine Yukino are too busy sniffing their greenbacks to pay much attention to the angry fans.

RENEE
Guys, AngleMania XXX-8 was nuts! But what was really nuts was that Tori Malibu took up the task of busting up Yukino and Rachel's Fluffer prostitution ring. But that got her attacked by these two and How2Girl was consumed the Das Wrestling Machine spit roast they set up for her.

ALIX
But, How2Girl eventually made the save. Like I eventually saved Terry from drowning after I finished my popsicle.

a-ba ba-da-da-ba
Ba-ba-ba ba-da-da-ba
Ba-ba ba-da-da-ba
Ba-ba ba-da-da-ba
Ba-ba-ba ba-da-da-ba
Ba-ba ba-da-da-ba
Ba-ba ba-da-da-ba
Ba-ba-ba ba-da-da-ba
 
I say, I really really wanna
You think, I'm really really gonna
I'm an illusionist, throwing cards and doing tricks
 
The way is better where I'm going
Where the green grass growing
Call it imaginative, I say it's the greatest gift, cause
 
Oh, I move so naturally
Sway my hips so you can see
It's the only way to be
Now you've got to follow me

To the tune of Masterpiece comes Tori Malibu!

 

DING DING DING

Tori gives the thumbs up that she's ready to go to Referee Titania. But she sure doesn't look like it as Yukino jumps her from behind and batters her with clubbing forearms.

"LET'S GO TORI! LET'S GO TORI! LET'S GO TORI!"

SUNSHINE YUKINO
Quiet!

Yukino flings Tori across the ring and tries a hip toss only for Tori to flip out of it! Flip out of it and shockingly land on her feet. That deserves a pose thinks Tori...

 

But alas she gets clotheslined by Yukino!!!

TBL
😂

Yukino beats on Tori and then tosses her outside of the ring. Titania keeps a sharp eye on The Big Boss Lady, which keeps Rachel well away from Tori.

RENEE
Great officiating by Titania. Mama Madison should be proud.

ALIX
My moms proud of me because I can deep throat a Sprite can.

RENEE
...............

Tori starts to climb back into the ring only to get her leg twisted in the ropes by Yuki! That led to several minutes of the Japanese star working over Tori's knee. After hitting a powerful shin breaker, Sunshine Yukino went up top

SUNSHINE YUKINO
You go down now!

And Yuki flew off with a missile dropkick....that missed due to Tori rolling out the way! Clutching a sore set of ribs Yukino got up and fired off a lariat at Tori. That move missed also and this time Yukino got hit with a sleeper drop!

RENEE
Fade Runner!

The cover...

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

A kickout!


TBL started to enter the ring which drew condemnation from Titania. At the same time Sunshine Yukino drew out a BILLY CLUB from her top!

RENEE
Well there's a lot of concealing flesh in there.

Tori had to use her bad leg to push up and enziguiri Yukino which knocked the club right out her hands. That took a lot out of Tori and Yukino was first to her feet. Still looking for an easy way out she reached for the club only to get school girled...


ONE!

 


TWO!


Sunshine Yukino turned the pin around....


ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

But Tori turned the pin around...


ONE!

 


TWO!

 


Then Yukino turned it around....

 


Then Tori rolled to her feet with Yuki hurrying after her. That split second cost Yuki as Tori blasted her with a School's Out to take the win!

Winner: Tori Malibu, via pinfall


Post-match was a different story for Tori Malibu as The Big Boss Lady hit a DIAMOND CUTTER!

ALIX
Damn her black heart! Damn it straight to hell!

Rachel wasn't done yet as she dragged a helpless Tori towards Sofa Central and the announce table.

ALIX
What more can you do? You already hit her with a Diamond Cutter, you bastard!

But help arrived when HOW2GIRL heroically burst upon the scene! TBL was quick to back off despite How2Girl waving her off.

ALIX
There ain't no anchor tied to yer ass, Rachel! Get back and fight!

But there would be no fight as a smirking TBL strolled with a recovered Sunshine Yukino.

RENEE
Nice to see The Woke Queens have made up after-

But Tori brushes past How2Girl with a snort leaving the super hero without her super friend.

RENEE
I guess I spoke too soon.

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Our cameras follow MARTY FOX of the male roster who is holding an unopened back of trail mix. He heads right to the door marked, "JESSICA'S LAB" and without knocking steps right in.

He finds that Jessica has an office chair stood in front of this computer set up...


jessica's computer.jpg

JESSICA
***gasp*** perfect timing. Oh, I just love you so much. Perhaps this is synchronicity no matter how nidicolous that idea is. Anyways...I was just thinking about calling you.

Marty smiles as he sets the chips down next to a group of wires connected to Jessica's machine.

MARTY
I just came to give you some chips. I'm gonna go skateboarding soon.

JESSICA
Denied.

Jessica holds her hand out to her machine with the grace of a Price Is Right girl.

JESSICA
I put together a rather innovative machine if I do say so myself. I will use to investigate the essential brain patterns down to molecular level during casual sex. All in the name of my filthy whore studies. Sit there and take off your clothes.

Marty's face lights up like a Space station because this shit is far out his boring earth world.

MARTY
I'll lock the door.

JESSICA
Ah so you want me to pounce on you and undress you? Well I guess I'm out of options.

Jessica does indeed pounce on Marty! The kid is living the dream as Jessica starts to fumble with the zipper of his airbrushed sleeveless hoodie.

JESSICA
Alright how does this jacket hoodie thing work. Why is there a hood on a sleeveless shirt? I need to study the science of fashion next. Maybe it would be easier if you sat down.

Jessica shoves Marty into the seat in front of the fancy computer. Stunned by her force and dazed at the fact he might just be about to fuck her, Marty nearly topples both himself and the chair! Jessica keeps him upright with a helping hand. A hand that's still not capable of peeling off his hoodie.

JESSICA
Let's just start with your pants, shall we?

Boy shall we! Jessica drops to her knees, the realm of filthy whores across the globe, and studiously undoes Marty's belt. That thing is flung to the side with one hand and then Jessica takes both and hauls down Marty's jorts and Hanes at the same time. Springing too life isn't the biggest cock in the world, but one big enough to make Jessica note...

JESSICA
From my visual supposition male is of bigger than average penis size and girth.

Unfortunately, Marty just has to sort of linger there as Jessica has to apply the six wire nodes to her body. Yet there's still plenty too enjoy as Jessica strips away her green blouse to leave a gold bra behind. Even that doesn't stay long, as she reaches behind herself and quickly unhooks it. As the cups fell away, the cool air makes her boobs tingle and her nipples instantly wrinkled up.

After clamping the wires down onto her blemish free skin, she gives a firm nod.

JESSICA
Testing begins now.

Jessica pushes apart a quivering Marty's legs for easy access to his nuts. That's where she figures a good filthy whore starts so that's where she's gonna start. She simply clamps down on them with her mouth like a dog might clamp down on a tennis ball. At least Jessica doesn't use her teeth!

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

Her curly dark locks tumble down the side of her head. Her cheeks hollow out as she does her best to gobble up Marty's fat sack. Her suction is on hoover levels as she drags Marty into her lair of filth. Sweat is already glistening on her forehead. It takes quite a bit of work to be a filthy whore!

 

 

Marty's whole body relaxes, sagging into the chair letting the feel of Jessica's gripping mouth dominated him to the very core.

Then the door opens!

And The Doll limps in carrying some papers.

THE DOLL
Jessica, i need you to...uh....

MARTY
Ah!

THE DOLL
....uh...sign....these....papers....

JESSICA
Oh I'm a bit preoccupied at the moment, would you mind coming back a little later?

THE DOLL
Um...sure...

JESSICA
Are you alright?

THE DOLL
Ahaaaaahhhhh I'm so sorry!

The Doll very hurriedly backs out of the room, and makes a gentle closing of the door behind her.

MARTY
We should probably lock the door!

JESSICA
It's better if it's unlocked.

MARTY
It is?!

Now Jessica's mouth is upon Marty's heavy schlong. It seems even bigger to her in her mouth than it does in front of her eyes. She can feel the edges of her mouth trying to split open, trying to accommodate the young man's man meat. Jessica has to wonder how girls like Maya can do this every day.


*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

More! More! Jessica knows she must take more of Marty's thick rod. She knows she needs it and damn it she's taking it. Jessica slides his dick deep into her mouth until he hits her gag reflex. Amazing, she thinks! Such a lengthy rod means she couldn't stop the autonomic reflex as her body tries to expel a foreign object in her throat. As if her body doesn't want her to be a Filthy Whore. But her mind does and does badly. She pulls back an inch until she can take a quick breath and let her throat calm down.

JESSICA
Now, I want you to grab my head and make me give you oral sex. For science.

Both of Marty's hands immediately find Jessica's head. His grip isn't much but that's a problem for Jessica. Before she has time to take a breath, his fat prick is safely lodged in her throat!

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

When in Raw is Whore do as the Whores do, Jessica decides. She throws her misgivings and inhibitions aside; forcing her head down she gets a mouthful of man meat. She feels her lips touch his toned abdomen and the knowledge of his entire dick in her mouth, triggers a massive climax.

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

She could feel her lack of oxygen, which probably isn't a good thing. In fact it's causing her to be lightheaded but of course, it could be the man meat in her throat the sensation of being a filthy rotten whore that's taking her to outer space.

But then the door opens again and DOC WHITE walks in carrying a big box.

MARTY
:VINCE:

DOC
Hey, Jessica, I brought the materials you asked....Aaahahhh....whaaaattt...the...helll?

JESSICA
Oh, Doc, is that you? Right, I asked you to bring me materials.

DOC
This can't be real, this can't be real, this can not be real...Alright I'll just reenter the room and nothing traumatizing will be happening.

JESSICA
Who is he talking to?

DOC
Hi, I'm...Doc....Whhiiite.... Gyaah! No way! I can't take this crazy stupid ridiculous world!

Doc drops the box like it was on fire and hauls ass out of the room!

JESSICA
I'm not sure why people keep screaming and running from the room.

MARTY
We should really lock the door!

JESSICA
It needs to stay open for science. Now, I want you to grab my head and make me give you oral sex. For science.

There's a  small burning between Jessica's legs that become a searing flame of need and want. The super genius feels a tiny rush of juices soaking her panties. She's getting a down and dirty fuck just like she's already needed. She breathes in through her nose Marty face fucks her with wanton force. Pushing down on her big brained head and forcing his meat missile into her drooling mouth at different angles

 

 

Jessica can feel the heat from his palms sparking a heavenly fire across her back. With her tongue working up and down the pole in unison with her sucking action, the filthy whore in training can feel gallons upon gallons of saliva flowing from her mouth to her lover's balls. More so than she intended! But if you're gonna get filthy, you need to get wet!

Everything is going swimmingly for Marty....until the door opens and ZELDA BAZIL walks in.

ZELDA
(dozing off)
So sleepy. Need a place to nap

MARTY
Don't sleep here!

ZELDA
Too late. ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Marty can feel his balls getting ready to explode their gushy contents. He knows he can't last any longer but is too embarrassed to spray cum all over Jessica. The dear boy is holding out as long as he could but then he blurts out..

MARTY
Stop! I'm going to cum!

Instead of stopping, Jessica has a profound Filthy Whore moment. A smile sweeps across her lust filled face and she quickly clamps her lips around the head of his dick as he explodes in her mouth.

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP

Jessica's sweet cheeks cave in as she sucks frantically on his cock. Her lithe toned body spasms as another climax roars through her sexy figure.


*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP

Jessica is in a magical filthy whore world of her own where cock suckers are queen and cum is gold as she takes over servicing  of Marty's cock. The sensation of his cum covered dick as it slid deeply in her mouth was causing fireworks exploding in her brain.

JESSICA
Mmmmmmm

Jessica is sucking and jerking Marty's dick so hard stream of spunk is flowing into her open mouth. Her climaxes are coming on top of each other, and she could barely stop spasming from the last climax when the next one would start up and take over her mind.

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP

Finally Jessica pulls back to reveal that her mouth is a hot cauldron of cum. But she's able to say to an exhausted Marty...

JESSICA
Science is satisfied.

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Out in the parking lot of The Toy Box we find Annie Idol posted up with her microphone. In short order a red Chevy camero driven by one....

image.png
ANNAGRET WICKEDBORN rolls up, nearly bowling over poor Annie in the process!

ANNIE
Don’t worry guys, I’m ok! Let’s see if we can get an interview!

Annagret’s long legs carry her out the camero and she’s intercepted by Annie immediately.

ANNIE
Annagret, you took a tough loss to Krista Isadora Duncan at Anglemania xxx-8. Inquiring minds want to know how-

Annagret looks down upon Annie with the meanest of glares. Mean enough to get Annie to step back. But just a bit. Gotta get the scoop!

ANNAGRET
I’m not talking to anyone! Hmph!

Annie tries to thrust the microphone up higher. Yet that does her no good as Annagret shoulders her aside with one final hmph for good measure.

Annie’s suffering isn’t done yet as...

bebe-rexha.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&w=61
KATHY KAREN KELLY

And...

DTKxBQWU8AAsE8h.jpg

BILLIE CHILD


BILLIE
Baby gonna cry? Go ahead and cry widdle baby!

KKK
She’s all cried out after Dasha left her for the cool table.

ANNIE
I...I...I think you’re taking advantage of her.

KKK throws her head back in a big laugh.

BILLIE
You wanna fight over her?

ANNIE
Fight over her?

BILLIE
Hehehe! If you win you get her back.

Annie looks around nervously, and takes several steps back in fear.

KKK
That’s what we thought. Let’s roll, BC.

The Skylites giggle to each other and take their leave of the dispirited Annie

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*** The Geisha Girls Vs The Freakazoids w/ Big Papa Thrust ***

Backstage, WHOROS monitored the Freakazoids entrance completely flabbergasted by their fan support. Meanwhile, December Belle marked out over the Geishas...skin care!?

DECEMBER
*gasps* Your skin! It’s radiant! What’s your secret?

GEISHA GIRLS
Bukkake. 😁

Backstage, hell’s sugar daddy CPA emerged behind Whoros, cigar in mouth. He yanked their hair back like the submissive bitches they now are, took a good long hard look at the monitor and nodded. 

RENEE
Well that was...odd.

Ringside, December apologized for what was to come. Befuddled the Geishas watched December bow repeatedly...until Bobbi leapfrogged over the top to level them both with a clothesline!

BIG PAPA THRUST
Kung Pow, bitches!

RENEE
We apologize for that remark, ladies and gentlemen. The Geisha Girls aren’t Chinese.

ALIX
Yeah. They’re Japanese.

RENEE
🤦‍♀️

“So sorry” said December as she whipped IamHina to Bobbi for a release overhead belly-to-belly suplex, followed by a gutwrench suplex on Mitama. Bobbi then put Mitama away with her 50 Shades of Purple fallaway Samoan drop.

Winners: The Freakazoids, via pinfall.

Post-match BPT cut a promo making the Freakazoids intentions clear: they want the Hotties tag titles. Looking on backstage, Whoros and CPA who blew smoke towards the monitor.

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Backstage in The Toy Box there's a whole lot of noise. Noise because of...

01-tinashe-press-photo-cr-Dennis-Leupold
LEBRENDA JAMES journeying down the hall and yelling at everyone

LEBRENDA
You seen me beast at Lifetime Fitness! You seen me beast on NBA 2K! I have single handily shut the internet down! Give it up for your OVARY Champion, Miss LeBrenda Jaaaaaammmmesss!


Coming out with sparklers is...

rashida-jones-.jpg

LADYBIRD JONES. who waves them too close to one of the sprinklers and gets soaked.

No one really gives a fuck about LeBrenda's rants. Except for one irritated party, coming out Krista's office.

maria-kanellis1-2028276.jpg
THE DOLL


THE DOLL
LeBrenda, keep it down I have a splitting headache and very hurt back.

LEBRENDA
I'm my own woman, I don't keep quiet for one's rules!

THE DOLL
I'm asking you very nicely to use an inside voice.

LADYBIRD
Did Sammi's Liontamer hurt that bad?

THE DOLL
Yes.

LEBRENDA
Pain? Pain ain't nothing but a thing in the LeBrenda James school of Excellence. And it's time you took a class and got LeBrenda, LeBrenda and more LeBrenda. If I were in your Jordans, I'd get me some LeBrons then I'd tell Sammi Cayley we're gonna need to run that shit back tonight in the mainevent for all the world to see.

The Doll nods slowly, mulling over LeBrenda's words.

THE DOLL
I could make that work

LEBRENDA
You gonna take her to Bad Street USA, a street where if Sammi types it in her phone her phone will not let her make it there, her phone will say relocating and send her back to New York where she belongs.

THE DOLL
Where she belongs. Yes. Where she belongs

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There's a big huuuuuuuuuuuuge Chocolate Cake in the ring and no one knows why. Though they get some clue as the piano strands of "Dangerous" hit and out arrive The Midnight Foxes....

I don't know where the lights are taking us
But something in the night is dangerous
And nothing's holding back the two of us
But, baby, this is getting serious
Oh oh oh
Dan-danger-dangerous
Oh oh oh

 

Cornette has the microphone and stands like a proud papa next to his girls.

CORNETTE
Have you heard about these fucking girls?

CAELDORI
We squashed C02! Those hags are yesterday’s Cosmo, Ruby and I are today’s People magazine.

RUBY
I can provide a free penis shrinking spell to anyone who disagrees. MWWHAHAHAHA!

CORNETTE
A loss! To paraphrase and quote Lio Rush, who I don’t give a shit about, that’s what happens when you mess with The Midnight Foxes. Everyone treated us like we’re some fucking flunkies from the WWE. That’s a level of stupidity that’s pretty remarkable in this day and age.

RUBY
I think they can get stupider. If not...I have a curse for that.

CORNETTE
You fucking morons, you blithering idiots, you simmering simpletons!

CAELDORI
Jimmy Jimmy, sweetums, calm down.

RENEE
Sweetums?!

CAELDORI
We’re not insulting anyone today, we’re celebrating the most perfectly perfect tag team in the history of the world.

“C02! C02! C02!”

CORNETTE
You dwarf minded goofs!

CAELDORI
C02 bad they weren’t perfect. Or else they could have beaten us. At least in the ring. They could never beat my beauty and Ruby’s...whatever Ruby has.

RUBY
Mwhahahahaha!

CAELDORI
If there was a more perfect tag team we would LOVE to meet them.

YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT BABY!

Oh we meet them alright as Skan's "Mia Khalifa" plays to a big pop. All the adulation is for Chicks Over Black Dicks, who are all smiles and good cheer on their way to the ring.

ALIX
Whoo! Sista in da house!

RENEE
Along with Eponine!

Izzy and Eponine enter the ring with bright smiles even if Cornette frowns and Ruby mumbles evil thoughts.

Caeldori steps forward for her team with a contemptuous smile.

CAELDORI
So you think you’re a more perfect tag team than the Midnight Foxes?

RUBY
I could have sworn we dealt with you already. Time to delve into the darker arts...

ISABELLA
You two are mega cute. But us two cuties are mega perfect!

EPONINE
I wrote the perfect story about Ignatius and Logan getting lost on an island. Before they find their way home they find their way into each other’s hearts.

CORNETTE
Good fucking grief.

ISABELLA
And I totally perfected the art of turning out really religious girls. It’s eaaasssy.

ALIX
The student has surpassed the master.

CORNETTE
None of this inane bullshit has anything to do with fucking wrestling!

EPONINE
Ok. How about something that does, Jimmy!

COBD combine to toss Ruby into the cake!

CROWD
🤣

CORNETTE
You little bitches!

Cornette gets a taste of the cake! Not the way he wants but instead a faceful as Isabella chucks him into it.

"YYYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Caeldori panics and hauls ass out the ring. Or at least she tries to as she's stopped by Eponine and Isabella hook onto her bottoms. Within moments Caeldori is tossed into what's left of the cake!

ALIX
:haha2:

EPONINE
This is one daydream you can't wake me from!

The good girls give each other a high five as they stand triumphant over the messy tag champions.

Cornette is angry enough to try and charge Chicks Over Black Dicks but instead slips on the cake and falls on his ass!

RENEE
A screw up Tori would be proud of.

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nside the ring we find the real Cassidy Maguire. We know she's the real deal because she's wearing a name tag that says "HELLO: My Name Is The Real Cassidy Maguire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

CASSIDY
This Cassidy Bot shit has to stop! Maybe other people can get their life stolen and be transformed into emotionless robots for lonely guys. But I’m Cassidy Maguire and I demand justice or a really big royalty check. I mean REALLY big!  Jeff Bezos divorce settlement big! Either that or turn these stupid things off and ship them to China to make me some handbags!


Just as soon as Cassidy says that "The Stranger Things" theme begins playing and out arrives Jesse Ferguson, guarded by Amber O'Shea. The cheery Jesse has the audacity to bring a Cassidy Bot with him to the ring.

Upon seeing this robot version of her enter the ring, Cassidy's face reddens in rage.

JESSE
Ahoi oi, Cassidy! Let me officially present to you the brand new Cassidy Bot.

CASSIDY BOT
I am Cassidy Bot version 2 model number 11.

The real Cassidy lets loose a mighty hiss.

JESSE
Good, good! The version 2 comes equipped with over one million lines of dialogue to respond to their owner.

CASSIDY
I talk a lot but I don’t talk that much!

Oblivious to Real Cassidy's qualms, Jesse smiles broadly.

JESSE
Oi, oi, but this isn't all, Cassidy! The vaginal canal of the Cassidy Bot is now twenty percent tighter.

CASSIDY
ENOUGH! I've fought evil witches, buck tooth inbred Canadian country singers, an army of zombies, and I didn't do it all so I could lose my identity to you, Jimmy Neutron!

JESSE
That was a good show.

CASSIDY
Never mind the millions of dollars you should be dumping in the yard of my painfully expensive luxury mansion. Destroy these G.D. robots! Now!

JESSE
I can't do that. The people love the Cassidy Bots just as much as they love you.

CASSIDY
I don't care who the F loves these stupid things. Just shut them off!

JESSE
It would be a crime against science!

CASSIDY
I know what my problem is. I'm way too nice. I treat the lower class with too much sweetness. A meaner, less pleasant person would be on top of you beating your face in!

Amber steps in front of Jesse, which Cassidy finds shocking as she looks Amber up and down.

CASSIDY
Amber, I'm your son's Aunt. Do you want to explain to your son why Carl the lonely widower down the street keeps a naked Aunt Cassidy in his garage.

Amber looks over her shoulder and says something to Jesse.

JESSE
Oi, oi, yes we must work this out! There's no need to come to blows. None at all. None. We can settle this in true Raw Is Whore Spirit! Yes, wonderful. Let us do that as friends and fellows.

CASSIDY
Do what, Milhouse?

JESSE
Let us be forever friends and let us compete in friendly competition. A battle of sexual willies as it were. If you can prove to be of more exquisite pleasure than a Cassidy Bot I will deactivate them all.

CASSIDY
Fantastic!

Jesse offers his hand to Cassidy which the preppy gal reluctantly takes.

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*** The Doll vs. Sammi Cayley ***

Showing greater toughness and mental fortitude than Kawhi Leonard during his final season in San Antonio, The Doll valiantly made it into the ring assisted by boyfriend “Money” Marc Bennett.

RENEE
The Doll’s condition seems to have deteriorated over the night. It’s like watching an old lady be helped cross the street!

ALIX
At least she’ll leave behind a beautiful corpse. Unlike Krista’s nana who popped like a balloon when she tried to cross the road. 

RENEE
That’s awful!

ALIX
Bless her heart. The old gal could never get my last name right. Always called me “spic,” not Spezia. Karma was the cause of death, according to Krista.

On that cheery note Sammi came out absent her brother/lover Blaine. After all, nobody expected herto be in action on this night, let alone challenged by The Doll to an AngleMania XXX-8 rematch. And Money Marc takes advantage of the situation right away shit talking Blaine to Sammi while The Doll guzzles a suspiciously creamy protein shake. 

WHAP!

Sammi slaps Money Marc to a big pop! The Doll responds by spiting a load in Sammi’s face! Sammi staggers around blinded until she walks into a big boot courtesy of LADY XFL!

RENEE
It’s the Hard on Hoes Champion! And a damn setup! 

The Doll and Lady XFL’s representative Alysanne (HOH Title around waist) high five and egg on the violence. Lady XFL obliges with a devastating powerbomb, but she maintains the grip and performs a second powerbomb on Sammi...only to hold on and deliver a third! This time a sitout powerbomb! 

“YOU SUCK, BITCH!”

“YOU SUCK, BITCH!”

“YOU SUCK, BITCH!”

Lady XFL stands over a fallen Sammi as Alysanne, The Doll and Money Marc lay the verbal smack down to add insult to injury.

Result: No contest.

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