Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLYPRESENTED IN HD The rousing chorus of the theme song that will forever remain nameless joins with the gorgeously produced entrance video to welcome viewers around the world to sports entertainment's flagship program, OAOAST HeldDOWN! In case you missed it last week I present the description of entry way: Protruding from above and behind the Angletron is a thin video screen that circles all the way back towards the backstage area, and is highlighted by a neon white and black film strip pattern border. It rests atop a black ceiling that dances soft blue, purple and white spotlights across a slick black entrance floor, which is actually made up of numerous video screens. Beneath the ceiling are two walls that house two sets of video screens, each mirroring what's seen on the Angletron and each shrouded by the glow from roving purple lights. The entrance door sits at the base of the Angletron, leading to short set of long illuminated black stairs. At each side of the entrance set, are a pair of spiraling staircases, decorated by the trademark purple and blue spotlights, and both leading to scaffolding. Our announce team stands in front of the ring, recipients of the only light in an otherwise dimly lit arena. COLE Folks, welcome to the deep south of America, Columbus, Georgia! Tonight's HeldDOWN is more action packed then any previous edition! Coach, why don't you tell them what we have on tap on this Thursday evening? COACH I ain't your house nigga. This ain't no Fresh Prince, I ain't no Geoffrey and you damn sho ain't no fat Uncle Phil. COLE Very well then. Fans you can look forward to seeing Leon Rodez in action against the often times misunderstood Biff Atlas. Major implications in that match, as Biff recently took a terrible loss to Leon's good friend and former tag partner, Zack Malibu, and Leon makes his first appearance in the ring since he and D*LUX successfully defended their six man titles at Zero Hour. Also Stephen Pigley of The Love Doctors hooks up with Moracca, not in that way unfortunately, to battle long time rivals Logan Mann and Simon Singleton. It will be interesting to see how those two interact with one another given their history, and the fact that they're both managed by Nerdlys! And in our mainevent we'll have a very special international world title match, as Reject puts his championship up for grabs against The Urban Legend, Todd Cortez! And we'll hear from perennial world title contender, PRL as well. All this and more, when we come back. COMMERCIALCOMING UP NEXTHow can we dance when our earth is turning? How do we sleep while our beds are burning?Leon Rodez Vs Biff AtlasNEXT HeldDOWN~! Returns BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute TV time-limit. In the ring, from Venice Beach, California! He weighs in tonight at two hundred and twenty pounds... he is BBIIIIIIFFFFFF AAAAAATTLLLLAAAAAASSSSSSS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Biff poses briefly, before saying something over his shoulder to Buffer. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen at this time, Biff Atlas would like to make the following public service announcement. COLE Oh great... BIFF Thank you Bruce.Michael Buffer does a double take on his way out of the ring, shaking his head sadly as he sits down. BIFF At this time, I would like to take a moment to extend my congratulations to a close personal friend of mine. In the past week, vice-president turned cartoon voice-over actor turned environmental activist Al Gore was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, for his tireless contributions to the fight against climate change. It's heart-warming to see somebody finally recognise the efforts of a man who is making our world a better place. It's just a shame that not all such people are given that respect. With tha... .:CUE: Trust Company, "Rock The Casbah":. The crowd cease amusing themselves and suddenly come alive as the music powers through the PA system and LEON RODEZ steps through the entrance doors! Leon gives the camera a cheesy thumbs up as he walks to the ring, rubbing his eyes as he tries to recover from apparantly having just woken up. COACH See, this is exactly what Biff was trying to talk about. He's trying to get over an important message and he gets interrupted. No respect. COLE This is a wrestling show Coach, it's not a climate change convention. COACH It's not!? Well gee, that's news to me! Thank you so much for filling me in oh wise one! *groans* Rolling into the ring, the OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Champion holds up a hand to try and placate Biff. Leon then calls for a microphone and asks for his music to be cut, Biff looking on a little confused at what's happening. LEON Now now now, I know you and I have ourselves a little wrasslin' match coming up... yes Biff, I hate to break it to you but this isn't a climate change convention, it's actually a professional wrestling show. COLE See! I told you! LEON But with that said, you're obviously just dying to launch into a little speech on the burning issue of the day there... see what I did there? That was mostly deliberate. Delicious punnage. Biff, you've obviously come prepared to speak your mind. You called Michael Buffer by his brother's name but that okay, that's not your speciality. That's not your line of knowledge. I'm sure Michael barely even realises he's here so long as the cheques cash. No, you're ready to talk about climate change and you need a forum to do that so whaddaya say we have ourselves a little impromptu LOVE SHACK! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" LEON Yeah! Alright! Let's cheer whatever Leon says! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" With Biff looking ever more confused, Leon asks for and is passed two chairs. COLE Wai... what the hell is going on here? We're gonna have a Love Shack, right now!? COACH I thought you said this was a wrestling show? Setting up the two chairs in the ring, Leon sits himself down in the first one and crosses his legs. Trying to look his most serious and journalistic, Leon invites Biff to sit down in the chair opposite him. And despite some misgivings, Biff eventually does so. LEON Okay, we haven't got a set and I'm pretty sure I used to have a funny pre-amble but I haven't done one of these in about a year so, uh, let's skip all that and get right down to business shall we? Climate change. A real political hot potato. Biff... catch. BIFF ... LEON Talk. BIFF Well, as I was going to say before you interrupted me, climate change is an issue the world cannot neglect again. The message must be re-iterated time and time again, never to be forgotten or considered a fad. No matter how many awards or acknowledgements visonaries like ourselves recieve, we should not be taken for granted, just as this planet should not be taken for granted. Scientists estimate that within the next 30-40 years, the world's global average tempera... Leon yawns, loud enough to be picked up by the microphone in his hand which is a little embarrassing. LEON Uh... Biff. Can I butt in there? Yeah, uh... that 30-40 years you were talking about? I was kinda hoping to get over to a bar with Maggie somewhere in and around that time period. So how about this, could you maybe for brevity's sake kinda sum up the issue of climate change in 10 words? BIFF You want me to condense the greatest threat to the fate of our humanity in centuries into a 10 word sentence? LEON If you could, yeah. A disbelieving Biff wipes a hand across his face. BIFF This is the exact kind of disrespect I'm talking about. Nobody is taking this issue seriously and I'm sick of it. It's evident, I need something to MAKE you people respect me. And since there are no Nobel Peace Prizes in the OAOAST, I am making it my goal as of this moment to go after the next best thing. Soon, all the OAOAST will respect me. They'll have no choice, once I, Biff Atlas, obtain the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! LEON As Leon struggles and fails to keep a straight face and starts to burst into laughter, he's joined by thousands of Georgians in the crowd. Which of course leaves Biff fuming. Kicking his chair aside, Biff suddenly swings down an arm and cracks the doubled over Leon across the back with a forearm! Leon goes sprawing to the canvas as quickly, referee Mike Chioda gets the chairs from the ring and calls for the bell. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE A cheapshot from Atlas and this one is finally underway! COACH How can you call that a cheapshot? Breaking down laughing at Biff's lifelong aspirations and dreams, that's a cheapshot! Biff continues to pound away on Leon who it's safe to say hasn't got much to laugh about anymore. Reaching down, Biff pulls off the black and purple robe of his opponent, throwing it to the ground in frustration. He then pulls Leon to his feet, barging him back into a corner and unloading with a succession of hard right hands. Referee Chioda tries to pull Biff away as he completely blanks his attempts to count him, eventually getting The Environmental Activist to stop his vicious attack. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Out of the corner, Biff whips Leon off in the direction of the opposite set of turnbuckles. The Silky Smooth One hits hard spine first, staggering out of that corner and into the waiting Gorilla Press of Biff Atlas... ...which he escapes from in mid-air. Creating some space with a quick shove, Rodez pops up and dropkicks Atlas in the back, sending him sprawling forwards. Biff falls throat-first across the middle rope and unfortunately for him, there he stays. The crowd erupt as Rodez sees his chance and starts to do THE JIG~! Rodez then hits the opposite ropes and sprints back at top speed directly at Biff, driving all of his body weight into the lower back!! COLE CALL THAT BITCH BOJANGLES!! Turning away, Leon hits the ropes again and this time comes at Biff from the side. But Biff spots Leon on his way around, managing to throw out his arm and LEVEL Leon with a giant Clothesline to cut him off! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Big shot from the supposed King Of The Clothesline. There's a moniker for ya. Sitting up, a shocked looking Leon gasps for air just as Biff drives the flat of his boot into his spine. And again, further knocking the wind out of his lungs. Biff stops for a second and draws a large, imaginary globe with his hands, to the jeers of the crowd. COACH Are these morons booing THE EARTH? Do they not realise we live... on THE EARTH? COLE They're booing Biff Atlas, Coach. COACH Because he loves The Earth? Explain. Please. No time for explanations, as Biff pins down Leon with a tight lateral press... 1... 2... No! ...again... 1... 2... No! Biff slaps on a chinlock, making Leon expend more energy. Which is pretty ironic when you think about it. And irony is best when explained. As Biff clamps down on the hold, a picture-in-picture suddenly pops in the top right corner of the screen, showing D*LUX, Jade Rodez and a certain Maggie Nerdly watching on backstage. COLE Leon with plenty of fans, both out here and backstage. He's fighting for them right about now as Biff Atlas works away with this hold. And as you see Maggie Nerdly there, it's as good a time as any to point it out, October 31st at The Halloween Spectacular, we've just found out Leon will be hosting a special edition of The Love Shack with none other than Melody Nerdly, in her first TV appearance since November Reign. COACH Let's not get ahead of ourselves Michael. He might not have much Love to Shack if Biff has his way here. Fighting to his feet, Leon starts to draw on the support of the Columbus crowd, fist pumping as the fans grow louder. Locking his hands, Leon jams the point of his elbow into the gut. And again. A third time, weaking up Biff's grip enough to turn into the hold. Having freed himself Leon then turns to hit the ropes... but a handful of his hair can't follow him, due to it being grabbed by Biff Atlas! Down on the back of his head crashes Rodez, earning Atlas a warning from the referee. COLE Biff Atlas, very resourseful. COACH LOLPUN11!!1 As Leon pulls himself back up, Biff stalks him just waiting to pounce. He grabs him in a tight waistlock and throws, bringing his 220 pounds down onto Leon's 220 pounds with a Side Belly To Belly Suplex! Leg hooked... 1... 2... Kickout! Pulling Leon to his feet, Mother Nature's Favourite Son applies another waistlock, this time trying to just squeeze the life out of The Silky Smooth One with a simple buf effective Bearhug. Leon wants very little of that though and manages to free an arm, driving the point of his Bionic Elbow down across the top of Biff's head! Twice! Three times! Biff loses the Bearhug and Leon just keeps on elbowin', bionic elbowing Biff into a stuppor before flippin', floppin', flyin'... and knocking down Biff with a final big elbow to the bonce! DUSTY RHODES Now baybeh, das en'ertainment right there, ain't no doubt about it! COLE ????? Running on a healthy dose of adrenaline, Leon encourages Biff back to his feet and meets him coming with a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels... *SMACK!* ...and nailing Atlas upside the head with the enziguri! "YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! Cover by Leon... 1... 2... NO! Not all! Quickly Leon scampers over to the corner and heads for the top turnbuckle. Biff is looking more than a little dazed and takes his time getting up, as Rodez scales the ropes and gets himself set up top. And then, with photo-opping form he soars from high above with a big Crossbody Blo... ...NO! Biff sidesteps, forcing Leon to adjust in mid-air. With cat like senses he just about manages to land safely on a hand and two feet, adjusting and diving at Biff again. But this time, his standing crossbody attempt ends with him getting caught! COACH Power! Throwing Rodez up and over his shoulder, Biff turns into the centre of the ring and drills him with a big Powerslam! The crowd groan as it looks like their man is in trouble, the Man Of The Earth reaching out and hooking a leg... 1... 2... No! COLE Kickout by Leon but you can sense Biff is beginning to build up some momentum here. Backing into a corner, Biff glares across at Leon... and drops into a crouch. COACH You can say that again. Biff starts waving Rodez to his feet, The Silky Smooth One unwittingly doing just as he's told. Biff is ready. Eyes locked on his target. Stalking his prey. Favouring his ribs a little, up to his feet climbs Leon with a grimace. He looks around and doesn't see Biff, who still stalks behind him, until Leon begins to turn around at which point he charges from the corner, head down... ...AL GOOOOOOOOORRRRRR... ...NO!! Rodez hears his opponent thundering towards him and takes off, leapfrogging Biff who ends up crashing face and shoulder first into the middle turnbuckle behind the now departed Leon!! "YYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" COLE Nobody home for the Nobel Peace Prize Winner Honouring "Al Goooorree"! And Biff is in trouble here. Stumbling to his feet, Biff walks right back past Leon who has stepped out in front of him. Hooking the head, Leon scales the turnbuckles on the inside and pushing up off the top turnbuckle, floating back and dropping Biff with the FEEDBACK THIS~! he slices some bread! Reaching up he hooks the legs and cradles Biff up in a tight ball for the... 1... 2... and 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "SILKY SMOOTH" LLLEEEEEOOOOOONN... RRRROOOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! Leon rolls right on out of the ring and into the waiting arms of his fans as in the ring, Biff looks up and holds his head in his hands. A few high-fives and a few hugs get passed around, one lucky youngster getting a kiss on the cheek (not that young... and a girl... don't go getting the wrong impression here) as Rodez celebrates chalking one up in the 'W' column. COLE Victory here for the 6-Man Tag Team Champion, one-third at least, Leon Rodez tonight on HeldDOWN~! As Biff continues to look on in dejection, Leon takes back his belt and raises it to his fans with a big grin on his face. COLE Will Todd Cortez be as successful against Reject? We'll see in our mainevent! Stay tuned for more!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 HeldDOWN~! Returns Backstage we go, to the boss' office where AngleSault is busy running over the schedule for the night with one of the many backstage underlings of the company. His conversation is interrupted though as OAOAST World Champion Landon Maddix, along with manager Megan Skye, walk into the room. The lowly worker makes a quick exit as AngleSault raises an eyebrow to Landon. ANGLESAULT Landon, glad you could make it. MADDIX Uh, Megan. Is... is it me or did it just get sarcastic in here? If that was a jab at me for being late then, well, you know how it is. Business to take care of. ANGLESAULT Ah yes. I guess I should congratulate you, Mr. Commissioner. Grinning at merely being referred to as that, the new SWF Commissioner wraps an arm around Megan's shoulder. MADDIX Ever thought of getting yourself an assistant? MEGAN Co-commissioner. MADDIX Huh? Uh, yes, that. Sorry, slip of the tongue. So, anyway. Who knows, maybe we'll be working in a different capacity in the future, Commissioner and... 'co-commissioner' to... uh, President? General Manager? What are you anyway? ANGLESAULT Well there's really no title. Frivilous things like that aren't important to me. And no offence but we haven't had the best of dealings with the SWF in the past, as I'm sure you're aware. MADDIX Yeah and The Cadillac Boys and The 70s Dude won ALL the gold at our place. ANGLESAULT That's really besides the point. Proud of your new position as I'm sure you are, I'm not here to talk about that to you. MADDIX Me neither actually. Look, I've only just got here and I've been on my cellphone all afternoon so it's possible my brains are pretty scrambled right now. But, I overhead something as I was walking in. What's this about Todd Cortez... getting a World Title shot tonight!? Because, if that's the case, you'd better have a quick re-think with your little unnamed authority group. I'm not booked to compete tonight and Megan assures me, you can't force me into anythi... Anglesault chuckles under his breath. ANGLESAULT Don't panic Landon. MADDIX Who's panicking!? I'm just saying, I beat Cortez, he shouldn't be in li... ANGLESAULT Todd Cortez is going to get his shot at you November 25th as arranged. No, tonight, he's competing for the International World Championship. And let me tell you, from speaking to him earlier, the man is just itching to get back into the ring after what you did to him in Hawaii. MADDIX Well that's super. ANGLESAULT Yes. It could very well be a clash of champions come November Reign. But, again, that's not what I wanted to call you in for. See, I can't force you into competing tonight, you're right. But I can force you to defend that title between now and November Reign. We want our World Champions to be fighting champions, to represent this company. There's been some talk that, now you're SWF Commissioner, you're not an ideal representative for this company. You competing for the SWF rather than for us last week just fuels that talk. So, I've organised a title defence for you on October 31st, to keep everybody happy. I've got Stephen Joseph Popick in my ear about wanting another match with you so you'll be facing him at the Halloween Spectacular. MADDIX To soften me up for PRL, like last time? AngleSault shrugs. ANGLESAULT That's down to you now isn't it? MADDIX Very true. No problem, I'm not surprised he doesn't trust PRL to get the job done to be honest. Honestly, I can't wait to see who you throw into the mix once I beat PRL... AGAIN... and Zack... AGAIN... and Cortez... AGAIN... at November Reign. ANGLESAULT Glad to see you're still feeling confident. MADDIX Hey, you just keep stacking the challengers against me and I'll keep coming out on top. Two guys, three guys, eight guys. Doesn't matter. I've proven it before, not one of those guys is good enough to take my title away from me and it'll be the same story come November Reign. Let's face it, Zack's old news around here. And as far as PRL and Cortez go... just between you, me and the wall, I don't think they're quite World Championship material. ANGLESAULT We might just see different tonight. MADDIX Yeah, we might. We might. Landon chuckles to himself and walks off, leaving AS to go back to his paperwork.COMMERCIALCOMING UP NEXTMoracca & Dr. Steven Pigley vs. Logan Mann & Simon SingletonNEXT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 HeldDOWN~! ReturnsCall me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime BUFFER Wrestling fans, the following special attraction is scheduled for one fall. Now arriving on the red carpet with MOLLY NERDLY, representing THE ENTERPRISE, from 90210 and one half of the famed Beverly Hills Blonds... “BOX OFFICE” SIMON SINGLETON! “BOO!” Rather than hog the spotlight for himself, Simon waits at the top of the stage for his partner.HEY WAIT…!WAHAHAHAHA, WAH, WAH, WAH... LOGAN :firedevil: HOLLY COACH Somebody needs to find out who’s doing that and fire them. This is a professional show and bush league mistakes such as that shouldn’t be tolerated. BUFFER His tag team partner, accompanied by the “Angel of Death” HOLLY-WOOD, hails from Sin City and says he is the ultimate “Macho MACHO” Mann, representing the Heavenly Rockers… LOGAN USHER MANN! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” An unthinkable act a year ago, Simon greets Logan with a high-five…but is no sold. Upon realizing the moment was caught on both OAOAST cameras and his own Sicyclops, a deeply embarrassed Simon Singleton covers both lenses with his hands. COACH Oh, you must really love seeing that, right, Cole? COLE I question Simon’s judgment given their respective teams past history, but nothing will ever get me to feel sorry for that arrogant jerk. A man who’d leave his wife and kids to “live the life” is no man at all. COACH Answer me this: Do you hear his ex raising hell in the press? No! That hag loves those big checks she receives every month. Chump change for an Enterprise employee.*WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!* “YYEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!”It's raining men - Hallelujah It's raining men - Amen BUFFER Their opponents! First, from the Windy City… DR. STEVEN PIGLEY! His partner proudly represents Los Diablos de Fuego and resides in beautiful, sunny Cabo San Lucas, Mexíco… MORACCA! Moracca and Dr. Steven put smiles on people’s faces as strut down the aisle playing to their fan base. COLE Here are two men with scores to settle. For Moracca, its revenge for the beat down he and partner Mariachi received weeks ago at the hands of the Heavenly Rockers, while Dr. Steven looks to rearrange the face of Simon Singleton after he got plunked with the Sicyclops last week. COACH First of all, Los Diablos should be glad they haven’t been deported yet. Secondly, it’s not Simon’s fault Dr. Steven is so clumsy he ran into the Sicyclops. No wonder Windy City Hospital leads the nation in malpractice suits. COLE That’s not true! The heels bail as the good guys strip their clothes off and enter. Michael Cole the lucky recipient of both Moracca’s poncho and Steven’s lab coat. COLE While Moracca and Steven discuss who’ll start, Logan makes it easy on Simon and exits on his own accord, causing Molly to question his commitment to the team until a death stare from Holly changes her mind. COACH Can’t say I blame Molly for backing down. Holly isn’t very fond of female Nerdlys. COLE Melody would attest to that. * DINGDINGDING * Moracca is ready to go and he wants him some of Logan Mann, but the feeling isn’t mutual. That doesn’t stop the flaming luchador from going after his prime target anyway! Fortunately Simon is there to back Logan up and clubs the Diablo from behind. *CHOP* “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP* “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP* “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Grinning from ear to ear, Simon paintbrushes Moracca, then whips… No, it’s reversed! TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER! ONE… KICKOUT! The doctor is (tagged) in, and together he and Moracca perform the LOVEMATIC GRAMPA! ONE… TWO… But again Simon kicks out. His cries for help fall on deaf ears as he‘s almost beheaded by a vicious LARIAT! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Logan rakes the eyes to breakup the count! Then, while the referee deals with Moracca, Mann drags Singleton to safety and tags in once the official turns around. “BOO!” COLE You know, I could go on about the need for a second official in these types of matches but I’d just be beating a dead horse at this point. Logan stomps on Dr. Steven, and then rams him into the turnbuckle. A fury of sharp left jabs and a big right hand later, Mann whips him across to the far corner…but Pigley gets the boot up and climbs to the top! MISSLE DROPKICK! ONE… KICKOUT! A tag is made and Logan quickly heads for the hills, leaving Simon defenseless as Moracca slams him inside. The flaming luchador wrings the arm and fondles himself with Simon’s own hand! COACH Imagine the horror he must be experiencing. B.O.S.S. frees himself with a knee to the gut and a clubbing blow to the back of the head. Irish whip, but it’s reversed…and Simon counters with a SWINGING NECKBREAKER! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! With Moracca down on the mat Logan wants in, but after being burned twice already Simon refuses his request and places the Diablo in a reverse chin lock. Logan doesn’t stand for it and yanks Simon off, shoving him into their corner so he can tag himself in. Words are exchanged but the violence remains for their opponents. Logan kicks Moracca hard upside the head and lays the badmouth on him. COACH He doesn’t look so tough now. COLE That’s because Logan waited until Moracca was grounded to face him one on one. Mann easily scoops the lightweight up and MILITARY PRESS slams him! ONE… TWO… NO, Logan scoops Moracca up for another press slam…but Moracca counters with a SUNSET FLIP! ONE… TWO… THREE!! “YYEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” * DINGDINGDING * LOGAN COLE OMG! OMG! OMG! COACH What the hell just happened?! COLE Perhaps the biggest upset in OAOAST history! Logan doesn’t go down quietly, decking Moracca with a WICKED LEFT HOOK. Synth arrives on the scene and the Heavenly Rockers begin putting the boots to Moracca. Dr. Steven comes to his aid but he’s jumped by the BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS! It’s 4 on 2 until MARIACHI and DR. MAX ANDERSON even the odds. COACH It’s turned into an 8-man Texas Tornado match, Cole. You got the Blonds squaring off with the Love Doctors and the Heavenly Rockers with Los Diablos. COLE All hell is breaking loose out here. Fans, we gotta take a break to restore order. Don’t you dare go away!COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 (I'm tired of typing HeldDOWN returns already!) COLE Well, ladies and gentlemen, the first set of tickets for Anglemania VII went on sale this past Saturday morning at the Los Angeles coliseum. Not surprisingly they were gobbled up within minutes. There to kick off the ticket selling ceremonies were Los Angeles' own and OAOAST tag team champions, Chicks Over Dicks. Let's take a look... We're taken to a quick introductory video in which thousands of fans have packed the surrounding area of the historic sports monument to take their chance at capturing Anglemania tickets. Each fan is bursting with excitement, pointing and smiling into the cameras as they zoom by their position. Live music from pop-rock sisters Tegan and Sara entertain the many OAOAST faithful who dance to their catchy sounds. Finally we settle on the girls standing atop a stage, both dressed down in black workout pants, white tank tops, ponytails, and sunglasses. Holding microphones, they stand next to a paunchy, balding middle aged man with an unkempt beard, and wrinkled, coffee stained white polo shirt, and dirt ridden kahki pants. Next to him is a skinny teenage girl sporting the classic “deer caught in headlights” look. ALIX Hola, humanoids! Standing next to us is Cheter Grohl! AKA the lucky dude who nabbed the very first Anglemania tickets! That's crazy rad! Super congrats to you! How long have you been here, dude? CHESTER Since Monday morning! KRISTA Great! Who needs to be a productive member of society, earn a living, support your family or...(Krista sniffs the air) bathe for that matter! CHESTER Not me! :headbang: ALIX (pointing to the girl) Sooooooooo is this your daughter? CHESTER No, this is my girlfriend! ALIX Oh really? Hey, its bitching to see the art of date rape is still alive and kicking! Rock on Chester the molester! Like, how old is she, babe? CHESTER Fifteen! :headbang: KRISTA (imitating Chester's voice) Man, are those police sirens I hear? Did I just fuck up right now? I really shouldn't have told a viewership of millions I'm dating a fifteen year old. Where did all those cops come from? I don't remember seeing an FBI van when I pulled into the parking lot. My butt itches. Who are those guys with the guns? Maybe I should say something nice about the OAOAST and escape to Mexico. Or maybe I should say something about how I support the troops, yeah that'll work. Maybe I should blame it all on hip-hop and unruly Negroids like Chad Johnson and Nas? Yeah, works for Bill O'Reily. Cut to a closeup of Krista standing in front of the production truck. KRISTA Yeah, I think it'll be great to perform in front of my friends and family. I mean, Alix and I grew up in LA, this our home, so it'll be pretty fun. And my family is here and they're all ecstatic that I've been wasting my two master degrees by wrestling functionally autistic highschool dropouts in the skimpiest outfits known to womankind. And can I get something to drink here? Its nine o'clock in the morning and I haven't had a single shot of tequila! COLE (V.O) The girls also got a chance to get up close and personal with their fellow Los Angelionios. Cut to a teenage boy talking to the girls as they sit behind the autograph table. BOY Um, do you have any advice on coming out the closet to your parents? ALIX If you're gonna be gay and out, you might as well get some entertainment out the situation, so, like, do it on a holiday. Krista did! KRISTA Yeah, my mom calls it the Hanukkah Krista ruined. Or the eight days when I found out my ungrateful eldest daughter wished me a lifetime of pain and suffering. But, now she sort of uses it as this cute little dating system to remember all our family events. I'll go, hey mom what year did Lydia, that's my sister, study in Paris? Well let's see the eight days when I found out my ungrateful eldest daughter wished me a lifetime of pain and suffering was in 2001, so if I carry the two and subtract the exponent, factor in leap year and your sister went to study in Paris in about 1994. Thanks mom. Cut to Krista standing in front of an OAOAST Banner outside the venue KRISTA I heard Mayor Villanowhateverthehellhisname is, I didn't vote for him, was here. Interesting, maybe he should spend a little less time in cheesy wrestling events, and nailing telemundo weather reporters, and a little more time figuring out why my taxes have gone up every year for traffic improvements when I still spend two hours a day trapped in the asphalt hell that is interstate 5 on the edge of a nervous breakdown because I left the diet pills I'm addicted to at home. Cut to a woman in a GLAAD t-shirt nervously approaching the girls. WOMAN Uh, hi, how do you gals keep the uh...intimacy flowing in your relationship? Its..um..uh...such a problem for me and my partner. ALIX Like, I prefer to think of sex as this like hella superior form of mediation where our bodies reach a higher form of spiritual essence, and every orgasm is like a gentle flower laid at welcome mat to enlightenment. Her every moan of ecstasy is like such a prelude in the symphony of life! KRISTA Most times she just ambushes me in the kitchen, which is not so great because we have granite countertops and they're the hardest to clean! Or we'll do it real quick before the PTA meeting. The coat check room at my mother's country club is also starting to grow on me. Just because you get to wear all the goofy old lady hats, and speak fancy. ALIX But, herbal essence does not make a shampoo that gets old lady stink out your hair. Remember that! Cut to Krista and Alix standing in front of the production truck, talking to the viewer at home. ALIX Like, thank you so much for joining us at our home. We're totally looking forward to seeing you here again for Anglemania! KRISTA Unless, of course the company starts going under. In which case, I don't care, I got a guaranteed contract no matter what. Fuck you, pay me. Alix gives Krista a playful embrace as we fade out... Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, host to the Olympics, the Super Bowl, the World Series and for a short time the site of WrestleMania. But on Sunday night, March 30, 2008, it will be host to the biggest spectacle in all of e-fed entertainment when the One & Only AngleSault Thread presents...ANGLEMANIA VII An event so big not even the threat of terrorism can stop it! The camera cuts to the HeldDOWN~! Interview Set where Josh Matthews is standing by with Stephen Joseph Popick. Popick is in his suit and tie ensemble and carries an air of arrogance around him. The crowd boos loudly. Popick fixes his glasses as Josh begins speaking. JOSH MATTHEWS Stephen Joseph Popick, we have just heard from AngleSault a few moments ago, that at the Halloween Spectacular in two weeks time, you will be going head-to-head against Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. Now this will be your first OAOAST World Title Match in almost two years. And you yourself are a former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. What are your thoughts about this announcement? STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Well, J.Math, it's like this: AngleSault and I have never really seen eye-to-eye. We've both been in the One And Only AngleSault Thread since pretty much the beginning, but we've never been the best of friends. Fact is, I think he's still bitter that I drove the aWo out of the OAOAST. Josh gives Popick a "Are you kidding me?" expression. Popick ignores him. POPICK But it's good to see that AngleSault knows business, and he knows that Stephen Joseph Popick DESERVES a World Title shot. Now, I know we've got some naysayers out there. People who think Popick doesn't deserve a shot since he's been managing more than he's been wrestling lately. But what those naysayers forget is that I, Stephen Joseph Popick, am a world class wrestler! I am a world class athlete in fact! And while I might not have been showing what I got in the ring lately, these fans all know my history in this company! They know what I can do! And they know that Landon Maddix better come prepare on Halloween night, because I will certainly be giving it all I've got to finally take the World Heavyweight Title AWAY from that pesky little weasel! J. MATH That brings up another point, Popick. Your client and friend, "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, already has a World Title shot at November Reign. If you were to win the World Heavyweight Title, would you be willing to face your client and friend in a match? POPICK Josh, Puerto and I are closer than most brothers. But we understand that business is business. We agreed long ago that whoever got the World Title first, the other one would get the first crack at it. And that agreement hasn't changed. JOSH Well, you certainly had a little conflict last week as we all saw. You basically told PRL that it was All or Nothing at November Reign. Either he wins the World Title, or your alliance, your partnership with him is over. Popick chuckles at this. POPICK Josh, that was just in the heat of the moment. We all have those moments. I mean, I certainly do. I AM human after all. A human of superior intellect, but a human nonetheless. I didn't mean all of what I said. Yes, I am disappointed that PRL didn't win the World Heavyweight Title at Zero Hour, but I'm not gonna end our friendship over that! Me and PRL are still tight, yo. There are no problems in our camp. And I know that he'll be rooting me on when I take on Landon Maddix on October 31st. Because whether I win or lose, the fact is Landon Maddix will be WEAKENED. And my man, my friend, Tha Puerto Rican, will swoop right in for the kill! J.MATH Sounds like you're ready for the Halloween Spectacular, then? POPICK I sure am, Josh. I sure am! The question is, is Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix ready? Because he better be. Landon. Fuck me? Popick points to the camera. POPICK FUCK YOU! Popick walks out of the shot. JOSH MATTHEWS Well, there you have it. Stephen Joseph Popick ready to face Landon Maddix at the Halloween Spectacular despite knowing full well that Tha Puerto Rican already has a World Title Match with Maddix on November 25th at November Reign! Yet, he insists that that hasn't caused any friction between him and P.R. Is he telling the truth? Well, maybe we'll find out soon enough. Back to you guys at Sofa Central. (Return to Sofa Central with Cole and Coach.) COLE Thanks Josh. Well, you heard it from the man himself. Popick vs. Maddix is scheduled to be our main event at the Halloween Spectacular and Popick is not complaining one bit. However, what happens if Popick wins the match AND the Title? Does he get Landon's spot in the Fatal Four Way Match at November Reign? COACH I would think so. Landon would fail at defending his Title. So, yeah, I would think that would be the end of that. COLE But if that happens, then at November Reign, PRL and Popick will BOTH be fighting for the World Heavyweight Title! COACH And I'm sure they both know that. But, you heard Popick. Business is business. They know what's up for grabs at November Reign. Believe me. COLE Well, the Halloween Spectacular is sure to be one unforgettable night. The main event will be a match whose ramifications will be felt all over the OAOAST, specifically for the three other men in the November Reign main event 6 weeks away! It's Stephen Joseph Popick going one-on-one with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix, and yes, the World Heavyweight Title WILL be on the line in this one! Join us in two weeks right here on TSM for the Halloween Spectacular, Halloween night, October 31st!COMMERCIALCOMING UP NEXTCamden Westcott steps into the fireCamden Westcott Vs ???NEXT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you By...Rhapsody.com-Hear J-Lo's New Album Brave at Rhapsody.comTomtom-Go ConfidentlyAdvil-Shouldn't you be all Advil? COLE Welcome back to ringside, folks! Last week, we saw the backstage debut of OAOVW youngster, Camden Westcott, who attempted to land a full time OAOAST roster spot through Anglesault. While, Sault couldn't promise him that, he did promise to help fulfill his dying father's last wish to be able to see Camden participate in an OAOAST match. Well, that match is about to take place right this very instant, though we don't know who its against. Let's go to Bruce Buffer. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following singles contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of ten minutes, already in the ring from Maui, Hawaii, weighing in at one hundred seventy five pounds, CAMDEN WESTCOTT! The camera shifts to Westcott, his lean frame tucked into white bicycle shorts, a sea shell necklace dangling around his chest, and a red headband undercutting unruly layered strands of brown hair. Camden salutes the crowd, who aren't exactly overjoyed at the prospects of watching him wrestle. COLE The question now is, who is Camden's opponent for this match? Who has Anglesault handpicked to face the newcomer?"LIGHTNING CREW!" COACH Yes! Yes! As bothered by that familiar voice as the capacity crowd is, they certainly can't match the dread presented by the profusely sweating face of one Camden Westcott. He tries to tremble his suddenly frayed nerves by assuring himself he'll be fighting Princess Stacey, and not one of the many other detestable heathens that make up this much maligned organization. COACH Who could it be? Which one will get the pleasure of squashing Camden Westcott?! The opening of “No Chance In Hell” blasts into the small southern arena, accompanied by an image of Cuban Wall that beams off the entryway's many videoscreens. The foreboding shot of Wall posed in front of his country's flag, with his named emblazoned in bold blocky letters, brings boos to the venue, and chills to Westcott's spine. Strobe lights dance across the slick black flooring of the entrance stage, crisscrossing the doorway that parts to reveal Cuban Wall, clad in long blue tights, a dirt ridden white Lightening Crew t-shirt, worn out fingerless gloves, and a dingy Cuban flag bandanna on top of his head. COACH Aw man, Camden is screwed now! The greatest 24/7 champion of our era! COLE Mackenzie DeCenzo would like to debate that point! Wall's piercing grey eyes tear through the wrathful audience, as his hands join the roving lights that roll through the skies. He then solemnly treks down the entry ramp, while Westcott makes his peace with the lord. BUFFER And his opponent. From Havana, Cuba. Weighing in at 285 lbs....HE IS THE CUBAN WAAALLLLLLLLLL! COLE Folks when we return, it will be Camden Westcott against The Cuban Wall. Stay tuned!COMMERCIALHeldDOWN returns COLE Ladies and gentlemen, you've rejoined us just in time to hear the opening bell! DING DING DING Camden Westcott tries to gather what little confidence he has left, as the intimidating beast lumbers above him. But those specks of confidence are replaced by heaping of fear when a basektball sized fist comes speeding towards his face. Screaming in panic, he ducks bellow the incoming strike, then charges towards the ropes. Though he's of a half a mind to slide beneath the bottom one and head for the heels, the OAOVW youngster comes scorching back at Wall with a lariat. Though his arm slams perfectly into the expansive chest of his foe, no visible damage is done to the enormous Cuban. In fact the only reason you'd know he was even hit with a strike is due to the look of dismissive annoyance he flashes before cutting Camden down with a big boot! Westcott crumbles to the mat, hollering in raw agony, while a replay of the thunderous attack is shown on the video screens. After taking a moment to admire his handiwork, Wall places his boot on Westcott's chest for a pin.... ONE TWO Westcott kicks out, drawing a frown onto the former 24/7 champion's face. He grabs the Hawaii native by his moppy surfer cut, then throws him into the corner. The sheer power he was propelled with causes Camden's grousing body to awkwardly teeter forward, and look for a place to fall over and pass out. Unfortunately, he falls right into a powerslam by Wall! As the fans pepper Wall with jeers, referee Silverman counts the resulting fall.. ONE! TWO! Logic would dictate that staying down for an extra second would be the healthier choice. But, Camden obviously isn't a logical man, and he rips his shoulder off canvas. His entire body quickly follows suit, thanks to the rough grip of his foe. He's snared into a front facelock, then brought into the sky for a vertical suplex. But Wall delays the move to showcase his raw power to an angered crowd, before dipping backwards with his suplex. But as he dips backwards, Westcott escapes his clutches, and falls into him with a lateral press! COLE Thata boy, Camden! Just as soon as the pairing hit the canvas, Wall throws the much smaller man off his frame and springs to his feet. Rage steams out of every pore in his body, as he spins into a discus punch. However, Westcott meets his twisting and twirling body with a gorgeous dropkick! The attack is as deadly as it is beautiful, and succeeds in awkwardly toppling the Havana native through the black ring cables! Fortunately, Wall's cumbersome figure manages to land on the ring apron, but that's a small victory in the face of his throbbing headache. “COME ON, COLUMBUS, GEORGIA!” Camden howls, earning a small round of cheers in response. Westcott charges towards Wall, foolishly intending on knocking him from the apron with a kneestrike. The price paid for this folly is a swift punch to the jaw that sends him hurtling backwards. COACH Cuban Wall eats pieces of shit bigger then Camden Westcott for breakfast! COLE [billy madison]cuban wall eats pieces of shit for breakfast?[/billy madison] COACH Why not? You eat Josh Matthews for breakfast. Despite the considerable pain he's under, Westcott pulls his weary body off the canvas with surprising quickness. Unfortunately, the moment he stands, he's victimized by a diving top rope lariat from the two hundred eighty five pound beast! He sinks backwards, hollering in pain, his chest feeling as though its just been hit by a monster truck. COACH Nurses, you gotta check on Cam's daddy! I bet that dude just went into cardiac arrest. COLE Poor taste, Coach! A cardiac arrest would be only slightly more painful then the procession of stomps Wall rips into his rival's chest. Once he grows bored of the stomping, he pulls Westcott off the canvas, and throws him into the ropes. Drawing on a simple urge to survive, the rookie flings his body towards Wall's thick legs. He tightens his arm around the brawler's knee, then rolls him backwards into a makeshift pin! ONE COLE Could we have an upset here on HeldDOWN? TWO Much to Camden's chagrin and dismay, the burly competitor tears his frame off the canvas. Before Westcott can even get to his feet, the six feet seven inches of Cuban Wall are already towering above him. Before Westcott can even prepare a proper defense his thin physique is being hauled onto Wall's shoulders. COLE Camden Westcott may be be broken in half if the Cuban Wall can pull the Wallbreaker off! COACH Forget that! Camden Westcott may die if my main man Wall can pull it off! Within seconds, Camden's body is shattered into pieces on the ring apron by The Wallbreaker. What remains of his battered husk, can only watch in horror as Wall takes to the ropes, and returns to crush what's left of him with the Lightning Crew Splash. As the fans boo the appearance of the infamous finisher, the referee counts the resulting pinfall... ONE! TWO! THREE! Wall sees no need to wait for the official announcement from Buffer before he begins celebrating. Instead he leaves Camden's withering figure behind, and scales to the top rope, where he holds his arms up in fearsome triumph in the face of less then appreciative audience. COLE And mercifully it is over. Camden Westcott's road to the OAOAST doesn't go through Cuban Wall. It ends at Cuban Wall. Perhaps the worst possible opponent you can face on your debut, and Camden Westcott certainly found out why. What a drubbing! BUFFER The winner of the match, THE CUBAN WALL! "BOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE The person you have to really feel bad for in all this is Mister Westcott, Camden's father, clinging onto hope that his son... COACH Are you still clinging onto that BS story Camden made up to leapfrog everyone on the OAOVW roster? Damn, son, how can someone so stupid be allowed to talk so freely and openly to so many people. Why we doing this? Is this company one of them Places For People where they send all the retard people to work? Why you speaking so dumb? Homeboy, ain't go no sick father, you can believe that. He's the Eddie Haskel of the OAOVW game, nothing he says can ever be trusted. Anglesault just had Cuban Wall teach him a lesson. COLE Well, tonight the bottom line is Cuban Wall has another W on his record. We'll be back with more.COMMERCIAL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 Go to OAOASTShop.com to buy the latest in OAOAST merchandise! Toys! Belts! T-shirts! Foam hands! Bandanas! Chains! Wrist bands! And anything else your heart desires! You can find what the OAOAST superstars wear at only one place, OAOASTShop.com! AOL keyword: OAOASTShop!NOW GET A LIMITED EDITION OAOAST TRADING CARD FREE WITH EVERY PURCHASE ABOVE THIRTY FIVE DOLLARSThese hot, edgy, specially designed cards give you a sleek look at your favorite OAOAST SuperstarsOnly available at OAOASTShop.com COLE Well, earlier tonight, we found out that at the Halloween Spectacular on Halloween night, Stephen Joseph Popick will take on Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title. This, despite the fact that Maddix already has a World Title Match set for November Reign on November 25th against Zack Malibu, "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez in a Fatal Four-Way Match. Now, we heard from Popick earlier, and he sounds confident that the Title Match on the 31st will go his way. But what about his client and friend, Tha Puerto Rican? How does he feel about Popick getting a Title shot before he does? Well, luckily, we are about to find out, as live via satelite from the OAOAST Studios in Pittsburgh, Pennslyvania is Tha Puerto Rican! We're going to go to him now. Cut to "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican standing in front of a black screen. The crowd boos loudly. A lamp stands next to PR on his left, and a ladder stands next to him on his right. PRL is wearing a Puerto Rican flag bandana, sunglasses, an earring on his left ear, a white dress shirt, a red tie, a black sports jacket, black dress pants, black dress shoes, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, and his engagement ring on his right ring finger. He has the McMahon SNEER~! etched on his face. A caption appears on screen reading in big white blocky letters LIVE OAOAST STUDIOS PITTSBURGH, PENNSLYVANIA. COLE P.R., thanks for joining us tonight. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Believe me, the pleasure is all yours. COLE Now, P.R., earlier tonight, it was announced that Landon Maddix will defend the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship against your manager and "Career Consultant" Stephen Joseph Popick, on October 31st at the Halloween Spectacular. Now, how do you feel about your friend and colleague getting a World Title shot one month before you do? THA PUERTO RICAN As soon as Popick finishes laying the smackdown on Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix's candy ass, he'll throw him to me, Tha Puerto Rican, so that I can finish him off at November Reign! And that's what this is all about! THAT is what we should be focusing on. November Reign. November 25th. Six weeks away! The countdown is on! The seconds tick away more and more! And what an appropriate name for the pay-per-view. November Reign. Because on November 25th, the REIGN OF THA PUERTO RICAN WILL BEGIN! The crowd boos loudly. COLE P.R., you have quite the challenge ahead of you. Last month, you competed in a Ladder Match against two of the biggest OAOAST Superstars in the world today and came within inches of garnering the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt for the first time in your career. Now, next month, you've got to contend with those same two men, in addition to a returning "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez! It's one fall to a finish. The first man to get the pinfall or submission is the World Heavyweight Champion! Does the pressure affect you at all? With this being your third consectutive pay-per-view Title shot? THA PUERTO RICAN AngleSault could throw me three men, four men, five men, six men, seven men, ten men, twenty men, two thousand men! IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE I'VE GOT TO FIGHT! What matters, Michael Cole, is that the match ends one way. AND THA PUERTO RICAN MEANS ONE WAY! And that is with Tha Puerto Rican raising the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt high up in the air in Las Vegas, Nevada! The crowd boos again. Possibly for the reference to Las Vegas, Nevada. COACH P.R., Da Coach here! PRL Sup, Coach? COACH P.R., I'm sure you're going to walk out of November Reign OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. I mean, you'd have to, right? But what about Popick? What about your friend Popick going head-to-head against Landon Maddix four weeks before you do? Doesn't that bother you at all? PRL Coach, I know what you're trying to do, and no, it's not going to work! Popick and I have our agreement. He's going to soften Landon Maddix up for me for November Reign. That's all. Popick's doing this match for ME! Not for him. For ME! COLE Sure didn't sound like he was doing it for you earlier. PRL Michael Cole, know your role and SHUT your damn mouth! There is nothing wrong between us! Popick knows his role come the 31st, and that is for Landon Maddix, that donkey raping shiteater, to receive a CORPORATE ass-kicking courtesy of the Most Hated Man In The OAOAST, a title he wears with HONOR, by the way! That's all there is to it! COLE Well...okay...then. PRL Right. COLE Well, P.R., do you have any final thoughts before we end this interview? PR Yes, I certainly do! Landon Maddix, get ready, because your candy ass is next! After my man, Popick gets done laying the smackdown on you, it'll be my turn! And Landon, I am GREATLY looking forward to it! Since June you have been a thorn in my side, and finally, FINALLY at November Reign, I shall take that thorn out...shine it up real nice...turn that sumbitch sideways, and STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS! And if those two other jabronies want some, they can come get some too! Zack Malibu, I am NOT done with you, yet! And I am looking forward to us meeting in the ring yet again! And as for "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez? Well, I don't know much about you, but I DO know that I don't give a DAMN about you either! So, you're on my hitlist just as much as Landon and Zack are! You stand between me and the World Heavyweight Title I so richly deserved, and for that, I will come at you like a charging bull come November 25th! And there's nothing ANY of you can do about it! And that's the truth, Ruth! And afterwards, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and I will truly be the GOLDEN COUPLE of the OAOAST! TO HELL with our big extravangant wedding we have planned! Me and Lindsay might as well just get married right there on the Las Vegas strip after the pay-per-view! I'm sure she'll like that! COLE Uh... PRL Shut up, Michael Cole! Just remember, that November Reign will become Tha Puerto Rican's pay-per-view, because at November Reign, "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican will FINALLY ascend to the top of the One And Only AngleSault Thread and become its new CORPORATE World Heavyweight CHAMPION! THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~! Girlpants! PRL does the Corporate Eyebrow, and then sneers into the camera. The crowd boos loudly, although there are some noticeable cheers for Tha Puerto Rican here and there. A small "P.R. SUCKS!" chant starts up, regardless. COLE P.R., thank you for the interview. PRL (Calm and friendly) Sure, anytime. (Cut to Sofa Central with Double C.) COLE Well, not surprisingly, PRL wasn't at a lost for words in regards to AngleSault's announcement earlier. Still, he didn't seem to be too bothered about the main event of Halloween Spectacular, instead focusing his attention on his upcoming World Title Match at November Reign. COACH And why shouldn't he be? THAT'S the match HE'S in after all! COLE Still, his manager and "Career Consultant" is fighting for the World Title! COACH And whatever happens, happens. Look, PRL's got six weeks to prepare for November Reign. This will be his third straight Title shot. He's lost twice, he's NOT going to lose again! COLE We've said that so many times though. Will it ever really happened? COACH It will! At November Reign, it will! I can feel it! COLE Well, PRL's got a big task ahead of him on November 25th, but on October 31st, his manager's got a big task ahead of *HIM*! The next two months or so will be quite a busy time for both Tha Puerto Rican AND Stephen Joseph Popick! More HeldDOWN~! right after this!* COMMERCIAL BREAK * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 We're taken backstage where Anglesault is reviewing some scouting reports from OAOVW, during the few moments of peace he can find on a live television broadcast. That is is until, his solitude is interrupted by the always cute, always annoying Molly Nerdly, wearing a blue Ralph Lauren polo shirt, khaki pants and toting the trusty Siclopse. Ignoring Sault's surprise at her arrival, Molly looks around the room in curious distress. MOLLY Oh no. Oh no, no, no. Oh no. Not at all. This lighting scheme simply will not do! Christopher! Christopher! Christopher Patrick Allen! Christopher Patrick Allen! Come, come! CPA lazily saunters into the room, eating a Philly Cheesesteak, which he happens to drip all over Anglesault's scouting reports. CPA Yeah? MOLLY The lighting scheme is all wrong for filming! All wrong! It must be changed, Christopher Patrick Allen! Oh, how it simply must be changed! Christopher Patrick Allen, you must do something. Oh, you simply must! CPA That's not my job, little woman. MOLLY Does this look like a union to you? Hop to it, production assistant! While CPA aimlessly fiddles with a light bulb, Molly picks up a stick (stalk, piece, i dunno) of corn from Anglesault's personal buffet table and eyes it with curiosity. MOLLY (philosophically) Ah, maze. We call it corn. ANGLESAULT What do you people want?! MOLLY (stunned) You're here! Thank the goodness gracious you're here! How simply marvelous the fortunes are now that you're here! ANGLESAULT Well, it is my office. MOLLY Yes, yes, of course. Now here's the script for this scene. It's your basic crime noir, hardened detective meets sly minx, you've seen it a billion times. Nothing for a pro like you! No need to reharse, let's simply get to filming. Molly throws Anglesault a two hundred page script. ANGLESAULT (reading) She tore into my office like an outta control tornado through a midwestern trailer park. One look at her heaving bosom and I wanted to tear into that polo shirt of her's like an out control tornado through a Midwestern trailer park. The things I'd do to her young barely legal body if she weren't an employee, the things I'd do to her if she was an employee, the things I'd do to her if I wasn't so...impotent! I'm not reading this, Molly. MOLLY You just did. But if you refuse to cooperate with the script, maybe you wouldn't mind telling the camera about your dirty, little secret. ANGLESAULT I don't have any secrets, Molly. MOLLY No? Well, what about your addiction to phone sex hotlines? ANGLESAULT What?! I don't have an addiction to phone sex hotlines. MOLLY Really? Well, your phonebill says you've been spending quite a pretty penny on 1-900-stroke-me-up. And I don't think that's a heart attack prevention hotline. Now, before we continue this Emmy winning expose I have to ask would you like to be referred to as mister, or the term more fitting for what you were born as...miss? ANGLESAULT Get out. MOLLY And shall I call you jack or ass? ANGLESAULT GET OUT! MOLLY Get out? You hear that Christopher Patrick Allen? Get out says the fool! Begone says the simpleton! Remove yourself says the man who proudly bears the cap of the dunce! CPA Disgraceful. MOLLY Query: Are those the type of words you want to give to the woman that's come to save your job? ANGLESAULT I was unaware that my job needed saving. MOLLY Observation: And that's exactly why you're on the chopping block, and I'm on the..thing...that...isn't...the chopping but is actually...the...yeah, you get my point. Accusation: Your lack of ability to anticipate oncoming trends, much the same way Italian director Antonioni failed to anticipate post-70's era cinematic trends, is what's doomed your employment to extinction. CPA suddenly throws a rock at Anglesault, hitting him in the head, and knocking him out of his chair. MOLLY Laughter: Hahaahah! ANGLESAULT You threw a rock at my head! MOLLY Statement: If you were able to anticipate trends, you would've anticipated Christopher Patrick Allen throwing a rock at your head, ducked and avoided the six to eight stitches you'll be needing. ANGLESAULT You threw a rock at my head! MOLLY Correction: Actually it was Horneblende, and that's a mineral not a rock. I should know, I'm in graduate school. ANGLESAULT You threw a rock at my head! MOLLY Evasion of responsibility: Good heavens, this whole blame game thing is just bogging down the killer chemistry we've got going on in this scene. You're gonna yell at me, I'm gonna yell at you, and it's simply a terribly terrible situation. Just terrible! Who really knows who threw the rock at who? ANGLESAULT I know! I know! I know because I'm lying on the floor, bleeding profusely from my fucking forehead, and there's a rock covered in my blood lying next to me because you threw a god damned rock at my head! Get the fuck out of my office! MOLLY Comedic quip: Someone run the antivirus, because we've got a major malfunction in sector Anglesault. Change of subject: Aren't you dying to know my wonderfully wonderful plan that'll save your stupid little job? ANGLESAULT Does it involve you quitting and moving to war torn African country? MOLLY Offended response: No it most certainly does not, you greasy haired pig! ANGLESAULT Quit talking like that! MOLLY Query: Like what, good sir? ANGLESAULT Like that! Get out! Get out! MOLLY You may regret saying that when 1-900-stroke-me-up declines your AMEX. ANGLESAULT (returning to his desk) Fine! But be quick, Molly. Molly smiles at her “ability” to convince AS to hear her out. MOLLY Anglesault since you grabbed the reigns of HeldDOWN, this company has turned into an “atmosphere of filth and stench, and contaminating everything which it come near” Quote Mister Moneymaker, about two minutes before I walked in here. “Daddy, make the bad man stop!” the children scream when HeldDOWN finishes behind a Fairly Odd Parents rerun in the ratings! “Lord save our sinful souls!” the pastor yells when its announced buyrates for Angleslam were at all time low! “Jesus come and give strength for your humble servants are weak and afraid!” a nation bellows as newspapers report the company has lost half a million dollars this month. ANGLESAULT Where are you even getting your facts and figures? MOLLY Nowhere. I just make 'em up. Easier that way. But you can't argue that America would rather wrap Magic Johnson in barbed wire and do him 69 style then ever watch another episode of HeldDOWN thanks to you efforts. And there's simply no more awfully awful example of your failings then last week when you approved a Run For The Gold match for the One and Only World tag team titles and neglected to include the foundation stones of the OAOAST, the only thing saving this company from your horrendous, horrendous, horrendous judgment, my team, The perfectly perfect Beverly Hills Blonds. ANGLESAULT And what have the Blonds done to deserve any type of title match besides lose the six man titles after going nearly three months without defending them, then lose the rematch while managing to expose Ned's bare ass to the world? MOLLY Most downloaded video on the torrent scene, I kid you not. What have the Blondes done you ask? Oh, Anglesault, your mind is as empty as your breath is foul! Well what has Marlon Brando done? What has Sergei Eisenstien done? What has Buster Keaton done? Nothing! They're all dead! But your snide unappreciative tone mimics that which was used to belittle these cinematic idols! And now that they're gone, mouth breathing clown shoes line up from near and far to pay respects to their legends! All I'm trying to say is that we ought to give our cinematic icons, in this case Simon and Ned, their roses while they can still smell them. Instead of asking what have they done to deserve a title match try remembering who was the first team to hit three tag title reigns, and who was the first and to this date only team to hold both HI-YAH and OAOAST tag gold. And once your memory starts working again, feel free to sign this contract putting them in the Run For The Gold. Grinning, Molly slides a thick contract across the table. ANGLESUALT Alright, fine. I'll put the Blonds into the match, Miss Molly. If they can't get down the basic wrestling staples of pinning or submitting their opponents, then maybe they'll be able to throw their enemies into the Haunted House's bottomless pit, or something. As Anglesault puts his John Hancock to paper, Molly and CPA kick up a round of mischievous giggling. Well, Molly giggles, CPA is much too many to giggle! ANGLESAULT What's funny? MOLLY Nothing, truthfully. Just for someone who's vocabulary is nothing but cliches, I'd think you would've realized to always read the fine print. Confused, HeldDOWN's fearless leader pours over the wording of the contract, stopping when he gets to this point... ANGLESAULT (reading) I, director of HeldDOWN, hereto, and without prejudice to any other rights, expressly and irrevocably consent towards the elimination of the Halloween Spectacular Run For The Gold. In its place the consenting party(ies) agree to comply with the scheduled replacement match a...(Anglesault pauses in annoyance), costume party battle royal! MOLLY (to CPA) Heheehe. I believe high-fives are in order, my amigo! CPA high fives Molly. MOLLY How painful! How simply painful! What do you have in your hands, man? Russia? ANGLESAULT Molly, I bet you expect me to be mad. Throw a little hissy fit? Maybe, yell, scream, curse, blow this place up with a few choice f-bombs? Pick up every object on my desk and hurl it halfway to Tokyo in a bloody rage because you just tricked me into ruining a guaranteed money making match for no real explainable reason. But, I won't do that Molly. In fact, I quite like this costume party battle royale. MOLLY I knew there was something I liked about you besides the fact that your obvious lack of wit and comedic timing means I can insult you without fear of retribution. ANGLESAULT The problem is.....Well, the problem as I see it, is that you can't have a battle royal with just four teams. Its simply, as you would put, not done. Good golly Miss Molly, we need more teams for this thing! If its worth doing, its worth doing great, is it not? We have to make this match excellently excellent! MOLLY Um, I don't know.... ANGLESAULT And don't you trouble your kindly kind heart, young lady, because I know I've done such a piss poor job of managing this ragtag outfit to near bankruptcy, but I truly want to make this battle royal my opportunity to make up for the many errors I've committed over the years. MOLLY Perhaps a Christmas fruitcake, instead. Or a twenty five dollar giftcard to Radioshack for Chanukah? ANGLESAULT No, I have something better in mind. What do you say we throw Los Diablos into the battle royal? MOLLY ANGLESAULT And maybe The Love Doctors? MOLLY ANGLESAULT How about The South Central Militia? MOLLY ANGLESAULT You know, its been a long time since Halloween rock n rolled, let's get The Heavenly Rockers in there! MOLLY ANGLESUALT James Blonde and Faqu have been ringing my phone off the hook for an opportunity to get some action, so let's throw them in there. MOLLY :throwup: ANGLESAULT Yuck! CPA Damn, girl, what's really good? MOLLY I just don't like Samoans is all. ANGLESUALT And I got two more guys you're probably very, very, very familiar with, they're going by the name The Christ Air Express these days, but you probably know them better as Marvin and Melvin Nerdly! MOLLY ANGLESAULT Yeah, I thought you'd say that. Now, run along while I think up so more teams to throw in there. Have a great day, Molly. Not exactly thrilled with the result of her meddling, Molly gathers the Siclopse and CPA and departs the office. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanel #99 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 Our view returns to ringside *DING DING DING* (slow and dramatic) BUFFERLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen, this is the main event of OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Where tonight, a former SWF legend challenges one of the OAOAST's prominent stars, for the International Championship of the WORLD! ARE YOU READY? *crowd cheers BUFFERColumbus, Georgia...ARRRRRRRRRRRRE YYYYYYYYYOU RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADY????? *crowd cheers louder* BUFFERThen for the thousands in attendance here in Columbus, and the millions watching around the world...there's only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRRRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRRRRRRRRUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEE EEEEEEEE!!!!! The voice of Nate Dogg is heard shouting "Oh No" over the PA system, followed by pyro in the aisle and the cheers of the crowd, as "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez makes his way through the curtains, showered by the pyro that just exploded. COLE And here comes Todd Cortez, with a shot at Reject's International World title! BUFFERComing to the ring at this time...weighing in at an even 226 pounds! Tonight, this SWF legend looks to strike gold in the OAOAST for the first time! Ladies and gentlemen, the challenger, from Hollywood Boulevard...He is THE URBAN LEGEND, TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! Cortez walks to the ring with purpose, then slides under the ropes, before jumping to the second buckle and posing for the crowd, basking in their cheers. COACH And imagine if Cortez could win here tonight, and have a chance to walk out of November Reign with both World titles? COLE It could happen, as Todd Cortez challenges Landon Maddix, as do Tha Puerto Rican and Zack Malibu in a Fatal Four-way match at November Reign!Renegade hits, and Reject makes his way through the curtains, to the boos of the crowd. COLE But let's not overlook the champion! BUFFERAnd ladies and gentlemen, his opponent! Weighing in at 234 1/2 pounds...he is a two-time former X-Division champion, and the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST International champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJECT!!!!! Reject walks to the ring, and climbs through the ropes. He poses on the buckles with the belt, then holds it up in the face of Cortez. COACH And Reject showing Todd what it's all about, right there! Reject hands the belt to referee Earl Hebner, and the bell sounds. *DING DING DING* Reject and Cortez circle the ring, and tie up. Cortez grabs a side headlock, and Reject backs him into the ropes, pushing him to the other side. Cortez comes back and knocks Reject to the mat with a shouldercheck, then runs to the ropes again. He hops over Reject, then blocks a hiptoss and delivers one of his own! Reject gets to his feet quickly, but is met with a dropkick which sends him over the top to the floor! COLE Todd Cortez off to a quick start, and Reject regrouping! Reject takes his time on the floor, coming back in at the referee's six-count. He moves in once again, and again Cortez grabs him in a side headlock. Reject shoves him off again, but Cortez ducks a spinkick and catches him with a flying bodypress! 1... 2... Kickout! Reject goes after Cortez, who immediately takes him down in a side headlock! COLE Quick action early on in this International World title match! Reject struggles to his feet, then backs Cortez into the ropes, and drives a knee into his midsection. He whips him into the ropes, but gets caught in a crucifix! 1... 2... Kickout! Cortez ducks a right hand and catches Reject with a rolling prawn hold! 1... 2... Kickout! And again, Cortez catches him in a side headlock! COACH And right back to that headlock, Cole! Reject gets to his feet and backs Cortez into a corner, placing a hand under his chin and pushing back until Cortez releases...then delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! He then sets up a suplex, but Cortez slips behind the back, then grabs Reject from behind and snaps him down with a neckbreaker! COLE Nice neckbreaker by Todd Cortez! Cortez tries to pick up Reject, but Reject lifts his feet up and kicks him off! Reject charges, but Cortez executes a drop toehold, leaving Reject laying across the middle rope! Cortez then backs into the ropes, and jumps onto Reject's back with all his weight! Reject staggers to his feet, and gets caught with a CROTCH DROPPAH~!, the momentum of which sends him right over the top rope to the floor! COLE And Reject all the way outside, as Cortez is on a roll! Reject lays on the floor in pain for a few seconds, then gets to his feet, and waves both his hands at the ring, starting the walk back to the dressing room! COLE And it looks like he's had enough! COACH Good for him, he gets to keep his belt! COLE But Todd Cortez is having none of it! Cortez chases Reject down and tosses him back inside! Reject begs off, crawling into the corner to protect himself, as the referee holds Cortez back. Reject composes himself, then the two tie up again. Cortez backs Reject into a corner, but refuses to break. The referee tries to wedge in between them, which allows Reject a cheap shot over the top! COLE WOW, what a right hand by Reject, taking advantage of the referee stepping in there! You may not like those ethics, but it was certainly effective! Reject stomps away on Cortez on the mat, then picks him up. He steadies him, then delivers a CHOP~!, which knocks him right back down to the mat! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! COACH DAYUM~! Reject taunts the fans, drawing boos, then drops a leg on Cortez, and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject picks up Cortez, and delivers a right hand...which is returned by Cortez! COLE And now Cortez starting to fight back! Another right from Reject, another right returned! Cortez fires off a few more rights, then whips Reject across. Reject ducks a clothesline, then Cortez drops down, but gets caught with a SPINNING WHEEL KICK~! COACH Thatta baby! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject picks up Cortez, and delivers a snap suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject then tosses Cortez out to the floor. Reject stops to catch his breath for a few seconds, then hits Cortez with a PLANCHA~! COLE And Reject crashing down onto Todd Cortez! Reject fires off some right hands, then tosses Cortez back inside. Reject paintbrushes Cortez as he lays on the mat. COLE And Reject wasting time right here! COACH Naw, he's just havin' a little fun with him! COLE Todd Cortez is not a guy you want to get all riled up! Reject then picks up Cortez, and lifts him over his back, applying the Gory Special! COLE Submission move applied by Reject, the Gory Special, named for Gory Guerrero! The camera shoots in on Cortez's pained expression as he tells the referee he doesn't want to give it up. Cortez struggles for a bit, then gets a burst of adrenaline, and manages to free his arms, immediately flipping down and taking Reject over in a sunset flip! 1... 2... Kickout! Reject quickly gets a shot in to Cortez to stop his momentum. He then picks him up and whips him into the ropes, and Cortez tries a crucifix!...but Reject drops back to the mat, for a samoan drop! COLE Great counter by Reject, and a cover! 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COACH Come on, ref! Reject gets to his feet, and gives Hebner shit for the alleged slow count, then backs Cortez into a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject then brings Cortez out, and executes a FISHERMAN'S BUSTER~! 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up again! Reject gets to his feet once again and questions Hebner, this time shoving him back into the ropes! Hebner bounces off and shoves Reject right back! COACH Now look at this, this happened last week during the ten-man tag, too! Anglesault has got to address this! COLE Well, Reject touched him first! COACH You're supposed to disqualify him, then! He has no right to put his hands on the wrestlers! Reject raises his fist at Hebner, causing Hebner to fall to the mat. He hops right back up, and warns Reject of a DQ. Reject then picks up Cortez, but Cortez fires off a shot to the midsection! And another! And a third! COLE And look at Cortez fight back! COACH Sure, after Hebner let him catch his wind by attacking Reject! Cortez gets to his feet, and starts firing off kicks, then whips him into the ropes and catches him with a SITOUT SPINEBUSTER~! 1... 2... Kickout! Cortez then picks up Reject, and executes a russian legsweep, quickly followed by a legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COLE And now it's Reject showing tremendous resolve! Cortez then picks Reject up, and delivers another CROTCH DROPPAH~! He then backs into the ropes, and catches Reject with the HOLLOW POINT~! Cover... 1... 2... NO!!! Reject gets a foot in the ropes! COLE SO close for Todd Cortez right there! The crowd starts to boo suddenly. COACH Hey, look who's here! The camera pans to catch Landon Maddix running to ringside! COLE It's the OAOAST World champion, Landon Maddix! What's he doing out here? Landon hops onto the apron, but the referee steps in his way. Cortez starts to pick up Reject, then spots Landon on the apron, and makes his way over. Reject then gets to his feet, and knees Cortez from behind, sending him into Hebner and Maddix, knocking Maddix off the apron and leaving Hebner lying on the apron unconscious. COLE And there goes Landon, but there goes Hebner, as well! Reject sets up Cortez, and executes the PITCH BLACK~!!!!!11111 Cover, but no referee! COACH And look at this, Reject once again a victim of injustice at the hands of this referee! COLE It's his own fault, he's the one who sent Cortez into the referee! Reject makes his way over to Hebner, and shoves him right out of the ring with his foot! COLE What was that for? COACH Good riddance! Reject then grabs his belt from the timekeeper, and slides into the ring. He waits for Cortez to get to his feet, then charges...but Cortez catches him, and delivers the URBAN ASSAULT~!!!!!11111 COLE Cortez with the Urban Assault! But there's still no referee! Cortez looks out and sees Hebner on the floor unconscious, then throws his arms in the air in frustration. He picks Reject up near the ropes, and sets up the RIOT ACT PLUS~!!!!!11111 COLE Cortez going for the big finish now! However, while all this was going on, Landon has revived Earl Hebner with a pitcher of water, and tossed him back inside. Hebner is still dazed, so Landon hops onto the apron and hits Cortez from behind with a BELTSHOT~!, then escapes through the crowd! COLE Landon with the belt into the back of Cortez! Reject then pops up, and hits the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 COACH Yeah! COLE And there's the Eulogy! Reject covers, as Hebner crawls over... 1... 2... 3!!! COLE DAMN IT~! *DING DING DING* BUFFERThe winner of the match...and STILL OAOAST International champion of the WORLD...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJECT!!!!! COLE And thanks to Landon Maddix, Reject has retained his title! COACH What a defense by Reject! He overcame that obviously biased Earl Hebner, and stuck it right to him and Todd Cortez with the Eulogy! COLE Landon Maddix delivered the deciding blow with that beltshot! If Todd Cortez hits the Riot Act Plus on Reject, we've got a new International World champion! And then Landon running through the crowd like a thief in the night! But he won't be able to run from his three opponents at November Reign! Folks, we will see you next week! GOODNIGHT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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