OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 11/15/07

[Chanel #99]

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY


PRESENTED IN HD

ANGLESAULT
Good evening. Tonight, we are just ten nights away from November Reign 2007, our annual Thanksgiving tradition in the OAOAST. And the Thanksgiving tradition will continue next week, with two big main-events. Not only will we have our traditional Ten Team Thanksgiving Survivor Series Rules Match-up, but also the six participants in the Triple Decker Cage Match at November Reign will be in the same ring at the same time. It will be Landon Maddix, teaming up with Tha Puerto Rican and current OAOAST Heavyweight Champion Stephen Joseph Popick, to take on the team of Zack Malibu, Todd Cortez and Bohemoth!

ANGLESAULT
On the subject of November Reign, there has been a slight change to the card. On the request of Leon Rodez, the traditional Survivor Series match featuring The Heavenly Rockers and The Beverly Hills Blonds will now see The Silky Smooth One teaming with fellow 6-Man Tag Team Champion Tyler Bryant and The Lone Star Gunslingers. In an effort to make up for their late substitution, The Love Doctors will also be in Survivor Series action, but now be on opposing teams to Enterprise members Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright, with team-mates to be announced in due course.

ANGLESAULT
As for now though, Denver, Colorado... prepare to be HeldDOWN~!

LAST WEEK

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is your main-event of the evening...! Introducing first, being lead to the ring by his manager MEGAN SKYE. Hailing from Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain... he weighs in tonight at two hundred, eight pounds... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!

Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan.

*THE CHAMP IS HERE!*

BUFFER
And, introducing the opponent. From SAN JUAN, PUERTO RRRRRRIIICCOOOOOO!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

BUFFER
... weighing in at two hundred, twenty pounds and being accompanied by the OAOAST World Women's Champion, MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ! Here is, "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION"... THA PUUUUUEEEEERRTOOOOOO RRIIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

* CLIP *

Both men roll to their feet, Landon throwing a forearm which is blocked by PRL, responding with a stinging punch. Maddix is caught off guard and goes staggering backwards into a neutral corner. PRL charges right in after him... and EATS boot! With PRL dazed, Landon then backs in and hooks the head, before scaling the turnbuckles looking for the SEATED SHIRANU...





...NO! PRL suddenly runs forward and CROTCHES Maddix on the top turnbuckle, facing out into the crowd!!

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
¡Oh Dios Mio!

COACH
Now that's got to be a foul, surely!

Outraged at the treatment of her man, Megan climbs to the apron to complain to the referee. Sure enough, that draws Lindsey around the ring. And this time, Chioda can't react quickly enough to prevent the ladies coming to blows as Lindsey drags Megan down from the apron by the seat of her pants and SLAPS HER TO THE GROUND!! The Women's Champion puts the badmouth on Megan, until she reaches up and pulls her to the floor, causing a brawl to ensue at ringside!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
CATFIGHT! CATFIIIIIIIIGGHHT!!!

Referee Chioda is understandably distracted by the fight on the floor, missing out on seeing PRL get thrown from the ring ropes as he attempts to bring Landon off them with a back superplex. PRL crashes and burns on the canvas, leaving Landon sat up top, taking a moment to get his breath. Unfortunately though, that moment is interrupted by STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK, as he clambers onto the apron...




::BELTSHOT::~!~!

COLE
Wha... POPICK! POPICK WITH THE WORLD TITLE, RIGHT TO THE HEAD!!

Maddix gets clocked clean with the gold belt, backflipping off the top and landing on his head again just for good measure! Not having seen this, PRL looks momentarily confused as he gets to his feet, seeing a groggy Maddix hauling himself to his head and walking around in a zombified state. But, not one to look a gifthorse in the mouth, PRL doesn't wait around to ask any questions...



KICK!

*WHAM!*

COLE
CORPORATE NIGHTMARE!!

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Rolling Maddix over, PRL hooks the leg deep, waving the slow to react Chioda over...


1...










2...











3!!!!!

"YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

*DINGDINGDING!*

COLE
HE GOT HIM! PR... WINS IN PUERTO RICO!!

PRL doesn't have long to celebrate his hard fought victory though before Stephen Joseph Popick slides into the ring. Helping PRL to his feet, he raises the unsuspecting Corporate Champion's hand in the air. The moment PRL realises who's raising his hand though, he wrenches it away and looks accusingly at his "Career Consultant" as he begins to put 2 and 2 together in his head. Popick waves at him to calm down though...


...before turning around and beginning to put the boots to La Cucaracha!!

COLE
This is ridiculous!

As Popick stomps away on the helpless Maddix, PRL seems unsure of whether to join in the beatdown or not. His mind is soon made up though as down the aisle sprints ZACK MALIBU, to the shock of the sold-out crowd!

COACH
When the hell did HE get here!?

COLE
Just in time by the looks of it!!

Zack dives headlong into the ring and takes down Popick, tackling him to the ground and mounting the new World Champion with a flurry of punches. Given the choice between the two, PRL wastes no time in picking Zack to go after, kicking Zack in the head to... well, the biggest pop anyone will ever get for kicking Zack in the head any time soon. PRL lays into Zack with the shaky leg kicks, Popick picking himself up and joining in the assault.

COACH
Normal service has been resumed, Michael. What the hell was Zack even thinking, saving Landon Maddix!?

COLE
I don't think that was his intention... wait a second, is that...

YES, it is TODD CORTEZ!! The Urban Legend rushes to the ring, which earns him a mixed reaction. But when he instantly turns his back on PRL and starts to stomp away on the hapless Landon, he soon wins the fans over. Cortez kicks Landon all the way out of the ring and follows after him, while behind him Zack suddenly starts to fire back on PR and Popick. He fights both off with some palm thrusts to the gut and to the face before grabbing them by the head and clocking them with the immortal DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! And as PRL and Popick go down, Zack turns to Landon, shooting himself out of the ring AND WIPING OUT LANDON AND CORTEZ WITH A PLANCHA!!

COLE
This is chaos! It's broken down in San Juan...

Right on cue, Medal hits, and the crowd goes wild as Anglesault makes his way through the entrance doors.

The fighting between Landon, Cortez and Zack peeters out as AS walks out, PRL and Popick starting to pull themselves up in the ring.

ANGLESAULT
Gentlemen, gentlemen, please. I appreciate you all want to get your hands on each other, which is why I'm out here. See, it's about time we addressed November Reign. Popick... you might not have wanted to defend that title tonight, but if you think you're calling the shots as it pertains to you being the World Champion, you are in for a shock. First off, next week, you WILL be defending that title!

Still woozy, Popick groans at that one, holding his head for more reasons than one.

ANGLESAULT
And assuming you make it through that, we need to re-arrange November Reign. PRL, Zack, Cortez, Maddix, you guys have already signed the contracts for the previous November Reign main-event, which has put me in a tough position. Obviously, we now have a fifth wheel in Stephen Joseph Popick. You know, I like to pride myself in giving people what they want... no matter how long that may take. So, to make amends, you four will ALL get a shot come November Reign.

COLE
Wow!

COACH
Now, that doesn't seem fair to me.

ANGLESAULT
But that's not all. See, sometimes things don't go to plan around here. This is one of those times and it's ironic it should happen at November Reign time again. I'm sure you all know what I'm referring to. Well, while I'm righting one wrong, I may as well right another. You didn't get it last year. You WILL get it this. Because, Popick, at November Reign you're going to be defending that title... inside of a TRIPLE... DECKER... CAGE!!!!!

"YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

POPICK


COLE
OH... MY!!!

The crowd go wild as the five men in and around the ring muse over that announcement. Zack breaks into a little bit of a smile as he sees the colour begin to drain out of Popick's face, turning to PRL and fearing the worst as he grins back at him.

ANGLESAULT
Yes, Popick, it's going to be you versus Todd Cortez...

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

ANGLESAULT
...Landon Maddix...

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

ANGLESAULT
...Zack Malibu...

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

ANGLESAULT
...Tha Puerto Rican...

"YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

ANGLESAULT
...OH! And, this guy...





*BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!*

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

COACH
WWHHHHHAAAAAAAAA!?!

COLE
OH... MMMMYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

San Juan comes completely UNGLUED, as AngleSault steps aside out of the path of THE METEROFUCKIN'SEXUAL MONSTER, BOHEMOTH!!!!!! Bo marches to the ring as Popick and PRL collectively freak out in the ring, especially as Bo doesn't break stride passing Cortez and Zack. As Bo walks past them, Cortez and Zack suddenly start going at it again, while the suited and booted Bohemoth slides into the ring. PRL and Popick back away as, seeing the fight on the floor nearing him, Landon rather unwisely rolls into the ring. Staring at the man who put him out of action for so many months, Bohemoth points the finger at Tha Puerto Rican, who is sweating bullets all of a sudden...



...until Landon bumps into Bohemoth.

COLE
Wrong place, wrong time!!

Already feeling that sinking feeling, Landon turns around pleading for mercy. No such luck. Bohemoth sweeps Landon off his feet and PLANTS him with the Front Spinebuster!!

COACH
Oh, Landon!

COLE
It's turning into a bad night for the former World Champion! And he might not be alone!

As Landon's limp body is dragged from the ring by Megan, Bo turns his attentions right back to Popick and PRL. The World Champion and The Corporate Champion similarly try to beg for mercy, similarly knowing they're probably wasting their time. And that proves the case as Bohemoth marches towards them...



...at which point Popick, having started to hide behind PRL, SHOVES PRL INTO BOHEMOTH AND DIVES OUT OF THE RING!!



*WHAM!*

PRL gets driven into the canvas with a Front Spinebuster, Popick already halfway up the aisle as Bohemoth tears off his jacket and rips away his shirt. The fired up Meterosexual Monster places his foot on the chest of Tha Puerto Rican, making the reaction from the Puerto Rican fans decidedly mixed as he points out to Popick in the aisle...

Thumbs Up.


THUMBS DOWN~!

"YYYEEEEAAAAHHH - BOOOOOOOOO  - EEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

COLE
Oh man what revelation here tonight! What an situation! Triple Decker Cage at November Reign, The Meterosexual Monster is back! Popick has only been World Champion for a week and his days as Champion may already be numbered!



Bohemoth continues to stand tall in the centre of the ring, Popick looking on from the stage and Zack and Cortez (having broken their fight up) from the aisle, as we fade out to...

The seizure inducing opening set to “Party Like a Rockstar”!



BOOM!
BOOM!
BOOM!
BOOM!
B O O M ~!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

LIVE!
Denver, Colorado

COLE
We are over a week away from the Thanksgiving weekend tradition, November Reign, live exclusively on pay-per-view. As you just saw, it will be headlined by a Triple Decker Cage match! The question is, Coach, will Stephen Joseph go in as the champion? Because later tonight, per Anglesault’s order, he must DEFEND the OAOAST Championship against a man from his past who also happens to be a former World titleholder!

COACH
The possibilities are endless.  Stephen Joseph has made a lot of enemies in his time in the OAOAST, hence the “Most Hated Man” moniker, but you gotta feel for the guy, Michael Cole. He’s the latest victim of that tyrannical dictator Anglesault. Every month AS keeps finding new ways to abuse his power. Quite frankly, it sickens me.

COLE
That’s not the only title bout on the program, ladies and gentlemen. You'll also see Sandman9000 defend the Heartland title against Reject!

COACH
In addition to that, the recently liberated Alix Maria Spezia will be in action. We’ll also hear from the Lone Star Gunslingers for the first time since their return on Reel Talk. That’s right. Reel Talk makes its HeldDOWN~! debut tonight!

COLE
But coming up right now… Well, you're going to love this. Let's go up to the ring.

[Chanel #99]

*DINGDING!*

BUFFER
This contest, scheduled for one fall. In the ring, weighing two hundred, twenty nine pounds, from Robinsdale, Minnesota... WORTHINGTON STEEL!

The well-put together youngster in the ring raises a hand in the air, before fluffing his dark mohawk. Or, faux-hawk, whichever you prefer.

COACH
Looks like this kid lost the jobber's lottery tonight.


*BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!*

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Why you ask? Well, because "Liberate" powers out through the Denver PA system, that's why! The doors part again and through marches the returning Meterosexual Monster, Bohemoth, to a booming reception from the fans in attendance. Hitting the wall of noise, Bo pauses, lowering his orange-tinted sunglasses briefly before striding on towards the ring.

BUFFER
And, on his way to the ring the opponent! Hailing from Greenville, South Carolina and weighing two hundred and eighty four pounds... he is the one and only "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBOOOOOOOOOOOO - HHHHEEEEEEEEEMMOOOOOOOOOTTHHHHHHH!!!!

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

COLE
The in-ring return of the former 24/7 Champion and one of the five men involved in the Triple Decker Cage in 10 nights at November Reign, Bohemoth! And what a huge welcome back he's getting here in Denver!

COACH
No kidding, I can barely hear myself!

Bo walks right past the young Mr. Steel, his legs resembling jelly more-so than steel as he looks up at Bohemoth flexing TEH GUNZ~! on the middle turnbuckles. Pumping a fist to his his heart, Bo shows his fans the love that they're showing him, as he leaps down to the mat.

COLE
We haven't seen Bohemoth in action since May of this year, back in Hell In A Cell, where he was put of action by the combined efforts of Vitamin X and Tha Puerto Rican. He wanted to knock off some of the ring-rust ready for next week and his return to the steel confines, this time of the Triple Decker Cage. No surprise, none of our regular roster were eager to accept the challenge.

COACH
You'd have thought those cats'd be desperate for the paycheck.


*DINGDINGDING!*

The bell sounds and Steel, realises now what he's gotten himself into, stares across the ring at Bohemoth. The bigman tests out the ropes a little, before we get a lock-up in the centre of the ring. Steel doesn't last long vying strength with Bo, getting thrown backwards across the ring. He rolls through on impact but finds himself trapped in the corner, Bo picking him up with a double leg pick and driving him into the turnbuckles, before driving in the shoulders to the gut!

COLE
Bohemoth has waited six long months to get back in an OAOAST ring, he's not wasting any time getting back to business!

After a seventh straight shoulder charge Bohemoth leads Worthington out of the corner by the arm. A quick tug sends Steel off the ropes, bouncing back into a hard shoulder tackle that floors him!

"BO - HE - MOTH!"
"BO - HE - MOTH!"
"BO - HE - MOTH!"
"BO - HE - MOTH!"

Steel rolls away and pulls himself up in the corner, wondering if he's still got the SWF's phone-number on his 'cell. Before he can recall it fully though, Bohemoth charges in after him, sandwiching him in the corner with a BIG clothesline!

COLE
Two hundred, eighty four pounds of raw muscle right there! Who's going to stop Bohemoth at November Reign, that's what I wanna know!

COACH
How about five other guys?

COLE
That might be the only hope. Bohemoth is coming back fresh, revitalised, renergised and he's got lost time to make up for, he may very well be the favourite in the Triple Decker Cage.

COACH
Well, I wouldn't go that far.

Scooping up the helpless Steel, Bohemoth runs out of the corner and drives him down with a Running Powerslam!!

COLE
You sure about that Coach?

Bohemoth pops back to his feet and looks around the arena. The fans know what's coming next but they haven't seen it in so long (excluding last week, but that wasn't a match so it doesn't count!), it feels that little bit more special. And as such, Bo decides to make them wait, asking the people if they *really* want to see it. A loud cry of "YYEEEESSS!" is the response, to a shrug from The Meterosexual Monster.

Thumbs Up.


THUMBS DOWN~!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Stumbling around the ring, Worthington Steel gets scooped up into the arms of The Epitome Of Masculinity. Bohemoth parades his hapless opponent around a little, before swinging him around...

...out...


...and DOWN~!

COLE
The Erotic Awakening Of B!!


1...






2...






3!!

"RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

*DINGDINGDING!*

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner... BOOOOOOOOOO - HEEEEEMMOOOOOOOTTHHHHH!!!

"Liberate" hits again, almost as soon as it finishes as Bohemoth celebrates making quick work of his warm-up for the night. Bo works the turnbuckles and his crowd, making more than one "belt motion" around his waist to make his intentions crystal clear.

COLE
Bohemoth is back and he's as bad as ever! Comprehensive showing here tonight!

COACH
Yeah, but Worthington Steel is no PRL. He's no Landon. He's CERTAINLY no Stephen Joseph Popick. The real test for Bo is yet to come, trust me!

COLE
Right now, let's go to "Mean" Gene Okerlund with a couple of special guests.

We cut to Gene in the locker room area.

OKERLUND
Hello everyone, “Mean” Gene Okerlund here, standing by right now with certainly the most controversial team in the OAOAST today, I'm talking of course about the BRAND NEW One And Only World Tag Team Champions, Logan Mann and Synth Esizer, The Heavenly Rockers...

Logan and Synth walk on screen, Logan laughing away to himself as he enters. Both wear the OAOAST Tag Titles proudly over their shoulders once more.

OKERLUND
And it was no different two weeks ago, when you gentlemen crashed The Love Shack. Now I can’t judge a person’s intent, but it certainly looked to me like you had plans to attack poor Melody Nerdly yet again. Thankfully, however, the Lone Star Gunslingers and Leon Rodez were there to prevent that from happening. But it didn’t stop you from capturing, again in controversial circumstances, the tag team champion later that evening. A win that must have been somewhat
dampen by the return of her Gunslingers.

LOGAN
Controversial? That's music to our ears Okerlund. That's what these foundations were built on, controversy. Let's face it, sometimes you gotta do something to make people sit up and take notice. And sometimes, you've got crank it up to full blast because people aren't listening. That's one thing we make sure of. If you ain't listening to the Heavenly Rockers, we just ain't being loud enough! Melody Nerdly, you understand, didn't listen. Holly spared her the last time she was in the same ring as us. We thought it was the least she could do for one of our fans. Do you know just how many fans we have, “Mean” Gene Okerlund?

OKERLUND
More than you deserved!

LOGAN
And twice the number of Mean Gene Burgers sold. The point is, we’ve had to deal with our fair share of hangers-on. It comes with being the greatest ROCK ‘n’ WRESTLING band of all-time! Broads can smell the money, especially lonely ones such as Melody. They’re the kind of chicks who can’t take no for an answer. As Melody learned, we've got ways of dealing with those kinda broads.

SYNTH
Ya know, if Melody wanted to be down with The Heavenly Rockers, all she had to do was ask. I mean, she's a bangin' enough chick. That's one Melody I wouldn't mind strumming, again and again, if you know what I mean.

LOGAN


SYNTH
Aw yeah. She can swing by the tour bus and me and Logan'll fill her with enough to stock a sperm bank for a month! But rest assured, we'd pull the bus over onto the side of the road when we're done with her and dump her in the lay-by, just like all the other groupies we pick up!

OKERLUND
I cannot believe you can talk about a young woman like that!

LOGAN
We can say and do whatever the hell we want. We're the greatest rock n' wrestling band of all time. We've earned that right. Besides, that's all she's good for anyway. There's only one woman in the OAOAST worth a damn and it's my wife Holly. Everyone else is just dreaming. If The Gunslingers or The Sk8ter Boiz…

OKERLUND
They go by the name Christ Air Express now.

LOGAN
New name, same old story if they’re ever in the ring with us. If any one of these teams seriously think that Melody Nerdly is going to do for them what Holly has done for The Heavenly Rockers, well, then they're even dumber than we gave them credit for. And that's saying a lot, considering they're Texans AND Canadians.

SYNTH
Gene-O, you wouldn't know what to do with a groupie!

OKERLUND
I'll have you know I was quite the player in my heyday.

SYNTH
Translation: VIRGIN!

The Rockers yuck it up and high-five at Okerlund's expense.

OKERLUND
I don't know what's happened to you two but I can tell you, I don't like it one bit. You two are accumulating a lot of enemies in the OAOAST.

LOGAN
We’re not here to make friends. That's what Melody Nerdly had to find out the hard way, we'll be more than happy to wise up anyone else who don't get the message. We sent The Sooner Bruisers packin'. We ran over The New New Midnights. We put the cowboys on the DL list, we beat the skaters so bad they changed their names, we took Chicks Over Dicks' Tag Titles... hey, if Leon Rodez wants to stick his nose into his girlfriend's sister's business where it don't belong, we'll be happy putting him out of commission too!

SYNTH
It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll with The Heavenly Rockers. A lesson every tag team is gonna learn the hard way. So deal wit dat ya'll mutha'fuckas!

Synth storms off, but to Okerlund's surprise Logan isn't yet done.

LOGAN
Just remember one thing. There ain't no heaven without no hell and heaven's reserved for us!

Finally, Logan joins the storm-off with his bandmate, leaving poor Mean Gene flustered.

OAOAST HeldDOWN~!
HEARTLAND TITLE ON THE LINE
Sandman9000 defends against Reject
NEXT!

[Chanel #99]

Renegade hits, and Reject makes his way through the curtains.

COLE
And this is a Heartland title match, booked last week by Anglesault!  Let's go to Michael Buffer!

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST Heartland championship!  Making his way to the ring, the challenger, hailing from the Bronx, weighing in at 235 pounds...he is the OAOAST International champion of the WORLD...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREJECT!!!!!

COLE
For those of you who watched last week, you all know that this match was requested by Denzel Spencer after having to forfeit the International World title due to the controversial finish!

COACH
And it was the right call, that no-good Hebner tried to screw Reject out of his title!

Reject rolls into the ring, and stands in the corner.

COLE
Reject doesn't have that confident look that he normally has in there...

COACH
Can you blame him?  Look at what he's faced against!

Suddenly, the lights dim, then begin going crazy, as if a virus has infected them, randomly jerking around the arena, frantically changing colors and turning off and on. It’s as if a bad anime scene has come to life.

Loud scratching fills the airwave, as if a DJ has lost their mind and is attempting to break their equipment. In-between the rips, legitimate music kicks on, of a Southern, heavy metal nature.

I ask you please just give us/
Five Minutes Alone.”

The lights continue to dart and flash as the music leaves and the scratching continues, only to come back again, now of a hip-hop nature.

White America/
I could be one of your kids.”

The rap fades out and the scratching continues, at an even greater pace, until music comes back, now of a hardcore variety.

Final Prayer/
Final prayer for the human race.”

The music leaves once again and the scratches reach their apex, before the sound cuts out and the arena goes pitch black. A single spotlight appears on the stage, the only light in the darkened arena. People look towards the light, but see nothing. Then People = Shit by Slipknot hits.

HERE WE GO AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER!

A figure punches through the curtains, wearing torn black jeans, a sleeveless black t-shirt, and two bandanas, one over his face and the other over his head. His hands are taped up, with a red "X" on the back of each of them.

BUFFER
His opponent, hailing from South of Heaven...weighing in at 220 pounds...he is the OAOAST Heartland champion...SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNDMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA
AAAANNNNNN
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNE THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!!

Sandman walks to the ring, then climbs in, and is immediately jumped by Reject!

*DING DING DING*

COLE
Here we go!

Sandman and Reject exchange blows on the mat, then roll to the outside and continue the slugfest.  Sandman gets the better of the exchange.

COACH
Reject's making two big mistakes already!  You don't want to exchange blows with Sandman, and you definitely don't want to take it to the floor!

Reject goes to the eyes, however, and grabs a side headlock, but is shoved into the ringpost!

COLE
Reject sent into the steel ringpost!

Sandman walks over towards Reject, and picks him up, but Reject counters an Irish whip, sending Sandman into the steel guardrail!  Reject quickly follows up with a spinkick, sending Sandman over the railing and into the crowd!

COLE
Reject with a nice recovery, finished with a great spinkick!

Reject follows Sandman into the crowd, then picks him up and slams him on the floor!  Reject then grabs a fan's beer, drinks part of it, and tosses it onto Sandman before stomping away!

COACH
And one of our great fans offering Reject a little refreshment!

COLE


Sandman fights to his feet, and the two brawl further into the crowd.  Reject gets the better of it this time, and sets up a suplex!

COLE
Suplex coming up, perhaps!

Sandman blocks twice, however, and delivers one of his own!

COLE
But it's Reject who takes the move on the floor!

Sandman kicks Reject as he moves back towards the ring, then tosses him over the guardrail.  Sandman then waits for Reject to get to his feet, and executes a slingshot clothesline over the railing!

COLE
Great clothesline by Sandman!

Sandman stomps away briefly on Reject, then attempts an Irish whip, but Reject reverses once again, sending him into the steel steps!

COLE
And Sandman once again tasting steel!

Reject catches his wind, then goes under the ring, finding a trash can, full of assorted goodies!

COLE
And Reject now going for the weaponry!

Reject dumps the contents of the can into the ring, then grabs the can and brings it down across the back of Sandman!

COLE
Reject's doing surprisingly well in this environment, against this opponent, I have to say!

Reject rolls Sandman back into the ring, then grabs a small road sign which was in the can, and brings it down across Sandman's head!

COACH
DAY-UM~!

Reject brings the sign down again, then covers...

1...



2...



Kickout!

Reject slides the can into mid-ring, then picks up Sandman, setting up the PITCH BLACK~!!!!!11111

COACH
Reject going for it early here!

However, Sandman backdrops out!

COLE
But it's countered into a backdrop!

Sandman then grabs the can as Reject gets to his feet, and brings it down on his head!

COACH
Uh-oh...I don't like the looks of this!

Sandman lays the can down, and executes a DDT onto the can!  Cover...

1...




2...




Shoulder up!

Sandman follows with BOOT SCRAPES~!  to the face of Reject!

COLE
Sandman working on Reject with those boot scrapes, one of his trademarks!

COACH
I thought John Cena had the Trademarks?

COLE
I think they're taking bookings now that Cena's on the shelf.

COACH
HOLLA~!  brb, Cole, I gotta make a phonecall!

COLE
No, you stay right here, we've got a match to call!

Sandman picks up Reject, and grabs him in a side headlock, but Reject counters with a back suplex onto the trashcan!

COLE
And a very resourceful move there by Reject!

Cover...

1...





2...





Kickout!

Reject picks up Sandman, and attempts an Irish whip.  Sandman reverses, and attempts a gutwrench suplex, but Reject spins through and lands on his feet, then scoops up Sandman and plants him with a TOMBSTONE~!

COACH
YEAH~!

COLE
Big move by Reject, and now he's going for another one!

Reject goes to the top rope, gets his balance, and goes for a BIG ELBOW~!!!111...but Sandman rolls out of the way!

COLE
And nobody home!

Both men lay on the mat trying to gather their senses, then get to their feet.  Reject takes a big swing at Sandman, who ducks, and suplexes Reject over the top to the floor!

COLE
Nice counter, and Reject sent over to the floor!

Sandman follows Reject out, and stomps away, then tosses him back inside.  He then goes under the ring, and finds a BARBED WIRE CHAIR~!

COACH
Oh, no!

COLE
Sandman's got the big guns now!

Sandman rolls back inside, and waits for Reject to get to his feet.  Sandman takes a big swing, but Reject ducks, then quickly drops down and delivers a low blow!

COLE
But a counter by Reject!

Reject then grabs the chair, and brings it down across the back of Sandman!

COLE
Reject with a HUGE blast from that chair!

Reject picks up the chair again, and brings it down again as Sandman is on all fours!  Reject then holds the chair up in the air, as the crowd boos.  Reject covers...

1...








2...







NO!  Shoulder up!

Reject picks up Sandman, and executes a fisherman's buster!  Cover...

1...







2...







Shoulder up!

Reject tosses Sandman to the outside, then poses some more, drawing boos.  Reject then follows Sandman outside, and starts to pick apart the announce table.

COACH
Better watch out here, Cole!

Reject finishes the job, then rolls Sandman onto the table and follows him up.  Reject hammers away, then sets up a piledriver, but Sandman backdrops out!

COACH
OW!

COLE
Sandman with the counter, but the table didn't give!

Sandman then waits on Reject to get to his feet, and executes a URINAGE THROUGH THE ANNOUNCERS' TABLE~!

COLE
But it gave that time!

Both men lay in the table wreckage for a few seconds, then Sandman picks Reject up and tosses him back inside.  He grabs the barbed wire chair, then scoops it under Reject, lifting him off the mat, and scoop slamming him onto the chair!

COLE
Nice use of the chair by Sandman, don't think I've seen that one before!

Cover...

1...









2...









NO!  Shoulder up!

COACH
But it's not enough yet, Cole!

Sandman hammers away with forearms in the corner, but Reject kicks him low!

COLE
And Reject still fighting back!

Reject picks up Sandman, and executes a Northern Lights suplex!

1...









2...









Kickout!

Reject then sets up Sandman on the top rope, follows him up, and sets up a SUPERPLEX~!  However, Sandman delivers two shots to the gut, then lifts Reject in a suplex of his own, dropping him face-first to the mat!  Sandman follows him down with a senton splash!  Cover...

1...









2...









NO!!!  Shoulder up!

Suddenly, the Burrough Boys make their way down the aisle!

COLE
And here come the reinforcements for Reject!

Mariano slides in, and gets caught with a shot from the barbed wire chair to the head!

COACH
Jeez!

Luther leaps off the top, and takes the same chair to the gut!  Sandman then quickly hooks him, and delivers the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111

COLE
And Sandman taking them one at a time!

Quincy is able to nail him from behind, and whips him into the ropes.  However, Sandman ducks a clothesline, and catches him with a YAKUZA KICK~!

Waldo charges, but Sandman ducks, and catches him with a snapmare followed by a seated dropkick!  He then grabs the chair, and tosses it at Reject, then kicks it back in his face!

COLE
And still with the wits about him to stop Reject!

He tosses Waldo out of the ring, then hooks Reject and plants him with the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111

COLE
And that should do it!

1...












2...












3!!!

COLE
And it does!

COACH
Shit!

COLE
Sandman retains the Heartland title!

BUFFER
The winner of the match...and STILL OAOAST Heartland champion...SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNDMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA
AAAANNNNNN
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNE THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!!

COLE
Sandman had to fight off five men, but he has done it again here tonight!  He won by disqualification three weeks ago, and tonight, it's a pinfall in the center of the ring over Reject, and he is still the OAOAST Heartland champion!  Folks, we'll brb!

The OAOAST Event Tracker is Brought To You By Gillette-The Best a Man Can Get

November 22, Thanksgiving Night - Salt Lake City, UT (FIRST 5,000 FANS RECEIVE NED BLANCHARD TURKEY BASTER)
November 25 (November Reign) - Las Vegas, NV (SOLD OUT)
November 29 - Portland, OR (SOLD OUT)
December 6 - Tacoma, WA (LIMITED TICKETS AVAILABLE)

[Chanel #99]

COLE
Welcome back to the program, ladies and gentlemen. Right now we'd like to show you this piece of footage that occurred this past weekend on OAOAST Syndicated after Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly were unsuccessful in their attempt to dethrone the Heavenly Rockers for the One & Only World tag team championship. Take a look.

Courtesy: OAOAST Syndicated

The camera cuts to the backstage area where Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly are recuperating from their loss to the Heavenly Rockers only moments ago. Colombian Heat is sitting on one of the giant cases lying around holding his neck, the OAOAST United States Championship belt lying next to him. Meanwhile, Spanish Fly is stomping the ground and slamming his fists on top of another case, pissed off beyond belief.

SPANISH FLY
DAMNIT! DAMNIT! DAMNIT! WE HAD IT! WE HAD THE MATCH WON! WE HAD THE MATCH WON! I KNOW WE DID! DAMNIT! DAMNIT!

COLOMBIAN HEAT
Yo, dawg, chill. It's cool, G. We'll get 'em next time, a'ight?

FLY
No! It's not all right! We were ROBBED out of the World Tag Team Titles, damnit! Me and you should be holding those belts right now! Not the stupid Heavenly Rockers! AGH! I can't believe it!

HEAT
Relax, bro. It's not tha end of tha world! There's always other matches. And besides, we's got a match comin' up at November Reign. You could become US Champion that night!

FLY
But I don't care about that right now! You don't get it, Heat! Ever since I lost my mask, I've had nothing but bad luck! My face gets revealed to the entire world for one! I lose my chance to become United States Champion at Zero Hour thanks to James Riggs! And now tonight, I get SCREWED out of becoming Tag Team Champions with my best friend in the whole wide world! FRUSTRATED AIN'T EVEN THE GODDAMN WORD FOR HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW!

HEAT
Youse need to take a chill pill, homie. Youse is overreacting.

FLY
And you're UNDERreacting! Don't you realize what happened out there? You could have been a double champion! I could have had a belt again! That's your problem, Heat! You're too laid back! You don't get angry! You always go with the flow! You never show any rage! Any anger! You never get angry! Unless someone steals your hooker of a girlfriend apparently!

At this, Colombian Heat's facial expression changes from relaxed to annoyed.

HEAT
Yo, Fly, you mah dude, but dat crossed tha line.

FLY
Well, is it true? Don't you have any passion? Any aggression? Why you gotta be so lighthearted all the time? We're in the wrestling business! A business filled with lowlives, scum, assholes, and other shady figures! We gotta be on guard 24/7! We gotta watch our backs all the time! We gotta be careful who we trust! And yet here you are, calm, cool, and collected, like you don't have a care in the world! You don't seem to hold any grudge or any hatred for long!

HEAT
An' dis is a bad thing because...?

FLY
Because if you act this way, sooner or later you're gonna get hurt! You're gonna pay the price! People will easily walk all over you and will make you look like a fool! All because you're too nice!

HEAT
Look Fly, I ain't changin' for nobody. Not even you. Dis is who I am! Dis is me! Like it or hate it, dis is tha way I am!

FLY
Well sometimes I wonder why I even bother.

HEAT
Que? Que?

FLY
You heard me. I am so annoyed right now with how my life is going compared to yours! You've held two titles in the past 5 months, and you made history by becoming the first United States Champion ever! What have I got? Nothing. Except a lost mask! I'm sick of it!

HEAT
You can change dat at November Reign you know.

FLY
What makes you say that? What's to say that James Riggs or somebody else won't interfere? Huh? What makes you think differently? Heat, our match at November Reign can be easily ruined!

Suddenly, Spanish Fly gets an idea.

FLY
Unless...unless...we...unless we hang the OAOAST United States Championship belt up in the air on a hook. Yeah, yeah. And then, the only way to win...is by climbing a ladder and retrieving it! Yeah. Yeah. No disqualifications. No count outs. No Holds Barred! Anything goes! THERE MUST BE A WINNER!

HEAT
Fly, are you suggestin'--

FLY
Yes, Heat! I want us to have...a LADDER MATCH!

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

HEAT
Dang, dude! You serious?

FLY
Oh hell yeah. I'll do it. I'll put my body on the line! I'll risk life and limb! I'll risk breaking my bones if only to become US Champion! I want to have this match Heat! What do you say?

Colombian Heat quickly thinks this over.

HEAT
Hmmm...a Ladder Match WOULD steal the show.

FLY
Uh-huh.

HEAT
An' I'm not afraid to defend this belt under any circumstances.

FLY
Yeah.

HEAT
SOOOO...okay. I'll do it. I'll have a Ladder Match wit you at November Reign!

FLY
Great! Let's go tell AngleSault we want to do this!

HEAT
A'ight. Cool.

Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly start leaving, but Heat pulls Fly back.

HEAT
And hey...may tha best man win!

FLY
Absolutely.

Spanish Fly and Colombian Heat shake hands. They both have uncomfortable expressions on their faces, but they march forward, presumbably to AngleSault's office.

Cut to Sofa Central with Michael Cole and Jonathan "Da Coach" Coachman.

COLE
How about that? Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly want to have a Ladder Match for the United States Title at November Reign! Wouldn't that be awesome?

COACH
Yes. We will see the final destruction of Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly's friendship at November Reign! I can't wait!  

COLE
Hey now. Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly appeared to be on the same page by wanting to do this match.

COACH
But once that bell rings, all bets are off.

COLE
True. Still, I don't think this will automatically destroy their friendship.

COACH
It always does, Michael. It always does.

COLE
Well, when we get word from AngleSault, we'll let you fans know and--wait a minute--yes--okay. Well, it looks like it's official. AngleSault gave his blessing. At November Reign on November 25th, Colombian Heat WILL take on Spanish Fly in a LADDER MATCH for the OAOAST United States Championship! What a match that one should be! They gave us one hell of a match last month at the Halloween Spectacular, and somehow, I think they'll be able to top themselves with this Ladder Match!

Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime

Cue the most exaggerated opening in TV history. Now featuring a humorous closing sequence of the Beverly Hills Blonds exiting the Laker Girls’ dressing room disheveled!

The Enterprise presents…

In association with the OAOAST and TSM…

REEL TALK

Still outside the Laker Girls dressing room hurrying to fix themselves up, the Blonds look into the camera.

SIMON


NED


Executive Producer
Theodore Moneymaker

Produced By
Simon Singleton

Casting Couch
Ned Blanchard

Security
CPA

Directed By
Molly Nerdly

NED (Voice-Over)
Reel Talk is filmed live before a studio audience.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Molly pipes in canned applause from the truck as our hosts pick up their drinks at the bar and visit THE LOUNGE, the hip name of Reel Talk’s interview area. High above is the newest addition to the set, an LED screen with the total number of women Ned has slept with in his quest to break Wilt Chamberlain‘s record.

CHASING CHAMBERLAIN
1,576 happy -- and very sore -- bitches! ^ 106 from last week

SIMON
Welcome to a special edition of Reel Talk, the show dedicated to the people and issues you really care about. Tonight’s show is special because it marks the HeldDOWN debut of the hottest new talk show on television.

NED
Amen to that, Brother Simon. TSM executives saw the hysteria Reel Talk created on OAOAST Syndicated and begged Theodore Moneymaker, the largest shareholder of TSM and the man who signs our checks, for the cable TV rights to the show.

SIMON
The numbers showed ratings spiked an unheard of SIX BILLION PERCENT for Reel Talk! And this was days after its original airdate! So it was only a matter of time TSM would come to us with an offer to host special editions of Reel Talk on HD.

NED
Remember that, folks. It wasn’t The Love Shack they wanted, it was Reel Talk.

SIMON
Without further ado, and in the interest of equal time, please welcome our guests this week…accompanied by MELODY NERDLY, the “Texas Twister” Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels… THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS!

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

The heat machine is in full use this week as Molly drowns out the cheers with boos. Despite being on opposite teams come November Reign, the Blonds and Gunslingers are cordial.

MELODY
Howdy y’all!

NED
Well howwwdy to you, too! Now please remove your top.

JOCK


NED
(nervous chuckle)
I‘m joking of course. Just trying to break the ice.

MELODY
Phew! You had me there for a second. I was ready to comply!

NED


Blanchard’s sadness turns to rage, as he cocks his fist behind Jock’s back, teeth gritted.

SIMON
Thanks for coming on the show, guys. Have a seat. Let me just say how wonderful I think it is that 4 men on opposite sides at November Reign can sit down and chat without fear of violence.

MELODY
I love what you’ve done with the set, especially the fish tank back there. Reminds me of the time Papa Nerdly took the whole family to Sea World. Except I’m not being humped by a dolphin. Who knew such beautiful creatures could be pervs?

Suddenly, Melody realizes Ned has snuggled against her.

NED
Oh, I’m sorry. Am I crowding your space?

BARON
Quit the bullshit, Blanchard. We’ll deal with your smart ass at November Reign. Right now Jock and I got a message for the Heavenly Rockers. First allow me to congratulate you on winning the One & Only World tag team championship. You boys must be feelin’ mighty proud. After all, you did it at our expense.

SIMON
I don’t mean to interrupt…

JOCK
I reckon you just did.

SIMON
…but how exactly did the Heavenly Rockers win the tag titles at your expense? You weren’t even involved in the costume battle royal. It’s not like they eliminated you.

BARON
No, but they sure as hell tried to eliminate us this past summer. Everyone in this area and at home would tell you the Lone Star Gunslingers were next in line to hold the gold.  

“YEAH!”

BARON
We had the momentum and most importantly the fans on our side. An unbeatable combination. Something the Heavenly Rockers know well because it was the same combination that carried them to championship gold the first time. A combination that led to an ass-kicking the likes of which we’ve never received before. Rather than face us like real men, the Heavenly Rockers acted like a couple of street thugs and left Jock and I bloody and beaten. They gave Jock a concussion and broke my nose. Doctors say I should wear a protective mask…but I say SCREW THE DOCTORS!! If it’s down and dirty you want, Heavenly Rockers, we’ll be more than happy to oblige.

NED
Melody, what about Lolly’s -- that’s Logan and Holly for short, by the way, doll-face -- claims you tried to breakup their marriage?

MELODY
(gasps)
That’s not true! So totally not true! Everybody knows Logan’s reputation. He’d hit on me when Holly wasn’t around. You know what he once asked me? If I’d be up for a threesome. Can you believe the nerve of that man? Ugh! Just the thought of him makes my skin crawl. It’s fitting he’d end up teaming with Ned at some point. Too bad you guys aren’t gay. You’d make the perfect couple.

NED


MELODY
How funky would that be? Logan and Ned sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N…

NED
Girl, unless those luscious lips of yours plan on saying hello to my monster cock, quit flapping your gums and stick to what you know best…NOTHING!

JOCK
Now you look here, mister. I don’t appreciate the matter in which you spoke to our manager. Apologize to her or else.

NED
Or else what?

SIMON
Let’s keep this peacefully, gentlemen.

A quick nod to Baron and the Gunslingers stand up to confront Ned, but CPA rushes to Blanchard’s defense. Under CPA’s protection Ned eggs the Gunslingers on, daring them to make a move.

* GLASS SHATTERS *

No, it’s not Stone Cold, but LOGAN MANN BREAKING A BEER BOTTLE OVER JOCK’S HEAD!

SIMON
Aw, the hell with it.

The Blonds put the boots to Jock while the Heavenly Rockers gang up on Baron. Holly keeps Melody at bay as Baron is whipped into one of the dancer’s cages, then rammed face-first into the other!

COLE
Oh, no! Baron may have just had his nose broken again!

Baron writhes on the floor clutching his face in pain. The Blonds, meanwhile, nail Jock with a DOUBLE FEATURE FLAPJACK! The Heavenly Rockers get a few licks in before turning their sights on poor defenseless Melody Nerdly. With the aid of Holly and Colonel Abdullah, the Heavenly Rockers and Blonds surround Melody.
 
"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

The crowd erupts as LEON RODEZ comes to the rescue. He decks Ned and Logan with a jab, then chases the rest of the heels off with a STEEL CHAIR handed to him by his sister Jade.

COACH
What’s he trying to do, score brownie points with Maggie? Leon Rodez had no business out here.

COLE
Thankfully he was or I fear what may have happened.

Melody thanks Leon and Jade for their assistance. The most popular brother and sister combo since Donny and Marie more than happy to help. As Melody tends to the Gunslingers Leon and Jade exchange words with Logan and Holly from afar.

COLE
What a situation we have here. Fans, don’t you dare go away. There’s still more to come LIVE from Denver!

OAOAST HeldDOWN~!
STILL TO COME
Stephen Joseph vs. ? for the World Heavyweight Championship

[Chanel #99]

JOSH
I'm here with "Disco Duck" Vinny Valentine, who has a very special guest with him!  Want to introduce him, Vinny?

VALENTINE
Josh, I'd like you to meet my cousin, Tony Tourette!

Josh sticks his hand out to Tony.

JOSH
Nice to meet you, Tony!

TONY
Likewise...*loud grunt* FUCKWHORESHIT!

Josh jerks his hand back in shock.  After a brief awkward pause, Vinny speaks again.

VINNY
I've managed to secure a manager's license for Tony, so from this point forward, this man is going to be out there in my corner!

JOSH
Does that include tonight against Alix Maria Spezia?

TONY
CUNT!  BITCH! *cough*

VINNY
Correct statements by the both of you!  Right here tonight, me and Tony are gonna show Alix exactly why it's bros before hos!

TONY
HOLY SHIT!

Tony says this as Maria walks by, scaring the hell out of her.

VINNY
C'mon Tony, let's get ready!

TONY
SUCK MY DICK!

VINNY (as the two walk away)
Hey, who got you this job?

Josh looks on as the two walk down the hall.

Footage courtesy of The Enterprise

Produced By
Molly Nerdly

Sunday November 14th 2007
The Home of Krista Isadora Duncan
Los Angeles, California

We fade into the sight of Alix Maria Spezia exiting a room, tears pouring down her face, her usually cheerful expression twisted and corrupted by a remarkable sadness. Held in her arms is a suitcase, crammed full of as many belongings she could drag out of Krista's house.  Her trembling hand lies on the door knob, caught in the middle of hellish war that wages in her mind, one side that says she should go back and apologize to Krista, and the other that says she's done the right thing.  Through the river of tears, her grey eyes gaze back into the room, and a fresh sadness nearly cripples her where she stands.

MOLLY (O.S)
This is great footage. Just great.

ALIX
Shut up. I didn't even want you here, Mackenzie made me take you along.

MOLLY
I'm sorry. I meant its great just to show people what a breakup is like, that homosexual relationships are every bit as powerful as hetro ones. Um, are you coming? Mackenzie's waiting in the car, she's gonna start to get nervous, probably.

There's a moment where it looks like she may never head towards her new life, as she stares into the open doorway, and gazes depressingly at her old existence. But, she steels herself as deeply as she can, and walks away from the door, fighting back that tears that beg her to reconsider. She walks down the hallway, each step hurting as though there was shrapnel lodged in her legs. And a then blow worse then a bullet to the brain stops her dead in her tracks; its Krista, green tank top, and baggy sweat pants sagging off her shivering body. Though Alix doesn't bother to look back, she knows those soft blue eyes are yearning for her to return into her arms. Although she knows better, Alix still turns to face the love she's let die.

KRISTA
I love you, Alix.

Unable to provide even a simple one word response to a message she's been dying to hear for so long, Alix can only tilt her head in sorrow, and head for the front door before the sadness breaks her down completely. Words refuse to form on the tip of Krista's lips, and she watches in silent sorrow as Alix exits their once treasured home. Molly follows her down the long marble stairs, capturing the wellspring of tears that burst through Alix's face. She's barely able to hold onto her suitcase, and Molly has to function as camera girl and baggage handler, as they make a painful journey towards Mackenzie's Mercedes that's parked in front of the million dollar mansion. Mackenzie opens the door, and Alix's body falls into the leather seat, almost seemingly ashamed to look her new girlfriend in the eyes. Molly slides gracefully into the backseat, unwilling to allow her camera to miss any of the supercharged emotions.

MACKENZIE
Is it bad?

Alix nods, while Mackenzie gently massages her hair.

ALIX (sobbing)
She...she..said she wouldn't be able to live without me.

MACKENZIE (not very reasuringly)
I know she will. She's a strong woman.

ALIX
I love her, Mackenzie. I hate having to hurt her. Its worse  having to break someone's hurt then it is getting your heart broken. Its worse then anything. Its like murder. I can't do this. I'm sorry.

MACKENZIE
Yes, you can. You deserve to be happy, and you can't give that up for anyone.

Alix's voice lowers into an icier, somber tone.

ALIX
I didn't break up with her for you. I did it because its the right thing to do.

MACKENZIE
Of course you did, baby. Of course you did.

Mackenzie kisses her girlfriend on the cheek, which subdues her terrible mood, and lets her sink back into the seat, as they drive off into the Los Angeles night.

Footage courtesy of The Enterprise

FADE OUT

COLE
We'd like to thank Molly Nerdly and her shameless voyeuristic nature for that footage.Just an awful breakup, awful the way it went down, and a lot of emotions running high between both parties. By all accounts backstage Alix is doing a bit better this week, certainly more cheerful then she was on The Love Shack or in that footage we just saw.

COACH
Could that be because Mackenzie made it known that if anyone mentioned the “K” word, they'd be answering to CPA?

COLE
That K word being Krista, who isn't here tonight. We wish her all the best, of course. For now, let's go to Michael Buffer for our next contest.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of fifteen minutes. Introducing first from Brooklyn, New York, being accompanied by his cousin, the newest OAOAST superstar, Tony Tourette, he weighed in at two hundred twenty eight pounds, the DISCO DUCK, VINNY VALENTINEEEEEEEE!

For the first time in many months, HeldDOWN audiences are treated to the oddball stylings of 70's classic Disco Duck. As the annoyingly catchy quacking fills the air, numerous disco balls lower from the entrance stage's ceiling, creating a serene pool of playful dancing light. The mastermind behind HeldDOWN's journey back to the decade of disco and cocaine, is none other then the Disco Duck himself, Vinny Valentine. Clad in zebra print pants, and a gaudy matching tophat bejeweled with fake gold, he saunters down the mini staircase that connects the entrance doors to the stage. Touched by the glorious show of whimsical light, he becomes lost in his own world of disco dancing, as the camera slowly swirls around him, showcasing every angle of his questionable dancing skills. Behind Double V, is Tony Tourette, in black sweat pants and a plain grey t-shirt lined with grease and drool stains. There's no dancing to be done by him, and instead he stands slack jawed, and stupid, gazing emptily at the surreal scene around him.

COLE
Vinny Valentine making a very rare appearance here on HeldDOWN. Usually our fans see him on our Syndicated programming. But tonight he gets to be the first opponent in Alix Maria Spezia's foray into the world of singles wrestling. He's not just some randomly selected opponent, however. Thanks to some wheeling and dealing by Mackenzie and Theodore Moneymaker, at November reign Team Alix, basically The Enterprise, of Christian Wright, Theodore Moneymaker, Christopher Patrick Allen and Biff Atlas, will compete in a five on five survivor series elimination match with Team Krista, Krista Isadora Duncan, Vinny Valentine, The Love Doctors, and a partner to be named later. Now folks, I don't mean to be insulting, but Krista's team...well, they...uh...they...

COACH
They suck?

COLE
Yes. They suck. Subtract Krista, and all her wins, and combined over the past two years, that team has a grand total of about three legit non DQ wins. Two years, three wins. In those two years Alix has four tag titles, two 24/7 titles, and a women's wrestler of the year award. In those two years Moneymaker and Wright have a tag title run, an Anderson Cup, and a HI-YAH world title between them. If my numbers are wrong, at the most The Love Doctors and Vinny Valentine have a combined four or five wins between them.

Oblivious to the fact that he's being ruthlessly insulted, Vinny gingerly disco dances his way down aisle, while his cousin scurries behind him.

“DISCO IS DEAD! DISCO IS DEAD! DISCO IS DEAD!” a few fans in the front row chant.

As Vinny reaches the apron he leans back and shouts, “Disco ain't dead, so as long as Vinny V is staying alive!”

“SNIFF MY AIDS CUM DUMPSTERS!” a trembling Tony hollers to the ringsteps.

COLE
He'll make a charming addition to the roster, I'm sure.

I'm the teacher and you're the student
Pay attention and I'll show you how we do it!!

SHOUT!
YEAH!
Get off your ass and dance
OH YEAH!
Forget about romance,
YEAH!
and you can come here for the party!
OH YEAH!
Come along
YEAH!
Play my favorte song
OH YEAH!
The one that turns me on,
YEAH!
and you can come here for the party!
Shout!

Amidst the raucous blitz of cheers and applause that come with anticipation for Alix's arrival, a strange sight rests beneath the roving pink and red spotlights of the entryway. Brought on by a moving platform, is school house setting, fashioned with a teacher's desk, and a glitzy chalkboard, lined with a series of neon bulbs. Situated behind the desk, comfortably reclined in a swivel chair is Mackenzie DeCenzo, outfitted in chic glittering silver evening gown. Through steel rimmed glasses, the “teacher's” blue eyes feast upon her favorite student, Alix Maria Spezia. Resting behind a pair of star patterned gogoboots, her statuesque golden brown legs stand atop the desk, inviting Mackenzie's gaze up to dark pink booty shorts that appear molded to her firm butt and then towards a tight cropped to the chest tube top that clings to her pendulous chest and rests behind a silver tinsel boa.  Her curvy hips sway in a mesmerizing rhythm to the Donna's pulsating guitars, as her delicate hands delight in seductive exploration of her silken skin. Soon those delicate hands claps around Mackenzie, she's helped to the floor. Mackenzie strokes her hair girlfriends hair tenderly, as Alix flips a kiss to a camera, causing superimposed red lips to emerge on screen.

BUFFER
And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring by her lady love, the chief financial officer of The Enterprise, Mackenzie DeCenzo, from Los Angeles, she is the CEO of Miss Spezia's Sweeties, the Enterprise's HOTTIE, Head Of Technical Tactics Identifying Excellence, she is The Hollywood Bad Girl, ALIX MARIA SPEZIAAAAAAAA!

As she trots down the apron, Alix's bracelet covered arm stays hooked between Mackenzie's, who tries her best to offer smiles to the fans who so obliviously despise her. Alix seems oblivious to her girl's war with the audience,  instead focusing on flashing peace signs, and devil horns to the noisy fanbase.

COLE
A familiar sight here on HeldDOWN, Alix arm and arm with a gorgeous blond. Unfortunately that gorgeous blond isn't Krista Isadora Duncan, but rather, Mackenzie DeCenzo, who Alix has left Krista for. And if you ask most of our fans, well, it's fairly obvious that they want Alix to get back with Krista ASAP.

Clicking her high heels across the outside mats, Mackenzie uses her firm grip on Alix's tinsel boa to lovingly guide her crawling girlfriend across the ring apron. As flashing red and pink spotlights dance across her picture perfect skin, Alix's hands cup Mackenzie's chin, and eager kisses journey across  the blond's face.  She then rolls into the ring, where she leaps onto the top turnbuckle and flashes a peace sign to her roaring fans.

COACH
Pick a team, Cole, who you taking in this lover's quarrel? Team Alix or Team Krista? A battle for the hearts of Los Angeles. Team Alix has cookies, but Team Krista can get you a better butt in five days. I don't know who I'm rolling with yet, but shit could get uglier before it ever gets prettier.

DING DING DING

As the crowd settles into their seats, the in ring competitors engage in a lockup. Though the much larger Valentine has an obvious strength advantage, his efforts to overpower the SoCal babe to the canvas meet with consistent failure. She bends her knees and entrenches and her gogo boots into the canvas, causing the disco fanatic to waste mountains of energy. Overcome by frustration at his early failings, Valentine abruptly releases Alix. But he does this only to introduce an open palm slap to the side of her face!

“BOOOOO!”

As mad as the fans are, Mackenzie is even angrier, demanding that that Valentine be strung up and hung for his misdeeds. Alix, on the other hand, takes the insulting gesture in stride, and merely chuckles at the the man's audacity. But once the comedy of the situation wears off, her gogo boots begin savaging his midsection. As the fans cheer her every assault, and red welts appear on Vinny's flabby stomach, and it appears the Disco Duck is soon to collapse under the hurricane of her strikes. But he manages to calm her storm with a rake of her grey eyes.  Unfortunately, Alix is wearing contacts. Thus the feisty heroine quickly returns to peppering her rival with kicks. Fresh out of dirty tricks, Vinny tries a more conventional technique; he latches onto her left boot, and twirls her around so that she faces away from him. Quickly his arms snake her slender waist, and she's brought into the sky for a backdrop. But, much to the fans' immense delight, the agile diva coils her bracelet coated arms around his oversized mellon, then shoots her body forward! The fans explode with cheers as Vinny is driven face first to the mat with a bulldog!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

“FART INDUCING SEMEN GOBLINS!” Tony screams on the outside

COACH
Aw lord, get that dude up on this announce team, pronto.

Alix grabs onto Vinny's heavily gelled pompadour and rips the Brooklyn native off the canvas. He tries  to fight against her grip with a pair of jabs to her face. But, he only manages to land a paltry three shots before he's slung into the corner. His back suffers through a gruesome collision with the corner posts, and he hollers out his screams of agony to the tune of Best Disco in Town by Ritchie Family. Problematically for him, the hottest babe in town, is preparing to lance her knee across his wrinkled face. Thanks to a warning from Tony, Vinny is made aware of Alix's incoming charge and slides out the way! Unable to put on the breaks in time, she crashes into the second posts, and her fans hold their breath in worry over her condition.

“CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!” Vinny sings, while engaging in a round of the most rhytmless dancing you may ever witness.

After he's done auditioning for the relaunch of Soul Train, Vinny weaves his slimy fingers through Alix's beautifully curled hair, and leads her away from the corner posts.

“NIGHT FEVER, NIGHT FEVER! I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!” Vinny's horrible, horrible Brooklyn accent belts out as he shifts Alix onto his shoulders in preparation for the Night Fever (Alabama Slam). But, Alix finds a quick cure for this particular fever, and slides down his paunchy frame for a rollup!

“Way to go, baby!” Mackenzie shouts, while referee Robinson counts the first fall of the contest.

CROWD
ONE

CROWD
TWO

CROWD
THREE!

Perhaps that may have been three had the disgraceful character known as Tony Tourette not ventured onto the ring apron. But, he has ventured onto the ring apron, and his unusual behavior manages to distract the referee from his in ring duties. And can you really blame Robinson's distraction when it comes at the hands of a man repeatedly shouting “SUCK A FART OUT MY ASS, YOU VILE SCUMBAG!”

“Robinson, get back to your position!” Mackenzie whines, desperately wanting everything to go smoothly for Alix.

While, Mackenzie can do nothing but grouse and complain, Alix takes a more proactive route in dealing with the unwanted nuisance. Putting on her beauty pageant smile, she strides over to Tony. But, he's not disarmed by her charming expression, and cocks his hand as though he's ready to punch her. That's when Alix turns to The Disco Duck Vinny Valentine, who's fast sneaking up on her, and says “Duck season!”

“Huh?” Vinny utters, stopped dead in his tracks. “Uh, rabbit season?”

“Duck season!”

“Rabbit Season!”

“Duck season!”

“Rabbit Season!”

“Rabbit Season.” Alix whispers.

“DUCK SEASON!” Vinny foolishly screams,

BAM!

Tony wallops Vinny with a left hook, sending his cousin teetering back towards the center of the ring, delighting the audience.

“DISCO IS DEAD! DISCO IS DEAD! DISCO IS DEAD!”

The disco duck is given no chance to refute claims of Disco's demise, as the brunette sex kitten hooks onto his arm and gives him Herpes, the gift that keeps on giving. Or a flatliner, whichever you prefer to call it. Either way it leads to a pinfall by Alix...

CROWD
ONE!

CROWD
TWO!

And once again, Tony Tourette has found has way onto the ring apron. His presence is met with a heated round of groans and jeers from the audience, many of whom threaten to remove him from the apron themselves!

COLE
Jesus Christ, how did this guy even get a manager's license? Let's hope Vincent leaves him at the Valentine Thanksgiving table when November reign rolls around. What a joke!

Fresh out of Looney Tunes gags to work to her advantage, Alix decides just to superkick him off his perch. Apparently sensing that he's about to be minus several teeth and plus a hella large hospital bill, Tony T begins violently shaking, looking as though he were being seized by the power of the holy ghost!

Alix cuts short her superkick effort to wonder, “Uh, are you okay, dude, you're shaking pretty profusely?”

That's a bit of an understatement as Tony seems like he may well shake his skin clear off his body. Unlike sweet Alix the fans are unsympathetic to his plight, and chant “KILL THE RETARD!”

“Alix, ten o'clock!” A suddenly worried Mackenzie screams.

“Huh? My watch says its only six. Unless you're in Lisbon, in which case it is ten o'clock. But they go by a twenty four hour clock, so there its called twenty two o'clock. You see the twenty four clock was invent...WOOOAAAH!”

From the ten o'clock position behind Alix Vinny Valentine stuns her with a school girl!

ONE

TWO

But, Alix kicks out, bringing a large round of applause from the fans.

COACH
Vinny and The Love Doctors have gotta do a whole hell of lot more then some schoolboys if they think they're gonna see anything but a two minute squash against The Enterprise.    

Alix rises off the canvas on her willpower, but can muster no offensive flurry thanks to a bevy of knife edge chops that slam against her buxom chest. She tries to avoid the onslaught of strikes by thrusting her forearm at the dancing king, but her arm speed is uncharacteristically slow, and he's able to catch onto it. With her limb trapped, Vinny drives it downward onto his shoulder with an arm stunner! She recoils in a great deal of pain, her numerous bracelets jangling from the jarring impact of his attack. Her immediate instinct is to generate some sort of distance between herself and her shady aggressor, but he makes this frustratingly impossible, by trapping her down with a standing arm lock. As Vinny instantly begins ordering her to submit, the fans burst out words of encouragement for their heroine.

“LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!”


Wanting to be a part of the enormous rallying cry that builds for her girlfriend, Mackenzie begins slamming her hands on the mat to further rouse the crowd to her girl's aid. Unfortunately this has the opposite effect then intended, as the fans become annoyed with Mackenzie's participation and now sing alternating chants of “LET'S GO ALIX! GET BACK WITH KRISTA! LET'S GO ALIX! GET BACK WITH KRISTA!”

Meanwhile back in the ring, Valentine continues to torque and tug on Alix's limb as if he were trying to rip it straight from its socket. Pain outlines her face, and she whimpers in misery, as scorching hot agony flashes through her bones. But drawing on the considerable show of support from her fanbase, Alix is able to muster the strength needed to begin breaking Vinny's bonds. Remarkably stubborn, Vinny refuses to even acknowledge the possibility that his foe might bust out his hold, and makes no adjustments to the submission. So, its not exactly surprising to any one except Vincent himself, when Alix shears her arm from his clutches!

“LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!”

“Let's go Alix? Hello? Do ya, like realize, that last living member of the Bee Gees was trying to rip out my arm so he could use it to bash my skull in to the tune of We Are Family? How about a little less lets go Alix, and lil bit more, take your time Ally, make sure your arm isn't broken, make you sure ya don't require reconstructive shoulder surgery and six months of rehab. Give, give, give, that's all I do for you people! hmph!”     

Brushing aside her issues with the fans well-meaning but unwanted chants, the Princess of Los Angeles turns her attention to Valentine, and terrorizes him with a series of forearm strikes. Thanks to an assist from her plastic bracelets, the shots do incredible damage, and open up small cuts on Vinny's leathery skin.

COACH
Cole, you gotta pick a team. Team Krista or Team Alix. Like on the Hills, they got Team Lauren and Team Heidi. I bet your chump ass probably rolls with Lauren “Beef Curtains” Conrad!

COLE
I'm not picking sides in this bitter breakup, I just think its a shame that such a happy, funloving, couple could just come apart before our very eyes.

While Cole laments her previous relationship, Alix's swipes her left gogo boot towards Valentine's head. But, the lord of the dance avoids the potential knockout, and the Latina sweetie is forced into an errant one eighty twirl. When she twists back towards Vinny, he smashes his sparkling red boot into her bare stomach. Without giving her a moment to catch the breath that's been all but knocked out of her, Double V latches onto her bracelets and attempts to thrust her into the ropes. However, she regains enough of her energy to reverse the hold, and pull Valentine in for a short arm knee lift. Unfortunately for her and her legion of fans, Valentine moves a step ahead of her, and slams his knee into her chiseled stomach. She cries out in agony, nearly crippled to the canvas by the sheer amount of pain he's put her under.

COLE
All Vinny has to do at November Reign, is extend this twenty seconds of offense over thrity five minutes and through four of the top members of The Enterprise and Biff Atlas. Uh-huh, that should be easy. Real easy.  

Through the curled strands of her chocolate hair, Alix watches the disco machine dart to the ropes. And though she can see him approaching a mile away, she lacks the energy required to prevent him from DDTing her into the canvas! As they watch Alix's head be spiked violently off the rock solid mat, the audience and Mackenzie react with shrill shrieks of horror.

“HOOK THE FUCKING LEG!” Tony screams on the outside, a completely coincidental comment to what's going on in the ring, because Tony is currently talking to the wad of snot that's dribbling down his nose.

“He, uh, he has tourettes syndrome.” Vinny sheepishly tries to explain to the referee, as he hooks Alix's leg for another pinfall...

ONE!

But, much to Vinny's disgust, Alix shoots her shoulder off the canvas long before the ref can even entertain the thought of a second count.

Vincent whines, “Its ONE....TWO....THREE! That's the way uh-huh uh-huh, I like it! Uh-huh Uh-huh!”

COACH
I hope the Love Doctors are taking notes. Forget a one count those marks couldn't even hope to hit one offensive manuevuer. You gonna get dat ass beat, you gonna dat ass beat!

COLE
How is Krista even going to take to having to be on opposing sides with her ex? I don't think think its a very fair position to put these two in. Mackenzie and Moneymaker should be ashamed.

Alix drags her weary bones of the canvas, ready to stage a counter attack against this wacky foe. But she's immediately returned to the defensive when Vinny's thick arms snake around her neck in a front facelock. His freehand takes a tight grip of her pink booty shorts and the babelicious Californian is quickly dragged into the air for a vertical suplex! But, as she's lifted to the height of the hold, the tide is suddenly and violently turned against the disco duck! Thanks to her body being lathered in baby oil, he's unable to maintain any sort of dependable grip on his victim, and she slithers downwards to the canvas. Her expensive boots touch her down behind Vinny, and she's quick to take advantage of the situation. She places her hands on his back and gives him a rough shove into the corner! Unable to even ascertain how he lost the vertical suplex, the confused disco fanatic crashes into the turnbuckles with a mighty thud that brings out a huge pop from the fans and Mackenzie. Their cheers turn even louder and bolder, when The Hollywood Bad Girl's flashy footwear strikes the annoying heel with a running dropsault!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

“CRUSTY PENIS FECES NIBBLER!” Tony blurts out.

“Yeah, that gimmick's gotten old fairly quickly.” Alix remarks to Mackie.

“Uh-huh, no kidding.” She replies.

Trying to ignore Tony's constant stream of profanities, Alix diverts her attention back to his slightly more pleasant cousin, who's currently stumbling from the corner in a painful stupor. But as Alix's leaping side kick travels towards his face, he's ripped free of his daze, and manages to duck beneath the lethal strike.

COLE
This rare HeldDOWN appearance for Vinny Valentine could've been his last, if that kick had connected.

Vincent takes off to the ropes, gathering enough forward momentum to return to Alix with a deathly lariat! Unfortunately his lariat is as about as deadly as a fruit fly, as the Princess of Los Angeles easily leaps around and behind his portly body. Her arms snake around his neck, and gravity does its part, dragging the whimpering New Yorker downwards with the Crack??? Shit son, I was doing that back when it was just called FREEBASE (Flashback)!

“YEAAAAAAA!” scream the fans, while Mackenzie claps like a child seeing a mall Santa for the first time.

Despite the raw force the signature hold was delivered with, Vinny manages to stagger upright, aiming dizzied and miscalculated punches at foes both real and imagined. Sadly for Vinny, his real foe tightens him into a side headlock, and without any sort of warning sommersaults forward. The violent momentum of the hold forces Vincent into a crazed tumble, that lands him directly onto his neck. As the fans explode with an onrush of cheers, the life quickly sags from Vinny's once vibrant body.

COLE
That's called A Shot at At Love!

COACH
Fitting because Krista's team hasn't a shot at winning at November Reign.

Alix drapes her arm across Vinny's chest, and the fans and Mackenzie count along with the pinfall...

CROWD AND MACKENZIE
ONE!

CROWD AND MACKENZIE
TWO!

CROWD AND MACKENZIE
THREE!

Mackenzie doesn't even bother to wait for the bell, the official announcement, or the resuming of the Donnas hard rocking track, before she begins celebrating. She dives into the ring, beaming a smile reminiscent of a fat kid let loose in a sugar factory.  Her warm expression meets Alix's goofy smile, and her arms bring that cute face closer to her's in a tender embrace. The fans on the other hand find their happiness over Alix's victory tempered somewhat, by her celebration with this new, much maligned girlfriend.

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a pinfall...ALIX MARIA SPEZIA!

As “Here For The Party” blasts into the arena, Mackenzie raise Alix's arm into the sky, and passionately urges the fans to chant for her. The majority of the fans show their love for Alix, but there are several who continue to plead with her to get back with Krista.

COLE
Well, Alix looking excellent in her first match in what should be a very successful singles career. And it just so happens her victory came against one of her November Reign opponents, Vinny Valentine. With Alix cruising past Valentine and Christopher Patrick Allen destroying Max Anderson last week, things look very grim for Team Krista. And, just emotionally how can Alix and Krista take being on opposing sides as one another?

COACH
I don't know but what I do know is that Krista oughta pull a Marbury and walk on out of that sorry ass team. She can afford that one hundred eighty thousand dollar fine, ain't nothing worth trying to make The Love Doctors looks respectable. Though, I doubt you'll ever see Krista wear ten dollar shoes like Marbury does. If she's as smart as she says, she'd western union that fine for no showing, and leave those losers to hang.

OAOAST HeldDOWN~!
THE THANKSGIVING WEEKEND TRADITION RETURNS
November Reign
NEXT WEEKEND LIVE ON PAY-PER-VIEW!

[Chanel #99]

As we return from wherever the fuck we just were we witness Mackenzie and Alix in the locker room area, already engaged in a discussion. Alix is still dressed in her wrestling attire, while Mackenzie wears the same evening gown she had on earlier.

MACKENZIE
Alix, I am so sorry about this whole November Reign survivor series thing. I know what the announcers said, about me getting the match made, and it is not true in the slightest. That was all Mister Moneymaker and Christian. I know you believe me, but I just don't like people insinuating otherwise. I know this is a very delicate time for you, and you're so precious and beautiful, I could never do anything that would ever cause you harm.

ALIX
I know, you've been really good to me through all this.

MACKENZIE
And, Krista's team, when I heard who was on it, I tried to get them to cancel the match, I honestly did. It isn't fair for you to watch her suffer like that. But they wouldn't cancel, and then I went to the highest  levels of the OAOAST, Bill Watts, Donald Trump, trying to get new partners for Krista. Chris Stevens, Jay Richards, James Riggs, anybody of worth, but nothing could be done. I'm sorry, you're going to have to do this. I know how painful this match will be, and if you hate me because of it, I can understand.

ALIX
Stop being so silly! Of course I don't hate you.

MACKENZIE   
I'm glad, but I've never been so humiliated and upset in my life.

ALIX
What about the time at the governor's mansion the back your dress went into your pantie hose? Or the cocktail party where you laughed and spinach came out your nose? Or when you overflowed that toilet in the White House when you tried to flush down a tampon. Or....

MACKENZIE
Okay, you made your point, baby.

ALIX (giggling)
And I had great time doing it!

MACKENZIE
It really is great to see you smile again. Now, go get dressed, darling, we have dinner reservations in about forty-five minutes.

As Mackenzie turns away from a departing Alix, she bumps right into D*LUX's Shayne Brave, dressed in black workout pants and a white tank top.

SHAYNE
You!

MACKENZIE
Who are you, and does the homeless shelter know you've left before checkout time?

Shayne scoffs at the insult.

SHAYNE
I'm Shayne Brave of D*LUX!

MACKENZIE
D*LUX? You mean the little fellows who used to hump the toy sheep for their entrance?

SHAYNE
No, that's...well, that could be a lot of people here, now that I think about it.

MACKENZIE
Ah! Are you the army tag team? The Green Berets gentlemen?

SHAYNE
There is no army tag team as far as I'm aware.

MACKENZIE
That's a shame. Have you ever seen, Green Beret with John Wayne? Now, I take immense pride in never having made the mistake of voting a democrat into office, but I find that movie to be nothing but jingoistic high-handed right wing propaganda nonsense.

SHAYNE
I agree completely. Actually, if you really want to see one of the better early Vietnam War movies, then you have to rent....wait...You're getting me off my point!

MACKENZIE
I don't believe your intelligent enough to coherently possess one, but please, do humor me

Shayne has trouble gathering whatever thoughts he come to approach Mackenzie with and stumbles out his words.

SHAYNE
Uh, yeah, uh....breakup...Krista...bad...you...mean...me...angry...cry.

MACKENZIE
Security! Security! Oh, nuts to that, I'll do it myself.

Mackenzie actually rips a fire extinguisher off the wall and prepares to smash the boybanders face in, but thankfully he raises his hands to get her to stop.

SHAYNE
Wait! I wrote it down! I wrote it down!

Shayne digs through his pockets, rummaging for a crumpled note card which he proceeds to read to Mackenzie.

SHAYNE
Okay, alright, here I go. Uh, One-Two percent milk, Two-Deodorant, Three-Fabreeze air fresheners...

MACKENZIE
Is that your grocery list?

SHAYNE
Huh? It is! Um, other side. Yes, right, there we go. You..you..uh, I have trouble reading my own hand writing. Can you help me please?

MACKENZIE (straining her eyes to read Shayne's note)
Are you even functionally literate? What does this say? Briton? Burp? Broke?

SHAYNE
Broke! That's right! You broke Krista's heart and that makes you D*LUX enemy number one!

MACKENZIE
Oh no! How will I ever show my face amongst lonely ten year old Japanese girls again?

SHAYNE
I don't know the answer to that, my card doesn't have room for question and answer sessions.

MACKENZIE
It was sarcasm! Do you know what it is?

SHAYNE
The card doesn't have room for definitions either. Sorry. I can go make a bigger card if you want, it would only take a few.....

MACKENZIE
No! God no! Finish what you have to say. Please!

SHAYNE
Oh, uh, yes. Right. Krista loves Alix and anyone with a fourth of brain can see that.

MACKENZIE
Which means you can't.

SHAYNE
And at some point whatever brainwashing you got on Alix is gonna wear off, and she's going to see the light and go right back where she belongs at Krista's side! And if she doesn't, then um, maybe Krista might want to try dating a  guy, maybe a younger one from Detroit. My grandfather has season tickets to the Lions. I also have a cat named Tiger. He likes to watch hockey!

MACKENZIE
Oh good lord.

SHAYNE
But, but, um, anyway, as for the here and now, you think your money can get you whatever you want. It seems to have got you Alix, and it got you a pretty good survivor series match at November Reign. I know what's going on, all you Enterprise jerks believe that you can crush The Love Doctors and Vinny Valentine and get a five on one squashing with Krista. But, guess what? That's not going to happen! No way, now! Because, you want to know what I just did?

MACKENZIE
No.

SHAYNE
I marched right into Anglesault's office, and I said listen you bald headed buttmunch, I didn't really say that, because I'm afraid of bald people, I'm the fifth guy on Krista's team, and that's final! And, so it looks like a monkey wrench just got thrown into your plans. Because maybe you can eliminate The Love Doctors and Valentine real quick, but I'm going to be watching Krista's back all night. And if I have my way she's coming out a winner!

Mackenzie smiles at the teenager's amazing foolishness.

MACKENZIE
And if I have my way, its Alix who comes out the winner. Unfortunately for you, I always get my way.

And with that Mackenzie walks off, leaving Shayne to contemplate the deeper meaning of his grocery list.

COACH
Team Krista gets worse by the segment. Her team is the type of dudes who go to bed with two packages of weenies under their pillows at night, hoping to catch the lil weenie man. Ol hoe ass bitches, bout to get Brokeback Mountain'ed. No Phil Jackson.

COLE
Ladies and gentlemen, the title in our sport is on the line next, as Stephen Joseph defends against a man from his past.

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